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Chiwama my grandson, you are only three years now, and I know when you are old enough to read this, I will not be around to explain or answer some of the questions which may creep in your mind to try and fathom the logic behind some of the things I am putting down. I am calling this The Things Man Rarely Says because to a large extent man would rather live and die with some of these experiences without revealing them to others. This may be to hide personal disappointments and frustrations in life, and sometimes the pain and fear of exposing oneself to ridicule, or just to conceal ones weakness. The many things man will tell others about himself are often the great deeds or feats of achievement, big successes, and mostly the good side of ones life. The picture often painted must be one to admire, show off and display merit. On the 19th September 2004, I found myself in a situation I had never dreamt of before, throughout my 57 years of life on this earth. Your grandmother, the mother to your father Walter, said this to me; If it is polygamy you want to practice, you should share everything equally. You have been giving everything to Euphemia at the expense of me, and Beatrice. You have been giving Euphemia K600,000 every month while I have been getting only K200,000 per month. This is on the pretext that my children are old, and can therefore support me. You are now broke, and you have embarrassed me so much that I am now forced to ask for money from my children to buy toilet tissues. You cannot afford that. Next time you will sale this house and give all the money to Euphemia. At one time you took Euphemia to her village for a funeral using your vehicle spending a lot of money leaving nothing at home. All your pension money is finished on this woman. You sold the vehicle and gave all the money to her and now that the money is finished she will run away from you and we shall see what you will do from now on. My grandson, I consider this statement as a very serious matter in a persons life. One thing it reveals is the importance people attach to money as a measure of personal security above all other things. The other thing it reveals is that, while you, as a man, can

continue providing for the survival of the so called family and a wife who thinks that you are there to toil for her, heaven will be yours so long as there is no change. When money and the so called security, is threatened, then all hell breaks out and your importance or whatever you rendered in the scenario before, is all ignored and forgotten. Our elder brother, Morris, had transferred to teach at Kamativi Tin Mines at one of the schools run by Catholics. By then I was at a boarding school doing my form two. As usual she became my friend and we would spend sometime together when we found chance to meet. There was no serious courtship to lead to a lasting relationship. We spent our time generally talking about things discussed when two people fond of each other get together. My stay at Kamativi was however brief because I had just stopped school due to circumstances beyond my control. In 1965, I left. This now brings me to a point where I must tell you about how it all began, for you to appreciate the history, the underlying currents, and other details, which may enable you to understand and make a fair comment and or judgment. I am not writing this to influence your perception of me. Far from that, I am attempting to put on record things which may never have seen the light of day, if all it mattered, was to be seen as a good man. You might want to know who Grandpa was if you do not already know. Well, my full names are Edward Mwela as seen on the official documents. However, my baptismal certificate reads that I am Edward Chiwama, whose father was Michael Mwela, and my mother was Theresa Mubanga. I was born on the 29th December in 1946. I had six brothers and one sister, and their names in the order of birth were Remmy, Morris, Emma, Thomas, then myself, Simeo, Christopher, and Mathias. My parents were both Bemba by tribe and hailed from Bembaland around Kasama specifically from Chipelepele village in Chief Chitimukulus district in the Northern part of Zambia. Your Grandmother, the mother to your father, was called Verreh Julius Phiri, and her parents came from Eastern province in Zambia. Her mother was Nsenga, by tribe from

