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Reasons, changes and strategies in quitting drug abuse among


non-treatment seeking drug users
Irish Pauline L. Ereo, Charmaine Samihah F. Ruado
and Inst. Carinez Dela Cruz, M.A.

ABSTRACT: Much has been written on the peoples patterns of drug
use and the varying factors that impel them into addiction and
subsequently into recovery. However, there is a limited number of
information on non-treatment seeking individuals or those people who
managed to fully recover on their own without any formal treatment or
mutual help and how they make meaning of their recovery process.
Drawing from the data collected through informal interviews, we
examine the full detailed experiences of the ten participants and came up
with the construct of four motivating factors that made them to finally
stop using drugs: the impact on health, social alienation, new interests,
and the belief that one can quit. We also share the related emotions,
thinking, and source of motivation, but more so the overall process of
their recovery through the use only of their work, family, and friends.


INTRODUCTION
You can be motivated by fear, you can be
motivated by rewards, but both of these
methods are only temporary. The only
lasting thing is self motivation. Sullo,
2007
As cited by Fields (2007), both the
National Council on Alcoholism and the
American Medicinal Association states that
addiction is considered to be a chronic
relapsing disease. For this particular study,
we will be focusing more on drug addiction.
Drug addiction is typically applied to cases
in which a licit or illicit drug is repeatedly
used or consumed in ways to produce some
form of clinically significant impairments or
distress (Giovazolias & Davis, 2005;
Laudet, Becker, & White 2009). If persistent
over time, the physical, emotional, and
social aspect of the person changes, and will
progress as long as the using continues
(Fields, 2007). As the disease progresses,
the individual will often redirect their time
and energy away from other significant life
concerns such as work, family or friends
(Giovazolias & Davis, 2005; Fields, 2007).
Their life would just revolve around drugs
and nothing else. Such use is physically
hazardous, may result in the users failure to
fulfill role expectations and may cause legal
problems or cause intrapersonal and social
problems for the user (Laudet, Becker, &
White, 2009). These negative consequences,
together with their hope for a better life, a
normal life, are one of the main reasons
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for them for wanting to stop addiction and
for seeking help (Laudet, Becker, & White,
2009).
All motivational theorists claim that
all human beings have an innate tendency
towards growth, integration and health (Fiest
& Fiest, 2009; Sharma & Smith, 2011). And
this motivation to change is an important
part in their recovery (Conner, Longshore, &
Anglin, 2009; Hiller, et al., 2009; Korcha, et
al., 2011; Laudet, Becker, & White, 2009).
According to them, if only these people will
have the readiness and the eagerness to
change, then they will have the capacity to
overcome their addiction and to finally take
control of their lives. There are two types of
motivation: the intrinsic and the extrinsic
motivation. Intrinsic motivation refers to the
motivation that comes from the person
himself such as their personal enjoyment,
interest, or pleasure, rather than from any
external or outside rewards or
reinforcements (Lai, 2011). Note, however,
that some theorists discount the role of
extrinsic rewards in developing a strong
achievement orientation and argue, instead,
that achievement is linked to more intrinsic
forms of motivation (Franken, 2007; Fiest &
Fiest, 2009; Deci & Ryan, 1991). A number
of motivation theorists believe that skill
acquisition occurs partly for extrinsic
reasons but largely for intrinsic reasons.
According to Deci (1972), rewards reduce
intrinsic motivation for it discourages the
feelings of competence and self-
determination of the person. He argues that
extrinsic rewards place the motivation for
learning outside the individual and, as a
result, the individual no longer experiences
feelings of competency and self
determination. Learning based on external
demands teaches responses rather than rules
or understanding (Franken, 2007; Deci,
1991). The individual merely imitates
another persons behavior or learns a
sequence of responses that somehow works.
Although such responding may work in
certain situations, it wont work when the
task demands are shifted. Individuals high in
achievement motivation are more inclined to
select difficult tasks if evaluation is internal
and moderately difficult tasks when
evaluation is external (Franken, 2007; Deci,
1991).
Several studies suggest that people
are most likely to give up an addiction when
they make a clear decision to do so, which
means that when they say to themselves they
can control their behavior, they change
(Bandura, 1999; Franken, 2008). Now, when
we talk about non-treatment seeking
individual, that doesnt mean that they dont
want to get help or that they dont want to
get cured, for its completely the opposite of
that. When we talk about non-treatment
seeking individuals, we are mainly talking
about those people who abstain themselves
from drugs without any formal treatment or
mutual help. They keep themselves away
from drugs only by their own internal
motivation to change. Data from people who
quit addictions indicate that most people do
it on their own (Franken, 2007; Boyd, et al.,
2005; Copersino, et al., 2006; Dean,
Saunders, & Bell, 2011). The success rate is
typically much higher for non-treatment
seeking individuals (self-initiated change)
than for treatment-seeking individuals
(other-initiated change) (Franken, 2007;
Bandura, 1999). When people are placed in
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programs designed to educate and train
them, without making a commitment to
themselves that they will change, they often
fail. Success in beating addictions seems to
start with the belief that we can control our
behavior and the decision that we want to
change our behavior (Bandura, 1999).
Unless we believe that we can change our
behavior, we cant. If we dont want to
change our behavior, we wont. Once were
addicted to a drug, we dont have to stay
addicted. We have a choice. And most
professionals agree that while addiction
cannot be cured, it can be managed (Polcin,
et al., 2010).
And the most effective means of
addiction management is abstinence (Polcin,
et al., 2010). They are to be instructed to
stay away from people who use drugs and to
surround themselves with individuals who
can help themselves to prevent substance
use. They must learn to develop strategies
for dealing with their addiction and to
recover from setbacks (Bandura, 1999).
Unfortunately, these are not always so easy
to follow especially when there are so many
lures and temptations around you.
According to Kalivas and Volkow (2005),
among the most menacing characteristics of
drug addiction is the persistent desire of the
person to take drugs even after many years
of abstinence. This problem is especially
challenging to deal with because many drug
addicts get stuck in denial and refuse to
admit to their problem or the effects its
having to them and the people around them.
They will manipulate themselves, as a
defense mechanism, into thinking that it is
okay for them to continue drug use
(egetgoing.com, 2012). By not
acknowledging that they do have a problem,
they can keep away from facing the need to
stop using drugs, but this mustnt be so.
The transition from being a using
addict to becoming a recovering addict
may be considered a kind of resocialization
process (Grant, 2007). This resocialization
process will help them to create new social
environments and new courses of action to
bond with others and to keep away from
previous habits of drug use. This is
important because recovery is not simply
about treating their drug addiction, but also
about making sense of the past and
empowering themselves to take control of
the future (scie.org.uk, 2007). It is a process
of them identifying and replacing what was
referred to as their unhealthy cognitive
and behavioral patterns with their new,
healthy ones. Recovery is a life-long
process, and in order to fully stay in it, you
have to want it, you have to pursue it.
As cited by Sullo (2007), William
Glasser notes that What happens outside of
us has a lot to do with what we choose to do,
but the outside event does not cause our
behavior. What we get, and all we ever get,
from the outside, is information; how we
choose to act on that information is up to
us, which means that we are all responsible
for the things we do. According to the
Choice Theory, allbehavior is chosen (Sullo,
2007; Davenport, 2011; Geraldine, 2010).
Therefore the motivation for such action is
always going to be intrinsic. Glassers
Choice Theory hypothesized that every
human being make up their own Quality
World that embodies the total point of view
and understanding of the world of the person
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such as their relationships, experiences,
possessions, and beliefs (Sullo, 2007;
Davenport, 2011; Geraldine, 2010). Within
this world will be thoughts and opinions
about how to best accomplish those basic
human needs such as survival, love, power,
fun, and freedom, and also certain images of
what the person aspires to be and things they
want to do in life (Geraldine, 2010). As a
person grows old, he will experience
different things in life that may affect their
quality worlds to become different too
(Davenport, 2011). And as we experience
life, we are continuously comparing those
things that we want (our Quality World
pictures) to those things that we've already
got (our Perceived World). We feel good
about ourselves whenever those two were
met. It gives us a sense of accomplishment
or joy whenever we get what we want. But
when we dont, we feel a certain degree of
frustration, especially when that need is
really important to us. That frustration
signal, as Glasser terms it, is felt as an urge
to behave in a way that will help us get more
of what we want (Davenport, 2011).
Their drug addiction can ruin
everything that they hold important. But
even though it can cause them a whole lot of
unhappiness, some individuals may still be
unwilling to change. They often feel that
they dont have what it takes to recover and
that it would be better if things would just
stay the same. But recovery is an ongoing
process, often difficult and painful at
times(alcoholrehab.com, 2010). Most people
will often feel unenthusiastic for they cant
see any change happening. For them,
everything still looks the same. But what
they dont realize is that every little thing
counts. Every time we do the next right
thing, we are affecting change inside
ourselves even when it still looks the same
on the outside. Even when people start
building a life in recovery it does not mean
that they are cured. The work has to
continue. You will need to completely alter
the way you deal with life and the people
around you (Kalivas and Volkow, 2005). To
do this, you need to have the Flow.
Flow is the contrary of boredom. It is
a mental state of operation in which you feel
energized, interested, and fully involved
about something that you are doing. It is
something you often feel when you
accomplished something important or when
you are completely trying your best
(edutechwiki.unige.ch, 2009). You have
your own set of direction and is highly
motivated and focused on the task at hand. It
can push you in getting things you might
think as impossible before. It can help you
to achieve success while in rehab and in the
years that follows in recovery
(alcoholrehab.com, 2010). Individuals
remain trapped in addiction because they
dont feel they have the skills to escape. If
their self-efficacy can be increased, they will
feel more confident about their ability to
deal with their problems (Bandura, 1999).
Their faith in their own skills to beat the
challenge of addiction can lead to an
increased sense of flow (alcoholrehab.com,
2010).
Similarly, self- determination is a
support system through natural or intrinsic
tendencies to behave and have healthy ways
to stop drug addiction. It is how the social
and cultural factor comes in that will
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facilitate the peoples sense of volition and
initiative that will prove the well-being and
the quality of individuals performance. It is
the degree in which the individual endorse
their actions to the highest level of
engagement through actions and a full sense
of choice. In drug addiction, the clients
motivation predicts a high percentage of
change that will put the emphasis in building
the clients motivation for them to fully
recover.
Objectives of the Study
In the present study, we will examine
the role of internal motivation in the lives,
recovery, and sustained well-being of long
term drug addicts, to share their stories
publicly, in the hope to assist someone
struggling with drug addiction. We hope to
share in detail, at this point in their lives, the
related emotions, thinking, and source of
motivation, but more so the overall
process of their recovery and how it came
to be.
And by doing so, we would be able
to determine the viability of self-motivation
in the process of drug recovery and explain
how one person can successfully overcome
their drug addiction on their own.
Specifically, we would be able to identify
the main reason why they have decided to
quit their drug abuse and the strategies that
they used to conquer it.
Significance of the Study
The researchers intend to explore the
participants perceptions and experiences,
especially those pertaining to their own self-
motivation, while in the process of recovery.
Among the persons who will be directly or
indirectly benefited from the study are the
following:
To current drug users: The proposed
study will help those who are struggling
with drug addiction to have a
deeper understanding of their situation and
to accordingly make changes in their lives to
address the factors that contribute to their
drug addiction. This study acknowledges
them as knowing agents in their
addiction and recovery processes, which
could inspire and motivate them to quit their
drug addiction. It can also provide them
some reference or guide in creating their
own strategies in quitting based on the
participants stories.
To rehabilitation doctors: The results
of this research study may give them new
insights which would encourage them to plan
projects designed to improve the quality of
treating those who are currently suffering from
drug addiction. This study can provide them
with the necessary information about their
clients true consciousness in the process of
drug addiction and drug recovery so that they
could further motivate their clients to stop
using drugs. With this study, they could come
up with better strategies to help their clients
successfully.
To future researchers/students: The
current study is useful in contributing to the
general body of knowledge in the area of
internal motivation and drug recovery, on
how can a non-treatment seeking individual,
in particular, stop their drug abuse on their
own. The proposed study will benefit and
help the future researcher as their guide and
can also open up in the development of this
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particular study. It is also different from any
other studies for it focuses more on the
internal motivation of the person and not the
external motivation that most researchers
use.




Conceptual Framework
For this paper, the researchers have
conceptualized our own process of recovery
anchored upon the three theories discussed
above and that is (a) Glassers Choice
Theory, (b) Deci & Ryans Self-
Determination Theory, and lastly (c)
Csikszentmihalyis Flow Theory.
METHODS
The researchers utilized an
interpretative phenomenological analysis in
conducting the study. This particular
methodology was chosen, since it focuses on
understanding the phenomena in question.
Finlay and Ballinger (2006) described IPA
as a variant of phenomenology that aims to
explore individuals perceptions and
experiences. Taking an idiographic
approach, the focus is on the individuals
cognitive, linguistic, affective and physical
being. It will enable us to analyze the
phenomenon under investigation and to
understand the phenomenon from the
participants own point of view (Smith and
Osborn, 2007). According to Taylor (1977),
qualitative research is referred to as a
naturalistic research or inquiry into everyday
living. Direct observations are made of
human behavior in everyday life.
Naturalistic researchers believe that gaining
knowledge from sources that have "intimate
familiarity" (Lofland, 1976) with an issue is
far better than the "objective" distancing
approach that supposedly characterizes
quantitative approaches (Haworth, 1984).
The 10 participants in the study were
selected to meet the following criteria to be
included in the sample. They: 1) Have
abstain themselves from drugs without any
formal treatment or mutual help 2) Had been
on recovery for at least 5 years or more 3)
Willing to participate 4) 21 years or older,
and 6) Of either sex. The duration of time of
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their drug use and drug recovery were also
noted.
4 of the participants were female
(40%) and 6 of them were male (60%). The
mean age of the participants is 47.7 with
ages ranging from 34 to 65 years. Time in
recovery ranged from 6 years to 34 years
with a mean recovery time of 13.1 years.
Meanwhile, time of addiction ranged from 1
year to 40 years with a mean addiction time
of 13.1 years. Participants drug(s) of choice
included shabu (n=10), marijuana (n=8),
cocaine (n=4), ecstasy (n=4), corex-d (n=3),
and rugby (n=1).
The researchers primary data
collection method was a general interview.
It is an in-depth, direct questions interview,
for which we used an interview guide that
we have prepared. Key informants provided
supplementary data. When employing this
approach for interviewing, a basic checklist
will be prepared to make sure that all
relevant topics will be covered. The
interviewers will still free to explore, probe
and ask questions deemed interesting to the
researcher. This type of interview approach
is useful for eliciting information about
specific topics. Trochim (2002) recommend
the general interview guide approach for it
provides more focus than the conversational
approach, but still allows a degree of
freedom and adaptability in getting the
information from the interviewee. They
consider it to be useful as it allows for in-
depth probing while permitting the
interviewer to keep the interview within the
parameters traced out by the aim of the
study.

As this study required the
participation of human respondents, certain
ethical issues were addressed. The
consideration of these ethical issues was
necessary for the purpose of ensuring the
privacy as well as the safety of the
participants. Among the significant ethical
issues that were considered in the research
process include consent and confidentiality.
In order to secure the consent of the selected
participants, the researcher relayed all
important details of the study, including its
aim and purpose. By explaining these
important details, the respondents were able
to understand the importance of their role in
the completion of the research. The
respondents were also advised that they
could withdraw from the study even during
the process. With this, the participants were
not forced to participate in the research. The
confidentiality of the participants was also
ensured by not disclosing their names or
personal information in the research. Only
relevant details that helped in answering the
research questions were included.
RESULTS
In this section, the participants
mainly talked about how dysfunctional the
drugs had become for them in their addicted
phase. The participants highlighted the fact
that substances no longer had a purpose for
them. Something had shifted in the
participants feelings towards themselves,
along with how they were now constructing
different meanings towards their drugs. The
cost of continuing drug use had become too
great to continue, they no longer wished to
be part of the addicted life; therefore, they
began to evaluate alternative lifestyles for
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themselves. This section has highlighted
how participants finally had begun to
consider stopping their use of drugs and
some of the varying feelings they were
having about themselves that compelled
them to begin to do so.
Theme 1: Impacts on Health
When we talk about this theme,
were talking about the negative effects of
drug use on the participants health, either
physically or psychologically, for them to
finally consider quitting it. For this section,
the participants evaluated how their drug
addiction had interfered with their health, as
well as in their physical and psychological
health. The following discussion, of their
health problems, is to understand how the
participants began to realize how the
prohibited drug used has affected their
health, either physically or psychologically.
For example, as one participant, Felix,
states, Nakakaramdam na ko ng hindi
maganda sa sarili ko, tsaka hindi ko na
kayang bumili, baka makaisip ako ng hindi
maganda. People who are addicted
eventually feel constantly out of control and
can no longer manage their own lives
(Adams & Warren, 2010; Copersino et al.,
2006). The drug drives the very thoughts in
their mind. They experience
increasing physical illness as well as
emotional and mental distress.
Eventually they always feel sick.
Some of them were even
hospitalized because of their constant drug
use, such as that of Harold who was
diagnosed with overdose. His body became
stiff as if it was paralyzed. He cant move
his body at all. But if he did, it was as if he
was a robot. Halos patay katawan ko,
isang buwan. Isang buwan ako sa ospital.
Isang buwan ako sa Metro. Para akong
paralyzed.
Beth was also hospitalized because
of her constant coughing due to smoking
shabu and marijuana. Yun, inuubo-ubo na
ko. Umuubo-ubo na ko. Dinala ako sa
Conde, tinignan yung baga ko. Yung
kalahati parang puro ulap, yung kalahati
buo. Yon, isang lingo akong iinom ng
gamot
They also have the tendency to
overthink everything when using drugs,
especially about their own personal
problems such as in that of their family or
friends, causing them to be unable to neither
sleep nor eat anything. As Anne shares,
Parang makina yan na hindi ka
nakakaramdam ng gutom. Kung ano yung
pinagtripan mong gawin, kunwari
maglalaba ka, kahit mAdaling araw na,
matatapos mo yun. Parang feeling mo,
kumikilos ka pa rin. Ganun sya. Iba na. Oo,
iba na. Parang mali na to, hindi na normal.
Gising ako kahit na gusto ko ng matulog,
hindi na pwede. Ganun kasi, andun pa yung
tama. Isip lang ng isip ng kahit na ano.
Parang pangarap ka lang ng pangarap ng
pangarap. Wala ka ng ibang iniisip. Minsan,
yung ibang mahina na ang utak, iniisip ang
problema sa pamilya hanggang sa nagagalit
na sila sa tao. Yan ang epekto niyan, walang
katapusang iniisip mo yung problema mo.
Their moods and way of thinking
were also being affected. Most of them
stated how they always feel irritable and
hotheaded. Irritable ako, nababadtrip
ako, mainit ang ulo ko, mahina ang
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control ko, madali akong magalit, those
are some of the words they described
themselves. They are also starting to feel
paranoid whenever they see someone. For
them, it is as if those people are going to do
something bad to them. Iniisip ko sa kapwa
ko, may gagawin sakin pero hindi naman
pala. Parang tamang hinala na, parang
nagiging negative nga yung isip mo sa
kapwa mo. Kunwari yung matignan ka lang,
ano naman tong makatingin. Parang
ganun, Felix said. Dolly seems to agree
saying, hindi mo kasi alam kung kakampi
mo sila o hinihila ka nila. Parang ang sama
ng pakiramdam ko sa iba. Parang walang
pagmamalasakit sa ibubuyo ka pa. Yung
nasa paligid mo, di mo alam kung kakampi
mo o ibinubuyo ka na.
The substances they had been using
in addiction were no longer making them
feel good, either physically or
psychologically (Adams & Warren, 2010;
Copersino et al., 2006). Problems with
existing lines of action within their health
were catalysts for new lines of action due to
significant tensions and strains. Strain and
tensions occurred on different levels,
followed by the desire to take some kind of
action to reduce this stress (Terry, 2003;
Copersino et al., 2006). For example,
feelings of self-disgust and worthlessness
were common among many participants.
Others mentioned how depressed and
terrible they felt toward the end of their
addicted phases. Although drugs had been
functional for them in addiction, they soon
came to see them as dysfunctional in that
they were no longer fun and no longer
had a purpose for them. They soon realize
that if they are going to live a long,
productive life, they need to take care of
their health first. (Copersino et al., 2006)
In this phase of finally placing values
to their health, although many participants
had been ill for a period of time, there came
the moment when they could no longer
continue to feel this way. Something had
shifted in their feelings about themselves,
along with their feelings about the
substances that had stopped working.
The key to a successful exit from substance
abuse was to stop because they no longer
wanted to be users, in short, to do it because
they wanted to change their selves.
Most participants had turned to drugs
due to a lack of a sense of control in early
experimental and addicted phases. On the
other hand, as they were beginning to leave
addiction, they were also beginning to lack a
sense of control in their use of drugs. We
argue that in this phase, while drugs were
still physically addictive to participants,
these people still saw themselves very much
as authors of their own behaviors, able and
responsible for developing new lines of
action as they moved towards recovery
(Grant, 2007). As Harold said, Sa ngayon
hindi ako gumagamit. Tapos na ko dyan,
angdating sakin niyan perwisyo sa
katawan. Pagod. Pagod ng isipan, pagod ng
katawan.
Ebaugh (1988) in her study of role-
exit addresses an important question: the
whys and hows of becoming an ex.
Ebaughs (1988) work on role-exit
considered 12 ex-alcoholics (six females and
six males) out of a total of 185 individuals
who were exiting other roles. She argues
that this potential for new lines of action is
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part of a role-exit that leads to cuing
behavior indicating discontent with ones
role. The cues for participants in this study
were similar in that there were those signs,
conscious or unconscious, that showed that
they were feeling dissatisfied in their current
roles.

For example, Irenes self-pitying for
having nothing to eat serves as a cue for her
that something had to change in her life, that
she needs to do something fast. Naawa na
ako sa sarili ko. Noong minsan, dinanas ko,
pag uwi ko ng bahay namin, wala akong
kakainin, walang akong pagkain. Naranasan
kong bagoong ang kainin ko sa malamig na
kanin. Naawa ako sa sarili ko noon na
naiiyak ako, na hindi naman yun ang
pagkatao ko. Sa totoo lang mapili ako sa
pagkain pero yung time na yun dahil sa
gutom ko, kumain ako nun. Yun yung
gumising sakin na hindi ko ba matanggap sa
sarili ko na ganito na ba ako?

Theme 2: Social Alienation
In this section, the participants talked
about how their drug addiction destroyed
their relationship with others, especially to
those who matters to them most. Drug
addiction is typically represented by
loneliness and isolation. An addict's drug
use makes interaction with un-addicted
individuals difficult. Shame and guilt and
the need to use makes an addict withdraw
from society whilst at the same time being
pushed away by their loved ones due to their
breaking promises, stealing and general
antisocial behaviour (Bone, et al., 2011;
Copersino et al., 2006).
Negative self-views often
characterizes drug users, however, changing
negative self views is very difficult. The
participants (while still on their addictive
phase) live a miserable life because of the
negative affirmations about themselves, a
product of negative self-image and self-
esteem, of being a drug addict (Ajzen &
Fishbein, 2005). This thing called self
image is a powerful force that influences
peoples minds, feelings, and behaviors.
Ones self concept is projected in his
relationships (Franken, 2007). With a
shattered self image, he is inclined to vibrate
negative emotions and unpleasant behavior,
affecting others in detrimental ways, making
him vulnerable to failure in his personal life
or career.
People who are addicted find
themselves doing things they would
never have done before their addiction, to
get the money they need to continue using
drugs, without even thinking about what
others might feel because of it. Jack
describes how this act ruined his relationship
with his friends, but most especially, the
trust of his own family as well. Marami
akong mga kasalanan na nagawa. At
maraming mga taong nadawit sakin at mga
nagtampo. Iniiwasan na ko ng ibang
kaibigan ko, galit na sakin ang nanay ko,
mga kapatid ko, parang ayaw na nila akong
tanggapin sa loob ng bahay, wala na silang
tiwala sakin.
Our family system shows the
existence of very strong kinship ties such
that whenever difficulties arise, we do not
hesitate to approach our parents and
relatives who are bound to help us. We all
11

need to feel cared for and to be able to care
for others. We need to be wanted and to feel
at ease with those around us (Boone, 2011).
An example of this is the need to be
accepted by those around us and the good
feeling we get when others show they care
for us or when we are able to help others.
But when youre a drug addict, you cannot
satisfy any of those needs. You feel alone.
According to George, Medyo wala kang
kaibigan. Walang tumitingin sayong
pamilya dahil alam nila user ka. Pag
gumamit ka nyan, oo nandyadyan meron
kang mga kaibigan, kaya lang pili. Yung
tingin naman sayo, ganun pa rin, adik pa
rin. Pero di tulad ng nagbago ka, nandyan
na yung kusang lumalapit na sayo ang
tropa, kasi nga wala ka ng ginagamit na
droga. Okay ka na.
For them, drug addiction brings
nothing but rejection and humiliation to
family and friends. The notion of being
rejected and ostracized by others can be so
overwhelming that it crushes the persons
self confidence, as well as drowns the drive
for their personal achievement (Laudet ,
Becker, & White, 2009). But it can,
however, become a positive attitude when it
is used to control misbehaviors, because one
is ashamed to do wrong towards fellowmen
or society. For example, Irene states that
because of drug addiction, her dignity was
soon gone. For her, drugs are a waste of
time. They destroy your memory and your
self-respect and everything that goes along
with your self esteem and your own dignity
as a person. Kasi parang nawala yung ang
aking pagkatao, yung dignidad ko,
marami maraming nawala, nasira sa
pagkatao ko nung time na yun. May anak na
kasi ako ninyan e. Yung akin lang, inisip ko
yung kinabukas ng mga anak ko. Yun, ayun
yung nagudyok sakin, magulang ko yung
nakapalibot sakin na feeling mo lahat ng
nakapalibot sayo walang tiwala ahh yung
markado ka na user ka. Yun yung nagudyok
sakn parang gusto kong patunayan sa mga
tao nagkapaligid sakin at nagmamahal
sakin na kaya kong magbago.
Most of the participants admitted
that they had so many weakness that they
want to conquer. But for the sake of their
own family, they will do anything to
conquer it. They must not allow their fears
to dominate them anymore for the future of
their own children or grandchildren.
According to Jack, Ayokong lumaki ang
aking anak-anakan na nasa ganito akong
sitwasyon, dahil ayokong sumbatan niya
ako.
They soon experienced the stigma
being called as an addict, a failure, or a
loser. Even though they have an addiction,
there is always a part of them that cant be
numbed by drugs. They are easily hurt by
their harsh words and treatment.
Eventually they may even feel self disdain
or hatred. Stigma, combined with all the
negative effects of using, finally causes
them to stand up and say, Ive had
enough.
Nahihiya na rin kasi ako.
Nagkakaedad na ko. Kumbaga, kung saka-
sakali mamatay ako, baka ano pa rin ako
dyan sa drugs. Sabihin ng mga kapitbahay
A yan namatay yan kakatira ng shabu.
Nakakahiya para sa mga anak ko, sa mga
pamilya kong maiiwan, Beth states. Yung
mga manugang ko, parang hindi ka nga
12

ginagalang. Di naman totally hindi ako
ginagalang, pero parang sa pakiramdam ko,
ganon. Mababa ang tingin sakin.
According to the participants, even
though those people are not saying anything
to them, they can still feel the way others
perceive them to be just by the way of how
they look at them, and it hurts them still.
According to Anne, Parang hindi ka na
normal sa ibang tao e. Kasi ikaw, imbes na
samahan ka nila, hindi. Aanuhan ka pa nila,
a yan, adik yan. Wala naman silang
sinasabi pero yung mga tingin nila, parang
dun ka matutunaw, na parang iba to.
Kahit hindi nila pakita sayo ng personal, ng
harap-harapan sayo, mismo sa sarili mo,
mararamdaman mo, parang umiiwas sila
sayo. Hindi naman sa natatakot, pero
parang ganun na rin siguro. Ang iba, kapag
sinabing adik ka, aloof ka dyan, diba?
Theme 3: Belief That One Can Quit
Drugs are not always necessary, but
belief in recovery always is. Believing you
can quit on your own is one of the most
important factors of quitting drug addiction
(Lai, 2011; Franken, 2007). We all need a
strong sense of volition and initiative to
change in order to quit, and also to support
their actions to the highest level of
engagement through actions and a full of
sense of choice. As all of the participants
said, its all up to us whether we want to
change or not. We all have the power to
change and to control ourselves if we want
to. If they can conceive it and believe it,
they can achieve it. They must know it is not
their aptitude but their attitude that will
determine their altitude. Pag ginusto talaga
ng tao, kaya niya. As Anne states,
Mismong isip ko lang din nagturo sakin.
Isip ko rin ang magpapabago niyan na, Ah
tigil na. Tama na. Na ito na yung reality,
harapin mo na.
According to Satel (2011), it is
possible to cure drug addiction within
ourselves. Most people recover and most
people do it on their own. That's in no way
saying that everyone should be expected to
quit on their own and in no way denies that
quitting is a hard thing to do. This is just an
empirical fact. It is even possible that those
who quit on their own could have quit
earlier if they sought professional help. The
implicit message isn't that treatment isn't
important for manyin fact it should
probably be made more accessiblebut it is
simply a fact that most people cure
themselves (Franken, 2007; Boyd, et al.,
2005; Copersino, et al., 2006; Dean,
Saunders, & Bell, 2011).
Tayo ang makakakontrol sa sarili
natin. Irene said. Kung gugustuhan ng
may katawan, kaya. Kung ayaw ng may
katawan, ayaw talaga. Kung baga, meron
tayong salita kung gusto, may paraan, kung
ayaw, maraming dahilan. When asked
about the effectiveness of rehab, she
answered,Nasa tao yan, hindi mo
kailangan magparehab. Kung ayaw mo
talaga, talagang aayaw ka. Kung may
paninindigan ka. Talagang kaya yan ng tao
without rehabilitation. Felix seems to agree
with her saying, Kahit anong lapit mo sa
mga tao para huming ng tulong, pag dating
rin ng oras na wala na yung tao, sabihin na
nating nagparehab ka, pag labas mo,
mauudyukan ka uli. Dapat matibay ang
sarili mo. Oo dahil sa sarili, wala naman
13

makakapag-anong ibang tao dyan e. Sarili
lang.
If you believe that you can quit only
by using a formal program, you give
responsibility to an external agent. Should
you fail, it is the programs fault and not
yours. The formal programs that work best
seem to be those that convince the
individual that he or she can succeed, and
then put the responsibility on the individual
(Bandura, 1999). When people take
responsibility for designing their own
programs and succeed, their feelings of self-
efficacy improves. When peoples self-
efficacy improves, it reinforces their initial
belief that they can quit.
When people realize how many
people outgrow drug and alcohol addiction,
they realise their own addiction problems
are solvable. When they recognise drug and
alcohol addiction is a behaviour they choose
to engage in when life is going badly, they
are more likely to do something to improve
their life. When people believe they can rely
on themselves to overcome an addiction,
they are more likely to mobilise the
necessary inner strength to change their
behaviour. When people believe they can
find their own ways out of addiction,
without outside help, given the opportunity,
they are more likely to wake from their
drug-induced despair and build a life they
value more than a life of drugs alone. Most
importantly when people believe drug
addiction is mainly a way of life, a
behaviour people engage in as, a way to
cope with the world-and not something they
are hopelessly imprisoned in-they may be
more inclined to make the necessary
changes not only in their own world but in
the world they live in. People can learn
what's necessary to live a meaningful life
and put that knowledge to positive effect.
According to Irene, you just need to
choose for yourself on whats best for you.
Dapat meron kang strong will to fight, dun
sa pag iisrtruggle mo. kailangan mo lang
naman icompare ang good and bad. Ano
yung magandang karanasan during sa time
na under ka drugs at normal na buhay mo,
nabubuhay kang wala ka sa droga. Yung
ang lang ang kailangan mo icompare. Kung
ano ang mas masarap na pakiramdam dun.
Doon pa lang magkakaroon ka ng kung ano
ka at kung saan ka ba dapat pumunta.
Irene shared.
Theme 4: New Interests
What we mean by new interests is
the daily activities or hobbies the
participants were already partaking to after
their recovery. These new interests help
them to stop their drug addiction quite
successfully.
According to Franken (2007), when
people value their work, their family, and
the various activities they do, they often
refrain from taking drugs to better appreciate
those things. It is common to hear people
say that they are not going to take drugs
tonight because tomorrow they want to get
up early to engage in a cherished activity. It
is when people have no other reason for
living that they fill their lives with drugs.
(Giovazolias & Davis, 2005; Fields, 2007)
Those people who do not have positive
things on which they can focus their
attention or those people who do not value
14

doing their very best will typically fall prey
to drugs. When peoples lives are filled with
activities they cherish, they have little
reason for taking drugs.
In this section, the participants are
already starting to shift their attention to
their work and their family instead of their
drug addiction. They are beginning to
appreciate their life better because of the
different job and activities they do. They are
now also starting to reconnect with their
families better by taking care of the kids and
spending time with them.
As addicts recover, they must learn
to be authentic in recovery. Not only must a
person accept conventional society in order
to maintain recovery, but society must
accept that person, as well. Change in the
shape of recovery from use of drugs is not
something that is visible or objective in the
sense it can be proven. It is a construct that
is negotiated through interaction between an
individual and significant others in a process
of looking-glass rehabilitation (Maruna,
2001).
The self evolves as new
circumstances, situations, and associations
with others come into play: People act
according to their interpretation of these
events, the way they see themselves, and the
way they think others will react to them.
(Terry, 2003). Therefore, until former
addicts are formally and symbolically
recognized as success stories, their
changes may remain suspect to significant
others and to themselves (Maruna, 2001). In
other words, participants had not only to
trust themselves but trust that significant
others would eventually trust them as well.
It is not enough to just say no to drugs.
Instead, you can protect (and heal) yourself
from addiction by saying yes to other
things. Cultivate diverse interests that
provide meaning to your life.
As Irene said, Subsob lang sa
trabaho, abala sa pagiisip dahil sa trabaho,
pagkikipagusap sa mga kliyente,
nagsesearch ako ng client kung sino yung
pwede kong maging prospect na client
ganun ang ginawa ko. Trabaho. Nangarap.
Yung sa panagrap ko na yun, niyakap ko, na
kailangan kong mangyari yun. Yung
pangarap na makapagtrabaho, makapag-
tayo ng negosyo sa sarili, yung ang niyakap
ko, dreams ko. Yun, nagpursige saking
tumigil.

To Anne, finding a job is already the
start towards her recovery. Umpisa na
iyon. Pag aasawa, aayusin ang buhay,
nagkaroon ng anak, kailangan
maghanapbuhay. As these participants
strategized to recover, they signified that
they also had to rebuild structure in their
lives as they entered into sober social
worlds. They recognized that they needed
alternative activities as necessary
components for recovery. Such activities
helped them reintegrate into mainstream
society. Naghanap ako ng trabaho, kahit
anong trabaho tinatanggap ko, Caloy said.
Kung ano nakita mong gawain sa loob ng
pamamahay, gawin mo na lang para
maiwasan mo ang paggamit ng droga.
Not only did they start working but
they also started to reconnect with their
family as well. They wanted to make up for
the lost time of taking care for their family,
15

especially to their children and
grandchildren. As Beth states, she really
wants to be with them. sabik ako sa bata.
Gusto ko yung apo ko alagaan. Kasi kapag
nakaganyan ako, irritable ako. Ayoko ng
bata. Gusto ko, mahal na mahal ko yung apo
ko. Just being with their family helps them
to stay drug-free, such as that of Jack who
says, Nilibang ko ang sarili ko wala
akong ginawa kundi awitan ko ng
magagandang awitin ang batang pinalalaki
ko para makaiwas ako sa bisyo.

As people come to believe they can
develop other ways to deal with life instead
of relying on drugs or alcohol, they gain
confidence in their ability to determine their
own destiny. As they come to believe
addiction has more to do with the
environments they live in than with the
drugs they use, they may further realise they
have the power to change those
environments in order to help themselves.

For them, having a job or
reconnecting with their family was an
important goal in their abstinence, for
empowerment is about learning through
doing (Grant, 2007), and such
accomplishments increased the participants
sense of self-efficacy. Whether it was
through gaining support from significant
others, moving away from addictive
communities, or rebuilding structure through
various activities, the participants were
redefining experiences as they strategized
their recoveries. As they redefined
experiences, participants were learning to
live again.

DISCUSSION
This study aims to know how one
person can fully recover from drug addiction
without any formal treatment or mutual help
and what motivated them to change. We
want to know the related emotions, thinking,
and source of motivation of these
individuals, but more so the overall
process of their recovery and how it came
to be.
Drug addiction differs from person
to person. Thus, it appears that genes, family
and social environment play a role in drug
addiction that increases the vulnerability. On
the other hand, people successfully
overcome drug addiction by repeatedly
internalizing their own decision to quit drug
use. Continued use for the person who is
addicted to drugs eventually overwhelms all
aspects of their life. With continued use,
they lose track of their personal goals and
dreams. Their values and health
deteriorate. Often, their relationships with
the people who matter most are severed.
People who are addicted eventually
feel constantly out of control and can no
longer manage their own lives. The
drug soon drives the very thoughts in their
mind. They experience increasing physical
illness as well as emotional and mental
distress. Eventually they always feel sick.
Individuals who are addicted become
burdened by huge financial costs, risk or
loss of employment, loss of freedom if
incarcerated, and loss of relationships with
family or partners. There is often a
great financial cost to the family and partner,
as well as for the user. People who are
16

addicted find themselves doing things they
would never have done before their
addiction, to get the money to continue
using alcohol and drugs. Family and friends
also feel more out of control as they find
themselves doing things they would never
have done before, as they try everything and
anything to help the person who is addicted
and to stop them from using.
In the last stages of addiction, many
individuals experience the stigma of being
called a lush, an addict, or a loser. People
with addiction always have a part of them
that cant be numbed by drugs. And they are
hurt by harsh words and treatment.
Eventually they may even feel self disdain
or hatred. Stigma, combined with all the
negative effects of using, finally causes
them to stand up and say, Ive had
enough.
From Glassers Choice Theory, the
quality world contains images of those
things that matters to you as well as those
things that you want that will bring you
happiness (Rice, 2009; Sullo, 2007;
Davenport, 2011; Geraldine, 2010). Before
their recovery, their drug of choice is in their
quality world and all the things that used to
be important to them are only vague images
of their quality world (Rice, 2009). Them,
and only them, can take the image of drugs
out of their quality world. They need to
replace it with something else that will give
them happiness and better relationships.
The self evolves as new
circumstances, situations, and associations
with others come into play: People act
according to their interpretation of these
events, the way they see themselves, and the
way they think others will react to them.
(Terry, 2003). Therefore, until former
addicts are formally and symbolically
recognized as success stories, their
changes may remain suspect to significant
others and to themselves (Maruna, 2001). In
other words, participants had not only to
trust themselves but trust that significant
others would eventually trust them as well.
They soon realize that they really
need to change their lives now in order to
leave addiction behind and to enter
recovery. In order to activate such changes,
the participants must fashion new
perspectives and social world involvements
wherein the addict identity is excluded or
dramatically depreciated (Grant, 2007;
Biernacki, 1986). The original joy and
ecstasy they feel slowly became agony and
despair for the participants. They were
feeling unwell and unhappy with a
diminished sense of well-being, thus helping
them create new versions of themselves that
were much more desirable than the old ones.
A change in ones life, a social crisis, or a
loss of some type may create both upheaval
and opportunity. Such experiences rupture
routines and lives and provide essential
redefinitions of the self.
Once participants became aware of
the need to activate recovery, then, they had
to strategize to put it in place. Maruna
(2001) argues that change for individuals is
more than a discontinuance of undesirable
conduct. Those who have reformed (or
ceased using substances) have had to
relinquish an old self and invent a new one.
He further argues that an individual is truly
reformed from bad habits/behaviors when
17

she/he has acquired new purposes, a fresh
set of meanings and a satisfying new role
(Maruna 2001) .
Their years of drug use have fooled
their quality world into believing that they
bring happiness when actually, they are only
giving the person short-lived happiness.
True, pleasure may be more intense than
happiness but happiness is the longer lasting
of the two. And the key to happiness is
having meaningful relationships with
important people in our lives (Rice, 2009).
Participants had to activate their changes by
establishing or reestablishing meaningful
relationships with individuals whose lives
were organized around sobriety (McIntosh
and McKeganey 2002; Polcin, et al., 2010;
Grant, 2007). This action involved engaging
with significant others in different social
environments.
As participants illustrated, former
drug-using environments contained potential
hazards to recovery. Their solutions were to
remove themselves from such risks by
putting distance, both social and physical,
between themselves and former drug-using
companions, what Ebaugh (1988) argues is a
process of disengagement. Further,
participants were beginning a process of
disidentification (Ebaugh, 1988), that is,
their former roles as addicts begin to shift
and change. They begin to think of
themselves apart from the people they were
in the previous role. Participants needed to
change what they had been doing (their
addiction) because it was no longer working
for them.
The recovery process is one of
construction and reconstruction of ones
identity and resultant view of the world
(Grant, 2007). A new developmental
structure, one based on a new identity, is
being formed. People in recovery are
experiencing a new structure of self-
knowledge. Much of the addicts
interpretations of selves and the world no
longer fit; therefore, both must be
reconstructed. Addicts have to begin to
interpret themselves differently along with
significant others in their lives (Grant, 2007;
Polcin, et al., 2010; Franken, 2007). This
restructuring involved a sense of them
owning their past. All of them talked
about how, in their self-change, they began
to like themselves more. As they all
state, their identity changed. They like
themselves today. Theyre not a bad person
and they have a whole new outlook on life
now. They just gained a whole new respect
for themselves. They have more self-esteem.
If you think that willpower alone will
get you clean and sober, you will not be
successful. According to Rice (2009),
willpower does play a certain part in
addiction recovery, but it is much more than
that. Their desire for sobrierity must be
stronger, or at least just as strong, than your
desire to use drugs. This may fluctuate once
they started. They must be willing to pay
through some physical and emotional times
by controlling their behaviours and thoughts.
It wont be that too easy. In order to have it,
you have to desire it. You have to have the
flow (alcoholrehab.com, 2010). You have
to have your own set of direction and be
highly motivated and focused on the task at
hand.

18

Their intrinsic motivation is essential
to the participants well being because it
enables them to fulfil the three innate
psychological needs. These needs include
the need for competence, autonomy and
relatedness and they form the basis of a
model known as Self Determination Theory
(SDT) as proposed by Deci and Ryan
(1991). Fulfilment of the three basic needs is
associated with essential, agentic behaviour
which is characterised by intrinsically
motivated, self-regulated, curious, proactive
and intentional engagement in activities.
SDT examines the choices people make
without any external influence or
interference and the degree to which an
individuals behaviour is self-motivated and
self-determined (Deci & Ryan, 1991).
Satisfaction with and pursuit of goal-
directed need fulfilment can enhance
activity engagement and personal growth
(Deci & Ryan, 1991).
Engaging in certain activities such as
working or spending time with the family,
enables them to find something of value in
their lives and gives them a sense of control
over their destinies. It was obvious during
the interviews that they talked about their
plans as lined within a sober social world
and with clear eyes to their futures. The
possession of such gave rise to a sense of
confidence and self-efficacy perception for
the participants (Bandura 1999). Participants
were very aware that struggles and
dilemmas will persist in recovered lives, but
they now had the knowledge that they need
to live sober lives. Overall, participants were
no longer afraid of their selves and they had
more of a chance to be successful in their
endeavours.

Many participants mentioned that
they were now in control of their lives;
they were now in charge. Overall, the
participants narratives showed that their
power now was greater than the power drugs
had had over their lives at one time.
Participants had gained their personal power
back. As we listened to these peoples
narratives, we felt as if they had an
obligation to their selves to stay clean, to
stay sober. For the participants, their
addiction and recovery processes had been
arduous journeys, journeys of coming back
to normal. The knowledge gained
through these journeys provided the
participants not only with new selves, but
also with wisdom, which enabled them to
move forward as they constructed new lives.
Overall, the participants in this study are
potential innovators, inventors, and creators
of new forms of conduct for themselves.

Strengths & Limitations

In general, much has been written on
the patterns of drug use and the varying
factors that impel others into addiction and
subsequently into recovery. However, there
is limited information on those who
manages to recover without rehabilitation or
formal treatment. The current study is useful
in contributing to the general body of
knowledge in this area. It will also benefit
and help the future researcher as their guide.
The study can also open in the development
of this study. It is different from any other
studies, for it focuses more on the internal
motivation of the person and not the external
motivation most researchers use.
19

But several limitations were implicit
in the study. First, we assessed each
participant using our interview guide that
enables us to obtain our desired results.
Second, our study focused only in the past
experiences of the participants who
undergone drug addiction and recovered
using motivating factors. Finally, we had a
small sample of participants that limited our
power to study other factors that help them
in recovery.
After conducting the study, the
researchers suggest the following for future
studies regarding the topic. The researchers
must propose a wider scope of samples so
that it could contribute more for a concrete
basis for generalization and for a much
thorough understanding of the topic and the
participants experiences under the drug
recovery and internal motivation. Use of
case study would be recommended for
further study, for it excels at bringing the
readers an understanding of a complex issue
or object and can extend experience or add
strength to what is already known through
previous research. It also emphasizes
detailed contextual analysis of a limited
number of events or condition and their
relationships
































20

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24

STATEMENT TABLE
OPENNESS TO CHANGE

ANNE

Noong gusto ko nang ayusin ang buhay ko, nakapagasawa na ako mayyy patutunguan na yung buhay ko,
kasi noon wala e dalaga lang ano noon e sige lang susunod lang ako sa agos, pero ngayon syempre may
mga anak na ako kailangan na itigil para sa mga anak ko. (Page 2:line 35-37)
Sa sarili ko lang (Page 2:line 48)
Hindi kailangan kasi e mismong isip ko lang din nagturo sakin, isip ko rin ang magpapabago niyan na ah
tigil na, tama na, na ito na yung reality,harapin mo na. (Page 2:line52-54)
Matagal bago makalimutan kailangan sa harap mo makikita mo mismo kasi mauudyok ka e, paglalabanan
mo yon. (Page 3:line 63-64)
Kailangan maging matapang ka, hindi basta basta pagharap sa pagpigil nyan. (Page 3:line 81)
Hawak ko to, dala ko to e. Kumbaga, sarili ko to e. Proud pa nga ako e, parang ganun. Nagfocus lang ako
sa pamilya ko, oo ganun. Okay na yun, tinigil ko na.
BETH Wala naman. Kapag ginusto, kaya. Kaya kung kaya. Ayoko na, ayoko na gumamit. Tagal ko ng
nakabilanggo dyan e. tigil na. higit lang 15 years. Tira-tira, may shabu ako sa kamay. Basta ako may pera
noon, shabu lang ng shabu. E ayoko na. (Page 2:line 75-77)
Alam mo noon, sabi ko pa nga kay eddy, panay pa ang gamit ko, sabi ko pa kay Eddy, Dy,ano mo na nga
ako, parehab mo na ko. Pero sabi nya sakin kung gusto mo tumigil, nasayo rin yan. Kasi mamaya,
paparehab, paglabas mo, gagamit ka uli. O diba, nasasakatawan pala, sa sarili mo. Ang pagkakaano ko rito
sa lugar namin, bumabalik rin sa dati e. tumitikim din e, yung narerehab. Basta ang alam ko lang, kung
gusto mong tumigil, nasasayo rin yan sa sarili mo.
CALOY wala ako rin, sarili ko na rin. Yung bundol sakin ng mga barkada, tropa tigilan mo na yan walang
mangyayari dyn. (Page 1:line 37-38)
Rehab? Hindi, kusa sarili lang talaga. (Page 1: line 42)
DOLLY Ay sa sarili ko, ay wala, kusa lang ako. (Page 2:line 66)
Hindi naman, hindi ako nahirapan basta basta nasa sarili mo yan pag sinabi mo ayaw mo na nasa yan.
(Page 3:line 95-96)
Wala tinigil ko lang, tinigil ko lang basta. (Page 3:line 84)
Oo, basta may lakas ka ng basta malakas ang pang control Mo. (Page 3:line 98)
sa rehab? Di ako naniniwala dyan e. nagbibigay sila ng gamut, kaso nga lang parang sa nakita ko, nasa tao
yan e. control ka lang. sayang lang ginastos, babalik ka rin naman paka.
ERIC Hindi , sa sarili ko lang . (Page 1:line 26)
Ayun nga para magbago buhay ko. (Page 1:line 26)
Hindi ,sarili ko lang. (Page 1:line 28)
Dapat matapang siya ,paninindigan. (Page 2:line 56)
Ngayon eh iwas nalang talaga kahit na yayain ka, hindi ka na titikim. (Page 2:line 61)
marami na kong nakita rito na nagparehab tapos bumalik din. Di ako naniniwala dyan kasi pinatunayan ko
sa sarili ko na kahit wala akong rehab, gumaling ako.
25

FELIX Hindi naman totally lulong. Yung ano ko lang na baka hindi ko na mapigilan yung sarili ko kaya tinigilan
ko, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na itigil. (Page 1, line 19-20)
nakayanan ko naman, dahil wala akong inasahang makakatulong sa ganyang panahon (page 2, line 42-43)
Unang una para sa sarili ko na din e, dahil wala naman akong hiningan ng tulong na basta nakita ko na
lang sa sarili ko na gusto ko nang magbago, tumigil sa pagdadrugs. (page 2, line 69-71)
Wala naman, sariling ano ko lang, sarili ko lang, walang wala, tulad ng paninigarilyo ngayon, tinigilan ko
ang sigarilyo para sa sarili ko na ayoko na baka maramdaman ko na lang sa bangdang huli, huli na. (Page
2, line 73-75)
Wala naman inanuhan na madali e. talagang mahihirapan ka sa unang araw, pangalawang araw, isang
linggo, isang buwan, hanggang sa lilipas na lang nakayanan ko nang umiwas (page 2, line 77-79)
Isa na nga yung sarili lang e, kasi yun na lang magpagaanuhan ko na nagawa kong tumigil na hindi ako
humihingi ng tulong, wala akong nilapitan. (Page 3, line 89-90)
Tibay ng paniniwala sa sarili, ah pag ginusto talaga ng tao kaya (page 3, line 93)
Hindi, nasa tao na rin kasi yun e, dahil kahit anong lapit mo sa mga tao para huming ng tulong e pag
dating rin ng oras na wala na yung tao, sabihin na natin nag parehab ka pag labas mo naudyukan ka ulit
dapat matibay ang sarili mo e, oo dahil sarili wala naman makakapag anong ibang tao dyan e sarili lang e
(page 3, line 115-118)
Wala akong hiningan ng tulong. Nagbago ako dahil sa sarili ko.
GEORGE Kailangan meron din siyang matatag na pagiisip. (Page 2, line 66)
HAROLD Nasa sarili niya na yon. (Page 3: line 108)
Sakin? Wala na. Kasi naiwasan ko nga yan ng wala ng, walang nagpayo. May nagpayo kaya lang
Nalagpasan ko na sila diba? Katulad nga nun, pagkagaling ko, chinallenge ko pa yan, nagtake pa
ko nyan. Talagang chinallenge ko pa yan. (Page 3: line 110-112)
IRENE Actually, hindi naman ako humingi ng tulong sa iba, mismo sa sarili ko (page 2: line 51)
Sa tingi ko naman hindi naman mismo sa sarili, sa sarili ko, sa atin sa tao mismo tayo ang makakakontrol
sa sarili natin kung gugustuhan ng may katawan kaya; kung ayaw ng may katawan ayaw talaga. Kung
baga may meron tayong salita kung gusto, may paraan, kung ayaw, maraming dahilan yun yun parang
ganung kasabihan. (Page 3: line 83-87)
Mahirap? Wala naman nasa tao lang talaga yan. Kaya hindi ako naniniwala sa ano yung rehabilitation,
nasa tao yan, hindi mo kailangan magparehab, kung ayaw mo talaga, talagang aayaw ka, kung may
paninindigan ka talahang kaya yan ng tao without rehabilitation. (page 4: line 124-127)
Ahh katangian dapat meron kang strong ano, yung will to fight, dun sa pag iisrtruggle mo, kailangan mo
lang naman icompare ang good and bad, ano yung magandang karanasan during sa time na under ka drugs
at normal na buhay mo, nabubuhay kang wala ka sa droga. Yung ang lang ang kailangan mo icompare
kung ano ang mas masarap na pakiramdam dun, doon pa lang magkakaroon ka ng kung ano ka at kung
saan k aba dapat pumunta. (Page 4: line 130-136)
JACK Hindi pa naman siguro ako ganoong kadesperada dahil malakas naman ang aking patronesa, kasi
usually yung mga naloloko, makitid ang isip nila. Yung problema nila sobrang kabigat-bigat kaya may
mga pinagsisisihan sila bandang huli. (page 2: line 47-49)
Hinarap ko ng walang takot. Kasi yang hamon sa buhay e, dumarating yanbasta meron ka lang god
feardetermination. (Page 3: line 73-74)
Kailangan matatag siya, malawak, meron siyang confidence sa sarili. (Page 3: line 77)
IMPACTS ON HEALTH
26

ANNE


hindi ka makatulog, malalim ang iniisip dapat meron kang pagtripan iyon yung sinasabi na dapat meron
kang kakalikutin. Kahit pagod na ang katawan mo sige parin gusto pa rin ng katawan mo. (page 1:line 20-
22)
tinatamad ka na, hirap ka nang kumilos, kain ka ng kain. (Page 3:line 90)
iba ang epekto pag nakarecovery ka na kasi, paggamit nyan hindi ka normal e, ayaw mo nang matulog,
talagang as in ayaw mo ng matulog, kahit ilang araw na pinipilit mong pumikit hindi makapikit ganun
talagang, pero pag na lowbat ka naman wala na yung tama nyan tulog ka naman ng tulog halos ayaw mo
nang tumayo. Uhaw na uhaw yan ang mga tama nyan. (Page 3:line 92-96)
normal, malawak ang pagiisip kumikitid kasi ang isip ng isang may isang adik. (Page 4: line 105)
Yun nga, sinasabi ko. Parang makina yan na hindi ka nakakaramdam ng gutom. Kung ano yung
pinagtripan mong gawin, kunwari maglalaba ka, kahit medaling araw na, matatapos mo yun. Parang
feeling mo, kumikilos ka pa rin. Ganun sya. Kaya yung mga artista, kita mo hindi kumakain. Taping ng
taping. Iba na. Oo, iba na. Parang mali na to, hindi na normal. Gising ako kahit na gusto ko ng matulog,
hindi na pwede. Ganun kasi, andun pa yung tama. Isip lang ng isip ng kahit na ano. Parang pangarap ka
lang ng pangarap ng pangarap. Wala ka ng ibang iniisip. Minsan, yung ibang mahina na ang utak, iniisip
ang problema sa pamilya hanggang sa nagagalit na sila sa tao. Yan ang epekto niyan, walang katapusang
iniisip mo yung problema mo. Normal na ang tulog ko. Yun, alam ko ng nakakarecover na ko.
BETH Nung pina-Conde ako ni Paikot (Harold). Yun, inuubo-ubo na ko. Umuubo-ubo na ko. Dinala ako sa
Conde, tinignan yung baga ko. Yung kalahati parang puro ulap, yung kalahati buo. Yon, isang lingo akong
iinom ng gamot.
CALOY ilang araw akong walang tulog, miski anong inom mo ng alak hindi ka nalalasing ganun. Miski
nakamariwana ka wala, paggamit mo sa umaga tuloy-tuloy yun hanggang gabi (coin drop) oo, bawal
matulog, makakatulog ka lang pag nakatabletas ka, valum ka ganun dun lang ako nakaktulog.
(Page 1: line18-21)
ano parang ano parang natigil yung bisyo ko, talagang tinitiis ko, nananakit ang buong katawan ko ganun,
pero hindi ko hinahanap hanap sya, minsan mananakit likod ko, dala na rin ng kaidaran, sa edad. (Page 2-
3:line 92-94)
DOLLY Free again [excited] (laughing) wala parang parang nakalibre ka sa bisyo, e ang sama sama pala ng bisyo
nay an (laughing) di ba? Parang nakakalibre ka parang nabunutan ka ng sampung tinik sa lalamunan
parang ganun! Masarap masarap sa pakiramdam. (Page 4: line 130-132)
Sa isip? Yun, nababadtrip ako. Mainit ang ulo ko. Mahina ang control ko. Saka madali akong magalit.
Ngayon malakas na ang control ko. Nangayayat din ako ng husto. Ang sexy ko (laugh) 26 lang ang
bewang ko nun. Kaya lang parang tumanda yung mukha ko. Parang nagooil yung mukha mo na pawis na
pawis ka. Namamawis ka, di ka pwedeng magmake-up kasi tulo ng tulo, punas ka ng punas. Tapos
nangangayat ka ng husto, kasi di ka nakakain. Ang pangit din ng mukha ko, muka akong matanda. Sexy ka
nga, ang pangit naman ng mukha mo. Namumunas ka, parang matanda. Tanong nila, kumakain ka pa ba?
Di ka rin nakakatulog. Dati, lagging mainit ang ulo ko, parang gusto mo lagi may kaaway. Pero pag
nakarecover ka na, wala na. lalo na pag may nakita kang hindi maganda, naku. Kaya nga yung iba,
nakakapatay pa e dahil sa drugs.
ERIC Payat ako, talagang hindi super payat. (Page 1: line 16)
puyat lang, yun lang. Yung mga mata mo parang lagging inaantok. Di makatulog.
27

FELIX Ayun yung pangangayayat, yung paranag nawawalan ka ng tiwala sa sarili, tska hindi ka na
nakikihalobilo sa ibang tao dahil nagkakaroon ka nga ng hiya dahil sa kalagayan mo. (page 1: line 27-29)
Pisikal dahil nakaramdam akong hindi maganda sa sarili ko, tsaka isa na yung hindi ko nakakayanan
bumili, baka makaisip ako ng hindi maganda. (Page 2: line 45-46)
Sa mga unang araw, tsaka sa mga unang gabi naranasan kong tumigil nagkaroon ng paninibago yung
katawan ko, hanggang sa nagtagal nakayanan ko na rin lang tinuloy ko na lang. (page 2: line 85-87)
Syempre maginhawa na sa pakiramdam, nakakaluwag ka na kahit papaano, parang nawalan ka na ng
alalahanin na baka mahuli ka, o baka madisgrasya ka ng ibang tao ganun (page 3: line 96-98)
Ayun nga maluwag na sa pakiramdam, na ano kahit papaano sa sarili may tiwala na. (Page 3: line 104-
105)
Yun, nahihirapan akong huminga. Tapos, para kang nanghihina. Parang ano ba to? Iniisip ko sa kapwa ko,
may gagawin sakin pero hindi naman pala. Parang tamang hinala na, parang nagiging negative nga yung
isip mo sa kapwa mo. Kunwari yung matignan ka lang, ano naman tong makatingin. Parang ganun. Di
tulad nung una, patang-pata na. Syempre kilos ka kasi ng kilos, di mo namamalayan na ginagawa mo yun.
Kaya kapag nagpahinga ka ron, patang-pata na yung katawan mo. Di tulad noong normal kang nagtrabaho
noon, nagpuyat, kapag nagpahinga ka, masarap na sa pakiramdam. Kasama yun sa droga e, depression.
Naaano ka sa pagiisip nung ano ba naman tong nangyayari sakin? Yung problema ng pamilya ko. Yung
mga nalalaman mong problema. Hindi mo napupuna, may problema ka na pala, hindi mo nalalaman
problema ng iba. Naaano ka sa pagiisip. Isip ng isip.
GEORGE


Payat ako, talagang hindi, super payat. (Page 1: line 16)
Yun, masigla hindi tulad dati ,puyat !ngayon kumpleto sa tulog sa pagkaen. yun yung mga ganun. (page 2:
81-82)
Masarap sa pakiramdam, okay! Pati pagtingin ng tao sayo okay na rin. (Page 3: line 90)
Masasabi ko lang.wag na baka kasi iwas trouble din yun, para din sa kalusugan nila, wag na nila itake
yan. (Page 3: line 102-103)
HAROLD Sa ngayon hindi ako gumagamit. Tapos na ko dyan, angdating sakin niyan perwisyo sa Katawan.
Pagod. Pagod ng isipan, pagod ng katawan. (Page 2: line 21-22)
Halos patay katawan ko, isang buwan. Isang buwan ako sa ospital. Isang buwan ako sa Metro. Para akong
paralyzed. Ganung, gumaling ako, sabi kong ganong, kako hindihindi shabu anghindi sa shabu ako
naano, naoverdose. (Page 1-2: line 42-44)
Hindi, ulitin ko nungnung napagkagaling ko nga sa overdose dahil sadowners. Pagkabalik ko,
pagkalipas ng isang buwan, tinake ko uli sya, shabu. Para patunayan ko sa sarili ko, kaya ko iwasan yan.
Dahil dyan di ako nasira. (Page 2: line 56-58)
Hindi na, naisip ko na talagang anoano lang, wala naman talagang anon a e, pagod lang ng katawan e.
(Page 2: line 62-63)
IRENE naawa ako sa sarili ko noong minsan dinanas ko pag uwi ko ng bahay namin wala akng kakainin na
pinunthan ko nun dahil sa gutom ko kusina, naranasan kong bagoong ang kainin ko sa malamig na kanin
naawa ako sa sarili ko noong na naiiyak ako na hindi naman yun ang pagkatao ko, sa totoo lang mapili ako
sa pagkain pero yung time nay un dahil sa gutom ko, kumain ako nun, yun yung gumising sakin na hindi
ko ba matanggap sa sarili ko na ganito na ba ako ultimo singko pangbili ng ulam wala na ako, yun yun
nak. Napakasarap mabuhay ng walang, walang droga sa katawan. (page 3, line 116)
JACK Iniisip ko para magbago? Iniisipgusto kong magkaroon ng magandang simula. Gusto kong maging
normal uli ang aking buhay, parang ganun. (page 2, line 42-43)
INTERESTS
28

ANNE umpisa na iyon pag aasawa, aayusin ang buhay, nagkaroon ng anak, kailangan maghanapbuhay. (Page
2:line 38-39)
kailangan pag- ititigil mo na yan kailangan na sa isip mo yan, isa puso mo, panindigan mo, pero kailangan
pag hindi mo kaya sumabay ka sa pamilya mo kaagapay mo sila, magdasal ka rin mawawala na yan. (Page
4:line 113-115)
Yun nga, yung nainlove ako. Hanggang sa tinigil ko na. Kasi may inspirasyon na ko e. focus, oo, ganun.
BETH Ah, yung lumabas yung apo ko. Yung pamilya ko, apo ko. Yung anak ni Eddyng panganay. Sabik kasi ako
e. Kasi ang lalaki na ng mga anak ko e. 25 na si Edu, ang aga nagasawa e, yung panganay ko. yung
sumunod, e 1980 kinasal. 81, 82, 83, sunod-sunod sila. (Page 1:line 18)
CALOY kung ano nakita mong gawain sa loob ng pamamahay, gawin mo na lang para maiwasan mo ang paggamit
ng droga. (Page:kine 78-79)
naghanap ako ng trabaho ganun, kahit anong trabaho tinatanggap ko. (Page 2:line82)
kailangan talaga magbago ka, magbalik loob ka sa taas unang-una yan, kaila kailangan ng tao yan. Mabuo
pamilya mo, magtrabaho ka, ibalik mo yung dati mong ayon sa pamumuhay mo. (Page 2:line 69-71)
yung barkada hindi naman maiiwasan, syempre nandidiyan naman yan e. pero yan may higit na naitulong
sakin nyan. Tropa tropa pero walang ano na. (Page 2:74-75)
yung kinabukasan ng pamilya ko, ng buong pamilya ko ganun. (Page 2:line 90)
hmm barkada rin, dahil nagkabalikan kami ng pamilya ko, ilang taon kami naghiwalay nyan hmm asawa
ko.(Page 1:line 44-45)
ERIC


Para makahanap ng trabaho,para hindi mapagusapan ng mga kapitbahay, kasi pag nakikita kang naka
droga, pinagtitinginan ka. (Page 1:line 30-31)
Ahh, nilibang ko sarili ko. Tulad ng? Dito lang ,madaming gawain,pagala gala ng bata ,mga hayop. (Page
2:line 45-47)
Tulad ng pamilya. (Page 1:line 26) Yun ,habang lumalaki ung mga anak ko .yun ang number 1 !habang
lumalaki ung anak ko lalo ko naiisip na itigil na talaga. (Page 1:line 30-31)
Isipin ko lang pamilya ko ,asawa ko ,yun. (Page 1:line 44)
yun nga, nagalaga ako ng mga hayop, inalagaan ko yung mga bata. Para malibang ako. Dun ko lang
finocus yung sarili ko. Nakatulong sakin yun.
FELIX Ang ginawa ko noon kasi na ano ako sa prutas noon, dahil ang trabaho ko mula gabi hanggang mag
umaga, kaya mgamula noon inano ko na kaysa magpuyat ako sa paggamit dun na lang ako magpakapuyat
para makatulog agad ako pagdating ng umaga (page 2, line 64-67)
Kasi dati noon, noong nagumpisa ako nyan, nagtratrabaho rin ako dyan noon. Tapos ang nangyayari nyan,
pagkatapos kong magtrabaho e di, latang-lata na yung katawan ko. Tapos kinabukasan, magtratrabaho ka
na. e nung sinimulan ko ng tigilan, ginawa ko ring dahilan yung pagtratrabaho ko. Kasi, magtratrabaho,
magpupuyat. Makakatulog ako ng maayos. Tapos makakapagtrabahong may panibagong lakas. Di tulad
nung una, patang-pata na. Syempre kilos ka kasi ng kilos, di mo namamalayan na ginagawa mo yun. Kaya
kapag nagpahinga ka ron, patang-pata na yung katawan mo. Di tulad noong normal kang nagtrabaho noon,
nagpuyat, kapag nagpahinga, masarap na sa pakiramdam
IRENE Trabaho, nangarap yung sa panagrap ko nay un niyakap ko, na kailangan kong mangyari yun, yung
pangarap na makapagtrabaho, makapag tayo ng negosyo sa sarili, yung ang niyakap ko, dreams ko. Yun
ang nagpursige. (page 3, line 93-96)
Subsob lang sa trabaho, abala sa pagiisip dahil sa trabaho, pagkikipagusap sa mga kliyente, nagsesearch
ako ng client kung sino yung pwede kong maging prospect na client ganun ang ginawa ko. (page 3, line
100-102)
JACK Nilibang ko ang sarili ko uh, wala akong ginawa kundi awitan ko ng magagandang awitin ang batang
pinalalaki ko para makaiwas ako sa bisyo. (Page 2, line 57-58)
SOCIAL ALIENATION
29

ANNE umpisa na iyon pag aasawa, aayusin ang buhay, nagkaroon ng anak, kailangan maghanapbuhay. (Page
2:line 39-40)
noong na-inlove na nga ako, oo pamilya na talaga, na kailangan deretcho na ang buhay. (Page 2: line 45-
46
pamilya, yan mga anak, tska yung mga mabubuting kaibigansyempre.(Page 3:line 79)
ipakita ng pamilya na mahalaga ka una yun, may takot ka sa Diyos pangalawa yun, at pangatlo kung
talagang hmm ayaw mo na ayaw mo kasi isa lang iisipin mo yung mga bata nag-aantay sa buhay mo.
(Page 3:line 85-87)
kailangan pag- ititigil mo na yan kailangan na sa isip mo yan, isa puso mo, panindigan mo, pero kailangan
pag hindi mo kaya sumabay ka sa pamilya mo kaagapay mo sila, magdasal ka rin mawawala na yan. (Page
4:line 113-115)
Parang hindi ka na normal sa ibang tao e. Kasi ikaw, imbes na samahan ka nila, hindi. Aanuhan ka pa nila,
a yan, adik yan. Wala naman silang sinasabi pero yung mga tingin nila, parang dun ka matutunaw, na
parang iba to. Kahit hindi nila pakita sayo ng personal, ng harap-harapan, sayo mismo sa sarili mo,
mararamdaman mo, parang umiiwas sila sayo. Hindi naman sa natatakotpero parang ganun na rin
siguro. Ang iba, kapag sinabing adik ka, aloof ako dyan, diba? Iba na kasi yun e, pare-parehas kami, ako
man lang sana, magbago. Parang ganun. Maiba naman ako. Kasi kapag yung ibang tao pumunta samin, a
sila, mga adik ya e, parang ganun. Kumporme yan sa mga kaibigan e. may ibang kaibigan, parang lalo ka
pang babaunin. May kaibigan na iintindihin, kakausapin ka. Meron din naman, pagpipilian mo lang. Basta
pag napunta ka dun sa lalong binabaun ka, wala, lalo kang maiipit. Hanggang sa kamuhian mo na siya.
BETH Ah, yung lumabas yung apo ko. Yung pamilya ko, apo ko. Yung anak ni Eddyng panganay. Sabik kasi ako
e. Kasi ang lalaki na ng mga anak ko e. 25 na si Edu, ang aga nagasawa e, yung panganay ko. yung
sumunod, e 1980 kinasal. 81, 82, 83, sunod-sunod sila. (Page 1:line 18)
Apo ko nga. Tsaka nahihiya na rin ako, nagkakaedad na ko. kumbaga, kung saka-sakali mamatay ako,
baka ano pa rin ako dyan sa drugs. Sabihin ng mga kapitbahay A yan namatay kakatira ng shabu. O diba
nakakahiya para sa mga anak ko, sa mga pamilya kong maiiwan. (Page 1:line 33-35)
Yung mga apo ko nga lang. tsaka sariili ko. iniisip ko parangbasta, mararamdaman mo rin naman yon.
Yung mga manugang ko, parang hindi ka nga ginagalang. Parang ganun. Di naman totally hindi ako
ginagalang, pero parang sa pakiramdam ko, ganon. Mababa ang tingin sakin. (Page 2:line 65-67)
Yung manugang ko, pakiramdam ko, parang wala ng respeto. Di naman nila ako totally binabastos.
Parang, syempre, kasama mo sa loob ng bahay, mararamdaman mo din. Iba yung tingin. Naaano ako sa
kanya.
CALOY hmm barkada rin, dahil nagkabalikan kami ng pamilya ko, ilang taon kami naghiwalay nyan hmm asawa
ko. (Page 1:line 44-45)
kailangan talaga magbago ka, magbalik loob ka sa taas unang-una yan, kaila kailangan ng tao yan. Mabuo
pamilya mo, magtrabaho ka, ibalik mo yung dati mong ayon sa pamumuhay mo. (Page 2:line 69-71) yung
barkada hindi naman maiiwasan, syempre nandidiyan naman yan e. pero yan may higit na naitulong sakin
nyan. Tropa tropa pero walang ano na. (Page 2:74-75)
yung kinabukasan ng pamilya ko, ng buong pamilya ko ganun. (Page 2:line 90)
30

DOLLY

nahihiya na rin ako sa sarili ko dahil lumalaki na rin mga anak ko, e baka lumaki anak ko abutan nila na
ganyan nakakahiya naman nagkaisip din ako naisip ko din tska namatay na yung asawa ko kaya wala na
akong pagrerebeldehan.
(Page 2:line 52-54)
inisip ko na paano kaya, paano kaya pag ka anong magiging buhay namin pag ka hindi -ako titigil, ano
kaya magiging ano, syempre naisip ko rin lumalaki na mga anak ko di ba ano talagang naging epekto rin,
dahil noong nagdrugs mga anak ko hindi ko sila masaway nga, parang mga ganun, dahil nga naramdaman
ko narin dati yun, mabuti nga kamo kusang nagbago (Page 2:line 56-60)
Maari nga ayoko nang bangitin yun e, kunwari nga pagtakpan ko sarili ko na ayoko na sabihin na ganun ,
nahihiya ako di ba? Nakakahiya (Page 4:line 117-118)
Para ka ano para kang nahugutan ng tinik (laughing) wala ka hindi ka na dapat mahiya, wala ka dapat
ikahiya di ba? (Page 3:line: 112-113)
wala kang makausap ditto e. sa sarili mo lang yun. Sakin, nasa sarili ko lang yun. Hindi mo kasi alam kung
kakampi mo sila o hinihila ka nila. Parang ang sama ng pakiramdam ko sa iba. Parang walang
pagmamalasakit sa ibubuyo ka pa. Yung nasa paligid mo, di mo alam kung kakampi mo o ibinubuyo ka
na. kaya wala ka sa sarili mo. May mga anak rin kasi ako e. parang naisip-isip ko rin may mga anak ako.
Yung mga anak ko, di ko sila masaway dahil nakikita nila ganyan ka din e. nahihiya ako sa sarili ko. Basta
tigil mo na, nakakahiya e. sabihin, ang tanda tanda na, adik pa!
ERIC Tulad ng pamilya.(Page 1:line 26)
Yun ,habang lumalaki ung mga anak ko .yun ang number 1 !habang lumalaki ung anak ko lalo ko naiisip
na itigil na talaga. (Page 1:line 30-31)
Ayun nga nagiging talamak na kami.nagsusugal, nagpupuyat. (Page 1:line 14)
Para makahanap ng trabaho,para hindi mapagusapan ng mga kapitbahay, kasi pag nakikita kang
nakadroga, pinagtitinginan ka. (Page 1:line 30-31)
isa pa yun. Kapag haharap ka sa mga tao, nahihiya ako. Yan, adik yan, ganun.
FELIX Syempre sa mga pamangkin, mga bata, mga nagiging kaibigan ko para magkaroon ng panibagong buhay
na makihalobilo (page 2, line 39-40)
Paano ko maipapaliwanag, mahirap ipaliwanag kasi nakakahiya, yung nga syempre di ba nakakhiya dahil
sa mga makakaalam, kasiraan. (page 1, line 2-3)
Ahh. . andun naranasan kong yung nakakarinig ng hindi maganda, tapos sa ibang tao laging masama, pero
naiisip ko parin ayun yung mga ganun. (page 1, line 9-10)
Ayun yung pangangayayat, yung paranag nawawalan ka ng tiwala sa sarili, tska hindi ka na
nakikihalobilo sa ibang tao dahil nagkakaroon ka nga ng hiya dahil sa kalagayan mo. (page 1, line 27-29)
Syempre maginhawa na sa pakiramdam, nakakaluwag ka na kahit papaano, parang nawalan ka na ng
alalahanin na baka mahuli ka, o baka madisgrasya ka ng ibang tao ganun (page 3, line 96-98)
Parang ano nga sakin yun, tingin pala nila sakin ganun na. Nagkaroon ako ng idea na pwede ng magbago,
na masyado na kong naaano ng kapitbahay, ganun. Parang naano rin ako sa sarili ko na subukan kong
iwasan. Na ganun na yung pakiramdam sakin ng mga kakilala ko, ng kapitbahay, yung ibang nakakakilala.
Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na iiwasan ko.
31

GEORGE


Yun, habang lumalaki ung mga anak ko .yun ang number 1 ! habang lumalaki ung anak ko lalo ko naiisip
na itigil na talaga. (page 1, line 30-31)
Isipin ko lang pamilya ko ,asawa ko ,yun. (page 2, line 44)
Ayun ,yung mga anak ko pati ,pamilya ko.napagiisip isip ko din sila. (page 2, line 60)
Walang problema, nanjan pamilya, tsaka, basta ung always na nangyayari na nanjan pamilya mo,siguro
hindi mo na maiisip yun ,hindi mo na magagawa yun. (page 2, line 68-70)
Siyempre,tulad nga dati adik ka mejo wala kang kaibigan, walang tumitingin sa iyong pamilya dahil alam
nila user ka, siguro yun pinaka. (page 2, line 84-85)
Masarap sa pakiramdam, okay! pati pagtingin ng tao sayo okay na rin. (page 3, line 90)
Tulad nga ng sinabi ko sayo kanina, paggumamit ka nyan.oo nanjajan meron kang mga kaibigan kaya lang
pili ,yung tingin naman sayo ,ganun Pa rin .adik parin !pero tulad ng nagbago ka,nanjan na kusang
lumalapit na sayo ang tropa kasi nga wala ka ng gingamit na droga.okay ka na ganun. (page 3, line 92-96)

IRENE
Ahh unang- una yun nga yung sinabi ko sayo na walang wala ako makain, pangalawa may anak na kasi
ako ninya e, ah yung akin lang inisisp ko yung kinabukas ng mga anak ko yun, ayun yung nagudyok
sakin, magulang ko yung nakapalibot sakin na feeling mo lahat ng nakapalibot sayo walang tiwala ahh
yung markado ka na user ka. Yun yung nagudyok sakn parang gusto kong patunayan sa mga tao
nagkapaligid sakin at nagmamahal sakin na kaya kong magbago. (page 2, line 61-67)
Bangungot (page 1, line 3) Ayoko na syang balikan, maalala o yung nisaglit sa isipan ko ayoko syang
balikan dahil napakapangit na pangyayari sa buhay ko yun. (Page 1, line 5-7) Kasi parang nawala yung
ang aking pagkatao, yung dignidad ko, marami maraming nawala, nasira sa pagkato ko nung time nay
un. (Page 1, line 9-10)
Ahh unang- una yun nga yung sinabi ko sayo na walang wala ako makain, pangalawa may anak na kasi
ako ninya e, ah yung akin lang inisisp ko yung kinabukas ng mga anak ko yun, ayun yung nagudyok sakin,
magulang ko yung nakapalibot sakin na feeling mo lahat ng nakapalibot sayo walang tiwala ahh yung
markado ka na user ka. Yun yung nagudyok sakn parang gusto kong patunayan sa mga tao nagkapaligid
sakin at nagmamahal sakin na kaya kong magbago. (Page 2, line 61-67)
Yung mga unang taon kailangan ko kasi ipakita sa mga nakapligid sa akin tsaka yung dalawang tao
nagbigay sa akin ng tiwala na para bang binigayan nila ako ng sige ito, ito ang isang chance
pagkakatiwalaan kita, kung ano yung sinabi mo ahh kung baga kung ano yung sinabi mo yun ang
paniniwalaan nila. Kung baga pinanghawakan ko yun at hindi ako sumira sa mga pangako ko. (page 3, line
106-111)
Masarap sa buhay, ang sarap ng pakiramdam mo, wala kang kinakatakutan, magaang ang pamumuhay
mo, nag pamilya mo masaya, ang mga taong nakapligid sayo merong mga tiwala. Masarap ang
pakiramdam ah wala kang ano, wala kang kinakatakutan, kasi ang buhay adik para kang praning noon na
halos lahat ng tao pag napatingin sayo tingin mo e ano pulis mga ganun ba, para kang praning pero ito
buhay na normal napakasarap walang kang kinakatakutan dahil parehas ang laban. (page 4, line 149-156)
32

JACK Noong nalaman kong lulong na ko sa masamang bisyo yung iniiwasan na ko ng ibang kaibigan ko, galit
na sakin ang nanay ko, mga kapatid ko, parang ayaw na nila akong tanggapin sa loob ng bahay, wala na
silang tiwala sakin. (page 1, line 18-20)
Tumigil ako nito mula noong nagkaroon ako ng adopted. A, doon nagsimula na iwasan ko na ito. (page 1,
28-29)
Naisipan kong magbago dahil ito na ang dapat dahil ayokong lumaki yung anak-anakan ko na
sumbatan niya ako at makita nga ang mga maling gawain ko. Baka maging masamang impluwensya ako
para sa kanya. (page 34-36)
Ang nagudyok sakin para magbago siguro yung konsyensya ko, yung kapaligiran, kasi gusto kong
maibalik yung pagmamahal sakin ng nanay ko, at yung pagtitiwala ng mga tao at kaibigan na
nawalayun ang gusto kong maibalik. Yun yung nagudyok sakin para iwasan ko (page 2, line 38-40)
hindi naman ganong kadali at kabilis ang umiwas dahil nakasanayan ko yan. Mahirap yung umiwas dahil
bata pa lang ako gumagamit pa lang ako niyan tsaka parte na ng buhay ko yan. A, naiwasan ko lang yan
dahil meron akong inspirasyon, yung aking adopted. (page 2, line 60-62)
Ang pinagsisihan ko, yung nawala yung pagmamahal ng nanay ko, yun yung number 1at yung nawala
yung tiwala ng mga kapatid koyun ang number 1. (page 3, line 93-94)
Ang naghihintay sakin? Sa totoo lang, ang naghihintay sakin e, napakaganda. Biyaya, grace of our
Almighty God, dahil may isa akong anak na lumalaki na, matalino at mabait. (page 3, line 96-97)
Noong nalaman kong lulong na ko sa masamang bisyo yung iniiwasan na ko ng ibang kaibigan ko,
galit na sakin ang nanay ko, mga kapatid ko, parang ayaw na nila akong tanggapin sa loob ng bahay, wala
na silang tiwala sakin. (page 1, line 18-20)
Ang unang-unang naging epekto sakin ng droga aymarami akong mga bagay na, kasalanan na nagawa.
At maraming mga taong nadawit sakin at mga nagtampo. (Page 23-24)
Yun nga, ang pumigil sakin, yung takot ko na mawala ang pagmamahal sakin ng nanay ko, yun ang
number 1at ayokong lumaki ang aking anak-anakan na nasa ganito akong sitwasyon, dahil ayokong
sumbatan niya ako. (page 2, line 68-70)
Hay napakasarap! Para bangnewborn (smile) Dahil naroroon na yung niyayapos na ko ng nanay ko,
hindi na ko pinagsasarahan ng pinto, dati doon ako sa gate (laugh) bawal ako humawak ng peranaku,
almost 40 years ako ganon, pero ngayon, ako na may hawak ng susi, ako yung nagpapapalit ng pera ng
nanay ko kapag dumarating ng Japan. Binibili niya ako ng mga kailangan koalam mo yun, para akong
tumama sa lotto no? (page 3, line 83-87)
Ang pinagsisihan ko, yung nawala yung pagmamahal ng nanay ko, yun yung number 1at yung nawala
yung tiwala ng mga kapatid koyun ang number 1. (page 3, line 93-94)








33

PARTICIPANT PROFILE

Name of
participant
Age Gender Drugs used Duration of
drug usage
Years of
recovery
Anne 33 F Shabu, marijuana 3 years 15 years
Beth 50 F Shabu, marijuana 15 years 6 years
Caloy 54 M Shabu, marijuana,
corex d (syrup),
ecstasy
22 years 11 years
Dolly 65 F Shabu, marijuana 1 year 34 years
Eric 46 M Shabu, marijuana,
ecstasy
9 years 15 years
Felix 43 M Shabu, marijuana,
cocaine
13 years 11 years
George M Shabu, marijuana,
cocaine, corex d,
ecstasy

Harold M Shabu, cocaine,
ecstasy

Irene 47 F Shabu 10 years 13 years
Jack 60 M Shabu, rugby,
marijuana, cocaine,
ecstasy, corex d
40 years 8 years