Angry Congressional Committee

Demands CIA Reveal The Location

of South Waziristan
August 22, 2009

Congress Interrogates a CIA Drone

As news of CIA drone attacks, Taliban deaths, and military
conflict in South Waziristan has escalated over the past
several months, members of Congress have repeatedly
demanded that the CIA reveal where South Waziristan is
located; only to be rebuffed by a recalcitrant intelligence
bureaucracy. Last night an increasingly angry
Congressional Committee on Security and Intelligence
affairs created an uproar by officially accusing the CIA,
and other U.S. intelligence agencies, of refusing a
Constitutional request to disclose the location, size, and
shape of South Waziristan and for not providing a
rationale for South Waziristan’s location outside the
boundaries of a Disney movie or American amusement,
theme, or water park.
Printed Excerpts of last nights’ Intelligence Committee
hearing reveal that Congressman Thaddeius Branden
Maxigrandon the third, of the State of Mississippi, the
ranking Republican on the intelligence committee, issued
a formal threat to filibuster the entire CIA funding process
by the reading names, construction dates, and locations of
U.S Civil War monuments until the CIA provide to select
members of Congress the:
“country and continent where the reputed Southern Wary-
z-stain, the reputed secreted abode of the Ji-headed
Talliban-bombers’, is located, reputed to be located, and
reputed to be reputed.”
Congressional frustration with the intelligence community
mounted as the appointed CIA spokes-person, spokes-
spook 07-DC-07, answered Rep. Thaddeius Branden
Maxigrandon the third, by aggressively droning on, in an
assertive monotone reading voice, before each member of
the Congressional Intelligence committee and before EX-
regional CIA director and Middle East consultant, Howard
Sweep.
The printed excerpts from the hearing reveal the CIA
spoke-spook to have droned the following statement into
the committee’s ranks:
“Once Congress locates South Waziristan, or SW Z-Stan,
the critical element of surprise becomes lost. Important
drone aircraft operations will be compromised if members
of Congress are able to find SW Z-Stan on a map, discuss
the location with their Government travel and junket
agent, and google-earth search their noses into the
middle of somebody’s somewhere, sensitive, secret, cold
blooded, operation .“
The excerpts also reported:
Acting as if insulted, Democratic Committee Chairman
Vincy La-Fazio, ( little-grande Boss Fatito) of New Jersey,
hit back at the gesture-free CIA testimony, by providing 45
minutes to representative Thaddeius Maxigradon to lead
an interrogation of the CIA spokes-spook.
Consultant Howard Sweep, handed out his own excerpts of
the committee’s interrogation to newspaper reporters and
water park tourists,--- which newspapers printed in
unedited real time scribble form -----, for readers across
the country:
Hearing 07 Notes: H Sweep, (that’s me Howard):
Representative Maxigrandon, the third, opened up the
questioning by asking CIA Spokes spook 07-DC-07 if he,
himself, knew where “the disputed SW-Z-Stan,” was located.
The CIA Spokes-spook said he once believed he might have
known its location, but failed to follow up and confirm his
belief, for fear of compromising the security of drone attack
operations. The Congressman then asked the Spokes-spook
if he knew anyone who knew the location of SW-Z-Stan. The
CIA spokes-spook answered that, indeed, he might know
someone who knew the Z-Stan location, but he did not know,
for sure, if he knew someone who could locate SW-Z-Stan.
And Spokes-spook 07-DC-07 said that if he knew someone
who knew, he would not know who that someone really was,
and/or if that someone himself would know, for sure, if he
knew, that he knew the location of SW-Z-Stan or any other
lettered Stan.
Consultant Howard Sweep (me), interjected, pointing out
that the Spokes-spooks claim, is consistent with the CIA’s
standard mode of operation. And he pointed out that CIA
rules insure that if any CIA employee is found knowing
what’s he or she is doing at work, that employee must be
fired for demonstrating a level of competence that
threatens national security.
Representative Thaddeius Branden Maxigrandon the third,
of the State of Mississippi, the ranking Republican, on the
intelligence committee, then asked Spokes-spook 07-DC-07
if the drone aircraft knew the location of SW-Z-Stan.
Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “I do not know what a drone
aircraft has on its mind when it locates a target in SW Z-
Stan.”
Thaddeius the third :”It found its targets, then.”
Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “But we do not know that the
drone has a conscious awareness the concept of South
Waziristan.”
Thaddeius the third: “Do drones have conscious awareness
of the State of California where they are manufactured?”
Spokes-Spook (ugh, DC-07): ”I don’t know any American who
has conscious awareness of the State of California. Nor have
I met any American, in the past fourteen years, that has a
conscious awareness of the art and science of
manufacturing nor do I know anyone who has heard any
smoke rattling noises in the past decade.”
Howard (me) Sweep: “That final statement is consistent with
the standard level of alertness of Americans under the age
of forty. And California State officials and politicians of all
ages.”
Thad the 3rd: “Ok, lets change our route. Is SW-Z-Stan in
Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Kashmir, or China?”
Spook (DC-07): “I can’t say.”
Thad three: “You can’t say because you don’t know yourself
or because the CIA does not want the American people and
their Representatives to know?”
Spook (07): “I can’t say.”
Thad 3: “You can’t say because you don’t know yourself why
you answered:
‘I can’t say’
to the first question or because the CIA does not want the
American people and their Representatives to know why you
answered:
‘I can’t say’
to the first question?”
Spook: “I can’t say.”
TH-3: ” Can you say if SW-Z-Stan is in Asia or the Mideast?
Sp-k: “No I can’t.”
T-3: “Is SW-Z-Stan in my District? Are drones going to one
day, hit, my chief fundraiser's home and abode? Or
commode?”
Sp-k: ‘Yes but those would be media drones not flying CIA
drones.”
T-3 (!): “Would such media drones be consciously aware of
the concept: the State of Mississippi? And other concepts
like “house” “friend” and “money?”
Sp-k: “Maybe money.”
T-3 the Congressman: “What is the currency of SW-Z- Stan?”
Spook the CIA-man: “Blood, war, and death threats.”
Howard Sweep: “And Hash. Hashish. H-A-S-H.”
T-3 the Congress Man: “So you admit you know where SW-Z-
Stan is.”
Spokes-Spook, the CIA man: “We can’t say.”
Thad the third,, the skinny silver haired Congressman: “Who
is this WE?”
Spokes-Spook, the weird CIA 07 man: “We don’t know.”
Thad the third of Mississippi the (200$ Silver hair cut) man:
“WE don’t know? Why do such a WE not know?”
Spokes-Spook the 07-DC-CIA 07-man: “Know what?”
Thadeiusthe third of Mississippi: “Which, if any, Stan is SW-
Z-Stan itself located in? That is, are we talking about a sub
Stan? Is SW-Z-Stan located inside the boundaries of another
Stan?”
Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “You mean are we talking about
an Under-Stan?”
Representative Thadeius the third (3 generations of Thads?)
of Mississippi:
“You understand my question?”
Spokes-Spook ( 07-DC- 07): “I think I understand your
question about SW-Z-Stan being a possible Under-Stan”
Representative Thadeius Maxigrandon the third (buy bread
for tomorrow) of Mississippi: “You are consciously aware of
it?”
Spokes-Spook ( 07-DC- 07): “Yes, I am not a drone.”
Representative Thadeius Branden Maxigrandon the third of
Mississippi:
“You are sure of that?”
The really really weird Spokes-Spook ( 07-DC- 07) again:
“I can’t say”
Chairman Fatito (oh no): “I think the CIA sent us a slow- in-
the motion killer drone. I submit to my committee that SW-Z-
Stan, or whatever Z-Stan, Y- Ran or X-Bran the place is, is
not an Under-Stan but, instead, is an Over-Stan—that arches
over entire countries of the world, including, possibly, this
Congressional committee room and it’s outer echo
chambers.”
Spokes person, Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “Sir, Mr. Chairman
I understand your concern.”
Fatito: “No you don’t. Your overstand my concern. If you
understood it, you would not have answered so quick."
Howard (that's me) Sweeping it up: ” I think the CIA drone is
an intelligence divert-a-e--i-o-u Stan.”
Fatito the wise: "And sometimes y. Consultant Sweep is
right. This—drop-drone--agent—has been sent to us by the
CIA to dribble out non-answers to every serious question
about What’s-it-Stan until we, and the American public, wind
up suffocated to death by a slow, unsteady, dribble-drip
drop of no-drone information."
Howard (Surf) Sweeper: “For the record I want to consult
that the Congressional committee move to category "wet"
for future CIA interrogations. I can get this committee
access to boards, H-2-0, and a curl-crushing accelerating
force which can pry open any argument, or self anointed I,
which “can’t say” a conscious thing before Congress.”
Fatito: "Ok Drone head. My Republican friend 3-Mississippi
Thad and I will find, pinpoint, locate, and expose South
Waziristan’s place on this earth before you can count the
State of Mississippi three times over. Ain’t that Right,
Reppy, Max?.
And then we will have a consciousness awareness raising
session on what Waziristan, California, and the rattle-rattle
noise of manufacturing noise means for the American
people. Right Howard?
Somebody call the next witness:
A, James, uh, -- Wu-Zanghou, Division and Stan Chief of,
Google Earth."