How to Conduct

Family Meetings in
the Modern World

by:

T he National Family Meeting Association l www.familymeetings.org

 TABLE OF CONTENTS

FAMILY MEETINGS..................................................................................................................................... 2
WHAT A FAMILY MEETING IS NOT ...................................................................................................... 2
WHAT A FAMILY MEETING IS .............................................................................................................. 3
WHY ARE FAMILY MEETINGS IMPORTANT? .................................................................................................. 3
WHY ARE FAMILY MEETINGS IMPORTANT? (CONT’D) .................................................................................. 4
WHO CAN FAMILY MEETINGS BENEFIT? .................................................................................................... 5
WHAT ARE MODERN DAY FAMILY MEETING SOLUTIONS? ........................................................................ 6
THE APPROACH ................................................................................................................................... 7
THE ASSOCIATION ............................................................................................................................... 7
HOW DO YOU DO A FAMILY MEETING? .............................................................................................. 8
EFFECTIVE FAMILY MEETING IN TODAY’S WORLD ...................................................................................... 9
24 . . . 32 . . . HIKE! THE KICK-OFF MEETING....................................................................................... 9
FIRST AND FOREMOST: “WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?” ........................................................................ 9
WHO WILL COME? ........................................................................................................................... 10
COMPLETING THE FAMILY PROFILE DURING THE KICK-OFF MEETING ......................................... 10
FAMILY TEAM NAME ...................................................................................................................... 10
FAMILY COLORS............................................................................................................................. 10
MISSION STATEMENT AND FAMILY VISION ...................................................................................... 11
FAMILY MOTTO.............................................................................................................................. 11
FAMILY PICTURE ............................................................................................................................ 11
FAMILY MASCOT OR LOGO ............................................................................................................. 12
RULES ............................................................................................................................................ 12
WHERE WILL WE MEET? ................................................................................................................. 13
WHEN WILL WE MEET? ................................................................................................................... 13
HOW WILL WE REMEMBER WHAT WE DID AT THE PREVIOUS MEETING? ...................................... 13
THE FAMILY MEETING AGENDA .............................................................................................................. 14
3D’S OF THE FAMILY MEETING AGENDA .......................................................................................... 14
ACTION ITEMS ........................................................................................................................................ 14
OPEN FLOOR ........................................................................................................................................... 15
CLOSING THE MEETING ........................................................................................................................... 15
CONCLUSION – DISCOVERING YOUR DIAMONDS ....................................................................................... 16
HAVE FUN!......................................................................................................................................... 17
LOOK, LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH ............................................................................................................. 17

Copyright © The National Family Meeting Association. All rights reserved.

Duplication and distribution of this report for commercial use is strictly prohibited
without the express written consent of The National Family Meeting Association.

www.familymeetings.org

1
 FAMILY MEETINGS

Family Meetings. What kinds of thoughts come to mind when you hear those two words?
Perhaps you picture talking in the living room with all family members present. Or,
maybe you envision playing a board game while seated around the kitchen table. Maybe
your reaction is similar to that of a friend of mine: “Family meetings? Yeah, I tried that
for about three weeks, but it didn’t work, so we kinda had to quit.”

It’s true, holding successful family meetings can be a challenge, but so is everything else
in life. Face it, learning how to tie your shoes was a challenge too, but you mastered that,
so you can also learn how to spend time with the people you love the most. (Even if you
are still Velcro-dependent, you can learn how to have a family meeting.)

WHAT A FAMILY MEETING IS NOT

Most people think of family meetings as times of serious communication, often about
controversial family issues. True, if you’re going to tackle issues like curfew, dating, or
body piercing, it is usually best to do so with the entire family present for discussion.
However, would you want to convene with people who only met to argue about different
topics? Maybe so, if you were the star of your high school debate team, but your family
meeting should not be a time of debate. That’s not to say that family meetings are strictly
all fun and games. There is a balance of learning, discussion, and fun.

Inevitably, there will be times where certain family members are not in the mood to be
pleasant to other family members, but the meeting is when animosities are set aside. It is
a time for the family to remember that deep down, each person in the room is a loved
family member. This is a time to show love, not to continue bickering. Come with a clear
mind and a willing heart. The friend who quit family meetings after three weeks did so
largely because she could not shake the memories of the family meetings her mother used
to hold. Every meeting was held only when her mother was drunk.

In a well executed Family Meeting, there is a balance of

learning, discussion, and fun. Modern Family Meeting
solutions should offer this balance.

Family meetings are also not expendable. Unless a major family crisis hits before the
meeting (accident, fire, flood), the meeting time should not be postponed or canceled.
The priority of the family meeting speaks volumes to the children about the priority of
the family. Cell phones should be off, and answering machines should be on. The world
can wait one hour while you spend time with your family.

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 WHAT A FAMILY MEETING IS

Every family is different, and there is no such thing as a perfect, one-size-fits-all family
meeting. Two families could do the same suggested meeting, and have two completely
different meetings. Experience, needs, and personalities are factors that add variety and
spice to your family time.

But if you were to give a general definition of a family meeting, it might look
something like this: A family meeting is a safe time when all family members in the
household gather together to learn, listen, and talk. It is a time when the family works
together as a team, talks about things that are important to the family, and takes time to
have fun with each other.

A family meeting can take place once a month, twice a month, once a week,
twice a week, three times a . . . Well, you get the idea. Choose a consistent schedule that
works for your family.

WHY ARE FAMILY MEETINGS IMPORT ANT?

Since family meetings involve communication, and communication is a keystone for any
relationship, it follows that family meetings are vital for strengthening the family unit. If
you aren’t actively working toward family unity, then you are drifting toward family
disintegration. Either way, you are developing something. Family meetings are one way
to make sure you are working toward a positive outcome.

Family counselors, social workers, and faith community leaders agree that one of the
major benefits of a family meeting is the freedom to speak one’s opinion on a given
topic. This is especially important for younger children. While the final decision will be
made by either the parents or a family vote (depending on the decision), it gives a child a
good feeling to know that his or her opinion on the subject is important to the rest of the
family.

As personal thoughts and opinions are shared, other

benefits will naturally follow. For example, family
members can learn the fine art of respecting another
person’s opinion, even when it is different from your own.
Working through the decision-making process as a family
is also a way for younger children to see how to arrive at a
mutually acceptable decision without insisting on one way
or the other.

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 WHY ARE FAMILY MEETINGS IMPORT ANT? (CONT’D)

Consistently meeting at a set time can be challenging at first. In fact, if a family decides
to have weekly meetings, it will take about six to eight weeks before the whole family
feels settled and in the routine of family meetings. Once you are settled, you could decide
(as a family) whether or not to change to bi-weekly meetings. Meeting once a month for a
family meeting is better than not meeting at all, but don’t expect the family to settle into
the family meeting routine.

At the first meeting, try to help your family understand the concept of and the reason for
a weekly family meeting. It’s supposed to be a time for the family to draw together; not a
just a set time to get a lecture from parents. Establish the importance of meeting together,
and discuss how the meetings will benefit each family member. So, how will the
meetings benefit each family member?

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 WHO CAN FAMILY MEETINGS BENEFIT?

Family meetings aren’t just about helping the children; they are also a way for parents to
benefit. One social worker noticed that parents who made the effort to have weekly
family meetings increased their communication skills with their children and with their
adult peers.

In some two-parent, two-income families, both parents have been able to schedule their
work hours so one parent is always at home for the children. For these families, the
family meeting is a special time when both parents are able to spend time together with
the children.

One foster mother, in the process of adopting the foster children, found that having
family meetings before and after the court hearings put the children more at ease. Staying
informed of what was going on made the whole experience easier for the children.

Another main benefit of family meetings is that it allows every family member to express
his or her opinion on any topic. Having someone listen to you is a basic human need, and
children as well as adults need to know their voice is heard. However, we also need to
learn to listen and respect other people’s opinions. Where better to learn this skill than at
home?

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 WHAT ARE MODERN DAY FAMILY MEETING SOLUTIONS?

Here’s a quick quiz:

1. The last time I used a typewriter was:

a. 1982
b. When I was forced to take a typing class in high school.
c. Typewriter keys have never sullied my fingers.
2. I last bought meat at a butcher shop instead of a grocery store:
a. When I was married in 1973.
b. I think there’s one in the area, but I’ve never gone.
c. No kidding! They used to have separate stores for meat?
3. I send mail using the US Postal Service:
a. Once a month.
b. Once a year, for the obligatory Christmas cards.
c. What was the question? I was busy texting on my cell phone.

I hope you got a chuckle or two from the quiz, but here’s the real point—if you don’t use
a typewriter, go to a butcher shop, or send “snail mail,” why would you use old
cumbersome workbooks and traditional methods to help you have a successful family
meeting? This is the reason behind many of today’s modern Family Meetings solutions.
They include family meeting binders, software, and websites.

Using modern Family Meeting products, you will have hundreds of topics to chose from
and customize to your family’s needs. Subjects range from the light-hearted and fun
(Planning a Family Picnic) to learning life skills (How to Design a Family Budget) to
more serious topics (How to Deal With Bullying). This array of topics removes the
“What do I come up with for this week” pressure often felt by parents after the first few
weeks of family meetings.

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 THE APPROACH

As an athlete in high school and college, I found that working, struggling, and
triumphing together with my teammates forged a strong, family-like bond. After college,
I joined the corporate workforce, where “team meetings” were frequent. Between the
structure of the company meetings, and the fun of being a part of a sports team, I began to
see how the two elements of structure and fun could be combined for effective meetings
with my growing family.

In the course of researching how to have a good time of communication and fun with my
children (i.e., family meetings), I began to accumulate a large pile of books and papers.
Realizing that working through and adding to the stack of resources every week was
time-consuming, costly, and quickly taking up too much bookshelf space, I began to
search for solutions that would provide effective family meetings without taking up loads
of extra space (and money!).

THE ASSOCIATION

I founded the National Family Meeting Association because I realized that too often,
family members may live under the same roof, but not really know each other. Often
friends and other adult role models meet the emotional needs that should be initially met
in the home. After careful thought about how the family meetings would be made
available to families, the National Family Meeting Association was born.

I want to share solutions with families so that they can enjoy family meetings that are
effective, easy, enjoyable, enthusiastic, effective, encouraging, energizing, entertaining,
and edifying for every family member. Who Can Benefit From Modern Family Meeting
Solutions?

Specifically, family leaders benefit by not having to search for family meeting resources;
saving money by not having to purchase a lot of books; and by receiving numerous ideas
and agendas to keep the meetings fresh, focused, and fun. The children benefit with the
action list found in many of these solutions, to help them remember the jobs they are
supposed to do, the open discussions also make it possible to bring up topics they may
have hesitated to initiate in the past, and the variety of activities adds interest to each
meeting.

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 HOW DO YOU DO A FAMILY MEETING?

It has been said, “Everyone is a perfect parent until he or she actually becomes one.” In
other words, all the research and theories don’t really mean anything until you have put
them to the test in your own family.

You are completely unique and different from any other person in this world, and the
same is true for every person in your family. So, as you read this section on “How to do a
Family Meeting,” keep in mind that this is a guideline, not a cookie cutter. The same is
true for when you read about what a Family meeting looks like. The information is for
you to use as a guideline, not a straightjacket.

A family meeting needs to have a foundation of unconditional love—a love that accepts
and loves no matter what.

As you try to have an official family meeting, you may find yourself sliding into a rigid
attitude and meeting schedule. Do everything you can to avoid this trap. The family
meeting is a time to relax and enjoy your family.

In the course of researching for this booklet, families and counselors alike also suggested
that if the family is a praying family, the meeting should always begin with prayer.

One practical suggestion from a mother of 7 foster and adopted children was to hold the
family meeting when it is dark outside. She had found that any family meeting held
during the daytime resulted in repeated requests from the children to leave the meeting
and play outside. An evening meeting usually meant everyone gave his or her full
attention to the discussion or activity. This same parent said that starting the family
meeting with a song usually sets a good tone for the whole meeting.

Another parent, a single mother of three children, said that it is important to realize that a
given issue may not be completely solved during a family meeting. Sometimes one-on-
one talks between parent and child are needed to bring closure or compromise to the
issue.

A key point to remember is that, while family meetings are

vital for family communication, a family’s goal should be
to “live life together” as much as possible. This tip came
from a mother of three children.

One important factor she and her husband have found for their family meetings is to keep
variety in the meeting. The basic structure of the meeting may stay the same, but what
you do should change from week to week. Often, they have had each child take a turn
choosing the main activity for a family meeting.

So as for how a family meeting is done, well, it will vary according to your family’s age
range, needs, interests, abilities, etc. But the main ingredients of unconditional love, a
relaxed attitude, and prayer remain the same. Think through your family’s situation, and
see how you can best conduct your family’s meetings.

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 EFFECTIVE FAMILY MEETING IN TODAY’S WORLD

After years of trial and error, research, and practice – I’ve found that the following best
practices are incorporated in the best Family Meeting solutions.

24 . . . 32 . . . HIKE! THE KICK-OFF MEETING

The kick-off meeting is different from any other family meeting. In this initial meeting,
your family will establish the who, what, when, where, why, and how of all future family
meetings. Of course, the kick-off is not just a time to seriously discuss the five Ws and H
of journalism. The kick-off is also meant to be a fun meeting in which every family
member participates.

FIRST AND FOREMOST: “WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?”

Your “why” is the foundational reason for having your family meetings. If you can’t give
a clear reason why you are starting regular family meetings, then you should cancel the
meetings. If canceling is not an option (and if it were, you wouldn’t be reading this), then
you need to clearly define why you feel family meetings are important for your family.
Reasons for family meetings will vary for each family.

A newly-married couple’s “why” might be to nurture their new relationship. For a family
with several different little league, dance, and band schedules, the “why” might be to
have one night when the whole family can stop and enjoy each other. Families with teens
might have a “why” of wanting to foster better communication between the generations.
For the suddenly-single parent, the “why” could be to provide stability, facilitate healing,
strengthen a new family bond, and show very visible love to the children.

Whatever your “why” may be, involve the whole family in answering the question. This
will make it so that the family meetings are not just “because Mom is in a ‘family
togetherness’ phase.” Instead, the meetings will be because everyone in the family sees a
need for coming together on a regular basis.

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 WHO WILL COME?

At first glance, “who” is obvious—it’s a family meeting, so the family members are the
ones who will attend. As you settle into the routine, however, little exceptions may begin
to creep in. The needs of the office, science partner, or neighbor may begin to chisel
away at the number of people at the meeting. At the kick-off meeting, establish that
family meetings are meant for every family member. If a true schedule conflict develops
(for example, a child’s sports team wins districts and is going on to state) re-schedule the
meeting so the whole family can be present.

The reverse is also true. As children begin to really enjoy the meetings, they
may want to invite friends over to participate in the family time. Depending on the
situation, you might allow friends to come occasionally. Keep in mind that the presence
of friends may hinder other family members from freely sharing their thoughts. Another
drawback to visitors is that the “host” child tends to focus more on communicating with
his friend than with his family. (To see this in action, have one supper with just your
family, and then try a supper with your family plus one friend from school.)

COMPLETING THE FAMILY PROFILE DURING THE

KICK-OFF MEETING

Filling in your family’s profile is probably going to be the most fun and time-consuming
part of your kick-off meeting. You’ll need a good Family Meeting product that promotes
Kick-Off meetings (such as My Family Meeting Binder, found at
www.myfamilymeetings.com). Be sure to be near your profile sheet to record your
decisions. What types of decisions will you be making? Well, to name a few . . .

FAMILY TEAM NAME

Try to decide on something that sounds positive. “The Mud Turtles” may not be the best
choice. (Unless, of course, everyone in the family really likes mud turtles.) As with every
decision made at this meeting, compromise is key. If you are unable to decide on a name
that everyone likes, either combine the titles into one team name or vote on a name.

FAMILY COLORS

This is a great way to draw any team together. You might even consider purchasing
matching hats or t-shirts with the family colors to wear at the meetings or when you go
out as a family. One couple bought bright green shirts for the entire family of nine
people. The kids loved matching each other when they went on fun family activities, and
the parents loved being able to quickly locate all seven children! Keep in mind that team
colors can quickly become a personal issue, with everyone having a different idea. If you
find you are getting nowhere in this decision, you may want to do what our family had to
do. Table the decision and vote on it first thing at the next meeting.

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 MISSION STATEMENT AND FAMILY VISION

This will be easier to put into words if you have first answered the why of the family
meetings. You may want to also expand it to include your faith. Put your mission
statement in wording that includes the entire family unit as a whole. You can start with
something like:

(Name) Family Mission Statement

Our mission as a family is to…

And we aim to do this by….

As you compose your family’s mission statement, ask family members what they feel is
most important in life. Use those answers to develop your family’s mission and vision.
After entering the statement on the profile sheet, copy and save one or two copies and
place them in areas where all the family members will see it every day. The above family
motto is framed and hung on the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Every time someone
goes up or down the stairs, he or she is reminded of the family mission.

FAMILY MOTTO

Your mission is important and wonderful to look at every day, but a family motto is
equally important. After all, what sticks in your mind more—an infomercial, or a five-
word slogan from a fifteen-second commercial? The motto should sum up the family
vision. For example, our family mission is summed up in four words: “Loving, Fun,
Lively, and Creative.” Or, perhaps a series of short phrases could be used: “Love each
other, be creative, have fun, and be kind to others.”

Another idea would be to write your motto in another language. This would be one way
to build pride in your family’s heritage. The motto does not have to be limited to a
phrase. It could be summed up with a song or short poem. Whatever it is, try to keep it
short and catchy, since it will be the quickest way for family members to remember the
family mission.

FAMILY PICTURE

You can put a Family Picture on many of the modern day Family Meeting products. If
it’s a binder, you can insert it in the inner pocket of the binder.

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 FAMILY MASCOT OR LOGO

Like the family picture, this is not a vital part of the family meeting set-up process, but it
is a nice way to increase team spirit. If you are a one-child family, consider asking the
child to draw a logo before the next meeting.

RULES

Every sports game has them, every office uses them, and each In reflecting on what
brought about the swift demise of their family meetings, one mother said, “[My daughter]
turned it into a pity party every time.” She went on to say that if she had had a rule to
send someone who did that to her room, the habit might have been broken, and the family
meetings might have continued.

Tailor the Family Meeting rules and suggestions to your family’s needs. If interrupting is
a major problem in the family, make a rule that a person should wait until someone is
done talking (but no filibusters). Maybe interrupting is not a problem, but constant
texting is. Have a rule that makes sure all cell phones, etc. are out of the meeting room
and the answering machine is on. Review the rules chart on a yearly basis. If the habit of
interrupting has been conquered, but a new problem of not giving eye contact to the
person who is talking has started, consider removing the one rule and putting on the
other. (Make it clear that just because the rule is not on the chart, does not mean it can be
broken.) This yearly review will help keep the rules chart from becoming too lengthy.

RULE #1

FAMILY MEETING RULES SHOULD HELP THE

WHOLE FAMILY HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THEY SHOULD NOT BE TOO LENGTHY.

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 WHERE WILL WE MEET?

Ideally, you’ll want to meet in a place that is comfortable and has easy access to seating
and perhaps a computer. You will want to have your Family Meeting product handy to
choose meeting agendas, enter notes and assignments, and for fun activities related to
family meetings.

WHEN WILL WE MEET?

Family meetings can be held with any amount of frequency. Weekly, bi-weekly, and
monthly meetings are all possibilities, however, keep in mind that it is best to start with
weekly meetings. It typically takes six to eight meetings held on a weekly basis for a
family to settle into the routine. At the end of that time, families could decide whether or
not to switch to bi-weekly meetings. Monthly meetings are better than no meeting at all,
but as one counselor pointed out, you should not expect the family to ever settle into the
family meeting routine.

HOW WILL WE REMEMBER WHAT WE DID AT THE

PREVIOUS MEETING?

Well-known author and speaker Elisabeth Elliott once said, “You never really know what
you are thinking until you write it down.” The same is true for a family meeting—you
never really know what you have decided and accomplished until it is written. Choose
someone to take the minutes of the meeting every week. If no one seems too excited
about doing it, consider rotating the responsibility every one to two months.

If someone has a question or helpful comment in-between meetings, he or she can write
the thought down and put it in a “Discussion Box.” You can purchase a discussion box
from many Family Meeting product providers, or you can make your own.

So, now that you’ve “Kicked Off” your family meeting, let’s look at what a “typical”
family meeting would look like. Come to think of it, is there such a thing as a typical
family meeting? Yes – they all typically start with a Family Meeting Agenda.

13
 THE FAMILY MEETING AGENDA

This is usually what people associate with a family meeting—a time when the family
talks about a serious topic or makes a group decision. But who ever heard of a one-step
line dance? That’s why this step is only a part of the meeting. While this step could be
considered the “largest” part of the entire meeting, it is by no means just a time for the
family leaders to lower the boom on the rest of the family.

The Family Meeting Agenda activity is a time to have an honest, serious discussion and
learning time in as upbeat a manner as possible. For example, the family leaders might
have recently realized that the family is in a financial crisis, and a budget needs to be
made. Rather than just say, “No, we can’t afford that,” the next time a child asks for an
item, the parents can use the Family Meeting time to walk the whole family through the
steps of planning a family budget. It need not always be about a serious matter. The
topic could be on planning the next family vacation. This step would be one way the
whole family could discuss interests, desires, and work out a plan for a vacation.

3D’S OF THE FAMILY MEETING AGENDA

The main thing to remember, no matter what you talk about during this step, many
agendas are made up of three main components, which I term as the 3D’s: Detailed
Information, Discussion, and Decision. Detailed Information would usually be given at
the beginning of the meeting. It is basically the introduction of the topic and any
additional facts the family leaders wish to give. After the Detailed Information comes the
Discussion time. Often questions to aid in the Discussion are given in the agenda. Once
the information has been heard and the discussion has taken place, it is time for the
Decision part of the Family Meeting.

Depending on the topic, the decision could involve an action for a set period of time
(“Okay, we are all agree to save receipts from every purchase during the next month.”);
or for a future emergency (“So if a fire happens in our house, we will all get out of the
house and meet in Mrs. Johansson’s front yard across the street.”); or for gathering
further details in order to make an informed decision (“Let’s review the list: Jack will
research airline ticket prices to Arizona, Jasmine will check into camping at or near the
Grand Canyon, Janine will look into the possibility of white water rafting, and I will
estimate the cost of driving to Arizona. We can compare notes and make a decision at the
next meeting.”). Any decisions made should be written down in the meeting notes so the
family can review it at the next meeting.

ACTION ITEMS

These may be used differently depending on your family and the previous week’s
meeting. For example, if you discussed vacation plans the week before, this would be
where each person would report on his or her research. You can also use this time to
schedule other actions for individuals (“Derek, could you please install the new word
processing program this week”) or for the whole family (“This Saturday is the last

14
 possible day for us to plant the garden. Let’s plan on a family work day.”) Modern
Family Meeting programs (such as My Family Meeting Binder,
www.myfamilymeetings.com) make it possible to record all Family action items and
follow-ups.

OPEN FLOOR

What happens during Open Floor discussions also will differ from family to family. Open
Floor discussions should be exactly what the name says it is—an open floor for family
members to discuss anything (within the meeting rules established in the Kick-Off
Meeting). If one or two people tend to dominate the Open Floor time, considering using a
prop, such as a Golden Microphone to gently keep the person in a given timeframe.

More often than not, family members will probably have no trouble whatsoever finding
something to talk about during this time. However, if you have a night where no one can
think of something to say, do not skip the step. The Open Floor is a time for the family to
work on communication skills. Many Family Meeting solutions (like My Family Meeting
Binder) offers a list of starter topics and questions that you can use. Once a conversation
is begun, family members may remember things they wanted to discuss, and the Open
Floor can develop from there.

CLOSING THE MEETING

Why do we like to end a meal with something sweet? Why do plays and circuses finish
with a grand finale? Why do many people end their day with a soothing bath, cup of tea,
or peaceful music? It’s because the human race loves to leave any experience on a
pleasant note. This should also be true of your meeting. Any serious topic, action
assigned, or perplexing question asked should be put behind you as you end the meeting
with a sweet taste in your mouth.

I recommend closing the Family Meeting with one or both of the following: fun and
team-building exercise. It may be a quick treasure hunt, a board game, rented movie, or a
family trip to the local ice cream stand. It should, like the meeting, be something the
whole family will enjoy.

15
 CONCLUSION – DISCOVERING YOUR DIAMONDS

The story is told (many say it is true) of a farmer who was heard from a traveler of the
beauty and wonder of diamonds. Although he never seen a diamond in his life, the
farmer began to covet diamonds. He was no longer content with his farm, which had
always produced more than enough for his needs. Instead, all he could think of was how
much more wealth he could gain if he were to discover his own diamond mine.

When he could no longer stand the constant longing for wealth, he sold his farm and
began to travel around the world in search of diamonds. His search was not without
results. However, instead of finding gems, he found loneliness, sickness, loss of his
family, and despair. One night, the farmer-turned-miner threw away his last great
possession—his life.

In the meantime, the man who had bought the farmer’s field began to work very
diligently on the land. One day, he noticed a strange stone in the stream that ran through
the property. Yes, the stone was a diamond. As more stones were dug up and examined, it
was discovered that the farmer’s land contained literal acres of diamonds. It is said this is
the story of the discovery of the famed India Golconda diamonds; source of the Hope
Diamond, Koh-i-Noor Diamond, Orlov Diamond, Sanc Diamond, and a rare 186-carat
blue diamond.

What is the message of the story? It is meant to encourage

you as your family discovers the “diamonds” in the
relationships of your immediate family.

Remember, when first discovered, a diamond is always encased in a rough exterior, but a
wise miner will see the future beauty. In the same way, you may be confronted with the
rough edges of attitudes and schedule conflicts, but don’t give up! Stay committed to
transforming the relationship from a “strange-looking rock” to a “gemstone.”

As a diamond goes through the process of cutting, careful study of each individual stone
must be made before the hammer hits the chisel. One cut made at a slightly wrong angle
will result in a ruined and shattered diamond. The process of refining family relationships
should be given equal thought and care. Remember, each person is spectacularly unique,
and each person will relate differently to every family member.

The majority of diamonds are flawed. In fact, it is extremely rare to find a diamond that is
completely perfect. Perfect people cannot be found anywhere. They simply don’t exist.
The “flaws” of your family members may be obvious to you, but remember that your
flaws are equally obvious and irritating to them. Be sure to give “space” for others to be
who they are. Bathe every meeting with unconditional love—love that accepts a person
even when his attitude or actions are unacceptable.

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 HAVE FUN!

In the course of all your diamond cutting and polishing, don’t forget to enjoy your
diamonds! Laughter and fun go a long way to drawing a group together. As Mary
Poppins said in the movie, “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.”
Using “fun,” she was able to get Jane and Michael to enjoy the job of cleaning their
room. You can help everyone enjoy and look forward to the meetings as you use the
same technique.

To sum it all up, look at the diamonds you have in your family, let the person develop
according to his or her bent, make love obvious in each meeting, and balance the serious
with a hefty dose of fun. Or, to put it in the form of a motto:

LOOK, LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH

For information about the National Family Meeting Association, visit

www.familymeetings.org

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