Insessional Academic Writing Course Faculty of Life Sciences Session 2 Aspects of Academic Style

Task 1
Make a list of features which should e a!oided to maintain appropriate academic writing style. Contractions (Youll, dont werent etc.)

Task 2
Identify the problems with style in the following sentences and then rewrite them. . I sub!ected the mean score for the two trials to multi"ariate analysis.

#. $hese results point to the indispensability of the adrenals for the full e%pression of aggression.

&. 'cientists need to come up with "alid reasons for such results.

(. $he precise mechanism responsible for this antagonism cannot be elucidated.

). $hese findings show that remo"al of the adrenals raises the le"el of *C$+.

,. Measurement of the internal diameter was performed by the probe.

-. $he formulation of this method is a massi"e step forward in the treatment of obesity.

.. /e"ersal of the membrane potential from )m0, the inside of the cell being negati"e, to around (1m0, the inside of the cell being positi"e, was achie"ed by replacing2

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Insessional Academic Writing Course Faculty of Life Sciences Aspects of Academic Style
1" Sentence length and comple#ity$ too much information
* reader can only absorb a certain amount of information in a single 6unit. It is therefore essential not to o"erwhelm the reader by introducing too much information in each sentence. Information is more readable and easy to assimilate if it is presented as se"eral 6units.

2" Long sentences% short sentences% sentences of !arying lengths

* common feature of scientific and technical writing is the !oining together of strings of ideas of appro%imately e7ual weight to form long compound sentences. $his often produces unmanageable chunks that readers can not absorb comfortably. Much better readability is produced by the use of comparati"ely simple sentences, of "arying lengths, and consisting of a main statement plus at most one or two 7ualifications. +owe"er, going to the other e%treme is also undesirable, producing a staccato effect of short, simple sentences.

&" Information load$ su 'ects separated from !er s

8e must keep in mind constantly the information load that our readers will be able to accept in each sentence. 'ince scientists are trained to be cautious in their obser"ations, there is a tendency to attach conditions and reser"ations to statements. $his may result in comple% sentences with sub!ects well separated from main "erbs. /eaders can not hold in mind comfortably the amounts of inter9related information they are gi"en in single statements.

(" )oca ulary and e#pression

$he aim should be to write plainly and comfortably, a"oiding stiff formality of e%pression. 8riters must first con"ey meaning accurately. If this can not be achie"ed with any other word or phrase, a long, unfamiliar or technical word must be used. +owe"er, if meaning can be con"eyed accurately with short, familiar words then this is preferable.

There are & main reasons for this$

'horter words ha"e fewer syllables. $his helps reduce the hea"iness of the writing. 3amiliar words cause the reader no hesitation, whereas unfamiliar words cause a momentary pause as we work out its meaning. $hese pauses ha"e a cumulati"e effect. Choosing words which are longer than they need to be results in a te%t which seems inflated and pretentious.

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Insessional Academic Writing Course Faculty of Life Sciences

Taken from: Kirkman, J (1992) Good Style: Writing for Science & Technology

Task &*( is to re+,rite the te#t to make it more appropriate academic ,riting style" Aspects of Academic Style
Task -$ Achie!ing clarity :ook at the two descriptions of an e%periment. ;oth were submitted to ,).1 scientists from industry and the academic world. ;ased on the e"idence of the te%t alone, -)< of the scientists sur"eyed concluded that one of the writers had a better organised mind and was more competent as a researcher than the other. 'i%ty nine percent also found his te%t more interesting and stimulating. 8hich one is it=

$e%t *
In the first e%periment of the series using mice it was disco"ered that total remo"al of the adrenal glands effects reduction of aggressi"eness and that aggressi"eness in adrenalectomi>ed mice is re storable to the le"el of intact mice by treatment with corticosterone. $hese results point to the indispensability of the adrenals for the full e%pression of aggression. ?e"ertheless, since adrenalectomy is followed by an increase in the release of adrenocorticotrophic hormone (*C$+), and since *C$+ has been reported (;rain, 4-#) to decrease the aggressi"eness of intact mice, it is possible that the effects of adrenalectomy on aggressi"eness are a function of the concurrent increased le"els of *C$+. +owe"er, high le"els of *C$+, in addition to causing increases in glucocorticoids (which possibly accounts for the depression of aggression in intact mice by *C$+), also result in decreased androgen le"els. In "iew of the fact that animals with low androgen le"els are characterised by decreased aggressi"eness the possibility e%ists that adrenalectomy, rather than affecting aggression directly, has the effect of reducing aggressi"eness by producing an *C$+9 mediated condition of decreased androgen le"els. $e%t ; $he first e%periment in our series with mice showed that total remo"al of the adrenal glands reduces aggressi"eness. Moreo"er, when treated with corticosterone, mice that had their adrenals taken out became as aggressi"e as intact animals again. $hese findings suggest that the adrenals are necessary for animals to show full aggressi"eness. ?e"ertheless remo"al of the adrenals raises the le"els of adrenocorticotrophic hormone (*C$+), and ;rain# found that *C$+ lowers the aggressi"eness of intact mice. $hus the reduction of aggressi"eness after this operation might be due to the higher le"els of *C$+ which accompany it. +owe"er, high le"els of *C$+ ha"e two effects. 3irst, the le"els of glucocorticoids rise, which 3ebruary #114 5age & of (

Insessional Academic Writing Course Faculty of Life Sciences

might account for ;rain@s results. 'econd, the le"els of androgen fall. 'ince animals with low le"els of androgen are less aggressi"e, it is possible that remo"al of the adrenals reduces aggressi"eness only indirectlyA by raising the le"els of *C$+ it causes androgen le"els to drop. Turk% C" . /irkman% 0" 112324" ffecti!e Writing" London$ 5" . F" 6" Spon"

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