Petauke, and her father was a Kunda from Malambo in the same province. In addition, your grandmother had two brothers, a Mr. York Banda, and the younger of the two, called Aidan Phiri. Where it all started. I met your grandmother at Kamativi Tin Mines in the then Southern Rhodesia, now called Zimbabwe in 1963. She was a pupil at one school in the same class as Simeo my young brother. In 1965 I left Kamativi Tin Mines for Zambia in search of employment. We did not correspond with each other thereafter, until several years had passed. In 1968, while I was at the Ndola Trade Fair, I met a Mr. Matheo Phiri, a son to a Mr. Besamu Phiri. We had lived with this family in Kamativi and we prayed at the same church. Matheo had known my relationship with Verreh way back in Kamativi, and to some extent he claimed the two were related. He asked me if I knew where my girl friend was. I told him I did not know and I expressed keenness to know. He then revealed that she was doing nursing at St. Francis Hospital in Katete. He then gave me the address to St. Francis Hospital and strongly urged me to write her, because in his view, she would welcome a letter from me. Matheo was then teaching at a school somewhere in Chingola. We then parted company and never had chance to meet until well long after that meeting at the Trade Fair that I learnt about the sad demise of Matheo. However, what followed thereafter was that I followed the lead and opened contact with Verreh, and the sequel of events thereafter, is the result of my present narration of issues leading to this time I have sat down to write down these experiences. My grandson, due to limitations of space, I want to focus on experiences that are concerned with the family in particular on issues to do with my relations with your grandmother, my perception of the family, some briefs on each of my children who are your aunties and uncles, your father, and something about yourself. I will try to conclude by giving a general view of what I see and think about the family you are born in, in order to give you a clue to some of the things you may experience in your own life.

It is important that you have some knowledge about the background of your father and this simply means you must know your father, his brothers and sisters. Your father is apparently my fifth child with your grandmother. This means that before he was born, we had four other children some of whom you already know. When I and your grandmother established contact while she was at St. Francis Hospital as a trainee nurse, we arranged to meet so that we could spend some holiday together. This opportunity occurred for us in 1969 just at the end of your grandmothers training. She traveled to Lusaka from Katete and we arranged to meet at the Lusaka Railway station. At that time I was working for the Zambia Railways as a Fireman and based in Ndola. That holiday reaffirmed our old relationship and made us think of making our relationship a life long one. The problem, which arose, in terms of getting the formalities of marriage done, was that her parents at that time, were still in Zimbabwe and it was not possible to send emissaries to Zimbabwe. The people she lived with in Zambia were not very keen to take full responsibility of the task. But, something else happened. The holiday we spent together in Ndola, resulted into a pregnancy, such that when we were supposed to be making overtures for marriage, we were now faced with a pregnancy and an expectation. In the Zambian tradition, this development was now a case for which I was asked to account. Given the state of relationship, that is, we already knew each other, we were both adults and in employment, we settled for marriage in order to raise a family, which this expectation now offered us. We got married.

Aunt Vivien.

Your aunt, Vivien, was borne on 6th October 1970 at the University Teaching Hospital. At that time, your grandma was living with her brother in Chawama compound in Lusaka and I was staying in Ndola where I worked for the Railways. What that meant was that your grandma had to move to Ndola to come and join me. We both wanted to do something for her. Vivien was our first child together and as such she was somewhat special to both of us. She was named after my own mother, Mubanga. She received close attention and warm affection. Your grandmother made her a very special pre-occupation because she delayed her commencement of her nursing profession, in order to see her grow. I remember traveling from Ndola, with a bag full of an assortment of baby clothes, which I had bought after some very extensive consultation with a number of friends relating to the colours a baby girl, wore, against a baby boy. There were a number of pink outfits ranging from socks to woolen gloves. I remember taking leave of absence from work to enable me travel to Lusaka to see my child. The excitement of a new baby opened doors to other experiences, some good, some bad, and some very weird. Among the good experiences, were the feelings that one was now a father, and, in the new child, one saw himself in miniature form as this relates to features seen in a child. One looked so close in the eyes of the baby to discover innate similarities such as the shape of the nose, the lips, the eyebrows, the cheeks, including the colour of the skin. Among the bad experiences, one discovered that some freedoms had to be lost and one checked the manner he behaved. Things like, free sitting, smoking, noise levels, and times one turned up at home, became controlled, and got checked. However, the one awkward experience I went through at that time was that my mother-in-law wanted to take away my daughter when she was barely six months old. At that time, my in-laws where in Zimbabwe, and it meant that they had to take the child with them to Kamative Tin Mines leaving me and your grandmother in Ndola, Zambia, where we lived at the time. I found the request rather strange, and initially, I refused. This refusal was however not for a long time, because when Vivien turned twelve months old, her grandmother took her away, and left for Kamative Tin Mines. This incident became a

thorny issue at a later time, because it became very contentious as it looked as if I and my in-laws differed greatly as who was to keep the child between I, the parent, and them, the grand parents, to the child. We never at anyone time, agreed over this one subject, because I remained convinced that the child was to be raised by the parent, in this particular case, myself. The insistence and determination of my in-laws to keep my child at the exclusion of the parents was very weird to me, and for a long time we never saw eye to eye with each other. To a large extent, I was sufficiently vindicated later when Viviens schooling got affected. It so happened that at the time she was doing her grade 7, her grand father was retired from employment by the mines, and he had to travel back to Zambia to settle at the village. She failed to write her examinations in Zimbabwe, and the authorities in that country refused her entry because she had no guardian. Attempts to let her stay with some of their relatives failed to succeed, and the poor girl was shunted back to Zambia. What followed was that Vivien joined a grade 8 class, in the third term, at a private school, to continue her studies. Otherwise she was going to repeat her grade 7, and get delayed in her school progress. Your auntie Vivien, proceeded to complete her grade twelve and went to college to do accountancy. She came out of college with, first a certificate in accounts and business studies and later read a diploma in accountancy then called Zambia Diploma in Accountancy. Over the years she has been pursuing further studies in Accountancy at the professional level.

Uncle Eddie.
Your uncle, Eddie, the medical doctor in Germany, is our second child and the first son in the family. His full names on the birth record are Edward Julius Mwela.

Eddie was born on the 18th March, 1972, at 1.00 hours, in the Ndola Central Hospital. You will notice that during that time your aunt, Vivien, had already been taken by her grandmother to Zimbabwe, and we were just the two of us at home, i.e., I, and your grandmother. We both worked. Your grandmother was a nurse at the Arther Davison Childrens Hospital, and I was a Locomotive Fireman with Zambia Railways, based in Ndola. The arrival of your uncle in the family was much more a stabilizing event considering what had taken place concerning your aunt. My in-laws were not as excited about the baby boy, as they were with the baby girl. This one was our child and in particular my child. In her nursing job, your grandmother, at times worked night shift, and the day shifts were not any better, because they were most times, irregular. Similarly, as a Fireman with the Railways, my work schedules were even more tempting and trying than those of nurses or hospital workers. Our shifts were very exerting on time and little allowed spare time especially to manage a family, in particular a young family. There were times I was on duty for more than twelve hours on end. And because of these unusual working times, we often depended on maids to assist in the care of the children. First we brought in cousins to your grandmother to help, but when these became more and more unreliable, we hired directly from the open market. I still vividly remember those times I sat dozing, and tired with your uncle on my lap, while his milk warmed on the stove, only to be awakened by smoke covering the whole house and discover that the feeding bottle, the milk, and the water in the pot, had burnt out while we both slumbered off. I dont know how many feeding bottles got burnt over time. Eddie was very particular about his feeding. He always woke up at around 1.00 in the morning and only slept when he had taken his warm milk. I also remember the first six weeks after his birth, when he was attacked by pneumonia and landed him in the Arther Davison hospital. This affliction was so severe that Doctor Anand the Hospital Superintendent took a special interest in the case and personally supervised the treatment.

