Screenplay

KATHYS DAY AT THE THEATER. Kathy is hoping to watch a show in London, West End. She finds a big theater with many options. She is stood outside looking up at the very tall and intimidating building. She walks up the large set of stairs and enters through the large door way. CKAPHIEY (Approaches the theater counter with a large, friendly smile on her face) Hi! Im Kathy. (Inhales) Im here in London and I was... umm... looking to watch a show. Can you... umm... tell me whats on? The man behind the counter hands Kathy a leaflet, containing all the possible options. CKAPHIEY (Overly happy) THANKS! Kathy turns around, flicking her hair quickly behind her head and sits on the chairs, adjacent. Kathy flicks, merrily, through the leaflet and finds a picture of a group of nuns dancing and singing. Kathy gasps and skips over to the desk, looking even more happy than she initially has. CKAPHIEY Excuse me. Hi! This show. Umm... Sis-ter Act. Umm... Is this available? MAN (Looking tired and fed up with life itself just about begins to speak) ...(inhale)...(Puts lips together, about to speak)... CKAPHIEY (Interrupting) Did you know Im a Catholic. A lot of people dont know that, but I just like to tell them. Im just Kathy. Im Catholic. Im Kathy the Catholic! (laughs to herself) Isnt that funny? The man behind the counter is looking increasingly unamused. He points upwards at a time list and then diagonally, upwards, at a price list. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

CKAPHIEY Are you from London, England? Not New England! England, England. Umm... Ill rephrase that. Are you from London, England, United Kingdom? The man just stares back at her. His hatred for Ckaphiey begins to become more obvious. CKAPHIEY Im from Florida. The sunshine state! Ive come from a small town called Cape Coral! Have you been there? I love it! Its so beautiful. I used to work with Sister Sally. I call her Sister Silly Sally. Do you wanna know why?! The man continues to glare. CKAPHIEY Because shes silly, silly! Shes dead now. She decided to do mass outside for once, in the sun shine. As punishment, the giant Jesus fell on top of her. She died instantly. She died happily under the lord Jesus Christ. Tragic. but, very beautiful. Doyknow what people started to call her, after that? Sister Silly Sally the Sinner. Nobody should ever do mass outside again. You cant enjoy mass outside. you have to be in the house of the lord. It needs to be performed in the deep, dark crevices of the Catholic Church. The man hands Ckaphiey her ticket. CKAPHIEY Thanks for the ticket. BYE!