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Dan

Grin, MA
Helping Men Recover:
Males, Addiction, and the Missing Peace

What would men tell us if we


listened to their struggles
instead of telling them what
their struggles were?

December 12th, 2013

My Water
White
Heterosexual
Male
Upper Middle Class
Person in Long-Term Recovery
Trauma Survivor

Group Exercise from Session II


The Rules of Being a Man
The Principles of Recovery

We have to learn how to walk


through the messages of
gender but only if we can see
them
only if we can see the Water

How have your ideas of


being a man changed
since getting into
recovery?

The Missing Pieces

The Missing Piece

Services and a system that values and seeks to


understand the experiences of men
Impact of male socialization on service
engagement and recovery
Relational needs of men
Abuse and trauma (experienced and
perpetrated)

We are Hard-Wired for


Relationship
- Bruce Perry

Male Relational Dread


Characteristics of Healthy Relationship?
Intimacy
Honesty
Vulnerability
Compromise
Trust
Sharing Emotions

Holy Shit.
I am the Patriarchy!
-Brene Brown

Core Principles of HMR

Helping Men Recover

Men are
are not the problem how
men have been socialized
socialized and
raised is
is the problem

Core Principles of HMR

Core Principles of HMR

Facilitator self-awareness
self-awareness and personal work
work

Trauma is
is a gendered experience

Co-facilitation is highly recommended

Core Principles of HMR


Traditional treatment
treatment was not created with
men
mens unique issues and needs in mind
therefore, both men and women have not
been trained to work most eectively with
men

Core Principles of HMR

Core Principles of HMR


Clients have each have their own unique truth and wisdom.

We (clinicians, facilitators) do not know who a


man should be our only job is to help
facilitate that self-discovery

Core Principles of HMR


Confrontation as
as a primary mechanism for
treating men is not eective

Homophobia and Misogyny


Are frequently the underlying cause of male violence
Impede mens relationships with women and other
men
Lead men to deny, reject, or feel shame about
essential aspects of their true nature

Core Principles of HMR


Creating a
a healthy relationship to
to power &
control

Copyright 2013, Covington, Griffin, and Dauer

Core Principles of HMR


Compassion & Non-judgmental

25

Core Principles of HMR


Candid and non-judgmental conversation about human sexuality is essential subject
matter for men
ens treatment

Accountability

Core Principles of HMR


Recovery is a process of spiritual transformation. The emergence of CBT as the
primary treatment modality has marginalized spirituality

Core Principles of HMR


Men experience the full range of human emotion, yet many sruggle with healthy
expression of their feelings because they lack uency in this language.

Core Principles of HMR


Men desire connection through relationships, yet lack relational competence.

Core Principles of HMR


Men who have been betrayed in relationships will expect repeated betrayal even as
they seek connection

The solution to this central relational paradox is through the development of mutual
empathy

Core Principles of HMR


Safety and trust are words frequently used interchangeably, however for many men
safety may initially require not trusting others

What would men tell us if we


created a truly safe place
and listened to their
struggles instead of telling
them what they are and are
not?

The Missing Pieces


Services and a system that values and seeks to
understand the experiences of men
Impact of male socialization on service
engagement and recovery
Relational needs of men
Abuse and trauma (experienced and
perpetrated)

A Mans Way through the Twelve Steps


First gender-responsive and
trauma-informed book for men in
any twelve-step program focused
on mens unique issues and needs
Core Issues
Emotional Awareness,
Relationships, Grief, Anger,
Violence, Abuse, and Trauma

Helping Men Recover

A Mans Way through Relationships


Central Recovery Press (August 2014)