At one point during this illness, I was called from work at short notice to rush to the when he had completed writing his last examination paper. By then we were in Lusaka and I was working for ZECCO as Personnel Manager. When we got to Ndola, we found the situation was serious and frightening. He had developed a hiccup and many who saw him gave him little hope for the following day. However, deep down my heart I knew he would pull through and he did pull through. hospital because the case was worsening. This incident almost cost me my job because it was said I did not get permission to leave the Locomotive engine unattended. That said so far, Eddie survived the pneumonia and was discharged from hospital after two months. He rapidly picked up weight and got very active to the point of being naughty. In any case his growth rate was phenomenal and this went on until he was old enough to go to school. He began school in Kabwe at the age of three years, first at Kabwe Kindergarten, and later at Lukanga Primary School through Mukobeko Secondary and ending at Chiwala Secondary School in Ndola, where he completed grade 12 with a division one. The other illness scare occurred when he Eddie was writing his Grade 12 examinations at Chiwala. This time he had an attack of malaria. This attack was so severe that all hope was almost lost. He was rushed and admitted to Ndola Central Hospital just When he gained some little strength, the young Doctor who attended him advised us to take him away upon discharge and we drove back to Lusaka with him. From the looks of things this young Doctor was also skeptical about his condition and by some hand of fate advised him to pursue medicine as he left the hospital. One experience that I went through during Eddies sickness I cannot forget is the treatment we were subjected to at the hands of Ruth the wife to my cousin William Bweupe. This inconsiderate woman treated us like lepers each time we arrived at her house each moment we came from the hospital. She believed Eddie was suffering from some infectious disease (typhoid), that would be passed on to her and her children in her home from the utensils we brought to her house, and in her frenzy to remain well, she avoided contact with us as if it was us who were sick. All the same we left their house without infecting any of them.

Eddie had intended to enter Copperbelt University to pursue Quantity Surveying and he actually was admitted but at the same time he won a scholarship to do medicine in Germany, and in 1990, he left Zambia for Berlin in Germany were he is to date. He is married to Elke whom you have seen and played with at the few times they have visited Zambia.

Aunt Milika.
Our third born is your aunt Milika. She was born in Kabwe at the Kabwe General Hospital on 23rd June 1974. Her full names are Milika Lukonde Mwela. Millie was a very interesting baby. While her elder sister, Vivien, sucked her thumb, she sucked two fingers, the index and the middle fingers. Eddie, the elder brother, was on the breast for thirteen months and had to be persuaded to stop, but in her case she only suckled for six months and stopped on her own. The name Milika is said to have belonged to her great-aunt, the sister to my father in-law. I had actually asked my in-laws to give her a name, hoping that they were going to pick a typical traditional name from either the male or female line. When they settled for the name Milika, I was rather disappointed. I checked the dictionary of names and discovered that the name was in fact foreign and I decided to name her after my paternal grandmother Lukonde, the mother to my father. In terms of heath, Millie was not a problem child. She had a good appetite for the usual baby foods and she enjoyed the milk from her feeding bottle. The only irritant she suffered was some form of rush, which covered her body, and as it itched, you could see that she was troubled, as she scratched the skin with her little fingers. We tried various medicaments and applications but the condition petered off as she grew up. Just before Milika turned three years of age, your grandmother entered midwifery school for one year. This meant that we remained three at home that is uncle Eddie, aunt Milika

and myself. So for twelve months we managed as best as we could, mind you at that time aunt Vivien was in Zimbabwe with her grand parents. At one point, due to work pressure, I moved the two to Lusaka to leave with my brother where I would pay them a visit from time to time. This experience created a problem later as it took some time for the two to accept Vivien as one of them when she came back home from Zimbabwe. The two usually banded together and mocked or laughed at their sister. Milika had some interesting characteristics. When she insisted on having something, she usually had her way. At one time she admired a dress worn by her friend in the neighborhood, and when I arrived from work, I was immediately confronted by her, with the friend in taw, and told me that she wanted a dress similar to the one the friend was wearing. When I mentioned that I had no money, I was told to go and make lifts with the vehicle and make the money for the dress. Time and again we changed maids because Millie was not satisfied with one maid after another. At one point she was being taken to school by our elderly houseservant, Mr. Always. Each time they got near to the school, she would tell the man to walk a distance behind her so that onlookers did not associate her with him, in case they took him for her father. There was this instance when she was peering through the window and saw a lame person walking on the road followed by two sons. She called loudly out for me, and when I got to the window, she pointed at the people on the road and asked me, Does it mean that those children will be like their father when they grow up? I was puzzled, but I said the father is lame and the children where not lame and they would not walk like their father when they grew up.

