Ebook Win Her Heart Back Secrets

Copyright 2010 William Bonet http://www.WinHerHeartBackSecrets.
com
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WIN HER HEART BACK SECRETS

Good Guys, Bad Boys & the Ugly Truth Behind a Fantastic Relationship
By William Bonet
2010 All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2010 William Bonet http://www.WinHerHeartBackSecrets.com
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Introduction
This book is intended to be your reference guide to understanding women. Everything you need to win back your wife or girlfriend is contained within these pages. Read the entire guide from cover to cover at least once and follow the action steps listed at the end of the take action sections. If you learn what Im about to teach you, you will be able to satisfy your wife or girlfriends innate natural desires. Its easy to do when you know how. She will automatically respond to you with respect, desire and affection. Email me your comments, suggestions and complaints. I want to hear what you have to say. I wish you all the best! William Bonet
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Copyright, Legal Notice and Disclaimer: Note To The Bad Guys: This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights: you are not allowed to give or sell this Guide to anyone else. Please note that much of this publication is based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence. Although the author and publisher have made every reasonable attempt to achieve complete accuracy of the content in this Guide, they assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Also, you should use this information as you see fit, and at your own risk. Your particular situation may not be exactly suited to the examples illustrated here; in fact, it's likely that they won't be the same, and you should adjust your use of the information and recommendations accordingly. Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if we use one of these terms. Finally, use your head. Nothing in this Guide is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice, and is meant to inform and entertain the reader. Copyright 2010 William Bonet. All rights reserved worldwide.
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Table of Contents
Introduction................................................................................................................................................... 3 Preface........................................................................................................................................................... 8 What gets you out of Egypt isnt what will take you to the promise land. ........................................... 9 Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice ......................................................................................................10 Chapter 1 .....................................................................................................................................................13 Relationship Triage: ..................................................................................................................................... 13 Chapter 2 .....................................................................................................................................................16 Automatically Connect With Your Lover .....................................................................................................16 Logic: The Relationship Killer ..................................................................................................................19 Chapter 3 .....................................................................................................................................................21 What Really Gets a Womans Attention......................................................................................................21 #1 Big Mistake You Are Making Right Now .............................................................................................21 Attraction is not a choice for her either. .................................................................................................23 Rock Star Wisdom: The Secrets Rock Stars Know About Women that you dont ...............................27 Chapter 4 .....................................................................................................................................................29 How did you get to this painful place anyway? ..........................................................................................29 Woman1 million years in the making. ..................................................................................................33 Wuss Bags vs. Bad Boys ...........................................................................................................................34 Whats so wrong with being a regular guy? ............................................................................................36 Chapter 5 .....................................................................................................................................................42 What Really Makes a Woman Attracted To You .........................................................................................42 How I Lost My Love Twice .......................................................................................................................44
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What repels women? ..............................................................................................................................47 Wuss Bag Behaviors Explored .................................................................................................................49 Chapter 6 .....................................................................................................................................................54 What Women Really Want .......................................................................................................................54 Why Women Breakup With Men ............................................................................................................55 Women Are Like Electric Switches ..........................................................................................................56 Getting Kills Wanting ...............................................................................................................................57 The Formula Guaranteed To Get Women Hot & Bothered. ...................................................................58 What attracts a woman to a man .........................................................................................................60 The Big Three Female Turn Ons............................................................................................................60 Most guys want to be Good Guys ........................................................................................................65 Our Relationships With Women Are Like Magnets.................................................................................68 Chapter 7: ....................................................................................................................................................69 Communication & The Art of Body Language: Let Me Hear Your Body Talk .............................................69 How this applies directly to you: .............................................................................................................71 How to communicate attractively ...........................................................................................................72 The Wuss Cure.........................................................................................................................................74 Indifference is the difference that make a difference ............................................................................75 Your Body Never Lies...............................................................................................................................76 How to Exude Confidence Wherever You Go .......................................................................................77 Posture: ...............................................................................................................................................78 Walking like a stud: .............................................................................................................................79 Standing like an idol: ...........................................................................................................................79 Sitting like a rebel: ...............................................................................................................................79 The Barry White Effect ............................................................................................................................80
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Social Status ............................................................................................................................................81 Make a decision damn it! ....................................................................................................................83 Eye Contact..........................................................................................................................................83 Talking To Other Women ....................................................................................................................84 Confidence looks GREAT on everyone. ...................................................................................................85 How To Give Her Titillating Tension ........................................................................................................86 Flirting Like Young Lovers ........................................................................................................................88 How To Flirt With Your Eyes ................................................................................................................88 Chapter 8: Being a Man ...............................................................................................................................92 The 37 Year Old Teenager .......................................................................................................................93 Conquering Fear ......................................................................................................................................95 How to Pass Your Lovers Tests ...............................................................................................................96 Me Thinks Thou Does Protest Too Much ................................................................................................97 Youre Not Her Girlfriend ......................................................................................................................100 Know Thy Self ........................................................................................................................................101 Never Ever Let Them See You Sweat ....................................................................................................102 Change Sucks!........................................................................................................................................103 The Billion Dollar Question....................................................................................................................104 The boob tube dilemma ........................................................................................................................105 Put On Your Game Face ........................................................................................................................107 Chapter 9 ...................................................................................................................................................109 Where Do You Go From Here....................................................................................................................109
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Preface
Lifes not fair. Not kind. And not clean. To put it mildly, you are in a crappy position right now. Im not going to sugar coat your situation or tell you everything is going to be alright. Your love is slipping away from you and if you continue down the path you are on, youre in danger of losing her forever. Fortunately, you have taken the first step and purchased this book. Youve made the right decision. Im going to help you win your wife or girlfriend back. I guarantee, if you follow the steps outlined in this book, your wife or girlfriend is going to look at you in a whole new light. Shell automatically respond to you in the ways YOU desire and shell be sexually attracted to you again. For you to have taken measures to purchase this book, your relationship with your wife or girlfriend is a WORLD of pain. You probably feel very frustrated and hopeless. I know the feeling. Ive been there brother. I get emails from guys just like you whose sweet, supportive and sexually responsive girlfriends and wives have completely changed and turned on them. It seems the more they try, the more she pushes them away. Their relationships are no longer fun and exciting. Their lovers dont trust them anymore. They argue and fight about the smallest of things. These men feel totally neglected and disrespected by the women who say they love them. Some guys tell me they feel if something doesnt change soon she is going to leave themthe sad truth is, theyre right. She will leave, treat you like a stranger and she wont look back. In the worst of cases they tell me their girl has begun to see another guy. These guys are totally lost and confused as to why this is happening to them. For some this has happened to them more than once.
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I was a late bloomer when it came to women. Actually, I was a late bloomer when it came to most things. Throughout this book I share examples from my own long-term relationship with Mary. We had a great connection. I managed to lose her two heart wrenching times over the course of 7 years. I didnt understand women or my role as a man in their lives. Looking back I didnt even know what it was I didnt know. Getting to the point where I can teach you how to save your relationship and then take it to a whole new level of fulfillment has been a long road and one Im very proud to share with you. Your learning curve is going to be DRAMATICALLY smaller and much of the pain and frustration I went through will be taken away! When use the techniques Im about to show you youll avoid much of the miscommunications you are having with your lover now. And you will gain priceless insights into why she is doing what she is doing so you can avoid trouble in the future. If you learn and use the techniques Im about to show you, youll regain a wife or girlfriend who appreciates, respects and finds you deeply attractive. She will be drawn to you again and she will not be able to resist going out of her way to please, her man.
What gets you out of Egypt isnt what will take you to the promise land.
To get the most from this book and your relationship I need you to open your mind to new possibilities. Im going to reveal to you a world that will sound bizarre and new ways of thinking you WILL find strange. Weve been taught that the spark and excitement of a new relationship has to fade awaythat the honeymoon phase of your relationship must vanish.
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All the men Ive helped are proof that that is not absolutely true. After you read this book you will know the secrets to a fantastic relationship too.
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice When we were kids we were taught girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. We were encouraged to put women on pedestals and to think of them as angels and princesses, to treat them with kid gloves because they are so delicate, fragile and rare. The reality is women are real life human beings who have problems, issues insecurities and fears. To label them as flawless isnt fairits too much of a burden for them to bear. Women are biological creatures just like us. They have impulse and instincts that dictate much of what they do. Sadly, our early programming nearly guarantees our failure with women. Our moms meant well but they didnt teach us the truth about what a woman needs in her life to feel fulfilled and feminine. Society shows us a mixed up, convoluted and many ways WRONG view of women too. Womens independence is GREAT thing. It took way too long to happen, but in our quest for equality we have accidentally blurred the lines of our natural roles in each others lives. This book is going to show you exactly how to regain respect and attraction from your wife or girlfriend. Im going to show you how a womans mind works and how it differs from yours. Im going to show you the deep innate triggers in her
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mind that are causing her to pull away from you and the triggers that will naturally pull her toward you. Im going pull back the curtain and reveal how you can tap into these natural triggers so they work FOR you not against you. This book is not made up of theory or psycho-babble. I wrote this book to be your resource. Its geared to get you the RESULTS you want with your love. I combined my real world relationship experiences with countless other mens successes and failures with women, culled through scientific research and dozens of books to reduce my knowledge into this concise work. Getting your loves heart back is now possible in the easiest and shortest most effective route. You now can benefit from all the trials and effort of the guys whove come before you. This book is for men who are having a very difficult time with their wives or girlfriends. If your wife or girlfriend is distant, treats you with little respect, is reluctant to be intimate with you, treats you like a stranger, or is even finding another man attractive this book will help you to win her back. I will show you how to gain the attention of your wife or girlfriend easily and seemingly like magic. This book is focused on your relationship with your wife or girlfriend but you will find your relationships with other women and men improve. People will respect you more in general. Much of what you learn will have a direct benefit to your work and your income. Many guys report that they have gotten raises or client referrals they never would have gotten without the knowledge and wisdom contained within these pages. The book is broken down into 9 chapters. Each chapter can be taken on its own or used together with the other concepts. You will gain the most benefit if you
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start at the beginning and read through the entire book. As you move through the book you will notice immediate benefits. The biggest benefits come to those who go through the entire book and follow through on the exercises. Im going to show you real insights into your wife or girlfriend. By the end of this book you will know exactly why your wife or girlfriend finds that one specific movie character soooo attractive. Youre going to learn the reasons why women swoon for guys like Brad Pitt and James Bond and why guys like Chandler from the 90s TV show Friends repel women. Your situation is far from hopeless. No matter where your relationship is right now, she will give you a chance. Its up to you to seize the opportunity.
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Chapter 1 Relationship Triage:
If your wife or girlfriend has just left you or is seeing another man, your relationship is in obviously in serious trouble. There is no tip or trick you can do right now to get the situation immediately under control. Your love has already made some very tough decisions. It has taken a long time for your relationship to deteriorate to this pointneither of you are to blame (youll learn more about this later), but only you control the fate of where things go from here. Just like in an emergency room, the first priority is to stabilize the patientwe need to stabilize your relationshipSTAT. This means taking a HUGE step back. As hard as this may sound, you need to give her (and yourself) space. The harder you pursue and push right now the more she is going to run away from you and toward someone else.
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Giving space is especially difficult to do if she is seeing another man. I feel your pain manI really do. Trust me; Ive been right where you are right now. The thought of her with him is sickening. At this point the only recourse is to back off. Hours are going to feel like days and days like months. She is going to do what she is going to do. Backing away gives her a chance to go through the same torment you are going through. You both need to miss each other to understand what you mean to each other. This seems completely counter intuitive but hold strongread the rest of this book and youll be prepared for the time when your paths cross again (it will come sooner than you think). When you incorporate what Im going to teach you in this book, your love will be astonished at the man you have become. Youre going to stir a passion in her that hasnt been stirred in a long time. Here are the 3 action steps to stabilize your relationship and get closer to winning her heart back. Step 1: Break all contact with her. Step 2: Alter your day so you DO NOT accidentally run into hergrocery store, walking the dog or at a party. Step 3: Continue reading this book and doing the exercises. Heres what you do RIGHT NOW to make sure that you set the stage to win her heart backStop seeing her, emailing her, texting her, phoning her and covertly passing the message to her through friends and family how much you love her and miss her. (Each time you do any of these things her need space clock is reset. This is one clock that can only be reset a couple of times before she REALLY does moves on.)
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To recap the chapter: If your love has left, your relationship needs to be stabilized. The only productive way to do this is to give each other space and time. The sooner you break contact the sooner you can begin rebuilding your relationship. NOTE: If you have children and need to see your wife or girlfriendDO NOT express how much you miss her, how much you want to see her, how much you love and adore her, how you cant think straight without her etc. This is not the right time for you to say these things and it is even more critical if you have children because she is going to think you are neglecting the kids if you are all about yourself and her.stick to the game plan.
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Chapter 2 Automatically Connect With Your Lover
Lets learn about how to make it so that you do the important things every day so that your wife or girlfriend AUTOMATICALLY feels a strong connection to you, her attraction to you automatically increases and you get the respect SHE desperately wants to give youand set up your life so she stops being resentful, sexually distant and no longer treats you like a stranger. The best way to make sure you do these important things everyday is to make them HABITUALso you dont have to think about it. Turns out, many of the things that attract women to men and repel women away from men are prewired into her body. (Your lover included)
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She has physiological and psychological triggers that tell her if youre a good or bad mate, good long term mate, good father for her children etc. Im going to show you how you can consciously activate these triggers. Just about everything you do triggers something inside of herthe trick is to activate the positive triggers and eliminate negative ones. Right now, YOU are activating her automatic repel triggers. When you know exactly what triggers what, you will have a HUGE advantage over your sexual rivals. (Whether you know it or not, admit it or notyou will always have sexual rivals.) Some guys ask, isnt this manipulation? The answer is no. Actually, the things you are doing now are much more manipulative. Buying flowers, doing chores, tiptoeing on eggshells, buying special dinners, trying to make her happy and giving her everything she wants is REAL manipulation. What we are going to do is bring out the REAL youjust like a woman who wears a dress that accentuates her figure in just the right way to get your attentionwe are going to put you in the best light that gets her attention. Heres your action plan to get yourself to do the important things every day so you can increase her connection to you, her sexual attraction toward you and her respect for you: 1. Open your mind to a new way of thinking. Mating and relationships are 99% emotion and instinct and 1% logic. (smart logical guys have the hardest time getting this into their smart oversized brains) 2. Set a time every day ideally first thing in the morning to review this resource and do the exercises, so before long you automatically trigger her positively.
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Do this routine everyday for 30daysafter that it will be set for a long time. RIGHT NOW: Its time to ACT so you get this into place in your lifeso you start doing what it takes to get the respect you want and achieve the peace of mind you crave. Take out a fresh piece of paper or make a new journal entrywrite down what an ideal AVERAGE day would look like to you, in specific detail. Start with the time you wake up in the morning and end with the moment you close your eyes to fall asleep. Here are a few questions to get you started, but dont stop at these. Dig deep into what you really want. Whos next to you when you wake up (is anyone next to you?) How do you feel? What excites you about the day? Are you living in the same place? If not where? What do you eat for breakfast? Do you have breakfast with anyone? If your lover is with you, what does she have on? What do you talk about? What do you think about? How do you dress to go to work? Do you work in your home office? How do you get to work? How do people treat you throughout the day? How do you treat them? What goes on during the day? How do you feel when you come home? Whos there? Do you have a pet? What hobbies do you practice? What kind of music is on the radio? How is your house kept? Are your children running around or reading books?
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Etc etc etc REMEMBER this is YOUR Ideal Average Day, not a vacation day or special event day, just your ideal regular dayit can include (and should include) everything you really want in life even if its not currently in your life now. Maybe you want to take up music or singing lessons, painting, computer games, 2nd language, gardening, wood-working, or anything else you want. Also how does your wife or girlfriend respond to you? How do yall interact? Remember this is a real ideal everyday not your farfetched sc-fi fantasy world.
Logic: The Relationship Killer Reasoning is not going to get you to where you want to go. You know the movie The Matrix, right? Laurence Fishburns character, Morpheus offers Neo a tantalizing choice a la Alice in Wonderland. He holds out his hand and presents two pillsone red and one blue. Morpheus explains the red pill leads to a whole new world of truth and the blue pill sends him back to the world as he knows it. Either way, there is no turning back. Im offering you a red pill or a blue pill. If you choose the blue pill, you can continue down the same path you are on with your wife or girlfriend. Things will eventually work out, right? They always do, dont they? Besides youre a bright guy; you can figure things out on your own. Taking the blue pill is closing this book unread. Or you can choose the red pill.
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The red pill exposes you to a whole new worlda world that has been playing itself out around you since you were 13 years old. A world you are not aware of, but not completely unaware of it either. I must warn you, the red pill comes with a costits kind of like a rite-of-passage. Once you are exposed to the inner workings and true motivations of men and women, you cant be unexposed. I guarantee some of the information you learn in these pages will make you uncomfortable. Some of it is not what you want to hear. Some of it conflicts with what you currently believe is real. But all of it is geared to help lead you to a healthier and happier relationship with your wife or girlfriend. So whats it going to be The blue pill and closing the book? Or The red pill and turning the page?
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Chapter 3 What Really Gets a Womans Attention

