{\rtf1{\info{\title Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures}{\author Ayala Ma lach Pines}}\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033 {\fonttbl{\f0\froman\fprq2\fcharset128 Times New Roman;}{\f1\froman\fprq2\fchars et128 Times

New Roman;}{\f2\fswiss\fprq2\fcharset128 Arial;}{\f3\fnil\fprq2\fcha rset128 Arial;}{\f4\fnil\fprq2\fcharset128 MS Mincho;}{\f5\fnil\fprq2\fcharset12 8 Tahoma;}{\f6\fnil\fprq0\fcharset128 Tahoma;}} {\stylesheet{\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\ fcs1 \af25\afs24\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\cgrid\langnp1033 \langfenp255 \snext0 Normal;} {\s1\ql \li0\ri0\sb240\sa120\keepn\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\outlinelevel0\ rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af0\afs32\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\fs32\lang1033 \langfe255\loch\f1\hich\af1\dbch\af26\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 \sbasedon15 \ snext16 \slink21 heading 1;} {\s2\ql \li0\ri0\sb240\sa120\keepn\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\outlinelevel1\ rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs28\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\fs28\lan g1033\langfe255\loch\f1\hich\af1\dbch\af26\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 \sbasedo n15 \snext16 \slink22 heading 2;} {\s3\ql \li0\ri0\sb240\sa120\keepn\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\outlinelevel2\ rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af0\afs28\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\fs28\lang1033 \langfe255\loch\f1\hich\af1\dbch\af26\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 \sbasedon15 \ snext16 \slink23 heading 3;} {\s4\ql \li0\ri0\sb240\sa120\keepn\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\outlinelevel3\ rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs23\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0\b\i\fs23\lang 1033\langfe255\loch\f1\hich\af1\dbch\af26\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 \sbasedon 15 \snext16 \slink24 heading 4;} {\s5\ql \li0\ri0\sb240\sa120\keepn\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\outlinelevel4\ rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af0\afs23\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\fs23\lang1033 \langfe255\loch\f1\hich\af1\dbch\af26\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 \sbasedon15 \ snext16 \slink25 heading 5;} {\s6\ql \li0\ri0\sb240\sa120\keepn\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\outlinelevel5\ rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af0\afs21\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\fs21\lang1033 \langfe255\loch\f1\hich\af1\dbch\af26\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 \sbasedon15 \ snext16 \slink26 heading 6;}} {\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw463\pich720\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000ffdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318 281a181616183123251d283a333d3c3933383740485c4e40 4457453738506d51575f626768673e4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b0802d001cf01011100ffc4 001b00010002030101000000000000000000000001020304 050607ffc40052100002010301040408090807070305010000010203041105061221311341517107 142232618191b1163334525573a1c1d11523243642535472 2635829293e1f025436294b2c2f1172783444563657475ffda0008010100003f00fa000000000000 000000000000000000000412000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000041200000 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000104800000000000000000000000004120000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000020c156fad28bc55b8a517d 8e48d77ae6989fcb29930d6b4d9bc2bba79f4bc1b34eeade afc5d6a72ee9232920000000000000000000000000000000000000c175796f674f7ee2b429af4b3c 9eadb734e1274b4e86fcbe7b59fb0f3d75aceb17b9e96bca 9c1f1e2f0bd872a752a3cba95e726fb38182557ca7e54b1e9908dc4a2f2a52fef19a96a35a9e3152 476f4ddabbcb5718f4ae51f9b2e47abd376b6dee311b98f4 727d6b91e828d6a75e0a74a719c5f5a664000000000000000000000000000000008032bb46f2ed47 035ed72e6d612a5616b52a54e4e7b994bb8f1d2d3f56d5aa 3ad7aab462fab0db66cad1eadbc5aa16935d59dde2cd4bdd36fe5bdb96957d8722bd8de4384e8c97 798d69f7125e6a5df245969b72f9462ffb48b53d1efaa3c4 6836fbd1b4b66757c655a4bda8cf4b6775ba6f2ada4bd1bc8efe916dae5a4d3e8650c73f29619ec2

d2e2a54a7fa453e8e6bd3c19b1bcbb46f47b46f2ed272865 024000000000000000000000000a4aa28fa598dd593e5c0ab9c9f5b233e9232323243488672354d7 ad34e4e2e4aa54f9a9f2ef3c86a5b557370e518cf720ff00 663c0e24f51a937c5b6555e556f860dcb7b9ab2c6527eb3a76f5a5c3a8eee9f7d5a18ddab95d8cee dbdf46a61545b8fec3757a892532494c649c939ec2ca5da4 920000104800004120000000000c7567bab0b998000400449e165f048f21b45b4ea9a95bda4bd0e6 bafb8f0d717352ac9b949b30e7d254bc399d2b38e71c19dd b4a31784f3ec3ab6d68f9c529771d4b6829350a8b1d5c4ea4684e847c86e70ec7d5dc648c949269f 02c0904e49c82d178782e00000000001048209000000052a d454e2d981b72e2c8200f58c8232794dacd73c5e2ed28cb0f1e5b5ee3c056ab2a926dbcb661c921b cb2d0cef1dcb08f05947a5d32839b49258f4a3d2d8e9f08a de92c35c8de95bd392e3159edc19231c4545bcf63356ac7a0a8e6bcd7e77e25f2132d904a001962f 28900000000000020900000020e7dcd4dead187a4ca01049 00d2d5afa3636352b37e52588f79f2ad46e67717139ce4db6f9b34723ac045e0f12477f4da8a515c cf65a350de945c65cb9e4f4d4d250582e418ae60a74649f3 c1a7655b7e2e9be71f71b5825200024b424b383200000000000000000000566f106ce4c5efddae26 e0200ca21c9230d4ac790daebd949c6827c22b2fbcf15579 b3161804168f33b5a4bdd6937c1f51edb495e6b8cb08f5149e60b3cd19086f0b2cd4bdb88d18a79e 39e3dc7229dcaa77909af35bdd7dcceda2412475008b4179 69fa0ca000000000000000000018abfc533996fc6e5bf41b61f0292995750c52a85255b0609d46f2 788d6aa3ab7b55bf9d8389349b2234b2f91756ea59edea45 5daf0ca314e8ca2b90841b7c11d9d3a9b8e3abb51ea74bb854f0e4fc9ce1e3de7aba1714f296f269 ae0cd9df8f6a31dc558c2949ef2ca3ce6a77f96a517c3273 ea5c71de4faf07acb6a9d2d0a73f9d14cca89c81cc824bc399900000000000000000000305d3c526 73ad1e6b4bb8db7c8c53998a52c98e5330ce660954f49475 3833c55f3deab51e1f9cce7c92e0ccd4d278665515bf85da5e10e386b8112a51716cc2a8c561f266 ed071a787937e85e454f8b4b871474ed6f9e5477b8a5c38f 61b4b559624dcde72457d4dd483f29f189c5b8bb4e9bcbe4ca2adc964f71a4cb7b4da0ff00e137b3 c0649c8202e66487332000000000000000000006b5e3c536 6859e14e4fd065a950c4e5928cc3519af525c3b0c12918e52e0cf257be4d5a8bfe266935bc97a197 a6faba8d8c3ca6ccbca49f6a21e153927946956aae297a0c 2eea4b387ea215dcd3ca7cccf1d4eb479732eb56abbb8e05bf2bd4c61a5830bbd94e5c4e8d0adbf8 c9f45d1d38e976ebfe0c9bcb9128124125e9f33200000000 0000000000006b5efc51cea1c1cbb8b4994c946cc5366ad566bca46394b81e735286edd4f3d6f273 24f0d70e05e1cbd28d94fc8c978cb824f8e0a54970ed4732 acbca6616c02545be430d17a6b3347634fa4ea558422b2db48fa8dbd3e8a853a6bf6629195162090 497873320000000000000000001049ab7cff003473e9fed0 6b811d463918266ad57c4c12ef31bf49cbd5e86f45554b970670e70ce7ec2916df799a13e1e8322e 0df5a2b52588f2c1cdaaf336cc6d1297032c29671936a9db ac65a2952ddf34b999285aeef16b89ea3656c3a6bd5564bc8a5e57afa8f708b20484092f4f999000 00000000000000000352f9f9273e93e64c9956cc726609b3 5aa1ad331f594ab05529ca32e29a3ce5cd1952a928c961a66a4d716e3c19116dbcae125cd1963292 e3f609cd4d715866b4a19ea2153cf5178c127c11b14a2972 597da674b3e848cf18a6b3e832d1a0eacd4629b6de11ef348b18d8d9469e3cb7c65de6fa2c890892 092d4fce329048000000000000000001a77de69cea7cd969 1578c18e4619a35ea23567ccc6c86695fda2b886f47cf5cbd270aad2719715868c6a9c65c5709232 28fcee644a9aed313a7d8d646e3edc97e897570ef18a8baf 819e9269adf7ea3729c5cf87d87acd0349e8a2ae6bc7cbfd84fabd27a1489241200eb2f4fce32800 0000000209000000001a57be6b39f4b0e522ed14c1492314 d1af38b35ea43898651e3c8a3c90ce76ab4a946de55e5c1c7b3ace4c631aa93834c9dd92edf59561 c739e0fd4312e1ccbeebe1d45a14db7c389b34edf1c65c3d 27a6d9cd32856a6aea5253c3c28f633d3a582d82700924005a1e7194000000000824000000000d1b ef359a36ab7aa4bb8cb38e1989a2ad18a68c52898670cf33 0ca063940c15772953954a92518c78b6cf2daaea4eee7b94f8518be0bb7d273e15674e5bd09619bd 4b50e4aac7d68ceaa5bd4f36693efc19234d3e52cfacb2a2 92e324439dbd25e5d48e57a7261aba9d28f0a30de7daf8231c2eaadc497492e1d9d477742d5a7a6d 4c3cca8cbce8fde8f756b754aee8c6b519a94246c2248249 0017879c6400000000004120000000034aff00844d2b2e3525dc6cd486518250c18dae25248c728a 662944c72818e54fb0f3bb456f772c4b8f40b928fde79a94 5a7c4a0192379aeb61ca5d6d849b45d479236edd28be7fb26d53ace6f768ade7dbd48f51b3b46eec

e7d2b94941f9d17fb47afa5515482947932e3ac92411d649 7879c6400000000000000000000d3bf5e464d2b25e5cbb8dc2928266195231ba6fb0a4a9bea31f46 caf465a16d397151787c8ceb4f7516eca194f9a671b58d87 8578bab615142a7374e5c9f733c56a1a2df584dc6e6de70f4b594fd673e54e4bf67d8531c71c992d 2e69a222bb5a32471db9ee4648d2ab3f3618f4b3afa66ce5 f6a335bb4a528f5c9f08af59eeb47d93b5b18c675daab51752e1146fdd59eef18af24c76f3e8a7ba fcd66f204a2480497879c6400000000000000000000d4bff 008b34ecbcf99b6460359ea21c57614704fa8aba6bac88dba94923a518a8454572449256708548b8 ce2a517cd359472aef66748bbcb9da46127d74fc93915f60 6c672cd2b9ab05d8d291abff00a7b0e3fa6a6bab34ff00cc98f83e827c6ee38fab36edf616d20d3a b73526bb231513b169b3da65a61d3b58ca4bf6a7e533a718 a8ac452497522489252586736e68ee48cb6f3dfa78eb4652412022f0e66400000000000000000000 d4bef30d2b27e5ccdce60023088c19ade3e539761b000000 20900186e29efd3f4a34a83dcad8ea66d8c120125a1ccc800000000000000000001ab7df159342cb e366bd06e82410c933d15887799000000000087c560e7d68 ee564d753369120104a2d0e66400000000000000000000d6bd59a473acbe3e7dc6f12002706c43cc 5dc580000000001a778bcac9963c977120104978732e0000 000000000000000182efe28e6d9fca25dc6f000126c43cc5dc580000000001ab79e6a2f1e0922c08 00bc799700000000000000000000d7bbf8b39d69f287dc6e 920900cf49e608b800000000035ee78ca11ed658900824b4799700000000000000000000d7bbc6e1 cfb55fa43ee374000932517c71da660000000000609f955b f951620904128b47997000000000041200000000305d7c59cdb5f953ee3741200253c3ca3622f7a2 9a2c0000000020c49736f9b04804308bc799700000000000 000000000c375f14ce4dabfd2fd4ce890892092324759968cb75f1e4cce480000000564f860a1048 00168f32e00000000041200000000062b9f8991c9b6f967a 99be0642248780b8f51632d39f533212000000437828f2c808000168f32e00000000000000000001 8ae3e264722dd7e9bed3a00104f10d32522492f19b8f07c5 19534f9120000821cbb0ae481d60000168f32e000000000000000000018ae3e259c8a1c2f57ace88 0090480589ce0b29beb2dbe89caed195da3288deec21bc90 475f201804b218192d1e65c0000000000000000000315c2cd191c8a1f2d5eb3a2002402413924121 120923ac92000875924304a263ccb8000000000000000000 063aff0015238f47e5a8e880090092412323248c92491dc00017324100168f32e000000000000000 0000186e3e2d9c8a5c2f6274886f09b6795a9b79a7d3ab38 74170dc5b4f115f895f87da7ff000d73fdd5f885b7f61fc2dcff00757e23e1fd8ff0973ec5f88f87 f63fc25cfb17e23e1fd97f0775ec5f88f87f65fc1dcfb17e 23e1fd9ff0575ec5f88ffd40b4fe06ebd8bf11f0fed3f81baf62fc47c3eb5cfc82ebd8bf127e1fdb 7f0175ec43e1f5b7569f75ec43e1f5bf569d75ec44fc3ea1 f46dd7b10f87d47e8dbaf621f0f68fd1b75ec43e1ed2fa32ebd887c3da7f465d0f8790fa2ee87c3b 8fd1575ec27e1d2fa2aebd83e1d7ff00a9baf610f6ef87f5 4dd1d6d9dda2a7af46bba742745d16935279ce7ff076cb47997000008240000000000000315c7c5b 38f4dfe9b1ef3a452a7c5cbb8f13b09469d4bad49d484658 a9c32b3d6cf65e2b417fb987f74b78b50fdd43fba3c5e8feea1fdd44f8bd1fdd43d83c5e97eee1ec 27c5e97eea1ec27a0a5fbb8fb0954297eee3ec1d0d3fddc7 d83a1a78f323ec27a1a7f323ec1d153f991f613d143e647d84f450f991f610e953c71847d84f470f 991f60e8e1f357b07450f9abd83a387cd5ec1b90f9abd84e e47e6a27723d88ace11706b7572ec3c7783f495d6acbff00cabdecf6a8b479970000000000000000 0000c55fe2d9c787cb63de748a54f8b9771e3b607e51a9fd 62f7b3d99a975aad8d9d5e8ee6ee9529e33bb2924f065b6bcb6bb8ef5b57a7552eb849333a356fb5 2b3d3e0a777710a29f2de7c5fa88b0d56c7514fc52e6155a e693e2bd46dce71841ce4f118acb6fa8d7b2d4acafdc95a5cd3ace1e7284b3833d7af4ada8caad69 c69d382cca527848c5677f6b7f094ed2bc2b462f0dc1e70c 9bdbdb7b0a0ebddd58d2a69e37a5da56c350b5d468bab675a35609eeb71ea664bbbbb7b2a0eb5d55 8d2a69e1ca4f8136d7542ee846b5b558d4a52e528bca6609 eaf610bd5652baa6ae5b4953cf1cb2979ae69b6359d1babca74aa259dd93e260f853a2fd2147da6d d0d5ac6e2d2a5d51b984e852f3e69f0896b1d4ecf5253767 710adb9e76ef519ae2e28dad1955af5234e9c565ca4f091ccb7daad1ee2baa34ef61bcde16f2693f 5b3b194d6572227e6bee3c66c07cab56fad5ef67b545a3cc b8000000000000000000062aff0016ce3c7e590ef3a463a9f172ee3c76c0fca753fac5ef67b43e63 b7ab7b69147b69457dacd7bbb6bcd93d5a854a55b794929c 5ae0a4bad347d3a95e539e9f1bbce29ba7d267d18c9f36b6a371b5fb4551d5a92852e326f9ee43a9

21aad85c6c96b342b5b5594a0fca849f5f6c59f42ab750bc d02a5cd3f36adbb92f5c4f9b6c86a6f4ed769394b14ab7e6e7ebe5f69ea3c226a7d158d2b1a72f2a b3de9f1fd95fe7ee23c1abff0067de7d6af713e12ae542c2 d6de32e352a393f52ff3357c1a5cf957b6cdfcd9af73fb8ebedffeae4beb23ef39be0df51dea3716 1397183e920bd0f83ff5e939fa83ff00dc787d7d3f723d1e bbb236fabdf4ef2773529c9c52dd8a58e0785d9fd221ab6b0ecaa549538a527bd15c781edebe894b 43d93d4a851ab3a8a7094db925d9839fe0d1fe6efbbe1f79 a9b697d5b53d7296936f27b909463bbd4e6fb7b8e8cbc1f5af8a254eeaaab84bce78716fb8f65420 e9d0841bcb8c52c969f9acf19b03f2cd5beb57bd9ed0bc79 9700000000000000000000c75be2d9c6ff00eb23fcc744ad4f8b9771e37607e55a9fd62f7b3da1f3 2dbb78da54df55387bd8db3d4286a77d6946ce6ab3a70dd6 e1c7327d47aad5d4f4fd899d293c4e16f1a6fbde11c9f06b496e5ed5c71cc63ef367c23d252d32da ae38c6ae3da9fe066d99aceb6c44d4b8f470a91f79f3fb7b 49d6b4b9b8a79cdbeec9e3b1bc67dc6dd6ab73ae55b8bcaef3e2f4137eae0bede27adf06bf20bcfa d5ee39db793779b456967179dd8c638f4c9ffe0c7b2bfecd db4ab68f8296fd34bed5ee3d1edfbcece4feb23ef3c26cddf4b4cd6ed6e2598d39bdd97a62f87fae e3b17ed3f08b06bf7f4fdc8fa44fcc7dc7cd361ff5ae5fc9 33dced37eaedf7d533cd7836f8bbfef87de72b48978d6df6fcb8e6e2a4bd99c1f4f45932b3f35f71 e37607e59ab7d6af7c8f685a3cd190000000000000000000 031d6f8b671dfcb23de744a54f8b9771e37607e53a9fd62f7b3d99f32dbd5bdb46976d28fde69ba1 5b6635ea12ad18d451c4d3c70945fde7b8dad9c6e3652bd4 a5e546518c935d994733c1b3fd16f175efc5fd86c78456968b4575baebdcca6c945c7632e5bfdae9 1fd98391b056f0bb9ea56f51663528a8bf5e4de5a1d4d176 435355d47a6abcda79f253c2fc7d666f06cff40bcfad5ee39156b42efc216fd49c634e9d7f39bc25 babf1446ab5a9daeddd3b9a3523284aa424dc5e571e0cf4d b7bc76725f5913c75ce9fbfb21677f05e552a9384fb9be1f6fbcc5a55d4eef69ac6b54e337569a6f b7185f71f5b9798fb8f9aec47eb5cbf9667b9da5fd5ebefa 991e6bc1bfc5dff7c7ef391b3bf9bdb94a5c1f4d517bcfa8a2c889f98fb8f1bb05f2cd5beb57be47 b32f1e65c00000000000000000002b51660d7a0e24b85dc3 bce914a9f172ee3c6ec0fcab53fac5ef67b33e67b75facd1fab87bd9d5f08169bda759dda5c60f71 bf435fe46d6859d5f62676cde67184a97ad72fb8e3ec05ec 6d354af6959ee3ab1e09f0f29751b1e116fa152a5ad9424a52866724baba97de77f4cb3958ec82a1 2589f8bca525d8da6cf39e0dfe5f79f571f79ea36bde366a f3f957bd1c3f07b354f4abf9be519e5ff74f33a4e935b68b52b854eac69be3525292cf365b5fd9fa fa04a83a95a35554ce1c5630d60f59b595fc676329575c7a 4e8e5ed1b35671d4361e56b2ff0079be97a1e781e3742a72a5b45674e4b128dc4535d8f27d825e63 ee3e6bb13fad72fe599ee7697f57afbeaa479af06de65ff7 c3ef395aaa7a26dbf8c4d354dd55573db17cfef3e8d2bfb5a76be353af4e3471bdbee5c3067a15a1 5e8c2ad27984e2a517da9979f9afb8f19b05f2dd5beb57be 47b4e1d85e3ccb80000000000000000000565e6bee38b53e571fe63a252a7992ee3c6ec0fcab53fa c5ef67b43c76d2ecbdeeabac46eede74953dc8c5ef379e0f b8ee6bba5cb53d16a59c1c554696eb7c93468ec8e8979a35bdc52ba95394672528a836f1c389ceda 3d8dab73792bdd32718549bcce0de38f6a662d0f62ee237b 1bbd5aa465b8f795352dede7e967b3baa2eb5a55a316939c1c567d28f3bb25b3775a25d57ab73529 49548a8a506fb4ecebb615352d22e2d294a319d449272e5c ce368bb3779a6e877f672ad4dd6b9ceeca39c2e1832ec96ce56d13c6257152139d5c25b99e0967f1 33ed5e85575cb3a34e854842a539ef6679c63060b9d9dbaa fb294b4a75a9f4d4f1e5f1ddc27f81bfb39a5d4d234985a569c6738c9b6e3cb8b3915b646afc278e a546b538d1e95557069e73d67ad71cc5a3ca6cfeca5ce95a d4af6adc539c3124a314f3c4f45aad9cafb4cb8b5849465560e29bea391b29b3d5b438dc2ad5a151 d56b1b89f0c67f13636936768eb942399745710f32a63ec7 e83ca50d81d4a55542bddd28d04f9c5b97d87d06d282b5b5a56f06dc69c14137d692c1964bc9678c d82f96eadf5abdf23da22f1e65c000000000000000000022 5e6b3895785d47f98e894a9e64bb8f1bb05f2bd53eb17bd9ed00048c1381803048c0c138ed180112 81230089f9afb8f1bb05f2dd5beb57be47b445a3ccb80000 00000000000000043e4ce256f9547f98e8f02b53cc9771e37607e57aa7d62f7b3da031c6e28ce7b9 1ab094bb1496455ad4a8e3a5a9186796f3c1457d6bfc4d1f efa334251a91528494a2f934f28ad6b8a36d153af5614a2de139c922d46b52b882a946a46a41f294 5e50ab5a9518a955a9182ed93c134ea42ac14e12528be4e2 f2997305cdedb5a453b9af4e8a7cb7e4964bdbdcd0baa7d250ad0ab0f9d09268bd4a90a5073a9251

8ae6e4f0914a17146e13746ac2a25cf7249e0ad4bcb6a557 a2a95e942a3fd994d27ec33b69717c11a4b59d3655ba157d6eea671bbd22ce4cd56fad285554eb5c d2a737c776534999aa55a74a9ba95271841717293c2452de e6dee9376f5a9d549e1b8493c19489f9acf19b07f2ed5beb57be47b445e3ccb80000000000000000 00044bcd6712b7cad7f31d12b3f325dc78dd82f966a9f58b decf661f9acf98ecb49fc345c7f6ea7de753c2537bd61fdbfb8e7e9db13757f6346ea3774a31ab15 249a7947bdd0b4f9e97a4d0b3a9355254d3cc9727c72793f 09573c6ced93f9d36bec5f79b9e0dee7a4d2ae2837c6955caee6bfc993e125ff00b22dbebbfed674 3621e7662d7fb5ff00533b37b730b2b3ad7351e214a0e4fd 47ccec2c6f36c756af5ab57708478b9359515d5148b5ad4bbd8fda3542a5472a126b7f1ca707d78e d47b8dab9296cc5e493e0e9a69fad1c3f06aff0044bdfe78 fb8e46d8bfe98c3ff8ceef840d4eadae9f42d28cdc7c61bdf6be6ac70fb4e6699b0ceef4da1772bc dcab522a6a3b99493e264f08b64e9d5b3bc8f5c7a293f4ae 2bef36369f54e9762ecda979574a09fa965fda8eaec259f8aecfd3a925895c49d47ddc97d88f4644 fcd7dc78cd82f976aff5abdf23daa2d1e65c000000000000 00000002b2f35f71c4adf298ff00323a456a798fb8f1bb05f2cd53eb17bd9ed0acbcd67cc765bf5d 17f3d4fbce9f84af3ec3ba7f71e8b66af6d61b3f6519dc52 8c95249a7349a3b719c671528b4d3594d1f36daecea5b614ed22f2a2a14fdbc5fbccfe0f2abb7d62 eed25ce50e5e98bff33a9e123faa2dbebbfed674761bf562 d7be5ff5331eddd7747672ac53c74938c3edcfdc6a7838a2a1a356ab8e33acf8fa12473fc25d14ab 59574b8b528b7ec6bef3a7775ddcf83ce964f2ddbc537dcd 2357c1abfd16f7f9e3ee391b62ff00a630ff00e33b5e112ca55b4eb7bb82cf432c4bd09ff9a37f61 b538dee890a126ba5b6f224bd1d4ff00d761b1b6565e3bb3 d7092cce97e723eae7f664f9b3b9ada85be9fa6acbe8e6e31fed33ec3674236d6b4a8416234e0a2b d48ce564bc9678cd82f97eaff5abdf23daa2d1e65c000000 00000000000002b2e317dc712b7ca63fcc748a54f325dc78ed82f966a9f58bdecf6644bcd67cc765 ff005d17f3d4fbce9f84af3ac3fb7f71a3a6ec4dcdfd8d1b a8de53846ac54945c5bc1f41d3ad9d969b6f6d29a9ba34d41c970ce11e03476b50dbea95de1c6352 73f52e0bee1632fc9de10a504f119d6947d52595ef3b5e12 3faa2dbebbfed674761ff562d7be5ff53357c21ace811f4568fb993e0f5e767b19e5565f71a1e12d ae82c575ef4bdc8cc935e0d70ff73ff718fc1b7c96f7f9e3 ee393b63fadf0ffe33e87796b4efac6a5b565985586eb3e69a3dc56d99da7746bbc437fa2a9d8e2f 93f733ea35211ad42519718ce2d35da8f97ec9dad396d6d2 a72e31a529b5deb383ea88b112f35f71e3360fe5fabfd6af7c8f6a8b479970000000000000000000 087c99c3aff2a8aff88e89153cc9771e3760be59aa7d62f7 b3d9913f359f31d97fd745fcf53ef3a7e127ceb0fedfdc7a7d987fd1eb1faa46e6a15d5b69f7159b f8ba7297b11f28d1b48d4357ab56562d29438ca4e7bbccb5 e58dee85ab5bcaf5a7554a351494b7b293edf51ebbc22494f45b492e4eb26bfbace96c3bfe8cdb77 cbfea666daeb4779b3b75082cca2b7d2ee79385e0def21e2 d7566da538cfa44bb5358fb8d1f08574ae756b6b4a5e54a9478a5f3a4f97d88f47aad9cadb622a5b 259952b749fab19393e0daa47a2bea595bdbd1963d1c4e56 d5c957db28c69bde6a54e1c3b781f4c524b762dacb5c11f3df08f4694350b5ad16ba4a906a497a1f 07f69edf48a93a9a35a4ea719ca8c5bf61e0364bf5cdff00 354fbcfa6a2dd4565e6b3c6ec1fcbf57fad5ef91ed1178f345c00000000010480000000087c8e1dc 7ca97f31d12b53cc7dc78ed82f966a9f58bdecf6644bcd67 cc765ff5d17f3d4fbcf47b6da2deeabe28eca92a9d1ef6f66496338ed3814b42daaa34e34e94ab42 11585155f097da7a48e9dab4f63aad9d76ea5ecf2bca9e78 37dbdc64d8bd16e748b2aeaf20a156acf384f3c12ffc9afb6da05dead3b5a96508ce54d4a324e497 0e182768346d4351d9cb0b6a708cae696eba8b7975470f89 e7e86cded3dbd354e8d49d382e518d7c25f69eb7656c752b4b1af4f569ba939cf31de9eff0c1e735 5d91d4ac35095d68926e126da509eeca19eaf4a36f66f64e ee37eb51d5de6a45ef460e5bcdcbb5b3dad5a50ad4a54ea25284934d3eb47ceef764758d36fa5574 89ca74e59dd709eec92ec6743667646e68dfc750d564ba48 bde8c37b79b976b67536bb4ad46fe16d574c9eed5a0dbc29eebe38e4fd479cb2d91d5f52d4235b57 94a34d3f29ce7bd26bb11f448538d3a4a9c16231584bb0f1 da0ecc6a161b472bdaea9f4399b4d4b2de791ed512565c22fb8f1bb07f2fd5feb57be47b42f1e68b 8000000000000000000043e4ce1dc63c65779d22b3f31f71 e3760be59aa7d62f7b3d99c0da3da6a7a1d485195bceacaa41ca2d3491e5f616d2addebb56fe516a 9d3526df56f4babde7d1c609252259181827d40027030304 a44e06012566bc9678cd83feb0d5feb57be47b42d1e6640010480000010480000000087c99c3b9e1

70bf98e89153cc7dc78cd83f96ea9f58bdecf686a5ee9765 a84a2eeeda9d670f35c967066b7b6a36b4952a14a34e0b9462b08cc8244e09c0181827a830890300 9480241593f259e3360ffac357fac5ef91ed5165cd170000 0004120104804120000021f2670eebe50bbce8ae444d662d7a0f9d69571ab6877b78e9e955eb46b4 df38b5d6fd0757e14eb5d5a155f64bf01f0a35bfa0aafb25 f80f851ae7d0553d92fc095b4faefd0553d92fc07c27d7be82a9ec97e03e13ebff0040cfd92fc09f 84db41f414fd92fc07c25da1fa0a7ec90f849b43f414bd8c 9f847b45f414bd8c7c23da37ff00d8a5ec64fc22da3fa09fb191f087693e837ec64fc21da5fa0dfb 18f841b4df41fd8c7e5fda6fa13ec63f2fed3fd09f63fc47 e5fda8fa157b1fe24fe5dda9fa157b1fe23f2eed4fd0d1f63fc49fcb9b55f4347fd7ac8fcb7b55f4 347fd7ac896b5b56e2d7e478acff00aed32ec3e9f7f6756f eadf5bca8bad24d67af9e7de7ae2f1e65c000000000104800000000838979f1feb3a2b92043489c2 185d830bb094bd030bb09c218271e8230bb09c2ec1818271 e82703030860610c0c0c0c0c024b4799700000000004120000000020e25efc7face8ae4892012090 0904800924104800000131f38c8000000000000000000010 716ff0abface847cd5dc4820924120120124120024025000804c799900000000001048000000001c 4bff008ff59d08f98bb89073bf2de9cf51f10f198bb9ce37 527cfb33cb266a3a95a56bfad654eaef5c5149ce187c1189ebba7ab4ab74ebfe668d4e8a72dd7c25 d82e35cd3edaf6959d5ae957ab8dd8a4df3e59c7230d4da6 d2e95f3b39dc355d4f71c7725cfb33833cf5bb086a51d3dd7fd264f1ba93787d8df51d139f7bae58 58de53b5af5f15aa6311516f19e0b38e457f2fe9dd0f4bd3 3dde9ba0f35e77fb3065a3abd956a775385658b46e35b2b1bad7335ee36934db6b4b7baab5e4a95c 67a3928379c7a0adc6d4e936d6f46bcee1ce956cee4a116f 973cf605b53a5bb1f1be9a5d1efee2cc1e5bec4bacd87aee9eb4afca5d366db293924db4f38c60c9 5b56b4a35ed68ceaadfbaf8a496778c76bae58de6a352ca8 5494eac3396a2f772b9ac9d2397a86d069fa75cc6dee2acba56b2d462e5babb5e39177add9257af7 e5fa163a6f25f0caeaed30dded2e9b64ada55ea4e31b886f c1ee37c3d264d475fb1d3a8d0ab5a72942e3e2dd38ef6f15a9b45614f4ea77b395454eacb7611707 bd27d891d0b4b985ddb53b8a4a5b951656f2c3f61949252e 28b800000000020900000000038ba87c73ef37e1e62ee24a57938519c973516cf3db19469cb438dc ce11955ab56752526b8e738389a25c4d6d74af1b7d1ded4a d4a3fd9c60c351ff0044f53fff00d07ef47668b5a6ed7e6bc53a5a8d28f4736b94e2b91afa45ebb7 da5d4e8ab2ad71d2dca5d2423954fd2cddd3e4b4ddaebcb5 af158bec56a337dab9a3d41e62e25f9336ce35ab4734350a6a9a93fd99ae4bfd769cf7613f873e2b c3c5b7fc7777d38c7bce356a17d2bad515ab7d05c5c54a75 b0b928f95f89bb2afe2fa5eccd5e8a75b72527d1c165cbd091b53b2af6fb21abd6b9a1d03b8aaeac 293e704daf61b34b15768f43a338e614ecfa44bab79c79fd 872f527d1596d15ac162946ea9cd2ea4dbe263b4b6bea3afe97e3b26e346b3b7a59e198c5673f6a3 d1ecbcfc4351bfd1ab2c4e9d475a949fed4247a8cf03ccec ea55f5cd72ad45bd3e99438fcd49f03995b96d67f67dccd2d6abf8bd3d1ea744eaff00b3e51dd5e9 8e33ea366edcecacf66a5463e372836e3183f3f82e08e9eb f2b9a9a6d8eb1e2b2a352ceaf493a12796a3c99e9ad6e29dd5b52af49e69d48a945fa1995b192cb9 97000000000041200000000071751f8e66f43cc8f71244d6 f45c5ae0d60f27a72d5b46a5574ca5a7cabd35394a95753496ebe3ed34adb66aeecedf4cbca6ab4a ea15d4ab52735bb18b6f3842e348d5142eb49a769bd46e2e ba6573bcb7631ca7c576f03a3addbea1a85edad9d2b171a742b42a46eb796124b8f0ed2b611d4f4d d6f509474c9d7a3735949545512c2ed326a54750d475eb35 e22e8d2b3adbfe31be9a947b1779d5d1353aba953b975e87433a15a549ace53c1cdda3a1a86a7734 ac68d8e2946ac2a46eb7d6238e7c3b4da56170b6bfc77a3f d1fc53a3dfcaf3b7b91834dd36ea8da6b50a94b12b9ad5254b8af2935c0d4b7d1afa14367e32a387 69393acb797928eded15a56bdd0eeadede1bf5671c4639c6 78a39b7da6ded07a5ea1674555b8b4a5d1d4a2e496f26b1c1fa0d4ada16a15b41bf954a49df5ed68 d574d49792935859ee3a9ab69f7371a968f5a953cc2dea39 54795e4f046a2b7d52e75f5a8d5b285bab4a538c7f389f4cf8e3b91d9d0b50aba9e9546eab52e8a7 3ce62b97078e0726adaeaba56b37771a6da42ea8dee24d4a 7bbd1c975bf41a9a8e93ab42eb5185a5bd3ad47528c77a6e78e89f59b75b42aef51d2d6ea9dbdbdb 4a8d5967b638e473e1a3eb16d69a628db46ad4b1af36a2ea 2598be5c4ecded7d62b694a31d3294aad5de854a4eaa7ba9f04f3d66f68163534ed1adad6b4b7aa5 38e258edce70744165ccb800000000020900000000038da9 63a63729fc5c7b8b0182013ea23af91256952a7463bb4e1182cb784b1c5f32e3ac1201248694961a

e0fa99108469c54611518a58497048b000706480597345c0 000000001048000000001c6d473d2bef37297c547b8b000004e060128121120120903030300124ae 68b800000000020900000000038fa92fceb36e97c547b916 0480012000c92700120900123ac860165cd17000000000041200000000072754f8c3668fc547b8b6 4024378470a7b5ba7426e2e372da78e146447c2fd3be65d7 f8121f0bb4efdddd7f8321f0bb4ffdd5dff8121f0bac3f7577fe0489f85b63fb9bcff0243e16d8fe e2f3fc090f85b65fc3deff0080c9f85b67fc35eff80c7c2d b3fe16fbfc063e165a7f097dfe03256d6da7f077dff2ec7c2db5fe0aff00fe5d87b596dfc15fff00 cbb23e165bff0003a87f80c95b596ffc06a1ff002eced59d cabbb68578c2a414d6776a47764bbd19c10c8c124c799900000000001048000000001c9d57e30d9a 5f151ee27ac9048657723f350dc8fcd5ec0a11f9a89508f6 20a31ec44ee47b06eaec44eeaec43757621babb113babb10dd5d84eeaec1babb06eaec270bb09006 3802495cd17000000000041200209000001c9d53e30d8a3f 150ee2e4759200c8c86c944804800924750240e64f510c64165cd17000000000000000000001cad5 3e30cf47e261dc5c700002460900903a8138240001390004 4ae68c800000000000000000000393aaaf2cd8a3f130ee2c48002241248000248c9298c9200eb240 6422c9f132000000000000000000000e4eab9e9119e8bfcc c3b8b8353f29da7e50f10e9978ceeef6e7a0a4758b1953b8a8ae23bb6cf155f1f2595afade9f6f69 46eaadc28d1acf14e587c4cf7ba8dad8508d6baaaa9d3935 14f19e2cd9524d6572356c354b3d4655a36b55547465bb3c26b0cdc35a5a95a47508d8cab257328e f2876a0b52b596a0ec1554ee631df70c72453f2b59ad4d69 dd2af1a71dedcc3e5de5e5a95ac7518d83ab8b99c77d430f917bdbca3616b3b9b99ee5287378c936 b7946eed6173467bd4a71de52e5c0e7db6d2e97757de2746 e54aae5a5c1e1f733351d6ac6bdb5c5c53ad9a56cdaaaf75f0c1b5677946fada1716f2dfa53598cb 18c96b9b8a7696f52bd696ed3a717293c6708e7e9fb49a5e a35951b7ba4ea3e5192716fbb26d52d5ad2b5f57b3854cd6b75bd52387c17798e9eb761574da9a84 2b66de9e77a5baf863d052f76834fb0b7b7af7155aa770b7 a9b516f2bfd32d65aed85f5a56baa15bf3347cf94938e3da4693afd8eaf52a53b39ce52a6b2f7a2d 70ed3a792325a3cd1940000000000000000000072755e133 2dbbcd0877190867ce95d4fe1bf8f67f35e35d067d582768a15acf59bcb1a2bc9d49d36bbf3c7edc 99b6d29b8f8869d43cdb7a129b5e84bfc99b3b4773e35b1f a756ce5ca54f3df867abbbb8f16d2aad67feee9397b11e33606a4edf55ab4aa3c78cd05557a70fff 0027d04f9eed5d6ad6db5d0baa0b32b7a31a8d76a4f8fbc6 ca5c56badaea9775d62571465512ec5958fb11867753f86df9433f9a576a867d583b972fff0070ad 7ffe67f799b6eaa49e934ad60fcbb8ad1825f6fe072acafe a50d80ba826d54a32951f4acbff33d06cf69f6b4b44b292a14fa454d4f7b756779ae2f3eb3c9e9d7 f6b6fa1eb96f5abc215aace7b906f8cb81eb763dff00466c ff0095fbd9b1b46ffd817df532f71e11d5b4afa6e8d6f6318bd45545bce9af292cf5bf61dcd31bf8 5fade7f73f723cde957ee968baa58d4ca8d5a7d253cf6a78 7febd076759ab4a8daecdd4b8c74515173cacf0c47276b519da6b3b317ab49719471fb11ddcb5878 36b64aea85de876f3a518c674e2a9cd25c535feb276c131f 391980000000008048000000001cbd5579499166f36f1f4703398ae6aaa36f56abe508b933e5c96a 2b47f1af165e2de33d3f4f9e3bd9c1e9b5a9c6b6d2683552 4d4d6f67d8cd1d5e57b79b5578ac2de370e950e8a4a4f0a29ae3ef34eb57753626de9cbcea175b8f d1cdfde7a7da8bfa31d98ad1a756129ce318251926f8b470 34df1fb1d7f489df5bc684254fa0838bf3963afda8fa264f277546171b79d0d58ef42768e324fad7 1314634ac76d2a28250a746c782ec4b0799dcd49e8b2bb54 21e29e31d3f4b9f2b7b38f61e92a5d527b6b637139c6309da27993c2e2991b537356f359d32869bd 1d7ab4f3562b796eb7e9f61ccb7a3752d3b5eb1b88285c27 1aee11e59ce5e0f5bb3fa9da54d0eca3d3d3537054f75c967792c630794d3ac2d6e344d72e2ad084 eb529cf726d718f0ea3d66c87ead59ff002bf7b36368bfa8 2fbea65ee34763ec6d61a25adcc6de9aaf383dea9bab79f17d66869ffae1adfd57dc8f357160e7b2 76f7d4d7954eb4e136be6b7f8fbceceafd1f41b33d36ef45 88ef6f72c793ccf5f6d5b4da56b295b54b68508bf29d3694537db83cf6ce6e5b6d5ea76969353b59 47a4f25e545f0fc59ebc92d0e32466000000000000000000 001cfd563e4291ada7cb30947b19b662b9a10b9b7a942a6772a45c5e1e383353f2359fe49fc9bb8f c5f18c678f3cf32b2d12ce556cea4a32deb35bb49ef3e0bd 3da64b5d2edad2eae2e6945f4b70f351b79c9a9536674da96d56de54e7d1d5abd2c96fbf38c10d8d d1e2fe2aa3e39e3519d4bcd2ed6f676f3af06e56f253a6d3 6b0cdd3525a65acb538ea0e0fc6630dc52cbe5dc63afa359d7bcab75529b756ad274a4f79f9afa89

5a459ad2ff0026aa7fa3631bbbcfb73ccd4bad97d2eefa2e 9a849f454d538f96d792b97597d3f6734dd3ae63716d45c6a45349b9b7c1f79b70d32d617d56f634 ff003f563bb3797c5771a96fb31a5db5f2bca36fbb553ca5 bcf09fa11b14345b1a16d736f4e8e29dcb6eaade7c73ccd9b3b4a3636b0b7b78ee52a6b1159ce0bd c5bd3bab7a942b477a9d48eec9679a22ced28d95ac2dede1 b94a0b1159ce0c54f4bb4a5795eee1492ad5d6ed4965f1463868d630d3a5611a0bc5a6db70cbebf4 95bcd0b4fbda14285c5ba9d3a0b14d6f35ba88a3b3da6d0b 3ad694add2a35b1bf1de6f3832e99a3d8e950946ca82a7bfe736db6fd6cdfc0c17a6b8e4ca000000 00000000000000356fe1bd6efd0726cea6e5c6ebe52e0748 0000250270190304a44924138c8c0240240065a6bc92e0000000000000000000029523bf071ed3cf 5c5374ab3e18c337ed6e235a0b8f95d68ce09209c00493cc 91ea1ea209409c000009124904f3e0664b092240000000001048000000000346fecfa58ef457138e e9d4a33cf14d1b34af9ae15239f4a3623774a5fb58ef32aa 9092e124fd65b3e94482422c1004649240400190892428b7c919211c717ccb800000000000000000 000020c556da9d5f3a3c4d4a9a645f9acc12d3269f031bd3 eaaea64789d64f9327c52e3fe20ed2e3fe221dadcae5bcbd647437297397b48dcb95fb53f693fa4a cf973f6939b95fb72254eebe7c874b74badfb0955ae7b5fb 0955ee7fd227a7b9ec5ec255c5caea5ec0ee2e7e6af611e3373f357b078dd7f9abd84f8d57f9b1f6 16f18aff00357b0b2b8aefa97b0cb4fc627cf0bd46dd3849 2f29e59724000000000000000000000000000800349f3488dd8f621bb1f9abd83723f350dc8fcd5e c1b91f9a86e47e6a1b91f9a86e47e6a1b91f9abd83723f35 11d1c3e6a1d143e6a27723f350dd8aea449200000000000041200000000000000000000000000000 000000000000041200000000001048000000000000000000 00000000000804800000000000000000000000000000000000000000104904904800000000000000 000000000000000000000000100120000824000000000000 000000000000000000000004200124024104800000000000000000000000000000000000aae28900 920904120824000000000000000000000000000020920900 8294de608be464004904820900000000000000000000000000000000824824ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qc Romantic {\line } Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw89\pich88\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080058005901011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001050604030702ffc400381000010401020207 040807010000000000010002030405061112211314223141516107718191153233435262a1b11623 344272c1e1d1ffda0008010100003f00fa02222222e7bd76 be3eabecda9047130737155d84d4d8fcdbe48eabde2467f6483624798570a51111142295cf76a437 ab3ebd88c3e278d9c0af9762ebc985d75154638ecdb1c1bf 9b4ffc2beb0a5111142cbea4d611e22c753ab1758b676dc6fc9bbf76fe657eaac5ab2e46259ae54a 7bf3e8c45c447bd7b13a9a90e27754c83077b5a0c6ff0087 82b0c4e5e0ca46fe00f8e688f0cb0c836730faac8d4ae327ed1ec5860e286a105cef50361fafecb7 ca5111142f98eadc064aa6665c9578dd342f93a50f60dcb0 f910af317ed029491b59918a4af301b39c07134ffb0ad3f8cb047936e171f26c4e27f6595d459f7d 7cb57c963aacf5dce8dd1b9f333844a3c0ede9e6ae745ddc 4d6a620eb6debf39e397a405a5ce3e037ef5afdd4a22282765577351e228bcb2c5f89af1ded6eee2 3e4bdb1b96c7e558e346c326e1fac06e08f782bda5a14e63 bcd56190fe6602aa72993c6e1008ab558e4b927d9d7858389c7d76ee0b2ba9a8cf063be90cc39b26 42dbdb1b231f56060e640f5e5faad864f014b2d45b14b135

b23580472b4769bcb9735cba52fd97759c5644ef6a938378bf1b3c0ad1294504ec39ac84d7e7d519 6931d4657458eaff00d44cc3b193f283e4b455b1342ad7e8 22a90b63db620b41dfdfe6b1984af163b5a64e78e46c18fac087b89d9a09dbb3f3dfe4ad66cf5ecd caeab808fa3877e17dd986c07f88f156b85c055c5f14bbba 7b6ffb4b129ddceffc541ed36371c6d291a3b2d9883ef23fe2d1e9ebcdc8e16ad8690498c076de0e 1c8aaf2c0cd78d733ef2912ff83b92d129459ed6d9376374 fca623b4b31e89a77eedfbcfcb75cdecf6b321d38d980ed4f239c4fb8ec3f651a9358458e7ba9d01 d62e9ecf2e6d61ff0067d1706174549661e9f3934ae3238c 86bb5fb0dcf8bbd574e6343d0ea123f1fd24162369737f98483b78735e9ecf32366ee2a68ecbdd27 40f0d6bdc773b11dcaf7378b8b318d969cbc83c765df85de 056071f0ea7d2d69f057a8fb113ddf5434bd8ef504772d869fa377a69b2795e1172701a236f744c1 dc15ea9458cf6990bdf86af23476593f6bd370578e8abd25 bd2f671f5a46b2e421c23dcf83bb8fcf75fad25a42ce3f22fbb9411be46fd900ee2e67bdcb6caa35 1e51b431ee8e2eddbb00c7044399738f2dfdc14696c3fd0b 886577ec6671e3948fc47c3e0ae13608a51172e4a8c392a32d4b0378e41b1f31eabe6b634d67b4fd feb38f0f95ad3d99211bee3c885794b586603032ce0a7964 1cb8a36b9bbfc082ad22bfa8b2036871d15061fbcb0fe223dcd0bbb1b848e9ce6d5895f6eebbbe79 3c3d1a3c02b552888888a3609b04d914a222222222222222 22ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qc Causes, Symptoms, Cures\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Ayala Malach Pines\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0001_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\ql SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0002_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0002_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0002_0002.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s2 \afs 28 {\b {\qc Romantic {\line } Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw84\pich61\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000ffdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318 281a181616183123251d283a333d3c3933383740485c4e40 4457453738506d51575f626768673e4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08003d005401011100ffc4 001b00010002030101000000000000000000000004070105 060302ffc40030100001030303020405030500000000000001020311000405122131064113223251 14156171810791b1334252a1e1ffda0008010100003f00b0 294a52b0a5048951000ee4d4762fecee4c5bddb0e9d5a210e0579a26363cc027f152694a5294ac12 0093b0a8f757f67671f1776c313c78ae04cfee6a265c5be4 b1777648ba014b4e83e12c15024c01c8e4ed0481ef55df4121c6fab90da34ad294b81c3a27603912 246f1eded56c5294a5295cef59dee4ad30f70ac6a55e91e2 3880429a4926540f7f6db74f3ec457bd33f222fb9f3ed5a23ca752f73f6489fccfb6dcd4bbebdc66 0f248bae98bd756ad675b6e235371ec0900fd3b98ef5b2fd

3e6adae730fe46e1fb74dd38b586980a015244a8849de20ec67b2aac7a5294a56bb3397b5c45938f befb6852002107752f7e02647307f9ed5c65df5be645a5bd dfcadb45a2d64788b493e241076ff1da37df798e36f6bdb9e957b00dddddb566e5cabcde1b090db8 547720a506606e373db9deb99bac4dcdde3eef322cd36362 dc2996c0f56a50112773cccfec2389870a55d376d9ac6a6e10f328d4a5a084c69304edf50adc1900 091bc8b1f017c72584b3bc528296eb60aca440d5c2bfd835 b1a5295f2e6a2da821412a221248900fdaab1b8b85f51759e8be50699b56d4954a4143252932a33b 14ebdfcdc8807daa3e5b2977d477e71b87695e0ac8010857 f5020426498f288900c6e4cf68ce63a4eff0b648c8b8fb6fa9900ba1480a4a2084a40d53aa678220 01f6aeb2d1a7ba93f4f50d38a421e7d1a52508d29d497213 b01b0f28981b6f5c7da597545a30fe299b0b90dbf2954b67489e617c411b6e63f356574fd88c6e12 dad0127c2490494e924c924c408e7fe9e6b634a52bcdf2e2 595a99485b8124a524c051ec27b553dd4f65718ccfdd2dc6dc287d6a5a16eb6215a849039048d512 383bed5b8e9dcde070768f5c5afc5fc6a9b4ea6dff004ace d29494edccf98891fcc979596eb5b948690edbe28ff71052171b91dc1dfbf1e59e4457738bb2631d 8f6ed2d5b536cb5a8252a327d44933f53bfe6a5d294a5295 e5736ed5d32a65f425c6d51a90b48503067706a023a770edb8971bc75ba1697038149400410676f6 1f4ad921086d010da4252380040afaa5294a5294a5294a52 94afffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw47\pich55\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080037002f01011100ffc4001b00000105010100000000000000 000000000001020405060307ffc4002a1000020104010204 060300000000000000010203000405112112310641516113143271819122a1b1ffda000801010000 3f00f40a28a4a2968a4a2a9bc537d7d8dc3c9798f489de22 0b89013fc7cf5afc7f753f1777f3f8cb5bb2bd267895cafa1237aa974535fe93aef580b2b9912f2e 97c54b921317da188c8210be8bd069998cd2c624c55acd75 2db5ea050d711396846f92363a9975bfd77adbe25ed5b1b6eb6322c96c8811194ec680d54da64b22 c51b48ec151412c49d002b3a9777798b29b211de1c75880d f05822967037b76ea1c0e3b0fdd5458f8d5df17676ef245f3d26d64b99874c51f2744ebb9d6b81c7 b8ae998b68b0593c3642595a7eab861737527d4c4ae87b05 03ab81e95758658a2cf64e2b46436ee2298aa11d2b23060ddbd42a9abeaacf11c135cf87efa1b7d9 95e160a0773edf9ed58ac5cd6d9cb4c759dee4a2b5b4b340 93da3bf419594f077c6c76fb73f7ad164c5ae5f18d86c5086546e956923e628541077b1c6f8e00ff 002aee5c7db5cd88b4b8896587a42f4b8def5da931d8cb4c 5dbfc0b285628f7bd0f33ea4f9d4ca42362a0cf85c65cca659ec2d6590f76785493f73aa9714290a 0489151076551a15d28a28a28a28a2bfffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s2 \afs28 {\b {\qc Other Books by Ayala Malach Pines\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Couple Burnout: Causes and Cures\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { {\qc (Routle(Ige)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Career Burnout: Causes and Cures\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {

{\qc Experiencing Social Psychology: Readings and Projects\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc (with Christina Maslach)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc The Juggler. A Working Woman: Problems and Solutions\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc (available in Hebrew)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Psychology of Gender\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc (available in Hebrew)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc How We Fall in Love\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc (forthcoming from Routledge)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw53\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a003501011100ffc4001b00000202030100000000000000 000000000005010302040607ffc4002d1000010402000403 0705000000000000000102030405001106122131134161142351718191b122325262a1ffda000801 0100003f00f40c323177105848aba97a645612fada1b2952 b5a1e67e9965358a6daae3cd427903a9d94ef7ca7b11f70737b0c3209d0ce0e1dd3926d65b37f652 6b1685fb9611a693aebdd5aebf53acc6eb885b8b1dfaf6ac 5164d4b654da16549e6649e9fa943408ebf31aceba8a2b10e9e23119d43ada1b003883b0b3e647cc ef18e198a95ca37d35885ab09b70879dac79a8b0d04a1b7d c6fc453a477206c009fbe28afe3443d5ec36ff00b3bb62b24694b0db406f414a52bb74eba1b3e9d7 2ae20846b9eaab3b17fc777db11e2b80690da7a9e54a7c87 7f53ac7d58ca21711cb62310234861320a07ed4af7a247c363f18fb0c5bc42979ca19c88e09754c2 c240efdbcb38da3f16faa2beb23cc6a3c56414cc692be575 7d49e835d88fc9f863db9895ee552e96ba330b90b1ca8691af77fdd47cb5df67a9f5c6c69e33b4cd 564a4f8eca1a4b679bb9d0d6fd0f4c9a9a5834cdad1059e4 e7d1528a8a94ad76ea718619046f1548e1aa694f179eaf614e13b24275b3ebaef9bf161c784d7851 586d96ff008b68091fe65d93861861861861867fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc For Israel\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr Contents\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { {\ql {\ul Preface} ix \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul Acknowledgments} xiii \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 1. The Green-Eyed Monster or the Shadow of Love?} 1 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{

{\ql {\ul 2. Are You a Jealous Person?} 23 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ {\ql {\ul 3. The Unconscious Roots of Romantic Jealousy} 45 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 4. Treating the Couple, Not the Jealous Male} 67 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 5. Men Get Angry, Women Get Depressed} 91 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 6. Romantic Jealousy in Different Cultures} 113 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 7. Romantic Jealousy in Open Relationships} 133 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 8. Crimes of Passion} 151 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul 9. Coping with Romantic Jealousy} 175 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ {\ql {\ul 10. Can Any Good Come Out of Romantic Jealousy?} 197 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul Appendix A: Jealousy workshops} 219 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ {\ql {\ul Appendix B: The Romantic Jealousy Questionnaire} 227 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul Appendix C: Romantic Jealousy Research} 243 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul Notes} 259 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul References} 275 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\ql {\ul Index} 293 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr Preface\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the summer of 1978, 1 flew back to San Francisco from Toronto, where I had at

tended a convention of the American Psychological Association. On the plane I sa t next to Elliot Aronson, one of the leading social psychologists in the country and a dear friend whom I admire greatly. We were chatting about various things when he said, "What do you know about jealousy?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "Jealousy?" I responded, surprised. Ile explained, "I was asked to write an arti cle called 'What We Don't Know About Jealousy' for a new behavioral science maga zine. The problem is that I don't know much about jealousy-hence the title. But I thought if you were interested in the subject, we could pool our ignorance and have some fun writing the article together." While I definitely had my own pers onal experience with jealousy, I had never given much thought to it as a subject for study. I knew as much about it as Elliot did, but the offer was such a grea t compliment that I said yes right away.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The next clay, in Berkeley, I went to the university library and did a computer search to find out what had been written about jealousy. There was quite a lot. I buried myself in literature on romantic jealousy written by novelists, poets, philosophers, anthropologists, sociologists, psychiatrists, and psychologists. W hile the volumes written were enormous, many questions were left unanswered. Thi s was the subject of the article Elliot and I wrote.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although the magazine folded before the article could be published, I became "ho oked" on jealousy and, for the following twenty years, continued to study it. I' ve worked with jealous individuals and couples in my private practice both in Ca lifornia and Israel and have led jealousy workshops and collected questionnaires from close to a thousand people. I've worked in prison with male inmates servin g time for "crimes of passion" and both inter viewed and collected questionnaire s from female inmates. I've worked with couples in open relationships. I've stud ied two urban communes practicing open relationships: one in which members succe eded in overcoming their jealousy, the other in which jealousy was a major probl em and eventually caused the break-up of the commune. I've also reviewed the ext ensive and steadily growing literature on jealousy. This book is based on these experiences, research, and clinical work.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The book describes five different approaches to jealousy. The psychodynamic appr oach, which is particularly interested in delusional jealousy, views it as the r esult of unresolved childhood traumas. The systems approach views jealousy as th e result of the dynamics within a particular relationship. The cognitive-behavio ral approach views it as a learned response that when inappropriate can be unlea rned. The social-psychology approach views it as a result of cultural forces tha t determine when jealousy is experienced and how it is expressed. The evolutiona ry or sociobiological approach views jealousy as innate, the result of evolution ary processes that appear to be different for men and women (Pines, 1992a).\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While these approaches are considered by many theoreticians to be contradictory, I use all five of them in any work. I believe anything that helps a person with a jealousy problem can and should be used. This book reflects that conviction.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc What the Book Is About\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ This book is for anyone who seeks a better understanding of romantic jealousy. I t was written with three kinds of readers in mind. The first is the clinician wh o works with people struggling with a jealousy problem. The second is the person who struggles with a jealousy problem or with a mate's jealousy. The third is t he intellectually curious person who might have encountered jealousy, either wit hin himself or herself or in another, and is interested in learning more about i t. Each chapter should have something for all three types of readers.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ A person suffering from a jealousy problem is most likely to benefit from answer ing The Romantic Jealousy Questionnaire (see Appendix B) both before and after r eading the book. The questionnaire can also be used by researchers and by therap ists working with people with a jealousy problem. It is best to use it both befo

re and after therapy. The intellectually curious reader is invited to answer the questionnaire just for fun.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The first chapter serves as an introduction. It defines jealousy and explains th e differences between jealousy and envy and between jealousy that is normal and abnormal, chronic and acute.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The second chapter addresses a series of questions (as presented in The Romantic Jealousy Questionnaire) that are aimed at helping readers explore their romanti c jealousy and compare their responses to those given by over seven hundred peop le.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The third chapter explores the unconscious roots of jealousy from the perspectiv e of the psychodynamic approach, which views jealousy as a problem in the mind o f the jealous individual that is best treated by individual therapy. This chapte r shows how childhood events help shape adult jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The fourth chapter presents the systems approach, which proposes that jealousy o ccurs within the dynamic of a particular relationship and can best be treated th rough couple therapy. The chapter shows how couples collude to keep a jealousy p roblem alive.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The fifth chapter presents the sociobiological approach, in which jealousy is se en as an innate response resulting from evolutionary forces that are different f or men and women. The chapter suggests that jealousy may be a universal problem for couples.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The sixth chapter discusses jealousy in different cultures and presents the soci al-psychological approach. According to this approach, the culture determines wh en people feel jealous and how they express their jealousy. The social-psycholog ical approach encourages people to make an attributional shift in their explanat ion for their jealousy from "I'm a jealous person" to "I get jealous in certain situations."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Chapters seven and eight examine the range of responses to romantic jealousy. On e chapter discusses people who succeeded in overcoming their jealousy and have e stablished long-term open relationships. The other chapter discusses people who were overcome by their jealousy and committed crimes of passion. Whereas chapter seven presents the views of people who believe that jealousy is learned and thu s can also be unlearned, chapter eight presents the view that, under the all-pow erful influence of the green-eyed monster, some people can become temporarily in sane and commit the most "monstrous" and violent crimes. The chapter provides an opportunity to gain an appreciation for the explosive potential in jealousy and learn how to defuse it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Chapter nine is devoted to coping with jealousy. It presents the cognitive-behav ioral approach, in which jealousy is seen as a learned response that, if inappro priate, can be unlearned and replaced with a more appropriate response. The chap ter offers a variety of cognitive and behavioral techniques for coping with a je alousy problem. It also makes reference to techniques inspired by the other appr oaches presented throughout the book. The goal of all these coping techniques is to help individuals and couples protect their relationships in positive and con structive ways so that something good can come out of their jealousy problem.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My view that jealousy can be a growth-enhancing force is explored in chapter ten and demonstrated through the analysis of an unusual triangle relationship. Beyo nd the benefits to be gained from each chapter, my hope is that the book as a wh ole will help readers turn romantic jealousy into a useful signal they can use t o improve themselves and their relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A word about heterosexuality and homosexuality. Everything I say in this book ab out male-female relationships can also be applied to male-male or female-female relationships. I will mention this point again and present relevant examples whe n appropriate.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I have enjoyed my work on jealousy immensely and loved writing this book. I hope my excitement about the subject comes through.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \ afs32 {\b {\qr

Acknowledgments\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ I would like to thank my friends and colleagues who read this book and helped im prove it with their thoughtful comments. These include Dr. Gordon Clanton, Dr. B ernie Zilhergeld, Professor Clair Rabin, Dr. Loise Shawver, Dr. Laura Steckel, a nd Kathy Knopoff (on her way to a brilliant career in psychology). Discussions W ith Professors Elliot Aronson, Murray Bilmes, Jack Block, and Troy Duster, as we ll as with Tsafi Gilad and Israel Segal, helped crystallize my ideas about jealo usy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1 would also like to thank the team at Routledge that was responsible for publis hing this book for their enthusiasm and support. This includes first and foremos t Heidi A. Freund, the publishing director. Heidi's warmth and high energy make her a delight to work with. Other people that were a joy to work with are Anthon y Mancini, the managing editor; Ilene Kalish, the assistant editor; Ron Longe, t he publicity manager; Santa Sahni, the editorial assistant; and Beth Mullen, who is in charge of rights and permissions. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I owe special thanks to my agent, Judith Weber, who besides being a dear friend is a wonderful editor and an intelligent and insightful reader who helped improv e the book greatly both in content and in style. Wanda Cuevas, a member of the S obel Weber Associates professional staff, also provided valuable feedback and su pport.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Anne Savarese, my editor at St. Martin's Press, where the book was first publish ed, has gone through every version of the book with a thoroughness I have never encountered before. The result is an invaluable contribution to the book, for wh ich I am extremely grateful.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The greatest thanks, however, are reserved for the people in my private practice and participants in my workshops and research, who opened their hearts to me an d shared some of their most painful and difficult experiences with jealousy. Thi s book could never have been written without their contribution.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b {\qc The Green-Eyed Monster {\line } or the Shadow of Love?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw114\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a007201011100ffc4001b00010002030101000000000000 000000000001040203050607ffc400271000020202010401 0403010000000000000102000304112105121331511422326141718191ffda0008010100003f00fa 04444444444444444d5937d78b8f65f73f6575af7337c094 727a8b038eb47165b628ecb1796527923fa0773a43912644aad9f40bada8333353af276a93d9b1b1 b9874acab72f1dacb7b08f23aa327a650740cbd2269cbcba 712af25cfdaa5828e36493e80959f39cf50c6a2ad69fbbca8ca4301ae08fd6f8ff0065f93120ce26 6751b6ebb23171406b51d6b159034dc0625b7e974654fa1b 2d35648c1416d36bd6c94e942a91ada1e37ceb9e3d19e8e90c2940e76c0727e4cce54ea399f475d6 78ddb60ad77e86ff0099c80b6675e872316b6a721884b990 794af6ec6c6b81c1e7dfaf52ef42c5bf12814db47856b509a0410c46fee1af408d4eb482742702dc eb73dbc78f525e3c8e1aab00eced5257ee3a3c92389ab1f0 6c3763e6d389f7db5f6b32690d64371c6ff1f7f33d20f5cc9891ee567e9f8af92720d7ab58699958

af70fde8f32c2a2a28550001e809313564e2d39751ab22b1 621e747e7e62ac6aa9fc036fe598b1ff00a66d9322555e9b8896d9625454d876e15d82b1f92bbd6e 5a0000001a0224c4444444444444444444444444444444ff d9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr O, beware my lord of jealousy! It is the green eyed monster, which doth mock the neat it feeds on.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Shakespeare, Othello\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr He that is not jealous is not in love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ {\qr -St. Augustine\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr Jealousy is the dragon in paradise: the hell of heaven: and the most bitter of e motions because it is associated with the sweetest.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -A. R. Orage, On Love\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw110\pich43\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002b006e01011100ffc4001b00010002030101000000000000 000000000001030204050607ffc400291000020202010401 0304030000000000000102000304112105123141131461712223325181a1b1ffda0008010100003f 00fa04444444444444444c0b8048f247adcab072d3371532 2b56557f4c391ea6c44862146cf025072d066a62956ef742eadae08046c7e791362244ab23205145 96952ff1a962abe4ea654dab7d296a7f1750c3f0659128c9 c94a3b01e5ec6ed451ecf9ff008279c775c8fab18765a97dbdf673a2015e368c46cf81e3c4ebf43b 55f0d11183a2001580d6f8079fbee74e413a1b9c1ea79b8d 79c72ff2850cd656d5e9b7ae365747639f265584f663f5866b2e56f96b43557a1aed6defb48e3d02 67a31e0499ad939694304e0b952dadeb407924fa9e62d097 f4ab3e92ebabad756585d477aab1e46f5b235be7edee7a5e9f6fcb8ca415206d43278600e81136e2 68752e9ab9eb5fee1adab6254eb608234411fd1065b461ad 6e8ec43322f6a00ba0a3ec3fc4d9000f000933161dc08fee73307a37d12b56b786ac8edd94fd7da3 c2f76fc0fc4e925688aaaaa0051a5e3c099499cdea1d2866 e4d778b3b5917b19197b95d760f2363d89b74e30aec6b1c87b1805275ae07aff00665c0003406849 88888888888888888888888888889fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I found myself sitting all curled up in the bushes following every movement seen through the curtains in her lit-up window. I knew her boyfriend was there, and the knowledge caused me an excruciating pain. It was a cold winter night, and on ce in a while there was a drizzle. I said to myself, "I know I am a sane, wellad justed, responsible adult. What in the world is happening to me? I lave I totall y lost my mind?" Yet I continued sitting in those bushes for hours. I didn't lea ve until the light in the window was gone. A force more powerful than myself hel d me hypnotized to the light and to her. I never felt so close to madness.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although I knew that our relationship was over, I still had very strong feelings toward him. Then, one day, I saw him at the corner store where we used to shop

when we lived together. Ile was with this Los Angeles-type bleached blonde, the kind who spends hours choosing her outfit. She had heavy makeup perfectly put on , and every hair on her head was in just the right place. I knew that I looked l ike a bag lady, my nose was red from a cold, my hair was unwashed and greasy. I think I simply went mad. I went up to him, kicked him in the balls, snapped his hat and ran outside I got into his car-which for some reason he left unlocked-an d started crying. I've never cried like that. I felt I was going out Of' My mind .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The man in the first paragraph and the woman in the second are describing powerf ul experiences that have several things in common. The experiences are extreme a nd unusual, involve loss of control, and result in a sense that one is going mad . Indeed, these are three notable features of jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc What Is Romantic Jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ The word jealous is derived from the Greek word zelos, which signifies emulation and zeal and denotes intensity of feelings. In this book the focus is not on je alousy in general but on romantic or sexual jealousy-the jealousy that emerges i n the context of a romantic relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The phrase "romantic jealousy" means different things to different people. It ev okes a variety of images, explanations, and definitions. Here are some examples: "It's a hard-to-control emotion that results from fear of losing an important p erson to someone else." "It's a feeling you have when you're afraid you're losin g an important relationship." "It's the feeling of being betrayed by someone you trust." "It's when somebody else looks at a person I love the way I do" "It's w hen you are insecure about your relationship or about yourself, and you feel tha t you are not man enough.""When you love someone, but the love they felt for VOL ] is gone"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ What is your definition of romantic jealousy? I presented this question to close to a thousand people and received as many definitions as there were respondents . The definitions I just presented, for example, were suggested by inmates servi ng time in prison for committing crimes related to jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Since it seems clear that we can't simply assume everyone knows what jealousy is , I would like to offer the following definition: Jealousy is it complex reactio n to a perceived threat to it valued relationship or to its quality.'\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy is a con\u9658?plex reaction that has both internal and external compon ents. The internal component of jealousy includes certain emotions, thoughts, an d physical symptoms that often are not visible to the outside world. The emotion s associated with jealousy may include pain, anger, rage, envy, sadness, fear, g rief, and humiliation. The thoughts associated with jealousy may include resentm ent ("How could you have lied to me like this?"), self-blame ('How could I have been so blind, so stupid?"), comparison with the rival ("I'm not as attractive, sexy, intelligent, successful"), concern for one's public image ("Everyone knows , and laughs at me"), or self-pity ("I'M all alone in the world, nobody loves me "). The physical symptoms associated with jealousy may include blood rushing to the head, sweaty and trembling hands, shortness of breath, stomach cramps, feeli ng faint, a fast heartbeat, and trouble falling asleep.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The external component of jealousy is more clearly visible and is expressed in s ome kind of behavior: talking openly about the problem, screaming, crying, makin g a point of ignoring the issue, using humor, retaliating, leaving, or becoming violent.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The fact that jealousy has both an internal and an external component has an imp ortant implication for coping. Even if people can modify the internal component to some extent, most have relatively little control over it, especially over the ir emotional and physical responses: "1 wish I could be cool and rational about it, but the pain is simply too big." "I stood there like an idiot, blood rushing

to my face, and couldn't do a thing to stop it." However, people can be trained to have more control over their thoughts. Actually, the premise of cognitive th erapy is that we can change our feelings by changing our thoughts (e.g. Bishay e t al., 1996; Dolan \u163?& Bishay, 1996a; Ellis, 1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People have far greater control over the external component of their jealousy th an over the internal component. They don't always realize this (and even when th ey do, they don't always want to admit it), but they can-if they choose to-talk about their feelings, make fun of the whole thing, cry their hearts out, suffer silently and covertly or loudly and visibly, lash out in anger, get out of the r elationship, try to make their mate jealous, or throw dishes. When one feels ove rwhelmed by jealousy, it is important to remember that while it may be difficult to control jealous feelings, changing the thoughts that trigger them helps keep the feelings in check. Furthermore, most people have significant control over w hat they decide to do about their jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The jealous response is triggered when there's a perceived threat to the relatio nship. The perceived threat may be real or imagined (just as the relationship ca n be real or imagined). If a man thinks that his wife is interested in other men , even if the threat is a result of his own wild imagination, he is going to res pond with intense jealousy. On the other hand, if a woman has a close friendship with another man, but her husband feels secure in their marriage and does not f eel threatened by this friendship, he is not likely to respond with jealousy.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A couple I saw in therapy provides an example of jealousy in response to an imag inary threat. The husband, a rather plainlooking man, married a beautiful woman thirteen years younger than himself. He was convinced that every man who looked at his wife desired her. Since he did not feel secure in his own attractiveness, he was terrified every time she left the house, thinking that she would find so meone else and leave him. His wife was faithful and committed to the marriage; w hen they first met, she loved the fact that he put her on a pedestal and welcome d his intense attraction to her. With time, however, she found his jealousy incr easingly bothersome and suffocating. When the couple came to me for help, she sa id she needed to get away from him-not because he lacked attractiveness, and not because she had found a more attractive man-but because of his suffocating jeal ousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another couple provides an example of how not perceiving a threat can act as a b uffer against jealousy. The husband in this case was a swinger. He loved swinger s' parties, even orgies. His wife did not. For years he used to go to these sexu al encounters alone, with the full knowledge of his wife. The wife, for her part , disliked the idea of sexual promiscuity, but accepted the fact that this was e xtremely important for her husband, and that it was not a threat to their marria ge or to herself. After years of this arrangement, the wife had an affair. The h usband's way of dealing with it was to befriend her lover and accept him as part of the family. He said the lover wasn't a threat to his marriage. Furthermore, the fact that his wife had a lover made him feel freer to continue his own sexua l exploits. Even if one doubts the husband's claim that he felt no jeal ousy, it 's clear that his response to what is for most people a powerful jealousy trigge r was very mild.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A relationship that triggers a jealous response has to be valuable. It can be va luable in different ways. If a woman can't stand her husband and he arouses in h er only feelings of boredom or disgust, the knowledge that he is having an affai r is not likely, in and of itself, to trigger much jealousy. Yet for such a woma n, losing her husband to another woman may threaten her public image, as well as her standard of living and general lifestyle. In other words, the marriage may not be valuable for her emotionally, but it may have economic or social value. T he following is a case in point. It demonstrates that jealousy can exist in a re lationship that has only extraneous value, even after that relationship has ende d.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A wealthy woman who wanted desperately to get out of her marriage finally manage d to do so, at great financial cost. She had to leave the house to her husband, but said she was glad to do it if it meant being rid of him. Then, one night as

she drove past the house, she saw a shadow of a woman on the curtain and was ove rcome by tremendous jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Did she perceive a threat to her marriage? Obviously not, since the marriage was over. Was her marriage emotionally valuable to her as a love relationship? Obvi ously not, since she was the one who worked so hard, and sacrificed so much, to get out of it. Yet she felt jealous when she saw the shadow of the woman. Jealou sy, as noted earlier, is a response to a perceived threat to a valued relationsh ip or to its quality. The woman was responding to the threat against her percept ion of her relationship with her husband.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In her mind she saw herself as superior to her husband and as having more power in their relationship. After all, wasn't she the one who kicked him out of the m arriage and out of her life? And here the worthless bum had already found someon e else to be with, while she was still alone. What enraged her even more was tha t the two of them were "in" and she was "out" of "her" house. The other woman pr esented a threat not to her actual marriage but rather to her perception of the marriage.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This example illustrates the complexity of the jealous response. The wealthy wom an experienced possessiveness (this was "her" husband and "her" house), exclusio n (they were "in" and she was "out"), competitiveness (her husband had someone a nd she didn't), and envy (she wanted to have a relationship like the one she ima gined he had).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For some people, the strongest component of jealousy is a fear of' being abandon ed: "He is going to fall in love with her and leave me and then I'll be all alon e." For some, the primary component is loss of face: "I low could you humiliate me in front of everyone by flirting openly with this slut?" For some, the most p ainful aspect is the betrayal: "How could you, the person I trusted more than an yone else in the world, He to me and betray me in this way?" For some, the prima ry component is competitiveness: "If she fell in love with him, he must be a bet ter lover than I am"; or, "How could she fall for this sleaze-ball?" And there a re those for whom the primary component is envy: "1 wish I were as skinny and go rgeous as she is" or "as successful professionally as he is."\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ When people describe intense jealousy, they often confuse their response with th e degree of threat actually present in the situation. "fhcy may, for example, re spond as if their male's "outrageous" flirting at the party indicated that their mate would leave them for that other person, when in fact all that the flirting causes is embarrassment. When they confront the threat realistically ("flow lik ely is it that your husband will leave you for the other woman?"), the intensity of their jealousy invariably diminishes.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Predisposition to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although jealousy appears in different forms and in varying degrees of intensity , it always results from an interaction between a certain predisposition and a p articular triggering event. The predisposition to jealousy is influenced by the culture we grow up in; some cultures encourage jealousy while others discourage it. It is influenced by our family background: A man whose mother was unfaithful to his father or whose parents had violent outbursts of jealousy is likely to h ave far greater predisposition to jealousy than a man whose father and mother fe lt secure in each other's love. It is influenced by our family constellation: A woman who was outshone by a prettier or brighter sister is likely to have a grea ter predisposition to jealousy than a woman who was the favorite child in the fa mily. It is also influenced by childhood and adult attachment history: A person who had a secure attachment to his mother will be less likely to become jealous than an anxiously attached person, and A person who was betrayed by a trusted ma te is likely to develop a greater predisposition to jealousy in the future.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A predisposition to jealousy may never express itself unless a triggering event brings it out. For a person with a high predisposition to jealousy, such a trigg

ering event can be as minor as a partner's glance at an attractive stranger pass ing by. For most people, however, the trigger for intense jealousy is a much mor e serious event, such as discovering that their mate had an illicit affair. For a person with an unusually low predisposition to jealousy, almost no event, shor t of ending the relationship because of a romantic involvement with a third pers on, can activate the jealous response.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Throughout the book, as mentioned in the preface, five theoretical approaches to romantic jealousy will be presented. Each emphasizes a different aspect of the predisposition to jealousy (Pines, 1992). The psychodynamic approach focuses on the question, Why (10 certain people have an unusually high or low predispositio n to jealousy? It assumes that the answer can be found in people's childhood exp eriences. The systems approach asks, What is it about a particular relationship that increases or decreases a couple's predisposition to jealousy? It assumes th at the answer can he found in the repeated patterns in the couple's interactions . The behavioral approach asks, What increases an individual's predisposition to behave in a jealous way? It assumes that the answer can be found in learned beh aviors. The sociobiological approach asks, How have evolutionary forces of natur al selection shaped men's and women's innate predisposition to jealousy? It assu mes that the answer can be found in universal sex differences that exist in most human societies as well as in the animal world. The social-psychological approa ch asks, What effects does the culture have on people's predisposition to jealou sy? It assumes that the answer can be found in cultural norms, which define what people perceive as threatening and what responses are considered appropriate.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the case of some gay couples, for example, as a result of' societal and famil ial pressures, one member of the couple may find it difficult to acknowledge ope nly their relationship, which decreases the other partner's sense of security an d thus increases the predisposition for jealousy. Sharon and Mary are an example .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mary is a tall, slender, attractive, and elegantly dressed manager in a big publ ic relations firm. Her lover, Sharon, is chubby and less attractive, and works a s a lawyer in a small law firm. Mary does not want people in her firm to know sh e is gay. She feels this will seriously jeopardize her chances of being promoted . So she flirts with men she works with and makes sure she always has a man acco mpanying her to various social events in the firm. This causes great jealousy in Sharon.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One could argue, of* course, that Sharon would have felt the same jealousy if sh e were married to an attractive and elegant man who didn't take her to company f unctions and that Mary's flirtations are even less of a threat because Sharon kn ows she is not attracted to men. Nonetheless, the humiliation caused by having t o keep their relationship secret, the feeling of being left out, and the threat that Mary may have a relationship with a man (to make sure people didn't think s he was gay) were very difficult for Sharon and caused tremendous jealousy.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy and Envy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ In defining jealousy, it's important to distinguish it from envy. Despite the fr equent confusion between the two terms in everyday use, jealousy and envy are ve ry different psychologically.2 Envy involves two people. The envious person want s something that belongs to the other person and doesn't want the other person t o have it. The object of envy can be the other person's mate, a good relationshi p, a desirable trait such as beauty or intelligence, a possession, success, or p opularity. Jealousy, on the other hand, involves three people. The jealous perso n responds to a threat to a valued relationship posed by a third person. This is true even when the third person exists only in the imagination of the jealous p erson. Lionel Kreeger summarizes these differences by saying that whereas jealou sy has a triadic basis, being concerned mainly with love and fear of loss, envy is contained within a diadic relationship and represents deeply entrenched destr

uctive impulses aimed at the removal or spoiling of desirable qualities in the o ther (Kreeger, 1992). Envy and jealousy have been described as being keyed to tw o basic conditions of human existence. Envy is connected with not having, while jealousy is connected with having (Anderson, 1987).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gerrod Parrott and Richard Smith conducted two experiments to distinguish the ex periences of-envy and jealousy. In the first experiment subjects recalled a pers onal experience of either envy or jealousy. In the second experiment subjects re ad one of a set of stories in which circumstances producing envy and jealousy we re manipulated. The results of both studies revealed qualitative differences bet ween the two emotions. Envy was characterized by inferiority, longing, resentmen t, and disapproval of the emotion. Jealousy was characterized by fear of loss, d istrust, anxiety, and anger (Parrott & Smith, 1993).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People tend to mistake envy for jealousy, but not the other way around. Would yo u tell your husband that seeing him with his old girlfriend makes you envious or jealous? Would you say that you are jealous, or envious, of a friend who has ju st inherited a large amount of money? Most people would describe themselves in b oth cases as jealous, although what they actually feel in the second case is env y.'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This transposition often occurs because envy tends to have a more negative conno tation than jealousy; envy is perceived as less mitigated by love than is jealou sy (Joseph, 1986). While jealousy is a response to a threat to a love relationsh ip, envy is an expression of hostility toward a perceived superior and a desire not only to possess the advantage, but in extreme cases to destroy the superior. Leonard Shengold (1994) suggests that envy develops early in life and is charac terized by "destructive primal hatred." With age, it becomes modified in intensi ty and its primal murderous quality lessens. In cases of pathological envy there is a regression to the original primal envy. The person with such pathological "malignant" envy feels with delusional intensity that what the envied one has is not only urgently needed, but has been stolen from them.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ If jealousy and envy are so distinct, why do people confuse them so often? Part of the reason lies in the fact that the jealous response includes, in many cases , a component of envy. A man who is jealous because his wife is having an affair with his best friend, for example, is likely to feel envious of his friend's su ccess with his wife. It has been suggested that part of the reason is that envy, which begins earlier in psychic development, with maturation becomes partly tra nsformed into jealousy (Shengold, 1994).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy and envy indeed seem to originate in different stages of our psychologi cal development. Jealousy originates primarily in emotional experiences children have during the Oedipal stage, when they are about two to three years old. (Thi s point will be elaborated in chapter three, during the discussion of the uncons cious roots of jealousy.) Envy, on the other hand, originates much earlier, in t he first months of a child's life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to Freud, during the Oedipal stage children experience the first stirr ings of sexuality. Their sexual urge is directed toward the closest person of th e opposite sex. In the case of a boy, that means his mother; in the case of a gi rl, her father. The boy wants Mother to himself. Unfortunately he has a very pow erful competitor: Father. The competitor is bigger and stronger and has other ad vantages too, so the boy "loses" the contest. Through a similar process, the gir l "loses" Father to Mother. When the child becomes an adult, whenever a third pe rson presents a threat to a valued romantic relationship, the old painful wound is reopened and experienced as jealousy (Freud, 1922/1955).\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Envy, according to child psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, develops during the period from birth through the first year of life, in response to the baby's helplessne ss and dependence on Mother. "From the beginning of life, the infant turns to Mo ther for all his needs," Klein writes. "The mother's breast, toward which all th e infant's desires are directed, is instinctively felt to be the source not only of nourishment but also of life. An element of frustration, however, is bound t o enter into the infant's earliest relation to Mother, because even a happy feed

ing situation cannot altogether replace the prenatal unity with the mother." The frustration and helplessness the hungry baby experiences are the roots of envy. The baby "envies" Mother for her power to nurse him or deprive him of nourishme nt. In his angry frustration, he wants to devour the source of his nourishment a nd her power-the breast (Klein, 1986, pp. 211-229).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Even if we don't accept Klein's idea that the baby "envies" his mother's power t o feed him, we can still accept her idea that the early bond with Mother contain s the fundamental elements of the baby's future relationship to the world. When the bond is loving and satisfying, the baby will develop a basic sense of securi ty and trust toward people. When the bond is unloving and unsatisfying, deep-sea ted insecurity and envy will develop and the baby will grow up to be an envious adult. Whenever envy is triggered in such an adult, it reopens the early childho od wounds with all their destructive power.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Klein believes that jealousy is based on envy, but is different from it nonethel ess. Her distinction between the two is similar to the one presented earlier: "E nvy is the angry feeling that another person possesses and enjoys something desi rable-the envious impulse being to take it away or to spoil it." Jealousy, on th e other hand, involves the person's relationship to at least two other people, a nd "is mainly concerned with love which the individual feels is his due and whic h has been taken away, or is in danger of being taken" (p. 212).\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Envy, as Klein and Shengold describe it, is an earlier, more primitive, and more destructive emotion than jealousy. It is different from the jealous desire to p rotect the relationship or get the beloved back. When there is a component of en vy in a jealousy situation, it is expressed in an impulse to destroy the person who has the advantage-either the rival or the beloved, who has the power to make one happy and chooses not to.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Normal anti Abnormal Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After defining romantic jealousy and distinguishing it from envy, another import ant distinction needs to be made, that between normal and abnormal jealousy. An analysis of abnormal jealousy leads to some of the most extreme forms that jealo usy can take and some of its more dramatic consequences.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Jealousy has produced pain, drama, and tragedy throughout history. A wide range of hostile, bitter, and painful events have been attributed to jealousy: murder, aggression, hatred, lowered selfesteem, depression, suicide and suicide attempt s, domestic violence, destruction of romantic relationships, marital problems, a nd divorce.` A nationwide survey of marriage counselors indicates that jealousy is a problem in one-third of all couples coming for marital therapy (White & Dev ine, 1991).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who experienced intense jealousy describe it as an extremely painful, "cr azy" experience. A woman in one of my jealousy workshops said that jealousy was the most painful thing she had ever experienced:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I tried everything in an attempt to control it, but nothing, nothing worked. Now the only thing left for me is lobotomy. And believe me, I am tempted. I don't t hink l can live with this much pain any longer.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Even when people who experience extreme jealousy have enough self-control not to resort to actual acts of violence, they often fantasize about such acts. A woma n who saw her ex-husband with his wife, who used to be her best friend, recalls: \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One day, as I was parking my car, I saw them in his new sports car parked right in front of me. It was a car he never let me drive but was now letting her use. Everything went white with rage in front of my eyes. I sat there trying to get h old of myself. I imagined myself putting my car in gear, accelerating, pushing m y foot all the way down on the gas pedal and slamming into them at full speed, f ull force. I could feel the impact of the crash in my body, and hear the sound o f metal and glass crashing.... I don't know what force helped me control the urg

e to destroy everything.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people have faced jealousy at some point in their lives, even if they don't consider it a problem." Anyone who has experienced intense jealousy is well awa re of its power and potential destructiveness. This helps explain people's great fascination with stories about the wild things some people are driven to do out of jealousy. One such story involves a middle-aged woman whose husband left her for it younger woman. With the help of "a friend, the outraged wife kidnapped h er rival at gun-point, shaved her head, stripped her naked, cover(,(] her with t ar and feathers, and released her at the city dump. I read the story in the news paper and subsequently heard it repeated over and over again, with great delight , by women who identified with the revenge of the deposed wife.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ We tend to show more understanding toward people who commit "hot-blooded" crimes motivated by jealousy than we do toward people who commit "cold-blooded" crimes motivated by greed. We feel a certain identification with the betrayed lover wh o "had his revenge," who (fared do something most of us can only imagine as a fi tting revenge for an unfaithful lover or a rival.'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Even the law in some countries treats "crimes of'passion" with relative leniency . In a famous case that happened some years ago in Italy, a man who suspected hi s wife of infidelity bought a gun and drove all the way from Rome, where he live d, to Milan, where he had reason to suspect that his wife was spending time with her lover. He arrived in Milan, caught his wife and her lover together in bed, shot them both dead, and was tried and found not guilty on grounds of temporary insanity.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Is jealousy a form of madness? Getting back to the examples presented at the beg inning of this chapter, one can ask, Is a man who is sitting in the bushes on a rainy night, spying on a woman, sane? What about a woman who kicks a man in the groin, or one who covers another woman with tar and feathers? What about a man w ho kills two people in a jealous rage?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy, as these examples show, lies somewhere in the gray area between sanity and madness. Some reactions to it are so natural that a person who doesn't show them seems in some way "not normal." Think, for example, about a man whose wife has just informed him that she has fallen in love with another man, and who say s in response, "How wonderful for you, darling."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Other reactions seem so excessive that one doesn't need to be an expert to know that they are pathological. An example is the man who is so suspicious of his lo ving and faithful wife that he constantly spies on her, makes surprise visits, l istens in on her phone conversations, checks her underpants for stains, records the mileage in her car for unexplained trips, and, despite her repeatedly proven fidelity, continues to suspect her and suffer from tremendous jealousy.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ While the responses of these two husbands seem completely different from each ot her, there is an important similarity between them. Both are very inappropriate. In one case the husband is not responding to a real threat to his marriage: His wife might leave him for the other man. In the other, the husband is responding with jealousy when there's no real threat. Indeed, both cases are considered pa thological. The first is an example of "pathological tolerance," the second an e xample of "pathological jealousy."7\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For most people, even if jealousy produces tremendous pain and distress, it rema ins an inner experience that does not cross the boundary to violent action. The woman I described earlier, whose estranged husband started dating her best frien d shortly after their separation, said:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I have daydreams in which I go into her apartrnenl with a sledgehammer and start destroying things, furniture, records, windows. I can virtually hear the glass breaking.... These fantasies have a way of calming ine down, even if I know I wi ll never carry them out.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Does that seem like an appropriate response? What if the other woman were not he r best friend? What if she knew that her husband left her because of that "best friend"? And what if, instead of imagining the sledgehammer destruction, she wer e actually to do it?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