Milika went to school at Neem Tree Primary School, and after grade seven, she went to boarding school at Fatima Girls Secondary School in Ndola and from there she entered the University of Zambia in the School of Education. She came out of University with a Bachelor of Education and proceeded to complete a Masters Degree in Communication for Development. As a teacher by training, Milika briefly taught at St. Marys Secondary School and at Roma Girls Secondary School in Lusaka before she left Zambia for Botswana on a three-year teaching contract.


Uncle Ivor.
Your uncle Ivor Mulenga Mwela is our fourth child. He was born on 8th February 1978 in the Kabwe General Hospital. Ivor was never a problem child as he grew without any serious illness. The only memorable incident that comes to my mind is the time he got burnt by Eddie on the foot with a pressing iron. What really happened I dont know, but I understand someone was pressing some clothes at home and Eddie as naughty as he was, while playing with his kid brother, took the pressing iron, hot as it was, and placed it on the foot of his little brother and burnt him. From very early, Ivor liked to scribble what he thought were images of who ever came around home, and he would show the visitor the picture he had drawn of him and give him to carry as he went away. My close friend Tembo was a regular visitor at home and each time he visited us, Ivor drew an image of Mr. Tembo and showed him, telling him, look, I have drawn you! Tembo would laugh and laugh in amusement. Uncle Ivor, as you call him, was very smart as a little boy. He liked to dress up as a gentleman in a suit with a tie, like daddy. Like his brother and sisters, he attended the Kabwe Kindergarten before he went to Neem Tree Primary School. When we moved to Lusaka, Ivor attended Jacaranda Primary School briefly before we found ourselves back in Kabwe again. However, to cut a long story short, Ivor went for secondary education after grade seven first to Mahatma Gandhi Secondary School in Ndola Rural, then to Kafue Secondary and finally to Petauke Secondary School where he was expelled by Father Gundamwala who was his Headmaster, and he was forced to write his Grade Twelve Examinations by protest. After his Grade Twelve results it was difficult for him to enter University because he did not have the University entry requirements, so he enrolled at the Evelyn Hone College, for a course in Computer Graphics. This was chosen on the basis that from childhood, Ivor had been interested in drawings and similar artistic activities. It looks like he is very comfortable with graphics, and he has made himself a career out of it. 11

Your Father - Walter.

Your father, Walter, is our fifth child coming after uncle Ivor. Walter was born on 9th November 1980, in the Kabwe General Hospital. His full names on the birth record are Walter Sikubili Mwela. The name Sikubili comes from his maternal grandfather, Mr. Julius Sikubili Phiri who was the father to your grandmother. We had expected him to arrive in December according to the hospital records on the expected date of delivery called EDD. As such, he was born pre-mature, and his birth weight was on the low side. I remember those days he was put in the sun to enable him get some vitamin D direct from the sun. These sun-baths were so intense at times that the child could turn red, and how much he cried your grandmother assisted by Mrs, Siva (now late, may her soul rest in peace) could never let go. Your father was so small at birth but through the process of constant care by the two nurses, he grow out of his smallness into a big and robust child. After a period of three months, he quickly gained weight and this created another problem concerning the heart. I remember around that time, whilst away for studies in London were my employers then, Zambia Railways Limited sent me, I received reports that the child was very ill because he had problems with breathing due to a small heart for his big body. However, he soon grew out of the seemingly frightful heath concerns and became a bouncy little chap and began to enjoy his childhood. At the age of three years, like his brothers and sisters before him, he was sent to Nursery school. Walter attended several schools starting from Kabwe, through Ndola culminating in Lusaka and Ellensmere in Kabwe rural at Mukonchi Farm Block. You may ask why your father went through schools in all these places. It is important that you are made aware that about the same time that your father was going through his early school days, it so happened that I was also on the move.