Before we get into specific techniques you can use to win her heart back, its important that you know the complex creature your lover is. When you dont understand the full nature of women you are doomed to failits impossible for you to have influence with your lover and the sexual, emotional and spiritual closeness you desire. If you persist in ignorance, youll continue to be yanked around, talked down to and be viewed as a wimp in her eyes. On the other hand when you do understand the nature of women, you will have great influence over your lover, gain control over your sexual and emotional closeness and she will see you with strength and respect. When you know her natural instincts and motivations you gain great insight into why shes treated you so badly.
#1 Big Mistake You Are Making Right Now Smart guys think that reasoning and logic will get them to where they want to go with women. I made the same mistake; logic is not going take you where you want to go.
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When it comes to sex, dating, long term relationships and even marriage, instincts and pre-wiring are the keys. Lets take a look at YOU first so you can get some easy insights. How are you attracted to a woman?
#1 Big Mistake You Are Making Right Now Smart guys think that reasoning and logic will get them to where they want to go with women.
Lets say you see a woman out the corner of your eyeDo you THINK at all? Or does your body completely take over? Easyyour body takes over. In fact your body automatically turns off anything and everything you were thinking (even if you were in mid sentence) so it can process the situation for you. You see a flash of a woman out the corner of your eye. In that instant your eyes see movement, a vague silhouette of a curvy shape, maybe a slight sashay. Everything youre doing momentarily shuts down. You turn to look as a woman passes in front of youYour eyes see her glossy hair, smoothness of her skin, her breast size, shape, & bounce. You notice the way she walks, you look at her face, her eyes, nose and lips. She flashes the slightest of smiles. You check out her back side, her legs and on a sub subconscious level you calculate her hip to waist ratio. Your body has made thousands of observations about this womans age, health, fertility, likeliness to mate with you NOW, whether shes single or married, crazy or sane, rich or poor, whore or fine ladythousands of observations and assumptions to determine It takes nothing but a second for you to FEEL attraction toward her. Notice any higher reasoning here?
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No thinking if youre attracted, right? No Contemplating. No formulas to calculate or anything. You didnt think you were attracted and you didnt choose to be attractedyou just were. Your body magically does all this for you. You are a pre-wired female assessment HOTROD. Arent Women DifferentMore Sophisticated Somehow? Actually no.
Attraction is not a choice for her either. A woman feels attraction just like we dounconsciously and automatically. In the span of one minute to one hour a women assesses if a man can keep her safe, will make a good dad, is a stalker, is going to beat her, and a thousand other determinations. Her agenda is to determine whether or not offspring sired by you will prosper. A mans agenda is fertility. With us men, the biggest indicators that invoke attraction are hip to waste ratio (.07 is ideal), voice tone and youthful appearance (mostly physical stuff)a womans attraction indicators are movement patterns, social status, self confidence, and personality (mostly internal stuff thats not as easily faked). Men are easily fooled when it comes to attraction. A 37 year old woman can visit the corner drug store and for less than 10 bucks buy hose, duct tape and rouge that can visually drop her age 10 years. She can go from just on the edge of child bearing age to a hot 27 year old at the peak of fertility.
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Attraction for a woman is 10x more complex because she has 10x more at stake. She can become pregnant, contract a disease or be shunned sociallysex for her is a high risk game that her body WANTS her to play WISELY. So you may be thinkingwhat does this have to do with me? Im in long term relationship with my women. Were passed this stage in our relationship. We know we are attracted to each other. Weve had sex many times. Remember dude, this isnt a logical game your playingthis is high stakes genetic survival. The fact that you thought the attraction stage was over is exactly why youre in the shitty position you are in now. Most men love the chasegetting the women to notice them, to like them, to love them, to bed them. Once they feel they have accomplished the ultimate commitment, whether thats a long term relationship or marriage, they feel the challenge is over. They feel they have accomplished their goal. Well my friend, Im here to tell you to saddle up, because the challenge didnt end when she committed to youthe REAL TESTS JUST BEGAN! To maintain a health long term relationship is tough. Not only are you fighting your own tendency to relax and become complacent but your lover has a natural instinct to continually asses if you are a viable mate. (Much more on this later) 95% of what we do is unconsciouswe dont realize we are making our lungs breath, or our hearts beat. We dont create hunger, thirst, lust or horninessits all done for ushell, many times I arrive at work and dont remember the drive in. The majority of the time women and men dont even know theyre doing the things they do much less know the reasons behind their actions.
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If you can learn the natural wisdom of rocks stars, you will get the automatic attraction from your lover you want and avoid her disapproving looks of Youre such a looser. What Richard Dawkins wrote in his book The Selfish Gene, Bodies come and go but genes are forever sheds a lot of light on whats going on between you and your lover. Said another wayyou and your lover are mating machines FIRST and survival machines second. Were wired to reproduce (regardless if you choose to do so or not) and if your body survives a while afterwards thats bonus. Before we get into rock star wisdom, I want to tell you about my friend the peacock. You know this bird. He flaunts his elaborate colorful tail feathers so he can attract and mate with peahens. This is how it works in the peacock world. The peacock with the biggest, baddest, most symmetrically colorful display wins the Jessica Alba of all the peahens. You may think that peacocks have it easy. All they need is a pretty tail. Well consider this. A peacock tail is a DANGEROUS thing to carry around the forest. Tail feathers are huge, heavy, conspicuous, cumbersome and expensive to maintain (lots of quality food is needed). Foxes, bobcats and hungry birds LOVE the taste of peacockand that tail sure makes it easier to spot them, catch them and eat them.
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Have you ever tried to run away from an ax murder with three 8 foot long 2x4s strapped to your back and a big bright red target painted on your chest? Hmmthat brings us to WHY? Why would a female peahen find a tail thats a major handicap, attractive? Arent peahens geared to want her offspring to survive? If she makes chicks with this colorful dude wont her peacock chicks have huge elaborate tails too? This doesnt add updoesnt she want an easy life for her chicks? To get a clear picture of whats going on, you have to look at things from her point of view. A male who can carry a huge conspicuous tail around, find enough food to maintain its beauty and manage to avoid being eaten is one hell of a survivor. Any old camouflaged peacock could survive cowering in the underbrush. If peacocks were all camouflaged, she wont be able to distinguish the difference between a WUSSY peacock that would struggle to survive a cold winter and a bold, strong and fertile MANLY peacock. A conspicuously colorful peacock passes the first test (of MANY) in her eyes. Hes a survivor. He couldnt lie, cheat or steal his way past this testhe either lived to mating age or he didnt. Being around long enough with that tail proves to her hes a survivorand will probably PRODUCE chicks that survive too.
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Rock Star Wisdom: The Secrets Rock Stars Know About Women that you dont Rock stars naturally and instinctively live the way of the peacock they have a deep evolutionary wisdom. They completely embrace, cultivate and flaunt ridiculous and conspicuous sexual ornaments and behaviors. Just like the bird whos mating dance includes darting across an open field in plain view of hawks or the buck with a rack so large he struggles to navigate the forest, rock stars break social norms, break legal laws and poison their bodies with booze and drugs yet succeed wildly. This is a potent display women cant help but notice. Well get more into bad boys and rock stars, why women love them and simple things you can do to have the same effect later in the book. Heres your action plan for this chapterits crucial and very easy. To assure that you get your relationship back on track, get the attraction you desire and increase the respect you get from your lover follow these steps. 1. Reread this chapter at least 3 times over the next week. 2. Drill it in to your brain and subconscious that Attraction is not a logical choice for you or for your love. 3. Pay attention to how YOU respond to and interact with women around youobserve yourself. Right Now: Its time to act so each night before you get into bed I want you to write down what you observed about yourself as you watched and interacted with women during the day. What did you do, what did you say, what were you thinking, and what were you feeling all in specific detail. Do this every night (4 nights a week minimum) for the next two weeks.
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You are going to do additional work with this exercise later. Its important that you write your interaction down. You will understand more about this later.
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Chapter 4 How did you get to this painful place anyway?
The reasons behind why your lover is treating you so badly right now are easily found. All we have to do is look to see how your relationship began in the first place and trace the path youve taken since then. Once you learn what Im about to teach you about our roles as men in relationships, your wife or girlfriend will automatically see you in a different more positive lightshe will talk to you in a more flirty tone, brag to her girl friends about you and anxiously have sex with you more often. If you choose to ignore your past and what Im about to teach you, things probably will not go well for you. She will continue to feel frustrated with you, treat you more and more like a stranger and slip further and further away from you. Your wife or girlfriends attraction is like a light switch. Your behavior can turn her attraction on and off.
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She is pre wired to be attracted to some cues and repulsed by others. Somewhere along the way her attraction for you got switched off more and her repulsion switch got turned on. Both CAN be easily fixed. But before we get to that, you need to know about the different types (archetypes) of men and women. Actually, you are already very familiar with the male and female archetypes, you just havent thought about them like this before. An archetype is simply a reference to an ideal form of personality. Dont get tripped up by the terminologythis will make sense in just a moment. A lot of guys have A-Ha moments after learning what Im about to show you. Their whole lives come into focus. Lets start with women archetypes; this will give you a foundation to build on. Generally, men are attracted to and want to be with two main female archetypes, the Madonna (The saint not the singer) and the Whore. (You may have heard of the Freudian psychology term Madonna-Whore complex.) The Madonna archetype represents the dutiful wife or girlfriend. She is nice and orderly and motherly to husband and children. She is a pillar in society. The Whore archetype represents the sexual vixen. She is a sexual creature who knows how to please the more earthly desires of her man. She is a naughty naughty girl. A popular male fantasy is to have a Madonna wife or girlfriend to bring home to mom and dad, be the caregiver for the children and the housewife for the home and to have a sexually adventurous Whore concubine to satisfy his wild side. Men report (with frustration) that their women are not both Madonna and Whore. (Well address this later on in this book).
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Few acknowledge it but women have a similar fantasy. Like men, Women are attracted to and want two main male archetypes, the Lover and the Provider. Just like with men, many women feel unfulfilled. They get one or the other, but not both from the same man. The key phrase here is from the same man. (This is extremely important. Ill address this in detail later in this book too) Its EXTREEMLY important for you to see the differences between the Provider and Lover. The Lover, commonly known as the Bad Boy, is adventurous, creative, manly, masculine, decisive, and confident. At the extreme he can be destructive, wild and abusive. The Provider, commonly known as the Good Guy, is the type of guy who buys gifts and dinners and is always available to do favors for his mate. He is an approval seeker. Each archetype has two subcategories, dominant and submissive. The Dominant Lover is the bad boy. He is the rock star, motorcycle rider, gangster type. Think Pamela Andersons on again off again rocker husband Tommy Lee. The Submissive Lover is the artist, musician and romantic writer/poet. He is the seducer. Think Don Juan De Marco or the character Joey from the 90s TV sitcom Friends. The Dominant Provider is the guy who is successful in business. He flaunts his money by buying his love anything and everything to keep her happy. The Submissive Provider is the regular guy. These are the yes dear, whatever you want guys. Most men see themselves here. These are the
