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Free Sampler From: Understanding Japanese Women 1
“I first thought I would share this eBook with the

American guy I am seeing, but there were things in
this eBook that I would rather keep a secret from him
– YOU REVEALED TOO MUCH.”
Yuko H.
(A Japanese Woman)
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Check Out The Japan Times Online Article!
Following is the complete article from The Japan Times Online website:
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
LIFELINES
Dealing with the fairer sex
By ANGELA JEFFS
Mac has a Japanese girlfriend and sometimes feels completely lost as

to what is going on.
“I know I am dealing with cultural issues, but where can I get advice
and help? Actually, I have had several Japanese girlfriends and none
of the relationships work out. What am I doing wrong?”
Mac, begin by asking yourself about relationships before you came to

Japan. Were they any better? Have you considered that maybe it is
what you are bringing to a relationship that possibly creates problems,
hindering it from developing and flowering? A visit to a counselor
might be a good idea if any of the above resonates.
Otherwise, take a look at David Radtke’s e-book “Understanding

Japanese Women” — which is a lot more serious than it sounds — at
www.japandatingtips.com/e-book.html. American Radtke — a
translator, international consultant, and relationship counselor who has
been living in Japan for 14 years — makes it clear that his advice has
absolutely nothing to do with trying to get Japanese women into bed.
Instead, the e-book takes a serious look at the differences between the
relationship cultures of Japan and the West. It is meant to help Western
men (and indeed men of other cultures also) solve the problems they
encounter when dating — or even marrying — Japanese women.
Continued...
“I myself have been married to a Japanese woman for almost 10 years

now,” he writes. He says he has lived through the confusion that
almost all men face in interracial relationships with Japanese women.
“My goal for the e-book was to take everything I have learned so far
and teach it to others so that they can avoid the mistakes I’ve made in
the past.”
Topics covered include: how Japanese women view relationships; their

role in a relationship; what she expects a man to do; what she expects
a man not to do; how to interact with Japanese women in general;
cultural dos and don’ts; and whether learning Japanese is necessary.
Radtke adds that “Understanding Japanese Women” has received lots

of appreciative testimonials, some of which can be found on the site.
“Two men even mentioned to me (privately) that the e-book saved
their marriages from divorce. To me this is the highest praise it could
receive!”
View the article online here:

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/fl20080729aj.html
Notes about this sampler eBook
Before we begin, I’d like to explain a few things about this special sampler
eBook:
1. All of the material comes directly from the full eBook.

2. This sampler eBook contains only a small fraction of the information
found in the full version.
3. From time to time, there may be references to a different section that is
not contained in this sampler eBook. That section is found only in the
full version.
4. Because this is a sampler eBook, the sections will appear to jump from
one topic to another rather quickly. The full version is well organized
and flows smoothly.
Any questions?
If you have any questions about this sampler eBook, the full Understanding
Japanese Women eBook, the FREE bonuses, or even any questions you might
have about ordering online, then please don’t hesitate to contact me at:
contact@japandatingtips.com
About the Author
For over 14 years, David J. Radtke has been living and working in Japan.
His passion for the Japanese language, Japanese culture, and relationships
between the Japanese people and those from the West have put him in a very
unique position.
Mr. Radtke has worked for companies—both in Japan and abroad—as a

translator, international consultant, and interracial relationship counselor. His
cultural advice is often sought after by companies both large and small, and by
Japanese governmental agencies as well.
He was born in the state of Michigan in the United States of America. After
graduating from college, he traveled to Japan and has spent the past 14 years
living and working there.
One of his ongoing passions for the past 20 years has been the study of
human psychology and human behavior, focusing on how our own culture
influences how we think, behave, and relate to one another.
Mr. Radtke now spends his time developing his own international
consulting business as well as writing. He has written five complete books to
date and is currently working on his sixth.
Prologue
I’ve seen it far too many times to count
A man (just like yourself) enters into what he believes will be a loving
romance with the Japanese woman of his dreams. On the surface, all seems to
be going well. But then, without any warning, problems begin to arise. His
Japanese girlfriend begins to behave strangely...
“No problem,” the man says with complete confidence. “I know all about
women. I can fix this in no time.” But the more he tries, the colder and more
distant his Japanese girlfriend becomes. Conversation stalls, and all passion
withers and dies.
In a desperate attempt to restore the lost romance, the man consults his
friends, internet forums, and even books on dating women to find the advice he
so desperately needs to remove the pain and confusion he is now suffering
through. Yet despite his best efforts, the new relationship crumbles well before it
ever has the chance to get off the ground – the Japanese woman of his dreams is
lost for good. The man is hurt, alone, and deeply confused as to what went
wrong.
And the worst part is, the man was doing everything right!
Or was he?
When problems arise in ANY relationship with a Japanese woman (and they
most certainly will), all the advice about women will be USELESS to you.
Why? Because that advice is about how to date women from your own country
and culture. That advice – while correct for the women of your own country –
will not only fail to mend the relationship, but may even cause more damage! It
will deeply hurt the both of you more than words can say.
And here's why...
The way Japanese women view romantic relationships is completely