The more a response seems (in Freud's words) to "derive from the actual situatio n" and be "proportionate to the real circumstances;" the more "normal" it is (Fr eud, 1922/1955). Freud, and modern-day psychologists, differentiate "normal" fro m "delusional" jealousy. Normal jealousy has its basis in a real threat to the r elationship, while delusional jealousy persists despite the absence of real or p robable threat. The husband who suspects and spies on his wife, despite her fait hfulness and devotion to him, presents a good example of delusional jealousy.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Why would someone "choose" to suffer the incredible pains Of delusional jealousy if there is no basis for it in reality? One explanation is that through jealous y the person is trying to overcome an unresolved childhood trauma of betrayal. A nother explanation focuses on couples' interactions that help maintain such a je alousy problem. A third explanation views the roots of the jealousy problem in b ehaviors that were learned earlier in life and that persist even when no longer appropriate. An additional explanation, which will not be discussed in this book , emphasizes the role of different organic, neurological, and physical disorders .8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to the distinction between a real and imagined threat, another disti nction can be made between a "normal" (which is to say, appropriate) and an "abn ormal" (meaning inappropriate, "pathological," "morbid;") response to a jealousy trigger.9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Instead of the negative and judgmental connotation implied in the ordinary usage of' the word "abnormal" (that is, crazy, pathological, sick), it is more useful to think of "normal" as a statistical term that describes what is typical or av erage. People experience as broad a range of jealous responses as the range of d ifferent physical and emotional characteristics they possess. The vast majority fall in the middle range and are thus defined as normal. A small minority fall i n the lowest part of the scale and are defined as abnormally low. A similar mino rity fall in the highest part of the scale and are defined as abnormally high.10 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If' we were to consider such a thing as height, for example, most people are of "normal" height, a small percentage are "abnormally" short, and a similar minori ty are "abnormally" tall. Abnormal in this case does not mean crazy or sick; it simply means the lowest and highest ends of the scale.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The same thing that can be said about height, weight, strength, or beauty can be said about jealousy. The majority of people are in the middle (that is, the "no rmal") range of the jealousy scale. The few that arc at the highest end of the s cale, who see a threat even when none exists, arc "abnormally" jealous; the few in the lowest part of the scale, who don't see it threat even when it's obviousl y there, are "abnormally nonjealous"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This point is more than a mere semantic distinction. All too often, people who e xperience jealousy are so shaken by the intensity of their emotions and the thin gs they find themselves doing or wishing they could do-such as spying on an ex-l over or day-dreaming about destroying a house with a sledgehammer-that they jump to the conclusion "I must be crazy!" This kind of a conclusion is not very usef ul and is also very likely incorrect. Most "normal" people experience intense je alousy when a valued relationship is threatened.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Actually, from the description of the way jealousy is expressed and treated in d ifferent cultures, one may conclude that "normal" is simply that which is consid ered an appropriate response in a particular culture." No matter how abnormal a certain response to jealousy may seem, chances are that it is (or was) considere d normal somewhere.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This is not to say that there aren't cases of abnormal jealousy, which is to say , pathological, delusional, morbid. There are, but they are few and the exceptio n. We hear so much about them precisely because they are truly outside the "norm al" range and are therefore particularly fascinating both to the lay person and to the professional. 22\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most abnormal cases of jealousy have one or both of the following features: (1) they are not related to a real threat to a valued relationship, but to some inne r trigger of the jealous individual, and (2) the jealous response is excessive,

dramatic, exaggerated, or violent. This may be a good place to introduce the dis tinction between chronic and acute jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Chronic and Acute Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Acute jealousy happens to people who never thought they were jealous when they d iscover that their partner has been unfaithful. While their reaction is a respon se to a real event, it is often excessive, dramatic, exaggerated, and experience d by them as abnormal. Indeed, it has been suggested by several writers (e.g. Gl ass & Wright, 1997; Lusterman, 1995) that the symptoms of \u9658?nany betrayed s pouses are strikingly similar to the posttraumatic stress reactions of the victi ms of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. The symptoms of posttraumatic stres s disorder (PTSD) cluster into three categories: intrusion, which involves recou nting and reexperiencing the trauma (e.g. traumatic images of the moment of the discovery, obsessive ruminating, flashbacks); constriction, which is evidenced b y avoidance and numbing behaviors (e.g. loss of interest in other people and the outside world); and I\u9658?yperarousal, which is characterized by physiologic arousal and extreme hypervigilance (e.g. insomnia, irritability, startle respons es) (American Psychiatric Association, 1994).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While the outside manifestations of acute and chronic jealousy may be similar, t he cause of the jealous response and its duration are very different. In the cas e of acute jealousy, the response is extreme, but it is temporary and to a speci fic event. In the case of chronic jealousy, the individual indicates a predispos ition to jealousy that is related to childhood experiences and low self-confiden ce. This person is likely to experience jealousy even in situations where most p eople will not perceive a threat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I would also like to note that some social scientists reject altogether the noti on of abnormal jealousy as it applies to the individual. They believe that what is normal or abnormal is defined by the culture and that the individual has litt le to do with it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For those who are concerned about whether someone is "abnormally jealous," chapt er two and The Ronrmrtic Jealousy Questionnaire (see Appendix B) may prove helpf ul. In the latter readers are presented with a series of questions aimed at help ing them diagnose their jealousy. Filling out the questionnaire may be interesti ng even for people who don't have a jealousy problem. It may make reading the re st of the book, and especially the following chapter, more personally relevant.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After discussing some of the extreme forms that jealousy takes as, in Shakespear e's words, "the green-eyed monster," we can move on to a discussion of jealousy as the shadow of love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Romantic Jealousy as the Shadow of Love\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Whatever it is that draws two people to each other will shape the jealousy they may experience. One way to demonstrate this is with the help of an exercise. The exercise is especially recommended for people who suffer from a jealousy proble m and for therapists working with such people.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Think back to the time you first met or got to know your mate, and try to recall as best you can the way you felt. What was it that most attracted you? What was it that made you think (right away, or at some point later) that this was the p erson with whom you wanted to share your life? What was the most important thing the relationship gave you? Was it a feeling of security? Of being respected and listened to? Of being desired or adored?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Now switch to the present, and consider the primary component of your jealousy, the most painful thoughts and feelings associated with your jealousy. Is it a fe ar of being abandoned? Is it humiliation and loss of face? Is it loss of self-es teem? Is it a rage at being lied to?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The third part of this exercise is the hardest, the most challenging, and the mo

st significant. Think: Could there be some connection between the things That th e relationship gave you initially and the primary components of your jealousy?\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Why is it so important to note the connection between what attracted people to e ach other-the most valuable thing the relationship gave them initially-and the p rimary components of their jealousy? Because it proves that jealousy is indeed t he shadow of love. It also serves as a reminder to people that they didn't just happen to be in their relationship. They chose to be in it. Something in themsel ves attracted them to their mate. And something in themselves makes them experie nce jealousy the way they do. That something is their romantic image.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Psychologists have invested a,great deal of effort in studying who falls in love with whom.' They discovered similarities among couples across a wide range of v ariables, including personality characteristics, intelligence, values, family ba ckground, education, income and social status, sex of siblings, attitude toward parents and happiness of parents' marriage, religious affiliation, tendency to b e a "lone wolf" or socially gregarious, preference to "stay at home" or be "on t he go," drinking and smoking habits, number of friends, physical attractiveness and various other physical attributes, mental health, and psychological maturity .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Even when two people are similar in several of the traits mentioned in the list, they probably still feel that these were not the "real" reasons they fell in lo ve with each other. Yet, after they made their romantic choice, these were the t hings that told them that their choice was right. The romantic choice itself-the spark the two people felt-was based on their internalized romantic image.14\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Romantic Image\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ People develop their romantic images very early in life, based on powerful child hood experiences. Parents influence the development of these romantic images in two primary ways: (1) by the way they express, or don't express, love toward the child, and (2) by the way they express, or don't express, love toward each othe r. One way to discover the romantic image is with the help of the following exer cise.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Think back to the earliest time in your life you can remember. (It maybe helpful to think about a house you lived in, a place you liked to play, or a particular event that sticks in your memory.) Who took care of you? Who taught you the mea ning of love? Was it your mother? your father? an older sibling? a grandparent? Who else was important to you as a child? Try to recall as much as you can about these people-not the way they are now, but the way you experienced them in your childhood. What were their most important traits, both good and bad? What was t he most notable characteristic of their relationship with each other? What was t he most important thing they gave you? What was the thing you most wanted but di dn't get? Were they unfaithful to each other? Were they jealous?\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ The positive and negative features of the people who raisecl us are the building blocks of our romantic images. But while our romantic image is influenced by ou r mother, our father, and other people who reared us, there is an important diff erence between their negative and positive traits. The negative traits tend to h ave more influence on our romantic image. The reason for this is not, as one psy chologist has suggested, that people tend to marry their worst nightmare, but th at people seek in the beloved what they did not get from their parents (Bergman, 1995). If a girl's father was unfaithful to her mother, his unfaithfulness will become an important component of the girl's romantic image. If a boy's mother h ad Irecluent fits of jealousy, this will become an important component of his ro mantic image.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As adults, people look for someone who his their romantic image in a significant way. When they meet such a person, they project their internalized image onto h

im or her. This is why, when they fall in love, they say such things as: "I feel as if I've known you all my life." This is also why they are so often surprised after the infatuation is over. It's as if they didn't see the person, only the projection of their own romantic image.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The person who fits an individual's romantic image is also the person who is bes t able to help them work through their childhood traumas. For example, although it would seem to make sense for the woman whose father was unfaithful to look fo r a man who is sure to be faithful, this is not what usually happens. In fact, a woman like this most often falls in love with playboys just like her father-not because she needs to repeat her childhood trauma, but because only a man who re sembles her father can give her what she didn't get from her father. The paradox is that she marries such a man because he resembles her father, yet what she wa nts most desperately is for him not to behave the way her father did. She wants him-a sexy, flirtatious man with women always flocking around him-to be a faithf ul husband and give her the security she didn't get as it child. Even if this do es not happen, by repeating her childhood trauma as an adult, with some measure of control over her life, she can-and often does-achieve some healing. \par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ The effects of a romantic image are not always that direct and straightforward. A boy who was a witness to his mother's unfaithfulness may choose to marry a wom an whose most redeeming quality is her faithfulness. Ilow will he then be able t o "work" on his childhood trauma? By suspecting his faithful wife of infidelity. The repeated proof of her innocence helps heal his wound. It shows that, unlike his father, he is the one and only for his wife.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Because the person one chooses to fall in love with has such an important influe nce on one's inner life, the discovery of such a person is a powerful event. Lov e can give one's whole life a sense of meaning. When someone gives meaning to yo ur life, the threat of losing that person can be devastating. Indeed, the result s of a study on love and jealousy show that people who invest such existential s ignificance in love relationships tend to be particularly sensitive to the threa t of their loss (Lester et al., 1985).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people have some unresolved conflicts they carry from their childhood. Some have more of them, some have fewer. For some, these conflicts are serious and p roblematic, for others they are less so. People may experience these conflicts a s fears, as vulnerabilities, as insecurities. When they fall in love and their l ove is reciprocated, these fears and vulnerabilities seem to vanish. They are lo ved despite their imperfections. It makes them feel safe. But when this love is threatened, the fears and insecurities that they thought had gone forever come h ack in full force. If this person whom they love-the person who they thought lov ed them despite their flaws-is going to leave them for another, then there is no hope. Now they may feel insecure even in those things they love in themselves. As glowing as love was, so dark is the shadow of its possible loss.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ Even people whose upbringing was loving, secure, and relatively problem-free, an d who are burdened by few unresolved conflicts, respond to the threat or the act ual loss of love in a similar way. Their response, however, is likely to be appr opriate and proportionate to the situation. Because they are not as desperately dependent on their love relationship as is someone who is trying to work through a childhood trauma, they are less likely to perceive a threat when none exists, and an actual threat seems less overwhelming to them. Yet they, too, respond wi th jealousy when a third person threatens a romantic relationship for which they care deeply.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If even well-adjusted people who had a happy childhood experience jealousy, then we can assume that everyone experiences jealousy at some point in life. This se ems a logical conclusion considering the origins of jealousy. All of us were inf ants once, and as a result we all carry certain vulnerabilities and fears. As lo ving as our parents may have been, we all were left hungry and cold at times and thus had an opportunity to feel fear of abandonment. Similarly, at one time or another we all have had to compete for the exclusive love of 'a parent or a care taker, and have lost. Since these experiences are universal, say psychologists l

ike Freud, then jealousy is universal.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy need not be the green-eyed monster that destroys people and relationshi ps. Recognizing it as the shadow of love gives couples an opportunity to examine two important questions:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ What is the essence of your love? What was it that attracted you to each other i nitially, and what is the most important thing the relationship has given each o ne of y'ou"?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ What is the shadow that VOUr love casts when it is threatened? What is the threa t or the loss that the jealous person is responding to? Even if the jealousy is not grounded in reality, what is it focused on: a loss of love? of face? of self -worth? (Pestrak el at., 1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy has been described as an eruption that can be transcended only through awareness. As people move-with awareness-into the core of their jealous)', they discover ungrounded expectations, projections, envy, loss of self-esteem, and in fantile fears and insecurities (Swami, 1983). Other times they may discover extr eme ego insecurity, serious hostility, low frustration tolerance, dire love need s, dependency, obsessive-compulsive attachments, misdiagnosing a partner's unlov ing or provocative behavior, and childhood traumas and conditioning (Ellis, 1996 ).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ These are not "nice" discoveries. In fact, they may be so unpleasant that some p eople will try hard to avoid them. Yet, avoiding, denying, or even suppressing a problem from consciousness doesn't make it go away. To solve a jealousy problem , a much more effective approach is an open and honest examination of the issues involved. Such an examination can do more than help relieve the jealous person' s perceived threat. It can also help enhance the relationship and deepen both ma tes' commitment to each other. The next chapter offers an opportunity for just t his kind of examination.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ When an individual, or a couple, comes to therapy with a jealousy problem, it is important first to examine both mates' predisposition to jealousy, including cu ltural background, family background, family constellation, and experiences with intimate relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In my experience, couples find the definition of jealousy (response to a perceiv ed threat to a valued relationship), the distinction among its three components (cognitive, emotional, behavioral) and between chronic and acute jealousy, and t he fact that it is normal and universal very comforting.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { This chapter contains several exercises that can be used very effectively in the context of individual therapy, couple therapy, and couple's workshop. One is fi nding the connection between what attracted the couple to each other originally and what is at the core of their jealousy problem (jealousy as the shadow of lov e). The other entails identifying the internalized romantic image a person or a couple has and the connection between that romantic image and the jealousy probl em.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 2\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b {\qr Are You a {\line } Jealous Person?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw117\pich36\jpegblip

ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000ffdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318 281a181616183123251d283a333d3c3933383740485c4e40 4457453738506d51575f626768673e4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080024007501011100ffc4 001a00010101010101010000000000000000000001050403 0207ffc4002910000202020103030207000000000000000102000304111205215113314114812252 616291a1b1ffda0008010100003f00fd0224962248962249 62224332727a9be3d590f918ceb5d6c4000125d7c823b7da757480c9d331d1ec363a205624ecec0e fb9db138f3326ea2da96ba4ba3ef9b804f0f1d877ef38fa7 64fd4f57cab36ea02ad5c4ef8b30d9246ff4659b124f3c876af1ec7ad0d8eaa4aa03ae47c4c5cecf 7ba9c6a6c5b29b6d756da865f4f8e98efc8d033754ed4107 60fc89f51132facdf75071ca565ea2c43fbeb7afc3bd7c6fde7863f4d362b54d735945953abed741 59bf278f73fd4d3c3a1f1ea2b659eab93b67e3adf603dbed 3a279649b171ad34a86b421280fc9d76981455766d46d57b29bbd3e01381058f624bec79f81f135a 9c0f4b35af5b355b10de9f1f660bc760f8d01da774930fa8 b5b7750bb12d052ab11425841200d1e447eedebfd9eebd3adb1791bc8b12ef52ab1d76c471d10c3b 796fe44d2a6b14d29583b08a147da7a444912c49112c4912 c44444444444444444ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr 0! What damned minules tensc he o'er who dotes, yet doubts; suspects, yet soundl y loves!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Olhella, 111, 165\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr "thou tyrant, tyrant jealousy. Thou tyrant of the mind.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -John Dryden, The Sony of Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw120\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000ffdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318 281a181616183123251d283a333d3c3933383740485c4e40 4457453738506d51575f626768673e4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a007801011100ffc4 001a00010003010101000000000000000000000001040503 0207ffc4002a10000202020102050402030000000000000102000304111205211314315181224161 7133a162d1f0ffda0008010100003f00fa04444444444444 44444a2fd5284cab71cef9d2a19f640d03fb3dfe24748becc9c67b9dd6c46b1bc2751ada6fb4bf12 b66e6578348b6ddf12c17b7b93a1fa952ccf6b7a962e3d2c 013c9adace89e1aec763f3a1f334e4c4ce3d5f188bc962894394b1c91a523efadeff00a9dba5bdf6 74ea1f275e33202c40d6cfea5b8894baae5f94c7adb60789 6ad7c8fa2f23adff00df7d4a0832aeb6b17a6f1ee73c51bf95178fdfd86c7a7af7f896ba3e25b895 1aed545e2a10703d980de9b5f63ad4d2913097332b3dcf95 21785ae1cb8fa155495d1f727d64d785758f464ad4819d0ad9b3a2a760861dbd3b1edf9fdcdc9333 fa9e7794b31eae2e7c6e5dd06cfd237a1f93fee507c3cccb 47c5cc087c4a6ce2c0eca127e90fdbbf63fd1f5f59a7d3abb2ba5bc545ad99b7c14ec0ec37af9d9f 99722273ba9aefacd76a2ba3762ac360c8a68aa85e355688 3fc5753ac44afe4f1fc636f835f36f56e23667793138e4635394812fa92c507603a8600fbf79eeaa 92a5e28aaa3d946a7b888888888888888888888888888888 89ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Are you a jealous person? When I asked this question of 728 people in three diff erent studies, slightly more than half (54/0) answered "Yes, I am a jealous pers on." Close to half (46\u176?/0) answered "No, I am not a jealous person."I\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{

Nearly all of the people who described themselves as not jealous have experience d jealousy at some point in their lives. Furthermore, their experiences were rat her similar to those of the people who described themselves as jealous. But as w e shall see, the difference in self-perception between people who define themsel ves as "a jealous person" and those who do not has far reaching implications for coping.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Experience of Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ In order to identify the components of the experience of jealousy, the following exercise is recommended:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Try to recall the event that produced your most extreme jealousy. Even if this i s difficult, recall the event with as much vividness and as many details as poss ible. What related incidents preceded it? What was your relationship like prior to it? Where and when did it take place? What was the jealousy trigger? Who was the interloper? When it happened, how did your mate look? How did you feel? What did you think? Ideally, you should recall enough details to be able to reproduc e the event on stage or on a movie screen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once you have the event firmly and clearly in your memory, try to recall how int ensely you experienced each of the physical, emotional, and cognitive (thoughts) components of jealousy presented on the next page.2 Did you experience the part icular component very intensely, moderately, or not at all?\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ The majority of the people who responded to the jealousy questionnaire (see Appe ndix B) experienced many of the components of jealousy to some extent and experi enced those at the top of each list more intensely than those at the bottom. Peo ple who had experienced all the items in the list very intensely, or else didn't experience any at all, belong to that small minority that is either "abnormally jealous" or else "abnormally not jealous." Abnormal, as noted in chapter one, d oesn't mean pathological, but outside the middle range where the majority of res ponses fall.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The guided memory exercise and the jealousy questionnaire can be used by lay peo ple as well as by therapists either in the context of individual therapy or of a jealousy workshop.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is important to note that the experience of jealousy reported by people who d escribed themselves both as "jealous" and as "not jealous" was similar; the only difference was in intensity. Those who described themselves as "a jealous perso n" reported experiencing feelings of pain, grief, inferiority, aggression, and r esentment "intensely," whereas those who described themselves as "not jealous" r eported experiencing them "moderately." In all other cases the differences betwe en the two groups were even smaller. This seems to suggest that despite its comp lexity, jealousy has some universal and identifiable features.3\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0036_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Situations That Trigger Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The intensity of people's experience of jealousy, not surprisingly, is related t o the circumstances in which it is aroused. The following situations were presen ted to subjects in my studies. All of them are real situations that happened to real people. Other researchers also found that situational threats predict jealo us responses through their effect on the appraisal of threat (e.g. Melamed, 1991 ; Radecki-Bush et al., 1993).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ How much jealousy would you experience when (no jealousy? n\u9658?od- erate jeal ousy? ex[ren\u9658?e jealousy?):\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? during a party, your mate is flirtatious and spends a great deal of time

dancing intimately and behaving provocatively with someone else?\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate spends a great deal of time during a party dancing with someon e else?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate spends a great deal of time during a party talking to someone else?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you are at a party and your mate disappears for a long period of time?\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you are at a party, and for a brief time you realize you don't know wher e voce- male is?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your phone rings and the caller either says, "Sorry, wrong number," or s imply hangs up?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you call your mate and the line is busy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most of the people who answered this question thought they would be most jealous in the first situation-when their mate is behaving provocatively. They thought they would not feel jealous in the last three situations-when the phone is busy, someone hangs up on you, or you don't know where your mate is during a party. I f even these last situations cause a jealous response, the person is probably "a bnormally" jealous. This can be a temporary condition caused by the recent disco very of'an affair or a more permanent condition. If the first situation doesn't cause jealousy, the person is probably "abnormally" nonjealous.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ The majority of people who answered the question felt jealous even in situations Icss extreme than having their mate dance inti mately with someone else; for ma ny, such behavior is a good enough reason to get out of the relationship, not ju st the party. Seeing one's mate spend a lot of time during a party dancing with someone else (even if it is "only because s/he is a great dancer") is enough to make most people jealous. The same goes for seeing one's mate spend a great deal of time during a party talking to someone else (even when it is "only because h e or she is working in the same company and it's good politics"). People who fin d themselves in such situations, and their mate "can't understand" why they are making such a big fuss over an "innocent" dance or conversation, can comfort the mselves (and enlighten their mate) with the knowledge that most people would hav e responded the same way. In other words, contrary to what their mate may think or say, they are not "abnormally" jealous. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Here arc some other common jealousy triggers. Would you (or do you) experience j ealousy when your mate:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? has a lover?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? has an intimate friend who is single and available?\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ \u9632? has an intimate friend?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? is associating with single available people?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? expresses appreciation/interest in a casual ac<luaintance?\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ \u9632? expresses appreciation of an attractive stranger passing by?\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? expresses admiration of a movie or television star?\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Shirley Glass and Torn Wright, who wrote extensively about the trauma of infidel ity, note that the severity of reactions varies greatly among betrayed spouses. Some appear to take it in stride and others respond catastrophically. The intens ity of the betrayed spouse's traumatic reaction seems to be related to the assum ptions that spouse had regarding a mutual cormnitmenI to monogamy in the relatio nship (Glass & Wright, 1997).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Appreciation of a good-looking movie star is not associated with shattered assum ptions about the marriage and does not represent a real threat. Consequently, it does not trigger jealousy in most people. People who are jealous even in such a situation are "abnormally" jealous. People who are not jealous even when their mate has a lover either no longer value the relationship or else are "abnormally " nonjealous.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Clearly, the situation most likely to produce jealousy is one's mate having a lo ver. But it turns out that there are variations even here.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Would you (or do you) experience jealousy when:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Your mate announces he or she has fallen in love with someone else and i s thinking about leaving you?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate has a serious, long-term love affair?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate has an affair, but assures you it is a result of his or her ne ed for variety and in no way affects your relationship?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate is open to, and frequently has, casual sexual experiences?\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you discover that your mate recently had a "one-night stand"?\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you discover that your mate had a love affair many years ago, when the t wo of you were already a couple?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you discover that your mate had a love affair many years ago, before the two of you were a couple?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you discover that your mate had a love affair many years ago, when the t wo of you were already a couple, with a person who is now deceased?\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ \u9632? you discover that your mate had a love affair many years ago, before the two of you were a couple, with a person who is now deceased?\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ Everyone who answered these questions described the most intense jealousy in res ponse to a mate announcing that he or she has fallen in love with another person and is leaving. This is the nightmare that triggers the most intense jealousy, even in situations that don't really pose this kind of threat. The reason is obv ious. This situation represents the ultimate threat to a love relationship-its p ainful, unwanted, and unexpected end. In one of my jealousy workshops, a woman t old what happened when she found herself, unexpectedly, in this exact situation: \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My husband came home one night looking very grim. When I asked him what the prob lem was, he said he had fallen in love with another woman, that he had been havi ng an affair with her for a while, and had finally decided to leave me and go li ve with her. I went wild. I jumped at him and started hitting his face with my b are hands. He is much bigger and stronger than I am, but there was no way he cou ld stop me. I didn't stop until his face was covered with blood.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Years after the incident, she was still not over it. She shook and sobbed as she was describing it, still unable to comprehend how she, a calm, sane, nonviolent person, could have done what she did. My clinical experience seems to suggest t hat the situation she was in is the most likely to produce violence. The person who is left for another is pushed against the wall without a recourse to prevent the impending catastrophe. The violence is a response to the helpless frustrati on, pain, rage, and despair.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For most people questioned, the idea of their mate leaving them for another was almost too much to contemplate. Other situations involving a current affair-even a casual one-night stand-also caused intense jealousy. On the other hand, an af fair that happened many years ago, especially if it happened before they were a couple, caused little or no jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The reason? This kind of an affair no longer poses a threat to the relationship. On the rare occasions when it does-as in the case of the wife who doesn't stop telling her new husband how wonderful her late husband was-it is likely to trigg er jealousy. This is true despite the fact that the "other person" no longer pre sents a "real" threat to the relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A past relationship can cause a "perceived" threat even without such an obvious provocation. A woman described her jealousy when seeing her husband's ex-wife fo r the first time:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ We were sitting in the football stadium waiting for the game to start when my hu sband said, "There's Meg," and pointed to a woman who sat across the aisle from

us. I fell the blood rush to my head and thought I was going to faint. The fact that they had a terrible divorce that happened before my time didn't matter. All I could think about was that they used to be high-school sweethearts, something we could never be, and that he was madly in love with her in those early days.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Even an affair that happened many years ago with a person who is now deceased ca n cause jealousy, despite the obvious fact that this person can't possibly prese nt a real threat. This happens when the dead person poses a threat to the qualit y of the relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A powerful example of just such a situation is described in James Joyce's short story "The Dead" (Joyce, 1969). After a lavish dinner party, Gabriel is feeling amorous toward Gretta, his wife. But she is distracted; a song played at the par ty reminded her of a young man she knew in her youth. Gabriel, who wants to get her out of her strange mood so they can make love, is feeling a twinge of jealou sy:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I Ic tried to keep up his tone of cold interrogation but his voice when he spoke was humble and indifferent.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ -1 suppose you were in love with this Michael Fury, Gretta, he said. \par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ -I was great with him at that time, she said.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Her voice was veiled and sad. Gabriel, feeling now how vain it would be to try t o lead her with what he had purposed caressed one of her hands and said also sad ly:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ -And what did he die of so young, Gretta? Consumption, was it?\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ -l think he died for me, she answered.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A vague terror seized Gabriel at this answer as if, at that hour when he had hop ed to triumph, some impalpable and vindictive being was coming against hinm, gat hering forces against him in its vague world. But he shook himself free of it wi th an effort of reason and continued to caress her hand.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Gabriel's reason tells him that he has nothing to worry about. Yet lie knows ful l well that the dead Fury (what a great choice of both men's names) has defeated him in the battle for Gretta's love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Just as a past relationship can still present a threat, embarrassing circumstanc es in which an affair is discovered can pose an additional threat not only to th e relationship itself, but also to the image that the couple presents to other p eople.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ How much jealousy would you experience in each one of the following situations: no jealousy at all? moderate jealousy? extreme jealousy? Once again, these are a ll situations that actually happened to people. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ You discover that your mate has a love affair and\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate is extremely indiscreet, a scandal erupts in the middle of a b ig party, you are cast in the role of the betrayed lover, and are expected to re spond?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate is extremely indiscreet, a scandal erupts, you are cast in the role of the betrayed lover, and hear about it when you are alone?\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ \u9632? everyone else but you has known about it for a long time, but no one has said anything?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? everyone knows about it?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? only you and few close, trusted friends know?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate is very discreet, the three of you are the only ones who know, and they know that you know?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your mate is very discreet, no one else knows, and your mate doesn't kno w that you know?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Based on the responses of those surveyed, the worst trigger of jealousy is not t he situation in which a scandal erupts in the middle of a big party. A woman who found herself in this situation describes the experience:\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{

I wanted to leave the party, and since I couldn't find my husband, I decided to leave alone. I went to get my coat, together with some other guests who were rea dy to leave. I opened the bedroom where the coats were put, with the other guest s right behind me. There, on top of the coats, was my husband fucking this slut he had been flirting with all night long.... I felt the blood running out of my face, and my knees started wobbling. But I knew everyone was looking at me and w aiting for me to respond. So I just said, "Good night, dear. I'm going home," an d left.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Behaving in this cool and collected manner gave her a measure of control in the situation. This, and other people's similar experiences, suggest that in public people are more likely to minimize their jealous responses. The courageous face that they put on helps them control their reactions, at least to some extent, an d manage their jealousy better than they would otherwise.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ When you discover that your mate had an affair for years and that everyone else but you knew about it, you don't have the comfort that such a public performance can provide. A man who had gone through this devastating experience describes i t:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ We were married thirty-seven years and I was sure we had a wonderful marriage. O ne day I came home early and discovered my wife in the bedroom with a man I cons idered one of my best friends. I was devastated. Then I discovered to my horror that this had been going on for years and all our friends and acquaintances knew about it, but no one had said anything. I felt betrayed and terribly humiliated . I could imagine them talking behind my back, laughing.... It was horrible.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This man believed that the situation would have been easier to bear if only the three people involved knew about it. The ease or difficulty in this case are not necessarily related to the level of threat posed by the outside relationship. O ne could argue that an affair that has gone on for years doesn't pose much of a threat, since everyone, including the unfaithful mate, has tried to protect the marriage by keeping the affair a secret. While the discovery of "the slut on the coats" may be more embarrassing at the time, a long-term secret affair presents a far more serious threat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Why is our response to such public situations so extreme? The reason is that the se situations threaten the public image of our relationship. We are socialized t o believe that people fall in love with their "match made in heaven" and live wi th that one and only, "happily ever after." Part of the pain associated with the discovery that our mate is having an affair comes from the realization that we can no longer apply this idealized image to ourselves. When other people know ab out the affair, the image of our relationship in the public eye is destroyed. Th eir knowledge takes away our option of pretending to the world that "everything' s fine."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc People Who Trigger Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Thus far we have focused on the different situations that can trigger jealousy. But the effects these situations can have depend on the people involved. It is p ossible, for example, that the woman who discovered her husband on the pile of c oats was able to keep her cool because she didn't consider the other woman a ser ious rival, but instead a worthless "slut." The man who discovered his wife with his best friend, on the other hand, not only had a serious rival, but the added pain of betrayal by the two people he most loved and trusted.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ David DeSteno and Peter Salovey (1996b) studied the effect the characteristics o f the rival have on jealousy. Subjects were presented with a series of rivals fo r their partner's attention. The descriptions of the rivals were designed to var y along dimensions thought to be important to subjects' self-definition. Results showed that greater jealousy was reported when the domain of a rival's achievem ents was also a domain of high relevance to the subject.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}

{ Who are the people who most elicit your jealousy? Try to imagine how much jealou sy you would experience if you found out that your mate has been having an affai r with:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you don't know personally and of whom you have a low opinion.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you don't know personally and know nothing about.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you don't know personally and of whom you think very highly.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you know personally and distrust.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you know personally and find very similar to yourself.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you know personally, trust, and consider a friend.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ \u9632? a family member.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? your best friend and confidant.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? someone you know personally and are envious of.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people who answered this question said that a person they had a low opinion of and didn't know personally triggered the least amount of jealousy. The "slut on the coats" is one example. A "hostess" in a hotel bar with whom a woman's hu sband had a one-night stand is another example. Having a low opinion about these kinds of people as well as not knowing them personally are two elements that he lp reduce the threat that involvement with them implies. It's important to note, however, that even this kind of "low-life," unknown person elicits some jealous y.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The most jealousy-provoking "third person" was someone the respondents knew pers onally and whom they envied: someone they found brighter or more attractive than themselves, or else more successful in exactly the ways they would have liked t o be. As DeSteno and Salovey (1996b) demonstrated, the greatest jealousy is trig gered when the area in which the rival excels (the domain of a rival's achieveme nts) is a domain of high relevance to the betrayed person. A partner's affair wi th this type of a rival produces the greatest perceived threat. The reason is ob vious; if you think the person is better than you, why shouldn't your partner?\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc How Jealous Are You?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ After people have had a chance to consider their responses to these different si tuations and rivals, it is possible to ask them directly: How jealous do you thi nk you are? Not at all? Moderately? Extremely? As expected, the majority of resp ondents described themselves as moderately jealous. Very few described themselve s as either extremely jealous or not jealous at all.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Going back to the memory of the most intense experience of jealousy, Ilow long s lid the experience last? Minutes? Days? Months? Years? Most people report that e xtreme jealousy lasts for days. In a few cases, when the experience is especiall y traumatic or the person is especially prone to jealousy, it can last for month s and even years.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jane, an attractive and elegant woman, was happily married for 35 years until sh e discovered that her husband had had an affair with a younger woman he knew thr ough his job. Seven months after she discovered the affair-long after her husban d had end(,(] it-Jane was still unable to get over her intense jealousy. She cou ldn't stop thinking about the other woman and eventually started spying on her. The first time she was able to "check her out" was at an opera matinee. Seeing h er rival in an outrageous backless dress sent Jane into a decline for weeks.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Finding out that your husband of thirty-five years, a man you considered your be st and most trusted friend, has betrayed you is no doubt a justifiable cause for extreme jealousy.4 "Abnormally jealous" people, however, experience extreme jea

lousy in response to far milder triggers, and far more often. 'Abnormal jealousy " may stem from choosing a mate who is likely to make you jealous-because of the mate's personality, the person's lack of confidence, or the dynamic of the rela tionship. It can be caused by imagining threats even where there are none: "Ever )' attractive woman I see walking down the street is a threat. Thinking about th e women he is meeting in his work can make me insane with jealousy."\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ How often do you experience extreme jealousy? Never? Rarely? Occasionally? Often ? All the time? For most people, intense jealousy is a very rare experience. Peo ple who are "abnormally nonjealous" never experience intense jealousy. Some mana ge to protect themselves by avoiding involvement with anyone they are intensely attracted to. Others do it simply by "not seeing," or consciously ignoring, the threat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy can be an extremely painful experience, but making it stop is not easy. Question: Can you make yourself stop being (feeling, thinking, acting) jealous? Definitely? TO a certain degree? Definitely not? Most people are able to stop t hemselves from being jealous, but only to a certain degree. When one is in the m idst of a jealousy crisis it is especially hard.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jane said she couldn't stop herself from being jealous. No matter how hard she t ried, she couldn't stop thinking about the other woman-the way she looked at the theater in her backless dress, the way her voice sounded on her answering machi ne ("so unnaturally cheerful"), the way she must have behaved with Jane's husban d (free, daring). Jane couldn't stop going over every detail of the affair again and again in her mind.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Through therapy Jane came to recognize the role she had played in enabling the a ffair-by being away with her daughter and unavailable to her husband when he des perately needed support and assurance of his manhood. She also realized that her husband's affair was only part of the reason for her obsession with the other w oman. Her thoughts and feelings were related to her own sense of disappointment with the choices she made in her life. The other woman had a successful career a nd had achieved many of the things Jane herself would have wanted. As a free and independent woman, her rival could afford to come to the theater dressed in an outrageously sexy outfit. She could also do other things (such as have affairs) that Jane herself, as a married woman and a homemaker with many responsibilities , could never afford to do. Jane's own life was devoted to her husband and child ren. She never had time for her own interests, but her devotion seemed to go una ppreciated. Once Jane was able to understand the underlying causes of her obsess ion, she could direct the energy that fueled her jealousy into discovering ways to find meaning in her own life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Jealous Person and the Jealousy-Producing Relationship\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Until her husband's affair, Jane had never considered herself a jealous person. The affair made her change her self-perception. She "discovered" she was jealous . Question: Has your partner ever been unfaithful to you? People who answer yes are more likely to describe themselves as jealous. Actually, the more unfaithful people's mates are-in other words, the more they experience jealousy-provoking situations-the more likely they arc to describe themselves as jealous. Unfaithfu lness damages one's sense of security in a relationship. It makes one realize th at even a good marriage can be threatened. And security, it turns out, buffers a gainst jealousy. The more insecure you feel in a relationship, the more likely y ou are to be jealous. Of course, the level of security people feel in their rela tionships is not only a function of their adult attachment history but also (and probably even more so) of their childhood attachment history and style (Sharpst een & Kirkpatrick, 1997).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A person's sense of ,security in a relationship is also related to general selfesteem. Yet, as Tuvia Warned (1991) has pointed out, the level of security a rel ationship provides moderates the correlation between self-esteem and jealousy: T he correlation is less evident in stable and well-established relationships and

more evident in people who had experienced jealousy in previous relationships.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Question: How long do you expect the relationship to last? The longer one expect s the relationship to last, the less likely one is to be jealous. It is revealin g that the length of the relationship in and of itself was not at all related to jealousy-both young and old couples (in terms of the time they had been togethe r) described themselves as jealous, and both young and old couples described the mselves as nonjealous. The length that the relationship was expected to last, wh ich is a measure of security and commitment, did correlate with jealousy-the mor e commitment, the less jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Commitment to a relationship doesn't develop in a vacuum. It's a reflection of t he way a couple feels about each other and about the relationship. The more sati sfied people are with their mate and the relationship, the data show, the less j ealous they tend to be.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Does the jealousy cause the dissatisfaction, or does the dissatisfaction cause t he jealousy? It can be argued that jealousy, with its ensuing drama, conflict, a nd unhappiness, is the cause of the insecurity and the dissatisfaction. On the o ther hand, it can also he argued that unstable, insecure, and unsatisfactory rel ationships make people more sensitive to threats and consequently more likely to experience jealousy. One interpretation focuses on the jealous person, the othe r on the jealous relationship. Which is correct? In the next two chapters both p erspectives are elaborated, with the assumption that both are correct.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ As noted before, people don't just fall into a certain kind of a relationship. T hey play an active role in shaping their relationships as well as problems. Some create relationships in which jealousy is not likely to be triggered. Others ch oose mates and help build relationships in which jealousy is likely to be trigge red often. One a jealous relationship is established, both mates have to collude to keep the jealousy problem alive.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Do you believe in monogamy? Most people, it turns out, believe that monogamy is the best type of relationship. This is true even for those who don't practice it (Pittman, 1989). While people who insist on sexual exclusivity in their intimat e relationships tend to be more jealous than people for whom exclusivity is not that important, monogamous people tend to seek like-minded mates and consequentl y have relationships in which their jealousy is not likely to be triggered.'\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If the connection between belief in monogamy and jealousy doesn't seem obvious, let me point to a more obvious connection, between what we do to others and what we fear they might do to us. I lave you ever been unfaithful to your mate sexua lly (Never? Once? Very few times? Many times? All the tine?)? The more unfaithfu l people themselves have been, the more jealous they are likely to be. The more lies one has told, the more attuned one's ear becomes to lies, at times hearing them even when they have not been spoken. The more schemes one has pulled off to get together with one's lover, the more suspicious one become of situations tha t might be such schemes.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "Projected jealousy" derives either from one's own actual unfaithfulness or from repressed impulses toward it (Freud, 1922/1955). I lave you ever fantasized abo ut sexual involvement with someone other than your mate? Most people have at tim es had such sexual fantasies. What is revealing is that those who fantasize Most often about being with someone else are also those who describe themselves as m ost jealous.(' Since they themselves are attracted to other people and possibly have thoughts about wild love affairs, they naturally assume that their mate has such thoughts too. Just as they think at times about eloping with a passionate lover, they are sure that their mate has such thoughts loo. Projecting their own impulses onto their mate makes them jealous.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy can be projected onto other people besides one's mate. Indeed, individu als who describe themselves as jealous tend to think that more people in the gen eral population are jealous than (10 people who describe themselves as not jealo us.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Furthermore, people who describe themselves as jealous prefer their mates to be

jealous and in general tend to see jealousy as a more positive personality chara cteristic. They are likely, for example, to see jealousy as a normal reaction th at accompanies love, or as an instinctive reaction to a threat. They are less li kely to see it as a defect.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is possible that people who see themselves as less likely to control their je alous response need to believe that jealousy is not such a negative trait. The n eed to justify their own jealousy is so great that it keeps them from seeing the negative effect jealousy can have on intimate relationships. In fact, the more people described themselves as jealous, the more likely they were to have intima te relationships end because of their jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs 23 {\b {\qc Is There a "Jealous Personality"?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who have several intimate relationships end because of their jealousy usu ally describe themselves as having been jealous from a very young age. This has made some personality psychologists argue that such a thing as a "jealous person ality" actually exists. Differences between people in the propensity to respond with jealousy, they claim, are not only valid and reliable over time-they even r un in families.?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My own experience leads me to believe that labeling certain individuals as havin g "jealous personalities" doesn't do them much good, and can even be damaging. I t is more helpful to look at people as having different predispositions to jealo usy. As we saw in chapter one, jealousy originates very early in life. It is tri ggered again whenever there is a threat of losing a valued love relationship. Pe ople whom personality psychologists label "jealous personalities" tend to have h ad more traumatic experiences related to unfaithfulness, jealousy, or loss of' l ove in their childhood, and consequently have greater predisposition to respond with jealousy later in life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I low jealous were you during the earlier stages of your life?\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ \u9632? during childhood?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? during adolescence?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? during young adulthood?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? (luring adulthood?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Of the people surveyed, the majority reported being most jealous during adolesce nce. It is possible that during this stormy period all experiences, including je alousy, are more intense. It is also possible that adolescents are most likely t o fear losing their beloved because a lack of mutual commitment characterizes re lationships at that stage of life. Both these reasons help explain the findings Of ',1 study of adolescents' love relationships. The study, which involved boys and girls aged 14-17, suggests that jealousy was the main cause of both physical and emotional violence among these aelolesccnl couples (Gagne & Levoie, 1997).\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people report decreasing levels of jealousy after adolescence (less during young adulthood than (luring adolescence and less during advanced adulthood than during young adulthood). There are several ways to interpret these findings. It is possible that over time, people develop better coping strategies for dealing with their jealousy. It is possible that, with experience, people avoid relatio nships in which their jealousy is likely to be triggered often. It is possible t hat with age most people become more sure of themselves and thus are less likely to be threatened by certain jealousy triggers." It is possible that over time m ost couples develop a sense of security in their relationship and thus are less likely to view jealousy-triggering incidents as serious threats. And it is possi ble that the growing openness of society in general and the institution of marri age in particular has caused a general decline in jealousy \par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ The fact that people who were more jealous than others in childhood also tend to be more jealous later in life supports the notion that people have stable predi

spositions for jealousy. Such a predisposition is influenced, among other things , by one's family constellation. Developmental psychologists see the roots of ad ult jealousy in sibling rivalry. The psychological pattern of reacting to jealou sy triggers in later life, they argue, is determined by the child's first experi ence of jealousy when his desire for exclusivity with his mother is threatened b y a sibling.10\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In my research, the more older brothers people had, the more jealous they were l ikely to be. The more younger brothers they had, the less jealous they were like ly to be. The number of sisters was not related to jealousy. This suggests that it's not the presence of a sibling in and of itself that triggers jealousy. The trigger has to be a sibling who is in a position of advantage (an older brother has an age and a sex advantage in our patriarchal society). Adult jealousy is in fluenced by childhood envy of the older sibling's advantage and by the childhood jealousy triangle with one's sibling and mother.11\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who have a predisposition to jealousy can expect those around them to not ice it at some point. And they do. The more jealous people are (or consider them selves to be), the more likely it is that people who know them well will conside r them jealous. It's not easy to hide the torment of jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ If jealousy is hard to hide from people who know you, it is doubly hard to hide from intimate partners. They are the ones most likely both to trigger and to wit ness our jealousy. People are less likely to exhibit jealous behavior in public or in casual relationships and more likely to exhibit it in intimate relationshi ps. One obvious reason is that jealousy is more likely to be triggered in an int imate relationship than in a less valued casual relationship. Another reason is that jealous behavior is generally considered socially unacceptable in our cultu re.)2\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Do people with whom you've had an intimate relationship consider you jealous? Th e more jealous people feel, the more likely it is that their romantic partners w ill consider them jealous (far more so than other people who know them well). Th e reason seems simple enough: When a person is jealous, their mate can't help bu t notice it and "tell it like it is." Right? Not necessarily. It is also possibl e that the more a mate considers one jealous, the more likely one will be to con sider him or herself jealous. The mate may call one jealous for different reason s, only one of which is that one truly is jealous. Another reason, as we saw, is that the mate either has fantasies about sexual involvements with other people or has real affairs and makes one think one is excessively jealous to excuse his or her own behavior.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When I asked people what they thought caused jealousy, one of the two most commo n responses was "personal insecurity." Some people, and as we saw earlier some r esearchers, believe that jealousy is part of a person's personality, that those who are insecure in general are also insecure about their intimate relationships , and that insecurity manifests itself in jealousy" Sounds straightforward enoug h, doesn't it? Yet the second top-rated explanation was, "Jeal- oust' is the res ult of being afraid of losing face." Third in the ranking was, "Jealousy is the result of weakness in the relationship" Fourth was, "Jealousy results from feeli ng excluded and left out."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Being afraid of losing face, feeling excluded, and having problems in the relati onship are not stable parts of a person's personality. Rather, they are related to the dynamics of 'a particular relationship or a particular situation.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ This brings us back to the notion that jealousy always results from an interacti on between a certain predisposition and a certain triggering event. The predispo sition for jealousy is related to other personality characteristics such as inse curity and self-esteem. Whether or not the predisposition will actually reveal i tself depends on the relationship-the nature of problems the couple experiences, involvement with other people, as well as the trust and sense of security that both partners have in the relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Whether or not the predisposition to jealousy will reveal itself also depends on people's current mental state, which may have nothing to do with jealousy. The

better one's mental state, the less likely one is to suffer from jealousy. Of co urse, being in the midst Oki jealousy crisis doesn't have the best effect on one 's mental slale.14\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Poor physical condition, to a lesser degree than poor mental condition, is also associated with a greater tendency to experience jealousy. The better one's phys ical condition in general, the less likely one is to suffer from jealousy.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Unlike the findings concerning the antecedents of"jealousy in people's early chi ldhood experiences-about which they can (10 little-the findings about the correl ation between mental and physical condition on the one hand, and jealousy on the other hand, can be translated to specific recommendations.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ People who are frequently tormented by jealousy can prepare themselves to deal w ith the problem by improving their general mental and physical health. (Mental h ealth can be improved by therapy, by relaxation exercises, or by doing things th at make one feel good.) When people feel better psychologically, they are likely to suffer less from jealousy, even if other factors contributing to the situati on haven't changed. Similarly, getting into better physical shape improves one's ability to cope with all of life's stresses, including jealousy. People who enj oy dancing, for example, can put on music with a good beat and dance for fifteen minutes each day, especially when depressed, and it will have a positive effect both on their mood and their physical condition-which is likely to help them ha ndle their jealousy more effectively.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Word about Mild Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Thus far the focus has been extreme jealousy, the kind that causes tremendous pa in and rage. Jealousy is not always that extreme; it comes in milder forms, too. Most people experience mild jealousy far more often than extreme jealousy ("eve ry time I see him flirting with an attractive woman"; "every time she expresses admiration of another man"). The experience lasts a far shorter time (seconds as compared to days or months) and is much less painful and traumatic. In fact, so me people even say that this type of jealousy adds spice to their relationships. A woman who describes herself as very happily married explains:\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ When I see him flirting with in attractive woman, his eyes shining and his whole face radiating, it reminds me of what a handsome man he is. I feel a twinge of jealousy, but it's not an unpleasant feeling. I can even say that I rather like it. It brings excitement into our relationship, a tease. It assumes I don't take him for granted. What makes me so cool about it is the fact that I feel secure in his love, and know that when we go home we are going to talk about that other woman, and laugh about it all.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy is like a hot pepper. Use it mildly, and you add spice to the relations hip. Use too much of it and it can burn. Indeed, in one of my studies of marriag e burnout I discovered that the more people experienced intense jealousy in thei r relationship, the more likely they were to burn out_1' The reverse seems true of mild jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The "Jealous Person" and the "Nonjealous Person"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who describe themselves as "jealous" also describe themselves as sufferin g from jealousy more intensely and more frequently than people who describe them selves as "not jealous." For the former group, jealousy is more easily triggered and it lasts longer. They con sider their jealousy more of'a problem and report experiencing more jealousy during all stages of' their life. Other people help validate their perception of themselves as jealous. People who know them well, a nd people with whom they have had intimate relationships, consider them jealous. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Yet, as we have seen throughout this chapter, people who describe themselves as not jealous also experience jealousy when an important relationship is threatene d. Furthermore, they experience it with the same physical, emotional, and cognit ive symptoms as people who define themselves WS jealous. They experience it in r esponse to similar triggers and in a similar rank order: An affair with someone they know and envy triggers the most jealousy, and an affair with someone they d on't know and of whom they have a low opinion triggers the least jealousy.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ While the triggers and the actual experience of jealousy are similar in both gro ups, there are a number of differences between the relationships of self-describ ed jealous and nonjealous people. Nonjealous people feel more secure in their re lationships, expect them to last longer, and are more certain that their partner s have never been unfaithful. By contrast, it appears that even when self-descri bed jealous people have good reasons to feel insecure in their relationships and experience jealousy, many view their jealousy as a personality trait. They don' t say, "1 feel jealous because my husband of thirty-five years has had an affair ." They say instead, "I feel this intense jealousy because I am a jealous person ." One response implies that the problem is a result of the situation and thus c an be changed. The other implies that the problem is built into the individual's personality and thus is hard to change.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Given the great agreement among people about what triggers jealousy and how it i s experienced, it's amazing that some choose to explain it as a personality trai t about which there is little they can do, while others explain it in the contex t of a particular situation about which they can do quite a lot.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ It is possible, of course, that some people view their jealousy as a personality trail because it explains behaviors that would otherwise be unacceptable. Sexua l jealousy is widely accepted as grounds for moral indignation in our culture. " Feeling jealous" serves as an explanation or excuse for a wide range of hostile, bitter, and even violent actions. Without the legitimizing context of jealousy, these actions would be taken as symptoms of severe pathology and derangement (W agner, 1976).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Not surprisingly, people who describe themselves as jealous also tend to attribu te more positive effects to jealousy and see it more positively overall than do people who view themselves as not jealous. For example, jealous people tend to b elieve that jealousy teaches us not to take each other for granted, makes relati onships last longer, induces commitment, brings excitement to listless relations hips, makes one's mate look more desirable, and makes one examine one's relation ship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ But although being "a jealous person" can be effective in excusing certain unacc eptable behaviors ("That's why I don't want you to dance with anyone else"; "Tha t's why I had a temper tantrum"), in the long run it causes more problems than i t solves. The reason: It greatly reduces people's freedom to act and their abili ty to cope directly with jealousy triggers.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Having said that, let me return to the question presented at the beginning of th is chapter: Are you a jealous person? Whatever people's answer to this question is, they are usually very interested in learning about the unconscious roots of their jealousy-the subject of the next chapter.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs 23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ The Romantic Jealousy Questionnaire can be used as a diagnostic tool prior to in dividual therapy, couple therapy, or a jealousy workshop. It can also be used du ring therapy (starting with the most extreme experience of jealousy). At times, this is what brought the person or couple in to begin with. In these cases, the jealousy is likely related to the discovery of an affair.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ The discovery of an affair is a very traumatic experience for a couple. The betr

ayed spouse is likely to be experiencing posttraumatic stress disorder symptoms. Often, just naming the symptoms seems to help. It suggests that the jealous per son is not crazy, just suffering from a known trauma. The treatment of this trau ma can be done using cognitive, behavioral, systemic, or psychodynamic technique s suggested throughout the book.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 3\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b {\qc The Unconscious Roots {\line } of Romantic Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw129\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a008101011100ffc4001a00010003010101000000000000 0000000000010405020307ffc4002c100002020201030205 03050000000000000102000304111205214131811322235161154271325292c1d1ffda0008010100 003f00fa04444444444444444444489ca589672e0eadc4f1 3a3bd1fb4ee2270f62232abbaa973a504faff13b8891212c4b17956caea7ca9d89d4444482428249 000f52665dd9770cab4d77235000555520387f5f420ef7db 5a91d09d9aab5edafe1dd7b9b580208fededfe237f9335a253ea17ba50c98f6d49904809f13d364f fbf1336fc8b2ecfc54b2b2d5544dccfc8120af6edf7feadf b4dd93396608a4b1000f2665599794b664588f5db583aa456c3d40ee1811bdefede27af4223f4f5f 93833fd565f1f39e5dbf1df5ed34a222252ead4e45f84571 746c0eadc58e8380c095f70256c7e9fcadaf21d2c5c80fcded72391edae200246bfe4bb8d854e2bb b54a5799275b240d9d9d0f1de59913146164d997757975b5 98e6e36af0234de9c437707b6bd3ccb69d2e934555d9c89a998ae9c8e20fedfe35da5f9333fabd59 5657436200e6bb43ba1fdcba23ce876241f69e587d3f85b5 dff516c1b36b391bb091e40246bcfb4bb8987561a14a410be0124e87803f12c444444893112224c4 8893111111111111111111113fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr No one who ... conjures up the most evil of those half-tamed demons that inhibit the human breast, and seeks to wrestle with them, can expect to come through th e struggle unscathed.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Sigmund I rcud, "Dora"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw116\pich46\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002e007401011100ffc4001b00010002030101000000000000 000000000001040203050607ffc400271000020202020104 0202030000000000000102000304111221310513415114222371246191ffda0008010100003f00fa 044444444444444444444444444444444d77dd5e3d4d6dce 1117c932ae4e73576632d4a1bdcb423860410083d8ff0092f4489a3f329e6e82c04d674fa04853f4 4fc4c7d3b22ccac45b6d408fc9810be0e891b1fdea5a89aa

ebeaa141b5c2f221577f24f802577cd6fcfc7a1143258afc8f61948d7c7d772ec4489c7cdce5c9e7 8f5d4991fcbed1a48d97d68b1f3a0003e4fccabecbd96d19 8955c0afb95e94963536faf9ec6c689f13d0aec81be8cca54cecc5c41506201b5b8827a03a2493fe 80067247f98eea286a7f2796ae4da8b801d740fd7c997fd1 15d30951abb2b08aabc1c76a40d103ec4e9489c4c8ce4cff00696bc7192a58b701d3281b01f7b1ae c75f3e66bc6adc67d5955a5cdf9152717fd885fdb654efc7 477dfd4f411122555f4ec74c9b2f4e68f69dbf172031f1bd7df4258445450aa3404ce257cbc3a731 156e07f56e4a549054fd822655e3a268ed9980d7263b3368 1a932254a3d371f1f98ab9aa392c5031d6cf675f5fd4b41428000d01f13288888888888888889fff d9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Is Normal and Universal\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to Freud (1922/1955), jealousy is Universal not because it is innate, but because it is inevitable. No one can escape it because it originates in pain ful childhood experiences we all share. These universal childhood traumas are re experienced whenever our jealousy is evoked in adulthood.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ Because everyone experiences it, jealousy is, by definition, normal. Indeed, Fre ud describes jealousy as "one of those affective states, like grief, that may be described as normal. If anyone appears to be without it, the inference can be j ustified that it has undergone severe repression and consequently plays all the greater part in his unconscious mental life."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In Freud's view, if a person does not experience jealousy when an important rela tionship is threatened, something is not altogether right about him. It is akin to not feeling grief when someone you care deeply about dies. Such a response mo st probably means that the person is working hard to suppress the feelings of je alousy and hide them from self and others.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In 1979, fifty-six years after the publication of Freud's work on jealousy, a ps ychiatrist named Emil Pinta published an article entitled "Pathological Toleranc e; describing a clinical syndrome in which a person who should be jealous is not . Pinta cites several cases in which a husband or a wife accepted a sexual relat ionship between his or her mate and a third person (Pinta, 1979).\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ In one case, John (25 years old) and Sharon (55 years old) were married. Michael (age 17), a high-school dropout who was originally hired to help with chores on the farm, lived with them and had become Sharon's lover. Sharon insisted that s he loved both men and was unwilling to make a choice between them. John resented having another \u9658?nan in his home making love to his wife, yet was reluctan t to leave or to pressure Sharon to decide between himself and Michael.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ In another case, Lana (26 years old) was married to Jack (32 years old). During the year prior to her starting therapy, another woman, Marilyn (32 years old) li ved with them in their home and shared Jack sexually. Marilyn and Jack worked du ring the day, leaving Lana at home to babysit Marilyn's two children from a prev ious marriage. Lana described herself as feeling "unappreciated and misunderstoo d" by Jack, Marilyn, and the children. tier primary reason for entering therapy was to "have the children obey me" She was aware that her relationship with Jack and Marilyn was emotionally destructive, but refused to consider leaving or ins isting that Marilyn leave. Pinta suggests that the dynamics of pathological tole rance are identical to those of pathological jealousy. We will return to the dyn amics of pathological tolerance (and to the two triangles) after we examine the dynamics of pathological jealousy. For now, suffice it to say that most people w ould probably agree with Pinta that in both John's and Lana's case, something is not quite "normal" about their lack of jealousy and their entire relationship.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

A clinical syndrome similar to pathological tolerance is "psychological scotoma" (blindness), the inability to notice or to correctly interpret situations that are obvious jealousy triggers to virtually everyone else. An example of psycholo gical scotoma that was first mentioned in chapter one is the husband whose wife flirts with every man around and sleeps with anyone willing and able; the husban d is the only one who doesn't know and doesn't suspect. A woman who became sexua lly involved with a man whose wife seemed to be suffering from psychological sco toma describes the strange experience:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ We Were dancing so provocatively, practically making out, that I don't think the re was anyone at the party who didn't notice that something was going on. Anyone besides his wife, that is. She was (halting with her friends, smiling at us fro m time to time. I know she doesn't like to dance and her husband .says she doesn 't like sex either; so she simply doesn't see when he is making out with other w omen. Since he insists that he has to have sex every single clay, and for her on ce every three months is more than enough, [here's a lot for her not to see. Who knows, maybe she is relieved that someone else is doing her "dirty work."\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Psychodynamic Approach to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Psychodynamic approach emphasizes the unconscious forces operating in jealou sy. It assumes that deep in their psyches all people carry drives, desires, fear s, and traumatic memories of which they are not consciously aware. Every conscio us feeling and thought is accompanied by its unconscious counterpart, which is o ften its opposite: One may be consciously disgusted by things to which one is un consciously attracted; one may consciously love people one unconscioush' hates.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The emphasis on innate drives and unconscious motives explains behaviors that ar e otherwise difficult to understand, such as why some people stay with a male wh o is continuously unfaithful to them and why some people drive away a mate they love dearly with groundless jealousy. The psychodynamic approach assumes that pe ople play an active (even if unconscious) role in creating their life circumstan ces as well as their intimate relationships. It wasn't people's bad luck that la nclccl them in a relationship with a "pathologically unfaithful" or a "pathologi cally jealous" mate. They chose their mate very carefully to fill that role.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People's earliest childhood memories, traumas, and deprivations, most of them un conscious, have a powerful influence on the way people experience and respond to the world. Childhood experiences also have a great influence on their choice of a mate. That choice is never arbitrary. Most often people choose a person who i s best suited to fulfill emotional needs that were not fulfilled in their childh ood.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When one finds such a person, one projects onto him or her the internal image th at was shaped during one's childhood. A man who saw his mother cheating on his f ather may, for example, project his internalized image of an unfaithful wife, wh ich was shaped by the childhood trauma, onto his chaste and faithful wife. Coupl es have complementary needs. Fach mate chooses someone who represents a represse d part of himself or herself. A man who had to repress the emotional part of him self, for example, marries an emotional woman who had to repress the logical par t of herself Their internal conflict becomes externalized as a marital conflict ("Why isn't he more emotional?" "Why isn't she more logical?"). Conflicts betwee n mates, around issues of jealousy as well as all other issues, are a reenactmen t of inner conflicts. If, for example, infidelity is a recurring issue in a cert ain couple's conflicts, chances are that both partners have some internal confli ct about it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Childhood experiences of jealousy (10 not "cause" the adult jealousy. They are r eevoked in similar situations and determine how easily and how intensely people will respond to jealousy triggers. The goal of therapy is to bring the unconscio us into consciousness. A therapist can help the person suffering from a jealousy

problem gain insight into the "true" causes of their jealousy by making the con nection between past experiences and present problems. Once people come to under stand the roots of their jealousy-that is, which past events are replayed in the ir current jealousy-and what they are gaining by holding on to it, they are cons idered cured.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Roots of Jealousy According to Freud\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Freud believed that it is "easy to see" that jealousy is composed of:\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? grief, the pain caused by the thought of losing someone we love\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? the painful realization that we can't have everything we want, even if w e want it very badly and feel we deserve to have it\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? feelings of enmity against the successful rival\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? greater or lesser amount of self-criticism that hold us accountable for our loss\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "Although we may call it normal," Freud added, "this jealousy is by no means com pletely rational, that is, derived from the actual situation, proportionate to t he real circumstances and Under the complete control of the conscious ('go." In other words, even in normal jealousy-the kind we all experience-there are always some irrational components. The reason is that jealousy "is rooted deep in the unconscious, and is a continuation of the earliest stirrings of the child's affe ctive life" (Freud, 1922/1955, p. 225).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As noted in chapter one, (luring the discussion of jealousy and envy, Freud beli eved that jealousy is rooted primarily in childhood events associated with the O edipal conflict. This takes place during the phallic stage, when the sex organ i s becoming the child's center of interest and enjoyment.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Since boys' and girls' sex organs are different, the issues they have to work th rough are different. Freud acknowledged the importance of this fact for boys' an d girls' psychosexual development in his famous dictum: "Anatomy is destiny."\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Children spend most of their time with family members. Consequently, family memb ers are their most accessible objects of love and identification. It is only nat ural for them to direct their first sexual feelings toward someone in the family . For a boy, most often, that someone is Mother; for a girl, it is Father. The s exual feelings are accompanied by enmity against the person whom the child perce ives as a rival. This rivalry is the root of the Oedipal complex in boys and the Electra complex in girls.[\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Oedipus and Electra are tragic heroes of Greek mythology. Oedipus, unbeknown to himself killed his father and married his mother. Electra loved her father and h aled her mother, who betrayed him and caused his death. To avenge her father's d eath, Electra persuaded her brother to kill their mother. According to Freud, ev ery child experiences some of Oedipus and Electra's pain. The boy is "in love" w ith his mother; the girl is "in love" with her father. But both have a formidabl e rival-for the boy, his father; for the girl, her mother. The boy is afraid of his father's anger at discovering that his son covets his wife. lie escapes this anxiety by identifying with his father and becoming a man like him. The girl en vies her mother's advantage, and overcomes it by identifying with the mother. Th e grief, the pain of loss, the powerlessness, the realization that they can't ha ve every thing they want, the enmity against a successful rival that children ex perience when they "lose" in this original triangle are all engraved on their ps yches and reemerge in adulthood when they find themselves in a similar love tria ngle.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Projected and Delusional Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Freud distinguished "normal" jealousy from "projected" and "delusional" jealousy -both of which he viewed as pathological.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Projected jealousy, according to Freud, is derived either from actual infidelity or from impulses toward infidelity that have been repressed. A man who has been unfaithful, or desired another woman but didn't act on it, may "project" that i nfidelity onto his innocent wife-blaming her for the things he (lid or wanted to do, and then responding to the projected threat with jealousy.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ "It is a matter of everyday experience," Freud wrote, "that fidelity, especially that degree of it required in marriage, is only maintained in the face of conti nual temptations." Even a person who denies these temptations in himself experie nces them. How can such a person relieve his guilt over the impulse or the actua l infidelity? One way is to "project his own impulses to faithlessness on to the partner to whom he owes faith. He can then justify himself with the thought tha t the other is not much better than himself" (Freud, 1922/1955, p. 224).\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ The jealousy that arises from such projection, says Freud, has an almost delusio nal character. (Delusion is a belief that persists even with no basis in reality .) Projected jealousy, however, unlike delusional jealousy, often responds well to therapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When the jealous person realizes that his jealousy is a result of his own suppre ssed impulses toward infidelity and that his or her partner has been faithful, t he insight is usually enough to solve the jealousy problem. In the case of delus ional jealousy, the solution is not so easy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Delusional jealousy is a form of paranoia. It too has its origin in suppressed i mpulses toward infidelity, but according to Freud, the object in these cases is of the same sex as the jealous person. (As we will see later, modern psychoanaly sts tend to disagree with Freud on this point.) Freud believed that babies and y oung children are bisexual. Only with maturity and the pressures of socializatio n, sexual preference (most often heterosexuality) develops. Young children, prio r to the Oedipal stage, are attracted to the same sex parent as well as the oppo site sex parent. These feelings are repressed, but may emerge again in the form of conscious or unconscious attraction toward one's rival in adult jealousy. Thi s kind of homosexual attraction, according to Freud, is the primary cause and fe ature of delusional jealousy. In an attempt to defend himself against his unduly strong homosexual impulse, the jealous man says, in effect, "I don't love him, she loves him." Since the homosexual impulse produces much more anxiety than the heterosexual impulse the defense against it is more likely to involve a serious distortion of reality.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Freud presents as an example of delusional jealousy a young man whose object of jealousy was his impeccably faithful wife. The jealousy came in attacks that las ted several days and appeared regularly on the day after he had had sex with his wife. Freud's inference was that after satisfying the heterosexual drive, the h omosexual drive that was also stimulated by the sexual act "forced an outlet for itself in the attack of jealousy."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The jealous attacks were focused on minute gestures in which his wife's "quite u nconscious coquetry, unnoticed to anyone else, has betrayed itself to him." She had unintentionally touched the man sitting next to her; she had turned too much toward him, or had smiled more pleasantly than when at home with her husband. T he husband was unusually sensitive to all these manifestations of her unconsciou s and knew how to interpret them. In this he was similar to people suffering fro m paranoia, who cannot regard anything other people do as indifferent. They too interpret every minute gesture-a person laughed to himself, looked with indiffer ence, even spit on the ground-as directed at them personally.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ The jealous husband perceived his wife's unfaithfulness instead of his own. By p aying careful attention to hers and magnifying it enormously, he was able to kee p his own unfaithfulness unconscious. Similarly, the hatred that the persecuted paranoid sees in others is a reflection of his own hostile impulses toward them. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

As expected, Freud finds the reasons for the husband's delusional jealousy in hi s early childhood history. The husband's youth was dominated by a strong attachm ent to his mother. Of her many sons he was her declared favorite and developed a marked "normal" jealousy toward her. When lie got engaged, his desire for a vir gin mother expressed itself in obsessive doubts about his fiancee's virginity. T hese doubts disappeared after their marriage. The first years of his marriage we re free of jealousy. Then he became involved in a longterm affair with another w oman. When the affair was over, his jealousy attacks started again. This time it was projected jealousy, which enabled him to relieve his guilt about his own in fidelity. The fact that his father had little influence in the family combined w ith a'humil- iating homosexual trauma in early boyhood" are described by Freud a s the roots of a strong sexual attraction he felt toward his fatherin-law, which eventually became a "fully formed jealous paranoia."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most clinicians working with people who have a jealousy problem agree with Freud that jealousy can vary in degree of pathology all the way from normal to delusi onal jealousy. They also agree with Freud that delusional jealousy is a form of paranoia and is the hardest to treat and cure. Many do not agree, however, that delusional jealousy is primarily the result of repressed impulses toward homosex uality.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ An example of a modern psychoanalytic use of Freud's ideas about jealousy is pro vided in Dr. Emil Pinta's analysis of the dynamics of pathological tolerance (Pi nta, 1979).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Pathological Tolerance\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Like pathological jealousy, pathological tolerance (those rare cases described a s "abnormally nonjealous") has its origin in the Oedipal conflict. In both, the individual recreates an early family situation and unconscious Oedipal wishes. I n the triangle involving John, Sharon, and Michael, John felt, at the birth of' his younger brother, that he had been replaced in his mother's love. A similar r elationship has been reenacted in his marriage, with Sharon representing his mot her and Michael his brother. In the triangle involving Lana, Jack, and Marilyn, the similarities to Lima's family history are even more striking. Jack and Maril yn work and take on the role of surrogate parents while Lana assumes a "big sist er" role to Marilyn's children. In therapy, Lana said she felt just the way she used to feel with her siblings. Also, Jack was openly unfaithful to Lana, just a s her father was openly unfaithful to her mother.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another mechanism seen in pathological tolerance that Freud noted in delusional jealousy is the projection of unconscious homo sexual impulses. In the first tri angle, John's physical attraction to Michael was quite evident. They established a considerable intimacy, sometimes to the exclusion of Sharon. In the second tr iangle, Lana had a history of homosexuality, and her attraction to Marilyn was e vident. The close proximity in which sexual relations occurred in the triad stro ngly implies the gratification of unconscious homosexual impulses.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Diagnosing Delusional Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the Official Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the Ame rican Psychiatric Association (the DSM-IV) delusional jealousy is described as a subtype of a delusional disorder. The "jealous type" applies\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ when the central theme of the person's delusion is that his or her spouse or lov er is unfaithful. This belief is arrived at without due cause and is based on in correct inference supported by small bits of "evidence" (e.g. disarrayed clothin g or spots on the sheets), which are collected and used to justify the delusion. The individual with the delusion usually confronts the spouse or lover and atte mpts to intervene in the imagined infidelity (e.g. restricting the spouse's auto

nomy, secretly following the spouse, investigating the imagined lover, attacking the spouse) (American Psychiatric Association, 1994, p. 297).\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Pathological jealousy is also mentioned as one of the seven criteria for a diagn osis of Paranoid Personality Disorder. People with this disorder "may be patholo gically jealous, often suspecting that their spouse or sexual partner is unfaith ful without any adequate justification (Criterion A7). They may gather trivial a nd circumstantial'evi- dence' to support their jealous beliefs. They want to mai ntain complete control of intimate relationships to avoid being betrayed and may constantly question and challenge the whereabouts, actions, intentions, and fid elity of their spouse or partner" (p. 635).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While some clinicians restrict the term delusional jealousy to those cases in wh ich delusions of jealousy are demonstrable and dominate the case, others conside r jealousy pathological even in the absence of delusions, where an individual ex hibits jealousy with undue haste or intensity in response to events that questio n, even remotely, the partner's fidelity (Enoch, 1991). Sam is an example.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Sam and Amalya\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Amalya describes the problem:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sam's jealousy is most likely to flare up when we are making love. It happens of ten. All Of a sudden I feel him withdrawing. The first time it happened I didn't know what hit me. We were in Paris having the most wonderful time. Suddenly, in the middle of lovemaking, he stopped and pushed me away.... By now I've learned what it means. He is disgusted by me. He can't touch me. My body repulses him. lie imagines \u9658?ne having sex with other men I was involved with in the past . Ile can imagine me playing with another man's penis, or the man kissing my nip ple, things like that. lie thinks my sex with other men was dirty, and it makes him see me as dirty, cheap, despicable, not worthy of someone as pure and wholes ome as he is. Once, during a jealousy attack he blared, "All women are whores, e xcept Mary" Mary is his ex-wife. IIe tells me he didn't love her. They rarely ha d sex. Mary was dependent on him for everything-she never put gas in their car ( which she was the only one to drive) because she didn't know how. When she went shopping, he would follow her on his motorcycle, pay, and carry the bags. Why (l id lie stay with her ten years? Because he was sure she was faithful. Mary could n't manage without a man around her. She couldn't manage without him.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Sam's parents had a very unusual marriage. His mother-an exceptionally beautiful woman-had an illicit affair with another man for many years. Ills father, whom Sam describes as passive, weak, impotent, and jealous, also had many affairs thr oughout their marriage.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Sam was 15 years old, he and his brother went to get his mother a present f or Mother's Day. At the bus stop they saw his mother waiting. She didn't notice them. As they watched, a big blue car rolled by and stopped next to her. The doo r opened. His mother went in. Sam could see her kissing the man in the car. Afte rward, he saw the same big car parked next to the house many times when his fath er was away. He knew not to go in.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the mornings, after his father left the house, the man used to call. His moth er would take the telephone into the bathroom and have long erotic conversations with her lover while Sam listened OUlside the door.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sam's father must have discovered the affair, because one day he appeared with a gun, while his mother had her women friends over for coffee. IIe started scream ing, "I'm going to kill you, you whore!" Sam was in the house at the time and ha d to rescue his mother from his father's rage.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After the jealousy scene, his father collapsed and had to be hospitalized for wh at appeared to be a heart attack. Sam, forever the family rescuer, was the one w ho took him to the hospital.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Sam was 16 years old, lie fell in love with a beautiful young wo\u9658?nan,

whom he describes as "the cheap type." lie never went to bed with her, yet he s uffered tremendous jealousy. His first sexual experience was with a married woma n neighbor much older than himself Ile didn't love this older woman and wasn't j ealous of her. He also didn't love Mary, whom lie met when he was 17 years old. But Mary seemed to love and need him and she wasn't the type to provoke his jeal ousy, so he married her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It may be worth noting that Sam's sister, who is ten years older than him, is un happily married to an abusive man who has frequent jealousy attacks during which he beats her. She has many affairs, but still remains with him-thus replicating her mother's infidelity and reliving her father's jealousy tantrums.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ When Sam met Amalya, he had been separated from his wife but had not yet gone th rough the divorce. While he was certain that he was unhappy in his marriage, he loved his two young boys and was reluctant to give up completely the security th e family gave him. But Amalya is an attractive and charming woman (eight years o lder than he is), and he fell in love with her in a way he never allowed himself before.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Amalya met Sam, she said right away that he was the man she wanted to marry . She had never said that about another man, and she had dated many. Before Sam, Amalya wasn't exactly discriminating in her choice of men. The only thing these men seemed to have in common was their unavailability-whether because they were married or because they were emotionally unavailable. That was just fine with A rnalya. Having grown up with a father and mother who had had a suffocating symbi otic relationship, she valued her freedom and independence. Things started chang ing after her 35th birthday. Amalya decided she wanted a family. She was ready, and Sam was the man she had been waiting for.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Their affair was passionate. Sam came to Amalya's house every day after work and they made wild, sweet, passionate love for hours. Sex had never been that excit ing for Sam, never that sweet for Amalya.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Their trip to Paris was the climax of the affair. Sam had always wanted to visit Paris, and for him it was a dream come true. For Amalya, the chance to be toget her twenty-four hours a day was the most important thing; Paris was just a wonde rful addition. Spending all their time together made her realize that this was w hat she wanted. She told Sam she wanted to get married and have a child. This wa s the backdrop of Sam's first jealousy attack. As Amalya recounts the event:\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ He tells me he can never marry me until he trusts me completely. Ile is troubled by those dark corners in me that are responsible for my past, that might emerge again in the future. Since I was unfaithful in the past, by going to bed with e x-lovers while I dated other men, what guarantee does he have that I'm not going to be unfaithful in the future? After every jealousy attack he feels guilty and remorseful, and apologizes profusely. He tells me he hopes I have the strength and the patience to cope with his jealousy. He asks for my help in dealing with it himself. He knows that it's his own problem and I have nothing to do with it, but when his jealousy flares up, he has no control.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I try to reassure him in every conceivable way. I tell him that I never had such wonderful sex with anyone else. I tell him that my vast experience with other m en should make him feel secure-because I have chosen him, and I love him in a wa y I never loved before. Since I had all those casual sexual experiences, I know what they are like and I have no desire whatsoever to go back to them. Actually, I say to him, I'm the one who should be concerned, because lie has had so few s exual relationships that lie may still be curious and at some point want to expe riment. For me, all that is finished.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ But nothing I say seems to matter. He knows I love him, but lie can't understand my past. How could I have done the things I've done? They seem so unlike the pe rson he thinks he knows. The fact that I did them makes him distrust nme. The th reat he feels is so immense that nothing I say calms it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc

The Roots of Delusional Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Sam was an adolescent, he discovered that his mother was having an illicit affair. Adolescence is considered the second Oedipal period. What goes on in the mind of a boy like Sam, in this period of heightened sexuality, when he discove rs that his mother is unfaithful to his father? Psychotherapists John Docherty a nd Jean Ellis describe one possible consequence. Docherty and Ellis (1976) treat ed three couples whose chief complaint was "obsessive-delusional jealousy" in th e husbands. A striking coincidental finding emerged in these couples during the course of treatment. In all three cases the husband had witnessed his mother eng aged in extramarital sexual relations during his early adolescence.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ The jealous husbands' accusations diverged noticeably from a realistic picture o ftheir wives. In fact, the accusations more appropriately fitted their mothers. In one case, the husband claimed his wife of twenty-seven years was drinking exc essively and having sex with undesirable characters. He monitored her telephone calls, examined her purse, and berated her until she knelt at his feet and begge d him to trust her. During the course of treatment it became apparent that the m an's accusations didn't fit his wife-but did fit his mother.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ The mother was an alcoholic; as an adolescent lie had to bring her home on sever al occasions because she was too drunk to get home on her own. She had worked as a waitress and fraternized with various unsavory customers.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Having noticed these discrepancies, the therapists pursued the matter further un til the man recalled a memory that carried a great emotional charge. When he was 12 years old he had returned home unexpectedly early one clay and found his mot her having sex with a strange man. He had not said a thing about it, even though his mother's affairs became the subject of violent arguments between his parent s. It had left him feeling bitter resentment toward his mother and guilty disloy alty toward his father.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the second case, a couple who had been married for two years sought treatment after the husband became enraged by his wife's suspected infidelities. lie had been drinking heavily and had become physically abusive. The husband's suspiciou sness had plagued the couple's relationship almost from the start. The wife had learned to be extremely cautious in her interactions with other men. At parties she could only be with her husband or with other women, never with other men. li e needed to know her whereabouts at all times.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the course of treatment the therapists noticed again that the man accused his wife of things that were not true of her, but were true of his mother, such as gross negligence in her household duties. This led them to pursue the question o f the mother's sexual activities. The husband remembered that when he was a youn g teenager, he had seen his mother at a neighborhood tavern with other men. On o ne occasion he had come home and seen her having sex with one of those men. He h ad not told his father, but from that time on had tried to cut himself ofl emoti onally from his mother.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the third case, too, the husband was convinced that his faithful wife was hav ing affairs. Once again it came out that when he was 14 years old, he had return ed home one day after having been sent shopping by his mother, and had found her having sex with a strange man.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ From Freud's perspective (1922/1955), it's obvious why a mother's sexual infidel ity would have such a traumatic effect, especially when it happens in early adol escence-a period characterized by an Oedipal resurgence. As the mother has demon strated that she can be sexually available to someone other than the father, the adolescent experiences a marked intensification of Oedipal fantasies and drive toward their fulfillment. However, while the mother appears to be more sexually available to the boy, she is not. Her promiscuity constitutes, in effect, a teas e.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The trauma can also explain the aggression that at times accompanies jealousy in these cases. Docherty and Ellis (1976) explain:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

