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A TIME FOR DREAMERS

To the people who have helped me during the years in order to produce this book and to all who are interested in the creative process ... the dreamers who have a vision of a better world and future for humanity.

Nilofar Mehrin

A TIME FOR DREAMERS

Copyright Nilofar

ehrin

The right of Nilofar ehrin to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section !! and !" of the Copyright# $esigns and %atents &ct 1'"". &ll rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced# stored in a retrieval system# or transmitted in any form or by any means# electronic# mechanical# photocopying# recording# or otherwise# without the prior permission of the publishers. &ny person who commits any unauthori(ed act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. & C)% catalogue record for this title is available from the *ritish +ibrary. ),*N '!" 1"4'-3 2'2 " www.austinmacauley.com .irst %ublished /20131 &ustin acauley %ublishers +td. 22 Canada ,3uare Canary 4harf +ondon 514 2+*

%rinted and bound in 6reat *ritain

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Living Art As A Work in Progress

The Poet mixed media collage, 1990

) was talking to a friend# who painted and was a teacher at an &merican university in .lorence. 7e was a web designer and had done many websites for artists he knew. 7e had seen my studio and my cards1 and said# 84hy don9t you write a story to go with your cards:; ) had always wanted to write such a story# but ) didn9t think real life would allow me any flights of the imagination. That9s why ) thought about writing about the times ) lived in. ) have always wondered about art meaning different things
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The inshallah cards are reproductions of water colours and acrylic paintings. ) sold these in shops from 1''"<2013.

in different countries. &s an e=ample of recent successful artists# ) have been thinking about Tracy 5min and $amien 7irst9s art# because they represent my generation. ) want to talk about who ) am by talking about their work# the ones that are important to me. Two pieces# the >?nmade *ed9 and the >Camping Tent9 are both on my list# and these two made me reflect on the personal dimension we associate with them. ) identify with the human warmth and vulnerability of these. %erhaps the ideal is the intimate heart feelings which are e=pressed in poetry and art# but one wonders if these have anything to do with the more materialistic dimension@ is it the dichotomy between body and soul: ) remember reading a 3uote from 7eine# the 6erman poet# where he said that he had pleasure looking at a person9s face without wanting to possess them. 7owever# he knew that he was an e=ception to the rule# and that generally people are interested in copulating and reproducing themselves# and some call that 8love;. %ersonal feelings sometimes do e=press themselves in acts of copulation. )t seems to me that from the '0s onwards# the 8genital; has been the 8only; interesting event in an individual9s life. )ne=plicably# people9s se=uality has come out of prudish attitudes and has become a public domain. )n society many are seen to be clutching# scratching # touching or indicating their private parts in a trendy# 8must do; style. An the other hand# there is another artist who ) am interested in and who became successful in these decades. $amien 7irst is best known for his animal sections suspended in formaldehyde. 7is work made art and science seem one and the same thing. The cold scientific dimension is detached and formal. &we inspiring nature was put in a show case# and humbled the spectator by putting him in his place as a mammal# which demonstrated that humans have the same machine parts inside of them as the other species. *eing a religious minded person# ) identify with these works of art and see them as a celebration of the hand of 6od@ the supreme intelligence. ) first thought about writing when ) read my grandfather9s books. 7e was a historian# an e=pert in anti3uity and %ersia#
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and although he had had an adventurous life travelling the world over# his books were very difficult to read. ) saw a lot of him when ) was a child and he would talk about the things that had happened in his life. ) always wondered why he didn9t write about them# because those were the things which ) was most interested in. ) wanted to know about the feelings involved# the whys and the wherefores# rather than listen to his lessons in history. +ike Tracy 5min9s >Tent9# in my writing and in my art 2 B however humble it may be B ) want to say that ) shared moments of my life with many people. .eelings for friends and relatives filled my days and my decisions. The times ) lived in included a common history# shared with a lot of other individuals who were walking the earth at the same time as myself. &s in the past centuries# when the world was not yet a 8village;# ) would presume to think of adame de ,tael and other women writers who travelled and wrote about the times they lived in. ine is not a testimony to the things which ) have seen and felt B it is more a looking back on the events. ) would certainly not have bought a ticket to go to )taly if there hadn9t been the )ranC)ra3 3 war in the "0s# or had ) been born in my aunts9 generation. *eing &sian and from a uslim family# ) was born in )ran during the ,hah9s time# when women were wearing 4estern clothes. 5ven then# being a woman meant family ties and duties were utmost on the list of priorities. &s role models# my father9s sisters# my aunts 7oma B who worked as a nurse B and Tahmeen B who was an office worker B had travelled to 5urope after the ,econd 4orld 4ar# they were from a generation which was still oppressed by womanhood and the duties it entailed. The older generation in my father9s family had been brought up in )ndia by their )ra3i mother who lived in %urdah#
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y view of sentiments e=pressed is certainly traditional and prudish but ) realise Tracy 5min is e=pressing a general mood in her art which belongs to the 4estern e=perience. 3 )n my opinion The )ranC)ra3 war in the beginning of the eighties made the arms trade very happy and also some nationalists who wrongly believed in establishing an age old belief in the &ryan racial superiority. )t was tailor made in order to destroy both countries.

