To: Dept.

of Communication From: Mike Date: November 9, 2013 RE: Personal Change Project

For my personal change project I set a goal of using less avoidance with co-workers regarding station duties. More specifically, I wanted to use a collaborative approach and if this was not feasible to use compromise, as well as improve my listening skills when dealing with coworkers. October 12today was actually not a very good day to try to implement my plan as today I was scheduled with employees that I do not have issues with. All of my co-workers on my shift today pitch in with station duties and we are quite cohesive. We are all on the same page and communicate quite effectively. We share strong bonds not only as co-workers but as friends outside of the work place as well. Referencing the book I believe that we all get along so well secondary to similarities (among other things). We enjoy the same activities, view our jobs the same, and view sharing the workload the same as well. Results of a study by communication scholars Leslie Baxter and Lee West indicate that the main reason for placing a positive value on similarity is because it facilitates communication. (Beebe 266).

October 13today was a much better day to try and implement my changes as I worked with one of four co-workers that I wanted to try this personal change project with. We will label these co-workers A-D however just so you know in advance I only had the opportunity to use these skills on two of the co-workers so we will be dealing with co-worker A and B. A little back ground information regarding co-worker A. She was hired over a year ago and we have a 6 month probationary period. During this period co-worker A did very well and did station duties, interacted with other people etc. After this period however co-worker A starts shift at 07:00 and spends the entire day on a laptop either on the couch or in the bedroom. Me: We are going to start the chores; would you mind taking care of the kitchen? Co-worker A: I am a mother at home; I dont need to be a mother here. I am not going to do other peoples dishes and clean up after them I dont want to do that at home and then come here and do it. Me: We all do chores at home.

Co-worker A: I already told all of you guys this, I am not your mother and I am not doing the dishes and I already to boss that too. Me: (snicker), okay. So this was the first time I was able to practice my efforts regarding my personal change and as we can see it didnt go very well at all. I did not use other oriented communication by saying we all do chores at home. This was my first mistake; again I became easily frustrated and reverted back to my original instinct which was avoidance (I said okay and just completed the chores myself); the other thing was I became somewhat rude by snickering and that was disrespectful. For my next interaction I will practice empathy (Beebe 142) and also try to use self-talk (Beebe 244-245) to help me better prepare for conflict and stick to my guns regarding my personal change. Howeveron a positive note, I approached co-worker A and asked them to help which is a minute step, but still a positive step as in the past I never asked for help.

October 18today I had the opportunity to work again with co-worker A. Today I practiced some of the effective communication and listening skills that we have learned. I tried to pay close attention to my listening/responding skills as well as avoiding the mistakes I had made in the previous conversation. Me: Good morning, hows it going? Co-worker A: Morning, its going how about yourself? Me: I cant complain. So, we are going to start the chores, would you be willing to do the kitchen? Co-worker A: I told you last time that I am not here to be anyones mother, I clean the dishes that I use and I am not going to clean anyone elses I do that at home and I am not going to do it here. Me: I understand how you feel. I dont like to do them either especially when I am doing them at home. But I feel like no matter whos they are it is our and everyones responsibility to keep the station clean. I think that by everyone doing something it can help the cohesiveness of our crews. Co-worker A: I completely agree with you but I will not do the kitchen I do all the crap at home. Me: So are you saying that you dont like to do that kitchen but you could do something else? Co-worker A: Yeah, I can do the womens restroom. You guys dont go in there so that is our mess I will take care of that, but Im not gunna do any of the other ones.

So with this next interaction it worked out better for the both of us. Granted, I wasnt able to get co-worker A to do very much but, at least it is a step in the right direction. I am starting to think that I will not be able to use a collaborative approach with co-worker A. However, I was able to get co-worker A involved (as little as it was) as well as be more respectful and save face (Beebe 251-252). I was also able to enhance my listening/responding skills by clarifying the message from co-worker A as well as be more empathetic. The final part I was able to introduce was more I-language, which helped me better understand co-worker A as I now know they have the same view point as I regarding the station duties. In the end I was able to compromise (Beebe 237238).

