Text Your Ex Back

Text Your Ex Back: A Step-by-Step Guide and Implementation Manual
Michael Fiore
www.textyourexback.com
Copyright 2011 c by Michael Fiore and Digital Romance, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction and distribution in any way, shape, or form is forbidden. No part of this manual or its accompanying audio and/or video material shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any other means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior written permission from the author. If you have questions, email legal@textyourexback.com. Copyrighted materials cited in this course are reproduced here for educational purposes only under fair use provisions of U.S. Copyright law. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting or other professional advice. If legal advice or other professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Michael Fiore and Digital Romance, Inc. individually or corporately, do not accept any responsibility for any liabilities resulting for the actions of any parties involved. 1
CONTENTS
Contents
Introduction The Magic of Texting Before You Text Core Concepts and Marching Orders The Text Your Ex Back Step-By-Step System Revealed Getting Started: Across The Bow Texts Best Of The Relationship Texts Intimacy Booster Texts The Green-Eyed Monster Text Emotional Honesty Texts Using Texts To Turn Your Ex On From Virtual To Physical Dating Your Ex Final Thoughts 3 6 9 20 27 36 44 49 51 54 63 68 71 73
INTRODUCTION
Introduction
(a.k.a. why this guide exists and how its going to help you)
OK, deep breath. If youre reading this guide, youre probably hurting right now. Heck, you probably feel like your heart got ripped out and stomped on, and that the pain youre feeling will never go away. The good news is that Im here to help. In this program Im going to lay out a step-by-step process that will show you how to use simple text messages from your cell phone to rekindle the romance with your ex, open him or her up to the idea of being with you again, and get things o on the right foot as you start dating each other. Am I GUARANTEEING that youll be able to get your ex back using this guide? Nope. Its totally possible that after reading through this material and starting to put it into action youll decide you dont WANT to be with your ex anymore, and that the sneaky tricks and relationship hacks I teach you here will be better used with someone else in the future. But what I WILL guarantee is that after you go through this training youll have a much deeper understanding of why your relationship ended, how the romantic and sexual mind of your ex actually works, and how you can consciously create the relationship youve always dreamt
INTRODUCTION
of by tuning the way you think about love, sex, and romance, all while tapping out a few simple messages with your thumbs. Sounds whacky, I know. But youre going to be blown away when you see how well it works.
Who The Heck Am I And Why Should You Listen To Me?

My name is Michael Fiore (you can call me Mike), and for the last couple of years Ive been carving out a weird little niche celebrity teaching average people just like you to use text messages and other modern technology to improve their relationships. (I also teach stu that has nothing to do with texting, but the push button nature of texting is so cool that I cant stop talking about it.)
Who This Course Is For (And Who Its Not For)

Just to spell this out . . . This course is for you if you legitimately miss and appreciate your ex, feel like youve got a real connection, and feel like the reasons you broke up are things you can resolve, accept, or move past. This course is not for you if . . . well, lets just be blunt about this . . . This course isnt for you if the only reason you want your ex back is for your own vanity and ego. As you go through this material youll gure out that some of what I teach you is pretty manipulative. I use a lot of human psychology to re-awaken your exs attraction and help him or her decide they want to give you another shot. Its powerful stu, and I want you to use it for good. If you want to use it for evil, Id really prefer you delete this guide from your hard drive and we not have anything to do with each other again. If youre abusive (emotionally or physically), a serial cheater who cant be honest (if you want to sleep with multiple people, own up to it), or, well, an asshole . . . Id rather you go the hell away and leave your ex in peace.
INTRODUCTION
If your ex was abusive, either emotionally or physically, thats also a dierent story. In that case you should NOT be trying to get back together with them in any way, and you should nd a qualied counselor or therapist to help you put the pieces of your self esteem back together properly. Im totally serious here. Got it? OK, lets move on . . . Sit back and read through this WHOLE thing (I worked hard to keep it as short and action-focused as possible) before you start to work the program. This will take some time. Im sorry to say it, but theres no magic bullet here. Theres no one text that I can give you that will change your exs mind in ten minutes and have you back in romantic la-la land. But if you go through this program and do what it says, youll learn a ton. You will come to terms with your own emotions around your ex, and you will have a REALLY good shot at getting the romance and connection you miss back in your life. Id love to hear from you about your experiences with this material. If you have a testimonial, a question, or suggestions for something else youd like to see in the Text Your Ex Back program, shoot an email to feedback@textyourexback.com. Congratulations on making the decision to invest in this program and in your relationship. I cant wait to hear about your results. Yours,
http://www.textyourexback.com
THE MAGIC OF TEXTING
The Magic of Texting (The Secret Path To Your Exs Subconscious Mind)
First things rst. When you heard Text Your Ex Back, you probably guawed a little bit, or choked on your soup, and said yeah, right. Ive tried EVERYTHING to get my ex back already. How can TEXT MESSAGES do the trick? But the fact is that these days TEXTING is the most direct and personal method we have for intimately communicating with each other. Your average teenager sends 300 or more texts PER DAY (and has giant, swollen thumbs that can crush an average mans skull). Even adults say that their actual talking time on the phone has radically declined since unlimited texting became standard on mobile plans. Most people these days are ADDICTED to their cell phones, trust their phones more than they trust their friends, and would rather bathe in battery acid than go through a week (or a day . . . or 20 minutes) without being able to check their mobile. Since your ex likely suers a horrible panic attack if she or he leaves the house without their cell phone, they open up a huge window for you to seduce them back into your life, one text at a time.
Why Is Texting So Eective At Helping You Get Your Ex Back?

Bullet point time . . . Texting is PRIVATE and INTIMATE. As I teach in my Text the Romance Back (www.texttheromanceback.com) and Text Your Wife into Bed (www.textyourwifeintobed.com) programs, texting is the perfect way to create a private and intimate world between you and the man or woman in your life. For women in particular, texting can end up being a fun game where they can do or say anything (even things they would NEVER do in the real world). Texting is NONCONFRONTATIONAL. Odds are your relationship ended on a heated note. I dont know WHY you and your ex broke up, but there was probably at least one (if not a few dozen) big ghts. Done properly (the way Im going to teach you), texting is simple and subtle. You can slowly feed your ex tested and proven messages and ideas without the risk of either one of you ying o the handle, falling back into old and destructive patterns, or throwing plates at each other. Texting lets you build intimacy, attraction, and desire ON YOUR OWN TIME and by remote control. You and your ex are both busy people (especially if you have careers, dogs, kids, video game addictions . . . you know, important stu to deal with). With texting, you can reestablish attraction and create your new relationship on your own time frame. (And you are creating a NEW relationship. Ill talk about that more in a bit.) Texting lets you CONTROL THE TONE and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can STOP and THINK about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, gure out the right thing to say (Ill give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that youll regret.
Remember, were taking Baby Steps here.

Your goal isnt to have one more night with your ex, or to trick your ex into getting back with you only to have the whole thing blow up in your face again because nothing has changed and you still have the same problems and arguments as before. Your goal is to slowly wear away the reasons you and your ex broke up, address the objections he
or she may have to getting back together with you, remind them of the profound attraction that brought you together in the rst place, and forge a powerful new base for your relationship . . . all at the push of a few buttons. It takes some time, but the results are VERY worth it. Lets get cranking.
BEFORE YOU TEXT
Before You Text: Why Did You Break Up And Whats Your Ultimate Goal?
Before you start laying the groundwork for getting your ex BACK, you need to do a little prep to make sure you really understand why you broke up in the rst place and what youre ultimately trying to accomplish. FILL THIS SECTION OUT AS COMPLETELY AS POSSIBLE. Well use the material later. Its important that youre as honest as possible here. If you lie to yourself about why you and your ex broke up, what the deal-breakers in your relationship were, or what your real goals are in getting back together, then youre going to be VERY disappointed when you pull the trigger and send your rst couple of texts. OK? In this section well talk about why you and your ex broke up and what the conversation in your exs mind is about you. You will get the fuel you need to put your plan into action, using simple text messages to seduce her or him back into your life, and ideally have them think it was their own idea.
BEFORE YOU TEXT
Well also cover some important CORE CONCEPTS and INNER GAME stu that will make the whole Text Your Ex Back process go much, much smoother.
Why Did You And Your Ex Really Break Up?

