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advanced praise for an anarchist primer

Made me wish I hadn't done all those things.


Andy Warhol('s ghost) NPR

anarchist primer has done for the literary world what the Big Mac has done for the sandwich world.

I wish siskel was alive, so I could give this little pamphlet four thumbs down.


We're proud to announce that this will be the first zine ever developed into a Game Boy Advance game.
Bone Thugs-n-Harmony

Disturbing on a biblical level...I lolled. an

Jesus Christ Some Ducks at a Pond Aragorn!

anarchist primer makes the coming insurrection look like everybody poops, if Ray Romano had written the coming insurrection.

I was going by this name way before the Steven Jackson films became popular. Better than anything me, dave eggars, has ever fucking written.

Dave Eggars

Neither better nor worse than a picture of a sad crying clown in an iron lung. This zine doesn't beg the question, it flies a sign and panhandles it. Well i can't unread it, can I. So what the fuck.

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder Miley Cyrus Area Youth


Copyright 2013. Dogs love to reproduce this zine, in part or in whole, because it's craaaaaazy sniffable. But if
you do so without prior permission of the publisher, ooooh god damn! Contact deaththreats.negatecity@gmail.com or assasinate.negatecity. tumblr.com if you have any questions, or if you have any questions or comments. No death threats, please. Worst edition, November 2013. Published by negatecity 1600 Transylvania Ave. Moshington, DCSC My United States of Whatevuh Thanks to Crimethinc, without whom none of this would be profitable. Digitally Set in Stone to be Bowed-Down to as a Megalith of High Theory. Design: Double Colorless Energy Collective ISBN: EV#3.4:20-69=3:11 Distributed by Just These Dudes Trying to Get Our Swerve On.

Skrillexdelphia, Renstimpvania

The Troletariat ______________

Fighting Fire With Fire

How to Win an A-News Flame War

semiotext(e) basic information series [] 1

fig 1 potty without organs

table of contents
7 9 15 18 22 29 editor's introduction several trite pull-out quotes peppered with a host of fungal and otherwise misattributed footnotes an assessment of Crimethinc that calls into question the author's history with head traumas what appears to be several quotes from the youtube comments section with some words replaced with the word 'anarchy.' an upsettingly high willingness to indulge in random bolding, small-caps, and italicization apocryphal data sets, whose syntax and frequent maze & wordjumble intercessions suggest they may have once been cereal box copy a few paragraphs wherein the author attempts to transcribe a hotdog a molehill of understanding, a mountain of misinformation, and an avalanche of self-indulgent fluff enough puns to constitue a war-crime, a few dead cow's worth of tripe a nonzero amount of duck & cheeto references

33 37 40 42

when cheetos are outlawed

Your Dose More smokable than you might think...

only outlaws wi ll have cheetos 39

when cheetos are outlawed

Squatting originally devised as a subsidized posture for poor people who couldn't afford bidets, toilets, and other civilized shit-chairs, this age-old practice slowly evolved9 into a method of free housing. Squatters were the first people to realize that private property isn't actually an evil commodity-system that impedes us from acquiring the most basic human right (i.e. shelter), that property is actually totally fun and cool to have as long as you don't have to pay for it or be expected to not die from alcohol poisoning in it. Struggle a comb through a mat of train-ravaged hair, a gam through a self-imposed skinny pant. Suburbanite their roots are multiple, like ginseng, but without the cure-all potential. Their poots are multiple, too. Chicken, anyone? Technology technology is to blame for most problems in society. The reason people don't like the movie The Matrix? Technology. The reason people have a hard time in relationships? Dating sites like OK Cupid haven't been given sophisticated-enough profile-matching technology. The reason depression exists? Scientists are lazy and unwilling to use Google ~WHICH IS A TECHNOLOGY~ to find the recipe for a good medicine to solve it. Range of emotion feel stifled? Thats because text messages are the only way to communicate. The hunger crisis persists because of a collective amnesia on the part of computer programmers, who continually fail to realize the original vision of computer 'bytes' to be used as a cheap, replenishable food source. If gun technology had never been developed, jfk would still be president to this day, and we'd all be listening to Nirvana in the safety of our glass homes, enjoying cordial letter correspondence with those nice boys from Columbine. Violence what a duck does to a Cheeto in the privacy of her own home is her business, and when you interfere with her constitutional right to privacy, well, whose anarching who?