The rage that the son feels for being second best in the Oedipal situation is ex acerbated in a more serious, profound, and damaging way. Now he is not only seco nd best to his father but to a strange man who has no valid claim on his mother at all.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ By cuckolding the lather, the mother makes him second best. Thus the son is unab le to use identification Willi the father to achieve preeminence. I IC is doomed unalterably to second-rate status" (p. 681).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is significant that all three men described their fathers as hardworking, lon g-suffering, and passive. We can add to the list Sam's description of his father as passive, weak, and impotent.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is not necessary for the adolescent boy actually to witness his mother engage d in sexual intercourse for the trauma to occur. Finding out about her infidelit y (the way Sam did) or seeing her acting openly flirtatious with other men can b e enough.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The rage the boy experiences upon discovering his mother's infidelity is enormou s, and so is his need to undo the trauma. I low does he accomplish this? One way is to marry someone who will never be unfaithful, and then continuously harass her with groundless accusations of infidelity. For these men, the faithful wife represents Mother, the way she should have been in their childhood fantasies. He accuses the wife of being unfaithful, the way his mother was in reality. The ac cusations enable him to replay his childhood trauma, but with a different ending . His wife's repeated assurances of her fidelity are supposed to help undo the t errible reality of' his mother's betrayal. Yet no reassurance is quite enough be cause the trauma was enormous, the wife is not the mother, and the situation is not really the same.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This helps explain why people with delusional jealousy avoid situations that mig ht provide positive proof of' their suspicions. They don't really want to believ e that their mates have been unfaithful. On the contrary, they want to be convin ced that unlike their fathers, and unlike the childhood situation, this time the y are "number one" with their faithful mates.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Choosing a faithful wife and harassing her with groundless accusations is one wa y a man tries to overcome a trauma of his mother's betrayal. Another way is to c hoose an unfaithful mate who will provide ample opportunities to master the chil dhood trauma. In this case the jealousy is not delusional; it derives from an ac tual situation. Yet it is still not under complete control of the conscious ego. It represents a "repetition compulsion," an irrational need to replicate a trau matic experience. In such a case the adult seeks situations in which he or she s eems to master repressed conflicts and traumas of childhood, even while the true conflicts remain repressed.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Not all people suffering from delusional jealousy have a parent who was sexually unfaithful during their adolescence. Another cause, in my experience, is a perc eived threat to the relationship that is projected on the partner, but has other causes. An example is a woman who was convinced that her loving husband had an affair with his secretary. I ler jealousy was groundless. It started after a ser ies of terrible losses that included the death of one of her twin boys from (-an cer, followed by the death of her mother and of an older sister who raised her. (The mother, who had twelve kids, did not have much time for her.) What seemed t o have triggered the jealousy was another sister's painful discovery that her hu sband had been unfaithful. The woman's childhood experiences as the tenth child in a poor family with an overworked and overburdened mother did not give her eno ugh security in her own loveability. The losses she experienced made her feel ev en more dependent on her husband's love. The thought that she could loose him wa s terrifying. No assurance of his love was enough to calm her anxiety. She felt that if she were to loose him (like she lost her child, her mother, her sister) she would die. With the influence of her sister's painful experience of betrayal , her fear of abandonment took the shape of delusional jealousy.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Another antecedent of delusional jealousy reported in the litera- lure is either undergratificaIion or overgratification by parents during the earliest stages o f' life-both of which leave the person in chronic need of self-aggrandizing love

from others and suspicious of rivals. In clinical terms: narcissism. Such peopl e enter relationships to bolster their self-esteem. When doing so they unconscio usly relive their childhoods.2\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In men, another cause of delusional jealousy is real or imagined smallness of th e penis. Clinical work with men who suffer from this problem suggests that they feel at a disadvantage to other men in the struggle to obtain and hold a mate. T heir feelings of inadequacy-which are also common among impotent husbands, elder ly husbands married to young wives, and plain spouses wedded to handsome ones-pa ve the way for the advent of delusional jealousy (Todd et al., 1971).\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Similarly, delusional jealousy in elderly individuals was found to be related to such things as organic disease that rendered the older person housebound, dispa rity in age and health between the older person and the spouse, and previous inf idelity (Breitner & Anderson, 1994). \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to psychological antecedents of delusional jealousy, studies found i t to be related to a variety of organic causes including brain damage, organic p sychoses, alcoholism, and alcohol psychosis, as well as such seemingly unrelated problems as hyperthyroidism and carcinoma.' Interestingly, in women, the ovulat ory phase of the menstrual cycle was found to increase sensitivity to jealousy ( Krug et al., 1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ However, delusional jealousy is best known for its relationship to a variety of severe mental disorders, especially schizophrenia and paranoia. It was also foun d in people diagnosed as suffering from borderline personality disorder and ment al handicap.4\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It should be noted that when researchers are talking about the prevalence of del usional jealousy in those psychiatric disorders, they are not talking about very high percentages. In one much-quoted study by Michael Soyka et al. (1991), case histories of 8,134 psychiatric inpatients were reviewed. The prevalence of delu sional jealousy overall was only 1.1\u176?/0. It was most frequent in organic ps ychoses (7O/0), paranoid disorders (6.79/6), alcohol psychoses (5.60/0), and sch izophrenia (2.5\u176?,o).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since delusional jealousy in these psychiatric disorders is organic, cause(] at least in part by chemical changes in the brain, the treatment of choice for most psychiatrists and many clinical psychologists is pharmacological, which is to s ay, drug therapy.' Cognitive-behavioral therapists, many of whom oppose such che mical intervention, suggest instead cognitive techniques for the treatment of de lusional jealousy.' System oriented therapists believe that it is the couple, no t the individual, that should be treated in the case of delusional jeal- oUSy.7 The majority of psychodynamic therapists agree with Freud that delusional jealou sy is a defense, or the result of a defense, against represses] memories, and th us it is best treated by individual psychotherapy.8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Having explored the psychodynamic explanation of delusional jealousy, and some o f the approaches that have been used in treating it, we can return to Sam and Am alya.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Back to Sam and Amalya\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ After falling in love with a woman like his mother (both promiscuous and attract ive) and suffering the painful jealousy such a relationship can generate, Sam ch ose to marry a woman he did not love and who, because of her dependence on him, was sure to be faith- fc\u9658?I. It worked. Throughout the years of his marriag e Sam never felt the pangs of jealousy. The price was that he didn't feel the ec stasy of love, either-just a comforting sense of security. For a while this was enough.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Things were sure to be different with Amalya, an attractive woman who had had ma ny sexual liaisons with other men, just as his mother had done. A relationship w ith her had to be both more passionate and more emotionally risky.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Sam's jealousy of Amalya was not entirely delusional-he was not harassing her ab

out imaginary affairs with other men. His jealousy was of' men she had indeed ha d affairs with and, for all he knew, could have affairs with again. Yet Sam's je alousy wasn't rational, either; it wasn't congruent with reality. Sam knew Amaly a loved him and was faithful, yet he couldn't stop imagining her with other men, men she no longer cared about.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Why would anyone imagine things that cause him pain? One of the factors contribu ting to Sam's jealousy was an unconscious mechanism called "split-off projection " The "split-off" part is a disavowed part of themselves that people project ont o another person. They do this because it is easier to deal with negative featur es in another person than it is to deal with them in oneself. If one believes on eself to be lascivious and immoral, one can try to cope with and control these d ifficult feelings. One can also do something that turns out to be much easier: c hoose someone appropriate and project these qualities onto that person.'I'his ma kes it possible for a person to deal with the feelings in interactions with the spouse, without having to acknowledge that they are within themselves.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ In Sam's case, the "split-off" was the part of him that was like his mother: imm oral, lascivious, unfaithful. Sam could not accept that he was like his mother. I IC could not accept that maybe, just maybe, he too did the unthinkable (for ex ample, desired his own mother). Once he split off that part of himself and suppr essed it, he could convince himself that he was pure and moral. But the split-of f part pushed to be expressed, and it was finally expressed in Sam's relationshi p with Amalya. Sam projected on Amalya his forbidden desires and the internalize d image of his unfaithful mother.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While Sam was helpless to do anything when he witnessed his mother's unfaithfuln ess as a child, as an adult he had some control over the situation he perceived as similar. I le could punish Amalya (who represented his mother) for her involv ement with other men by withdrawing from her sexually and by refusing to marry h er. It is telling, however, that Sam started doing this only after he was sure t hat Amalya loved him and would not be unfaithful.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to reenacting the childhood trauma of his mother's betrayal, the jea lousy served two important functions for Sam. First, it gave him a "legitimate" excuse to postpone his divorce from his wife and his marriage to Amalya. Second, it enabled him to entertain sexual fantasies that, given his self-perception as pure, moral, and innocent, he had difficulty admitting even to himself. The jea lousy gave him an excuse to both imagine and interrogate Amalya about the detail s of her sexual relations with other men. This could have stimulated both voyeur istic and homosexual fantasies for him.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ And there was something else. As I mentioned before, most modern day clinicians tend to disagree with Freud about the role played by repressed homosexuality in delusional jealousy. Yet it is interesting to note the role played by just such repressed homosexuality in Sam's jealousy. Amalya described Sam's never-ending i nterrogation of her earlier sexual relationships with men. He wanted to know in detail everything they did to her and everything she did to them. Why? According to Freud, this gave Sam an excuse to satisfy a suppressed homosexual drive. In other words, he could imagine her having sex with those other men, without a thr eat of having his own interest in men discovered.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \a fs23 {\b {\qc An Evaluation of the Psychodynamic Approach\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The psychodynamic approach contributes to our understanding of delusional jealou sy by making us aware Of the unconscious forces underlying it. These forces expl ain behaviors that are otherwise difficult to understand, such as jealous people 's choice of an unfaithful mate, their relentless efforts to seek out confirmati on of their worst fears, their drive to push their mate toward their rival, or t heir to n- dency to become obsessed with painful images of the mate in a passion ate embrace with the rival. Such thoughts and behaviors increase the jealous per son's pain but, according to the psychodynamic approach, they provide a defense

against even more troubling feelings and thoughts.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another contribution of the psychodynamic approach is its view that the roots of adult jealousy are in early childhood experiences. According to Freud, these ex periences occur in the Oedipal stage. Since Freud saw these experiences as unive rsal, he was convinced that reexperiencing them as romantic jealousy in adulthoo d was both inevitable and universal.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Other psychodynamic writers believe that the origin of some feelings associated with jealousy may be even earlier than the Oedipal stage. When a hungry baby cri es and Mother doesn't appear, the baby experiences tremendous anxiety and fear o f abandonment. These fears are universal. Consequently jealousy, which is their manifestation in adult life, is universal.9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In every adult there is a child that at some point felt abandoned and scared, a child that cried in pain and raged with frustration. In most adults there is a l onging for the complete security felt in the first weeks of life. Many felt rese ntment for the love they had to share with a sibling or a parent. As adults they may not remember those feelings, but they carry them nonetheless. These are the feelings that cause them to respond in exaggerated and inappropriate ways to je alousy triggers.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Because psychodynamically oriented therapists believe that jealousy both express es and disguises some of our deepest fears and desires, they treat jealousy as a psychological problem in the mind of the jealous individual that is best treate d in long-term psychotherapy. Other approaches question both psychodynamic appro ach's assumptions and methods.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of the major criticisms of the psychodynamic approach is directed against it s tendency not to consider the reality that may have prompted the jealousy and t o assume that all jealousy is to some extent delusional-a product of a person's mind, unrelated to reality. Little attention is paid to literal infidelity, exce pt sometimes to show how the person provoked, or in some sense desired, the very betrayal that aroused his or her jealousy (Downing, 1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ A related criticism is directed at the tendency to blame the indi- victual for c hoosing or creating the circumstances that give rise to the jealousy problem. Ps ychodynamically oriented therapists tend to ignore what the jealousy suggests ab out anyone other than the jealous individual.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The psychodynamic approach is also criticized for putting too much emphasis on t he role of the unconscious and not enough emphasis on conscious expectations and real events that create a jealousy problem and help maintain it.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Yet another criticism is directed at the tendency to put too much emphasis on th e role of early childhood experiences in creating a jealousy- problem and not en ough emphasis on present forces, especially the dynamics of the relationship. Th e approval that is most closely associated with this criticism is the systems ap proach, which will be discussed in the next chaopter.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s 4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ When working with individuals who are concerned about the intensity of their jea lousy-the "crazy" things they feel, think, and do when jealous-it is important t o examine two questions. First, is it possible that the jealousy is not only a r esponse to a spouse's jealousy-provoking behavior, but also a reenactment of an early childhood trauma? In other words, what are the roots of the jealousy? Have either Mother or Father been unfaithful? Has either parent been unusually jealo us? Has the person ever witnessed a violent jealous outburst between the parents ?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The second question is, What hidden payoffs does the person get from being jealo us? What function does the jealousy serve? Does it provide affirmation of the pa rtner's love and loyalty? Does it force the partner to behave in a more consider ate way? Does it make it possible for the jealous person to project impulses tow

ard infidelity onto the partner? Is it a way to punish oneself for having unacce ptable fantasies or desires? Is it a way to indulge in sexual fantasies?\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 4\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b Treating the Couple, {\line } Not the Jealous Mate\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw117\pich40\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080028007501011100ffc4001a00010003010101000000000000 0000000000010305040207ffc4002a100002020200050303 050100000000000001020003041112132131510514412281a13242526171c1ffda0008010100003f 00fa044444444444444444cdb3d5297c4badaac2aa9c4bcd 206830e9dbbf79d786f6d9894bde356b202e07c1d7597c4e5bf3aaa726ac7249b6d04aa8f903bf79 4e165be4676480c1a845503a68abf5e253f83f79df265775 a94d4f6d874880b13adf4133b2fd4cfb5a5f19b86cb9d3941c03cc048d81f6dcd49312267fa87a87 b5beba7eadba33fd2bb62068680f3b22673e165665765393 451cfe5870540d336ff71d0ebf89b18096251ab2be5ecec26c1e11e3a4ea94665e31712dbc824568 5c81f3a1b98f6e464e4235a112da1546f8d47ea3fc011d7b fcce8c1c0b7133ade0a556a67e316023ea0540208f3b1b9ad1327333ed6c9bf131b7ce50a1401bd9 604ecf851a9cdec6cbc8b4e2526da2fea89a0aca475d1e9d 7afcf89b78eae9422d876e14027c996c4894df89464f09baa572876a4f753fd1f896575254348a07 fd9ee2410181046c1e8419451858f8e00a6a0807603b0ff0 7c4be4c894d9878f6dc2d7a94d806b8fb1d78dcb55150694003c09ea222222222222222227ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr Quarrels would not last if the fault were only on one side.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -La Roehefoucauld, Reflections, 1675\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw109\pich40\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080028006d01011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001030405020607ffc4002a1000020202010303 0304030000000000000102000304111221314105135122718114233261a1b1c1ffda000801010000 3f00fd022222222222222278b2c5aaa7b1ce9101663f004e 6e67aa6f06bbb10fd7695f6838e966c8e9f72274d7b4f522676cea4653630e4d6aa076503b29ec7f c4a7d372acca392c595ea5b7553a8d6d788ff4491f89be25 3959356263bdf7b71ad06d8eb73265e73adb8a94683db6a828e3f927923edde7401dc99067233f3e d37df898c585ca8a1005dedd81d6f7d028d753333e13dffb 8d8549bb1ef07db4d056523ae8f4d9fabcf913b78aae98d5ad9be61403b3b974c9ea597fa2c46bb5 d76aa37d81660a09febace6b35f7dfc9ea5b319ac15abba8 160f0480476df9efa9a3d2712cc477abd91556acfa2a471705b6a75f20120ceac83da71b233aec8b

aec7c65e5625a2be040e2400a58b123a0d1d7cff00cccb85 65a2bca5c34f751dea75af4a00ec0a1e9d881d7bcfa1404280dd4f99ea44a2dc2c7b6e173d63dd03 8f30483af8d8f12e54545e2aa00f81264caeea6bbea6aad4 57461a6561b0678a3169a0015a6b4343649d0fccbb52644ced838cd906ff0069458c34cc3a72fbfc cbc2aa8d00001e24c9888888888888889fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Systems Approach to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to the systems approach, jealousy is a result of dynamics within a par ticular relationship and is best treated as a problem the couple shares.]\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ In psychological terms, a system constitutes "a complex of interacting elements and the relationships which organize them."2 Emotions, actions, and thoughts are interacting elements of a system we call a person. The person is a subsystem of a more complex system involving an intimate relationship, which at times is cal led marriage. This relationship is a subsystem of a more complex system of an ex tended family, which itself is a subsystem of a particular society.'\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Unlike the psychodynamic emphasis on events in our past, the systems approach co nsiders the past mostly irrelevant to the treatment of 'jealousy. The unconsciou s roots of the jealousy problem also do not matter. What matters instead are the forces that elicit and maintain the problem. The focus is no longer the mind of the jealous individual, but the higher-order system, the whole, of which the in dividual is a part. The whole involves first and foremost the couple, but can al so include the jealousy triangle, the couple's family of origin, and even the co mmunity and the culture in which the couple lives.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ higher-order systems (such as the couple) both influence and are influence(] by lower-order systems (such as the actions, thoughts, and emotions of the jealous person). This reciprocal influence can cause negative-feedback loops that mainta in the jealousy problem or positive-feedback loops that promote change. Disrupti ng a negative feedback loop in a higher-order system (a relationship) may involv e or lead to change in a lower-order system (the jealous person).\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ With the passage of time, patterns of behavior become rules, or habits that are difficult to change. A couple's relationship functions according to these rules. (One of the most important rules dictates who makes the rules.) Once rules are established, the couple system tends to resist change. Yet a healthy system can exhibit both stability and change at one and the same time.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Instead of asking "Why?" (i.e., why is the individual jealous?) systems therapis ts ask "What?" What is the cause of the jealousy problem? And, more important, w hat can be done to bring about change? Psychodynamically oriented therapists giv e interpretations aimed at helping the troubled individuals gain new insights in to their jealousy problem. By contrast, systems therapists give couples concrete recommendations designed to disrupt the destructive patterns that cause the jea lousy problem and to help maintain the positive change. Disrupting those destruc tive patterns, instead of unearthing their cause, is the primary goal of systems therapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ To bring about change in the person suffering from jealousy, that person's marit al system must change. The focus of the therapeutic intervention is on behaviors in both mates that help maintain the jealousy problem. Because the goal is to d isrupt a destructive feedback loop, the therapist tries to find the point that i s easiest to change. This can involve a change in behavior that produces a chang e in the rules of the system or a change of rules that produces a change in beha vior. The case of Dave and Lillian, which will be presented shortly, provides an example of such a system change.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

While the focus of the specific intervention can vary, the general focus of syst ems therapy is always the system and the circular processes (feedback loops) tha t take place in it. Systems therapists assume that a change in one part of the s ystem (for example, one mate) always causes change in the other parts of the sys tem (for example, the other mate), and therefore changes the whole system. When the husband withdraws, the wife responds with an attempt to get closer. When the wife tries to get closer, the husband responds by withdrawing. The response of one mate provides the stimulus to the other: Does he withdraw because she gets t oo close, or does she get closer because he withdraws?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a marital system, according to systems approach, it is impossible for one mat e to be totally passive. Even when one does not respond to something one's partn er did, such as blaming one unjustly for being unfaithful, the lack of response gives the partner a powerful message.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Roles such as victim and victimizer are seen as a result of an arbitrary decisio n in which both mates take part. If the husband plays the role of the unfaithful villain, a systems therapist is likely to assume that the wife is contributing to or getting something from the role of the betrayed victim. One goal of therap y is to change such arbitrary definitions. A change in the way a couple perceive s a chain of events (for example, what preceded the affair that can help explain it) can change the couple's dynamic.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Systems therapists see jealousy as caused by destructive, self-reinforcing patte rns of interaction and not by events in the individual's past. When a couple com es to therapy and the husband describes the "crazy things" his wife does because of her "pathological jealousy," the therapist is likely to ask what in the husb and's behavior caused her to behave in this way. Another question the therapist might ask concerns the husband's response, which may reinforce the wife's jealou s behavior. When the wife identifies the husband's affair as the central problem , the therapist is likely to ask her what she might have done to cause her husba nd to have an affair, or else what she did in response to the affair.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Even though only one person in the couple may experience jealousy, systems thera pists believe that jealousy serves a function in the couple system. Symptoms suc h as affairs or jealousy are viewed as forms of communication. Dave and Lillian demonstrate how an affair can be a form of communication.4\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Dave and Lillian: An Affair as a Form of Communication\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Dave and Lillian first met, Lillian was insecure and impoverished. She was attracted to Dave's stability and quiet self-confidence. Dave, for his part, was attracted to Lillian's high energy and intense emotionality. During the first y ears of their marriage Dave was a stable breadwinner, which enabled Lillian to g o back to school and get a degree. Both were happy in their marriage.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ After about six years, however, Dave decided he needed a change and took a job i n real estate, a field that Lillian considered "gambling" instead of a "real job " Dave's income in this new job was unstable; in addition, the real-estate field went into a slump shortly after lie entered it, making even his unstable income rather meager. During that time they had to rely on Lillian's salary, which she said was "all right," but in fact was not all right with her. Lillian explains: \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dave's career has not been successful. For the past four years I have been the s teady breadwinner while Dave has tried to break into commercial real estate. Alt hough he did have one fairly good year, he brought in a total of about $40,000 ( luring a fouryear period. Even when he made some money, neither of us felt it co uld be freely spent because there was no way to know when or if he would make th e next deal and another commission. Sales, especially during these hard limes fo r real estate, can be very stressful work. Dave has pert out a lot of effort, un dergone a lot of stress, and gotten very little back for it.\par\pard\plain\hyph

par}{ Lillian understood that what she saw as Dave's "failure" was the result of bad T uck rather than "a symptom of inherent failure tendencies or inadequacies" in Da ve. Still, she felt "emotionally impacted by a sense of his 'failure" It trigger ed childhood fears and insecurities that were related in part to the fact that s he viewed her father as "a total and complete failure in the business world." Da ve's problems and lack of success threatened her sense of security in Dave and i n the marriage, and the experience affected her sexual feelings:\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ The sexist woman in me expects a man to be stronger and steadier and more financ ially successful than I am. Someone inside me wants to be a delicate, charming l ittle girl ... with a big, powerful, successful man to take care of me and overw helm me with his forcefulness, his sureness, his surefooted success. I must admi t that I expect a husband to he successful, and Dave is not successful. Although I don't consciously make his career success a condition of my love, I am sure t hat on an emotional level I am experiencing deep disappointment in him. I have w ondered if this disappointment is behind my lack of sexual attraction.... Dave's financial dependency is the crux of my anger and disappointment.... The whole f ailure issue-men should succeed; my father was a failure-has a lot of emotional energy around it and generates its own dynamic.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The effect of Dave's perceived career failure on Lillian's sexual feelings had a concrete manifestation:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dave is relatively short for a man. lie is also very slender. I am fairly slende r but more solid than he is. I never used to think about it at all, but lately I have been craving largeness in a man. Dave is wonderfully endowed sexually, and fills me up as no other man has ever clone quite so well. But in terms of body size and weight I have lately found him lacking. I crave bigness and power on to p of me when we make love these days. I feel cheated because my arms wrap so eas ily around his slender body. I feel like a protecting mother/companion/comfort-g iver ... when I want to feel like a nymphet overwhelmed by a large, powerful, pa ssionate man who is driven to frenzy by my loveliness.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lillian has not always been disappointed with Dave's size. As a matter of fact, the opposite is true.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Is this body-disappointment based upon the failure disappointment that I feel on an emotional level? Have I got his smallness of body mixed up with his smallnes s of income? Will this body-disappointment go away when Dave gets a new career u nder way and has success? And will sexual excitement ignite between us then?\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Despite the intensity of her disappointment and rage, Lillian was unable to disc uss her feelings openly with Dave. She valued the security her marriage provided , and was afraid that if she expressed her true feelings openly, Dave might get so upset and angry that he would leave her. So she blocked out her negative feel ings. It is impossible, however, to block emotions selectively; once you put on an emotional shield, it inhibits all emotions. Consequently, when Lillian repres sed her anger she also repressed her feelings of love and passion.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Although he died not admit his failure in real estate, Dave was worried about hi s financial future. He wanted to protect Lillian from his fears and his feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, feelings that were caused by his "unmasculine" de pendency on Lillian's earnings. Dave couldn't admit those feelings even to himse lf. So he blocked them out, blocking with them his passion. Lillian describes th e results:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As must be typical, the symptoms of the problem come up most glaringly in the be droom. I no longer feel sexually attracted to or excited by Dave. Dave says he i s still attracted to me-and that the lack of enthusiasm comes from me rather tha n from him. But the predictability and low-key style of his lovemaking cause me to think that perhaps our lack of enthusiasm is shared. I have no complaints abo ut his willingness, frequency, sweetness, or consideration and giving during lov emaking. It is the lack of creativity, of genuine excitement, of passion that I refer to. And I do nothing to introduce these elements myself, since I no longer

feel any passion or strong attraction. I do not find myself motivated to exhibi t feelings I am not having although some pretense on my part might get the ball rolling, perhaps. It's just not something I want to force myself to do.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ Just then passionate sex became very important to Lillian:\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Maybe I am no longer the same person who fell in love more than ten years ago? C ertainly I have very different needs today than I slid when I met Dave a decade ago. As a thirty-five-yearold woman (no (hildren, successful career) I find that passionate sex (or the lack of it) is far more important to me than ever before . I am no longer working to build a career. I enjoy my work and feel successful. I think this is the age when a woman is supposed to reach her sexual peak ... P erhaps that is why I crave passionate sex in a way that I did not use to.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ According to Lillian, it was boredom with marital sex that precipitated her illi cit affair. But, clearly, boredom was only a small part of the story. It all sta rted during a party at which Dave pointed out to Lillian a grubby-looking bearde d man wearing a dirty, torn T-shirt, and said, "Isn't that the most disgusting-l ooking man you have ever seen?" Earlier, Dave had heard the man talk about his t eenage daughter in lascivious terms that just added to the negative impression m ade by his appearance. Soon afterward, Lillian chose to have an affair with this very man:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ About six months ago I became involved with a man who elicited passion in \u9658 ?ne that I did not know I was capable of feeling. For years I had just figured t hat I was not a very sexually oriented person. Though Dave and I had much more e xciting sex before we were married and during the early years, we had not had pa ssionate sex for at least three years prior to my affair with this other man.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although my affair was with a strange and crazy man whom I no longer have any in terest in or desire to see, it elicited some powerful feelings at the time so mu ch so that it was impossible for me to hide the fact that I was having an affair .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lillian's behavior could have made it easy for Dave, who claimed to be "not the slightest bit jealous," to discover the affair. But he simply refused to notice the hints she was dropping all around him. So she started to make those hints bi gger and more obvious until he finally Understood and responded, for the first t ime ever in their relationship, with tremendous jealousy. His interrogations ena bled Lillian to tell him about the affair-something she secretly wanted very muc h to do. In fact, letting him know and making him jealous were the main reasons she had started the affair in the first place:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Indiscretions on my part aroused Dave's suspicions, and I ended up telling him ( in stages) the full extent of my extramarital involvement.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Dave was wounded to the core. I [is infinite trust in me dissolved, and he said he lost the capacity to trust completely. It would do him no good to divorce me and try to find another woman he could trust, since lie had lost the capacity fo r complete trust in another person. If I-whom he loved and trusted so completely -could betray him that way, then anyone could, at any Iimc. Ile had never felt s uch jealousy before, and never wanted to feel it again.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once Dave discovered the affair and was appropriately jealous, Lillian suddenly lost interest in the other man:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When I came so close to losing Dave, my emotions swung hack powerfully toward hi m. I no longer cared about the other man or the affair, but only about repairing the damage I had (lone to the man I love-my husband. I felt that I would kiss h is feet for the next ten years if that were necessary to will back his love and trust ... to restore the bond and comfort that I had ruptured.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ It was mostly my intense desire to right the wrong and stay on the good-wife pat h in the future (as well as his love and need for me, and his perception of my l ove for him) that convinced Dave to give me another chance.\par\pard\plain\hyphp

ar}{ Coming to therapy was part of Lillian and Dave's attempt to "right the wrong" an d give their marriage another chance. Their work as a couple was fueled by Lilli an's "passionate desire to heal Dave's jealousy and pain, and repair the damage I had done ... and not lose the man I had loved all these years and still love s o much"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As is often the case when an affair is explored openly and nondefensively, Lilli an and Dave realized that the affair was, more than anything else, a communicati on. The affair enabled Lillian to communicate feelings toward Dave that she was too embarrassed to admit even to herself, and too scared to communicate directly to Dave:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Clearly the affair had more to do with what I was feeling toward Dave than what I was feeling toward the other man, especially given that the other man is of ab solutely no interest to me anymore. Now that I am not acting out affair-type beh avior, feelings about Dave are surfacing that I was not allowing myself to exper ience before.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Perhaps the affair was a way of doing something to prevent myself from knowing w hat I was feeling toward Dave, since these are threatening feelings. I experienc ed anger, resentment, disappointment, concern, fear. I am beginning to see the a ffair as a way of not having to experience these feelings.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ In a tearful and highly emotional session, after much encouragement and with gre at effort, Lillian and Dave were finally able to open up to each other. They dis cussed all their feelings, negative and embarrassing as they were. The result wa s a tremendous relief. Lillian was able to tell Dave about her anger and resentm ent. She said she was afraid that if she expressed her anger and disappointment (she envisioned these emotions as a monster she was keeping in the closet), some thing terrible would happen and her whole world would collapse. Dave was able to admit his jealousy, despite his belief that it was a negative and shameful resp onse.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lillian discovered that despite her "terrible feelings" Dave still loved her, an d actually was delighted to find out what had been troubling her all along. Afte r learning that jealousy is a protective response to a perceived threat to a val ued relationship, Dave was able to share his jealousy and his financial insecuri ties with Lillian and discover that her feelings toward him were not altered bec ause of this. With the emotional relief they experienced during this mutual expl oration came a powerful surge of the old passion. And, as both reported, "sex ha s never been better."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Open discussion also enabled Dave and Lillian to confront directly the sensitive issue of money and to come up with a solution that suited them both. Dave conti nued in real estate while training for a new career with a much better potential for providing a stable and secure income. In the meantime they decided to rent d part of the house, which helped ease some of their financial stress.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Lillian and Dave's case demonstrates that an affair can be a form of communicati on to the mate. As Lillian said:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The affair needed to be looked at as communication to Dave, rather than as an in ability to restrain my impulses. I needed to look at what I was feeling toward D ave, and trying to communicate to him by having an affair-and by being so obviou s about it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This case demonstrates several key points of the systems approach. Dave and Lill ian, in their years of marriage, created a system in which the unspoken rule was that Dave was the stable provider. When Dave changed this established pattern h e broke the rule. Lillian punished him by having the affair, thus breaking the f idelity rule. Dave's jealousy, an unusual experience for him, and Lillian's fear that he might leave, brought them to therapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The focus of the therapy was not the unconscious roots of Dave's jealousy or Lil lian's infidelity, but instead on the rules governing the marriage. As a result of this exploration, Lillian and Dave were able to compromise and accept a chang e of rules with which they both felt comfortable.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Throughout therapy, the affair as well as the jealousy it triggered were treated as a couple issue. The therapy made it clear that Dave and Lillian each played an active role in the process that led to the affair, and each played an equally active role in trying to save their marriage when they perceived a threat to it . Treating the affair and the jealousy it triggered as a couple issue enabled Li llian and Dave to reestablish trust and turn the traumatic event into a growth e xperience.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc lane and Dan: An Affair as a Form of Escape\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The most common trigger of extreme jealousy is an illicit affair. As noted earli er, virtually all the people who were asked about it said they would feel "very jealous" if they discovered their mate was having an illicit affair flow should such jealousy be treated in a constructive and growth-enhancing way? While the j ealous response seems justified, it not only causes excruciating pain for the in dividual (as noted earlier, P'ISD which has been used to describe the reaction t o aerie jealousy triggered by an affair, was first used to describe the response of soldiers to a battle trauma), but also can be destructive to the relationshi p and, in extreme cases, lead to violence.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Systems therapists look at the affair in the context of the relationship as a wh ole The affair is not "something that just happened" to the unfaithful partner, but a statement about something important that happened to and involves both mat es. In a book dealing with treatment of marital conflict, Philip Guerin and his colleagues note that affairs "almost always represent externalization of a dysfu nctional process going on within the family."I Their approach to the treatment o f affairs, which is shared by many systems therapists, focuses on three goals:\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. bringing out the part each spouse played in the process\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ 2. changing the behavior of both spouses\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. reestablishing trust in the marital relationship\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The following case illustrates this systems approach. The case involves a woman called Jane, who found out that her husband of thirty-five years, Dan, had had a n affair.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The discovery of an affair is painful for both mates. It sets off a crisis in wh ich ordinary daily functioning suffers severely. The first thing Jane needed to do was learn to take one clay at a time and make priorities in her daily respons ibilities so she could manage what was most essential. Then, to minimize the emo tional impact of the affair, both Jane and Dan needed to understand the parts ea ch of them had played in the affair, the function the affair served in the marri age, and the process that had led up to it. Understanding these things does not mean that people are not accountable for their behavior. Dan had an affair, Jane did not. Yet both were responsible for the state of' their marriage. Since an a ffair often is seen as an unforgivable sin, it is important for both mates to pl ace the affair in the larger context of their marriage.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Many times an affair is a refuge from relationship problems or from pain in one' s personal life. To understand the function of Dan's affair, it is necessary to understand the state of things prior to the affair. Two problems seem particular ly relevant: an operation for cancer of the prostate that Dan had before the aff air and Jane's overinvolvement in their daughter's divorce.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ The prostate cancer operation was traumatic for Dan. Not only did it make him co nfront his own mortality, it made him question his sexual adequacy-something he had never questioned before. lie desperately needed Jane's support, but Jane was too involved with their daughter's recent divorce to notice. She stayed with th eir daughter for weeks at a time, and when she was home they spent hours on the phone. In fact, when Jane first sought therapy it was to discuss her daughter's marital problems and how she could best help her resolve them.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{

Over the course of the months following the operation, an emotional distance gre w between Jane and Dan. Each felt distressed, yet was unable to share these feel ings with the other. Dan's affair with an attractive woman, ten years younger th an himself, helped him get the emotional and sexual reassurance he needed. It st arted when June was out of* town. Dan had a business dinner to attend and didn't like the thought of going alone. It was natural for him to invite a woman who w as working in a nearby office to join him.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After dinner she invited him for a drink at her apartment, and Dan rediscovered how wonderful it was to talk to someone who was totally attentive and focused on him, the way Jane had been during most of their married life. The fact that a y oung, sexy woman still found him attractive and desirable was exhilarating. With her he felt more alive sexually than he had in a long time-more manly, more int eresting.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As long as the affair remained secret, Dan had his sexual and emotional needs me t, and Jane was free to continue her intense involvement with their daughter. Wh en an anonymous phone call from a watchful secretary in Dan's office informed Ja ne of the affair, Dan stopped it right away. He told Jane he was sorry for what he had done and for the pain he had caused her. What he wanted more than anythin g else was to forget the whole thing. But Jane was inconsolable in her jealousy and couldn't let go. She barraged Dan with questions about the affair, searched through his drawers and office files, couldn't stop thinking about it, and vacil lated between humiliation, rage, and despair. Her jealousy brought her back to t herapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ At the beginning of my work with Dan and Jane, I encouraged Jane to talk about t he feelings she had experienced since the discovery of the affair. It was import ant to validate the emotional turmoil she was in, without making Dan the villain . Pursuing Dan for details added to her emotional turmoil, and it was important that she stop the interrogations. She was able to do that by focusing on her rol e in the marriage and the affair.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once both Jane and Dan understood the function the affair had in their marriage and the roles both of them played in making it happen, and once they were able t o talk about the affair openly, the arduous task of reestablishing trust in the marriage began. Many couples, relieved that the crisis is over, hope time will t ake care of old wounds and drop out of therapy before achieving this difficult a nd important goal.6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Serves a Function\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Whether an affair is a form of communication or a form of escape, the jealousy i t triggers is always a relationship issue. It focuses attention on a threat to t he relationship. According to the systems approach, jealousy always serves a fun ction in the relationship. While it is experienced and expressed by one mate, it is part of a particular couple's relationship and reflects a particular family distur bance. A nice example of this appears in Robert Barker's book The Green-E yed Marriage. Barker is not a systems therapist, but rather a psychodynamic ther apist who views jealousy as "the result of longstanding and deep-seated psycholo gical and behavioral problems within the jealous person "7 Despite this clear al location of blame, the case is a wonderful example of the systems notion of the function that jealousy plays for both mates-exactly the opposite conclusion from the one Dr. Barker drew.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Darryl and Lucy were married ten years and fought constantly throughout this tim e. In a typical interaction leading to a fight, Darryl would start making overtu res signaling that he wanted to have sex, and Lucy would appear enthusiastic. Th en she would casually mention something that would arouse his jealousy. The argu ment would culminate with one of them sleeping on the living room couch.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ While Darryl may have been the jealous mate, it is clear that Lucy played an equ al part in having the jealous scenes continue. Dr. Barker notes correctly that " both had something important to gain by keeping it going." Both Darryl and Lucy

had long histories of sexual problems. Darryl was often troubled by premature ej aculation and was anxious about his sexual performance. Lucy suffered from a chr onic, painful sensitivity to touch and pressure in the genital area, which cause d an aversion to sexual intercourse.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lucy used Darryl's jealousy to minimize sexual contact with him. When he made ov ertures, she simply stirred his jealousy. His typical response made the outcome predictable: They would fight and forget about sex. "Guilt-Free absolution from sex" was Lucy's payoff: She didn't refuse him. She was willing until lie started acting jealous again. Darryl, too, wanted an excuse to avoid sex and the perfor mance anxiety associated with it. The jealousy-related arguments provided an acc eptable way to avoid it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Darryl and Lucy illustrate the degree to which jealousy is a couple issue. Even when one male appears "abnormally jealous," it is legitimate to ask what benefit s the nonjealous mate is gaining from the jealousy problem. The question is espe cially relevant when jealousy has been a problem in the relationship for a long time.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of the most common discoveries in working with couples with an "abnormally j ealous" spouse is that the "nonjealous" spouse has a good reason, psychologicall y speaking, to stay in the relation ship. As Darryl and Lucy's case demonstrates , at times that reason is so important that the "nonjealous" mate actually fuels the jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lucy provoked Darryl's jealousy in an attempt to conceal a sexual problem. In ot her cases, jealousy-based arguments may be used to divert attention from other p roblems in the spouses, in the relationship, or in both.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { In addition to concealing other problems, jealousy can serve a positive function as well; in small amounts it can add excitement to the relationship. As we will see in the chapter on jealousy in open relationships, for example, swingers lik e to watch their mates having sex with someone else. The jealous flash they feel fuels their sexual interest in their mate.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Other couples enjoy the drama jealousy produces. Both mates identify drama with passion, and they keep passion alive in the relationship by coproducing the jeal ousy scenes. In one such case, the jealous lover is a successful businessman who makes frequent trips abroad. Since he can't stand the thought of his girlfriend staying home alone, he takes her along on most of his trips. On those rare occa sions when that's impossible, he makes frequent overseas calls to her house, to friends, and even to restaurants to check on her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The girlfriend, who is a plain-looking woman, grew up in a poor family. She love s the trips abroad and the attention her lover's jealousy produces. To fuel his jealousy, she drops little hints about men she saw during his absence. Yet when lie makes surprise visits to check on her, he always finds her chatting innocent ly with a group of friends or a woman friend. When that happens, and it happens often, she accuses him of being pathologically jealous. They have a "terrible fi ght" and then make passionate love. This pattern has been going on for eight yea rs, with no end in sight for either the jealousy or the passion. A couple like t his may appear furious at each other, but they actually love the drama their jea lousy creates. They rarely seek therapy for the jealousy, and when they find the mselves with a mate who is not jealous or unfaithful, they find that mate "borin g." Jealousy keeps the sexual spark in their relationship alive.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Jealousy indeed produces excitement and can make life more interesting. It can a lso make one's mate look more desirable. If the businessman I just described saw his girlfriend not through his jealousy-struck eyes but the way the rest of the world saw her, she would doubtless lose much of her appeal.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Some people fuel their mate's jealousy when they feel taken for granted. Some do it because it gives them a sense of power over their jealous mate. Others do it as a form of revenge, using their jealous mate to heal an ego that was injured by this relationship or a previous one. It may be worth mentioning in this regar d the findings of a study conducted by Edwin Brainerd and his colleagues (1996)

that show that the use and approval of jealousy-inducing behaviors were predicto rs of' high need for interpersonal control and use of psychological aggression. "fhe use of jealousy-inducing behaviors combined with disproval of them was a st rong predictor of physical aggression toward one's partner.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ It is not enough for one mate to want to create a jealousy problem. Both partner s have to collude in keeping a jealousy problem alive in the relationship. This is why, according to the systems approach, jealousy is best treated as the coupl e's joint problem, even when one mate is "abnormally" jealous.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Working on jealousy as a couple issue tends to bring about faster change, becaus e it involves both mates. In Lucy and Darryl's case, for example, what would hav e happened if Darryl went for individual therapy to deal with his "abnormal jeal ousy"? The focus of therapy would undoubtedly have been on Darryl's feelings of sexual inadequacy, which were the cause of his jealousy. Changing those is a lon g and slow process. Changing destructive patterns in the relationship that contr ibute to a jealousy problem can alleviate the problem much faster.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ A person in a relationship with a mate who is "abnormally" jealous would probabl y have trouble accepting the idea that he or she, too, plays an active role in k eeping the jealousy problem alive. It is much easier to blame the jealous partne r than to take responsibility for one's part in shaping the relationship one sha res. Yet, in the long run, blaming the partner is not the best approach. Taking responsibility-which is not the same as taking blame-means that one has some con trol over the problem. People who accept the fact that they played a part in cre ating a problem can draw comfort from the knowledge that they can also play an a ctive part in solving it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Systems Approach to the Treatment of "Abnormal Jealousy"\par\pard\plain\hyph par}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mark suffered from what was described by his psychoanalyst as "delusional jealou sy."f; This diagnosis was based on a whole set of symptoms: Mark could not stop tormenting himself about affairs his wife might be having. I Ic said his jealous y was "like a poisonous gas that permeated everything." Every time he came home from work, Mark checked the mileage on his wife's car to make sure she hadn't ta ken trips out of town to see her imagined lovers. He checked her underpants for stains that would indicate she had had sex with those "lovers." He checked the c ontents of her wallet for any clues she might have left to an illicit affair. To find out whether she talked to her "lovers" on the phone while he was out of th e house, he would put a hair on the receiver. If the hair was not there when he returned, it would be a clear sign that she had talked with some lover. But when ever he returned and the hair wasn't on the receiver, he could never be sure whe ther it was his wife or the wind that had blown it away.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Most significant in the diagnosis of delusional jealousy, however, was that Mark 's jealousy was groundless. His wife has always been faithful to hire. Since Mar k's therapist was psychodynamically oriented, his therapy centered on the functi on that the jealousy served in the dynamics of Mark's inner life.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Although this was a case of "abnormal" jealousy, Mark already had a jealousy pro blem when his wife first met him, fell in love with him, and decided to marry hi m. What was it that attracted her to him at the early stages of their relationsh ip? Could it have had something to do with his jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { In similar cases I have worked with, I have discovered that nonjealous mates act ually enjoy the jealousy at the beginning. The reason, in most cases, is that th ey perceive the jealousy as a sign of love and commitment to the relationship.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Unfortunately, we don't know what attracted Mark's wife at the beginning of the

relationship, because Mark's wife was never seen in therapy. Since Mark and his therapist defined the problem as "Mark's pathological jealousy," this was also t he focus of his individual psychotherapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As noted earlier, the traits and behaviors that attract couples most when they f irst meet often cause the most distress later in the relationship. This is also true for jealousy. For a person with an abnormally jealous partner, one of the m ost important and interesting questions to explore is what attracted him or her to that partner at the beginning of the relationship. Understanding the attracti on helps understand the jealousy. Ann and Leonard are an example.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Ann and Leonard met when Ann was 17 years old. Leonard, 24 years old at the time , seemed not only older but wiser and more impressive than the boys her age. She loved the way he made her the center of his world and look care of her needs. B ut now, after twenty-seven years of marriage, she wants a divorce. The reason: " Leonard's pathological jealousy." "I feel suffocated," says Ann. "Leonard is so jealous, he doesn't let me breathe. I feel imprisoned. He can't stand the fact t hat I have my own interests. He doesn't let me go out on my own. Ile follows me everywhere I go. I've had it with him." Leonard, on the other hand, says he stil l loves Ann as much as he did when they were first married. "I am worried about her going out on her own at night," he says. "That's the only reason I follow he r and why I want to know where she's going and with whom. I think my concern is normal and perfectly justified. Every man you'll ask will agree with me."\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ From the time they met through the first years of their marriage, Ann loved bein g the center of'Leonard's world. She saw a sign of love in his protectiveness an d concern. It made her feel secure. He was the loving father she never had. Now she sees his protectiveness as possessiveness, and his concern as pathological j ealousy. Being the center of his world no longer makes her feel secure, because that world has shrunk into a cage. Ann and Leonard created a destructive cycle i n which Ann responded to Leonard's jealousy by withdrawing, and he responded to her growing withdrawal with increasing jealousy, which makes her withdraw love f urther, which makes him even more jealous.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Shifting from the Jealous Mate to the Couple\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dean and Melanie came to therapy because of what Dean called Melanie's "patholog ical jealousy." He said that I had to "fix" her because he simply "can't take it anymore." Melanie agreed with the label and appreciated Dean's support in comin g to therapy with her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ During our exploration of the problem, it became evident that Melanie had a reas on to be jealous. When they first met, Dean was engaged to marry another woman w hile at the same time having an affair with that woman's sister. He told Melanie about all of his wheclings and dealings in trying to manage these two relations hips-while starting a third one with her. One may ask, of course, why Melanie wo uld get involved with a mail she knew was engaged and cheating on his fiancee. B ut as I noted earlier, such a question is irrelevant for a systems therapist.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sometime after they became involved, Dean and Melanie had a fight and separated for a brief time. Melanie later discovered that during the separation Dean had h ad an affair with his secretary. Dean used all his "old cover-up tricks" to keep Melanie from finding out about the affair. This affair, on top of Dean's "histo ry of deceit," made Melanie suspect anything that could possibly be a clue to a new affair. Her suspicions made Dean, who according to his own testimony was now "innocent as a lamb," furious. Ife didn't understand why Melanie needed to drag out things that were "old history." She was, he concluded, "pathologically jeal ous"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While Melanie agreed with Dean that she had a problem with jealousy, she observe d, in her own defense, that she had never before been jealous, neither with any of her boyfriends nor with her former husband.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

As is almost always the case, Dean and Melanie's jealousy problem was related to what they found most attractive about each other when they first met. Melanie w as attracted to Dean's masculine charm and charisma: "Ile was then, and still is now, a very attractive man." Dean was attracted to Melanie's sensitivity and at tentiveness: "I felt from the very beginning that she was someone who could crea te a home for me." Now Dean's attractiveness to other women has become a major s ource of stress for Melanie, while Melanie's excessive sensitivity has become eq ually stressful for Dean.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dean was convinced that every interaction he had with another woman was a jealou sy-trigger for Melanie. Ile argued fervently that all the things he had done in the past were "insignificant and trivial" compared to his "complete honesty and truthfulness in the relationship now." To Melanie, however, it seemed that her s uspicions were quite adequately justified by Dean's behavior in the past. The tr iggers of her jealousy were well defined; they included all situations involving women when there was even a slight chance that Dean was dishonest with her. See ing Dean interact with an attractive woman and thinking that he might be attract ed to the woman or even have an affair with her and lie about it were enough to make Melanie wild with jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Dean and Melanie walked together, Dean occasionally would bump into a woman he knew and exchange a few words with her. He knew that this was enough to rais e Melanie's suspicions. She would start asking questions about the woman and his acquaintance with her. Her interrogations made Dean more and more angry. Finall y he refused to answer her questions. "1 know the way her mind works," he said, "and it drives me nuts."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The "scratches incident" was the final straw. Melanie noticed that Dean had scra tches on his back, which he didn't remember getting; Melanie felt he couldn't po ssibly have caused the scratches himself. When she started to question him about the scratches, Dean felt "something explode" in his head. He says he didn't kno w what he was doing. He started to hit Melanie. The violence shocked and scared both of them and was the real reason they came for therapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ In trying to figure out how both of them contributed to the dynamic of their jea lousy problem, Melanie claimed that her main problem was lack of* trust in Dean. If Dean would swear to tell her the truth-even if he was attracted to another w oman, even if he had a fling-she was sure she could handle it. But Dean refused to give his word. He saw Melanie's suspicions as groundless and found her interr ogations intolerable. "I've had enough of this madness," he said. "Melanie has a problem, and she is the one who has to solve it." Since Dean and Melanie seemed stuck in their positions, I asked them to reverse roles, and explain to me each other's positions.9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Both had difficulty with the task. Melanie had a great deal of trouble expressin g the extent of Dean's resentment and anger at her suspicion. Dean had problems expressing the extent of Melanie's hurt and distrust of him. It was as though De an and Melanie had supersensitive antennae, he to signs of her jealousy, she to signs of his possible unfaithfulness. Once they both realized the extent of each other's sensitivity, they were able to focus their effort on "reducing the volu me" of their respective responses.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dean agreed to tell Melanie the truth about his romantic involvements, actual or possible, with other women. In exchange, Melanie promised to trust him, to stop being suspicious of every woman he interacted with, and to cease her interrogat ions of him. Though this solution may sound too simple to work, in this particul ar case it did. Melanie stopped being "a jealous person." When I last spoke to D ean and Melanie, two years after they made their agreement, they no longer had p roblems with jealousy. One reason the agreement worked was that they attempted t o solve the problem together. Another reason was Melanie's willingness to put co mplete faith in Dean's word. Once he gave it, she was convinced he'd never lie t o her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ ']'his does not mean that every "jealous person" will stop being jealous the min ute his or her mate promises to be honest about involvement with others. Other c ouples may need different solutions. The challenge in each case is to discover t

he solution that works.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Leading systems theorists Paul Watzlawick, John Weakland, and Richard Fisch (197 4) give an example of the way a jealousy system is activated, maintained, and pe rpetuated: A wife feels excluded from her husband's life, so she starts question ing him. The husband feels that her questioning is an intrusion, so he withdraws . I lis withdrawal increases her anxiety and suspiciousness, so her efforts to " find out" become more persistent and more desperate. I ler jealousy and suspicio n increase his resentment and cause him to withdraw and withhold even more. The husband and wife are caught in a no-win situation. The wife (in this case the je alous mate) realizes that questioning her husband will probably lead to angry wi thholding or forced reassurance that ultimately does not reassure her. The husba nd (in this case the nonjealous mate) realizes that withholding leads to further distrust and jealousy, yet is afraid that disclosing any information may exacer bate the problem (Watzlawick et al., 1974).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In other cases the husband may be the jealous mate and the wife the nonjealous m ate. In gay couples, the less committed partner and the partner who has more out side options tend to be nonjealous. Mary and Sharon, whom I mentioned before, ar e an example.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to the fact that Mary was more attractive and more elegant than Shar on, Mary was also very attached to her family of origin and her many male and fe male friends: Sharon was cut off from her family of origin, and did not have clo se friends. As a result, Sharon was more dependent on Mary than the other way ar ound. This created a dynamic that systems theorists call "pursuerdistancer" with Sharon pursuing and Mary distancing. As is typically the case, Sharon expressed a great deal of jealousy toward the people in Mary's life whom she perceived as posing a threat to their relationship. Her jealousy angered Mary and made her w ithdraw even further. The pains of her jealousy and the realization that all she succeeds in doing when expressing it is push Mary away brought Sharon into ther apy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The goal of therapy was to change the pursuer-distancer dynamic by helping Sharo n stop pursuing. This was accomplished by helping Sharon make some contact with her family of origin (since she was very close to her mother in the past, that p roved possible); by encouraging her to visit old friends and to make new ones (t he place where she lived had an active gay community that she has never contacte d); and most of all, stop calling Mary. When Sharon stopped pursuing Mary, she d iscovered to her great joy and dismay that now Mary was pursuing her. This chang e, which is predictable from a systems perspective, helped increase Sharon's sec urity and decreased her jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Systems Approach Techniques for Treating Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The role-reversal technique used with Dean and Melanie, in which each mate takes turn describing the other's point of view, is an example of a systems approach technique. It helps couples understand each other better and realize how both co ntribute to the creation and maintenance of the jealousy problem.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Systems therapists Won Gi Im, Stephanie Wilner, and Miranda Breit suggest a vari ation of this technique called "Turning the Tables." The nonjealous partner is i nstructed to act the part of the jealous one. The attentiveness and new-found in terest enable the jealous mate to regain lost self-confidence, and allows the no njealous mate to rediscover the partner's more positive qualities.10 Another tec hnique they suggest is "Scrupulous llonesty." The nonjealous mate is instructed to be unwaveringly honest about every detail of the day's experiences and to flo od the jealous mate with information. The flood of information helps dispel anxi ety in the jealous mate, who felt excluded and suspicious about clandestine even ts supposedly taking place.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Yet another technique, used throughout this book, is called reframing." Reframin g involves changing the perception of a symptom, a problem, or an action by cast ing it in a new light. This may be accomplished by refraining the meaning or fun

ction of the behavior. Rather than viewing Lillian's affair as a terrible betray al, the couple learned to see it as a form of communication. Similarly, Darryl's jealousy was describe(] as serving a function in the marriage. This kind of ref raining casts the problem, be it unfaithfulness or jealousy, in a less problemat ic light. Pejorative language used to describe jealousy often prolongs the probl em. Instead of using words such as "pathological" or "irrational," one can descr ibe jealousy as a protective response to a perceived threat to a valued relation ship. One can further reframe the jealousy problem by describing it as a relatio nship issue, rather than as the jealous mate's problem. The next step is to figu re what function the jealousy serves for both mates and what they are doing to k eep the problem alive.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A shared awareness of what both mates are doing to foster the jealousy problem, and what is likely to trigger the jealous response, often helps to break the cir cular pattern. As family therapist Gayla Margolin notes, "In general, the more s pouses know about how their own problems escalate, the more capable they are of handling them. All it takes is for one spouse to refrain from engaging in his or her prescribed role, and the cycle cannot proceed"\u9658?z\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Margolin cautions, however, that just because the couple has succeeded in disrup ting a pattern does not mean the pattern will not reappear. She recommends the e stablishment of rituals that serve as cues for the new, preferred behavioral seq uence, such as weekly "dates" to assess how the marriage is doing. The developme nt of new communication skills can also help circumvent the old patterns. The la nguage of the systems approach, which emphasizes interpersonal processes rather than individual pathology, offers new ways of communicating.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Carlos E. Sluzki, one of the leading systems theorists, notes that jealousy is a n interpersonal scenario directed and acted by two players." "Characters involve d in the scenarios of jealousy usually experience themselves as totally trapped by the plot, though they are, without knowing it, also its coauthors," Sluzki sa ys. The goal of systems therapy is "to help them discover alternative plots, dif ferent scenarios that make them aware that they are the owners of their own live s"\u9658?'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc An Evaluation of the Systems Approach\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The systems approach makes a major contribution to our understanding of jealousy in viewing jealousy as a problem that is best treated at the relationship level . Although the focus is on the relationship, the assumption is that treating the couple involves or leads to individual change as well. As people view their mat es and relationships in a more positive and realistic way, they also begin to fe el better about themselves. When both partners try to disrupt the destructive pa ttern in a relationship, positive change happens faster, is more visible for bot h mates, and is more likely to endure the test of time.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of the major criticisms of the systems approach is directed at its disregard of the contributions of childhood experiences and unconscious processes to the origin of jealousy. According to critics (most of them psychodynamically oriente d), a jealousy problem can never be cured entirely unless these "deeper" issues in the jealous individual are treated.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Question: Is jealousy a result of a particular dynamic in the relationship, or i s it a product of unconscious forces in the mind of the jealous individual? My s trong belief is that jealousy is both-and much more.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ From a systems perspective, the most important task facing a therapist who is as ked to help an individual or a couple deal with a jealousy problem is to help th

e person or the couple understand:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. the parts each mate played in creating the jealousy problem\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ 2. the (unction the jealousy serves in the relationship\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. the process that maintains and perpetuates the jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 5\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b {\qc Men Get Angry, {\line } Women Get Depressed\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw132\pich38\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080026008401011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001030405060207ffc4002b1000020202010303 030305000000000000010200030411310512211314512241611581913271a1f0f1ffda0008010100 003f00fd0222222222222222222225575f563a07b9c22921 46fee4f02667cf3eff001e8a943a581fbcf0508008f1fefda6d9322666cda595fd2b50b292bb3fd3 ddf1b93d3b25b33a7e3e4b27a6d756ae53e3637a9a625576 45541416b852e7b547258eb7a03ef33d79a6cea7ed9155aa349b3bc1f2086d688fdffc19b6222241 3a1b9c0c8cff00d47b129c65c91de5bd2e0aaa9203f76fe9 3dcbe2578d8f77bea73ab4b9bdc52a036ce93ead95209e083cfe3fb4f4638933067f504c3b2baddd 53bd59cb370aabad9fcf9206bf338b6e2db9b8b7e29c538f 65b53da1558a8b5b7f71bd2f923f933bbd34b1a3cad889bfa16c1a651a1e3f9dcd93e2c7088598e8 01b27e04f3d939ef9b5d57d78ab7a255eb900f6b53b00afd 5be7b49d812ec1c5b71ba9bd88b730c808e6d3b2a46882a77c11e35ff677471262224733253d331a 86b0d41d16c62cc81cf6ecf3e26a0a00000d01c0932665cb c1a32dab7b54f7d4768eac415f9f225b55095ec804b1e589d932cd4990c030208d83c898f1ba6636 2a7a552b8a8715972547edf1f89b34224c44444444444444 4444ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr Jealousy is the rage of man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Proverbs\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr The jealous are readiest of all to forgive, and all women know it.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karanmzov\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw124\pich49\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c

3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080031007c01011100ffc4001b00010101010100030000000000 000000000001050402030607ffc400281000020202010401 0402030000000000000001020304112105123141611322517114914281b1ffda0008010100003f00 fd00000000000000103692dbf013dada28204d36d26b8f25 041b4b5b6b905001e6728c22e52692f930b2ba864c30ae9d94c2e526d4235b4e3386f5e77bf1e4d4 e98957814529c9ba60ab6e5e7696b93ac86765e5db1cb8aa a55ba2316ed6a4bba2fd70df8f273f45bfebe765df3ae554ed928a4d6bb943dfef9ff86c94e5ea17 4eac59ba2752bdad56ac969397a31f2f2e76e562537553ed ae7f56735adc1c56f5c3e77bfebf67d853da4d1400657578667f271acc54e508a9a9a493716d2d4b 5ef5cff678c7e9152fab1edb234dd5f64e3396dc9fe7e3df 8fc9a58f4471eb508ca52fcca4f6dfecf98e7cf85d660df0c7928dd283506fd3d706453d3ecc94ac babb6ab976a8edea3525ce969fddef9f93529c0aa9c9b2f8 39eec7dce2dfda9e926d2ff48ea061df8b936f51bebc88592c6b26a4a55ff92496a3bdee3a69bf9d 9d5574a83a2b8592b22eb9ca55f6cb98a7c76efdad334924 924bc2280080a010a000000000000000000000000000003fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Ron and Carol\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ When Carol met Ron, he had been divorced and a swinger for several years, "tryin g to make up for all the good limes" he had lost being married for twenty-six ye ars. Soon after they started dating, it became clear to both of them that there was something special about their relationship. Carol told Ron that she was not interested in being just another member of his harem. "If be wanted a relationsh ip with me," she said, "it had to be with me alone." Ron agreed, and has remaine d sexually faithful to Carol. This, however, did not prevent him from keeping in touch with former girlfriends. Carol describes the growing problems it caused:\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ His girlfriends call him day and night, paying absolutely no attention to the fa ct that Ron is living with me now. When I dare say anything about their phone ca lls or about his going to visit one of them, he attacks me for being jealous, de manding, and un reasonable. He has promised not to have sex with anyone else but me, and he says he has kept his promise. What else do I want? The main reason w e decided to come to this workshop was that we both felt a need to work on this problem-which Ron keeps referring to as my jealousy problem. The other reason wa s to spend a week together at Esalen. [The Esalen Institute at Big Sur, Californ ia, became famous (luring the early days of the encounter movement, and is still active as a site for a variety of workshops.) Ron has been here before and told me it was one of the most beautiful places he has ever seen. With that, at leas t, 1 can agree.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When we arrived here yesterday, the first thing we did was go clown to the offic e to register. All Of 'd sudden, a woman called Wendy, whom Ron knew from one of his previous visits here, leaped on him and gave him this very big welcome hug. Then she proceeded to massage his chest with a circular motion and I saw the ci rcles growing bigger and bigger, and her hand getting lower and lower down his c hest, and I was standing there wondering just how low her hand would get.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ While all this touchy-feely stuff was going on, I continued standing there like a fool. He never even bothered to introduce me. I don't think he necessarilyhad to say, "Wendy, this is Carol, the woman I love and am living with now." lie cou ld have just put his arm around me to indicate that we are a couple, that he is no longer the swinging bachelor he was when they first met. But he just stood th ere, clearly enjoying himself, letting her give him a sensuous chest massage.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When we were alone in our room, I told him how I felt, but I said it calmly. He said he was so excited about seeing Wendy, whom he hadn't seen for a long time,

and whom he liked very much, that he behaved rudely, and he was sorry. I accepte d his apology and thought this would be the end of it. I should have known bette r.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This afternoon, right after lunch, he disappeared. I looked for him everywhere. Finally, after about two hours, he appeared in our room and told me that he'd ha d "an interview" with Wendy. I felt the blood rush to my head. What, exactly, is an interview"? Why not call it "a date," which is what it was? And why is he ha ving a date with Wendy on the week we took to be together and work on our relati onship?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As can be expected, Ron had a different perspective on these events:\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ I'd been married for many years, in a very unhappy marriage. My wife and I were high-school sweethearts, so neither of us had experience with anyone else before our marriage. Even though we had practically no sex life for the last years of our marriage, I was always faithful to my wife I guess I'm just not the (,healin g type. After the divorce, which, by the way, wasn't initiated by me, I discover ed women. I also discovered that I love women. I had several girlfriends. Every one of them knew I was seeing others too, and accepted it. They understood that I wasn't ready for a monogamous relationship. Besides, each one of them knew tha t when I was with her I was with her totally. I know how to give to a woman, and I love giving. So they accepted what I had to give. We all had a great time.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Then Carol came into my life. Soon after we started dating, it became clear to i nc that this was going to be a very different story. When Carol demanded that I stop seeing other women, I agreed. It was a tremendous sacrifice for me. I was w illing to do it for Carol, only because I care about her a great deal. But there were all these women that during my years as a bachelor had become close, intim ate friends. Was I supposed to just clump them because I was now living with som eone? I've explained this to Carol a hundred times, but she refuses to understan d. I've given her no reason to be jealous, but it makes no difference She's simp ly a jealous person, and nothing I say or do can change that.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ I feel that I have made a far greater sacrifice for the relationship than Carol has made, and I've proved to her that I care. I think her demand that I not see other women at all is unfair and unreasonable. Wendy is a dear friend of mine, w hom I haven't seen for a long time. There was nothing wrong in any seeing her. W e sat in her room talking, and the door was open the whole time. I feel that I d id nothing wrong. So I called it an "inter- view"-does that justify the scene Ca rol is making?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It was clear that this discussion was familiar to Ron and Carol-so familiar, in fact, that they weren't really listening to each other. "I think we understand t he way both of you are seeing the situation," I said. "l3ut I'm not sure you two see each other's perspective that clearly. Maybe hearing it from someone else m ight help." I turned to the group and asked whether anyone felt familiar enough with the issue Ron and Carol were discussing to be able to present it.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Jim and Susan, who are not a couple, volunteered. I asked them to sit in the mid dle of the room facing each other, and to present Ron and Carol's positions to t he best of their ability.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Without a moment's hesitation, Jim and Susan continued the heated discussion. Fo r the rest of us it seemed as though Ron and Carol's argument was never interrup ted. "If you cared about me and about the relationship, you wouldn't go and spen d time with another woman. Especially not here and not this week. The fact that you didn't go to bed with her on this particular occasion doesn't change that fa ct," Susan said.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "I've given you more than I've given any other woman in my life, but it's not en ough. Nothing is enough for you. You are jealous, demanding, and unreasonable. N ext you'll ask me to get rid of my bicycle, because it makes me spend time away from you," Jim responded.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Ron and Carol were listening, dumbfounded. "Does that sound like something you t

wo could have said to each other?" I asked. "This is unbelievable," said Ron. "I t's as if Jim were talking straight from my head." "Susan is saying it even bett er than I can," added Carol. "It's because I am speaking from my own experience, " said Jim. "I can't tell you how many times I've had this very conversation mys elf," agreed Susan.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "Let's see if anyone else in the group has had a similar experience. If you feel that you can speak for either Carol or Ron, please come and join Jim and Susan, " I said. In a few minutes every one of the twenty-two participants in the jealo usy workshop was sitting in the middle of the room. The women sat next to Susan. The men (except for one who kept changing his place and position during the arg ument) sat next to Jim. The argument continued with raised voices and emotions. The women: "If you want to have a truly intimate relationship, you give up a lit tle freedom. It's more than worth it!" The men: "Who are you to say that it's wo rth it? If you give up your freedom, you are a prisoner. Ina good relationship, you trust each other. You don't imprison each other. You women are simply jealou s!" The women: "You think we are jealous because we want to protect the relation ship. Let's see you guys when you think there is a threat to the relationship. Y ou'd be as jealous as we are, if' not more. All we ask is for some safeguards. I f we let you guys have your way, there'd be no relationship, or else there'd be a relationship riot worth having!"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It became clear to Ron and Carol that they were not alone in their "jealousy pro blem." Like so many of us, Carol and Ron falsely assumed that their problem was caused by some innate personality deficiency-in the other. Ron blamed Carol's je alousy. Carol blamed Ron's womanizing. I Tearing the men and the women in the gr oup helped break Ron and Carol's "fallacy of uniqueness"-the false assumption th at whatever is happening to us is unique, that no one else experiences it in qui te the same way. The issue no longer was "You are not being considerate," but ra ther, "Men and women look at relationships differently and that can cause proble ms."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Men's and Women's Different Approaches to Intimate Relationships\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ What became clear to the group was that the problem had less to do with Carol's or any other woman's jealousy than with a basic difference in the way men and wo men approach intimate relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Meta-analysis of hundreds of studies that investigated psychological differences between men and women suggests that the difference in the meaning attached to s ex may be one of the strongest of all gender differences (Ilydc, 1993). This dif ference can be summarized this way: Women generally connect sex with affection, closeness, intimacy. Men generally connect sex with achievement, adventure, cont rol, or pure physical release (Basow, 1992). In addition, leading feminist psych oanalysts argue that women's sense of self and of self-worth is grounded in thei r intimate relationships.I\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A study by David DeSteno and Peter Salovey (1996b) shows how the importance of i ntimate relationships for women impacts their jealousy. In the study, characteri stics of the rival were studied in terms of their impact on jealousy. Results sh owed that women, more so than men, consider the desires of their partner in iden tifying rivals who evoked jealousy. In other words, when women know that their p artner is attraotcd to a part\u9658?CUlar feature in a woman, and the rival has this feature, they respond with jealousy. Men, on the other hand, consider as ri vals those who excel in areas important to their own definition of themselves. T hey do not consider their partner's preference. This suggests that intimate part ners have a greater impact on women's self definition and, because of that, on w hat they will consider a threat in a rival.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Because of the great importance of intimate relationships to women's sense of se lf, there is a difference between men and women in "mate selection criteria." Th is observation received research support in a much quoted study by Douglas Kenri ck and his colleagues (1993). In the study, young men and women specified their minimum criteria for a date, sexual partner, exclusive dating partner, marriage

partner, and a one-night sexual liaison. Sex differences were greatest for casua l sexual liaisons, with men's criteria being consistently lower than women's. In other words, while for men a casual onenight stand may mean nothing, for a woma n any sexual liaison is likely significant and therefore approached with caution .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In my clinical work I have discovered again and again the value of telling coupl es that their jealousy problem is shared by most men and women. Like Ron and Car ol, when couples discover that their problem is commonly experienced by others, they stop looking for defects in each other. When it becomes clear that like mos t men and women they too have different ways of being intimate, much of the ener gy that was spent in blaming the other and protecting themselves from attack is freed and can be used for better coping.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another interaction between Carol and Ron in the workshop demonstrated another i mportant point: the connection between couples' original attraction to each othe r and the primary cause of their subsequent stress or jealousy.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ "What attracted you to Carol when you met?" I asked Ron.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { "Well, she's obviously a very beautiful, sexy woman," answered Ron. "She's also warm and intelligent. But what was most important to me was that she's a strong, independent woman who has a mind of her own. I don't like weak, dependent women ."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 'And what attracted you to Ron when you first met?" I asked Carol.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ "First, I was attracted to his looks. I love thin, tall men and I love gray hair ; Ron is skinny, very tall, and has wonderful gray hair. But I was attracted to his warmth and gentleness even more than to his looks. Ile really knows how to m ake a woman feel special like no other man I've ever known."\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ "So you were attracted to Ron because he is a good-looking man and knows how to relate to a woman, and now you are upset because he is attractive to other women and knows how to relate to women. A bit unfair, isn't it? And You, Ron, were at tracted to Carol because she is strong and independent and has a mind of her own , but now you are upset because she wants the relationship to be the way she bel ieves a good relationship ought to be. Strong women who have a mind of their own tend to have their own ideas about relationships, too."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { When I first noted that people tend to be most distressed by an aspect of their mate's character or behavior that they initially found most attractive, I relate d it to the notion of our romantic image. The person we are attracted to-the per son we choose to fall in love with and make a commitment to-fits our internalize d romantic image in some significant way. That romantic image is most influenced by our parents, who are our first models of love. It is also influenced, albeit to a lesser degree, by evolutionary and cultural definitions of who is an attra ctive man or woman.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to the evolutionary (sociobiological) approach, this definition of att ractiveness is related to our evolutionary history, in which the men and women c onsidered attractive were the ones who had a better chance to breed and provide for their offspring, and thus had a better chance to pass on their genes to futu re generations. In other words, cultural stereotypes for attractiveness are base d on qualifications for breeding.2\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Examples are big (but not too big) breasts in women and a tall, muscular (but no t too tall or too muscular) body in men. Indeed, Ron described Carol, who is big -breasted, as "a very sexy Woman"; Carol, like many other women, said she liked tall, lean men. Why are big breasts attractive in a woman? Because, argue sociob iologists, it suggests the woman has the attributes needed to nurse a baby. Why are height and a muscular body attractive in a man? Because, say the sociobiolog ists, they suggest that the man has the attributes needed to be a good provider and protector.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b

{\qc Which Is the More Jealous Sex?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The answer to this question depends on our definition of jealousy. If we compare the frequency of the experience of jealousy, its symptoms, and its intensity, m en and women are very similar. Actually, a consistent finding in my research has been the relative lack of differences between the sexes.\'7d Similar findings w ere reported in other studies that examined gender differences in jealousy.`t\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When asked how jealous they were, and how jealous they had been during earlier p eriods of their life, again there was no difference between men and women. There was no differences in either frequency or duration of the most intense experien ce of jealousy, and no difference in either the emotional or the physical compon ents of jealousy. There was also no difference between men and women in the numb er of' other people who consider them jealous, either among people who knew them well, or among people with whom they had an intimate relationship. There were f ew gender differences concerning people or situations that elicit jealousy, all of them related to women's greater belief in monogamy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Women and men showed no differences in the components of the experience of jealo usy, its intensity or its frequency, and showed few differences in the triggers of jealousy. There were major differences, however, in the ways men and women re sponded to jealousy. (See Tables 11-19 in Appendix C.)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\ s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc How Do Men and Women Respond to Jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When you are jealous, how do you usually respond? Do you:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ \u9632? talk about it with your partner?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? try to ignore the whole thing?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? let your partner understand that you are hurt?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? scream and shout?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? get away?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? respond with violence?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? respond in some other way?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When this question was presented to 285 men and 283 women, there were several di fferences between the responses of' men and women, but there were many more simi larities than differences.' For both men and women, the most frequent response t o jealousy was to "talk about it." Talking is obviously the best response (and " right answer"). The finding that men talk more often than women contradicts the stereotype of the silent man and the talkative woman. Yet it confirms the findin gs of many studies that show that men do indeed talk more than women.6\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ For women, the second most frequent response was to "try to ignore the whole thi ng." This was a far less frequent response for men. These findings seem to sugge st that when her partner is triggering her jealousy, a woman is able, or willing , to ignore it more than a man does. As we will see shortly, evolutionary approa ch has an explanation as to why this is so. Nevertheless, it should be noted tha t a study by Paul Mullen and Judy Martin shows that men tend to cope with jealou sy by using denial and avoidance, whereas women are more likely to express their distress (Mullen & Martin, 1994).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While men and women are similar in their likelihood of letting their mate know t hat they are hurt, they tend to do it in different ways. For women, responses te nd to include crying, sulking, and looking hurt, while men are more likely to ex press their feelings by lashing out in anger.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For most men and women, these three responses-talking, ignoring, and expressing hurt-accounted for the majority of the total responses mentioned (8 10/6 for men and 800/6 for women). Only a small percentage of men and women described themse lves as either shouting, getting away, or resorting to violence because of jealo

usy. Despite the small percentages, it's worth noting that women reported using more verbal abuse than men (lid, while men reported responding with physical vio lence three times more than women did. This too confirms the findings of others' studies.7\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While the findings of men's greater tendency to respond to jealousy with aggress ion seem to fit gender stereotypes and other data about men's greater violence, the results of 'a recent study seem to suggest that things may be changing. The study asked male and female undergraduates whether a male victim of a partner's infidelity should react more aggressively than a female victim, and how the resp ondents themselves would react to a partner's infidelity. Contrary to their expe ctations, the researchers discovered that the subjects, particularly females, ex pected females more than males to react aggressively and revengefully when confr onted with infidelity. Females were also more likely than males to declare that they themselves would verbally and physically abuse their partner. Other than th is role reversal, females anticipated behaving in a more typical feminine way-cr y, feign indifference, and try to look cool and attractive (deWeerth & Kalma, 19 93).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Despite the findings of this study-of what women and men think men and women sho uld do when confronted with infidelity-it seems that men and women respond diffe rently to the actual discovery that their mates have had an illicit affair. Men tend to lash out in anger, which in extreme cases can be expressed violently, an d to leave the situation or the relationship. Women tend to respond with depress ion, disappointment, self-blame, self-doubt, and attempts to bring the man back by making themselves more attractive or by making the man jealous.8\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ One interpretation of the differences between men's and women's responses to jea lousy is that men are more likely to protect and maintain their self-esteem, whi le women make a greater effort to maintain the relationship.9\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ When discussing affairs their mates have had, men and women have different conce rns. Most men seem interested in the sexual and more "technical" details of the experience and in comparing themselves to their rival: "How big was his penis?" "I low many times did he make you come?" "Was he better or worse than me in bed? " Women, on the other hand, tend to be more interested in the significance of th e experience for the quality and future of the relationship: "Do you love her?" "Do you feel closer to her?" Women also tend to be more concerned with the damag e the affair might have caused to the intimacy of the relationship. They are oft en obsessed with such questions as, "What did you tell her about me?" "Did you s hare with her any intimate details about me or us?" Women feel tremendous betray al in discovering that a mate has disclosed such intimate information.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ During the reconciliation talk after the discovery of' an affair, a man is likel y to say-in an attempt to belittle the threat it posed to the relationship-"It w as only a physical thing, I didn't feel anything toward her." (In other words, " 1 didn't make a commitment:) The woman, on the other hand, is likely to say, "It was a platonic friendship. I Ic never touched me." These explanations (chosen c onsciously or unconsciously) reflect the different anxiety the affair raises for men and for women. The opposite explanation-a man excusing an affair as being a platonic friendship, and a woman excusing it as being only a physical thing-is far less common.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One possible explanation of these different reactions to jealousy has to do with men's and women's different sex roles. Women are more likely than men to view a n intimate relationship as central to their identity and look to find a sense of meaning in it for their life. Because women tend to identify with their relatio nships more than men do and to have better interpersonal skills, they are more l ikely to take on the roles of a relationship monitor (the guardian of the relati onship), and of an emotional specialist who understands feelings and helps take care of them.10\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Women's greater involvement helps explain why they are more likely to try to imp rove the relationship after an affair, while men are more likely to use denial o

r leave. A man may choose to deny or refuse to acknowledge the threat instead of consciously ignoring and minimizing it, which women are more likely to do. The reason: If he notices, lie will have to do something about it, and he may be sim ply too busy for that.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another difference between men and women, related to their different levels of i nvolvement in their relationships, is women's greater likelihood to induce jealo usy. Psychologist Greg White (1980) discovered five motives for inducing jealous y: to get a specific reward, such as attention; to test the strength of the rela tionship; to inflict revenge because the partner was unfaithful; to bolster self -esteem; and to punish the partner. The most popular method of inducing jealousy was to discuss or exaggerate attraction to someone else, followed by flirting, dating others, fabricating rivals, and talking about former romantic partners. W omen were more likely to report inducing jealousy than were men, and were more l ikely to do it if they were more involved in the relationship than their partner . White believes that the reason for these differences lies in women's tendency to use power that is indirect (manipulative) and personal (based on interaction rather than on concrete resources, such as money).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White's explanation focuses on the power difference between men and women. It as sumes that women induce jealousy because they have less power than men in our pa triarchal society. The evolutionary approach, on the other hand, assumes that al l the differences between men and women, including the differences in their resp onse to jealousy, are innate-the results of a lengthy process of evolution and n atural selection. While the differences between men and women are a secondary is sue in the psychodynamic and systems approaches, they are a primary issue in soc iobiology.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Evolutionary (Sociobiological) Approach\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The evolution of sex differences was one of the central themes in Charles Darwin 's theory. 11 According to Darwin, as males and females ascend the evolutionary ladder, differences between them become more distinct in both biology and behavi or. Males become larger, more aggressive, and more intelligent. Females become m ore nurturing. The growing differences between the sexes are the result of a pro cess of "natural selection."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ An organism able to survive and to out-reproduce others is in evolutionary terms a "superior" organism. In fighting against each other for possession of the fem ales, the most powerful, most intelligent, and most aggressive males (those who were the best hunters) won and thus passed on these characteristics to the next generation. Because these men were the better hunters, they were better able to protect and provide for their women and offspring. For similar reasons, children of nurturing mothers had a better chance of surviving, and passed on these wome n's characteristics to the next generation.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Darwin also saw an evolutionary reason for jealousy. Ile believed that jealousy was an instinctual defense (or, according to the definition of jealousy offered earlier, "a protective response") of the pair bond. Feelings and behaviors assoc iated with jealousy served to increase the likelihood that the pair would stay t ogether, reproduce, and raise the offspring to maturity, thus replicating their genes. The fact that jealousy appears among animals, too, was seen by Darwin as a proof that jealousy is innate.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Modern sociobiologists also describe jealousy as having an important function fo r genetic survival.12 Since all males confront the problem of "uncertain paterni ty," jealous males who guard at all times against sexual rivals are more likely to raise their own offspring rather than their rivals'.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A man whose wife has committed adultery is called a "cuckold" The term is derive d from cuckoo-the bird that lays its egg in another's nest. It is never used to describe a woman whose husband has committed adultery. Why? Because a woman cann ot be cheated the way a man can in wasting her "parental investment" on a parasi te. Parental investment is a key concept in sociobiology; it refers to the energ y expended by parents to produce and raise offspring.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

The evolutionary risk men face of being cuckolded explains why, in the majority of human societies, there is an asymmetry in chastity laws: While adultery is fo rbidden for both sexes, commonly the woman is more severely penalized for it tha n the man. A prereser- valion Apache husband, for example, could beat his adulte rous wife, kill her and her lover, or cut off the end of her nose so that she wa s too ugly for anyone to want her again. An Apache wife whose hushand committed adultery, on the other hand, could only withdraw from the relationship, attempt to get her husband back, or, in the most extreme circumstance, divorce him.13 In most known cultures a husband can punish his wife more severely and dissolve th e marriage more easily than a wife can.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a survey of types of marriage around the world it was discovered that out of 554 societies in which some kind of marriage exists, only 135 practice monogamy. The majority of* societies practice polygamy. The husbands in these societies c an have two or more wives. Polyandry, the practice of a wife having two or more hushands, exists only in 4 of the 554 societies.14\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to anthropological reports about different forms of marriage around the world, sociobiologists use evidence from a variety of other sources, includi ng analogies to the animal world (with the assumption that if animals' jealousy is genetically controlled, so is human jealousy); the existence of differences b etween men and women in response to jealousy ; the fact that male jealousy often leads to conflict and violence; anthropological evidence of the nearly universa l male constraint of female sexuality; and both anthropological and psychologica l reports of men's concerns about their paternity.1'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ From everything said so far, it must seem obvious why sociobiologists think men and women respond differently to the discovery of an affair. For a man, such res ponses as rage, lashing out, revenge, or leaving are all perfectly reasonable fr om an evolutionary perspective. The betrayal affects not only the situation at h and but also future generations. A cuckolded man who doesn't leave may be provid ing for another's offspring and genes. From an evolutionary perspective, the wom an who has been betrayed faces a far less serious threat. The fact that her husb and is spreading his sperm around is not a threat to her own offspring and genes as long as he stays and continues to provide for them. Thus her motivation is t o get him away from the other woman and keep him attached to her.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Clearly, sociobiologists view jealousy as an understandable response that may ap pear irrational only when attention is focused on the individual who experiences and expresses it. From the perspective of that individual's genes, jealousy is extremely rational. Consider, for example, why a man should care about sharing h is wife with others if he is convinced that it will in no way affect the satisfa ction of his own needs. From this purely "rational" perspective there is absolut ely no logical reason for jealousy scenes and violence. But when one views the s ituation from the perspective of the man's genetic survival, there is a perfectl y good reason for his jealousy. It is a response to the threat that his genes ma y not be passed on to future generations. For a woman, who is always sure that t he baby she carries has her genes, the focus of jealousy is on another kind of t hreat-that she won't have a man to provide for her and her offspring.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ In summary, from a sociobiological perspective, gender differences in jealousy r esult from an essential male-female asymmetry in parental confidence. While fema les cannot easily misidentify their young and misdirect their parental care, mal es can only be confident of their paternity if they are the exclusive sexual par tners of their mate. Therefore, the main reproductive threat associated with mal e infidelity is the risk of lost resources, whereas the main threat associated w ith female infidelity is the risk of alien insemination. Because of the differen t risks they face, females can be expected to be less jealous than males, and le ss concerned with the sexual infidelity of their partner than with the potential loss of attention and resources needed for the raising of offspring.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ To prove this point, David Buss and his colleagues (1992) asked students which w ould distress them more upon discovering that the person with whom they were ser

iously involved was becoming interested in someone else: "Imagining your partner forming a deep emotional attachment to that person," or "Imagining your partner enjoying passionate sexual intercourse with that other person." Results indicat ed that more men were upset by the possibility of sexual infidelity, whereas mor e women were upset by a potential emotional infidelity.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ These findings together with Buss's evolutionary perspective on jealousy generat ed a heated debate and made the study of gender differences in jealousy a hot to pic. Among the studies supporting his findings and interpretation was a study by Brain Buunk and his colleagues (among them David Buss) who studied sex differen ces in jealousy in the Netherlands, Germany, and the United States. In all three counties men showed greater psychological and physiological distress to sexual infidelity, while women showed greater distress to emotional infidelity. However , the magnitude of these sex differences varied somewhat across cultures. It was large for the United States, medium for Germany and the Netherlands (Buunk ct a l., 1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Very similar findings were reported by David Geary and his colleagues in a study that examined sex differences in jealousy in China and the United States. Once again, findings supported David Buss's evolutionary prediction: A higher proport ion of men reported distress to a partner's imagined sexual infidelity and a hig her proportion of women reported distress to imagined emotional infidelity. Howe ver, a much higher proportion of American men and women reported more distress i n response to sexual infidelity compared to their same-sex Chinese peers. This s eems to suggest that the predisposition to romantic jealousy is influenced by se xual permissiveness in the general culture (Geary et if., 1995).\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Other scholars accepted the findings reported by David Buss and his colleagues, but took issue with their interpretation. Christine I larris and Nicholas Christ enfeld (1996a), for example, argued that the fact that men are especially bother ed by evidence of their partner's sexual infidelity, whereas women are troubled more by evidence of emotional infidelity, can be the result of what they call "r easonable" differences between the sexes in how they interpret evidence of infid elity. A man, thinking that women have sex only when in love, has reason to beli eve that if his mate has sex with another man, she is in love with that man. A w oman, thinking that a man can have sex without Iove, should still be bothered by sexual infidelity, but less so, because it does not imply that her male has fal len in love as well.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Other scholars challenge Buss's overreliance on the theory of evolution. David D eSteno and Peter Salovey (1996a), for example, agree with Buss that evolution ma y play a role in determining human behaviors such as jealousy, but they argue th at one should not forget that human behavior is also influenced by cultural vari ables to a much greater degree than the behavior of other species.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ In a similar vein, Ralph Hupka and Adam Bank (1996) argue that the findings repo rted by Buss and his colleagues were due to ascribed gender norms rather than to differences in innate propensities for jealousy between men and women. They sup port this argument with the findings of a study as well as numerous ethnographic reports that call into question the evolutionary view on jealousy and support a sociocultural perspective. In the study, which involved 745 students, it was fo und that over 50% of both men and women reported greater upset over imagined emo tional infidelity.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In one of my studies of sex differences in jealousy, it was found that while the re was no sex difference in the jealousy triggered by the thought ofa sexual inf idelity (both men and women reacted very strongly to this) there was a sex diffe rence in response to an emo- tiona] infidelity (women responded more strongly th an men) (Pines & Friedman, 1998).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In light of these and other studies, it seemed appropriate for Christine Harris and Nicholas Christenfeld (1996b) to suggest that, instead of proposing a specif ic innate mechanism to explain sex differences in jealousy, it might be more use ful to focus on the fact that both men and women are bothered by both emotional and sexual infidelity.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

What did Buss and his colleagues (1996) have to say in response to all this crit icism? Their response was simply that by all scientific standards the evolutiona ry account of sex differences in jealousy "appears to be in good standing."\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Power Perspective on jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to social psychologists, and other critics of the evolutionary perspec tive, the differences in jealousy between men and women do not result from an ev olutionary process; they are primarily the result of social processes and existi ng conditions in the society that affect all couples and all individuals. One su ch social condition with special relevance for jealousy is the power difference between men and women. Power, for the purpose of this discussion, is the differe nce in dependency on each other within a couple-the partner who is more dependen t has less power. The dependency can be emotional, financial, social.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ The more powerful person in the relationship, whether a man or a woman, tends to respond to the jealousy-trigger in the "masculine" way-lashing out in anger, le aving, and so on. The weaker person typically behaves in the "feminine" way: cry ing, sulking, trying to become more attractive, trying to make the mate jealous, etc. Sadly, the person who cares less or has more outside alternatives has more power in the relationship. 16\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Many women tend to respond to jealousy in the typically "feminine" way, not beca use they are women but because they have less power in their relationships. A wo man in her fifties who has spent most of her adult life rearing children and sup porting her husband's career has far fewer alternatives outside the marriage tha n does her successful husband. When she discovers that her husband is having an affair with his young secretary, her jealousy is not only a response to a percei ved threat to a valued love relationship; it is also a response to a threat to a marriage that defines her entire life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A nice demonstration of the impact women's vulnerability has on their jealousy w as provided in a study by Ada Lumpart. Vulnerability was defined in the study as the fear of being abandoned and willingness to accept hurtful behavior from one 's partner. Lumpart asked men and women: What would you do if you discovered tha t your mate is unfaithful? She found that women who had the highest scores of vu lnerability said such things as, "t would accept it. What other choice do I have '?" Women who had an average vulnerability score said such things as, I would gi ve him an ultimatum-it's either me or her." Women who had low vulnerability scor es said, "1 would leave."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Women's vulnerability was not an innate characteristic, but a result of' their l ife circumstances. Vulnerability was low when the woman had no children, highest when she had young children, and low again after the children left home Men's v ulnerability was similar to women's before the children were born, but went down with the birth of the children, and up again after investing time and energy in them. After the children left home, the vulnerability of men and women became s imilar again (Lampert & Friedman, 1992).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This brings us back to the difference between men's and women's involvement in r elationships. Women are socialized to care more about relationships and to desir e commitment more than men. The result is their loss of power to men. These powe r differences are not innate. They are primarily a result of power differences i n the society, which are reflected in power differences within the couple. A wif e who creates alternatives for herself outside the marriage and is less dependen t on her husband emotionally, socially, and financially is less likely to take o n the role of the jealous mate. One couple, both in their early fifties, is an e xample of this kind of role reversal.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The wife, Laura, had been a homemaker from the time her oldest child was born un til the youngest finished high school. At that time she felt that she could affo rd to do something for herself, so she went back to school and got a business de gree. With the help of high grades and excellent recommendations from her teache

rs, she was able to get a job in a large pharmaceutical company. There, her enth usiasm and hard work earned Laura one promotion after another. Soon she was mana ging the state office of the company, traveling often, meeting interesting peopl e, and coming home late.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Her husband, Adam, was an engineering manager in a small industrial company, and hadn't advanced much in his career during those years. At about the time Laura started flying up the career ladder, he started feeling bored with his work, fru strated, and angry. Just when she was finding success and great significance in everything she was doing, he started asking himself, "What's the meaning of it a ll?" While neither one of them acknowledged the change, Adam was now more needy of Laura than she was of him, and felt very threatened by the people she interac ted with at work. Whenever Laura came home late, which was often, Adam demanded to know where she had been, with whom, what they had clone, and what they had ta lked about.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ At first Laura tried to be patient and understanding. Whenever possible, she cal led Adam if she was going to be late, and explained in detail what she did durin g her absence. She also tried hard to ignore his hostile tone when he interrogat ed her. But after a while she started to lose her patience and resent his jealou sy. She was having a wonderful time at work and was doing nothing to justify his jealousy and rudeness.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The happier Laura was with her world outside the marriage, and the more unhappy Adam was with his own world, the more jealous he became. He didn't trust Laura's explanations, and continued to feel hurt and excluded even when he knew she had spent an evening with her women friends. Indeed, he was excluded from her world , just when lie needed her most.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to sociobiology, there was absolutely no reason for Adam to be jealous . First, Laura was spending time with women friends, so there was no chance of h is being cuckolded. Second, Laura had already gone through menopause, so there w as no chance she could become pregnant and carry someone else's genes. Furthermo re, they had finished rearing their children, and he was as assured of his genet ic survival as anyone can be.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ From the power perspective, however, there was a good reason for Adam to be jeal ous. Throughout their life together lie had been "the man" in the family and, as such, had more power than Laura. Now suddenly their roles were reversed and lie was the one with less power in the relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Adam, who is a handsome, masculine, and successful man, responded to the perceiv ed threat to the quality of his marriage in a traditionally "feminine" way. IIe became depressed, sulked, bought himself new clothes (hoping Laura would notice) , and tried to make her jealous by seeing friends without her. The problem was t hat Laura didn't mind at all. She even encouraged him to see his friends more of ten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Adam had to realize that as long as he was doing things to gel a response from L aura, he was still dependent on her. He also had to come to terms with the fact that at the core of his jealousy were feelings of powerlessness and dependency.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In order to overcome his dependency, Adam renewed contacts with people he liked but with whom lie hadn't kept in touch. Since Laura had been responsible for mai ntaining social contacts in their marriage, when she didn't like some of Adam's friends and colleagues she had arranged to avoid seeing then socially. Now that Laura had her own social world, Adam could choose the people he wanted to have a s friends, independent of those he and Laura were seeing as a couple. The task w as not an easy one for Adam, who had relied on Laura throughout their marriage t o do the social talking for him. In fact, Laura's social skills and high energy were the things Adam had found most attractive when they first met. Each time he called someone, he was afraid lie would discover that the person was surprised and not happy to hear from him after all this time. This never happened.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ When Adam became involved with his own friends, interests, and activities-he lov ed hiking, for example, so he joined the Sierra Club and started mountain hiking regularly-he stopped perceiving Laura's work as a threat. I f is increased sati

sfaction with his life and an increased sense of power in the marriage led to a decrease in jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ We've seen that men can respond to jealousy in a way that is typically female, a nd women can respond in a way that is typically male. Yet research shows that co uples like Adam and Laura are the exception, ('specially during the child-rearin g years. Most men and women tend to respond to jealousy in the way that is chara cteristic of their sex. As Ron and Carol's case demonstrated, knowing about thes e differences can help couples break their own fallacy of uniqueness and work to ward resolving their jealousy problem.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The fact that there are exceptions, however, suggests that the differences betwe en "male" and "female" jealousy are not innate, as the sociobiologists claim. Ge netic programming is not all-powerful, especially in a creature as sophisticated as a human being. Instead, these differences result from the working of evoluti onary forces in combination with a variety of other forces in the society.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ This brings us back to the notion of jealousy as a result of an interaction betw een a certain disposition and a certain trigger. Genetic programming and power d ifferences prescribed by society each influence men's and women's predisposition s to jealousy. Whether or not these predispositions will manifest themselves dep ends on the dynamics of the relationship on and internal processes in the mind o f the individual.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc An Evaluation of the Evolutionary Approach\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The sociobiological approach helps focus attention on the different ways men and women express jealousy. When couples are told that other men and women experien ce jealousy conflicts in a similar way, they are vastly relieved. As a result, t hey are often able to confront their own and their mate's jealousy with more und erstanding and less blame.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Unlike the sociobiological focus on the differences between men and women in jea lousy, the psychodynamic, the systems, and the behavioral approaches view sex di fferences as mostly irrelevant in treating jealousy. The psychodynamic approach recognizes that the childhood experiences of boys and girls are different, but t he process of unearthing the unconscious trauma at the base of a jealousy proble m is the same for men and for women. In the systems approach, though men and wom en may play different roles in a romantic relationship, the goal of disrupting n egative interaction patterns does not depend on who plays what role. In the beha vioral approach, it doesn't matter whether a man or a woman responds inappropria tely to a jealousy trigger; the goal of therapy is to unlearn that inappropriate response and replace it with a more appropriate one.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The sociobiological approach has received a great deal of criticism for using ci rcular reasoning and explanations that can never be empirically substantiated or refuted. It looks at existing phenomena, such as sex differences in jealousy, a nd argues that there must be an evolutionary reason for their existence. Sociobi ologists are convinced that if there were no evolutionary reason for the surviva l of a certain trait, it would not have existed today. But proving a phenomenon by its existence is not a valid proof.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another criticism has been directed at sociobiologists' attempts to link human j ealousy to animal jealousy-both supposedly a result of genetic programming. In f act, critics argue that there is no empirical research that directly links jealo usy with a particular gene. 17\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Furthermore, the sociobiological notion that jealousy is "natural" and reflects some kind of biological imperative is dangerous. It can justify unacceptable res ponses to jealousy, such as violence. There is a long tradition of tolerance tow ard men who kill their lovers and rivals because of' the belief that these men c annot help themselves. This biological imperative is far less likely to be evoke d in defense of jealous women) \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The notion that men and women are genetically "wired" to respond to jealousy in particular ways can also be used as an excuse not to work on a jealousy problem.