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ass kissers. The character Chandler Bing from the 90s sitcom Friends is a good example of the submissive provider. (Looking back at past relationships I see myself as the In the movies the big guy submissive provider) always gets the girl...in real Rock Stars are a seductively potent life its usually the prick.-combination of dominant bad boy and Nick Twisp from the movie submissive musician. Youth In Revolt A lot of guys start out a relationship as the Lover and relax into a beer guzzling, TV watching, video game playing regular guy. Women eventually realize they are not getting the deal they thought they were and start acting anxiously weird. A woman is prewired to feel INSTANT attraction for a Lover archetype male and to constantly TEST a Provider archetype male. The Lover type gets INSTANT attraction because he displays all the cues of a confident, self assured man. He is aloof and a little reckless. Other women notice him and want to be around him. He shows all the signs of having beautiful tail feathers. In her prewired mind this proves he has good genes. Despite his high risk behavior and lifestyle hes a SURVIVOR. Jackpot! Remember the lesson from the peahenits very hard to fake tail feathers. On the other hand, a woman must test the mettle of a Provider type because character can be faked and lied about. Just by existing the Lover has proven he is a survivorthe Provider hasnt proven anything yetthe last thing she wants is a fair weather mate. One that will abandon her or die the moment things turn bad. On another level her instincts tell her there is something manipulative and suspicious about a male who gives unsolicited gifts and favors.
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A woman is constantly asking herself, What does this mean? What is the meaning behind this? Why is this man buying me gifts and doing me favors? A woman must look at the meaning behind gifts to see true character. In her eyes a guy who buys gifts and does favors (even if the guy is her husband) is probably compensating for genetic inadequacies. Hes buying his way into favor. Why else would he do it? Because she has to test the Provider type to see his true character, the woman by default has all the power in a relationship. Ironically having the power turns her off completelywere getting a little ahead of ourselves; well save the dynamics of power in the relationship for later in this book.
Woman1 million years in the making. If you ask a woman about all this, she will be completely and utterly insulted by the notion of automatic attraction, Lover magnetism and uncontrollable testing. This is understandable. The common expression is men, Do their thinking with the wrong head. No one says, Woman think too much with their uteruses. I know all of this sounds so strange, almost unbelievable. We are talking about modern intelligent people being uncontrollably attracted to a man simply because he takes risks and moves in a certain way. We are smarter than a peacock, right? A woman is more than a peahen, isnt she? We no longer live in caves or fight saber tooth tigers or hunt wooly mammoths. A woman doesnt need a man to be manly anymore.
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It is no longer necessary for him to be able to rip the arm off of an intruder and beat him to death with it. The thing isour bodies were built for a very different and dangerous time. Society and our modern world have changed at lightning speed while our bodies and brains have remained about the same for the past 250,000 years. Youre right, women do not need a Bad Boy to keep her safe or provide for her in todays abundant day and age. But her body doesnt know this. Its still reacting like its the year 150,000 B.C.
Wuss Bags vs. Bad Boys Youve heard all the crude sayings about provider typespussy whipped, mamas boy, tutty, wussy are just a few. In the movie Youth in Revolt, 16 year old Nick Twisp falls head-over-heels in love with the young hottie Sheeni Saunders. Nick is smart, witty, awkward and a total wuss bag. Hes the epitome of the submissive provider. I can relate to his teenage troubles. In one of the more pathetic scenes, Sheeni asks Nick to buy her a puppy. Nick dutifully complies. Shortly after Sheeni coyly explains that she cant keep the puppy at her house because her parents hate dogsNick volunteers to smuggle the dog into his own house for heralthough his parents hate dogs too. Nick is a love struck mess. Despite his bumbling, he somehow manages to get Sheeni to be his sort of girlfriend. Out of sheer desperation to completely win her heart, Nick creates the imaginary Bad Boy alter ego Franois. Franois is a mustache wearing,
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cigarette smoking badass from France who knows a thing or two about trouble and seducing women. Franois really helps out Nicks game. At the climax of the movie Nick sneaks into Sheenis all girls dorm room to spend the night. Of course hes relegated to sleeping on the floor with his friend Vijay. After some time he composes himself, crawls over to Sheeni and asks the big question. Its kinda cold sleeping on the floor, Nick explains in his high pitched squeaky voice, do you mind if I join you in the bed? We can cuddle? No. I dont think so, She coldly and unapologetically responds as her roommates bed rocks back and forth in the background, Not with my roommate in the room,Vijays getting lucky. Nick looks over his shoulder in stunned disbelieve at the bouncing bed, oh, ok he says as he retreats to his sleeping bag along. Nick cant possibly let this opportunity pass him by. Its the middle of the night, hes in the all girls dormitory, and his hot sort of girlfriend is inches away in her night clothes for Petes sakeits too much! He summons his courage, Franois. He has to take a chance. Nick and his bad boy alter ego Franois sidle up to his beauties bed. Nick is as squirmy and as fidgety as youd expect from a 16 year old virgin in an all girls dorm room. Franois is as cool and calm as Don Juan himself. Nick lets Franois do all the talking. Why dont you show me what youve been hiding under those sheets all this time, Franois confidently states in his bad French accent. Sheenis eyes brightenteenage antics ensue.
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Go rent the movieyoull learn something.
Whats so wrong with being a regular guy? There isnt anything wrong with being a regular guy submissive provider archetype (RGSP). In fact it can be quite fun and stress free. You hang out and watch TV, play computer games, enjoy a hobby or two, cut the grass and maintain the house, and provide for your familylifes great. Predictably, a RGSP runs into trouble when he has a wife or girlfriend. Like I mentioned in the last chapter, RGSPs are natural pleasers and approval seekers. They are not leaders in relationships. Its impossible to lead and seek approval simultaneously. The underlining problem with RGSPs and relationships (And the other archetypes as well) is women want to be ledfollowing their mates lead actually inspires their femininity and ultimately their fulfillment. When a man gives the woman power and control in the relationship the natural order is disrupted. Their roles are in conflict. This conflict is a MAJOR source of relationship troubles. When a man falls in love, he has a natural tendency to do anything and everything for his woman. Its similar to what we hear mothers say when they speak about their childrenfor a mom to see her kids in pain or unhappy makes her feel like shes a bad mother. Men paint a very similar picture in how they relate to their lovers. They want their woman to be happy and feel special. Her approval, appreciation and happiness is his happiness.
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Unfortunately women dont see it this way. The message gets mixed up and lost in translation. When you consistently ask a woman what she wants, desires, prefers or buy her gifts at every turn (project dominant submissive behavior) she gets the impression you are asking HER to lead. She interprets your wanting to make her happy as you not having a mind of your own. The more she disapproves and reacts unenthusiastically to your pleasing behavior you respond with even more appeasements. Pretty soon you both are unhappy and totally confused by the others actions and responses. It becomes a vicious cycle thats played out over and over again Heres a classic love story Gary sees MellissaMellissa is pretty and attractive. Their relationship begins with Gary being a little aloof and a little unavailable. He has other female friends, guy friends, hobbies, studies and work that take up a lot of his time. They become hot and heavy for each other and begin to spend more and more time together. Theyre deeply in love and the relationship quickly turns serious. Gary does everything possible to keep Mellissa happy and interested in him. He plans special nights out, plans special romantic dinners etc. At first Mellissa is flattered and appreciative. Theyre intimate often. Slowly but surely Gary begins to become the prototypical provider archetype. Mellissa begins to tests his mettle.
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Gary interprets Mellissas tests as unhappiness and disapproval. In an attempt to make her happy he instinctively defaults to her desires more and more. Soon Gary begins to do just about anything Mellissa says just to keep her from bickering. Gary no longer has his hobbies or his buddies. They were cut off long ago so he could spend more time with Mellissa. He still has his work though. It gives him time to be alone. (If thats any consolation) Mellissa feels unfulfilled. She walks all over Gary and has little respect for him. She feels terrible about it. Mellissa begins to view Gary as a manchild/friend/business partner/provider not as a manly lover. Hes unhappy because shes unhappy. Gary feels emasculated and knows Mellissa sees him as a wimp but he doesnt know what to do about it. His spirit is broken down. Arguments, miscommunication and disagreements are common now. Sex is less and less frequent, if at all. Eventually one of three things happens. 1. One or both of them find someone else. 2. One or the other decides its over, finds someone else and leaves. 3. They both become complacent in their passionless relationship and just exist day to day. Of course this is a very simplistic example of a very complex relationship that can transpire over the course of 3 months or can play out over 30 years. Whats important is for you to see the dynamics at play.
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A lot of whats wrong with YOUR relationship isnt what you are arguing about and isnt the things your wife or girlfriend is saying is wrong. Dont misunderstand me, your financial issues, in-law conflicts, parenting differences and all the others are very REAL issues, BUT if your wife or girlfriend was If your wife or girlfriend was sexually attracted to you, you would not be in sexually attracted to you, you the situation you are in now. All your BIG would not be in the situation problems wouldnt be so bigand youd be you are in now. working as an intimate team to solve them. Two wonderful things happen when your wife or girlfriend is attracted to you. When she is working to gain your approval and attention, trying to please YOU, initiating sex with YOU... Your flaws disappear. She doesnt feel the need to test you. The key to the whole thing is reactivating your lovers attraction. Yes, its as simple as that.
Molly: The reappearance of your secret love child may well provide the solution. Vincent: How? Molly: Hell provide a dangerous symbol of your own virility. Shell be reminded of all the things that attracted her to you to begin with. You see, the Vincent she never really knew is the Vincent she secretly wants back. Vincent: Does that make any sense? Molly: No. But you know women are emotionally incoherent. Its our most defining characteristic. This is a scene from the motion picture City Island. Andy Garcias character Vincent Rizzo and Molly contemplate how hes going to tell his wife (whos already drifting away from him) about his 23 year old secret love child.
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READ THIS SCENE OVER AGAINThere is great wisdom in this conversation.
As we move along in the book were really going to dive deep into all aspects of female attraction. Youll see real life examples and specifics on exactly what to do. For now, its extremely important for you to discover the patterns that are causing your wife or girlfriend to pull away from you. Once you see whats going on now, you will then be able to control your relationship much more often. Its important that you: 1. Pay close attention to who is making the decisions in your relationship. 2. Take note of who is making the majority of the decisions in your personal life too (directly and indirectly). 3. At least once a day make a clear decision for the relationship. Now its time to ACT! Before you go to bed every night for the next 21 days I want you to write down in detail who made the majority of the decision in your relationship that day. Also I want you to write down who made the majority of the decisions in your personal life. Was it you or your lover (or maybe even the kids)? Did you choose the restaurant or did she? Did you pick out the clothes you wore today or did she? You get the idea. One more thing, I want you to make ONE decision for the relationship every day. I want you to make it clear that you made the decision. No matter how trivial, make a standeven if its as simple as picking whether you have mashed potatoes or broccoli with dinner.
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So, before you go to bed write down what was the ONE thing you consciously decidedalso write down your wife or girlfriends response. Youll know you are on the right track when you feel insecure and uneasy. If you feel yourself wanting to take her preference over yours you are definitely on the right track! Push through the discomfort and make a stand. Trust me she will love you for it. She may test your mettle and conviction to see if you are serious but stand strong. She may say, Broccoli with pasta sounds awful! You dont want that! (Dont get frustrated or emotional at her testjust stand strong.)
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Chapter 5 What Really Makes a Woman Attracted To You