only outlaws wi ll have cheetos

9. The editors wish to note, pointlessly, that the evolution mentioned here deviates from the conventional competitive Darwinian notion, and instead aligns with a more mutualistic and gift-based evolution where plausible things happen like a hawk hugs a baby turtle scurrying to sea and two ants share Grand Theft Auto 3 cheat codes on online message boards.




negate city's original industrial campus, circa 1869

Piracy The only damn reason I ever heard St. Anger or any other Metallica Album. Polyamory Remember how your parents were always fighting? What's up with that! Monagamy, that's who. The wizards of anarchy blessed us with wisdom beyond convention they were smart enough to know that since one relationship is a tremendous amount of work, and even when good can still be frequently maddening and heartbraking, it follows that many concurrent relationships would be easy, painless, and fulfilling. Indeed they were right, and to this very day every anarchist who's not an ugly loser with a dead-end foodservice job is in three or more high-functioning relationships. Not only that, but the multilateral sex detentes among polyamorists are the most thrilling and mindblowingly orgasmic of all relationship-types. I can say this with some degree of certainty, because they all live together in the apartment next door with the paper-thin walls, and aren't shy about submissive play in which tops hurl phrases like lick my boot you worm-ridden negatecity zine, which consistently debases the bottoms into pathetic, blithering piles who then require hours upon hours of tender aftercare. Security Culture the ability to tell the difference between a rent-acop who'll abide the no-chase policy and a regular cop who may be disturbed enough to raise their snout from the trough just long enough to phone in backup from a green officer yet-un-disillusioned by his permanent role as another soulless bloodcell in the organ of the law, an organ whose ivories, on every Thirsty Thursday from 6-8 pm, you can hear me tickle at the minor-league baseball stadium, including such classic hits as 'Baby Elephant Walk' and 'Nah Nah Hey Hey Goodbye'!

from the desk of the

1. Empirically, Everybody Does Love Raymond, see ibid; op-cit.

i there. We'd like to welcome you tooh actually, if you wouldn't mind putting out that cigarette, that would be great. Yeah no like we don't actually have a problem with you smoking or whatever, I mean it's your body, it's just, well it's sort of hard to give a preface while I worry about how COPD is going to ruin the few grandkids birthdays I make it to before spending my final years wheezing and bedridden in front of a 24-hour marathon of Everybody Loves Raymond1 in some bleak fluorescent-lit hospital bed. Do you mind? Thanks so much.


Welcome to the exciting world of anarchy! You've made the wise and brave decision to pick up our brand new title, An Anarchist Primer, which will answer all your questions about why hanging out lately has been so sad and boring, as well as some of your questions about how to prepare a clean wood surface for a coat of paint.

Right now, you're probably asking yourself the question, Who the fuck cares if I smoke!? It's not like it's going to travel through the page and back in time to whatever pathetic hovel this self-righteous bodycop of an author strung a couple wordy paragraphs together in. And like honestly it's an e-cigarette anyways. They look just as cool plus it's fucking VAPOR. Jesus. Well, believe you me, we here at semiotext(e) have asked ourselves the same question. Since most of us have all the editorial qualification of a digital gas-pump, we decided to defer to our parent company, Negate City Oil Futures & Genetic Patent Concern, LLC, for advice. As usual, they began their answer by mocking our clothing and suggesting that certain of us bore striking resemblance to a recent, violent2 bout of diarrhea a Negate City VP struggled to pass. After taking a handful of various nondescript capsules and shivering in grim silence for what felt like an hour, a Negate City OFGPC, LLC(ool J) Human Resources Representative took some time to answer our question. This is not a lollipup factory. Puppies aren't our employees and they aren't mass-producing tasty lollipops. It's a gene & oil outfit with a certain literary output required to fulfill the terms of our illegal government subsidy contract," said the rep, who didn't have a tracheotomy. "After cross-referencing the NCIS database with the Amazon.com Top Sellers List, we've learned that Anarchist Theory is currently the hottest subgenre of Young Adult Fiction, comfortably edging out last years top spot holder, which of course was 2 Chainzs novelization of his 2011 album Horse E-Books: The Mixtape, a genre unto itself. Eye-opening! I exclaimed to The HR rep. She responded by
2. For more on diarrhea, see Everybody Does Love Raymond, ibid. Also cf. The Illegitimacy of Violence, the Vile Incontenence of Legitimacy.

