Evolution of a Translation | Poetry

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.

com/translator_frog

百年樹人詩壇
THE CHALLENGE EVOLUTION OF A TRANSLATION
or

挑戰寫詩變譯詩
A Ten-Secon !lay
"ompile by

#ane $. %uckingham

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

Preface
The characters are real an the e&ent recor e here is factual. The compiler has been gi&en e'plicit consent by each of the participants to epict( using suitable pseu onyms( their creations an their acti&ities. The contents or part or parts of the contents of this ocument may not be copie ( isseminate ( or istribute without ue cre it to the author or authors in&ol&e . #ane $ %uckingham "ompiler )ctober *+,-

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

CHARACTERS
A group of mi le-age frien s( former classmates( that inclu es ./)01 2young kibit3ing illiterate4( .易金( .沈大夫( .三姑娘, .八股佬( .朱史( .劍仙花( an .真笨.

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

SETTING
The action takes place in ether.

TIME
The present.

SYNOPSIS
A group of former classmates get together iscussing poetry an one of them offers up the classic poem Trees 2,5,64 by #oyce 7ilmer 2,889-,5,84 as inspiration an a challenge to the rest to come up with poems about one of nature:s gift to mankin . )ne classmate imme iately picks up the gauntlet an presents a "hinese translation. The subse;uent burst of fer&ent energy results in a a33ling isplay of creati&e talents an constructi&e criti;ues.

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

1

As the curtain rises, the old friends are hovering together having a discussion. /)01 7nowing how much time you all ha&e to be creati&e an scholarly( < thought the following poem from #oyce 7ilmer woul inspire you all in one way or another. After all( in my humble opinion( what a way to pay tribute to his insightful poem while celebrating our school=s upcoming centennial by coming up with one or more of your poems about one of nature:s remarkable-but-oftentaken-for-grante gifts to mankin . Trees by #oyce 7ilmer I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree. A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the earth's sweet flowing breast; A tree that looks at God all day, And lifts her leafy arms to pray; A tree that may in Summer wear A nest of robins in her hair; Upon whose bosom snow has lain; ho intimately lives with rain. !oems are made by fools like me, "ut only God #an make a tree. 易金 Trees is a &ery lo&e poem( we learne it as a lo&ely song( < still remember the tune. < woul n=t are to write anything comparable. < coul n=t e&en if < try. %ut( < o want to o a translation. < ha&en=t looke up translate &ersion on the web so as not to be biase . $ere=s my &ersion:
. .

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< DEF樹

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*+,2345678 =>?@ABC GHIJK詩L
.

/)01

%ra&o> 0e=&e only just begun...

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

2

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易金

夾硬質你睇 re&ision,請賜高見,謝謝。

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< DRE樹

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,2345678 NOPQ>AB GHIJK詩L
.

易金

修改如下,可乎?

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< DRE樹

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,2345678 NOPQ>AB IJSTK詩L
.

/)01 ?ow that one of you has finishe the lefto&ers( let=s begin with some bran new thoughts about trees that woul make @r. T an others roll o&er prou .
.

沈大夫 !"#,$%&',()*+,,-之.詩/:

易金之詩,啟發吾思,一時技癢,

@#樹U YZ[詩 ^_大地 )舉如, f0gh klmn rsI笨 DE]u

VWX霄 E\]妙 `Cab cdea 34ij :opq K詩見t 樹vw俏

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

3

.

/)01

WOW! This is certainly no sham 01!! Bra!o!!! "n# in the rising sun....
.

易金

/owl 2345,

6789',::;。<=>思,?@AB',CDEA

xDE樹 IJyzK詩L E樹xD yK詩{|IA
0hich one is betterA At least rea s better with the whole translationA ?ee comments from you B F01 as a eeply religious person an GHI as a fan of poetry 2not necessary a fan of 易金4.
.

沈大夫

$ %oul# &re'er E樹xD IJyzK詩L . When $ try to translate it it comes to CWho can make a tree( $t=s only )o#! Ho% 'oolish $ am to try to %rite &oem!D
.

三姑娘 ST詩U , VWXY詩。 如ef.^_d-/ghi詩jklm

JKLMN O E樹xD IJyzK詩L}PQ,-R /owl Z[\]^_, `abc.d/詩, n, 如o?
.