Lets play a little choose your own adventure here. Pick the option that ts your relationship, read through it, and then do the exercise at the end of the section. Option 1: Your Ex Broke Up With You. Ah, you got dumped. Sorry to hear it, but all is not lost. The rst thing is to gure out WHY your ex broke up with you. I dont mean the reason they SAY they broke up with you, but the actual reason why. Thats going to require some painful honesty and some self analysis, but its worth it. Your ex may have lied about the actual reason he or she broke up with you. If they did, it was probably because they didnt want to be mean or hurt your feelings. We all lie to each other a little bit in relationships. (You shouldnt lie about the big stu, but brutal honesty on a day-today basis can really mess up a good relationship. Your spouse doesnt really need to know what goes through your head when you eye the cute waiter or waitress.) Here are some typical reasons your ex may have given you why they broke things o. If I dont cover the EXACT reason you and YOUR ex broke up, ll in the form below with the correct information. Its not you, its me. This is a white lie softener that your ex used to dull the pain when he or she broke things o with you. There probably wasnt any maliciousness in it. If your ex gave you this line or some other vague reason for breaking things o, it probably means they simply werent feeling attracted to you anymore (well address that later), were bored in the relationship, or werent getting their sexual or emotional needs met (sexual incompatibility can send even a great relationship to an early graveyard). They possibly dont even know themselves why they broke things o. (It just doesnt feel right.) The relationship is not moving forward. Its stereotypical, but youll hear this one most often from women (especially women in their early- to mid-thirties who have the biological clock ticking
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
like crazy in the back of their heads). If your ex got to the point where they broke things o because you werent moving forward together, it can actually be good news. It means theyre still attracted to you and see potential in you, but are frustrated by a certain level of Peter Pans child who wont grow up that they see going on. Your job is going to be to convince your ex that youre ready to bring things to the next level, whatever that might be, or to convince them that its not time to go to that level yet. Feeling nagged or unappreciated/Cant relax in the relationship. I certainly see this one a lot. Dr. John Gottman (whos an AMAZING relationship researcher at the University of Washington) says that contempt is the number one indicator of whether or not a relationship will stand the test of time. And one of the biggest ways men and women show contempt for each other is by constantly nagging and criticizing. If in the past you were constantly criticizing your ex, measuring them against an unattainable ideal, or focusing more on their aws than on their positives, youre going to have to learn to accept your ex for who they are and rebuild a lot of trust and self esteem. I recommend you read Dr. Gottmans work and take it to heart. You can learn more at http://www.gottman.com. I met someone else. The grass is always greener, huh? Finding out the person you love is with someone else can feel like getting stabbed in the gut (believe me, I know). Its also completely possible that once they settle in with a new person, theyll realize what a good thing they left behind. Your job here will be to put your best face forward, be as unbothered by whats happened as possible, and slowly open the door to reconciliation. Betrayal/Cheating. I get a lot of emails about this one. If your ex broke up with you because of cheating, its PROBABLY because you cheated on him or her (though sometimes someone will cheat, realize they cheated because they wanted out of their existing relationship, and then pull the trigger). Actually, this is as good a spot as any to talk about WHY people cheat in the rst place, and some basics about human psychology and evolution. When a guy cheats it almost never has anything to do with his wife or girlfriend. This is hard for women to get their heads around, but when a man cheats it often is for basic, unemotional reasons. He cheats because his testosterone is driving him towards that woman like a freight train and he thinks that he cant help himself. Im not saying guys SHOULD cheat (I rmly believe we should keep the promises we make), but if youre a woman whos
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
been cheated on, as much as it hurts, realize it probably had nothing to do with you. If the cheating was an isolated incident in an otherwise good relationship, its not an indicator that a relationship is doomed. (Tangentially, open or semi-open relationships can be very successful. But thats another topic for another manual.) Women usually cheat for emotional reasons. When a woman cheats, its usually because shes craving something shes not getting in her relationship and life. A woman will cheat as revenge (he cheated on me; Im going to cheat on him), because shes mad at her man (he never pays attention to me), because the man she cheated with gave her attention shes not getting from her husband or boyfriend, and sometimes, out of plain old-fashioned lust. There are exceptions to both rules. Sometimes women cheat just because they can and sometimes men cheat for deeply emotional reasons. Despite what you may have been told, humans are NOT evolved to be monogamous. This one can get me in trouble with readers, but most reputable science shows us that humans are NOT evolved to be with just one person sexually for our entire lives. If anything, were like Bonobo apes who have wild orgies at the drop of a hat. Now Im NOT saying that YOU should be out there whoring it up, and Im not condoning cheating. Personally, Im in a very happy monogamous relationship. I am saying that damning your partner to hell for cheating is a lot like getting angry at them for breathing, eating food or sleeping. Humans are ALWAYS going to want and CRAVE sexual variety. The fact that we have brains and can choose not to indulge in that variety is what makes us human. But youll have a much happier relationship with your man or woman if you admit that (just like you) theyre human, make mistakes, and have desires and cravings they cant always control. If your ex is (or you are) a serial cheater, however, all bets are o . . . that behavior brings up issues of honesty and respect, and most likely isnt going to change. Take a long, hard look at what you really want out of a relationship. We dont communicate. Again, this is a common reason for a woman to break up with a man. I hear from women all the time who say I just dont know whats going on in his head, or He never TALKS to me. Later in this manual youre going to learn some techniques to make speaking your heart to your ex a much simpler and less frightening experience. If youre a woman, its also going to make it easier for you to speak in languages your man actually responds to.
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
Stonewalling/ No reason given. Finally, your ex may not have given you ANY REASON AT ALL for breaking things o (man, that drives us crazy, huh?) Personally, I think thats pretty immature on their part. In this case youre going to have to do some internal detective work. With that in mind, answer these questions as honestly as possible: 1. What reason did your ex give you for breaking things o?
2. Whats the REAL reason you think the relationship ended? (Be honest here. What was at the real core of the end of the relationship? Ask yourself the question, dig deep, and the answer will come.)
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
3. Are you willing or able to address the real reason the relationship ended? (If you dont want kids and your ex does, or vice-versa, thats a pretty big deal breaker.) What actions are you willing to take in the relationship to address these problems?
Once youve answered these questions, move on to the next section. And if you were the one to break up with your ex, keep reading. Your questions are coming.
Option 2: You Broke Up With Your Ex And Now Want Them Back.
Uh oh, you messed up. This actually happened to a friend of mine recently. He broke up with his girlfriend of two years because of his own fear of commitment. He dipped his toe briey back into the world of being single, realized he was a fool, and then came to me begging for advice on how to get his woman back. She was licking her wounds, bitter and more than a little angry for the hell hed put her through, so he had to work the system pretty hard. Again, its totally possible that the reason you told your ex you broke up 14
BEFORE YOU TEXT
with them and the REAL reason you broke up with them have about as much in common as peanut butter and nuclear weapons. Thats OK. Remember, were dealing with reality here. Just like we did for the readers who were broken up with, we need to create a nice, honest map of what happened at the end of your relationship and establish whats going through your exs mind when they think of you. Here are some typical reasons you may have broken up with your ex but now want them back . . . You thought you could do better (and now realize youre wrong. Sucks, huh?) You thought they betrayed you (but they didnt. Jealousy can be ugly). You just werent attracted to them anymore (but now are). Heat of the moment/result of a big ght. You cheated, or he/she cheated. (See the section on cheating a few pages back.) If you broke up with your ex and now want them back, answer the following questions as HONESTLY as you can. 1. Why did you break up with your ex? (The real reason. It might take some soul searching.)
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
2. What reason did you TELL your ex you broke up with them for? If its actually the REAL reason, thats awesome. Hopefully you didnt stonewall.
3. Is the reason you broke up with your ex something that you think can be addressed? Is it still a deal breaker, or is it something you can move past? If you cant forgive your ex for being who they are, youll never be successful.
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
Whats Your BIG GOAL?

I like to say, You cant hit the target until you paint it on the wall. So now that weve got a clear picture of why your relationship ended in the rst place, were going to paint a big fat bulls eye on the wall and gure out why you really want your ex back and what your goal is here. Again, no one has to see this material but you, but its important that youre as honest with yourself as possible.
Question 1: WHY do you want your ex back?

No, really, I mean it. And because it hurts so much right now that I feel like Im going to drown isnt the right answer. (OK, I guess its AN answer, but you want more than just that.) If Im going to help you get your ex back, I want to make sure youve got a damned good reason for getting back together and are going to do everything you can to make that relationship work. Here are some answers I hear all the time: I want my ex back because we understand each other better than anyone else on this planet. I want my ex back because, despite some bad times, we work really, really well together. I want my ex back because I want my children to grow up in a whole family, AND I know we can be a positive, happy couple together. I want my ex back because when I get around him/her I feel safer and more passionate than any other time in my life. I want my ex back because I want someone to take care of me. I want my ex back because Im incredibly attracted to them. I want my ex back because I dont want anyone else to have them. I want my ex back because of nancial reasons. Notice that some of these are pretty boring and maybe even a little dark. But theyre all HONEST and (in some way) LOGICAL as well as emotional. So dont beat yourself up if your reasons for wanting to get back together seem a little less than fairy tale romantic. Just be honest with yourself here. Really think about your answers here, theyll aect everything you do during the rest of this process.
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
Question 2: Whats your Big Goal? What do you actually WANT?

OK, now that we know WHY you want your ex back, lets paint a picture of what getting them back actually means. This is the big picture, destroy the Death Star and live happily ever after view of romance.) Its totally possible (probable, actually) that your goal is going to change as time moves forward, but lets gure out what youre aiming for now. So heres your question: In a PERFECT world, what would your relationship with your ex look like? Here are some example answers: In a perfect world, my ex and I would live together, would spend as much time as humanly possible together, and would be respectful and passionate towards each other. In a perfect world my ex and I would be dating. That means we see each other a few times per week, but still have plenty of time apart to live independent lives. Wed both still be seeing other people. In a perfect world, my ex and I would be just like we were when we rst got married 20 years ago. Wed be able to erase all of the built up BS around our relationship and really be a family for our two kids. While wed sometimes have disagreements, wed never resort to yelling or contempt. In a perfect world, my ex and I would have sex one last time and it would be awesome. Again, no one is going to see this but you, so be as honest as you can. Also, know that your perfect world doesnt have to be super realistic. Its just important to know what the Big Goal is. If you get CLOSE to your big goal, youre doing really well.
Question 3: Whats the Baby Step that would give you a chance of getting your Big Goal?
You know WHY you want your ex back, and you know what your Big Goal is. Now you just need to know what that rst tiny step will look like. For instance, if your Big Goal is to get your ex girlfriend to marry you and start a family together, your rst Baby Step would be getting her to sit down to coee with you.
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BEFORE YOU TEXT
Depending on how badly your relationship ended and what kind of relationship it was, you and your ex might be: Not speaking at all Seeing each other socially in a friendly way Speaking and seeing each other only when you have to deal with the kids Hanging out all the time but not being romantic Still madly in love but not willing to make it work Some combination of the above You need a Shift Point which would give you the chance to convert your relationship from where it is now one step closer to your Big Goal. Dont be too ambitious here, but dene one small thing that you want in the near term. Your Shift Point can be pretty damn small at this point. Write down your Shift Point to start things in the right direction. For instance, Ive worked with people who say things like: I want my ex to be able to have one conversation with me where neither one of us gets angry. I want to have lunch with my ex so we can look each other eye to eye. I want to make love to my ex again as quickly as possible because I know shell feel that bond again when we do. Whew! OK, now go on to the next page. Weve got a LITTLE BIT more prep work to do.
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CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS
Core Concepts And Marching Orders Before You Start To Text Your Ex Back
Congrats! Just by answering the questions Ive given you so far, youve taken massive steps towards getting your ex back and having a better relationship than you ever thought possible. Were about to get into the actual Text Your Ex Back system (its a doozy), but before we do there are a few Core Concepts I need you to get deeply embedded in your mind. Some of this stu might feel hard to accept at rst (and some of it might y in the face of what youve been told by pop psychologists, romance experts, relationship advice specialist and greeting card companies), but once you accept these concepts and really internalize them youll nd the whole process of getting your ex back (or having a successful relationship with someone else in the future) is MUCH smoother.
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Core Concept #1: Your Old Relationship Is DEAD (and its never coming back)
This one might hurt a little bit. Your old relationship with your ex is DEAD (as a doornail, as communism in Russia, as Michael Jackson. Its a dead parrot, mate.) The moment you or your ex ocially broke things o (and maybe even BEFORE that), your relationship was led to the gallows and fed to a rabid shark. If you go into this process trying to get your old relationship back, youre going to fail. You and your ex are both dierent people now than you were the last time you were together, whether that was two months ago or twenty years ago. (Human body cells replace themselves completely every few months, so Im actually being literal here.) Instead of trying to recreate your OLD relationship (which probably ended for a reason), were going to try to create a NEW and BETTER relationship with your ex, hopefully without all the same hang ups and deal breakers you suered through before. So really, the fact that your old relationship is dead is a GOOD thing. It means in a lot of ways you can wipe the slate clean and create the relationship (positive, sexy, fun) that you both deserve. Mourn your old relationship. Pour back your whiskey. Do a jig. Have a wake. Cry it out. And then get ready to birth something new and awesome.
Core Concept #2: Forgiveness Is Power