\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Integrating the Sociobiological and Power Perspectives\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After reviewing the two explanations for sex differences in jealousy-the evoluti onary and the power perspectives-one may be left wondering which explanation is the "correct" one. Are gender differences in jealousy the result of evolutionary or social forces? Scholars in each of these fields believe that they have the o nly possible answer to this (Iuestion. It is possible, however, to integrate the two perspectives. Jealousy is a result of an interaction between evolutionary f orces and current social forces. It is also the result of processes in the mind of the jealous individual and of destructive patterns within the couple relation ship. Jealousy is best described as a circle within a circle within a circle. Th e first circle is the individual. The second is the couple The third is the cult ure in which the couple lives. It is experienced by the individual, played out i n the couple relationship, and shaped by evolution and social forces. Now we can move on to examine the social forces that define how jealousy is experienced an d expressed.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note for Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Evolutionary theory can provide a powerful educational tool in the context of th erapy by helping to break the fallacy of uniqueness-the false assumption that ev ery jealousy problem is unique. One of the workshop exercises I use to illustrat e this point is a "jealousy socio- drania."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I start by drawing an imaginary line across the room. On one end is the position that an intimate relationship has to he monogamous: "You can't truly love more than one person. Jealousy is normal and natural when your mate shows an interest in another person." On the other end is the position that loving more than one person is not only possible, but also natural: 'Jealousy is not natural, but lea rned, and thus can be unlearned. If you truly' love someone, you want to see him or her happy, even when it is with someone else." I ask two volunteers from the group to argue for each of these two extreme positions. After that I invite the rest of the group to join in and find a spot that fits each of their positions along the continuum.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ What inevitably happens is similar to what happened to Ron and Carol in the role play described earlier. Most of the women in the group cluster around the "mono gamy" side of the jealousy line, while most men cluster around the "love should be free" side-dcmon- strating the basic sociobiological argument. When couples d iscover that their conflict about jealousy is shared by most other men and women , and that it actually makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, they are ab le to stop blaming each other, stop feeling guilty, and devote their energy to c oping.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b Romantic Jealousy {\line } in Different Cultures\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw113\pich32\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e

4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080020007101011100ffc4001a00000203010100000000000000 0000000000030104050207ffc40028100002020202010205 05000000000000000102000304111221310541135152618122233271a1ffda0008010100003f00f4 091177e4558d4b5b7384ad7b663e0460208d83b126123717 5e4556bd895b866acf171f49f31b091176e45549416b85f88c1177ee4fb46c21222727212943c988 241234093fdea60e4364b605748b93205acb5db6f23a656e bc7b1efda6fe2b8b28560bc7db8fc88e88ff0023a72cc1412c74077b332b2721db3f75dfbac5607c 13c94924f4c081df89cfa359617b5b21545d758db2a7e93c 747ef36644a7ea37f1c6b12bc814da4001f8f2e24f4091332fb6e7c8c4acaabd21b9b7ee13c993b1 a247da6ed6c1d0303b046c4ee12265e760645d9df15086a1 eb08e9cb891a3be8ebc1f07c4757e99405b55a940968506b5fe235e3f3f7972bad6a408834a3c4ee 54f53c6b32f06da29708ec3f4b1f1f99569f4d366acc9a80 bf9876b0b726e8ef40e8684bd5e25155cf6d7585773b620f931f20f898ede9b90d9f7b5c05f8d658 2c0bcb5de80d30d7606b625babd331c522bb2b040b0d8a01 20213f2f94ba0051a03424c21084210842108421084fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr From the moment of his birth, the customs into which Ian individuall is born sha pe his experience and behavior. By the time he can talk, he is the tilde creator (' of his culture.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Ruth Benedict, "Patterns of Cullure"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ {\qr lealonsy Ihasi a human face.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -William Blake, Songs of tivperienee\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw109\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a006d01011100ffc4001a00010003010101000000000000 0000000000010205040307ffc40028100001040102060202 0300000000000000010002031104123105132122416151a11481237191ffda0008010100003f00fa 02222222222222222e3cdce6e24d046e61fe6d54f2698daf 93e2fc2e6c2ccfcae299023983a18d8c6b9960e97d926bf447d2d452a923c3185c41342e80b25636 671864dc35af825104b3d362ee05cd79ea03878f6b6c1b0a 51714fc4238731b8ce6d39ccd61cf3a5a7ad503e4fa5e5c2b28e54b972366e643ac060356da1dc3a 78bbfb5a2a578e54861c69256b4bcb185c1a3cd0d9618c8c ccbc71938b28ae55005d7cf7100f68bedf22ff00bf85df070f7c19cf919a392e78906fa81d01a47b 06815a4a56367e64aece970630e12729a63a769b2e2eb75f c3686df2abf8b9592d7973e39248a463a390f46380ea5b5d6be2fafd2d5c68cc503186ba0d86c3d0 f417b2e3e2992ec4e1f34ecab636ecf8f7fadd6783952482 58a53c891cd6889ceb73da0d17037da28df4f006d6baf030a5c69df663e5073cc7a77a73b5511e8d ff00ab45142a361898e2e646c693b90d02d5d4a2f39218e5 ae646c7d751a85d2b8006c114a822c51548a08a104451b180efa5a02ba9444444444444444444444 44444445ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A comparison of the ways people in different cultures experience and express jea lousy shows that social forces exert it major influence on people's responses to it.t A situation that provokes jealousy in one culture at a particular time in history does not necessarily provoke jealousy in another culture or time. A resp

onse considered normal and acceptable in one culture may be considered abnormal and unacceptable in another. The comforting conclusion is that everything one ha s clone or imagined doing, no matter how strange one's own culture would conside r it, is probably normal somewhere else. The subject in this chapter is the soci al-psychological approach, which views jealousy as a social phenomenon rooted in the culture in which we live.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Let us start with an example of the ways men in different cultures respond to be ing cuckolded. A turn-of-the-century Bakongo African husband who discovered that his wife had an affair demanded it large sum of money from her lover.2 A Samoan husband cut out the eyes of the lover or bit off his nose and ears.' A "liberat ed" American husband, living at the end of the twentieth century, has been taugh t that jealousy is evidence of low self-esteem and tries hard to overcome it.4\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Can you imagine a situation in which a newlywed bridegroom would actually ask an other man to have sexual intercourse with his bride? This, too, happened at time s among the Bakongo. Upon completion of the marriage ceremony, it was customary for the village elders to enter the house of the newlywed couple to make sure th at everything was in order and, most important, that the bridegroom was able to consummate the marriage. If he was unable to do it, the marriage was dissolved. Sometimes, to avoid shame and humiliation, an impotent husband would find a suit able young man and permit him to have sex with his wife. If a child was born out of their union, the husband treated it as his own. A similar custom was practic ed by the Plateau tribes of northern Zimbabwe. A sterile or impotent husband wou ld at times ask his brother to have sex in secret with his wife, so the couple c ould have a child.' Similar choices are being made today in our modern Western s ociety; infertile women have eggs donated by their sisters or mothers rather tha n have a surrogate ovum donor.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to cross-cultural psychologist Ralph Hupka, cultures affect our respon se to jealousy in two primary ways:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. By defining or not defining a particular event as a threat, which includes (a ) designating the events that make us jealous; (b) specifying when are we allowe d to perceive a threat; and (c) creating the conditions that dispose us to jealo usy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. By giving us certain options for responding when an event is defined as a thr eat.('\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Events That Make Us Jealous\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The culture defines for people the events that will make them perceive a threat to their marriage. These events vary widely, and don't always include an interlo per having sex with their mate. For example, a husband among the Yurok tribe of California or the Pawnee of the American plains saw another man's request for a cup of water from his wife as a clear signal that the other man was after her.7\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ An Eskimo husband, on the other hand, offered his wife to a guest in a ceremony of "putting out the lamp" A good host was expected, after turning out the lamp a t night, to invite the guest to have sexual intercourse with his wife. A husband who did not give his wife to his guest was considered stingy, mean, and inhospi table. Therefore, a husband upbraided his wife if she was slow to respond to the guest. Yet the same husband would become intensely jealous if his wife had sexu al intercourse with that same guest in circumstances other than the lamp ceremon y. An Eskimo husband could even kill such an interloper.8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ The examples of the Yurok and the Eskimo demonstrate that the culture, more than the individual, determines when it is appropriate to perceive a threat to the m arriage. Anthropologist Margaret Mead describes another example of this in the m arriage customs of the Banaro of New Guinea. These customs are full of occasions that in modern Western culture would give rise to tremendous jealousy.9\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{

A young Banaro man who eloped with the woman lie loved did not approach her sexu ally (luring the elopement. Instead of submitting to their mutual passion, he br ought her, a virgin, to his father's house where he knew she would be submitted to a cruel public defloration ceremony. Then the young bridegroom had to allow a nother man to enjoy his wife sexually for a whole year after their marriage, bef ore lie himself could approach her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Each Banaro man had a ceremonial friend. It was the duty of this friend to initi ate his friend's son's future wife into sex. This was done very formally in the "Goblin Ilouse," in front of the sacred pipes upon which no woman was allowed to look. After the ceremony the young bride was returned to her father-in-law's ca re. The ceremonial friend had sex with her, always ritually, until a child was b orn. The child was known as the "goblin child." Only then was the husband allowe d to take his wife.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Meanwhile, the young bridegroom was initialed sexually by the wife of his father 's ceremonial friend. The initiation started with the young man being sent to lo ok for the older woman in the forest. Later, on ceremonial occasions, the young bridegroom and his ceremonial friend would exchange wives. Their wives could eve n bear children to their husband's friends, instead of their husbands. Clearly, what would be an obvious jealousy' trigger for us had a different meaning for th e Banaro.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc When Are We Allowed to Perceive a Threat?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Cultures vary widely in what is considered acceptable evidence for people to con clude that there is a serious threat to their marriage. The Saora of India requi red the husband to see his wife in the act of' sexual intercourse with her lover before he could accuse her of adul- tery.10 For the Dobu of equatorial Africa, personal suspicion was legitimate enough cause to make an individual perceive a threat to the marriage.] ] Among the Plateau tribes of northern Zimbabwe, the pr oof of the wife's infidelity was the birth of a stillborn child or her own death in childbirth. The woman who lay (lying or mourning the death of her baby was a sked to name her lover, whether or not she actually had one. The man she named w as considered guilty without a need for further proof.]'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { In chapter two, I mentioned that for the 728 Americans I questioned, the most se rious perceived threat was a sexual liaison their mate had with someone else.13 A Zuni wife, on the other hand, did not perceive her husband's sexual liaisons a s a threat to her marriage; instead, it was the gossip of the village people abo ut her husband that caused her to perceive a threat and confront him.14\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ Another example of what in our culture would be considered a legitimate reason f or jealousy can be found in polygamous societies. In such societies, marrying se veral women is the rule for rich and influential men, and women don't perceive t heir husbands' marriage to other women as a threat.] \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Actually, it seems that when a woman is the first wife, she may even favor this arrangement for the help with household chores, female friendship, and prestige that it provides for her husband and for herself. Margaret Mead describes a case of a woman in a polygamous culture who hauled her husband into court on the cha rge that she had been married to him three years and borne him two children, yet he had not taken another wife. The native court allowed the husband six months in which to take a second wife. A second wife would add to this woman's prestige by conferring upon her the rank of "first wife." In addition, the second wife w ould provide the household with another laborer and childbearer. Because the add ition of other women to the household enhanced the first wife's status and selfesteem there was no occasion for jealousy-unless one of those secondary wives be came the favorite. The usurpation of the first wife's dignities provided both th e occasion and the justification for jealousy.'6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Similarly, in most polyandrous societies, the multiple husbands tend to show lit tle jealousy as long as the appropriate status differences are observed.\par\par

d\plain\hyphpar}{ All of these examples demonstrate how cultures define the rules for verifying th e existence of a threat to a marriage. Members of a culture will not support som eone's jealous behavior unless that person provides the appropriate justificatio n.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc How Cultures Create the Conditions That Dispose Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to the social-psychological approach, jealousy is not simply a psychol ogical phenomenon that takes place in the mind of an individual. It's a social p henomenon as well-a product of growing up in a certain culture, anchored in the basic decisions made in that culture about such fundamental issues as physical s urvival and mating. These decisions become integrated into the customs, morals, and laws of the culture. They define for the individual what is valued and must therefore be protected from possible loss. In this way the culture also defines for the individual the situations that trigger jealousy. If we consider what is valued in our society, we discover that it is related to the most common trigger s of jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Societies differ greatly in the conditions that make people susceptible to jealo usy. The more members of a society depend on their mate to fulfill different nee ds or help face threats to survival, the greater the potential for jealousy.)?\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Ammasalik Eskimo, for example, was dependent on a competent mate to survive the long, harsh winter. Consequently an interloper presented not only a threat t o the marriage, but to actual survival. One cultural solution was a custom of wi ne-stealing. A man who lost his mate to another was allowed, among other solutio ns, to steal the wife of another husband. A man who dared to carry away the wife in the presence of her husband was considered a powerful person, and his status in the community increase(]. 18\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Dobuan of the D'Entrecastreaux Islands, east of New Guinea, lived in tiny ho stile kin groups on very limited and unfruitful lands. A Dobuan man would stay u p half the night uttering magic spells and incantations to protect his crop of y ams and seduce the yams of his neighbor's field into his own. But no amount of s pells and hard work produced a really fine and bountiful crop. The Samoans, on t he other hand, lived in large villages united by formal ceremonies on abundant a nd fertile land. This difference is one of the conditions that, according to Mar garet Mead, help explain why jealousy was a widespread phenomenon among the Dobu an, while among the Samoans jealousy was rare.19\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Marriage happened at a young age for the Dobuan, and not always by mutual consen t. It came after a period of great sexual freedom, and imposed strict fidelity o n both mates. As a result, during the engagement both mates were tortured by the suspicion that the other was returning to those just recently abandoned sexual adventures. The suspicions only increased after marriage. A Dobuan husband follo wed his wife everywhere. Ile sat nearby, watching while she did her work, and co unted her footsteps if she left for the bush. A Dobuan wife was never allowed to go to another village alone.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The punishment for adultery among the Dobuan was as harsh as their jealousy. A m an who was discovered having sex with another man's wife was likely to have a sp ear thrust in his back. When that option was not available, the betrayed spouse could try to commit suicide by taking fish poison.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \ afs23 {\b {\qc Options for Responding to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Culturally sanctioned responses to jealousy are as varied as the cultures on ear th. They range from doing nothing to killing both the unfaithful mate and the in terloper. The first option is most often given to women, the latter to men. As n oted during the discussion of the evolutionary perspective, the difference betwe

en men and women in "paternity confidence"-the fact that while women always know that their offspring are theirs, men have no such assurance-explains why the ma jority of human societies penalize women more severely than men for adultery.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As an example of 'a woman's comparatively mild response to jealousy, we can look again at the Zuni wife, who at first said nothing to her unfaithful husband. Bu t when his sexual liaison became the source of tribal gossip, forcing her to res pond, she refused to wash his laundry. This made it clear to him that the affair was common knowledge, and that he'd better stop it. Among the Murngin of Aus tr alia, a wife had only one culturally sanctioned way to respond to her husband's infidelity: assault him verbally in public. If she ran away, her father and brot hers would search for her and return her to her husband, who would then beat her as punishment and warn- ing.20 Physical aggression is allowed among women only when directed toward a rival. Among the Toba Indians of Bolivia, a wife was allo wed either to leave her unfaithful husband or fight her rival. Fights could go o n for hours, the two women beating each other with their hands and scratching ea ch other with fingernails or cactus thorns.2'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Culturally acceptable responses to a wife's unfaithfulness tend to be far more s evere. In cases of jealousy-related "justifiable homicide," the justified party, almost without exception, is a man.L2 An Antakerrinya husband in South Australi a who discovered that his wife had been unfaithful was allowed to cut her across her buttocks and thighs or burn herz' A Marquesan husband, under similar circum stances, could punish his wife either by whipping or by killing her.24 Apache hu sbands would cut all the hair from the heads of their unfaithful wives, and some times cut their noses.'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A nineteenth-century husband of an Aboriginal tribe of New Zealand had several c ulturally accepted options for responding to his wife's unfaithfulness: He could beat, divorce, or kill her. He could also demand either compensation or a duel from her lover. In the duel, both men were armed with spears. At first the husba nd could try to pierce his rival's chest with his spear while his rival was allo wed only to ward off the thrust. After the rival warded off the third thrust, th e debt was considered paid and both men continued to fight on even terms.26\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In all these cases, the options for response available to the jealous individual are related to the culture's evaluation of the offense and the threat it implie d. In addition, cultures allow responses according to the assigned responsibilit y.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Among the Maori of New Zealand, when a wife was unfaithful, her family was requi red to compensate her husband with a land settlement. But if she ran away with h er lover, the husband was held accountable; in the interest of the community, li e should have been aware of what was going on and prevented the escape. Because the husband was held responsible, his property was taken away as punishment.27\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since the stability of marriage is important to society-it ensures that children will be born and taken care of by both parents-most societies accept jealous be havior as legitimate. According to sociologist Kingsley Davis, a jealousy situat ion is not a triangle but a quadrangle, because the public or the community at l arge is always an interested party. By failing to acknowledge the public or comm unity, we fail to grasp the social character of jealousy. To understand jealousy , argues Davis, we must understand the social function it serves.28\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ Most cultures support the betrayed mate and condemn the transgressing mate and t he interloper. Yet the punishments prescribed by the social norms of different c ultures, and even the person designated to deliver the punishment, can vary grea tly. Among the Plateau tribes of northern Zimbabwe, for example, when the adulte ry was between individuals of equal rank, it was the duty of the tribal chief to flog the male lover. Punishment was much more severe when the husband caught hi s wife and her lover "in the act." In such cases the husband was expected to kil l both wife and lover. If he chose not to punish them, and the wife was caught a gain, the villagers took on the responsibility for punishment. They impaled the

unfaithful wife and her lover on sharp stakes, and then taunted them until they died.--9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The punishments delivered by the husband, the villagers, and the chief were all prescribed according to a social code and designed to serve as deterrents. They all demonstrate the relationship between the individual's jealousy and the prohi bition against adultery that protects the institution of marriage.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Among the I lidatsa Indians of North America, a husband had several options if h is wife ran away with another man. One option was to kill his wife and seize the property that belonged to her lover and his friends. This custom encouraged men not to get involved with married women for fear their friends might have to pay for their transgression. But the most praise-worthy alternative was to treat th e whole affair as good riddance from the wife by inviting the runaways to his lo dge and formally presenting his wife to her new lover.30\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Everything said so far indicates that the ways in which we experience and expres s jealousy reflect the norms and social structure of society. What social forces encourage or discourage jealousy? Following Ralph I-lupka, this question will b e explored through a comparison between the turn-of-the-century Toda of Southern India'' and the prereservation Apache Indians of North America.'2 The Toda tend ed to minimize expressions of jealousy; the Apache expressed jealousy frequently .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Toda and the Apache\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ For the Todd, jealousy was akin to selfishness, and was considered a minor sin. According to Todd religion, people who died traveled across a river on a bridge made of spiderwebs before they reached the home of their god. Individuals who we re jealous during their life had heavy hearts that tore the thin bridge. They fe ll into the river, where they were bitten by leeches. Swamp-dwellers would detai n them for a period of time proportionate to the severity of their jealousy and selfishness. For the Apache Indians, jealousy was a culturally acceptable emotio n. One did not need to apologize for expressing jealousy or repent for experienc ing jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Toda were primarily polyandrous. When a woman married a man, she automatical ly became the wife of his brothers as well, even of those not yet born. She had sexual relations with the brothers as well as with the husband who married her. The woman and her "husbands" lived together as one family. Marriage was not a re quirement or a reward. Needs for food and shelter were provided by the joint eff ort of all the men in the family. Emotional needs for companionship were also ea sily satisfied.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Apache, on the other hand, were monogamous. Marriage for an Apache was the k ey to recognition as a mature adult and to economic self-sufficiency. Adults wit hout mates were rare and considered abnormal. Both husband and wife were expecte d to contribute to the economy of the family. Men hunted; women gathered wild fr uits and vegetables.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For the Apache, marriage was a prerequisite to sexual gratification. Virginity i n both sexes was associated with purity, and premarital sex was discouraged. For the Apache, sexual pleasure was a reward earned after a long period of deprivat ions-a reward to be jealously guarded against the threat of an interloper.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Toda, by contrast, had few sexual restrictions, and sex was easily obtained before and after marriage. Both husbands and wives were allowed to have lovers. When a man wanted someone else's wife as a lover, he sought the consent of the w ife and her husband or husbands. If consent was given by all, the men negotiated for an annual fee to be received by the husband(s). The man then visited the wo man at the house of her husband(s), or in some cases had her live with him as if she were his wife.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Among the Toda, the clan owned the most valuable property: the sacred buffaloes

and the land. Each family had its own nonsacrcd buffaloes, whose milk was a majo r source of food, and its own house. Material possessions were few and not highl y valued. People had almost no personal property.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Apache owned most property individually, and such property was not used by a nyone else, even a parent, without permission. Handling someone else's belonging s implied a special and intimate relationship. A husband's clothes could be wash ed only by his wife, mother, or slaughter. Any other woman who did his laundry w as assumed to be having an affair with him.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Toda were casual not only about personal property, but about personal descen dants as well. Men took little interest in knowing whether the child they were r earing was their own; fatherhood was a legal relation established through a cere mony in which the man gave a bow and arrow to the mother. At times that man had no physical contact with the mother prior to the ceremony. The oldest husband in the family usually performed the ceremony when the wife was about seven months pregnant, yet all the husbands were regarded as the father of the child.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ To the Apache, children were a great asset that provided not only status and pre stige, but also a form of social security since children fed and cared for their parents in old age. Daughters attracted sizable marriage gifts and after their marriage, their parents had access to their husbands' labor and to portions of t he game the husbands brought home. In addition, family and children were the maj or vehicle for attaining high status in the tribe, because family size was a ref lection of wealth. The ability to support a large family indicated that a man wa s a good hunter. Because the Apache placed such great importance on personal lin eage, "paternity confidence" was extremely important to then. When an Apache hus band was away, he had a close blood relative spy on his wife to make sure she wa s not seeing other men.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another difference between the Toda and the Apache had to do with the importance of women's economic contribution. Toda women contributed little; the men did vi rtually everything, including the cooking. Women fetched water, embroidered clot hes, pounded grain, and cleaned the house. They were not allowed to approach the buffaloes or handle the milk. They were also excluded from all political and re ligious activities. Apache husband and wife were economically self-sufficient an d both contributed significantly to the economy of the family, men by hunting, w omen by gathering and preparing food.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Toda and the Apache had different response options for unfaithfulness. As no te(] earlier, an Apache man whose wife had been Unfaithful could kill her and he r lover, or else mutilate her face. For the Toda man, the discovery that his wif e had sex with another man implied a far less serious threat. In fact, there was a positive side, in that an appropriate fee would be arranged for the borrowing of his wife. Thus, the husband was not expected to show any jealousy at all.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Differences in the social organization of the "loda and the Apache can explain, far better than individual characteristics of a particular Apache or Toda, why t he Apache were so much more likely than the Todd to respond with jealousy.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ We can now move on to consider the question: Is the social organization of North American society the kind that encourages or discourages jealousy?\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy in American Culture\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a survey of popular magazine articles on jealousy over a fortyfive-year perio d, sociologist Gordon Clanton discovered that the experience, expression, interp retation, and treatment of jealousy in the United States have changed substantia lly. From the end of World War II and until the late 1960s, almost all articles said that a certain amount of jealousy was natural, a proof of love, and good fo r the marriage. The reader (most often a woman) was advised to keep her jealous feelings under control and to avoid unreasonable jealousy marked by suspicion, h

ostility, accusations, and threats. The woman was told to avoid situations that might make her husband jealous, but to interpret his expressions of jealousy as evidence of love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Around 1970, a new view of jealousy started to take root. Magazine articles bega n to question the appropriateness of jealous feel ings in intimate relationships . They no longer assumed that jealousy was evidence of love. For the first time, guilt about jealousy became a problem for large numbers of people. According to this emerging view, jealousy was not natural; it was learned. "Jealousy was no longer seen as a proof of love," Clanton observed, "It was, rather, evidence of a defect such as low self-esteem or the inability to trust. Thus, jealousy was n o longer seen as good for relationships; it was bad for them. From this it follo wed that one could and should seek to eradicate every trace of jealousy from one 's personality. Various prescriptions for achieving this were offered by therapi sts, gurus, and advice givers."'?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The main difference between cultures that encourage and those that discourage je alousy lies not in the norms for or against expressing jealousy, but in the soci al organization that determines the likelihood that jealousy will be provoked.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Americans tend to be monogamous. When a marriage doesn't work, they divorce and remarry, a practice termed by family therapists "serial monogamy." Marriage may not be the key to recognition as a mature adult and to economic self-sufficiency , but it is nonetheless important. The vast majority of Americans marry at some point; remaining single throughout life is rare and considered not altogether no rmal.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Despite this testimony to the importance of marriage, in recent decades people h ave been getting married later, and more couples have been living together out o f wedlock. According to the 1990 Statistical Abstracts of the United States, the re are 2,588,000 heterosexual unmarried couples living together. This is more th an three times the number in 1970, and more than four times the number in 1960. According to the famous sociologist Jessie Bernard, the importance of marriage i s reflected in the attitudes toward jealousy. 54\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another change that has taken place since World War II is the growing contributi on of married women to the family income. Labor statistics indicate that women's participation in the labor force has increased steadily since 1950. Attitudes t oward married women's work have also changed. In the 1990s, more people accept a career as a life choice for women than have ever clone so in the past. A nation wide survey discovered that three-quarters of those surveyed approved of employe d wives. A similar survey conducted forty years earlier showed that three-quarte rs of those surveyed disapproved of a wife working if she had a husband who coul d support her33 Working wives are less dependent on their husbands and on the ma rriage than are housewives. When such career women do not find their marriages f ulfilling, they are far more likely than housewives to leave their husbands.36' Other surveys show that the American view of women's roles has become increasing ly more liberated.37\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Over the last fifty years, American society has also become more permissive, esp ecially toward premarital sex. A Harris poll taken in the mid-1980s found that 7 0% of the women and 79oi6 of the men aged 18-29 thought it was all right for reg ularly dating couples to have sex. On the other hand, only 40% of the women and 55% of the men aged 50-64 thought this was acceptable'; This change in attitude is expressed in behavior as well. A survey among married couples indicates that of the couples 18-24 years of age, 95% of the men and 810/0 of the women had had premarital sex.59\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to Kingsley Davis, jealousy is a culturally sanctioned response to a v iolation of sexual property rights.40 As sexual norms regarding such issues as p remarital sex and virginity become more liberal, we can expect that the norms su pporting the expression of jealousy will weaken.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ There has been a change in attitude toward virginity in the United States. The s ame Ilarris poll showed that 22% of men and 27% of women aged 18-24 said it was important for a woman to be a virgin when she gets married, compared to 410/6 of ' men and 640/6 of women aged 50-64. Clearly, virginity is no longer considered

necessary for young women, and therefore few feel compelled to retain it or to s ay that they have. Actually, Lillian Rubin argues that the sexual revolution, wh ich freed women to say yes, went too far in making it difficult for them to say no.41\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For most Americans, monogamy remains a strongly held moral idea, even when they don't always adhere to it. The results of large surveys of extramarital sex cond ucted in the 1980s and the 1990s indicate that 500/0 to 650/6 of married men and 450/6 to 550/0 of married women engaged in intercourse with outside partners.42 Despite this high rate of infidelity, most people still continue to say that th ey believe in monogamy.43 Sociologist Robert Whitehurst argues that the importan ce of' viewing the American society as a paired and family-oriented society cann ot be overestimated. Strong pairing norms make for a heightened sense of ownersh ip ("my wife," "my husband") and exclusivity. They encourage overprotectiveness and vigilance and increase our predisposition toward jealousy.44\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Growing up in America, men and women are socialized to take personal descendants seriously. This can explain the growing popularity of such solutions to inferti lity as artificially implanting a husband's sperm in his wife's uterus or paying a "surrogate" to be artificially impregnated, carry the husband's baby, and del iver it. Fatherhood is a legal relation that, once established by blood and tiss ue tests, defines certain financial obligations toward the child.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Despite women's economic contribution in housework, child care, and actual incom e, they still don't participate equally with men in political and religious lead ership. This lack of power influences both their likelihood to perceive threats to their relationships and their likelihood to respond to those threats with jea lousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The results of a study I did in the early 1990s suggest that attitudes toward je alousy may be changing again. The study involved 120 men and women who were aske d to respond to the question, "How jealous are you?" I compared the responses th ese people gave in 1991 to the responses of 103 American men and women who were asked the same question in 1980. People in 1991 reported significantly higher le vels of jealousy. One reason may be that in the 1990s people are more committed to monogamous relationships, either as a result of the threat posed by AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, or in backlash against the sexual promiscui ty of previous decades. With the greater commitment to monogamy comes a greater acceptance of jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Paul Mullen (1993), who studied the changes in the social and legal concept of j ealousy across cultures and throughout history, suggests that jealousy has been transformed from a socially sanctioned response to infidelity into personal path ology (especially in cases of crimes of passion). In making jealousy a symptom o f' psychopathology, says Mullen, it ceases to be the responsibility of the indiv idual and allows claims of diminished capacity with respect to crimes of passion .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After this long discussion of jealousy in "the American Society" it should be em phasized that American society is far larger, more complex, and more varied than the primitive cultures described throughout this chapter. Different subcultures relate to jealousy differently. The cultural heritage of men and women growing up in an Italian, Japanese, or Irish subculture is likely to have a major influe nce on their predisposition to jealousy. Indeed, marriage therapists Christie Pe nn and her colleagues (1997) suggest that therapists should understand the signi ficance of infidelity in their work with ethnic minorities in the United States. They give as an example three such ethnic minorities-African Americans, Hispani c Americans, and Asian Americans-whose beliefs about infidelity are influenced b y their different religions. In Catholicism chastity is expected before marriage , and fidelity afterwards. In Eastern philosophy, infidelity is traditionally ac cepted for a nian if his wife cannot produce a male descendent. In Islam, fideli ty after marriage is demanded-for women. In Protestantism, there is clear ban on infidelity.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As a result of these different religious beliefs, as well as different tradition

al beliefs about marriage, beliefs about infidelity vary among these minorities. Among African Americans infidelity is tolerated, even if not approved, especial ly for males. Among I lispanic Americans, open infidelity is frowned upon, yet i s acceptable for males. Among Asian Americans, infidelity is acceptable for male s, and females are blamed for it (the wife for not giving the man what he needs, the other woman for taking him away).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Is Jealousy Universal?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ No known culture, including those in which jealousy is considered shameful and u ndesirable, is completely free from jealousy. Even among the Toda, despite the s ocietal sanction against jealousy, their belief that they would be punished in t he afterlife for being jealous indicates that the sanction did not eliminate it altogether. If there is punishment, there must be offenders. A culture can socia lize people against expressing jealousy, but it cannot keep them from ('cling je alous when they perceive a threat to a valued relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ The conclusion that jealousy is universal is supported by research as well. In o ne study, Dutch and English children were compared to children in an isolated Hi malayan village. Both groups were knowledgeable of situations that provoke vario us emotions, among them jealousy.4 In another study, students from Ilungary, Ire land, Mexico, the Netherlands, Russia, the United Stales, and Yugoslavia were as ked about situations likely to elicit jealousy. Results indicate that for nearly everyone, kissing, flirting, and sexual involvement between their mate and a th ird person evoked a jealous response. Far less jealousy was provoked by the part ner dancing with others, hugging them, or having sexual fantasies about them. Th ere were, however, some cultural differences related to particular responses.46 In yet another study comparing jealousy among Chinese and American students, it was found that while both Chinese and American students reported distress in res ponse to sexual infidelity, a higher proportion of American students reported gr eat distress-suggesting that jealousy might be influenced by sexual permissivene ss in the general culture (Geary et al., 1995).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Freud also believed jealousy was universal. Unlike cross-cultural psychologists who base their conclusion on evidence gathered in different cultures, Freud base d his conclusion on evidence gathered from the unconscious depths of the human p syche. Freud believed that jealousy is universal because it is rooted in childho od experiences all of us share.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It may be worth noting, however, that while Freud believed that jealousy is the product of the individual's mind, he also believed that the culture contributes to it. Jealousy is aggravated in a culture that worships a monotheistic God who proclaims, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me... for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God.47 Jealousy is also aggravated in a culture that upholds an ideal of monogamous marriage and of a repressed self. Such a culture encourages peopl e to expect exclusivity in love, which makes it difficult for them to accept inf idelity, real or imagined. While some cultures may mitigate the pains of jealous y, Freud could not imagine one in which people are completely free of this "disc ontent"48\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sociobiology also supports the notion that jealousy is universal. Darwin saw jea lousy as an innate defense of the pair bond, which evolved through natural selec tion to increase the likelihood that the pair would stay together and reproduce. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc What Does This Have to Do with an Individual's Jealousy Problem?\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People suffering from a jealousy problem can take comfort in the knowledge that such widely differing sources as psychoanalysis, sociobiology, and cross-cultura l psychology come to the same conclusion: Jealousy is universal. But is this kin d of comfort enough to help people cope with jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

As I was writing this chapter, Amalya (whose problems with her boyfriend's jealo usy were described earlier) asked me what was I working on. I started telling he r about the Apache and the Toda and the Eskimos. "How can knowing about the Eski mos help me deal with Sam's insane jealousy?" she asked. "It can make you realiz e how much his jealousy is influenced by the culture we live in," I responded. " That doesn't help rne," said Amalya. "I need to understand what makes Sam jealou s and what I can do about it." Amalya noted a potential problem in the applicati on of the social-psychological approach: Because the focus is on the culture, we may lose sight of the individual.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although drawing practical advice from the study of other cultures may seem diff icult or irrelevant at first, it is far from impossible. In fact, sociologists s uch as Gordon Clanton believe that a social perspective on jealousy can lead to better self-understanding and more effective therapy. Awareness of social forces , says Clanton, can both enhance our understanding of jealousy and provide a bas is for a critique of misleading views. An example of such a misleading position is the view that jealousy is caused by low self-esteem, and that raising self-es teem can reduce or "cure" jealousy. Instead of accepting this assumption uncriti cally, Clanton believes that we should search for its social roots.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ His own search suggests that this view, which is taken for granted both by profe ssionals and lay people, is typical of a wide tendency to attribute a variety of personal failures and problems to low selfesteem. In fact, Clanton argues, one may have high self-esteem in general, but still experience jealousy if a valued relationship is threatened. Furthermore, it is at least as plausible that the je alousy causes the low self-esteem and not the other way around.49 Clanton's view is supported by cross-cultural surveys that reveal that low self-esteem plays l ittle or no role in explaining jealousy in various cultures.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ In Sam and Amalya's case, it is possible that the powerful and disturbing experi ence of jealousy helped diminish Sam's good feelings about himself. I lis bad fe elings were reinforced by the cultural view of jealousy as a personal defect, a view reflected in Amalya's attitude toward his jealousy problem. Awareness of th e culture's influence on our experience of jealousy makes us less likely to adop t erroneous and potentially damaging views.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to making people aware of cultural influences on jealousy, social ps ychology-which focuses on the interaction between individuals and their social e nvironment-has another important implication for coping with jealousy. It can he lp individuals and couples see their jealousy problem in a new way.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ There are two kinds of explanations or attributions for events: dispositional (r elated to stable personality traits of the person or people involved in the even t), and situational (related to the special circumstances in which the event too k place).i0 People who say: "I am a jealous person" explain their jealousy in di spositional terms. When they have feelings, thoughts, and physical symptoms in r esponse to a situation that triggered their jealousy, they say, "I am experienci ng these symptoms because I am a jealous person." In other words, "That's the wa y I am and there's nothing that can be done to change that." Another person expe riencing a similar set of symptoms in response to a similar situation may explai n things in situational terms: "I am experiencing these symptoms of jealousy bec ause the person I am married to has had an affair."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who explain their jealousy in situational terms leave open the possibilit y that in a different situation they may respond in a different way. When they f eel excluded because their partner is flirting with someone, they arc likely to attribute their jealousy to that particular event and focus their efforts on cha nging this situation. People who explain jealousy in dispositional terms are far Tess motivated to change, because for them change means the virtually impossibl e task of changing a "jealous person" to a "nonjealous person."\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ When an individual or a couple comes to therapy, most often the dispositional la bel "jealous person" is already in place. Their typical goal for therapy is to c

hange the jealous person so that he or she will stop being jealous. 70 challenge this dispositional attribution, I ask the "jealous person" such questions as, " Have you been that jealous in all your intimate relationships?" or, "Have you al ways been that jealous in this relationship?" The answer to these questions is a lmost always no. Even if the person can recall only one instance of atypical jea lous behavior, it still means that the person is not "a jealous person" but some one whose jealousy is triggered more easily in some situations than in others. T he challenge then becomes to identify what it is about a particular relationship or situation that makes the person jealous. As difficult as that task may seem, it is far easier than changing a "jealous person" to a "nonjealous person."\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If the person has in fact been extremely jealous in all previous intimate relati onships, and during all stages of the current relationship, the label "jealous p erson" might seem appropriate It is still unlikely that he or she has felt equal degrees of jealousy in all relationships and at all times. Such a person can tr y to discover which situations increase the jealousy and which situations reduce it, then make an effort to avoid the former and seek the latter.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc An Evaluation of the Social-Psychological Approach\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The major contribution of the social-psychological approach is the notion that j ealousy is a social phenomenon as well as a psychological one. The different way s that people in different cultures respond to jealousy help to prove that jealo usy is related to the values and norms of the culture in which we live. In the d iscussion of diversity in culture, ethnicity, class and gender, diversity in sex ual orientation also has an important place (see, for example, Jacobson & Christ ensen, 1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Major criticism of' this approach is that it underestimates the importance of pr ocesses operating in the mind of the jealous individual. Ralph Hupka's conclusio n is an example of this extreme social position: "Jealousy is a function of "a c ulturally defined event, not the cause of it. It is the situation which sets the occasion for jealousy. It is not the jealousy which creates the situation. Jeal ousy is a social phenomenon. It is not a product of the mind of an isolated indi vidual. 5 \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Instead of this either/or proposition, I would like to suggest that jealousy is both a social phenomenon and a product of an individual's mind. The psychodynami c, the systems, and the behavioral approaches are all part of' clinical psycholo gy and, as such, have elaborate recommendations for the treatment of' jealousy. Unlike these clinical approaches, social psychology doesn't offer explicit sugge stions for coping. Yet an awareness of the cultural influences on jealousy and t he ability to shift from dispositional to situational attribution can help peopl e cope with jealousy in a less emotionally loaded way.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\ s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note for Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ The social-psychological approach, while not directly applied to therapy, still has two important implications for the therapist: First, the importance of the n ormalizing effect that the information about the diversity and the universality of jealousy has, and second, helping individuals and couples make the shift from dispositional to situational attributions.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The task of shifting from a dispositional to a situational attribution of the je alousy problem can be accomplished by addressing at length such questions as, "W hat is it about this relationship or this particular situation that triggers you r jealousy?" "In what other relationship or period of time in this relationship have you been least jealous?" "What was it about that other relationship or peri od of time that made you feel more secure and less likely to respond with jealou

sy?" Another line of questions can address the couple's perception of norms rela ted to fidelity, to discover whether the jealousy problem is related to a differ ence in their understanding of these norms.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ These kinds of questions are different from the questions "Why am 1 a jealous pe rson?" or "l low can I stop being a jealous person?" By treating jealousy as a s ituational issue, the couple is motivated to work together to change the situati on so that jealousy is less likely to be triggered.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw84\pich109\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08006d005401011100ffc4001b00010002030101000000000000 000000000001070204060305ffc400361000020201020304 0705090000000000000001020304051106123107142141131522517191a1618193c1d12332425254 83b1e1f0ffda0008010100003f00b0000000000000000000 00000000041ad2d4b0a3394259742945ece2ec5ba64fac30ff00aba3f110eff88fa64d3f8887ac30 d75caa17f71183d53014d43be63f337b25e916ed9b64800f 3bec8d54cec9feec22e4fe08a2726d9e5e5dd7b4dcad9ca6f6f1eaf7263859735bc316e97c2b6cf4 5a56a32e98194fe14cbf4329e8fa95754adb3032615c56f2 94aa6924741c01a277fd45e75f1de8c67eceff00c53f2f975f916922400686b78f7e5e91958d8ae2 aeb6b708b93d978f819e99a7d5a7e0518d5c63b570516f6e afcd9b7b038ded03549ac6a748c5dddf9725cc975e5dfc17deff00c1d1685a5d7a469546257b3718 ef37fcd27d59f4090010483cb22f863513bad7cb5d717293 7e491c270ad53e21e27cad73262fd152f6a53f27e4bee5f5677e48000041c4f687ac4a14d7a3e33d eec869d8975e5dfc17dece8f8774b8e91a3d18b15eda8f35 8fdf27d4fa8000003c33726ac3c4b726f972d7545ca4fec2b8e16aade22e2fb753c85bd74bf49e3d 13e915ff007b8b351200001057fda3eb4f786934cbc3c277 6df45f9fc8fbdc0fa67abb40aa528ed6e47ed67bfdbd17c8e8c00000696afa855a5e9b7665cfd9ae 3ba5ef7e48a8f4eaaee22e25ad5edca5916f3dafdd1eafe8 5cf08a8c2318a4925b248c8000020abfb40d77bf67ad3f1e7bd18efdb6ba4a7fe8deeccb4ede795a 84d745e8a0feaff22c2240000319c79e2e2db5badbc0e5e3 c01a2f33959de6c6deef9acfd0fbda669b8ba562ac6c3af92a4dbdb76fc59b8000000000003fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s2 \afs28 {\b {\qc Romantic Jealousy {\line } in Open Relationships\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw121\pich40\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080028007901011100ffc4001a00010003010101000000000000 0000000000010304050207ffc4002c100002020201020306 0700000000000000010200030411211261052231132332415181142452627191a1ffda0008010100 003f00fa044489311224c4488931112265bf3eaa329319b6 6d742e07006877328f0ecb7cac8ca22c0f42b854d0e41d7987d8ce944a32f2abc3c77beedf420d9d 0d998efcf66cac4aa8601acb3cc8747a9347678fa713a712 0cc2de298ff981b20504ad8c740291dbd752cf0bb2db7c3e9b2f20d8cbb240d6fe87fa9ae22266cf c9fc1e15d91d3d5ecd0b6a72ddf2b21fda280f8e4aa79c79 98ef45938e073fe4d1e1f8366265d83a116a0cc5194fc409074476e675641f49c5bb32fc9c9ba8c6

1ab2ab42e88f280344963df7a13c0c4bed15642d286df3d6 fce8004f0cbdb601fbcee2fc237eb3d4c1e279a314d0877ef9caec0d9e149d0ee7539e31f2b28b51 9689d36a3953eacbcf943f1dfe5f4f9ce9786d36d54fbd45 ad8eb68a7601d68ebf99b622279650ca5580208d106554e2d14714d4883f68d4ba4c894b6263bdbe d5a9acd9faba799701a1112bbe8ab213a2ead6c5f5d30d89 35d4950d22851d84f7262222222222222222227fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr Erotic love is exclusive, but it loves in the other person all of mankind, all t hat is alive.... In essence, all human beings are identical.... This being so, i t should not make any difference whom we love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -I-.rich Fromm, The;Irt of Loving\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ {\qr Jealousy is a kind of fear related to a desire to preserve a possession.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Descartes\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw113\pich48\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080030007101011100ffc4001a00010003010101000000000000 0000000000010304050207ffc40026100002020201040105 0101000000000000010200030411120521314171132251819161b1ffda0008010100003f00fa0444 44444444444444444444444444483331cfa395aa189fa475 610090875beffa323a65f6e4e12db705e65986d7c300c4023e4007f735c4a3272a9c5086e7e3cd82 28f2598f80250d98c7aa518f5f128c8c5c10432eb5a3f1de 6e891321cfa1e9b1ebb0690942e41e21876ee7e659816d97e063dd7204b2cad59947a244d11131f5 0cc188290480d759c013e0762c4ff019ca4adf2ed517e3a8 4c8e5c6de203b2ebb721ebb7efe26ee8b4dd4632556d46ae08abc09047203448d7a3da74e41f1385 666bf50158c7a2bbd4b3335760fb428e41492479d8ff00b2 31f15c65d3974e39d64549bb0694d7a3bd11bf0413f9f13bc3c49983a8e7a62595d4cdc4bab396d6 f4abade87b3b22726cc4b7329bb1f230aaaeeba967560abf 7b7ae7f83dc7e7df7f53b3d383fd0dbd4f50276b5b9d951af1fddcd91128cac4a72d025e9c9410c3 be8823c10478326ac74a8ed764eb5b662c7fa65b2641ee26 4aba76352eed5a150ec599439e249f275bd4d606844999b2b0a8cb286d4db567923062a54ff84779 6d54ad5be23b9f249249fd99ee4c44444444444444444fff d9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Imagine the experience of 'a person whose spouse admits to having sex "on the si de" occasionally, but assures the person that it is the result of a need for var iety and is not caused by any lack of love or by a problem in the relationship. The extramarital sex will in no way affect the relationship-but will go on-becau se the spouse feels there is nothing wrong with it. Imagine further that the mar riage has been happy and satisfying up to this point. Should the person agree to this "arrangement?" Consider a divorce? Consider separation? Be jealous?\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ A study comparing 100 "swingers" (husbands and wives who together engage in sexu al mate exchange) and 100 nonswingers indicates that swingers are far less likel y to consider extramarital sex (which to them is not the same as an illicit affa

ir) a sufficient reason for divorce or separation. They also said they would be far less jealous in such a situation.I\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Swingers are an example of people who manage to develop a rel ative immunity to jealousy.2 Such people consider sexual variety and freedom important to a relati onship. Some also subscribe to an ideology of universal love (of which Erich Fro mm's quote is an example), which makes overcoming romantic jealousy an important philosophical issue as well as a practical one.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In their book Open Marriage, George and Nena O'Neill devote a whole chapter to l ove and sex without jealousy.' As can be expected, the O'Neills believe that the "dark shadow" cast by jealousy has no place in an "open marriage" and is not ne cessary in a "closed marriage," either.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The O'Neills view jealousy not as natural, instinctive, and inevitable, but as a learned response, determined by cultural attitudes. And since it is a learned r esponse, they argue, it can be unlearned. As evidence for their claim that jealo usy is not "natural" in intimate relationships, the O'Neills mention societies a round the world in which jealousy is minimal.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Why is jealousy so prevalent in Western society? The O'Neills blame the "closed marriage" contract, which creates the impression that people "own" their mates. Sexually exclusive monogamy breeds dependency and insecurity. "Jealousy is never a function of love," they argue, "but of insecurities and dependencies. It is t he fear of a loss of love and it destroys that very love."\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ The O'Neills discuss several "misconceptions" that, in their view, cause jealous y to occur in closed marriages. They believe that by doing away with such miscon ceptions, an open marriage helps disassociate jealousy from love and sex.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ One of these "misconceptions" is the idea that there is a limited quantity of lo ve-that you cannot love more than one person at a time. The "truth," they argue, is that we can love different people, each one of them for the unique things th at make him or her lovable.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another "misconception" is the idea that jealousy proves the existence of romant ic love. The "truth" is that jealousy proves the existence of insecurities and d ependencies, not love. Monogamy, they say, "perverts" jealousy into a "good" (fo r example, some husbands and wives actually try to make their mates jealous). Bu t jealousy is never good or constructive.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A third "misconception" is the idea that humans (especially women) are sexually monogamous. The "truth" is that humans of both sexes are not sexually monogamous by nature, evolution, or force of habit. The obvious proof, they say, is that m ost people fail to live up to a standard of monogamy. Indeed, monogamy does not mean having sex only with your partner. It simply means being married to one par tner at a time.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The creator of rational-emotive therapy, Albert Ellis (1962/1996), has a similar criticism of monogamy, which, in his opinion, not only "directly encourages the development of intense jealousy, but also by falsely assuming that men and wome n can love only one member of the other sex at a time, and can only be sexually attracted to that one person, indirectly sows the seeds for even more violent di splays of jealousy."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In my own work with people who have had open relationships, I discovered that th e practice of nonmonogamy is far more complicated and difficult than the O'Neill s and Ellis imply. It is difficult to unlearn the jealous response, especially i f you live in a society that encourages possessiveness and jealousy. Because of these and other reasons, overcoming jealousy, while possible, requires tremendou s work.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One couple, Kim and Larry, decided to open their marriage after seven years of m onogamy. Both felt secure in the marriage and wanted to add variety to their sex life, which had lost some of its passion. They decided that on Tuesday and Thur sday nights Larry could go to see his lovers, while Kim could bring her lovers h ome.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of Kim's lovers recounted the strange experience to me:\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{

You wake up in the morning naked under the blankets after spending the night mak ing love. Suddenly her husband comes into the bedroom, says good morning to you, and then starts an argument with her about who was supposed to take out the gar bage last night.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Kim described some of her own experiences:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I was the one who pushed to open the marriage. I thought this would be the ideal arrangement-you get to have your cake and cat it too. At times it really is lik e that. This happens when I have an exciting lover, with whom I can spend the ni ght on Tuesday and Thursday, without having to deceive Larry. The problem comes up when I don't have an exciting lover, or when I don't have any lover at all. I n those times, the fact that Larry goes out and spends a night with a woman that he finds exciting (possibly more exciting than me) drives me absolutely Mills.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Studies of swingers suggest that most often swinging is initiated by the husband out of boredom or desire for sexual variety, with the wife's reluctant consents .4 Other couples in open marriages also have rules that limit the extramarital i nvolvement: One couple is open only with other couples, another is open only whe n one of them is out of town. For one couple, the rule is "you can have sex, but not spend the night"; for another, sex is allowed only with strangers whom we a re not likely to meet socially." Contracts differ in degree of openness and are rewritten whenever the partners see fit to do so.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Despite the rules, many couples discover that the effort to keep a marriage stro ng while being open to involvement with other people requires too much effort: " You have to talk all the time in order to make sure your marriage doesn't suffer . The time and energy involved in that are so big that little is left for anythi ng else." Many of the couples I interviewed or worked with who had tried open ma rriage decided eventually to go back to monogamy. Studies of swingers suggest th at despite the self-selection that screens out highly jealous people, jealousy r emains a problem for swingers: Up to a third of swingers soon drop out because o f their own or their spouse's jealousy.'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Some people have made unusual attempts to combine the security of a good relatio nship with the sexual variety offered by being involved with other people.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Life without Jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Is it possible to eliminate jealously from your life? The answer, according to t he members of an urban commune called Kerista, was "definitely yes!"\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ The Keristans described themselves as an "egalitarian, nonmonogamous, utopian co mmunity" Kerista included, at the time I studied them, fifteen women, seventeen men, and two children living together in San Francisco. It was founded twenty-fi ve years ago as a "polyfidelitous family" "Polyfidelity," a coined word, is a "g roup of best friends, highly compatible, who live together as a family, with sex ual intimacy occurring equally between all members of the opposite sex, no sexua l involvement with people outside the group, a current intention of lifetime inv olvement, and the intention to raise children together in multiple parenting."6' \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A polyfidelitous family resembles a traditional marriage in that family members did not become sexually involved with each other until they had made a mutual co mmitment to a "current intention of a lifetime involvement," and in that once th e commitment was made, they were totally faithful to each other. A polyfidelitou s family differs markedly from a traditional family in its basic assumption that one can have many primary relationships simultaneously.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Members of the commune described a high degree of love and tenderness for each o ther. Each one of the men claimed to be equally In love" with each one of the wo men, and the women claimed to love equally each one of the men. Women referred t o other women affectionately as "starling sisters"; men referred to other men as

"starling brothers." The terms connote the affection experienced and expressed by the commune members toward their same-sex partners. Members had three-leper n ames (Jud, Eve, Geo, Ram) that were selected after an individual entered the com mune.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sexual relationships within the family were nonpreferential and happened within a rotating sleeping pattern. The sleeping pattern, which followed a set formula, scheduled nighttime to be spent in a twosome. The sleeping pattern did not sche dule sexual intercourse; having sex or not having it depended on the feelings of the two partners spending the night together.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The economics in Kerisla were managed according to a system of "surplus income s haring." In this system, members put all their surplus income above their own ex penses into a common fund and set a personal wealth limitation of one thousand d ollars. Policy decisions on how and where to spend this common fund, like all ot her decisions, were made by a majority vote. Kerista was doing well financially. In 1990, for example, its gross revenues came to $15 million.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Kerista had developed its own religion and is a legally recognized church. Membe rs shared a belief in "Divinity-a higher order of reality." In addition, they ha d a mythological deity called Sister Kerista, who is "an intermediary between th e individual and Divinity, that the mind can more easily reach out to"\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Interactions among members, including strong differences or personal problems, w ere settled through a round-the-clock "communication process." All members were equal participants. The official power structure was one of "absolute equality." All decisions were made democratically by majority vote.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc How Polyfidelity Combats Romantic Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Keristans approached me some years ago when I was going to lead a jealousy w orkshop. They volunteered to tell the workshop participants how they had managed to overcome their own jealousy. I found the things they said so fascinating tha t I asked them to take part in my jealousy research, which they did.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Before joining the commune, the Keristans said, they had all felt jealous at som e point in life, but the commune enabled them to rid themselves of their jealous y. Following are some of the elements in their lifestyle that helped them overco me jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In Kerista, nonpreferentiality was an ideal and a norm. All oneon-one relationsh ips were viewed as unique: "The nonpreferentiality doesn't mean limiting the dep th of intimacy and caring for the sake of equality and variety. Because of the s trength of each one-to-one bond, no one sees the strength of another relationshi p as a threat to the uniqueness of their intimacy bonds."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ The Keristans extended the limits of the twosome to include fifteen people. With in a family unit of fifteen people jealousy is just as ridiculous as it is withi n a traditional family structure. Furthermore, in a traditional marriage, all th e emotional resources are invested in one person. When that person withdraws or leaves, the result is a serious trauma. In Kerista, the emotional investment was spread among fourteen people. Consequently when one person left, the trauma was much smaller. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The possibility of losing a partner is far less threatening in a polyfidelitous family than it is in a traditional marriage. First, if a person leaves, other me mbers are not likely to see it as a personal rejection and therefore can tolerat e the loss more easily. Second, the loss is shared by all members, and therefore is less painful. Since the threat and the pain of loss are small, they are less likely to trigger jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In Kerista, jealousy was viewed as \u176?a conditioned response that flashes whe never residual emotions from the past are triggered." It was not considered a re

sponse to a threat to the relationship's exclusiveness. On those rare occasions when someone felt jealous, all group members talked about it openly, assuring th e person feeling jealous of his or her secure place in the commune. Furthermore, there was no exclusive relationship to be guarded or threatened. Every intimate detail about the sexual habits of each member was well known to everyone and wa s the subject of open discussion. "Everyone knows if one of the men has a proble m with premature ejaculation, or if one of the women has a problem reaching coit al orgasm, and we all talk about it together," one member explained.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ When Eve and Ram went together to an erotic film festival (on their scheduled ni ght for being a twosome), Azo felt a flash of jealousy. At first, he didn't reco gnize it as jealousy; all he knew was that he felt somewhat depressed. When lie entered the kitchen, several people were there. Right away lie said he was upset . This was a recognized invitation and the others responded accordingly. They st arted to question him about his depression. Eventually they discovered that it w as triggered by a fear that he might lose a measure of intimacy with Eve because he was not sharing the experience of the erotic film festival with her.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ When his feelings were clarified, his partners assured him that both Eve and Ram were solid in their commitment to nonpreferential love and that he was not like ly to lose any measure of intimacy with Eve. Azo also had an opportunity, during the discussion, to examine his own wishes to have a preferential relationship w ith Eve, and to reaffirm his own commitment to a polyfidelitous lifestyle.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ At Kerista, the sexual involvement between one's lover and another person, which for most people is the strongest elicitor of jealousy, was expected to increase one's sense of security. Keristans saw sexual involvement between their male an d female partners (they were heterosexual) as an affirmation that their polyf'id elitous ideology works. They did not see it as a threat to their relationship wi th those partners or to their egos, so they were not likely to feel jealous.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Keristans claimed that their total trust in each other (and consequently the ir lack of jealousy) extended to people outside the community. In other words, o utsiders were not viewed as a threat. When Lee stayed out until the early mornin g hours on a (late with an old boyfriend, for example, no one doubted her total fidelity, and therefore no one experienced jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A major component of jealousy, for many people, is the suspicion or resentment o f the rival. In Kerista, on the other hand, the relationship that every man had with the other mete and every woman had with the other women elicited what they called "compersion" rather than jealousy. "compersion is the positive warm feeli ng you experience when you see two of your partners having fun with each other. It's the antonym of jealousy."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The Keristans disagreed with the sociobiologists who claim that jealousy is a na tural, instinctive reaction. They believed instead that "it is natural to be fre e of jealousy. The natural instinctive reaction is compersion." Like the O'Neill s, the Keristans were convinced that because jealousy is culturally learned, it can, and should, be unlearned.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since the Keristans viewed jealousy as a function of a particular social structu re and sex role socialization, they had put a great deal of effort into creating a new social structure and new sex roles within it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If jealousy is a response to a feeling of powerlessness in the relationship, as some psychologists have argued,7 then a community like Kerista, in which members share equal power, is likely to minimize it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If jealousy is a sanctioned response to a violation of sexual property rights, a s some sociologists have argued,a it is less likely to occur in a social structu re where sexual property rights include all the adults in the community rather t han a single couple, and where intimacy is shared equally by all members of the family.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Likewise, if jealousy arises from a desire to preserve a possession,9 a society that discourages possessions is less likely to elicit jealousy, especially in a

group for whom sexual involvement of one's partner with others doesn't imply a t hreat of possible loss.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When I compared the Keristans' responses to The Romantic Jealousy Questionnaire (see Appendix B) to the responses of 1 03 people in conventional relationships, I discovered that all the Keristans described themselves and their partners as " not at all jealous." They also said that they never experience jealousy, dislike jealousy, do not want their partners to be jealous, and do not consider their o wn jealousy a problem. All this was true only from the time they joined Kerista. During their childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood they were just as jeal ous as the other people surveyed. The Keristans viewed jealousy as an undesirabl e personality characteristic and never considered it an appropriate response, ev en in the most extreme of situations. Unlike most of' the other people surveyed, they believed that one can stop oneself from being jealous.10\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ As can be expected, none of the Keristans believed in monogamy. All of them desc ribed themselves as being totally open with their partners about other sexual ex periences, and all of them believed that their partners were totally open with t hem as well. They also believed that they were totally faithful to their partner s (every single one of them) and that all their partners were totally faithful t o them.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Their responses were so similar that I wondered whether they discussed the quest ions and decided on the "group answer." The Keristans assured me that they (lid nothing of the kind. They didn't have to. They talked about these issues with ea ch other so often that they knew each other's positions without having to talk a bout it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In Kerista, jealousy was an unlikely response because, within a polyfidelitous s ubculture, events that usually trigger jealousy (one's mate having sex with some one else, for example) were not likely to be appraised as threats. In addition t o the way the Keristans appraised jealousy triggers, they also made every attemp t to keep such triggers to a minimum. They avoided displays of affection in fron t of other partners; they were faithful to their partners; and they shared a com mitment to a lifelong involvement with each other, thus ensuring that even if so me of the group members leave, the "family unit" will remain and the individual will not be left alone.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As a result of all this effort, Kerislans were not likely to encounter many situ ations that trigger jealousy. On those rare occasions when they did encounter su ch situations, they were not likely to appraise them as threatening. And when a situation was appraised as threatening, social norms that define jealousy as unw holesome and undesirable guaranteed that the response to the threat would take t he form of an open discussion.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For those who may have decided by now that the best way to conquer jealousy woul d have been to join Kerista, or perhaps establish a similar commune in their own neighborhood, a word of caution is in order. Kerista represented a selective gr oup of people who got together from all parts of the country because they believ ed in a polyfidelitous lifestyle, and because they shared a commitment to a utop ian ideology whose ultimate goal is to make the world a better place in which to live. Despite their unusual practice of sleep rotation, the Keristans were quit e conservative in their sexual attitudes and practices. Few people nowadays requ ire a lifetime commitment before they get involved sexually, but the Keristans d id. The Keristans did not practice open marriage. They were totally faithful, on ly in their case that meant being faithful to fifteen partners.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ It is tempting to conclude that polyfidelity eliminates jealousy. This may be tr ue, but there are problems with relying on what people say about themselves. Peo ple may be unaware of their own feelings, or they may be unwilling to be truthfu l if their responses put them in an "undesirable" light. It may be that since je alousy was not acceptable in the commune, Keristans were reluctant to own up to it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It also may be that when describing their experiences and filling out the questi onnaire, Keristans simply reiterated their ideology, rather than reporting their

actual experiences with jealousy. I am reluctant to accept these alternate expl anations. In my long acquaintance with the Keristans, I learned to trust their h onesty and willingness to explore difficult issues.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ On the other hand, self-deception cannot be ruled out. It is possible that becau se of their huge investment in their alternative lifestyle, Keristans couldn't a ccept the possibility of failure; therefore they distorted their feelings unwitt ingly.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Still, the Keristans demonstrated that a selective group of people, living in a secure social milieu where jealousy-triggers were reduced to a minimum, can succ eed in overcoming jealousy. This can be seen as proof that jealousy can be conqu ered.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It can also provide testimony to the power of jealousy-if it requires so much ef fort to be conquered. After all, only a small and Unusual group such as the Keri stans, living in an unusual, self-created social structure, were able to overcom e it. For those who made the kind of monogamous commitment the Keristans outlawe d and who live in a less protected environment, some degree of jealousy seems al most inevitable.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The less protected the environment, the more likely is jealousy. A good example of this is another commune I visited. This was an urban commune like Kerista, co mprising about twenty adults who shared living space and expenses. Unlike Kerist a, this commune had many children, which meant that members had to put much more effort into parenting. More significant to the issue of jealousy, however, was that the commune's members had constantly shifting preferential relationships. A t the time I visited the commune, for exam- plc, one of the men was living with two women, one of whom had previously lived with another man in the commune. The man himsell had been married to one of the other women members, who was now liv ing with another threesome, and so on. In addition to changing sexual liaisons w ithin the group itself, members were open to outside relationships. The first ma n, for example, made an obvious pass at me during the interview-something unthin kable for the Keristans. As a result every woman in the group was perceived as a competitor by every other woman, and every man was a potential threat for every other man. This caused a serious problem of jealousy that hours of conversation among members of the commune did little to help.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When I last visited the town where the commune lived, I discovered that internal conflicts-mostly jealousy related-had overwhelmed the commune and caused it to fall apart. While jealousy wasn't the only cause of these internal conflicts, it was definitely a major contributor.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A review of the literature about communes suggests that the role played by jealo usy in this second commune is the rule and not the exception. Jealousy, it turns out, is a significant problem in communes in general, especially in group marri ages. I A survey of thirty group marriages suggests that jealousy was a problem for 800/0 of the members. This percentage did not vary much as a function of the stability of the marriage or the age of the group members.12 It seems that with out the elaborate social structure that the Keristans had created, jealousy can unleash its destructive power.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When jealousy comes up in a commune or a group marriage, it is most often a resu lt of men comparing themselves to other men.13 A survey of ?80 swingers, for exa mple, indicates that men were far more likely than women to take part in such so cial comparison and to feel threatened by it)4 This is especially interesting si nce, as noted earlier, husbands are most often the ones who initiate swinging.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The comparison between the Keristans and members of other communes and group mar riages suggests that low sensitivity to jealousy is an important selection facto r for living within a sexually open relationship, but it is not enough. A social organization that minimizes threat, prescribes how to handle threat constructiv ely, and provides members with a sense of security is essential in overcoming je alousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy among Swingers\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard

\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people, especially those with a "jealousy problem," will probably find it i nconceivable that people could allow their partners to have casual sex in their own home with a stranger or acquaintance. But to swingers this is considered an acceptable form of social recreation, according to family expert Brian Gilmartin .15\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gilmartin studied 100 swingers and compared them to nonswingers living in the sa me California neighborhood. While the study (as well as most other studies on op en marriages) was done in the 1970s before the spread of such sexually transmitt ed diseases as herpes and AIDS, a 1990 New Englund Journal of Medicine article s uggests that sexual practices have not changed much since then: "There has been little change in sexual practices (including number of partners) in response to new and serious epidemics of sexually transmitted diseases, with the exception o f an increase in the use of condoms."16\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gilnartin's comparison between swingers and nonswingers indicates that, like the Keristans, swingers seldom experience jealousy when their mates have sex with s omeone else. Swingers believe that it is possible to engage in frequent extramar ital sex without being unfaithful or untrue to marriage partners. This is especi ally true, they say, when the sexual mate exchange happens "together," with both mates present at the particular social situation. Few nonswingers believe this is possible.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Swingers are not likely to respond with jealousy, even to this common trigger of jealousy, because they don't perceive it as a threat. In their own system of be liefs, sex with another person doesn't mean being unfaithful or untrue; it simpl y means having harmless fun.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Three times as many nonswingers as swingers agree that when adultery occurs it i s usually a sign that a marriage is not going well. Gilmartin argues that with t his association in their minds, and with this interpretation of the meaning of a dultery, it is not surprising that most middle-class suburbanites view the mere idea of" their spouses engaging in any kind of extramarital sex as a strong thre at to their egos as well as to their security, masculinity or femininity, and se lfesteem.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Swingers manage to differentiate (both ideologically and emotionally) romantic s ex from physical sex, or, in Gilmartin's terminology, "person-centered sex" from "body-centered sex." Sexual intercourse at a swingers' party is viewed as a val uable and rewarding form of social recreation and convivial play. It has nothing to do with romantic or conjugal love and is very different from clandestine adu ltery. Therefore it doesn't pose a threat to the integrity and security of the m arital bond.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For swingers, the analogy for a sexual mate exchange is a bridge party, in which it is quite common for participants to select someone else's spouse for a partn er. This is rarely perceived as a threat by the men and women involved.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ To keep triggers for jealousy to a minimum, swingers (like the Keristans) struct ure the context of the extramarital sex. They have extramarital sex only as a sh ared leisure activity. They make sure that the couples they "swing" with are com mitted to preserving a reasonably happy marriage Most swingers groups don't perm it single men to participate, although many welcome single women. Even married m en rarely are allowed to attend without their wives. The reason is that men are perceived as a greater threat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Almost all swingers' groups have strong norms prohibiting members from expressin g romantic feelings (such as saying "I love you") and falling in love with one a nother. Swingers can and do express warmth and friendship toward their sex partn ers, but they forbid any sign of desire for sexual or emotional exclusivity, whi ch is part of the romantic experience of falling in love. These rules are aimed at protecting the marital bond of all the couples involved.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Despite all these protections, swingers are not entirely free from jealousy. Mos t often, jealousy surfaces when one or more of the people participating in the s exual mate exchange has accepted the idea of swinging on an intellectual Ievel,

but not on the deeper and more significant emotional level.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ At times, when people bored with marital sex hear about sexual mate exchange the y get very excited and bring up the idea with their spouses. This, as noted earl ier, tends to be the case for husbands more often than for wives. My research on marriage burnout also suggests that boredom in sex is a greater problem for men than it is for women.17\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A man who is bored with sex at home feels the need for sexual variety. He has fa ntasies about the exciting sex he would enjoy as a swinger. In his zeal to persu ade his wife, he often forgets to deal with the real implications of swinging-su ch as seeing his wife undress and have sexual intercourse with other men. If, as often happens, his wife at first objects vehemently to the idea but ends up enj oying the experience, such a man typically feels tremendous jealousy. One man wh o found himself in this situation describes it as the most intense experience of jealousy he has ever had. "I couldn't concentrate on the woman I was with. My e ars were tuned to my wife, who seemed to be having a great time with the man she was with. It was horrible. I simply couldn't take it." This man decided that sw inging was not for him, and instead found sexual variety in illicit affairs.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Experienced swingers also report occasional jealousy, but their experience tends to be milder than that of the novices and not necessarily negative. When jealou sy happens, they typically don't mention it until they come home, and then share it as a tease and a sexual turn-on. Seeing or imagining their \u9658?nates with another person reactivates swingers' sexual interest in their mates. Even when they are physically depleted after spending several hours having sex, the emotio nal charge produced by jealousy and by talking about it helps rejuvenate their d esire.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This positive aspect of jealousy happens so often among swingers that it has bec ome a part of the swinging ideology. When swingers hear their friends talk enthu siastically about how they come home from a party even more erotically charged t oward their mates than when they left, they look for similar feelings in themsel ves. As is often the case, when people look for a particular emotional experienc e, they tend to find it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once again we can see that the experience of jealousy is moderated by the interp retation people give it. For swingers-members of a group whose ideology includes an interpretation of jealousy as a sexual turn-on-it is likely to become that, even if at some other period in their lives it was a response to a perceived thr eat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The technique the swingers use is "reframing," and as noted before, people can l earn to use it. Adopting new beliefs about the meaning of extramarital sex is on ly the first step in the complex process of overcoming jealousy. Even among peop le who manage to reduce their jealousy, chances are that not many will take the next step and agree to multiple extramarital relationships. In that respect, swi ngers are indeed unusual.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Certainly, one of the characteristics of swingers is that they are more interest ed in sex than are nonswingers. Swingers engage in extramarital sex more often t han nonswingers, and they engage in more sex with their own spouses. Gilmartin a sked husbands and wives separately about sex with each other. The discrepancies between their responses were small. The data showed that, among the swingers, 23 r\u9658?/0 of the couples had sexual intercourse an average of six or more times per week, compared to only 20,16 of' the nonswingers. Similarly, 320/o of the s wingers, as compared to 14r/o of the nonswingers, had intercourse four to five t imes per week. On the other hand, only 1104) of the swingers, as compared 480/o of the nonswingers, had intercourse an average of once (or even less than onc(,) per weeks"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While nonswingers didn't engage openly in extramarital sex, many slid so secretl y. In 34%%6 of the couples, one of the partners had been involved in an extramar ital affair, and in 5% of the couples, both husband and wife had affairs. Those people who had affairs had the lowest ratings of marital happiness. People who r emained sexually faithful were far more likely to describe marriages that were h

appy and satisfying.19 One can conclude either that poor marriages push people i nto extramarital affairs, or that having extramarital affairs destroys marital h appiness.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Yet the swingers, who engaged in far more extramarital sex than the unfaithful n onswingers, were even more likely than the faithful nonswingers to describe thei r marriages as "very happy." Because the swingers do not associate extramarital sex with unfaithfulness or betrayal, it does not reflect problems in the marriag e and does not generate jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In addition to having more sex with each other, swinging couples also tended to express more love and affection toward each other, spent more time in informal c onversation, and showed greater interest in each other than did the nonswingers. This suggests that the swingers derived the love, security, and emotional nurtu rance they needed from their marital partners. This is why the "strictly physica l" extramarital sex didn't trigger jealousy. On those rare occasions when the ex tramarital relationship became a threat to the marriage, it certainly evoked jea lousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Lessons for Nonswingers\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ In this chapter, I have described three groups of people who have managed to red uce jealousy to a minimum: people in open marriages, the Kcristans, and swingers . All three groups demonstrate that it is possible for people to be involved sex ually with several people with little apparent jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Like the Keristans, swingers are quite conventional in some ways. The Keristans don't have sex unless there is a "current intention of a lifetime involvement," and afterward remain sexually faithful to each other. The swingers are likewise sexually faithful except for the mate exchange. Like people in open marriages, s wingers believe in traditional marriage (and in what Gilmartin calls "residentia l and psychological monogamy"). They want to improve their marriages by opening the possibility of nonthreatening extramarital relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ All three groups believe in "togetherness"-the sharing of activities and interes ts between mates within the context of a committed relationship. All three group s value honesty in their relationships and derive a sense of security from them. At the same time, all three groups also believe in the value of sexual variety. The main difference among them, and between them and people in conventional mar riages, is the social structure they created to achieve what they perceive as co mpatible goals: intimacy with their mates and sexual variety with others.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ Even people who are satisfied in a monogamous marriage and would never be swinge rs, have an open marriage, or live in a commune such as Kerista can learn severa l lessons from these three unusual groups that can help reduce jealousy in their intimate relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One lesson involves trying to eliminate jealousy triggers. Couples should discus s the things that are jealousy-provoking for them (in most cases each partner ha s different triggers) and explore together ways for each to do their "thing" wit hout evoking jealousy in the other.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ To be able to discuss such things, couples need to spend time together in inform al conversation. This is one thing the Keristans, the swingers, and the open-mar riage couples do very frequently. They also express love and affection toward ea ch other and show a great deal of interest (sexual and nonsexual) in each other, which helps increase their sense of security in the relationship. While one may disagree with their method for keeping their interest in each other alive (that is, sexual involvement with other people), one can still apply their ideas of i ncreasing security in a way that seems more appropriate. The three groups share the conviction that jealousy is a learned response. They know it can be unlearne d because they have done it. The view of jealousy as learned is more conducive f or coping than the sociobiological notion that jealousy is inborn and natural. E

ven people who are sure that they (or their partner) were born jealous can benef it from exploring the implications of the idea that jealousy may be learned. Wha t will one need to unlearn and learn in order to reduce one's jealousy'?\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Consider the meaning of extramarital sex. For all three groups, it almost never means that "there's something wrong with the marriage." For most couples it mean s exactly that. Still, the affair and the jealousy it triggers don't have to be the end of 'a relationship. If cou- pies learn to see the outside involvement as a message or a distress signal, the relationship can evolve into a deeper, more honest sphere.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The importance of feeling secure in intimate relationships as a way to prevent j ealousy is one of the most important implications one can derive from the Kerist ans, the swingers, and the open-marriage couples. Without a sense of' security, these three groups could not have maintained the quality of intimacy that they a chieved in their different relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another valuable implication is the importance of social support and the power o f social approval. In a couples' support group, a woman may describe the way her husband stares at every attractive woman he sees on the street as "outrageous" behavior that "makes her wild with jealousy" If the rest of the women in the gro up tell her that there is nothing wrong with this behavior, make a joke of it, a nd themselves start to express appreciation of attractive men they have noticed, chances are good that this woman will reevaluate the threat implied by her husb and's behavior and respond with less jealousy in the future.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Finally, it is important to remember that even among these unusual groups, some jealousy occurs. It is hard to eliminate jealousy entirely in a culture that emp hasizes possessiveness and exclusivity to the extent that our culture does. Yet the three groups show that it is possible to reduce jealousy and minimize the ro le it plays in peoples' lives.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While the three groups we have met in this chapter are unusual in their lack of jealousy, the group we will meet in the next chapter is unusual in its extreme r esponse to jealousy. The groups in this chapter can teach what to do to overcome jealousy; the group in the next chapter can teach what not to do, so that jealo usy doesn't lead to violence.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ "Refraining" is an important therapeutic tool and people can be taught to use it . In role playing, the couple can be instructed to use a situation likely to tri gger jealousy. For example, the couple is at a party and the partner is flirting with someone else. The jealous person can be trained to reframe the jealousy (e .g., This pang of jealousy I'm feeling is actually a sexual turn-on"). The rewar d can be imagining all the things they can do together when they finally get hom e-instead of having a jealousy scene.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a fs28 {\b Crimes of Passion\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw145\pich44\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002c009101011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001030504020607ffc4002b1000020202010302

040701000000000000010200030411210512311341223251610615237181b1c1e1ffda0008010100 003f00fd02222222222222222222222246c4a69caaafbaea ab6dbd2c15c1046891b12f89129c9caa71951ae7ed0ee2b0744fc47c4ba4c48d89563e4d3921cd2f dde9b946e08d30f239974444444f165895233d8c15546c93 ec2636564abf521ac974b05602e338f9f7b208d11cf07cf8fb49e856581ef17957bacb1c330f23b0 8500ff001ae66d4999fd5322a189757ebbd242e9adac7356 f806655d65ad6e1aa5b5db8ecfe790b6b282c34493ee3cff0073e8ab71656ae37a600f33dcf16da9 4a17b182a8f798f65c5fa85e2ac926e601571d81da9037b1 a6f1c8e4ff00c967e1eb19f1376956b6cfd4775e3b98920f1edad6a6bc444444e4ea788d9d83663a bfa6ce3e17d6f441d8e3dfc4e5a3a631ac0c84acb9b058ee 0962cc0ec727c0ff00268263d35daf6a54ab63fccc072dfbcb24cc73d2eefcc6db89aeea2c716047 623b5bb42f8d10de38fa4ed4e9f8fe9325b525819fd42194 6bbbeba9d40003424ce2ea9896e5e3a2d160aedaec5b14b0d8241de8fda558bd3822d3ea568ad5b7 7ec377333688d96207d676d58f4d05daaa910b9db151ad9f bcb6222222222222222222222222222222222222222227ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr For love is strong as death, jealousy cruel as hell. It blazes like blazing lire , fiercer than any flame.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Song of'Songs 8:6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr And I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged, an d I will give thee blood in fin)' and jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -li:ekiel 16:38\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr IJealousyl is the hydra of calamities, the sevenfold of death.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -Edward Young, The Revenge\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw128\pich48\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080030008001011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001030504020607ffc4002a1000020201030206 010501000000000000010200031104122105131422314151716115237281a1f0ffda000801010000 3f00fd0222222222222222222244a8ea6a5d52e98b62d642 e171ea01c1e7fb974489e6db16aa9ac7385504938cc8a6d4be94b6b60c8e03291ee0cb2244abc4d5 e2bc36f1ddd9bf6fe338ccba22244c9eaba9adcd2ababec0 0e5b711e4b31eaa483ff006272e92dbff5a67d405d888a2b5e7728738279f92a27d0c4aedb92a037 6493e8a39267ce5d7dc3a75b669b582f3cb9b5b20a293e8c 338e07b4dee9fb46956b550a2afdbc0391c4e99132ba8ea55edd39af562a55258a9076da3d3191f9 2251d3ecb8f57b9f5014ed0b5a0cf99011bb9fb23fc9bb11 12186548f9130fa7f48be8afb5a9edddb13b75d849385fe38e09f7e66a57a1d3a1a5bb4acf4a8546 619207dce98995d5741a8d4ea6aba871b421aec42c572a48 3c100e0f18fa9d14f4fa51998d35a86afb66b51e5dbf9f99d34535e9ea15d281107a012c9e2e4ee5 2e80952ca4647b4c7d1f48b574fdad625563f6c542cce70a 063cab8e3e7ee69ae8e85b92eed8eea2ed0e7d713a22222222222222222222222222222222227fff d9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Jealousy has produced violence and aggression throughout history. "Crime of pass ion" has become so familiar it term that we rarely consider how paradoxical it i s-passion and crime, love and death. It is the cruel paradox in which one murder s the person one loves most. "Love is strong as death," says King Solomon in the Song o/ Songs; and Edward Young, the eighteenth-century English playwright, cal ls jealousy "the sevenfold of death." Shakespeare's Othello, the archetype of th e jealous husband, strangles his beloved wife, Desdemona, because he suspects he r of infidelity. Discovering that his suspicions were groundless, he then kills himself. Shakespeare's tragic hero inspired some psychologists to call delusiona l jealousy that leads to violence the "Othello syndrome." (See, as an example, L eong et al. 1994.)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Studies of spousal murder followed by suicide list jealousy as one of the precip itating causes) FBI statistics indicate that approximately one third of all solv ed murders involve spouses, lovers, or rivals of the murderer and either a real or a suspected infidelity as a major cause.2 A wide range of hostile and bitter events has been attributed to jealousy, including murder, suicide, destruction o f property, aggression, and spouse-battering) Stories of murder and other violen t acts triggered by jealousy often appear in newspapers and magazines. The popul ar interest in such stories suggests that although stories about passion and sto ries about violence each have a certain attraction, those about passion combined with violence are particularly fascinating.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Despite the great interest they generate, however, crimes of passion do not seem personally relevant to most people's jealousy problem. When I asked 607 people how they usually cope with their jealousy, only 1% said they respond with violen ce. When I asked another group of 103 people how they coped with their most extr eme experience of jealousy, 70/0 mentioned an act of violence.4 While many viole nt acts are attributed to jealousy, relatively few people resort to violence to solve their jealousy problems.'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Violent responses to jealousy deserve a serious discussion, however, because of the great harm they can cause. Even flying dishes (or, in the case of one couple I worked with, a flying watermelon) can cause great physical and emotional dama ge-much more so flying fists and bullets. It's important to know how to defuse t he potential for violence in a jealousy situation. Indeed, Gregory Leong and his colleagues argue that the Othello syndrome often raises significant forensic is sues, particularly dangerousness. Dangerous people suffering from the Othello sy ndrome may exhibit hostility that ranges from verbal threats to homicidal acts ( Leong et al., 1994).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In this chapter I will describe the stories of men and women who are in prison f or crimes related to jealousy. The men were part of a group Of inmates I worked with as a therapist in one of California's state prisons (Pines, 1983). The wome n are in prison in Israel and I interviewed them individually (Pines, 1992b). In addition, a group of my University of California, Berkeley students interviewed twelve American women inmates in one of California's women's jails.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ As is the case for other violent crimes, crimes of passion are most likely to be committed by young males from low socioeconomic classes and minority ethnic and racial groups, who are subject to economic and social deprivations.6 Most of th e men I worked with in prison were no exception; each had a high predisposition for jealousy and for violence. More significant for the prevention of jealousy-r elated violence, however, is the dynamic of situations that provoked their viole nce. As we will see, the dynamic of these situations is very similar for men and for women, for blacks and whites, for poor and well-to-do.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Stan\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ On September 3, 1979, Stan, 18 years old, shot and killed his girlfriend Kathy. Stan's background is different from that of most of the other men in the group I worked with. lie is white and comes from a middle-class family. In high school he was the running back for the football team and a member of the Block Club, th

e Service Club, the Spirit Club, the school newspaper, and the yearbook. Stan wa s also active in the school government and was the class president during his so phomore and junior years. He maintained a 3.8 grade point average and became a l ifetime member of the state's scholarship federation. One year he received the S cholar/Athlete Award, presented to him by the High School Hall of Tame, based on his excellence in studies and sports. He was also chosen as a junior Republican delegate by one of the state's senators. He could not exercise his duties, howe ver, because of his arrest.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ At 8:00 P.M. on September 3, Stan and Kathy had a date to meet on the university football practice field. They had a heated argument-one of many. The reason was always the same: Stan wanted a more serious and committed relationship than Kat hy was ready for. Kathy told Stan she wanted to devote herself to her studies an d be able to see other men. Stan was so emotionally dependent on Kathy that the thought of losing her was horrifying:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I could never talk to my family. Kathy was the one person I was able to open up to. I felt I was losing her.... I was more involved with her than she was with m e. It was very scary. 1 was trying to hold on.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stan was caught cheating on his college application for an Ivy League school and got into serious trouble. This, combined with Kathy's withdrawal, made him pani c. Ile needed her desperately. The more he fought to hold on, the more Kathy str uggled to get away. Their argument on the night of the murder became increasingl y heated:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ She told me to stay away from her and her family. I felt rage ... violence ... 1 felt I was losing her. She hit me twice with her fist on nmy cheek.... She trie d to pull the gun out of nmy hand. We struggled.... I heard a gunshot and saw Ka thy fall to the ground. I panicked and started running. I threw the gun into a b ody of water nearby.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The "body of water" was never identified and the gun never found. The .38 calibe r handgun that killed Kathy was taken from her father's store. Stan had stolen i t while working for Kathy's father the summer before. His reason for stealing th e gun and having it with him on the night of the murder, he said, was to be able to protect Kathy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Kathy fell to the ground she was severely injured, but still alive. She was discovered some time later and was taken to a nearby hospital, where she was pr onounced dead the following day. Hospital records indicate that she died of a si ngle gunshot wound.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I met Stan in prison, where he was serving a life sentence. He looked like an al l-American college kid with blond hair, blue eyes, and an athletic build. He has been working as an EKG technician, receiving straight As in all his premed clas ses, exercising, and attending Catholic services regularly.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ I worked with Stan in group therapy and interviewed him individually about his j ealousy as a precipitator of the murder. I discovered that Stan had little emoti onal connection with his parents. His father was a football coach and a "very do minant figure." Stan admired his father; but perceived him as critical and deman ding. Stan had worked hard all his life to gain his father's approval, but nothi ng he did, nothing he achieved had seemed enough. Although he had a somewhat clo ser relationship with his mother, he had a great deal of difficulty communicatin g with either of his parents. During the three years that Stan had dated Kathy, he had spent so much time at her parents' house that they started to treat him a s a member of the family. He had felt closer to them than to his own family.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stan was in love with Kathy and could not imagine life without her. "She was lik e a dream come true" Loving Kathy more than she loved him made Stan feel weak an d dependent. When I asked him who had the control in their relationship, Stan sa id "Kathy!" and explained, "She was like a crutch."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For all his athletic and academic successes, Stan felt "very dissatisfied" with himself. The standards he set for himself (the internalization of his father's s evere standards) were so high that he couldn't help but fail: "1 always wanted t o improve myself. I wanted to be perfect" Unlike Stan, Kathy was sure of herself