different than that of Western cultures. It doesn't matter where she lives – in
Japan or in your own country – this ingrained image of dating and romantic
relationships will be the dominant force controlling her behavior.
It will directly influence whether or not your relationship will grow stronger
and more loving or abruptly end with heart-ache and confusion.
It is because of the above mentioned reasons that I decided to write

Understanding Japanese Women. With so many men suffering through painful
and confusing relationships with Japanese women, the only solution was to
write a book that would end that confusion, remove the pain, and help those
men become successful in their relationships.
Long story, short: this book is for you.
Table of Contents to the Full Version of

Understanding Japanese Women
Part I: Introduction
12 - Welcome to Understanding Japanese Women!

‣ Why write an eBook on dating Japanese women?
14 - What to Expect
‣ The NO!
‣ The YES!
‣ The beauty of this eBook
‣ Creative license
‣ The rule of exceptions
17 - My Story
18 - Let's get started
19 - To be or not to be -- in Japan
21 - Studying Japanese
‣ Japanese Study Materials
25 - The epiphany
‣ The blind leading the blind
Part II: The Depth of Japanese Culture
28 - Why should I learn about Japanese culture?

‣ Culture and interracial relationships
33 - Who is more enlightened?
35 - The web of culture
37 - Interesting behavior
‣ I never thought something so serious was so funny
‣ Yes. I'm listening
‣ Fashionably late is just plain late
‣ Let's do it now!
‣ Hitting the nail on the head
‣ Hey! My eyes are up here!
‣ What is she hiding behind her hand?
44 - The sound of "WA"

‣ Making the hard edges soft
‣ Vague is vogue
‣ Grin and bear it
‣ Sometime is no time
‣ Maybe is the new no
Part III: A Closer Look at Japanese Women
54 - Time Line
‣ High school
‣ College
‣ The workplace
58 - The different types
60 - The shy ones
64 - The aggressive ones
67 - The desperate ones
71 - The married ones
75 - For the love of money and hand bags
Part IV: Prelude to Dating
78 - What (Japanese) women want

‣ A change of pace
‣ Size does matter
‣ A gentler gentleman
‣ Hair
‣ Clean up your act
83 - Confidence is king
‣ The character of a confident man
‣ Confidence -- the Japanese way
‣ Bring it on
88 - Gorgeous gals and geeky guys
90 - Why me?
‣ Extracurricular English
‣ Something different
‣ Two can play at this game
94 - Getting the date

‣ The lesson to be learned
‣ The checklist
‣ The signs of attraction
100 - Consistency is the key
105 - Beware of the wrong signs

‣ Some friendly advice
Part V: Sailing the Stormy Seas
111 - Ladies first and other useless Western customs

‣ Ladies last, men first
‣ That's just great!
‣ An apple a day
‣ Complaining about work
117 - Quickies
‣ Don't complain about Japan
‣ Joking around can be dangerous
‣ Be patient
‣ Don't demand immediate action or responses
‣ One more time, please
122 - Strange conversation

‣ Yes
‣ Who are they talking about?
‣ Excuses, excuses
‣ What you don't know won't hurt you
129 - The inner child of the Japanese woman

‣ Grown women with children's toys
‣ My blood type was never important to me before
136 - The culture of relationships

‣ And you thought you were so great
‣ The invisible boyfriend
‣ You're not invited
‣ Not in public
‣ Love at a distance
‣ Unspoken love
‣ The way to a man's heart
145 - She's 29, has a career, and still lives at home
147 - Love hotels
148 - Privacy
‣ You'll know after it happens
‣ The return of the smile
‣ The staring eyes of others
151 - Prelude to marriage

‣ The bitter taste of irony
‣ Questions
‣ Enjoying the "view"
‣ The magnification effect
Part VI: Conclusion
157 - The origin of the end
160 - Stop the world, I wanna get off
164 - About the author
Welcome to Understanding Japanese Women!