October 20today I was scheduled with co-worker B. A little background regarding co-worker B. Their attitude is very similar if not identical to co-worker A. However, co-worker B instead of being on a computer all day comes in at 07:00 and goes straight to sleep and naps all day, either on the couch or in the bedroom. I face the same challenges with co-worker B as I do with coworker A. Me: hows your rig this morning? Co-worker B: its okay, not missing anything so thats good. Me: Good; the three of us are going to go out and start washing the bay can you handle the kitchen or something inside? Co-worker B: we already told you we arent doing chores here. I do this crap all day at home on my days off all of it I dont have any help so that last thing I want to do is come here and do it all over again every day. Besides, I had a long night and I feel a safety nap coming on. Me: Well, like I told co-worker A we all do this crap at home nobody likes to do chores but it needs to get done and it would help if we all pitched in like the policy says. Co-worker B: I am not here to pick up after anyone. You guys always do it anyways thats why youre bosses little favorites. The floor doesnt need to be vacuumed every single day thats stupid. At this point in the conversation co-worker B got a call and had to leave. I took this as an opportunity to cool off because again I found myself getting very frustrated. This is what the book describes as going to the balcony, and basically taking some time to cool down and reflect (Beebe 252). Once I had cooled off I found myself back at square one because by the time co-worker B had returned, we had completed all of the chores again ourselves and co-worker B proceeded to take their nap. This was also a good time to practice managing my emotions (Beebe 241) although I had no choice secondary to co-worker B exiting the conversation.

October 23today was a good day in the fact that again I had lucked out and worked with some other co-workers that were previously described from the 12th (similar views, complete duties and pitch in). Due to the fact that I was not able to interact with co-worker A or B I took the time to reflect back at progress, and see how things were going. So far I have had a few interactions with the other co-workers and have had some good and not so good conversations with them. I was able to practice some ideas from the text such as being more empathetic, saving face, and utilizing other approaches to resolving conflict; I do still have some more work to do though specifically with co-worker B and I am also curious to see if co-worker A will continue to pitch in by taking care of the restroom.

October 27today was a little bit better however I dont feel it accomplished very much. Coworker B again was on shift as well as another co-worker who happens to be in charge of the fleet maintenance issues (fixing vehicles, getting them ready for appointments/services etc.). Me: how were your days off? Co-worker B: they were okay but I am back here again so. Me: yeah I here ya; listen I know that you dont like to do station duties but we all have a lot going on today and it would really help if you could help us with the chores today. Co-worker B: you guys have a lot going on every shift whats new today? Me: well I have a bunch of paper work to get caught up on for the classes I taught recently, it has to be submitted to the state in the morning. He has to try and figure out why the AC/heater isnt working in the rig because it is going in for service in the morning and if we want to get it back in a decent time frame it will help if they know the problem beforehand, and he has to do supply inventory today which will take him all day, and we would all like to be able to get these chores done quickly so we can all get our other things done. Co-worker B: I am not going to do the chores let alone by myself you guys do that but I am not going to. Me: I know how you feel believe me but were not asking you to do all of them we were just thinking you could do the kitchen and vacuum maybe. Co-worker B: Look you guys have all these extra duties because when boss asks you do to them you just say yes thats not my fault. Ill take out the trashes and do the dishes but then I am going to go lay down. Im not gunna do it all. Me: Thanks that would really help a lot.

So today and it is hard to see in dialogue but there was some sarcasm going around here and there. There were some times that were saving face and other times were not. Today though I was able to practice something I found in the book on page 253 under make it hard to say no. By doing this I am not really sure if this was a compromise or a guilt trip, I would like to think compromise because I didnt intentionally guilt trip co-worker B into working, I merely attempted to educate co-worker B as to why we needed help. Use information to educate rather than pummel the other person. (Beebe 253). I was also able to use some of the listening techniques (reflecting/paraphrasing) in todays conversation as well. October 30so today was an especially hard because I was on shift with three co-workers that all had the same views/opinions. I worked with co-worker A, B, and C. C is again similar to A and B and spends most of their time out of the station, eating out or running personal errands. Me: would you guys mind helping me with station duties? Co-worker A: Well were going to go to breakfast so maybe after that and I have a lot of stuff from home to get done today. Co-worker B: I did them last shift. Co-worker C: (Snicker) Yeah were gunna go eat, you can come eat to you know? Me: I ate before I came in and I have food here so I am good; so, you guys are going to make me do them alone again. Co-worker C: No were not going to make you do anything. You can do whatever you want. Co-worker B: Yeah, you could just not do them because you are not here to clean up other peoples crap. Me: dont you guys care about what a mess this place gets to be at times? Co-worker C: Its not my mess, thats why I go out and eat. Co-worker B: yup, not my problem. Me: cool, thanks.

Today was terrible; I basically felt like I was ambushed but it wasnt really ambushing because I knew this would happen. All of my other co-workers shared the same opinions and similarities which is what brings them close together. Because they are all friends and share the same beliefs it contributes to them shaping each other and reinforcing their attitudes. Friends also help shape our attitudes and beliefs. (Beebe 275). I believe that I am also to blame. I didnt use very much

other oriented communication and I shut down and used avoidance again rather quickly. This habit is proving to be hard to break. October 31today something different/unexpected happened. I was on shift with co-worker A and B again. They participated in the station duties but due to other reasoning. Our supervisor came out of his office and stated that he had an important meeting with administration personnel. He also expressed his unhappiness regarding the current cleanliness of that station and stated that we were all going to clean the station immediately. Our supervisor cleaned the kitchen, I did the living quarters/documentation area (area with paperwork and computers), and co-workers A and B cleaned the restrooms. Now this didnt really occur due to dialogue but it got done nonetheless; and co-worker A at least is becoming some-what consistent (cleaning the restroom). I dont have much to report regarding communication (thank goodness) however given the situation I think it would be good to reflect on power in relationships. I give my supervisor referent and expert power. I give him this power because I respect him as a supervisor, I share similar morals/values and ideologies, and because he shows me respect back. My other coworkers (A and B) give our supervisor legitimate power. They give him this power because they feel they have to because he is their direct supervisor and I honestly dont believe it is any more than that. (Beebe 271).

November 4today was my last day. I am leaving for Salt Lake in the morning to continue my clinical time and will be gone for the next week. I had the pleasure of working with co-workers A and B again (Murphys Law). Again at the beginning of the shift I found them on the couch, on the computer. Me: How were the days off? Co-worker B: Im on a 48. Co-worker A: got to hang out with the family so that was nice. Me: Thats good its nice to have some quality down time with the family. Co-worker A: How were yours? Me: same as usual, homework that kind of stuff, followed by some quality TV time. Im goin to start cleaning would you guys like to pitch in? Co-worker B: I was on yesterday and they cleaned this place top to bottom so I think its still clean. Me: Yeah, thats a good point. Although there are some dishes in there and the trashes are full you know? Just some little things here and there. Co-worker B: Yeah, its not as bad as it has been and those arent mine.

Me: Well I understand that, there not mine either, nor are they co-worker As but I feel like we need to keep this place clean for everyones sake and I think it will only take a couple of minutes so I am going to do it and if you guys wanna help that would great and Id appreciate it. Co-worker A: Alright, Ill to the restroom again and take out the trashes if you want to do the kitchen again. Co-worker B: I have a chart to do so Ill be doing that. Me: That sounds like a fair trade thanks.

Summarywell this turned out to be a lot harder than I had originally anticipated. I honestly did not think it would be as difficult to try and use a collaborative approach to conflict management. Although I didnt get much of a chance to use it I also blame myself for not trying harder with it. I did revert back to using avoidance on more than one occasion however I was also able to utilize compromise and I successfully was able to get another co-worker that I had been having some problems with use compromise as well. I think that this will be a long road ahead and it will take patience and practice; thanks to what I have learned through-out this text so far, I know it is possible I just need to practice reinforcing new behavior and new thought processes as well as on my own behalf. If all else fails, at least I can have the satisfaction of knowing that I have learned to be a better communicator and more other oriented, and tried my best.

Works Cited Beebe, Steven. Interpersonal Communication Relating to Others. 5th. Boston: Pearson Education, Inc., 2008. Print.