10 Useful Tips To Make New Friends Hi Celes, I have a small group of friendsas I m a shy person.

I m not really confiden t enough to go out and meet new people. I would like some advice on how I can me et new people and get more friends. John Making new friends can be intimidating,but it s definitely rewarding. After all, f riends form a big part of our life. They are the ones who walk through life toge ther, share our ups and downs andjoys and pains. Without friends, life wouldn t be the same at all. We wouldn t be who we are if not for them. If you are looking to make new friends,you have to get clear on what kind of fri ends you want to make. Broadly speaking, there are 3 types of friends . 1. Hi-Bye friends (or acquaintances).These are the ones you see in school/work bec ause the context called for it. You say hi when you seeeach other and you say by e at the end of the day, but that s about it. The relationship never lasts when th econtext is removed i.e. when you graduate from school or leave the workplace. 2. Regular friends . Social, activity buddies you meet up every now and then to catch-up or hang out with. You can generally talk about regular topics under the sun. 3. True, soul friends (or best friends). The friends you can talk about anything and everything with. You may or may not meet up every day, but it doesn t matter, because the strength of your friendship is not determined by how frequently you meet up it s more than that. Theseare the friends who can be trusted to be there for you whenever you need them, and they will go the extra mile for you. Most of us are looking to make regular friends and if possible, true, soul frien ds. We probably have a lot of hi-bye friends more than we can count. The ratio o f my hi-bye friends, normal friends and true, soul friends is about 60-30-10%. I suspect it s about the same for other people too, with a variance of about 5%~10% . No matter whether you just want to make normal friends or best friends, you can do that. You might not believeit, but I was a very quiet and secluded girl back during primary and secondary school years. When I was in junior college, I maint ained this seclusive lifestyle, though I began to speak up more. Entering univer sity and later on, P&G (my ex-company), made me even more sociable. Today I run my blog andcoach others in 1-1 and workshops where I open up a lot of my life to others. If the younger me had wondered how I would be in the future, I wouldn t have thought that I would be as outward and expressive as I am today. Similarly, if you take a look at those people out there who seem to make friends easily, they were probably seclusive people themselves at some point. The socia l skills were all picked upover time. For that same reason, you can learn to bec ome more sociable through time and practice. Here are my 10 personal tips to get new friends: 1. Realize your fear is in your head The first step is to develop a healthy mental image of meeting new people. Some of us see meeting new people asa scary event. We are concerned aboutmaking a goo d impression, whether theother person will like us, how to keep the conversation going, and so on. Themore we think about it, the scarier it seems. This initial apprehension develops into a mental fear, which takes a life of its own and unk nowingly blocks us from making new friends. Shyness towards others is actually a result of fear. Actually all these fears are just in our head . If you think about it, about 99% of people are too busy being concerned over the exact same things about themselv es to pay attention to you. They re just as scared as you are. The remaining 1% ar e people who recognize a relationship is built on way stronger values than speci fic words or things said/done during just 1 encounter. Even if there are people who do judge you on what you do/say,are these people you want to be friends with ? I think not. 2. Start small with people you know If you haven t been socializing much, meeting a whole bunch of new people may inti midate you. If that s the case, start small first. Lower down the difficulty of th e task by starting off withyour inner circle of friends i.e. people you are more

