Part Two: Da capo al fine The next person to visit the mafia was very distressed.

She was trying in vain to illustrate the concept of an infinite dimensional vector space with her hands. She sat on the table and looked sad. Then she began to cry. I dont know what to do, I dont know what to do, she sobbed, if only they would let me on the University Challenge team, Id be able to prove myself a master of obscure knowledge, but they they wont give it to me. I trounced the others in the quiz, but, they wont give it to me. Who wont? asked one of the mafia. The Fellow whos in charge of selection. She turned away from the mafia for a moment, opened her bag and deeply inhaled the fumes of the onion slices she had concealed there. She turned back to the mafia, eyes glistening. Where does he live? they asked. In a land far, far away. I believe they call it Dokett. Ive never been there myself. Mafia guys I dont know what to do. You can act like a man! cried one of the assembled mafia, springing to his feet. Im not sure thats entirely appropriate or desirable, said another of the mafia. Yeah, youre right, said the first sinking back into his chair and trying to entice the guard cat back. Leave this with us. Very soon this Fellow will give you what you want. Alright then, said the visitor, departing. The mafia boss turned to one of the assembled and said, you know what to do. The indicated mafia left immediately and hurried to the top of BB. The catapult was in good readiness. He strapped himself into the wicker basket, sewed his jacket to the seat for good measure, took a sip of whiskey and motioned to the nameless attendant. Ancient wooden beams creaked like English oaks in a particularly violent storm. Multi-coloured woollen cords suddenly flexed as they were released from enormous tension, and the wicker basket was hurled up into the sunlit air. As its occupant gazed around him, he saw the artful spires of the UL, the courts of neighbouring colleges and the Cam snaking away into the distance. But only for a moment. Narrowly missing the corner of Erasmus, he hurtled down towards Friars Court. A spiders web gave safe landing. He looked around in wonder at the new land he had entered. He hurried to Dokett, to the office of Dr Woltz. Hi there Kevin, said Dr Woltz as he entered, you do realise youre five minutes late?

The mafia smiled, realising that Dr Woltz did not realise he came from a powerful and sinister organisation. I was rather disappointed with your essay this week, to be honest. What you write in paragraph three about the development of English through vowel shifts during pre-Norman times appeared to have been lifted directly from This idiot thinks hes supervising me, doesnt he? thought the mafia, allowing Dr Woltzs voice to fade into the background, as he contemplated the difficult work he would soon have to do. Having got through to Dr Woltz that he had come to speak about a serious issue, and that he had come from nowhere other than FF staircase for this meeting, Dr Woltz became friendlier, showing the mafia the secret passageway concealed in his bookcase, inviting Kevin to his indoor garden for a cup of tea. The songbirds which waited on the pair were a nice touch. The mafia sat and admired the eight foot pine tree and the fresco on the ceiling above it. Im sorry Kevin, Dr Woltz was saying, but University Challenge team selection cannot now be reversed. The mafia raised an eyebrow. Let me show you this, though, said Dr Woltz. One of my other students made this for me. You do appreciate beauty, don't you? He took a horse from his desk and turned it round so the mafia could see the intricate folding of many pieces of textured, pastel coloured paper. The next morning, Dr Woltz woke up in the storage cupboard where all supervisors are when they are not supervising. As he reached out to stop his alarm, he noticed blood. A paper cut. He looked around to find what could have caused it. Then, with rising panic, he saw, disfigured beyond recognition, several coloured pieces of paper which had once been part of a noble head. Now cruelly severed. FINE! He screamed. Fine, she can be on the team.

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