Dad Jokes: Funny Dad Jokes and Puns for Kids and Adults
By Matthew Smith and George Cooper
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About this ebook
No, this isn’t a book about fitness, this is a book that will quite literally make your stomach hurt from hearing the countless jokes inside this audiobook.
This audiobook is a perfect gift for people looking to learn new jokes, or even better, for adults and kids who want to up their joke game.
Who said that only dads can tell dad jokes?
Now you can learn from the best, and arm yourself with an arsenal of hilarious dad jokes to fire at your work colleagues, family, friends, or the stranger at the mall.
You’re basically guaranteed to get a reaction from people with these jokes!
Here’s a short overview of what you can expect:
Countless dad jokes painstakingly collected through the years
Work jokes
Father and son jokes
Marriage jokes
Family jokes
Animal jokes
Food jokes
Knock-knock jokes
Work jokes
Free abs
So, what are you waiting for? Kick your feet up and get ready to get the exercise of your life!
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Dad Jokes - Matthew Smith
Dad Jokes
Funny Dad Jokes and Puns for Kids and Adults
Matthew Smith and George Cooper
A. You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.
Which Budgie owns the cage?
The one on the bottom perch, the other two are on higher perches.
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she
is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, Why did you ask this question?
The little girl replied, Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.
?topped? himself.
The dog replies I'm looking fo the man that shot my paw
accidentally touches a ball.
That's two hits,
says the other owl. Two hits to who?
says the first.
I'm positive
, replies the atom.
(this is definitely a joke for science-‐minded people only)
Patient : Is it common ?
Doctor : "It's not unusual
Close the door! Can't you see I'm dressing?
A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.
-‐ ?
-‐ As long as he was able...
The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.
Me first! Me first!
says the grad student. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.
Poof! He's gone.
Me next! Me next!
says the post-‐doc. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.
Poof! He's gone.
You're next,
the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.
No.
He replies. This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the teller replies, No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!
On the next the penguin walks in and asks, Got any nails?
No. Replies the teller.
Got any grapes!" The penguin asks!
A: Police think he topped himself!
2 -‐ 1 to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.
The barman looks at the bear and says why the big paws?
because he is far too heavy.
The Doctor says well have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?
, and the guy says Don't be stupid, we need the eggs!
running shoes. The second hiker laughed and said, Why bother changing out of your boots? You can't outrun a bear.
The first hiker replied, I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you.
A minute later, the man returns. The businessman is shocked to see him again eat an orange, chug his beer and then jump out the window.
When the man returns a third time, the businessman decides he can do this, too. He eats an orange, chugs his beer, then jumps out the window to his death.
The bartender turns to the man and says, You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk.
golfer sinks his putt and says, Well, she was a good wife for sixteen years.
Doctor: Hmm, sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome
Patient Never heard of it
Doctor Well it's not unusual ...
A. Because there horns dont work
They both hit the floor.
In their dying moments, one turns to the other and says, "I don't think much of