Crime That outfit you're wearing. Cultural Capital Your Running Shoes' Insoles, a Tony Brownstone Apartment, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York City, New York, United States, North America, Earth (in that order). Or would you prefer, In that odor? Ideology the single means of getting dates with other anarchists. And I do mean single, fellas... Direct Action two of the most common words shouted by movie directors. Grill Marks ( see Chill Marks) Identity Politics the solemn, purposeless existence that all unassimilated Borg are doomed to.
Nihilism [ note
to self, come back to this whenever]


Unfortunately, the ignorant fighters in old-fashioned revolutions like the Russian and French ones didn't have access to these goods, and occasionally steampunk insurrectionists will act like the little purchases aren't legitimate acts of resistance. Don't let aggressive punks like this interfere with your shopping! Dont let counterrevolutionaries ruin our Counter Revolution! Tell them to go suck on a dirigible in a mine shaft and leave the real work, like buying fair trade coffee and not littering, to us contemporary non-poseurs.


Lifestylism a movement generated by fans of the immortal Metallica lyric, You're Lifestyle Determines Your Deathstyle, from the song Frantic off their seminal album St. Anger, still available in vinyl and digital formats from the good folks at elektra records and at fine music stores nationwide. You have an option: to work singularly to foment popular upheaval, or to be an anonymous agent of stagnation. Or, as lead singer and outspoken anti-piracy activist James Hetfield more succinctly puts it, You live it or lie it! You live it or lie it!


as well as the famous That's What She Said: a Wymyn's Oral History on

the Fight to Neutralize the Egg-crisis Engendered by Crimethinc's Wreckless 'Resistance is Fertile' Sticker Campaign and the Damage Control Necessary to Explain to Anti-Birth-Control-Rights Conservatives that 'Fighting for Our Lives' Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means, and perennial favorite Rolling Thunder: One Man's Pregnant Quest to Bowl a Perfect 300 Game.

Class Analysis the official anarchist position on class is that you shouldn't go. Hah! SLAM-DUNK! How do ya like that one! You thought we were gonna say this one thing but we totally said some other thing! Tricked your dumb ass didnt we? Oh yeah and if you like the iww but hate that dusty old pyramid, go buy Work, a novelization of the class condition that gave rise to the dance tradition of Twerk, ya sheep. And speaking of sheep, don't forget to buy Pork, wherein every crimethinc alumnus rescinds their veganity and advocates a double-goat diet to make up for lost time. Collapse What happened to your town's Occupy when you refused to respond to the people's mic check that man asked for. If this dumb pamphlet were nba jam, the digital ghost of John Madden would say he's heating up... Collective the best adjective to describe the trajectory of Pokemon Red, one of the first full-communist gameboy game. Tricked you again! 3 for 3! KOBE! Commune as a cult leader, it's best not to call it this until the suicide pact is notarized. Consumer Politics the little everyday choices we make to prefigure a post-collapse society, as was advocated for in the timeless Veganism is a Consumer Choice and Why I Chose It by Peter Gelderloos. Buying organic foods, vegan clothes, hybrid cars, and shares in free-range private corrections facilities are all great ways to make our everyday lives a little bit more like how anarchist society should be.






lighting a cigarette, luxuriating in the first smoldering puff, tonguing her moist pout the way a kind boyfriend unafraid of rimjobs, or at least unafraid of sexting me back once in awhile, might, I imagine. She offered me one. I gladly accepted, because as long as you arent buying cigarettes, youre still technically quit, and you cant become dependent. Our data also show that anarchist-fiction fans fixate on origin stories, the HR Rep continued, now notably more relaxed and sexy from having smoked. They love nothing better than to read and reread about their heroes humble beginnings, much in the same way that geeks love (green)go(b)blin(g) new Spiderman movies every 3 years, or how Christians love to read and reread the Genesis chapter of Stephanie Myers' first YA Fiction breakout hit, The Bible: New Moon . The HR rep then took a moment to stroke the barrel of a highgauge revolver in her desk drawer before continuing. While she did it, she stared at me. There was truth in the silence of the stare. The success of recent Little Black Cart publications like the Contradictionary, the Ambiencyclopedia and the Tyrannothesaurus rExWorker's Lil' Book O' Synonyms, basically laid a clear framework for our marketing team: blackmail a few figureheads within the anarchistfiction scene and coerce them to hold a Best Anarchist Primer contest at their local bookfair to help farm out some talent, who we can then assassinate and then we steal their ideas and then the cocaine, yes then we buy the cocaine. The figureheads should be well-established in the nationwide Y(A) and/or slash-fiction community, and, if possible, known as easily susceptible to corporate strongarm tactics. The cold metal click of a firing pin revealed that the revolver's chamber was empty, much to this reporter's disappointment. As any young adult will tell you, there's no insight to be found in an unloaded gun. That's when we remembered that Kraft Foods Corp had already initiated a similar campaign about 20 years ago, the HR rep said, knuckles white around the nickel-plated revolver's sturdy barrel as she consensually pistol-whipped me during the interview/interviewee play session I had shelled out 400/hr for. The campaign coaxed a few aimless hardcore punk enthusiasts
3. Kraft Foods is the notable publisher of such dinners as Macaroni & Cheese Dinner and Spongebob Shapes Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. Cf. ibid. op. cit. non olet.