I had just returned from the twelve weeks course in the United Kingdom, and conditions of work at Zambia Railways had not shown any improvement, and a number of companies were looking for qualified and experienced personnel. One of these companies was Central Cigarette Manufacturers-Rothmans, which I joined, as Manpower Development Manager in 1982. However, this did not last long, as I soon found myself heading back to the Railways in Kabwe. So in search of greener pastures, I found myself moving from company to company and along the family moved as well. As I have indicated, your father was born in Kabwe General Hospital in 1980. In 1982, we moved to Lusaka where we briefly stayed, before heading back to Kabwe. In 1984, I left the family in Kabwe for Lusaka to pursue farther studies at the University of Zambia until 1986 when I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Public Administration major with a minor in Sociology with Credit. You might ask what significant tidbits come to mind with which your father is associated with at that early age. I vividly recall that Walter was generally quiet and at times one would mistake him for being shy, which was far from the true picture. At the Kindergarten run by a Mrs. Campbell-Gordon, he was put in a drama group where they staged the Christmas play and he played the role of one of the Angels, I cant exactly recall now which one, but it must have been one announcing the birth of Jesus. One noticeable thing, which progressively appeared as he grew, was the number of people who gathered around him. At every place we moved when you saw little boys calling around looking for a friend, it was certain they were looking for Walter and no one else. At one time, an incident happened where a vehicle was allegedly stolen and it was suspected that the thieves used some little boys to push the vehicle from the premises to drive it away. It was alleged that one of the boys identified with the group, was one of those who played with Walter. This incident occurred when we lived at Number 4 John Akapelwa Drive in Woodlands. This and such little incidents of excessive play especially with some boys from Chilenje compound had a telling effect on the school performance, as the results per term, were getting poorer and poorer. He was then at Woodlands A, and for sure had he continued to sit the grade seven examination, the result was going to be disastrous. At that time, the logical thing to do was to send him to boarding school, and consequently, he and his little brother, Bupe, were found boarding places at Ibex Hill


School. Walter was one person you could ask what do you want to be in future and he would just smile and never give you any answer. To him, the future was too remote to fathom. However, at the end of it all, Walter, completed his Grade Twelve at Ellensmere with a very good grade and was offered a place at a University in Namibia to pursue a degree in Business Administration and Economics. Unfortunately, just around about this time, I retired from active employment and to fund that University program became difficult, and thought of other alternative programs for him to follow. Initially, we had agreed that your Auntie-Milika, who was then teaching in Botswana, was going to assist in financing this program, but behind the scenes, other forces were at play and she changed her mind and opted to build her house, suggesting that I, who had just retired must have had a lot of money from my pension, to pay for your fathers program of study. In the alternative, I suggested to your father to take up teaching as a career, but again, this was discouraged, and instead, he was influenced to attempt a computer course at Evelyn Hone College, which he never successfully completed, despite of having spent two solid years of study. Eventually, after almost another two years of soul-searching and idleness, briefly working in the Standard Chartered Bank on temporary basis, Walter decided to go for teaching, and he is pursuing a Diploma at Copperbelt Secondary Teachers College in Kitwe.

Uncle Bupe.
Your uncle, Bupe, the one you fondly call uncle Simon is the sixth born child of the family in you fathers line of siblings. He is the last-born child of your paternal grandmother, the mother to your father, Walter, and he is the one who comes immediately after your father or so to speak, the young brother to your father. Bupe was born on the 10th of February 1985, in the Kabwe General Hospital. Bupe was born at a very trying and difficult time in my life. It was the time I was at the University of Zambia in my final year towards the end of my Bachelor of Arts degree programme. 14