. "She wasn't afraid to voice her opinions. I was insecure because of my shyness " Kathy was Stan's crutch and connection to people.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Both Stan and Kathy were 15 years old when they first met. From the start, Kathy felt secure enough in the relationship to encourage Stan to go out with other p eople. At first lie did it a few times. Sexual liaisons with other women were ea sy for Stan because of his involvement with football. But they paled in comparis on with the love he felt for Kathy. Ile was attracted to her physically and emot ionally. Unfortunately, Kathy was much less attracted to him. Stan described him self as "extremely jealous," and explained, "It was a result of my loneliness, d ependency on Kathy, and insecurity about her." Over time, Stan's jealousy became a growing problem in the relationship. IIe became possessive of Kathy and was e nvious of anyone she spent time with:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ She would go away for the weekend with her family, and it really bothered me. I felt lonely. I felt emptiness in my heart. She was the only person I could expre ss feelings to. I always had a need to have control, and I didn't have control o ver any decision she was making, whether to go away for a weekend with her famil y or which school to go to.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stan's reaction to the jealousy he experienced was extreme, and at times it took a violent form:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I was more emotional than Kathy. I just kepi the pain in. When I got really frus trated, I'd get it out, the rage, physically, by hitting the wall or something.. ..\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ On the night of the murder, Stan was nervous and shaky, and felt close to a nerv ous breakdown. I lis heart was beating fast, blood was rushing to his head, and his hands were sweaty and trembling. He felt anxious, terrified at the thought o f losing Kathy, possessive, enraged, confused, and frustrated. Ills self-esteem was low and his self-pity high. With Kathy he felt such extreme jealousy often, and when he did, it lasted for days. She gave his whole life a sense of meaning. If he lost her, he felt his life would be empty and meaningless. He could not a ccept it. He could not let her go. The total rejection and disdain Kathy express ed during their fight caused Stan's frustration, pain, and rage to explode in vi olence.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My clinical experience suggests that overt disdain or rejection expressed toward the jealous partner is an important precipitant of the violent outburst. The cr itical role played by a humiliating rejection is evident in the case of Goldie, a woman who is in prison for the attempted murder of her ex-lover.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Goldie\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Goldie's story appeared in the papers in the summer of 1992. 1 visited her in pr ison and interviewed her at length. Goldie, 51 years old, was awaiting trial for the attempted murder of her ex-lover Nathan. Nathan, 43, told the police that G oldie confronted him in the street holding a gun in both her hands. Shaking all over, she screamed: "This is your end," then she started shooting. Nathan's life was spared miraculously, despite the six bullets that Goldie shot at him from t he small gun she had stolen several hours before from her ex-husband. Nathan suf fered a minor wound in his hand from one of the bullets and was taken to a hospi tal. Goldie, who is divorced and the mother of two adult children, was taken by the police for questioning.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The love story between Nathan and Goldie, which could have ended in murder, star ted some years before when Nathan separated from his wife. During the height of their romance, Nathan moved in with Goldie. Then, some months before the violent attack, there was a warming in his previously tense relationship with his estra nged wife. As a result, Nathan left Goldie's house and moved with his children t o his parents' house. He started working on his relationship with his wife with the intent to move back into his house and resume the marriage.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ "Goldie did not like this," said Nathan. "She would call me hundreds of times, a nd refused to hear about the possibility of us breaking up. She even came to my

parents' house, screaming and embarrassing me. One day when I met her she said s he had in her purse a loaded gun and that she will kill my wife. Instead, she al most killed me."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ On the day of the attack, at about 6:00 A.M. Nathan left his parents' house on h is way to work, when Goldie appeared in front of him, dressed in dark clothes. " Suddenly she pulled out a gun, screamed at me, and started shooting. I did not b elieve what was happening. I saw death in front of me. I heard the thunder of a gunshot, and felt my right arm go numb. Somehow I managed to get back to my sens es. I threw on her the bag I was holding, then I flung myself on her and dropped her on the floor." In the struggle that followed, Nathan pushed Goldie's head t o the concrete with his knee, but she continued to shoot five more shots that wh izzed by his stomach. "She fought like a wild animal, breathing heavily and scre aming at me, "That's the end of you!" recounted Nathan.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hearing Nathan's shouts and the gunshots, his mother came running out of her hou se. She threw herself on top of Goldie, and using all her strength managed to pu ll the gun out of her hands. Neighbors that arrived at the scene beat Goldie up and called the police.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ During the police questioning it was revealed that on the previous night Goldie had visited her ex-husband's house, and used the opportunity to steal his 7.65 m illimeter gun. She left his house early in the morning and went to Nathan's pare nts' house, where she waited for him.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Goldie told the police the Nathan met her that morning with curses and insults a nd even started hitting her. "He attacked me, hitting my head against the wall w hile using foul language. I was scared, that's why I pulled out the gun and shot him." When I met her in prison, she told me another story. As in Stan's case, G oldie's story is one of a great obsessive love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I loved him so much that I could not imagine life without him. I knew that lie s uffered terribly in his marriage, and was really happy when he lived with me. Wh en I came to meet him that morning I wanted to tell him that I love him and cann ot live without him and if he refused to come back to me, I was going to shoot m yself, so my soul will stay with him forever. But when he saw me he started curs ing me and insulting me. I just went mad and shot him. But I never meant to hurt him. I could have killed him if I wanted to. I was close enough. I still love h im and I know he still loves me. He is the one who is paying for my lawyer....\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although Goldie was a woman of 51 at the time of the crime, and Stan a young man of] 8, there were important similarities in the circumstances leading to their crime. Both were deeply in love with their partner in a relationship that gave m eaning to their lives and made them feel complete. Both became very dependent on their lovers. Both wanted a formal commitment and were refused. Both felt needy and powerless in their relationship. They were willing to accept the asymmetry only because of their great dependency on their lovers. When they discovered-in a cruel and insensitive way-that they were going to be jilted, their despair, ra ge, and pain made them attack the person they loved more than themselves. In bot h cases there was a component of envy in the jealousy. It was expressed in the i mpulse to destroy the beloved-who had the ability to make them happy, yet refuse d to.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once again we see how the fatal combination of the loss of an asymmetrical "tota l" love, combined with an insulting and humiliating rejection, triggers violence . A similar dynamic can be found in most jealousy-related violence.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ Of course, this does not mean that Goldie and Stan's crimes are justified. It me ans that the way in which a jealousy crisis is handled plays a critical role in determining whether or not the crisis will escalate to violence. Goldie and Stan are not very different from other people who are completely dependent on a roma ntic relationship. Their crimes were the result of an escalation that could have been avoided.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Not every jealousy-related violent outburst is directed at the rejecting partner . And at times there is a way back even after an outbreak of violence. Neil is a n example.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23

{\b {\qc Neil\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Unlike Stan and Goldie, who are serving life sentences for killing or attempting to kill their lovers, Neil was serving time for killing his ex-girlfriend's lov er.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Like Stan, Neil was a shy and insecure young man. The only time he got into trou ble was during adolescence, when together with a group of boys he was caught sho oting a 1313 gun at street-lamps. After finishing high school, Neil enlisted in the army and was sent to Vietnam.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When he was released from the service, for the first time in his life Neil was a ble to afford an apartment of his own. It was also the first time in his life he had a girlfriend. Since he was very much in love with his girlfriend, and depen dent on her emotionally, he invited her to move in with him. She agreed, and for a while it seemed as if his dreams were coming true. But only for a while.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After several months his girlfriend started an affair with a security officer an d eventually broke up with Neil. Then she kicked Neil out of his own apartment. When Neil returned from a trip out of town, he discovered that his ex-girlfriend and her new lover had moved his belongings back to his parents' house. Neil wen t there and spent several hours turning the events over in his head. Then he too k his father's old gun, went back to the apartment, and burst into the bedroom, where he found the girlfriend and her new lover in bed.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ During the trial, Neil claimed that he didn't mean to kill either his girlfriend or her lover; all he wanted was to scare them with his gun so they would get ou t of his place. But the security officer, seeing the pointed gun, came at him na ked. During the struggle that followed, in which the officer tried to get the gu n out of Neil's hand, a shot was fired by mistake and the officer was killed. Ne il's first instinct was to flee. His girlfriend came with him and they drove for hours, both of them crying. Eventually she persuaded him to turn himself in to the police. At the trial, the girlfriend supported Neil's story. As a result of her testimony, the verdict he received was second-degree murder rather than firs t-degree.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Today, Neil is a free man. I Ic is working as an engineer, is married, and has t wo children. Jealousy is not a problem in his marriage, and he is convinced that he will never again respond with violence to jealousy or to any other problem.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While Stan, Goldie, and Neil did something that most people never do-respond to a jealousy crisis with violence-they are "normal" enough for their crimes not to be blamed on such things as mental illness, drugs, alcohol, an abusive childhoo d, or poverty. One of the most noteworthy things they all had in common, besides a predisposition toward jealousy and a jealousy-related crisis, was a gun. They are people who, if it weren't for the crimes they committed, could have been se en as successful members of society. For the people I will present next, violenc e was not a one-time event, but a way of life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs2 3 {\b {\qc Mikc\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mike, a 30-year-old man, is serving a life sentence for rape and murder. lie des cribes the events that led to his crime:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I met Rosemary after getting out of a very painful relationship with Pat. I was extremely jealous of Pat. I could get killing mad about her. I didn't want peopl e to even look at her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The worst jealousy I ever felt was when I came back after ten days, and I found out she got married. I knew the guy. She told me he was just a friend.... I know her, she was up to no good. I was never comfortable with her seeing other men. There was lots of insecurity on my part. If I had married Pat, I would have ende d in prison much sooner.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While Mike wasn't in love with Rosemary the way he had been with Pat, he still b

ecame very emotionally dependent on her:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Rosemary was there, and it helped in terms of Pat. I got married at 17. She was 21. 1 thought I couldn't live without her. I was dependent on her emotionally. I felt she really cared about me.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mike was totally unprepared for what he found out:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Rosemary and I were living with Ann who was a friend of Rosemary before our marr iage and after that too. It was comfortable for all of us. We were happy togethe r. When I found out that Rosemary and Ann were lovers, I was really shocked. I j ust got into the car and split. I felt that she'd rejected me. I felt abandoned. I couldn't handle it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Abandonment is a core issue for Mike:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I felt abandoned by my mother. I don't remember my father. Ile committed suicide when I was 3 years old. He shot himself because of another woman. No one ever t alked about him. I was the only child for a long time. But it was difficult for my mother-being single and a black woman-to make a living. When I was 6 she star ted dating. Until then we were together. I got very jealous. I attacked the men she was dating. I would steal from them. I would curse them. I tried to beat one of them up, but he moved out of the way, and I fell down the stairs. I still ha ve a scar.... When I was 8 she took me to nay grandmother who used to beat me up regularly\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ At the time of his father's death, Mike was in his Oedipal stage, experiencing t he first stirrings of sexual feelings and in love with his mother. Most boys hav e to compete with their father for their mother's love. Mike didn't need to do t hat. Mother was his. They were together, and close He was her only one-a young b oy's heaven. Things changed when his mother started dating. Suddenly he had comp etition for her love. Mike responded with tremendous jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ He expressed his jealousy in violence-not toward himself, the way his father did , but toward his competitors for Mother's love. His violence caused the ultimate rejection: Mike was sent away to live with his abusive grandmother. These child hood experiences had a profound impact on his predisposition toward jealousy. As an adult, Mike attempted to excuse his mother's betrayal, but the little hurt b oy in him still felt terribly abandoned. Mike sees the feelings of abandonment a s the root cause of his jealousy:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I have the gravest fear of abandonment. This is probably why I am so jealous. Mo m, Pop, Coot [a friendl-in one way or another I lost all of them. Even the pets. Somebody poisoned my clucks, my dog was given away, another was taken. They gav e my dolls to a cousin la girl]. Everything I ever cared about, I ended up losin g. When I love, I expect total fidelity. I know I don't handle infi- clelity ver y well, and I say it up front. A close, intimate relationship has to be monogamo us. If not, it's like a betrayal to me. I could never be with someone who is ope n to have casual sex with others. That would hurt me too much. I couldn't live w ith that. 10 me sex isn't casual. If there's no emotional involvement, to nic it 's nothing.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sounds reasonable, doesn't it? A man who has a fear of abandonment and a problem with jealousy makes sure the women he gets involved with don't make him feel ab andoned and don't trigger his jealousy. Why is it, though, that Mike chose to fa ll in love with Pat, a woman he knew was "up to no good," a woman who caused him to feel insecure, and eventually abandoned him in a most cruel and inconsiderat e way? Why is it that Pat triggered more jealousy in Mike than did Rosemary, his wife? ("I wasn't threatened by Rosemary's relationship with Ann, but could get killing mad about Pat.") The reason is that Pat fit Mike's negative romantic ima ge better.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As noted earlier, romantic images develop early in life and are particularly pow erful because of it. They are based on the significant features-positive and, ev en more so, negative-of the people who were most influential in our early childh ood. For most people, these are the parents. We internalize the image of the peo ple who taught us the meaning of love by the way they gave us love, or withheld it from us. As adults, we look for a person who fits that internalized image. Wh en we meet such a person, we project our internalized romantic image onto him or

her and experience it a5 falling in love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Why do men like Mike, Stan, and Neil, who fear rejection and abandonment, choose to fall in love with women who reject and abandon them? The reason is that the women they choose represent a painful part of their romantic image, and thus pro vide them with an opportunity to heal a childhood injury. The relationship may s eem like a living hell-and in extreme cases may trigger violence-but it actually represents a hope to master a childhood trauma.7\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mike fell in love with Pat because he knew she wouldn't make him number one just as he wasn't number one for his mother. If Pat had returned his love, it would have helped heal his childhood wound. Unfortunately for Mike, she did not.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mike cared less about Rosemary, yet got a sense of security from her love. When she too betrayed him, he was devastated. Just then he thought he was failing in his work too. He knew he was going to destroy everything, the way he had as a ch ild.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My supervisor at work came and mentioned something about me being moved. I felt like a failure. I was very angry. That morning I put my gun in my lunch-box. IMi ke is an electronics technician and was sent out to customers' homes to make rep airs.] I knew I was going to kill someone. When I got into the house and saw it was a woman, I decided to rape her too.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ She was very brave. I admired her. At a certain point I had second thoughts abou t killing her. But I knew I had to kill someone. I wanted to get it over with.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It was a cold-blooded murder. In a world where he felt he had lost everything, t he only power Mike had left was the power to destroy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s 4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy as a Trigger of Murder\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mike is black, Stan is white. Mike belonged to a lower socioeconomic class than Stan. Yet there were several important similarities that brought them both to pr ison with a life sentence.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For both, control was extremely important. The reason, as their childhood histor ies suggest, is that as children they felt powerless to get the love and recogni tion they so desperately wanted. Despite their need for control, both actually f elt insecure and inferior (none of Stan's successes helped change that). They fr equently felt isolated and lonely. This made them emotionally dependent on the w omen they finally allowed themselves to fall in love with, and thus very suscept ible to jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When the women they depended on to give their life a sense of meaning were leavi ng them for someone else, the feelings of pain and despair were overwhelming. Vi olence was their way to gain back some sense of control. When nothing was left t o lose, the only thing left to do was to destroy everything. In Stan's case, tha t meant killing Kathy, in Mike's case-killing anyone. In both cases, the impulse to destroy represented the component of envy in the jealousy situation.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Chuck's crimes were rape and robbery. Yet the events that led to his crimes rese mble those in Mike's story in many ways.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Chuck\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Chuck, a short, husky man, grew up in the South. lie was the oldest of six child ren born to a religious Baptist family. When he married, Chuck expected his wife to be faithful. The reason, as he readily admits, is that he is "a very jealous man" and has been jealous throughout his life. When his wife had an illicit aff air with another man, Chuck became "violently jealous":\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I tried to push the picture of the two of them together from my head, I wanted t o erase the picture from my mind, but I couldn't do it. I was very upset. I woul d ask her questions.... I wanted to know all the details. I started making threa

ts of'what I would do to her. Once I punched her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ His violent outbursts of jealousy were the cause of their subsequent separation: \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After that, everything went downhill. I made up my mind that the marriage wouldn 't work. I got very depressed. I let the house and everything else go. I went ba ck to the military But I still loved her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After the separation, things started falling apart in other areas of Chuck's lif e:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After my wife and I split, I got into trouble for using dope and going AWOL, and had to leave the army. I had given up on the hope of getting back with my wife. I was living with my grandfather. It was a low period in my life. Nothing was g oing right. I tried to commit suicide, but the gun wouldn't fire. I didn't want to do anything with anybody. I just gave up on life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It was at this time that Chuck started breaking into houses:\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ I started burglarizing. When I went in I didn't know someone was there. I came i n through the window at 1:00 A.M. A woman was asteep in the bedroom. I got scare d and tried to escape quietly. All of a sudden she woke up. When she saw me she had such a terrified look that I changed my mind. I raped her. I felt in control I knew I could do to her anything I wanted.I stayed there the whole night rapin g her again and again and again. With her pants on, and with her pants off, in t he bedroom and in the bathroom, in every position I could think of. I'm not tryi ng to justify my crime, but it wasn't like I tried to hurt her. 1 told her I did n't want to hurt her. I was there for eight hours. We talked a lot. In the next burglaries I was already hoping someone would be there. It went on for three or four months. I was convicted of two rapes, but there were actually five. I conta cted the first rape victim, and the phone was tapped. I called her to tell her t hat I was sorry. I felt I loved her. I felt she understood me.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ It may be worth noting that during the time of those rapes, Chuck (like many of' the other rapists I talked to) actually had a girlfriend. Clearly, it wasn't se x alone he was after, but something else, something he had lost when he discover ed his wife's affair-a sense of control, especially over a woman:\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ I didn't have much control over the relationship with my wife. The lack of contr ol was particularly painful in terms of jealousy. During the rape I had complete control. Having total control was one of the most important things in the rape. I definitely don't want to go back to it, but if those feelings are still there when I get out, I'm afraid of my jealousy and my need for control.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ Like Mike, Chuck is black and comes from a low-income background. Like Mike, he was emotionally dependent on his wife, and extremely susceptible to jealousy.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For Chuck, as for the others, the pain over losing a love relationship was exace rbated by problems in other spheres of life: Chuck got into trouble in the army, Stan got into trouble in school, and Mike was convinced he was about to lose hi s job.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For each of them, the relationship that was lost promised to heal some painful c hildhood wounds that in all three cases were related to problematic relationship s with their fathers. Chuck had never lived with his father; Stan had a distant, critical, demanding father; Mike's father committed suicide when he was 3. At t he beginning, the relationship seemed to heal these childhood wounds. Consequent ly, when the relationship ended, the loss was devastating.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Why is it that Chuck robbed and raped a series of random victims in response to his jealousy, Mike murdered and raped another chance victim, and Neil killed the interloper, while Goldie and Stan killed or attempted to kill their lovers? Des pite differences in their personalities and backgrounds, the most significant re ason seems to be the cruel and humiliating way Goldie and Stan were told the rel ationship was over. In Stan's case, Kathy hit him in the face and told him to ge

t away from her and her family. In (",Oldie's case, Nathan responded to her desp air with irritation, ridicule, and total insensitivity. Once again we see that t he way a jealousy crisis is handled determines whether it will escalate to viole nce.8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Three Rapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ Besides Chuck, several other rapists I spoke with committed their crimes as a re sult of jealousy. I will describe three of them. All three men were white, bluecollar workers in their twenties. Ed had alcoholic parents, started college, but left after one year, and until his arrest worked as a carpenter. Ken grew up Ba ptist and worked in construction until his arrest. Al, a Mormon, had a father wh o married six times, had nineteen brothers and sisters, and worked as a driver u ntil his arrest. All three men described themselves as "very jealous," and the e vents preceding the rap(, started with a betrayal by a woman they loved.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Ed lived with his girlfriend for over a year before the rape and his arrest. He describes the relationship:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It was intense, both good and bad. Sometimes I had the control, and sometimes sh e. We both were very needy. I really loved her. I was always afraid it wouldn't last, based on relationships I'd had in the past. For the whole year and a half I was afraid the relationship would crumble. I was insecure about myself and my identity. Several tines I wanted to get married and was rejected.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ The discovery of her betrayal was devastating:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When she thought the time was right she told me about being involved with my bes t friend. That really hurt me. As if I wasn't enough. There was an emptiness in my chest, a heavy lump. I couldn't handle hearing the details. I had nightmares about her leaving me-driving her car and going away. I fell a tremendous love fo r her. I was scared. Someone I cared about was slipping away. When you love some one and the love that they felt for you is gone, that's the greatest pain in the world. I saw no way of controlling the situation.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The discovery started a process of deterioration that eventually led to a rape o f a woman on the beach:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The reality was hard, and I started being more involved in fantasy than in the r eal world. I was involved with drugs and alcohol. Once I tried to commit suicide . I had a deep sense of helplessness. I was passionals and needy, but I didn't f eel she really loved me. The crime was intended to destroy the relationship. I f elt inadequate as a man. I had a lot of anger toward women going back to my past . I was very scared during the rape, more than she was. It was scary to be out o f control that way.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Ed is aware of his jealousy and his tendency to respond to it with violence. Eve n after his trial and incarceration, jealousy continued to be a difficult issue in his relationship:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I'm a jealous person. I feel it very intensely. I was always an emotional person . I punched a guy once, right in the throat (in a jealous rage). I have a lot of emotional involvement in the relationship. I can feel when she's with someone, and couldn't continue subjecting myself to this kind of pain. It's a cruel punis hment. When I went to prison she started seeing other people, and I always knew. Last week she told me she met someone else she wants to date. I gave her back a ll her pictures and letters. I couldn't handle my jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Ken was also living with a woman he loved, and experienced tremendous jealousy w hen She showed interest in other men:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ We were living together three and a half years and were going to get married. I was very attracted to her physically and emotionally. I loved her. I wanted to s pend all my time with her.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Everything was great until about a month before my arrest. In the last month, my brother told me he saw her with two guys. It kind of hurt me. I didn't understa

nd it. She told me she was pregnant, but she didn't want me next to her. She pul led away. I fell terrible pain. I couldn't fall asleep. I thought I was losing h er.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Like Ed and all the other inmates described earlier, Ken felt he was losing cont rol over the relationship at a time when other aspects of his life were falling apart too. It was a difficult and scary feeling:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I was 18 at the time. I lost my job. I lost my car, my dad went to jail, my moth er was kicked out to the street, and my girlfriend was withdrawing from me. I wa s on "crystal" about five or six clays, driving my friend's car. I was mad at my self for letting all these things happen. I lost control with my girlfriend. I w as afraid I was losing her. She never believed my crime. She cried and cried and cried. I told her I didn't understand it myself. She told me she still loved me .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The events leading to Al's crime were similar to those that led Ken and Ed to vi olence. Al loved his girlfriend ("I always felt that she was a very attractive w oman and a great person"). They lived together four years. Al hoped their relati onship would last forever, yet felt extremely insecure about it:\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Things went from terrible to excellent and back again. I never trusted her. She always flirted, flaunting herself. She's an exhibitionist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ The jealousy crisis that eventually led to rape started when Al discovered he ha d been cuckolded:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I found out at the hospital about her going to bed with this guy. That meant tha t the baby she had is probably not mine, because my sperm count is very low. Aft er we talked, I went and got loaded on grass. I felt empty. I was afraid I was l osing her. I started going out with different women and taking them to bed. The woman that called the police on me was one of these women. My crime was a reveng e toward my old lady. I was telling her, "You can do it, I can do it" I didn't c are during the trial. I thought about suicide. I still loved her.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Al had responded to jealousy with violence in the past:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I know that jealousy is a problem for me. I am very jealous. Too jealous. Almost all my relationships ended because of it. I was always jealous of this one dude . I kept my old lady away from him. I told him if he does something to my lady, I'll fuck his. One time at a party she disappeared for a long time. At first I w as worried, then I found out she was talking to this dude. I kicked his ass and I got really mad at her. I was very jealous, very angry. If I thought she was ha ving an affair, I'd try to catch them and hit her or split. After I found out, i t would conic to a slop. Either I would leave or she would.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ All four rapists described themselves as "extremely jealous" All four needed des perately to feel in control, yet were extremely dependent on their partners. Eac h felt devastated by the discovery that "his" woman was involved with another ma n. Other crises made them feel that they were losing control over their lives. T he use of drugs exacerbated the problem. Rape gave them a sense of control over a woman, control they felt they had lost in their own life and relationship.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ This explanation is not an excuse for the crimes these men committed. It also do es not mean that the women in their lives deserve blame for their crimes. Instea d, it means that men who have an unusually high predisposition to jealousy and v iolence and are otherwise unstable emotionally, who are dependent on their intim ate relationship and feel betrayed-especially when they are in a crisis and usin g drugs-are likely to respond to their jealousy with violence.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc What Causes Crimes of Passion?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mike, Chuck, Ken, Ed, and Al are typical of criminals who serve time in prison f

or violence related to jealousy. As noted earlier, such criminals tend to be mal e, young, and from a low socioeconomic class.9 In virtually every case the crime was a result of an extreme predisposition to jealousy combined with an extreme jealousy trigger: withdrawal or actual betrayal by a woman they loved and depend ed on emotionally.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ During group therapy and individual interviews with these men, we explored the r oots of their jealous predisposition (Pines, 1983). The exploration revealed two shared experiences in virtually all of their backgrounds. The first was a traum atic experience of abandonment in early childhood. At times the abandonment was by the mother, at times by the father, at times by both parents (in one case the young boy arrived home from kindergarten to discover the house locked and both parents gone). In some cases the parent left the family; in others he or she die d of illness, committed suicide, or withdrew emotionally. In all cases the boy e xperienced panic, rejection, abandonment, loss, and total helplessness. As adult s these men tended to be especially dependent on their intimate relationships. W hen they felt that their lover was withdrawing-because of interest in another ma n, or because of problems in the relationship-the withdrawal triggered tremendou s jealousy marked by emotions closely related to the traumatic childhood experie nce.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The second experience shared by most of these men had to do with the lack of a p ositive masculine role model during childhood. At times it was caused by the abs ence of a father altogether, other times by the presence of an abusive father or one who was distant, cold, and critical.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The lack of a loving, "normal" father-strong sometimes, weak other times, suppor tive sometimes, angry other times-caused the men to internalize instead a sex-ro le stereotype of a man who was a macho caricature. Consequently, when his lover began to withdraw, the withdrawal was perceived as a serious threat to his mascu linity. In his extreme jealousy, the man felt the need to do something that woul d prove to his lover, and even more so to himself, that he was a "real man." His feelings of powerlessness in his relationship and life in general made him desp erate to feel powerful, and he regained his feeling by attacking his victim.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The crimes that the jealousy triggered had two primary characteristics: They gav e the men a sense of control, and they "proved" their masculinity. Most of the m en admitted that having control over their victim was the most exciting part of the crime. The crime itself-whether a murder, a robbery, or most particularly a rape-enabled the men to prove their masculinity to the women who made them doubt it. The crime often involved a high level of daring and risk (e.g. robbing a ho use while the owners were eating dinner in the dining room); the "masculine" ris k-taking was a great source of pride for these men.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Women and Crimes of Passion\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While women are less likely to commit violent crimes than men, on rare occasions women also respond to jealousy With violence. In another study of jealousy and violence, I compared the responses to The Ro\u9658?unntic Jealousy Q)uesliounair e (see Appendix B) of twelve women inmates who described themselves as having a jealousy problem to those of twelve women who were similar to the inmates in age and socioeconomic status.10\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The results of the comparison indicated that the women in prison described thems elves as jealous, and believed their intimate partners perceived them as jealous , to a much greater degree than the control group. When describing their most in tense experiences of jealousy, the women inmates reported feeling more rage, agg ression, anxiety, humiliation, grief, frustration, depression, and pain. They al so reported feeling possessive, self-righteous, and close to a nervous breakdown . When asked how they coped with their jealousy, the women in prison were far mo re likely to say that they used violence. They also reported being more likely t o suffer silently but visibly or to leave their mates.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

When asked about their childhoods, the women in prison described a more troubled home life; a relationship between the parents marked by violence; having a jeal ous mother; and being beaten while growing up. They were also likely to feel Tes s secure in their current intimate relationships.u\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Like the men who committed crimes of passion, these women had traumatic childhoo ds that contributed to their extreme predisposition to both jealousy and violenc e. An extreme case of such a childhood marked by abandonment and loneliness, was described by a gay woman I interviewed in prison who killed another woman by hi tting her head with a rock. The reason for the attack was a pass that this woman made toward her lover.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Hidden Crimes of Passion\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ So far, the discussion of the relationship between jealousy and violence has foc used on people who were incarcerated for committing crimes of passion. Ilowever, not all people who act violently as a result of jealousy end up in prison. How likely are people with a serious jealousy problem to act violently?\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ A study conducted by Paul Mullan of 138 people referred for psychiatric assessme nt for a serious jealousy problem (none of the referrals came from the courts) r evealed that while only 10/6 had ever been charged with a violent crime, a mere 19% had not acted aggressively toward their partners. Close to 574 had a history of committing acts of violence, including threats to kill or maim (24%), accomp anying threats by brandishing knives (nine men and two women, together 6%), unde rlining threats by waving blunt instruments such as pokers (nine men, or 70/0), and holding a gun to the partner's head while issuing threats (one man) (Mullen & Maack, 1985).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Fifty-six percent of the men and 530/6 of the women inflicted assaults on their partners. The seriousness of the attacks varied. Ten of the men throttled their wives with homicidal intent. Twelve people stabbed or slashed their mates with k nives. Nine men and two women struck their partners with clubs or other blunt in struments on one or more occasions, causing multiple fractures in four instances . The most common pattern of violence was repeated attacks involving hitting, pu nching, and kicking the partner. This catalog of violence had never come to the notice of the police, despite the hospital treatment a number of the partners re ceived for their injuries.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a later article on crimes of passion, Paul Mullen argues that in recent years jealousy has been transformed from a sanctioned response to infidelity into per sonal pathology. In making jealousy a symptom of psychopathology, it ceases to b e the responsibility of the individual and allows claims of diminished capacity with respect to crimes of passion (Mullen, 1993).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \a fs23 {\b {\qc Implications\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Most readers can probably understand to a certain extent why the people describe d in this chapter did what they did, but would never do such things themselves. They would never kill, rob, or rape because of jealousy, and would not hit, punc h, or kick their partner. Nevertheless, as noted at the beginning of the chapter , it is important to know how to defuse the potential for violence in an extreme jealousy situation whether one is being jilted, doing the jilting, or is a conc erned observer. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is extremely important to be aware of emotionally charged sit uations that co uld lead to violence. People who find themselves involved with an emotionally de pendent partner and have Fallen out of love should be very careful not to just c ome home one day and say, "I've found someone else I love, and I'm leaving." Jil ting a desperately loving and dependent partner without an opportunity to discus s the matter is an invitation to violence. Such a situation can unleash jealous

rage with an enormous destructive potential. This can be avoided by treating exlovers with sensitivity and respect.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who are jilted and who feel that without their mate their life will have no meaning need to know that the greatest clanger facing them is their own jealo usy. The best way to deal with it is by getting away. Clinical experience sugges ts that a prolonged separation usually results in the amelioration or even the d isappearance of jealousy, particularly if the jealous person can come to accept the separation as permanent and begin to disengage. Separation is especially adv isable for people with a history of extreme jealousy or violence.12\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ It is also crucial for people in a jealousy crisis to be able to discuss their j ealousy openly and gain control over themselves and their life. There are worksh ops and books aimed at helping people deal with their jealousy, heal their broke n hearts, and let go of' destructive relationships.'' Three of the most importan t things such workshops can do are to make jealous people realize that (1) they are not alone in this predicament, (2) there's life even after a lover leaves, a nd (3) it is possible to turn even a jealousy trauma into a growth experience. A ll three may seem impossible in the midst of a jealousy crisis, but should be ke pt in mind even if only as theoretical options.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who find themselves unable to deal with their own or their partners' jeal ousy, and are concerned that either they or their partners may resort to violenc e, should not hesitate to ask for professional help. Otherwise they may find the mselves in the kind of situations that the men and women described in this chapt er found themselves.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most important: If there are firearms in the house, they should be gotten rid of right away. Police records show that when there's a gun in the house, the peopl e living in the house are the ones most likely to be hurt by it.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ These recommendations apply to coping with situations in which the jealousy has a high violence potential. The next chapter addresses techniques for coping with jealousy in general.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Therapists should be sensitive to emotionally charged situations that could lead to violence. These situations almost always involve couples in which one mate i s extremely dependent on the relationship while the other one is trying to withd raw or get out. In work with such couples it is important to help both partners take responsibility for their part in this unhealthy dynamic.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ The withdrawing partner should see the role lie or she may have played in creati ng their partner's dependency on them. This can be addressed by such questions a s: "What was it that attracted you to your partner when you first met?" "Could i t have been the intensity of his or her feelings for you which made you feel sec ure, loved, and adored-the center of his or her world?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is equally important to help the jealous partner figure out what role he or s he may have played in creating the jealousy crisis. This can be addressed by que stions such as: "Is your jealousy related in some way to some aspect of your mat e's personality that attracted you when you first \u9658?net?" "Could it have be en the fact that all women seemed drawn to him?" "That she is a sexy and flirtat ious woman? That you felt excited?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is also important to help such jealous people focus on the things in their li fe that are in their control (such as the decision to take a few days off and ge t away), on things that they enjoy, and on people they Iove aside from their par tner (making a list of people they love and who love them can be very helpful).\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \a

fs28 {\b Coping with {\line } Romantic Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw113\pich36\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b080024007101011100ffc4001a00010101010101010000000000 0000000000010504030607ffc40028100001040103040104 03000000000000000100020311040512311321415122143261815271f1ffda0008010100003f00fd 0111455114ba45514ba404155114ba59f3674f1e4c8de954 0d68224adc1c7c835c52f3d06412c134bf36f5a43208dfcb01ff000ad545cb9d3cb06397e3c5d592 c532fc5f72b367cceb6a9891b9ce6188991cf00b45556d23 fb216daaa135cacac8d4a481992fc881cd8e32768009ea37d823b7e97b688dd9a6431ef739cd6f7d d76df346fd5ad0445c3ac3e68f04ba0639e43dbbc305bb65 8dd5fab5c38f892493b321af36f903df186d46055577164f1dd6860e17d21701239edefb2c7da09b abf3caec517cfed9f2f2e58b23a9098e52fded692e201f80 69aaaae7f2bae3d324732073e52d7b039aea683bda4f9fcf61dd6a8e15599accb3c431cc5119222f 3d4aba1f13b6e8135756bc30f4d3c3a674b13d8fde0b69a0 bbf87ae4ad1c2c6763465af90c8e356e22ae8505d288a1168052a88a6d1e91545115444444444444 444445ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr There arc palliatives [for romantic jealousyl: the first is the recognition of t he problem (disease) and the sceond is the wish to erne oneself.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -A. K. Orage, On Love\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw132\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a008401011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001030405020607ffc4002a1000020202010204 05050000000000000001020003041112213105135161144191a1c1153281b1e1ffda000801010000 3f00fd02222222222222222222250f954a5fe497dda17915 009207a9d4ab0b29f26dc9560bc2bb38a329e8c3883f9d4d912bbaeaf1ea6b6e7095a8d963d84cb9 59e6b6c71480c6cb555958153c4f7237e936c98941cba059 627980b57ae7a04f1df5ea7e52bf0ec9b32a877b5154ad8e8389d86018807ed35c4444cf9d9230f1 5ae237a2140deb649007dcce4d96bdf91e6f92b6545d6a5c 955d30eba200ee46ff003de68f06c4b30cb53e53575ab3f73b0db6da91fc13b9d6913919b9df10d6 e2d55ada4582b3532ec3eb45b7f20003f5997e15ecb28c94 c770d5b3d7c51bad5e8475ea363fc9f409be0bcbbebacf532e765ae2257b2035b60ad77db67aff00 40ce5216cac90cf4f1af258aa642af1675d6c6c6fd8f53ed 36781d36e3e22d3654d50ad153893d390d8247b1e93a711112ac8c7ab2a87a2f40f5b8d329f9cf14 e255485039b71edcd8b6beb2f932265fd3f1c653e42874b2 cfdfc1c80dee47afbcd2a8a8a154680f493265197894e6d3e55e9c976186890411d8823b19eaac74 ab5ae4c40d727624fde59262222222222222222222222222 222222222227ffd9 }}

\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of the most common questions asked by people with a jealousy problem is: Can jealousy be overcome? The answer, as evidenced throughout this book, is yes, bu t with great effort. Like most other difficult emotional experiences, jealousy, if treated correctly, can be a trigger for growth. It can be the first step in i ncreased self-awareness and greater understanding of both the partner and the re lationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People tormented by jealousy can find comfort even in the mere knowledge that th eir response is normal, universal, and motivated by a need to protect a valued r elationship. Awareness alone, however, is not enough.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since this chapter is devoted to coping, it is appropriate to start with a clari fication of what coping is and what it is not. Coping is not the same as treatme nt. Thcrc are many different methods for treating jealousy cited in the scientif ic literature, including hypnosis, the use of drugs, behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, rational-emotive therapy, systems therapy, couples therapy, psychoanal ysis, a combination of couples therapy with individual therapy, and a combinatio n of psychodynamic, systems, behavioral, social-psychological, and evolutionary approaches. I\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In all these treatment approaches, the individual or couple suffering from jealo usy goes to an expert and is treated for the problem. Going to an expert is just one form of coping.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc What Is Coping?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Richard Lazarus, a leading expert in the field of stress and coping, defines cop ing as "efforts to master conditions of harm, threat or challenge when an automa tic response is not readily available."2 Coping does not necessarily imply succe ss in overcoming the harm, threat, or challenge, but is only an effort to master it. A person who takes a sleeping pill fora temporary escape from the unbearabl e pain caused by a partner's unfaithfulness is making an effort (even if an unsu ccessful one) to cope.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Different coping strategies vary in their effectiveness. Some are almost always useful-such as talking about the problem with one's partner in an open and hones t way, or learning about oneself to understand one's jealous response. Others, s uch as acts of violence, are almost always disastrous. Still others fall somewhe re in between, only serving to delay the inevitable. Taking sleeping pills, drin king alcohol, and using illegal drugs are some of the more negative examples of this last category.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Whether a certain coping strategy is useful or disastrous can be determined by i ts consequences. As a result of the actions taken in response to jealousy, does the individual have increased self-awareness or a greater understanding of the p artner's perspective? Does the relationship as a whole seem more loving, harmoni ous, and satisfying for both partners? If the answer is no, the coping strategy has not been useful.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the remainder of this chapter I will present different strategies for coping with jealousy. Some of them may already be familiar, others probably will be new . Some of those will seem more appropriate than others. Even if a certain techni que or exercise does not seem right, it is important not to reject it right away . The more coping strategies one has in one's arsenal, the better able to cope o ne will be.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Effective coping always involves four parts or stages:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. being aware of the problein\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. taking responsibility for doing something about it\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. achieving clarity about what needs to and can be done\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { 4. developing new tools for coping, and improving the range and quality of old t ools'\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Adequate coping is impossible without awareness that there is a problem. Some pe

ople hide from the problem and try to avoid thinking about it. When there is an illicit affair, the betrayed partner almost always knows about it at some level, but at times chooses "not to know."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Other people who are aware of their "jealousy problem" tend to think that the je alousy is all their own fault ("I'm simply a jealous person"). This reaction slo es not show true awareness of the problem, because it fails to put the jealousy in the context of the relationship and the particular situation that triggered i t.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Awareness has two parts: One is the simple realization that a problem exists; th e other is the ability to recognize that the problem is a function of certain dy namics in the relationship or the particular situation, rather than the fault of the "jealous person." Once people recognize this, the focus of their coping eff orts shifts from "What's wrong with me as a person that makes me so jealous?" to "What can I do to change the situation so that my jealousy is not triggered so easily?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ To effect a change, an individual must be willing to lake responsi- l ilily for changing the relationship or the situation. This is usually quite difficult. Yet taking responsibility for effecting a change in a difficult situation is therap eutic in and of itself, because it reduces the debilitating effects of feeling h elpless.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When people are aware of the existence of a problem in their relationship, and a re willing to take responsibility for trying to change it (instead of waiting fo r their partner to change), the third necessary step is to achieve clarity about What needs to be done and what can be done.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people in the midst of a jealousy crisis cannot easily discriminate between what they can change in the relationship or situation and what they cannot. Som e assume that everything in themselves, their mates, and their relationships can be changed. When they discover, the hard way, that this is not always so, they feel hopeless and helpless and come to believe that nothing can be changed. Ther e are also people who believe from the outset that nothing can be changed. These individuals never attempt to change anything. "That's life," they say. The slog an may reduce their stress to some extent, but it also prevents them from active ly seeking positive change.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The truth is that some things in a relationship cannot be changed or would be ex tremely difficult to change-for example, the basic personalities of both mates. But many triggers in a jealousy-provoking relationship or situation-certain beha viors, for example-can be changed with varying degrees of effort. The most impor tant advantage of achieving clarity is the ability to distinguish between those aspects of the relationship and the situation that can't be changed, and those t hat can. This allows people to channel their efforts where there will be the gre atest likelihood of important progress.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy has been described as "the eruption of attachment that can be transcend ed only through awareness."4 As people move (with awareness) into the core of th eir jealousy, they may discover such unpleasant things as ungrounded expectation s, projections, fears, and insecurities. The awareness of their existence is the first step in overcoming them.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a jealousy crisis, people first need to determine what is at the heart of the ir jealousy. Is it fear of loss? Is it a humiliation? Is it feeling excluded? Is it something else? (What is the most painful thought associated with the jealou sy? Does it hurt to know that your wife had a wonderful time with someone else, and you were excluded? Do you feel humiliated because your husband has flirted a ll night with a stunning woman, and everyone at the party saw it? Or do you feel a terrible pain of loss because you know you have lost your mate's love and the relationship?) While feeling excluded is no doubt painful, it is not as painful as losing a love relationship. People who don't bother to clarify what hurts th em most can respond to a trivial incident as if they had lost the relationship.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once people have identified the focus of their jealousy, they need to figure out why they are responding the way they are. Is it a result of their sensitivity, or of a real threat to the relationship? Even people who are especially prone to

jealousy should make an effort to avoid labeling themselves "a jealous person" instead of a person with a predisposition to jealousy. The predisposition can be a result of a particular family background, a cultural background, or a past hi story of intimate relationships. After clarifying what exactly they are feeling and why, they can proceed to examine their various options for coping.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Coping with Jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Recall your most extreme experience or experiences of jealousy. To what extent d id you use each one of the following coping strategies: never, once or twice, ra rely, occasionally, often, usually, always?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Talk to your partner about the situation and your response to it in a ra tional manner?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Use sarcasm?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Accept the situation because you felt there was nothing you could do abo ut it?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Avoid the issue and try not to think about it?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Use "stony silence," clearly indicating that you were aware of the probl em but refused to talk about it?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Use denial (e.g. you knew that your partner was involved with someone, b ut you chose not to know)?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Cry, either in front of your partner to make your suffering obvious, or when you were all alone?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Use verbal assault, screaming at your partner, cursing, swearing?\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Retaliate, making your partner jealous either by flirting, having an aff air, or by telling your partner about other lovers?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Attack your partner physically, with fists, nails, dishes?\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Leave your partner, either Temporarily or forever?\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ \u9632? Suffer silently and covertly, so neither your partner nor anyone else kn ew about your pain?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Suffer silently but visibly (making sure your partner knew you were in p ain)?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Try to find the funny side when thinking about the situation?\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Make a joke of it to your partner or to others?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Think through your own role in the situation and assess rationally what you stood or feared to lose?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I presented the question "I low do you cope with jealousy?" in two different stu dies.' In one of these studies, 285 men and 283 women were shown a list of seven coping strategies and asked which one of these strategies they were most likely to use when jealous. The response chosen most frequently was, "I talk about it with my partner." The least frequently chosen response was, "I respond with viol ence" Here are the percentages of the responses, in rank order:\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ \u9632? I talk about it with my partner-34%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? 1 1et my partner know I'm hurt-250/o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I try to ignore it-224%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I scream-7\u176?ro\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I get away-50o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I respond in some other way-5%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I respond with violence-i Vo\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The problem with these percentages is that they tell us only the primary strateg y the person uses, when in many cases people use different strategies at differe nt times, and even simultaneously. In the second study, 103 men and women were a sked whether or not they use each of sixteen different coping strategies present

ed earlier. Once again, "rational discussion" was one of the two most frequently reported strategies, the second being "I think through my role in the situation and assess rationally what I stand or fear to lose." And again, "physical viole nce" was the least frequently mentioned strategy. Here are the percentages of pe ople who answered "yes" when asked whether they use a particular strategy for co ping with extreme jealousy:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I think through my role in the situation and assess what I stand or fear to lose-800A6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I use rational discussion-790th\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I use verbal assault-600/0\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I use sarcasm-56%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I accept the situation-550/0\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I cry-44\u176?/o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I use stony silence-42%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I suffer silently but visibly-560/o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I try to find the funny side of the situation-360/o\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ \u9632? I avoid the issue-33%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I retaliate, making my partner jcaIous-330/o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I Ieave my partner-29\u176?/6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I suffer silently and covertly-27410\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I make a joke of it-260/o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I use denial-180%\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? I resort to physical violence-7\u176?/o\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In two different studies, using two different groups of people and two different questions, the most frequent strategy reported for coping with jealousy was rat ional discussion; the least (requent strategy was violence.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Does this mean that people really arc most likely to talk about their jealousy i n a rational manner or think through their role in the situation? Not necessaril y. More likely, they answer according to what they know is the most acceptable w ay to deal with their jealousy whether or not they actually do it.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ When asked to recall the most intense jealousy they have ever experienced, and t hen how they would have liked to respond to the situation that triggered that je alousy, chances are that most people would have said that they wished they had a cool, rational discussion with their partner or thought through the situation a nd their role in it. Chances are also good that in fact they did something diffe rent, which is part of the reason they recall it as their most extreme jealousy. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The fact of the matter is that talking with one's partner and thinking through o ne's role in the jealousy crisis are indeed the best coping strategies, because they are the most likely to produce positive results. The practical question is: How to do it?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since it is difficult to think clearly and compare options when in the midst of an emotional turmoil, it is best to get away temporarily from both the person an d the situation that triggered the jealousy (if at all possible, to get out of t own).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The person in the midst of a jealousy crisis needs to consider several questions . These questions were mentioned earlier in this chapter and throughout the book , but they bear repeating:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? First, what is it exactly that's making you jealous? The fact that he's going out without you? That he seems to have more fun with her than with you? Th at he had an affair?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Second, what is at the heart of your jealousy? Envy of' your rival? Fear of loss? Fear of abandonment? Humiliation? A threat to the relationship? A thre at to your ego?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \u9632? Third, why are you experiencing that particular component of jealousy so intensely? Is it related to an old experience you might have had in your childh ood? I low is the old experience related to what you arc experiencing now? Could

the current threat be related to what you found most rewarding about your mate' s love at the beginning of your relationship?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once people have identified their own role in the jealousy problem, they can con sider their options for responding. They should consider, too, how their partner is likely to respond to each of those options, and what they themselves want to happen. A man who wants more than anything else for him and his wife to be clos e again should realize that attacking his wife is not the best strategy. Express ing his love and pain is likely to have a much more positive outcome. The best s etting for that is an open and considerate discussion that gives both partners t he opportunity to describe their feelings and explain whatever needs to be expla ined without being attacked.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One way to do it (which works best with couples who like structure) is for each partner to take exactly five minutes to make one point (only!) as the other part ner listens and tries to understand. The speaker is not allowed to attack the li stener. The listener can only ask for clarification and, at the end of the allot ted five minutes, must repeat back the main point to the speaker's satisfaction. 6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hurt feelings and counter-attacks can be avoided if both partners are careful to follow these three steps:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. Describe what the partner is probably feeling. ("You must feel constrained wh en I'm with you at a party.")\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. Describe what you are feeling. ("I feel left out when you have long conversat ions with other people, and threatened when you seem attracted to them")\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. Express clearly what it is that you want. ('1 would really appreciate it if y ou would include me in some conversations when we are at a party.")\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ When the situation is too explosive for talking of any kind, couples may want to consider writing what they want to say to each other-in the form of a love lett er. People who feel overcome by jealousy and think they are likely to do "someth ing crazy" should remember the important distinction between what they feel and what they do. Even when they feel crazy, they don't have to act crazy; even if t hey feel out of control, they don'( have to act that way. In fact, behavioral th erapists believe that it is possible to change feelings by changing the thoughts or actions associated with them.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People don't always realize, or want to admit, that they have a wide range of re sponse options in a jealousy situation. As evidenced earlier, they can show thei r partners how important the relationship is to them; they can get out of the si tuation or the relationship; they can ignore what is going on; they can show the ir partners how much they are suffering; they can laugh it off; they can make a scandal; or they can talk to their partner about their feelings and wishes.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc The Behavioral Approach to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The focus of the behavioral approach, as its name implies, is on observable beha vior.7 Unlike the psychodynamic approach and like the systems approach, the beha vioral approach has no interest in the unconscious. Behaviorists assume that the causes for, and solutions to, a jealousy problem exist in the current environme nt, even if the jealousy-triggering event happened at another time and place. Be havior is the result of' learning and psychological problems are always the resu lt of inappropriate learning.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Like writers who advocate open marriages, behaviorists disagree with sociobiolog ists' view that jealousy is natural, instinctive, and inevitable. They believe, instead, that it is learned. And since jealousy is learned, behaviorists maintai n, it can also be unlearned and a new (and better) response can replace it.8\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Behavioral therapists define a problem exactly the way the person who comes for treatment defines it. They do not assume that the therapist knows the "real" pro

blem better than the person experiencing it. The treatment goal is to help the p erson change inappropriate responses and dysfunctional habits by unlearning them and replacing them with more appropriate responses. Treatment can accommodate e ither an individual or a couple.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to behaviorists, in every interaction people try to get as many reward s as they can for the lowest possible cost. In couple therapy, couples are taugh t to negotiate contracts that enable each partner to get more rewards from the o ther. The only cost is doing something the other wants.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Desensitization is one of the behavioral techniques that can be used to treat je alousy.9 The process comprises several steps. First, the person is asked to make a list of the things that trigger jealousy and rank them according to the degre e of jealousy they create. Second, the person is taught progressive relaxation b y learning to relax different parts of the body. Third, the person is trained to remain relaxed while imagining different items on the list, starting with the i tem at the bottom of the list, the one that triggers the least jealousy. Once th e person is able to think about this item and remain relaxed, the next item on t he list is introduced. If the person cannot remain relaxed while imagining it, t he instruction is to return to the relaxation exercises and then try again. This way, the person can gradu- all)' learn to confront the triggers that produce th e most extreme jealousy, and remain calm.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In jealousy workshops I use a variation of this exercise, which involves people revisiting their most intense experience of jealousy. I ask participants to lie down on the floor (if that is possible) and make themselves as comfortable as po ssible. Next I ask them to imagine themselves in their favorite place (it can be inside or outdoors); the day is sunny and they are relaxed and happy. A deep br eath is bringing calm and comfort to every cell in their body. As they exhale, t hey imagine all feelings of discomfort, tension, and pain leaving their body. Th ey concentrate on relaxing each part of their body separately, starting with the toes and moving up slowly to the face and head, until they feel completely rela xed.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When total relaxation is achieved, I ask them to (lip through the pages of their personal history book until they reach the incident that triggered their most e xtreme jealousy and try and remember as many details as they can about this inci dent. (Who were the people involved? How did they look? What exactly happened? W hen? Where? What did they do in response?) When they have an urge to escape the pain, the rage, the panic, I ask then instead to let these difficult feelings fl ood them, stay with the pain for a minute, then take a deep breath, slowly bring their mind back to the present, and sit up. After sitting up they write clown a s many details of their experience as they can remember and tell three other wor kshop participants about it. For a behavioral therapist, accumulating such detai ls is an essential step of treatment.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The second part of this exercise starts the same way as the first, with particip ants lying on the floor and imagining they are in their favorite place (a beauti ful sandy beach or next to a cool stream in the forest). As they imagine lying t here, the sun warming them gently, the wonderful feeling of' relaxation is hack. But, this time, they arc asked to imagine that the sun is not only warming them , but also energizing and empowering them with its rays. They are strong and in control. Time has passed since they experienced their most intense jealousy, and during that time they have learned more about themselves and about their relati onships. They are wiser, more experienced, and more powerful now. When they feel their inner power and wisdom, they are instructed to hold on to them (IS they w ould to a shield, a magic weapon.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Now they are ready to go back in time and revisit their most intense experience of jealousy. I ask them to imagine that they have been given a chance to go back to that incident and relive it any way they want-remembering that now they are armed with wisdom, experience, and power. What do they choose to do? How do they respond this time? Is it the same way they responded originally; because the ex perience taught them so much, despite the pain? Or differently, the way they hav e wished so many times they had responded-cool, gracious, in complete control of themselves and of the situation?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

After workshop participants have completed the guided imagery, they are given a chance to discuss their experiences and share insights they have gained. People who do the exercise on their own can write down both their experiences and their insights.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who respond differently when revisiting the site of their most extreme je alousy need to understand that the ability to respond in this new way is within them. The feelings of empowerment, of experience, wisdom, control, are a part of ' them that they can call up at any time, even if it requires greater effort in times of stress. The next exercise can prove this.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In this exercise people are asked to take a sheet of paper and fold it lengthwis e, then write the letter A on top of one side, and B on top of the other side. R ecalling the thoughts that ran through their head during the first (traumatic) p art of the exercise, they are asked to list as many of these thoughts as they re member on the side of the paper labeled A. Next, they are asked to recall their thoughts during the second part of the exercise, and write as many of them as th ey can remember on the side of paper labeled B. When they can unfold the paper, they compare the two columns. For example:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0195_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ The person who suffers from a jealousy problem can repeat the B sentences over a nd over again for several days, so that the next time jealousy strikes they are familiar and easily accessible.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Albert Ellis uses a similar approach in the application of his Rational Emotive Therapy to the treatment of jealousy.10 Ellis differentiates between rational an d irrational jealousy. Rational jealousy is reality based, while irrational jeal ousy is the result of irrational thoughts such as "It's awful that my beloved is interested in someone else! I can't stand it!" Like all other emotional upsets, Ellis argues, jealousy follows an ABC scheme. At point A there is an Activating event (e.g. Your beloved shows interest in or attention to someone else.) At po int C the person feels an emotional Consequence-intense jealousy. Quite commonly the person falsely attributes C to A (e.g. erroneously concludes that "Because my mate is carrying on a hot affair with so-and-so, that makes me jealous"). Act ually, contends Ellis, there is no magic by which any Outside event, even a trau matic event such as your spouse's affair, can cause you to experience jealousy. Only your Beliefs (the 13 in the ABC scheme) can do that. Disputing the irration al beliefs is the D in rational emotive therapy. Instead of the irrational and e asily disputed beliefs such as "It's awful" and "I can't stand it!" the person i s taught to say "I don't like this situation very much. I wish my beloved would be devoted only to me. What a pain in the ass this is!" If people choose to beli eve this, and nothing but this, promises Ellis, the emotional Consequence at poi nt C may be disappointment, regret, or irritation, but not insane jealousy.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People tormented by jealousy almost always have a specific "traumatic scene" tha t causes them the sharpest pain each time they think of it. For men, it tends to be a sexual scene: "She is having sex with her new lover, and both of them are making fun of me." For women, it tends to be a scene of great intimacy: "They ar e walking together in the park with a baby carriage." "They are looking at each other lovingly after making love, smiling and touching tenderly." "lie is offeri ng her marriage. " The behaviorist Zeev Wanderer believes that by eliminating th e emotions associated with this traumatic scene, one can eliminate the jealousy problem.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wanderer developed a technique he calls Physiologically Monitored Implosion Ther apy (PMIT).' PMIT is an improvement on a well-known behavioral technique called "Implosion therapy" (or "flooding"), which has been used successfully in treatin g phobias and PTSD. In implosion therapy, patients are asked to imagine their wo rst fear or most traumatic experience again and again until the fear is reduced. In PMIT, the therapist monitors the patient's blood pressure with an electronic instrument that records subtle changes. The patient talks about difficult situa tions, and the therapist keeps a tape recording of the scene the patient describ

ed just preceding a peak in blood pressure. This scene is considered the source of the problem. Repeated exposure to the recording reduces the scene's power ove r the patient, and blood pressure gradually returns to normal. Here is an exampl e of how this process works: A man in his mid-thirties with a job in radio broad casting had a girlfriend who worked in the same office. One day she terminated t heir relationship to start a romantic involvement with one of their coworkers. T he man's job required that he interact frequently with both of them. I lis inten se jealousy caused him to avoid this contact, to the detriment of his work.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ During PMIT, the man was asked what he found most difficult about seeing his gir lfriend with her new lover. "The fact that they are making love," he responded. What was it about their sex life that disturbed him most? Wanderer measured the man's blood pressure as he recounted his fantasies of the couple's sex life.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Analysis of the blood-pressure data indicated that the largest rise in blood pre ssure occurred when the man described the special sounds his ex-lover used to ma ke when she reached orgasm. At the time of their own sexual involvement, he thou ght he was the only man who could make her produce these sounds. Now he was most tormented by the thought that she was making those sounds with her new lover.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The therapist recorded a session on tape in which the man was asked to imagine i n great detail his ex-lover's new sexual liaison, dramatizing her orgasms, how " she's making those sounds with him.... He's touching her body in all the places that arouse her, they are laughing" The man was instructed to listen to the tape for an hour a day. After less than a week of listening to the tape, the scene n o longer pained but bored him. tie was able to have work-related contact with bo th his ex-lover and her new man without discomfort.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another case that Wanderer treated involved a stockbroker who came to therapy be cause he felt he needed to stop being jealous. He said his jealousy had caused h im to lose several girlfriends. The last girlfriend, whom he liked a great deal, was especially nice and understanding, and he was pained by her loss, which lie considered his own fault "One day I saw her coming out of a movie house with a lawyer friend of hers, and I made a terrible scene. She became very angry, and t old me she can't have a relationship with someone who behaves that way."\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ His PMIT revealed that his worst scene was imagining the girlfriend leaving him for that lawyer friend. The man was taught how to relax while imagining this ter rible scenario over and over and over again. After several therapy sessions he s aw his girlfriend again with the same lawyer. This time he felt calm. He approac hed them and said a polite, "Hello, how are you?" to both of them. His girlfrien d was so impressed by the change in his behavior that she called him up and they started dating again.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In both examples Wanderer describes, repeated exposure to the painful scene seve red its connection to the jealous response and replaced it with a new connection between the scene and boredom.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I must add a word of caution to this very glowing amount of the use of implosion therapy. I have seen a number of people who ran away from a therapist who tried to use this approach without adequate preparation. The traumatic scene is extre mely painful, and people cannot be flooded with it without proper preparation an d support.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "Scrupulous Ilonesty" (which was described in chapter four) is another, less tra umatic version of implosion therapy.'2 In this technique, the nonjealous partner is instructed to "flood" the jealous partner with every detail of the day's exp eriences. The flooding inundates the jealous mate with information that helps di spel anxiety and insecurity.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another version of implosion therapy used specifically for the treatment of jeal ousy is the "Dutch cow" technique described to me by the Israeli therapist Tsafy Gilad.15 Gilad used the technique in treating the jealousy problem of a middleaged couple.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy became a problem after the wife discovered that her husband had had a y

ear-long affair. Although the affair was long over, the wife couldn't stop think ing about it. During the process of therapy the couple learned that the wife's d iscovery of the affair devastated her sense of security in the marriage. Securit y was what she looked for when she married her husband and was the most importan t thing the marriage gave her. To restore her sense of security, she wanted to k now her husband's whereabouts every moment he was away from her, so she wouldn't worry that he might be spending time with the other wonman.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ The husband, who was ready to do anything to restore the marriage, was instructe d to call his wife every hour whether she was at home, at work, with friends, or shopping. The instruction also meant, however, that the wife had to tell her hu sband where she would be every hour so he would know where to call her. The tech nique is nicknamed "Dutch cow" because the telephone calls serve the same functi on as the bells Dutch cows carry around their necks: They let their owner know w here they are at every moment, so that no fences are needed.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ After several weeks of this ordeal, the wife had had enough. She started dreadin g the phone calls, which intruded on her life. But her husband didn't mind them at all. He was ready to go on long after she said she couldn't lake it anymore. While it is not clear whether the technique helped the wife genuinely trust her husband again, it clearly helped sever the connection between the husband's temp o rary absence and the wife's jealousy, and replaced it with a connection betwee n his phone calls and annoyance.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Another behavioral technique for helping a couple cope with the aftermath of an affair was developed by behavior therapist Bernie Zilbergeld.14 It involves aski ng the betrayed spouse to write a convincing defense of the spouse who had the a ffair. When I use this technique, I also ask the spouse who had the affair to wr ite a defense of the betrayed spouse's jealousy. These defenses are extremely di fficult to write, but are very effective in helping couples make the empathic le ap that is required in order to understand each other's perspective. Ilere, for example, is part of a defense written by a female attorney of her boyfriend's in volvement with other women:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A contract is not binding when one party has been coerced or fears negative repe rcussions for failure to enter the contract. Such is the case here. When Jack ag reed to maintain an exclusive relationship with me, he believed that he must acq uiesce to my terms or lose inc.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When the first breach occurred, I sent an ambiguous message: I hate your behavio r, but I will never hate you, and so I will forgive you and put this behind us a nd resume our relationship. Again, I exacted the term of an agreement to remain exclusively committed to each other and added that truth was essential to the ma intenance of the relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Repeatedly the pattern has been that promises are made, broken, forgiven, cajole d, questioned-unpleasant and painful for both, but put aside. Jack could easily have concluded that I was making empty threats to leave or to require him to lea ve. lie saw how distressed I was, but saw, too, that I could bounce back and beh ave as if business as usual was the rule. When he was honest and revealed that h e had been with a woman all night, coming home at five in the morning, my behavi or didn't change. The pattern was so set that even then I did not act on my thre ats to end the relationship. These were storms we weathered.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Since he prizes his autonomy and freedom above all else, he was willing to endur e these painful confrontations because he knew that they would pass and he would be able to maintain his life according to his preferred pattern. The lies neces sary to maintain that lifestyle were lies he told to protect me from hurt rather than to protect himself, he thought, and since his affairs had nothing to do wi th his love for mc, he told inc about them to stabilize our life together.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ After both partners read each other's defenses, they are more able and willing t o see the other's point of view in the jealousy situation. This is a version of the role-reversal technique (also described in chapter four) in which partners t

ake turns describing each other's point of view. At the basis of both the writte n defenses and the rolereversal techniques is the power of behaving as if," whic h is also evident in a third technique, called "Pretend" (Im et al., 1983).\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In this technique, the jealous person is instructed to act as if he or she were not jealous. The underlying assumption-one of the basic assumptions of the behav ioral approach-is that if a jealous person can control his jealous behavior and act in a nonjealous manner, he can learn to perceive himself as a nonjealous per son. In addition, behaving in a nonjealous manner is likely to evoke a more favo rable response from the nonjealous partner. As systems therapists argue, jealous behavior, with its attendant demands, interrogation, whining, and fault-finding , usually evokes a negative reaction from the partner. By behaving more reasonab ly and positively toward the partner, despite feelings to the contrary, couples can reverse their downward spiral of interaction.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The counterpart of the "Pretend" technique is another technique (mentioned brief ly in chapter four), called "Turning the Tables," in which the nonjealous partne r is instructed to act the part of the jealous partner. Couples therapists Won G i Im, Stefanie Wilner, and Miranda Breit (1983), who developed this technique, d escribe an example of its successful use.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The husband, a physician in his mid-forties, sought help because his marriage of twenty-one years was in trouble as a result of his wife's jealousy. His wife ex pressed her unfounded jealousy by raging at him and harassing him on the telepho ne at the hospital where he worked, which caused him a great deal of embarrassme nt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The husband was instructed to act the part of it jealous spouse and to keep this strategy secret from his wife. I laving learned over many years how a jealous p erson behaves, he was able to perform the role of the jealous husband so skillfu lly and subtly that his wife didn't realize he was role-playing. While he had se ldom called home in the past, he now called his wife frequently to check on her, to see whether she was home and to ask exactly what she was doing. He made susp icious and critical remarks about any new clothes she wore, and expressed disple asure when she showed the slightest interest in another man.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ The result was dramatic. The wife, now feeling flattered by her husband's attent iveness and newfound interest, stopped her jealous behavior completely. She beca me pleasant and loving toward her husband and expressed remorse over her earlier behavior. At an eight-month follow-up, the husband reported that his wife conti nued to behave more lovingly toward him, but as a precaution he still played the role of the jealous husband from time to time.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In both the "Pretend" and "Turning the Tables" techniques, one partner is instru cted to behave differently (more like the other partner) as a way of changing th e dynamics surrounding a jealousy problem. The following exercise is aimed at ge tting both partners to work on a jealousy problem together:1'\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ Each partner needs three sheets of paper for this exercise. On top of the first page, the jealous partner is instructed to write the heading "Behaviors That Tri gger My Jealousy" and the nonjealous partner is instructed to write "Jealous Beh aviors That Get on My Nerves." Under this heading, the jealous partner lists all the things the nonjealous partner does that trigger jealousy; the nonjealous pa rtner lists all the things the jealous partner does that trigger anger, frustrat ion, hurt, or feeling caged. For example, an item on a jealous partner's list ma y be, "When you are honey-dripping sweet to every woman you meet on the street a fter being nasty to me." An item on the nonjealous partner's list may be, "Your suspicion about every woman I happen to bump into on the street."\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ On top of the second page the jealous partner writes: "The Needs at the Base ofM y Jealousy" while the nonjealous partner writes: "The Needs at the Base of My An noyance." Under this second heading the partners name the different needs at the heart of their jealousy or annoyance. For example, at the heart of the jealousy triggered by seeing him act sweet to other women may be her need to feel specia

l, to feel that she is his "one and only." At the heart of the anger at her susp icion may be a need to feel trusted.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ At the top of the third page, both partners write: "Wishes" Under this heading, they write what the other partner can do to fulfill their need. They are encoura ged not to ask for things that are too general, such as "Make Inc feel special" or "Show that you trust me," but rather, to ask for specific and concrete things that their partner is capable of giving, things that have special significance for them. For example, "Take Inc out for a romantic dinner"; \u176?"ICII me that you trust me." Note that both examples are positive statements-things to do, no t things to avoid. Note, too, that both examples involve observable behavior-thi s behavior is the focus of the behavioral approach.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After writing their lists of wishes, both partners go over those lists and rank their requests from I to 10 in terms of their importance. A score of 10 means ve ry important, a score of I means minor importance. (For example, how important i s going out for a romantic dinner? 8? 6? 9? 3? What about an intimate dance at a party? Is it more or less important? How important is it to hear that your part ner trusts you?)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once both partners have ranked their requests, they are instructed to exchange t heir lists, examine each other's wishes, and then rank them in terms of' the dif ficulty in fulfilling them. Again, the most difficult request gets the score of' 10, the least difficult gets the score of 1. (How difficult is it for you to te ll your partner that you trust him? 8? 6? 3? How difficult is it to take your pa rtner out for a romantic dinner?)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ It is important to emphasize that requests are not demands, and should never be expressed or understood as such. They are wishes. When a partner fulfills a wish , it's a gift and should be perceived and received that way.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ A couple who struggles with a jealousy problem should try to give each other at least three gifts a week. This probably will not be easy. If it were easy, the c ouple would have done it before. The things the partner asks for may be difficul t. (It may be hard to look straight into his eyes and tell him that you trust hi m, when deep in your heart you don't-which is why you respond with jealousy when he is too friendly toward other women.) Couples don't have to give gifts they h ave rated high in difficulty. It is better to start with those they have rated l east difficult. As the relationship becomes more loving and trusting, couples us ually find it easier to give each other the more difficult gifts.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Finally, a note about assumptions. One of the most damaging assumptions in coupl e relationships is that something asked for is worthless. ("If A have to ask for it, what kind of a gift is it?") Another dangerous assumption is that the gifts the partner wants are the same things you want. The exercise described here can help couples break free of these assumptions and give each other what they both really want. This way, both partners will get more rewards from the relationshi p. And, as noted earlier, getting as many rewards as possible for the lowest pos sible cost is one of the goals of' behavioral couple therapy.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc An Evaluation of the Behavioral Approach to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of the major contributions of the behavioral approach is its emphasis on obs ervable behavior and its view of jealousy as a learned response that can be unle arned. The behavioral techniques and exercises described in this chapter have in common the assumption that if people change their behavior (even when they are only role-playing at first) they can change their feelings and attitudes. Such b ehavioral techniques can be very effective and far less timeconsuming than psych odynamically oriented psychotherapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ One of the major criticisms of the behavioral approach (similar to a criticism o f the systems approach) is directed at its disregard for the role of traumatic c hildhood experiences and unconscious processes in the development of psychologic

al problems such as jealousy. According to the psychodynamic approach, unless th ese childhood experiences are addressed and the unconscious processes brought to consciousness, the jealousy problem will not be cured. These critics see the ch anges brought about by behavioral techniques as superficial and temporary. Behav iorists, on the other hand, believe that insight is not necessary for a lasting change in behavior to take place. Because they focus on observable behaviors, th eir interventions can be studied and, indeed, have been proven effectivc.)6\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Coping Strategies and Theoretical Approaches\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The coping strategies presented in this chapter were inspired primarily by the b ehavioral approach. Throughout the book, however, numerous exercises and coping strategies were presented that were inspired by other theoretical approaches.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The psychodynamic approach, which views romantic jealousy as occurring in the mi nd of the jealous individual, inspired the exer cise called "Jealousy as the Sha dow of Love." This exercise requires introspection aimed at making a connection between the adult jealousy and childhood experiences. The systems approach, whic h views jealousy ds occurring in the dynamic of a particular relationship, inspi red the role-reversal exercise, which requires both partners to work jointly on their jealousy problem. The social-psychological approach, which views jealousy as influenced mainly by cultural forces, inspired the shift from dispositional t o situational attribution. The sociobiological approach, which views jealousy as innate and shaped by evolutionary forces, and different for \u9658?nen and for women inspired the "relationship sociodrama," a technique designed to break peop le's fallacy of uniqueness and discover the universal nature of jealousy. The co gnitive-behavioral approach inspired a variety of techniques and exercises aimed at helping individuals and couples learn new responses to jealousy triggers. Ea ch approach and strategy can help people understand and cope with a jealousy pro blem more effectively.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Final Word about Coping\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ The exercises in this chapter assume that people truly want to be rid of their j ealousy problem. This assumption may or may not be true. It is possible that, de spite all appearances to the contrary, the jealousy problem serves an important function in the relationship, a function the couple would rather not acknowledge . If this is the case, chances are that the coping strategies recommended here w ill not work.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Nevertheless, exercises that give couples an opportunity to learn about themselv es and about each other, and that increase the number of rewards couples give ea ch other, can only benefit the relationship, and therefore deserve a good try.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Even if the techniques and exercises recommended in this chapter don't solve a p articular jealousy problem altogether, they are guaranteed to increase self-know ledge and enhance growth of both the individual and the couple.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ All the coping strategies presented in this chapter can be used (and will no dou bt be most effective when they are used this way) by pro fessional therapists. S ome exercises can be used in the context of individual therapy (e.g. "flooding") , some can by used in the context of couple therapy (e.g. writing the defense fo r the aff(iir/jealousy), and some can be used in the context of a couple worksho p (e.g. the "relationship sociodrama"). Once again I would like to caution thera

pists about the use of implosion therapy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s1 \afs32 {\b {\qr 10\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s2 \ afs28 {\b Can Any Good Come Out {\line } of Romantic Jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw114\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a007201011100ffc4001b00010003010101010000000000 000000000001030502040607ffc400281000020202020005 05000300000000000001020003041112210513314151142223718161c1f1ffda0008010100003f00 fd02222222222222222272cc15493e82718d915e5509752d cab71b53f32d88948c9abeabe9b9fe6e1cf8fc8deb72e8912bc8bebc6a1eeb5b8d6836c75bd0962b 0650ca41046c1126244aeeb92a0391ec9d28f72661d99177 9399662e579d602ee0303bab5d688deb5b07f734fc278ae1a54bafc6a07207a6d8deff00bb9ee913 2bc43251aca38e5790a189ec1e36ebad6c107dff00ecab0d ed1e2d6bde037155441df2456ef677f244da1d89328c8bd6a1a3b2c412157d7a9f3f6bdafe1bc6bc c190ae556db9b7ae2e74411bd03a3fc9f418ae1a95017871 fb7883bd6baff52f8899de29837653536516f16a8b6d49d6c1520f7ec7be8cef1b06badd1cd48851 0a2aaf7d1d6f67dfd27a68c7ab1ebe14d6b5a7c28d096ce2 c1c90aef5b1a99185e1565549ab27cbb484158b0927edf4e975d1fefacd25c4a15ebb3cb52f5af15 623b03f72f89979f8175f9ab756c1ab35f976565caec6f7d 100ff47bcf455834fe52f557ab5023205fb7437a1fe7d4cf5575ad4811005551a007b4ee22244989 111262222222222222222222227fffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr Jealousy is always born together with love, but it does not always die with love .... We are happier in the passion we feel than in 111(1( we arouse.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qr -La Rochefoucauld, "Reflections"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw116\pich42\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08002a007401011100ffc4001900010101010101000000000000 00000000000105040307ffc4002910000202010303030305 0000000000000000010203110412210513512231411461713242a1c1e1ffda0008010100003f00fa 01064a0801410a0021cfadbeca2873a6a76d9c6209fbf266 dbadeef54d2d4dd90edb764e49351c61adad7e5a3693ca291bc232753d4a7551a89df44e118b7151 8e5b92f29ae0ece98dae9f442763b271828ca52f7caf2759 0e4d66a6da2daa35d2e709b7be4b2f678e1727368353f51d52f96e9c6318aaf64b38725cb6b3f668 d5008fd8c07ded4eb2dab50e54ecb5c9492f534bf46de318 f275d7d3273ae994ecdb6454a32e33be2dfcfdf85c9a8961032fac6a2fa2dd3ecaf755272526f3b5 4b1e9dd8f8ff000f2a3a6ee52aa574ecaa754a326d636c9b fdbe3ddff06969689515e273ee4dbcb96319e31fd1d079dee6a8b1d4b3628bdabcbf83034f0bb5da

75677255ea156a2a3b71272c26f7e5795ede0d5a742ebd5b ba366212c375a8f0a496329fe3e0ed2820c2f00a098182820c028000000000000000000000001fff d9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Can any good come out of jealousy? My own answer-as evidenced in the preceding c hapters-is a definite yes. 7o find out what other people think about this questi on, I asked 105 men and women to rate their agreement with the following stateme nts (on a I to 7 scale ranging from I = Disagree strongly to 7= Agree strongly): [\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy is a sign of love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy is an instrument fir inducing commitment.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy brings excitement to listless relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy teaches people not to take each other for granted.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Jealousy makes life more interesting.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes relationships last longer.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes one's partner look more desirable.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes people feel alive.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes people examine their relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Here are the mean ratings for each statement, in descending order of agreement w ith the different statements:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes people examine their relationship: 4.7\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy teaches people not to take each other for granted: 3.1\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Jealousy is a sign Of IOW: 3.0\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy is an instrument for inducing commitment: 2.8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes one's partner look more desirable: 2.6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy brings excitement to listless relationships: 2.4\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ Jealousy makes life more interesting: 2.3\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes people feel alive: 2.5\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes relationships last longer: 1.5\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The respondents agreed most strongly with the statement that jealousy is positiv e in that it forces people to examine their relationship. Yet, as can be seen by their mean rating (4.7), they agreed with it only to a certain extent. The same rating (4.7) was given to a statement describing a negative effect of jealousy with which the same respondents agreed least: that jealousy makes people feel gu ilty. They agreed much more strongly with statements about the other negative ef fects of jealousy:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealous' causes emotional distress: 5.9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy puts a strain on relationships: 5.9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy can block thought and distort emotions: 5.9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy wastes valuable time: 5.8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy causes physical distress: 5.5\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy restricts the partner's freedom: 5.2\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy may result in violence: 5.0\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy CdO cause social embarrassment: 5.0\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy drives the partner away: 4.8\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Agreement about the negative effects of jealousy did not necessarily correlate w ith a respondent's own level of jealousy. In other words, whether or not people perceived themselves as jealous had little effect on their rating of these negat ive effects of jealousy. On the other hand, agreement about the positive effects of jealousy was significantly correlated with self-perception-the more jealous one perceived oneself to be, the more likely one was to agree with the positive effects of jealousy. This means that while everyone agrees on the negative effec ts of jealousy, only people who perceive them selves as jealous agree that it ha s positive effects. There are several possible explanations for this.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{

People who perceive themselves as jealous may want to describe jealousy in a pos itive light. By the same token, people who perceive jealousy as a more positive experience may admit more readily to feeling jealous. It is also possible that w hen people have a traumatic experience with jealousy they need to convince thems elves that something positive came out of it. The final possibility is that beca use people who view themselves as jealous tend to experience jealousy more often , they have more occasions to discover its positive effects.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ While all four of these explanations probably have a grain of truth in them, for the remainder of this chapter I will take the approach suggested by the last ex planation-namely, that some good can come out of jealousy. Let us examine this " good" more closely.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Makes People Examine Their Relationships\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Most people don't examine their relationships very often, if at all, after they pass the stage of courtship and romance. Similarly, most people don't examine th eir work situation or their relationship with other family members often. All th is self-examination takes time and energy most people don't have to spare. As no ted before, the common response of people who tried an open relationship and dec ided against it was that it was too time-consuming: "You have to talk about the relationship all the time. You have to examine and reexamine rules you made that for some reason are not working. It's exhausting. It leaves no time or energy f or anything else"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Romantic jealousy, with all the emotional and physical turmoil it generates, pro vides people with an opportunity to examine their relationship without extra eff ort. To put it another way: People who have already suffered the pains of jealou sy should not waste the opportunity to learn something valuable about themselves and about the relationship. The jealousy can serve as a guide in examining such questions as: "What does this experience tell me about myself? What does it tel l \u9658?ne about my partner and our relationship?" Examination of this sort is most productive if followed by more action-oriented questions such as: "Is this the kind of relationship I want for myself?" And if the answer is no, "What can I do to change things?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Teaches People Not to Take Each Other for Granted\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Romantic love is not an eternal flame. If fuel is not added to it, sooner or lat er the flame will burn out.2 When people first fall in love and their love is re ciprocated, they feel fortunate to have such a won- dcrfi\u9658?I person return their love. When they are not sure whether or not their love is reciprocated, in security and doubt intensify their emotions. They are ready to (10 anything to h ave this wonderful person love them back. Yet all too often, when they feel assu red of their partner's love and commitment, they start to take this love for gra nted. They make demands they would not have made during the courtship stage, and would never make of other people. Their partner becomes the person in their lif e who is "supposed" to understand their work pressures, their all-absorbing invo lvement with their children, with their friends, with community work. "Who else can I expect to understand and be supportive if not my partner?" they ask self-r ighteously. Dealing with continuous stress at work, with children, with a parent , or with voluntary activities in effect gives these concerns a higher priority than the relationship. No romantic relationship can withstand this kind of assau lt for long. Taking each other for granted erodes love.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Paradoxically, the threat of involvement with a third person stops this overinvo lvement with people outside the relationship and brings the focus back to the co uple. Suddenly people's security in their partner's love and commitment is shake n, as they wonder once again: "Does he Ishel love me? Does he [steel not?"\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23