familiar with. Some ways to do that are: *. Reach out to acquaintances . Have any hi-bye type friends from earlier years? Or friends you lost touch with over time? Drop a friendlysms and say hi. Ask fo r a meet-up when they are free. See if there are opportunities to reconnect. *. See if there are cliques where youcan join in . Cliques are established group s of friends. The idea isn t to break into the clique, but to practice being aroun d new friends. With cliques, the existing members will probably take the lead in conversations, so you can just take the observatory role and watch the dynamics between other people. *. Get to know your friends friends. You can join them in their outings or just a sk your friend to introduce you to them. If you are comfortable with your friend s, there s a good chance you will be comfortable with their friends too. *. Accept invitations to go out . I have friends who rarely go out. When they ar e asked out, they reject majority of the invites because they rather stay at hom e. As a result,their social circles are limited. If you want to have more friend s, you have to step out of your comfort zone andgo out more often. You can t make more friends in real life if you stay at home! 3. Get yourself out there Once you acquaint yourself more with your inner circle of friends, the next step will be to extend it outward to people you don t know. *. Join meet-up groups . Meetup.com is a great social networking site. There are many interest groups, suchas groups for entrepreneurs, aspiring authors, vegeta rian, boardgame lovers, cycling enthusiasts, etc. Pick out your interests and jo in those groups. Meet-ups are usually monthly,depending on the group itself. Gre at way to meet a lot of new people quickly. *. Attend workshops/courses . These serve as central avenues that gather like-mi nded people. I went to a personal development workshop last year, and there I me t with many great individuals, some of whom I became good friends with. *. Volunteer . Great way to kill 2 birds with one stone not only do you get to s pread kindness and warmth, you meet compassionate people witha cause. *. Go to parties . Parties such as birthday parties, christmas/new year/celebrat ion parties, housewarmings, function/events, etc. Probably a place where you ll me et a high quantity of new friends but not necessarily quality. Good wayto meet m ore people nonetheless. *. Visit bars and clubs . Many people visit them to meet more friends, but I don t recommend them as the friends you make here are probably more hi-bye type, rath er than the type #2 and type #3 friends. It s good to just visit them a couple of times and see how they re like beforeyou make your judgment. *. Online communities . Internet is a great way to meet new people. Some of my b est friendships started online. I met one of my best friends, K , from an IRC ch annel 10 years ago.There are at least 2 other good friends whom I first met onli ne too during that same time period. We ve since met up numerous times and became great friends. Even today, I have numerous great friendships withpeople I ve never met (other personal development bloggers, my readers). Just because we have not met (yet) does not mean we can t be great friends.Nowadays, online forums are the central locations where communities gather. Check out online forums of your int erest topics. Participate constructively and add value to the discussions. Soon, you ll get to know them better as friends. 4. Take the first step Once you are out there with people around you, someone has to make the first mov e. If the other party doesn t start-off, just take the first step to say a friendl y hello. Get to know each other a little better! Share something about yourself, then give the other party a chance to share about him/her.Something easy, like asking how the day is, or what they did today / in the past week is a great conv ersation starter. Once the ice is broken, it ll be easier to connect. 5. Be open Be open-minded. Don t judge. Sometimes, you might have a preset notion of what kind of friend you want.Maybe someone who is understanding, listens, has the same hobbies, watches the same mo vies, has similar educationalbackground etc. And then when you meet the person a

nd realize the personveers off your expectations, you might be ready to close yo urself off. Don t do that. Give the friendship a chance to blossom. More importantly, give you rself a chance at this budding friendship. I have several very good friends who come from totally different backgrounds, and I would never have thought we would be so close when I first knew them, simply because we areso different. A good n umber of my ex-clients are people whom I d never meet normally given our diverse b ackgrounds, yet we get along extremely well, just like good friends. Open your heart. On that same note, open your heart tothe person. This connection between you and the other party can only beginwhen your heart is open. This means to be trustin g, have faith, and believe in the goodness of other people. You can t form any new connections if you mistrust others or you are fearful that things won t work out. It ll send off thewrong vibes and cause them to close off their hearts to you too . When I make new friends, I open myself fully, with full faith that they are good people, with good heart and good intentions. I noticed that becauseI do that, i t has helped me to foster a lot of genuine relationships which are built on trus t, love and faith. These meaningful relationships wouldn t be possible if I had cl osed myself off at theonstart. One direct example is on my blog I open myself to all of you fully and in return, I attract readers who aregenuine, supportive an d kind. I m not sure about other communities online, but I know the Personal Excel lence community of readers is one of authenticity, openness and support. I know it because I can feel the warmth from all of you whether in your emails, comment s or messages. 6. Get to know the person A friendship is equally about you and about the other person. Get to know the pe rson as an individual. For example, below are some questions to consider: *. What does he/she do? *. What are his/her hobbies? *. What has he/she been up to recently? *. What are his/her upcoming priorities/goals? *. What does he/she value the most? *. What are his/her values? *. What motivates/drives him/her? *. What are his/her passions in life? Goals? Dreams? 7. Connect with genuinity Often times we are too caught up withourselves such as what others will think of us, what we should say next, what our next action is that we miss the whole poi nt of a friendship. You can work on the presentation aspects such as how you loo k, what you say, and how you say things, but don t obsess over them. These actions don t (truly) define the friendship. What defines the friendship is the connectio nbetween you and the friend. Show warmth, love and respect towards everyone you meet. Do thingsbecause you wa nt to, and not becauseyou need to. Care for them like you would to yourself. If you approach others with genuinity, you will attract people who want to connect genuinely. Among them will be your future true friends. 8. Be yourself Don t change yourself to make new friends. That s the worse thing you cando. Why do I say that? Say you make many new friends by being vocal and brassy. However, your normal pe rsona is quiet and introverted.What happens then? It may be great initially to g et those new friends, but the friendship was established as you being an extrove rt. That means either: 1. You continue being the vocal, brassy person your new friends knew you as. How ever, it ll just be a facade. In the long-run, it ll be a tiring facade touphold. No t only that, the friendship will just be built on a hollow front. Or 2. You change back to the introverted you. However, your friends will feel cheat ed because that isn t the person they befriended. They ll also gradually shift away if the personalities don t match.

So, just be yourself. That way, potential new friends will know you as you, and they ll use that to decide if they want to take the friendship a stepfurther. I do n t think there s a need to be outward and articulate like Tony Robbins to get frien ds. It s all about being you. The truest friendships are built with both parties a ccepting each other for who they are. 9. Be there for them A friendship is a supportive union between two people. Be there for your friends where you can. Does any of your friends need any help currently?Is there anythi ng you can help them with? How can you better support them? When you help your friends, don t do so with the expectations to be helped next ti me. Rather, help unconditionally.Treat them with emotional generosity . Give bec ause you want to, and not because you feel obliged to. I find that the satisfact ion I get from helping others and knowing they are better offis reward greater t han anything I can get in return. 10. Make the effort to stay in touch At the end of the day, continual effort is required to maintain the friendship. Willingness to make the effort is what differentiates hi-bye friends from other friends. Ask your friends out every oncein a while. Depending on the intensity o f the friendship, there s no need to meet up every few days or once a week catchin g up once a month or once every few months might be sufficient. The strength of your relationship is not measured by how frequently you meet up. For some of my best friends, we meet only about once every few months. Yet, there s never any dou bt that we re closely connected and we will be there for each other when needed. If both of you have your own set of engagements, it might be hard to find time t ogether. Arrange for a simple meet up, say over lunch, tea or dinner time. Or, y ou can always catch up over text messages, online chat or phone calls. Technolog y has made communication so easy that it s difficult not to stay in touch. Get the manifesto (poster) version of this article: [Manifesto] The Guide To Mak ing New Friends This is part of the Dealing With People series. 1. How To Deal With Energy Vampires 2. 7 Tips To Tackle Naysayers in Your Life 3. 8 Helpful Ways To Deal With Critical People 4. How To Deal With Dishonest People 5. How To Deal With Rude People (3-part series) 6. 10 Tips To Make New Friends 7. How To Handle Bullying: An Important Guide This entry was posted on Sunday, April 25th, 2010 at 4:28 pm and is filled under : Family & Friends , People Skills , Relationships Tags: best friends , friends , friendships , new friends , people , relationships , widen social circle 21 Responses to ?? Useful Tips ToMake New Friends boris Says: April 25th, 2010 at 6:48 pm Celes, Thanks for sharing these helpful advices. The advice that I like the most is 8. Be yourself. Frequently people pretend to be a different person just in order to try to know more people. This will never work. All the best, Boris Justyna Says: April 25th, 2010 at 7:22 pm Hi Celes, as you describe it, it is a process to make friends which requires focus and com mitment:) Some people are, however, more skilled than others when socializing withothers a nd for them it is their natural environment. They are mostly extrovert and gain their energy from being with others. I love socializing with others and this natural approach makes it so much easier for me to make new friends:)

Thanks for your post Justyna Chung Nguyen-Le Says: April 25th, 2010 at 7:44 pm Heya Celes I ve been working my way reading through many of your articles and each of them ar e great little gems and welldone on another great article. It s a shame the comments are closed to combat spam as I would love to contribute some thoughts on some of the other articles. But alas, the actions of the few (s pam) must ruin it for the many. ====================== Something I would like to contribute here is a heart-felt belief that is reassur ing for readers is that people that ARE like eachother, TEND to like eachother . I find that the strongest friendships usually have a shared common thread which keeps the two together, and depending on how strong that thread is or how much t hey value that thread helps with the strength of the friendship. For example, an interest in motorcycles is a common thread linking me to many of my hi-bye frie nds, however the true friends share a much stronger common thread which holds us together, and that could be a passion to for living an incredible life. What I also find reassuring is that once you have found your direction in life a nd begin to travel down the path leading you there you will often: a) find others whose path is going the same direction b) find others whose path meets yours c) find others on the same path, going in the same direction as you Having a dream, following your path and living your life the way you want is a g reat way to meet new friends. Plus these friends who you meet along the way are usually going the same way you are often join you for the long run as they too h ave a path going in the same/ similar direction. I don t believe the saying opposites attract is true when it comes to people and fri endships. The only time I agree with the law that opposites attract is when it comes to magne ts and even then, although they attract , the reality is that they are poles apart . If life ever feels lonely, my best tip is tofollow Celes tip to break out of you r comfort zone, try something new, or find a new path or direction or if you are in a good place in life, keep on yourpath, and have faith that you will meet oth ers on the same path or going the same way as you.