When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtuesHonore de Balzac
Knowing what a woman is naturally attracted to is HUGE. It is very important that you learn the information in this chapter. If you learn and use the techniques Im about to show you, youll avoid the emotional rollercoaster ride youve been on. You will end her disapproving looks and you will avoid her finding another guy to fulfill her needs. And if you learn and use the techniques Im about to show you, youll get your wife or girlfriend to responds to you physically and emotionally. She will love the way she feels when shes with you and crave you when you are away. You will get a woman who vies for your attention. You will get your loyal and trusting wife or girlfriend back.
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To get you to where you want to be you have to look at your situation from a new perspective. Heres an interesting question most men what to know. What does a woman want in her man? If you ask a woman she is most likely to smile, pause a moment, tilt her head and look toward the sky. She will answer with something like, I think all women want a nice guy who is honest and loyal, stable and dependable, a guy who is committed to me and loves me for who I am, a guy who can make me laughI guess I want a man who can make me happy. Isnt that what every woman wants? You know the standard good girl response weve all heard before. If shes feeling safe and flirty she may follow her answer with a variation of And Tall, dark and handsome, said with a smile and giggle. Oh just kidding, she follows with a laugh! Hmmvery interesting. Logically a woman thinks she wants a nice guy. And I believe she telling the truth, but her body and 150,000 years of genetic fine tuning are pulling her toward someone very different. Supermodels are the most desired women in the entire world. Multiple magazines publish Top 10 Most Beautiful Women lists every year. If you survey the top 5 most beautiful women in any given year, you will find 4 coupled with a Rocker. Hmmvery interesting. Again, something doesnt add up. Super Models have the pick of the litter; they can literally have ANY man in the world.
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They can choose the nicest of the nicest guys in the entire world if they desired to, after all women say a nice guy is what they want, right? But they dont pick the most honest, stable and dependable nice guy in the universe. A nice guy is what they THINK they want. They choose the violent, emotionally unstable, drug addicted Rock Star. Something else is going on hereThey say they want X, but they choose Y when given a chance Why?
How I Lost My Love Twice Heres the history and story of how the amazing insights and techniques in this book were discovered. In high school I was shy around just about everyone. I was particularly shy around girls and even shyer with girls I liked. I didnt know what to say or doI figured they wouldnt like me. I felt I was so different from the guys who had girlfriends. They seemed to talk, laugh and flirt with ease. I was socially awkward and a late bloomer. The funny thing is, I wasnt a bad looking guy, maybe a little skinny but nothing outrageous. I was athletic too. Somehow what I projected to the girls was a lanky, shy guy who makes a good friendnot a tall, intelligent, athletic stud. I dated early in college, but didnt have a real girlfriend until later.
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She was funny, smart and sarcastic. We had a fantastic physical attraction like most kids do in their early twenties. I loved her very much but the relationship fadedIt was hard letting her go. There were other woman along the way, but I didnt meet someone special until 2 or 3 years later. Mary was older than me, smart, educated and had a world of experience. We were together about 2 years when I lost her. I was heading to Florida for a 2 week business trip. She told me she kissed someone. He was from Chile or somewhere. I was wrecked. I didnt understand what was going on. We had a great relationship, great report and had a great time together. I had no idea our relationship was ending. I went to good ole dad for some fatherly advice. He told me I couldnt control what she was going to doshe was going to do what she was going to do. The more you fight her on it the worse its going to get, he said. It was painful advice but good advice. I took what he said to heart. The morning I was leaving for Florida, I asked her, You arent going to do anything you regret with this guy are you? She meekly replied, I hope not. It was like a stake through my heart. I kissed her goodbye and left for my trip. I was so nervous to call her. Deep down I knew it wasnt going to be good. I instantly knew by her voice and then by her tears that she had done the incomprehensible.
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She said she didnt love him, that she was fucked up somehow, that she didnt understand herself or why she would hurt me and destroy our relationship. She said she was confused, mixed up and didnt deserve a good relationship. We split up. I of course couldnt stay away completely. I was still in love with her. I became a little bolder and little less shy. About two months later I happened to meet her at a festival. I danced with her in public (which was way out of my comfort zone at the time). She began to notice me gain. Fortunately, I was asked to temporarily move to Atlanta for business. I took the offer. The distance helped diminish the love spell she had over me. The way she handled our breakup didnt sit well with me. She didnt take responsibility for what happened. She almost acted as if it was MY fault. What? As time went on she began to call me more and more. Write letters more often. She wanted us back together. I resisted for a long time. There was no ceremony or definitive day we became a couple againit just kind of happened. My 6 month stint in Atlanta lasted nearly 2 years. When I returned home to New Orleans I moved in with Mary in her tiny two room apartment. At the time I didnt think I learned any great insight or gained any great wisdom on how or why we were able to get back together. I figured we were meant to be together, so we were. We lived together 2 years.
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We began to bicker more often and were intimate less often. I remember the moment I realized our relationship was in serious trouble. We were renovating her new house. It was Jazz Fest time so we had it playing live on the radio as we worked. She was up on the latter painting and I could see a tiny patch of her skin though a rip, about the size of a quarter, in her jeans. I couldnt resist. I flirtatiously poked my finger into the rip and caressed her soft skin. There was something about the way she pulled awaysomething wasnt right. Not the reaction I expected at all. Two days later she told me she had feelings for another man, that nothing had happened between them but she felt she needed to tell me. I asked her to move out. Hurricane Katrina was nothing compared to the news that Mary had taken to another man again. This time the devastation was much worse. The next 4 months were seer torture. After the initial shock, depression and anger lessened, I decided I was going to get this part of my life handled. I recognized I was doing something or not doing something that was causing the women in my life to stray. This book is the culmination of my research, experimentation and much of what I learned.
What repels women? Most men think they are doing everything possible to make their lovers happyand like most men youre probably doing everything ass backwards (like I used to do).
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When things turn ugly, men normally resort to an Ill do anything for you? mindset. Below are the major male characteristics that cause woman to shut down and eventually push away from you. How many of these behaviors are you displaying?
Neediness Giving away your power Being indecisive Taking the feminine role Being unsure of yourself Making her the leader Worrying too much Being clingy
Overly apologetic Whining/negative Buying her gifts* Approval seeking Placing her on a pedestal Poor body language Low social status
A woman is prewired to be repulsed by these behaviors. His natural impulse to run away from you when you act like them. Your lover will never say, Stop being a wuss bag. I dont find it attractive. 9 times out of 10 she is as clueless to what is going on as you are. Remember she thinks she wants you to have these nice guy traitsIn many ways she even encourage you to be a more like them. This is very confusing for most me.
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Wuss Bag Behaviors Explored When you learn to minimize wuss bag behaviors your relationship with your wife or girl friend will instantly improve. She will stop treating you like a spineless wussy and begin to see you as a real man. Read over the description below and strive to eradicate each one from your life. Neediness is a total turnoff for a woman. When you say you cant live without her, when you contact her 3, 4, and 5 times a day (text, cell, email, IM etc); when you display you want to be with her every second of every day, you are being needy. Acting overly apologetic is not flattering. There is a time and a place to apologize. But some men apologize so much its as if they are apologizing for existing. They feel as if everything they do is an injury or an imposition. Pretty soon she believes youre rightyou should be sorry and leaves. Whining looks bad on everyone. When you have a negative attitude and/or a negative outlook on life you are shooting yourself in the foot dude. Youre life becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of doom and gloom. Buying her gifts is a tricky one. Surprising her with a little something special and unexpected is very romantic and greatbut continually buying flowers, chocolates, dinners and jewelry is bad, bad, bad. She may accept your offers and she may even give you a reward for your gifts but she is resenting your attempts to buy her love. Giving her your power is a biggie. Its a little hard to explain this one. The closest way I can describe it is when you have the yes dear, whatever you say mentality or you look to her for your identity. In a way youve handed over your spirit, ambition and happiness over to her. You are just a blob of meat that has no preferences or zest for life. She finds this extremely unappealing.
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Constantly seeking approval is bad news. This is classic wuss bag behavior. Verbally asking if what youre doing is ok and looking at her reaction to what you do are dead giveaways of seeking approval. Being indecisive is unattractive. A woman has a hard time making up her own mind. She doesnt want to make up your mind too. When you hem and haw notice how she gets impatient and rolls her eyes? She may even aggressively take the reins and do it herselfnot good man not good at all. Setting her on a pedestal is more of a frame of mind. She is a human being with quirks, faults and blemishes. Even she doesnt want to be absolutely perfect in your eyes. She wants to be appreciated for her individual qualities. Taking the feminine role is another big no no. If you hear comments like, she wears the pants in the family, this is a dead giveaway you are taking the feminine role. Body Language is a tail feather feature. The way you carry yourself is ultra important. When you have poor posture, feminine seating style and wild gestures you are communicating that you do not have good masculine genes. Body language is big (MOSTLY UNCONSCIOUSE) indicator for women. Being unsure of your self is another one of those mindset issues. You convey this by talking down about yourself. Projecting the message that you are incompetent and a looser is unattractive. Men do this as a strategy to get sympathy and affection from their loverBAD IDEA! Projecting low social status is another biggie. Being shy and invisible in public projects a message that you are the lowliest person on the totem pole. Social Status is extremely important to women. Appointing her the leader is a looser move. Women want to be led by their mates not lead them. A lot of women find it impossible to be attracted to a man that they lead.
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A constantly worrying man is unattractive for most women. Worry is a feminine trait. Concern yes. Aware yes. Worried about no. Men of action dont worry, they do. They overcome. They conquer. The Woody Allen character is a perfect example of a worrier. Clinginess shows insecurity in your connection with your lover. How do you feel when a friend, child, coworker or pound puppy clings to you? After a short time you feel suffocatedyou push them away or run away fast. Your wife or girlfriend feels the same way about you. A lot of guys indulge in wuss bag behavior because they are desperate for sympathy and affection. They are looking for their lover to be their mom. As you go through the list ask yourself, What am I getting out of this behavior? An added problem for western men is that women feel pressured to take on a more masculine role in society. Their masculine role then spills over into their relationship with their husbands and boyfriends. The sad irony is women are major contributors to why youve lost your masculine energythen resent you for being a wuss bag. (WARNING: Dont propose this to your lovershe will not see it this way at allshe will see you even more as a wussy for not keeping your masculine energy for yourself.) Dont get me wrong here or misinterpret what Im proposing about a womens role. Women are extremely strong. They CAN do anything a man can doI believe women have the capacity of doing more than men AND do it better. From everything Ive researched, read and experienced it appears women are much more adapted to living and working in society. Without women our communities would crumble. They are the pillars of societythats the facts.
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So outside in the world (away from the home) a woman can be the boss, be the leader and be responsible for what other people do. BUT in her relationship with you, her lover, she doesnt want that. Deep down (or not so deep down) she wants her man to take care of HER, protect her and keep her safe. Here are a couple of real life examples of what Im talking about. Thinking about it this way really helped me to understand the complex dynamics of a modern woman. You know Cindy Crawford the ex super model, right? She had a super successful modeling career in the 90s. She made a ton of money from magazine covers, runway shows and advertisements. Her beautiful face and body were plastered everywhere. Now she has a super successful business career. She designs clothing and furniture and has her own signature line of both. She has written books and controls her own charity. She is a millionaire multiple times over. Money and resources are not an issue for her. She can buy anything she needsfrom homes to body guards. So when it comes time for Cindy to select a long term mate who does she choose? Remember she doesnt need anything physical. She can buy the best protection, food and shelter money can buy. Of course she chooses the nicest of nice guys, right? A guy she can build a deep friendship with. Wrongshe marries a multibillionaire with dreams and ambitions larger than her own.
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It does not matter that she doesnt need a man to keep her safe, to provide resources for her children or any of that. She is prewired and programmed to select a mate that projects higher status than her. I suspect the fact he has more money is inconsequentialits just that most men find it hard to project (and believe they have) higher social status if they dont have wealth. Her husband projects more social status. He is powerful and hes the one who wears the pants in the family. Heres another example On the other extreme I have a friend named Matt. Hes been married to a beautiful woman for over 10 years. It appears they have a great relationship. Martha is a very successful and powerful attorney. Matt doesnt have a job. He stays at home all dayhe really doesnt do much. He loves watching TV and goofing off on the Internet. By no means would I call him the dutiful stay at home househusband type. He doesnt do much of that stuff either. Hes not the best looking guyin fact he is a little slothful and out of shape. Despite being a kept man, he is able to project confidence and high social status. If you saw this couple in public youd think that he was the provider. He makes her feel safe and makes her laugh. She adores him for it. This brings us to what keeps these women attracted to their men.
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Chapter 6 What Women Really Want

