A line written on a Husband's T shirt : ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS " QUEEN..

. .
OF THEM..

Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "SweetHeart, how can I live without
U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Chess says everything about Life of men & women. The King(man) has to take one step at a time,
while the Queen(woman) can do whatever she feels like... ew Defination Of CA..... A Chartered Accountant is an individual who has maximum Market Value, When he is
fully Depreciated.

MAN: I think that girl is deaf. Friend: How do u know? MAN: I told I love her, but she said her chappals are new.

Still waiting for Entertainment tax to be charged on people who come to bar and do not drink but enjoy watching others getting drunk.

1. Hubby : "Darling years ago you had a figure "

like Coke bottle. Wife :Yes darling I still do.

Hubby:- only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it is1.5ltr.

Two Wise Advises for Married People Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are one of them...)

Never be confident of Your Choices...

(Your Wife is one of them...)

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure? Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when hes awake

MAN in airplane going to Bombay. While it is landing he is excited and shouts: Bombay.. Bombay
Airhostess: Be silent.

MAN: Ok. Ombay Ombay!

Teacher: ITTEFAQ ka koi jumla banao Student: jis din mere baap ka shaadi tha ITTEFAQ se usi din meri maa Ki bhi shaadi thi Munna bhai:apun ko kaise pata chalega ki ye bakra hai ya bakri? - circuit:"simple hai bhai pathar mar kar dekho, agar bhaga to bakra, aur ager bhagi to bakri.!

Teacher to Student jis admi ko sunai na de use English me kya kahenge ? Student-Sir jo marzi keh do usko kuch nahi sunai dega. Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu har note me haste hi kyu rehte hai ??

Circuit: Simple hai BHAI, Royenge to note geeela ho jayenga na

Student: Miss, kya aap mujhe raat ko call kar rahi thi??
Teacher: Nahi toh...

Student: Kamaal hai, subah mere mobile pe likha tha...

.

.
.

.
MISS CALL

Husband wife se bola Bhai aaj to chay peene ka maza aa gaya.

Wife : Jee, agar billi ne dudh me muh na mara hota to aur bhi

maza aata!!!

Machchhar Ka Bachcha Paheli Baar Uda.

Jab Wapis Aaya To Baap Ne Pucha,Kaisa Laga?

Machchhar-Bahut Achchha,Jaha B Gaya Log TALIYA Baja Rahe the

ON THE LIGHTER NOTE

1.A Boss texted his CA article-> Oye Joke Bhej...! He replied-> Mein Kaam Kar Raha Hoon...! After Some TimeReply comes! Mast tha !! Aur bhej

First friend to another- What Is The Name Of Your Car?

Second -I Forgot The Name,But Its Starts With 'T'

First-Oye Kamaal Ki Gaadi Hai,Tea Se Start Hoti Hai!

Ek aadmi 14th floor se niche gir gaya, Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khidki se
apni biwi ko roti banate huye dekha aur

wo zor se chilaya Mere liye mat banana...

1 .Airhostess- Sir, Kya Lenge? Pandit- Puri Sabzi, Khir aur Laddu.
Airhostess- Sir Aap Kingfisher ke Plane Me Aaye Hai,

Vijay Mallya Ke Ghar me nahi.

1. ek Sharabi Sharab Pikar Sadhu Se Takra Gya

Sadhu Gusse Me- Aye Murkh

Mai Tujhe SHRAAP Deta Hu Sharabi -Rukiye Maharaj Mai Glas Leke Ata hu

Awesome msg sent by a man to his wife: Hi honey I m just having last beer and i will b at home in 30 mins.
If I m not, read this again :)

Student ne MBA ka form bharty howe 'Watchman' se pocha:

Janab ye university kaisi hai? .

Watchman: Boht achi university hai, Mai ne bhi yahan se MBA kia hai.

In exam hall a girl pas baithe boy se:

Mujhe bas is answer ki starting bata do baki main likh lungi.

boy ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha,fir dhire se bola:

"The"

Lady to inspector :
he hasn`t come back yet!

My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago,

inspector: Why don`t u cook something else.

Bangalore to Mangalore 120 kms,

Mangalore to Bangalore 120 kms ,

Monday to Sunday 6 days,

Sunday to Monday 1 day?

This is Cheating

Ek dost dusre se: Soch Raha Hu Ki USA Ghum aun,

Kitna Paisa Lagega?

Dusra : Kuch B Nahi

Pahla : Kaise?

Dusra : Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte

SANTA ki 1 tang ki haddi toot gayi

Hospital gaya to waha 1 admi ki dono tange tooti dekhkar bola

"Kya aapki 2 biwiyan he"

1.A guy (CA) asked a girl in a library;

Do you mind if I sit beside you ?

The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!.
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy s table and she told him I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt

embarrassed right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice: "Rs.2000 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears;
I am an AUDITOR and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

2. First Man: I want to buy a gift for my girlfriend for her birthday but I don't know what she would like.Give me a suggestion. Second Man : Does she like you? First Man: Yes Second Man : Then she would like anything. 3. Boyfriend: I need to tell you a secret that I haven't told you so far: I am seeing
a psychiatrist.

Girlfriend: Oh! I need to tell you a truth too. I am seeing a electrician, accountant, plumber and a mechanic & many others.

. Wife: The doctor has come to see you. Husband: Tell him that I am not feeling well and won't be able to see anyone. 2. Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband:

Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

1.A CA was smoking.... A Lady Said:"Can't U See the Warning! Smoking is Injurious to Health..!! He Replied:"We bother Only about ERRORS. Not WARNINGS.."

2.Man to miser: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them
outside?

Miser: I want to extend the battery life and hence I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time. 3. Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
Patient:

Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

. Movies if a CA is the director: -Ek tha Debtor - 3 Companies - Dirty Ledger - Lage raho Salamon bhai -Chak De! DTC -Kabhi Profit Kabhi loss -No one Written off Bad debts
- Taare Act par

- X ltd weds Y Ltd (Amalgamation)

2.Oh no! What have you done! Those were antique cup sets. You broke them!! Thanks God. I thought they were new. 3.Waiter: Sir, my tips please. Customer: Here you go, one cent.

Waiter:

Sir, you are insulting me,

please give me at least 2.

Customer: I can t insult you twice.

1.

*CA SHAYRII lik 2 drnk tea stnding in d gallry. Wahwah I lik 2 drnk tea stndng in d gallry. Wahwah Anything received from employer is taxble under d head salary

2. **Chinese man files for divorce Judge(an ex-CA) :Whats the reason? Chinese: Me no come,she no come,baby come,how come? Judge: May be "income from other sources"

1.

What is an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand at a price you can't afford.

2. What is the definition of an introverted accountant? Someone who stares at their shoes when talking to you.

3. What is the definition of an extroverted accountant? Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you. Is that the ALCOHOL not solution to the Problem.

But Even chemistry says- ''Alcohol is a solution.''

2. Someone Told a CA "Live like there is NO TOMORROW" He Replied "If I do so, the Fundamental Assumption of GOING CONCERN would be Violated.

1. 10 Engineers aur 1 CA Helicopter Ki Rassi Se Latke Hue The..... Pilot Ne Kaha Load Zyada Hai 1 Aadmi Ko Chodna Hoga....!! . CA Ne Kaha Apni jaan Ki Qurbani Me Deta Hoon... ...Taaliyan.... . Ye Sun Kar Sb engineer Taaliyan Bajane Lage, Aur sb k sb Neeche Gir Gaye... Ustad to akhirr Ustad hota hai na...

2. Santa: I read in newspaper tht a widower with 9kids maried a widow with 7kids Banta:dat's nt a mariage, thts an amalgamation in d nature of MERGER