Greetings and salutations
First, I’d like to take this chance to personally thank you for downloading
this free sampler eBook! In an Internet full of false products and rather nasty
scams, I’m thrilled that you put your trust in me. And that trust will not go to
waste – I promise!
The beauty of this eBook
You may stumble across a book in a bookstore about dating in Japan. It may
look good, but there is a lot of information left out. The problem with these
books is that they have to conform to the publisher’s idea of what is considered
politically correct. They wouldn’t want to print something that may cast Japan
or the Japanese people in an “unfavorable light.”
Japan is notorious for hiding the truth that it feels would not be in the best
interest of Japan as a whole. Every year more and more of Japan’s ugly past is
being removed from its history textbooks – even when the Japanese people
themselves tell the government that they prefer to leave it in. Saving face is a
large part of Japanese culture. So much so that hiding the embarrassing and
sometimes cruel mistakes is preferred over teaching them to the younger
generations.
This eBook is not bound by such restrictions.
No publisher to tell me not to print this nor to intentionally leave that out.
I’ll tell it like it is – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Be assured, I won’t gloss
over the topics. You’ll get it all.
Creative license
Understanding Japanese Women isn’t just a book of cultural facts, pieces of

advice, chunks of useful information, and other words of hard-earned wisdom to
help you with your present or future Japanese girlfriend, wife, or significant
other. It is full of real-life stories that I have experienced or that were told by
friends, acquaintances, and countless others that I have interviewed.
In the retelling of the stories, I have taken a little “creative license” in the
words and expressions that are used. I didn’t want the stories to be dull,
impersonal accounts of who did what to whom, and why. I wanted to give you,
the reader, a deeper understanding of what each person in the various situations
was feeling. Through this, you can get far more out of the retelling than just the
bare facts.
With that said, the stories that are contained within these pages are real.
They really did happen. The wording may make them sound like they were
ripped from the pages of a novel or magazine, but don’t let the creativity of their
retelling throw doubts upon their validity.
The rule of exceptions
My chemistry professor in college had a “proverb” (as he called it) that he

just loved to use over and over. His constant repetition got to the point of
becoming annoying. But this proverb of his holds a great truth about chemistry,
life, and even Japanese women. It goes something like this:
“Every rule has an exception.

Except the ‘Rule of Exceptions’
– which is the exception.”
(Take a minute to mull that over.)
What my professor was saying (in his oddly eloquent way) was that there
are no hard and fast rules. Even after years of testing, sometimes the most solid
rules have an exception to them – a “bump” in the theory, so to speak. It is no
different with the information outlined in this eBook.
All Japanese women are not the same. But because they grew up in a culture
that is vastly different from Western culture, we can make some very solid
assumptions about their behavior. These rules hold true around 80% to 90% of
the time. But you will undoubtedly run into a Japanese woman who acts in a
way not completed covered in this eBook. Maybe she had a unique upbringing.
Maybe she lived overseas for many years and has a sort of hybrid East/West
culture paradigm. Maybe she is blood type AB (I’ll cover this cultural
fascination with blood type later.) Or maybe she’s just strange.
Whatever the case may be, the best thing you should do is follow the advice
presented here first. This advice has come from over a decade of experience in
relationships with Japanese women (more than 14 of them being here in Japan),
numerous books on the subject of Japanese culture, real-life experiences of
myself and the people I have interviewed, as well as the advice donated by my
Japanese wife of 10 years.
It is solid, proven advice.
But if you find that, after using the advice from these pages, the woman you
are dating doesn’t exactly fit into anything that I’ve described here, don’t
despair. Simply find which description best fits your girlfriend and work on
finding the nuances. Part of any relationship is the search and discovery of new
territory in your partner’s psyche. It should be relished and not feared. It is the
joy of discovery that makes relationships worth getting into in the first place.
Excerpts from Understanding Japanese Women
The following are a few excerpts taken from the Understanding Japanese
Women eBook. They aren’t in any specific order, but are offered up to give you a
sense of what is inside the full version.
Two time’s a charm
Imagine that you’re out on your first date with a Japanese woman you’ve
had your eye on for some time. Nothing fancy, just a trip to your local Starbucks
for coffee, dessert, and some pleasant conversation.
Right after your date orders her extra low-fat, double frappa-latte-chino-
pino with chocolate sprinkles and caramel sauce, she takes out her wallet to pay
for the deceptively low-fat beverage…
“I’ll get that,” you say in your most gentlemanly voice. It is – after all – a
date, isn’t it?
“No, that’s okay,” she responds politely. “You really don’t have to. I’ll pay
for my own.”
Ouch!
Most men, after hearing this rejection, would immediately assume that his
“date” really isn’t a “date” after all – she is out with him on a “just friends”
basis. But hold on a second before you jump to that conclusion.
Whether someone offers to pick up the tab, help with a project, give a gift,
or some other kind of generosity, Japanese people always refuse the first offer
out of politeness – even if the person really wants to have it.
Let’s look at that from her point of view:
Even if your date really wants to receive your kind action, she will
ALWAYS decline the first time you offer it. In addition, she will be waiting for
you to offer it again. To make matters worse, if you don’t offer it again, then she
will think that you are only interested in being “just friends.” Another OUCH!
Talk about a gap in communication.
The lesson to be learned is this: after any offer of kindness is declined,

always offer it a second time. In most cases, she will gladly accept it (and the
message of mutual interest is maintained.) If she refuses again, then there is a
possibility that she just wants to be friends or it might just be that it’s too early
in the dating process to allow you to pay for her.
No freedom for the Japanese princess
Imagine this…
You are right in the middle of a date with a Japanese woman who makes
men’s eyes bulge in excitement. The dinner you made for her was spot on. And
the movie you chose was the perfect blend of comedy and romance. She is now
in the mood: A playful touch. A tender kiss. Romance begins to ripen into
something more delicious.
Then she spies the clock next to your bed.
In a flurry of excuses and apologies she gets up from the bed. She
straightens her clothes to return her appearance to some level of decency. She
fixes her hair with a few well-placed runs of her fingers. And with a face that
clearly shows a mixture of regret and sheer panic, she hurriedly places one final
kiss good-bye on your lips and is out the door.
As you lie there in an unfulfilled, testosterone induced state, you look at the
clock. Eyes blinking in amazement you wonder what was the matter. After all,
it’s only 11:00 pm…
In traditional Japanese culture, it is very common for unmarried women to

continue to live at home with their families. She may have graduated from
college and even gotten a fantastic, high-paying job, but as long as there isn’t a
wedding band around her finger, she is required by her family – and even by
society – to live at home.
Still being under the rule of her parents, it isn’t rare to find a Japanese
woman who still has a curfew, especially if she is going out on a date. This
curfew is usually imposed by the father. Japanese fathers are just like fathers all
around the world; because they are men themselves, they know exactly what
men want when they are out on dates with women. And just like other fathers,
Japanese fathers will do their best to protect the innocence of their little
princess.
I remember one of the first Japanese women that I dated after coming to
Japan. She was 29 years old, had a good career, and still lived at home. Her
father demanded that she return from her dates by 10:00 pm sharp.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of comparing her to American women in
similar situations. I unfairly judged her as being immature. This tainted our
relationship from the start.
As a Western man dating a Japanese woman with such restrictions, it is your

duty to do your best to honor the curfew. Don’t think of it as strange. And by all
means, don’t make the mistake of labeling her as immature. Enjoy the time you
have with her and let her return home with little fuss from you. Constant
pleading for her to stay will just make things worse for the both of you.
Office love
During my second summer vacation in college I landed a rather decent full-

time job. I worked in the stock room of a furniture store and – as luck would
have it – began dating one of the sales clerks who worked on the floor within a
few weeks (she was American, not Japanese.)
Everyone in the store knew that we were going out with each other, even
the manager. During our lunch breaks we ate together, talked, and even engaged
in the simple flirting activities that couples are allowed to do in an office. Not
too much, but just enough to let our feelings show without annoying the other
employees.
Fast forward to my first year in Japan…
I began dating one of the Japanese English teachers at my school.

Following my normal instincts, I engaged in the playful flirting that I had done
back in the States. Bad move.
My girlfriend almost immediately pulled me aside and berated me for my

“inconsiderate” actions:
“Japanese people DO NOT do those things at the office!” she began.

“You’ll just make things harder for us here if you continue. Just stop it, okay?”
Later that night, away from the office and the gossip-hungry ears of the
people who knew us, she went into greater detail. She explained that, at a
Japanese office, dating couples treat each other just like they would treat anyone
else. Openly flirting or showing any kind of affection is frowned upon and can
cause problems. Even talking about a past date or a future date is bad. I still
remember her final words on the matter:
“Just treat me like you would treat that weird science teacher who smells
like cigarettes and wasabi and everything will be fine.”
And so I pass this advice along to you. Remember that Japanese people
prefer to keep their love life hidden from others at the workplace. If you are
dating a Japanese woman at your office, never be surprised or hurt in she treats
you with indifference while you are there. And be kind to her as well by not
putting her in situations where she may feel embarrassed.
Sometime is no time
In Western culture, there are two main uses of the word sometime (itsuka in
Japanese.) Let’s use the example of “Sure, let’s get together for dinner
sometime” to illustrate the two meanings:
Meaning One:
“I don’t know when we can get together, but I’d really like to.”
Meaning Two:
“I don’t want to get together with you, but I’m trying to let you down nicely
through avoidance.”
Usually we can tell by how “Sure, let’s get together for dinner sometime” is
said to know which meaning is being stated. Intonation, slight inflections in
voice, facial expressions, and body language all conspire to clue us in. We can
usually then react appropriately with a comment like “Great, I’ll give you a call
soon” or “Okay–well–um–yeah. See you later, then.”
In Japan, both meanings also exist. But here in the land where truth is often
hidden behind painted-on smiles, the latter meaning is almost always the case.
Which means, whether the Japanese woman is speaking Japanese or even
English, her utterance of “sometime” is her polite way of saying “No, thank
you.”
Who are they talking about?
Just like in the English language, the Japanese language is full of titles.
Titles like sensei (teacher), dōryō (coworker), and tomodachi (friend) are just a
few of the words that help to identify the different kinds of people with whom
we interact. But they are used very differently in Japanese than they are used in
English.
For those of us from the West, we like to know people’s names. When you
casually mention that you’re going out with a coworker, you probably say
something like this:
“I’m going out with Bob tonight. He’s my coworker.”
If you plan on hanging out with a friend, you probably say something similar to
this:
“My friend Tom and I are going out to the movies.”
In both situations, the person you are talking to may have no connection to
your coworker or to your friend, but you mention their names nonetheless. It is
a trait of the Western culture.
In Japan, however, this practice of casually mentioning the names of our

acquaintances does not exist. Instead, only the title that describes the
relationship we have to the person is used:
“I’m going out with my coworker.”

“My friend and I are going out to the movies.”
To those of us of Western upbringing, this kind of restrained communication

is often considered devious. It is used when we are trying to hide the true
identity or the gender of the person we are talking about. We feel suspicious,
doubtful, and a little leery when others don’t mention names. If it’s our Japanese
girlfriend or wife who is omitting names, then jealousy will often raise its ugly
head.
This gut reaction must be silenced if your Japanese girlfriend or wife fails to
mention the names of the people she interacts with. For her, naming
acquaintances is just as unnatural as it is for us not to do so – especially if she
believes that there is little or no connection between you and whom she is
talking about. Don’t be alarmed. Don’t become suspicious. And don’t succumb
to jealousy. It’s all normal.
Special Note:
To make matters even more complicated, the words he and she are also very
rarely used in the Japanese language. And just like what was covered above, it’s
not because Japanese people are trying to hide the gender of the person they are
talking about, it’s simply the nature of the language.
One more time, please
Japan has its own unique way of looking at situations, reacting to situations,
and handling situations. Now, we will look at one more very important aspect of
dealing with situations: what comes after.
When we examine the interactions of people in Western cultures we

discover something very interesting: if someone has wronged us, a simple yet
sincere apology after the deed has been committed will often be all that is
necessary to mend the relationship. There often is no need for a “follow-up”
apology the next time we are in contact with the person we wounded physically
or emotionally (obviously, it depends on the severity of the transgression.)
The same holds true for expressions of gratitude. A one-time utterance of

“Thank you very much” is often all that is needed for those of Western birth.
Similar to the example above, the necessity to thank someone again for their
kindness doesn’t exist.
But, as usual, Japanese culture is different.
Keeping the peace is of prime importance to Japanese people. In the

section titled “The sound of ‘Wa’” (Note: full version only) we looked at many
ways in which Japanese people do just that. One final way to leave the peace
between people unruffled is to either apologize or thank someone the very next
time you are in contact with them.
If you have hurt the feelings of your Japanese friend, girlfriend, or wife, be
sure to apologize two times: once right after and once more at the next
encounter. If your Japanese friend, girlfriend, or wife has done something
especially nice for you or given you a gift, by all means thank that person two
times as well. To forget to do either of the above would be very rude indeed.
Yes. I’m listening
“Yes” in Japanese is “hai.” It is pronounced just like the English greeting

“hi” – but that is where the similarities end. The Japanese “hai” serves two
functions in conversation.
It can mean “I’m answering positively to your question.” and “I’m

listening.” (similar to the English “Uh-huh”)
It’s not too bad if you are speaking Japanese, since the nature of the
language makes it easy to differentiate between the two meanings. But it is
especially confusing when Japanese people are speaking English. Most of the
time, Japanese students of English are never taught the guttural cues that we use
like “uh-huh,” “uh-uh,” and “oh.” Instead, they translate their “hai” into the
English “yes” and be done with it.
To add to the confusion, they will sometimes say “yes (I’m listening)” even
if they don’t understand what you are saying. That’s right, it’s a technique used
by language students to keep the conversation flowing. If the student always
affirms then the speaker will assume that his or her English message is
understood and thus continue to talk. The student then hopes that further along
in the conversation the speaker will say something recognizable.
So remember: always ask for clarification from Japanese women,

especially when they are speaking English.
Do you mean:
“Yes, I’ll go out with you” or “Yes, I understood what you just said”?
The way to a man’s heart
Funny that this commonly used expression in the West is one of the prime
ways that Japanese women show their love for their man. In traditional culture,
Japanese women show their love by going the extra mile to take care of their
man – and a good meal is on the top of the list.
Japanese women will wake up early to make a very fresh, very nutritious,
and very tasty breakfast for their man. After which, they will labor just as hard
to make the same, high-quality lunch. This lunch even has a special name: aisai
bento (lunch prepared by the loving wife.)
Unfortunately, most Western men don’t realize that any painstakingly

prepared homemade meal is a sign of her deepest love. There are two things that
you MUST do in order to avoid hurting her feelings and unintentionally
damaging the relationship:
1. Eat everything
2. Compliment on the taste and her ability
Eating everything is a must. Leave no morsel untouched on your plate. No

matter how bad it may taste, eat it all. You have to remember that she prepared
this meal while thinking lovingly of you. By not cleaning your plate, she will
feel let down in a way that only a Japanese woman can ever understand. When
you compliment her on the taste of the meal or on her ability you are, in a way,
showing recognition of not only her efforts on your behalf, but acknowledging
her feelings for you.
And you thought you were so great
Contrary to the Western way that women complement or speak positively

about their boyfriend or husband to others, Japanese women will actually say
the opposite: bad mouthing their man and emphasizing his faults. Your
girlfriend usually won’t compliment you in front of her friends, family, and
most other people since it sounds like bragging – my man is better than your
man. Not good. By talking badly about you, the Japanese woman is being polite
to others:
‣ My boyfriend? He’s really not that handsome. I think your boyfriend is

much better looking.
‣ Your boyfriend is much smarter than mine. I wish you weren’t dating
him so I could get a better man.
‣ My guy is fat and flabby.
‣ Yeah, my boyfriend is younger than yours, but he easily looks ten years
older.
Some of you might be thinking “My girlfriend in my home country bad-

mouthed me in public. What’s so different about Japanese women?” The
difference is that your girlfriend in your home country was teasing you. And
you could tell by the tone of her voice that she was doing just that. But Japanese
women will sound deeply sincere in the insults directed at you. Sometimes the
insults can be very venomous and stabbing – far from being obviously playful.
As the man it is your job to either ignore what she says or even agree with
her. Lending a hand in the destruction of your own positive traits will help to
keep all of her other relationships with friends, family, and the like running
smoothly.
Complaining about work
In the West, we are often taught the importance of “getting our problems off
our chest.” It is believed that by telling others about the things that cause us
stress (especially work), we can relieve that stress and return the balance of our
mental states to normal. It is healthy. And both parties in a healthy relationship
freely communicate in this way.
But not in Japanese relationships.
In Japan, talking to a third person about a problem that you have can, in
many situations, make that person feel obliged to help you. Your Japanese
counterpart will not realize that you are just “blowing off steam” and will
misinterpret your negative comments as a request for intervention. For example:
if you complain to a coworker about someone else in your office, your coworker
will infer that you want his help in solving the dispute.
Now you might be thinking, “How can my Japanese girlfriend or wife

possibly feel obliged to help me with a problem at work? She has no
connections to the people there.” Ahh, but there is a way…
Even though she may not be able to talk directly to someone at your office,
she will feel required to help you relieve your stress through extra affection or
attention on her part. She might offer to make you a special dinner, massage
your shoulders, cuddle, or even engage in sex to help you deal with your stress.
Now you might be thinking, “Hey! That sounds good to me! I’ll start
complaining even more so I can get that kind of attention!” And you will be
very sorry if you do.
Here’s why:
The image of a “real man” in Japan is of a man who can handle his own
problems. He has the strength and determination to face whatever comes his
way and to solve those challenges with little help from others – especially a
woman. By complaining even more, your image as a “real man” will actually
decrease in the eyes of your Japanese girlfriend or wife. She will constantly feel
obliged to care for a “lesser man” – and this will turn off her affections for you
in short order. The outcome? She will most likely start looking for a man who
does have the strength to deal with his own problems and not complain about
them. And even though you were just “blowing off steam” in the Western way,
you will be left standing there – alone – wondering what you did wrong.
The bitter taste of irony
Her point of view:
As we have talked about in previous sections (full version only), Japanese

women are attracted to Western men because of numerous stereotypes that float
throughout Japan. Western men are said to be kinder and more gentle than
Japanese men. Western men don’t talk down to their girlfriends or wives.
Western men are not as controlling and are not as demanding as Japanese men
are said to be.
They have also heard stories about how marriages in the West are more
balanced than those in Japan. By balanced, I mean that both the man and the
woman share equal responsibility in the relationship. Western men know how
to cook and clean and will help with both. They can help take care of raising
children as well. Women in Western marriages also enjoy greater freedom than
women in Japanese marriages.
In many cases it is true, Western men do treat their wives with a little more
respect when compared to Japanese men. There is more give and take in
Western marriages and the Western husband is often more polite to his wife.
It seems like the ideal marriage for a Japanese woman…
His point of view:
Just as prevalent as the stereotype about Western men is the stereotype

believed by Western men: the stereotype of Japanese women. It is said that
Japanese women are docile, submissive to their man, quiet, and don’t argue. The
man really does rule his castle in Japanese marriages.
It is also believed that Japanese women will wait hand-and-foot on their

husbands: cook the meals, serve the beer, clean the house, and “please” her man
when he needs to be satisfied. These are all parts of this stereotype as well.
Just like the stereotypes about Western men, the stereotypes about Japanese
women are generally true – to a point. Japanese women are more docile,
submissive, and take greater care of their husbands.
It’s almost the perfect life for a Western man…
Irony stops by for dinner
Just as much as Japanese women covet the freedom and equality that
typifies the Western marriage, Western men often covet the submissive and
docile Japanese wife of the famed Japanese marriage. How ironic it is (in a
very sad way) when a Western man marries a Japanese woman expecting a
docile and submissive wife, and a Japanese woman marries a Western man
expecting more power and greater equality from her husband.
It is of great importance then, that before getting married that the both of
you sit down and seriously discuss what you expect from each other in the
marriage. Are you expecting her to treat you like she would treat a Japanese
husband? Does your girlfriend expect you to treat her like you would treat a
wife from your own country?
This discussion should be the first in a series of discussions about the

differences between what you expect her to do and what she expects you to do
in the marriage. Don’t kid yourselves, don’t shortchange yourselves, and don’t
beat around the bush on this point. It is important that the both of you fully
understand the roles you will play in the many years to come.
Are you ready for more?

Thank you for taking the time to read this special sampler
from Understanding Japanese Women! I hope you have
enjoyed its contents and found all of the advice about
relationships with Japanese women extremely useful.
Let me remind you again that this sampler contains only a very small
fraction of what you will find in the FULL, 167-page eBook.
I have to say I really wish I had read this before I went to Japan.
I did a bit of dating while there, and a lot of what I was reading in your book
was hard won information that would have been useful before some of my own
spectacular personal blunders.
I think this e-book should be required reading for all male JETs before they
head over to Japan.
-Rick A.
JET Alumni Association
New York , USA
I have concluded that your e-book is above and beyond the best!
I have used other books in the past but they either were overly too simplistic or
were way off base and unrealistic.
I feel this e-book is a mandatory viewing!
-Chris S.
London, England
Click On The Link Below To Get

Understanding Japanese Women TODAY!
www.japandatingtips.com/ordering.php
Read what others are saying…

(Read all testimonials here.)
Dear David,
I am not a guy but a Japanese woman.
I'm working and living in NY now. I've lived abroad quite a lot including a 3.5
years stay in the US. But still when it comes to relationships, I found myself very
Japanese -- and there are many differences between Japanese and Americans.
I found this book while I was trying to explain myself to resolve some problems
I'm encountering with the American guy I'm seeing. I was very curious what
your e-book says.
There are many Japanese-way of behaviors or reactions that I do but usually

they come out very naturally without thinking. So, the e-book helped me
understand myself, too.
I think you have explained very well about Japanese women and Japanese
culture.
I first thought I would share this eBook with the American guy I am seeing,
but there were things in this eBook that I would rather keep a secret from him
-- YOU REVEALED TOO MUCH.
Well, I thoroughly enjoyed the book.

Great job and thanks!
-Yuko H.
I finally finished the book. It is only the first read though and I am sure I am
going to read it over and over to really take it all in.
THERE IS SO MUCH IN THERE!

-John P.
I wanted to thank you very much for making this e-book! It has helped me
figure out what I might have potentially done wrong if not for this e-book.
I was in the initial stages of meeting this woman and was starting to do a few
things wrong. I immediately looked online after my 2nd meeting with her and
found this e-book. I was very skeptical but figured I’d only be out a few dollars.
This book EXCEEDED my expectations!
I read it completely from beginning to end and was enthralled. I couldn’t stop
reading. By reading your book I have now had one and a half great months so
far with no signs of slowing. She’s a great woman and I see our relationship
only getting stronger from here on out.
Thank you once again for a GREAT BOOK!

