Writing concisely: advice from two authors

From Chapter 8 of The Craft of Scientific Writing (3rd edition), by Michael Alley, 1996.

1) Eliminate redundancies
examples: The methods continue to remain relevant, despite revisions to the model. The methods remain relevant, despite revisions to the model. The application of technology to medical practice is becoming increasingly more widespread. The application of technology to medical practice is becoming more widespread.

2) Eliminate writing zeros

examples: It is interesting to note that over 90% of accidents have been attributed to operator error. Over 90% of accidents have been attributed to operator error. The requirements to be met for the detection system of plastic explosives include a detection rate of at least 95 percent and a false alarm rate of less than 5 percent. The requirements for the detection system of plastic explosives include a detection rate of at least 95 percent and a false alarm rate of less than 5 percent.

3) Reduce sentences to simplest forms

example: It was then concluded that a second complete solar mirror field corrosion survey should be conducted in July to determine whether the tenfold annual corrosion rate projection was valid and to allow determination as to whether subsequent corrective measures would be effective in retarding corrosion propagation. To see whether the corrosion rate would increase tenfold as projected and to see whether stowing the mirrors in a vertical position would slow the rate, we decided to survey the solar mirror field a second time in July. (notice change from passive to active voice)

From Chapter 7 of Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace (7rd edition), by Joseph M. Williams, 2003.

1) Delete meaningless words

example: Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology. Productivity depends on factors that involve psychology more than technology. Or better yet... Productivity depends on psychology more than technology.

2) Delete doubled words

example: Our first and foremost goal is to develop a full and complete description of the population we will be studying. Our first goal is to develop a full description of the population we will be studying.

3) Delete what readers can infer

example: Do not try to predict those future events that will completely revolutionize society because past history shows that it is the final outcome of minor events that unexpectedly surprise us more. Do not try to predict those events that will revolutionize society because history shows that it is the outcome of minor events that surprise us more.

4) Replace a phrase with a word

example: In the event that the information is ready early, contact this office. If the information is ready early, contact this office.

5) Change negatives to affirmatives

example: Do not submit payments if you have not notified this office, unless you are paying less than $100. If you pay more than $100, notify this office first.

Some exercises from page 121 of Williams book: Revise these sentences to make them more concise 1. Critics cannot avoid employing complex and abstract technical terms if they are to successfully analyze literary texts and discuss them in a meaningful way. 2. Scientific research generally depends on fully accurate data if it is to offer theories that will allow us to predict the future in a plausible way. 3. In regard to the desirable employment in teaching positions, prospects for those engaged in a graduate school levels studies are at best not certain. 4. In spite of the fact that the educational environment is a very significant facet to each and every one of our children, some groups do not support reasonable and fair tax assessments that are required for providing an educational experience at a high level of quality.