Before we ocially start this process you need to do two very important things. 1. You need to forgive your ex for whatever they may have said or done that led to your breaking up Plain and simple, FORGIVENESS IS POWER. As long as you hold a grudge against your ex, youre giving them power over your life and your emotions. Now, Im not saying you should forget the words
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that were ung or the way he or she hurt you. But accept that it happens. We hurt those we care about the most. Let go of any need you might have for them to wholeheartedly apologize or give you recompense for what happened. Whether they SHOULD or not is immaterial. Right here, right now, you need to FORGIVE your ex for being human, for making mistakes, and for hurting you. Only then can you move on. 2. You need to forgive yourself. Honestly, this is even more important. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, if you want to get back together youre probably beating yourself up, dragging yourself over the coals for messing up your relationship and playing the woulda shoulda coulda game in your head, trying to gure out where you went wrong or why you werent good enough. Its time to stop. Just like your ex is a human being, full of frailties and desires they have no control over, so are you. If you cheated, you cheated. Its not the greatest thing in the world, but it doesnt mean youre a monster. If you said some things you regret, its because you have emotions and you care. You may choose to apologize in the future, but rst you need to get cool with yourself. There is NOTHING more unattractive in a person than self loathing and rock-bottom self esteem. If you dont LIKE yourself and think POSITIVE thoughts about yourself, youre never going to be able to work the system and have your ex eagerly coming back to you. So get your head up, dry your tears, look yourself in the mirror and say I forgive myself. Do this Forgiveness Exercise hundreds of times if you have to. Fake the smile for now, and eventually itll be real. And then play The I Like Myself Game.
The I Like Myself Game

The I Like Myself Game is something I created several years ago when I was at a real low point. Id just turned thirty, and even though a lot of things in my life seemed pretty great, I was miserable. No matter what I accomplished or what I did with myself, my self image was low and dirty and evil and cruel. And it wreaked havoc with my romantic life. I hated myself so much that I just couldnt let a woman love me without wondering what the heck was going on in her head.
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Its taken me years of work to re-jigger my self image to something awesome, but its been worth it. In my experience, the rst time you play the I Like Myself Game its going to scare the living bejeezus out of you. In fact, a lot of people who TRY to play the I Like Myself Game the rst time end up chickening out. They confuse liking yourself with being arrogant and go hide under the couch until the specter of positivity passes. So take a deep breath and get ready. Heres all you have to do: Take out a blank piece of paper or re up a blank document in your word processor of choice. (I like Pages on the Mac, but anything will do.) At the very top of the paper write I like (YOUR NAME), I really do . . . (If you feel a little shot of panic doing this, thats OK. Take another deep breath.) In the third person (Mike is. . . ), write out what you truly LIKE about yourself. Dont edit yourself. Dont apologize. Dont use wiggle words or neutralizers like Id like Mikes smile, but his teeth are kind of crooked or I like Mikes brain, but I wish he was smarter. Focus on the positives. Dont qualify anything. Dont worry about being immodest (modesty is noxious; Im not a fan). Be honest: what do you REALLY like about yourself, and what do you think other people like about you, too? Examples of stu you might like about yourself can include: Personality traits: I like Bobs sense of humor. He can make a whole room laugh with a word. Physical traits: I like Marys butt. Its taken years of work, and shes got an ass that draws stares when she walks down the street. Accomplishments: I like how Jerry kept moving even when things got tough and graduated at the top of his class. FILL THE WHOLE PAGE. Keep going no matter how hard it gets. The rst time I did this exercise I had a panic attack, but now I can do it in my sleep. Were going to do a variation of this exercise and use it later in our texts. So its SUPER IMPORTANT that you do it right. Just as an example, heres a quick I Like Myself Game for me . . . I like Mike, I really do. I like his energy. It crackles o him like lightning, and when he focuses he can change the world through his sheer force of will. 23
I like how Mike cares about people. I like that Mike goes out of his way to help the people in his life and thinks loyalty is the most important thing in the world. I like Mikes smile. Hes got dimples and a naughty glimmer in his eye that makes you wonder whats going on in his head. The rst time you play this game, youre going to feel like an egotistical git. Thats because our culture programs us to have low self esteem and low opinions of ourselves. Play it anyway. Write it out longhand if you can (though typing is OK, too. My handwriting is doctor-level bad, so I type everything). You dont have to share this with anyone, but you can if you want. Its a great game for a couple to play together, followed by a What I Like About You variation. Simply by focusing on the POSITIVES about yourself, youre going to REPROGRAM your mind. Condent people and people who like themselves have better relationships. I really cant harp on this one enough. So much of seduction, whether its with someone new or with someone youve been with in the past, is MENTAL. If you truly BELIEVE that you are someone your ex SHOULD be with, is BETTER OFF with, and will be HAPPY with, itll make your job so much easier.
Core Concept #3: Youre Single! DATE!!

I know. Dating sucks. The meet market is a cold and horrible place, full of frightening people and bad music. But it can also be a lot of fun. And as painful as it sounds, one of the best ways to get your ex to notice you again is for you to go out, date, and actually HAVE FUN. Im not saying you should hop into bed with a lot of people or get into a serious thing with somebody else (you shouldnt). But I am saying that its VERY important for you to go out, date, and realize that you are an attractive and interesting person. By dating youll . . . Raise your own self esteem. Hone your game for when its time to go after your ex again (because youre going to start at the beginning and DATE your ex again . . . not just fall into the same old pattern). Learn to appreciate the good things you and your ex had. 24
Learn new tricks and ideas you can use in your relationship. Become a better rounded and more interesting person. Also, dating lets you use a concept called Social Proof. I dont have room to go into a ton of detail on this, but the core idea behind social proof is that human beings tend to emulate the action of what other human beings are doing. If a bunch of people are looking up and you walk by, youll probably look up. If you see enough testimonials in a diet ad from people saying they lost 400 pounds eating nothing but HoHos, youll be more likely to try the diet. And if enough OTHER people seem to nd you attractive, interesting, and sexy, then your ex is more likely to do so, as well. (This is why Im generally a proponent of positive irting and positive jealousy even when youre in a relationship. Another woman nding your man attractive actually reects POSITIVELY on you, and vice versa.)
Core Concept #4: You WANT Your Ex. You Dont NEED Your Ex.
Neediness is a major turno. I talked about this is the Forgiveness section, but its worth repeating: if you want your ex back you really need to LIKE YOURSELF rst. You need to think of yourself as a worthwhile person, a great catch, and someone your ex will be lucky to be with. Much of the work youve done so far is about guring out WHY you want your ex back and what kind of great life you can build together. The key word there is WANT. You should WANT your ex back (otherwise why are you reading this?). But you shouldnt NEED them. Before you start to Text Your Ex Back, spend some time with yourself. Join a gym. Eat better. Take care of yourself. Take up some hobbies. Get a better haircut. Only by loving yourself can you present yourself as someone your ex should love, as well.
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Core Concept #5: Only Fools Rush In

Honestly, theres not much in life you cant learn from Elvis lyrics. If you and your ex JUST broke up a few days (or hours) ago, and youre desperately trying to reignite the pilot light of your relationship, Ive got some bad news for you. If you want REAL results with your ex, youre going to have to wait. Plain and simple, if you just broke up, theres too much stu around your relationship for you to be able to enjoy each other yet. I recommend that you take at least ONE MONTH o from each other before starting to use the Text Your Ex Back system. And by o, I mean you completely cut contact. No phone, no texting, no hanging out, no email, no little notes left on his car overnight, no accidentally bumping into each other at a favorite hangout. OK, by saying that I may have scared the bejeezus out of you. You might feel like you NEED to see your ex NOW, or that if you dont strike while the iron is hot youre going to miss your chance to reignite that spark. And I totally understand that. Believe me, Ive been there. Ive felt that horrible anxiety rushing through my body and that overwhelming craving to see the woman I love, even though she doesnt seem to love me anymore. But its imperative to the success of this program that you take your time and do it right. Remember, were not just trying to get you a hook up with your ex. Were trying to create a powerful, positive relationship that you both get a lot out of for a long time to come. If you have kids and have to interact, thats ne, but keep the interactions as SIMPLE and POSITIVE as possible. Dont dig into your exs life. Dont act needy. Spend time doing your homework, thinking about the relationship, dating other people (as weird as it might be), and biding your time until you can put your plan into action. Remember, 30 FULL DAYS of silence (more if you can handle it.) Itll hurt now, but its worth it in the long term. Were done with our prep work. So if you typed up your answers to the questions, print up your answers and keep them handy. Get a drink, settle in, and get ready to put the full Text Your Ex Back system into action.
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THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED
The Text Your Ex Back Step-By-Step System Revealed

Start your engines. If you checked the Table of Contents and jumped right to this chapter, go back and read the sections before this, ESPECIALLY the Core Concepts. If you want this to work, its also critically important that you answer the questions I laid out for you, so that you can explain WHY you want your ex back, what the mindset of your ex is around you, and what your goals are. Once youve done all of that, THEN its time to put the tested and proven Text Your Ex Back system into action. A couple quick notes about the following pages: This system will work for you whether youre male or female (and whether youre dating a man or a woman), but youll have to adjust the psychology accordingly. Ill show you in the text where you should be doing things dierently.
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This system is designed to build rapport and intimacy even when your ex and you arent spending any real time together. Eventually you WILL end up in the same room with your ex (they may even be the one who suggests it), and at that point youll have to be o script. For now, though, use the concepts and texts I give you and let me do the work. Obviously I cant write perfect texts for EVERY situation or EVERY person in the world (Wish I could.). If the specic language of what I give you or the formula I supply doesnt sound quite right for you or your relationship, edit it and make it your own. I wont be oended. The important part is that you FOLLOW THE STEPS that I give you and WORK THE SYSTEM. A couple Pre Text Instructions: I said this in the last section, but its important: take some significant time o from your ex before you start this system. Wait a month at minimum, though you may want to go longer than that. Its important that you have time to let the rawness of the break up dissipate before you go barreling back in. Practice the Forgiveness Exercise I gave you in the last section. Do it daily if you have to and remember to forgive both yourself and your ex. It sounds kind of cheesy, I know, but it works. Practice positive thinking about your ex. Try to banish the negative thoughts from the end of the relationship from your mind. If youre still in touch with your ex (because of kids, work, common friends, etc.) STOP using text messaging for practical stu. Our goal is to create a fantasy world over text, and the best way to kill that buzz is to text about picking the kids up from school or taxes. If its impossible to stop talking about that stu over text, keep the conversations as short and practical as possible. NO MATTER WHAT, you MUST refuse to go negative with your ex over text. If he or she starts a ght over text, REFUSE to continue the conversation in that medium, even if it makes your blood totally BOIL. Call instead. Meet in person if it makes sense, but keep texting as virgin territory. Let any negatives from your ex go for now. Simply ignore them, DELETE them from your phone right away and realize that the ANGER youre getting from your ex really just shows that he or she cares. Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is. If your ex keeps hammering you over text, simply send back a note saying something like, Im not willing to have this conversation without being able to look you in the eye. If you want to sit down and talk about it, let me know.
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Another great way to cut a negative conversation short is to simply write This is inappropriate. and stop talking. Youll be amazed at how well that one works.
Text Judo - The Cornerstone Of The Text Your Ex Back System

What is Text Judo? Great question. Text Judo is the art of using your exs existing emotions against them in order to get the positive result you want. In regular Judo, a martial artist uses an opponents strength against him, redirecting a lunge or a punch, for example, so that the attacker ends up in a bruised and battered pile on the oor. A really good Judo practitioner at work is a sight to behold. A 5-foot-tall woman can throw a 64 linebacker around like a rag doll if the woman knows CONTROL while the linebacker knows nothing but POWER. Now, your ex is not your enemy, or this is not like combat, but the metaphor works. Since your ex is probably still feeling a lot of hot emotion around you, youre going to use that emotion to our own advantage. Remember, your ex feeling ANY emotion towards you (even hate) is, in many ways, a GOOD thing. Apathy will kill any chance you have of getting back together with your ex, but any positive or negative powerful emotion can be transformed and guided using simple techniques Im going to teach you. If your ex is angry at you, you can use that anger to ignite the spark of love thats probably still buried deep down inside. If your ex is hurt by you, you can use that hurt to uncover the desire for acceptance and love that left him or her open to being hurt by you in the rst place. And on and on and on. The key to Text Judo is to ACKNOWLEDGE the elephant in the room. If you come back into your exs life pretending that nothing ever went wrong in your relationship, itll blow up in your face. Instead you ACKNOWLEDGE the problem, give VALIDITY to your exs emotions (especially if youre a man trying to win back a woman), and then translate
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those emotions into the feelings of warmness, closeness, and attraction that were trying to create. Sound complicated? Its not. But it does require more grist for the mill. You need stories, emotions, and pieces of your relationship that youll use in your communication with your ex to focus your ex on positive thoughts about you, create your fantasy world, and drive them back into your arms.
Prepping The Shot (A Little Bit Of Text Judo Homework)

Fill out the following questions before moving on to the next section. Like all the assignments, this is important, building organically on what weve done before and creating a foundation for what is still to come. Take the time, do the work, and youll be really happy with the results. Question 1: What were the POSITIVE aspects of your relationship with your ex? What were the things you had in common that drew you together? What was it about your relationship that you really loved and adored? What was it that made you guys really WORK as a couple? (Even when things started getting bad, there were probably things that drew you together.) Just to get the old creative juices owing, here are a few possible categories that I hear all the time. You can beg, borrow or steal . . . Music - what bands did you both LOVE? Was there a particular kind of music that drew you together? Did you meet at a Phish concert? Are you both jazz freaks or metal heads? Politics - do you both hate the same ideas (strangely, that can be a real bonder for people)? Do you have similar ideas on how your country should be run? Do you have ideological or activist causes in common? Passions - what gets you both humming like an 8-cylinder engine? What do you both CARE about on a really passionate level? If youre both part of PETA, that denitely counts. So does a general love of the outdoors, or a love of DIY projects. Religion - same ideas as above. Are you both devout Christians? Occasional Mormons? Lapsed atheists? Write down the commonalities of your faith.
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Sex - are you guys sexually compatible? Do you share fetishes? Sex is important, folks, and a good and compatible sex life is 100% critical to you having a life together. Kids - do you have kids together? If so, thats a pretty big common interest. What is it about your kids that drives you together? What about your children do you both enjoy? (Oh, and if you bad mouth your ex in front of your kids, youre a bad person. Dont do that. Seriously.) Hobbies - what kind of hobbies did you share? Dancing? Theatre? Movies? Video games? Walking the beach with a metal detector? Do you both love travel? Do you both hate Dr. Phil? Whatever it is, get it all on paper in a big list. Be as exhaustive as you can be. Really think out the stu that drew you together before, and that you think could draw you together again. Question 2: What are the BEST EXPERIENCES you and your ex ever had together? Now that we know what drew you together in the rst place (besides pheromones . . . man, those things are powerful; I get within ten feet of my girlfriend and my brain turns o and I start slobbering like a cave man), now its time to list the BEST EXPERIENCES your ex and you ever had together. These should be the stories youd tell your grandkids, and the stories that will crawl right into your exs unconscious to make them smile or laugh, almost despite themselves. These experiences dont necessarily have to be positive in the traditional sense. As any war vet or survivor of a natural disaster knows, trauma has an incredible bonding eect on human beings, and being in a foxhole together makes lifelong friends (and sometimes lovers). These are the kinds of experiences I want you to list. Brainstorm freely for now. You can edit down to the really good stu later. Your Couple Origin Story - This is the story of how you got together in the rst place. Its probably SUPER EMOTIONAL for both of you, because you were both feeling such intense attraction when it happened. Being able to bring that back up in your exs mind is very powerful. Adventures you shared - These are usually one o memories, like that trip to the Grand Canyon, the honeymoon in Hawaii, or the crazy weekend in Vegas. Just make sure the adventure was something you both look back on fondly, and not something your ex is going to get annoyed by. For example, if the car broke down at the
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side of the road and you spent hours yelling and screaming about it, you should probably leave that out. Us Against Them experiences - These are experiences where it felt like you and your ex were a unit and were really there for each other against a common enemy. (In-laws and parents make great common enemies, as long as it doesnt seem like you are criticizing your exs family.) These can be a little complicated. Examples could be when you helped your ex get out of a sticky legal spot, when you stood up for your girlfriend as she was getting hit on by a guy, etc. Bonding Tragedies or Challenges - This is where you take a negative and make it a positive. Bonding tragedies or challenges are times when you and your ex really went through a tough experience together. For instance, the death of a family member, a natural disaster (We were huddled in the dark for six hours together, waiting for the hurricane to abate), a car wreck, a trip to Burning Man or some other hostile environment, boot camp, etc. Anything where it was HARD but satisfying and had a positive outcome. Romantic Experiences - Romantic memories might include the night you proposed or got married, a really romantic vacation at a spa, a time you surprised your partner with a day o or a trip, etc. Anything where it was really just the two of you enjoying each other without any outside interference. This could also be the moment you discovered you were in love or other emotionally heavy moments. (Side note: Did you know that science shows men are actually more romantically minded than women? Weird but true.) Family Experiences - These are the moments where you felt proud of your family or were really happy that your partner was there. The birth of a child, or your grandparents anniversary gathering. That time you thought your kids were threatened but they turned out OK. Positive Sexual Experiences - Ahh, sex. No matter how long you were together (or how bland things may ultimately have happened in the bedroom), Im willing to bet you have some particular sexual experiences with your ex that you revisit in your fantasies again and again. And Im willing to bet your ex does, as well. These should be moments when you felt particularly close to your ex emotionally, felt out of control physically, tried new things in the bedroom (with positive or at least goofy results), had the most amazing orgasm of your life, or otherwise ended up in a sweaty, happy pile together. Public sex experiences are great for this (the thrill of almost getting caught sticks in the unconscious for a long time). Mundane Experiences You Both Enjoyed - And nally, weve got the 32
mundane experiences you and your ex used to enjoy. As a couple you undoubtedly had some boring stu that you took comfort in doing together. For me and my girlfriend, its sitting around in our sweatpants, eating ice cream and watching Glee episodes on Hulu. (Yes, were geeks.) REMEMBER - no matter what the experiences are, they need to be things that BOTH you and your ex enjoyed. Dont use stu that was a point of huge contention between you and your ex here. Stay POSITIVE. Got it? Good. Right now, list as many of these positive experiences as you can. USE AS MUCH DETAIL AS POSSIBLE. Details are EVERYTHING when it comes to reviving past positive emotions. (Even details that are made up can do the job, oddly enough.) While youre writing, also list out what the DOMINANT EMOTION around that experience with your ex is. What FEELINGS come up for you when you think of that experience? Question 3: How is your ex currently FEELING about your relationship? Ahh, emotion. Whether its been a few weeks (at least a month, I hope) or a few years since the break up, your ex probably still has some hot emotions around you and your relationship. And those emotions are going to IMMEDIATELY come up when he or she gets that rst text from you. Depending on how negative those emotions are, you might have to alter your game plan to soothe the savage beast and slowly work your way back into their good graces.(How your breakup went should give you some good idea of how your ex is currently feeling about you. Did you break up in an angry ght? Or was it more of a slow death? What does that tell you about whats going on in your exs mind and heart?) Write down the emotions your ex is currently feeling about you. Anger? Why? What is that anger masking? What desires bubble below it? Sadness? Why? Self righteousness? Why? Melancholy? Regret? Dread? Whimsy? Undoubtedly your ex has a whole stew of emotions around you, not all of them logical. Your goal here is to be as honest as possible about how he or she is feeling about you. This isnt the time to lie to yourself. Lay it all on the table.
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Chances are, your ex is feeling some conicting emotions (and you might be, too). The best example I ever had of conicting emotions was when my grandfather, Rocco, died when I was thirteen. All my life my mom told me about what a horrible guy my grandfather was. He was an abusive alcoholic who treated my grandmother horribly, spent all his money on booze (instead of on helping his daughters), and squandered his intelligence and gifts. But then, at Roccos funeral, I watched my mom and her sister bawl their eyes out up at the lectern. At the time I was confused as hell. My mom hated her dad, so why was she crying? But when I got a little older I understood that love and hate are not opposites. In fact, to truly hate someone or to truly be angry at someone, you have to care about them a little bit rst (and probably a lot). Emotions are complicated and in no way logical. Its totally possible that your ex is holding two (or 3, or 12) seemingly conicting emotions towards you all at the same time. What if you dont know why your ex is reacting the way they are? Maybe you were completely blindsided by the break up. You thought things were ne until the hammer fell, and now you just dont have any insight into your exs mind. I hear from folks all the time who thought their relationship was perfect (or at least pretty good) when their partner broke the news that things were over. If thats the situation you nd yourself in, youre going to have to do something dicult and try to ask folks who know both you and your ex for information, or sit back and think about how your ex MIGHT be thinking about you. Use a little creativity. Its actually a great exercise thats going to serve you well later anyway. Use the following page to do your emotional brainstorming, and then congratulate yourself. Were done prepping and loading the cannon. Its time to aim and re.
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The Step-By-Step Text Your Ex Back System

So Simple A Child Could Use It (Though I have no idea why a child is dating in the rst place. Thats just weird.)
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GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS
Getting Started: Across The Bow Texts

Feel that little tingle of excitement running from the base of your brain all the way down your arm to your thumb? Sit and enjoy that for a moment. Were about to start working some magic. Now, if youve done the things as prescribed, its been at least a month since you and your ex have had any really meaningful interaction. Youve been taking care of yourself, going out with friends, and most decidedly NOT spending all your time staring at the ceiling and feeling sorry for yourself. Youre getting ready to Text Your Ex Back, not because youre needy and sad, but because you and your ex really did have some kind of special chemistry and rapport thats worth ghting for and thats going to add a lot of positivity to your lives. Which means its time to take your weapon of choice (your cell phone) and send that rst across the bow text thats going to give you the mission to seduce your ex back into your life. Just to be SUPER CLEAR, our goal with this rst text (or our rst DOZEN texts) . . . . . . is NOT to get together for a drink or to talk things out.
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. . . is NOT a booty call (though if you do things right, your ex may want to go there pretty damn fast). . . . is NOT to x your relationship with one magic message. (Man, if I could do that Id be charging a million dollars a pop.) Nope, instead our goal with this rst text is a lot more modest. Our goal is to . . . GENTLY open the door to more conversation. . . . start establishing POSITIVE experiences and emotions with your ex. . . . remind your ex of the GOOD TIMES you had in your relationship (and plant the idea in his or her mind that more good times really could be right around the corner). . . . use TEXT JUDO to arm your exs feelings in a positive way so they can move past them. . . . and create a subtle FRAMEWORK where your ex comes to the conclusion seemingly on his or her own that you should get together and talk (or do more than talk). This is where a lot of the prep work weve done so far comes into play, especially the emotional state and how your ex feels about you preparation we did.
Rules Of Your First Few Messages (actually all of them)

Be positive and upbeat. (Do NOT bring up the negatives that caused your relationship to end.) Dont be needy. Its important that you come across as condent, happy, and attractive. It also means that you cant come across as desperately trying to reignite the ames of your relationship (even if thats exactly what youre actually doing). Dont worry if you dont get a response. If you dont get a response at rst, dont worry about it. Simply let it go, take a deep breath, and resolve to come back and try again later. If the sh arent biting one day, it doesnt mean they wont bite again in the future. Your texts must validate your exs emotions in a positive way. This means you cant gaslight your exs emotions and say they
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arent real. (Thats just mean.) You should never have to apologize for them, and whatever youre feeling is the right thing to feel. Avoid Nothing texts at all costs. This is important enough to talk about in more detail. One of the biggest mistakes you can make whether youre texting your ex, sending a message to a cute girl or guy you just met, or trying to seduce your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend back into your bed is sending a nothing text. Whats a nothing text? Its a text that doesnt actually SAY anything and doesnt leave any hooks for positive interaction. Here are a few examples of nothing texts: Whats up? Hey, how you doing? Hi. Yo. Basically, if a text sounds like it was written by a 19-year-old frat boy, it probably counts as a Nothing text and should be avoided (even if you ARE a 19-year-old frat boy). Instead of sending Nothing texts to open up a conversation with your ex, youre going to use what I call Across The Bow texts and Curiosity Pivots, which I rst developed for my Text Your Wife Into Bed program. No matter what you send, you should always know what your GOAL of an interaction with your ex is BEFORE you send it. What SPECIFIC thing are you trying to accomplish when you hit Send? What response do you want from your ex? Are you just trying to get ANY response? Are you looking for a smile or a laugh? Are you trying to open the door to a particular conversation? (I recommend you save that for once youve got good rapport going back and forth.) You wont always get the response you want, but its important that you have it in mind. If you dont have a solid answer to that question in mind, take a deep breath, put your cell phone back in your pocket, and wait for another day.
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Across The Bow Texts Revealed

I said across her bow, not up it! - Dark Helmet, Spaceballs An Across The Bow text is a shot in the dark. Its that rst text you send when you havent talked to or seen your ex in a while, and is designed to let them know that youre thinking about them, that you dont have any negative feelings towards them, and that youre not horribly, horribly messed up over the break up (even if you actually are).
The Across The Bow Text Formula #1:

I (stumbled onto this thing you like or that reminds me of you) and it (positive thought or reaction on my part.) This is using one of your common interests or experiences in a positive way. If Bill and Jenny were both really into football, and their favorite team won a big game, Bill could send something like . . . Bill: Just watched the end of the Seahawks game and it put a huge smile on my face thinking how excited you must be. Hope youre doing great! (Yeah, I know. The Seahawks suck. But a man can dream, right?) or for a couple thats big into reading . . . Lisa: I just stumbled onto this old copy of Brave New World and it made me think of you for the rst time in a while. Put a smile on my face. =-). Notice how its all pretty innocuous? Notice how I even resorted to using an =-) emoticon? (I usually hate emoticons, but sometimes you have to go there.) Your ex cant read or even assume where youre trying to go with things with a message like this. While your ex COULD use this text as a door to start a conversation if they want to, it doesnt DEMAND a response or feel pushy in any way. In other words, it gives your ex an out. Your ex has a chance to engage in conversation if they want to, but doesnt force them into a confrontation or to make any kind of specic decision about whether they want you in their life or not. Its a little like putting a frog in some water and raising the temperature by one measly degree. If we do it right, the frog doesnt even notice.
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Across The Bow Formula #2: The Random Compliment

(Nice thing to say about your ex) (indicator that youre OK with the breakup.) For instance: Harry (to his ex wife, Joan): Just caught myself thinking about you. Im really glad you were in my life. Hope youre doing great. =-) Or Sally (to her ex boyfriend): Youre a really wonderful person. I hope we get to be friends again someday. Notice how in both of these cases the sender is being kind of aloof? In most situations, if you come on STRONG with your ex right away, its going to blow up in your face. This text is really just a variant on Formula One. Again, its designed to let your ex know youre thinking of them (but not stalking them), to give them a small compliment and open the door to the possibility of conversation, and to give an out so that your ex doesnt feel horrible amounts of pressure. ASSIGNMENT : Right now, brainstorm 2 or 3 dierent Across The Bow texts that you can send to your ex. Be creative. Use your list of things that you and your ex had in common as fuel for the re. After you hit send: Once you send an Across The Bow text, a few dierent things might happen: 1. You get no response at all. Honestly, this is NOT necessarily a bad thing. After not hearing from you for some time, your ex might just be shocked to nd you buzzing his or her pocket and might be overwhelmed by all the emotions that come rushing up with your name. If you dont get a response right away, just take a deep breath, let it go for a few days, and then try again with another variation or another of the texts I give you in this manual. Whatever you do, DO NOT FREAK OUT and DO NOT SEND A LOT of messages in a row. Were trying to project condence here, and con-
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dent, attractive people do NOT freak out. Rest assured that your ex DID receive your message. And just by reading the message, youve moved them ever so slightly down the path to reconciliation. 2. You get a neutral response. A neutral response would be something like Oh, thanks. or Oh, thanks. How are you? Your temptation in this case is going to be to POUNCE like a tiger on this small piece of attention and try to get them to engage in some long, explosive texting conversation. DO NOT DO IT. GET OFF THE DAMN BRIDGE. Instead, your proper response is to answer their neutral response with something equally neutral, friendly, and innocuous, and then for YOU to be the one to end the conversation and move on. For example: You: I know its been a while, but I started thinking about you today and it put a smile on my face. Youre a really wonderful person. Hope youre doing really well. =-) Your Ex: Oh, thanks. Hope youre good as well. You: Thanks. Going into a movie, but its good to hear your voice. Later. Pretty simple, huh? The key here is for YOU to be the one who ends the conversation. If you keep chatting with your ex until they decide to end it, youve given up power and lost your chance to build mystery or attraction. Whoever has the last word is the one who has the power in these situations. 3. You get an overwhelmingly positive response. Most likely youll only get this kind of response from your ex if you were the one to break up with them, or if theyve independently come around to realizing they made a mistake but havent had the guts to call you. You should play the overwhelmingly positive response pretty similarly to the neutral response. You match their enthusiasm to some degree, and then YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. So . . . You: (Same as above.) Your Ex: Hey, thanks! Its great to hear from you! How have you been? You: Really well, actually. =-) Im going into a movie but its really great to hear from you. More later. =-) 41
And then you end the conversation for at least a day. Why are you ending the conversation when they give you that level of enthusiasm? Well, its pretty simple. By ending the conversation and keeping control, youre actually making them want and miss you MORE. The longer you keep them in this longing state the more powerful it will be when you do decide to get together and the more grateful your ex will be when you give them the attention and aection they crave. 4. You get an overwhelmingly NEGATIVE response from your ex. Option 4 is, of course, our least favorite, though its not NECESSARILY a kiss of death. Option 4 is when you send your initial text, and your ex doesnt ignore you, doesnt give you a neutral response, and doesnt give you a positive response, but actually comes at you negatively and maybe even aggressively, bringing up the negatives around the end of your relationship. Obviously these are the kind of messages you need to be the most careful around. So if you text your ex and get a response like: Your Ex: DO NOT TEXT ME ANYMORE. Then you need to give things more time. I know its tempting to want to plow through that kind of resistance, but youll do more harm than good. If you get a message like that just say: You: Sorry. Hope youre doing well. And let things sit for a while. And by a while, I mean weeks at the minimum, and possibly quite a bit longer than that. I know its painful, but you need to give them time to let the anger subside. Another kind of negative response you might get would be something like: Your Ex: Thanks for the message but I really cant talk to you right now. It just hurts too much. In that case you want to respond with something simple like: You: I totally understand. Hope youre doing great. No matter what happens, this rst message is really just dipping the toe into the Text Your Ex Back method. Rome wasnt built in a day, and your relationships not going to be forged with one text. This is as marathon, not a sprint. 42
Like I said, if your ex tries to rope you into a BIG conversation after this rst text YOU should be the one to resist (no matter how hard it is.) Your goal is to get your ex to decide independently that they want to see you again, and the best way to pull that o is to make sure that you dont come o as too needy or eager. You need to be like Fonzie, and Fonzie was cool. (Yes, I just made a Happy Days reference.)
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BEST OF THE RELATIONSHIP TEXTS
Best Of The Relationship Texts

Remember when I told you to write out all those pleasant memories and favorite experiences with your ex? Its time to put those into action. Once youve sent a few messages Across The Bow of your ex, its time to move on to what I call Best Of The Relationship texts. Note again that you are NOT actually trying to get your ex back yet. Instead, youre trying to plant positive thoughts and emotions in your exs mind so they start thinking about you in a positive way. And EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE makes those good times feel as real as possible.
A Quick Note On EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE And DETAIL

Emotional language are the words that bypass the critical mind of whoever youre talking to and appeal directly to their Lizard Brain in a way they almost cant resist. 44
For instance, which is more powerful: We beat the other team. or We obliterated the competition. The word obliterated resonates in your mind in a MUCH more powerful way than something as simple and lame as beat. In your Best Of The Relationship texts youre going to bring up past experiences using as much POSITIVE emotional language and DETAIL as possible. The Text Judo here is that were taking the powerful emotions your ex already feels around you and pushing them towards positive thoughts instead of the negative thoughts they may have now.
Best Of The Relationship Texts Revealed

These texts are a great way to follow up a successful Across The Bow text. A day or two after you get a bite with an Across The Bow text, follow by saying . . . Formula 1: Do you remember (great experience with your ex)? Formula 2: I was just remembering (great experience with your ex). Note the word remember here. A funny thing about the human mind is that we really cant hear (or read) the word remember without our brains immediately going into data retrieval mode. Do you remember the rst time I asked you if you remembered to remember something? OK, Ill stop messing with you. But its important to realize that when you ask your ex to remember something, their subconscious is going to access those old memories whether they want to or not. So its important to only focus on things you actually WANT them to remember and to tread lightly around the land mines of your relationships. Now heres the cool part: Did you know that memories dont actually exist? Its true. Every time you try to remember something, your brain goes into data retrieval
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mode and basically creates a movie of what happened in your head. And every time you remember something its a new movie. By narrating an experience to your ex, using a lot of detail and focusing on the positives you can basically direct the movie in their head. Cool, huh? There are really three types of experiences that you want your ex to access at this point: Fun experiences where you bonded because you were really enjoying each others company Bonding experiences that were tough, but that brought you closer together Sex Ill talk more about how to use sensual language over text later, but this stu can be VERY powerful, especially if you and your ex had particularly good sexual chemistry. Lets look at some examples rst: Example 1: Fun Ken: Do you remember that time we climbed Mount Baker together? I was just thinking of the smile on your face when we got to the top of the mountain and how sweaty we both were. That was a really fun day. =-) Again, nice and innocuous here. Example 2: More fun Melanie: Ha. I just found this picture of the two of us wearing those stupid bear suits in Madrid. You looked pretty good as a Panda. Example 3: Bonding Experience. Paul: Yikes. A friend of mine just got into a bad car wreck. Shes OK, but it got me remembering the time we were on Gabrielle Street and got hit by that drunk driver. I can still feel the impact when I close my eyes, the way your hand was clenched so hard in mine . . . how the glass went everywhere when it shattered . . . Notice the level of detail in this one. In everything you write to your ex you want to use detailed language to make the experience more real.
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Example 4: Sex NOTE: The sex stu is typically NOT something you should lead with. Well get into it more in the future. Charlie: Im at Jack and Janes wedding . . . reminds me of the time we snuck away to the bathroom at your cousins wedding . . . I can so vividly see the naughty smile on your face as I pushed you up onto the counter . . . how you nibbled your lip and smiled at me . . . how you used your legs to draw me closer to you until our lips met . . . Seriously, I could write a novel here. The key with using this kind of text early on is to keep it light and fun. Later Ill teach you how to actually seduce your ex with texts, but for now youre just playing.
Sneaky Trick: The Small Ask

One GREAT way to lead up to a Remember series of text is by asking your ex to remind you of a small piece of data from a shared experience. The smaller and more innocuous the data point is, the more likely you are to get a response. For instance . . . Sarah: Hey, really quick can you remind me of the name of that restaurant we went to on your 30th birthday? Obviously, you only want to ask your ex to remind you of an event that was a GOOD one. Again, just by asking the question youre having him or her access the part of the brain where that entire memory is stored. So if you were irting with the waitress the whole night and it was the worst birthday ever . . . well, thats not what you want to bring up. The cool thing about the Can you remind me setup is that it draws your ex in and gets them actively engaged in the memory. From there you can go into more detail. Peter: It was Gilligans. Sarah: Oh, yeah! Great burgers. I was thinking of going there again. I was just remembering your birthday and how much fun we had. My favorite part of the night was when we all sang Dont Stop Believing at the top of our lungs before you blew out the candles. And then you hugged me so tight. Peter: Ha. Yeah, that was a good time.
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No matter what, your goal is to ENGAGE YOUR EX IN THE POSITIVE MEMORY and direct the movie for them so they accept the best and most connected version of the story as fact. If your ex comes back to you with memories or details of their own, engage in the conversation and make sure to steer the conversation towards the positive. Your goal is to have them focused on fun, pleasure, warm, and fuzzy memories and positive feelings about you. Got it? Good. Because were going to move on to Intimacy Booster texts, which are super fun.
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INTIMACY BOOSTER TEXTS
Intimacy Booster Texts

An Intimacy Booster text is, in a lot of ways, similar to the kind of texts we used in our last section. But this time, instead of reminding your ex of a specic event (sexy or otherwise), were reminding your ex of how close you guys once were (and planting the seed that you could be that close again). If you were married or you dated your ex for any signicant amount of time, they probably became the most intimate person in your life, and you probably became theirs. (If you guys were still strangers, you may have been doing it wrong.) Your goal is to remind them of that intimacy and connection in a positive way. You want your ex to almost YEARN for the close support you provided for them, and you want to do it all over text. Now, the best time to use this particular kind of text is when you know your ex is going through something hard. When theyve just failed a big test, lost a job, lost someone close in their life, or otherwise had some kind of tragedy or unfortunate event. This is basically a way for you to show support for your ex from a distance and without physically being there. And Ill say up front, when you use this kind of text youre kind of playing with re. If you use this kind of text from a manipulative standpoint (instead of from a place of positivity), it could very easily blow up in your face. You can also use Intimacy Texts as a way to save your exs bacon if theyre going to forget an important family event.
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INTIMACY BOOSTER TEXTS
Formula 1: Hey, I know (BAD EVENT) is tough for you. If you need me, Im here. Formula 2: Hey, dont forget (important event) Formula 2 works because it reminds your ex of you being on his or her team. If your ex really did forget the birthday or other event, theyll be grateful for the reminder. Example 1: Hey, Jen told me about your grandfather. I know he was important to you. If you need me for anything, Im here. But no matter what I hope youre OK and I hope youre around people who love you. Example 2: Hey, dont forget your moms birthday is coming up. Wouldnt want you to get in trouble =-) Ive actually had this method used ON ME by an ex girlfriend. She totally pulled my bacon out of the re and I found myself feeling not only grateful, but missing her in a very real way afterwards. Example 3: Was thinking you must be stressed getting ready for the bar exam. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. Again, the same Rules Of Response play here as for all the other texts. If your ex writes back and wants to chat, go ahead. LISTEN. Keep things positive. Use the other techniques I teach you and YOU must be the one to end the conversation.
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THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER TEXT
The Green-Eyed Monster Text (a.k.a. how to use jealousy in a positive way)
Ahh, jealousy. The green eyed monster. The vicious beast in the heart of every man and woman. Ive been doing a lot of studying on WHY people get jealous (both in a relationship and in other parts of their lives, like jobs).While I havent found a super-solid reason for jealousy (beyond some theories about protecting your genes), there are two things that are undeniably true: People are possessive of what they think of as theirs (or what USED TO BE theirs). Social Proof is powerful stu. I talked about Social Proof a bit earlier in this manual. The short version is that people tend to believe what other people tell them or what they see. (If everybody else is going to jump o a bridge, would you? YUP!) If your ex knows that youre seen as attractive/valuable to other attractive/valuable people, your stock will go up radically. If your ex knows youre being hit on by hot people, he or she will most likely feel a horrible pang of jealousy and doubt the whole break up thing. Add the fact that we all tend to take our signicant others for granted, and that its all too easy to let ourselves go in a relationship (get fat,
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drink too much, forget to exercise), and weve got a great opportunity here. NOTE 1: I only recommend you use Green Eyed Monster (GEM) texts AFTER youve been going back and forth with your ex for a bit, and they seem receptive to the idea of talking to you. NOTE 2: Youve got to be at least a LITTLE subtle with this stu. By subtle I mean you dont text your ex something like I was totally on this hot date with three supermodels or anything like that. The formula for GEM texts is a bit harder to quantify, so let me just give you some good examples, instead. It basically involves letting your ex in on the positive aspects of your post-breakup life, while subtly turning the screws in their heart. (Notice how youre combining jealousy with connection and the reminder that you know them well in a really interesting way.) Mean? Possibly. Eective? Denitely. As long as you dont go too overboard. Example 1: I just saw (romantic movie) with a friend. You should see it. I think youd really enjoy it. Notice that youre not saying I was just on a hot date or anything as cruel as that. You want your ex to be able to FIGURE OUT that you were out on a hot date without you ever actually having to come out and SAY you were. Example 2: Hey, did I see you at (fun place) last night? If it was . . . you look really good. =-) In this text were establishing that YOU were out at the (bar, club, whatever) last night, having a good time with friends (and not sitting around watching British sitcoms while drunk). Plus youre establishing that youre out and looking at and irting with other people, and youll get them trying to gure out who the heck it was that you were looking at that WASNT them. Depending on your relationship with your ex, its totally possible youll get a silent or even a slightly negative reaction to this kind of text. Thats 52
totally ne. What were trying to do here is establish you as an attractive person who actually has a life. (This is why I told you to get o your butt and start dating, as hard as that may seem.) With GEM texts, were just planting a seed in your exs mind and giving them an opportunity to want to talk to you and possibly mend the rift between you. Got it? Good. Because the next thing Im going to tell you could be . . . tough.
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EMOTIONAL HONESTY TEXTS
Emotional Honesty Texts

Cuz sometimes you have to lay it all on the table. OK, so far weve talked about how to open the door to a conversation with your ex by using Across The Bow texts, learned how to use the power word remember to direct your exs mind to the good times in your relationship (and plant the seed of more good times happening in the future), used Intimacy Booster texts to remind your ex that you know them better than anyone and are in their corner, and even resorted to Green Eyed Monster texts to awaken the possessive beast in your exs bosom. (Ahh, bosom.) All of this stu works REALLY well . . . But sometimes you just have to cut the past the bullshit and tell your ex how you really feel. No excuses, no blaming, no ghting, no crap. You just take out your cell phone (and with your thumb shaking and lip quivering) tell your ex THE TRUTH. If you do it right, a lot of the other text formulas Ive given you in this manual will eventually LEAD to the chance to really establish emotional connection and communication this way.
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And since youre texting, you dont have to worry about getting cold feet, tripping over your words, breaking down crying, or rolling over into anger or embarrassment. Texting is PRIVATE, safe, and simple. Its a wonderful thing. This technique is particularly eective for GUYS, by the way. Since men are (usually) not as good at being emotionally open as women are (and since women LOVE IT when a guy actually cracks the armor and opens up), this one technique alone could be the thing that gets her to ask to see you.
Rules About Emotional Texting:

ALWAYS read and re-read your text before you send it. This should go without saying, but when you get to the point that youre sending your real feelings over the airwaves, youre basically sending the nuclear bomb of texting. Make sure you read and re-read what youre sending, and that you mean it. Reactionary texting is BAD. No Negativity: Contempt kills relationships, plain and simple. Ill give some examples in a second, but its incredibly important that you dont use blaming language or anything your ex could see as bait for a ght in your texts. Take your time and write as much as you need to. Folks have a tendency to think texts need to be short. Not true. Make sure every word earns its place. At the same time, you dont want to write a freaking novel. Anything more than a screen or two is going to be a LOT for your ex to sort through. Make sure you think about what you want to say before you say it, edit it down to the core point, and be as honest and open as possible. NO EXPECTATIONS. Dont have any big expectations about where things are going to go once you send these kind of texts. You always want your ex to be the one to make the move to ask for a meeting or a phone call. Why? Because by asking you to meet or to accelerate the conversation, theyre taking action and will mentally nd ways to buy in to the process of having you back in their life. After you hit send, take a DEEP breath. Youre going to be tempted to stare at your phone for hours waiting for a response. You might not get one right away (or possibly at all), but your message HAS been received. Make sure you have something to distract you after you hit the big shiny button. 55
OK, so how do you actually DO this? Your Emotional Honesty Texts can really be broken down to a few different categories: Compliment texts Appreciation texts How I Feel texts What I Miss texts (I know, I know. The guys reading this are groaning already. Get over it. If you want her back, youve got to be willing to speak your heart.)
Compliment Texts
Compliment texts are just what they sound like . . . simple compliments that you send, more or less randomly, over text. Theyre simple, are loaded with little emotional weight, and are more or less the equivalent of irting at a bar with somebody you just met. Compliment texts can be physical and basic, with less detail than some of the Emotional Honesty texts that we will talk about next. I like to slip in compliments in a matter of fact way during the course of some other conversation youre having over text. For example: (Jim and Melinda broke up two months ago after a big ght over money. Theyve been chatting over text and its been going well. Jims in the middle of remembering a vacation they had in Hawaii.) Jim: And the cabana boy kept checking you out in your bikini. Melinda: He did? Jim: He did. And I did too. Youre a very beautiful woman. Melinda: =-) Simple, huh? Notice the condence there? Again, no wiggle room. No BS. Another simple compliment could be: Stephanie (to Roger): Ive always really loved your hands. or
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Carl (to Sophia): One thing that has always made me stop is your eyes. Theyre stunning. A good compliment is just an aside comment. Dont try to give it a huge amount of weight or import (like you do with appreciation texts), but just slip it in as a way to raise your exs self esteem and let them know that you care. Got it? Good.
Appreciation Texts
An Appreciation text is where you at out tell your ex what you appreciate about them, without any wiggle room, ifs, ands, or buts. Its your chance to be really honest about what you like about your ex and why you enjoyed having them in your life in the rst place. (Tangentially, you should use these when youre IN a relationship, as well.) The formula for a good Appreciation text is pretty simple. What Ive always liked about you is (What you like about them). or I really appreciate (what you appreciate). or I always had a hard time saying this before, but I really like (what you like) or One thing Ive always appreciated about you is . . . And I usually like to end this kind of text with something like: Im really thankful that youre in my life. or Im really glad youre in my life. I like this kind of phrasing because its need neutral. It basically says Yeah, we had our problems, but I wouldnt change anything, and lets your ex know that theyre still in your life even after everything youve been through.
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(Yes guys, I know its cheesy. But it works! If you did this kind of thing when you and your ex were still together, you may not have broken up.) Here are some examples: Laura dumped Ken a few months ago and, using the other techniques in this manual, Ken has gotten Laura to start chatting with him again over text. Theyve been friendly, talking about their lives. Ken feels like its nally time to cut the charade and let Laura know how he feels. Ken: Ive always really appreciated how caring you are and how loyal you are to your friends. I was just remembering how you were really there for Jenny when she and Jim got their divorce. Youre a really special person, Laura, and Im glad youve been in my life. See how theres no wiggling in this? Theres no Youre really caring, BUT . . . kind of stu? And how hes not shing for her to give him any kind of appreciation back? The key with a good Appreciation text is to be as specic as possible, to use detail, and to speak with condent language. Lets try a female example. Kathy cheated on her ex-husband, Jim, in a moment of weakness, but really wants him back. They have a couple of kids together. Kathy: One thing Ive always really liked about you is what a great Dad you are. Im so thankful that youre the father of my children. Youre really a wonderful guy. Do you get the idea? I know it sounds simple, but its amazing how folks almost NEVER tell each other what they LIKE about each other. For most people, getting this kind of text will brighten their whole day. What do you appreciate about your ex? What simple statement can you say to your ex to give them that little thrill of being appreciated? Write it down. Take a deep breath. Send it.
What I Miss Texts

Now we move on to What I Miss texts.
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What I Miss texts are just what they sound like . . . texts where you let your ex know (with simple, intimate language) what you miss about your relationship. The formula for What I miss texts are . . . What I miss about us is (what you miss) or (What youre doing) wish you were here. Here are some examples: Jason: What I really miss is the smell of your hair when you cuddled up under my arm. It was intoxicating. or Melanie: Im at the beach right now and I keep thinking about how I used to enjoy watching you surf. Wish you were here. or Brad: I miss sitting around with you on Sunday mornings and playing board games. There was nothing like waking up to the smell of the coee and knowing youd be in the kitchen waiting for me. The key is to bring up sensory-rich experiences and experiences that your ex would miss, as well. Stu thats 100% positive for both of you. And nally, we move on to . . .
How I Feel Texts

How I Feel texts are not childs play. Theyre where you really lay it on the line and let your ex know exactly whats going on in your heart. Theyre REALLY easy to mess up. How do folks mess them up? Mostly by trying to make their exes feel pity or feel guilty, or by focusing on negative emotions. For instance, pick which one of these actually gives you a shot at getting your ex back: John: I can barely breathe without you. I feel like an elephant is standing on my chest right now and Im going to die if I dont see you. Why arent you here? Dont you understand that I LOVE you? COME BACK.
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OR Mary: No matter what, theres always going to be a part of me thats in love with you. When I think about you I cant help but smile. I feel this great energy just ow through me and it makes me happy that youre out there in the world. DING DING DING. (If you said John, then I suggest you go back and start re-reading this whole manual from the beginning.) A good How I Feel text should be centered, condent, and not at all needy. It should also be positive and not (obviously) manipulative. In a lot of ways its similar to a good Appreciation text, but instead of telling your ex what you like about them, youre laying out on the line how YOU actually feel about them. Here are a few starter formulas for you for How I Feel texts: No matter what (detail about how you feel). or Its funny, but (how you feel). or Ill always (how you feel). or Its hard for me to say this but (how you feel). or I never said this enough before but (how you feel). Here are some examples: Frank: Its hard for me to say this, but youre always going to be so important to me. Im always going to love you and miss you and be glad you were in my life. I cant help but think about you and when I do, it just adds so much greatness to my day. or Sarah: Its funny, but sometimes I crave you. The smell of you. Having you nearby. How calm and safe I always felt around you. The key, as always, is to be CONFIDENT and SIMPLE in your emotion. Speak in a clear and even voice without a lot of crying, shouting, or anything else that can get in the way of what youre actually saying.
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Possible Ways Your Ex Will Respond

Honestly, when you get to this level of communication, your ex could respond in a million dierent ways. Ive seen women call up their exboyfriends crying, halfway between ecstasy and rage at their man for not being able to say this before. And Ive seen phones lay cold and dead for days as a womans ex just didnt know how to respond. Lets go through a couple possible scenarios Option 1: Your ex responds in kind If your ex responds with a compliment, an appreciation, or an emotion of their own, thats awesome. Absorb it. Say thank you. LISTEN to what they have to say and continue the conversation in positive terms. DO NOT bring up negative or needy stu. Simply enjoy saying nice things about each other. If your ex suggests getting together, go for it, but I recommend you put on some brakes and suggest coee. Option 2: Your ex says thank you This is still on the positive end of things. In this case, you should just say No problem. You deserve it, and move on. Dont lay it on thick. Dont try to compliment them into submission. Remember, were building something lasting here, and that takes time. Option 3: Nothing If you get no response . . . well, you know the answer there. Go run a few miles, go on a date, hang out with friends, play Halo. But LET IT GO. It can be incredibly tough to do this after you lay your heart on the line, but its your only option. Option 4: Negative Response Heres something that could happen: John: Ive always really appreciated the way you take care of people in your life. Youre the most caring and loving person I know. Im so lucky to be around you. Kelly: WHAT THE HELL!!! WHY COULDNT YOU SAY THIS KIND OF THING BEFORE? Weirdly enough, this is NOT a bad response. It means Kelly still has feelings for John. The key at this point is for John NOT to defend himself. He needs to acknowledge Kellys feeling and to say something like: John: I dont know. I guess being apart has made me realize. Too bad we cant turn back time, huh?
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No matter what kind of response you get, take a deep breath. Being more openly emotional and honest with yourself like this is going to take some time, but its is going to reap huge rewards either in this relationship or in relationships in the future. OK, now that weve dealt with the heart stu lets get a little . . . well . . . dirty.
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USING TEXTS TO TURN YOUR EX ON
Using Texts To Turn Your Ex On (even if they dont want to be)

I feel a little weird dipping into this stu after getting so emotionally raw in the last section. But the fact of the matter is that SEX is (or should be) a huge part of any successful relationship. Heck, sex might even be why you and your ex broke up in the rst place (lack of sex, bad sex, weird sexual compatibility, cheating . . . you get the idea.) Its a simple fact of life that people do NOT think rationally when theyre excited. This is why great ghters try to piss their opponents o. Trash talk a guy enough, and hell get so mad hell get sloppy. Hell forget to defend himself and leave an opening wide enough to drive a truck (or a big ol FIST) through. Now, obviously your ex isnt your opponent (at least I hope not. That would be a weird relationship), but if you really, truly want them back,
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theres no more eective way than pushing right by the rational mind and sending messages that appeal to the deep and powerful LIZARD BRAIN. I know this sounds weird, but texting is basically The Force (from Star Wars ) when it comes to accessing your partners deepest sexual mind (or ANYONES deepest sexual mind, actually). Like I said back at the beginning of this manual, theres something VERY intimate about texting. Its the closest thing to telepathy that you can get, and people will often respond to texts in a positive way they NEVER would if you said the same thing to them face to face. If you want to get to the REALLY dirty stu, I recommend you check out one of my other products, Text Your Wife Into Bed. You can see the video I put together at www.textyourwifeintobed.com. (Oh, and dont let the title put you o. That product has been VERY successfully used by single guys, divorcees, and a LOT of women to add an incredible amount of OOMPH into their relationships. My favorite is the 20-yearold woman from England who wrote me to say she has blokes wrapped around [her] nger thanks to your stu.) Im not going to go SUPER dirty here, but lets dive into how you can use sensuality and sexuality in your texts to get your ex turned on and CRAVING you at the push of a button. Because men and women really do tend to think of sex dierently, Im going to break this down a little bit. Make sure to read both sections, though, you might pick up some useful tips.
For Women
Ahh, the sexual mind of a man. Its so . . . straightforward. If youre a woman, you probably already know that men are pretty easy to get interested in sex. This is probably why there arent a lot of books written on the subject of seducing a man (though maybe there should be.) Men are such visual creatures that getting them interested is usually about as hard as showing a little thigh (or ankle . . . or toe) and putting the right kind of smile on your face. But remember, in this case your goal isnt just to get your ex turned on, its to get him turned on, thinking of you, and willing to run through re to get to be with you again. Here are some rules about sexting your ex (Man, I HATE that word): 64
Your goal is to TEASE. You need to make your ex WANT you on a deep and primal level. You want to remind him that YOU know, more than anyone else, how to make him feel good. Men like to feel powerful, in control, and dominant. But you do NOT want to go all the way with your ex, even virtually, unless you feel like hes showing legitimate interest in seeing and dating you again. Men LIKE to chase. It gives us an energy that almost nothing else in the world can replace. If you give in to your ex too early youll screw the pooch when it comes to getting what you really want. If, however, you tease your ex properly, hell almost undoubtedly ask to see you. Its totally OK to see him in this case, but YOU have to set the parameters of the meeting. If your ex asks to be alone with you (Hey, want me to come over so we can talk?), tell him I dont think that would be a good idea, or We should really talk rst. Pictures? Men are VISUAL creatures, and for them a picture really does say a thousand words. Dont send anything too dirty (once a pic goes out in the world it never comes back), but denitely consider sending some good teasing pictures to your ex to get him worked up.
For Men
If youre a man trying to seduce your ex girlfriend or wife . . . congratulations, youre going to thank me years from now for what Im about to teach you. Theres NOTHING as eective, in my experience, at getting a woman really turned on as text messaging. Unlike us guys, women are hardwired to respond to stories and language. (Need proof? Go read a romance novel.) And if you know what youre doing its VERY easy to give a woman the kind of attention she CRAVES over text message (even if you werent that good at it in person). A few key points for guys: A womans mind is her biggest erogenous zone. I shouldnt really have to harp on this as much as I do, but the fact is if you can turn on a womans mind, her body will invariably follow . . . and LANGUAGE is the best possible way to turn most women on. You want to start slow and THEN bring out the big guns. If you try to go all sensual right o the bat it gives her too much of a chance to back out. Go slow. Its best to use these techniques when shes at work, out with friends, or otherwise indisposed. The fact that she cant give you 65
her full attention creates a great amount of tension. (This is true for women texting guys too. The fact that he cant act on what youre saying will drive him nuts.) To do this successfully, you need to be dominant but not creepy. That means that you narrate the situation and the action, but focus A LOT on her pleasure. Do NOT suggest an actual hook up unless you feel like shes baiting you to do so. If she asks to be alone with you, say OK, you can come over, but were NOT going to have sex. (By setting that expectation you give her permission to let her guard down and be the one to make the rst move. Plus it shows respect for her and for the relationship youre trying to build.) OK, now that weve set the rules, heres the formula for how you use text messages to turn your ex on:
Send a Curiosity text to get his or her attention