My employers then Zambia Railways Limited, had just granted me unpaid leave of study, and want that meant was that I had no money for upkeep and there was no money at home as bread winner. So I went to school on a Government bursary like a school leaver. As a child, Bupe had no complications like some of his brothers. He was a healthy little guy, and grew up normally like all healthy children. He tended to be on the quieter side of things, never excited about anything and went on his child routines without fuss. He was privileged in many ways than one. He enjoyed the attention of his brothers and sisters and never seemed to lack friends or people around him. He was the baby of the house and everyone was fond of him. When he turned two and half years, Bupe was enrolled like his other siblings, at the Kabwe Kindergarten and was briefly there until we moved to Ndola in the course of 1988 in August of that year. At Ndola, he and his brother Walter were enrolled at some school within Northrise but not very far from Luneta Road were we lived. He later continued with school in Lusaka when we moved to Lusaka in 1989, specifically starting from 1990 at Jacaranda Primary School then he moved to Olympia Park Primary School, and then later moved to Woodlands A and briefly Kabulonga Boys, Ibex Hill School and finally to Ellensmare in Kabwe at Mukonchi Farm Block. After his Grade Twelve School leaving examinations he attempted A levels at David Kaunda, with a view of proceeding abroad for more advanced studies in Europe. This however could not take-off due to some logistical problems and alternatively he joined the Dental School at Thorn Park to pursue a three year diploma in Dental Technology, which he successfully completed in June 2008. Bupe is at the moment attached to the University Teaching Hospital as a Dental Technologist.



In this chapter, I want to explain the circumstances, and the way I met the other person referred to as Beatrice, her children and the position as it prevailed at the material time I set to write this revelation to you. You will have to forgive me for some of the things I am telling you, because as I earlier said, some of these things would ordinarily not have seen the light of day. In 1974, I had to move to Kabwe to take up my new appointment as a Job Analyst changing from Locomotive Driver, but within the same company, Zambia Railways. The circumstances which necessitated this movement may be of no consequence today, but what was cardinal then was that I had to change first from shift work to a regular work programme, and secondly, was the fact that my study programme had advanced substantially and I needed and felt that a professional change was ripe. This movement meant that I had to transfer from Ndola to Kabwe, and also change the department from Traffic to then Personnel. So around July of that year, I moved to Kabwe. I had a house in Ndola as a Locomotive Driver, and when I moved to Kabwe there was no readily available accommodation for me, and this meant that I had to make personal arrangements for sometime while the company was preparing to get me a reasonable house befitting my new status as Job Analyst. I moved in to stay or live with my cousin, one called Elias Chonta, who was then a bachelor and lived in a bloke of houses called, single quarters in an area called Buyantanshi or Poleni. I lived with the Chontas for a good three months before I was given a two-bedroomed house in the same township. It was during this period that I saw and took a liking for this woman called Beatrice. Every morning as I walked to work, it was often that we would walk together as we headed in the same direction. I was at that time operating from the haedquarters of the Railways, popularly known as Top office. The routine was such that we would walk into town and then head towards the Top office direction, and it so happened that at the end of day, we found ourselves on the same route towards home, which was in the same township, and the houses, though not close by, were in the same locality or neighbourhood.


We somehow got on to talking to each other, and some form of relationship developed. First, it was very casual and distant, and this crystallized later into some fondness for each other. However when I later made advances of a deeper appreciation of the person, she rebuffed me that she never went out with married men, and that she hated Bembas. I did not take the rebuff lying down, but I was rather challenged, and I was spurred to prove her wrong, but a few months later I noticed that Beatrice was pregnant. When I asked who was responsible for her pregnancy, she told me off that at least I was not the one responsible for the pregnancy but someone else. I felt much put off and challenged and immediately told her that though that particular pregnancy was not mine, the next one would certainly be mine. She laughed this off as the biggest joke. Inside me I knew this was no joke at all, but something I had to work at and accomplish, as announced. Beatrice had her baby, and I watched her from a distance. The contact with her was rather lukewarm and I congratulated her for her baby boy, while I waited my turn to come. What I wanted to establish was if she was married or not, and when it turned out that she was not married, I got more encouraged and so an opportunity availed itself to avenge the insult or just prove her wrong that I was just as good for her like anybody else, whether married or not. When her baby was just over twelve months old, this was her son OBrien, born on 9 th September, 1975, it occurred that the person responsible for her pregnancy seemed to have decided to abandon her and the baby all together. My overtures to win her, though cursorily brushed off, did not amount to an outright rejection. She began to warm up towards me. This persuasion took me a good one year to convince her that I meant business, and that I was out to get her. It did not take long from there that she accepted and she claims that the reason for her accepting my proposals was to stop me from pestering her any further and not really that she had any liking for me. Soon after that we dated quite often. She would call me at work very frequently during the course of the day, and at the end of day she made sure she waited for me, as we got back home from work. This relationship grow stronger and stronger by the day, until in 1977 she announced that she was in the family way again, and this time I was the one responsible for the pregnancy.


