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While building my genogram I interviewed 5 family members. They gave me rather

comprehensive

information

about

my

relatives.

Based

on

my

own

observation

and

information

received

from

family

members

I

constructed

genogram

consisting

of

3

generations my, my parents’ and my grand-parents’.

First of all I would like to examine my father’s parents’ relationships from a

counseling perspective. As it is clear from genogram my grand-father, Tom Cartney, abuses alcohol. This
counseling perspective. As it is clear from genogram my grand-father, Tom Cartney, abuses
alcohol. This issue influenced greatly theirs relationships – it spoiled them. He had
difficulties with his job. He was given a sack and had nothing to do but drink more and more
in order to suppress his bad emotions and feelings. However, it was not he who suppressed
his negative feelings it were they that suppressed him. With every day gone he drank more
and more. My grand-mother, Sarah Cartney, felt like she was losing him, like he was
marrying alcohol and divorcing her. “It was awful”, my father, Oscar Cartney, told me. When
my father was young he lived in constant oppression from the side of his father. Due to the
fact that his father could not earn money because he was drunk all the time they lived poorly.
My grand-mother was in a constant state of depression. In addition to depression she acquired
arthritis. My grandparents still live together but relationships between them are spoiled
forever. It is difficult to forget bad things and leave them in the past. That is why quality of
my grand-parents’ life is very low. They live under constant pressure of memories and
feelings connected with theirs past. Now my grand-father suffers from heart disease. He is an
old man now, 77, but I think that if he had not been drinking in the past he would not have
had heart illness and broken relationships with my grand-mother. Maybe my grand-mother

would not have suffered from arthritis now if she had not been in depression in the past

because it is stress that makes our organism undergo different illnesses.

My other grand-father, Ray Benjamin, and my grand-mother, Courtney Benjamin, had

not better relationships than my father’s parents. It is generally known that if 2 egos collide

there going to be a big bang. My grandparents have big egos and no one of them is willing to

admit other’s point of view. Trying to prove one’s point of view my grand-parents burst like

bubbles because of negative emotions and feelings inside of them. As a result they had fights

and did not talk to each other for months. I think that if one of them started yielding to the

other they would find the way to a comfortable and peaceful life. However, they are not

going to make concessions and that is why they still argue in their seventies. Because
going to make concessions and that is why they still argue in their seventies. Because of
stress hormone which appeared in their vascular systems they suffer from different illnesses.
My grand-mother suffers from high blood pressure, heart disease and my grand-father suffers
from diabetes. These illnesses are directly connected with stress hormone level. The more
stress you have, the more stress hormone is thrown into your blood, the more damage it
makes to your organism and immune system. My grand-mother suffered from quinsy but her
tonsils fell off themselves without surgery. If she had not been nervous she would not have
had high blood pressure which led her to heart disease. If my grand-father had not been
nervous too sugar level would have been much lower in his blood. However, they could not
concede to each other and have spent their whole life in quarrels.
As to my uncle, Nick Benkamin, and aunt, Leila Benjamin, they have the same
situation as my mother’s parents – each of them does not want to yield to the other. There is
no mutual understanding in this family. Due to the fact that there is no understanding there is
no love too. Uncle Nick takes no part in upbringing and educating his children. Aunt Leila
does it. In addition to this she does the whole household. However, my uncle earns money for
the whole family but I think this does not justify him. No matter how busy you are children

need your care and attention. Uncle Nick plays with them only when he wants to. He does not

pay attention to his children if they want it. This situation affected strongly relationships

between him and his wife. They argue all the time. Maybe if aunt Leila showed for some time

understanding to uncle Nick they would have got on well together and vice versa. Because of

uncle’s hot temper he let himself beat his wife for her weeping. After this he went out to have

a drink in order to kill his anger. I think it is forbidden under any circumstances.

Relationships between my father, Oscar Cartney, and mother, Leila Cartney, are good.

They can tell each other what they feel, how they feel inside. They can listen to critics

without trying to find something to fight back. All in all they get on well together. Sometimes

they argue but in every family members argue – it is inseparable part of family
they argue but in every family members argue – it is inseparable part of family building.
There was one problem which I think my father received on a genetic level from his father –
taste for alcohol. There were times when he drank but he understood that this is not the way
out and quitted it. Now they live happily together in love and understanding.
As to relationships between me, Andrew Cartney, and my wife, Valerie Cartney, they
are good too. I had some difficulties with suppressing my ego but I managed to do it. I have
no taste for alcohol and other addictive things. My parents gave a good example of how one
should act in relationships with a person he loves and it helped me a lot not to repeat mistakes
made by my previous generations.
Having analyzed relationships between family members of 3 generations I understood
that we have so called qualities characteristic to all of my relatives namely aggression and big
ego. Some of my relatives managed to cope with them but some did not. From my genogram
it is clear that my grand-parents had problems with understanding each other and that is why
their relationships were spoiled. My uncle did not manage to cope with these negative
qualities. He gives way to his temper and lets himself do abnormal things. Maybe his children
will improve this instead of him. My parents did manage to find the ways of how to

understand and give love to each other. This they passed down on me. From this genogram it

is clear that each generation gets wiser than the previous one in respect of relationships and

ways of treating each other. I hope that my descendants will make this genogram free of

stress and aggression signs.