Power Up Speak Up Be Heard

The Savvy &
Inuential
Communicators
Starter Kit
Say What Needs To Be Said; Be Condent
and Clear.ItsA||AbouteingHeard.
Power Up; Speak Up;
Be Heard
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The Savvy & Inuential Communicators Starter Kit 20062011 Kay White | wayforwardsolutions.com 2
If youre making
yourself understood,
youre always
speaking well.
MOLIERE
AbouttbeAutbor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5
Aboutyoureook . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9
1 eingAssertive:StakingYourC|aim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
2 eingSeen:SbowingUpAndStayingOn1ekadar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
3 oicu|tConversations:1eyoontHave1oeoicu|t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
4 InuencingSki||s:Your[ediMasterywbenYourkubberMeetstbekoad . . . . 69
5 ersuasivelanguage:1eoierenceetweenYesAndwbatever . . . . . 94
uouusarsouacrs
QisforQuestions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112
One of the most powerful chapters from Kays # 1 best-selling book. Use
these powerfully and you ll never be stuck or lost for words again.
Magica|,Mystica|,Masterfu|Mindgame . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113
Use this set of carefully-crafted questions, set out in a specic order, to guide
you through decisions when youre stuck. Te layout, the exact wording will help
unlock indecision and help you move from stuck to nd your way forward.
Contents
Sowboiskaywbitet
Known as the Savvy and Inuential Communication Expert Kay is the
author of the international number 1 bestseller The A to Z of Being Understood,
contributing author to the bestselling books Smart Women Live Their Why
and Turning Points. As Mentor to hundreds of ambitious professional women
(and a few smart, savvy men) Kay is CEO of her own company, Way Forward
Solutions Ltd. Living just outside London in the UK with her husband and
their 3 rescue hounds, Kay works worldwide with clients, both in person
and virtually. She oers 1 to 1 mentorships and popular group trainings
all focused on enabling her clients to Speak Up and Be Heard using savvy,
inuential communication secrets.
wbydoessbedowbatsbedoest
Kays passion is to help ambitious and often frustrated professionals get seen
and heard and noticed (for the right reasons) and then position themselves
with power and inuence for the success they want and deserveall by
using subtle and instantly eective communication secrets. You cant do it
About
Kay White
on your ownyou always need other peoples help and input. You have to
communicate what you want clearly and be heard so that other people take
action, rather than tune you out or ignore you.
Youneedtobebeard.
You can work your little tail o and still be overlooked, undervalued and its
such a waste of your talent and a waste of your time. Well, enough already.
People need to notice you for you to get ahead and be rewarded. Tats Kays
mission. As she says herself small changes in the way you communicate make
a GIANT impact on the way youre seen, heard and understood.
wbatbappensforpeop|eoncetbeyveworkedwitbkayt
Her work is often described as Jedi in that after working with Kay her clients
get the promotion they were looking for, they earn more money and people
who used to tune them out, suddenly sit up and listen to what they say. Tey
also notice that its easyall that Kay shares can be adapted to your own style.
If youre a business owner just as if youre working in an organisationyou
need to grab and keep peoples attention so you can get your work done and
get the praise, recognition, and rewards you deserve.
Howdoessbeworkwitbpeop|et
Kay oers:
in-person workshops and trainings
popular Virtual Live Trainings and Teleclasses (Skype Livestream & telephone)
VIP one-to-one mentoring, in-person and virtually
Regular interviews on radio and TV shows and iTunes podcasts
wbatskaysbackgroundt
With over 20 years of corporate experience working in the City of London to
Director level, Kay negotiated and marketed multi-million dollar insurance
contracts working for the top international insurance broker, Willis. Always
being able to express herself clearly and persuasively both in person and
in writing, Kay designed blueprints for her team to design eective
presentations, sales letters, and events.
Working for 6 months in Paris as liaison between the two oces, Kay travelled
on business and as a Director, Kay became the Go To person to design, craft
and present information to underwriters, clients and investors, in French and
in English!
When Kay was promoted to Divisional Director, interestingly she was told oh, I
thought you already were a Director. What she learned in that moment is that
the way you carry yourself, how you put yourself together and come across plays
a huge part in how people perceive you. Kay now brings these distinctions to her
clients too. As she herself says People have to see you in the role, see you as
capable and how you present yourself, really present you, is crucial to your success.
Married for 10 years, Kay and her husband live close enough to London for a
bit of bright lights, big City when they want it and far enough away for long
countryside walks with their 3 rescue hounds.
Well done and good for you. Learning how to get noticed, how to connect
with people all day and everyday is one of the best investments youll ever
make in yourself and in your business life.
Knowing how to say what needs to be said, how to say it in a way thats both
assertive and still respectful is one of the BIGGEST challenges for people in
both their careers, their businesses andlets be honestin their day-to-
day personal lives. Its often why people are ignored and overlooked. Teir
intention is good, they have great things to sharethey just dont know how
to express themselves so theyre heard.
(Oh, and psssta savvy, secret aside to youby grabbing this eBook and
using the tools and tips in here, youll start to notice that they work just as
well at home as they do at work! Children, partners, parents, friends, family.
About
Your eBook
My intention in designing this eBook for you is:
Iorittobeeasytouse, each chapter being useful for you in and of itself.
Itsap|acetostart. By reading and absorbing these helpful, succinct
chapters and using the tips and nuggets in each one, youll start to notice
places to use these tipseverywhere! Its a meal in and of itself but rather
than a main menu, its a sample platter. Simple dishes served up for you in
bite-sized chunks.
ydividingitintoskeyareas, youll always know where you are and there are
exercises and To Do points for you in most chapters to get you into action.
1ereisa|soaNotespage for you at the end of each chapter for your
scribbles and reminders.
Stopstrugg|ingandbangingyourbeadagainsttbewa|| and start to be
heardfeel more comfortable, powerful and condent as you go about your
business. Have your say.
Its time for you to takeyourse|fomute and express yourself and power
up your communication. I mean, if not nowwhen?
Go and connect more comfortably with the people around you and get the
praise and recognition for it you deserve. Its time people noticed you for the
right reasons.
Warmly to you,
Assertive is a word worth dening. Many people confuse being assertive
with being aggressive and theres a huge dierence and I want to put this out
there for you before we go any further.
Assertive is dened as having or showing a condent and forceful
personalityother words close to Assertive are:
self-condent bold decisive assured self-assured self-possessed forthright rm
emphatic authoritative strong-willed forceful insistent determined feisty
I dene it as knowing you have a natural right to have a say, to have a voice
andquite franklyto not be pushed around or brushed o.
Aggressive on the other hand:
belligerent bellicose antagonistic truculent pugnacious combative two-sted
violent macho confrontational quarrelsome argumentative
You can tell the dierence clearly now and its the dierence that makes the
dierence in your come from, how you think about how you communicate.
Go and be assertive, people will respect you and listen to youthey may not
always like what you say but, hey, thats being alive for you!
1
Being
Assertive
StakingYourC|aim
HowandwbyItsCood1oeoirect
ooyougoaroundtbebousesorbeatabouttbebusbt
Its important to be able to be direct. Tere are times when its crucial to
be direct. Tere you are, Im being direct with you. Its got your attention,
you know what Im saying and its a key piece to being a clear, condent
communicator.
Well start with the Why of being direct rst. Ill be direct with you. I
promiseand before we start, being direct is very dierent from being rude.
Tats the key.
So many people struggle with saying what has to be said. Tey beat about the
bush as we say, chatting about everything else but what they actually want
to say. We can feel theyre struggling, they can, and the longer it goes on the
harder it is for them to say what has to be said.
Tey put all sorts of wae in and dilute the messagedo you know what I
mean (thats a question and an example!) Expressions like Well, without being
funny and I know you might struggle with this but
If you think about it, more often than not, when someones direct with you,
its actually a relief. You know and understand what theyre saying, youre able
to decide whether to take the information or their opinion on board and you
can keep moving.
I believe the struggle with being direct is two-fold. Firstly it stems from,
ultimately, fear. Its a primal fear of rejection at the root of being unable to be
direct. Putting an opinion or instruction out and either hurting someones
feelings or being seen to be wrong is scary.
Te struggle is both about fear and its about thinking that you have to please
everyone all the time. Te trick is to be able to respect the other persons
position or point of view and still be able to put across yours. (Oh, and as we
all know, we always fail if we try to please everyone. Its impossible.)
Tis is going o-track. We have to get those expenses down otherwise all the
budgets will be blown. Tis two-sentence, direct opinion has given us everything
we need to understand that somethings going wrong, theres a direct action and
the consequence is laid out for us if we leave things. We may not like the message,
it may not be strictly true but at least we know what the other persons thinking.
You can imagine that these two, direct sentences could have gone like this
and, in many meetings Ive sat through, they have: Well, weve got to be
careful to understand how exactly the numbers are all adding up at the
moment. Weve said it before and its time to say it again. If we arent very
strict with ourselves and what were spending then the whole project could
be jeopardised and then we might all be at risk of being told the budgets have
been blown and then who knows where well be. Phew, we got there. It was
painful and clunky or bumpy to get there andif they held our attention to
the end of itthe importance of the message has been severely diluted.
Can you see in the second version, that as well as diluting the message, theres also
a real danger of both confusing and, crucially, boring your audience. Be it a listener,
a reader, a crowdyour audience is the person or people youre communicating
with. You want their attention not for them to start tuning you out.
Personally, I resent spending my precious time listening to or being made to read
something thats rambling, jumbled and woolly. My brain has enough vying for
attention and so does yours. Its a relief when someone tells you whats what.
Most people will love you for it. Tey actually want your opinion and they
can then choose whether they take your opinion on, or not. Just as you can
choose whether you take someone elses opinion too.
Teres a handy formulaand here it is for youto make it easier (and more
comfortable) for you to be direct.
Youropinion+Yourreason+Oeraso|ution.
That colour is a bit drab on you. (opinion)
You look lovely in blue. (solution)
It brings out the colour of your eyes (reason).