易金

p謝qr高見。F01,GHI,易金sKQ ~xDE樹 IJyzK詩

L • such that d rhymes with U 。 Seems e&eryone gra&itates to ~ E樹 x D•which is the start phrase of my secon option to rhyme with ~yK詩{| IA•€t-uv~xDE樹•?
.

易金

wxys:

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< IJ•詩

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,2345678 NOPQ>AB x‚D大ƒE樹
©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

4

zqr高見,思之{G,|[}~•€•‚.ƒz„…/,BK†.‡ˆ‰Š‚ ‹M啟/之f。Œ•ŽƒK!•,•@BK‘’,•“易金修改如+。
.

易金

wxys,”•†wx–—˜

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< IJ•詩

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,2345678 NOPQ>AB x„DƒE…樹
.

八股佬 ¡如下改¢。wx一K£改¢š 4 ¤ ¥

M™Z一Cv見。š›œ•詩žŸ,M 3 ¤。請¦§。

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< IJ•詩

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,2345†‡h NOPQ>AB x„|DƒEˆ
.

易金

謝謝¨©ª«C。¬詩-Ÿ®¯°±,†²™。易金³詩Ÿ一´µ¶,·¸#ž 之,¹#† º,•“T»¼½詩¾¿À,†時+下Ÿ,如.Á/ &.Â/,¬詩 žŸÃÄ=,Å8啟e i&i e an con;uer( ÆÇKÈxŸ,如.É/ &.Æ/,R Ê.Ë/%ÌÍ™。.ÎÏÐ/ѹE ‰especially for ¬詩žŸ。< was hung up on the wor Ò ‰ foun a term Ó~ = Ô@ldÕ,ÒÓ~。 1ast line < ha thought of 6 E - but coul n=t o it. < ha&e ha major ebate on d F Ö F × F Ø an con&ince myself that d is the only right wor here( hence < han cuffe myself. ?ow( Ù可ÚÙÛ‰ÜÙÛÝÝ̉d可ÚdÛA {–—y如下Š

從未得見 妙詩如樹撼吾心 株連大地 豐碩 !蒂"#
©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

*

$%&' ./01 9:;< IJ•詩

(強)*M,23‹57杈Œ NOPQ>AB x„DƒE樹•
.

真笨

易金( <=m a total illiterate( so take this with a truckloa of salt. < think Ó~ an d Û are fine( e'cept that ~ is a rising soun an Û is a low soun . 0here as Ð as a high soun going with Ö a low soun makes it feel more complete when rea ing. ?ot sure <=m making any sense. #ust rambling.
.

易金

Þß,M´你à啟啟, ¨©ª¬詩³Ÿ,.ÁÂÐÖ/áâË,Mv見È .Ö/¤,ã.Ö/ä.d/åæçè,Œ詩 Trees ëéêld,ÖQ forest 一ëìí一ƒld B a poem lo&ely as a forestA MžŸ8啟¾¿À,· îvÓ~, 6 R.~/žÈK之.ï/,~ðñÃ+ò,óò™。.Û/Qôõ,ö÷øõ, ùúQûõü,Mf.Û/žÈK.詩/¤。}=f.´–BýþÿÛ/, CD‡? jŽ改返„頭啟樣EY啟˜ f啟ˆ.Û/¤e789'。`=6.´–BýÒdÕ/,R` 重複d 與Õ¤,

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< IJ•詩

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,23‹5678 NOPQ>AB x„DƒE樹•
fŸ,'J 行 q!ÈxKžŸ,.É/ž

頭 J 行 .Á/ž.Â/,L 閒 J 行 .Æ/,.詩/ž.Û/。

真笨 This is way o&er my hea . ?ot the Cpoem lo&ely as a forestD part( that soun s more like a @AG &ersion. #ust one ;uestion: you ha&e 頭 J 行 .Á/ž.Â/ ( oesn=t that mean you nee the bottom two line žŸ instea of ÈxKžŸA

.

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

+

易金 0ell( that:s e'actly what my limite ink coul n=t /HII myself from the Cnee

.

o. @y style of writing is to take the self-

the bottom two lines ž Ÿ D an

accepte way to o C'J行q!ÈxKžŸ.D Sorry this is my way out. 真笨 < ha&e a re;uest/proposal to all you poets. < think your brilliance shoul be share not just among us but also with the worl . < am won ering if < ha&e your permission to make a loose collection of your creations an uploa it to the web. Jery un erstan able if you want to keep this among oursel&es( but please o consi er my suggestion. 八股佬 Thanks for your proposal( but < respectfully ecline the in&itation. @y poems are really written just for fun an not for sharing with the worl .
. . .

易金

得悉

¡,惶恐Á驚。易金T啟,Ã,己,-,†時娛己娛-,,娛啟啟-‡?易

金詩節錄˜

'地Ž• •‘’“ |”得你 •/叨– —˜]™ š›•œ 你……| •唔žŸ
易金擾-為快樂之s,唯V限8E彩識著啟如閣下Ž。如今話將易金啟衰啟 謝34,8Ev思。
.

!

"#,E$%&@'(,易金·)*,+,得-.啟/。閣下01,易金VE2

真笨

?ow it might be 8E 彩 你啟啟M ( but &ery E 彩 E 彩 M 識得 你 . Anyway( <=m not promising you guys a rose gar en( merely want to show the worl your e'cellence( an <=m being really sincere here. < on=t think the worl has e&er seen such won erful "hinese translations of the famous poem an < truly belie&e that it shoul . Kou ne&er know( they may ser&e as inspiration to some bu ing poet/en&ironmentalist/writer/... Asi e from being such a waste( as the Hussians say( to Cwrite for the esk rawer(D you guys are being selfish not to consi er the Cbig picture.D ?ow there( <=m trying to shame you guys into submission.
.

朱史

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

,

/owl, 今5詩 6ÞQ. 78 ƒ9 /,í你 :@¡m下, ;< l易金=>?@, A 得 GHIBC,F01l DE ,{ F+¨©ª GHI金l修改,• 得 ÞßîJK L, ¡M 啟• !"#NMab9O 0樂P, QR 9KSTU, DVWX l一 YZ[NMV得‘一K˜. /owl‰你Ã得啟\/ ]5M ^_ Ù` Ll-Badí發啟Nb啟dcde 6fg_,h áij, kl C x- mn 。M o_p,ÁLí=,M 與p í# _q år ,R³#Xl s*,` Qtår‡?Á†QR,u?@閣下vw,Tc“下詩KŠ I think that I would like to see A man who grows up like a tree. A tree whose leafy #rown gives shade $o those who seek a resting pla#e. A tree that stret#hes his arms all day And let the #hildren #limb and play. A tree that listens to your prayer hen you feel lonely in despair. And on those of your happy days %e silently listens when you sing. &h God who makes both tree and man, And wishes man #an be like a tree. /)01 %ra&o( this is certainly no pig roppings>
. .

朱史

/owl( it shoul be xy。
.

沈大夫

< whole-hearte ly share the &iews of ¨©ª an 易金. As for my poems( ~z:

¡|¢£¤ 詩¥¡|¢„¤ ¦§¨Ko得 ©ª«¬§¤ A|¢-¤ ®¥|¢-¤ ¦§¨¯得° ±®²³A§¤
©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

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真笨 Ah( come on( people> 0hy the mo esty> 1et me sprea your wor s an let the worl share your happiness> 0e=re all mi le age( 啟{|}( ~•如€( ••-e 6一•L lea&e something for the ki s to sa&our.
.

.

易金

Þß啟“0ê,易金Á0Á‚。xy話啟啟<,可ƒÃ2„8´…啟。/owl vw T詩,易金!´8啟,Å@†詩‡6啟,BaÅ9t得啟。wwwxys如下, 可tˆ0‰之Š,‹àŒ•ŽC。GrWÆ高見,¬•Á•,¨©ª¬詩žŸ, .ÁÂÐÖ/ѹ‘…,可’易金“”一•–,,得dÖÑd,³.Ö/¤V得 —˜,‰™š›fGrœ•啟žyŸ。唯”_一 ¡8à得¢,易金ã啟啟啟 6啟‹È ˆ¤,•“k¤重ò¥˜l¦§¨Ã啟•.©/,ª¬80易金Š。 !²ðǶ³下,易金´& XJ行

«¬š“,-®¯Ÿ話之你,•“”啟t9,°±易金!己話Š。話Š之‹,k µ,šƒ¬詩žŸ,¶!己一·,頭J行žŸ,L fŸ,'J行q!ÈxKžŸ,RÊË%¦¸¹。

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' ./01 9:;< IJ•詩

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,23‹5678 NOPQ>AB x„DƒE樹•

Þß,如a你º為啟+得,易金sM»5下-之¼,½¾發-。
.

朱史 À。 Ã

易金¿ ,你 b行 ¢,—Q ÀÀÁ~•為 ,Mi\]W•,一Â %À Á Ì,VQ ÄÅÆÇN

ƒkRÆÇ,`ȃ! ºÀɇ ?Ê ]Ë Æí ÌÍ à5

ÎÏÐ,Ñ一KQ.ÉÁl-†Ðc ! Ò為5ÎQÓil。/ƒ!º!己ÁÔÕÖ , ]½o ÆÇ×ØI† Ù啟lÚÛ, bÜ QÞ—l ÉÁ,將Ý詩 6l 5Î ,將ÍQ 你l。Þß,啟 得Þ “ß ,可“¶ Áˆ ™N ï" ,¿ ,MQÞlàál,½ o• â ,r得mn,£可 1ˆNí ™™ ÚÛ ðÓ 詩-,ãäQ åŽ0€,™ ¶下啟啟 Áæ,ç•MÁè•â !VE。
.

沈大夫

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

.

Such a lot for me to chew an igest. The other ay < listene to the song My Way an it ga&e me some insights. $ere=s a part of it: And now, the end is here And so I fa#e the final #urtain 'y friend, I'll say it #lear I'll state my #ase, of whi#h I'm #ertain I've lived a life that's full I traveled ea#h and ev'ry highway And more, mu#h more than this, I did it my way . /or most of us( the en is an unknown istance from here an sooner or later we ha&e to face the final curtain. #ust as Þß sai ( C0e=re all mi le age( 啟 {|} , ~•如€( ••-e6一•( lea&e something for the ki s to sa&our.D < o think you ha&e a point there. %ut( < ha&e to stress again that what we write aren=t the 近體詩 like that of ¨©ª . 0e only call them ¾ é 詩 ( meaning that we on=t stick to the format( the õó. 0e just o it our way. < write just as a pastime an really 娛己娛 -( or ,己,- or whate&er other combinations of these. <f you think that our socalle poems won=t pollute the web( < am most happy to accept your offer.
.

真笨

($urns to八股佬.) #ust a re;uest. < know you=&e ecline to ha&e your poetry inclu e ( but if < can come up with a suitable pseu onym( just this once may < inclu e yoursA 0ithout it( there really is a iscontinuity.
.

八股佬

That is fine. Thanks.
.

易金

啟啟啟æ, êëêì ,íî,得. ïa ðï/. ñòóÉ/Ã易金 ôõ !0,ö k ÷ø 。ù 啟žŸšI, &。 如 ¶Ì æú ,TìŒv。{{{–—y如下。 Ì‹ò ¥ ˜úû一k,Ã易金Ë -üý! œ¡þ詩,q xr †ÿ Ñ,易金 必拖 70 家落

從未得見 株連大地 $%&' f0´h

妙詩如樹撼吾心 豐碩 !蒂"# (強)*M,23‹5678

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

10

µ;_Q :l¶·>AB IJ•詩 x„DƒE樹•
劍仙花 < am the #ohnny-come-lately( but this is a translation that comes to my min .
.

吾A¸±見 大地¹ºA ()$'½ ffÁ0 µ;_冰Q IÆJ[| xD‚ÉÊ

‚詩如樹v 如B»¼O ¾¿¶À´ ñ45• ÄÅ·l: •ÇÈ詩 ËEÌÍ樹
.

/)01 /ou all ha!e a0out 1* months to com&lete the challenge.

To be continued

©Jane H. Buckingham 2014 jhbuckingham@yahoo.ca https://twitter.com/translator_frog

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