So ia hevae had a while to be somewhay objective, time is going slwoly and while ia heent been activl y thinking about

much my subcnisous seasm to be processing the important thing in the background... One thing ironically coming from this cat programme is that the small things tha t make the most maount of diffrence are obvious ONLY after tehy ahve been implim ented. You will say "of course that helps out" but at the time the solutions eld es aeveyone, therfore the siltuon is just inconventional it also ahs to make sen ase to some degree, its elequnce and practicality will dertimne its geneuis. The things im involved with are things that include myself, and therefor i am pa lying both parts of the equation.. the victom and the problem solver... Even htough i must remain objective, i musr one some degree be able to engage wi tht eh potentneila solutions emotinally... So what have been delain with is wanting to fulfil my potential and sort my life out. Unforuntaly they arent really problems, tehre inst naything to solve regar ding them rather they are concequences... My real problems is that i have depression, a lack of slef esteem, a lack of con fidence a brilliant mind but lots of fear and lots of doubt regarding right path to take. Rather than see anything as a path, something linier, i should see it as mediciene. Lots of substances with varing doses with jsut as many combinaiton s of effects. There is no path, just lots of individual problems that have their own set of rules... Becuse this is a life problem and not a potentila problem, it somewhat makes thi ngs easier to dela with... I can focus sumultaneously on potential and life and know that any progress in o ne is a direct positive impact on the other. Now that i ahve established that base, what next?

I can predict what dad is going to day or where he is going with a subject based on very few words.. The place he startes has a direct rleation to his conclusio n, i can usually predict hsi conslution bassed on his premise and maybe im the s ame... I want to get my life sorted out, thats my premise, but the premise alsone is on e of overwhelming responsiblity and fear... Want as desparions, life as everythi gn and sorted as a form of controll, the language alone is enough to make anyone cringe... likewise dad starts of his arguemsnts with "isnt it annoying, strange, dissapoin ting" i know immediately that im goign to feel shit the minute those words come out because the conclustion inst meant to be pleasent but ratehr reiefoee some s elf loathing. If i wanted to turn my image into a relaity, i would ahve the be eimtinally enga ged with it to make it vivd and menainigfull then swap my attitte to something o bjeetineve et amke that happen.... Flow is THE consitituant of happiness... My goals are meaningless unless i can o btain flow in the process of obtaining them. The iamges i form next are to be fi ltered though this after.

---Flow--Flow is the balance between difficluty and controll, if you find somehting too e asy you will get bored, if you find it too hard you will feel overwhlemed and ou t of controll... Becuase its based on a feeling of controll rahter than actual difficulty, this b ecomes a powerfull asset. Now what i want to stress is that, a feelin is not of a lesser value than actual controll... The relaity is that i may not have contro ll over 20 projects but if writing out next actions makes me feel better about t hem, then i do have more controll over them. Feelign and actual dont use the sam e measure however they do affect each other.

My feeling of controll over life, too difficult = overwhlemed, too easy = bored I ahve to feel incontroll of all of my prject even if in actuallity that isnt th e case. This image, etc. i have to beleive f time. if i dont it doesnt matter there will be nothing behind them r 1. Belief doesnt cause things to nd therfore nothing works. that i can a chive it nad what actions i put down, i nothing giving them value. not work, it causes you to in a small apace o wont perform them. This is rule numbe not do somwhting a

So o change my state, i need grooove i need a i can do this attitude... Im not a cting from helpless ness but from POWER!

So design thignw ith flow in mind... What i need is easy wins, wins that establish myslef as having value regarless o f my situation and thats where respcet comes in... They have no external value except that i find them esteemable and therfore even if i ahve nothing im commiting to my own set of goals... Again set this bar too low and i will be broed, set it hign and it will be overwhelming so i need to s et this up to be flow ready...

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I seam ot ahve this apradox, my ambition undermines my success... I want to get things done but to do so is to comprehend eevything thats needs to be done... I give myself permission... Flexible tiered progress...

At its core its exactly how games work, notice that the potions heal you relativ e you to your level, but instead of the potion changing in accordance to this, you get a higher terir to account for this improvement in growth... as in games, the best way to impove your overlal level is to got abck to some of the lower teir things nd and improve them... The gains are quicker at the lower levels and is somewhat easier compared to the higer level things What thsi is iroically symbolic too is the squaring effect of certian elements.. . Its much better for me to be eating an avocodao beofr bed and 1 scoop of green d rink, than me jsut having 2 scoops of green drink. Whiel nutrrionally this amy be uncertain but in regards to progression, the next teir up is allot more benefeical The next teir for example would be, 2 avocados a day and 2 green drink... Thats a good scenario. The alterate tier is 3-4 green drinks a day however in this cas e the variance IS better, the isolation of the compenents only works to a cettia n degree, while initially i suffered with the avocado and green drink, moving it up a tier increased its value above the moving only the green drink up a tier.. . Difficulty in this case isnt in doing more of something, to do more of something requieres exactly the same amount of effort or less if the habit is already est ablished... The difficulty comes in creating new habits... Avocado and green drink is 2 habits, both requitreing a project to obtain them b oth and will poer --I want a quick result... and while i can do things that produce the most value i n excess, there is a point where the isolation of compoents can even becoeme har mfull.. While the indidivisual components by themesleves cna produce a temporary result, its not sustainabal, the reason why i will eb able to get a better result than most is because even though they natuallry do things that synergise with who teh y are, i will be able to use the best that componnets have to offer... Teir 1 is going to be the formation of the habit.. the following teirs are goign to be extentiosn of those... Lucikcly i can merge habits to reduce overall time... Flossing and cel; --Theres a probelem that im facing even tho im high functioning nad its thet ter i s this black area in which i am unable to see into. I take up space and the thin gs that i dispalce as a result of that i cant see... In regards to my life, the

entire thing is extreamly personal and i need a dispasionate mind to figure thin gs out but at the same time its hard for me to be that detached... In regards to change i dont think anything physical needs to change, i think a d iffernet perspective is all i need to carry me and i think i will explore this t onight. --Its not that my goals need to change, but rather how i feel about them does... t he componts are ones based on facts and best practices... What needs to change is how i feel about myself, myself in reation to them, myse lf inreagrds to gettign them and myself in regards to me having them...