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and later had moved to )ran. They had arrived in Tehran in the 1'20s# and even though they worked# they were looking after their ailing father# and %arveen their sister# who perhaps suffered from autism# an ailment which had not been discovered yet. 4ith a lot of luck# ) was born in times when ) could afford to have time to myself for some years. *oth my mother and her sister and their families were living in relative comfort# and as modern women. They managed to have a life which belonged to them# even if they had a family and were raising children. y mother had had a Dournalistic career and had written for the Tehran English Daily papers. ,he had an & in 5nglish# having studied in )ndia. ,he and my father had both been translators# and were intellectually alive. The younger generation too had had a university education@ my cousins &meneh and ,adieh who were born in %akistan had degrees# and were women who were working. They were positive role models. )n )ranian society# having time to yourself for a woman was never considered to be a positive thing. That was the difference with my relatives in the subcontinent. The ideal )ranian woman had to be serving the children and everyone else in the family# and had to always be there for other people. 5ven now# >most women9 have no time to dwell on ideas and want to get on with their day<to<day lives# and they thrive as consumers. &s a born )ranian# ) was destined to be influenced by the history and culture of my country in the -0s# and the seventies during the reign of the ,hah. Ane of the main productions of this time was a weekly periodical called Ketabe Hafteh />The *ook of the 4eek91# in which one could read translations of literary pieces from various countries and times. There were also articles about world art and culture. 5ven though )ranians are very involved in their own literature# back then# the times were allowing many 4estern and 5astern ideas in. +ike many other &sians# )ranians# both men and women# are brought up 8trained; to have to shoulder much responsibility in the home# especially with the sick and the elderly. 5ven the middle classes work hard in the house#
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and are not like the middle classes elsewhere# who usually can afford to have help in the house and therefore have time to spend on their interests. The home ) was brought up in was totally strange according to the usual )ranian mentality# because at home the men# usually my father# cooked the meals. )t would be unheard of for an )ranian husband to cook and prepare the meals# but my parents lived this way and my father would often tell me not to tell anyone about it# as he knew it would be an issue with everybody outside our home. y mother was a capable business woman. ,he was good at negotiating and pulling off deals. This was mostly because she was allowed to have self< confidence# and due to necessity she used her talents. 7er sister# who had married a %akistani and went to live in the ?E# was very much the same type. This was the background which made my case a special one# and ) would describe my art to be a mi=ture of various cultures which have influenced me. ) was born and bought up in )ranCTehran# where ) lived from 1'2' to 1'!!. )n 1'!" ) discovered +ondon# staying with my mother9s brother )smile and his ,wedish wife Flva. 5ven as a child ) spent some years in +ondon with them. ) went to the local primary and secondary schools along with my cousins. ,ome holidays were spent with my family in Earachi. These were different influences# and my family has given me a varied cultural background. ) have always been interested in e=pressing my own ideas. 5ven as a child# ) would insist on not copying reality but saying something new which was on my mind. ,ometimes ) would produce bigger pieces# which were totally from my own imagination B ) mean# not having copied from any source. This made one point of discord# with a lot of people who thought that copying reality was necessary. Ane person at the foundation course4 in +ondon which ) went to in 1'"0# who was a photographer# told me that the %ersian miniatures themselves were the artworks of people
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,aint

