Common Causes and Reasons for Divorce

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• The Romans had an interesting view towards marriage – ‘matrimonia debent

esse libera’ or ‘marriages ought to be free’. This meant that either spouse could
opt out of the marriage if things weren’t working out for them. Centuries later,
Victorian England had a vastly different view. People got married and stayed
together for better or for worse. Society frowned on divorce and divorced people
were likely to find themselves social pariahs.

In the present century, both these views prevail. It depends on which part of the
planet you live in and in what kind of culture. Divorce rates are higher in
European or American countries, where individual freedom is given higher
stress, than in, say, Asian or African ones, where familial and social opinions
cause higher stress. With globalization, of course, the ‘backward’ countries are
catching up. Women, especially, with access to higher education and higher
salaries, are less willing to put up with traditional roles and expectations. Social
and cultural moralists are having a field day, predicting, like always, dire
consequences for the ‘social fabric’. In my personal opinion, the social fabric
can go stitch itself. No, divorce isn’t joy-inducing, but then neither is a corrosive
marriage. In such a case, splitting up is preferable to staying together ‘for the
children’ or to keep up social appearances. Anyway, it all really depends upon
the kind of relationship you have. Some relationships are worth working on,
some aren’t.

There are many different and complex causes and reasons for divorce, each of
them specific to that particular couple’s marital relationship, their individual
experiences and personal problems. None of them may seem ‘common’ to the
people going through a divorce, of course, but many of the reasons recur
enough to warrant the term.

Here are some frequently cited reasons for causing divorce:

Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for
the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons
more often than others.
•
Lack of commitment to the marriage
• Lack of communication between spouses
• Infidelity
• Abandonment
• Alcohol Addiction, (There is a popular sign that reads: Alcohol Destroys
Internally, Externally, and Eternally) Substance, Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual
Abuse and Emotional Abuse
• Inability to manage or resolve conflict
• A dramatic change in priorities
• Financial problems

There are other causes we see a lot, but not quite as often as those listed above .They
are:

• Personality Differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’

 • Differences in personal and career goals
• Different expectations about household tasks
• Different expectations about having or rearing children

• Interference from parents or in-laws ("Therefore, shall a man leave his father
and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife. And they shall be one flesh."
These are God's words in Genesis Chapter 2, verse 24. Every couple should
establish their own home away from parents. Should this not remove the
interference then move so far away that contact with in-laws is limited.
Problems will arise, differences will sometime seem impossible. But divorce
is not the answer. Except in very rare cases.
• Lack of maturity
• Intellectual Incompatibility
• Sexual Incompatibility (The sex pendulum is swung from one extreme to the
other. We talk as freely of sex as we talk of politics. Improper attitudes about
sex, and not physical causes, bring couples to the breaking point. Both those
who regard sex as being acceptable outside of marriage, as well as those who
think of sex as dirty and wrong within marriage, are equally guilty of
maintaining attitudes which are destined to cause serious trouble to any
family relationship.)
• Insistence of sticking to traditional roles and not allowing room for personal
growth
• Falling out of love
• Religious conversion or religious beliefs
• Cultural and lifestyle differences
• Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies
• Mental Instability or Mental Illness
• Criminal behavior and incarceration for crime
• jealousy: One who demands exclusive devotion, and is intolerant of rivalry
usually feels inadequate. If one finds himself caught in the clutches of this
weakness, he needs to concentrate on self-improvement.

Research done on the causes of divorce reveals that –

• Lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce. A marriage is on

the rocks when the lines of communication fail. You can’t have an effective
relationship if either one of you won’t discuss your feelings, can’t talk about your
mutual or personal issues, will keep your resentments simmering under wraps,
and expect your partner to guess what the whole problem is about.

• Divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in

detail prior to marriage, are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards,
and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues. People have
gotten divorced for trivial reasons like snoring.
 • People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than
people who come from happily married households. Divorce seems less like a
big deal if you have seen your parents go through with it.

• People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are more likely to stay
together than people who get married in their teens. Married life is for adults,
not for children. Immaturity is the fourth leading cause of broken homes. There
is an age when we are not sure about anything. A toy may be ever so much fun
one day, and discarded the next. Much of this same uncertainty goes with the
person through adolescence with regard to marriage

• People who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people
who didn’t cohabit before marriage.

• In many cases, quite a few of the problems that cause divorce have existed in
the couple’s relationship long before they got married. The problems were either
not acknowledged or were ignored in the fond hope that marriage might offer a
miraculous panacea. And, guess what, it doesn’t. Nobody can make you feel
better about yourself and you can’t change and save anybody. As someone
wise once said, it takes two wholes to make a marriage, not two halves.

Divorce rates in Costa Rica

About 10.351 pairs(couples) were divorced in Costa Rica during 2008, one
decrease of 5 % with regard to the previous year. In October the major quantity of
divorces was registered, with 1.118, detailed a report of the Office of Inscriptions of
the Supreme Court spread on Thursday.

The marriages(couples), for his(her,your) side, came to 25.302 in 2008,

approximately 1.116 more that in 2007, it(he,she) stood out.

The quantity of separations reached a record number(figure) in 2007, with 10.926

cases, in what it was interpreted by the experts as a trend of the Costa Ricans for
preferring the free union, instead of the marriage(couple).

The Institute of Statistics and Censuses thinks that approximately 451.559 persons
live in free union in the country.

It(He,She) does more than four decades, the number of divorces in Costa Rica was
scarcely of seven, according to the authorities.

If you're planning to marry such a person, with the expectation of changing him or her,
it is very likely that you're in for a sad disappointment. Regardless of how sincerely one
may promise to change after marriage, it is very unlikely that such a person will
suddenly alter the habits of a lifetime.
The best way to avoid divorce then, is by avoiding the situations that lead to it.