Orlando, her second son, I am made to believe, was born on 23 rd May,1978, in Lusaka. We met throughout the period of the pregnancy because then she was working for Tobacco Board of Zambia in their Kabwe office as a secretary. When the expected date of delivery of the child was drawing closer, she quietly left Kabwe, and never told me were she went, only to learn at later date that she had delivered a baby boy and that she was on maternity leave. You will note that at that moment in time I was married and the family had since moved to Kabwe upon being allocated a house within Buyantanshi Compound, so the reason for her behavior may have been fear of your grand mother who was at that moment in time was also nursing your uncle Ivor who was born in the same year but in February. Beatrice tried by all means to conceal the presence of the child from me. She had categorically told me that she did not want anything from me and she was going to keep the child by herself. I was not allowed to visit the child or even buy him things like soap washing powder or any clothes or baby ointment. She completely cut me out and isolated me from the babys existence. As time passed by, rumour went round the township to the effect that the child Beatrice was carrying closely or very much resembled, your uncle Ivor, and that I was the father to Beatrices child. This bit of information came to the attention and knowledge of your grand mother, who was in the least not amused. I later learnt that she used to boast to other women at the clinic that no other woman would ever date her husband, and when this development was revealed, she went into frenzy and tantrum, and hell broke out at home. Every evening, for over six months, I was asked if the child Beatrice carried was mine or not, and when was I to bring the bitch to the house so that she could leave room for her and her child. This nagging went on for more than six months and it took place at any time of the night. Sometime I could be awakened at 2.00hours in the morning to be questioned, and if I just kept quiet, she would go on talking endlessly for the better part of the night, telling me that I had wasted her time she would have been better married to someone who loved her and cared for her. However throughout this diatribe, I would only respond by telling her that, if Beatrices child was indeed mine, I was either going to be summoned to court, or the family to the woman was going to call me to their home to


answer certain questions relating to the maintenance of the child, or they were going to bring the child and the mother to me to keep. Your grandmother could not listen, nor could she be persuaded to listen. She went on and continued her nagging and unreasonable, and I kept telling her that if the child is mine, he was going to come or be brought. When I saw that the situation was not changing, I briefed her brother, now late, Mr. York Banda to ask her grandmother who was then leaving in Chawama compound, here in Lusaka to come to Kabwe and see if she could counsel her. The two of them came to Kabwe and tried to persuade her to see sense, but your grandmother could not listen and continued to nag me night and day over the matter. The next entourage over the issue was that of Mr. Abeuty Banda, a brother of hers or cousin so to speak. Mr. Banda told her that there was nothing peculiar about a husband producing a child outside wedlock; as long as he kept his word that the new relationship would not disrupt the marriage and that if he continued to support his family as ever, there was no problem. He even revealed that he himself had other children by two other women at the village. This also failed to assuage your grandmother. The matter was later placed in the hands of Mrs. R.R. Banda, when she visited us in Kabwe, In fact she had come to Lusaka, and upon learning that there was no peace in Kabwe, she was asked to extend her visit to Kabwe to see if she could assist in helping the situation. Her wise counsel did not vary from the rest counsel we had received. All she said was that as long as the issue was not raised by the other family there was no need to worry, and encouraged us to take care of the family and each other, because wherever there are people mistakes are bound to be there and people should learn to forgive.



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