{\b {\qc Jealousy Is a Sign of Love\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Whether or not romantic jealousy is seen as a sign of love varies in different ( allures and different periods of history. Therefore, whether or not people agree with the statement at the head of this section tends to be influenced by the no rms of their culture. Yet even people who don't see jealousy as a sign of love m ay still respond with jealousy when they perceive a threat to a valued romantic relationship. In this way (as noted in chapter one), jealousy is the shadow of l ove.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Contrary to the people who believe that "There's more self-love than love in jea lous," or 'Jealousy is caused by possessiveness and by a sense of inferiority, n ot by love," I would argue that even if selflove, possessiveness, and inferiorit y are a part of jealousy, couples can deal with these feelings more effectively if they focus on love. A person who is on the receiving end of a partner's jealo usy and is convinced that the jealousy results from the partner's possessiveness or inferiority complex can do little to change things. But if, instead, the per son sees the jealousy as a sign of love, related to the things both partners fou nd most attractive about each other initially, that person is more likely to rea lize that jealousy is part of a dynamic in the relationship to which both partne rs contribute, and that both partners can work to change. As noted earlier, view ing jealousy as a response to a perceived threat to a valued love relationship, or to its quality, eliminates guilt and blame and frees energy for more construc tive coping.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Is an Instrument for Inducing Commitment\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Gary reached 40, he felt that he had only a limited number of erections lef t. With this in mind, he wanted to enjoy as many of those erections as possible. Although he was happy in his marriage of' fifteen years to Sara, he wanted the freedom to experience other women sexually. Since he saw himself as an enlighten ed and liberated man, he was happy to allow Sara to have sex with other men, too . Sara was not at all interested in an open marriage and was jealous of every wo man she thought Gary might be interested in. "When I walk down the street and I see these young, beautiful women, I panic," she said. But since she felt she had to be as enlightened and liberated as Gary was, she accepted his extramarital s exual liaisons.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Many months later, after much hesitation on her part and encouragement on Gary's part, she agreed to spend a weekend with an attractive male friend whom she had dated in her college years. The weekend turned out to be a very positive experi ence for Sara. But to her (and his) great surprise, hearing that, Gary "freaked out" Sara described the strange experience: "He started following me around the house like a puppy, begging me to assure him that I love him and would not leave him for that man" to her great relief he no longer wanted an open marriage.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A similar process often happens to people, most often men, who fear commitments. ' A jealousy crisis, which makes the person aware of a competitor for his partne r and the chance of' losing the relationship, can become the trigger that induce s commitment. This might also explain why women try to induce jealousy more ofte n than men (lo.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Intensifies Emotions\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ As Gary discovered, jealousy makes one's partner look more desirable. At times t his happens because, like the children we all were once, we find the toy we ours elves have neglected to be more interesting when someone else shows an interest in it. At other times people's fear of losing what they have come to take for gr

anted makes them realize just how desirable it is. All ofa sudden they notice th e wonderful qualities that made them fall in love with their partner.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy can bring excitement to listless relationships. In the midst Of 'd majo r jealousy crisis, one thing people never complain about is boredom. They may ta lk about the pain of the experience, they may say it is infuriating, they may sa y it's humiliating-hut they never say it's boring. And where there is emotional energy, there is an exciting occasion for growth. The intense emotions serve as fuel for the exploration. Most people would probably never do so much self-exami nation if they were not in the midst of an emotional turmoil.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ People who are willing to explore their intense emotions, positive as well as ne gative, may even discover that jealousy can make life more passionate and intere sting. As swingers know from their experience with sexual mate exchange, a sting of jealousy, if interpreted positively as a tease, can make couples sexually ex cited about each other. The sphere in which all these positive effects can be se en most clearly is sex.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Adds Passion to Sex\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Despite the great pain most people associate with jealousy, it sometimes has a p ositive effect on the quality of their sex lives. Ben and Stacy's story is a goo d example.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ I met Ben and Stacy at an intensive five-day jealousy workshops I lead.` Ben was fifteen years older than Stacy. They had met as boss and employee, and Stacy co ntinued to adore Ben and treat him as a mentor. Ben had been divorced for over f ive years when they became romantically involved. Before that, he had been marri ed for many years, and was monogamous the entire time. When he became single aga in, Ben wanted to make up for things lie had missed in his youth (he married you ng), so he had many affairs.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stacy had had several boyfriends prior to her romantic involvement with Ben, but she was still a virgin when they met. The difference between them in age and se xual experience created problems in the relationship. The main problem, from Ben 's point of view, was that sex had become boring. While he still loved Stacy, wa s flattered that such a young and beautiful woman was in love with him, and was committed to the relationship, her "lack of experience" made their sex life "une xciting" Ben wanted to be able to see some of his former girlfriends and have se x with them. I-fe encouraged Stacy to get sexually involved with other men, whic h he said would be good for her and for their relationship. "It would help her b ecome more experienced and sexually sophisticated," he argued.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Stacy, for her part, was very jealous of Ben's former girlfriends and felt infer ior to them. Although she was extremely attractive and had ample opportunities t o (late other men, she would have been happiest in a monogamous relationship wit h Ben. It was painful for her to realize that sex with her was not enough for hi m.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ During the first days of the workshop, Ben brought Stacy's jealousy and insecuri ty to the group's attention on several occasions. On all these occasions he pres ented himself as understanding of"Stacy's problem," while he flirted openly with other women in the group. Then something happened that changed things dramatica lly.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Following a particularly intense session, in which one of the men in the group a ccused Stacy of being cold and emotionally unresponsive, Stacy broke down in (ca rs. The group responded to her tears with understanding and support and gave her very warm feedback. The man who initially attacked her-one of the more attracti ve men in the group-sat next to her, hugged her, and stroked her back.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ The man had indicated his attraction to Stacy several times before, without a re sponse from her. This was the real reason for his earlier attack and accusation

of her "coldness" Now he was extremely sorry for the pain he had caused her, and was doing his best to comfort her. He was still hugging her and stroking her ba ck when the session was over and the rest of the group, including Ben, left the room.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ His comforting gradually became more sexual. They both were emotionally aroused by the events that had taken place in the session, and physically aroused by the ir close contact. Their stroking and kissing became more passionate. Eventually they made love, right there on the carpet. Since they hadn't planned it, neither of them used contraceptives.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Ben was furious. Ile had seen Stacy and the man becoming physical with each othe r, and became extremely jealous. "How could you do this to me?" he demanded. The focus of his anger (so he claimed) was not that Stacy had sex with another man, which was what he had said all along that he wanted her to do. Rather, lie obje cted to her carelessness about contraception. "You hurt me more than any other w oman has ever done" he said accusingly, "and I trusted you to protect my feeling s."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stacy, tears rolling clown her checks, said that she'd never intended to hurt Be n's feelings. Nevertheless, she was stubborn in her insistence that she was not sorry for what she had done, and that it had been a wonderful experience.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ While processing the experience with Ben and Stacy, helping him examine his jeal ousy and her conflicting feelings, I asked them whether anything positive had co me out of the incident. I was not surprised to hear Ben say, with great amazemen t, "When we made love afterward, it was the most passionate sex we ever had. It was unbelievably intense and exciting. I can't figure whyy" Stacy, still crying, nodded in agreement.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The reason their sex was so exciting was that it happened in the intensely emoti onal context of a jealousy crisis. For both Ben and Stacy, the security of it co mmitted relationship had been shaken. their perception of themselves and of each other suddenly changed. Ben, who until that time considered himself a "nonjealo us" person, experienced intense jealousy marked by anger, envy, rivalry, betraya l, fear of loss, and feelings of exclusion. Stacy, who until that time perceived herself as the one with the "jealousy problem," felt not only empathy for Ben's pain but also a new, powerful, and exciting experience of being desired by two attractive men.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Ben and Stacy's story is not unusual. I have seen many similar cases in which on e partner (usually the man) pushed to open the relationship because sex had beco me boring, but who responded with great shock and jealousy when the other partne r actually became involved with someone else. To the surprise of both partners, the painful shock and the intense jealousy it generated helped revive the sexual passion in the relationship. Passionate sex depends on emotional arousal, and j ealousy, as we well know, can be extremely arousing emotionally.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Jealousy doesn't always result in passionate sex, however. The jealous person ma y be terrified at the prospect of losing the relationship, and anxiety is the an tithesis of passion. This tends to happen when jealousy is a chronic problem in the relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When a relationship has strong roots of trust and security, a temporary jealousy crisis can serve as a reminder to both partners of how important they arc to ea ch other. For couples who take each other for granted, or whose relationship has become boring and listless, jealousy can restore the relationship as the number -one priority. Even if these changes are associated with the negative side of je alousy, they can intensify feelings between partners, and thus enhance the exper ience of sex.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ On the other hand, when jealousy is a lasting problem, it threatens the fabric o f security and trust at the foundation of a relationship. An example is a marria ge in which the husband says he loves his wife, yet continues to have extramarit al affairs. The wife responds to the affairs with jealous tantrums, yet remains in the marriage. The best thing that can result from this type Of a jealousy pro blem is an occasion to examine the relationship and the role each partner plays

in it: Why did she choose to marry someone who is interested in other people? Wh y is he staying in a relationship that doesn't satisfy his needs? Does the marri age satisfy other needs (for example, a need for continuous drama)? This kind of self-examination is most beneficial if it leads to constructive action. The imp ortant question to address is: What can be clone to change things?\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Jealousy Protects Love\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ At the beginning of the book I suggested that jealousy is a response to a percei ved threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. In other words, jealousy aims to protect romantic relationships. It is not a useless flight of irrational ity, but a useful signal people can learn to interpret correctly. It is also a s hock absorber that can facilitate both personal growth and relationship enrichme nt.5 Every one of the positive effects associated with jealousy discussed in thi s chapter can be seen as a love-protective function of jealousy.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Jealousy makes people examine their relationships, with the implicit hope that t he relationship and its quality will remain intact. It teaches couples not to ta ke each other for granted; in this way it ensures that they continue to value ea ch other and to express it in their daily interactions. It is a sign of love; it indicates that people value the love relationship it protects. This is true eve n in those extreme situations in which jealousy leads to violence. It is an inst rument for inducing commitment; it protects the boundaries of intimate relations hips. It intensifies emotions-and thus keeps the spark alive in intimate relatio nships. It adds passion to sex; in this way it helps maintain the quality of sex in romantic relationships.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The next story demonstrates many of the positive effects of jealousy. It also de monstrates several of the issues discussed throughout the book.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Story of Love and Jealousy: Alan and Linda and Gail\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Alan met Linda, she was in her first year of law school and he had a small house-painting business. Linda was a brilliant student and is an exceptionally a ttractive woman. Despite all her acknowledged success, however, she was very ins ecure. Alan, a virile, earthy, and affectionate man, calmed her. His love made h er feel safe. No other man had ever made her feel that secure. Alan was the man who could take care of her and give her the loving attention her successful fath er never had time to give.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Alan, for his part, couldn't believe a woman like Linda would even look in the d irection of a simple man like him, yet she was actually reciprocating his love. Ile was thrilled. lie admired Linda's intelligence and identified with her acade mic success. She gave him an entrance into a world he had always considered beyo nd his reach. Their love for each other was passionate. Linda was the "wings" (i ntellectual, flighty, temperamental) and Alan the "roots" (simple, down to earth , stable). Together they felt complete. Things were going so well that they soon decided to get married.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Their marriage was passionate and turbulent. The areas in which they complemente d each other intensified their mutual attraction, but the difference in their so cial status created a growing number of problems and conflicts. Linda complained that she couldn't talk to Alan the way she did to men in school. Alan complaine d that she was too involved with her studies. With a moment's reflection it beco mes clear that Alan's and Linda's complaints about each other were related to th e things they found most attractive when they first met. Linda was attracted to Alan's earthiness and simplicity; now he was too earthy and simple. Alan was att racted to Linda's intelligence and academic involvement; now he thought she was too involved academically.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Alan's complaints made Linda feel that he was criticizing her career goals. Isis lack of support made her withdraw even further into her academic world. Linda's complaints hurt Alan's pride. If(, became increasingly more uncomfortable in so cial situations involy- ing Linda's fellow students and law professors and tried to avoid these situations as much as he could.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Given the growing distance between Alan and Linda, and the intensity built into the relationships among law students, who spend long hours studying together, wh at happened was almost inevitable: Linda had an affair with another student in h er program. She felt that this man, unlike Alan, was her equal. They shared simi lar goals and she could talk with him about things she could never talk about wi th Alan.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Alan was terribly hurt by Linda's affair and responded with tremendous jealousy. The affair was particularly painful for him, because it took away what he found most rewarding about Linda's love-her acceptance of him as an equal.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Linda's lover was someone with whom Alan felt unable to compete; he wasn't enoug h as a man or as a mate. The "wings" Linda's love gave him had been clipped. Now she shared with someone else what he considered an even greater intimacy than t he intimacy she had with him-the intimacy of minds. Alan's pain was unbearable.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ To help himself overcome the pain, Alan started playing tennis several times a w eek. His good looks and excellent skills made him a desirable tennis partner. Af ter tennis, the players often would go to a nearby coffee shop. Alan found himse lf talking with the attractive women he had played tennis with. Unlike Linda, th ese women seemed to appreciate him, to share his values, and to delight in his c ompany. It didn't take him long to get sexually involved with one of them, and l ater on with two more. The sexual liaisons restored his self-confidence.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Now it was Linda's turn to experience the pain of jealousy. By this time her own affair was over. The law student had returned to a committed relationship he ha d with someone else; his affair with Linda turned out to be only a diversion. Li nda was crushed. She had failed with a man who was her equal. This reinforced he r belief that anyone she found desirable would never want her in the long run. S he longed for the security of Alan's love, but now Alan was giving his love to o ther women. Linda couldn't bear it, even though she considered the other women " stupid fools."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Linda's jealousy focused on the most important thing Alan's love gave her, the t hing she was now most afraid to lose: the feeling of secure ground under her fee t. If she lost Alan's love, her life would not be worth living.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Linda started to woo Alan back, using every charm she knew would attract him. Al an was delighted, and happy to return to her. His encounters with women who were "less liberated" than Linda, however, made him aware of his need for a home-not the kind of home that Linda provided, but a "real home" complete with a hot mea l waiting when he came home from work. They decided to hire a live-in housekeepe r who would stay in a spare room in exchange for cleaning and cooking. That hous ekeeper was Gail.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gail was new in town and almost penniless. For her, the arrangement with Alan an d Linda, which gave her a roof over her head in addition to a job, was ideal. As a hardworking woman, she had no problem with the house cleaning and cooking her job required.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The new arrangement worked wonderfully for everyone. Alan felt that now the hous e became a real home. He loved Gail's home cooking and tidiness. On nights when Linda studied in the library, he and Gail sat at the kitchen table and talked. G ail, who had a history of troubled relationships with men, found Alan to be simi lar to herself. They became good friends. Like Alan, Linda appreciated having a neat house and great meals to come home to. She and Gail were also becoming good friends.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ All three seemed happy with the arrangement. It ended only because Gail decided it was time for her to go back to her hometown.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

After Gail left, Alan and Linda discovered that her presence had been hiding a g rowing estrangement between them. Linda complained again about Alan's intellectu al inadequacies and Alan felt again that this was not the "home" he wanted. They decided on a trial separation, and Linda moved to (11101 her aparime nt in thei r building. Despite their separation, Alan and Linda continued to see each other regularly.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Linda left for a professional convention one week, Alan decided to go out o f town too. It just so happened that the relatives he wanted to visit lived clos e to Gail's hometown, so he called her up and suggested that they meet. The meet ing was more moving and emotional than either of them expected. Roth of them dis covered how much they really meant to each other and how much fun it was to spen d time together. Alan told Gail that he and Linda were separated and seriously c ontemplating divorce.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gail, who had previously held back her feelings for Alan out of loyalty to Linda , gave in alter hearing about the planned divorce. What hadn't happened during a ll the time they had shared a household happened now; they became lovers. Alan f elt that this time he had found a woman who was truly perfect for him. They were so much alike. It felt so comfortable, so easy, so different from the eternal s truggles in his marriage.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gail, too, felt that she had found her "match made in heaven." Unlike the men sh e had known in the past, Alan was a friend and kindred spirit. She could talk to him. She could trust him. And now that he and Linda were separated, she could l et herself feel passion for hi\u9658?n, something she had never let herself expe rience before.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Alan returned from the trip, he told Linda he wanted a divorce and that Gai l was coming back to live with him. Linda, who until then had been searching for a more appropriate mate, was overcome with jealousy. It was "the most awful, co nsuming, heartwrenching pain" she had ever felt. She felt betrayed by Alan and b y Gail. She telephoned Gail, weeping and screaming, "How can you do this to me? And I thought you were my friend!" "This is not something I did," Gail responded . "You were going to divorce Alan anyway. I had nothing to do with the problems between you two." The verbal brutality of Linda's attack made Gail even more det ermined to give her relationship with Alan a chance.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Linda was inconsolable. She couldn't accept that she had lost Alan to a woman sh e cared for and trusted. She cried incessantly and was ready to promise Alan any thing he wanted. She threatened: "I'll never let the two of you be alone in peac e. I'll never let you make love. I'm going to stand at the window, scream, and t hrow stones. When I see Gail, I'm going to bash her face." Alan was patient and understanding. He held Linda in his arms when she cried. Yet he remained determi ned to give his relationship with Gail a chance.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ On their way home from the airport, Alan started talking to Gail about getting m arried and having children. Gail had to slow him down and remind him that they n eeded to find out if they could live together as a couple before deciding to hav e a family. But his enthusiasm was contagious.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The idyll between Alan and Gail was shorter than anyone had anticipated. Almost immediately after she moved in with Alan, Gail sensed his change of attitude. At first she tried to ignore it, but soon things became intolerable and the confro ntation unavoidable "What's going on with you?" she asked, afraid to hear his an swer. "This is not working out for me. It's not the way I imagined it would be," said Alan. "I low can you say that, when I've been here only two days?" Gail as ked in tears. "You need to give us a chance to make it work." "I'm sorry. I thin k this is all one big mistake," Alan said quietly, and left.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Gail sank to the floor. This was a nightmare come true. This was exactly what ha d kept her from getting involved in relationships with men before. How had she l et Alan get through her .defenses? Why did she think that being kindred spirits was an assurance for anything? What was she going to do now? She couldn't go hac k home-the humiliation would be too great. She couldn't stay. Maybe it would be better to end it all right now. Life wasn't worth living with so much pain. When the phone rang, Gail hesitated, but thinking Alan might have changed his mind a

gain, she picked up the receiver. It was Linda.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since her arrival, Gail had called Linda several times. She had left messages fo r her at home and at school, but Linda hadn't returned her calls. Now, in her ho ur of despair, she was on the line.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Linda knew what was going on because Alan had told her about his change of heart the minute it happened. Now that she had Alan back, she could allow herself to feel empathy with Gail's pain. She knew that pain intimately.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ The two women started talking. After starting, it was difficult to stop. Both of them had so much to talk about, so much that needed to be said, to be clarified . Suddenly Linda said, "I have this weekend off. How about us going skiing? That will give us a chance to talk as much as we want." Gail couldn't imagine anythi ng she would rather do. At the ski resort, Linda and Gail had a chance to compar e notes. What had Alan told Gail to convince her that his relationship with Lind a was over? What had lie told Linda at the same time to keep her tied to him? Tw o women had been betrayed by the same dishonest and undeserving man ... "and to think that he almost managed to turn us against each other." Carried away by the ir excitement over renewing their friendship and sharing the pain they both expe rienced, they I1ugged each other affectionately.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In the romantic atmosphere of the ski resort (they were in a hot tub at the time ) hugs and kisses of excitement gradually turned more passionate. Finally they m ade love. For both, it was their first sexual encounter with a woman.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Gail fell in love with Linda in a way she had never loved before. She had never opened up to a man the way she did to Linda. She had never felt so understood. S he adored Linda. She wanted to take care of her. She moved in with Linda and sta rted once again cleaning the apartment and cooking Linda's favorite meals. When Linda was exhausted after a long day at court or in the library, Gail would driv e her home.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ While this was going on, Alan was wild with jealousy and was doing what Linda an d Gail described with great delight as "crazy things." Ile came to Linda's apart ment raving and raging, threw her clothes out the window, screamed at the top of his lungs that they were "filthy, disgusting sluts" Now it was Alan's turn to f eel betrayed, rejected, and left out by two women he loved and considered his be st friends. But he also felt he was competing against something beyond him, beyo nd his comprehension. Only perverts were doing the kind of things Linda and Gail were doing. How could they do it? flow could they do it to him?\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Linda and Gail felt sorry for Alan, yet felt united as women against this man wh om both of them had loved, trusted, and felt betrayed by.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ The joy of sharing their love, their pain, and their power as women fueled Linda and Gail's relationship for it while. But it was not enough Of 'd foundation fo r it long term relationship-not for Linda, that is. Soon she started longing for the safety of Alan's arms. Gail's arms weren't strong enough to make her feel s afe, to calm her fears and insecurities. Eventually, Linda went hack to Alan.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Once again Gail had a chance to experience jealousy. This time she was not jealo us of Linda for having Alan, but of Alan for having Linda. The loss of Linda's l ove was far more painful than the loss of Alan's love. Gail had never allowed he rself to he as vulnerable with a man as she had been with Linda. The loss was de vastating.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Linda was supportive and understanding of Gail, yet clear about wanting to make her marriage work. After a while she bond Gail's pain and emotional dependency i ncreasingly more difficult to han- d1e. She suggested that Gail go to therapy, a nd told her she was willing to help her cover the cost.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Through therapy, Gail was able to understand her obsession with Linda and the re asons for her problematic relationships with men. A year and a half later she mo ved in with another woman, with whom she developed a very satisfying relationshi p. Yet she still cared deeply about Linda and wanted to be a part of her life. W

hen Linda had a baby, Alan, Linda's doctor, and Gail were with her in the delive ry room.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Alan, for his part, came to realize the impact his lack of formal education had on his self-image and on his relationship with Linda, and decided to go to colle ge-something lie had dreamed about all his life.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \af s23 {\b {\qc A Case Analysis\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ For the purpose of this chapter, the most important point this complicated case demonstrates is that something good can indeed come out of jealousy. In the stud y mentioned earlier, the effect of jealousy that respondents found most positive was that jealousy can make people examine their relationships. Did the jealousy each of them experienced cause Alan, Linda, and Gail to examine their relations hip? Most clef initely yes! As a result of their different jealousy crises, all three spent long hours talking about themselves and about their relationship.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Although the results of such exploration can be rewarding, the process it involv es can be both difficult and emotionally demanding. It points to the personal vu lnerabilities that make people susceptible to jealousy, and to the repeated patt erns that keep jealousy alive in their relationships. Some couples can explore t heir jealousy problem on their own; others need the professional help and suppor t of 'a therapist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ By examining the love they felt for each other (those qualities that had initial ly attracted them to each other and the most important thing they gained from th e relationship) and by examining the shadow this love had cast when threatened ( the threat or the loss that triggered their jealousy) Alan, Linda, and Gail were able to identify the function that the love and the jealousy served in their in ner lives, and in the dynamics of their relationship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Regardless of the approach, or combination of approaches, used to analyze this c omplex relationship, the story portrays jealousy as the shadow of love. We can s tart with Linda's love and jealousy of Alan. Both of Linda's parents were intell ectuals and successful professionals. They were also very close to each other, a nd their closeness didn't leave much space for Linda. In addition, Linda's emoti onal life was marked by competition with a brilliant and cold older brother and by identification with her mother's unhappiness. As a result of these childhood experiences, Linda was sophisticated intellectually, but full of emotional insec urities. Alan, a simple earthy man, gave her the adoration and intimacy she was longing for because of her childhood deprivation. Only after Alan met her deeper emotional needs was Linda able to look for someone more like herself (and like her father and brother). When Linda had the affair, Alan's jealousy focused on h is intellectual inferiority to her lover.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Alan's parents were farmers and uncomplicated, practical people. Alan felt loved , yet was desperate to get away from the world they represented. When Linda had her affair, he felt not only devastated by the betrayal of the woman lie adored, but also rejected by the world she represented. Alan had to be comforted by wom en who were more like himself. I Ie needed someone Who would appreciate him, and his female tennis partners met that need. During the second crisis in his marri age lie was looking for the same thing, and found it in his relationship with Ga il.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Linda's jealousy was dominated by the feeling of exclusion she had experienced o ften in her childhood: The two of them" (her parents) shared a wonderful intimac y that did not include her. The security of being loved and adored by a stable m an like Alan was gone. She no longer felt safe and special. He was giving other women (especially Gail) what she considered as hers alone: the affirmation she w as not able to get as a child, the assurance that she was "num- her one."\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ A different kind of love bound Alan and Gail. They were two of a kind; their fam ily backgrounds were similar, and an easy friendship developed between them long

before they felt any passion. When Alan went back to Linda, Gail's jealousy foc used on the loss of this friendship. Alan's romantic betrayal was especially pai nful for Gail because he was someone she had considered a trusted friend and a k indred spirit.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The love between Gail and Linda was fueled by sharing powerful emotions: love, j ealousy, rage at Alan, and camaraderie as women. It also had another powerful el ement: Gail and Linda complemented each other in much the same way Linda and Ala n did. Gail was the "roots" and Linda the "wings." This proved, once again, a po werful combination. The combination, however, was much more powerful for Gail th an for Linda, because Alan, with whom Linda had a similar relationship, was phys ically stronger and more able to make her feel secure.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ When Linda returned to Alan, Gail's jealousy focused on the loss of' the intimat e bond the two women had shared. She was certain she would never have this kind of a bond again. She later discovered that while she couldn't have such a bond w ith a man, she could have it with another woman.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A psychodynamic analysis of the relationship between Alan, Linda, and Gail focus es on the unconscious needs brought out by their jealousy and on the childhood e xperiences at the root of both their jealousy and their love.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ Looking at romantic jealousy as a couple issue (in all three permutations) is an example of the systems approach. In Linda and Alan's case, for example, they fe ll in love because each represented a lost part in the other (Linda was Alan's " wings" and Alan was Linda's "roots"). With time, however, the missing part in th e other became a source of repeated conflicts. Each wanted the thing the other w as least able to provide: Linda wanted Alan to become more intellectual, and Ala n wanted Linda to become less involved with her career. When Alan and Linda reco gnized this destructive pattern, they were able to work on developing the lost p arts in themselves. For Linda, motherhood provided an especially rewarding oppor tunity to develop her "roots"; for Alan, the possibility of going to college pro vided an opportunity to develop his "wings" Once they took steps to develop thes e "missing parts" in themselves, they were less dependent on each other to provi de them.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ From the sociobiological point of view, the differences between Linda's relation ships with Gail and Alan demonstrate the inherent difference between the male an d the female response to jealousy. When Gail and Linda were jealous, they felt d evastated and responded with desperate attempts to save the relationship. When i t was Alan's turn to experience jealousy, however, he responded in the typical m asculine way: with rage and lashing out, protecting his ego more than the relati onship.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ According to the social-psychological perspective, the threesome's need for excl usive monogamous relationships reflects the North American value of monogamy. In another culture the threesome could have found a solution in the form of a tria ngle family. In a polygamous society, Alan could have taken both Linda and Gail as wives. Jealousy is a culturally accepted reaction to many of the situations d escribed in the story. None of the same jealous reactions would have happened in a culture such as the'Ioda.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Returning to the definition of jealousy, I think it is rather clear that every t ime Alan, Linda, or Gail experienced jealousy, each was responding to what he or she perceived to be a threat to a valued relationship. Jealousy, as the story d emonstrates, is indeed a complex response with many influences: childhood experi ences, relationship dynamics, learned responses, cultural norms, and inherent di fferences between the sexes.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Postscript\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ The jealousy crisis taught Linda not to take Alan for granted and also gave her the incentive to commit herself to the relationship-both very positive effects. While their marriage had never been listless, jealousy brought so much excitemen t into it that once the crisis passed, both Linda and Alan were ready for some p

eace and quiet.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since they no longer needed jealousy to make life more interesting, Linda and Al an arrived at a relatively calm stage of their relationship. hnstead of using je alousy to fuel their passion and intensify the emotions in their relationship, t hey could focus their energy on their young child and therefore delight in somet hing positive and hopeful. Alan is a doting father who built the baby's crib and first toys with his own hands. Linda appreciates Alan's help and devotion. She too adores her beautiful child and discovered that she can be a good mother. Lin da finds motherhood a rich and rewarding experience.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Working on their jealousy problem made Alan and Linda aware of each other's need s and vulnerabilities. Both are trying hard to be sensitive to these needs. Alth ough they are not always successful, the overall atmosphere in their little fami ly is one of warmth and caring. Linda concludes, "All this taught Alan and me ho w much we really care about each other. We decided to stop hurting each other an d just enjoy the good thing that we have. And we do."\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gail, who started therapy as a result of the jealousy crisis, has made important discoveries about herself* that have enabled her to live a more honest and sati sfying life. As an introverted woman who grew up in a blue-collar family, self-e xamination was something she had never before considered. The therapy offered he r the chance to work through her relationship with Linda and discover the consci ous and unconscious roots of her problem in relationships with men. If it were n ot for the crisis prompted by her jealousy of Linda and Alan, she probably would have continued to avoid this very painful but ultimately healing process.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Since Alan no longer perceived Gail as a threat to his relationship with Linda, he didn't object to her presence in their life. With time, some of his warm feel ings toward Gail returned. Linda continues to maintain a close friendship with G ail.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy itself did not cause these positive changes in Alan, Linda, and Gail. T he changes came from the way they coped with their jealousy. Instead of treating it as a traumatic experience they had to get over as quickly as possible, they used it as an opportunity for growth.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My goal in writing this book has been to give individuals, couples, and professi onals working with individuals and couples the information, tools, and examples they need to turn jealousy into such a positive experience. The case of Alan, Li nda, and Gail is just one example.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Note to Therapists\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Alan, Linda, and Gail's case demonstrates an obvious point that can't be overemp hasized. Professionals who work with individuals and couples with a jealousy pro blem have to shed their own assumptions about relationships and be nonjudgmental in their dealings with their clients. People who are troubled by jealousy think that there is something terribly wrong with them. The therapist has to provide a supportive and nonjudgmental milieu in order to help them turn the problem int o an experience of personal growth. Because breaking the fallacy of uniqueness a nd the blame frame are much easier when people can see that they are not the onl y ones struggling with this problem, a jealousy workshop may be very helpful. Su ggestions for leading such a workshop can be found in Appendix A.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Final Word about the Five Approaches to Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In describing the five primary approaches to jealousy, I have underplayed the as pects in which they contradict each other. I value and use each one of the five approaches, but part company with them when they dismiss each other-which they r outinely do. Many of the theoreticians and practitioners of each approach would be extremely uncomfortable at the prospect of being lumped together with approac

hes they oppose.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For a psychodynamically oriented therapist, behavioral techniques can't possibly cure the "real issue" underlying a jealousy problem. Tb d behavioral therapist, the psychodynamic preoccupation with the unconscious and with traumatic childho od experiences is unnecessary and cannot possibly help cure a jealousy problem. To a systems therapist, the focus of both behavioral and psychodynamically orien ted therapists on the individual makes no sense in the treatment of such obvious ly "couple" issues as jealousy. To a social psychologist, the notion that jealou sy is a product of a particular individual mind or a particular relationship is absurd when it so clearly is determined by cultural norms and mores. In addition , the sociobiologisl's notion that jealousy is innate and that sex differences i n jealousy have evolved in an evolutionary process is not only ridiculous, but d angerous as well. Sociobiologists don't understand how anyone can deny the exist ence of an innate element in jealousy when the evidence for it is so overwhelmin g.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The picture of jealousy that I have presented incorporates the perspectives of a ll five approaches in expanding concentric circles. In the center is an individu al who experiences jealousy. The individual's jealousy is related to childhood e xperiences and his or her personal history of intimate relationships. It is expr essed in learned responses. The next circle is the couple, of which the jealous individual is a part. The couple's dynamic determines whether and how a jealousy problem will be expressed. The third circle is the situation. It includes the c ulture in which the couple lives, which in turn determines how jealousy is exper ienced and expressed. The fourth circle is the genetic programming that is diffe rent for men and women.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ My discussion of the five approaches has focused on those aspects that are most relevant for coping with jealousy. Each approach has something valuable to offer . It is illuminating for people to discover how jealousy is related to unresolve d childhood experiences. It is helpful to discover how their jealousy is maintai ned by the dynamics of their relationship. Sometimes they need to unlearn some i nappropriate responses to jealousy triggers and learn more appropriate responses . They can take comfort in knowing that no matter how crazy they think they arc when jealous, they are not unique; other people respond the way they do, and the re may be a culture that considers their response the most appropriate. It is al so comforting to realize that some of the troublesome differences between one's own sex and the opposite sex in response to jealousy may be related to different genetic programming.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ People who assume that there is only one way to cope with romantic jealousy depr ive themselves of the benefits that other approaches can offer. Even it a partic ular coping strategy is successful in a certain situation, one does not have to use this strategy exclusively. The person best able to cope has many arrows in t he quiver, is able to deal with jealousy in a variety of ways, and uses the most effective strategy or combination of strategies for each given situation.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qr Appendix A\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qr Jealousy Workshops\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Since some people may be embarrassed to admit they have a jealousy problem, it m ay at times and with certain groups be better to advertise the workshop as addre ssing other emotions as well. Here, for example, is an ad for a jealousy worksho p I conducted some years ago with my friend and colleague, the sociologist Gordo n Clanton. And here is another ad, addressing jealousy directly. This was the ad that the Kerista Villagers (members of the commune described in chapter seven) read, which prompted them to call me and suggest they come to the workshop and s hare with the group their insights about overcoming jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyp

hpar}{ {\qc Emotions of Desire\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Protecling the Lin\u9658?its of Love and Commitment\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Love, jealousy, envy, anger, hurt, and other powerful emotions are generated in intimate relationships. These emotions are not useless flights of irrationality. Emotions are useful. They are signals we can learn to interpret. They arc also shock-absorbers hit ran fay ilitatc personal growth and relationship en richmenl .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jealousy is a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a love relationship. Jealousy is love's shadow but it is also love's bodyguard. Envy (which is often confused with jealousy) is hostility toward someone who has something or some pe rsonal quality we don't have and probably cannot get. Anger is often a legitimat e protest against unfair treatment, against accumulating injustice that hurts an d (rushes the spirit, and makes the rebellion of divor(e more likely later. 'I h rough group discussions, gestalt work, role-playing, and guided imagery, in the supportive, nonjudgmental workshop context, participants will (earn and 1)1-(I( ti(-(' constructive ways of protecting love relationships and positive ways of e xpressing legitimate hurt and anger, thus minimizing the pain of jealousy and en vy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The workshop is for everyone who seeks to gain better understanding of the varie ty of emotions of desire. II is especially helpful for couples who are seeking t o define and protect the limits of their relationship and for therapists and mar riage r ounselors who work with people for whom these issues are important.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Sexual jealousy and Personal Growth\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ What is sexual jealousy? Is it a sign of love or an indication of insecurity? Wh at are the reasons for it? I low prevalent is it' What ire some of the emo- lion al, physiological, and attitudinal reactions to it. What people and situations a re likely to elicit jealousy? What are its negative and positive effects, and mo st important, how can it be coped with more effectively? These are some of the q uestions addressed in this workshop.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Through lectures, group discussions, personal exploration, and role playing, par ticipants will explore critical issues related to jealousy and gain better under standing of what it is and how to better cope with it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The workshop is intended for couples who wish to deal with the issue of jealousy ' in their relationship, for individuals who experience jealousy as a personal p roblem, and for Iherapists and marriage counselors.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Here is the description of a jealousy workshop for mental health professionals:\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Romantic jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Theoretical Perspectives and Clinical Applications\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ There are five major theoretical approaches to jealousy: psychodynamic, systemic , behavioral, sociopsychological, and sociobiological. An integrated approach th at combines all five of these very different theoretical perspectives with their diflerenl clinical applications is proposed as the most effec- live way to beat romantic jealousy. Through lectures, discussions, structured exercises, and gui ded imagery, workshop participants will explore each of these approaches, their clinical applications, and how to apply an integrated approach to the treatment of romantic jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The workshop is primarily recommended for mental health professionals who work W illi individuals and couples with a jealousy problem and for anyone else who see ks a better understanding of love and its shadow: romantic jealousy.\par\pard\pl

ain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Workshop Participants\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ While the specific content of 'a jealousy workshop differs according to the comp osition and needs of the participants, the basic workshop I will be describing h ere can and has been used successfully with individuals and couples in both homo geneous and heterogeneous groups.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In homogeneous groups participants are either individuals or couples, of a simil ar age, similar life circumstance, and similar background. In heterogeneous grou ps some people are single and some are coupled. Some participants are young and some are old, some are at the beginning stages of their relationship, and some h ave been married many years. In addition, in most workshops some of the particip ants are mental health professionals who come to learn more about jealousy. At t he end of the workshop, participants in such heterogeneous groups invariably exp ress great surprise at the benefit that they feel they have gained from people w ho are so different from them.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The workshop is best suited for a weekend format (two hours on Friday evening, t wo three-hour sessions on Saturday, and a two hour session on Sunday morning for a total of ten hours), but it can be shortened to half a (lay or be expanded to five days. In the longer workshops participants have more time to get to know e ach other and to explore in depth their own individual or couple issues.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ The workshop can be used with groups as small as eight people and as large as fo rty, but the ideal number is between twelve and twenty.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ \s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc A Workshop Format\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ The workshop progresses through three stages. The initial stage involves a forma l presentation, including a definition of jealousy and an explanantion of the di fference between jealousy and envy, between normal and delusional jealousy, and between chronic and acute jealousy. The second stage involves a series of struct ured exercises that help group members understand their jealousy problem better in a supportive small group atmosphere. The third stage involves an open discuss ion of' participants' individual issues. The progression from the formal, struct ured (and safe) to the more openended exercises and in-depth examination helps p reempt resistance.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s6 \afs21 {\b Introductions\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ If the group includes less than twenty-five people, it is important that partici pants begin by introducing themselves, and stating the reason for their interest in jealousy and their expectations from the workshop. This process gives group members an idea of the human resources available to them in the workshop and the range of issues different people bring. As participants listen to each other, t hey should note who seems to be struggling with issues similar to their own, wit h whom they may want to work later in a small group. In addition to serving an i mportant function for the participants, the introductions can give the group lea der invaluable information about participants' expectations.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ The only problem with this process is that it can be rather time consuming. This time should definitely be taken for a weekend or a week-long workshop. There is definitely not enough time for it in a half-day workshop. In a one-day workshop participants can be limited to one-minute presentations.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ For a workshop that includes over twenty-five participants, another mode of intr oduction is called for. An example is a drawing of love and jealousy. After a br ief introduction that explains the format of the workshop and introduces jealous

y as the shadow of love, participants are provided with large sheets of drawing paper and crayons, and asked to draw their love on one page and their jealousy o n another. Afterwards (at times after several attempts) both drawings are hung o n the wall and group members move around the room and receive explanations of th e work from the "artists." The advantage of this approach, as with other nonverb al approaches, is that people's drawings are less controlled by their conscious mind. As group members examine each other's drawings they can see the connection between love and jealousy, and between both these emotions and deeper issues.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ After the introductions (which in a weekend or a week-long workshop means the ne xt morning) comes the formal presentation. A short lecture can incorporate much of the material presented in chapter one, including the definition of jealousy a nd envy, and the differentiation between normal and delusional jealousy, and bet ween chronic and acute jealousy. At some point during this session, participants can be given a copy of The Romanlic Jealousy Qrres- Iionnaire (see Appendix 13) to sensitize them to the various issues related to jealousy. Another session ca n then be devoted to a discussion of their responses to the questionnaire (which they may fill out during the break between the morning and evening sessions) an d to the material presented in chapter two.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s6 \afs21 {\b Structured Exercises\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The second stage of the workshop involves a series of structured exercises, many of which can be found througout this book. The first exercise, "Romantic Jealou sy as the Shadow of Love" (presented in chapter on(-), is done in groups of four . Group members are asked to choose (based on what they heard each other say in the introduction session) one person whose problem seems related to their own. C ouples are then instructed to choose another couple and make a foursome. (husban ds and wives should not be in the same foursome) Once the foursomes have been fo rmed, they are asked to tell, in turn, how they met their partner, what was it t hat most attracted them to their partner, and what was the most important thing the relationship with their partner gave them. Foursomes are given about half an hour (about seven minutes per person) for this part of the exercise. In the sec ond part of the exercise, foursomes are asked to describe, in turn, their jealou sy problem. They arc given forty minutes (ten minutes a person) for this part of the exercise. In the third and most important part of this exercise, participan ts are instructed to try and discover, with the help of the other members of the ir foursome, a connection between their original attraction to their partner, an d what turned out later to be the core of their jealousy problem. They are given about half an hour for this part. When all foursomes are done, the participants are invited to an all-group discussion and sharing. The workshop leader can sit with one of the foursomes during this exorcize, but be available to all foursom es for questions.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a short (half-day) workshop this may he all there is time for. In a longer (w eekend) workshop, the next stage can be an exploration of, "The Romantic Image a nd Its Relationship to Jealousy" (also described in chapter on(,). If at all pos sible, this part of the exercise should be done following a relaxation exercise (in which group members lie down on the floor if at all possible, focus on their breathing, and then, starting with the head and ending with the toes, focus on every part of their body and relax it). Participants are asked to recall their r oom (or favorite place in the house) as children, and then recall their parents (or parental figures). What were they like? What did they give and not give as p arents? I low did they express love? What was their relationship with each other like? Was there a traumatic experience of'some sort? Foursomes are given about forty minutes to tell each other about these childhood experiences.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ In the next, and last, part of this exercise they are asked to help each other f ind a connection between the jealousy problem and these childhood experiences. F inding such connections helps workshop participants "self-focus"-which is to say , shift from pointing a Warning finger at their partner for the jealousy problem to taking responsibility for their own part in it.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

After either "Romantic Jealousy as the Shadow of Love" or "The Romantic Image an d Its Relationship to Jealousy" couples can spend time discussing (with partners taking turns talking and reflecting what they hear- the other say) things they can do to help each other better cope with their jealousy problem.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Another exercise, described in chapter nine, is "Revisiting Your Most Intense Je alousy." This exercise also starts with relaxation. Participants are invited to imagine themselves relaxing in their favorite place as they imagine the sun's ra ys warming different parts of their body. Next they are asked to [lip through th e pages of their personal history book until they reach the incident that trigge red their most intense feelings of jealousy. What exactly happened? How did they respond? What did they feel and think? (This can be very difficult for some peo ple in the group and may cause an outburst of tears.) After they open their eyes and sit up, participants tell their story to their foursome (or to the group, i f it is a group numbering less than ten people). Since some of the stories can b e rather complicated and painful, a whole hour should be allotted to this part o f the exercise.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The second part of the exercise starts the same way as the first, with participa nts lying on the floor and imagining they are in their favorite place. They imag ine themselves lying there, the sun warming them gently and relaxing every part of their body. But this time the sun is not only warming them, but also energizi ng and empowering them with its rays. They feel strong and in charge. Time has p assed since they experienced their most intense jealousy, and during that time t hey have learned more about themselves and about relationships. They are wiser a nd more experienced. When they can feel their power and wisdom, they are instruc ted to hold on to them as they go back in lime and revisit their most intense ex perience of jealousy. They have miraculously been given a chance to go back to t hat incident and relive it any way they want-remembering that now they are armed with wisdom, experience, and power. What do they choose to do? I low do they re spond this time? Is it the same way they responded originally, or differently, t he way they have wished so many times they had responded? Participants describe what happened when they revisited their jealousy to their foursome, and later, i f they so choose, to the entire group in an open summary and sharing segment.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "From Twosome to "Threesome" is an exercise not previously described in this boo k. Its goal is to demonstrate what happens when a third person enters a diadic r elationship. Group members are assigned the letters A, B, or C. (The group leade r goes around the room pointing to people and saying: You are A, you are B, you arc C." It is important that there will be equal numbers in each of the letters. ) Bs are asked to leave the room and wait outside, while the,'] and Cdyads are i nstructed to talk openly about a current problem they are struggling with. As th e discussion progresses and deepens, the Bs are instructed to return to the room and join in the conversation. What happens typically is that the Bs find it dif ficult to barge in, and when they succeed, the "intimacy" of the AC couple is br oken.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ "Sociodrama" is an exercise mentioned in chapter five and is aimed at exploring conflicts related to jealousy, especially those that tend to be divided by gende r (e.g. is it better for couples to be monogamous or to have open relationships) . An imaginary line is drawn across the room. On each end of the line is one ext reme position ("only a monogamous relationship can offer true intimacy" vs. "tru e love is only possible if both partners give each other complete freedom"). Two volunteers are asked to present these two positions convincingly, even if they are more extreme than their own positions. Once the two extreme positions have b een elaborated, group members are asked to place themselves on that part of the imaginary line that best reflects their position on the issue, and move along th e line if they change their position during the discussion.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ "Role Reversal" (described in chapter four) is the basis of yet another fun exer cise. Participants arc asked to go on a date (with their partner if possible, an d with someone who can easily role play their partner if they are alone). On tha

t (late (they decide jointly where to meet, and arrive at the meeting place dres sed in any way they see fit) they are instructed to behave the way their partner typically behaves. This makes it possible to feel how their partner usually fee ls (either jealous or harassed by jealousy), develop greater empathy for their p artner and explore the possibility of change in that direction for themselves.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s6 \afs21 {\b Individual Issues\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The third stage of the workshop, which is only possible in weekend or week-long workshops, involves an open discussion of participants' individual issues. Coupl es who volunteer to present their issue to the group are asked to describe the i ssue from their different perspectives. Once they have done so to their own sati sfaction, group members who feel that they have a personal understanding or invo lvement with their issue are asked to elaborate on each partner's perspective. ( This process was described in chapter five in Ron and Carol's case.) Once the pe rspectives have been clarified, the question of coping is raised, with both grou p members and the couple trying out various modes of coping with the problem.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s6 \afs21 {\b The Final Session\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ The final session of the group (for which at least an hour should be allotted) i s devoted to personal summaries and feedback. As in the introduction session, pa rticipants are invited to share with the group anything of significance that has happened to them, and commit themselves to changes they plan to make. This is a lso the occasion for workshop participants to tell the group leader what they th ink and feel about the workshop.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qr Appendix B\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{\s3 \afs28 {\b The Roman tic Jealousy Questionnaire\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0238_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0239_0000.svg-REPL ACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0240_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0241_0000.sv g-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0242_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0243_0 000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0244_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page 0245_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0246_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAG E-page0247_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0248_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIA L_IMAGE-page0249_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0250_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0251_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0252_0000.svg-REPLA CE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qr Appendix C\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{\s3 \afs28 {\b Romantic Jealousy Research\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \ afs23 {\b {\qc Research\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { The criterion question "Arc you a jealous person?" in The Romantic Jealousy Ques tionnaire (Pines & Aronson, 1980) was shown to be significantly correlated with self-reported jealousy, relationship jealousy, chronic jealousy, projective jeal ousy, interpersonal jealousy, dependency, and romantic love (Mathes et al., 1982 ).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Tables 1-8 present the different antecedents, correlates, and consequences of ro

mantic jealousy. These tables were first published in Pines, A. M. & Aronson, E. (1983). Antecedents, correlates and consequences of sexual jealousy. Journal of Personalily, 1, 108-136, and are reprinted by permission of the Journal of Pers onality.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Table 9 shows the difference between people who answered "yes" and those who ans wered "no" to the question: "Are you a jealous person?"\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Table 10 presents correlates of projected jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Table 11-19 present various aspects of gender differences in jealousy.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0254_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0255_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0256_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0256_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0257_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0258_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0259_0000.svg-REPL ACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Note: Correlations with responses to the question: How jealous are you at this s tage of your life? (1 = not jealous at all; 7 = extremely jealous) The different p values to identical r values are the result of different ns.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0260_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0261_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0261_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc Note: F is the result of an analysis of variance comparing the means. Small p is the probability of the result being an error.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0262_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0262_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0262_0002.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0263_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0264_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{

{\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0264_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0265_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0265_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0266_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0267_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}\~ {\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qr Notes\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s 4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 1. The Green-Eyed Monster or the Shadow of Love?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. Similar definitions were offered by other scholars, such as Buss (1994); Clan ton \u163?~ Smith (1986); Parrot & Smith (1995); Salovey (1991); White & MuIlan (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. The psychological differences between envy and jealousy have been discussed b y numerous scholars, including Anderson (1987); Haslam & Bornstein (1996); I lup ka ct at. (1985); Krecgcr (1992); Parrott (1991); Parrot & Smith (1995); Salovey (1991); Salovey & Rodin (1986, 1991); Salovey & Rothman (1991).\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ In the Hupka et al. (1985) study, the responses to jealousy and envy in Hungary, Ireland, Mexico, the USSR, Iloland, Yugoslavia, and the U.S. were compared and found to be similar.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. It may be worth noting that Nancy Friday's book Jealousy (1987) deals more wi th envy than with jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. For a study addressing jealousy as a trigger of family murder followed by sui cide, you may want to react Goldney (1977). For reports on jealousy as a trigger of murder, see Benczech (1984); Mowat (1966); and White & Mullen (1989) 218-246 . White and Mullen report in their book that up to one in five murders is motiva ted by jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ For discussions of jealousy as a trigger of'wife battering, see Adams (1990); De lgado ti Bond (1993); Finn (1985); and Saunders & I-Ianusa (1986). Discussions o f jealousy as a cause of the destruction of romantic relationships and as the tr igger of aggression among dating couples, marital problems, and divorce can be f ound in Constantine (1976); Docherty & Ellis (1976); and Riggs (1993). For discu ssions of the relationship between jealousy and depression, suicidal thoughts, l oss of self-esteem, anxiety, and anger, see Carson & Johnson (1985); Mathes et a l. (1985); and Everton & Tate (1990). Fora discussion of jealousy as a trigger o f'violence, criminal behavior, and hatred, see Laner (1990) and Lcong el al. (19 94).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. In eight different studies involving 1069 people, all of the respondents, inc luding (hose who described themselves as not jealous, said that they experienced jealousy in some stage of their life. The first study (Aronson & Pines, 1980) i nvolved fifty-four people. The second (Pines & Aronson, 1985) involved 103 peopl e. The third (Pines, I987a) involved fifteen commune members. The fourth (Pines, 1985) involved twenty-two male inmates. The fifth (Pines, 1996) involved fiftyeight people. The sixth (Pines, 1987b) involved 571 people. The seventh (chapter eight) involved twelve female inmates and twelve female noninmates. The eighth (Pines & Friedman, 1998) involved 222 American students.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}

{ 6. The question of who is the target, the beloved or the rival, is a very intere sting question addressed by Mathes & Verstracte (1993).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. For a discussion of' pathological jealousy, see for example Buunk (1994) and ('oen (1987). For a discussion of pathological tolerance, see Pinta (1979).\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. Examples of studies that relate abnormal jealousy to different organic neurol ogical and physical disorders include Achte et at. (1991); Brenner & Anderson (1 994); and Hodgson et al. (1992).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. Abnormal jealousy has been described as delusional, morbid, obsessional, and pathological. See for example Bishay et al. (1996); Buunk (1994); Egan et al. (1 996); Stein, et al. (1994).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. A normal distribution is bell-shaped:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\qc {\*\shppict{\pict\picw322\pich139\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000fffe002f2043524541544f523a2043496d67203a 204f726967696e616c2073697a653d313638307832363038 783178310affdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318281a181616183123251d283a333d3c 3933383740485c4e404457453738506d51575f626768673e 4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b08008b014201011100ffc4001b00010002030101000000000000 000000000001050203040607ffc400431000010303000607 030808060300000000000102030405111215213193d10613164151556114224232455254718191c1 232425637283a1b13335436273924482b2ffda0008010100 003f00fa000000000000011921cf6b5155ce4444deaaa733ee96f8d70fafa56ff14cd4fcc4573b7c cf46455d4d23d7e16cad55fee75653c41200000000000000 00000000020c2596386359247b58d6ef739708854befcea85565aa8a6ad7671d6634224ffd977fdd 935be93a4158e459abe9e863ef65347a6eff00b3bf243527 43a8a7769dc6aab6b9d9ce279971f8260ee8ba3766859a2cb6d363fdd1a397f15224e8c592545475 b29b6efd1668aff4343ba3bece9fb2ee35946a9b98af5963 ff00abb3fd0c56bef56d5fd7e89959026f9a933a49eaac5fc8eeb7dea82e2ed1a7a86ac889b6277b af4fb5176961924000000000000000000000c5ce46b55caa 8889b5554a596f73563dd05969d2a5c9b1d50f5d1858bf6fc4bf61b29ec6d91ed9eeb33abaa11728 8f4c46c5ff006b377debb4b646a222226cc190001057dcec 94174445aa833237e4cad5d17b7ec54da57e9dd2c4cfd324973a16fc6d4fd3c69ea9f127aef2de82 be9ae34cda8a599b246bde8bbbd153b94e92400000000000 00000001a2aeae0a2a67d454cad8e262655caa52b20aae9168cb5ac7d2dbb39653e70f9bc15fe09e 85f47132263591b518c6a611ad4c22198000001053d75911 2a16bad927b2d66f763e44de8f4eff00b779b6d7776d5cafa4a88d69aba2f970b977a7d26af7a166 4800000000000000000e7adac828695f5152f4646c4caafe 454d0d1cf74a96dc6e4c56c49b69a95df027d27277bbfb17a89824000000020abbdda1972898f63d d055c2ba504eddec5e4bde868b35f1d3cceb7dca24a6b8c7 bd8abb254fa4c5ef42ef3924000000000000000184b2b2189d248e6b18d4cab9cb84442869a27748 6b195d3a39b6f85d9a789531d6b93e372787821e80900000 000020abbe5961bb40dcb961a98bde8676fca8d791cf61bb4f24d25b2e8d48ee3026555374adfa6d 2f090000000000000010a79c9645e925c5f4ac5fd974cec4 ce4ff5de9f0ff0a779e898d46351ad44444d8889dc6400000000001054df2d2b5ec8ea295e90d7d3 2e9c12e3bfe8afa299d92edaca07b668fa9ac81da13c2bbd aee4bdc59920000000000000828aff005f3bea21b45bd7f5aa94f7e44ff463ef77dbe05a5be860b7 d1c74b4cdd18e34c278afaa9d400000000000041477bb6d4 3266dd6d384ae8930e67c33b3e8afaf81616bb8c573a26d445b1773d8bf298eef6afaa1da0000000 00000415d7bbb476aa4d356f5b348ba30c2ddf23bc0d361b 54946d96aeb1c8fafaa5d299c9b9be0d4f442e00000042e71b3782400000085da850dca8aa2db552 5d6d51ac8e7616a69b3b2544ef4f0727f52c6d575a4bb52a 4f492a3933873576398be0a9dc769200000000008c9577abed35a624472f5b50f4fd140cdae7af23 92cb6ba996a52ed785d2ad726238d3e4c0df04f5f52fd130 48000000000000008286e9d1f73ea96e1689fd8abfe2544f726f4727e66cb6df9249fd86e51a51d7 b77b1cbeec9eac5ef42eb2848000008194f1194f1309678a 16e94b2b189e2e7221533f4a6d51bfab8675aa970aa91d3356455fc0a8abbedeab23a37d253c3454 d592b6264d23b4dfb7bf47726e3a3a396c6535f6e8b348ea

aa88d63449e54cbd349b954f43d426c240000000000000001079fe9750c15b4f411cecd247d6c6c5 54d8b85ce70bdc73b52ed69ad96928664aea686149523aa7 624c2aaa68a3937eeef3a69fa5b40ea78a5ad64f43d6a239bd7c6ba2e45ef4726c542d69ae54554d cd3d5c12ff000488a74e9b719d24fc469b7e927e24ef2403 093fc377d8a78aa48ec8fb55b9f2cd075cf7b526ccd85efce76ecee3374161f6bba3565a7d0644c5 893da366968ae71b7c70613d1747125b439169155f2275d9 951729a0bf2b6f8e0b0a3a9b4d35fab3d9e7a38a1f668d1341ed46e72ecfe4707b7d1a59fa3ecf6a 83499551ab93ac4cb536ed5dbb0b2b5dca85bd20bcb9d594 ed6bdd0e8aac8888ef736e173b4b8d6d6dce35852719bcc9d6d6d4f9c2938cde635adbbcc2978cde 635adbbebf4bc66f31adadbe614bc66f31ad6ddf5fa5e337 98d6d6ef30a5e33798d6d6df30a5e337991adadb9c6b0a4e33798d6f6df30a4e33798d6f6cf31a4e 3b798d6f6df30a4e33798d6f6dce35852719bcc9d6d6ef30 a5e337991adadaab8d614bb3f7cde635bdb7cc2978cde64eb6b6f9852f19bcc8d6f6df30a5e33798 5bbdb537dc2978cde635bdb7cc2978cde64eb6b77d7e976f ef9bcc6b5b72ff00e7d3715bcc6b5b7e33edd4dc56f31adaddf5fa5e337994fd21b9d0bd2dba15b4 ced1af89cec4ad5c26576ef3275d6835f54bbdb69f4568d8 88eeb530aba4ed9bcae9aba85fd17b3c6b5502b9b25369b74d171854ce50dee6d86a3a4950e9bd81 ecf656615cadc69693b3f7e3053b686c1d98867d2852a95e ccfe9d74b1d6222eccf81d2db774775ed5c2ae83d9db4ac7313da171a797676e7c307a9e8eae7a3f 6f5ce7f5766ffe142c80215329852b96c1685df6da45fe4b 7913a86d1e5b49c16f223505a3cb69382de43505a1375b69384de416c1685f9b29367ee5bc82582d 09f3652705bc86a0b46dfd9949b7f72de44767ecf9ceaca4 cffc2de464b61b4aefb6d2f09bc88d4168f2ca4e0b7905b05a177db2917f92de43b3f67f2ca3e0b7 905b059d77db28d7f92de413a3f664f9ae8f82de43b3f675 f9ae8f82de43b3f67c63565263fe16f21d9fb3f7db2917ed85bc885e8f5997e6ba3e0b790ecf59fc ae8f82de43b3b66f2ba4e0b790ecf59bcae8f82de43b3d66 f2ba4e0b790ecf59fcb2938483b3b66f2ba4e0b790eced9bcb29384847676cd9ff002ca4e13790ec e5973fe5749c241d9cb2f95d270908ecdd9718d594bc341d 9bb2f9652f090766ecbe594bc241d9bb2f95d2f0d0766acbe594bc340bd1ab2afcd94bc341d9ab27 9652f0d085e8cd917e6ca6e1a1650c51c1136289a8c8d888 8d6a6e4436000000000000000000000000000000000d53d4454ccd39e5646cdda4f5c21b1aa8e445 45ca2800900000000000000000000d72cd1c11ac9348d8d8 9bdce5c22183eae9a381267cf1b625dcf572222fde669344af46248d57b9ba48dced54f13334d355 c35692750f47f54f58dfb318726f437800a7e94a23ac92a2 fd38ff00fb69d375ae5b7d2248d6a39ef9191b517765ca89b7f134cf5d3c17186932d72d444f746e 54c61cdc2e17d17270c77f996d5455af898a8e722552a651 2245768ae3effe885d52be497ac7bd53434d51984ee4d9b7efc9d2000010423b2e54c2ecf4320000 00000000055f49b1d9db8e7eaeff00ec565fd66ecb35b245 1e82a428aa8f55f89be858cb58f8efbece91c6f4f6474a8a89efe51c898cf81cf05e2aa7d58e6f52 a958e54918d6aaac586aaf8f72a614e1a6a9aca2a3bed553 755882b659345ed55d3446b55537ecfea7a7a797ae8239718d36a3b1e194368072dc2862b8532c13 39e8c55455d15c2ae17286335ba3a96399512492b5d8c22a a268aa2e515309bf264da18d2a5b50f73a495ac5635cef85177e3f034b6cf46da3a9a548d7aaa973 9d22676aabb79d9044d821644cf90c446a7d886c00000000 000000000000e6afa38ee1472d2cae7b6395ba2ed05c2aa1aab6d70d6dbd28a6925ead3476b5511c b85ca777a21aaaedfa13497085d24956ca75898d55444777 e376f55442b296dd351ba956df5d532af58d496399adc68e7ded2f7515177f7ef2d23b353b292b69 96495d1d6b9ee972a9945726171b361dd0449040c89ae739 18d46a2bb7ec3600000000000000000000000000010bb8c53f333001ffd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Normalcy is defined as a characteristic of' the majority that falls within two s tandard deviations above and below the mean. The middle range (the wide part of the bell) constitutes 950/0 of'cases. This part is defined as normal. The lowest part of the scale (the left edge of the bell) comprises 2.50% of cases, and is defined as abnormally low. Similarly, 2.50/u of cases fall in the highest part o f the scale and are defined as abnormally high. If we think of a similar bell cu rve in relation to height, 950/6 of the population are of "normal" height, 2.50/ 0 are "abnormally" short, and 2.54/u are "abnormally" tall. "Abnormal" in this c

ase simply means the lowest and the highest ends of the scale.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ 11. For a discussion of the cultural determinants of jealousy, see Bhugra (1993) ; Hupka (1981, 1991); 1 iupka ti Bank (1996);11upka \u163?7 Ryan (1990); Hupka e t al. (1985); Mullen (1995); and Zummuner & Fischer (1995).\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ 12. Abnormal jealousy has been found to be related to different psychiatric neur ological and physical disorders including schizophrenia, paranoia, borderline pe rsonality disorder, mental handicap, alcoholism, brain damage and a variety of o rganic diseases. See for example Achte et al. (1991); Breitner & Anderson (1994) ; Cooper & Collacott (1993); Hodgson et al. (1992); Napier (1994); Shaji \u163?d Cyriac (1991); Soyka (1995); and Sokya et al. (1991). \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. This literature was presented in chapter two of Pines (1996). Additional ref erences include Caspi & I lerbener (1990); Kay et al. (1988); Marikagas et al. ( 1988); Taylor (1989); Taylor & Vandenberg (1988); and Wilson (1989).\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ 14. The concept of "romantic image" was first introduced in chapter two of Pines (1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 2. Are You a Jealous Person?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyph par}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. The question Are you a jealous person?" was answered by the 728 people who to ok part in three different studies on which this chapter is based. The first stu dy (Aronson & Pines, 1980) was a pilot study involving fifty-four men and women. The second (Pines &,, Aronson, 1983) involved 103 men and women. The third (Pin es, 1987b) involved 571 men and women.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ A study of the convergent validity of the fines and Aronson Jealousy Question, t ogether with five other jealousy scales, is described by Mathes et al. (1982). I t reports a significant correlation between the question and the following varia bles: Interpersonal Jealousy (r = .33); Chronic Jealousy (r = .61); Self-Reporte d Jealousy (r = .51); Projective Jealousy (r =.52); Neuroti(ism (r=.42); and Ins ecurity (r =.45). (r" indicates correlation. The higher the correlation, the mor e two variables tend to vary together.) For other data, see Appendix C.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ 2. Other jealousy researchers also distinguished these three compo nents of roma ntic jealousy. See for example Dolan & Bishay (1996b); Paul et al. (1993); and S harpsteen & Kirkpatrick (1997).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. The conclusion that jealousy has universal and identifiable features is suppo rted by other studies, including Haslarn & Bornstein (1996); Hupka et al. (1985) ; Parrot & Smith (1993), Salovey & Rothman (1991); Sharpsteen & Kirkpatrick (199 7); Smith et al. (1988); and Spielman (1971).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. Breitner & Anderson (1994) report in their study of seven cases of delusional jealousy that a previous experience of infidelity appears to be a common antece dent to extreme jealousy.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. The finding of a positive correlation between belief in monogamy and jealousy seems to contradict the findings of a study by Weis & Felton(1987)in which it w as found that single undergraduate females with most exclusive extramarital acti vities (those who rejected a higher number of extramarital activities) were most likely to score high on a measure of jealousy, to associate sex and love, to vi ew themselves as conservative, and to attend church frequently. The results of o ur study suggest that when such women marry, they tend to marry men with conserv ative attitudes similar to their own, and thus create unions in which jealousy i s less likely to be triggered.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. Other researchers have also noted the relationship between dispositional pron eness to experience jealousy and perception of jealousy in others. See for examp le Greenberg (1985), Mathes et al. (1982) also report a significant correlation between people's report on thier own level of jealousy and Projective Jealousy ( r = .52).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. l3ringle (1991) is one of the theorists who view jealousy as a stable persona

lity trait. See for example Bringle & Buunk (1985); Bringle & Evenbeck (1979); a nd Bringle & Williams (1979). Other scholars have noted that such traits as jeal ousy have a "family history" Winokur, 1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. The results of a study by Downey & Vitulli (1987), for example, suggest that decreased jealousy in older people results from increased maturity and self-este em.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. The noted sociologist Bernard (1986) suggests that because of changes in the institution of marriage, jealousy is declining. The changes in the social and le gal concept of jealousy across cultures and throughout history have also been di scussed by Mullen (1993).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. See, for example, Neill (1960).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 11. Other scholars have also Holed the effect of the family constellation on the child's jealousy. Neubauer (1985) contends that differences in the development of' rivalry, jealousy, and envy depend on whether the child is an older or young er sibling, and that the sibling position may play a significant role in jealous y. See also Mandler (1991).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 12. Zummuner & Fischer (1995), who studied the social regulation of emotions in jealousy situations, found significant discrepancies between felt and shared jea lousy-all subjects regulated their jealousy response.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. Other researchers have also noted the relationship between jealousy and self -esteem. For example, sec Sharp.steen (1995) and Stewart & Beatty (1985). Mathes et at. (1982) also report a significant correlation between jealousy and Insecu rity (r = .45). Other scholars, such as Gordon Clanton, claim that the direction of the relationship between jealousy and self-esteem is not clear. It is possib le, they argue, that the humiliation of jealousy reduces people's self-esteem, a nd not the other way around.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 14. The correlation between jealousy and one's mental state has been noted in ot her studies as well, for example, Carson & Johnson (1985); Mathes et al. (1985); and Tarrier et al. (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 15. The study is mentioned in Pines (1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Chapter 3. The Unconscious Roots of Romantic Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. At a later stage of his writing, Freud gave up the idea of an Electra complex for girls, and talked about Oedipus complex for both boys and girls.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ 2. See White & Mullen (1989), pp. 78-79.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. Examples of studies of organic causes of jealousy are discussed in the follow ing: for a study of brain damage, see Achte et al. (1991); for a study of organi c psychoses, see Soyka et al. (1991); for a study of alcoholism and alcohol psyc hosis, see Napier (1994) and Soyka et al. (199]); for a study of hyperthyroidism , see I lodgson et al. (1992); for a study of carcinoma, see Egan et al. (1996). \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. For a discussion of' the relationship between delusional jealousy and schizop hrenia, see Soyka (1995); for a discussion of the rela tionship between delusion al jealousy and paranoia, see Achte et al. (1991) and Sliaji & Cyriac (1991); fo r borderline personality disorder, see Sefedin (1992); and on mental handicap, s ee Cooper \u163?d Collacott (1995).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. the following articles report successful application of pharmacological inter ventions in the treatment of delusional jealousy: Byrne & Yatham (1989); Gross ( 1991); Herceg (1976); Lane (1990); Munro et al. (1985); Stein et at. (1994); and Wright (1994).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. For successful application of cognitive therapy in the treatment of delusiona l jealousy see Bishay et al. (1996); Dinesh (1993); Dolan & Bishay (1996a, 1996b ); and Ellis (1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. Writings on the application of the systems approach to the treatment of delus ional jealousy include Friedman (1989); Im et al. (1985); Sluzki (1989); and Tei sman (1979).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. Papers describing individual psychotherapy for the treatment of delusional je

alousy include Coen (1987); Docherty & Ellis (1976); Freud (1922/1955); and Pao (1969).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. See also Hornet' (1957).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Chapter 4. Treating the Couple, Not the Jealous Mate\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. Writings on the systems approach to treating marital problems include Fisch e t al. (1982); Guerin et al. (1987); Gurman & Kniskem (1981); Haley (1977); Sluzk i (1978); Steinglass (1978); and Watzlawick et if. (1974). Writings on the syste ms approach to jealousy include Friedman (1989); Guerin et at. (1987); Irn et at . (1983); Margolin (1985); Pam & Pearson (1994); Slonim-Nevo & Vosler (1991); Sl uzki (1989); and leisman (1979).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. See Nichols (1984), p. 127.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. See White C-f Mullen (1989), pp. 14-17.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. A shorter version of this case was presented in chapter six of Pines (1996).\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. See Guerin et if. (1987), pp. 64-80.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. See Guerin et al. (1987), p. 77.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. See Barker (1987), pp. 79-81.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. I would like to thank my clear friend and colleague Professor Murry Bilmes fo r his contribution to my understanding of the psychoanalytic perspective and thi s case.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. Role-reversal was used as a technique for treating jealousy by others as well . For example, see cleSilva (1987).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. See lm et al. (1983).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 11. Refraining was recommended by other psychologists as well as a technique for treating jealousy. For example, see Im et al. (1985) and Teisman (1979).\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ 12. See Margolin (1985).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. See Sluzki (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 5. Men Get Angry, Women Get Depressed\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. Two examples of' feminist psychoanalysts who have written about women's "self in relations" are lean Baker Miller (1987) and Lillian Rubin (1983).\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ 2. Writings describing evolutionary theory and research on sex differences in at traction include Buss (1985, 1989, 1994); Buss & Schmitt (1993); Daly & Wilson ( 1978); Small (1992); Symons (1979).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. See Pines \u163?Y Aronson (1983) and Pines & Friedman (1998).\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ 4. In a study done by Gary Hansen (1985) on dating jealousy among college studen ts it was found that there were no sex differences in response to jealousy-provo king situations. On the other hand, sexrole orientation was consistently related to jealousy-with traditional men and women being the more jealous. Other studie s that did not find sex differences in jealousy are reported by McIntosh (1989) and White (1981a). Greg White and Paul ;Mullen (1989, pp. 127) report that most studies did not find gender differences in jealousy, and that those studies in w hich sex differences were found were not consistent in finding one gender to be more jealous than the other.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. For both men (380A and women (500), the most frequent response was to "talk a bout it." For women, the second most frequent response (260/6) was "try to ignor e the whole thing" "ignoring" was a far less frequent response (18O/6) for men. Men (25%) and women (24u%6) are similar in their likelihood to let their mate kn ow that they are hurt. For most men (81Po) and women (80",o), these three respon ses (talking, ignoring, and expressing hurt) accounted for the majority of the t otal responses mentioned. Only a very small percentage of both men and women des cribed themselves as either shouting (8% women and 50/6 men), getting away (5% o

f the men and 4%/0 of the women), or resorting to violence (only three men and o ne woman out of 568).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. See, for example, the works by Henley & Thorn (1977), and Tannen (1990).\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. A study investigating the reasons for dating violence discovered that jealous y caused men to become violent during a (late more often than women (Stets F& Pi rog-Good, 1987). Another study of aggression toward partner and rival (Paul & Ga lloway, 1994) showed that men were more inclined to think about aggressive actio n against the rival, but women were more emotionally and behaviorally reactive t o the rival.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ In a study by Bram Buunk (1984), it was found that the attribution of aggression was significantly related to jealousy among males but not among females. In a s tudy of dangerousness associated with jealousy conducted by Gregory Leong and hi s colleagues (1994), all the dangerous patients (described as suffering from the Othello syndrome") were men.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. This observation is based on \u9658?ny clinical work, as well as the work of others. See for example Buunk (1982, 1995); Clanton & Smith (1986); Mullen & Mar tin (1994); Paul & Galloway (1994); and White & Mullen (1989), pp. 126-51.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. Both my clinical work and studies with Ariella Friedman seem to support this notion. See Pines & Friedman (1998) and Mullen & Martin (1994). Paul Mullen and Judy Martin found in their community study of jealousy that women were more conc erned with the effects of infidelity on the quality of the relationship.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. See Pines (1996); Tavris (1992); and White (1981b).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 11. See Darwin (1965/1988, 1970/1981).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 12. See Buss et al. (1990, 1992); Cashdan (1993); Daly et al. (1982); Feingold ( 1992); and Wilson (1978).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. Sec Goodwin (1942).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 14. See Murdock (1949)\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 15. White & Mullen (1989), pp. 65-64.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 16. The power perspective was discussed by White (1977, 1980). See also White & Mullen (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 17. See White & Mullen (1989), p. 58.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 18. Clanton f& Smith 1986.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 6. Romantic Jealousy in Different Cultures\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. My friend and colleague Ralph Hupka (1981), a cross-cultural psychologist at California State University, Long Beach, has summarized many of the anthropologi cal reports relating to jealousy, and his articles are probably the best work wr itten on the subject. See also Hupka & Bank (1996) and Buunk & Hupka (1987). Man y of the examples quoted in this chapter are from Hupka's two papers. Another so urce is an article written by the noted anthropologist Margaret Mead (1931/1986) . The sociological contribution to the chapter is mainly that of my clear friend Gordon Clanton (see Clanton & Smith (1986)).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. See Weeks (1914).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. See Turner (1884).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. See Clanton (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. See Gouldsbury & Sheane, (1911).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. See Ilupka (1981).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. See Powers (1877) and Wellfish (1967).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. See Mirski (1937).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. See Mead (1931/1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. See Fawcett (1886-1889).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 11. See Benedict (1934).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 12. See Gouldsbury & Sheane (1911).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. See Aronson \u163?-i Pines (I980); Pines (1987x); Pines & Aronson (1983); Pi nes & Friedman (1998).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

14. See Benedict (1934).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 15. See Irons (1979); Kurland (1979); Mead (1931/1986); and Swartz & lorclan (19 80).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 16. See Mead (1931/1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 17. See Hupka (1981).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 18. See Mirski (1937).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 19. See Mead (1931/1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 20. See Warner (1937).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 21. See Karsten (1925).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 22. See White E& Mullen (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 23. See Taplin (1879).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 24. See Langsdorff (1813).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 25. See Williams (1820).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 26. See Thompson, (1859).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 27. See Mishkin (1937).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 28. See Davis (1936/1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 29. See Gouldsbury & Sheave (1911).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 30. See Matthews (1877).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 31. See Rivers (1906).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 32. See Goodwin (1942). See also Hupka (1981) fora comparison between the Todd a nd the Apache.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 33. See Clanton (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 34. See Bernard (1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 35. See Yankelovich (1981).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 36. See Prochaska \u163?y, Prochaska (1978).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 37. See Crovitz and Steinman (1980).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 38. The results of the Harris poll are quoted in Basow (1986).\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ 39. See 13asow (1986), p. 212.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 40. See Davis (1936/1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 41. See Rubin (1990).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 42. See Thompson (1983) and Penn et al., (1997).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 43. See I3lumstein & Schwartz (1985). See also Pittman (1989) for reported findi ngs about high rates of infidelity combined with a belief in monogamy.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ 44. See Whitehurst (1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 45. See Paul et al. (1987).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 46. See Buunk & Hupka (1987).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 47. See Exodus 19: 3-5 RSV.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 48. See Downing (1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 49. See Clanton (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 50. See Harvey & Weary (1984) and Thompson & Snyder (1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ 51. See Ilupka (1981).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 7. Romantic Jealousy in Open Relationships\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. "Sexual mate exchange" was formerly called "wife swapping." The new term avoi ds the sexist connotations of the older one. See Gilmartin (1986).\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ 2. Swingers rated themselves as less jealous than did nonswingers in a study by Jenks (1985).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. See O'Neill & O'Neill (1972).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. See Smith & Smith (1973).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. See White & Mullen (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. See Pines (1987a).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. See Beecher & Beecher (1971) and White \u163?y' Mullen (1989).\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ 8. See Davis (1936/1986), whose position is elaborated in chapter six of the pre

sent book.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. See Melamed (1991) and Neill (1960).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. See Pines & Aronson (1981).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 11. See Kanter (1972) and White & Mullen (1989), pp. 122-123.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ 12. See Buunk (1981) and Constantine & Constantine (1974).\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ 13. See Denfeld (1974).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 14. See Bartell (1970).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 15. See Gilmartin (1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 16. See DeBuono et. al (1990).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 17. See Pines, (1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 18. See Gilmartin (1986).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 19. Similar findings were reported in a special session devoted to the subject o f infidelity in the annual convention of the American Association of Marriage an d Family Therapists, San Francisco, October 1989. See Gilmartin (1986). See also Pestrak ct if. (1985) and Pittman (1989).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 8. Crimes of Passion\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. Paul Mullen (1996) discusses the relationship between jealousy and violence t oward one's partner from both an evolutionary and a social construction perspect ive. In another paper, (Mullen & Maack, 1985), Mullen reports that an analysis o f 178 crimes of passion discovered that 510/o involved an attack on the loved on e.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ See also Goldney (1977) and Mowat (1966). In Mowat's British study, 850/6 of the seventy-one murders and thirty-nine attempted murders triggered by jealousy tha t he analyzed involved the loved one.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (I986). In an analysis of 195 murders, co nducted almost forty years ago, jealousy was the underlying motive in 22\u176?io of the cases (Gibhens, 1959). Also, in an analysis conducted almost fifty years ago of 200 murders committed in England, it was found that jealousy was the und erlying motive in 230/0 of the cases (East, 1949).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. For example, Gregory Leong and his colleagues (1994) report that people suffe ring from delusional jealousy ("Othello Syndrome") may present with hostility th at ranges from verbal abuse to homicidal acts.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Ola Barnett and colleagues (1995) discovered significantly elevated levels of je alousy' among maritally violent men.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ David Riggs (1993) reports the results of a survey of 654 college students in wh ich it was found that students who were aggressive toward their partners and tho se who were victims of partners' aggression reported more problems in their rela tionships than did students in nonaggressive relationships. Jealousy was one of the problems mentioned most often by the aggressive students.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ For further studies on this topic see also Delgado & Bond (1993); Goodstein & Pa ge (1981); 1-lafner & Boker (1982); Pines (1983); and White & Mullen (1989), cha pter eight.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. The study involving 607 people is described in Pines (1987b) and in Pines & F riedman (1998). The study involving 103 people is described in Pines t;,; Aronso n (1983).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. In two different studies of homicide, West (1968) and Wolfgang (1958), jealou sy was found to be the third most common cause\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. For characteristics of violent offenders, see Straus et al. (1980); Straus ti 1lotaling (1980); Taylor (1985); and Gove (1985). To review for characteristics of the violently jealous, see White & Mullen (1989), pp. 227-250.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ 7. I discuss romantic images extensively in chapter one of the present work, as well as in the second chapter of Pines (1996). The connection between childhood wounds and adult romantic relationship is nicely articulated by Hendrix (1988).\

par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. This point is also made by White \u163?Y Mullen, (1989), pp. 223-227.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. Studies of individuals who committed crimes triggered by jealousy show that m ost often such crimes are committed by males on female victims. For example, see Mowat (1966); see also Mullen & Maack (1985). Regarding other characteristics o f violent offenders, see Gove (1985), and for other characteristics of the viole ntly jealous, see White \u163?~ Mullen (1989), pp. 227-230.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ 10. The study was conducted in a women's prison in California, with the help of specially trained University of California, Berkeley students.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ 11. The results of the comparison indicated that the women in prison described t hemselves as more jealous (3.4 vs. 2.7) and as perceived by their intimate partn ers to be far more jealous (4.9 vs. 2.7) than did the control group. When descri bing their most intense experiences of jealousy, the women in prison reported fe eling more rage (6.9 vs. 4.9), more anxiety (5.1 vs. 4.4), humiliation (5.2 vs. 4.5), frustration (6.2 vs. 5.5), depression (6.0 vs. 4.9), grief (4.2 vs. 5.8), pain (6.5 vs. 5.1), and aggression (6.5 vs. 4.7). They also felt more possessive (6.0 vs. 4.3), selfrighteous (5.7 vs. 3.8), and close to a nervous breakdown (3 .1 vs. 2.8). When asked how they usually coped with their jealousy, they were fa r more likely to say that they used violence (3.4 vs. 1.6). They also reported b eing more likely to suffer silently but visibly (4.0 vs. 2.8) or to leave their mate (3.3 vs. 2.5). When asked about their childhoods, the women in prison descr ibed a more troubled home life (5.7 vs. 4.9), a troubled relationship between th e parents (2.9 vs. 4.6) marked by violence of father toward mother (2.8 vs. 1.2) , having a jealous mother (4.3 vs. 2.1), and being beaten while growing up (2.8 vs. 1.1). They were also likely to feel less secure in their current intimate re lationships (4.7 vs. 5.5).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 12. See White \u163?d Mullen, (1989),1).-)26.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. For example, see Buunk (1994), who examines self-help hooks on jealousy as w ell as counseling and therapy for jealous individuals. Also, for advice on letti ng go of a relationship, see Wanderer (1989) and for a discussion of coping with jealousy, see White & Mullen (1989), chapter nine, as well as chapter nine of t his book.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\qc Chapter 9. Coping with Romantic Jealousy\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. For an example of treating jealousy with self-hypnosis, see Milne (1985). For examples of treating jealousy with pharmacological interventions, see Byrne & Y atham (1989); see also Gross (1991); Ilerceg (1976); Lane (1990); Munro et al. ( 1985); Stein et al. (1994); and Wright (1994). For examples of treating jealousy with cognitive therapy see Bishay et al. (1996) and Dolan & Bishay (I996a; 1996 b). TO review examples of treating jealousy with cognitive behavioral therapy, s ee Bishay et al. (1989), deSilva & Marks (1994), and Deist (1986). Albert Ellis (1986, 1996) provides two examples of treating jealousy with rational-emotive th erapy. Also, for examples of the use of couples therapy for the treatment of jea lousy, see Glass & Wright (1997); Im et al. (1983); Margolin (1985); Ridley (199 6); and Verhulst (1985). For examples of the use of systems therapy to treat a j ealousy problem, see deSilva (1987); Friedman (1989); Green & Bobele (1988); and Teisman (1979). The most famous treatment of jealousy using psychoanalysis is, of course, the work of Sigmund Freud (1922/1955). Other publications include Fen ichel (1955), Jones (1929/1950); and Riviere (1952). The psychodynamic approach is described in the treatment of the jealous spouse by T. L. Barker (1987). A co mbination of couples and psychodynamic therapy is described by Baumgart (1990), and a combination Of couples and individual therapy is described by Marks & deSi lva (1991). For an integrated approach for treating jealousy, which includes a c ombination of the psychodynamic, systemic, behavioral, social-psychological, and evolutionary perspectives, see Pines (1992).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

2. See Monal & Lazarus (1985).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. Pines & Aronson (1988), chapter seven.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. See Swami (1985).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 5. The study involving 571 men and women was described in Pines (1987b) and in P ines & Friedman (1997). The study involving 103 men and women was described in P ines \u163?Y, Aronson (1983).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 6. A version of this "talk and listen" exercise is offered by Bernie Zilbergeld (1992).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 7. B. F. Skinner (1953) is considered the father of the behavioral approach and its most well known spokesman.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 8. See for example Cobb & Marks (1979); Marks (1976); and Wanderer & Ingram (199 2).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 9. The technique of desensitization was introduced by Joseph Wolpe in his classi c 1958 book Psychotherapy by Reciprocal inhibition.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 10. See Ellis (1986, 1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 11. See Wanderer & Ingram (1992).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 12. The technique is described by Irn et al. (1983).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 13. Tsafy Gilad (personal (ommunication), 1991.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 14. Bernie Zilbergeld (personal communication), 1991.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 15. This exercise was inspired by Hendrix (1988).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 16. See, for example, Jacobson (1978, 1991); Segraves (1982); and Stuart (1980). \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\s4 \afs23 {\b {\ql Chapter 10. Can Any Good Come Out of Romantic Jealousy?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 1. Other parts of this research were described in Pines & Aronson (1983).\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ 2. See Pines (1996).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 3. See Carter & Sokol (1988).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ 4. This case was first described in Pines (1996), chapter six.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ 5. This view of jealousy was the basis for workshops that I led with Gordon Clan ton at the Esalen Institute, Big Sur, California.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s3 \afs28 {\b {\qr References\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Achte, K., Jarho, L., Kyykk, T., & Vesterinen, E. (1991). Paranoid disorders fol lowing war brain damage. Psychopathology, 24 (5), 309-315.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Adams, D. (1990). Identifying the assaulting husband in court: You could be the judge. Response to the Victimization of Women and Children. 13 (1), 13-16.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ American Psychiatric Association. (1994). DS/VI-IV Diagnostic and Statistical Ma nual of Mental Disorders (4th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Anderson, R. (1987). Envy and jealousy. Jorrnial of College Student Psychotherap y, 1 (4), 49-81.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Aronson, E., & Pines, A. M. (1980). Exploring sexual jealousy. Paper presented a t the annual meeting of the Western Psychological Association, Honolulu.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Barker, R. L. (1987). The green-eyed rnarriage: Surviving jealous relationships. New York: Free Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Barnett, O. W., Martinez, T. E., & Bluestein, B. W. (1995). Jealousy and romanti c attachment in maritally violent and nonviolent men. Journal of Interpersonal V iolence, IO (4), 473-486.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bartell, G. D. (1970). Group sex among mid-Americans. Journal of Sex Research, 6 , 113-130.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Basow, S. (1992). Gender stereotypes and roles. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ Baumgart, H. (1990). Jealousy: Experiences and solutions. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Beecher, M., & Beecher, W. (1971). The mark of Cain: An anatomy of jealousy. New York: Harper and Row.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Benedict, R. (1934). Patterns of culture. Boston: I loughton Mifflin.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Benezech, M. (1984). 1lomicide by psychotics in France. Journal of Clinical Psyc hiatry, 45 (2), 85-86.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bergman, M. S. (1995). On love and its enemies. Psychoanalytic Review, 82 (I), 1 -19.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bernard, J. (1986). Jealousy and marriage. In G. Clanton & L. G. Smith (Eds.), J ealousy. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bhugra, D. (1993). Cross cultural aspects of jealousy. InlernaIional Review of P sychiatry, 5 (2-3), 271-280.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bishay, N. A., Petersen, N., & Tarrier, N. (1989). An uncontrolled study of cogn itive therapy for morbid jealousy. British Journal of Psychiatry, 154, 586-589.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bishay, N. R., Tarrier, N., Dolan, M., & Beckett, R. (1996). Morbid jealousy: A cognitive outlook. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 10 (1), 9-22.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Blumstein, P., & Schwartz, P. (1983). American couples. New York: William Morrow .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Brainerd, E., Hunter, P. A., Moore, D. W., & Thompson, T. R. (1996). Jealousy in duction as a predictor of power and the use of other control methods in heterose xual relationships. Psychological Reports, 79 (3), pt. 2, 1319-1525.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Breitner, B. C., & Anderson, D. N. (1994). The organic and psychological anteced ents of delusional jealousy in old age. International Journal of Geriatric Psych iatry, 9 (9), 705-707.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bringle, R. G. (1991). Psychological aspects of jealousy: A transactional model. In P. Salovey (Ed.), The psychology of jealousy and envy (pp. 103-131). New Yor k: Guilford Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bringle, R. G., & Buunk, B. (1985). Jealousy and social behavior. Review of Pers onality and Social Psychology, 6, 241-264.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bringle, R. G., & Evenbeck, S. (1979). The study of jealousy as a dispositional characteristic. In M. Cook & G. Wilson (Eds.), Love and attribu- lion. Oxford, E ngland: Pergamon Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Bringle, R. G., & Williams, L. J. (1979). Parental-offspring similarity on jealo usy and related personality dimensions. Motivation and Emotion, 3, 265-286.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, D. M. (1985). Human mate selection. American Scientist, 73, 47-51.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypo thesis tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-49.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, D. M. (1994). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. New Yor k: Basic Books.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, D. M., Angleitner, A. A., & Asherian, A. (1990). International preferences in selecting mates: A study of 57 cultures. Journal of Cross Cul- hnral Psychol ogy, 21 (1), 5-47.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, I). M., Larsen, R. J., & Westen, D. (1996). Sex differences in jealousy: N ot gone, not forgotten, and easily explained by alternative hypotheses. Psycholo gical Science, 7 (6), 373-375.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, D. M., Larsen, R. J., Westen, 1)., & Semelroth, J. (1992). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolution, physiology, and psychology. Psychological Science, 3, 2 51-255.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100, 204-232.\par\pard\plain\

hyphpar}{ Buunk, B. (1981). Jealousy in sexually open marriages. Alternative Lifestyles, 4 (3), 357-72.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buunk, B. (1982). Strategies of jealousy: Styles of coping with extramarital inv olvement of the spouse. Family Relations, 31, 15-18.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buunk, B. P. (1984). Jealousy as related to attributions for the partner's behav ior. Social Psychology Quarterly, 47, 107-112.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buunk, B. (1994). Pathological jealousy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 33 (4), 577-578.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buunk, B. P. (1995). Sex, self esteem, dependency and extradyadic sexual experie nce as related to jealousy response. Journal of Social and Personal Relationship s, 12 (1), 147-153.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Buunk, B. P., Angleitner, A., Oubaid, V., & Buss, D. M. (1996). Sex differences in jealousy in evolutionary and cultural perspective: Tests from the Netherlands , Germany, and the United States. Psychological Science, 7 (6), 359-363.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ Buunk, B., & llupka, R. B. (1987). Cross-cultural differences in the elicitation of sexual jealousy. Journal of Sex Research, 2.3 (1), 12-22.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ Byrne, A., & Yatham, L. N. (1989). Pimozide in pathological jealousy. British jo urnal of Psychiatry, 155, 249-251.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Campbell, B. (Ed.). (1972). Sexual selection and the descent of rnan. Chicago: A ldine.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Carson, N. D., & Johnson, K. E. (1985). Suicidal thoughts and problem solving pr eparation among college students. Journal of College Student Personnel, 26 (6), 484-487.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Carter, S., & Sokol, J. (1988). Men who can't love. New York: Berkeley Books.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Cashdan, E. (1993). Attracting mates: Effects of parental investment on mate att raction strategies. Ethology and Sociobiology, 14, 1-23.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Caspi, A., & Herbener, E. S. (1990). Continuity and change: Assortative marriage and the consistency of personality in adulthood. Journal of Personality and Soc ial Psychology, .58 (2), 250-258.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Chasin, C., Grunebaum If., & Herzig, M. (Eds.). (1990). One couple four realitie s: Multiple perspectives on couple Therapy. New York: Guilford Press.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Clanton, G. (1989). Jealousy in american culture, 1945-1985. In D. D. Franks & E . D. McCarthy, (Eds.), The sociology of emotions, (pp. 179-193). Grenwich, CT: J AI Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Clanton, G. & Smith, L. G. (Eds.). (1986). Jealousy. Landham, MD: University Pre ss of America.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Cobb, J. P., & Marks, 1. M. (1979). Morbid jealousy featuring an obsessive compu lsive neurosis: Treatment by behavioral psychotherapy. British Journal of Psychi atry, 1,34, 501-505.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Coen, S. J. (1987). Pathological jealousy. International Journal of Psychoanalys is, 68 (1), 99-108.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Cohen, B. (1989). The Snow White syndrome: All about envy. New York: Jove.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Constantine, U (1976). Managing jealousy. In D. IL Olson (Ed.), Treating relatio nships. Lake Mills, IA: Graphic Publishers.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Constantine, L. L., & Constantine, J. M. (1974). Sexual aspects of multilateral relations. In J. R. Smith & L.G. Smith (Eds.), Beyond monogamy (pp. 268-290). Ba ltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 268-290.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Cooper, S. A., & Collacott, R. A. (1993). Pathological jealousy and mental handi cap. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, 37 (2), 195-199.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Crovitz, C., & Steinman, A. (1980). A decade later: Black-white attitudes toward women's familial role. Psychology of Worsen Quarterly, 5, 170-176.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{