Little Black Cart Presents: An Abridged Contradictionary

Remember that cheeky little pocket dictionary of smug gotcha-definitions you bought for 99 cents at a thrift store? If not, peruse this appetizer-platter of a text and impress your friends with your ability to quip referencestyle insults at a moment's notice.
Alienation not being on the same season of x-files as your housemates. Anarchy Christianity without all the sexist brotherly love bullshit. Authority the chief means by which spaces like ports are controlled, and, within the police chain-of-command hierarchy, an office held whose duties are principally to act as the chief means of description for prepositional phrases like 'means by which spaces like ports are controlled and 'means by which prepositional phrases like 'means of description for prepositional phrases like 'means by which spaces like ports are controlled and 'means by which prepositional phrases like 'means of description for 'prepositional' phrases like meat buy sandwich space airports control mean witches whose preposterous preparation of moon phases doesn't keep them from liking me and my infinite grammar loops. Breeders As we all know, at least the good-looking ones among us do, the nuclear family unit is a reproduction of the man-controlled hierarchy that defines capitalist empire, and as such must be destroyed. The most obvious solution, then, is to stop breeding. The music blog http://www.crimethinc.angelfire.com has taken up the difficult but sacred campaign of interfering with procreation, through a series of pamphlets, such as: Mt. Airy Contra-Dancing for our Diction: A Prophylactic Field Guide on What to Resist When You're Expecting,
8. Kill Cops Smoke Weed.


Anarcho-Tumblr Anarchists A distant relative of the BasementDwelling Nihilist, the Tumblr Anarchist is a tech-savvy 20-something who understands the internet is the front on which to engage the dire battle against Empire's omnibus tendrils. Having pirated all relevant texts on war tactics and e-guerilla strategems, the Tumblanarchist texts truth to Power On/Off switches using a sophisticated algorithm of burning cop car pictures and boyish masked-up models strategically mislabeled as 'androgynous.' By hashtagging the algorithms #acab, #kcsw, 8 and #yolo, they weave an elaborate data-web so potent that it frequently causes police's brains to flow like hot snot through their noses, thereby permanently killing them and trapping their immortal souls in a nether realm between this world and the hereafter.
fig. 3 A group of different varieties of domestic pigeons including the tumbler, the pouter, & the carrier pigeon.

into generating a multimedia brand-identity called The Critical Mime Thinktanck (later shortened to Crimethinc.), which, as long as Kraft Foods 3 retained secret creative control, would serve to eliminate the criminal charges the founders had accumulated. These ranged from minor crimes like scuba-dumpstering without a permit to Unlawful Impersonation and Voting on Behalf of City Council Personnel (a felony since this particular case had persisted more than five years), to Assault with a Deadly Weltanschauung. With the charges hanging over their heads, the kids reluctantly agreed, and Crimethinc was born. Among the works produced in the ersatz media assault was a cookie-prank book called Recipes for Disaster, the irreverent meteorological audiobook, Storm Heaven , (an unofficial fanfiction sequel to Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) and, of course, Inside Front, a clitoral location guide. Ribs pulsing with the familiar raw shock of internal bleeding, I decided to wrap up the session with the HR rep. Although Crimethinc made good on their deal by publishing the earlier Anarchist Primer, Fighting for Our Lives, by the time Multi-national Exchange-Rate Manipulators and Graveyard Gerrymanderers Negate City wanted to tap into the YA Publishing game, the statute of limitations had expired on most of the crimes being used to blackmail Crimethinc. "Additionally, by 2005, most of FfOL had been scientifically debunked by mit students and its usability had been relegated to all but the most disobedient and inconsolate of wild bird's cages as an absorbant liner for irregular smatterings of liquid white bird shit. Thus, the wheels were again set in motion and the work that follows was born. As she left I took what I would later realize were my last unassisted steps toward the phone, to call the emergency room. Welp, there you have it. What a fascinating story! And although the previous editor died happy from his internal wounds, there's no need to belabor this introduction any longer. Enough loligagging enough gagging on poor-quality puppy-made lollipops let's get to it! For maximum fun & enjoyment, our VPs at Nugget City have encouraged us to encourage their bookfair puppets to read this primer aloud, and to encourage you, docile lemming lemonbars, to listen

7. Suffering thus, it would be reverse-ableism to accuse these heroes of, say, apotheosizing the street-fight in a way that is exclusionary to precarious, hyperimprisonable, well-fed, or otherwise differenly abled bodies. So dont do it. Just be cool. Like. For once.


intently to the words of those puppets as though you had any choice. Below you'll find short, easy-to-digest chunks (nuggets, if you will) of information that even the smelliest of nobodies could understand. Enjoy! And, as we here at semiotext(e) always say, Convert to Anarchy or Face a Lifetime of Pleasant Dilettantism & Tenured Anonymity.
Eds. S. Lottringer (1959 - 2013) and C. Kraus (1961 - Soon Enough)

anarchists who didn't care for Marx's beard-muffled gobbeldygook. It was also designed to be a low-grade hairspray propellant. Eventually, however, everyone's card gets pulled, and those martyrs willing to foot the bill by descending shamefully back into the cesspool of workaday wage reality pay the cost for us anarchist's carefree lifestyle. They are truly this milieu's Jesuses 6.

Anarcho-Radfems In the anarcaste system, these are the clown class. Not to be confused with radicals nor with feminists, radfems are a lowly, grotesque source of maudlin humor, who, as a race, originated when a drunk and burger-addled Wendy's employee thoughtlessly scraped bathroom trash fungus under the fingernails he used to sloppily secure a Frostee-lid that a certain unnamed anarcho-primitivist drank. The resultant puke, mixed with equal parts vegan bile, bathroom trash fungus, and a foamy discharge of yellow ichor, pooled in the Wendy's parking lot and, somehow, arced with a cop passerby's taser, thus cohering into a primordial drive-thru spawn of humanoids, ever after known as the radfems. Their presence these days is mostly limited to online flame wars in which they help prepare anarchists to win arguments by proffering bizarre, baseless scenarios like trans-exclusion policies. They often have unforgivable haircuts. Anarcho-Riot Tourists Unfairly cursed with convictions so strong that mere poetic tract-cobbling and nightly dumpster-excavating isn't enough, Riot Tourists are burdened with so much window-smashing passion it's debilitating, 7 and so they fly to the cities where shit most amply pops off, staying just long enough to pen a stinging communique & to drop a banner in solidarity with all other solidaritist banneur dropconteurs, then returning home to watch political documentaries on Netflix for 4 months.

6. Christs.


to degrade patriarchy and oppressive linear eurocentric systems. For example, instead of centering their travel focus on Europe, they just stay on your couch for two weeks. Instead of relying on their dads (i.e. patriarchs) for money, they'll just rob your dad or you or whoever, at gunpoint/train-spike-point. As for anti-linearity: most reformist liberals allow the passage of time to flow like a stream through their minds, sieving true data facts whose accumulation only serves capitalists facts like 'when to stop drinking', 'how to recognize a friend who doesn't have face tattoos', 'the permanent damage a dread-mullet can do' and 'how many backpack rides a puppy can survive'. This mastery of hyperthought frees up a lot of time for doing hard drugs, which a lot of business-suit drones are too stupid to realize feels awesome and has no consequences.

Anarcho-PC Fascists Do-gooders notorious for mud-sticklery, bubblebursting, blanket-wettery, this-morning's-coffee-pissing, parade deluges, and riding into conversations on horses, usually high ones. They try to misdirect the hatred they're owed via 'call-out culture', a mode of smarmy one-upsmanship that thrives on escalating tension and disintegrating affinity by sifting through the arcana looking for ever-more obscure ways to remind people that their shit needs working-on. They are afraid to fight you, and are much less fun to be around than apologists and cryptofascists, who are just here to have a really good time, dude. Anarcho-Post-Anarchists, Anarcho-Burnouts, & Anarcho-Quitters these are like the janitors of anarchy, who if you ever took the time to talk to them, turns out they're a math genius. Also because they do the job that no one else wants to do namely, to find ways to reconcile one's own genuine distaste for control and hatred of oppressive power with the demands of everyday life. You see, just like all other things, Anarchy is a matter of finance. The only way regular anarchists are able to exist is by borrowing on reality-credit, a complex financial instrument designed by Alexander Berkman and Emma Goldman in the early 20th Century Fox, whose original intent was to be a loophole for

The identity as a worker was to be hereby dismissed, and all of a sudden the horizon seemed to open fresh before us like a crisp tube of spiritual Pringles... No longer beholden to the dollar, we took a risk: turned our our wage into a wager. Spent our winnings on a dog, turned our wager into a wagger. Traded the dog for a gold chain and turned our wagger into swagger... We skitched behind the bus of society to a crackless sidewalk of lawless autonomism. We learned to distrust the revolutionary populists, for now the pop-shove-it-ulists shall lead... Now we have knives. We whittle our apathy into crude 'tude flutes we honk on the bobo of infinity in the Phish cover band called life... As we slept, we were pretty sure the rumbling we heard was the formation of cracks in the very foundation of Empire, and not the sound of an earwig laying eggs to be fertilized by our brain meat. .
From Fighting for Our Lives, the NC Piece Corps' Entreaty to Confederate Society into Fight Clubs and also, I think, an Anarchist Primer, probably in the pages near the back.


Warts in Occupy, the Acne in Occupy, and, perhaps most famously, the Restless Leg Syndrome in Occupy (these of course were DA meeting groups, POC caucuses, and prisoner support liasons, respectively). Selflessly but sadly, he never cured his own ailment of being awesome at sex by using his permanent boner the same boner, in fact, that he uses to speak words and consume air and food because it is his head he's a fucking dickhead.

Anarcho-Dirt Urchins Those apolitical kids with resourceful hearts and sticky fingers whose love of dumpster-fare, recycling, compost, rotten tea, dental floss (for sewing, never for flossing), body odor, and repurposed chipboard have secured their relevancy and positionality in the anarchist milieu. Anarcha-Expansive Punk Bros know how to rock against the State and aren't afraid to explore your space to do it. They're especially adept at using their fists to explore and liberate the types of spaces where you shouldn't have been standing in the first place, pussy. Anarcho-Individualists/Egoists anarchists whose unpopularity is so great that they are unable to do anything with anyone but themselves. Kinda proves why we wouldn't let you sit at our table during lunch in the first place, don't you think? Freshman Fridays! *Flips lunch tray and smacks you in the back of the head* Anarcho-Basement Dwelling Nihilists a shameful and backward subgenre of the otherwise kindhearted, graceful, and exceptionally good-looking nihilist (empty) set. These cowardly trolls compose scathing, ironical, unresearched, unreadable polemics leveled at political tendencies of which they have no hands-on knowledge, and think that just because they include this category on the list that people won't realize I actually am one.


Anarcho-Oogles These feminist cyberpunk futurists work ceaselessly

5. Less a subgenre than a consumptive singularity from which no unreported fact can escape. Still relevant because of debate patsy B. Traven's role in organizing this bizarre carnival of fishbowlery.


Oxford University Press Presents: Cyclopedia Anarchonicae, an abridged Greys Anatomy

While sectarianism and infighting are challenges to anti-authoritarians across the globe, American Anarchists have elevated the divisiveness to a level that blurs the line between Taxonomy & Taxidermy.
Admittedly, negate city is to blame for almost every single instance of duck-related petting zoo accidents , and we know this only exacerbates infighting and divisiveness. That was wrong of us, and we'll be the first ones to admit it. What follows are some highlights of the anarchist microgenres.

Unlike the dangerous scientists at Crimethink, we here at ak press favor a rigorous and selfcritical engagement with autonomist and anti-authoritarian struggle. We also don't require all our writers to be born-again Christians, as Crumbthinc does.
We believe in a diligent commitment to anarchy and all its attendant rhizomes. From early on, our editors 4 have recognized the deep dialectical potential in each of negate city's fine publications. As Guy Debord famously said upon the inauguration of the First Situationist Footlocker :

Anarcho-Bandmates people who you regularly encounter during band practice, who you're almost certain you've shared in meaningful anti-capitalist struggle, so much so that it justifies the pontifical, bombastic tenor of your band's lyrics. Almost. Anarcho-Primertivists those exceptional Da Vincis of the body politic with an enduring compulsion to rend tendoncies from bona fide left-wings and to vivisect the heart that beats beneath the planks of the platformists. Anarcho- primertivists are willing to devise an entire event dedicated to explaining to attendees how little they know about the basic reasons they decided to came to the event in the first place. Anarcho-Chris Hedges5 After typing Black Bloc into WebMD, Hedges correctly diagnosed the Black Bloc Anarchists Who I Think They Have Guns problem as The Cancer in Occupy. The prognosis grim, Hedges heroically prepared a treatment: intentionally losing debates and writing asinine news articles in order to goad the cancer into remission, as any competent medical practitioner would. Having successfully cured occupy of its cancer, he went on to treat the Plantar's

Trolling is Necessary, Plagiarism Demands It.

That's why we took the high-road and pre-emptively gave negate city our permission to publish this zine on our behalf, as well as permission to publish the last several dozen ak press titles, none of which should be taken seriously. Also negate city runs our blog and does our taxes. So here it is, your Anarchist FAQ!

fig. 2, opposite before 1641, italy's alcazar basillica was home to the world's only free-standing pringles altar

4. AK Press has two editor-in-chiefs: Chris Farley's putrefacting, speedball-ridden corpse, and a Kermit the Frog Muppet with no arm up in it because it's b-hole is sewn shut.



Anarchy is a state of statelessness. Anarchy becomes obsolete when anarchism obtains. Anarchy is backwards-compatible with #Occupy WallStreet. Anarchy is what happens when abstinence-only sex education legislation gets passed. Anarchy is that visible wisp of vapor escaping from a freshly cracked can of mtn dew and then you look up to see a cloud that looks a mashed potatoes combo at kfc. Anarchy is the small of a lover's back covered in bees who lied about how friendly they were. The bees that is. Anarchy is the unconventional marriage of pocketlint theory with bellybutton-lint practice. Anarchy do because homework don't. Anarchy: whatever, not my real dad. Anarchy loves it here, I never wanna leave. Anarchy with EBT cold. Anarchy ain't nothin' but bing-bongs birdin' around. Anarchy on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime. Anarchies to the Benz? Anarchy came up a little, change the subject to acid reflux. Anarchy hyper between blood rag folds every full moon, a real keeper. Anarchy is so random! Wow Anarchy is fuckin gutter trash, cant believe one can call this music. Hannah Montana,,, What are you trying to prove? really??? YOU


Anarchy? Anarchy?






using that Authenticviews|.] com site. Holy crap Im earning thousands of Anarchy each month cheating from internet roulette! At least Anarchy



Eberhart Press, in collaboration with Conan OBrien & TheOnionNews.com present: An Abridged All-Stars of Anarchist Top 10 Lists

top 10 reasons to be an anarchist

10. Nuclear Arms Dealing Start-Up Cost Too High 9. More Records to Collect (Court/Vinyl) 8. Constant Casual Sex With Good Looking Sociopaths 7. Youre Virtually Guaranteed a Book Deal. Book Deal or Drug Deal. 6. No One Questions the 5-Second Rule 5. A Way to Have Something in Common With Alicia Keys 4. Anarchists are Impervious to Insults, Jury Duty 3. Puts You One Step Closer to Being "Post-Political" 2. Outfits Easier to Coordinate When All yr Clothes are Black/Stolen 1. Havent Had the Chance to Sell Out Yet






is getting paid to act ratchet, the rest of you do it for free. This rap story about the devil trying to tempt this kid to murder someone is the hottest thing on the Anarchy right now.. barz! Anarchy can say whatever , ima sing whatever , no pain is forever yeah you know this :) yeah its so easy to get millions of Views, Likes, Comments, Anarchies, and many other things to popularity explode.



Drop out tonight quit job were gonna free swipes fuck caf meals shit up noise demo baby break a window Im an anarchist no more baths youre a queer negation spineless hashrap memorizing liberal fire extinguisher graff sprayers you say freight train oogle dog pets like its a cold house winter hot house summer bad thing share doing dishes #1 feminist praxis Im in the corner prison letter writing night watching you kiss her excessive cat identity ohh hard femme bike porn Im right over here door-knock paranoia why cant you see me spin the bottle: mono commune ohh afraid of my friends Im giving it my all consent is sexy but Im not the girl vegan mac nootch by the pound at potlucks youre taking home taking pills to breathe oooh, I keep dancing on my own. xVx(A)xPCx(E)xACABxFTTPx(Nwith @ lil arrow) (EmptySet)http://www.anarchistnews.org/ rolloverhighights






fig. 3 some computers require assembly

Hope that was illuminating! And dont forget to buy the Unabridged Anarchist FAQ from AK Press for answers to such troubling questions in a duck cloud shape as:

HOW Culturetoa CAN IexplainSecurity
Q uestionsIplanon havingafterthisFAQis writtenthatIknowwon't beansweredhere. Isthere alivechatoptionfor someonelikeme?
No phone at the microphone, I'm super fresh

You're in luck! A very special contributor has agreed to predict the answers to the questions you haven't asked yet. It's ninjabikeslut, Negate City's very own vp ceo (Very Pretty Cat Enthusiast, Obviously), and, using an esoterinsurrectionary potion of esp divination, and also Facebook, they'll now pre-emptively livechat every answer.




I WANT TO Writealettertoapolitical

prisoner. What'san appropriatesalutation?

Dear the drunken master is overrun with Occupy Oakland cops, solidarity with Occupy wall street these peeps be throwin out some ice crizeam! Every thinks I'm trying to kill you, you

thenIsawthatCrimethinc&theNew YorkTimeshadpublishedhis manifestoinfull. IsCrimethinc beholdentoterroristdemandsinthe samewayliberalragsliketheNYTis?

ITheUnabomberwasaterrorist, THOUGHT but

resourcebutI'mparticular aboutmy space, andI'm startingtogetfrustratedby hostingtravellerfriends, what shouldIdo?

I LIKE Offeringupmy homeasa

yo, but in motion, a housepunk at rest stays at rest...

And feel free to stop by the new AK Press Barnes & Noble's, located in Baltimore, MD (a suburb of Washington DC)!

CYBERSPACE Seemstogetalotofflack, butfor

somepeoplewhoexperience neurodivergentrealitiesandfor folkswithlessmobilebodies, the internetcanbeameaningful axisofresistance. AmIwrongto prioritizeclicktivism?

long live your laptop group stop inviting me

fig. 3 some computers require assembly


beento, andit'sstartingtofeel likebookfairsarejustlimp convergenceswatereddownwith commodityexchange. HowdoI enlivenmyselfandother attendeestorebelmorecreatively?

THIS IS ThethirdACABinarowI've

While it fair, anarchist bookfairs are the police

DebordandTheSituationists, butI stilldon'texactly understandtheir deal. CanyouexplaintheSIin5 words??

I HEAR AlotofpeoplementioningGuy

today was punk and prisons

WHAT DO Youthinkabout
whentrans*, native, anddeep ecologicalidentitiesformthe foundationsforsomany meaningfulsocialcirclesand anti-statistcampaigns?


puddles are nothing and violence, Peter Gelderloos stop hatin' on Oakland and against every for

SHOULD I MovetoSeattle?
IS MyTABLING zinedistroatshows
meaningful?Orisitjusta wasteoftime?

puddles are for government

punks are the state!

HOW CAN Youcriticizeidentity politics

i don't get caught up with me, even the punks and diverted into itself, we destroy

GIVEN HOW Massmediaandspatial

mobility haspluralizedand amplifiedtheanarchist subculture, Isthestruggle againstneoliberalismand globalizationevenrelevant any more, orisitoutdated?

really though, it's been killed more than 200 people, they don't identify as proles, which we have nowhere to go.

AS A CIS Dude, Iwanttobeagoodally, It

New Girl Talk or being a girl, and killing thing

seemslikeevery 'wave'of feminismhassomeserious problems. Isthefeminist tendency nolongercomplementary toanticapitalist struggle?