A Phenomenology in Verse, How The Mind and Body Can Maintain Balance, as Inspired by the Struggles of Anthony Weiner,

the 12 Step Program, and the Practice of Mindful Awareness and Bare Attention by Paul Dolinsky If your body eggs you on, beyond simple appetite, to gorge on fantasy, what is a person to do? If you feel driven by compulsion you cannot control, this poem could help you. This is a poetic journey in two parts. Part I describes how one could attain and retain balance in one's life, by focusing on external constraints to destructive behaviors, including the those of the 12 Step program. Part II describes how balance could be attained by changes in one's mental state alone, based on mindfulness meditation and bare attention. Parts I and II support each other, and one could begin reading, with either part. PART I Part I describes the Outer Path to Balance This Path involves setting limits, using internal and external constraints. and is consistent with the 12 Step Program We set ground rules to keep us in bounds, away from chains that bind. . Anthony Weiner's Dear Sex Fantasy has put him in bounds, and now she's escaped, leaving an unsightly mess on his hands, claiming them as her own, courting him, then counting him out of one set of vows, exchanging them for another. His marriage to Dear Sex Fantasy was attended by Divorce in the Making, Career in Meltdown and various other un-well wishers. . If Anthony Weiner can divert his finger

from text for sex to press Help for Help, his next step could be the 12 Step program, since no one can bullshit the bullshitters as they say. He could avert perversion of his life goals and keep from groaning out loud as he lets Fantasy and Compulsion have their way with him, veering him toward selfdestructive-obsessive-compulsive unend ing tell-it-all behaviors, short and tall tales of sex and text and talk, His symmetries got out of skew, he ignored the need for closure, and courted lots of ruptures. Raptures, waiting in the wings, got replaced by titillations. Old turn-on's, once tucked way in his mind, now stuck out, like old erections. . To do the 12 Steps could be the one step he takes, that puts him back in bounds, by invoking the power of Higher Powers and still more higher power like sponsors, with persons, places, and things invoked to help him watch his thoughts of sexting, but not sexting, He would take his moral inventory, ask forgiveness of those he hurt, avoid the purgatory of chemical needs and obsessive deeds gone viral. He would look to others to help, not hurt. . We set ground rules to keep us in bounds, away from chains that bind.

PART II This describes the Inner Path to Balance The Path is of mindful awareness through the practice of bare attention. It is closer to internal constraint rather than external constraint. But mindful awareness as an activity, imposes no internal constraints on thoughts or types of thoughts that rise to consciousness. A person's successful practice of this Inner Path to Balance could mean their recovery, apart from a 12 Step program. But both approaches to compulsivity reinforce each other, because they share the same goal of balance, happiness and peace of mind, in a person's life. . 1. Sensation Sensation is pristine, but always ready to be taken in stride, on whatever vehicle one rides. Fit or unfit, sensation is always yours alone. With or without emotions or your favorite salutations, sensations are bare of history and so high up, they barely touch the ground. Sensation works best with eyes sometimes closed, and senses wide open. If with another person, one may not know where touch ends and the other begins; or, if alone, where touch ends, and mind begins. 2. When Sensation Meets Mindscape and Falls in Love Sensation dances its dance , without dancing shoes, which can stir things up and mess them up. A body is a powder room, a mouth, a tinder box,

tender enough to remember, where it's been and lingered, constructing mindscapes from bits of personal history, leaving few table scraps untouched or signposts unturned. 3. When Mindscape Meets Other Minds and Other Screens On screens of human cell and silicone, sensation and image make contact, create context, sometimes body to body, skin to skin, or skin to silicone screen, If membrane to membrane, one loses track, goes to liquid crystal, fast, and with a splash, in a flash, sensations pause at neither human or silicone skin, but seep into personal histories. Mindscape may be played, as a capella score on one's own skin, which may feel touched by sound as if by feather, swell and well up, fully scored, as if by orchestra. How we engorge or bewilder our minds, how we mete out sensations and treat others, is under the proprietary of our body, our property. Fantasy may find us alone, or with partners, with eyes to screen and hands to skin. The mind makes fantasy even when senses

cry out for sobriety . So, bodies remain attractive even when bound and covered in black, in schools, in buses, on streets in houses of worship. Beauty cannot be hid, but peers up from linings under covered skin, itching to be free. 4.When Sensation Leaves Mindscape and Falls In Love With Mindful Awareness and Bare Attention . Sensation is served best a la carte, with no fantasy de jour no fantasy at all, or the extra spice of mindscape added. Sensation holds court within itself where none may go unless allowed, where nothing is unhallowed and nothing unallowed, everything alloyed to what it wills. Unalloyed with any other, sensation discovers bare attention. To each other, they bow, and declare, each needs no other. With bare attention in attendance sensation can toy with itself, enjoy what it will. Sensation feels so good because what wells up as impulsivity stops short of compulsivity. In mindful awareness, one notes things with bare attention, which becomes a practice for wellness and balance. .

5. The Practice of Mindful Awareness, and Bare Attention Close eyes, focus on touch of breath beneath nostrils. Watch thoughts arise and fall, and don't identify with them, at all. The thoughts will seem to fade away, lacking interest to stay, their power to bend you to them growing weak. The mindful mind watches sensations and impulses rise and fall, rejects nothing just watches rise and fall. Impulses that rise are watched, played, then played out fast. as rise and fall. The mind's eye so expanded rejects no impulse, yet feels no need to act, or act out. If you heed rise and fall what you don't need, will just fall away from you. No need to maintain balance when mindful, excess feels its insufficiency, settles down, and the mind resumes its normal play. . This is not psychology that delves into personal history. But there is therapy in mindful awareness and bare attention, watching rise and fall,

catching thoughts as weeds before they fall to earth, and grow solid as deeds. As you fill thoughts and feelings with awareness, they grow light and lighter. Watch them, as they drift away. . A Phenomenology in Verse, How The Mind and Body Can Maintain Balance, as Inspired by the Struggles of Anthony Weiner, the 12 Step Program, and the Practice of Mindful Awareness and Bare Attention by Paul Dolinsky ***