artin9s ,chool of &rt .oundation course

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who had looked at reality closely and studied plants# obDects# buildings and people in order to produce their own pictures. )n other words# art was a language and one needed to know the words B i.e. arts and words were images from reality# and you had to learn them in order to then put them together to e=press an idea. .ortunately# my own tutor Ganet# who was a painter# was not hung up on such ideas. ,he said that she started to paint one day by simply putting all sorts of obDects on the kitchen table and painting them because she had the urge to do it. ) thought it a much more liberating and fun point of view. There was heart and emotion in the idea of doing things the way she did. )t was a personal research# with her interest in life as the motivation and the engine. )t meant that one could pick out the obDects and things that one loved# put them on a table# and paint them. The important thing for her was that one should work# work# work# and the more you did this# the better. 4orking seriously for yourself was good# and if you were honest with yourself# you were going in the right direction. )n fact# Ganet9s pictures were so much of herself and very intimate. ) thought it was kind of her to tell the young people who she taught that they should work hard at what interested them. &fter the foundation course# ) was going to study further# but then the times had changed# and even though ) had a chance to study in an art polytechnic# ) couldn9t pay for it. This was because of the revolution in )ran and then the )ra3C)ran war# which had begun in 1'"1<"2. 4hen the revolution broke out# ) had gone to %akistan to visit my parents. ) had not been able to return to 5ngland because when ) returned to attend my course in Cambridge# ) was held at the airport and sent back with the e=cuse that in my diary ) had e=pressed the wish to stay on in +ondon# where ) had already spent three years. )t Dust happened that people like me# totally out of the reality of events in Tehran# were now victims of what )ranian 8revolutionaries; B mostly have nots B decided to do back home. They had decided to get into the &merican 5mbassy grounds# which ) thought seemed pretty
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unnecessary for them to do. ) had to go back to my parents who were visiting family in %akistan and Earachi. ) spent and stayed a year in Earachi# living with my mother and her sister. y &unt Gahan9s house in Earachi was very much a social hub# and was lots of fun and alive. y aunt and her daughter# my cousin &meneh# were very socially active and great cooks. They would have lunches and dinners# and went to parties which made life lively and full of different interesting people. Through one of my aunt9s friends there# ) was introduced to an employment and worked at a graphic agency as an assistant. ) was twenty one# and even though my parents wanted to see me settled down# my own dream was to get an education in 5urope. y mother had studied and was teaching 5nglish# and ) thought that perhaps a degree in art wasn9t really good enough for getting a practical paying Dob. ,he herself hadn9t wanted me to go to an art school. y parents had been born and brought up in )ndia# in the %ersian community which had lived there for several generations. They were brought up in *angalore and ysore# whereas my grandfather from my father9s side had been born and brought up in 7yderabad by his )rani parents# and my mother9s father had been a ,hira(i# but had a history in 5gypt and )ra3. )t seems that in their days# people could get on a horse or carriage and travel all over &sia without having to have specific papers2. ) have this idea because of my grandfather9s stories about how he had travelled from )ndia to )ra3 and back many times. 7e had actually started out from 7yderabad and worked on a ship taking tea to Gapan when he was eighteen. .rom there# he had travelled to 5urope and then to the ?nited ,tates. 7e then became a student in a university in the ?,# and lived there for a while. 7e even survived the earth3uake in 1'0- in California# and came back to )ra3 to marry his first
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%erhaps as %resident %utin suggested /) read in the papers1 an &sian ?nion of countries# following the e=ample of the 5uropean ?nion# could be our dream for a future peaceful iddle 5ast and a source of prosperity for all &sian countries. &menH