This is going off-track. (opinion)
We have to get those expenses down (solution)
otherwise all the budgets will be blown. (reason)
Its less about the order you express yourself and more about having these 3
key components in there. Opinion+keason+So|ution=Usefu||yoirect.
wbattoSaywbenA||Youwant1oSayisNo,Icant
Assertyourse|f(andstaypositiveandbe|pfu|)
You can hear yourself, cant you? Youre asked a question or someones asking
you to do something and all you can hear in your head is no I cant or no,
notanother thing or no way mate!Its so natural to be answering the
question directly as its being asked, instead of taking a second to re-position
your response.Its about saying what you can do, what youre able to do,
whats possible without actually saying no.
Tere are a myriad of ways to do this and too many to list here for you but its
very much part of the secret sauce of being a more savvy communicator
being able to say no eectively without saying it.
One of the ways you can immediately take and use, is the What Can I Do
principle.Tink about this scenario for a secondyoure at your desk, the
phone rings and suddenly, as the phrase goes someones urgency becomes
your emergency.Or does it have to?
Of course its all about context and recognizing a true jump-to-it moment
but a lot of the time the person making the request will be happy with you
saying Ok, of course I can get that to you and Ill send it across by 4pm for
example.Youre acknowledging the request, youre being helpful and youre
saying what you can do.You dont have to list all the things youre doing and
all the reasons why you cant do it, you just cut to the chase and say Yes, of
course, Ill do that for you by XYZ oclock.Tey can always come back and
tell you if thats too long or too late but what youve told them by your rst
response is yes, and Im making space for your request a bit later.
So many people immediately say oh, noIm right in the middle of XYZ and
up to my eyes in things, I cant possibly do that too or Oh, ok then and drop
what theyre in the middle of, what theyre already concentrating on, and rush
o to attend to this request.
Interestingly, it will take you even longer to complete your own piece of work
because youve broken o and started something else.It takes at least 5 or 6
minutes to get your brain back in tune with something youre concentrating
on after you break o.Tats why constantly checking emails, always
answering your phone because it rings means thatas well as the physical
distractionthe mental distraction makes it take even longer for you too.
So, what will you decide to do, now?
1words1okaiseYourCame
Howusingassertive|anguageraisesyourvisibi|ity
Tere are so many ways to say something and every way means something
dierent to your listener as you say it.Imagine youre in a meeting and
someone asks if anyone is able to take on a new project or put some gures
together.You think to yourself, I could probably do that but you may sit on
that thought and say nothing and wait for someone else to oer or you may
put yourself forward.Te trick here is, if you do decide to step up and oer,
its how you put yourself forward.
To use assertive, positive language when youre going about your business
sends a message, very clearly, to those around you that youre someone who
gets on with things and who can be trusted to do things.
A lot of people struggle with the dierence between coming across as
aggressive instead of assertive.Assertive is self-condent, self-assured, rm
and aggressive hostile, belligerent, forceful and theres a dierent energy
about the two, of course there is.
As a savvy communicator, youre going to be far more eective if you come
across as clear, rm and self-condent as you go about your business, rather
than belligerent or, almost worse, wishy-washy using indecisive language.It
casts doubt.
You could oer to help on this new project in so many ways and depending
on how you say it, your message lands dierently:
I suppose I could do itI suppose meaning I might be able to, if pushed.I
could meaning I can, but Im not saying I will.
I might have some capacity to do itI might doesnt mean to say I will
Ive got enough on my plateunhelpful, defensive
Ill try to do itI might be able to do it but Im not really sure Ill be able to
Leave it with me. Ill do itIm able to do it and I will do it.
We all know which one of those simple phrases gives the most reassurance,
give the most credibility and which one youd want to hear if you were asking
for help.Teres a completely dierent energy about the last phraseyou can
feel that the person saying it is capable and certain.Being more assertive as
you respond positions you with other people as someone whos condent of
their abilities, someone who can get things done, put forward for interesting
projects, promotions, and then gets promoted or appointed with the business.
Tose 7 words Leave it with me.Ill do it will raise your game.
Hedging your bets with wishy-washy expressions might be able to will only
dilute how powerful you sound and put doubt in other peoples minds about
whether you will or wont and whether youre capable in the rst place.
When you put yourself forward to do things you become someone who oers
time, help and input, and to make it most eective for you use assertive,
positive language.Leave as little doubt in peoples minds as possible.
Ill leave that with you.
Being Assertive
Notes
Again, being seen, before we go any furtherits worth dening what being
seen is really about.
Its about coming upand then staying onpeoples radar. Its not about
sitting back and waiting to be asked to do things, to be involved in thingsits
about coming forward and oering your input, your help, your services. So
many people tell me that they feel like theyre waiting for permissionwaiting
to be asked. Well you might wait a very long time.
You need to come forward, to push yourself forward, to be seen. You can do
this in a way that feels comfortable and easynever pushyif you get into
the mindset that its actually a disservice to hold yourself back and keep things
to yourself. Youve got value to add, ideas to share, input to oeryou could
even say youre being selsh keeping it to yourself!
A client once told me on our rst meeting together that he wanted to work
with me on being able to have more impact in meetings. He said he felt as if
he was invisible and that, by and large, he may as well be back at his desk for
all the interest others showed to him.
2
Being Seen
SbowingUpon
1eirkadar
HmmI told him we need to get more specic. You can have more impact
in meetings by dropping your trousers! Truly, I know Im being cheeky here
with you but (it got your attention!) and you can drop your trousers. You and
I both know that what you really want is to be on the radarto be valued, to
be a mover and shaker rather than a wallower.
By understanding what being seen or having impact really means to you,
then you can actually make your moves, do what you need to so that you get
noticed in a way that makes sense to you.
I describe being seen as:
someone who is remembered, whos around
whos on peoples minds when opportunities arise,
when people are wanting someone who takes part, someone who adds value
when they come to you for your opinion and adviceyou give it freely,
succinctly and condentlyyou become the go to person for certain things.
For this to happen, I promise, you dont have to act the clown. You do,
however, have to come forward, you do have to help people remember you so
you get noticed for the right reasons.
What are you waiting forpermission to shine? Go and give yourself
permission to shine. If not now, when?
1esstoositioningandOwningYourVa|ue
Attracteop|e,usinessandOpportunity1oYou
Te word positioning is one that we hear a lot and that, when push-comes-
to-shove, few people really are able to dene. I dene positioning, in everyday
language, as putting things in the right place for other people. In a place thats
useful for them and, at the same time, is useful and helpful for you.
If you think about positioning a picture at home, for example, youre placing
it where its accessible and can be seen, it looks good in the light and yet it ts
with the dcor of the room. You think about the angles and you position it
accordingly. Positioning your skills, what they do and your value, its the same
principle.
People need to understand what youre going to be able to do for them, nd
a use for it in their world (not just in yours) and these 5 P words will make
positioning yourself, your skills and your value easy for you:
1. artneryour thinking comes from the angle of partnering with your
client, your colleague, your boss. How you can help and support them
with what theyre trying to achieve. An easy question to ask to get this
clear for yourself is whats your biggest challenge at the moment? You, as
their partner, helping to solve or master this immediately positions you as
someone on their side and not just someone out to get ahead. Using words
like we, together, our, your positions you in a partnership role and using
their language, their abbreviations, their interests as examples, you become
their partner. Subtle and simple.
2. owersfrom the word go, youve thought about your own particular skill
set. Of course you have. What it is you do naturally and easily and youve
asked other people about itliterally, that question. What is it that I seem
to do naturally and easily? and then you own those skills. Teyre part of
your power. Your Jedi skills if you will. Once youve jotted down some of
your natural skills you then make them super-powerful. Look at those skills
and ask yourself What do those skills do for other people? For example
a skill is Im great with numbers. Well, whoopy do. What does that do?
Positioning that as valuable is being able to then say, for example I can
see angles where clients are losing money and help them stop it and save
thousands per month. Same thing, good with numbers, huge dierence in
positioning the value.
3. ossib|eif youre positioning your skills, always come from the angle of
whats possible. Not, as so many people do, whats impossible. Well, I can
do XYZ but I cant do ABC or well I only learnt that recently so I cant do
it very well. Of course you dont over blow what you can do but what you
do is really hone in and focus on what you can do andif youve got gaps
focus on what you can do about them and I can learn that or and we can
immediately bring in someone to x thatalways angling your nose to
the whats possible with what youre oering, what youre able to do. Let
people ask you questions, avoid laying it all out there with your fears about
your gaps. You can ll them or nd out how to.
4. oisethat quiet, inner composure that gives people a sense of you
without you hosing them down with facts, compliments and information.
Its something we all strive for at times. When youre seeking to attract
business, clients, an employerto make an impression, to be remembered
and understood and to do it in a way that means youre engaging too, is
to hold yourself upright, to oer a rm handshake, to smile and connect
and, at the same time, know that if what youre oering isnt a t in this
instance, it will be somewhere else. Tat inner composure, inner resolve
gives you poise. Just like in the dating game, the subtle dance isnt about
being proposed to on the rst date, its more about a drink, a chat and then
deciding if you both want to have dinner
5. resentlisten and keep listening, bounce back what youve heard,
question what youve heard in a curious way. Stay present. Tat voicethe
one we all havethats saying things like oh, what are you going to say
now? or whoopee, I can x thata powerful way you can quieten that
voice is by repeating what the person is saying to you in your head. What you
nd is you have to stay present with them and as you do youll naturally nd,
when the gaps there, youre able to t what you want to say about your own
skills, thoughts, oer right in. Rather than racing o to x, you stay in their
worldso rather than pick me, pick me it becomes more hmm, I hear you, I
think we could come up with something together. How about
If you use that word position as you prepare for your meetings, interviews,
presentations youll always be more valuable and interesting than the gung-
ho, seat-of-my-pants kind of person who goes in thinking all about what they
want, whats going on with them and whats in it for me? and tries to ram
that home. Good luck!
John Kotter, a Professor at Harvard Business School and prolic author, says
it perfectly (another P word): Great communicators have an appreciation for
positioning. Tey understand the people theyre trying to reach and what they
can and cant hear. Tey send their message in through an open door rather
than trying to push it through a wall. Tats my position too; over to you for
yours now.
HowtoManageYourlmai|sandlnjoyYourHo|iday1oo
rnav+
Its often the last thing on your mind and the nal thing you do (if you do it
at all). Te holiday time can be a frenetic build up to the last day in the oce
and suddenly its handover time. Its really easy to either leave this important
piece completely and hope for the best or to do it in 30 seconds and think
itll be good enough.
Te important piece Im referring to is this. How you decide (or if you decide)
to manage your emails and inbox whilst youre on holiday.
Youll notice I said how you decide because it is a decision you make and its
one that aects the quality of your holiday and the ease of your re-entry after
your holiday.
If youre travelling on business its dierent. Keeping in touch via your
phone/remote email is easy enough now and a gap in timezones is usually
manageable. Tere are still some steps you can take to make that easier and
these are steps which buy you a huge amount of credit from those who are
emailing you.
If I ask you What happens when youre on your holiday, spending time with
friends and family and your emails just keep coming? Youre most likely to tell
me one of these three responses:
Tey just go into my inbox and just pile up until I return
I keep opening them and responding to them whilst Im away
I go away and leave an email bounce-back for people
Well, as a savvy and inuential communicator, managing your prole, your
clients, your energy whilst youre Out of the Oce plays a big part in how
eective the holiday time is for you and how connectedor disconnected
you feel towards your holiday companions whilst youre away.
Lets think about the eects of making any one of these three decisions:
1eyjustgointomyinboxandjustpi|eupunti|Ireturn
Its great to leave the oce and go and refresh and reboot yourself. Te thing
about just leaving your inbox and walking away is the eect it has on you
whilst youre away as you anticipate the return to Inbox Full or lots of repeat
messages from people wondering if you got their original message. You can
use a lot of energy even though youre lying on a sun-bed or swimming in the
sea as you wonder about things from a distance.
Just walk away has great merits and it also has a price. Your clients,
customers and colleagues wonder about your commitment to them and, if
they experience you being away while leaving them hanging until your return,
it says a lot about how you are as a person to do business with.
Te essence of the thinking here is that other people follow your fortunes and
are relying on you for information, action or input. Keeping them informed
and updated buys you crucial credit from those people who may have to wait
for something because youre away.
A simple, clear bounce-back solves this and tells the person youve thought
about them and catered for them whilst youre away. Te trick is what that
bounce-back says
Ikeepopeningtbemandrespondingtotbemwbi|stImaway
Whether youre a business owner yourself or whether you work within a
business, this is so easy to do and has as many benets as it does drawbacks.
Obviousenets: you keep your email box under control; you keep in touch;
you tell people what they need and want from you; you stay in the loop; you
return from holiday and youre up-to-date, you can hit the ground running.
Obviousorawbacks: your mind and energy kept focusing on work-related
stu; your attention was divided a lot of the time between relaxing and
responding to your emails; people around you got less of your down-time self;
a lot of the time you could have been in the oce as you notice less of your
holiday surroundings; if anything, you got irritated with your surroundings as
they distracted you.
Tis is a tricky one to balance. Keeping in touch and then switching o. When
you keep focusing on work and whats going on with it, you drastically reduce
the amount of energy you rebuild whilst youre on holiday. We all know that
changes of pace, of scenery and of thinking are the measure by which most
of us gauge our holiday. Why do you think it is so many people save up their
reading from holiday to holiday? Tey crave that time and space to throw
themselves into their books, hobbies, sandcastle-buildingwhatever it is.
If you do decide to keep opening and responding to your emails whilst youre
away, put some structure in. Use that bounce-back and agree with yourself,
your colleagues, your family how and when youll read your messages. Te
structure you put in will give you the freedom to enjoy the time out. Without
it you can end up being business as usual.
Igoawayand|eaveanemai|bounce-backforpeop|et
My response to clients here is always great and then my next question is tell
me what your bounce-back says and whats the point of it?
Ive seen some corkers in my timeboth received them from people and also
been shown them by clients:
Im out of the ofce for 2 weeksno idea when you went, when youre
coming back, what I should do whilst youre away
Im on holiday, please call Ann Smith if its urgentno idea for how long,
no idea who Ann Smith is and no email or phone number for Ann Smith
(whoever she is)
Im away from the ofce until 1st July 2011, Ill be in touch again thenat least
we know how long youre away but what do we do in the meantime?
You can get here that if youre using the bounce-back, make it helpful, think
about who will receive it and what you want them to think about you when
they do!
As far as what I would recommendthats your decision. Only you know
what your holiday is for and about, whats going on in your business and what
the point is of reading your emails whilst youre away. A combination of 1, 2
and 3 is powerful.
Ill set out some structure for you to slot your bounce-backs into in the next
chapter, plus how to position what you decide to do about this with your
holiday companions and work colleagues.
HowIn1oucbSbou|dYoueOnYourHo|idayt
ManagingbeingOutoftbeOceandYourInbox
rnavz
Its the dilemma thats so common nowwhen youre Out of the Oce,
how Out of the oce are you? Following on from Part 1 and the importance
of putting some helpful structure to your email out of oce bounceback, a
simple-to-follow formula of Acknowledge/Inform/Guide is useful and hits the
spot.Its also the safest bet to show your clients, customers and colleagues
how professional, helpful and thoughtful you are.
Depending on how youve decided to handle being away by doing one of the
following:
Read your emails regularly whilst youre away, twice per day for example
Have someone read them and then sort out the ones you need to read
when you return or
Read them all but only when you return. You can just slot your information
in and then lean into enjoying your holiday.
Here are a few simple samples to slot your words into:
keadingyouremai|sregu|ar|ywbi|styoureaway
Acknow|edge: Tanks for your message and Im away from the oce until
August X.
Inform: I will be reading and responding to my emails in the meantime and
will do this twice per day.
Cuide: If your message is urgent and you need immediate assistance, please
email John Smith, Title, who will help you. You can email him at or call
him on 123 456 7890. Tanks again, Your Name.
Someonereadstbem,sortingouttbeonesyouneedtoreadonyour
return
Acknow|edge: Tanks for your message and Im away from the oce until
August X.
Inform:My colleague, Jim Smith, Title will be accessing my emails during
my absence and will make sure any which need immediate attention are
handled.
Cuide: If you want to speak to Jim Smith or call him direct whilst Im away,
he can be contacted at or you can call him on 123 456 7890
keadtbema||buton|ywbenyoureturn
Acknow|edge: Tanks for your message and Im out-of-the-oce at the
moment.
Inform: I will return to the oce again on August X and in the meantime I
have no access to my emails
Cuide: If you require immediate assistance, please contact Jane Smith, Title,
who will be happy to help you. You can email Jane: - or call her direct on:
123 456 7890. Tanks again, Your Name.
Teres always a balance to achieve and to weigh up how your emails impact on
your time away is a decision you have to make yourself. Teres always a rub.
If you decide to read them and respond to them whilst youre away, agree
youll read them and respond to them for a certain period of time, say an hour,
every day at the same time. Plans can then be made around that and you can
tell people when youll get back to them. Managing their and your holiday
companions expectations too!
Helping yourself by discussing this rst with everyone makes it easy for them
to understand and let you get on with it. Trying to do it between trips or
between meals just becomes stressful.
You may, or may not agree but this quote sums up the point here: Time for
workyet take much holiday, for arts and friendships sake. George de Wilde
Putting a bit of structure in place will set you free and anyway, everyone needs
some down-time, some time to reboot, so lean into a successful holiday, a
managed inbox and your art and friendships too.
IfIweresYearsO|d,wbatsCoingOn
(andcou|dyouevente||me)t
Aquickquestiontogettotbebeartofwbatsgoingon.
Tis was one of a few key questions I asked a group of CEOs and senior
directors I worked with recently as we focussed on communicating with
inuence. Tis question, as basic as it sounds, really helps people boil down
whats actually going on and separate it from the stu.Its one of the secrets
of great communicationkeeping things simple.
It took quite a bit of head-scratching (and a few laughs too) to translate some
of the expressions below into a 5 year olds language.
Confusion and uneasenot to mention boredomis often the main result
of rambling on using a combination of too much detail AND corporate
gobbledeegook.Listeners/readers tune out, switch o and often miss vital
bits of information as its wrapped up in blah languagewhich actually
confuses the person saying/writing it too!
We worked with the KISS principleKeep It Simple and
Straightforward.Leonardo de Vinci himself said Simplicity is the ultimate
sophistication and its true.Anyone you think of as a great speaker or
inspiring leader communicates in simple, clear, accessible language as much as
possible.Translating the blah language when they can.
Encouraging clients to use clearer and more down-to-earth language, as
part of their day-to-day emails/presentations/meeting messages is just as
important.Tis is one of the questions I often ask to get clients to the nub
of whats going on.You build it up from there but it gets you to the core of
the message.If you dont have a 5 year old in your life to use as a reference,
remember you were a 5-year old yourself!
We worked on the following expressions together and we came up with a
variety of translations for a 5 year old to understand:
keyerformanceIndicators(ways of being able to tell how youre getting on)
Optimisation (making the best of things)
Strategicimp|ementation (doing things weve said we will do in our plan)
|ue-skytbinking (having big, dierent ideas)
Once youve boiled the message down to this 5 year old sort of language you
can then start building it up a bit BUT still keep the essence in there.
Te group all agreed that the corporate lingo is necessary at timeslegal
language, corporate messages that are already being usedbut to use the if I
were 5, whats going on? or if I were 5, what are we talking about? with your
colleagues, teameven clients is a really powerful question.Trust me.
