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TheDemonLover
ElizabethBowen TowardtheendofherdayinLondonMrs.Droverwentroundtohershutup housetolookforseveralthingsshewantedtotakeaway.Somebelongedtoherself,some toherfamily,whowerebynowusedtotheircountrylife.ItwaslateAugustithadbeen asteamy,showeryday:Atthemomentthetreesdownthepavementglitteredinan escapeofhumidyellowafternoonsun.Againstthenextbatchofclouds,alreadypilingup 1 inkdark,brokenchimneysandparapets stoodout.Inheroncefamiliarstreet,asinany unusedchannel,anunfamiliarqueernesshadsiltedupacatwoveitselfinandoutof railings,butnohumaneyewatchedMrs.Doversreturn.Shiftingsomeparcelsunderher arm,sheslowlyforcedroundherlatchkeyinanunwillinglock,thengavethedoor,which hadwarped,apushwithherknee.Deadaircameouttomeetherasshewentin. Thestaircasewindowhavingbeenboardedup,nolightcamedownintothehall. Butonedoor,shecouldjustsee,stoodajar,soshewentquicklythroughintotheroom andunshutteredthebigwindowinthere.Nowtheprosaicwoman,lookingabouther,was moreperplexedthansheknewbyeverythingthatshesaw,bytracesofherlongformer habitoflifetheyellowsmokestainupthewhitemarblemantelpiece,theringleftbya 2 vaseonthetopoftheescritoire thebruiseinthewallpaperwhere,onthedoorbeing thrownopenwidely,thechinahandlehadalwayshitthewall.Thepiano,havinggone 3 awaytobestored,hadleftwhatlookedlikeclawmarksonitspartoftheparquet. Thoughnotmuchdusthadseepedin,eachobjectworeafilmofanotherkindand,the onlyventilationbeingthechimney,thewholedrawingroomsmelledofthecoldhearth. Mrs.Droverputdownherparcelson theescritoireandlefttheroomtoproceedupstairs thethingsshewantedwereinabedroomchest. Shehadbeenanxioustoseehowthehousewastheparttimecaretakershe sharedwithsomeneighborswasawaythisweekonhisholiday,knowntobenotyet back.Atthebestoftimeshedidnotlookinoften,andshewasneversurethatshetrusted him.Thereweresomecracksinthestructure,leftbythelastbombing,onwhichshewas anxioustokeepaneye.Notthatonecoulddoanything Ashaftofrefracteddaylightnowlayacrossthehall.Shestoppeddeadandstared atthehalltableonthislayaletteraddressedtoher. Shethoughtfirstthenthecaretakermustbeback.Allthesame,who,seeingthe houseshutttered,wouldhavedroppedaletterinatthebox?Itwasnotacircular,itwas notabill.Andthepostofficeredirected,totheaddressinthecountry,everythingforher thatcamethroughthepost.Thecaretaker(evenifhewereback)didnotknowshewas dueinLondontodayhercallherehadbeenplannedtobeasurprisesohisnegligence inthemannerofthisletter,leavingittowaitinthedust,annoyedher.Annoyed,she pickeduptheletter,whichborenostamp.Butitcannotbeimportant,ortheywould know...Shetooktheletterrapidlyupstairswithher,withoutastoptolookatthe writingtillsheletinlight.Theroomlookedoverthegardenandsharpenedandlowered, thetreesandranklawnsseemedalreadytosmokewithdark.Herreluctancetolookagain atthelettercamefromthefactthatshefeltintrudeduponandbysomeone
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parapets: lowwallsaroundrooftops. escritoire: writingtable. 3 parquet:woodfloormadeofboardsarrangedingeometricpatterns.

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contemptuousofherways.However,inthetensenessprecedingthefallofrainsheread it:Itwasafewlines. DearKathleen:Youwillnothaveforgottenthattodayisouranniversary,andthe daywesaid.Theyearshavegonebyatonceslowlyandfast.Inviewofthefact thatnothinghaschanged,Ishallrelyuponyoutokeepyourpromise.Iwassorry toseeyouleaveLondon,butwassatisfiedthatyouwouldbebackintime.You mayexpectme,therefore,atthehourarranged.Untilthen... K. Mrs.Droverlookedforthedate:Itwastodays.Shedroppedtheletterontothe bedsprings,thenpickedituptoseethewritingagainherlips,beneaththeremainsof lipstick,beginningtogowhite.Shefeltsomuchthechangeinherownfacethatshesent tothemirror,polishedaclearpatchinit,andlookedatonceurgentlyandstealthilyin. Shewasconfrontedbyawomanoffortyfour,witheyesstartingoutunderahatbrim thathadbeenrathercarelesslypulleddown.Shehadnotputonanymorepowdersince 4 shelefttheshopwheresheatehersolitarytea. Thepearlsherhusbandhadgivenheron theirmarriagehunglooseroundhernowratherthinnerthroat,slippingintheVofthe pinkwool jumperhersisterknittedlastautumnastheysatroundthefire.Mrs.Drovers mostnormalexpressionwasoneofcontrolledworrybutofassent.Sincethebirthofthe thirdofherlittleboys,attendedbyaquiteseriousillness,shehadhadanintermittent muscularflickertotheleftofhermouth,butinspiteofthisshecouldalwayssustaina mannerthatwasatonceenergeticandcalm. Turningfromherownfaceasprecipitouslyasshehadgonetomeetit,shewent tothechestwherethethingswere,unlockedit,threwupthelid,andknelttosearch.But asrainbegantocomecrashingdownshecouldnotkeepfromlookingoverhershoulder atthestrippedbedonwhichtheletterlay.Behindtheblanketofraintheclockofthe churchthatstillstoodstrucksixwithrapidlyheighteningapprehensionshecounted eachoftheslowstrokes.Thehourarranged...MyGod,shesaid,whathour?How shouldI...?Aftertwentyfiveyears... Theyounggirltalkingtothesoldierinthegardenhadnotevercompletelyseenhisface. Itwasdarktheyweresayinggoodbyeunderatree.Nowandthenforitfelt,fromnot seeinghimatthisintensemoment,asthoughshehadneverseenhimatallsheverified hispresenceforthesefewmomentslongerbyputtingoutahand,whichheeachtime pressed,withoutverymuchkindness,andpainfully,ontooneofthebreastbuttonsofhis uniform.Thatcutofthebuttononthepalmofherhandwas,principally,whatshewasto carryaway.ThiswassoneartheendofaleavefromFrancethatshecouldonlywishhim alreadygone.ItwasAugust1916.Beingnotkissed,beingdrawnawayfromandlooked atintimidatedKathleentillsheimaginedspectralglittersintheplaceofhiseyes.Turning awayandlookingbackupthelawnshesaw,throughbranchesoftrees,thedrawingroom windowalight:Shecaughtabreathforthemomentwhenshecouldgorunningback thereintothesafearmsofhermotherandsister,andcry:WhatshallIdo,whatshallI do?Hehasgone. Hearinghercatchherbreath,herfiancsaid,withoutfeeling:Cold? Youregoingawaysuchalongway.
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tea: inBritain,alight,afternoonmeal,servedwithtea.

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Notsofarasyouthink. Idontunderstand? Youdonthaveto,hesaid.Youwill.Youknowwhatwesaid. ButthatwassupposeyouImean,suppose. Ishallbewithyou,hesaid,soonerorlater.Youwontforgetthat.Youneed donothingbutwait. Onlyalittlemorethanaminutelatershewasfreetorunupthesilentlawn. Lookinginthroughthewindowathermotherandsister,whodidnotforthemoment perceiveher,shealreadyfeltthatunnaturalpromisedrivedownbetweenherandtherest ofallhumankind.Nootherwayofhavinggivenherselfcouldhavemadeherfeelso 5 6 apart,lostandforsworn. Shecouldnothaveplightedamoresinistertroth. Kathleenbehavedwellwhen,somemonthslater,herfiancwasreportedmissing, presumedkilled.Herfamilynotonlysupportedherbutwereabletopraisehercourage withoutstintbecausetheycouldnotregret,asahusbandforher,themantheyknew almostnothingabout.Theyhopedshewould,inayearortwo,consoleherselfandhad itbeenonlyaquestionofconsolationthingsmighthavegonemuchstraighterahead.But hertrouble,behindjustalittlegrief,wasacompletedislocationfromeverything.Shedid notrejectotherlovers,forthesefailedtoappear.Foryears,shefailedtoattractmenand withtheapproachofherthirtiesshebecamenaturalenoughtoshareherfamilys 7 anxiousnessonthescore.Shebegantoputherself out, towonder,andatthirtytwoshe wasverygreatlyrelievedtofindherselfbeingcourtedbyWilliamDrover.Shemarried 8 him,andthetwoofthemsettleddowninthequiet,arboreal partofKensington:Inthis housetheyearspiledup,herchildrenwereborn,andtheyalllivedtilltheyweredriven outbythebombsofthenextwar.HermovementsasMrs.Droverwerecircumscribed, andshedismissedanyideathattheywerestillwatched. Asthingsweredeadorlivingtheletterwritersentheronlyathreat.Unable,for someminutes,togoonkneelingwithherbackexposedtotheemptyroom,Mrs.Drover rosefromthechesttositonanuprightchairwhosebackwasfirmlyagainstthewall.The 9 desuetude ofherformerbedroom,hermarriedLondonhomeswholeairofbeinga crackedcupfromwhichmemory,withitsreassuringpower,hadeitherevaporatedor leakedaway,madeacrisisandatjustthiscrisistheletterwriterhad,knowledgeably, struck.Thehollownessofthehousethiseveningcancelledyearsonyearsofvoices, habits,andsteps.Throughtheshutwindowssheonlyheardrainfallontheroofsaround. Torallyherself,shesaidshewasinamoodandfortwoorthreesecondsshuttingher eyes,toldherselfthatshehadimaginedtheletter.Butsheopenedthemthereitlayon thebed. Onthesupernaturalsideofthelettersentranceshewasnotpermittinghermind todwell.Who,inLondon,knewshemeanttocallatthehousetoday?Evidently, however,thathadbeenknown.Thecaretaker,had hecomeback,hadhadnocauseto expecther:Hewouldhavetakentheletterinhispocket,toforwardit,athisowntime, throughthepost.Therewasnoothersignthatthecaretakerhadbeeninbut,ifnot?
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forsworn:havingliedunderoathperjured. plighted...troth: madeamoresinisterpromiseofmarriage. 7 putherselfout:vexordistressherself. 8 arboreal: fulloftrees. 9 desuetude:disuse.

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Lettersdroppedinatdoorsofdesertedhousesdonotflyorwalktotablesinhalls.They donotsitonthedustofemptytableswiththeairofcertaintythattheywillbefound. Thereisneededsomehumanhandbutnobodybotthecaretakerhadakey.Underthe circumstancesshedidnotcaretoconsider,ahousecanbeenteredwithoutakey.Itwas possiblethatshewasnotalonenow.Shemightbebeingwaitedfor,downstairs.Waited foruntilwhen?Untilthehourarranged.Atleastthatwasnotsixoclock:Sixhas struck. Sherosefromthechairandwentoverandlockedthedoor. Thethingwas,togetout.Tofly?No,notthat:Shehadtocatchhertrain.Asa womanwhoseutterdependabilitywasthekeystoneofherfamilylife,shewasnotwilling toreturntothecountry,toherhusband,herlittleboys,andhersister,withouttheobjects shehadcomeuptofetch.Resumingherworkatthechestshesetaboutmakingupa numberofparcelsinarapid,fumblingdecisiveway.These,withhershoppingparcels, wouldbetoomuchtocarrythesemeantataxiatthethoughtofthetaxiherheartwent upandhernormalbreathingresumed.Iwillringupthetaxithetaxicannotcometoo soon:Ishallhearthetaxioutthererunningitsengine,tillIwalkcalmlydowntoit throughthehall.IllringupButno:thetelephoneiscutoff...Shetuggedataknot shehadtiedwrong. Theideaofflight...Hewasneverkindtome,notreally.Idontrememberhim kindatall.Mothersaidheneverconsideredme.Hewassetonme,thatwaswhatit wasnotlove.Notlove,notmeaningapersonwell.Whatdidhedo,tomakeme promiselikethat?IcantrememberButshefoundthatshecould. Sherememberedwithsuchdreadfulacutenessthatthetwentyfiveyearssince 10 thendissolvedlikesmokeandsheinstinctivelylookedfortheweal leftbythebuttonon thepalmofherhand.Sherememberednotonlyallthathesaidanddidbutthecomplete suspensionof herexistenceduringthatAugustweek.Iwasnotmyselftheyalltoldme soatthetime.Sherememberedbutwithonewhiteburningblankaswhereacidhas droppedonaphotograph:Undernoconditionscouldsherememberhisface. So,whereverhemaybewaiting,Ishallnotknowhim.Youhavenotimetorun fromafaceyoudonotexpect. Thethingwastogetto thetaxibeforeanyclockstruckwhatcouldbethehour. Shewouldslipdownthestreetandroundthesideofthesquaretowherethesquaregave onthemainroad.Shewouldreturninthetaxi,safe,toherowndoor,andbringthesolid driverintothehousewithhertopickuptheparcelsfromroomtoroom.Theideaofthe taxidrivermadeherdecisive,bold:Sheunlockedherdoor,wenttothetopofthe staircase,andlisteneddown. 11 Sheheardnothingbutwhileshewashearingnothingthepass airof the staircasewasdisturbedbyadraftthattraveleduptoherface.Itemanatedfromthe basement:Downwhereadoororwindowwasbeingopenedbysomeonewhochosethis momenttoleavethehouse. TherainhadstoppedthepavementssteamilyshoneasMrs.Droverletherselfout byinchesfromherownfrontdoorintotheemptystreet.Theunoccupiedhousesopposite continuedtomeetherlookwiththeirdamagedstare.Makingtowardthethoroughfare andthetaxi,shetriednottokeeplookingbehind.Indeed,thesilencewassointenseone
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weal: lumpwelt. pass: nolongerfreshratherold.

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ofthosecreeksofLondonsilenceexaggeratedthissummerbythedamageofwarthat 12 notreadcouldhavegainedonhersunheard.Whereherstreetdebouched onthesquare wherepeoplewentonliving,shegrewconsciousof,andchecked,herunnaturalpace. Acrosstheopenendofthesquare,twobusesimpassivelypassedeachother:Women,a 13 perambulator, cyclists,amanwheelingabarrowsignalized,onceagain,theordinary flowoflife.Atthesquaresmostpopulouscornershouldbeandwastheshorttaxi rank.Thisevening,onlyonetaxibutthis,althoughitpresenteditsblankrump, appearedalreadytoalertlywaitingforher.Indeed,withoutlookingroundthedriver startedhisengineasshepantedupfrombehindandputherhandonthedoor.Asshedid so,theclockstruckseven.Thetaxifacedthemainroad:Tomakethetripbacktoher houseitwouldhavetoturnshehadsettledbackontheseatandthetaxi hadturned beforeshe,surprisedbyitsknowingmovement,recollectedthatshehadnotsaid where.Sheleanedforwardtoscratchattheclasspanelthatdividedthedrivershead fromherown. Thedriverbrakedtowhatwasalmostastop,turnedround,andslidtheglass panelback:ThejoltofthisflungMrs.Droverforwardtillherfacewasalmostintothe glass.Throughtheaperturedriverandpassenger,notsixinchesbetweenthem,remained foraneternityeyetoeye.Mrs.Droversmouthhungopenforsomesecondsbeforeshe couldissueherfirstscream.Afterthatshecontinuedtoscreamfreelyandtobeatwithher glovedhandsontheglassallroundasthetaxi,acceleratingwithoutmercy,madeoffwith herintothehinterlandofdesertedstreets.

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debouched:cameoutemerged. perambulator:chieflyBritishforbabycarriage.Thewordisoftenshortenedto pram.