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cousin# who was a girl brought up in %urdah and from a wealthy family. 7e took her and the children to )ndia# where he was teaching %ersian 7istory and +iterature at the ?niversity in ysore. Now# at twenty<two in Earachi# ) had decided that ) wanted to go back to 5urope. y mother thought that ) would get married to someone or the other in the family. ,he wasn9t really in control and my father wasn9t that interested in controlling my life. ) had spent days in +ondon where ) was not sure about my future. ) thought that ) would have to change too much in order to be 8a modern woman; if ) integrated with the 5nglish way of life. )t seemed to be too complicated# and ) had always the idea that )taly was closer to my heart emotionally speaking. 5ven the language seemed to open doors of a different kind of modernity# as it were. The summer of 1'"2# ) was on a plane to %erugia and heading for the ?niversita per ,traineri# where ) stayed and studied )talian for three months. Then# since .lorence seemed to be a smaller place than Iome B ) couldn9t handle living in a metropolis like +ondon without family B and it was famous for art. ) packed my bags again and went to a printing studio to see how etchings were made. ) had seen these beautiful etchings in and around Iussell ,3uare where ) went to school in +ondon# and ) wanted to make some myself# but the techni3ue stood in my way of immediate e=pression. )n 1'"3# ) got a Dob and started living with $ona# a girl who studied at an &merican university and was a photographer. ) shared a flat with her in Jia aggio# and started working as a salesperson. )n 1'"4 ) put my name down for a course at the university in order to study 5nglish +anguage and +iterature. ) didn9t know )talian well enough# but ) was living and learning. +ater in 1'"4# ) had moved to Jia *olognese and was living with a group of young students. )n 1'"2# ) moved to Jia delle Cin3ue 6iornate with %eter# who was a 6erman friend# then a %7$ student# and his girlfriend Caterina. ) had gotten to know my fiancK 6uido in Iome in 1'"3 and wanted to get married. y twenties were flying by and )
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was aspiring to art# as always# but not getting much done# since ) had to make a living as a salesperson. .rom 1'"4 to 1'"'# ) was beginning to paint big pictures in Jia delle Cin3ue 6iornate. %eter had gone back to 6ermany and now ) sub<rented the rooms to other students and worked as a salesperson in the summer. The apartments ) had lived in had always meant so much to me# and in this last one ) lived for fifteen years# renting out the e=tra rooms to other students. &t university ) was getting along# slowly learning the )talian language. )t was very hard. 6uido had been a great help after ) failed to get through the first e=am at university. 7e made it a point to help me get through the first e=ams. 7e had become my personal trainer# but ) found it very hard to study# because when ) studied books# ) would want to paint as well# and ) was very much distracted by the different directions that these two interests took me. An one hand# ) had to have a fi=ed timetable in order to study# and on the other hand# ) needed to get the ideas out on paper or canvas and give them a structure. y cousin &meneh# who was a Dournalist and working for a newspaper# came to visit me from %akistan and asked# 8why didn9t you continue going to an art ,chool and study art:; 4hy was ) studying literature when ) loved to make pictures: The answer was that ) was not confident of being an artist# but ) had these ideas that would push me to spend money on canvas and paint. ) would collect a lot of art material for the times when ) had the moments of high energy# and ) would paint when ) was emotionally stressed out. )t was a sort of discipline. ) even refused to get angry and fight for a relationship# and ) would take my energies to the canvas. )t seemed that the people ) had in my life never listened to me. ) mean# ) hadn9t a voice and ) found that was a problem in almost every sphere of my life. ) suppose women only find a voice and people listen to them only if they have a tough man on their side like my mother had# or if they have children or a tough personality. ) kept on asking the men in my life to get married and they would only come round to doing it after several years had passed.
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y mother had had a strong voice of authority because she was a first child# and being very bright# everyone gave her a lot of attention. 5ven &meneh was like her. 5veryone listened to them. ) hadn9t managed to learn to have a similar voice. %erhaps ) wasn9t a fighter# and she was more aggressive and competitive. ) was most of the time struggling with myself# trying to get myself under control. ) think that it had something to do with being very physical. ) mean# ) felt that ) had an athletic constitution. ) was really vigorous# and yet ) wanted to have a brain and to be an intellectual like my parents. ) hated being in a woman9s body. & female# whose 6od given role in life was to reproduce. ) thought it was really humiliating to be a woman because women always seemed to be second class# like myself. They never achieved a voice until they had children# but ) wanted to have respect effortlessly. ) wanted people to listen to what ) had to say# but they didn9t. ) suppose it9s normal to ask for things and not get them when you want them. ) have come to think that the world is pretty much like that B unless you are lucky or you put a gun to people9s head# you get to be second class. 5ven when ) had been living in 5ngland and ) asked my cousin if he wanted to get married# he said he wasn9t ready because he was a student. ) thought# ) wish ) could save him from being so far from his own culture. ) wanted to save myself too. ) thought that he was missing out on his )ranian and %akistani cultural roots# but he didn9t see it that way and# of course# ) was wrong in my traditional mentality. )t was like a story from a Gane &usten novel. +ater on in life ) saw the film >4est is 4est9 - and it made me realise the emotional distances and the work that has to be done before it would have all worked out according to how ) saw things. ) was stupid enough to ask him if he wanted to get married
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The *ritish comedy directed by &ndy $e 5mmony# 2010 is a film about a %akistani who has two families# one in %unDab and one in *ritain. This film is about the cultural misunderstandings and the solutions which eventually evolve out of the interactions between the people involved. )t is very much relevant to my own background.

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and later on# my aunt B his mother B told me that women are not supposed to ask and that they are supposed to wait until they are asked. &nd much later# about thirty years later# she told me that he had had many )ndian and %akistani families who were after him for their daughters. ) was only a woman who wanted to e=press all the things ) couldn9t handle like other womenL like 5min9s bed and tent# ) was finding my way through relationships and ) also needed to be an artist rather than want to get a marriage. %ractical visa and stay permit concerns plus my own traditional upbringing made me have to propose to people myselfH &s an educated and modern woman# my mother9s solution was surprising@ she suggested that ) could throw myself at the feet of one of her rich relatives and plead to him to marry me because all ) really owned was my virginity. ) still think it couldn9t have been her saying such a thing to her twenty<one year old daughter. ,he was probably worried about what people would sayH 7owever# later on when ) met 6uido in )taly# ) was crying for ages about what had happened to me and the humiliation that ) had put myself through by asking my cousin that stupid 3uestion. &nd that is why in )slam# parents have to take responsibility to marry off their children. No one can twist your arm and make you do the right thing B most of the time# one has to make decisions oneself. )t is the negotiation part that ) find so difficult. y mother and my aunt were both good at negotiating# whereas )9ve always been totally at loss for words. 6uido was the eldest son of a lawyer# and he was very articulate. 7e would want to talk relentlessly at times. Ance ) had learnt the language# we would get into these conversations which were very funny and e=hilarating# and that is when ) realised that it is the spiritual thing of wanting to communicate. ) never dreamed of meeting a man who would want to talk to meH *ut ) suppose most men# even the ones that want to talk# usually have difficulty in listening to women. 4hich brings me back to the subDect of art and e=pression. ) suppose art for me was all those things that ) wanted to say#
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and ) was making an effort to make myself listened to. *ut ) think the first thing that ) would tell people is that if you use art as a message to mankind# then use it wisely. ) know that if you are a black person or a woman or gay# you have always been at a disadvantage because# only the man with 8the gun; or 8the power of words; has been able to put his foot down and has had the last word. )t seems that is what this world is all about. *ut art too is a powerful instrument. ) read an interview with the 6erman film director .assbinder some years ago. )n this# he stated that even though he was from the same angry generation as the *ader< einhoff and he knew them# he had chosen a different path in order to e=press his opinions through the films he made. ) thought that was very intelligent. ost of my life )9ve seen that only 8power; has a voice. %erhaps having a voice# is powerful too. Fou can say something and be heard in art. That9s the beauty of the thing. &nd your message has to be a good one... ) started to make the )nshallah cards in 1'"' and1''0. Then# in 1''2# ) managed to get my degree in 5nglish +anguage and +iterature from .lorence ?niversity. ) was having shows and e=hibits in and around .lorence. ) loved to go to Jenice and the carnival there# and later on ) did some watercolours on Jenice# which is a beautiful city and a constant source of inspiration. )n 1''"# ) had to leave the apartment! where ) had lived for fifteen years. 4ith help from friends and well<wishers ) managed to get a studio in the centre of .lorence# and ) started to sell my watercolours to the public. y watercolours were about the city were ) had lived for the past twenty years# and the sitting rooms and interiors ) painted were a dream of finding a stable home. ) was trying to live on my art# producing a lot of watercolours# cards and bo=es. y clients were mostly tourists. ) lived in the same place upstairs. y studio was in a back street in the centre and ) was living like a hermit with lots
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The via delle cin3ue giornate street /which translates to The .ive days of ilan1# was the apartment belonging to r. Muercioli# which me and my friends rented in 1'"4# it is where ) lived for 12 years.

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of cats# who ) loved. ) couldn9t make money and pay the rent after 2001# but ) paid my assistants to come and help me produce in 3uantity. ) really had no business sense at all# so in a frustrating way ) helped a competitor who had been watching me to take over my sphere of sales# i.e. the shop ) was selling in. This person who does admirable etchings became very successful in selling his art because# out of feelings of solidarity with artists# ) had shared my own distributor with him. .inding that his machine produced work took over my hand made one and out of naivety ) lost a very important source of income. )n 2001 shops closed down and ) had to leave the studio. )n 2004# ) spent some time in Jiareggio and in 2002 in the spring# ) went back to )ran# to my mother# who was suffering from &l(heimer9s. ) decided to buy property in $ubai# and in 200! ) rented a house in $ubai for one year. ) continued to paint in Tehran# and had the help of young students and assistants who worked for me in my home studio. y story is far from a success story B if anything ) am probably the anti<heroine in the novel who did everything wrong. 7owever# ) think it is a story which shows a generation who aspired to create a new voice@ one which is neither 5astern nor 4estern# but in the middle of the crossroads. &ccording to %resident &ngela erkel# the multicultural society hasn9t worked out in 6ermany B and probably she meant 5urope B but people like me believe that it is a new proDect and it has to be given time. The painting >5=istence9 or >The Contact9 is about reaching out to get to know the other. %erhaps in &sia# where many different tribes live together# you can see this voice@ it is there in many )ndian and %akistani films. The iddle 5ast is something different and more comple=. )srael and its creation marks all the uslims@ it is a nation born out of 5uropean mistakes# and brings suffering to the rest of the iddle 5astern people. 4ill it ever be able to integrate B i.e. make friends with B its neighbours# or will it take over all of the iddle 5ast through Nionistic pressure groups: y painting >5nergies and Tendencies9 is talking about a mutation in geographical terms.
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)n 200"# ) fell victim to anonymous security people who didn9t allow me to buy property and move to $ubai. &ll through the new century# the new world order has wanted to take our voice away from us. This sense of being made into 8puppets on a string; is in the painting >G9aillais me donner9. ) associate my science fiction planetary paintings with the more detached and scientific part of my imagination. %lanetary science can be a refuge from our imperfect lives on earth. 4e have to live in the shelter of our buildings and sitting rooms and bedrooms# and even though there are now si= billion of us on the planet# our emotional lives hinder us from finding solutions to problems. Today we are worried about resources. 4hile spirituality teaches us that resources are infinite if we aspire to higher values# the materialistic view limits our potential to find new solutions. )t is the difference between Chairman ao and Churchill9s way of dealing with the food problem. 4hile the latter called for an increase in positive individual participation to cultivate and grow food# the former took for granted that some were going to be victims of the famine anyway. Gust as today# some believe that nature is bound to get destroyed anyway. 7ere ) would like to mention and pay tribute to the millions of people B some say 42# but ) imagine the number to be higher B who died in the famine during the recent years in China# due to a lack of interest and energy in trying to save them. The melting down of the glaciers will happen# polar bears and other animals will die of starvation and climate change will inevitably change our planet and our life for the worse. Ane aspires towards higher things# but will we ever manage to pull ourselves up and do the right thing: None of us is finding a solution to the problems# and the reason is that we lack the imagination to find and implement new ideas to the vital issues which are decisive for the future of the planet. eanwhile# we will be scratching our genitals# and hiding our heads in the sand# being totally irresponsible and decadent. +ike puppets on a string# we leave our destiny to 6od# and to the powers that be.
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Staying with y !n"le an# A$nt in Lon#on

Dialogue Watercolour, 1988

y ?ncle )smile had been living in the ?E in +ondon ever since he was eighteen# until he died in 1''' or thereabouts when he was si=ty<three. 7e was born in *angalore like my mother# but he considered himself a %akistani rather than %ersian. 7e was important in my life because ) stayed with him and his wife Flva for three years when ) went to study in 5ngland in 1'!'. ) was Dust out of high school# having taken my last e=am for my diploma. 7aving finished high school at eighteen#
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) looked forward to going to 5ngland and staying with them in +ondon. y mother was his elder sister of about 10 years# and as her family had accepted to keep me at school in +ondon with them even when ) had been a child. Now she asked him to help her get me into university in *ritain. ) was always a very dull# uniformed young thing with no one to guide me. ) was more than happy to escape the university entrance e=ams in Tehran as they seemed a barrier which seemed impossible for me to overcome.

The Persian carpet Oil on can as, !008

) had been an absolutely useless student# mediocre by all definitions at high school. The only subDect that ) was good at was 5nglish because as a child# ) had been sent to stay with my &untie Gahan and her three children. y ?ncle )smile and his wife Flva lived together with my &untie Gahan in the southeast of +ondon# in a semi<detached house. +ater they moved to a house which they renovated themselves. They were very different from us )ranians as they did a lot of $)F and enDoyed it.
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The highlight of my high school in )ran# was when ) once did a synopsis of the book 1984# introducing 6eorge Arwell to my seventeen year old class mates. ) suppose ) am still happy about that# because a lot of other students were proud of their maths and science e=ams# and ) usually never e=celled in anything. 7owever# having gone to primary school in the ?E as a kid# my 5nglish was pretty good and then it is true# that my mother# 6od bless her soul# tried to get me interested in the subDect of books and novels by telling me the stories of these# and that is how ) was introduced to the stories of ,hakespeare and other authors. ,he was an 5nglish +iterature & from *angalore ?niversity and she loved books herself. 7er efforts B whatever little effort she put in teaching me B were fruitful and even later on in life# ) followed her on that path# being too afraid of risking a useless degree in art. That is what my other thought because we were ignorant of the fact that art was an important subDect. 7ere ) want to tell everybody that a degree in art can be as useful as any other. y ?ncle )smile had heard his fair share of stories too# because he was my mother9s youngest brother and she tried to get him to study with the same methods.

The sitting room loo"ing on to the ri er #rno Watercolour, !00$

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) had always been a plain girl# whereas my %akistani cousins &meneh and &tefeh# with whom ) stayed with in +ondon# were much more interesting and brilliant girls. 5veryone was always talking about them. 4hat they did and said# was of the utmost importance. They were special perhaps because their father had died and also because &untie Gahan and her *rother and his wife genuinely liked to communicate with children and Dudged them to be above average. y aunt and uncle and Flva# my uncle9s ,wedish wife# thought the world of &meneh# the eldest child. ,he was truly the star on top of the Christmas tree. %eople would have thought that she was some sort of a genius in the making. y uncle# they say# was pretty much obsessed with her when she had been a teenager# and he hadn9t allowed my aunt to bring up her children in the )slamic %akistani tradition. The girls had pretty much a *ritish type of education and upbringing. )n 1'!'# when ) arrived at their home with my mother when ) was eighteen# my cousins weren9t living there. &meneh was at *righton ?niversity studying science# and .arid was at ,wansea. ,adly# &tefeh had passed away in %akCEarachi at the age of si=teen from an unidentified illness. ,he had fallen into a coma and died. &tefeh had gone to Earachi to live with her mother and go to school there. &tefeh had been my childhood friend. 4e were very different@ she was seemingly shy and retiring and looked very feminine# and liked all the girly things. ,he loved to dress up and to look pretty# she liked to write and had lots of friends. 4hen in Earachi we would all go to the ba(aar in the old part of town to buy glass bangles and nice materials to give to the tailor. )t was very e=citing to be with my cousins because they knew so many people and were always involved. 4e visited Dewellery stores with our mothers. 4e weren9t really that interested in the gold ourselves# but the older generation bought it with the idea that gold would always come in handy one day. Ance ) was invited with her to a school friend9s house and we went to this party where all the girls and boys were si=teen
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like us# and we had to stay the night because it got very late. ) woke up early with the call for prayer and even though ) didn9t pray regularly# ) felt ) had to pray. ) couldn9t think of something to cover up with so ) used a bed sheet# putting it over my head and as ) was praying. Naturally someone in the house woke up to go to the loo and in the dark they saw this sheet moving on its own. There was a low frightened scream because they thought ) was a ghost. That happened some months before &tefeh went into a coma. )t was probably some kind of sign. 4e had had such good times together when some months earlier she and her family had come to Tehran. They had driven from +ondon# travelling across 5astern 5urope and Turkey all the way in an old green %eugeot. y aunt had bought it second hand in +ondon. )t was the summer of 1'!-# and when they arrived at our old house# everything seemed Dust perfectO Gust some months before she passed away# we had spent some memorable evenings on the rooftop of my old house in Tehran. )n those years# people still slept in the open air# on the rooftops in the summer. The beds would be laid out in the cool evenings and by nighttime they were deliciously cool and fresh to sleep in. 4e were both si=teen and slept close to each other. 4e watched the stars and talked and giggled until we fell asleep. 5ven then we had noticed the red planet and we didn9t know it was the planet ars# which would soon descend upon the country.

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The night o% the #ngels Oil on can as, 1988

?ncle )smile and &untie Flva were a nice middle aged couple# who were dreaming of their pension years when ) went to stay with them. )t was because of Flva9s ,wedish influence that they lived a very methodic and organised kind of life. Flva was generous enough to see her husband go back to university at forty.

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#l &oor Oil on can as, 198$

7e got his degree in economics and was then able to teach at high school. They were both teachers# going to work every day. They would come home# cook the evening meal and we would eat together at the table# where my uncle talked politics and me and my aunt kept 3uiet# only because we didn9t really care one way or the other. ) had been enrolled in a crash course# studying three &< levels in order to pass them in one year. No one told me that it was an impossible task for someone who wasn9t a real studying maniac. 7owever# ) plodded along to 6reat Iussell ,treet every day to the ?niversity Tutorial College and would spend the
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lunch hour at the *ritish useum. Af course ) didn9t get through the e=ams as ) should have.

'( Time 'ixed media, 1989

4hereas the )ranian students and the other )ndian and %akistani students who had taken languages or aths for their subDects passed and were accepted into university by the end of two years study# ) only managed to get a pass for 5nglish and *iology in my & levels# and ) had spent a lot of time painting. ) am grateful to my uncle for allowing me to try going to art school. )t was my own choice# and that9s what ) really
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wanted to do in the first place but hadn9t had the courage in that direction. ,o ) came home to my uncle one day and said ) had enrolled at ,aint artin9s on a foundation course and ) was going to try to get a degree in art. ) suppose people knew that ) liked drawing and painting# as ) had always done those things when ) should have been studying for my e=ams. That year at ,aint artin9s was a good year. ) had finally found my place and was happy to go on studying art. 6oing to )taly was the result of my wanting to study and to get a degree. ) hadn9t managed to do it in 5ngland. rs Thatcher and the Conservative 6overnment in 1'"1 brought about the rise in costs to attend university# and the revolution in )ran meant that ) didn9t have the money. The last time ) met my uncle and aunt in .lorence# they were both older# in their si=ties and enDoying their pensions. Now they had all the time in the world to travel in 5urope as they had always wanted to do. The first thing that we did when they got off the train that came from ilan airport# +a alpensa# was naturally to go to a coffee shop and get a cappuccino. y ?ncle still had a lot of his thick white hair# with the e=ception of a bald patch that he was getting at the back of his head. &untie Flva was looking very old and tired.

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