Daly, M., & Wilson, M. (1978). Sex, evolution and behavior. North Scituate, MA: Duxbury Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Daly, M., & Wilson, M. (1988). Homicide. New York: Aldine De Gruyter.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Daly, M., Wilson, M., \u163?~ Weghorst, S. J. (1982). Male sexual jealousy. Etho logy and Sociobiology, 3, 11-27\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Darwin, C. (1965/1988). The expression of emotions in man and animals. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Darwin, C. (1970/1981). The descent of man and selection in relation to sex. New York: W. W. Norton.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Davis, K. (1936/1986). Jealousy and sexual property. In G. Clanton & L. G. Smith (Eds.), Jealousy. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ DeBuono, B., Zinner, S., Daamen, M., & McCormack, W. M. (1990). Sexual Behavior of College Women in 1975, 1986 and 1989. New England Journal of Medicine, 322 (1 2), 821-825.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Delgado, A. R., & Bond, R. A. (1993). Attenuating the attribution of responsibil ity: The lay perception of jealousy as a motive for wife battery. Journal of App lied Social Psychology, 23 (16), 1537-1556.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Denfeld, D. (1974). Dropouts from swinging: The marriage counselor as informant. In J. R. Smith & L.G. Smith (Eds.), Beyond monogamy (pp. 260-267). Baltimore: J ohns Hopkins University Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ deSilva, P. (1987). An unusual case of" morbid jealousy treated with role revers al. Sexual and Marital Therapy, 2 (2), 179-182.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ deSilva, P., & Marks, M. (1994). Jealousy as a clinical problem: Practical issue s of assessment and treatment. Journal of Mental Health UK, 3 (2), 195-204.\par\ pard\plain\hyphpar}{ DeSteno, D. A., & Salovey, P. (1996a). Genes, jealousy, and the replication of m isspecified models. Psychological Science, 7 (6), 376-377.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ DeSteno, D. A., & Salovey, P. (1996b). Jealousy and the characteristics of one's rival: A self-evaluation maintenance perspective. Personality and Social Psycho logy Bulletin, 22 (9), 920-932.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ deWeerth, C., & Kalma, A. P. (1993). Female aggression as response to sexual jea lousy: A sex role reversal? Aggressive Behavior, 19 (4), 265-279.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Dinesh, A. K. (1993). Cognitive formulation for morbid jealousy (Othello syndrom e). Irish Journal of Psychological Medicine, 10 (3), 157-159.\par\pard\plain\hyp hpar}{ Docherty, J., & Ellis, J. (1976). A new concept and findings in morbid jealousy. American Journal of Psychiatry, 133 (6), 679-683.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dolan, M., & Bishay, N. R. (1996a). The effectiveness of cognitive therapy in mo rbid jealousy. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 10 (1), 35-40.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Dolan, M., & Bishay, N. R. (1996b). The effectiveness of cognitive therapy in th e treatment of non-psychotic morbid jealousy. British Journal of Psychiatry, 168 (5), 588-593.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Dolan, M., & Bishay, N. R. (1996c). The role of sexual behavior/attractiveness s chema in morbid jealousy. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 10 (1), 41-61.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Downey, J., & Vitulli, W. E (1987). Self-report measures of behavioral attributi ons related to interpersonal flirtation situations. Psychological Reports, 61 (3 ), 899-904.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Downing, C. (1986). Jealousy: A depth-psychological perspective. In G. Clanton & L. G. Smith (Eds.), Jealousy. Landham, MD: University Press of America.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{ East, W. (1949). Society and the criminal. London: H.M.S.O.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Egan, E. A., Lunn, B., Campbell, M., & O'Brien, J. T. (1996). Delusional jealous y in old age: Case presentation in association with previously undiagnosed carci

noma of the bronchus. International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, 11 (6), 565 -566.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Ellis, A. (1962). The American sexual tragedy. New York: Grove Press.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Ellis, A. (1986). Rational and irrational jealousy. In G. Clanton & L. G. Smith (Eds.), Jealousy. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Ellis, A. (1996). The treatment of morbid jealousy: A rational emotive behavior therapy approach. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 10 (1), 23-33.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Enoch, M. D. (1991). Delusional jealousy and awareness of reality. British Journ al of Psychiatry, 159 (Suppl. 14), 52-56.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Everton, G. M., & Tate, D. T. (1990). Correlates of jealous behavior. Psychologi cal Reports, 66 (2), 601-602.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Fawcett, E (1886-1889). On the Saoras (or Savaras). Journal of the Anthropologic al Society of Bombay, 1, 206-272.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Federal Bureau of Investigation (1986). Uniform crime reports of the United Stat es. Washington, D.C: Department of Justice.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Feingold, A. (1992). Gender differences in mate selection preferences: A test of the parental investment model. Psychological Bulletin, 112, 125-139.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Feist, E. (1986). An innovative program for the treatment of panic attacks: A ca se study. Australian Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis, 7 (2), 122-1 26.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Fenichel, 0. (1953). A contribution to the psychology of jealousy. In Collected Papers of Otto Fenichel (pp. 349-62), collected and edited by Hanna Fenichel and David Rapaport. New York: W. W. Norton.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Finn, J. (1985). The stresses and coping behavior of battered women. Social Case work, 66 (6), 341-349.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Fisch, R., Weakland, J. H., & Segal, L. (1982). The tactics of change. San Franc isco: Jossey Bass.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Freud, S. (1922/1955). Certain neurotic mechanisms in jealousy, paranoia and hom osexuality. In Complete psychology works of Sigmund Freud. (Vol. 18, pp. 223-340 ). London: Hogarth Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Friday, N. (1987). Jealousy. New York: Bantam.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Friedman, S. (1989). Strategic reframing in a case of delusional jealousy. Journ al of Strategic and Systemic Therapies, 8, (2-3), 1-4.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gagne, M. IT, & Levoie, F. (1993). Young people's views on the causes of violenc e in adolescents. Canada's Mental Health, 41 (3), 11-15.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Geary, D. S., Rumsey, M., Bow, T. C., & Hoard, M. K. (1995). Sexual jealousy as a facultative trait: Evidence from the pattern of sex differences in adults from China and the United States. Ethology and Sociobiology, 16 (5), 355-383.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ Gibbens, T. C. N. (1959). Sane and insane homicide. Journal of Criminal Law, Cri minology and Police Science, 49, 110-115.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gilmartin, B. G. (1986). Jealousy among the swingers. In G. Clanton & L. G. Smit h (Eds.), Jealousy. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1997). Reconsrtucting marriage after the trauma o f infidelity. In K. Halford & H. J. Markman (Eds.), Clinical handbook of marriag e and couple interventions (pp. 471-507). New York: John Wiley & Sons.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Goldney, R. D. (1977). Family murder followed by suicide. Forensic Science, 9 (3 ), 219-228.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Goodstein R., & Page, A. A. (1981). The battered wife syndrome: Overview of the dynamics and treatment. American Journal of Psychiatry, 1.38, 65-77.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Goodwin, G. (1942). The social organization of the Westenz Apache. Chicago: Univ ersity of Chicago Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Gouldsbury, C., & Sheane, H. (1911). The great plateau of Northern Rhodesia. Lon don: Edward Arnold.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gove, W. R. (1985). The effect of sex and gender on deviant behavior. In Alice S . Rossi (Ed.), Gender and the life course (pp. 115-44). New York: Adeline.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Green, S., & Bobele, M. (1988). An interactional approach to marital infidelity. Journal of Strategic and Systemic Therapies, 7, 35-47.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Greenberg, J. (1985). Proneness to romantic jealousy and proneness to jealousy i n others. Journal of Personality, 53 (3), 468-479.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gross, M. D. (1991). Treatment of pathological jealousy by fluoxetine. American Journal of Psychiatry, 148 (5), 683-684.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Guerin, P. J., Fay, L. F., Burden, S. L., & Kautto, J. G. (1987). The evaluation and treatment oJ' marital conflict: A four-stage approach. New York: Basic Book s.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Gurman, A. S., & Kniskem, D. P. (Eds.). (1981). Part IV: Systems theory approach es. In Handbook of family therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Hafner, H., & Boker, W. (1982). Crimes of violence by menially abnormal offender s. Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Haley, J. (1977). Problem solving therapy: New strategies for effective family t herapy. San Francisco: Jossey Bass.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hansen, G. L. (1985). Dating jealousy among college students. Sex Roles, 12, 713 -721.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Barris, C. R., & Christenfeld, N. (1996a). Gender; jealousy, and reason. Psychol ogical Science, 7 (6), 364-366.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Harris, C. R., & Christenfeld, N. (1996b). Jealousy and rational response to inf idelity across gender and culture. Psychological Science, 7 (6), 378-379.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ Harris, P. L., Olthof, T. J., 7crwogt, M., & Hardman, C. E. (1987). Children's k nowledge of the situations that provoke emotion. International lour- nal of Beha vioral Development, 10 (3), 319-343.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Llarvey, J., & Weary, G. (1984). Current issues in attribution theory and resear ch. Annual Review of Psychology, 35, 227-259.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Haslam, N., & Bornstein, B. H. (1996). Envy and jealousy as discrete emotions: A taxometric analysis. Motivation and I'n\u9658?olion, 20 (3), 255-272.\par\pard\ plain\hyphpar}{ Hendrix, 11. (1988). Getting the love you want. New York: Holt.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Henley, N., & Thorn, 13. (1977). Wornanspeak and manspeak: Sex differ ences and sexism in communication, verbal and nonverbal. In A. Sargent (Ed.), Beyond sex r oles (pp. 201-218). St. Paul: West.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Herceg, N. (1976). Successful use of Thiothirene in two cases of pathological je alousy. Medical Journal of Australia, 1 (16), 569-570.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hodgson, R. E., Murray, D., & Woods, M. R. (1992). Othello's syndrome and hypert hyroidism. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 180 (10), 663-664.\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ Homey, K. (1937). The neurotic personality of our time. New York: Norton.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ Hupka, R. B. (1981). Cultural determinants of jealousy. illternativeLifestyles, 4, 310-356.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hupka, R. B. (1991). The motive for the arousal of romantic jealousy: Its cultur al origin. In P. Salovey (Ed.), The psychology of jealousy and envy (pp. 252-270 ). New York: Guilford Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hupka, R. B., & Bank A.. L. (1996). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolution or so cial construction? Cross Cultural Research, 30 (1), 24-59.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Hupka, R. B., Buunk, B. P., Falus, G., Fulgosi, A., Ortega, E., Swain, R., & Tar abrina, N. V. (1985). Romantic jealousy and romantic envy: A seven-nation study. Journal of Cross Cultural Psychology, 16 (4), 423-446.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hupka, R. B., & Ryan, J. M. (1990). The cultural contribution to jealousy: Cross

cultural aggression in sexual jealousy situations. BehaviorScience Research, 24 , 51-71.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Hyde, J. S. (1993). Sex, love and psychology. Paper presented at the annual conv ention of the American Psychological Association, Toronto, Canada.\par\pard\plai n\hyphpar}{ Im, W. G., Wilner, W. R., & Breit, M. (1985). Jealousy: Interventions in couples therapy. Fmnily Process, 22, 211-219.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Irons, W. (1979). Investment and primary social dyads. In N. A. Chagnon & W. Iro n (Eds.), Evolutionary biology and human social behavior (pp. 181-221). North Sc ituate, MA: Duxbury Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jacobson, N. S. (1978). Specific and nonspecific factors in the effectiveness of a behavioral approach to the treatment of marital discord. Journal of Consullin g and Clinical Psychology, 46, 442-452.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jacobson, N. S. (1991). When and why couples change in marital therapy. Paper pr esented at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association, San Francisco.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jacobson, N. S., & Christensen, A. (1996). Diversity in gender, culture, ethnici ty, class, and sexual orientation: Clinical implications. In Integrative couple therapy (pp. 212-230). New York: Norton.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jenks, R. J. (1985). Swinging: A test of two theories and a proposed new model. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 14, 517-527.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Jones, E. (1929/1950). Jealousy. In Papers on Psychoanalysis. London: Baillieve, Tindall, and Cox.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Joseph, B. (1986). Envy in everyday life. Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy, 2 (1), 1 3-15.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Joyce, J. (1969). The dead. In Dubliners. New York: Viking.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Kanter, R. M. (1972). Conunitnient and connnunity. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Univer sity Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Karsten, R. (1925). The loba Indians of the Bolivian Gran Chaco. Acta Academiae Aboensis, 4 (4), 1-126.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Kay, P., Sulker, D. W., Carey, G., & Nagoshi, C. T. (1988). Direct marital assor tment for cognitive and personality variables. Behavior Genetics, 18 (3), 347-35 6.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Kenrick, D. T., Groth, G. E., Trost, M. R., t;,, Sadalla, E. K. (1993). Integrat ing evolutionary and social exchange perspectives on relationships: Effects of g ender, self apprisal, and involvement level on mate selection criteria. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 951-969.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Klein, M. (1986). A study of envy and gratitude. In J. Mitchell (Ed.), The selec ted Melanie Klein. New York: Free Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Kreeger, L. (1992). Envy preemption in small and large groups. Group Analysis, 2 5 (4), 391-408.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Krug, R., Finn, M., Pietrowsky, R., & Fehm-Horst, L. (1996). Jealousy, general c reativity and coping with social frustration during the menstrual cycle. Archive s of Sexual Behavior, 25 (2), 181-199.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Kurland, J. A. (1979). Paternity, mother's brothers, and human society. In N. A. Chagnon and W. Iron (Eds.), F.volutiouary biology and human social behavior (pp . 181-221). North Scituate, MA: Duxbury Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lane, R. 1). (1990). Successful fluoxetine treatment of pathological jealousy. J ournal of Clinical Psychiatry, 51 (8), 545-346.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lancr, M. R. (1990). Violence and its precipitators: Which is more likely to be identified as a dating problem? Deviant Behavior, 11 (4),319-329.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Langsdorff, G. H., Von (1813). Voyages and travels in various parts of the world . London: H. Colburn.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Leong, G. B., Silva, J. A., Garza, T E. S., & Oliva, D. (1994). The dangerousnes s of people with the Othello syndrome. Journal of Forensic Sciences, .39 (6), 14 45-1454.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lester, D., Deluca, G., I le llinghausen, W., & Scribner, D. (1985). Jealousy an d irrationality in love. Psychological Reports, 56, (1), 2-10.\par\pard\plain\hy

phpar}{ Lumpert, A., & Friedman, A. (1992). Sex differences in vulnerability and maladju stment as a function of parental investment: An evolutionary approach. Social Bi ology, 39, 65-81.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Lusterman, D. (1995). Treating marital infidelity. In R. H. Mikesell, D. Lus- te rman, and S. H. McDaniel (Eds.), lntegratirng family therapy: Handbook of family psychology and systems theory (pp. 259-270). Washington, DC: American Psycholog ical Association.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mandler, G. (1991). Some thoughts on sibling rivalry and competitiveness. Britis h Journal of Psychotherapy, 7 (4), 368-379.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Margolin, G. (1985). Building marital trust and treating sexual problems. In A. S. Gurman (Ed.), Casebook of marital therapy (pp. 271-301). New York: Guilford P ress.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Marikagas, K. R., Weissman, M. M., Prusoff, B. A., & John, K. (1988). Assortativ e mating and affective disorders. Psychiatry, .51, (1), 48-57.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Marks, I. M. (1976). The current status of behavioral psychotherapy, theory and practice. American Journal of P.syclriatry, 133, 253-261.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ Marks, M., & deSilva, P. (1991). Multifaceted treatment of a case of morbid jeal ousy. Sexual and Marital Therapy, 6 (1), 71-78.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mathes, E. W., Adams, If. E., & Davies, R. M. (1985). Jealousy, loss of relation ship reward, loss of self-esteem, depression, anxiety and anger. Journal of Pers onality and Social Psychology, 48 (6), 1552-1561.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mathes, E. W., Roter, P. M., & Joerger, S. M. (1982). A convergent validity stud y of six jealousy scales. Psychological Reports, 59, 1143-1147.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Mathes, E. W., & Verstraete, C. (1993). Jealous aggression: Who is the target, t he beloved or the rival? Psychological Reports, 72, 1071-1074.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Matthews, W. (1877). Ethnography and philology of the Hidatsa Indians. Washingto n, DC: Government Printing Office,\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ McIntosh, E. G. (1989). An investigation of romantic jealousy among black underg raduates. Social Behavior and Personality, 17, 135-141.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mead, M. (1951/1986). Jealousy, primitive and civilized. In G. Clanton & L. G. S mith (Eds.), Jealousy. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Melamed, T. (1991). Individual differences in romantic jealousy: The moderating effect of relationship characteristics. European Journal of Social psychology 21 (5), 455-461.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Miller, J. B. (1987). loward a new psychology of women (2nd ed.). Boston: Beacon Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Milne, G. (1985). Horse sense in psychotherapy. Australian Journal of Clinical a nd Experimental Hypnosis, 13 (2), 132-134.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mirski, J. (1937). The Eskimo of Greenland. In M. Mead (Ed.), Cooperation and co mpetition aniong primitive peoples. New York: McGraw-Hill.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa r}{ Mishkin, B. (1937). The Maori of New Zealand. In M. Mead (Ed.), Cooperation and conipelilion among primitive peoples. New York: McGraw-Hill.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Monat, A., & Lazarus, R. S. (1985). Stress and coping. New York: Columbia Univer sity Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mowat, R. R. (1966). Morbid jealousy and murder. London: Tavistock Publications. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mullen, P. E. (1993). The crime of passion and the changing cultural constructio n of jealousy. Criminal Behavior and Mental Health, 3 (11), 1-11.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Mullen, P. E. (1996). Editorial: Jealousy and the emergence of violence and inti midating behaviors. Criminal Behavior and Mental Health, 6 (3), 199-205.\par\par d\plain\hyphpar}{

Mullen, P. E., & Maack, L. 11. (1985). Jealousy: Pathological jealousy and aggre ssion. In David P. Farrington & John Gunn (Eds.), Aggression and dangerousness ( pp. 103-126). New York: Wiley.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Mullen, P. E., & Martin, J. L. (1994). Jealousy: A community study. British Jour nal of Psychiatry, 164, 35-43.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Munro, A., O'Brien, J. V., & Ross, D. D. (1985). Two cases of'pure' or'pri- mary ' erotomania successfully treated with Pirnozide. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry , 30 (8), 619-622.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Murdock, C. P. (1949). Social structure. New York: Macmillan\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Napier, H. A. (1994). Effects of ethanol and self concept on self report measure s of romantic jealousy. Dissertation Abstracts International, 54 (8-I3), 4432.\p ar\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Neill, A. S. (1960). Jealousy at Summerhill. In Surunrerhill: A radical approach to child-rearing (317-320). New York: Hart.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Neubauer, P. (1983). The importance of the sibling experience. The Psychoanalyti c Study of the Child, 38, 325-236.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Nichols, M. (1984). Family Ilrerapy: Concepts and rtrethods. New York: Gardner P ress.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ O'Neill, G., & O'Neill, N. (1972). Open marriage: A new lifestyleforcouples. New York: Evans.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pam, A., & Pearson, J. (1994). The geometry of the eternal triangle. Farn- ily P rocess, .33 (2), 175-190.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pao, P. N. (1969). Pathological jealousy. Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 34 (4), 617701.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Parrott, G. W. (1991). The emotional experience of envy and jealousy. In Peter S alovey (Ed.), The psychology of jealousy and envy. New York: Guilford Press.\par \pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Parrot, W. G., & Smith, R. If. (1995). Distinguishing the experience of jealousy and envy. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 906-920.\par\pard\p lain\hyphpar}{ Paul, L. 1I., Olthorf, T. J., Terwogt, M., & Hardman, C. E. (1987). Children's k nowledge of the situation that provoke emotions. International Journal of Behavi oral Development, 10, 319-343.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Paul, L., Foss, M. A., & Galloway, J. (1993). Sexual jealousy in young women and men: Aggressive responsiveness to partner and rival. Aggressive Behavior, 19 (6 ), 401-420.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Paul, L., & Galloway, J. (1994). Sexual jealousy: Gender differences in response to partner and rival. Aggressive Behavior, 20 (3), 203-211.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Penn, C. D., Hernabdez, S. L., & Bermudez, M. (1997). Using a crosscultural pers pective to understand infidelity in couple therapy. The American Journal o[ Fami ly Therapy, 25 (2), 169-185.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pestrak, V. A., Martin, D., & Martin, M. (1985). Extramarital sex: An examinatio n of the literature. International Journal of Family Therapy, 7 (2), 107-115.\pa r\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pestrak, V., Martin, D., & Martin, M. (1986). A brief model of jealousy: A threa t of loss of power and identity. Counseling and Values. 31 (1), 97-100.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. (1983, August). Sexual jealousy as a cause of violence. Paper prese nted at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association, Anaheim , California.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. (1987a). Polyfidelity-an alternative to monogamous marriage? In Y. Gorni, Y. Ovecl, & 1. Paz (Eds.), Communal life (pp. 622-626). Israel: Yad Taben kin Transaction Books.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. (19871)). Sexual jealousy. Chadashot (Israel), April 5, 3-11.\par\p ard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. (1992a). Romantic jealousy: Five perspectives and an integrative ap proach. Psychotherapy, 29, 675-683.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. (19921)). The shadow of love: ROWOUIIC jealousy (chap. 8). Tel Aviv

: Tcherikover (1lebrew).\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. (1996). Couple burnout. New York: Routledge.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ Pines, A. M., & Aronson, E. (1980). The jealousy question scale. Psychological R eports, 50, 1143-1147.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M., & Aronson, E. (1981). Polyfidelity: An alternative lifestyle witho ut sexual jealousy. In G. Clanton (Ed.), Jealousy. Alternative Lifestyles, 4, 37 3-392.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M., & Aronson, E. (1983). The antecedents, correlates and consequences of sexual jealousy. Journal of Personality, 51, 108-136.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar }{ Pines, A. M., & Aronson, E. (1988). Career burnout: Causes and cures. New York: Free Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pines, A. M. & Friedman, A. (1998). Gender differences in romantic jealousy. Jou rnal of Social Psychology, 138, 54-71.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pinta, E. (1979). Pathological tolerance. American Journal of Psychiatry, 135 (6 ), 698-701.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Pittman, F. (1989). Private lies: Infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy. New Y ork: W. W. Norton.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Powers, S. (1877). Tribes of California. Washington, DC: Government Printing Off ice.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Prochaska, J. f? Prochaska, J. (1978). Twentieth-century trends in marridge and marital therapy. In T. J. Paolino & B. S. McCrady (Eds.), A1ar- riage and marita l therapy (pp. 1-24). New York: Brunner/Mazel.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Radecki-Bush, C., Farrell, A. D., & Bush, J. P. (1993). Predicting jealous respo nses: The influence of adult attachment and depression on threat appraisal. Jour nal of* Social and Personal Relationships, 10 (4), 569-588.\par\pard\plain\hyphp ar}{ Ridley, J. (1996). Couples presenting with jealousy: Alternative interventions. Joun:al of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 10 (1), 65-73.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Riggs, D. S. (1993). Relationship problems and dating aggression. Journal of Int erpersonal Violence, 8 (1), 18-35.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Rivers, W. H. (1906). The Todas. London: Macmillan.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Riviere, J. (1932). Jealousy as a mechanism of defense. The lnlernational Journa l of'Psychoanalysis, 1.3, 414-429.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Rubin, L. (1985). Intimate strangers: Men and women together. New York: Harper a nd Row.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Rubin, L. (1990). Lrolic wars. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.\par\pard\pla in\hyphpar}{ Salovey, P., (Ed.). (I 991). The psychology of jealousy and envy. New York: Guil ford Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Salovey, P., & Rodin, J. (1986). Coping with envy and jealousy. Journal of Socia l and Clinical Psychology, 7, 15-33.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Salovey, P. & Rodin, J. (1991). Provoking envy and jealousy: Domain relevance an d self esteem threat. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 10 (4), 395-413 .\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Salovey, P., & Rothman, A. J. (1991). Envy and jealousy: Self and society. In Pe ter Salovey (Ed.), The psychology of jealousy and envy (pp. 271-286). New York: Guilford Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Saunders, D. G., & Hanusa, D. (1986). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of men who batter. Journal of F miily Violence 1 (4), 357-372.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sefedin, R. (1992). The borderline self and the jealous object. Journal of Conte mporary Psychotherapy, 22 (2), 131-145.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Segraves, R. T. (I 982). Marital therapy: A combined psychodynamic behavioral ap proach New York: Plenum Medical Book Company.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Shaji, K. S., & Cyriac, M. (1991). Delusional jealousy in paranoid disorder. 13r ilish Journal of PsJ~chiat y, 1 ,59, 442.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sharpsteen, D. J. (1995). The effects of relationship and self-esteem threats on the likelihood of romantic jealousy. Journal of Social and Personal Relationshi ps, 12, 85-101.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{

Sharpsteen, D. J., tY Kirkpatrick, L. A. (1997). Romantic jealousy and adult rom antic attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72 (3), 627-640. \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Shengold, L. (1994). Envy and malignant envy. Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 63 (4), 615-640.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Skinner, B. E (1953). Science and hunrmr behavior. New York: Macmillan.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ Slonim-Nevo, V., & Vosler, N. R. (1991). The use of single-system design with sy stemic brief problem-solving therapy. Families in Society, 72 (1), 58-44.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ Sluzki, C. E. (1978). Marital therapy from a systems theory perspective. In T. J . Paolino & B. S. McRady (Eds.), Marriage and marital therapy. New York: Brunner /Mazel.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sluzki, C. E. (1989). Jealousy. Net worker, May/June, 53-55.\par\pard\plain\hyph par}{ Small, M. (1992). The evolution of female sexuality and male selection in humans . Human Nature, 3, 133-156.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Smith, R. II., Kim, S. H., \u163?& Parrott, G. W. (1988). Envy and jealousy: Sem antic problems and experiential distinctions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 14, 401-409.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Smith, J. R. & Smith, L. G. (1973). Co-marital sex and the sexual freedom moveme nt. Journal of Sex Research, 6, 131-142.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Soyka, M. (1995). Prevalence of delusional jealousy in schizophrenia. Psychopath ology, 28 (2), 118-120.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Sokya, M., Naber, G., & Volcker, A. (1991). Prevalence of delusional jealousy in different psychiatric disorders: An analysis of 93 cases. British Journal of Ps ychiatry, 158, 549-553.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Spielman, P. M. (1971). Envy and jealousy: An attempt at clarification. Psychoan alytic Quarterly, 40, 59-82.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stein, D. J., Hollander, E., & Josephson, S. C. (1994). Serotonin reuptake block ers for the Treatment of obsessional jealousy. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 5 5, 30-33.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Steinglass, P. (1978). The conceptualization of marriage from a systems theory p erspective. In T. J. Paolino & B. S. McRady (Eds.), Marriage and marital therapy . New York: Brunner/Mazel.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stets, J. E., & Pirog-Good, M. A. (1987). Violence in dating relationships. Soci al Psychology Quarterly, .50, 257-246.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stewart, R. A., & Beatty, M. J. (1985). Jealousy and self-esteem. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 60 (1), 153-154.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Straus, M. A., Gelles, R., & Steinmetz, S. K. (1980). Behind closed doors: Viole nce in the Anrericanjarnily. Garden City, NY: Doubleday.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Straus, NI. A., tie Hotaling, G. T. (Eds.). (1980). The social causes of husband -wife violence. Minn: University of Minnesota Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Stuart, R. B. (1980). Helping couples change: A social learning approach to mari tal therapy. New York: Guilford Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Swami, A. V. (1983). Jealousy and the abyss. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 2 3 (2), 70-84.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Swartz, M. J., \u163?& Jordan, D. K. (1980). Culture: The anthropological perspe ctive. New York: Wiley.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Symons, D. (1979). The evolution of human sexuality. Oxford, England: Oxford Uni versity Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Tannen, D. (1990). You just don't understand: Women and risen in conversation. N ew York: William Morrow.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Taplin, G. (Ed.). (1879). The folklore, manners, customs and languages of the So uth Australian Aborigines. Adelaide: Spiller.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Tarrier, N., Becket, R., Harwood, S., & Ahmed, Y. (1989). Comparison of a morbid ly jealous and a normal female population. Personality and mdi- vidnal Differenc es, 10, 1327-1528.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Tavris, C. (1992). The nnismeasure of women. New York: Simon & Schuster.\par\par

d\plain\hyphpar}{ Taylor, C. G. M. (1989). Spouse similarity for IQ and personality convergence. B ehavior Genetics, 19 (2), 223-227.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Taylor, C. G. M., & Vandenberg, S. G. (1988). Assortative mating for IQ and pers onality due to propinquity and personal preference. Behavior Genetics 18, (3), 3 39-545.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Taylor, G. (1988). Envy and jealousy: Emotions and vices. Midwest Studies in Phi losophy, 13, 233-249.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Taylor, P. J. (1985). Motives for offending among violent and psychotic men. Bri tish Journal of Psychiatry, 147, 491-498.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Teisman, M. W. (1979). Jealousy: Systemic prohlem-solving therapy with couples. Family Process, 18, 151-160.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Thompson, A. S. (1859). The story of New Zealand (Vol. 1). London: John Murray.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Thompson, A. (1983). Extramarital sex: A review of the research literature. The Journal of Sex Research, 19 (1), 1-22.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Thompson, J. S., & Snyder, D. K. (1986). Attribution theory in intimate relation ships: A methodological review. The Arnerican Journal of Family Therapy 14 (2), 123-38.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Todd, J., Mackie, J. R., & Dewhurst, K. (1971). Real or imagined hypophal- lism: A cause of inferiority feelings and morbid sexual jealousy. British Journal of Psychiatry, 119, 315-318.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Turner, G. (1884). Samoa. London: Macmillan.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Verhulst, J. M. (1985). The jealous spouse. Medical Aspects of Hunrmr Sexuality, 19 (5), 110-20.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Vinokur, G. (1986). Classification of' chronic psychoses including delusional di sorders and schizophrenias. Psychopathology, 19, 30-34.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wagner, J. (1976). Jealousy, extended intimacies and sexual affirmation. ETC., 3 3 (13), 269-288.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wanderer, Z. (1989). Letting go. New York: Warner Books.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} { Wanderer, Z., & Ingram, B. L. (1992). Treatment of phobias with physiologically monitored implosion therapy (PMIT). Journal of BehaviorTher- apy and Experimenta l Psychiatry, 22 (1), 51-55.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Warner, A. (1937). Black civilization. New York: I larper & Row.\par\pard\plain\ hyphpar}{ Watzlawick, P., Weakland, J., \u163?& Fisch, R. (1974). Change: Principles of pr oblem formation and problem resolution. New York: W. W. Norton.\par\pard\plain\h yphpar}{ Weeks, J. H. (1914). Among the primitive Bakongo. London: Seeley Service.\par\pa rd\plain\hyphpar}{ Weis, D. L., & Felton, J. (1987). Marital exclusivity and the potential for futu re marital conflict. Social Work, 32, 45-49.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Weltfish, G. (1967). The lost universe. New York: Basic Books.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ West, D. J. (1968). A note on murders in Manhattan. Medicine, Science and the La w, 8, 249-255.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White, G. L. (1977). Inequality of emotional involvement, power, and jealousy in romantic couples. Paper presented at the American Psychological Association con vention, San Francisco.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White, G. L. (1980). Inducing jealousy: A power perspective. Personalityand Soci al Psychology Bulletin, 6, 222-227.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White, G. L. (1981a). Coping with romantic jealousy: Comparison to rival, percei ved motives, and alternative assessment. Paper presented at the American Psychol ogical Association convention, Los Angeles.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White, G. L. (1981b). A model of romantic jealousy. Motivation mid Emotion, 5, 2 95-310.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White, G. L., & Devine, K. (1991). Romantic jealousy: Therapists' perception of causes, consequences and treatment. Quoted in G. L. White & P. Mullen (1989). Je alousy: Theory, research and clinical stralegies. New York: Guilford Press.\par\

pard\plain\hyphpar}{ White, G. L., & Mullen, P. (1989). Jealousy: Theory, research and clinical strat egies. New York: Guilford Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Whitehurst, R. N. (1986). Jealousy and american values. In G. Clanton & L. G. Sm ith (Eds.), Jealousy, Lanham, MD: University Press of America.\par\pard\plain\hy phpar}{ Williams, D. 11. (1820). /1 journal of voyages and travels in the interior of No rth America. Andover, MA: Flagg \u163?& Gould.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wilson, E. D. (1978). On hnmm: nature. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.\ par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wilson, W. (1989). Brief resolution of the issue of similarity versus coin- plem entarity in \u9658?nate selection using height preference as a model. Psychologi cal Reports, 65 (2), 587-395.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wolfgang, M. E. (1958). Patterns iu criminal homicide. Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wolpe, J. (1958). Psychotherapy by reciprocal inhibition. Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Wright, S. (1994). Familial obsessive-compulsive disorder presenting as patholog ical jealousy successfully treated with fluoxetine. Archives of General Psychiat ry, 51, 430-451.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ Yankelovich, D. (1981). New rules in American life: Searching for self fulfillme nt in a world turned upside down. Psychology lbday, April, 55-92.\par\pard\plain \hyphpar}{ Zilbergeld, B. (1992). The new \u9658?nnle sexuality. New York: Bantam.\par\pard \plain\hyphpar}{ Zummuner, V. L, t> Fischer, A. 11. (1995). The social regulation of emotions in jealousy situations: A comparison between Italy and the Netherlands. Journal of Cross Cultural Psychology, 26 (2), 189-208.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\~ {\s3 \afs2 8 {\b {\qr Index\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0300_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0300_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0301_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0301_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0302_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0302_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0303_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0303_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0304_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc

SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0304_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0305_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0305_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0306_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0306_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0307_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0307_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0308_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0308_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0309_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0309_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0310_0000.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{ {\qc SPECIAL_IMAGE-page0310_0001.svg-REPLACE_ME ain\hyphpar}{\qc

\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\pl

{\*\shppict{\pict\picw463\pich720\jpegblip ffd8ffe000104a46494600010101004800480000ffdb004300100b0c0e0c0a100e0d0e1211101318 281a181616183123251d283a333d3c3933383740485c4e40 4457453738506d51575f626768673e4d71797064785c656763ffc0000b0802d001cf01011100ffc4 001b00000203010101000000000000000000000001020304 050607ffc4005710000201030203050502080a060707040301020300041112210513312241516171 14328191a106b1152333425372c1d124343552737492b2b3 f03654627593e1436482a2b4c2f1071625266383c34465d2e246a3c4ffda0008010100003f00f5b4 c5157c739180db8f1ad0ac18641cd3a28a28a28a28a28a28 a28a28a28a28a28a28a44e2a877cec2abc78f5a28a29629e298a629fc695183480a29814e97c28da 8a74e8cd3cd14e913494d65a74669d4958a9ca9ad09303ef 6c6ad0734e8a28a28a28a28a28a28a28a28a28a28a8b30154bb1277a81a54628c518a31477d3a74c 0de95069518a7dd4bba8de9ef4a9d3a629e451b53a5b52ac bd69d0298a90a62a4ae54ec6ae598778c558083d0d3a28a28a28a28a28a28a28a28a29122a0cfdc2 ab634a9629d18a58a314628c53c6f4f1e74e9629518f1a29 114628a78a58a78a314f34f6f8519a7dd48d253bd65145729f8aca389bdbc42375495232801d5b80 4b7a0cd5d717d2a7138ed15a3883286569149e61c9ca8dc6 e00fad4eff00883d95c429ca322cc0aa85ea5fa81e8467e5539eea7885b42150dcce71dfa570324f f9f1a8dcdecf67c2a5b8b848c4c990003d96df00f9676a95 9f115bbbab8488ab43105ed83d58e491f2c7ceaa838acef2dacba1041752148c0cea0002431eedf1

d3ceb7c7c41db89496ba4148e25766efc92401f4aaaef8ab c6f72b02a62d62e6485f3b9c13a463a6c3af98ad3737fcb86dcc4a0c9704040c765d8b127d0034ec ee65b9b491c185d959951a36cab63eef4a8f0cbf6e211895 62291690096ebafbc0f21d33e3e95b1dd634677215546493dc2aab29249ad525986967ed05c6300f 407cf18aa388df35a3c083420998af364ce953dc0f99a7c4 6f8d95b44cc62124922c79738504f53f206a57176f6f62931d123bb22ae93d92598018f9d3e2779e c366d37673a9546b38192c06e7e356db48d240aecd1b6adc 34672a4557c46f058d93ce749c150351c0c92075f8d46cef92f26b8584a3c509550ead90c48c9fbc 557c2efcf104694343cbc9c2a3e586e40cf8640abeceebda a2924d215565745dfa852467e60d73ed78dfb45ffb3aa2329791328f965d2719231b038ae99726a3 9f3a44d2a28a29d234a9f752a90a628a291a54504edd296f 451453c9c51d28cd14f3464d2268cd6514ea9b6b54b7e695258c9217627c4d553589b89d1e59d9a3 47122c78180474dfad5d2db2cb7104acc73092547712463e e26a17767ed12452c72b452c44e96001d88dc106a73da0b88628e5918e8757276ed1539dfe229c16 a903cec092677d6d9f4031f21545af0c5b7784995e45814a c2a40c283f79c6d564766d1dfcb722638971a90818d8606f50b8e18b3cb33739d639f1cd40076b1b 75eec8d8d5d756867685e390c5242da9180cf760823d0d5b 6509b3b7e52c8cc4b33166ea492493f33565920b4b58e053a820c6a3d49ef345e837300846023b01 267bd73b8f8f4f8d6a122f8d65beb6f6d8da169f44122e87 4d00923c8f753bbb5e7bdbba4c23303165c8d409c11f7134ef2dbda92102608d14824074e4123caa 53c0b3f2399213c9904870366201fda73f0a9cd1c1711f2e 68d644ce74b0c8aaae608e5482300aa4522b850363a7a0fbbe550861e4a5c057ed4eece5b1d09181 f20054387dbc9676896ed28758d42a154d3b018df7dea3c3 ad65b3b7e43cc2551ee9d183b9c9cefbf5a9d85a2d9daa42a75151bb1182c7a935a334a8a28a314f 14628229628a28a90a0d2a2953a545146f4a8e94a9d19a05 3a468e82b3d3a295314c1a74e8a29d3a29d14519a29e69834e95234e8a74a8a28a28a74e834a8a54 ea58a2a269668a28a29519a545146f9a36a629f7523d28cd 500514628a29814e9d14a8cd3a74e8a28a28f4a74f269d234514e8a28a29d2a62a541151c514a9ef 52147c6a268a29515202a2d51a628a469668a3be9d227635 1cd429d2a314f146f4c5145145314e8a7451453a28a74514aa428a28a28a7401521452a5df45314e 9d468a468a5d29e6a277a4453a2952a3345148f4a8d2a2b2 4dc46d604b87965d2b6d8e6920f672323d7ad5c97313cc6156cb840e47803d3ee356e69e4514640a 09a33453069e4519a33599f885bc774b6ceccb231d2b943a 49c671ab18ce2b492063240cf4a5ad4fe70df6a90604641041f0a7453a54e8a28076c834e967228a 6282c00c93814c1077a79c778a350a28a5b5314f6a66a268 a5452a5467348d1e94514a8a28a5dd5134a91af3573692ddf10e29118db9206bc91b3b72c0503c71 b9f5c54ade3b9978424a51927bc96318607b2831d7e009f8 d5ea6edede740a5a6ba9d81232a022e1491d719036f5a2281ae387f0a826849657d2fa8670141cfc c815d1e2bad785cc9082199396ba7b89d87df58e4455e350 e90b38c04646539870090c0f8777cab5f1798c761247193ce954a4600dc93b7edac4814f1a7e6682 90468aa1c12760492bf31f2a8dacb72bc4a5ba9e37549a06 7519ce0291818ee383f7d09267845823484c6cea2e1b3d362483e5ab03e34919a18ad8b6a8ad9aed 9c67202a00da47902707e355dc6b1c3a196421a5323cfecd 203f8d049c2e3c70462b6cb6ef27168a3467481a006541d0e93d91e5d4e7d2ad861179c45ee257d6 96efa214c1014e3763e27723d2abe3cd2a7b11814b49ed18 518ce0946009f2c9ae75ac72db457c02b916424119237777df3fe7c4d5f14b7763632c3cd2562922 85642a068042ea3e833df4f9d7371c3edb997322f36f0a89 000a7402719dbbf48f9d7538a4f25b59ab46da72e8ad2633a012016ae6711bdbcb68d638eef53725 a48e4083f1ada8055f0efdf1f4abae788cf1df1b547ed930 aa8d3bee4976f4c527e2170975c434373843133c48982b903a1db21b20f7d41af2ee2e10d706f619 59981565201231ba8db19eb8c8aea4f7260e12f707516484 bf6c60938cee3c6b9d1cd7697d0594724302c7146c54a81ccce750031e5dd8c66a36bc4ae66e2186 97f1604cd245a47602b695dfae4f5ace6f2e6d2c218d1f95 235bb4e06904c9231ce919f33bf7ef5ae7e2732df9b55601cb44aa98c9df773e98daa4b7b7325d5f c71ca18c71930e8c3283d37ef0d9076a42ee5bfe1a25648f 4dc94585255dbcd88efef20790aea58db0b3b38add09658d74827beb91c5d659f8b35ac7a873ad70 ec3b9431cfcf61f1acd019aef865b4a09492ee5891491eea 20d5d3fecb1f8d686e2772b656c5e61199229243295196c11a401d324107e15d39ee658b8335c488 04c21d457fdac74f9d654b8921e256b66ae822e581a23c64 300490c3a818c63156f18bb9edf96b0384255e4762b9c2aaf77c48ac89c46fa3b59da778cbab429a

b4e16366c6af80d40d4d2faf258a28e29575cb72d1acc533 94504eac7c3156d8dddddcf11994bc42189d90c79eded8c1c63bfee355f19e2535b5c72a09111d60 6930c325db202a8f539a7737f751bde4a857936b18ca69c9 67d39ebdc064556388dd726658e48e571347147269ec9271abbf7c6f506e2579ecd6eaaf089269a4 412bf6570a4e3c7738ae95c4d241c3649a42a248e22cc577 1903bab952df5cd9da4317b42b482d8ca64719d6c31851e3926ba57d70f0f0b9262a399cbd94f4d4 7a0f9d648aeae8f1136b0f2521b70aacac4ea6057391fe7b 8d516fc5e790c923b46625b7698aa8dd37ec827d01a46f6e2ce28add1975c51444861969598e303e 46b4fe14737fecca53267e581dfa426a27e7b5567895c08a fdc942d6fda550320aee41ce77c81f3ad515ecef009d6d649524625026010bdc4e48ebd6b55bccf2 c7a9e0784e71a5f19fa1356d44d2a291a740da9d14e951b6 69ed462838a28a0629d146053dbc28eb4607853c0ce6960785000e98aaee6da3ba8c24b92808380d 807d7c455ba47852c01dd46907ba8d3be7151789248da361 d97041c1c54923545544501546001dd5314f03ca8c0f0a0a8ef00e283b8c544280d9c0cf8d48807a 814f4a90415041eb4f48c0c0031d296850da80193df8aa7d 962174f71a7323285dfb80ce31f3356691bec37eb4846a00014003c05268d19749504781141008c1 a872a3ec8d0bd9f776e955dcdb2dce85766d2ac1b483b310 7233f1ab3969af5151aba671bd210c6338451abaedd6831a170c50161d0e371408a30c5c22ea3d4e 37aae4b586481e128151fde0bb66ae0a14600c0eea29506a 34ab833f1ab94bd7b78e256c4a610707de232bfb49abdf895c7b7889746959d61298ed3767516ebb 019fa5669b8b5ffe31e230040b2b282849c2b055efefadde db7927156b789611145a799ac9d4723391fe7b8d46c2feeae2f515f97c99164650aa7202b00a739e fad1c4af1edde08e3648cca5b3238c850066b3db5fdddd3d 92a88e33243ce9b52938dc600df6cef5ab895ccb6f0c7c80bcd924545d436dceff004cd73adf8bdd f2a59a7589d52dda601148270485ef3d403570bee20b6919 716e669a55488ae4ae923249f803517926e23c2e14758ccd3bb05604a80067b78ce7a77789aebc48 628913516d2a06a6ea6b97c6ee24827b1e513cc7919557b8 92a40cf9677ae75b4d70b617679aeed66b2c2acc77690b1c67d069f9d6d4e233d9d8c8f3f2d92da7 4899c03eee1727af504fd2bab6924b2db2c9328466df4f80 ee07cf15c65e2934f7693315e44514b3f2d33ab0a748cf8e773f0ab3f0cdcc705c348913b2244ca5 3214339c609cf76c73b75abae2fefadace292648958c9891 80d4157b8e33e9df5d2b8985bdac93374442c7e02b970dede09a0b4821425628e4975b13ef139c12 73b60f8d3878acf371048c2c5c96694637d4021c67e26b3a 713b882c1194a976864bb669727b39c851f3c7962b5cfc59e398c611437e254063bea72723e037a9 9beb9f6eb980220d1197894a93ccd86f9cf8ed8c55bc2efd b88c3ed0aa04240d27bc9c6ff01d3e06a335ecb1f164b62aab0b2655b493ac8ce4673b11b75eb592 2e352989e6744d06d4dca85ce547703e67f61a76fc52f5ae d219a38403288db4e73f93d67e5d3cea76fc52e66b7b8ba68512dd11d9189c9ca923719f2f2a9417 13afb0c776fae5e534d23292a06001b8eff7be95441c66f5 de3d704215f927009c8d64edea06f5b2db885d5cddcc12dd7d9a3674d4586752fc7c73dd5770abc9 2f2d99e6012456d2c8148287c0f8fad64bcbf92daeeee550 64589628953381ad9bfe6b45c714bbb68539b0c6936892560cdb054f4ef391e954dff13ba7b730c4 ab1ca638839c9c8690e9017d3735dab997d9eca59723f168 5b27c8572db895ddad9c4b288de716cd3cacdb0c0c6dea735d61233db8902e18ae429f4e95c91c58 de5873523215f971e55883ad88c807cb3f7d5abc51cdea44 225e534cd0839ed6554927d32315963e2774b144b0426e26b832caa0b000206dbaf91157cdc4e65b ee4a4286312246cc5b7d4c32401e430686e292886e2eb92a 6d61e60c86ed650e3a7990686b8ba9b87c867b578e42c151639305b38ef1d067afa56cb28a586d22 8e793992aa80cfe26b37189e58a28120d46496655014e090 3723e40d64b6e23392eda0979ee5a38d1db640abbee3cd4d1371de55a413180969a267550dd48236 f4dc9cf80ae9595d7b5c2650b842c421cf503beb31e24faa 797943d9a02eaefabb595193b7d2a95e2f3086e1e4b65d512a69557cea66e8bd3cc7ceb6585d4975 1c8d222a1490a764e41c569cd19a8d1502899ce919ce738e fa5ca40fccd0baf18d58de988d31ee2fca9f2a33207d0bac0c06c6e3e34d6355c69551818d877529 6249571222b80738619a6114364019c6338a0a8623201c6e 36a1624036551b6361dde149208a350a91a2aa9c80171834c44834e11469d9703a7a54ea2c8ac559 9412bb82474a5c98f0472d704ea231d4f8d427b48a78f96c 309ac3903f38839dfe357f4155476d0c6ccc912297f7885033eb42dac091344b0c6236ea81460fc2 83696c4460c11111fb9d91d9f4f0a5796a2eedcc0ceca8db 385c768778a9b5bc2d2248d1219136562a323d0d25b5b7491a458630ef9d4c1464e7ae687b4b77e5

eb8636e5fb995074fa785336b6ed3099a18cca3a395191f1 a5ec90af34c51ac4f283a9d14027ce9dbc11db411c312e9440140a05b40273388504adb17d2351f8 d24b2b68d1d52de3557f78050037ad4c41107d62340c0939 c6f93d4d452d2dd0481608c097dfc28ed7af8d496d605500448005d00691eef87a5485b40082214c 820e748ea0607d2a3ec76dae46e44799461ce91daf5f1a9c 30456f1e886358d7ae1460545eda1912457891964ddc15ceaf5f90a849636b2a22496f1baa0c2865 040a9bd95bc932ccf046d22e30c546463a55ce8b2214750c ac3041dc11553d8dac8230f046c23184cae74ff9c55e4552b6b0222c6b0a0456d4a02ec0f8d25b2b 759da6585048dd5b1b9a8b58db3088181310fe4f6f77d299 b5875ebe52ead5af38fcec633eb8daa1ec56ea65c42839b9d631b367ae4525b38111116301633a90 781abbd2a0f0a48e8cea0b21ca923a1c62a97b1b678c46d0 a940c580c6304e727ea7e74daceddc206850e852abb7ba08c102ac8e348a358e350a8a30147402ab f63b70d23088665187f06f51508ec2da28ca242a14b0623c 48c60fd055d1c4912158d42824b1c7893934cd2cd14ab9478c00d3868bf8beb32e0fbaa3a1f53fbe 8fc2b22a4dcd814491f2f0aad904b9c019c75add6573ed2b 2b0501524280e7dec6c4fcf3f2ac4fc4a785efe57457860658e350772c40ff00f90a935ddd482d12 488dbc924f8650c0e540273f1c0ad1c325927b6799d8b079 5caf9286207d05619eea79a08c5b92ad71746304bf4552738db6c853f3ae85e5cfb05a2c84165564 5625ba0240ce7cb35925e30eb1078e00731bcc353e072d7a 1e9d4e6ac978b046216227b311196c6eed803e1d6b4df5d7b25bf3026b62ca8ab9c6589007df5897 8accf0214b65334970d02af3363a73939c74ec9abad788cb 737af12dab7211990cbab6d43aedeb914713e266c49091091962699b2da70ab8f2ebbd6a92e39564 d7120d3a632ec33d36cd608f894cb3436c96d24cc111a562 c329abe1be307c2a5071669af162580089cc9a5f5ef84382718f1aa23e312c56292347ce730b5cb6 a6d3a533903a75c1c7c2b64bc55639590444e0c406f8c973 8c7c06f565bdfb4dc467b53184e50cf689d4c3c40c74ebbe7baaae27c50d8b9548449a61699fb78c 28c797539fa531c4ddf889b68ad9dd1085924cfba4ae7f77 ceaa6e3322d9bdd1b6c45cc28ac5f6c648d470361b7d6acb8e2e6194a88430411f3487e85ce001b6 ff004a3f0ab1e21eccb6e4c7cde57335753a3574f0eea766 d712f119e412486d572803e377cefa76e83a79d74a8a314e9d3a28a2815214e9d145238a314be151 348d2a5452a54514aa27a5469d2acd0d8c519b82c039b862 d2123aed803e5b531c3ed040d0f21796c4123c48e87e82ae8208ada211428a8832401b0df7a83595 bb0995a252b3ef203d1aa4b6d0af2f09bc608524e48cf5a9 c7124312c71a8545180077556b6d0a08c2c6a395929fece7ad2bdb54bdb768243d862350c67233d2 89ec6dee0a196256d0303d3c3d361b527e1f6b25c8b87854 ca31863e5d2ad9e08ee22e5caba9720f5c608dc1a845676f0ac623895444494c7713d7efa715ac30 ccf2c69a5a4396c13827c71d3351bab1b6bb6067883900af 53d0f77d0517d6ad776c6057088fb3ed9257bc0a9fb1c3ed22e346250ba7502464781f1aae3e1b6b 1c8f22440338604e4f427271e193449c36d25e58784111ae 95192069f03e236e86a4dc3ad5ee85cb440ca0820e4f51b038e99a9c5670c33bcc8a798fb1666276 ce7033d07a5679785c3717ef7370358d0a8abb803049dfc7 248f95685b3816e5ae154ac8e30c43101bd474a8bf0fb67b64b728444830155c818f0383bfc687e1 f6af3899a21ac63bce36e991d0e2a4b676e9209163018333 839ef6ea6ac862585342021724ee49ea7356514f1453c5314e8a08a31521d29d3a54518a314b1488 a8e29522291148ed452a295235022a5dd462953a29d14514 514514514e9d1453a28a28a7dd451453a29d140a9514514c53a74e9514c53a54a9115122962a2691 a291a54a91a8fad14514f6a7814514514514e8a28a740a74 514e8a28a28a74a9d14e8a629d14775140a953a7451453a541148d4691a89a54a8351a0d44d469d1 4a9d3a28a28a29d14e9514e9d14514e8a28a7451451453a2 9d3a28a28152a629e68a59a74e8a54b1462962a245448a4452c5234a9114b151a8c8aec9846d0723 7c67bf7aa393758fe34338ebcb1e07f6e3e552e55ce7f8c0 c67a68eecfeeda9726eb4e3da8671d7963ae3d7c77a972ae757f185c67a72fbb3ebe1b52e55de31e d4b9c75e5f7e3d7c7269f2ae73fc61719e9cbf33e7e18f95 2e55de3f8caf4fd1f90f3f5f9d3e55d7fac2ff00c3f5f3f31f2f3a39575feb29ff000fd3cfc8fcfc a9f2aebfd653fe1faf9fa7cbce8e55dffac27fc3f4f3f5f9 f952315e63f8ca671fa2f23e7e9f2f3a7cbbacff00184c67a72fbb23cfc33f3a5cbbcd38f698f38e bcaefc7af8ef52d175abf2e98cf4e5f767d7c36a5cbbcd3f c663ce3af2bbf1ebe3bd4b97779cf3e3c67a72fbb3ebe18a423bcd3fc622ce3af28f5c0f3f1cfcea 5cbbbcfe5e3c67f467c4f9f863e5e74b9779df7117fc23e5 e7ebf31e1b9cbbcfd3c5ff0008f9f9fa7c8f8ec72ef33f978b1fd11f2f3f5f98f0dce5dee3f2f0ff

00c23e07fdaf4f91f1d9e8bbcfe5a2c67f467c479f867e62 972ef74fe5e1ce3f447ae0ff00b5e38a7a2ef57e5a2c67a72cf4cfaf852d17da7f2f0e71fa23d71f ade34f4ddeafcb438cf4e59e99f5f0c52d17b8fcb419c7e8 cf5c0f3f1cd4b4de67f2b0e33fa33e27cfc31f23405bdc7e560cff00467cbcfd7e63c377a6f7f4b0 ff00c33e7e7fabf23e3b3d37b9fcac3ff0cf979fafcc52d3 7b8fcac19fe8cf9f9fa7d6a718b8e67e35e329becaa41eec77fad5e2a54e9d2a053a28a28a291a46 95222a38a4691a89a2a14a814e9d14514e8a628a28a28a74 514c53a2953a28a28a28a28a74c514514c6d52a053a54fad19a74514b346682691a548d44d2a89a8 9a59a8d15ccbe3756d6c08b82ced2a80400300f515359ee2 030a5c1d7272dd9b49db6c633b54178b49eced23403502a301b6c30cee6b4457ccf769034580d1eb d59ce0f854b894b24369aa26c36b503fb433f4ace78b158e dd8c4332b953dae986c67a569b4bc37134f194d3ca6c039ce6a3c42f9ad1a30a8ada831ed363a0ce 2a278838697106562884846aed648ce31513c4a4e4eb5835 e24d074b67d08dba676a72dfb4324da973a020c67619efe954dbf1391618032f35a5771ab500000d 8ebdfb7dd56c57cf37144881d280480ae7724118247ceb5d ddc7b2c1cd2b901803be3009c66b327140decff8ada672b90d9c60e2b7b96084a8cb01b02719ae75 b71492e52526dda3e5a16249ff00978e7e549b884860655c 0616bcd0e5b7ce0f762b4f0dbb6ba89b5801e3214e0e73b039fad179c416d2e6085973cd38ce718d f15a6793950bc98ce952d8f1c573938b96835f2016d48a30 fd93abceaf1c409bae4724eace9ebdfa73f2eecd4178a31b712b5b94cbf2c066c007bf271e58a9c3 c484d2468b1e9d481c876c1c1cf41dfd2a88f8c89a2d6918 fcb2c7bbedb8ce6a6fc44c4b349cb691526e59c1e9b0f0f3356a5f96be16a6221b482c750db233f1 e957dddc0b6b76958642e36ce2b11e329a21711644881cf6 87641207c7ad496fda5e271c2874a02eac09dc918eead77d3fb3dabcb92318e9eb58e4bd95649543 8c2dca4636ee2067ef3531c563323a14394572771f9a71f5 a56fc584d3088c5a0b1c03a81df486fb8d44717090c0cc8cfad039390303207edab24e2f1a4b7318 8c96810b9dc6f8a94bc4842647652424224d208ef27bea32 71948e1573131632347a411d4574958b2038c12338ae62f15e541aa55d6daa4f776ecab63e78c55a dc49398f12ab023500c7c42e7a786f52e157a6f6d55cecca 006f338df6eea9de7108ece5851d4932b6011ddb81fb6a76b75ed3cdec69d0e5373d7150babd16d3 00fab4889a4381e18fdf54bf168d2385da371cd6d20646db 819fad21c4b97cde60d444ac8a176d80cd4c71388cc91e96cbe9c13fed0247dd51fc2d1f25a4e5be 164e591e7ddf3fdb5aa3975b32e9d2571de2b1dfdeb5a5c4 7d9d519466603a8c63f7d0dc46312cc9a1cf25496206db0071f5abe0979d0ac850a6adf4b633f4a9 1a8934a8a4acaea194820f78a18aaa96620003727ba99d20 676c508caea1948208d88efa9601a4da541662001d49eea6304657a1efa83c31bca9232e5933a4e7 a66a5ae3d2cda970bd4e7a535d2ca0a9041dc1141028d23c 28c0ce714fa8a303c29d000f0a303c053eca903604f41e34c804e48dea3222cb1b46e32ac3077eea 51c491c6b1a8c2a8c014c346d2305652ebd403b8a6429ec9 c78e29e919ce0669685c6348f953d23c051a5739c0cf8d0c0630d8c79d2d08403a41f85311a06d5a 46af1c6f5220118201148a27f347ca972d324e95c9ebb51a 2307dd507d2811c640eca91ddb54846992742e4f5dbad3e5c7de83a63a55173616d73a44a8085cec 36eb5780aa028d801d28e54780342e01c8da8d0858928324 609c775358d13dc5033e0293c68e4164524742474a1026e534ee7723bcd45a28da6e691970a577ee 147262c01cb4c2f41a7a506188820c6b827276ea68314458 3b22961d18819a89b689801a4280dab0bb027cea6b1a2c8ee14067c6a3e38a52431c9bbc6adddb8c d41a18b258c6a4b0c138ea2980aaa020000d80148d40d2a4 dd36ae5bdadf98a10b2e1914e70f8cb64796fb66ac96def5daeb4c834ba81182dee9aa94ddbf1491 4897938217b97dd1d7e39a70595ec56661e61d847a70e7bb de19eead904772b7d2bbbe612a02ae7a1aaae6deea59e7c3030bc451549efc5423b6bd8e0e5873a4 38206bdf4e9c633ebbd330f100f17e34300a9aceac6e0f6b 6f315092d2ef93222634bc8ec543e320f4deb45c0961e0ccaba84a916069eb9c77554b05e34718e6 b8532ea386ed04c74cfad58b0de1b87d529119d5b83e9a70 3bb1bd56d6fc43d9a1513664d5f8c20f96d8ad57c970f6e16d9b0fa8677c123bf154f2af45d40dad 8c4aa0480b0dcf8f4a8a417ba224695c625632306192bbe3 f65062e218bafc61d4d911608c019dbe9518e1e24bcdc484e51c2eb20e0e7b3f4cd4d6dee75db492 e498f5ea6246464568e1bcff00650d70e5d9ba64636e83e7 d7e359d5388eb94331c69708723ae7b27e54247c475db6b7c281f8cc11d73dff000a8adbdec50931 6798d33b36e3254e71f78abed21b85ba59665dcc0a8cdb6e c09cfdf44e97bcfb86858e928a23c918073bfc6aeb5170206e71edea3a73d40eece2b284bff664c9

7e66afc66ebe1f9be59c5047125922df52e135918c6413ab f655117b65d2dc80ccf19e6a696c609ce171f0ad31477cb71183b42b181818eb8df3f1c55f61ed2b 6a7dace6404efb6e3e15ceb4b8e21756f390d27332ba765c 019df07c71dc6b5c9edb1de2e198db2c7da6257738eb58d2e2f470c133ccf8711e09d3ab24f6be1e b5aa38aeccd6f24aa58a09016db201f773e7b543471148ed c460ae88d75aae9c16c8cfd33d2a563777137159a3766e52960a3031b607a8fdb577104e23cf46b2 9068c7694e3c7d3be95c477baa5e5125bd9f4abe1412f9aa 9a1bc5e20b344afa4ac6af9d3b804eacfcfbab5dff00b5694f65cf7e718ce71b75eecd51ff00c445 e29393165410318c69393e3d715770ef6bd0e6f3decec303 03d307a55128e20fed0b83828e1718ebf9b8f875cd68314b1f0b31db8d3308fb3b0f7b1f2eb595a3 bc5be49a30f8291abe74efb9ce7e7dd5a6c8de1926f6ad86 aec0c0c6327a1cf862aa97db5a69574e6221801b608c6d8f3ce6b3c91de116b1989b447ca3b63a83 dacffcaad2fc47957071dbcfe2c6918c67b8e7c2b45b9ba3 75f8ed423312e06d80ddff00b2a12c97a2fc848c98341df6eb8dbcea947e22203cc462d95c9c2e70 476b1ddd6b470d8de3b0892452aca3707d6af6aacd145511 dedb48e11278d989c00186f52f6a830c44a984f7b7e94d6e2179046b22972ba8007bbc6a13de4704 91c6482cec1719dc67bea0f7e881001a99dca28d437233df f0a21bf4998691d96728a750df19cedf0ab85cc07a4a9d71ef77d47db22e684d40a98cc9af234e07 9fc6ae596368b9a1c14c675676c55135f448b1e822432369 5008dcd5af2847443d5f38dc78547db2df96d209e32abd4ea18153e7c5ab4f3175635633dde350f6 db6014fb44786f74ea1bd59ce8c395322ea03246770285b9 818295950eb385c30de8f68870c79a984f78ea1b7ad1ed306956e6a6973853a8609f2a70ceb334a1 411cb7d073e3807f6d0b71191bb05cb151961b9069f3a2c9 1cc4d8e0efdfe1409e2c29e6261fdddfafa54d24472c11812a70707a54aa94ba89ee65815bb71005 be3538e58e5c98dd5f1d749cd47da231acb30408704b1007 4a7ed30e82fcd4d2362750c0a6268b0a43a61bdd39ebe9434f126ad5220d3ef65ba53e62160a1d75 119c67bbc6909e1085f9a9a41c6750c546e6e63b755693dd 660b9f0cd4f991e17b6bdae9bf5a84d711c51c8ecc088d4b305ea054d245917529c8efa8dbdc24fa 8a2b0d270752e33578a05140a74114a8a28a2951453a548d 41ba556d4a823208ac31f0a863642af27634e32477671dde669fe0a8343a65c865d3be3619ce2ad8 6d1219564567da311e09ce40e9f1dea325824971cfd6e0ea 562a3182474a12c2346460ef947671d3ab673f79a1387c68221adc88dd98671d4e73dde6690e1c82 d92112c988d8143b6571d3ba84e1b12aaaeb72162316e474 3f0abdad55ecfd99d98ae9d39efaad387c68c8fadcb2b9933b6e48c7dd564d6c2696390b1063ce31 e631599384c49134624930caab9db6d2723baa6786c7ce96 5d4daa45c1d86db63236aaa6e19cc68230d8852368d8eda8838f2f2ab870c8b9b2c80b032ae93b03 8db1b1c67a0a6786c65addb530300c2e3033eb50fc110f2d 93992619428dc6c01cfdf4a4e111c91a219a4015cbed8ea4e7c3c6b5dbdb081a521d9b9aface7b8e 31fb2b39e1719e5fe31fb12190118ce49ce3d297e0b8f4ca 048e0c920933b6c41cec285e1312b40798e4c39c64039df3e1e3575bd80b7695a395c191f59e98f4 f8d6beeac31f0c48ae39eb236b2acac703b7939dfd2a763c 3d2cb3a1d981455dc0eea849c391d9cf31bb52897a0eb8c5677e1262b531dbbea24c7ef606ca7356 9e11118c2891c6cc1ba6fa8e4fa6f537e1b1b2dc02c73390 4b6065718fdc286e1a1aefda39ad9d0571818e98a8a7088d6168c4adb9420e06c5718fbab55ddb7b 4468bab4e960c0e33d2b37e08882a2891805183e7dad5b78 6f4370a43cdfc6b0d6aea36e9a8e4fad5b69666d6211a4c4a86d5b81923c2b60029818a74a8a79a2 9518a28a5451d68a74a91a8b74aad85468274824f778567f 6c8ff9937fc26fdd54718b8786c449139462ea07775236dea315eb27b32bc8a4485f53310718f31b 55ab7a4b5da9280c24851e3d907f6d52fc4a410abe94cf20 4a73f9d9ee1fe7c2aef699cdf24004615935ef9ce32063eb52e2534915b158379e4ecc63cfc6b2cd c5993875bdcc6aac64d994f710093f755d3f1164d4555484 8d643bfbf93d0527e232a5e184c6ba4baa2bfc8907c0e0d078938e7828328e157c305b19cd27e213 2a12b109196531903f38019c8f3f2ad567742e204725417c e91d3201a4f7aab3c9185279632e73d3627a77f4a507118e5524a3a9057603575191d2ab6e2d1092 e1343130004e08df7c54d788abb46a91b1d723479c8db4f7 d516dc5bf15219d0eb4c9c8c6186a2a2af5e24aef122c2ecceeca40c76749c1a9dddfa5aca119589 d3a8e3b8671fb6959cf24f3dc16c848df428dbbb1bd54389 e2f64465fc42c45d5bbdb077c54e0e2a92bc4821943499c023a0f1f4a2e78ac70c93441199e3527c 89db6fa8a85d5d5d5bc16ca30f3caf82ba7381824e37a638 a344345cc0fcd4456934005413d075f1a438cc46689796446eba8b923b39cfd300d3fc330682c892

3e1f40000c938cd3938c5b234a30cc6242cda71dc718f9d5 5371b8bd9f312b095c9540d8eb9c64f966b445c4a291da24cc8e806a2b8c139c6d4efae278658562 64fc6b84019493de49ebe02a83c53917af14e7291c7da655 db56327e98f9d5d737ecbc34dcc5190e4808ae3a9271d2a29c4b97cb59d58c921380ab8c0071bef4 d78bc2fa39714cfcc62a985f7b0339f4a4fc6ad9227621c1 5257491be4673f77d453838a20548e5cbcfa0b388c6c303247d6ac9b88a9e16f7900cedd80c3a9e8 3eb4cdeb44c79d8619441a47e71ebdfe95382fe19d259172 238c9cbb0c03e62b3c9c6ed638f591211a8aecbde064d4bf0909af22b783724932161d001d3d7714 e4e21a788c76c17b0c1b53f7640ce2a8b7e3511859e6caf6 f03b381839c1f90cd686e296eab93a87615fa7f3ba0f5a9cd7f14291349a8737a0c6e3d7e62a917d 2182e6e4a858a2d4172376c753d7c7350b7e28e235377114 6760230aa72db0cede55747c4e17234ac983272c12b804effba947c5ad5d5d839c2f5c8f33fba86e 29072cb8d5b4424f77b8f4a89e2d6f1ab734b6a4c06d2a7a f4dbe35a60b84b981668f3a5ba6454cd44d428a28645718650c3cc547951900145c0e9b53e547927 42e4f5da9f2936ecaf67a6dd29945d5ab03578e2828ac416 0091d09151e4c78c685c0dc6d4f949b7617b3d36e9468407dd19273d3be8e546036117b5d76eb408 a3014045c2f4dba51c98f5abe8194ce0f867ad331a17d651 75631ab1bd348d10611428f2151e445963ca4cb7bc74f5a62de100011a000e46dd0f8d02de15ce22 419183851b8a6218974911a8d3eeedd29b448ec199158af4 2474a691c6bab4aa8d472703ad55359c134650c6abb601500103c29dbda436e88a883b008563d40a 25b48a560ccb821831c7e763a66ad6891d95991495f7491d 293451b060c8a4375c8eb54c7630a4923e90c64eba803818c60795426e1b6f2b47d9d010e404d867 c7e9570b68549c4318cf5ec8df7cd02d2dfb3f888fb3d3b2 36a6b6b6e9bac31a9ce76515378639195dd15997dd24648a4d6d092c4c2997186ca8dc79d0d6f13c 62378d0a2f4520605216d0a952b1202b9d38036cf5a4b6d1 22e989163c0201550319f0a8a585b08f4344b2768b12e01249ea6a46c603a8c68b1bb7574501bcf7 ab05b42b6e2dc46bca034e9236c52f6684050224c29d4a31 d0f8d02d60589a211208dbde5d3b1a8fb15ae8d1c88f4ee71a4637a69690472995214573d5828069 7b241953ca4ca92c0e3a13d4d23636c63119b78ca039c151 8a0d95b1ce618ce719ecf874a94d6f1cca32a032fbad804af98a8a5ac4b6c2dcaea8f1821b7cfad4 9ade27285a35263f7723a52f6687b3f8b5ec64aedd33557e 0eb4d0545b45a4f7691e18a99b3b7c11c94c100118ee1d283676e75130a768e4edd6a71c69146123 50aaa30001b0a66a26a3452a7453a29d14514514514e8a29 d3a28a28a629d14a8a28eb4e8a74518a5477d30298a7452a28cd068a545068a5bd147752a4691e95 126a151923e62805997041ec9c551ec4ba74f3a7e98cf30f 862a5ec8339e6cdd73f943e24feda5ec4318e74fff0010f801fb3ea69fb20fd34dff0010f9feff00 a0a62d07e9a6fed9f2fddf5341b31fa69ffe21f3fdff0041 4c5a8ebcd97fb67cbf77d4d44d9e4639f30ffb7e47f7fd053f641ab3cf9bae7dff00307f67d4d2f6 31a71ed13f4c7bfe58fdb52f65ed679f375ce35edd7351f6 3ece3da27e98cebf2c7fcea5ecbdacf3e6eb9f7bcf34bd8ce9c7b4cfd319d7e407ecfad3f6539cfb 44dd73ef7993fb7e828f6438fe333ff687979797d4d3f643 9fe333ff006879f979fd053f646ff599ff00b43cbcbcbea697b2363f8ccffda1e7e5e7f414fd95b3 9f699baf4c8f11e5e5f534bd8d88c7b54fd319c8f023c3cf 3f0152f657ce7da66eb9c6478e7c3e140b37d38f6bb8e98ce467a633d3e34fd95b567da66eb9c647 8e71d3e14bd924d38f6b9fa63395f003c3e3f1a7ecaf9cfb 54dd7a6de24f879e3e0297b2498fe373f4ff0067c079797d4d1ecaf9fe3537fddf3f2f3fa0a3d964 ff005a9bfeef979797d4d1ecb27fadcdff0077cfcbcfe829 fb3499cfb54dd738ecf88f2f2fa9a7ec92e31ed93f4c67b3e047879e7e14fd9a4d59f6a9719ce30b e39c74f8547d965d38f6c9ba63385f0c67a7c6ac8e17472c d33b839ecb0181be7b87c2ad152a629d15134514a9d2a28a54514a8a4691e95034a8a053a3145314 514514514514e814e9d18a28a31521451453a8d14e8c53a7 4628de974a054a98a2966834a9d2c51452a2952a28a0d23513d2a26a3453a74514f34b34cd2a628a 28a29e68a752c518a314514e9d14a9d00669e9a08a540a75 2a2a068a63c69d3a0d47bfa514e8a54a834a8a5474a29668a89a89a8d14669d3a28a28a053a74514 514e8a9034e8a5453a7452a334f34f5504d2cd028a79a334 89a298eb4e9d2351a629d2a0d2a54514a8a2977d23d2a27a5226a1474af2a934971c532a258da5bc 3cb98bf67426c54007bf49ea2bac388ced3c6ea1390f7060 0b83a8e3396ce7c41f8566978eceb0de684432a4ba20183b8e993f107e95aee78af278a5b5a298ce a204b93b8c838c7caab7e2f2af109ad82263988911fe76e0 3fcb555ad7b711dc5f33bc66ded5356021c9382719cfa7777d3f6abd99f93008566485647d60e0b1

ce00f0e877ae90274e5b638ae15b5fcd1d9452ab65eeee5c a96467d29dac600dfa01f3ad779c54daddda5b66367765e693b601381819f1fbaaf17df8ebdd6008 6d80dc75ce9d47e845668f89ce8d9b958c2b5b1b8c283940 31b1f1ebe5d0d497885d15655855e54b413320ef739c28f91a8fe1491386ade6a49944803848ca95 19c118273906b6fb53c1c3deeaed029442ecabbe00df1eb8 acdf86502366da6e689163110c6a248c8efc74a92f198cc9a7932e097556db0cca3240dfc88f8533 c5a29513905c6b68c060a08cb6f8ebe1b9f5aa1b8f299d58 23adb2c4f2b3900eb008031ea6aefc37188a266b7995a49396aae02e4e33d49c56abcbe5b4e5831b c8f21215131938193d7c854578944786c77da5c4722a9552 3b4756303d4e45532f1a8e04264b69c322b3ba6065154e0b75c63c31d689b8dc515cf21609a53a82 6a4031a8aea0373e149b8edbac71482298abc4b31200ec29 3819dfeea678dc1cd9e354908855c9934f672bd467fcf4aa17895c692b2955658a104aa67f18e71d 33d3a7ceb42f1ab733bc6c922aa6b0642069ec7bddf9ab6c 788a5ec9222c52c6d1aab1d600c86ce3a1f2aa7f0ddb735959640815db9840d2421c31eb9eb533c5 942806d6e048c70b1951a9863391be318f3ebb531c5e033a c7a25c16542e5701588c853df9c795078c5b08cc875e911bcb9c7e6a9c1f9f755527191ecb2cb15b 4a6449123e5b60125b18efff006856cb8bc5b748cba39794 e948c635138cfa7406b1b7137b89ece3b346d33a9919ca83a5460118cf8915a27e2061e2096dc966 5e5348f2646140e9fb6b2d9f1f8dac39d748f1c8a88c469c 675fbb8dfefadcbc4613c39af88758955988237dbafdd543719b7084b472871288b964004b11a877 e3a79d58dc52dd64646d4aeae10823bcaeaf963eeacd71c6 80b65920865cb491aa864f7c31ea3e19fdb56371bb65b7494ac8432191805dd141c12683c5152ea6 461a9159238c20cb3391a88f96293f1cb5489641cc605359 0ab92a338dfe3b55e9c420926e5293af9863d38e840c9f8608f9d465e2504573c93ab21951980d95 9ba027cea1617935dcd70c574431b944caee48d89ce7c73d d552f1ab74e52cb26a694e574ae30a5b009a9fe18b6323a0d7d95760c57b242ecdbf91a8c1c5a329 0ace08958207d23b28cc361569e296d82c5ce02bb138ee43 863f3a438a41a159f5461d19c6a1dc3193f5ad28fad036e030ce0ec699350269518ac91f0eb68c40 110810333a6e7627393f53528f87dbc7373554eac9600b1c 293d481e26a0384d9870fcaed6146727a06d43eb569b1b761ba6e6412e73bea1d0d2fc1d6dcd8a5e 5e5e276914e4ec5bafdf536b181e39d194e99ce64dcefb01 f70149ec627b91719759000a74b11a803900f8d4ee6dd6e63e5b3c8a33d518a9fa554dc36dc8b70b ae316e34c7a188c0ff0022a52585bc81f52125dd64273be4 631f70a49610a493b76c89f3ad4b654e463a7a0a49c32dd63923219c489cb62ec49d3e1e9bd34e1f 1c68e15e50d263326bed6dd37a6bc3edc5bf230c54c82424 b64b3039c93ea28e256a6f6c9edc1003950dddd9c8cfd334a2e1b046c8fda67590c9a99b24b69d39 3f0da9c3c32de19f9aa189cb1552d90a58e5b03ce95bf0ab 5b78a08e24212062e833de411bf8ec4d569c12d162923c48c8f188b05bdd5049007875aba6e1d1cf 124534b2ba2f5048ed6f9df6f2a95e584579a3985d4a6402 8d83823045396c6196c96d0822340ba749c15d38208f4c0aae7e1505c10667918e8e5bef8e62e738 34db85db972fdbd45d9f39ef2ba7eeacebc163374cf23372 42c6891ab6c553719f8d5ff82e1e55c43ae4e55c162c99d813d71eb533c3a06919c86cb4ab29dfbc 0c0f86d54cbc2a010b044323689102bbe01d672d938a7c26 c64b4599a66d524ae0fbdab4800003381e1e1df515e096a048ac64757478f4b36caac7240f8d5c78 72b7209b898cb0e74c9919c1ea0ed8fa50385c1ed4672ce7 f19cdd19ecebd3a757caa98f815b471bc66495d5e311f69ba2839c0dbceaf7e190b86c33a96984da 8119d4318f86c2a77964b74636323c6f11251d08c8c820f5 f234adb87c16b246d1061cb8b94a09d80ce7e74a7e1f1cf34b21924532c3c96008e9bfd773519384 c122b80ce8ccc8c1948ca94f771fe7bea5c4ace4bae1c6d5 5c9d6543b1383a723574efc66aa9383c525bc90bcd2912b16949d3990ec37db6d80e98a070b46bfb 9b99403cc8c44a01fcdc6e7d4f4f80ab23e1aab1dba34d2c 82dce53563f9a54741bec6a96e096e6344e6481044226008eda839c1dbd7a63ad4e4e15131d69248 92734ca1d48c82574f78f0ac537063cf852dd4a40a230ec5 f3ad55b5608c75cf9f7d6db3b010dfdd5db81ae661800e405000f99c7d050dc2e26bb33977c1904a 63db4970300f8f70a91b77b5b178ad46b72588d471bb1272 7e26abb5e16b6ef0ba4ae192158980c61c0e9d7d4fceaa5e090aac8a6694abc6d18048ecab1c9c6d 561e1711b932977d25d6431eda4b01807c7b87caa107085b 72cc97129628514b693a41393ddf7d54dc1d07b244bbc503b484e70493dd81b63273f015d1851923 0acece47e736327e5533d2a068a0d7262e253b4f13388cc1 34ef0a800861a756f9cefee9adf65791dec3ce843e83d0b291abcc79557c52f1aced4b44a1e66ecc

6a7a13d77f2c026a3171580c08f23619a159700750db0c78 ef42f17b6694c4a5f20390da4e93a7dedfc8ed55c3c662e55b8b80c2591535045242b3f406b6de5c 0b5b39ae0f48d0bfc866b9967c5679485939475346164553 a49392cbd7a803ad6a4e3366dcc3ad95635672cca40201c1c78ef42719b49234742ec5dca2aaae49 2064fd2b7b38552c760066b9f1f1780471735f2ce1589543 850c70b9f0cd5e2fedd9c207392cc9d3bd7ad673c72cc4093665d0e0b2fe29b2c00049c63a6fd6ad 6e2d66b7496c65ccae010003de323e94cf16b4112c9cc255 955c6149d98e17e26b64720923570080c3386183f2ac2dc5ede156799f20bb84088cc485f7be5bd4 db8ac2b75ca21b47279cd2e0e955eecfd7e557dadec377af 945b298d4194a919191b1aae7be586fa1b528ecd22b3640385031fbeb359f1cb69ed1a795b97a143 b654e34924291e39c7756fb4ba8af201340da9092338ef07 06b2dc7168a3ba8eda3edc8d2f2db6381b64efd32077534e3760f13c8b700aa1009c1df3d31e39a6 78c58858db9c48917582149c0ce3276db7f1adaee110bb1c 281927cab08e3761a626e71025f77284646719e9d37eb536e2b66ad22b4d8e5824920e3638383df8 240da84e2b66e91b248cdcc25542a31391d76c6462a6788d aaf3b3260439d6c54e918ea33d33e54938ada3a232485b5b1500231391d76c676ad5248b1c6ceec1 5546493dc2b05c718823b396787548c84009a58124fbbdd9 c1cf5ad90c8cd02bca006232700feddeb9c78ec1cab79b43849a465ed29ce00275018dfa0f9d6cfc 2569ce8e2e70d720054007bfa7a66a7c42ec5958cd72406e 5ae4027193dc2945c42da5442b2fbec5002083a80248dfd0d572f17b189632f70a048a1d4e0fba4e 01f2143716b258566336118b01b1cf67aeddd8efa6789da2 cc911986b70a40c1fcee9e99ad334b1c10bcb2b044405998f70acb0f15b39e511453067248c608dc 0cfddbd4178adb2a466696346906a50a490549c03d3d2897 89c2b7715ac6c1e57934103f37624ff9f3ad33dc476f1eb9582ae40f527bab33f16b1589256b8408 e0953e201c1f952b9e270432a42ac1e67754d00f8ffcb7c5 5b7f74b65672dc30c845ce338c9a87e12b410098cea109233e63afca9b5fda89d61e72f31b002f89 c671f2aa9f8b5a2aab2c9cccc822ec0cf6ab65263b540d4a 911915ceb7e0f1c2aaad3cb2685611eac7633d4ec3afad6bb6b616caa892318d23545438c0c77ff9 f0a84f630dcdc0967512695d2a8c0151e27d7a5648f83aa5 d599c9315a45a1727763b633e98fad35e0910122f3a52ad1bc6a36ec073938dbad5a784466ec4c25 70bad64318c6095181fb3e55aaf2d96f2d5e0762aafb1c78 5466b459a585cb11c925940ef2411fb4d65fc0b09b730f324c72561076c8c1ce7d73f755971c34dd 4514734e48460c48400920e411e1f0ab38924d258cb15bae 64914a039c69c8c64d673c1e33286e6308ce82d18c6094f77f67caa29c19564918dcc8432c8aa303 b1ace49f5ab67e1314c9a35b2a880c000ee538cfdc2ac8ac 7917734f1b9d32e0b4640ea06320fa01592db82e8e16d6ccc034a4b49a9438c1e8a33e1b63d2bab0 c422812204b0450b9639271e3580f068cc3cbe6bfe4648b3 8dfb672c7d6ac9f8524ed700c855278442540f740ce083f135759d9fb334b23c9cc96520b3630361 8000f0a8cf6465ba33aca50984c58c6719ef159df82c6616 459197b312a1c0ecf2ce46ddfbd74a1431c4aac549ef2ab81f2ae70e0c3da5a47999a3d52384c630 5c609cfcf1eb4870722ca0839ca5addd5a37e58df031861d fb13e155c9c2a5b9be99a57090148e3d2aa3b614ea38f0dce2ba77707b4da4d06a29cc429a877646 2b31e1a05f25ca32802311b2326ad812463c0ee6ab3c209b 29ad0cff008b67e646746ea756adfc466a53f0c69cdbea78d792c1f291e0e41ee39db3d0f5aaa5e0 bce3745e60ad3e9f713032a720919dcf41e82ae9f8634fec e19e24e4b07ca45a4e41ee39db3d0f5ad77b6c2f2ca6b6662a2542a48eecd631c28925e59b548f2a 48e42e010bd0019d86d5d065d4a4671918cd730706fe0b14 2d3ef15bbc0ac131ef606aebd703eb5741c2d60bf6b8528519546964c95206060f756abcb51770ac 45b4a8915ced9ce920e3e95826e0d2322886eb96e1e562c5 33efe7a6fd46714ff02a657f19d9511281a7f3633903e26a99b81b3c4112e34931c91bb14ce43b6a 246fb1ad3f8294dc194c9b19524c63b957017e7bd6abeb6f 6cb4780b690f8076ce46771f1158ff00041590c826ed1323674fe736003f0031503c15701449d909 0a01a7f350e71f1a76dc29a1bd1334c1911a4754d1be5ce7 739eedc568bfb47ba1098e408f0c9ac6a5c83b11b8f8d621c0ff0083ac466ce20e4e74f89cb1f8d5 8bc29c5f898cc0c4263304d3be4a69eb9eead57b6bed712c 65805122b9dba80738fa5613c1fb70b968e428d216591321b59cfcc6d4c70a75bce7095796256955 746f92ba7ae7baac4e1ad1436489229f6639395f7fb2413f 5cd6bb6e71b74f680a2523b417a03533d2a06a541acc2fed497fc7a7e2fdedfa6f8fbe949c46ce25 05ee10039c1cf875f954cdedb89c41ce5e61e8b9f2cfdd50 6bf84c4cf0ba49860bef60124e3ad492fed5e6689678cc8a0965cf4c75f954edaf2deeb572265934

e33a4f4cf4a84bc4208ae8db331e608cc87c001fe7e955da 714b6b9b3171cd451852e35674923615ae295268d648d83a30c823a1ac878b5a9ba10aca8c349667 0db2e08007c49fa55b35fda419e6dc4698383a9bbf19c7ca 9bdfdaa3a23dc4619f1a416eb9e9f3a83f14b18dd95eee1565cea05c6d8eb536bd8a3924123a2a20 5cb171d4f763fcf5a925edb3bc6ab3c6cd20d48037bc2ac9 a68a04d7348a8bd32c7159a6e25124d6d1445257b8dd3b781a7c735a669b95cb1804bb8500b01ffa ed5017f6851dc5cc4550e18eb1b7ad44f1080c902c4eb22c c5b0eac080146e7f654e3bdb6950b473c6ca182e4302327a0fa8a6d796c9a75cf18d4c546586e41c 11f3a9acf1391a6453a895183d48ea3e18353660aa58e300 66b245c4adda58e1775495e2e6e92c0e07ad698678a74d70c8b2274d4a722a06eedc48d199e30e83 2cba8654789a71dddb4aa1a39e3705b482ac0efe1eb41bbb 705019e30643841a876bd28f6cb6fc60e7c5f8bf7fb43b3ebe15647224d1892275743d194e41a4f7 10c4e8924a8aefeeab3005bd291b984207332052090750c6 3c6a11dedacada62b889db04e15c1d86c4d424e23671db4970d71198a3f799581c55a2ea02e88268 f5b8caaea1923ca8f6eb50c50dc44181c6358ce7a5582789 a6308910ca064a06dc0f4ab1982a9662001d49eeaa05ddb18f982e222836d5ac63e750b9bfb6b6b6 33c92ae8d05d70c32c00cede357071a35b76463273dd59e3 e236d2997122e888852e5869248cec7e22ad6b98174ea9a31abddcb0dfd29f3e1e6f2b989aff009b a867e5511710156612c7a54e09d4300f854f5ae8d7a869c6 739db1557b4c64c7a08757ce194820014c5c42ca5c4b1951f9c1862999e2c21e6a61fdd3a876bd2a 79aac4d1eb29ad750eab9dc5213c45598488557a9d5b0a8d bdcc772acd1e4aab94cf891561e95034e82320d71e2e09a2c0da16882b0d0f22478774f027c7cea9 7e11712c82dcc8ab0c76a202fa3de0c7b58df63851f3ad23 84b8b92fce5e589b9c069df569d20139e828b7e10f1aaab4aa104fcee5a83a46dd064edbef554dc1 f4dac81a42c4c3221d0993a9db25b15a78341320b89ee142 bcd2640d3a7b200036eee9f5a95d70e92796ed84aaa2e20110db75c67f7d533f06e6072ac9f96491 51932ba5574e923e66ba51c012d8448ab18d38c20c01e95c 53c1a68ac2742cb2c86d96de208b8c63383f320fc2b43f062d12a8986b10c89acae4977c65feff00 9d0783bfb587595393cc8e42a577ec2e00cf86706a0dc08b 4655a55cb23a93a7bddf2c7e5b55d2f0b90ca668e44d7ed0260ac3620269c1fbeac5e1f20e251dca 98e2545d2ca991ac63a11d36249cd5b7f692dc496f2c2e81 e162c038d8e548fdb50b1e19ec92c2dccd6218394b91be49c93f1c0a57713ddf1186301d63855d99 f180188c0c1efd8b5678b82bc3676e88b6eb2c2ea4b28204 8141033f3cd0381c9ec8213328616f245a82fe739cb1f4da9b70ab924ca1e2129951f460e90aa300 7cf7a69c26745b302441240c59e5048272d9718e841f3a95 870c633de4b333aa3c8c21504a945272c411e27e98aba6e15fc1a748679f5cb194064999c0cf7e09 a4dc39f9d7042c52472c0b105624600ce47a1cd68e1d6d25 ad9a433486465cef9ced9d867bf036cd617e13335a5c4079259a467490f5219f5153e5dd51fc1576 a16447844ded0d33039d3ba951f218a9c3c2668a4b2d0eab ecf184770c7320c6e08e9d77cd57070568ac2481a286491bb3cce6329619ce738d8e7076efae8f0f 5ba89793738711a2812f7bb779c7caabb8b39a5e290dca15 458c619b51cbaefd92b8c75c1cd73edb83c92da48253b4937655c634c224d5a71e7fbbc294fc2a6b 5b79a68f4b4a5260020392f230c1f800055abc1e716d20fc 50763080809d3a10838ce3bf7eeab0f0b9daf9a42d1f2cceb3e72756ca005f4cef54a700708a18c4 5b422b1c753af5487e3b56a4b5bbb6bd9ee628d0accca397 ac9df2017dc6dd9ee1e15af89db49796124119019b1d7a1191907d7a573e3e112921a510e4dc3dc3 28c919d3a5474eedaa87e07398e287313c7c98a362c4e469 6cb6063bff006575789dac97760f04440662bb31c02010483ea36ae61e0f74175a880c8d2c923212 7482c30a7a6f81fb69fe026d08b98c88e2862527b955b2df 3acf0d9cb71c46555c695e7389f490433ec06e3b867a780ad56fc1716f6f13c31a85915a61acb870 aa71d7cf1b5746fedccf65240b1860eba7496d3b7ad72aeb 87dc0b226799352db18b5007de62339c0f21bfad42cf87bdd47cd78a348deeb9a530402aaba57bbc 4035743c2ee236b1c040605c48fab20e7761a71e38c1ad82 c6412ebf6db92339d24ae3d3a57317845dea958f283f2e6557c9cb33b67276f0ab0f07922cf2123d 0254611e7019557033b75ceff0adfc2ed1acf87c50be9d63 25b4f4c93938f9d6a236a89a7466b1bf13b5556612060b2089b1dcc4d683344349322e1fdddfafa5 3791231976551e2c71473a3d2c798b85ea73d2919a201497 501bdd39ebe94a2b98669648e39159e238703b8e335292e228d5d9e45023196dfddac91716865681 5637d7382cab95ce9db73bf9fad6ce747a0bf31748fceced 503750898c3cc06409af4f7e2a71caaf1abfbb90363d467b8d495d5b3a581c1c1c1a84b730c31c92

4922aac632e73ee8a92ca8c010c37191bd464b98628f9924 aa1090b9cf79381560752701867ae335179d1232e32f82061373d71566b5c9008c8ebbf4a61830c8 208f1140653d181f43417507722a86bc892458d8302f272d 723a9d39dbcb00d4e7ba8ada0699dbb2bd71bd392e638de1563bccda531be4e09fb81ab0107a1cd5 10de4534b2a26ac4474b3e3b39f0abf50f11558b88fda4db e7f1814391e59c7ecab411e34123c6a2b2ab48e9860571924601cf81efa9e4788a84b28894315241 2076464ee7152d42a125c4713c48edbcada50789c13f7035 6020f78a323caa59146696478d542e236b8680376d143118e80e71f71ab723c6838a5915092448d4 176550481927bcec054b22a0f34692a46cddb933a478e3ad 4cd648b885acd3f251cebcb019520120e0e0f438f2ad5594f10b6f6a36c643cc0da7dd38ce338cf4 ce2ae8e459503ae70dd32307e46a59a2a26a3b5141ae3270 b95a285258e2212e1e67df21f3ab4f77891f2aae1e0ceb2da8991658e3855081215d2c0e4903bc1d be42b5717e1f25f150a10848a40a1bf9e4000fc066b3fe07 9610792919413a3f2f380caa9819f3cef4e3e15711b59e026a858b3b6acae19b532e9c7a60ed5bb8 7dabdb9b9322287966670c3bc1e9f4c573e2e0d20b2ba8dd 17da250c9cd32121833649c7755f75c2de57b93108e32d6dca848db49df27cba8aac70a68d2dcc76 aba55cb4b0b485813a748393e1529b85c85af045146a2581 6189b3ee819047d4d49b85ced7d33abaac0ca1900ebcc0ba73e8001f1f4abb83580b2b6c343cb98a 857fc6160c40ebbd63fc17706d2f23e52699a45608cc09c6 acb0ce3d719a9ddf09926f6b95638c48ca91c43c107bc3cb3961514e152889755bc787bce73c608c 05c607dc0fceab9b863451f109a5c4733ebe5dc19485c36c 011dd8d87c28e1d64f70ad2c5124513ddabe14eda117031e3da15641c1d92d2e44d048d7126559d2 5f7c16ce4676f0eb5b1ecee8f0036a340b831e1827641f1f 4cef58c70aba581a4b648e09cdd735173b22e9d1dde5938f1a5270797db502c41a159222b2336eaa bb91e392df7d5a786de15520aac839f26acf476385f9026b 3a7079bd9e6fe0caa1da10620c32ca8413e5927357c7c2eec44a174c6424ec801da3773d903d0135 b783d92d9da9021789db1ad59f56e0633583f054d141062d 63932f23cb102002cd9d39f10335a787f0b786e2292eb121b7b78e28d89cf686751fa8a8c96174fc 75aed80680a8455cfbb8190de7b9618f8d638f83ce9c302f 2a5f68668fda07347e3403b907cf39dea37160f35c9b3b7818a456e1159dc7e299db24fa803bab6c 9c3679e53cd5d51bdc995c6aeaa134a8f8900d732eed2444 b6b29424923431c41038cc4c5b2e71d7a778f0aee5fb736facad6361a958cae01e8029033f122b9b 070ab88ec3b514ad70ce82e019011280d938dfbfcfbb6ab2 1e197896f1845113aaceebdace8763d91f004d452c2ee385da2b76452d0e610e353693966ce7193e bdd536b0bc921b6d70969b9ed2b862ad180cdd0ef9d97a11 5a387412bf13ba676cdb433318b7eac40d5f2391f134a7b6bd938a3e226e434d1b19358c6855ce31 d73aab37e0cbd449668c15b87826cb6bdf5b36547c055678 5dc72e568edde38e49d3544acba8c6171dfb7bc738ae8da70ed17c8ee1cc5042ab0eb7c9ce4e73e7 8c5296d269389cd2491b30c29b79036c9807208ce7afceb0 c5c3af4dbbaf2de232451c5265c6a66d5db7c83e04f9d5a786c9cb8637835c5ed8d232641d29be0e e7c707e34a4b0b81999a277692e4b4a81f7318c85037c636 538ab6cadaeedde0796267e5424050c0e0b3e71bf8002baec4e838193dc2bcfc1697a6d6026068e4 b78e47c330cbcac0f4c1e9b9aeaf0e83d96016e11c04032e cd9d671b9eb9ac0bc365e45cdc3abb5c99249228f56c1b70a7d718a83f0fb937087f1988cc28a75f e6aeecdd7bfa5462b2b8e5ddbcc6ec4efad7b257182db15f 418ebe75d3e1a92c76312cc812403b4abd335a4d44d14556d346b3244cddb704a8f10319fbc5594c 114e8a3e34b228c8a7452475704a3060091b1efefa8cd347 046649182a0ea4d3495242c14e749d276efa9d56d7112dc2c05bf18c33a402703c4f855a70698c54 249a38954c8c14330519ef24e00ab28a84b2c70c6649582a 2f5269a4a92170a412874b791ebfb68e62734c7abb7a7563caa7518e5491dd51831438603b8e33f7 1152a28665552cc4003a935112a348d18605d40247867a7d d4f03e34a4748a3692460a8a3258f402a402921b033e35191e38b0d232ae485c9ef24e00a9d1453a 6302a324891aea91828c819271b93814cd42391255d51b06 5c91907236a953a46966a2f224601765519001271b9e9519678a100cb22a06381a8e326accd2a492 248352306192320e771d69d41a4452a0b282c70a09ea6a54 a91a830a2936749c75eeaf390f0ebd64919a29126681622c5c64b3376d86fe18ab9f87dc0e20aa91 cbca5990ac9ccd9500c91d72496ebf0a8c563c4cdeaf3198 405e4561afa26bd40fa9e9e95bb85c13c77374f2a38476ca34846adc9246c48c0eeac9ecfc43da24 9563939aa6562c5c61c1c845033e9f2ad7c26ca5b49260e5 ca688d41662da881bb7d7e95924b5bb686e58a4e2e8bb0d4afb3c65c74dfa85e9d2a0d67762d4848

a60cd70ceb1336574f40ac73b0c6fb7435b2ced67fc2934d 70d38d2c797da1cb298000f1ff009d39629db8d2caa923441083a8e141c1c15c1efce0e45618edef 6d2cad7d9eda53208e4691430fca91b6727a6e69cb617725 cc514892c888f161f5f64228c9cefb92c3eea9b59decaf02ced7291b99198c4c328c5b2b9f203c2b 6d8c538e297323ac86261d9690e083d30067046d9e9df545 d58cf24f7d346b22c933471232be084db511bf9b7caa1ecb76b7fa1167d29329473212a220bb8dce e49c8dea85e1f7ec03b35c0919509fc69c0669327bff0035 6ba9c5ada4ba6b540ae63490c8e55b0765381f322b0dbd9df19ed12e65ba548e08c828d91ac12583 7d07ceba5c32de58e192598c9ce95998abb921464e001d06 c7bab9d15a5ccd6910956e39ef2462e03b657b2da891e5b636f2a53db710960df9e0e99e4d2ae549 627b0b907c2ad9e2bf52e4f39a30d146da5bb4c806588f52 77efdaaab8b6bc37091446ecc60c5cb7d64695d44beaf3c6dbd6f80bd970fbdbb994ab9792520f80 d97e805736da0e20d6fa355d209160476773ab5039918786 db558b05f0e22aabed20472b60b39286309851d77c9dfc6935b4b370a4e68bb695de21708c5b6c1c b103f76dd2ad992ec4a4b8b8f666b8c30427508c26074df0 5b7da9059edaf6596e67bbe45b2868f6c891026f9f3ce7e95bf8a4cfec712c659249e5441dc40246 7e99ae698f8868bd9b99722e017558c0ece92db15ee242f8 54a182edd932b398fda9a4513124aaaa767af8b6f55c7f8445ac8e3dab5189049ab39e616ed151e4 33d2ac9dafa4b7e669b80ef70ccb0f686507640247bbfcea d3686ea4e2d731176f678240e0e7a92a30be8373f11557156e28b7d21b3591a2411b800ecc751057 e5b9f4a8c91f105b958b5cecea62d0e09d04673216eef118 3e58aaef6df88bd98923133cd25c97d0c764452c5703a6761f135a19ae52fe3318b99625877560c3 4b004e7c1b39c63b88acb05bdfd95a346ad395d1087c6490 4b1e6151e87baa12cd783970137583ce911549d7a7a2027a8dce77f8d6a5b8b8b6bc12dd34cf1470 0e6101942b0033e4d9cfaed5b78abcc208445cc08d281218 c12c177e98dfae07c6b92c9c4dec906bb95710337812ecdd907d055ac97571c5635944fa12e338c1 d1a15323cb25ab4f1286692fd258d6426081dd002402fb60 7dff003ac4af7becb72c25ba191184d68d966032dd06403d33dd5aa36b97b90263731048d1a35196 0db12c18f79eedeb395e24d0c7879d19628c90a319766df3 e82ac89ef64e25db370155e52eb821348d900f339cd556e2ea0b18794b3330b792560c093cc38c0d fcc9a6c6fadd1d6496e1e3e6a2bc98cb69d1962303a1381f 3ae97076964e1704933b3b48baf2dd70771f4ad66a269d2a29d18a293baa01a9828270327193e152 a339a824892286465607bc1cd347575d48c1878839a03aeb 28186a0324677c54c52a4aeaf9d2c0e938383d0d4a92b2b642b03a4e0e0f4352a8c92c70aea96454 5ce32c7033522eaa54330058e064f5352a87363ce35ae73a 719efeb8a6cca83533051d324d4b528214b0c9e83c698a5a9410a48c9e83c68745910a3a8656182a 46c69e05148156195208f2a746d5130c4f22c8d1a974f758 8dc7a54c156190411e54f02936950493803a9340c636a88548c1202ae4e4f764d4e82c83a9008a74 88a5904e33b8a888939bcdd23591a75637c78548a8237008 a0e2a3b11914628a30296d9c77d1919c51b51b555716d0dca859903a8ee3562a855000c00300526a 89145458e0135e7ca5f98ad43dc5c47ed019e46d058c6db6 95c0e8373f2ab6796f92e6ef906598ac0c63ec950ae0018c1d9b27706a0ef7515b4279f732c72333 3158d838c2ecbe3b9dfe95203897235732632c166ac171b4 9290739f1c606de744d0c93476c126ba923d66562ca432e94e9d3bc9fdd5d2b7f68fc0f18919bda7 92327bf563f7d72ecae38a3ca5ee12558c4426d3a7c8809e a7a9a9ac73a5c5bc937399e0b32d85070ee7af4db3b7d6aee0705c5b6a86579191228c7686daf72d 8fa5572477478c34f1995419922c01b140a5893e59247ad5 71dedf3ac8424f98a299c8319196d5d851b6f814cb5fdba3a3cd3ba73a346934e481a72c46074270 2958477852dd43cc818493c84ae0b92c34a9c8db6a504d7c 2c239a5b994999d1650222ad0f5d5fb052b66ba861b3c34daa6999e54d24390cdb1271dc3a8dabab c56696248021748de5c4ae83255704fd4803e358ada2b9ba b9e1ed74651cb8de43918df202e7cf4939ad7c4a69a3b84312332c50c929c2e72c000a3d7735844b c4608a459679586a851a42832b9ddc8c0e9b81e54ac52e99 6300c81a533cc5dd37073a53391b1c11f2a9dbdc5f5d456924a8e82691418d93dd0aa4927c32c3ee ac8971792092f0bca658ad188063da391cf41b7705ad8f7f 72e0b87963b77b9d01c47b84099c8dbbd863e35089ef248a19a794a4d1d996e6c89b2bb918c8f2c5 75786cd2c9c2d65916432104e1c8c9dcf4d86de1b74ae3c1 7bc465826749e466686203318c24aed838dba2ed564b777b0c7a649e608679073740d5855d874c6e d9eeadb6ded165f6695d10bdca405cae372e464edea6b34d 753c51c38be91e1975319420d40851851b637393d3caab3c42fd4c70c8596e1e2806027e73376cf4

ee1445c4ae5ef257495e48d24975441061514601ce3392c3 efa2c8dec73db5a09d6058e28dcab2679a4e4bef5af875dde4bed4462e5964c27682c654e48c10b9 c81d41cd597b3deb59bacb6d1c6cec91ae96e66753007208 1dd5992e6f8df6a5763099240b16818d2ab8eb8ce4b541649af2d2d75dc99b9f2c5ad3401cb23b6c 36f4c60d25e2f76d1cad1e5da28a6919747421b08bf019a8 40d34b712b193da04b3c508764182aa35b7763bcef560bfe228259f519072669562d03030d84f3ce 335b7835c4d70d745ee3da238dc2239503274827a799acd2 5c5cb4efc9222e6dcb29708322344dff00ef0fad4239eea49787bcb3482416ad3346001cc6db6c63 d695bddf109ac6271751b4971222ae95cf2bbd8118f01d0d 58d7b7715c5d42c4b2db0e634857de4d0303d4b67e550b59af05e4368248a158a38d990a81ccc825 b031f75576dc4f884f791c25708e5975e8fe63768fa6361e 75bb84dd4b732dd096512047c294c14c1ce30477e31906b15f714bd82fe48a28f5a24a17ddeba93b 23fb59cd1792cc63b9ccbcb612456fce5001df058e7fed1a 124b95e305d25251a558082a3b4150b13f33dd5a38c5fbdb4904693087587666201d80e833df922a 8b7bfbf9aed23768a2291a33c6def3e465b03fcf4a970ee2 57770c58013830890a2e068627ddcfa78f8575a291da35692328c7aa939c5498d2d428a36a5b53db 14628da8a7d28da8c0a28a314629d1b1a600a31e34c0a746 d4b14014f029e074a7814628c52c034f1b52c0a36a8410476f108e25d2a3381d6adc0f2a781462a3 8a00029803c29e078542689658ca31600f7ab107e62a36d6 d1dac7a225c29249c924927a924d59814605181488146075a581400074a3029690474cd2d22a96b7 8dae04e572e14a03e0339fd956691d71bd0140e82822911b 542a551760a8589c00335e6d388dcde58cbf8c1209a051d95c72dddb485f91deba16371732f11962 e64490c2c53927dec00307a7eda38d5f5d5a3c696aa19a48 a423232030c1c9f866b1dd5ddcdc456d386e56164b91d9c908170bb789d59ab9f88de0b848b52aca a625e505fca6af78fa019f956be35adeda28233879a645cf 5c00751fa035cd9f8b5dc76684caaae62924562bf9421b0831e608cd6c37f78b7b25ae9d4c8ab2ea 0bb68c6e3d4b03f3f2abb82dcdcdddb99e79617570a5447d 54f783f4aa65bf9c5c5e149100b527f1057b52284ce477f53f4aa53895e323ac72c72b3344a9205e c8663da1e781bd422e297cb14b248e920582491404c746c2 7cf7ab2defafc5eac734b1ba738a361319023d44fc0ed4ed669a5b8e1c0482112c725c3a018d7923 03e4df4aaa3bfbc5b58345cc65aea590892538080670bebd 36f2352b9bcb9b8bc8ecde48d08b88e368d46ed850ecde9b62ba7c4eededbd9911d62e749a0c8c36 5d89fae31f1ac935edec62e98c91325ac0356943f8c90a93 b6fb0f77e755bdede457296d6ed0c7123a438284efa0b31ebdc31443c4efee1ed2343023c90accc6 4c8d793d00f4fbc56de1d7b2dc5fdd4523a111e0a84c1054 93839cf5d8e45537dc4e78afda188a0d0d1288c8cb49a8ef8f203ee356f0b479af6f2ee460c39a63 8fb3ba85dbafae6a97e2d3fe14786368da349c4463032c46 8d4cdd7baa9b5e2f797092ba35bb1f6659557a6966274a939f0156af159cad83075e5dc1c3929da0 49d869cf4ea3233f2aa9f8a4b1ab3218a2e619a5d6e09042 10a0633d4ed569e297ad7118558d175428e8549259b7619ced81bd76a3912540f1b0653d0a9c8ae6 71eb86b68ad2440c4fb4280a0fbc70703e2715ca826b8845 e249234ad645dc924e1e470348f4dcede62b65ccf730fb788e5023b7b658e38c039d641c6f9f35ad fc1e59da29a29cab7224112b282320283de7c4915947169d f8988418845cd742841d6155776ebe38eeaa871992e2ce42046c7d9d18804fbf21c2af5a8cd7f349 79142a55618e76050675911ae49273d33814e2e3378d14ae 040e795132000ecf21c053bf76df3abd389ddb948730895e6923590a9d3851e19eb9dbaf755b6b7b 7d71c45e1e5c22285824bb9ce748391e59229f18e2525910 b172c1113cc4c9b8c2e36f5248aa1f89de0b844091050d1238c1c966dd80df6c0dea36b7d717dc52 d81645840964d0b9ce14e81abc73927e15a7895e9b79f217 57260798ee46e3000f3ce4fcaa86e277d1dadd33c7119207507403b02a0b6c4ef807ca94dc49d662 d18566d3146ae490ba9cee48cf70c1f1deb34dc4eee58209 51a35286694919d2c89950719df24835be2bab8938900f22470c76eaf2211f9cc4f7f963eb57f179 da0e1771221c3e82108fe71d87d4d7316e25b29a78ed5da6 51c98d798e58730921b7f4c1aed44c5a252ccacc0618af4cf7d70164ba2d3f11d4c218e4958e6438 755054285e83719cd6917f7114f1c091a18d1a3898b312c5 88c9dfc860ef4e1e257b3dbcd711db298c03ca1ab7241c63afeef0ae8594fed36914c5836b19c852 3e87a55ad5134ea12c6b344f13e74ba953838d8d38e348d0 2280154600a960039c5040a303c29606738de9919a4541ee14f0298007414b48ce7033e34c280300 0a7a4780a5a47853d2bb6c36e94b42631a463ae314f42ead 5a467c714322b0c3004781a7a171d063d29e85f01418d0e925412bd36e942222674a85cee7031472

d0b872a350e871bd480036000aa2ded22b72e5172ceccc58 f5dce6a7c887495e52696ea348c1a97262d41b96ba94601c6e2868636003229d272323a53e5ae73a 5739cf4efa6aa1400a0003b850c8ad8d401c1c8cf7547949 daca2f68e4edd6998622c58c6a58e3271b9c54c285ce001939dab245c3e38ef1ae99de49082a3501 d904ee3603c075f0ab92da145d291228ce70140a6b6f1090 c82340e7ab69dcfc684b68231a5224519ce0281bd36b68644d0f1232e7560a8233e34c431094ca23 5e6118d58df1eb4a68219f1ce891f4f4d4a0e29f2a3d5ab4 2e73ab38efc633f2a8c76f0c6ecf1c488cdef155009a6d0c6e496456c8c1c8ea2a325ac128c490c6 e33abb4a0efe3555dd925c44d183cb0c4162154eaf5c83fe 45382c6de0b74816356444d0350c923bf344f656f3e4c912924004e37201ce33e19a9cb147346639 515d0f55619151482144544891554e54050003e55348d235 d28a14649c018ebd697262e5f2b96bcbfe6e36a5c88b56ae5ae756ace3bf18cfcb6aacd95a957536 f1e1ce58691da3e26ad545440aaa1540c003ba9374daa3dd bd3a4c74a927bab8a38d48d6cd22468585bacba73f9cc70829cb7f7924063568a39bda9610c01208 d89fda3e1524e2d335eac7a63e497910f5d4020ddbe7b555 1719bae4b3cb0c619a3899002763231001fbe9fe109e610eb2062e1c13113da44073f5a9c7c4ef9b 8735db5aa85215d3075764f538077c0dfbb35d213ff00e79 653f8bd7a80dba6735c496fafe2b7b4959d1a5581ee241b807618040f5ae8c37f753f106863b71c9 8982cac586412babf68eeabaf6ea68ae2de0b74467975125 c9c2a81b9dbd45605e39208f9ad0a9492132c6aa771da01437ae7e86a52f11bb78de1431aceb7290 87009041018fc813f2ad76f792c9c4a5b59555022ea5d8e5 c6db83d319c8c557c438a496d3489146ac214477d4773a9b000f3d8d3b369ae38addcaeff8a85846 8a18819c024e3a1f7be955ddf12782ee51144d23868e141a b62c4163b74d862a13f18ba846936c8b2a2a19119fbddb48031e99a90e2130bc99530c649cc71eb3 d95554058fcf34d78eb35bac82100b4092692df9ceda5455 93f159a196f54c2a3d9e2322a92732003a83d31d47feb5b2c6efdb11e445022d588db3ef81d4fa67 3f2acf7979341c455174f22381e697c76e9fb6a98f8b5db4 3134966b1bceeab165f2082a58938f000fad16dc5ee6ed2110db2191e2e6b29936d25b03071be704 d576bc5265bc9f9aa0c0ed2b236add563c29dbc339f9d35e 2d3c2b122dbebec44d2179370646c63a6e455f6fc5a49efd21585794ed2286d7dac21c138c78ed57 de5ecd15cadbdb42b2ca6332619f48c02063d4e6b38e3279 e0344040cf2206d5be501c923c3208a89e36c206716e3588a26d3aff003a4380bd3d3e7507e2b23b 445872f972c9cd087219514e71f122acfc3174b60d752d89 8d72a412d91a4f527033b56ebbb93070b96e76d49117ec9c8ce33b573ed78a5c242b04d086b91224 23b7b3314d44938db6cd465fb4222b68e56b7259d1d8286e a518038dba7539f015d4b3b9f6b839cab842c741cfbc01ebf1ae7dbf14b92a35451b3cd3ba420360 055ce4938ff67eb5bed6f56e386c7785742b26b209e95cdf c333431c2a96cd29648ddb5c9820c8d803a6e7e5537e3720b74716ca64225665e66c046704e71dfb 7777d4a4e32ca5d96d8b468884b16c1d6fd1718f31f3a7f8 6c4648b98826995a27656c80426adb6df6dbd6a507149a7bc102d9be14812b6af7095d58f3ea3e75 7710b99e196d63b754669a4d2da8e300024f779560878cc9 1cb72d7084c039ce8c0ee16320118ab4f179c4285ec9924924d0aacf804692d9ce3a0c785422e38f 25acb335a32e88e390286cecd9eb81b6319efdaacfc2ccd3 c51456c652caaeed1b655431c020e37e84f75551716316a69816123cbcac77e960a14799ab63e2af 24b2aa5a48c910605d77cb28dc0f8ed5aac2efdb2d567c28 0ddcad9fd837ac3f87011239b73ca585a656d5ef0071d3bb34d78b31050db159b9bcb542fb13a756 e71b60568e153c975611dc4b9d5292c078292703e58ad67a 5429d1e46a88ecad6252b1dbc48a48242a019c1c8a93db40eba5a142356bc15fcef1f5a88b3b6123 c82de3d6e0866d23273d6a371651cd0b46815356031d00e4 0e8083459d8c16904712283cb040620677393f334ff07da72b95ecd172f3ab4e818cfa568d0a50a1 51a48c631b62aa1696e1348823d3a74e34f7787a5485bc22 73388904a460be3722a663432090a8d60101b1b807ff0041552d8daa248ab6f105936701476bd68f 62b6112c4208f42b6a0ba7a1f1f5a9456b04323c91c488ef ef301b9a24b482599667851a45f758aee2ac48d230da142ea3a8e0753e35962e1b108a45b802732c 9cc72cbf9db631e18c0ab5ac2d5e4491e08d9d301588dc63 71f2a7258daca9a1e08d97516c15ef3d4fc72687e1f6924a92bdbc65d000ac57718391f2a5270f81 a39c46a237994ab3a8df07ad4adeca0b7935c4ba711ac407 7055ce00f9d4dada17979ad1a9934e9cf978555f836d390b0f21396a752af703d36f8548585b0313 2c280c2ba508db48f0f4a66c6db4e9e4a60ab2631dcc7247 c6a46d202c58c4b9243671de3a7cab2da70a5b7be92ed8a19194a8d09a40c9c93d4ee76ad52dac33

4b1cb2203247eeb7422a0bc3ed5647710a6a70436dd73d7e 7df59e4e0b68d1a451c6b1c7cc577503dfc0d867e5f2ad31d8db4614242802ab28dbb8ee7e78a5f8 32d3d9d60e57e297a2ea38f0c75e9e557c90472c262740d1 9d8af75552585b4aac1e21da7e6120e0eac6339f4da9370fb56545302623428a31d14ec40abe38d2 28d63450a8a3000e805673c32d1a31198bb018b0018ec4f5 c7875357982236e60d0394574691b0c6318a81b1b72fab94bab2a73e63a7cab2bf06b692e15dd018 923d0b1ee00c9c9f5cedb795697b2b7912546881594867f3 23183f41f2a8fe0eb4e5245c95288fcc19dfb5d73e66a6b690a5cbdc2a9591fde209c37a8e94e5b6 8e692391d4968ce54e48c5563875a85d3c95d3a0c783bf64 9c91f1a4387dbf2d10a1654042ea62480460ee4f8523c3edcab2842a1b19d0e54ec303a1f0a1387d b472a491a686440834b10348e808efa3d82db108e529e41d 51ff00b27c6816102994a865e69cbe972067c7aec6a705bc56f172e25c2e49eb9c93b939ace9c2ac d03858b6701482c4ec0e40f219a94bc3ada507546725cbe4 310751182723cb6abe1892185228974a228551e005488a8114507615c33c52f1a0b790469aa59db0 15b631a863b9236e837f3ad11f19334902456b239911247c 7e606e9fb688b893b491a471bca66924c658008aa704fa7efad57778d6f3410c71195e5cedab1a40 ea4fd2b03718967b19a4820922d41443230d98b1c0ebf03d f57c7c58c976b0ac04ab33a893577a75dbc33b5550f1491adede6b81cae66b97f1672396a09df23c c54ff0ce9490bdb387511b2a0604b073803c8ed4cf18c431 3b41a59e568bb4fd904123ae3bc8daa3171397f0a490bc64c265e523646c426a3fb690e3422b7593 9724a1a3339248055356dff2f4ad905f89afe6b609a4c401 258e09ce3703c37ebe55b69d028a745314e8a28a74628a2953a2814e9d069514e9d14a8a5451452c 514a8a54a83452a46a2690a08acabc36d5235411f6515914 162701ba8a92d8dbaceb3221575509d9620103a023bfad386ce08191a38f0510a2ee7604e4fdd533 046d32cc572eaa541f00719fb85551f0db68a2112a1e5ab8 7552c48520e4637dbd2945c36da29ccc9190e757e71206a39381d064d34e1b6a91a4623caa466250 c49c29c646fe82947c32d630004270c1b2cc49c8e9b9f0a6 dc36d99150ab68562da759c139cee33bef521616e18308f7058e727ab75accbc1e0372647198d512 38d031002aef83e3bfdd5a3f074065690f30bb6d9e636c33 9c0df619ad940a7453c5029d14514e8a74514b14e8a053a28a2953a7450452c514518a2952c52a29 514a8a548d4690a28a7453a28c5146f453a28c53a054a953 14e9d2a28a629d14514514518a74e8a545152a29514a9d2a2952cd2a2953a54a8a89e951a545029d 14c514e953a54e814e8a628a745314e8da8a314e8a28a28a 29d14e8a29514e9e28a3ba951452228c6d4a952a28a541a54544d2a853a6051453a7452a74514c51 45314514c531bd3a28a29d14514514e8a05314514a8a74e9 d2a545145234a9523452a28a291a89a550aae659980e4c8a877cea5d5ddb77f8d4025d6afcb478cf e8cf4cfaf851cbbcd38e7c5ab1d7947ae3d7c69e8bbd5f96 8f19e9cb3d33ebe14b97798fcbc59c7e88f5c0f3f1cd4b45de7f2d1633fa33e27cfc31f2a5a2f31f 978b3fd11f2f3f5f98f0a7a2f33f978b1fd19f3f3f4f91f1 d8d179fa687fe19f2f3f5f98f0dd68bcfd343ff0cf9f9fa7c8f8ecf4dde7f2d0e33fa33e23cfd7e6 3c2969bdc7e5a1ce3f467ae0f9f8e2a5a6ef3f958719fd19 e991e7e19a5a2f74fe5a0d58fd19eb8f5f1a616ef57e561c67f987a67d7c28d17ba7f2b06ac7e8ce 338f5f1a7a6f357e521c67f987a64f9f86280b7b8fca419c 7f30f5c0f3f1cfd2a416f33f948719fe61f13e7e18fad18bdef920fec1f2f3fd6fa51a6f7f9f07f6 0f9f9feafd68c5e7f3e0c7ea1f2f3f5fa518bec6cf0671fc c3e07cfc71f5a78bccfbd0e33fcd3d323cfc33f4a58bed3efdbe71fcd3d71ebe38a962f357bd0e33 e07a67d7c2962fb4fbd6fab1e07ae3d7c6a5fc335758719f 03d33fbb15102fb1d60ce3c0f80fdb9fa53fe199eb0633e07c4ffcbeb47f0df183e47cbffedf4a3f 86ff00f43ebe7fff005fad3fe199ff00a0faf97fcfe947f0 ec7fd0671e7e07f6e3eb4f3799ff00a1c67cfa647eccd4e0e7e0f3f97d063467af7d5b4e9d14a953 c51452cd2a2a2452a29d23452a8b52351a053a28a7451451 451453a54c53146698a74e8a29d14e8a28a28a29d3a295140a74e83452a28a54a8a5452a28a468a5 5134aa35190398d846407c6c48d81ac17b25d5b5ba399d75 6b553d918396c7dd5196f65b5bd58a46122155c9d81c96c67eead3697a2ea7963119023246491be0 e3a5553dfb7b7c5027640974befb9ec93d2a0dc4da6b42f0 a68264540491de71f3a99be30f314ea919655886481b900d038906549155b0606974e47762a42f99 9d74a16630f33429073bf8d23c554430c9ca6fc713a4671b 0efdeaee213c90431bc5d4c8aa41ef04d5238b272d1b94e350c91e1dad3b78ef4a7e25d89d6352ac 8921563e2bd722b4585d0bbb7e601d0e93e391e5dd549e2b 1a895b96f845661d37d2707d37ad569722e6376d254a315209cee2b1cbc4df445247160199a36524

64801be5d2af8b89c72cf14491b13222be7c01071f754afa fc59ba83117cab39c10301719fbe937134124a82272638f99fac36e9f3a69c456431048d8990165d c0ec838cfd6a8878ae979d675388cc8c1877aa9fbf7a99e2 05e4855069ccdcb7077fcd2db1f953fc2f0f29dca380aa1874dc1381e9bd4d789a9300304a0ce3b0 0e3c7d7cf3e9575dde2da85d4acc5b2401e4326aa82e9ee2 f99132b1246afd076b56689f882dbcd3070c4204c003a962451f84e3e74111470d30c8cfe6ec7afc 8d551f15096e8f3a9662198e81b001b1572f128cdc18743e a0ccb9dbb803fb6a0bc5a268a2711498918a01b6430ee3bf5ae82b061b1cd65bbb878eeade08f4af 37512ec338c0e9eb51fc2091c8b13f6dbb219d47672d9c7d d558e3111934f26403569d5b63ded39ebe3521c5621248af1ba84d7dad883a7ad0b7ed23db68428b 2b3290eb83b2934adf88968e069719789e42157c08f3f3a7 f8620f67698a48ba595749c677191df8efad26e94599b96560a13595237c633548e25199228f9528 790671a73a4671938aa9f8a2b4727241d51ca88da878b636 ab6e6f8228e5156612aa30f0c9c5552dfc870910ed34e62ce9f77033e3bf4ad16b78974ce230fd83 8d45700ee46df2a81bf4e7cb0e870f18d476db1e355a7138 f541190cd24a8ac34aedbffe8690e2b0112121d44609c91d7071b7c454d6fd1de3511c999159b75c 600eb9f9d45389c2cb076240661a9574e481e27e756dbdd4 770d2aa67313696cd54fc4a0469d4eacc232db5573f1345b6678d5b9986c291debd735b2262f0a39 ea54134cd449a54522036c403ea2828a4e4a827d29855049 00027ad231a33062a091df8a7cb4c634af5cf4a0c687aa8dce7a501107e681b63a501507baa36db6 1432a606a5181d323a5364575c300c3c08cd22b18d3955db ddc8e9418d3b44aaf6baedd69aa2a7b8aab9f014b951f6bb0bdaebb75a9aa2a021142fa0a898a2c6 e89d73b8efa6228c32b045ca8c038e95096d629a78e67196 8c100776ff00fa54de08dd5f60a5c6199763f3a7c98b080a2909eee474f4a1618831223504f7e281 042000235014e46dd0d427b282789a3640158827480338f1 f1a20b2860e588c10230428cec33d4d5d24692801d158798cd0b1a062eaaa18ec481b9aacdac45e4 6640c64c06d5b82074a91b684b2b18a3ca8c29d236147b3c 1851ca4c29db61b51ecf0990c9ca4d67ab6919a5ecb1068f480a2324851b0cf8d5aaaab9d200c9c9 c78d29228e55c488ac3c08cd479108656e5a654614e3a0a8 fb25bf7431e7f547ad460b286169180d4d23124b019dfbbd2ac5b581428589004f770a36f4a05ac0 000228c00081d91b03d455571c36da78c26808ba831d206f 81819ab92de34b71063546174e1b7c8a5ecf0964631212830a71eefa54059da8071047da393d91b9 ab5e28e5003a2b0072011df50f668320f29321b5f4eff1f5 a71c1144ccd1c6aa58e5881d6868918b1280961a4edd4785656e1b01ba49c6a52800555d8003baad f63b71ab10a7681076ea0ef4c5b420a111a828085dba67ad 445a5b8d1885072fdddbdda9c70c711631a052c72c477d566cad8b3b1853327bc71d693595b3a696 850ae49c63bcf5abd542a8551800605235134aa9b9e67b3b f24664c767d7e358a21c43f836b3d09e6f4dc676a0af10580692ed26b7d5baf4df491f4a995bfcb9 5cea300d20e301f7cfecabe333258334cc798149c90011f2 dab1db9bf92c83abb9d7a304e9d407e77955cff8416ed847968846402d8c16c6c7c7ae69a8bc2b6e 499476ff00180e9ce31f766a2ab78a14692aa6472c534e71 9ec9f0f5a85c25fcded911426278cac632bd6b5de1b8167fc194f376db6dbe758e68efa66b71246c 554c6c70570083dacffcaad923be2976a58382a4443037c8 efa98379cd90052004fc58db4938efefeb56d89b8f66cdce7999ef001fa1ac701e28258cc9a8ae57 50c2e3bf3fb294cbc46786747889fc6234592bdcdbfdd570 6e2245b614ae7f2b90a4e723cfa75ad577ed1cdb7e496d1aff0019a71d307c7cf158218efe28ee23 e5928cb232ab05f78b1c7cc1ad7035e7b62ab262df943c06 1b6a731bcf6998c5ee2c598c1030cdbf7f5f0acd34f7f0d9095c36c1cb9d2a08c0db2338c558b3df 34b09552f1384258018c60eafd94d3db418942f2c199cb90 a3ddc9c7ce812712d13964dc380aa00f7756e46fbede356f0d4962b160eacafadc80c37dd8915407 e2421b6ceeefbcbd81d93b6d8cf4ebbd369f88f3ae42c24a 05fc59206e73ebe150b64b94d198988372ccc580c8520ef49aeefe0b79e4993184ca6540c36a200f 962b670f9e4b8b0e6b9cb9d5d1718deb2c2b7d6f6d02c717 6ca02e48192f919cfc33bd6db56b869a7e76c81b11ae9c6de39ac774f7d2fb6c3ca7e598c888818c 9ad36ab20bcb8665608c134e7d37aa3377173b968d869d8e 48c9c69db03d6af46bf37116b5511b2067c0f75bbc7ddf2354a4fc49adb2c81253201ee6748efefd eb4c12dd1be963917f1214696c6326a896e2f96f26448498 96362874f56c0c7eda82dc5f980892327b601609be92b9271ebb54e159d380aaaab89c438031beac 54636ba81e28a28872f0b9ecf5ce7513e18ad162f71246ed 71807510aba71819dbd76aa05c5e184b18c86d6015d07b23272478ed8a835d5fa88b306ecaa4e149

c1d5bfa6dbd31737bed320317e2fb7a7b07b80c6fe7bd416 eafcadbe6100b93ac953b6fb7d33d69736ee2493446c732b9cb293b636c791ab4cf79ae63a154246 0aa94272c478f955f0bcf2d9072a1262b9c30e87d2b08978 84d6772268796c233a748dc9236c6f525b9bc583063258395d5a0f4d39071ebb57422676891a45d2 e54165f035234aa03a50c428cb1000ef35159636e8ea7d0d 3e6c7a436b5c1d81cf5a8c3731cc5c2920ab1520f5daa664453a59941f026973a3562090005d5abb b151175134e610c35850dea0e7a7caac690232823de3814b 98982752e07539a8adc466578f3bc60139e983ff00a559ad363a87ce986524ae4647514b5286d391 9eb8a03a919d431eb47310100b0c9e833d6a31cf1c9af49f 71b41cedbd5818138c8cf8556b711b5c340356b5193d938eeeff008d5f4514e8c0237de980318a74 a8a29d148804608c8a60003006053a2951453a7b5148d2a7 8a2952a54514a8a2952c515134a954658d658da3719561822b043c2218619620ee79830493b8a98e 1a81a3666d5a643210546093f754adac05bdd493acac7984 92a479e76a2f786c5792a48cccaca3195f5c8a7370e497983569578b95803a0a8bf0d579d2532769 420d947e6927f6d5d736ed34d6ec30046c589efe847edac9 f81d3d8dadc4a704e4b6373b62ae3c3b56acca4ea083a7f34e45424e10af1a2094ae0302719ce483 f0dc56886cc45792dc6b24c8002b8a8bd80796762e7130c1 db75db1b1aacf0b1cb004986d7afdddbddd38c7a552785335c46ac7f151c489af0339539f855d2f0 a12ab0329c194c98c6db8c63ad5a96252ea59d252ad22691 b671d37fa56d029e29d1453a29d14a9d14138c79d14e8a28a5453a7452a2953a54a8a5452345148d 2a0d44f752a8d27916342ee700554b79033001f727c0d537 f2cb1dcdac71c9a16572adb0f027f65570dfbada5c3c8398d0b9452a3f29e1578bd0d2db8500a4c8 5f513d318fdf45b5e19eee680c7a44648d59ebd3cbce97b4 38e2af0b38112c41f07c72475f854fdb54df1b6c1c84d41bb89f0fa8acf6dc50cf0cce21de2c7643 673523c4f1186540d888caddac6c3b86dd68938a18e71198 4e96d21189d893dc7c0d74350c1f2ac71f148245d4a1ff0029cbe9df8cd31c41240bca563ae23282 46c079d42db8a2496caee8c243a41503a961918ab63bf8a5 92248d5db98ba8103a0f3a94b7b1433f29b567b3938d864e07d68b2b892e79ce4008ae514637d8e3 39cd5305e4ef24fcde508a0387619dfb3938f4da95af1747 b459260c242da742a9c938cec3d08ad17f76d6cb0e850cd2481318276eff00a0aa61e28a6132ca30 1a5648c2839603cbe069c9c48c4d3b14d71a3ac6a17a938d ff00cf91ab57895bb32852c729cc3d93b0c677a07100f02dcaa30b7d25999860e31b6055b737221b 192e00f750b807d2ab4bf8c3c70ca7133206200d86d9c7d0 d4178b5ab40660cc50103653d4f4a9fe13b717296e75891b1d92a76c8277f952fc296bca32ea6e58 709ab49c66b5472ac84850db007718eb5ca1c6263786dc42 9ac330c6adf6231f3c8ad638a5baa3991f78f01f4824649c6de3b82291e24bf8461b6031ae3d4415 3907bbd3a1a4dc5608e3e64ac4233b2a10a77c75fb8d5c2f a16b958016e632ea0349e9593887157b3b9e50891b214a92d8ce4e3e957a5f36b4591429605f1bfb 83bfa78d41b8b206b43a4aacfb90c0e40e83e648abb895f3 59888247ada46231bf813dde942f108bb0b2e6394c7add0fe60c677350938b5b2471c9962ae48c85 3b63a93437118e2966e6b2ac51955071b9623247cb153beb b36b6eb22a6b667550be39340be8d618da7211a4c61464e72703bbd294d7d12472329c953a4641c1 6ce319c78d0bc42dcdc341ccfc62e750c1db03277f8d4e0b b86e2269626ca2f5241154417c2628dd84475d6a19bb457c714c71086448da16d5cc70ab90467c7b bc2a3271187945a13cd3ac46000776ad40911e5f19037c74 acb15fc6d62975362357dc0ce7d2ac3790287edec8a198e0ec0f4ab81d4323be91a54a8a31bd4258 22988e6c68fa7a6a19c51c88b4aaf2d74aeea31d2a3ecb6f 851c98fb3ee8d236a9a411239748d15dbab01b9a8bdb5bbc9cc786367fe71519a97b3c3ab5729356 49ce0753d6a02d6dd410218c023046915236f03050624217 a0d3d2a46088924c6a4920938eb8e94470c71972ab8321d4de66a02cad42141046149048d231914c 5ac00281120d2a546dd01eea16cedd54a8850038c803c3a5 4d2de1475658d559574820741e1434113c8247452e3a1237a9451c712911a2a8249200ea6a2b6b02 a3a88942c9ef8c7bdeb47b25be1072530872bd9e87c6a724 31cac8ce8ac50e5491d2a02cedd55144298439518e86ab9787c12c88c5405562c500186246326aef 66835b3f293532e9638ea3c2a6f0c7245ca74531f4d38daa ab8b4171a55dd8443ac63186f5f954dad60690b9894b15d24e37c5463b3b68974a428a3506c05ef1 d0d48dac066131894c837d58dfa62aa7e1f0346b1050b086 d463036620e47dd5a523442c55402c727ccd405ac025e6889798493ab1bef8cfdc281676ebab112f 69831dba9073f7d06d2033f3f94bcdfe777f8545ac2d9a25 8cc08517a2e361508ac162bd7b912312c31a7bb156cb6b0cce1a58d5c8d86479e7ef029bdb4323b3

bc60b326827fd9f0a42cadf5a3f297520017c80e9563c11b ca92bae5e3ce93e19eb506b481e47768c169174b1f11547e0d84ce8e40291a90a98d812724f9f4ab 1ac6d98e4c433af5e7fdaf1ab2582398a19173a1b52efd0d 573595bcd32cb2c619d71827bb1ffad1ec56fa71ca18d7ccff00b5e355c9610b191d1424ae08d63a efd6a7676a2d6d8401b528cf51f4a5159410b6634c1d3a46 e761e03c29fb241f8ac463f14309e5548b08e378b476638b2553aefd339f4ab9204585a225983673 93befd6a9fc1d6c62e5942506000589c63ff005a9358c0c2 4053224c06dcee0741e957e3030291ea295468340ac9c427ba8c2adac25cb756c6c3a79ff9c55466 bf17fa4440db8ef0373b7af89fa51c3bda259e5b8ba88c6d a42aa9f0ea7fcf953b76952e2e9da294977ec6db0007ed354273a53146e0164432cd18ef63d07dff 002ad96b25db428d346ba98f68671a47edacf040c2eee642 92e88f1cb524f6b00e4fcfeeaaed3f08c76d8088aed28f797a03bb1eb5a3da2f5649b30ea58c00a0 0f7cedbfa75a8a4d7d2adbeb8cc659d8c9851b28e83af7ed 51373c47d9798210242fb2693b2f7d4c3ddb342648b7488bb601f7f1b0ebeb541e217d0d9bbdcc68 926a0aa349f0dcd6ebb69bf05b941ae631e068f123a8acd3 a4ea5b971c8fcab7d287f9cc7f76054a392f61bb8edd21cdb280ba88c9d86fbe7d3eb538aeaf9a24 66874b3ca069d27b2bdf9ad56b24d2b4dcd5d2aae426d8c8 f1ad34a9d3c514519a745145314e834a8a29d3a0d2a295141a46953a468a5452a291a4c2a351a28c 53a3028a7482804900027ad3a31453a291a293c692001d55 b1e23353028a745314514e9d1451453a28a63ad3a28a5453a7452a28a5df4506951452a54514a8a8 9a8d4055731986392b1b6c73a988dfbbbaa1aaf33ee438cf f3cf89f2f0c7d68d57bfa3833fae7cbcbd7e946abcfd1c3fdb3e7e5e9f5a7aaf3f470ff6cf9797af d28d5798fc941fdb3e7e5e9f5a7aaef3f938719fe79f11e5 e19fa52d57b8fc9419c7e90f5c1f2f1c53d577abf250e33fcf3d33e9e19a5aef74fe460ce3f487ae 3d3c69eabbd5f928b19fd21e99f4f0a41ef74fe461ce3f48 7ae3f57c6a5aeef3f928b19fd21e993e5e18a5aef31f918738fd21eb81fecf8e69ebbbcfe462c7f4 87cfcbd3e67c3735de7e821ff887cbcbd7e43c767ccbcfd0 43ff0010f9f97a7ccf86e6bbbfd0458fe90f9797afc878ec732f31f908bfe29f03e5e9f33e1bcb99 779fc8458cfe90f88f2f0cfca9192f34e7d9e2ce3a734f5c 1ff67c714f9977abf211e33d7987a67d3c37a5cdbcd39f678b38e9cd3d71e9e3b54b99759fc8478c f5e67767d3c31484b798cfb3479c74e6f7e07978e7e54f99 779fe2e98cfe93ccf97a7cfca8e6ddff00ab47ff0017d3cbd7e5e74736effd5d3fe27af97a7cfca9 896eb3fc593fe27a797afcbce973aef1fc59338fd2f91f2f 1c7ce9f36eb3fc5d719ebccf31e5e193f0a5cebbd39f655ce3a737bf1e9e3b54c4b73ab1eceb8cf5 e67767d3c37a5cebbd39f655ce3a737bf1e9e3b53e6dceaf e2c319ebccf33e5e183f1ab21795c132c4233b6006cf77efc8ab68a74514a8cd14a8eb4514a9514a 8a29544f5a46ab14c51df4e8a7477d2a74518a7451453a29 d1454a8a54e8a7453a54e8a29d3a31452a60514c5141a54a8a28a334a95141a54514aa2695574b35 2cd3cd19a334668a0114e9fc68a28cd14e8a7453a29d2a79 a29d1453a54e8a629d1452a334e98eb4cd2a4695214e9514a8a291a33452a2a269553d2bcdfdb2e2 173616f03db4ac85890707af4af372f1de2690c4c2e64cb9 c13938e957cbc6789470c4ded32e5c8df56db81fbea12f1fbd8ce0de38f893501f68affbaf1dbd09 a7271de29a3315d1cfeb527fb41c4d235d572c1f1bee6a76 9c7b894a18b5d3e01ee35e8becbdfdd5d5dccb3ccceaa99009f3af4f9aaee274b6b792694854452c c7c8570b82f109ee2eafb33095da249910b7663275767e18 19ad91f18692c0ddf274230558d58e0bb9eef4ced9f2356c3c49a68787b2a0d57432c33ee8d249fa e053938985e2b159aa82ad90ed9e8d8240f903f4ae816006 7c2bcc58f16b84b7bd2f29696570f6e1b7d2ac091f00013f0ad507139787fd9fb39262d3dc4881db 5b6fa7a924f903f757596e8b71036caa34ac42466cf4c9c0 1f4359e0e2c92dedd445408a14d424cfbd82436de44541b89dc456325e4b6e82110f35006df3dca7 d6afb1e20b7d3ccb180638828d40f5623247c36f9d53c7ee 5e1b585226915e69d1331e7563396c63c81aaac6e6eadf093ac8c93dce8804c7b6134e493f107af9 5596fc6b9f7460e561b9e631bf5501bb5f352288b8c3cb6b 757091c722c3ab088c4b9c12064636ce335bec2e0dcdb2cc5a260dbab44d904567978a4704d28725 8091615555dcbe9d58c9383b56b9e710dac93b642a21739f 219ae75bf1d83d844b721a394685652b8cb30ced9eef5ab1b8e5a058d873183aa9d93ddd470b9f53 4cf16592fe0b5b752dae465672bb6141ce0f91c0ad3777d1 5a690e1d9d81211064e0753e959c71279f88c305b0cc4d1095a42b9c83d31bed9c1abaeefbd9ee6d a0113c86762323f34019cfdd592d78e4324733cf98c47ad8 1d27051588c83dfddf3add657b0df4265849d218a9c8efae69e332fe11922511b431cbcb6014ea0a

172589e98076adf1715b67489c9645941285c60100673f2a 178b5b3b855d7bf7e83853a75609ee38deb3d971c867b312cc191f4a315d077d5eee3c73526e2d11 680c7808ccfcc2e3050203abeb8a90e2f6a519b320605404 28431d5d303ce88f8c59ba7303b0528cfba91b0383f5ad371731db40669490831ddb9276031e3591 b8d5988964d5260b3205119272bd76f2a85df198635510e6 491f4691a4e3b676c9eeabb8a5e9b1b179c69d40aa8d476c9207edacb0f1d816d44b7722a82eca8c 8090e075603c2ad8f8b44dc424b56c8c30546d2704e9d477 e836a92718b39090246db49c942010c700f4e84d3938942b20025508a1cb920f45c671f1348f16b4 588bb338c384d3cb6d5a88c818c67a51f85ad0bb22b92caa cdba900e9ebbf4daafb495a6b58a5750ace818af8122ac348d539dabc87dbf3fc16dbf58fecaf377 a00b5b4c6f96cfd0569ba6436f122f5450c7cbb22b90c762 c47a55018ebabd66208d47e3573912467a64559c3c8588f9b57acfb1c41bd9ff00507df5ec2a9b9b 68ee91525ce9560d8076383919f2a8fb1c5ed86e8644863e 59c74c67355af0db711dbc654ba40b8456dc74c64f9fefa8a70b8e336e629248f90182818e848246 e3caa43865b09525d279a921975fe71272373e1835b244e6 46c8491a86323a8ae71e0768599b0e09b7f66c83d17cbcf7eb56cdc26d6e11d654d41a2e50ce3b0b e5e07fe55316016e5e759e552e81180c630338eef334a2e1 36913868e3d3f8a31103f381c75f13b50bc357d905b493cb2460ae3511b052081b0f2ad16f6c96ef 332e4999f5b67c7007dc0529ed239ee2de672daa062ca3bb 24637f99a94b6c92dc433313aa2ce91ddb8c5668784dbc37314ea5f5c5198c64f5c9ce4f9f5f99a9 5bf0f6b6b316f15d4c02e34b10b903e557d9daa59c1ca424 8d45893d492724fccd65b8e1314f0c90b4b20495cbc8300eacfa8db1dd8ad7756cb756925bbb1092 2e938eb8acb2f0a8a462eb23a49ce130618d885d38e9d314 4dc2526b91334d26e51994630c50e4676a769c2a3b5ba1309646d3ac223630badb51eef1ab2fb872 de48b2736489823464a63756c646fe837ab2deca2b699e48 f3da45403b95573803e6689ad04b7715c6b6568d597031820e3f70aca78241ece61d726392b10391 91839cfae7eeadf0a18e30aee5d8756200cfcaaa82c960b7 92289d833b339720139624fedac2fc0d0c76b6e0e628e6699cf4ce41ec803b8e7a56a6e1801bb0b3 3aa5d03a9401b12a1720fa0aae4e11136a2923236a465200 ece81803d3afcea0782406268da491b5472231db2759cb1f5aa6eb86488a2588cb35c99038901518 c290363b6373f3a21e0e43f0f129cada46751cfbec707e59 19f95742fad45dc023d650ababa9033820e47dd5907064116833393a255d5b672e724fad1f8213da 96512b08c3ab98f0304aae06fe1d3e55a2feccde471a894c 65240e0e33923a5668f83ac3243247312e9af5165075ea393b776e2a7f82a332172ec497773eac34 fd06d54a704516b342f3b3192248c38500a05e98fbea72f0 789e33187655e48897bf1be73e7938a947c302ccb33ca5e4e69958e3009d3a47a002a95e0802c8ad 70c55a378d70a3b219b27d4d75428550074148d2c5519af1 ff00fb413fc1ad7f58fecaf2bae4992dd0918076f2ad976b8b6d2a76ef3de6b0de42610aa7ad6440 35906931dea49215c56bb771a36af5df624e6eae0ffb03ef af640d517d726d6ca69d633218d4b691df59a2e271a5aacd732c455f250c3960401b9f854db89dbc 4d21965411ab0518c92588ce318f0c1da99e2b641e34e764 c814ae149d98e14f964d36e2966acea66034024920e3638383dfb9036a69c52d1c465242dcc24280 849d8e0e4636c66afb8ba8ad63124cda5490a362724f4154 8e296679389bf2d9d0349df0707d31e74d78ad9b46ee26ecae9272a77cf4c78e7bb140e2b6652361 36d231451a4e4b0ea318eea178b59309089c6224d6c48206 9ce33e629dbf14b3b9984314ba9ce460a91b8ea37a9dddfdb5963da2509904f42761d4eddd4457f1 4b7cf68a1f5a2072da4e37ced9f8529b88450de0b660faf9 6642429c003c4ff9e95559f19b6b8b2170ce13b2a5977254b741e7f0ad915c453402689c3464641a c50719b67820799c42f3287543bec4e01abdf88db2098972 790a4be149c63aef551e2b12c2276056210999c1ceb51e9f3f955c9c42dda30ecfa3b2ac55860804 e067e3b540715b6e6dc23314f6721598a9c64f70f13b8f9d 698a78a6844d1b868c8c86acb3f17b58ece6b88df9a225c9551b9cf4f9f8d688a726d44f3698fb3a 9b049007c40acb69c6219ace4b99c7b3a249a0eb3e98f982 36ab0715b5334d1972394aaccc4606fd07af4f9d6b8a549903a1cab743591f883fe123671468cc8a aec5e4d27049f7460e718a9c9c4adca49c9963774c0d25b1 b9381bfaed523c42d4348a674062059f7e8075f9540712b3309945c2140da4907bfc2a42fed5a448 d678cb38ca807a8c67eea9c1730dca9682459141c6452b8b bb7b500dc4a9183d351c544dfda0996133c6247c695d5b9cf4aad788c125eadac2cb2390c5b49f77 181f79a85d5ecb0dec36e9007e6827517c600ebdde62ad17 f68636905c46514e09d5d0d5438a5b7b5ac1cd4eda2ba36a186d448007caae5bdb6795a259e33228

24a86dc63ad56fc46dc41cd89d661ad63ec36776207edcd5 8b796c59d44f19318cb8d43b23ce88af2da6c72a78df248186077c671f2ab51d6440e8c194ee083b 1a0d2acd9af21f6fcff07b5f53fb2bc95b3600c1e9529266 0e189c85e99aaee666967666e84e455691bca4e953d735178a453ba9f8556411d6ad89b0715ed3ec 2126e2e727f3457b5aae7595e3c43208df3d4aea1f2ac10f 08304914b14f8914b96ca765b5904edddd0539784867122ca398266972e9a81c8c608f4fbaac7e16 8f3b485f19911f007728d87cf7aacf09636525a99c682fcc 8ce8dd4ead5befb8cd592f0d333db932469c960d948f49ce77c1cec0f4237a7c4eda7b996d161210 4721919c8c81807031ea7e9508b832244c865660d018738d f724b37c49fa5679f85c914625d4f34e1a3d2634000099c0c13e67bfbeafe1fc2de386dde77fc6a4 6e180fe739058e6a30f0329098e4b8d6344510c263b08738 ebdf5a2db85882e967e66a2a646c63192ec0fd00c54788f0a6bd9d9c4da15e311ba94ce575676df6 cf4ad36f6861bbb89b586598a9034eeb818ebe1555d70e7b 89ae5c4c144f0727ddc95ebb839ff6be954cdc15640c5245079a8ea1932a02ae34919dc75f9d6e92 dcb58bdbc65622d1950cab80a48ea05636e0ca4ed2617112 81a7a2c6738f89a8bf087717d99d53da934908840077dc8cee71b7755971c2da74b9ccc03cf12c5b 2ec00cf767bf26a13f0a967bce69b8511b18cba04dce8248 00e7a64d1370879525065425ae04eba9323d08cee315b64b459387bda8d31878ca6635c0191d40ac 4bc1dcab196752ee62074a6174a1c818cf7eff003adb7d69 ed900819f4c6cc39807e72f87966b247c1962989590988dc09f4364ee134e324f8806a52f0d77178 a5a275b970d8753b0000c6c7cb22b470f8ae605e4cce2448 d1551cfbce71b93555cf0e96eaf22965922090beb42a843f4c6339e9bd421e15225a5bdbc92232c0 ea4305c1655dc03f1c5549c102db4f03187f18e7f1823ed1 52da8827bfc2a6dc2a4599668e54d627694865d882ba71f018a71f0ae55e4f3aadbb7330c859378c 850b807c36a7c3acee6c4ac20a1809662067b1d30ab93d3a 9a8f15e1925ec85925540d0b42da97380c4648f9628fc159b932971bcc24231dc13481f3de970ce1 7259caaf2c88fa21112695c1ea4927cced575cd89b8ba694 c9a4721a25c0dc163b9fa0acb1f0978a1b6e5adba4b03863a570b2614aeff3a9b70ad57065ca2832 46da42f4541b0fed6f5537046685d0ca033c52a9207e73b6 49fa5589c2e43309a5740c65576551b00aa4003e3bd649784c915a625901e5c6234d085b57681258 0df7c0fad25e1f713dbc25818a596e5a576031a50823e04a e057791163408a00551800775334ab31af21f6f7062b40deeea39fa570ed0f0f5841656590771dc1 abe18acf88f13b5802e90c70d8af4fc57ecdb4cb12dac91c 683f33943efeb5cfe3bc392cecada200072d877518cfc2b1cdc20988486e1ca81ee93b7cabcd5d81 1dc1006ddf54e57f36bda7d8224cb704ff003457b6a84d28 8617908042827a81f53505bb80ca2132c6263ff47a86ae99e945ddd2da4224605b2ca800ea49200f be8f6cb6edfe3e3fc5fbfda1d9f5f0a42f6d599116e222ce 0151ac6483d314a5e216f1432c8aeb218b6654209c93803e75a81aac5d41ce30f3a3e68ea9a867e5 496f6d5d1dd6e22654f7887042fad169771dd891a239547d 1abb9b61b8f9d4fda60e77279c9cdfe66a19f954a59a285354aea8be2c70297b4c1d8ccd1f6c653b 43b5e9e3496f2d9a36916e2228bd5838c0a89bfb513c7009 90c92217400f503bfeb528eee2758b532c6f20caa330c9f91de92de42515a4758b512143b0df7c6d bd59ed10f3795cd4e67f3750cfcaa52489121791d514752c 70056792fe2591a35064658c49d9c6082703727bf15709e23272c4885c0c95d433f2a8c57513ac65 9846d20caa330c9fad29af6de186694c8ac2152ce1482463 ad5e1c680c7618cefdd55fb4c3cb3273a3d00e0b6a1806a5cd4233ad4e0e3ad5335f41047cc670c3 5aa1d241c1271bfceafe7c41558c8803fba750c1f4a88bb8 4cd3465b4f271ad8ec37f3a9b4d1ae9d52200dd327ad43da103481fb01081a98800d25b985ae1a05 7532aa862be00f4fbaa4f284911083dacefdc31e3525757c 9560d8db63557b545ed66d8b7e30206c79127f71ab0ca8350d6bd9dcefd2b32f10b691a109206132 9743dc40c7ef15a5d822166d801935541711cf1452236d22 875076383e5533227f3c7ce82e8339619033d7baa304c9710473464e891430c8ee352d6a7a303f1a 4d2a2217661a477e69432acf0a4a99d2ea1867ae0d48d2f4 acd5e3fedfef05b7ab7ecae018336c8e06e40a870abc5b2e282699090a73b7e69cd7d0aff884b334 36d13885641da93bc0f5ae1fdaa9c3a08e331b05dcb17ae0 c3c4a610343ab5851b1eb8ae3dc39673e7552f5af6ff00608624b9fd515ed4567bfb76bab6e4ab00 0b296cf780c091f215961e18c978b3b3293ce795b1d4e469 5f90ad37b6cd72d6f8601639448c0f7e01c7d715857854cc92c6ec8b14b32486204b0186d4d8c8ef 3dd4c70994dff30b47ca131981fcef73481f0a8daf06686c e2859620e8e9add493cc5539efe9bf7575ad5a57b7469d04721192a0e71e55c95e11722677d71654

4c637df259ce413e836a6782bc6b887978530e943b02a9dc 7e249ae870bb46b3b3113952e5d9d8af4cb313fb6b25af0b9a3e22b3ca63288f2b8619d44b9db3e8 36a9f158e79eeec9208d5f4334a75e42ec3037c7fb59f856 71c0dc5ac91f310b8b41044e47ba77d47cb391f2a6bc2ae158cc1600e6e164e502749554d20671f1 e957cbc3a5e64c6048a356b5e54601c72db7cf774dc7ca88 b86bc3732111c52465539658ef1955c018c74ceff13541e07234488cd1b688638813dd86cb9f88c5 42cedddf8d83a43c71492cc65d241c9c285391dc33d33d05 75388db4b3b5b3c411b9326b647380dd923e99cfc2b2b70a73236811a46648b0a3b9137c7cf3552f 089d1da5531098acc7578bb9ecfc00daad87853c53b0291c 9172d163663da8ca838c0c78ef59adf825c08595c42a5a28a13a4939556cb93b7539ae971b121e13 3c510cbca044bff68e9fdb5cf9384dcb5bcba1238e57943a 057c08b4a851ddbf7e454ff07cb3713b921b4421548ece01974e33e8063e3e9528f84b3416a92410 a18d94cba4e4385538eef139aa5b825c98121fc53036fca2 49fc99272c5463f77415a25e197265e7058e5fe106531b36011a34af7776c6b9d370f78e682c898e 762b0c6dd73180c598818e876f956eb9e197324674aa195a e1a50e5b65ee19046fd9add696ad1710bb9de34fc615d0c3ae02818f9e6a9e25633dd492b4654036 ed1264f42c773f202aee1b642c9ae70aaab2480a2af700a0 7ec358eeb86cd3f136974a69678d84b9ed2aa6fa40f33f7d531709ba11c8488c4a20963d59cf35d8 e727cb6fad39f8334caa0451aaa4291a293eef6b2e7d7006 f5d3e2114b3f0f9e18081249195524e31918ae7bf0fb84bd925b78d54080c6a58839206148db23bf 359ee381b844821863317291324e349d5db6f32463e5569e 173732f64d199dc3f2a5e66d8230063cbf6574e581d787b416e42b88ca21f038c0ae443c1e528ead 0a46923c4194367b29b9cf993509f845cb5b2c2b146c0a4a 02eac08d99b208f415e8234091aa0e8a3028345663d2bc8fdbb1f8ab61fadfb2b1dac1af834128c1 1b2f5f315e7ef222b7520ce37c57b2fb357d0716b6105c05 69625d0c187bc3a66a3c6f834890e98ca88c74d58ce3e59af28ec2d1248f2093b1c57359b53127be 81d6bdbfd823992e71e02bda8a84d2a41134b2b05441924f 70aaadaf62b867401d1d00255d70707a1fa54a4bb8a397967517d064c28cec31fbe90bc8dae79003 170a19b6d941e99f95680c319cd0594027ae37da94722c88 ae32350ce1860fcaac159a6be8a19c41891e4c062a885b009c64d5b0dc47319046d9e5b686dbbead ce6a11c8b26ac061a5b4f68629c92c7128691828240c93de 4e05462b88e59248d1b2d11d2c3c0e01fb88ab4107a5191d2a324a9146d248e151464927602a0b71 134ed0ab664550c463a039c7dc6ae0478d19aae7b88ede16 9653855ea7ad4e370e81c020119c30c1f950d2a2ba21ce5f38c0246de7dd5224546591218de590e1 101663e0053465640ca7623229d4639e391e4446cb46da5b c8e01fb88ab7ad1b5234514a8a54514518a295145235122974159cd790fb7a711daef8ddbf657378 5f108c5845660ea70d9381b7f9dab93c64e2fe42bb64e6ad fb35762d38a26af7241a4d7aee2d6af3c4ce2e648c05e99045782bb8da3948639aa5464e2ae5451d d5ebff00f67e72f767d2bdb8ac9c56de4b9b178e1c17d4ac 01380d86071f1c563bf86eeed2163680852d9899c6e74e149eeeb550e157020e50c10208a1ceaee0 d973f2a9cfc3652d7332c2acd2cea481805e3006467cf076 a2db85c86483da1179519925e5e7656660547c066aa4e137290c855409a5b76566d5b9776c9f9775 4cf0eb83c4d6430ea54983ac9a87b8130147fdadebb91333 46aceba188c95ce707c2b997b6d3cdc4a296081e292365067d602b2752a46727bf1b5655e1376ab2 c91811dc490cd97d5beb76c819f215d3e176a2d6d4858e48 cb9d455d81c1c63bb6eeae78b0b9d5645a22ce8e5e4d455906a6c9efce477115bb8a5b1ba36abc91 2c6b3869176d8007c7cf15893865c8ba6b84511cae666d7a ba67b283d31bfc2b6705b336b6c4ba4a92b81ac48c0ee07518fbfad73d6c2fb9b34bca2b308e6c39 71f8c763d8efe8078f4a93d8dd4d673892d9b0cd0a2c4cc0 931ae33df8ceeddf561e1b2b711f6858f401320520e34c6a9fb58e2a98ec38818a53a1926303c6ec 5c7e31d9876baf40338cf8d752e6d648b844b6f63957d042 e1b7f3dcf7f5deb0af0c9655d0f06981ee95f94c41d0aabd7e247778d6fe236cf70b6d0a03ca1266 4d271d900e07cf15cf5b1bf166b1a860eb68631dbe8ee77f 9014a5e1b7288e91acbc86b905911c1664080677dbdedcd6fbdb490f037b4875bb18f4769bb4477e fe38ac1ec774801f6791adda667f670e320680173be31904 e3cea3ec1c4311452077758e10b287d9083973d739fbea70d95e2bdfbdc24df8fd4633130ca64e3a 67ae029cfc2ba7c244f1db470cf072d82e4b2e34e7276c64 e0e37f0deb7d2a28a54514a8a28a2953a54aa246fd68acc6bc77dbede3b404f79fd95c6b468ed6db b848df4f335cabb97da6e9980d89c0f4ae8f0fe1dcc3ce91 8244bbea271b0abf89fda26684dad96c836329ea7d2bcfb12c4962493de6ac44c1c9ab3385dfbabd

6ffecf3addfc2bdb8a74514f14514e814c5029d2c6d4fba8 14e8a29e28c5029e28a7452a29d14e9d2a33452a29d2a54514a8a28a4691a559abc87dbb3816848c e093f7578f694c81b51c7de6a7610f3eeb48c6141639e805 5dc4f888b802ded815b68c607fb67c4d73d464f90eb4d46a7e9b0ab73bed5193ddaf61ff00b3cfff 0057f0af6e29d3a28a28a740a7453a54c53a314e8a29d145 3a74a8a28a37a74e975a28a5451452a28a291a28a2a269566ae17da3e0d71c544220744d19c96cd7 9fff00dc7bd073ed30fd6aeb6fb217f6e93aacf0133268ce fb0cefdd547fee3df7fac43f5a7ffb8f7da702e20fad35fb137ca3f2f0fd7f753ffdc9befd3c1f5f dd41fb117e7fe9e1c7c7f7577becb702b8e0dcfe7c91bf33 18d39af4429d3a28f853a314628a78a74514e814e8a29d145234c53a750918471b3b6e14668fc77e 81bfb4bfbe9fe3bf40dfda5fdf4666fd03ff00697f7d1997 fd5dff00b4bfbe9e65fd03ff00697f7d2ccdfeaeff0035fdf4b337e81ffb4bfbe8fc77fabbfcd7f7 d1f8eff577fed2fefa3f1dfeaeff0035fdf47e3bf40ff35f df47e3bfd5dffb4bfbe8fc77fabbfcd7f7d1f8dff577f9afefa0737beddfe6bfbe9625fd03fcd7f7 d1897f40ff0035fdf4626fd03fcd7f7d18947fd03fcd7f7d 451c3a2b0e8c32299a559a8a78a314628c53145314c0a629d3a2814e9d028a74628a740a74514514 e8a2814f3455773fc5a5fd53f756dacf7426335af2b56912 1e6693dda1b1f5c5712e63e267874290fb48912461af536a71a76246adb7f1c8efc62b5cebc4d6e2 6922d6d1493c4397a86517099653e1ef023fc9bf8badd9e5 7b2f37f3bf267187db496ff67ae69f16fc22fc3e7162a8936fa4eb392b8eedb63564a2769aebb4e8 86dd4215df0f97c903c7ddfa546c7da5ac62474646218176 62586e749c1c9dfae09dab0471df43c3a313bdc34c6e3b053512a991bb0c9241c13839f780f4d110 bdf6dbbcf374e87c64f67391a34fc339f3a520bef69b2c73 b1a1338f7739edeaf8631e74b89b7116b9b13023a2ebfc604248f797ae3fd9d5d76f8e2bb1451451 4523d2b9d6ff00c5a3fd51f754cd2cd67aaee25e4c25f193 9000f32703efaa7db446dcb957b60163a371de7ee152fc21113b2b95d05cb01b637dfe38352b8bb5 b7b6133a3648d976cf4cfeca81bf455766493f16406206d9 3e7e54cdf46b22a10c4bb9518f238fbeac82e9278de45560a877d43aed9cfd6abb7e231cab165195 e5ce17cc633f7d593ddac32052a48d3938f1c8007c73f4aa c7128cb9ec368e5733563cb38f963e7564979a6c5ee51092a0e10ec490718f9d556dc4d6e32446d8 2c1571be76049f419a178aa7e30b46c027d772063e59ab45 faeb0ba1cea60a00193b8077f4c8ad134a2185a4233a474f13e14da4e5c0649300aae5b15963e204 c5aa585a36d25f1dc00a99bf8c191423b3464038ef24e36f 8d29789c51c723e890e8257ddf788ce71f23574d72215567db20b1f20064d2f6b5f646b80ac42e7b 38df20e31559e231ac932bab8e5e06c33ab38e9f138ab65b a11471be0e2438df6c6c4fdc2a0f78520824e5fe548072765cf8ede3b54a6bd58aee1b7c65a5cf7f bbb13fb2b4e69d14519a298a7455573fc5a5fd53f756eaf3 ff006938cdd70c722df47e459fb4b9dc2b9ffca2b9fc07ed2dfdfdb5dc9398b30d919d74ae3b596f dc2b4f16e3d79691f143172f36a81a3cae77ec75fed1a82f da1bd3c061bcfc5f35ee6188f676c32213f5635cf9bed77124e156772bc9d735bcb237636cabe91d fe15d8e27c72ead2f9218c47a4a46c7237cb6acfdc2b9363 f6b788dc707beba710f3204919309b6c500ceffed1a9bfdabe202d524021d4dc4bd94f60fb9807c7 aef575e7da6be86e789468b0e9b6b69254ca9f79662833bf 80a8597daabf9e1e26eeb0ff0006951130a7a1d59cefe54edbed4dfc9c1ecae9d61e64c9233614e3 2ae00eff000af5d0b1786373d59413f2ac1c6b8b7e0a489b 44675eaed4b26851819c670773dc2a573c49d61b56b5804b2dca975477d00285d472707c87c68978 9b35ad9c96908964bc01a3477d200d3a8e4e0f77df43f142 f676735ac3cc92f31cb476d20764b1c9c1e801a4dc50b585a4f6f0eb96ec858e376d201c1272707a 007bab5595d0bcb28ee0294d637527dd3d08f9d65b7fe2f1 7ea0fbaa4c6a049aaa9328652ac0107a8342c5183908b90319c777853e5267dc5e98e9dde14de347 18750c3c08cd230c67398d4e4e4e477d45ada269524641a9 3257cb35604550405001f0151586352a5500d2085c7766998626d5a914eaf7b23ad4b969fcc5e98e 94f42e9d3a463c315110c6000235014e46dd286822652ad1 a153dc4548c51920945241c8dba1f1a93a2b801864020fc45320329561907620d0514e72a0e46371 4b9319ce514e773b79e7efa46de1604189082da8e5475f1a b1911bde5076c6e3ba918d0a14280a9ea31b545a089810d1a9d5d723ad39218e550b222b28ee619a 46089d8168d49072091d0d3e4c58fc9afcaa63006074a746 69d19a3e14e8a7555cff001693f54fdd5babc77db7fca9feacdfdc92b91f653f88f12ff761fbdeb6 7da1fc971ffe8d7ef8aaa5ff0044ad7cefadbfc38eb8d73f c81c37fa94ff00e2d7a5e3ff00caf1ff00470fded5e7b849ff00e5be2a7ffa72ff007a2a9bff0010

87fdf67ee5ad5c48ff000de39fd4e5ff00c49aa3869c5a71 cfeb11fdcf5659ff00a37c33fa29ff00c4afa45b7f168bf507dd5e7cf198b8c595ec7240e9141c92 eab20fc60700e93b6c37f8d656e391f1682374865b59228e 4915e3704800480aeeb8dc27dde1505e3315e7d98f6d82096d4f0f895e2092024025a3c648c741e1 56b712825b58edade296dcd9233c522b82468575ef1be429 f9d53171886e3eca7b54104b01b044963c4819b3964ea463a039dbbebd1f0568db854422565442c8 351c93a588249f3c67e355dbff00178bf547dd536f2a81aa b34f34034f34c1a7453a28a79a33453a29d3a29d3a09a29514e8a29d2a74514e9d06aab9fe2d27ea 9fbab7d78dfb71f966feacdfdc96b91f653f88714ff767ff 00ceb6fda2fc971ffd45fef47550dbec9da7f5fb7ff0d2b8d738fc01c37fa94dfe2d7a4fb41fcb29 fa90fde6bcef09ff004638a7f4527f7e3ab5bf89c1fefb6f b96b47113fc2b8e9ff00aa4bff0089354f0ffe25c77faca7dd25596bfe8df0cfe867ff0010d7d2ad ff008bc7fa83eeaf09c14ff03e307cacfee158b821fe064f fd5263f49a8e19fe82713feaf1ff008af5a6dcfe32efca0b8fff002d66e1c71f60f897f411ff008a f5ee3807f23aff00492ff88d5183f8bc5faa3eea99a89aab 35cbe3f777169688d6b232c8cf80161e616d8ed8cedeb59becedef11bb7985f674aaae33168c36f9 03c7bb7ae57dabb4e2766a6f60e2372f0e70cbaf1a3e58da b9fc13ed65e5adca477b299edd8e18b6ecbe79afa2ab06008e869d55ed706df8c1b9d3f1dbf78f9d 29ef20b770b34814919008eb56c72a488195b2a7bea5a860 9c8c0aad6e6266450e09704a8f1c75a909519ca060580071e47ff4a1668cc8c8186a5ea3c2a7a878 d30c33d69e68d5406352d54668cd3a28a74514514c1a334e 9d1555cff1793f54fdd5d0af17f6e3f2cdfd58ff00725ae57d95fe4fe2bfeecfff009d6bfb45f91f b41fa89fdf4aafff00f13b2ff785bff8695c5bbfe40e1dfd 465ff1abd2fda0fe5a4fd587fbd5e7384ffa2fc53fa26fefc7571fe2b6de7c71bff2d5fc40fe3f8e 9ffaac9ff8a355587f11e39fd697ee92a56ffe8e70cfe827 fefb57d321fe2f1fea8fbabc1f04fe21c5cff53fb96b0f053fc05bfa9cdf74b4f86edf60f89ff411 ff008af5a20f7af7fabdcfff0092a8e1fb7d82e25fd145fe 2357b8e03fc8cbfaf2ff0088d5183f211fea8fbaa4c6a39aaab89f6a555b87c6d23c623490168e47 2ab20c1ece47cfe1597ec9985a6ba780c312305fe0f1485c 2f5ed64f8fecaee713b417fc3e7b52da798a467c0d7caaf6d65b1bb92da6004919c1c1c8afacf0f9 164b0b7746d4ad1a9047a568276ae7c515ace134cc65c319 351c64efe38f11d3caafbcb286f42894b028720a9c1ff39c1f80aa1edad1e5922e632bb0542a3aae 3718dbcab52a456d1b8d58123e7719dd8fefa8ad9c51a47b f6622586de39fa6e76acf0c7631b433c73e4468aaa463046e077799ab4d94172ef38663ccc74c636 208eedfa77d44dbda2b730cb8d32313b81da3b9cfa62a56f 15a5a90cb302625d0724779fdf9adab223b155604800900f8f4a9514e9834e9d314514514e8a28a6 29d1555cff001793f54d746bc5fdb8fcbb7f573fdc9ab95f 657f93b8b7fbb47dcf5abed1fe47ed07eaa7f7d2a0db7d94b1ff007841fe1ad716f3f90787ff0050 93fc6af49f687f9717f561fef0af3bc2bfd14e27fd11ff00 123abfff00d3da0fff007c7ffcb56f10fcaf1d3ff567ff00c49aaacb6e1fc73fadff00e592a707fa 39c33fabcdfdf6afa645b409faa3eeaf07c17f9378b1f3b3 fb96b07053ff00c3dffa8cdf74952e1ffe80f12fe8a2ff0015ab445b1befeaf73ff9ea8b2ff40788 ff004717f886bdc703fe455fd697fbed5087f211fea8fba9 9eb489aa6b93f68960f6585e69e481924d51ba47af0707a8c1eecd66fb3b7465bdb8885dbdcaaa2b 6a680478249eec0f0af404d7ccbed44413ed15d2a8f7981c 0f12057d0f845aad970cb7b75520220c8273b9dcfd6b6f75601c32d82b00ec35850db8df0739ab63 b1b78ef0dcae75918c676f0ce3fcf5a94d6914b2bc8cc433 a0438c74ce6ab7e196ed1b21771a82ae4119d8e47d6b445868d82cba97dd1b018c6c7ea2b3c3616a 609d2376d132f2dbd464123ceb72008814740315965b08a5 565676c3316383e23047ca91e1b092c753824e4107a6e4fed35a21b748a42c84ee8a98f00338fbea fa053a2814e9d14e8a29d1452a629d3aaae7f8bc9faa6ba3 5e2bedc7e5dbfab9fee4d5cbfb2bfc9dc5ff00ddcbf73d6afb47f90fb41e89fe22d5727fa2961fef 183fb8b5c6bcfe43e1ff00d41ffc7af49f687f9747a43fde 5af39c2ffd13e27fd17ff912b4ff00d1590f1e36ff007a54f887bdc78ffd5dbff126abb3fe4ee39f d6cff725ab22ff0047786ff579bfbcf5f4c4fc8afeafecaf 05c13f92f8a1ff006acfee4ac1c1bf935cff00d426fb9ea563b7d81e23fd1c5fe21abe3e9c40ff00 d5ae7ff355567b7d81bff3587fbf5edf827f21afacbfdf6a ae1fc8c7faa2a46a3555723ed04ef0c76da6f3d911e5c3cbb6c349f1f3c557c19adf9f3ccbc4c5f3 84018e950540cf87c6b8137da5e21c5788a5a58c8b6b1c8f a15b1be3c49fdd5d3b7fb1911b813dede4b70d9d4db6351f33b9af54a30314eb00e116a20921c368

90827b5d31dc2acfc1b073a297b5aa2000dfae3c69cbc3e2 98b9766d4f8c9db3b0c7851f83e22eec59cea2a7071b60e7efa0f0e899b5167ce1c75e9a8927efaa c70cc4d132c87447a8e081d589cfdf578b0885afb3e5f4e9 d39cfece94a1b158660eac7b281078ec7fc8a3f07c64a12ef9462c371bee0feca769c3a2b494c91b 312460e71bf4f2f2fa9adb4e9e2951df4669d3a74a9d1451 453a7455571f9093f54d746bc5fdb8fe30ff00d5ff00f24d5ccfb2bfc9dc5ffdde9f73568fb47fc5 fed07a27f882a12ffa29c3ff00de30ff0070571af7f91787 8fff006f6ff1ebd27da1fe5eff0085fde4af39c33fd12e25fd17ff00912b4fe65879f1b93ef4a971 0e9c78ff00f40ffe24d46d76e19c6ffae37f725a9c7fe8f7 0dfead2ff7a4afa60da1ff00b35e0b82ff0024f13fe92cfee4ae7f08fe4a97fddf37dcd5659ffa03 c43f5611ff00fb0d5a9ee7113ff55b9fdbfbeabb31ff00c8 57be7c8fef8af6fc1b6e04bffdcfef355717e493f5453351271555717ed23f2d2ce4e524844f8024 70ab92a46e71597ece2a9bc9e130469cb811098e50e08cb7 52075af35c7f834bc16f16484b7219b3138eaa7c0f9d7a2fb39f6a85db25a5fe1663b249d03faf81 af560d3ac890ce04396f765666ed1dd4eac7af51f2aaefed ae26935dbc9a7085705880d9ff003d69cb1dfe893952461b576011b69a95d413cd6d146b261f5297 6071b77d355bc0fbbae812741fccc1ff00954717e131ad33 cb3bf8beff004e956dc24e56dcc7da647cb65b4ead8fedc556df840ead2631f8c2577fcdc6df5ad5 6c27edfb415cea3a71e1dd57d3a629d1452a629d14514e8a 28a053a2abb8fc83fea9ae95789fb71fc61ffabffe49eb9bf65bf93b8c7fbbe3fb9ab47da4fe2bf6 83ff00b7fe28a8cfb7d95e1ffef18bfb95c6bdfe47b0ff00 771ff1ebd1fda1fe5f3ffdafef2579ce1dfe88712fe887f8ab5abbb86f9f1b93fbc94f887b9c78ff 00f43fff00a4d46dff0092f8d7f5c7ff000e5a9a0ffe01c3 7faac9f7cb5f4b6da13fabfb2bc1706fe46e247ffad683fb9583857f244dfeee9beeff009d5b683f f90afbcf903fefd4d7f23c48ff00d56e7f67efa8da8ffe44 bbf37807fde5af6dc23fd1f4fd573f53508ff26be8283506aa81ae47da67917872a2216491c2c856 3e6155c1e83e554fd9a8a5b62f0693c868d25563104209ce 54e3a91b5757895947c42c65b6946ce363e07b8d7ca658de09de27d9e362a7d457d13ec8f176e25c 3cc733667830ac7f9c3b8d77cee0d60863bd8e1813b0346c e4b6ad5d3fe7f4a463e20f12abb213ac1241c1c0c1f0f5fa54c8e238d9a3cebcff00d9abef52496c e58e23891948539c60fad678a09d65467cb285000d67b272 727cf6c7caa0f69772615a62bf8e2c5d49074e9c7df5aee6399de13130d2ae0b03de2b17b25efb3e 8d4dab9a589e61f77076ebe95d75e82a429d3a7451451453 eea28a28a28cd3a7455571f907f435938bdc710b7e2f6a2167314af1a46a85749ed1e66a0773d9dc 11d31575ff00097bce2f15cb14e4040ac0ee7dd9074231f9 e2b94a925b70ab896da4774b9b948211a630ed183a4e0e00dfb58ced8c55525ccd71c314cb2223ad b4f3485a3426568df015b6c1c77e3a9e95bee2f1cf1be1d6 5ec263b42f96cc19577e5923071818db7fdd578b65b88f8bc31c10178498adc18d70998d580e9d35 1cd641632f1416d22e4cb6d368b83395d44878ce32a30460 1c555c2ada66babee1f731245188732b08e2d08c5891a703a60670dbec0d4a384cb67631164459ae e468ae4c29af480ccadd3018e91be3a56ab729730708792d e0cde822e0729712008cdbedd350cd650c22bb99c430bc52cd708d6bc95c7614e1ba6493df9fe7d6 71c3ee2fad7d8a16865d10a4cafa1502f3124050691d3383 f1af5eea4c6ca3a918af2fc3fecf5edbf0ebc824e5eb9a581970db6134e7ee3596cbecbf11838749 0bf2b5b59c908c3fe7300054e0fb35c423fb2d71c3c88b9f 218b1dbdbb2413bd487d9bbf10de2e23ccd04b1af6fbdb4e3ee34a0fb377e9f6626b0611f3dde220 6bdb0a573bfc0d7a1b4b77b4e0bc9931ad236ce37f13542f b8be948d41ce2aacd61e2bc3978908125c18a3935ba9cf68608eef3354f06e0abc2a52c8e0868955 baeec09dfea2bafd6bc7713fb217377c467b88ae225495cb 0041c8adbf66fecedd707be79a49e378dd34955cf5c8c57a6ac023e25c89019a2e6e46838db1df9a b345f73a13cc4e5e0730637cf7e29cdeda4b988a8ce34a9e edb7fae3e14b17c5dc6502ea5d2478677fa5254bd4c85298ed91ab7dc9247c3a5571b5ec72451692 412eccc771b93819ad23dafd9941c1976d446077ef8f8557 20e218939653af60f96fff002fad6bb6e77247b4635e4f4f0cedf4abe98a74669d14a98a29d2a28a 7451453cd19aae705a27006491b0abcdc4664590dab97504 06c2e403d4673e552f6c076e44bff77f7d53235b496decd25916830072ca295c0e9b66a2c964f145 1b70e06384e63531a610f90ced5735c46ee8ed6ce590e549 0b9538c6dbf8541e4b774951acd9966de405570fb637df7d80f9516f35bdac221b7b468a35e8a8aa 00fad2325ab452c66cdb44c499174ae1f3d73bef54883872 da9b61c354405b518f96ba73e38cd68f6883319f657fc57b9d95eced8db7db6a82b5a25d3dcad915

9dc61a408ba88f5cf90a2d9ed2cd596daccc2ac753044519 3f3abbdb93f452fc87efa3dbd3f452fc87efa3dbd3f452fc87efa3dbd3f472fc87efa3dbe3fd1cbf 21fbe8f6f8ff00472fc87efaae7bd47b7915639753290361 e1eb59c6ca3d2931aa646affd9 }} \par\pard\plain\hyphpar}{\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } }