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00:00:00,813 --> 00:00:04,068

It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,168 --> 00:00:07,437
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:07,471 --> 00:00:11,007
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
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On which we used to rely?
5
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Lucky there's a family guy
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Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
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All the things that make us
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Laugh and cry
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He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
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00:00:25,104 --> 00:00:29,104
<font color=#00FF00> Family Guy 12x10 </font>
<font color=#00FFFF>Grimm Job</font>
Original Air Date on January 12, 2014
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00:00:29,105 --> 00:00:34,105
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>
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We now return to <i>An Early Draft</i>
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<i>of A Streetcar Named Desire.</i>

14
00:00:38,569 --> 00:00:42,272
Deb? Deb!
15
00:00:42,306 --> 00:00:45,341
Debbie!
16
00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:46,743
Good night, Lois.
17
00:00:46,777 --> 00:00:48,444
Sorry about hitting
you at dinner.
18
00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:50,647
It was nice of the manager
not to call the cops.
19
00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:52,048
Yeah, it worked out.
20
00:00:52,082 --> 00:00:53,583
Happy anniversary.
21
00:00:53,617 --> 00:00:55,518
Hey, hey!
22
00:00:55,552 --> 00:00:56,920
I can't remember if I'm supposed
23
00:00:56,954 --> 00:00:58,655
to sleep on my stomach
or my back.
24
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:00,657
What does
the current literature say?
25
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:01,991
Peter, go check
on Stewie.
26
00:01:02,026 --> 00:01:04,127
Fine.
27
00:01:04,161 --> 00:01:06,362
Oh, my God, look at you.

28
00:01:06,397 --> 00:01:07,497
You're out of breath.
29
00:01:07,531 --> 00:01:10,133
It's 15 feet
from your door to mine.
30
00:01:10,167 --> 00:01:11,534
Aw, what's the matter, Stewie?
31
00:01:11,568 --> 00:01:12,936
You a little scared in here?
32
00:01:12,970 --> 00:01:14,737
Don't worry,
there's no monsters.
33
00:01:14,772 --> 00:01:16,205
Of course there's
no monsters.
34
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,674
Or are you worried
about what happened
35
00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:19,275
to that family
down the street?
36
00:01:19,310 --> 00:01:21,644
Those three guys broke in,
beat up the father
37
00:01:21,679 --> 00:01:23,713
with a croquet mallet,
and then stole the baby,
38
00:01:23,747 --> 00:01:25,782
and nobody knows
where the baby is now?
39
00:01:25,816 --> 00:01:27,456
Is that what you're
thinking about, buddy?
40
00:01:27,484 --> 00:01:28,885

I am now!
41
00:01:28,919 --> 00:01:31,754
Tell you what, Daddy'll
read you a bedtime story.
42
00:01:31,789 --> 00:01:33,089
Ah, let's see.
43
00:01:33,123 --> 00:01:35,058
Dr. Seuss, <i>Peter Rabbit...</i>
44
00:01:35,092 --> 00:01:38,127
Ah, here we go,
James Michener's <i>Hawaii.</i>
45
00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:40,363
Let's skip three feet in.
46
00:01:40,397 --> 00:01:42,298
Aah, Pearl Harbor!
47
00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:44,033
Okay, let's see, uh...
48
00:01:44,068 --> 00:01:45,168
Ah, here we go.
49
00:01:45,202 --> 00:01:46,936
<i>Fairy Tales.</i>
50
00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:50,006
Oh, not on your lap.
51
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,675
Aah, gross!
52
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:54,544
"Jack and the Beanstalk."
53
00:01:54,578 --> 00:01:57,046
Now, that title could be
a fairy tale or a porn.
54
00:01:57,081 --> 00:01:59,082
Let's find out.

55
00:02:08,359 --> 00:02:10,526
Jack, we need to put
food on the table.
56
00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:11,861
Oh, give me a break, Wife.
57
00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:13,696
You know, if you could
spin straw into gold
58
00:02:13,731 --> 00:02:15,932
or-or maybe meth,
I wouldn't need a job.
59
00:02:15,966 --> 00:02:17,333
Well, then, sell the cow!
60
00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,369
And be sure you get
real money for it.
61
00:02:19,403 --> 00:02:20,737
What else would I get?
62
00:02:20,771 --> 00:02:22,739
I don't know-- magic beans?
63
00:02:22,773 --> 00:02:24,240
There are magic beans?
64
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,274
I don't know.
65
00:02:25,309 --> 00:02:26,609
Who cares?
66
00:02:26,643 --> 00:02:28,478
Well, what's
magic about them?
67
00:02:28,512 --> 00:02:30,580
Don't get magic
beans, you idiot.
68

00:02:30,614 --> 00:02:32,115

What? I-I'd never
even freaking heard
69
00:02:32,149 --> 00:02:33,783
of magic beans
till you said them.
70
00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:36,285
If I do get them,
it's you what caused it.
71
00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:42,859
So, you're selling me?
72
00:02:42,893 --> 00:02:44,360
Yeah, well, you heard
her back there.
73
00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:48,164
She wants her stupid magic beans
so the whole world has to stop.
74
00:02:48,198 --> 00:02:49,565
Halt, travelers!
75
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,833
Oh, my God!
76
00:02:50,868 --> 00:02:52,201
Why do you look like that?
77
00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:54,871
Ah, all of these stories
were written by Germans.
78
00:02:54,905 --> 00:02:57,840
But nobody can cross my bridge
without paying a toll.
79
00:02:57,875 --> 00:02:59,208
A toll? Like what?
80
00:02:59,243 --> 00:03:01,411
You have to name three
great Jewish athletes
81

00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:03,813

or pay a thousand
gold coins.
82
00:03:03,847 --> 00:03:06,082
Uh, Hank Greenberg,
83
00:03:06,116 --> 00:03:07,583
Sandy Koufax
84
00:03:07,618 --> 00:03:09,619
and, uh, Gal Fridman,
85
00:03:09,653 --> 00:03:11,154
Olympic windsurfer.
86
00:03:11,188 --> 00:03:12,588
Took gold in Athens in 2000
87
00:03:12,623 --> 00:03:14,390
and the bronze
in Atlanta in '96.
88
00:03:14,425 --> 00:03:16,426
I can see you're
on your phone.
89
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:18,094
Oh, come on,
I'm supposed to go into town
90
00:03:18,128 --> 00:03:19,362
and sell this cow.
91
00:03:19,396 --> 00:03:21,097
Ooh, you're selling that cow?
92
00:03:21,131 --> 00:03:24,200
I don't have much, but I'll give
you some magic beans for it.
93
00:03:26,103 --> 00:03:29,439
That's exactly
what I was supposed to get!
94
00:03:30,641 --> 00:03:32,942
I said <i>not</i> magic beans.

95
00:03:32,976 --> 00:03:34,844
Look, le-let's
just admit we both
96
00:03:34,878 --> 00:03:36,179
kind of got our
wires crossed,
97
00:03:36,213 --> 00:03:38,614
and commit to being
clearer in the future.
98
00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:41,084
Jack, I'm sick of your
irresponsible behavior.
99
00:03:41,118 --> 00:03:43,619
Like when you were supposed
to be babysitting Georgie Porgie
100
00:03:43,654 --> 00:03:46,055
and his sleazy brother
Rick Porgie.
101
00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:48,658
Hey, Rick, you want to kiss
some girls and make them cry?
102
00:03:48,692 --> 00:03:52,095
No, but let's thumb-blast them
and make them puke.
103
00:03:52,129 --> 00:03:54,363
What the hell are we supposed
to do with these anyway?
104
00:03:54,398 --> 00:03:56,632
I knew you'd be mad, so
I've asked the band Heart
105
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:59,635
to explain these beans in a
way you can dreamily digest.
106
00:03:59,670 --> 00:04:01,938
These beans

107
00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:05,942
Go on when I close my eyes
108
00:04:05,976 --> 00:04:08,978
Every second of the night
109
00:04:09,012 --> 00:04:12,115
I live another life
110
00:04:12,149 --> 00:04:17,753
These beans that sleep
when it's cold outside.
111
00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:21,324
They changed the word
"dreams" to "beans."
112
00:04:21,358 --> 00:04:23,926
I-I was hoping they'd
change a few more words
113
00:04:23,961 --> 00:04:25,728
to pertain to our situation,
114
00:04:25,762 --> 00:04:27,864
but I-I-I'm just
happy they did this.
115
00:04:27,898 --> 00:04:29,232
Jack, this is ridiculous.
116
00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:31,134
Tomorrow I want you
to go back out there
117
00:04:31,168 --> 00:04:33,803
and look for a job
that pays actual money.
118
00:04:33,837 --> 00:04:35,671
These things are worthless.
119
00:04:37,774 --> 00:04:39,942
I know she's gone,
but can you do the other one?
120

00:04:39,977 --> 00:04:42,145

What about beans?
121
00:04:42,179 --> 00:04:46,182
Don't you want someone
to care about you?
122
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:02,165
"Mary Davis gives birth to...
123
00:05:02,199 --> 00:05:04,167
lamb?"
124
00:05:04,201 --> 00:05:06,202
Holy crap!
125
00:05:15,145 --> 00:05:17,079
Oh, my God!
126
00:05:17,114 --> 00:05:18,548
Wha-What is that?
127
00:05:18,582 --> 00:05:21,984
I think those magic beans
grew into a giant beanstalk.
128
00:05:22,019 --> 00:05:23,699
Hey, where the hell'd
that thing come from?
129
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,222
It's blocking my view of
Little Miss Muffet's tuffet.
130
00:05:26,256 --> 00:05:28,257
Ooh, isn't my tuffet soft
131
00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:30,359
and pink and wonderful?
132
00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,994
Ah, damn it!
I need to see that
133
00:05:32,029 --> 00:05:33,696
so I can make curds and whey.

134
00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:35,198
Relax, Rumpleforeskin.
135
00:05:35,232 --> 00:05:37,767
This is a magic beanstalk
that grew overnight.
136
00:05:37,801 --> 00:05:39,135
And I'm gonna climb it.
137
00:05:39,169 --> 00:05:40,503
Jack, what are you
talking about?
138
00:05:40,537 --> 00:05:42,171
You can't climb all
the way up there.
139
00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:43,339
I have to.
140
00:05:43,373 --> 00:05:45,541
My old gym coach is over there
with a whistle.
141
00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:48,277
Come on, Jack,
your brother was
142
00:05:48,312 --> 00:05:50,012
varsity beanstalk climbing.
143
00:05:50,047 --> 00:05:52,048
He's dead!
144
00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:06,262
And now to throw
this handful of change down
145
00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:09,265
because I'm a psychopath.
146
00:06:09,299 --> 00:06:10,566
Aah, damn it!
147
00:06:10,601 --> 00:06:12,501

Thank you!
148
00:06:14,238 --> 00:06:16,639
I say, who the
devil are you? Go away!
149
00:06:16,673 --> 00:06:17,840
Aw, I-I'm sorry.
150
00:06:17,874 --> 00:06:19,475
Are you taking
a goose poop?
151
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,177
I'm not defecating,
you nitwit.
152
00:06:21,211 --> 00:06:22,211
I'm laying an egg.
153
00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:28,951
Golden eggs!
154
00:06:28,986 --> 00:06:30,519
Oh, my God!
155
00:06:30,554 --> 00:06:32,121
This is probably
what famous black rappers
156
00:06:32,155 --> 00:06:35,024
eat for breakfast.
157
00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:37,059
Who goes there?!
158
00:06:37,094 --> 00:06:39,629
Oh, boy.
You woke up dum-dum.
159
00:06:40,864 --> 00:06:43,699
Fee-fi-fo-fum.
160
00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:47,470
I smell the blood
of an English man.

161
00:06:47,504 --> 00:06:50,039
It's odd that you would speak
gibberish of your own choosing
162
00:06:50,073 --> 00:06:51,741
and not make it rhyme.
163
00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:53,309
How did you get here?
164
00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:54,443
By beanstalk.
165
00:06:54,478 --> 00:06:55,778
How did you get up here?
166
00:06:55,812 --> 00:06:57,680
This is just a house
floating in the air.
167
00:06:57,714 --> 00:06:59,282
I fell from a higher cloud.
168
00:06:59,316 --> 00:07:01,384
That is not what happened.
H-He's out of his mind.
169
00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:04,053
He just sits in his room all
day and inhales hair spray.
170
00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:06,389
Well, you can't have my goose.
171
00:07:06,423 --> 00:07:08,524
Okay, two men
fighting over me.
172
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:09,825
Neat.
173
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:11,794
All right, we're just gonna
have to quietly run away.
174
00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:13,262

I'll create a diversion.

175
00:07:13,297 --> 00:07:14,563
Aah! Look at me!
176
00:07:14,598 --> 00:07:15,998
Look at me! Look at me!
177
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,066
Aah!
178
00:07:38,889 --> 00:07:40,256
Damn beanstalk.
179
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:41,957
Hey, Little Boy Brown!
180
00:07:41,992 --> 00:07:43,592
You said you were
gonna help me saw.
181
00:07:43,627 --> 00:07:45,161
I can't
find no gloves!
182
00:08:04,214 --> 00:08:05,448
Aah!
183
00:08:10,887 --> 00:08:13,422
Jack six, giant zero.
184
00:08:13,457 --> 00:08:15,925
What? What? Why-why
is that six points?
185
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,426
Oh, Jack, you're safe.
186
00:08:17,461 --> 00:08:19,061
I was so worried.
187
00:08:19,096 --> 00:08:20,596
And I got this golden goose.
188
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,631
Our troubles are over.

189
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:24,533
Well, our-our money
troubles are over.
190
00:08:24,568 --> 00:08:27,937
Our sexual troubles are still...
are still very much alive.
191
00:08:34,478 --> 00:08:37,246
Now we wait.
192
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,681
"The end."
193
00:08:38,715 --> 00:08:40,649
So, the lesson there is
if you steal,
194
00:08:40,684 --> 00:08:42,651
you better be ready
to murder, too.
195
00:08:42,686 --> 00:08:44,820
What do you say
we read another one?
196
00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:47,757
Wow, you got a great view
into Bonnie's window from here.
197
00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:49,825
Man, how do you get
any work done?
198
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:51,660
What do you mean?
Lois is prettier than Bonnie.
199
00:08:51,695 --> 00:08:52,962
Oh, I get it.
200
00:08:52,996 --> 00:08:54,363
It's worse, but it's different.
201
00:08:54,398 --> 00:08:55,464
Okay, all right,

so that's something.
202
00:08:55,499 --> 00:08:56,499
Okay.
203
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,122
So I got out of the
car to take a leak,
204
00:09:03,157 --> 00:09:04,824
because I'd been drinking,
and I didn't know
205
00:09:04,858 --> 00:09:06,325
it was next to a
children's park.
206
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:07,660
But anyway, that's
why this lady
207
00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:09,762
has to watch whenever
I play with you.
208
00:09:09,796 --> 00:09:11,230
Both hands
on the book, please.
209
00:09:11,265 --> 00:09:13,199
It's my son!
Come on!
210
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:14,200
Geez!
211
00:09:14,234 --> 00:09:15,568
Thank you, Maya.
212
00:09:15,602 --> 00:09:19,272
All right, the next story is
"Little Red Riding Hood."
213
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,845
<i>Red Riding Hood</i>
<i>was choosing her clothes</i>
214

00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:28,214

<i>for a journey</i>
<i>across the forest.</i>
215
00:09:28,248 --> 00:09:29,515
You know, if I had the guts,
216
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:31,050
I would be
Little White Turtleneck.
217
00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:33,119
And by "guts," I mean "body."
218
00:09:33,153 --> 00:09:36,989
Red, don't forget this basket
of food for Grandma.
219
00:09:37,024 --> 00:09:38,858
This whole thing is
way too heavy.
220
00:09:38,892 --> 00:09:40,993
Wh-why are you putting
a bag of ice in here?
221
00:09:41,028 --> 00:09:44,230
Is this... is this
a Coors Party Ball?
222
00:09:44,264 --> 00:09:45,398
Is Grandma going
to be entertaining
223
00:09:45,432 --> 00:09:47,433
Florida Jet Ski people?
224
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:50,069
Remember, stay on the path
and you'll be fine.
225
00:09:50,103 --> 00:09:52,305
Oh, yes, great advice
from mother of the year.
226
00:09:52,339 --> 00:09:56,042
You do realize Grandma
lives 68 miles away, right?

227
00:09:56,076 --> 00:09:58,544
You-you're sending your
child out there to die.
228
00:10:01,915 --> 00:10:03,516
Tra-la-la-la-la
229
00:10:03,550 --> 00:10:05,818
Skipping song,
skipping song
230
00:10:05,852 --> 00:10:08,354
No one's here
to call me gay.
231
00:10:08,388 --> 00:10:10,790
If you were my son,
I would kill you.
232
00:10:10,824 --> 00:10:13,459
Really? Because I hear
your son is a sap.
233
00:10:14,828 --> 00:10:16,095
If you're gonna
hit the king,
234
00:10:16,129 --> 00:10:18,130
you better kill the king.
235
00:10:27,808 --> 00:10:28,874
Oh, hey.
236
00:10:28,909 --> 00:10:30,109
You're the wolf, right?
237
00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:31,844
Yup, and don't forget
"big" and "bad."
238
00:10:33,513 --> 00:10:34,680
Nah.
239
00:10:37,651 --> 00:10:40,953
So, um, what happened with you
and those three little pigs?

240
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,855
Wh-Why did you want
to eat them so badly?
241
00:10:42,889 --> 00:10:46,158
It-it's so amazing that that's
what people think happened.
242
00:10:46,193 --> 00:10:48,327
First of all, I didn't want
to eat them, all right?
243
00:10:48,362 --> 00:10:49,729
I wanted to talk
to one of them.
244
00:10:49,763 --> 00:10:50,730
About what?
245
00:10:50,764 --> 00:10:51,964
Well, she was
my ex-girlfriend,
246
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:54,533
and I believed
I was due an explanation
247
00:10:54,568 --> 00:10:56,836
about why she was
such a whore.
248
00:10:56,870 --> 00:10:58,671
All right, well, I'm
off to my grandmother's,
249
00:10:58,705 --> 00:11:01,307
but before I go, I better
take a deep-woods dump.
250
00:11:01,341 --> 00:11:03,843
Her bathroom is right
off the dining room.
251
00:11:03,877 --> 00:11:07,647
So, it's either now
or three days from now.

252
00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:12,351
Where are you going, dear?
253
00:11:12,386 --> 00:11:14,754
I got to go check
on my shoe apartment complex.
254
00:11:14,788 --> 00:11:17,523
Old woman breeds
like a gopher.
255
00:11:21,628 --> 00:11:23,663
Hello?
Is anyone home?
256
00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:26,432
Ay, no, no.
257
00:11:26,466 --> 00:11:29,368
I can hear
the muffled Mexican music.
258
00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:32,305
Look, if you guys
don't shape up,
259
00:11:32,339 --> 00:11:33,439
I'm gonna rent this place
260
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:35,841
to Goldilocks
and the three bears.
261
00:11:35,876 --> 00:11:37,810
Ooh, this is nice.
262
00:11:37,844 --> 00:11:40,446
It's every bit as
darling as you said.
263
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,381
They're gonna
fix up the place.
264
00:11:47,454 --> 00:11:48,888
Who is it?

265
00:11:48,922 --> 00:11:50,856
It's your granddaughter, Red.
266
00:11:50,891 --> 00:11:52,591
How do I know it's you?
267
00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:54,293
Oh, come on, that's
a perfect imitation.
268
00:11:54,328 --> 00:11:57,530
Open up. I brought strawberry
shortcake and Cool Whip.
269
00:11:57,564 --> 00:11:58,531
And what?
270
00:11:58,565 --> 00:12:00,266
Oh, sorry.
I mean Cool Hwhip.
271
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,002
That's my little girl.
272
00:12:03,036 --> 00:12:06,105
Oh, my!
273
00:12:12,212 --> 00:12:14,280
Come in.
274
00:12:14,314 --> 00:12:15,881
Who the hell are you?
275
00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:17,583
Why, your grandma,
of course.
276
00:12:17,617 --> 00:12:18,651
All right, fine.
277
00:12:18,685 --> 00:12:19,785
I guess we're doing this.
278
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,455
My, what big eyes
you have, Grandma.

279
00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:24,990
All the better
to see you with, my dear.
280
00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:26,592
My, what big...
You know what?
281
00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:27,860
I-I'm sorry, I-I can't.
282
00:12:27,894 --> 00:12:30,229
I-I can't do this.
I-I'm not an idiot.
283
00:12:30,263 --> 00:12:31,831
My grandma is a human woman.
284
00:12:31,865 --> 00:12:33,499
How-how was this ever a scene?
285
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:34,734
All right, fine, yes.
286
00:12:34,768 --> 00:12:35,835
It's me, the wolf.
287
00:12:35,869 --> 00:12:37,370
Must we go through
this charade?
288
00:12:37,404 --> 00:12:38,604
It's insulting.
289
00:12:38,638 --> 00:12:39,905
I don't know
why you're complaining.
290
00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:41,040
I'm the one who's about
291
00:12:41,074 --> 00:12:43,142
to get violently bisected
by the woodsman.
292

00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:44,877

What woodsman?
293
00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:47,580
Ha-ha!
294
00:12:58,325 --> 00:13:00,493
You know, I'm not sure
if that's our hero
295
00:13:00,527 --> 00:13:01,727
or just a lunatic
296
00:13:01,762 --> 00:13:03,429
going house to house
murdering people.
297
00:13:03,463 --> 00:13:04,864
Ha-ha!
298
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:10,636
Yeah, he-he-he
just did it again.
299
00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:11,871
I think we should...
300
00:13:11,905 --> 00:13:13,973
I think we should call somebody.
301
00:13:20,291 --> 00:13:22,525
Aw, look at the little guy.
302
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,460
So peaceful.
303
00:13:24,495 --> 00:13:25,962
Hey! Wake up! We got one more!
304
00:13:27,398 --> 00:13:30,199
Now, if this don't get you
to sleep, nothing will.
305
00:13:30,234 --> 00:13:33,169
"Cinderella"
by nobody remembers.

306
00:13:35,539 --> 00:13:38,441
<i>A long time ago,</i>
<i>in a magical, faraway land,</i>
307
00:13:38,475 --> 00:13:41,844
<i>several women lived together</i>
<i>and, surprise, surprise,</i>
308
00:13:41,879 --> 00:13:43,980
<i>they didn't exactly get along.</i>
309
00:13:46,317 --> 00:13:48,985
Hey, Cinderella,
how's the scrubbing going?
310
00:13:49,019 --> 00:13:51,721
God, we have so few female
characters to work with.
311
00:13:51,755 --> 00:13:53,623
You just keep scrubbing
that poo spot
312
00:13:53,657 --> 00:13:55,892
so I can come back
and poo on that spot again.
313
00:13:55,926 --> 00:13:58,861
You guys are gonna regret
being mean to me someday.
314
00:13:58,896 --> 00:14:00,463
Mean to you? Us?
315
00:14:00,497 --> 00:14:03,032
When are we ever
mean to you?
316
00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:04,934
Remember the time
you told King Midas
317
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,636
to go to third base with me?
318
00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:08,404
Now I'm dealing with this.

319
00:14:09,907 --> 00:14:11,908
I dated him, too.
320
00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:21,618
It's so unfair that we're called
the "evil" stepsisters.
321
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,686
Yeah, I mean,
you'd be evil, too,
322
00:14:23,721 --> 00:14:25,622
if your stepdad was
Bruce Jenner.
323
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:28,891
Hey, girls, feel my cheek,
it's like a bottom!
324
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,895
He stole me horn!
325
00:14:36,233 --> 00:14:38,067
Well, I don't,
I don't know what that was,
326
00:14:38,102 --> 00:14:40,436
but th-the first one has
a parchment from the Charmings.
327
00:14:42,773 --> 00:14:44,941
It's an invite to a party
for the prince!
328
00:14:44,975 --> 00:14:46,442
I hear he's looking
for someone
329
00:14:46,477 --> 00:14:47,777
to spend the rest
of his life with.
330
00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:49,245
Well, it won't be you.
331
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:52,148

Yeah, there's a reason this

story's not called "Cinderella."
332
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,549
Actually, it is.
333
00:14:53,584 --> 00:14:56,486
Ah, that does not
bode well for us.
334
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,892
Now, since we're all
planning on drinking,
335
00:15:02,926 --> 00:15:04,994
I called us a pumpkin.
336
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,162
Wait for me!
337
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,901
You said if I had
a nice dress,
338
00:15:11,935 --> 00:15:13,436
I could go to the ball.
339
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,672
How did you even make
that dress so fast?
340
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:18,107
Oh, you know,
I-I have an eye for fashion,
341
00:15:18,142 --> 00:15:20,276
and I'm pretty good
with my hands.
342
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:21,644
Unbelievable.
343
00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:23,946
Now I'm worried about that
screenplay we gave her.
344
00:15:23,981 --> 00:15:25,581

You're not going

to the ball!
345
00:15:25,616 --> 00:15:28,551
It's for ladies,
not scumbag nobodies.
346
00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:32,021
Girls, shred her dress and
divvy it up for monthlies.
347
00:15:45,869 --> 00:15:47,737
Well, that's
not cool, either.
348
00:15:47,771 --> 00:15:49,338
They're all kind of bitches.
349
00:15:53,377 --> 00:15:56,746
And then they ripped up my dress
so now I have nothing to wear.
350
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:59,849
Well, sometimes
"nothing to wear" is a fun time.
351
00:15:59,883 --> 00:16:01,884
You know, just get weird.
352
00:16:04,054 --> 00:16:07,123
Cinderella, I am
your fairy godmother.
353
00:16:07,157 --> 00:16:10,827
"Fairy" in the magical sense,
not about kissing guys.
354
00:16:10,861 --> 00:16:12,462
Oh, my God!
355
00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:15,598
I want that bitch Snow White to
just admit she had an abortion.
356
00:16:15,632 --> 00:16:16,799
Whoa, whoa!
357

00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:19,335

I was thinking more like
a new dress for the party.
358
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:20,970
Or a bunch of chew toys.
359
00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:22,105
Your choice.
360
00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:23,506
Chew toys.
Take the chew toys.
361
00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:24,841
A new dress?
362
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:27,076
Well, that means I
could go to the ball!
363
00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:34,183
Oh, what a beautiful dress.
364
00:16:34,218 --> 00:16:35,985
B-But how will I
get to the ball?
365
00:16:36,019 --> 00:16:38,221
I-I don't have a horse
or a carriage.
366
00:16:44,361 --> 00:16:46,963
Oh, yeah, that's... yeah,
just change me into whatever.
367
00:16:46,997 --> 00:16:48,564
Yeah, that's cool. Thanks.
368
00:16:48,599 --> 00:16:50,266
Well, is everything
all right in here...?
369
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,703
This hurts! This hurts!
370
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,047

This ball is kind of lame.

371
00:17:05,082 --> 00:17:07,850
All these royal types
are inbreeding, walleyed,
372
00:17:07,885 --> 00:17:10,153
bucktooth monsters
who have to be wheeled around
373
00:17:10,187 --> 00:17:11,287
under a blanket.
374
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:14,223
I say! Wherever is Grandmum-mum?
375
00:17:14,258 --> 00:17:17,426
She would so enjoy
the festoonities!
376
00:17:17,461 --> 00:17:18,861
That's not a word, sir.
377
00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:21,964
My mind races from the damp!
378
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,299
Hey, how are you?
379
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,301
Hey, hi, there.
Thanks for coming.
380
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,571
These are my daughters,
and they will do anything
381
00:17:28,605 --> 00:17:31,574
to be your princess,
right, girls?
382
00:17:31,608 --> 00:17:33,142
See anything
you like?
383
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,578
Oh, I'm so fancy

and moist.
384
00:17:35,612 --> 00:17:36,979
Ew, you guys are gross.
385
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,482
But stick around in case
I don't find anyone else.
386
00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:48,558
Okay, first of all,
obviously the dress.
387
00:17:48,592 --> 00:17:49,926
Wow.
388
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,961
And you smell slightly
less worse
389
00:17:51,995 --> 00:17:53,830
than everyone else
in the kingdom.
390
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,399
Oh, why, thank you,
I just bathed last year.
391
00:18:21,692 --> 00:18:22,959
Hey, wh-where you going?
392
00:18:22,993 --> 00:18:23,993
Come back here!
393
00:18:24,027 --> 00:18:25,328
You brushed up against it!
394
00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:27,096
You got to take care of it now!
395
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:39,075
Wait, wait, you forgot
your glass slipper.
396
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,646
And a box of condoms.

397
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,549
Aw, man!
Things were gonna happen.
398
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,724
We almost kissed.
399
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,093
Why couldn't the magic have
lasted five more minutes?
400
00:18:57,127 --> 00:19:00,229
Now I'll never get to be
a rich, do-nothing wife.
401
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:03,532
Sorry your dreams
haven't come true.
402
00:19:10,474 --> 00:19:13,209
My lord, there is no sign
of her, and we searched far.
403
00:19:13,243 --> 00:19:15,111
Did you search wide?
No.
404
00:19:15,145 --> 00:19:17,346
You got to search wide,
that's like half of it.
405
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:21,984
<i>And so the prince searched</i>
<i>all over the kingdom</i>
406
00:19:22,019 --> 00:19:23,619
<i>for the foot</i>
<i>that fit the glass slipper.</i>
407
00:19:23,654 --> 00:19:24,887
<i>Well, not "all" over.</i>
408
00:19:24,922 --> 00:19:28,124
<i>He skipped the, uh,</i>
<i>south side of town,</i>
409
00:19:28,158 --> 00:19:29,892

<i>which, uh, even</i>

<i>in fairy tale times,</i>
410
00:19:29,927 --> 00:19:31,761
<i>was, um...</i>
411
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,829
<i>let's just say "loud."</i>
412
00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:40,970
And so, whoever fits in this
slipper will be my princess.
413
00:19:41,004 --> 00:19:42,805
Or prince.
414
00:19:42,839 --> 00:19:44,507
I'm bi.
415
00:19:44,541 --> 00:19:46,542
Oh, there's my slipper!
416
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,056
Oh, I've been looking
all over for it.
417
00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:50,780
Well, when I'm not
doing gymnastics.
418
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,782
This could be your life.
419
00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,483
Enough!
420
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:57,987
It's you.
421
00:19:58,021 --> 00:19:59,288
Her?
422
00:20:10,033 --> 00:20:12,802
I can't wait to make love
to you a hundred years
423

00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:16,205

before the invention
of toilet paper.
424
00:20:16,239 --> 00:20:19,141
<i>And so, two people who danced</i>
<i>together one time</i>
425
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:22,144
<i>entered into an ill-advised,</i>
<i>long-term relationship.</i>
426
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:25,047
<i>And they lived happily ever</i>
<i>after for seven months</i>
427
00:20:25,082 --> 00:20:27,750
<i>and then separated with</i>
<i>the goal of fixing themselves</i>
428
00:20:27,784 --> 00:20:29,151
<i>and getting back together.</i>
429
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,287
<i>They got into a huge fight</i>
<i>when his mom got sick.</i>
430
00:20:31,321 --> 00:20:33,489
<i>And now they don't even follow</i>
<i>each other on Twitter.</i>
431
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,124
<i>The end.</i>
432
00:20:41,999 --> 00:20:45,234
Good night, Stewie.
433
00:20:45,268 --> 00:20:47,803
Good night, Chris.
434
00:20:49,272 --> 00:20:51,273
Good night, Meg.
435
00:20:51,308 --> 00:20:56,308
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>