A Curiosity text is simply a bait designed to get attention and to get your ex engaged in the conversation. For example: I was just thinking . . . So . . . =-) Any kind of irty open will work in this case. Ideally, you want an opening that can really only be answered one way, with what? or Thinking of what?
Bring up the BEST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE you ever had with your ex.
Use detailed and sensual language to have your ex relive the experience. Close things with a wink and a smile. Let me give you two quick examples (Im going to be pretty PG here.) Jeremy and Sarah were together for three years before ending things six months ago. Theyve chatted back and forth over text for the last week or two, and Jeremy feels like Sarah is giving him signals of attraction. 66
Jeremy: I was just thinking . . . Sarah: About what? Jeremy: The tree house in my parents back yard . . . =-) Sarah: Oh . . . that was fun. Jeremy: How we climbed up there on Thanksgiving. I remember how you smelled . . . how your body felt against me. How you pushed your ass against me and turned your head . . . that kiss was my favorite kiss of all our time together. It felt . . . electric. Sarah: It was nice. Im at work. Jeremy: I keep imagining that smile on your face as I put my hands on your hips and fumbled with your belt. You moaned as my hands ran up your stomach. (You get the idea, right? I mean, I COULD go into a lot more detail here, but this is a relatively PG product and I dont have room to explain ALL of the technique involved. If you want to get truly Down and Dirty go check out www.textyourwifeintobed.com. Itll do wonders for any relationship you get into.
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FROM VIRTUAL TO PHYSICAL
From Virtual To Physical

Using everything Ive taught you so far, you should be able to get your exs attention, establish a basic emotional and physical connection, show that youre emotionally mature and interested, and, hopefully, get your ex to suggest that you get together. Im not going to go into a huge amount of detail on what to do on your actual date with your ex here. My friend TW Jacksons product The Magic Of Making Up does a great job of that, and you can nd it at www.textyourexback.com/magic. But I do want to establish some ground rules and tips for using texting to make the date as successful as possible. Your goal is to get your ex to be the one who suggests that you get together. Its always more powerful and more eective if he or she comes to the conclusion on their own that they want to see you. If things are going well over text, but your ex doesnt seem to be willing to make the rst move, use a tag along method of getting to them in person. Send a text saying Hey, Im in your neighborhood with friends, come 68
down. That gives your ex a chance to say yes or no without it being a big deal. If they do come up, keep it light, have a good time, and try to end the night with a good hug. Your rst meeting should be simple and casual. No big fancy dinners or anything like that. Dont try to be romantic. Just get together. Talk. Have fun. Be open and honest and remember what I said before: Your old relationship is dead. Your goal now is to create a NEW relationship from scratch (hopefully an even BETTER one than you had before). If at the end of the night your ex suggests getting together again, GREAT. You can play this however you want (hard to get or easy to please), but again, make it simple. Youre starting to DATE your ex here, and you need to treat him or her almost like someone you just met. Dont see them more than once a week to start, make set plans and make every date an event. After your rst date with your ex, go back to the cell phone. Ahh, bet you thought the texting thing was done after you actually get together in person? Nope. After your rst date, you need to keep with the program. Continue to text as a way to share intimate thoughts and feelings, to be emotionally honest, and to turn your ex on. In fact, text RIGHT AFTER a date to really secure the positive aspects of the evening in your exs mind. Heres a few ways to do that: The Nice Time. This is the text you send within an hour or so after saying goodnight to your ex. Its really basic and is just designed to let them know you had a good time and are open to more. Example: I had a really nice time tonight. =-) Yes, I know thats not rocket science, but its best to spell these things out. The Sensory Expander. This is a more detailed and sensory-rich version of the Nice Time, where you go into more detail with EXACTLY what you liked about the evening. A great way to use this is if your date ended with a kiss (or with more than a kiss). For example: Stephen: Mm. I can still taste you on my lips. Youre delicious. =-) or Mary: I can still smell you. I think the smell of you got into my clothes. I like it.
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or Carol: Thanks for a lovely night. Sorry if I seemed a little out of it. Your biceps kept distracting me. Its all I could do not to pounce on you. The Favorite Part. This is really just a variation on some of the more Emotional texts Ive given you so far. In this case you send a text giving your side of your favorite part of the evening. For example: Mark: My favorite part of the night was when you smiled at me over the top of your glass of wine. I forgot how much I love your smile. Youre really beautiful. The key here is DETAIL. Details are whats going to make this stick in your exs mind.
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DATING YOUR EX
Dating Your Ex
After your rst meeting, your goal should be to start dating your ex again (Or dating them anew. Remember, were creating a new relationship here.) Here are some core tips for using texting once youve gotten your ex back in your life and are dating again. Keep using the Emotional texts and sexual texts Ive given you (as well as those youll nd in Text Your Wife Into Bed). These things are GOLD as far as keeping rapport going between you and your ex and keeping the romance going. Theres nothing like a good Appreciation text or some dirty narration in the middle of the day to keep that spark going. Theres a real lack of appreciation in most relationships these days. Taking a moment to focus on what you LIKE about your girlfriend or boyfriend (or husband or wife) will create a powerfully positive context for your relationship. Plus, once you establish it as normal to be giving compliments and appreciation to your ex, youll start receiving similar messages back from them. Make sure you keep text messages as an intimate channel with your ex. No slipping up and talking about boring stu. By keeping texting sacred youll be able to maintain your intimacy 71
DATING YOUR EX
with your ex no matter what stresses or obstacles come up in your day. Be unapologetically romantic over text. This is particularly important for guys (though ladies, Ill tell you right now that men do indeed swoon when you go for the heartstrings.) After every date with your ex, make sure to send at least one text vividly talking about what you enjoyed with your ex and how youre looking forward to next time. Use texting to get to know your partner better. As you start dating your ex again, I recommend you use texting as a way to get to know your ex better. Check out Michael Webbs excellent 500 Questions for Couples for a series of questions you can ask. You can nd it at www.textyourexback.com/500questions. Create the reality you want. Sometimes things wont go exactly as you want. Luckily, perception is a lot more powerful than reality. As you get better at this texting thing, youll be able to narrate back the highlight reel of an evening with your ex and guide their focus on to the positive parts only. One of the coolest things about this is that you can basically create a Self fullling prophecy. By observing and then narrating back your exs reactions during the evening you can essentially trick them into thinking theyre incredibly into you (even if theyre only a little into you). For example: After a particularly good date, you might send a text that says: You: I missed you too. =-) Notice that using this kind of text pre-supposed that your ex missed you. In most cases, your ex will unconsciously assume that youre picking up on cues they were giving o that said he or she missed you. Weirdly enough, this will actually make them miss you more than they already did. You: That was a good hug. I like how your body pulled me in. Same basic concept. Youre telling your ex that their body was giving you unconscious signals and welcoming you back. In many cases this can create a really nice self fullling prophecy.
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FINAL THOUGHTS
Final Thoughts
Whew! And here we are at the end of the Text Your Ex Back program. As you probably gured out by now, this program is about a lot more than texting. Its about getting closer to the person you love, accepting them for who they are (and inviting them to accept you for who you are), and laying the groundwork and foundation for a stronger and better relationship. Depending on how you worked the program and what your relationship with your ex was like before you started, you have one of three possible outcomes. Youre dating your ex again. Congratulations! Have fun and KEEP DATING. Dont let yourself fall into a rut of codependence like so many couples do. For tips on how to keep that spark going for the foreseeable future, check out http://www.texttheromanceback. com. Youre friendly with your ex, but not dating. Honestly, theres nothing wrong with this at all. If you still have your ex in your life and you both see each other as positive parts of your lives, thats a good thing. And as long as the lines of communication are open, that gives you the chance to have more in the future. You didnt get what you wanted. Honestly? It happens. Ive seen all of the techniques and ideas in this guide work again and again, but every relationship is dierent. Its possible that you and your
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FINAL THOUGHTS
ex simply werent meant for each other, or that too much damage was done in your relationship for repair to be possible. If thats the case, take a deep breath and realize that the pain youre feeling will pass. And that everything youve learned in this guide is going to help you create the relationship you want and deserve in the future. In fact, I recommend that you mine this guide for stu you can use while youre dating. Youll be astounded by the results you get at the push of a button. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me. Id love to hear from you. If you have questions, comments, success stories, or anything else youd like to share, just send an email to feedback@textyourexback.com.
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Text Your Ex Back

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Text Your Ex Back

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Text Your Ex Back: A Step-by-Step Guide and Implementation Manual

Who The Heck Am I And Why Should You Listen To Me?

Who This Course Is For (And Who Its Not For)

THE MAGIC OF TEXTING

THE MAGIC OF TEXTING

Why Is Texting So Eective At Helping You Get Your Ex Back?

Remember, were taking Baby Steps here.

THE MAGIC OF TEXTING

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

Why Did You And Your Ex Really Break Up?

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

BEFORE YOU TEXT

Whats Your BIG GOAL?

Question 1: WHY do you want your ex back?

BEFORE YOU TEXT

Question 2: Whats your Big Goal? What do you actually WANT?

BEFORE YOU TEXT

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

Core Concept #2: Forgiveness Is Power

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

The I Like Myself Game

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

Core Concept #3: Youre Single! DATE!!

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

CORE CONCEPTS AND MARCHING ORDERS

Core Concept #5: Only Fools Rush In

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

The Text Your Ex Back Step-By-Step System Revealed

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

Text Judo - The Cornerstone Of The Text Your Ex Back System

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

Prepping The Shot (A Little Bit Of Text Judo Homework)

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

THE TEXT YOUR EX BACK STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM REVEALED

The Step-By-Step Text Your Ex Back System

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

Getting Started: Across The Bow Texts

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

Rules Of Your First Few Messages (actually all of them)

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

Across The Bow Texts Revealed

The Across The Bow Text Formula #1:

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

Across The Bow Formula #2: The Random Compliment

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

GETTING STARTED: ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS

BEST OF THE RELATIONSHIP TEXTS

Best Of The Relationship Texts

A Quick Note On EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE And DETAIL

BEST OF THE RELATIONSHIP TEXTS