-Rik Wall
This e-book really hits the nail on the head! Even after living in Japan for over
3 years, I still was able to learn so much more about dating Japanese women
-- and I thought I knew it all!
The advice, tips, and cultural insights are fantastic. In addition to that, the real-
life stories not only solidify the concepts taught in this e-book, but are also great
to read. Good Job!
-Patrick F.
Shiga, Japan
"Understanding Japanese Women" is the only book of its kind that really gives
you the inside scoop about Japanese dating culture!
Whether you're looking to make a Japanese girlfriend or need help with your
current Japanese girlfriend or wife, this e-book is a must!
- Jonathan Richards
Fukui, Japan
Dear David,
First let me thank you for your exceptional e-book!
When I first came to this site I was VERY skeptical. I thought to myself "Can
this really be true? Can a simple e-book actually help me date Japanese women
AND make those relationships great?"
Well, I took a chance and bought your e-book - and boy, was I surprised!
Using the information from the e-book, I was able to meet a wonderful Japanese
woman! We have been going out for some time now and all the advice you have
about keeping the relationship strong has been a life-saver!
Long story short: your e-book really did deliver!

Thanks again!
-Chris Z.
New York City
I very much enjoyed reading your experiences with Japanese people! I like
reading how japanese culture is different from ours (and seeing it through your
"western" eyes). I suspect many of your readers will feel the same way.
Thanks again!
-Robert B.
Saga, Japan
I've been living in Japan for close to 9 years now, and yet was completely taken
by surprise by the detailed information and advice in the Understanding
Japanese Women e-book.
The speech, actions, and behavior of the Japanese women around me finally
make sense!
-Mike Thorson
Gifu, Japan
I’m also working my way through the other books (the free bonus e-books) that
came with the package and am making changes accordingly to my diet/fitness
program and conversation skills. They are a great reading supplement to the
Understanding Japanese Women book.
Brian T.
Fukushima, Japan
I only wish it had been available when I first came to Japan nine years ago! It's
an eye opener, that's for sure!
This is an awesome piece of work!
-Bernie O.
I am deeply surprised by how well written and well thought out your eBook is.
Chapter after chapter there is just more and more great information that
otherwise I would've never known about.
After all, who would've thought that cultural differences can provide real
answers as to the very different mindset of how a female from another culture
would act towards ones advances? Without having this detailed information that
you've carefully written and assembled to work off of, dating confusion can turn
to dating frustration -- and who likes to feel frustrated in an already confusing
arena like dating?
This material is essential reading for anyone either living in Japan or for those
of you with any interest in a Japanese female. This book can produce some real
insight into the reactions that you get and the responses that you're given.
If you do not have this information, but yet you are interested in Japanese
women you are navigating through the complex dating world in a total fog!
Thanks again!
-Justin Mandel

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Free Sampler From: Understanding Japanese Women 1

“I first thought I would share this eBook with the

Important Legal Information

Free Sampler From: Understanding Japanese Women

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED:

Electronic books (e-books) are protected worldwide under international

Copyright infringement, trademark infringement and theft of intellectual

All tips, advice, and cultural information on dating Japanese women

Check Out The Japan Times Online Article!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Mac has a Japanese girlfriend and sometimes feels completely lost as

Mac, begin by asking yourself about relationships before you came to

Otherwise, take a look at David Radtke’s e-book “Understanding

“I myself have been married to a Japanese woman for almost 10 years

Topics covered include: how Japanese women view relationships; their

Radtke adds that “Understanding Japanese Women” has received lots

View the article online here:

Notes about this sampler eBook

1. All of the material comes directly from the full eBook.

About the Author

Mr. Radtke has worked for companies—both in Japan and abroad—as a

And here's why...

The way Japanese women view romantic relationships is completely

It is because of the above mentioned reasons that I decided to write

Long story, short: this book is for you.

Table of Contents to the Full Version of

12 - Welcome to Understanding Japanese Women!

18 - Let's get started

Part II: The Depth of Japanese Culture

28 - Why should I learn about Japanese culture?

33 - Who is more enlightened?

35 - The web of culture

44 - The sound of "WA"

Part III: A Closer Look at Japanese Women

58 - The different types

60 - The shy ones

64 - The aggressive ones

67 - The desperate ones

71 - The married ones

75 - For the love of money and hand bags

Part IV: Prelude to Dating

78 - What (Japanese) women want

88 - Gorgeous gals and geeky guys

94 - Getting the date

100 - Consistency is the key

105 - Beware of the wrong signs

Part V: Sailing the Stormy Seas

111 - Ladies first and other useless Western customs

122 - Strange conversation

129 - The inner child of the Japanese woman

136 - The culture of relationships

145 - She's 29, has a career, and still lives at home

147 - Love hotels

151 - Prelude to marriage

Part VI: Conclusion

157 - The origin of the end

160 - Stop the world, I wanna get off

164 - About the author

Welcome to Understanding Japanese Women!

The beauty of this eBook

This eBook is not bound by such restrictions.

Understanding Japanese Women isn’t just a book of cultural facts, pieces of

The rule of exceptions

My chemistry professor in college had a “proverb” (as he called it) that he