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http://www.ldsmag.co m/article/1/13519

A YSA Bishop Talks to the Sisters About Intimacy

Editors Note: This is from a talk given at a gathering of young single adult sisters. A companion piece for the young single adult brothers is forthcoming.

Introduction 2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the kings house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. 3 And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bath-sheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite? 4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; Youre Beautiful Youre beautif ul. Do you know that? Youre supposed to be. Artists since the beginning of time have painted your f igure on walls, papyrus, ivory, copper, stone and canvas. T hey have sculpted you all over the world. Writers have attempted to describe your beauty in literally millions of words through all time. Composers have created the most beautif ul works of music about you. Men, on the other hand---with the exception of David by Michelangelo---are depicted f or power, strength, war, dominance, intellect or virility. But, almost never f or beauty. (In f act. I think the story of Beauty and the Beast tells it all: he konks people over the head to protect her, while she patiently civilizes him.) So, it is little wonder that men look at you, admire you, and to one extent or another, lust af ter you. T hey---we--notice just about everything about you, including how you dress.
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We notice how much of you is showing on the outside. If : You wear a dress cut low enough that they can see even a part of your breasts, the brethren (over there) cannot help but look. Youre beautif ul in our eyes. If your dress shows a lot of your legs, we admire them. If you wear something without sleeves, some male eyes will see any movement that shows your bra. If you lean over and you reveal your upper body, Beast will see whatever Beauty reveals. Because God created you to be beautif ul in Adams sight. Its called attractive because it attracts our eyes and more. And, it has worked f or 6,000 years. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
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And so, you want to look beautif ul, interesting, and yes, desirable. God intended it that way. When He said a man shall cleave unto his wif e and they shall be one f lesh, he wasnt talking about mud wrestling. He was talking about intimacy, the most trusting relationship between a man and a woman. On Being a Woman From the Proclamation on the Family we learn that: 2. All human beingsmale and f emaleare created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. 3. In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perf ection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal lif e. T he divine plan of happiness enables f amily relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible f or individuals to return to the presence of God and f or f amilies to be united eternally. 4. T he f irst commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential f or parenthood as husband and wif e. We declare that Gods commandment f or His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in f orce. We f urther declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawf ully wedded as husband and wif e. How Men See You T here are some dif f erences between how you see the issue of modesty or immodesty and how men see it. Men and women are simply dif f erent; they process images dif f erently. What you are marketing, the message you are sending---and the message men are receiving---when you dress immodestly to be more attractive are two very dif f erent messages. And, here rests the challenge you f ace when determining how to dress and how to act. What you may see as being simply more attractivedesirable--by being less modest than you have been taught, men will see as an invitation to touch, to enjoy, to lie with you as David did when he saw Bathsheba. (Not coincidentally, not only lie with you, but probably lie to you as well.) Remember: David desired her by only seeing her. He knew nothing about her. All too of ten, when I counsel with a sister about improper behavior, she says I thought it meant as much to him as to me. Now, he doesnt want to see me at all. Desire, or lust, and love are two dif f erent things and of ten mean dif f erent things to the two people involved. What men see they want to possess. So, what you show they desire. T he more you show the greater the invitation to them,
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as they see it, to do something they should not because the message received is that it is OK with you or you wouldnt be dressing, or undressing, that way. Whether you intend it or not, that is the message they believe you are sending an invitation to do much more than simply admire. An invitation to caress and possess. Do not believe that lust will make him love you. I have counseled too many of the brethren who are currently in a lustf ul relationship doing things they know are wrong including improper touching and oral sex. When asked, do you love her? Are you thinking of marrying her? the heartbreaking answer is no. When a sister tells me she doesnt want to take out her endowments because garments restrict her wardrobe, the message I receive is much larger than garments and wardrobe. It is about where she is in committing to live her lif e Gods way, rather than the worlds way. (I understand the inconvenience garments are f or women because of the other things you wear. Ive lived with a woman a very modest woman who is as beautif ul to me today as she was when I married her more than 41 years ago. Prev - Next >>