I asked this question to a recently-promoted Director when he was gradually
going cross-eyed trying to explain the twists and turns in a story about his
team.Along the lines of the KPIs are all being missed because no-ones
interacting in a strategic way and were out of alignment because theres
unrest amongst the troops.Crikey. Excuse me, Uncle David, if I were 5 years
old, whats going on?I actually said that.
After looking at me with a combination of shock and bemusement, he had
to sit for a while to be able to boil this down.I said I dont understand KPIs,
strategy, corporate stu Uncle David cos Im only 5.
Finally, after quite a lot of head-scratching, we knew what was going on.He
told me some naughty people are playing some nasty games cos they think
were going to take their toys away.
Try this question.
Try it on yourself if no-one else and, I dare you,
Try it with your colleagues/team/clients
Youll help yourself AND your colleagues to get to the core of whats going on,
and you can start to understand together from the same place.If you need
any more encouragement, try some from Albert Einstein Everything should
be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
wbatooYouwanteop|etoSayAboutYou,
wbenYouvelefttbekoomt
Howtobecondentandc|earwbenta|kingaboutyourse|f
andtbesortofpersonyouare.
Working with a group of senior executivesall of whom were either re-
applying for their posts or going for a promotion following a management
restructurethis was a BIG question they were struggling with.
Its expected now, when being interviewed, for everything from college and
University entrance to Board memberships to prepare a personal statement
of some form or another. We have to get across the sort of person we are, the
way we think and the things we know about ourselves. Rarely is it enough
these days to list our Responsibilities and Achievements like a role call.
Organisations from the solo-entrepreneur to the multi-national FTSE/Fortune
companies want to know and understand more about you, how you tick and
what youre about.
Its a big part of getting your message across in an interview (even, if you think
about it, on a date which is often an interview-with-dinner!)
Ask yourself when I leave the room after a meeting, what do I want the
people still in the room to say about me? Jot down your thoughtsat least
5 points. Ten, if you really want to get clearer and more useful input for
where you are at the moment, ask 5 other people. Its good to ask people from
dierent areas in your lifefamily, friends and of course colleagues, past and
present.
Pose them the question when I leave the room, what do you think people say
about me and the sort of person I am? Clients often do this via email to make
it easy. Tell your 5 people that it will really help you and then capture what
they say and compare it with what youve said yourself.
5 things I guarantee you:
Youll be surprised
Youll learn something about yourself
Youll have some dierent expressions/language to use
Youll tell the person you ask you value their opinion
Youll be able to describe yourself more condently and easily.
Right, Im leaving the room now.
Being Seen Notes
When we hear the word Dicult we automatically say to ourselves uh
oh, watch out and it slows us down. As a self-confessed WordNerd I really
encourage you to get under, over, around some of the words you use, hear and
react to every day. Dicult is one of them and lets translate it so you can
Power Up and Be Heard when having conversations like this.
oicu|t is described as:
hard strenuous arduous laborious tough onerous burdensome
demanding punishing grueling back-breaking exhausting tiring fatiguing
wearisome informal hellish killing archaic toilsome
Instead of Dicult I use the word tricky. Tricky has a dierent sense,
a dierent energy about itlook at the Tesaurus and you can tell the
dierence.
1ricky is described as:
awkward problematic delicate ticklish sensitive embarrassing touchy
risky uncertain precarious touch-and-go thorny knotty complex
complicated informal sticky hairy dicey
3
Difcult
Conversations
1eyoontHave
toeoicu|t
You can handle tricky things far more creatively and with far more
condence because you immediatelyjust by using this wordencourage
yourself to be sensitive, to think and plan, to unravel what might be complex.
Tricky has a canny, be savvy feel about it.
Dicult conversations is the everyday way, the management speak of
handling tricky, sensitive, delicate conversations. Teyre easier because now
you have the energy and angle to approach them. Dicult = hard. It isnt.
With a bit of thought, its actually often really easy. Whats hard is avoiding
tricky conversations. It just slows you down. You have to have tricky, ticklish,
delicate conversations all the timejust power up and move through them.
oiscover1eowerof1isSecretwebsiteAddress
Howtoeasi|yte||someonewbatyourea||ywanttosay
witboutupsettingtbem
So often we either ask someone elseor say to ourselves How can I tell them
that what theyre doing really needs to be better? or I wish I could tell them what
I really want / think, without upsetting them. Well, its easy to do just that and
like most things that may seem a bit tricky at rstit takes a bit of practice. Once
youve tried it a few times and got great results; it becomes part of your toolkit.
Assuming you have a range of tools in your toolkit?
As Ive heard said many times if the only tool you have in your toolbox is a
hammer, then youre going to treat everything like a nail. Communicating and
connecting with people to get our work done, to have people take notice of us
and to keep things moving, we need a range of toolseverything from a hammer
sometimes, to a ruler, to a feather duster (and everything in between.)
Te tool Im oering you to use is a made up website address (so no point
Googling it): www.ebi.okt
Its simple to remember; easy to use; and as a way of giving feedback its both
natural and easy-to-take on board.
www.ebi.ok
www. = What Went Well
ebi. = Even Better If
ok = OK? Checking in.
How does this work and why is it useful? Well try this scenario for size.
Your colleague has just handed you an email theyve drafted to send out to
one of your clients. You read it and immediately you want to say no, youve
missed the point or its OK but youve left out the bit about XYZ.
Put your possible response through the www.ebi.ok tool instead:
www: well, it reads well and youve got the main points we discussed in there,
ebi: and if you can bring out the part about XYZ then itll be spot on.
ok: Does that makes sense?
Can you see, when you read it back, weve brought out whats good about it
rst and weve checked in to make sure theyve understood. We havent just
gone headlong in to point out whats wrong. Its a very subtle and natural
way to say and even better if XYZyoure saying its already good and then
giving specic guidance to make it even better (without diving in and trampling
all over the other persons feelings).
Tat approach so often just closes the other person downand whats
the point of doing that, if you want the other person to work with you and
alongside you?
HowtoS|owoowntoSpeed1ingsUp
Saveyourse|ftime,moneyandenergynow
People often say its as if time stood still, well, even though we both know it
doesnt, you can make it slow down for you.I put it to you that you can slow
down to speed things up.Yes, I knowits a dichotomy (I had to look it upa
polar opposite, a contrariety) to say you have to slow down to speed things
up.Well, its true.
So often we think we have to decide on the spot; say yes or no in the
moment and know all the answers to all the questions were asked.Especially
if were having a tricky conversation, where its so often the case that people
feel they have to y through and get out as quickly as possible. Well, we
actually make things harder for ourselves and harder on ourselves if we believe
that to be true.
One thing Ive learned is that we think faster than we think.Its worth saying
again to remind us bothwe think faster than we think.Our brain processes
the question; the decision; the issue in front of us quickly.What we do is
assume that we have to always be thinking on the spot and just because were
asked a question we have to know the answer; respond straight away or act
immediately.Well, we dont.Even if we do know the answer, we dont have to
commit ourselves straight away.We can buy ourselves time and we can make
the other person waiteven if its for just a few seconds.
Clients say that one of the big struggles they have when theyre promoted
or as they start up their own business and take on more responsibility is the
feeling of fear of having to know all the answers; of making the right decision
on the spot.Well, hello- rstly who does know all the answers?Secondly,
who knows what the right decision is? Only time tells us that.We make
decisions taking into account whats going on at the time; the information,
insight and instinct we have and then, we wait to nd out how it pans out.
Its liberatingcertainly it is for meto know that you dont have to know
all the answers and you dont have to do everything or decide everything
noweven if it would suit others if you did.
People waste huge amounts of time, money and energyour three most
precious resourcesby rushing in to decisions; responding to emails in a
shooting from the ngertip mode; diving in to tricky conversations or
situations and by being asked questions andwithout a seconds thought -
blurting out the rst thing that comes to mind.Clearing up or back-tracking
from rushed decisions or responses just slows us down.
Heres just 3 of the many ways to slow things down to speed things up for
yourself when youre asked a question:
1. kepeattbequestion.Say it back to the person in a way that sounds
thoughtful (it is) so you and your brain can process it.It also has the added
bonus of making sure the person asking the question is actually asking what
they want.(Tis is a great tip for interviews by the way) Hmmm, what do
I think about XYZ. Now thats a good question. Well Can you see how
youve bought yourself at least 5 seconds to slow down and think about
what youll sayif youll say anything in fact. Tis is so easy its embarrassing
and we dont do it more! Well you will now, it buys you this precious time
to think.
2. Asktbepersonaskingwbattbeytbinkrst.You can literally say
hmm, now just before I tell you what I think, Im intriguedwhat do you
think?Tis is especially powerful for someone working or reporting to
youwhy not make them do the thinking rst? What also happens here is
that youve told them that you will tell them ie youve put their minds at
rest but you want their thinking before you do. Another great one is OK,
lets pretend Im on holiday and this comes uptell me what youd do? By
asking this question, youre telling them that you know they know theyd do
somethingyou just want to know what it is.
3. Askanotberquestion.It sounds so elementary doesnt it?Rather than
answer what youve been asked; ask a few more questions about the
background to the question to get clearer and, again, to buy you and your
brain a few more seconds beforeand ifyou decide to answer. So OK,
well before I answer that, just tell me a little bit more about that: or hmm,
lets seebefore I give you my thoughts, tell me a bit more about
Now thats something to think about, isnt it?
AreYouSayingwbatYouMean
(orjustwbattbeytbinkyoumean)t
Try this revealing (and fun) exercise to show you how easy it is to confuse what
we think were saying with what others actually hear.
Sitting in a circle, everyone looked a bit apprehensively at each other and I
could virtually hear them saying to themselves oh here we go, Im going to
have to say something about myself and share when I dont want to etc. You
know the drill.
Te point of doing what we were about to do was to show why its so crucial
to check in with your client/customer/colleague/spouse/friend to make sure
what you think youve said means, (to them) what you actually said.
I asked everyone to write the word dog on the top of a piece of paper and
then to take 30 seconds to write as many words that sprang to mind when
they heard the word dog!
Everyone partnered up to compare notes and, without exception, we all had
many dierent takes on the word dog, ranging from tooth check, hound-
dog, scary, mans best friend, commitment, furry, poo-bags.
Now if all those diering associations came from such a simple, everyday word
just think of the room for confusion when people use jargon-y, overblown,
words-for-words sake.
Tese days, as were working around the world and in quick-re style, on
email/text/twitter etc its even more important to check what you mean to
say is clearby that I mean or in other words or you could say are useful
little phrases to pop in.
wbywbytCan1ripYouUp1readCarefu||y
ooyouwanttoc|osetbedoorbeforeyourereadyt
Why is such a small and yet powerful word to notice, understand and be
aware of as you use it. Really, why?
Well, it does two things very quickly, immediately in fact. Two things you want
to avoid.
One, it sends people straight to the word because which is justifying their
actions/decisions and
Two, it closes down your information-gathering opportunity in the request for
the reason.
Let me explain. As Big Bird from Sesame Street tells us Questions are a great
way of nding things out and questions are crucial to us digging deeper,
connecting with people, understanding whats going on.
Te trick about why is the eect it has on us and, more importantly, the
eect it has on those we ask the question.
When children are growing up (and yes, we probably did it too) its seen as
quite cute when they ask why? and then you answer and then they ask
why? again and again and, often again. As you answer them youll probably
say because and because etc until eventually because I say so!.
Day to day, were constantly asking questions (well I hope you are, based on
Big Birds philosophy!) to nd out whats happening, what progress there is on
things, how people are, where things are etc.
Notice the dierence in this situation. Imagine I was with you and asked you
what youre up to this weekend? You tell me oh, Im o shopping with friends
and then on to the cinema for example. Ten I say Oh, why are you going
to the cinema?. Youll say, because XYZ lms out and I want to see it. Its
an innocent enough question with, in this case, no further agenda. And yet,
youve justied to me why youre going to the cinema. Becauseand then
youve gone inside and thought about the reason you decided to go to the
cinema.
If I ask you the same question and when you tell me youre o to the cinema
with friends I say to you aah, what are you going to see? or who are you
going with are much less on-the-spot questions. Tey seek information
notjustication and when we justify ourselves were on the defensive, were
explaining the reasons as opposed to giving information, however innocent
the scenario. Its also quite irritating to have to explain whyand heres why.
Because we have to take a position and the question implies some judgment
behind it.
Now this is the powerful bit. Take this scenario to the workplace, or to a home
life discussion about something that has some emotion attached to it, why
did you do that?, why havent you done that? why are you going there?
and youre immediately putting the other person on the back foot, defending
their decision or their position. Tats the moment when you close the door
on more information, often before youre ready.
Its one of the many small words that make a BIG dierence in our day-to-day
conversations and directly aect the reactions and responses we get. Working
with a Board of Directors recently discussing this very word, they all had an
aha moment and something useful and simple to take and use straight away.
Te trick is we dont know until we know, do we?
Try it out with someone as an experiment and get his or her feedback from the
experience. Teyll tell you why they prefer one question to the other, because
youve asked for a bit more information as opposed to put them on guard.
By the way, youll be able to read more about this in the Bonus Resource
section. Te chapter from my book Q is for Questions gives you the great
questions to ask and which ones to use and when.
It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.
Decouvertes (the Romanian who became a famous French playwright)
wboseC|assesAreYouwearingt
Andoo1eySuitYout
Oh, its so obvious, what you want to do is, blah blah.Well, what you should
do is xyz.Weve all done it, said it and been told it, havent we?What you
need to do is or What you should do is etc.Well, in fact, what we should do
most of the time is ask a question vs tell our friends/colleagues/family what it
is they should do.
Hmmnot always easy I know.Time is short and it seems quickest to just tell
as opposed to ask butjust think about when someone last said to you now,
its obvious, what you should do is xyz and I bet you there was a part of you
that wasthinking grrr, how do you know what I should do? Imagine if you
went to the Optician and explained that youre nding it a strain to read close
work these days or that you cant see the bus even when its at the stopbus,
what bus?After listening to you for a couple of moments, the Optician says
aha, you should try these and takes o their glasses and hands them to you
saying now then, these work a treat for me, really great.Use these and youll
see much better. I know I do.
Steven Covey uses this example in hisbrilliant book Te 7 Habits of Highly
Eective People and in the chapter entitled Seek First to Understand he
poses the questionWhose Glasses Are You Wearing?Its good to question
yourself before you decide if the advice youre given, however well-meaning,
ts for youespecially if the advice-giver is less than a great example of a
success in this area themselves!Hmm, sound familiar?
Good old questions generally help people so much more than dishing out
advice tell me a bit more about that or what else have you noticed? or
when did it start?etc.Tis is also a nicer way of being in the world rather
than being a Quick Fixer oreven worsean Out-Trumperwell if you think
youve got a problem, try this for sizesomeone who tries to out-trump you
with their problems!Crikey, no thank you.
Teres always a rub, though.At a party recently, after asking a chap (who shall
remain nameless but lets just call him Hugh R Dull) a number of questions
about himself and his connection to the host, his careeretcafter about
20 minutes of centre-stage droning on about himself and telling me what I
should do, I nally asked him so Hugh, what would you like know about
me?he was, momentarily, stumped.Result.Not for longhowever but long
enough for me to sayoh, and Hugh, is that the time? I must go and top up
my glass.
Te lesson here for us is, for us to be heard, we must think of a conversation a
bit like a tennis match. Back and forth over the net. Not just like one of those
tennis machines that res balls at a playerthere has to be interaction.
If you nd yourself trapped with a Hugh R Dull-type, when theres a slight
pause, say the word Soso is a natural bridge to something else. It will tell
the other person that youre shifting gears. So, Im sure youll want to chat
with other people here so Ill leave you to it and its been great meeting you
and now its time to meet other people too. Tis is a truly easy, respectful and
comfortable way of saying Ive been here long enough, Im exiting now.
Difcult
Conversations
Notes
To be able to inuence things is to be able to have an eect, to make
something happenand the secret here is that more often than not, its
making something happen without directly telling someone to do it.
Tis is a big chunk of your eBook, the biggest in fact. When you understand
and use your inuence to get things done (as opposed to your force) its as if
the sun comes out. Tis is where the Jedi piece comes in. Its almost magical.
We all know that if someone tells what you should do is or do this and then
do that we feel a form of resistance. We all like to do things because we want
to do themnot because someone else told us to.
Again, to get behind the word Inuence is to understand that it means the
capacity to have an eect on the character, development, or behavior of
someone or something, or the eect itself.
Te capacity to have an eect. Hmmmthis is where the savvy part comes
in. You dont necessarily have to do anything or say anything specic, you just
have to give other people what they need to either actor stopand theyll
4
Inuencing
Skills
Your[ediMastery
wbenYourkubber
Meetstbekoad
do it themselvesmore easily, more quickly and, most importantly, because
they want to.
A lot of people come to me saying I want to be more inuentialand just
like the word impactyou have to understand the actual word, its energy,
the what are you doing when youre being inuential part.
Youre having an eect. Youre making things happen and being part of things
but youre not always banging the drum and telling people.
Te rst thing I encourage clients to do when we start working together is for
them to read Inuence: The Science of Persuasion by Dr Robert Cialdini. We then
work together on precise ways to apply these principles in your language, your
emails, your day-to-day conversations.
As a Starter Kit eBook, here are the principles for you and the chapters
following lay out a few examples of how these principles play out. Do buy Dr
Cialdinis book as well. Its a game-changer.
Dr Cialdini lays out clearly the 6 principles of inuence which, once you really
get them, youll notice everywhere. Youll start to notice how youre inuenced
by them and how you can start to use this way of thinking to get people into
action and listen to you.
To give you a avourand I do encourage you to grab the book and dive into
itRobert lays out these 6 key principles which inspire or inuence people to
door not dothings. All the time.
1. Reciprocation
2. Consistency & Commitment
3. Liking
4. Authority
5. Social Proof
6. Scarcity
Whilst I encourage you to grab a copy of the book, here are the long and short
of the principles for you:
keciprocationwhen someone has either done something or given you
something (time, attention, moneysomething physical) you are compelled
to want to reciprocate in some way. You want to do the same for them, to
help them in some way. Te essence being that if you want someone to do
something for you, do something for them rst. Oer to help, rst.
Consistency8Commitmentpeople like to do what they say theyll do. If
you can get someone to commit to saying theyll do somethingyou need to
wait for them to say it. So what will you do now? then wait. More power and
inuence if they tell you what will happen than if you tell them what you think
theyll do.
likingPeople are naturally drawn to people they like. Were all more likely to
help someone who we like or someone we know likes us. Who are you most
likely to recommend to someonesomeone you like of course, someone you
respect or who you know likes you.
Te liking part also plays out in that we like people like us.
People who are like us, who have things in common with us, they also
inuence us because we work out that they have similar circumstances and
choicethey have children like us or they have dogs like we do or they work
where we do, they drive the same car as us, they know people we likewell
these all inuence us in how we choose.
AutborityWere naturally inuenced, drawn to, respectful of people in
positions of authority. Now the authority may be that theyre seen as an
expert in something, it may be that they wear a uniform and represent
authority eg a Policeman, Doctor, Judge or have a title such as Professor, Lord,
Your Highness! We are naturally respectful and give them authority, a sense of
if they say it, it must be true if you will.
Authority can work in the celebrity world tooif, say, Madonna or Brad Pitt
go to a place on holiday, wear a certain brand of something, exercise in a
certain waywe assume that they can vouch for, recommend, this because
they have so much choice and opportunity and if its good enough for them,
its good enough for me. Tink how powerful that is for advertisers to know.
We buy (or theyll think well buy) or do (or not do) because the Authority
person is recommending it.
Socia|roofsuch a powerful principle. When you see or notice someone
doing something, buying something, looking at somethingespecially if its
more than one person, let alone a crowdthen youre inuenced to do the
same. Look, buy, do, whatever. Its the power of the crowd eect. Tats why
if we come around the corner and a group of people are looking up in the air,
we will. What do they know that I dont? What am I missing that they know
about? Its so powerful and it aects us every day.
ScarcityTis is the last principle for you. Tere arent any more after
this one. Grab it while you can, were running out. Can you get just how
powerful limiters are? Limiters (or scarcity factors) are made up of either
time (last few days, last 24 hours, for one week only, todays price)
or
opportunity (last seat, only 2 spots remaining, the last ever time on tour,
never at this price again)
Youll see these signs and words everywhere. Its one of the most used and
time-tested ways to bring you to a decision.
Well be inuenced by these 6 principles today, tomorrow, forever. Its OK, we
just need to know about them. Ten we get to choose whether we allow them
to inuence usand how we inuence other people with them.
AreYouSbou|d-ingA||Overlveryonet
1lasywaysforeop|eto1akeOnYourAdvice
Now, what you should do is Well, its obvious, you should do this, then
you should do that and then you should tell them youve done it.
Should do. What you should do and what you want to and actually do are
often very dierent things entirely. Even if the advice weve been given is spot
on, the fact that weve been told we should do it is often the very reason we
dont. So if thats the reaction we have, its the reaction that others will have
when we should all over them.
Teres something innately irritating to be told we should be doing something.
It impliesthis is the subtle, savvy part to understandit implies that
were not doing something and that the other person is wiser that we are.
Its implicit that weve missed a trick and they havent. Tat they know
better exactly what will work for us. Well, in reality, we know bestbetter
than anyonewhat works for us and as we all know, making a decision
ourselves and then sticking to it is always more powerful than carrying out
other peoples advice or instructions. We own the outcome and, as such, are
responsible for the result. (Or, in this case, response-able).
One of the big pieces of being an inuential communicator as you work is putting
across your ideas, suggestions, or advice and letting the other person decide for
themselves how, and if, it will work for them. It then becomes their decision, their
action. Tis principle applies just as eectively, if not more so, at home with our families
and friendsand of course, including those trickiest of customers, your children!
So, how do you get across your idea, suggestion, advice without saying what
you should do is or I think you should?
Here are 3 quick and easy ways which work, for you to try out:
StartwitbIvegotanideaforyouthis way youre putting out that its
only an idea and its for you to contemplate and understand if and how it will
work. By saying Ive got youre telling the other person OK, Im ready with
something that I think youll want but its up to you what you do with it.
SayCanImakeasuggestionberetagain, youre putting across that
you have something to oer and you want to get their buy-in before you
just throw it at them. 9 times out of 10, if youve read the situation and your
relationship correctly, the other person will say yes please.
1inka|oudbmmm,tbatstricky,nowIwonderifyou can hear (and
feel) that youre rstly empathising that they have an issue or something tricky
going on ie, theyre not an idiotand saying I wonder if is a pensive, non-
confrontational way of oering your thought or suggestion.
As with all of the 3 ideas above, avoiding the should word once you start with
these phrases is crucial. Remember, by oering your thoughts in a less xed
way, you leave the other person open to taking on what you think but without
your judgement (intentional or otherwise) behind it.
So, can I make a suggestion here? Try these phrases on for size the next time you
feel yourself about to say well, you should or oh, its obvious, what you should
do is Youll notice the dierence in how easily the other person/s take on what
you think and if they ignore you then at least they know you contributed your
thoughts. As is always the casethey have two choices. Take it. Or leave it. I bet
theyll take it more often than not, if you dont should on them.
ooYouknowHowVa|uab|eYouAret
Owningtbeva|ueoftbedierenceyoumake.
Tat expression talk is cheap is a powerful one. Te idea that words mean less
than actions was the intention of this expression but in actual fact, talk can
be expensive, it can be valuable, it can be discounted and it can also be cheap.
It depends on the words you use and the value you attach to yourself, your
subject and the value you attach to what you do, as you talk about it.
Its one of the big dilemmas people face when asking for a salary raise, telling
a client the investment to work with you, going for a promotion, preparing
for an interview. Understanding and owning their value. Tat word value: the
regard that something is held to deserve; the importance or preciousness of
something.
How do you describe the importance or preciousness of what you do when
youre discussing your role or what you actually do in your business?
Do you talk about your day-to-day actions for example, how many people you
contact, how many calls you make, how many emails you send? Or, do you
talk about the dierence you make, the importance or preciousness of what
you do andcruciallywhat what you do does? Tats where the magic is.
Tats where the value is. Its not about what you dothe value is found in
the outcome, the result of what you do.
OK, so here are a few quick and dirty examples of the dierence between
what you do and what it doesits easy to spot where the value is:
Do you manage a team of 30 people in an energy company or do you
lead a team of 30 people who save /$ millions in wasted energy for our
customers?
Do you make hundreds of calls a week trying to attract new customers
or do you save our company /$ thousands in marketing by speaking to
potential customers and making sure theyre a t for our business?
Do you make sure all our clients get updated information about what we
do or do you build relationships with our clients which mean they keep
doing business with us?
Do you own a consultancy business servicing the insurance industry or do
you save the insurance industry /$ hundreds of thousands by taking on
their risk servicing needs?
Do you do all the admin needs of busy entrepreneurs or do you enable
busy entrepreneurs to focus on the business of their businesses whilst I
cover all their day-to-day admin needs?
And, its the dierence that makes the dierence if youre promoting yourself,
your business, your workits about the value or worth attached to what you
actually do. So lets make sure we talk about ittalk is valuable.
HowtoCetYourlmai|sOpened
Crabtbembytbeeyeba||s!
Which email would you rather open rst More Bad News or Quick Update
on XYZ for You?What about Tax Time Again or Ways to Save You Money?
Which is more persuasive, more inuential? You know of course. So do I.
Emailing.Its such a key piece in our day-to-day lives. We re a quick email
response o or shoot from the ngertip and its so easy to forget that were
not top of the list for the person receiving it.Tey, like us, have loads of things
clamouring for their attention.So how do we stay on their radarhow do we
help them to help us by opening our messages and acting on them?
First o, by grabbing them by the eyeballs and making our email title
interesting and compelling.
Quickquestion is a great one.If it is a quick question, say it is.Put it in the title.
Another one is You||knowtbeanswertotbisone. People love to know
that you think theyll know and, in general, we all like to help each other.
[ustfoundtbisoutif you have, say it in the title.New information is always
interesting and if you have some, say so.
On|y2daystogoif theres a time constraint or deadline youre all working
on, put it out there in the title.
Anopportunityforyouagain, if it is, say so.You know yourself youre
more likely to open this one than if it was titled Learning and Development
Plans.Blah.
Working with clients on how to be more engaging, how to grab and keep
attention, this is such a key piece.You may have the hottest news, the greatest
opportunity, the most important instruction but if your email is scanned
along with the hundreds of others and left until lateror neverthen, so
what?Some people dont even put a title in the subject line and thats close to
asking to be ignored.
So how do you decide on the title?By stopping for a second and considering
what will compel or attract the person on the receiving end of your
message.Consider what your reader wants or what they want to avoid.
Email is an amazing tool, so useful, simple and helps us keep in touch, get
information across the world in a second.Its also a great way to really upset
and confuse people.Te language you use, the layout, the sign o, all these
pieces are key to getting your message across in a way that works for you, that
helps you to be understood and gets you the response or reaction you want.
Te rst step is to get your email opened.
HowtoandHowNot1oConnectandCompe|AsYouwrite
1inkaboutbowyouwrite.1inkaboutbowyoutbinkaboutotber
peop|easyouwriteifyoutbinkaboutotberpeop|easyouwritet
Its one of the easiest things to dojustquickly type or write what you think
needs to be said and give a tip of your ngertip response and assume that
the other person/s will work it out. Well they mayand they may also get
confused, upset, hurt or just ignore your message.
As successful business people, everyday were writingemails / promotional
material / website updates / reports / executive summaries / slides / letters.
Ive noticed something that really jumps out and its something you can
easily take notice of as you write. People think that because theyre writing
something it has to be written in a more formal, often wooden style
just because its in writing. Well it doesand it doesnt. If you want to be
persuasive, to get people to respond to you and your message, you need to
speak to the reader in your writing. Its about getting inside their heads in fact.
Context is everythingmost of the things we send out day-to-day can be
written in a style closer to how you speak. Now you may speak in a To Whom
It May Concern and Notwithstanding the aforementioned kind-of way. Well
good luck if you do. I also understand that we still need to be respectful and
make sure all the meaty information is in there.
Most of the time, if you write letters, emails, website and marketing
documents in this style then youve lost the reader at Helloor, if thats your
style, then youve lost them at To Whom It May Concern.
Something happens when someone starts to write, that often sends them in
to using you are instead of youre and were becomes we areit becomes
more formal and less compelling because of it. Also, the crucial connecting
words of you, your, our, suddenly turn into me, my, I, us and we. Te readers
feel excluded or talked-down-to or bored (or all three!)
I put it to you, if you can hold a conversation, if you can get your point across
as you speak, chatthen you can write in the same way, theres a style you
have thats yours and thats how you can write. It is far more compelling to
your reader than all the stuy stu.
How can you do this easily? Heres how:
Te great investor Warren Buet of Berkshire Hathaway is renowned (apart
from his billions of dollars) for putting together Annual Reports for his
company investors which are easy to read and easy to understand.
As he says himself, there has to be a formal layout in certain sections but in
the parts where he tells the reader about developments, he writes as if hes
speaking to his sisters. He says theyre intelligent but are no experts in nance
or accountingI dont need to be Shakespeare; I must, though, have a sincere
desire to inform.
Who can you use in your head to speak to as you write? A client you know
well, a friend of yours whos interested in what you do, your partner or
sibling? Just write it out as if you were chatting to them so you get it out of
your head, then you can tweak and adjust to make sure youve got your point
across. Te key is to get it out of your head in a conversational way rst.
Tink about what youd want to read and the way youd like to read it as if
you were on the receiving endwhats the dierence?
Watch out for too many I, I, me, mynotice how you can ip them and
make them your, you, youre, our. Its far more engaging to read and it helps
you get into that crucial groove of thinking about the other person and
what it is they want. Less about you, more about them.
Notice how youre drawn in to certain peoples writing or companies
websites and the eects they have on you; writing more like you speak and
less like a competitor for the Formal Writing Trials, will mean more people
read and connect with what you write and, the crucial bit, respond to you
and what you write. Write on.
RSVP, the French expression, Repondez sil vous plait, meaning Reply if you please.
Well, to get someone to respond is to get them engaged and to get them
engaged is to speak to them about themselves. Remember, theres WII FM,
that radio stationWhats In it For Me? Te wavelength everyones naturally
tuned in to. Tune in to that and then write as youd speak. Over and out!
wbatsYourUnfairAdvantaget
(anddoyouevenknowaboutit,|eta|one,areyou|ettingitbe|pyout)
Talking about turning lemons into lemonade, this was a great question asked
by my American friend and colleague, Star Ladin, of www.starmarketingmedia.
com.As a branding expert Star is always looking for, and thinking about, your
special edge/gift/angle for your business and then how this links with you,
your business and product.
Working with people who want to be seen and heard at work, this is one of
the rst places I start with themwhat is it about you or what has happened
in your life that youve struggled with?Te reason I ask this question is that
its often exactly these sorts of things that actually make us who we are and
if we recognise thembecome an unfair advantage to us. People want to
know a bit about you, the personal side of you. You connect so much quicker
if youre prepared to share a bit and to have your Unfair Advantage clear
As soon as I read it Stars question, I knew what my unfair advantage is.
Being 6ft tall since I was 14. Growing up I was often teased and asked whats
the weather like up there Lurch? and is there enough oxygen up there for
you? oh, and one of the best ones can still be Ooooh, arent you tall?Id
often (and still do) say oh, thank you for telling me, I hadnt noticed!In my
teens, I used to get to parties and immediately take my shoes o saying my
feet hurt.In reality, I wanted to be smaller, to blend in more.
Now I recognise being tall means Im noticed, Im remembered and often when
growing up, was assumed to be either older or wiser (or both!) than I was.My
height gives me a natural presence, which, in business just as in life, helps.I
had no choice; I wasand still am6ft and the choice was always how I deal
with itwhat I make it mean to me.
It could have been easy to have slouched, to have tried to hide it by wearing
at shoes all the time but actually, I really like being tall and wear high heels
when I want tooh, and Im married to someone a fair bit shorter than
me.So what?Its all about your perception and how you perceive your unfair
advantage.
Ive asked a few other people recently, just o the cu, what theyve struggled
with and now could be their unfair advantage.Teyve all been able to tell
me what theirs is.
One friendBeing ScottishIm remembered, Im dierent and people
like my accent.
AnotherMy dyslexias made me be so much more creative.
My husband, SnowyMy dad dying when I was so young helped me know
how to look after myself and appreciate how hard my Mum worked.
Tink about your unfair advantage.What is it thats shaped you and how do
you allow it to positively inuence your life?If it doesnt, how could it?What
could you make it mean?
A great way to nd out if you dont instinctively know is to ask 3 dierent
people who know you well.Literally ask them what do you think is my unfair
advantage and just stop and listen to what they say. Often theyll all come up
with the same thing, my friends all did. Others often seeand appreciate
things in us, or about us, that we dont.
When you become clearer about this, recognising if and how you allow it to be
your secret sauce is a BIG part of communicating whoand howyou are,
everywhere, you are.
As we all know, how you put yourself across is a key part in how others
respond to you and what youre noticed/known and remembered for. Be
prepared to be personal. Its less about moaning about what happened in
the past and more about embracing the challenges youve faced and using the
learning and strength you have to help you get your message across. It works. I
know it does.
So, just so you go and think about itwhats your unfair advantage, your
secret sauce if you will, and where will you sprinkle it now?
Inuencing
Skills Notes
When you really get how powerful you really are when you choose your
words carefully and with intention it will change your life. Now thats a
statement. Its true though.
So many people never think about what theyre saying, they just say whats
been said to them, what they read in either a crappy newspaper or what was
told to them as school. Tere are stock answers which people use all the time
and I nd it really hard to listen to someone who is telling me what not to do,
what I should do, how dreadful things are, how crappy everyone is, what they
think all the time. Eew. Its tiring and it truly is the dierence between Yes
to what someone says (Yes, I understand or Yes, I will or Yes, you can) and
Whatever or Is that the time?
Using persuasive language, compelling words, it will rock your world and our
intention here by working with this eBook together is for you to be heard and
get your point across so that you can condently go about your business.
5
Persuasive
Language
1eoierence
etweenYes
andwbatever
How1oCetYourMessageAcrosswitbaStory
ASimp|eQuestiontoAskYourse|f
Tink of any lm youve seen that grabbed you. What about a TV series
you follow, or a book you read and re-read or share? Teyll all have grabbed
your attention and kept it with a story. Te story thats threaded and woven
throughout any attention-grabbing book or lm is what we remember, long
after the titles and credits. Stories have the power to move us and make us
act. We all tell storiesto ourselves, to our friends and families and to our
clients, customers and colleagues. Tat phrase so whats the story on that?
we want to know tbestory. Te facts are just that, basically a list of details
or information. Te story is what makes the dierence, how the facts are all
pulled together and it sways people and if and howthey take on and accept
your message.
When you work with clients, customers or colleagues, or when youre simply
chatting with friends were always looking for stories to be able to use to
convey a message.
Heres a key question to ask yourself which helps pull out a story to use.If you
had to compare your message to something youve done in life, whats it like?
An analogya comparison between two things, typically on the basis of their
structure and for the purpose of explanation or clarication is a great way to
start to build a story. Always ask yourself whats this like? and up will come
the potential for your story.
3 quick examples for you:
Acareerits|ikeajourneyif you know where youre going when you start
out, its easier to get there. If you just set o in any-old-direction, who knows
where youll end up?
kunningabusinessits|ikebringingupacbi|dits a creation of your
very own and you invest passion and love, boundaries and rules into the
relationship. You nurture it and want it to ourish and yet be independent of
it sometimes too.
reparingapresentationits|ikeputtingonasbowa clear message and
a purpose must be brought out quickly, the audience needs to be attracted to
that message and know whats in it for them and they want to be entertained
by you.
Using stories to describe a message, to help people understand is one of the
most time-tested ways of engaging others. Te facts stick and become more
powerful when theyre used in a story. If you think about the audience and
what you know about them, then express yourself with the its like when
you using something you know they do or experience, then youre always
going to be more engaging, memorable and inuential than the person who
lists a load of facts.
Tink how as children we loved being told stories, read me a story tell me
a story pleaseif you have children they probably ask you that now and
remembering being a child, youll have loved hearing, reading and learning
stories. Why stop? In truth, if you think about it, we still love being told a story
and so does everyone else too.
1eoierenceaCoodNameMakes
(tbedierencetbatmakestbedierenceinfactbeignoredorbebeard)
Its often the dierence between success and failure, or yes please and
no thanksnaming a product, naming a project, naming a team, naming
whatever. Giving something a name which is compelling, inviting, something
that people either want, want to aim for or nd interesting.
Advertisers and marketing specialists are constantly looking for, and listening
for, words that compel, persuade, attract and interest us. You only have to
think about how ads draw us in, give us the why and the whats in it for us as
they persuade us to buy:
Coca Colathe real thing;
Adidasright here, right now;
LevisFreedom to move
Multi-billion pound industries thrive on nding exactly the words to motivate
us into action.
Tink about it. Which projects in your business would you rather be a part of:
Maximising Our Income or Cutting Spending and Costs
OnLine to Win or 2011Less Downtime
Getting It Right or Avoiding Mistakes
Im pretty sure you, like me, would want to be part of the rst onesthe rst
ones are all towards driven. Tey give us the suggestion, the hint of what
the outcome is, what were going or aiming for. Te second ones in each case
are all away froms, things to avoid or things to fear. Whilst away froms are
great inuencerswe all want to avoid pain in whatever form it takesto
get people to attend an event or a meeting that only speaks to their pain is
far less attractive. Talk about the outcome, name it something interesting or
compelling.
It reminds me of when I heard the name a clients company had given to
a special new project, designed to bring teams together at lunchtime with
in-house experts sharing their knowledge over a sandwich. Tey called it
HELL. Loads of time and energy had gone into creating a special Educational
Lunchtime Learning project and the companys name began with H so
apparently the boss said lets have a bit of a laugh and they called it Project
HELL. Whos going to HELL at lunchtime? or I cant make it today, Im going
to HELL.
Te point here is that after the initial giggle or smirk that it brought, no one
wanted to go to such a meeting. Attracting people to become involved or be
a contributor to a HELL lunch was a struggle from the word go. Te project
ultimately opped within a few weeks and was scrapped. It could just as easily
been called Listen, Lunch and Learn or Meet and Eatboth more enticing,
hooky and interesting and whilst everyone knows that the essence is still the same,
the actual names of things are so critical to their success. Tey have to attract us.
Just as we need to carefully consider how inuential and attractive the
language is we use to write emails, send out proposals, leave voicemails and all
the myriad of ways were communicating everydaywe also must have our
radar tuned to the actual name we give to thingsit makes the dierence
between HELLand Heaven.
My husband was encouraging his 4-year old godson to come and see this old,
dead tree and I knew an old, dead tree was far less enticing than an amazing
magical tree. Which one do you think he went for? Hey presto.
1woSma||wordsCbangelverytbing
Usetbemmoreandmaketbingseasierforyourse|f
Its such a small thing to say thank you.It costs you absolutely nothing and yet
it makes a huge dierence to how you are understood and remembered by
people.Its often the dierence that makes the dierence as to whether people
do what you want, it certainly aects the way they do what you ask them to and,
crucially, how they respond to youandif they respond to you at all.
Most peopleif theyre lucky, in my opinion are taught- from when they were
a small child that thank you is what you say as soon as youre given something
or when someone does something for youin my case my parents used to take
something back from me until I said thank youso it was pretty simple.
To be remembered and recognised in a way that works for us, we need to
make people feel appreciated.Well an easy, eective and natural way to make
people feel you appreciate them is simply to say thank you to them more.
Once you start to look for how and where you can be more grateful, more
appreciative of what people do and are doing, not just for you but around
you, youll discover loads more opportunities to say thank you.Tank you for
your help, thanks for telling me that, thank you for letting me know, thank
you for just being around, thank you for thinking of me.
Even if you dont like what youre being told try saying ah, thanks for letting
me know or hmm, thanks for telling me that, now what about etc thank
you rst.It means that the rst thing you say isnt negative and crucially, it
buys you time to decide what you really do want to say.
Te two wordsthank youare dened in the dictionary as a polite
expression used when acknowledging a gift, service or compliment or when
accepting or refusing an oer. Saying thank you for something that you
dont want or dont want to do is a really key piece in learning how to say no
without upsetting people. If you say thanks for asking me and not today or
thanks for the oer before you say no, youve already started to help the
other person accept your refusal without immediately feeling rejected.
Teres a great knock-on eect from saying Tank You more.It makes you
feel better too.Its that whole attitude of gratitude and it works.Simple.
By the way, Im suggesting that you say thank you morenot that you dont
say it already.Start to think about being grateful more and, when you do,
instead of just noticing it, saying it more.Easy.
So many people mutter to themselves well, theyre just doing their job ie
why should I say thank you? or tell me I was so pleased with how they did
that and yet when I ask the person did you tell them youre pleased? they
invariably say the person was either doing what they were supposed to or they
just assumed the person knew they were pleased.
A client told me recently that, as a service provider, when a customer
phones her and says thank you after shes sorted things outfor them, they
immediately get better service from her next time they need her help.As she
then said everyone likes to be appreciated, weve all got a lot going on and as
William Arthur Ward, the famous American poet said Feeling gratitude and
not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
Tere you go, simple and easy. Tank you.
HowCompe||ingandlngagingareYoutoOtbereop|et
Ordoyoujust|istentowIIIMt
Weve all been there, havent we? Either listening to, or reading about,
someone telling you all the things they want, need, think, do.Well, I went
here and I said that and then I did this and then I said that. Well, I mean,
who do they think I am?I said well, I want to introduce this now and I was
adamant.So, I nally got what I wanted.Now as you read that back and
notice that, in reality, whilst a fairly strident bit of dialogue, its entirely possible
to hear that every day.Eleven times the word I appearsand not once the
word we, you, us, our.
Speaking like this is one thing.Dull.You can still pick up the Is clearly enough,
but writing it like this is something else entirely.In written form, theyre so
easy to spot as we scan through a messageemail, letter, report, article and
too many I, I, I just switches people o.We all want to know where we t in,
how it aects us, whats in it for us.
WII FMWhats In It For Me?Its been called something along the lines of the
radio show everyones listening to.
So, be careful with the word I.I this, I that, I do, I want and particularly
when its in writing.You can scan your own emails and pick them up and rest
assured, people reading it will.
Notice it. Heres the rub:In general, people dont care so much about what
we think, want and need as much as they care about what they think, want
and need.Tough for some of us to hear I know, but, if were really honest
with ourselves, we know people really care about what they think, want and
need.Tey are alwaysas we areltering it through WII FM?So make it
more about them and less about you.Youre still in there but it doesnt have
to be all me, I, my.Youre far more engaging and compelling to other people if
you make it more about them.
So when do you use I?
How I nd it works is to make the story, issue etc., personal with I and then
relate it to we so it becomes, for example Im so thrilled Im invited to Xs
meeting too.You know its going to be good and well learn something about
whats going on.Ill make sure the team knows the headlines as soon as I get
back.Notice how its become less about I and more about us and them.
We, our, us is inclusive language.It gives the listener/reader the sense that
were in this together, that theyre included.We did, we know, as a company
were striving to, versus I, Im, me, mine and myfor the listener/reader it
becomes so, well, dulland youre immediately less persuasive to other people.
Theres no I in teambut theres me, if you look hard enough.A cute play on the
words and a trick I know.You are in there, youre part of the teamwhatever
your team happens to be, professional, family, sports, friends but its not all
about you, is it. Its more about themand thats how you will become super-
persuasive. Always thinking about Whats In It For Tem. Trust me, its true.
keepeop|esAttentionOnYourMessage
(asopposedtotbeir|uncb)
So many examples surround us all the time of people/organizations trying to
sound clever or more corporate by using words all the time like strategy
when they mean plan, or optimisation when they mean making the best
of.Its such clunky, unnatural language and the potential to confuse, irritate
and bore the audience (written/verbal = the same) is HUGE.
Here is a word-for-word live example noted down by one of my clients who
attended a presentation on a new system for his industry.Interestingly, my client
often presents his companys plans (strategies) to large groups and weve worked
together on his own language when hes speaking at the front.His ear is now nely
tuned to pick this sort of stu up and translate it into simple, clear information.
During most of the presentation he said he tuned out as it was so dull.He
then decided to write some of the examples down because he said hed never
be able to remember them to tell me later.
To make the point, hes translated for us what he understood the chap was
trying to say:
May cause you to erroneously populate mandatory customer-authorised
validation elds
Youmigbtputtbeinformationinwrong.
If eligible we can validate the populated information to enable an accurate
mandatory report to be submitted
wecanmakesureitsrigbt.
Automatic validation will provide you information on the validation and advise
you of deciencies if they exist on your mandatory reporting, this prevents ineligible
reporting being submitted
Oursystempicksupmistakes,soitdoesntgowrong.
Dedicated customer service representatives are available to communicate and
subsequently deliver the solution to the client
webavepeop|eberewbocan|istenandbe|p.
Present your issues to client liaison development contact, and you will be afforded the
opportunity, through a single source to satisfy your issues. We can do this through the
most exible and advanced technology reporting solution in the industry
1e||usyourprob|emandbecausewebaveagreatsystem,wecanxitforyou.
Whilst funny on one level its also frustrating and, I believe, dangerous.In this
instance the audience didnt have to make an important decision based on the
presentation, it was a dull presentation about a system that they all knew a bit
about.
What happens though when its crucial information, which we have to decide
and act upon? Delays, fear, confusion, anger easily arise.
Te chap presenting apparently seemed so pleased with himself with a sense
of being the big cheese up the front (or so he thought).
Interestinglyand ttinglymy client said that all he and his colleagues
were thinking about was how long before I gnaw my own leg o and oh,
that reminds me, Im hungry, I wonder what sort of cheese to have in my
sandwiches at lunchtime?
My Dad always said KISSKeep It Simple & Straightforward.Its still great
advice Dad and now more so than ever. Tank you.
Well, weve come a long way from Page 1 to here. Your Starter Kit is just that.
If you apply any, all, some of the things youve learned in this eBook I can
guarantee that you will nd it easier to connect with people; youll persuade
people without having to try so hard andmost importantyoull notice
your condence grow. As you know, my intention for you by working with
your Savvy Communicators Starter Kit is to take on the essence of what it
takes to get your message across through and open doorso much easier
than trying to push it through a wallopen the door for people rst, then
your message just goes in.
Ive included 2 bonuses for you to add more to your resources and also youll
nd ways for us to stay connected and keep in touch. Remember, as Helen
Keller said Life is a series of lessons which must be lived to be understood
well, heres to you powering up, being heard and being understood.
Persuasive
Language Notes
QisforQuestions
At various points in your eBook, youll have
noticed me referring to the power of asking good
questions. Well I want you to have a special gift
from me as bonus to this eBook. As part of your
Power Up PowerPack, if you will.
In my #1 best-selling book, The A to Z of Being
Understood, Q is for questions. Which type to
use, when and why. How they work for people
and how they can be used so that you, my
friend, are never-ever lost for words again.
Here is the chapter, straight from my book for
you to use everywhere
Bonus
Resources
Itsbetterto
knowsomeoftbe
questionstban
toknowa||of
tbeanswers.
[ames1urber
Magica|,Mystica|,Masterfu|Mindgame
Tis is a set of 6 questions laid out for you in a specic order which take you to
a decision or a knowing about something as you ask them to yourself.
Teyre purposefully confusing and mathematical in their format.
Tey never cease to help me understand something tricky or ticklish and I
help other people by using them too.
Teyre quick and thats why I want you to have themget clear and then act.
So much about being clear and being heard is about action. If youre stuck in a
quandary, use these questions to unblock yourself.
etterquestions
createaqua|ity|ife.
Successfu|peop|e
askbetterquestions
andasaresu|t,tbey
getbetteranswers.
1onykobbins
Magica|,Mystica|,Masterfu|MindgameQuestions. When youre stuck trying to
make a tricky decisionor you want to help someone else in the same position
pose these 5 questions in this exact order, giving yourself, or the other person, about
30 seconds to think about their answer to each question. Tell them (or if its you,
tell yourself) to stay silent and just sit with each question.
Te power in these questions comes from the slight confusion they cause
we all struggle to get out of confusion and so often we nd the answer as we do.
Once youve been through each one, in this orderask them- or yourself -
what came up for you from thinking it through like that? Notice what you
notice, as always.
1. What would happen ifyoudid (make that change?)
2. What would happen ifyoudidnt (make that change?)
3. What wou|dnt happen if you didnt (make that change?)
4. What wou|dnt happen if you did (make that change?)
5. What were you pretendingtonotknow in order for you to think you had
that problem deciding?
What we have
to learn to do, we
learn by doing.
ARISTOTLE
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