Female desire has been the subject of poetry for centuries. It seems to be inexhaustible material. Even Einstein conceded not to know what women wanted. To grasp female attraction and desire we must look to art and science to find the answers. Ultimately, I think what women want is a moving target. Women have very distinct cycles. A woman in her twenties wants something a bit different than a woman in her thirties and a woman in her forties or fifties wants something different still. In the mind warping book Sperm Wars, Robin Baker, Ph.D. explains how and why a woman has a preference for different types of sex partners at the different stages of her menstrual cycle.
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Women are more likely to have sexual relations with a bad boy type of man just before ovulation. She is also more likely to have an affair during this fertile time of her month. I find the science and art of understanding women quite mind blowing and disturbing, yet wildly fascinating. No wonder women are so confusing for men. Nature intended it to be that way! If you learn what Im going to teach you in this chapter you will diminish the likelihood that your lover will leave your relationship or look outside of it for fulfillment. Also when you learn what Im about to teach you in this section you will have more confidence in yourself because you will finally know what a woman is really looking for from you. With the knowledge contained in the chapter and the skills you are going to acquire you will be able to attract your wife back to you. It will seem like magic. If you ignore what is within these pages you are missing a golden opportunity. You will not know what your wife or girlfriend is REALLY looking for in a mate and youll continue to make the same mistakes with her.
Why Women Breakup With Men Not surprising, women need to feel attracted to their mate. When attraction stops, they begin to see you more as a friend, brother or child than a lover. When these feelings get extreme she will push you away and look for another man. During the breakup you will hear things like I just dont feel the same way about you anymore, or Its not you its me.
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She is just as confused by whats happening as you are. She still loves you, but not in the romantic sense. She wants to be near you but not sexually. As Ive said before, you will NEVER hear your wife or girlfriend say, Stop being a wuss and be more of a man. She leaves this up to you to figure out on your own. To make the problem worse, men respond to her pushing them away by doing more of what is causing her to push them away in the first placethey get the Ill do anything for you attitude or completely withdraw. This is exactly what she doesnt want.
Women Are Like Electric Switches Women are different than men. They are motivated by different things and theyre turned on by different things. Some of the information youre about discover about women youre not going to understand or be able to relate to. For many men it is impossible for them to see why or how a woman is the way she is. Its like hearing a foreign language. Your job right now is not to completely understand why or how women are the way they areyour job is to get your wife or girlfriend back. That means youre going to have to make a leap of faith and act in the face of not completely understanding why. Think of this like electricity. A five year old can walk into a room, flip a switch and magically create light. He doesnt need to know anything about electricity to make it happen.
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In fact he doesnt even need to know electricity exists to make it happen. He just needs to know the switch equals light. If he knows these two things he can light the room. Im going to teach you some powerful switches that turn on your lovers attraction to you. As you move through this chapter, keep in mind her switches are very different than yours. What turns you on is entirely different than what turns your wife or girlfriend on. Since you are not a woman and cant experience what she experiences, youll have to make a leap of faith of sorts.
Getting Kills Wanting Dating Guru David Deangelo has a saying thats as true for relationships as it is for dating, Getting Kills Wanting. What women want most is to want to want. Does this make any sense? Women crave the FEELING of wanting something. Let me illustrate this idea for you. Take a guess. Whats the number one selling book genre in the U.S.? This genre is the sales leader by a HUGE margin and has been number one for decades. Heres a hint, its not action/adventure, literature or self-help. Its romance novels.
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Yes, the cheesy paperbacks books with the steamy covers of buff shirtless studs in the midst of ravaging near orgasmic hotties. And do you know who buys and reads these silly books? Women. Im not just talking about women who cant get dates or matesIm taking about intelligent professional beautiful women. Im talking about woman just like your wife or girlfriend. Dont believe me? Go to Barns and Noble and scope out the romance isle to see for yourself. (Not so close you scare everyone away) Here are a few interesting statistics from the romance market leader, Harlequin Books The average reader is employed outside her home, with a college education and a household income well above average. Heres another interesting statistic according to a Psychology Today study, romance novel readers have sex 74% more often than non romance readers. Hmmminteresting isnt it?
The Formula Guaranteed To Get Women Hot & Bothered. What attracts women to romance novels? The secret is in the formula. Evidently the romance novel formula is a big secret. I had to do a little searching to get it and Im going to share it with you right now. Just about every romance novel follows this formula to a T and has every one of these elements.
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1. A heroine who the reader can see herself aspiring to be, someone who deserves eventual happiness. In her core there must be a magic spark that makes the heroines eventual happiness just and fair. 2. A hero who is lovable and wonderful. In the end he must be WORTHY of the gift of her love. 3. Something tangible that twists them together making it impossible for them to walk away from each other. 4. Impossible adversitya dramatic obstacle so big it seems insurmountable. i.e. shes a human hes a vampire, he killed her father in battle or hes already married to the WRONG woman. 5. A dramatic scene where its clear to everyone that there isnt a chance in hell of this wonderful relationship of destiny every coming together. She will never be truly happy. 6. A surprise twist that complicates matters even more. 7. Boy gets girl happy ending.
Award winning romance novelist Stephanie Mittman says women read romance novels, because they offer a safety net stretched tautly beneath all the excitement and frustration the character encounter through the course of the novel. They offer a guarantee that despite the insurmountable obstacle, despite that black moment and that monkey wrench, all will turn out well in the end. And that ending must be fitting, right, and satisfying.
All the answers were looking for are in this simple seven step formula. Whats also important is the interaction between the different steps. Do you see the push and pull of the tension? How the purpose of all the drama in the story is to delay the happiness that is ultimately guaranteed?
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Women love the fantasy of a man being their hero, rescuer or artist. They love the possibility of it all. Its fun. Its titillating. It does not matter to her that the lovers in the story ARE going to be together, what matters most to her is the adventure along the way and that they deserve to be together. She wants the feeling of wanting!
What attracts a woman to a man Below are the major qualities that attract a woman to a man. Learn them. Know them. Live them. When you display a combination of these traits, you are irresistible to women. You evoke instant attraction automatically. Confident Mystery Higher Social Status Decisive Unavailable Calm/grounded Authority Indifferent A Challenge Leader/Take Charge Playful Masculine Humor/Funny Safe Trust Worthy Novel
The Big Three Female Turn Ons Confidence (along with lack of insecurity)Its probably the number 1 trait that naturally turns her on. Its hard to consistently fake.
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When you are confident it raises all your other traits to a whole new level of attraction and when you lack confidence you reveal your lacking in just about everythingconfidence is like the tide that raises and lowers all boats. Higher Social Statusit is nearly impossible for your wife or girlfriend to be attracted to a man with lower social status than her. Its just the way she is wired. Women naturally have high social status because they are hit on, admired and put on a pedestal by men ALL DAY LONG. You would be shocked to know how often your wife or girlfriend is stared at, checked out and approached each and every day. Most men are not ogled by women all day long so youll have to manufacture your own social status. Indifferent Indifference is the difference that makes the difference. Women find a man who is disinterested in her or who can exist without her simply irresistible. Ever notice when youre engrossed in a game, book or newspaper your wife or girlfriend will start jockeying for your attentionasking questions, telling you stories or even just hovering? And the minute the game is over or you put down the book or paper she doesnt seem as urgent for you as she did before? Thats your indifference needling heronce you give her your attention the tension is broken and the needling stops. Well talk about how to positively harness indifference later on in this book. When done right, indifference is a powerful turn on for her, but if done wrong (like ignoring her while sitting in front of the TV every night with a bowel of BBQ Chips and a beer) it will have the opposite effect.
With the above list in hand we can see why women are naturally drawn to Bad Boy types. Shes not necessarily attracted to them because the guy is bad and
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unhealthy but rather because the guy accidentally displays the traits she is wired to be turned on by. Her attraction switch gets flipped. In a lot of ways a bad boy is narcissistic and self-centered. Think Marlon Brandos character Stanley from the story/movie Street Car Named Desire. Stanley has a very ugly persona (**spoiler alert**) he eventually rapes his wifes sister for Petes sake. Yet women to this day swoon when they watch the film. When the movie originally ran at the theater, many women were said to have fainted at the sight of Stanleys raw manliness. This is so strange to men because when we see this guy we see a dirty, mean nasty bullywhy on earth would a woman want that? Bad boys are aggressive (masculine/safety) and aloof (unavailable, indifferent, a challenge etc.). They display many of the key factors that invoke strong automatic attraction in a woman. I had dinner with friends of mine the other night and I asked the ladies what movie starts represent the epitome of male sexiness? The names came VERY quickly...James Dean and our bad boy Marlon Brando playing Stanley in A Street Car Named Desire were universal. I asked, what was it about these men thats so sexy? Turns out, James Dean is a pretty boy/boy bad boy type. They thought of him more as a boy toy. But Stanley was different. I could see the primal attraction inside these married and committed women as they talked about him. One of my married friends said with a little grunt, Its the way he takes off that shirt. I followed with something like, yeah but the guy is terrible. He rapes his sisterin-law. Their response was shrugged shoulders, almost as if they didnt understand their reaction to him either.
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I think this quote will give you an idea of the effect bad boys have on women. This is from the Book Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them by Carol Lieberman and Lisa Collier Cool What is a bad boy? Hes a rebel without a cause, a cool dude in a motorcycle jacket, a real life Huckleberry Finn who wants to take you on a wild river ride to adventure. Hes wounded, moody and misunderstood, a dreamer, a seducer a daredevil. Hes a man of mystery and a fascinating paradox. Hes both a lost little boy and a man with a dark side. He breaks your heart with his wicked ways but whether hes a wanting wolf or a dangerous desperado he makes you long to rescue him from his pain. Hes hurtful, cruel or simply careless and self absorbed, but you cant resist jumping on his motorcycle and roaring off into the steamy night with him and once youve given him your heart forever hes gone with the wind. Hes someone who sets off throbbing sexual and aggressive passions within you. Because he is aloof and a challenge, you get caught up in the excitement of the chase though he is not always someone you would really want even if you could capture him. A bad boy may tell you hes generally right, hes a frog you hope to turn into a fairytale prince with the magic of your kiss. A bad boy is someone who Wow! Do you see how his characteristics sets off throbbing sexual and AUTOMATICLY setoff throbbing sexual and aggressive passions within aggressive passion within her? you. There is no logic hereonly reaction. Notice how she says if she did capture him, she wouldnt want him? There was a time when I resented women for finding guys like Stanley attractive. I just didnt get it. Then I realized it isnt his abusive side theyre attracted to at
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allits his masculine side. Masculine characteristics are so powerful they override a womans common sense. Women are attracted DESPITE the fact that hes a monster. Its like how guys can be attracted to a drop dead gorgeous woman despite the fact that she doesnt have a stitch of smarts or a humor bone in her bodyshe may even be cruel and unloving, but guys cant help but be drawn to her. The lowly swordtail fish can help shed some light on whats going on here Swordtails are the colorful little fish you see in pet shop aquariums. In the swordtail mating world, the male with the longest tail is the most desirable and sexy of all. One scientist conducted a dirty little experiment. He made a wooden replica of an average male swordfish exact in every detail but one. He made the sword tail of his wooden replica 10 times longer than normal. This tail had an amazing effect. The females went crazy for the decoy. They abandoned their LIVE male swordtails to mate with a fake wood replica! Their automatic attraction switch was turned on. Heres the peculiar part. A tiny swordfish with a 10 inch tail could never survive in nature. Its a terrible idea to birth babies with this mutant trait. It almost guarantees offspring will die young. Same thing is true with a guy like Stanley. Hed make a horrible husband and father. Can you imagine having a son like this asshole? But this logic doesnt matter herea womans response is automatically.
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Remember the sad reality, women want good genes and good dads but not necessarily from the same manIve heard as many as 10 percent of us are raised by men who dont know they are not our fathers. You see, we all have attraction switches that can be turned on and off. You have them too and I guarantee your wife or girlfriend knows exactly what they are and how to flip them. At one point in time, you were able to turn on your wife or girlfriends natural attraction switch too. Otherwise you two wouldnt be together. A lot of guys make the HUGE mistake and stop displaying the traits that attracted their wives and girlfriends in the first place. At some point you changed or stopped or didnt adapt and your wife or girlfriends switch got turned off.
Most guys want to be Good Guys Most guys feel comfortable with being good guys Kind Sympathetic Understanding Supportive Empathetic Emotional Loving Support human equality etc.
but are afraid and reluctant to display manly traits: Heroism Leadership Confidence
Aggressiveness Assertiveness
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Good guy traits are great qualities to have and display. They show you make a great father and a descent husband. But what women really want is a pirate captain who can be reformed into being a good dad. She wants a man who shows leadership, heroism and confidence first. I know, I know we get bombarded with mixed messages every day. Good guy traits are in fashion right now. Magazines, TV shows, advertisements and movies are full of characters with big compassionate hearts. In the 80s and 90s women said they wanted an understanding sensitive man. In the 2000s metro-sexual men were all the rage. (Did you see the metro sexual episode of South Park? Funny stuff!) They say they want men who show emotion and cry on Oprah. Since we were little tots our moms, aunts, grandmothers and sisters have told us we are supposed to be good little boys and support, assist and in many ways worship the women in our lives. And that our more boyish manly sexual sides were somehow bad and unappealing and should not be openly expressed. They inadvertently trained us to be wuss bags when it comes to women. A grown man full of kindness, sympathy, and loving understanding, absent assertiveness, leadership and confidence equals a wussy in most womens eyes.
A grown man full of kindness, sympathy, and loving understanding, absent assertiveness, leadership and confidence equals a wussy in most womens eyes. Ironically, this is totally confusing for her too because shes been told her whole life to want a sweet caring manall the while her body is telling her something else.
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Kind, sympathetic and understanding guys make their world all about their wife or girlfriend and the relationship and not enough about themselves. Remember the romance novel formula. Women crave the tension of wanting. When you are totally focused on her and the relationship she doesnt get the tension she NEEDS. You are at her beckon call after all. Being too focused on the relationship is bad news. Think of it as a spectrumyou have a total aloof bad boy on one end and total needy wuss bag on the other.
{---------------------------------<*******>-------------------------------------} Bad Boy Ideal Wuss Bag
The Bad Boy extreme is a guy like Marlon Brandos Stanley. The Wuss Bag extreme is a guy like Chandler Bing from Friends. Brad Pitt is a solid example of the ideal. Forget for a second that Brad is a super wealthy, good looking celebrity. What women are drawn to is hes stable and hes a family man but also hes got goals toohes driven in his acting career, rides motorcycles and loves his charity work. Angelina and the kids are NOT the total center of his universe. Hes got other things going on too.
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Our Relationships With Women Are Like Magnets You can think of your relationship with your wife or girlfriend like how magnets relate to each other. Just like with magnets, the closer you get to acting like a woman the more you repel. Same repels same. If you want to create throbbing sexual feelings inside of your wife or girlfriend like a bad boy then follow these steps. You want to aim for 10% Sweet 90% Masculine ratio. 1. Go through the notes you took outlined in Chapter 3 and mark all the times your interaction with women was more good guy or masculine in nature. 2. Add up the total of each. Then add up the total number of interactions. 3. Find the percentage of Sweet and the percentage of masculine. For example lets say week 1 you had 20 sweet interactions and 10 masculine interactions for a total of 30 interactions. 10/30 = 33% masculine and 20/30 = 66% sweet.
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Chapter 7: Communication & The Art of Body Language: Let Me Hear Your Body Talk
Women are super experts when it comes to talking and ninja jujitsu black belts with it comes to reading, understanding and communicating with their bodies. With a flick of her hair, a short gaze or the particular position of her arms she can tell you without a word what she wants. Some men get it; most men dont. Remember when you were a kid and your mom would know your entire situation despite the fact that you put on your best act to hide it from her? Or when your wife or girlfriend knows instantly what you are thinking before you even open your mouth?
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A womans body language skills are beyond our complete understanding! I was flipping through a friend of mines old worn out and dog-eared copy of Womans Health magazine last night. Its an exercise and eat right type magazine but you wouldnt believe the extra crap they have in there. Half the magazine reads like an owners manual to men. One article illustrates in detail how to covertly boost your mans ego, another shows how to make your mans orgasms more pleasurable by touching and squeezing just the right spots at just the right time (Well on second thought maybe these article do relate to womens health, right?) In this issue, May 2010, I randomly flip to the page titled Listen To His Body Talk. The article explores mens gestures, posture and reflexes and what they say about you. It also gives instruction on how she should respond to get the most information out of youIts like covert relationship interrogation tactics. Check this out Hes LyingThe Clue: He keeps scratching his nose or ears. When a man is afraid of being caught in a lie, his heart rate often accelerates and blood rushes to his nose, ears, and forehead, creating an itchy tingly sensation. Your Move: To get the truth out of him, put on your friendliest face. Then frame your questions in a way that sounds like youre being curious rather than accusatory, says Leslie Seppinni, Psy. D a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. A fibber will rarely plot out the minutiae of his story, so if you listen long enough he may get tripped up in his convoluted tale and spill the beans. He Has To Confess Something and It Isnt GoodThe clue: He draws in his lips. When a man has to get something off his chest, his mouth will tense up and hell press his lips together as if he cant decide whether he should open his mouth and unload the bad news, Wood says
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Your Move: When an inquiry sounds sincere, it can relax a suspecter, maninto making a confession. Say something like, You look upset. Anything you want to tell me? No matter what, maintain a poker face, even if what he says upsets you. The best way to get information from a guy is to keep a neutral expression while he speaks so he wont change his story based on your reaction. Scott Halzman MD says.
The article goes on to break down other male tells and what women can do to crack the code. No wonder women know so much about usthey study month after month issue after issueand this is a pretty benign magazine, Womans Health, imagine whats inside hard core womans magazines like Cosmopolitan. Yes, YOUR wife or girlfriend is secretly and consistently studying up on how to sharpen her body language skills too. What are you doing to join the conversation? (Investing in this book was a great first step!)
How this applies directly to you: If you learn and use the techniques Im about to show you, youll avoid the miscommunications that cause women to push away from you. Youll avoid the heartache of a nonresponsive wife or girlfriend who does not like you anymore and is completely shut down. If you ignore whats in this chapter you will continue to communicate the wrong things to your wife or girlfriend and she will continue to push away from you until she ultimately leaves you or withdraws so far away neither of you are happy. Youll lose your influence with her and youll feel less and less like a man.
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If you learn and use the techniques that Im about to show you, youll get your wife or girlfriend to open up to you. She will begin to trust you more, her frustration with you will begin to melt away and shell begin to really talk to you again. If you take what Im going to teach you and use it youre going to get a woman who responds to you the way you want her to.
How to communicate attractively Weve talked about what a woman wants, doesnt want and how what you are doing is pushing your wife or girlfriend away. Now were moving into the How To section of the book. How do you communicate confidence, leadership, assertiveness and the other traits that will attract your wife or girlfriend back to you? Men frequently ask me, what do I say to my wife or girlfriend to smooth things over? or What can I say so get her to understand I love her?
Words cannot convey to your wife or girlfriend you are a confident, trustworthy and safe mate.
What these guys really want to know is, My wife or girlfriend doesnt trust me or believe Im right for her, how do I communicate that Im a fantastic wonderful husband or boyfriend? Words cannot convey to your wife or girlfriend you are a confident, trustworthy and safe mate. You see, communication (especially in an intimate relationship) is 90% to 97% non verbal. Most of what you say is told through you body not your words. This is very difficult for men to get through their thick logical skulls.
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Think of it this way Remember the last really beautiful woman youve seen. I mean a really drop dead gorgeous women who had a beautiful face that got your attention. Maybe it was a woman in the produce section of the grocery store or bank teller or a customer at work. Do you see her in your mind? Do you notice how your head turned, how you checked her out. You probably watched her for about 3 to 7 seconds and then got back to what you were doing the moment she was gone. You may not have given her a second thought until I asked you to right now. Now I want you to remember the last really sexy woman youve seen. I mean the type of woman that just oozed sex appeal. Do you see her in your mind? Do you feel her magnetism? Do you feel the mischievous smile crossing your face as you remember? Do you see the way her body moves just so and how her facial expressions are inviting. Do you see the flirty way she walks and moves her arms? Do you feel the energy pulsing from her? Do you also notice she isnt the most beautiful woman? She doesnt even have the sexiest body. But something about her is just sexy awesome. You probably watched this woman for more than 10 seconds. You may have even taken a second look or even went out of your way to look longer. Her energy was potent. Do you see the differences between the beautiful woman and the sexy awesome woman? Well my friend, thats the power of body language. She sent you and everyone else a POWERFUL message that was delivered without speaking a single word.
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The Wuss Cure You and your wife or girlfriend are having a rough time. You love her dearly and you desperately want her attention, approval and love. You also want her to know just how much you love her and how much she means to you. You probably feel like youve screwed up in the past (maybe continually) and you feel compelled to make it up to her somehow. I know you want to prove your devotion and how much she means to you, but you are going about it the wrong way. If you are like most men, in your quest to make her happy youre actually suffocating her desire for you. Making yourself too available to her is the major culprit. For women, deep love happens more when you are apart than when you are together. She needs time to miss you and to think about you. She needs tension and anticipation to build. She loves to wonder about you and to talk to her friends about you. The intrigue is titillating to her. When you are too available, her desire for you naturally wanes. Remember she wants to want to want. When she knows exactly what you are doing every moment of the day there is absolutely no titillating tension created. Phone calls, emails, text messages, throughout the day erode your value as an attractive mate. As you become more and more available, she becomes more and more irritable, resentful and distant. Most guys respond to her growing unhappiness with understanding. They think she is asking for even more access, so they give it to her. (Pay close attention herethis gets confusing!)
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Your wife or girlfriend may even BE asking or demanding more time with you, more calls, texts, notes and emails too but this is NOT what she REALLY wants. This sounds crazy to most men. Why would a person ask for more of something they dont want? I dont quite understand it myself but I think it has something do to with her natural wiring for tension. When she asks for more of you she is setting the stage for tensionon a deep level she wants you NOT to comply or at least to comply in a creative way. Unfortunately, guys are wired to avoid drama, tension and stress. Men dont tolerate stress very well and do whatever it takes to remove stress from their relationship. Most men think, Ok, if a phone call will make her feel loved, I can do thatits simple. Doing this kills the good tension she wants and increases her frustration. To make matters worse, when you simply bend to her wishes you look more and more like a wusstrying to please her makes you look needy.
Indifference is the difference that make a difference The key to avoiding this whole situation is indifference and unavailability. Diamonds, titanium and oil are valuable because they are desired but also very scarceyou are simply too abundant. You must distance yourself from her just a little bit. See your wife or girlfriend half as much, call her less during the day and fewer emails and texts too. This will instantly stop your appearing needy and increase the tension for her.
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This is especially tricky if you are married and/or live together and/or have children. Dont let that stop you from taking a few steps back from her. You are not doing this in a vengeful, spiteful or mean way at all. You are just giving her attraction room to blossom. Do not tell her what you are doing or why, if you do it will take the wind out of the sailsjust hold to your plan and touch base with her less often. There is a bit of an art to it here. Some women can handle a dramatic change other women need things to happen more slowly. You know your wife or girlfriend best but dont be afraid to experiment a little bit. Choose the route that you feel will work best for your relationship. AND TAKE IT!
Your Body Never Lies Whether youre confident, strong and unstoppable or weak, powerless and insecure your body screams it to the world. Women are 10x more sensitive to the subtle cues of body language than men are. Even on your best day of reading people, you are like a kindergartner to the average womans PHD in body language. Your wife or girlfriend is tapped and intertwined with you emotionally so she is even more in touch with what your body reveals about your emotional state. Lets say youre talking about your day at work with your wife or girlfriend. It was a rough day; you feel tired and a little beat up by your boss or best client. Without knowing it, you project your frustration through your voice tone and body language. Your shoulders are slumped; your voice has a woe is me tone. She sees a defeated man.
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Your wife or girlfriend, being connected to you on every level, feels uneasy and uncomfortable too. Seeing and feeling your defeat make her feel insecure and unsafe. Now take the same conversation but present it with confident body language and voice tone and you will have a completely different effect on her. She will pick up on your confidence and feel secure and safe regardless of the words. You had a rough day but you have it handled. Everything is going to be alright.
How to Exude Confidence Wherever You Go Confidence is trust and belief in the powers you possess inside you, that you can handle any situation that comes your way. Its very difficult if not impossible for a womens attraction to sustain very long when you lack confidence. Your wife or girlfriends needs you to be the master of your world. She needs this to feel safe and secure. Its a total turn on for her to see you as the master of your world! When you lack confidence she When you lack confidence she feels feels insecure and anxious. insecure and anxious. She resents that you She resents that you have have taken away her basic need of feeling taken away her basic need of safe. feeling safe. The best ways to show you are a confident man is through your body language and voice tone. Controlling the environment around you is a super simple short cut. Below are a few examples. 1. Causally open her car door for her (without looking for approval).
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2. Adjust the temperature in the room without asking hernoticing that she is cold or hot and taking action is big turn on for her. 3. Walk on the outside of your wife or girlfriend when walking down the street (you on her street side). 4. Walk between her and a shady looking character on the streetsubtly guide her into positionwoman love to be moved around by their man. 5. When at a restaurantgrab the servers attention and request another drink or more water for your wife or girlfriend before her glass is empty.
I know these things seem so minor and insignificant but they are BIG for a woman. You will have a HUGE impact on her especially when you do them without seeking approval or a pat on the back. Dont ruin the gesture by asking Did you like it when I opened the door for you? JUST DO IT!
The second most powerful way to project confidence is the way you carry yourself. There are many things you can do but posture; walking, sitting and standing are the big four.
Posture:
You want to be straight and tall with your chest up and your shoulders back and down. Think of having a string attached to the top of your head and pulling your spine up. Look at yourself in a mirror so you can feel what good posture feels like. At first it will feel strange but with practice youll straighten right up and it will feel natural.
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Walking like a stud:
A confident walk starts with great posture. As you walk imagine a string pulling your chest toward the sky, relax your shoulders and lead with your hips. Push your arms out to the side slightly (take up a little extra space) and let them swing naturally, but dont let them flop around. Same goes for your handskeep just a little tension in them to keep them from flopping. Watch your walk in a full length mirror, make adjustments and get the feel for a confident walk.
Standing like an idol:
To get a confident stance start with your legs shoulder width apart. While maintaining your posture turn your left foot outward and let your hips and body open as you shift nearly all your weight onto your right leg. Let your right arm hang relaxed at your side and hook your left thumb in your belt or waist band (your other four fingers should be pointing at your crotch). Avoid putting your hands in your pockets or behind your back. That shows insecurity or that you are hiding something. This is a great stance when talking to people. When you stand with your feet parallel you come off a little too aggressiveturning one foot outward puts just enough twist in your shoulders to make you approachable yet very confident. Practice standing in front of a full length mirror. You can also practice shifting your weight from one foot to the other.
Sitting like a rebel:
Confident men take up a lot of space and are relaxed about it. When you sit down, get comfortable. You dont want to slouch but you dont want to sit totally erect eitherfind what feels (and looks) good to you. Now open up your legs so
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that your crotch is totally open and exposed. Make yourself asymmetrical by slightly leaning to one sideyou can do this by pushing one leg out further than the other and placing your hand on your thigh. You dont want to hide your hands or cover your crotch with your handsthat defeats the purpose. Practice sittingget a good feel for what works best for you.
The Barry White Effect The sound of your voice is super important to your wife or girlfriend. The more you try to sooth, make her happy or seek approval the higher your voice goes. Its like when you talk to a little kid. You dont want to scare them off with your deep manly voice so you kick it up a few octavesnot so good to do with your mate. Your wife or girlfriend LOVES your deep masculine voice. It baths her in warmth and security. Women respond to a mans voice that is in the lower base tones. Think Barry White. His voice is so deep and smooth it literally makes womans clothes slide from their skin and onto the floor. Every man has a deep masculine voice (it might be hiding, but its there). A voice that emanates from the abdomen sounds rich and reverberates in the chest. Put your hand on your rib cage. You can feel it vibrating when you hit the low tones. If you have a tendency to get excited and bring your voice way up and talk really fast, try slowing your words down. This will have a two pronged benefit. 1. Your new lower voice is authoritative and will sooth your wife or girlfriend. 2. Slowing your speech shows confidence.
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So, you want to aim for a deep voice with a variety of tones, but stay away from the high tones and slow down a bit.
Social Status I spent much childhood and young adult hood trying to be invisible. I succeeded for the most part. I was shy and had a unique learning style that didnt match well with school. So instead of being anxious for the teacher to call on me or give me attention I simple faded into the background. I was very good at itI still am. Now I recognize how important social status is in business, friendships and intimate relationships. Its human nature to categorize, rank and pigeonhole people into where they fit within a grouppecking order is social status. A simple social experiment was done with apes. Photos were taken of all the member in the group, from the dominant alpha male on down to the bottom of the totem pole whipping boy. The apes were given the photos and something interesting happened. Apes of higher status REFUSED to look at photos of lower status members (unless they were bribed with food), while lower status members would pay a price in food for the right to look at photos of higher status members. The apes knew where they stood. The higher status didnt want to associate themselves lower status members and lower status members wanted to see higher status members, perhaps to emulate them. You can see this same behavior in people with the popularity of celebrity magazines like Star, People and Us. For about 250,000 years our entire social group consisted of maybe 100 people. Individuals found their social slot and played out their role within the group.
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You knew what everyones temperament, what everyone was good at, bad at and just about everything else. Your rank on the social status latter was very clear. Having an outsider join the group may have happened only a couple times in a lifetime. (You can kind of see this play itself out on the earlier seasons of the reality TV show Survivor. The contestants quickly assess who the leaders are and who the outsiders and freaks are. Everyone else falls in between.) Well times have changed. Today social status is not as clear cut. It changes drastically throughout the day. You may be the leader at your job, but the next moment just another dude walking down the street. Because humans have the need to know where you stand in relation to them in society, its very important you know how to control your social status. What your wife or girlfriend perceives you to be is in great relationship to how she perceives you socially. One of the quickest fastest ways to gain her respect and attraction back is to gain the respect of the social groups around you. In essence raise your social status. Your wife or girlfriend is calculating your social status unconsciously (or consciously) in EVERY situation you are in, from grocery store to big social party to family pick nick. She wants to know where YOU rank and she wants you to rank near the top (the higher the better)! Now this does not mean you have to go out and get a lot of money, fancy car or high powered job (although, sadly all these WILL help temporarily if presented properly). Fortunately, you can do a few simple tricks to climb the social status latter until you fully grasp the dynamics that are playing themselves out around you.
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Make a decision damn it!
For the most part people want to be lead. They dont want to have to think about things. They certainly dont want to risk looking dumb in front of everyone and have their own social status slide backwards. In every social situation there comes a time when a decision needs to be made as a group. Maybe its which restaurant to go to or what music to play on the stereo. The situation begins with everyone being indecisive, no one wants to step on anyones toes or appear selfish and self centered. Youll hear, Oh, I dont know, what do you feel like eating? I dont know what were you thinking? Well it doesnt really matter to meIll eat anything. This goes round and round for a few minutes. Sometimes the spontaneity of the moment passes and dinner is called off. What the group needs is a leaderYOU. Next time you are in a situation like this say something like, Lets go to Charlies, its a great place. If we get there and the vibe isnt right we can just walk to one of the other restaurants in the area. Whenever there is a decision to be mademake it. Leave options open in case things go wrong. This will make your status instantly rise.
Eye Contact
We know eye contact is important, but most dont do it confidently. Men find it especially difficult to hold eye contact for longer than a moment. It feels insanely confrontational to hold a gaze for longer than a couple of seconds. Heres a quick solution. When youre talking with someone, look into their right eye. Hold a pleasant thought in your mind about the person. Let them be the first to look away.
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After they look away, you can take a quick look around the room or at other people but come back to their right eye and get that pleasant thought about them in your mind again. You are subtly sending the message to everyone in the room that you are a high social status person. You will be amazed at how different and pleasant your conversations will be. Your wife or girlfriend will recognize this in you immediately.
Talking To Other Women
Your wife or girlfriend needs to know you are a good mate. Regardless of how long the two of you have been together, she is continually determining if she has made a good selection in you. When her investment looks sour...she gets resentful and distant. One of the ways she determines you value is by looking at your interactions with other woman. She wants to know how other women respond to you. If you are desired by other woman and other women flirt with you in a healthy way this is HUGE for her. Its a BIG TIME turn on. It validates everything she has already invested in you and wants to invest in you in the future. Its a good idea to have healthy friendships with women other than your wife or girlfriend. Now is a good time to have lunch or other activity with one of your female friends. You are not doing this to make your lover jealous or anything, you just want to send a reminder that you enjoy the company of a pleasant woman. Women dont readily announce this but they are fiercely competitive and love challenges. Seeing you enjoy yourself with another woman will remind her of the challenge to hold onto you.
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You are slowly increasing the sexual tension inside herexactly what she wants and needs.
Confidence looks GREAT on everyone. Fashion is another area I struggle with. Like I was telling you earlier, I spent a big chunk of life trying to be invisible and excelled at it in a lot of ways. Its a challenge for me to put myself out there. I have to work at it a little bit. The clothing you wear plays a big role in determining your social status. If you are in a long term relationship your wife or girlfriend has probably been selecting your clothes for you. Early in the relationship your wife or girlfriend probably dressed you up attractivelyshe shined you up a bit. She wanted everyone to see how great of a catch you were. As you committed and the relationship grew closer she probably began to change your style. She wanted your style to announce, Im a TAKEN manstay away from me ladies. In a lot of ways her strategy works. Woman see a nice guy, they certainly do not see a bad boy who invokes automatic throbbing sexual aggression. The problem with her strategy is it backfires. It has the same effect on her as it does other women! She is actually killing her own attraction to you by dressing you up like a nice guy! This is similar to the insecure man who fattens up his wife the minute he marries her. Hes afraid of losing her to another man so he makes her unattractive to other men. Including himself. Go to a higher end clothing store and buy yourself a couple nice shirts and pairs of pants. Have the sales clerk help you pick out what you are looking for. Tell her
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you are looking for clothing that makes your body look attractive to women. She will love the opportunity to dress you up. Shopping may be painful for you, but your wife or girlfriend will be VERY impressed with your assertiveness. You dont have to spend a lot of moneyyou can go to a store like Stein Mart and get designer clothes at discounted prices. Or you can go to a second hand store just outside of an exclusive neighborhood, like Goodwill, and pick up a whole new awesome wardrobe for under $100.
How To Give Her Titillating Tension When you learn the things Im about to show you, you are going to see a big difference in the way your wife or girlfriend responds to you. Soon she will be the one chasing you and offering you sweet gifts. If you do not learn the things Im about to show you, you are destined to remain in the dog house and your wife or girlfriend looking at you more and more like a good friend. Remember from an earlier chapter how women want to want to want? This is a hard concept to grasp. You can think of a womans need for tension in order to feel attraction to you like a childs kite needs to be tethered to a taught string in order to fly. With the kite, as long as the string is held taught the kite will fly high. The moment you run toward the kite or slack enters the string, the kite languidly zigzags toward the groundlifeless. By alternating between gentle slack and intense tension you can do wonderful tricks with a kite. You can do spirals, loop to loops and have the kite dance across the sky.
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The same is true with your wife or girlfriend. Unpredictability, spontaneity and mystery are your taught string that will help her dance inside. Aim to be unpredictable with everything (even the small stuff). If you normally like peas in your mash potatoes have them on the side once in a while. If you have a regular Friday night date to a restaurantchange restaurants or better yet take her dancing or invite another couple. Alternate between short and long phone conversations, be the one to end the call first and on a high noteafter all you are a busy man! If youre a funny happy go lucky guy, be serious with her from time to time. Talk about something thats meaningful and important to her and show genuine interest. Show your vulnerable side. If you are a serious logical guy, loosen up and laugh more often. Let your hair down and act a fool. If you are a sensitive emotional dude, show your masculine side more often. Be a little rough around the edges. Above all else, be playful just for the enjoyment of being playful. She may resist and test your motives (more on this later) but just brush off her resistance and have fun by yourselfor better yet if you are with others have fun with them until she joins in. Creating this contrast will make your set routines that much nicerquite predictable Sunday mornings together become that much more special to both of you. As you do these things you become more and more of a challenge to her. To her a challenge IS attraction. Pretty soon your wife or girlfriend is going to start using her feminine wilds to capture you again. Be careful not to become complacent and fall back into predictability.
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Flirting Like Young Lovers I hear it from men often that they feel more intimidated and even more vulnerable flirting with their wife or girlfriend now, than they did when they first met. A lot of this has to do with the fact that early in your relationship your wife or girlfriend was very receptive to you and she flirted back easily. You dont want to feel rejected; especially now you are in difficult times. You are not sure she will be receptive to you. You may have even tried being flirtatious in the past, she shot you down and now youre reluctant to try again. Also, she knows youyou have a role now. You may feel youre not the flirt with your wife kind of guy or you feel embarrassed because she can read you like a book. She knows what you are thinking and its sex. One of the ways to overcome this is to flirt to be playfulnot flirt to get something from hera la Sex. After you play around with her a few times and dont act as if you want sex she will come to realize you are not manipulating her into bed. As you implement more and more of what you learn in this book she will begin to drop her defenses and become more and more receptive. Once she has warmed to you, shell start to feel the tangs of sexual attraction again. If you learn the lessons in this section you will be able to supercharge the flirty feelings in both of you.
How To Flirt With Your Eyes
Flirting with your wife or girlfriend is a lot of fun. But it is a little different than flirting with the girl she once was. You both have grown, youve become more sophisticated and you know each others secrets.
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Flirting is a little risky and a little scarythats what makes it fun, right? Youre not quite sure how she is going to react. Now that your wife or girlfriend is warming to you, you can begin to raise the sexual tension. This is all very subtle stuff, dont go over the topyou want to keep her guessing. Here are 4 ways to flirt with your eyes: 1. When you are talking with her keep good eye contact with her right eyetry to lineup your right eye to hers. As you look at her think of something you find attractive about herher eyes, hair, skin, the way shes venting her day, her stance or anything you appreciate about her. Your appreciation will be written across your face and she will be able to read it clearly. 2. Youre having a conversation with your wife or girlfriend. Look into her right eye just like before and holding onto a nice thought about her. This time begin to move your gaze across her brow to her left eye and then slowly sweep your gaze down her cheek and onto her mouth and nose. Watch her lips move as she talks for just a moment and then work your way up her right cheek to her right eye. Youll see a little sparkle in her eye of what the hell was that? What are you doing? You can caress her face like this several slow times. You are building tension. 3. This one is very sexual but again subtle. Look into her right eye during a regular conversation just like before but this time hold a VERY sexual thought about her in your mindsomething risqu. Have fun with this one. She will get the message even though you are just having a causal regular conversation with her. 4. This one is OVER THE TOP sexual. We have all been taught good guys talk to the eyes not the chest, right? Well youre going to break some rules now. When you are having a casual conversation with your wife or girlfriend (from across the room is best) and you are holding a VERY sexual
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image or movie of her in your mind, sweep your gaze across to her left eye and caress her face to her mouth and watch her lips move, this time continue down her neck and onto her chest. Linger here just a bit, watch as her chest rises and falls with each breath. Now gently return your gaze back up to her right eye. Continue the conversation like NOTHING is going on. Do it again this time linger just a little longer. You may get a gesture like my eyes are up here buddy or she may even slightly stubble over her words. Dont acknowledge her comment, dont laugh or smile (a little tiny smirk is ok!) just continue on with the conversation like normal. You are building a ton of tension in her!!
Remember you are just subtly flirting right now. You are not saying, I want to have sex with you this moment, you are just admiring her and enjoying the electric energy. When the conversation ends (even better if you end it and have to leave the room) and you dont EXPECT her to have sex with you, she is getting a very important message. That you are attracted to her sexually but you dont expect sexthis is a mixed message that she is probably not used to getting from youit will be maddening for her in a good way! When you start speaking in body language your wife will automatically respond to you in a very different way. Here are the 3 action steps to get your wife to stop walking all over you and start getting her respect. 1. Raise you Social Status 2. Exude Confidence 3. Be Playful and Flirt Your action step right now is to get yourself emotionally calm and confident. Strive to be the calmest person in the room no matter whats going on around
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you... Think James Bond...Gladiator--young Luke Sky Walker vs. Return of the Jedi Sky Walker...calm cool collected. This does not mean be emotionless. When you feel yourself lose controlstop, take a deep breath and reframe the situation in your mind. Adjust your body language and relax. With practice you can regain your confidence in seconds.
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Chapter 8: Being a Man
A lot of guys come to me looking for an instant fix to their relationship troubles. I have given you a combination of the powerful techniques you can use to woo your wife or girlfriend back into your arms rather quickly. Youre obviously deeply in love with your lover, why else would you subject yourself to so much pain, misery and humiliation holding on to her with 3.5 billion other women in the world. And since youve made it this far into the book youre very serious about winning her heart back. Getting your wife attracted to you again is one thing, if you want to keep your wife or girlfriend responsive and loving you for the long haul you are going to have to make some long term changes. Change sucks, I know, but you are going to be a much more fulfilled person when you put the lessons in this chapter into your life. Your wife is going to respect you more and continue to be astounded by your presence and growth. Men will treat you differently and your family will talk to you differently. Strangers will look to
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you for advice and assurance. And your wife or girlfriend will love and respect you even more. If you choose not to grow beyond the techniques your success will probably be short lived. You will fall into your old routines and she will lose interest in you once again. Once she loses interest, she becomes resentful, testing and anxious for someone else. The choice is yours. What are you going to do?
The 37 Year Old Teenager Adolescents in African and South American tribes lasts 1 year, from age 12 to age 13. After that you are a man. You choose a wife and your place within society is set. These cultures are probably very close to the way all humans lived for hundreds of thousands of years. In the past couple of hundred years times have changed dramatically in our culture. Do you know the average age a child in the U.S. leaves home? 27 years old. Studies show the adolescent phase of development lasts until the average age of 37 in the U.S. The source of mans troubles with women is beginning to become clear, arent they? A lot of our problems persist because we dont know how to be men. Masculinity is out of vogue. We are encouraged not to be manly. Rambunctious boyish behavior is stifled to the point where playful flirting on the playground is considered sexual aggressiveness. As we grow older we cant express attraction for a woman in the workplace without fear of being ostracized, fired or arrested.
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For several generations, weve been raised by overly protective mothers and grandmothers in environments that are relatively safe. We have plenty of food to eat, clean water to drink and shelter to sleep. Weve lost the face-of-death rites-of-passage. In tribal communities a 12 year old boy leaves his mother and family and goes into the wilderness with the men of the tribe. The boy is challenged to do some sort of ritual that is painful, gruesome and physically and emotionally taxing. In some cultures its circumcision without flinching, in others its placing the boys hand inside of a basket glove filled with unimaginatively wicked ants. A common component of a rites-of-passage ritual is surviving in the wilderness alone with no food, water or shelter for days at a time. Sometimes the boy does not pass the testhe dies. The purpose of the rites-of-passage is for the he child to leave a boy and return a man. Upon his return he has one year to find his wife and his place among the group. The boy doesnt receive a diploma or trophy. He receives the pure confidence inside him that he has faced horrible circumstances, overcame them and survived. He knows he is capable of conquering any challenge that comes his way. The tribe knows what he is made of toothey can trust hell have their back in tough times. Weve lost this gift in our culture. I dont think its a coincidence that adolescence ends at 37. When a man reaches 37 he hits middle age. Hes slammed face first into his own mortality. It becomes very clear to him time is running outHe finally faces death. It doesnt matter if you are under or over 37 years old, whats important is you understand your mortality. You only have an instant on earth and the moment of NOW comes around only once.
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WARNING: The following rites-of-passage exercise is extremely challenging. I am not a doctor or psychiatrist; if you are depressed or susceptible to depression please consult your doctor before attempting this exercise. Here are 2 action steps you can do right now to simulate the benefits of a rites-ofpassage ritual. 1. Get it crystal clear in your mind that you are going to perish. Consciously become aware that you are going to die. You are going to exist in one breath and there will not be another. The world will continue on without you in it. Relax into this thought. 2. Picture in your mind the moments surrounding deathsee the world around you from your eyes. You are alone. Feel life slipping away. You know this is the moment your life on earth is done. Feel each shallow breath. What thoughts run through your mind? Feel the feelings as life drains away.
This can be a very powerful exercise. Many men have a hard time relating to it. They are so disconnected from their own mortality they cant imagine their final moments. They intellectually and conceptually know they are going to diebut they cant or refuse to personalize it. The point of the exercise isnt to get you in a paranoid state about death. Its to awaken the confident man within you. A true confident man is intimately aware of his mortalitythis gives him an enormous source of STREGTH to be in the NOW!
Conquering Fear Mans favorite word is no because most are too fearful to say yes to the world. When you say no to new experiences and situations your wife or girlfriends sixth sense tells her its because you are fearful and insecure. No matter how
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many logical reasons you give to convince her (and yourself) otherwise, she feels the incongruence. Self righteousness and arrogance are symptoms of small world thinking. All this does is generates pain and negative energy. Some people grow as they age others stagnate and atrophy. Men who stagnate find it hard to hold onto growing lovers. Ask yourself this question and write down your answers. What is the guy, you are going to be, going to be doing next year? Travel to France Learn Russian Learn to cook Cajun/Creole Learn the violin Go to live music Learn to paint landscapes Try new foods Learn mixed martial arts
How to Pass Your Lovers Tests A woman is wired to test and challenge you to see if you are a viable mate. She will continually do this from the moment you meet to the day you part. This is the way of the world. You and your partner are destined to play out the roles of her attempting to wrestle power and control away from you and your role of NEVER letting her do it. As cruel as it sounds, if you dont stack, she will be tempted to find someone else who does. Remember she wants quality genes and a quality provider but not necessarily from the same man. When you learn what Im going to teach you in this section you will be able to pass her tests and keep her happily by your side.
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If you fail to learn what Im going to teach you, you will continue to totally disappoint and frustrate her. Sooner or later you will not make the grade and she will run away from you. Your wife or girlfriend is searching for your true character. She wants to see how you react when things go wrong. The stakes are very high for her; if she picks the wrong guy she and her children are in mortal danger. To determine what kind of man you are, she challenges your authority, undermines your power, makes demands, sends mixed messages and all sorts of others trip-ups. This may sound strange (and a little insulting) to you because you feel she already knows you, youve been together so long, youve been intimate and been through so much, youre committed to each other. You may be thinking, Why would she STILL need proof of who I amtheres no need. Shes just wired that way, thats why. Its just the way it is. Keep in mind the divorce rate, the number of deadbeat dads out there and how often men leave their wives to start a families with another woman. From her perspective the odds are you are going to leave her.
Me Thinks Thou Does Protest Too Much Your lover wouldnt test you if she didnt want you in her life. Think of her tests as cute and endearing. Next time she throws you a zinger, just shake your head, smile and dont engage her.
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Think Rhett Butler from Gone With The Windhe wasnt going to take any of Scarlett OHaras crap. They loved each other dearly. She tested him to no end and he didnt fall for it. Up until now youve been falling for your wife or girlfriends tests. Youve lost your power. She has taken control from you and now she resents you for allowing her to. She doesnt want the control She doesnt want the control and power in and power in the relationship the relationship she just wanted to see how she just wanted to see how much resistance you would give before you much resistance you would relinquished it. Her deep hope was that you give before you relinquished would NEVER relinquish it. it. Her deep hope was that you would NEVER relinquish The moment she seizes control, her it. attraction to you drains from her body. She wont know how to explain her repulsion. You know this has happened when you hear her say things like I love you so much but not in that way anymore or I need time to think or Its not you its me, I need to focus on me for a while. Sound familiar? Here are a couple classic questions you will get from your wife or girlfriend when you move into a friendship relationship. 1. How do I look in my dress? 2. Do you think I look fat? 3. Do these pants make me look fat? There are lots of reasons and motivations your wife or girlfriend will ask you these questions. The fact that you are even being asked this question shows you are on the WRONG path with her.
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A woman who is attracted to you, who wants your sexual approval and attention would not ask you to assess her like this (unless she is being playful and knows good darned well she is super fine in the dress). She asks friends these types of questions NOT lovers. Like with all her tests dont respond directlyget a real pensive look on your face and slowly check her outseductively say something like, Let me think about that a while maybe give her a smirk and walk away. Its a looser move to praise her, appease her or to give her testing behavior approval. When you say things like, you look fine, you dont look fat at all or thats great, you are sending a friendship message. Before you read this book you were in the frame of mind of I have to figure out how to get my wife or girlfriend to love me again (or how to make her happy, or how to get her to see how much see means to me etc.). When you come at the relationship with this frame of mind you give her all the power and control of what happens next. This is exactly what she does not want! You want to move toward the frame of mind Im the best thing that has ever happened to youif you cant see it, see you later! Ultimately you want the confidence and composure of If you want me fantastic if not thats fine too. Committed long term relationships and marriage plays mind tricks with men. Men mistakenly think commitment means the chase is over, along with their job of courting, wooing and attracting. Worse of all, many men feel they must surrender their entire being to their lover. The complete opposite is truewhen you committed the challenge got tougher! Your wife or girlfriend actually turns up the dial on her testingits as if shes thinking, Ok buddy, Ive risked it all on youlets really see what you are made of. (This is all on an
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unconscious level of course.) Your wife or girlfriend is always watching to see how you react in tough situations. If you lose your cool over something trivial or surrender your power to little ole me whats she supposed to think is going to happen when the shit really hits the fan? Shes going to EXPECT you to fold like a house of cards. Once she feels youll fold she takes the reins to get it done herself. There are times when you trip, spill food on your shirt or lay on her hair while you are being intimatesomething unexpected is bound to happen at the worst time. If you get angry, scream, pout, get all embarrassed, get flustered, act like a victim or lose your composure in any way youre in trouble mister. What you want to do is laugh it off the best you can and confidently fix it.
Youre Not Her Girlfriend A lot of men make the mistake of becoming just another friendsome to the point of filling the role of a girlfriend. You cant fill the role of girlfriend and lover and maintain sexual attraction in her. Its impossible. When this happens shell walk out of your life saying, Ive grown to love you more as a friend than a lover. This is an easy mistake for nice guys to fall into (this is the one I have to watch from falling into too). Oprah, Dr. Phil and other pop psychology tells men to be sensitive and listen. Be understanding. She is an emotional creature and you have to handle her with care. This is all fine and good for a friendship, but as youve already seen in this book, your wife or girlfriend needs more than that to feel sexually attracted to you.
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Your wife or girlfriend wants a leader. She instinctively wants to be led by her strong confident man. When she walks into a room she wants to be on the arm of her powerful man. She has chosen YOU to be her leader. If you are still of the mindset, My wife or girlfriend is different and you need more proof that YOUR lover is a woman just like all others who is influenced more by her biology than her logic, intellect and education heres one more example for you. Women have a minstrel cycle that lasts about 28 days. Your wife ovulates and becomes fertile for approximately 4 days. If she is not impregnated her body sheds the egg and uterine wallthis is her period. The cycle begins again month after month. An interesting thing happens when women are together in close environments. Their cycles synchronize and coordinate. They ovulate together at approximately the same time each month and they menstruate together at approximately the same time each month. This commonly happens with female roommates, dorm mates and office works. What makes this even more fascinating is that their cycles sync with the cycle of the groups dominant woman. On a subconscious hormonal level the women know where they stand in social status and their bodies follow their group leader.
Know Thy Self When you continually push your own needs aside women interpret this as insecure. Get comfortable in your skin. Figure out what you like and what you dont like. Dont be afraid or timid to express your preferences in a healthy way. If you are a picky eater, try new foodsif you are strictly a beer drinkertry different wines and cocktails. If you find you like them learn more about them.
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Same goes for music, movies, people etc. There was a nice quote from the movie/play Passing Strange that goes something like, At some point I realized I had been living a life that was decided by a sixteen year old boy. Rediscover your adult self.
Never Ever Let Them See You Sweat Low status men cannot deal with conflict. One of the most direct routes to high social status, influence and maturity is mastering inner and outer conflicts. Pause a second right now and think about all the conflicts you avoid in your life. Do you avoid your boss on deadline day? Do you avoid your subordinates at work when you know they have a request of you? Do you not take a clients call because you know shes not happy? Do you avoid thinking about the past because it causes you too much pain? Do you avoid talking honestly with your parents, siblings or children? Do you do what your wife or girlfriend says because dont want her disapproval or an argument? Do you do favors for friends and acquaintances even though you feel taken advantage of? Do you think its just easier to do the favor than discuss why not? Go ahead and write yours down. When you can face and handle conflict in a confident way your social status will go through the roof.
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Change Sucks! Change is a difficult thing. It requires that we move away from our comfort zone. You must risk NOT being yourself! We all want change; we want to be rich, we want to travel or be 20 lbs lighter. But few people changefor some they are just too lazy and for others its simply too scary. The fact is were engineered to resist change. My friend was a round faced husky kid. When he was about 12 years old his mother changed his diet drastically. He was eating healthy and lost a lot of weight. His face thinned out dramatically. I remember one day he came to me and said he didnt like the way he looked in the mirrorI dont look like me, he said. Soon after he returned to his previous round faced selfhes now an adult struggling with his weight. The nature of changing is sort of like lying. Change means turning into something youre notmorphing into an identity that you dont identify yourself with. The incongruence causes your mind to go bonkers. You may think, Im not a guy who wares nice clothes. Im not the guy who mediates conflicts. Im not the guy who flirts with his lover with his eyes. Thats not me. Get over it buddy! If you want your wife or girlfriend back, a wonderful sex life, respect and status, you have got to do things differently and that means change. The great news is that everything you need you need to become what you want to become what you want is already inside is already inside you. you. You just need to let it float to the surface. Your manly power has been suppressed and repressed. You ARE the man your wife or girlfriend wants you just have not realized it yet!
The great news is that everything
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Following the steps outlined in this book will dramatically change your life for the better. Reframe belief expert, who goes by the name Hypnotica, advises you to ask yourself these questions to get yourself clear. Write your answers in your journal. Do you want to change? Are you ready for the side effects of change? I.e. Other woman giving you attention etc. What will happen if you change? What will happen if you dont change? What wont happen if you change? What wont happen if you dont change?
The Billion Dollar Question Many men make their lover and family the absolute center of their existence. These guys explain to me they feel wrong or guilty if they do things they enjoy doing outside of their relationship. They feel they are somehow neglecting their family. When you suppress your personal desires you become pessimistic, depressed, checked out and numb. Do you really think this is what makes a great lover or father? If you dont like your reality how do you expect anyone else to like it? No one wants to be around a sour puss. This reminds me of non-profit organizations whose mission it is to help struggling people in the community. They love people so much and want to help so badly
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they dont know where to draw the line. They give EVERYTHING they have awaytheir supplies, products, time and money. Very quickly they have nothing left to give. They havent held anything back for growth so they are stuck only helping a few. They dont understand you must hold back a supply of seeds for next years harvest. They could help so many more people and have a bigger impact on the community if only they took a step back and looked at the big picture. Same goes for youif you give ALL of you away you soon have nothing left to give. Your wife wants you to be a happy, growing and energetic leader. The way you accomplish this is by doing things you like to do. So pick up a hobbya few examples might be woodworking, investment club, kickball, golf, tennis, painting, guitar, fishing, hunting, bowling, wine, cooking, singing, mixed martial arts, dancing or better yet find a goal bigger than yourselfyou get the idea. Its very common for guys who have been in relationships a while to feel as if they have no interests outside of the home. Take this time to experiment, try something new, something way out of your comfort zone. Youll be amazed at how much a simple dancing class will change your life. Take a moment right now and answer this very serious question in your journal. If you were a billionaire what would you do with your time?
The boob tube dilemma Television is a big problem. Its too easy to come home from a tough day of work, flip it on and just vegetate the evening away. Most guys need a TV watching intervention.
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Think about it a moment. How much time do you spend in front of the TV? I want you to calculate it. 1. Take out a sheet of paper and turn it sideways. Across the top write Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. 2. Take each day of the week and write down what you watch and how long the program lasts. If you just surf until you find a movie or something of interest, write that down too. 3. Add up the times for each day and then add up the times for the week.
Sunday Sunday Morning 2 hours 2 Football games 6 hours 2 hours 8 hours 3 hours 2 hours 3 hours 2 hour 5 hours 25 hours Monday News 1 hour Sitcoms 2 hours Tuesday News 1 hour Drama 1 hour Wednesday Thursday News 1 hour American idol 1 hour News 1 hour Movie 2 hours Friday News 1 hour Discover show 1 hour Saturday Cartoons 2 hours 1 game 3 hours Total
The above example totals 25 hours a week, equivalent to a part time job! Some households turn the TV on at 6pm during the week and dont turn it off until they fall asleep4 to 6 hours a night. A while back I was a TV junkie. I found it very relaxing, too relaxing really. I decided enough was enough, got rid of the cable and shortly after got rid of the TV too. It was the best thing Ive done.
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It was an adjustment having the extra time on my hands and I did miss it, TV had become a friend. If that seems too extreme for you, give yourself a schedule. Pick out one or two shows you REALLY enjoy and watch them. Discipline yourself to turn the TV off once they are over. Another option is to get rid of the cable and sign up for Netflix. For a fraction of the cost, they deliver movies and TV shows you want to watch directly to your door. Regardless of what you chose to do about the family TV, remove the TV from the bedroom. Your bedroom is your sanctuary. It is the safest place in your lifeyou are most vulnerable when you sleep and most intimate when you make love. There is no room for murder, mayhem, drama, solicitation and all the other TV stresses in this part of your life. If you want to have deeper more frequent and intimate sex with your wife or girlfriend, get the TV out of the bedroom.
Put On Your Game Face I always find it ironic when a couple split up they each instantly head for the gym. They are back on the market after all, so they need to get themselves into dating shape. They work out hard, 3 intense hour and half workouts a week. They start eating right too, no more fatty food or carbohydrates. They buy new clothes and get into their skinny jeans. Its like a fire had been lit under their feet.
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If you feel you are out of shape and not eating good-for-you foodswhat are you doing to yourself? Do you feel your wife or girlfriend should love you regardless of how you treat yourself? Be honest and ask yourself this simple hypothetical questionIf I was single right now would I be comfortable approaching hot single women with the way I look today? If your answer is yesfantastic. If your answer is probably notthen youve got a decision to make whether or not you are going to do what it takes to attract your lover back. In a lot of ways you have an advantage. When you invest time and energy getting back into shape you are displaying many of the cues we talked about in this book that automatically instill attraction in your wife or girlfriend! Your action will have a HUGE impact on her. Shell be thinking, Whats he up too? Whys he working out all of a sudden? (Mysterious). Youll give her the gift of missing you. Youll have a goal and masculine hobby. Youll be decisiveon work out times, you are committed.
This is the most important chapter in the book. When you become the man confident assertive that is already inside you, you will stir the automatic attraction in your wife or girlfriend you want. When she feels attraction and you have your character together there is absolutely no reason for her to look elsewhere. She will feel feminine, safe and secure being led by you. Follow the exercises outlined in this chapter; you will be glad you did!
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Chapter 9 Where Do You Go From Here
I began this book by saying life isnt fair. I needed you to see I could relate to the pain youre going through right now. The truth is I didnt complete my thoughtLife isnt fair because I often get more than my fair share. And you can too. This is a good time to review your Ideal Average Day exercise from Chapter 2. If your ideal average day has changed, go ahead and rewrite it now. Everything you need to win back your lovers heart is outlined in this book. Use it as a resource and return to it often. Parts that were not relevant to you today will be relevant to you tomorrow. My hope is you take the steps necessary to make
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the changes permanent and that you continually evolve and grow as a man. You have found a wonderful womanI wish you all the best.
After reading this book and heading out on the road of self discovery you may have realized your wife or girlfriend is not the person for you. Or maybe too much damage has been done to the relationship. Relationships are like springs. You can stretch them and stretch them and most of the time they spring right back into shape. But like relationships they have limits. You can subject them to only so much stress before they lose their shapethey lose their spring. Everything youve learned in this book will help you in your path on life. When you decide to find a mate or you meet a woman that is interesting, youll be prepared for an adventure to last a lifetime. Good luck my friend.
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Copyright 2010 William Bonet http://www.WinHerHeartBackSecrets.

WIN HER HEART BACK SECRETS

2010 All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2010 William Bonet http://www.WinHerHeartBackSecrets.com

Copyright 2010 William Bonet http://www.WinHerHeartBackSecrets.com

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Chapter 1 Relationship Triage:

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Chapter 2 Automatically Connect With Your Lover

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Chapter 3 What Really Gets a Womans Attention

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Chapter 4 How did you get to this painful place anyway?

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Go rent the movieyoull learn something.

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READ THIS SCENE OVER AGAINThere is great wisdom in this conversation.

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Chapter 5 What Really Makes a Woman Attracted To You

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Chapter 6 What Women Really Want

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{---------------------------------<*******>-------------------------------------} Bad Boy Ideal Wuss Bag

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Walking like a stud: