INFLUENCING SKILLS USING LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOR PROFILE(LAB)

Dr.Arivalan

INFLUENCING SKILLS

Influencing Methods

RAPPORT

CALIBRATING

COMMUNICATION STYLES

THE LAW OF CONNECTION

Why the Law of Connection?

Most

people can recall a situation when they either were or were not connecting with another person.

RAPPORT

Building rapport with a person can happen instantly or it can take a while to develop. Rapport is a key part of communication. Communication happens on two levelsverbal and nonverbal. There are two common ways most people either fail to achieve or break rapport with others:

by not picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues to the other person's communication style, and through miscommunication, because one person doesn't understand the other's style. Influencing Lawsa will give you all the tools you need to achieve, and not break, rapport.

CALIBRATINGCONDITION 2

Calibrating is the art of paying attention and responding to what you've noticed. It's about picking up on the verbal and nonverbal cues (such as laughing, blushing, nail-biting, or stammering) that indicate another person's mental or emotional state and then adjusting your own communica-tion style to match or accommodate theirs. By calibrating, you build rapport.

CALIBRATINGCONDITION 2

When you don't pay attention, you could end up making assumptions or jumping to conclusions without really knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling. When you fail to calibrate your style to theirs, you could end up breaking rapport.

CALIBRATINGCONDITION 2

People who are good calibrators are able to quickly assess a situation and respond to it in a way that establishes and maintains rapport. As a result, other people find it easy to have them around. Not being able to calibrate is annoying and frustrating to others and causes misunderstandings that break rapport.

HERE ARE THREE EXAMPLES OF HOW CALIBRATING WORKS. COMING HOME FROM WORK:

A working couple arrives home within thirty minutes of each other. The husband arrives first. When the wife gets home she is bursting with excitement about having re-ceived a huge promotion. However, she notices immedi-ately that her husband is still wearing his jacket and tie and is slamming and banging things around in the kitchen. Based on those two cues, she knows that some-thing is wrong. Instead of sharing her good news imme-diately, she creates rapport by going into the kitchen to greet him, express her concern, and ask how he's doing.

SERVING DINERS IN A RESTAURANT:

Two friends having dinner together are in the middle of a serious conversation when their overly cheerful server bounds up and, without paying any attention to the mood at the table, announces with a big smile, "Hi there, I'm Biff, I'll be your server tonight!" The server hasn't noticed the seriousness of the diners' mood and has failed to calibrate his style to theirsthereby sabo-taging himself by failing to build the rapport he had in-tended to create.

ENTERING A LIBRARY VS. A CAFETERIA:

As a loud group of teenagers leaves the noisy cafeteria and enters the library, they immediately calibrate and adjust the volume of their conversation to match the quiet of the library. This establishes rapport with every-one who is already working quietly in the room.

CALIBRATINGCONDITION 2

Very often you have only nonverbal cues to help you calibrate another person's mental or emotional state. Here are a number of nonverbal cues you can watch out for to help increase your calibrating skills.

Examples of Nonverbal Cues That Indicate Mood

Blushing Gasping for air Giggling Laughing Whispering Turning pale Rapid breathing Pacing the floor Blue lips

Shallow breathing
Sweating Biting fingernails Slouched over Repeatedly checking

Wringing hands
Upright posture

Stammering

Staying silent

time Wiggling

Smiling

Frowning

UNDERSTANDING A CONTEXT IS CRUCIAL FOR USING THE LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOR PROFILE
The frame of reference a person puts around a situation is the Context. Since human beings are flexible by nature, they are able to behave differently at different times. Are we talking about you at work, in a coaching situation, in a couple relationship, with your kids, with your peers, when you are on holiday, or when you are buying a house? Simply because a person has a certain pattern (or habit) in a given place and time does not indicate that she will have that same pattern in another Context.

People often ask: "Am I always that way?" The answer is no. We move, we grow, and our response to significant events in our lives can change how we function. These changes show up in the LAB Profile patterns we use in conversation. Because our behavior can vary in different situations, you will need to make sure that you have clearly and specifically identified the Context when using the LAB Profile questions.

In coaching, this relates to the problem that the client wants to solve in his/her sessions with you. You will also need to verify that the person you are profiling is answering from the same Context and that they haven't switched into a different one

Whenever a person describes a "where", "when" and "with whom" (plus a predicate), they are identifying a Context. Generally, when you coachee changes something in the composition of the "where", "when" and "with whom" they changed context!

MOTIVATION TRAITS
The first six categories in the LAB Profile show you how a person triggers and maintains their motivation. You learn how to detect each pattern and what each person needs to get interested or excited about something, and conversely, what would turn them off. Each pattern is described in its extreme form. Behavior predictions are only valid in the same Context in which the subject was profiled.

DOES THE PERSON TAKE THE INITIATIVE OR WAIT FOR OTHERS?

Proactive people initiate. They tend to act with little or no consideration; to jump into situations without thinking or analyzing. They may upset some people because they can bulldoze ahead with what they want to do. They are good at going out and getting the job done. They do not wait for others to initiate.

DOES THE PERSON TAKE THE INITIATIVE OR WAIT FOR OTHERS?

Reactive people prefer to wait for others to initiate or until the situation is right before they act. They may consider and analyze without acting. They want to fully understand and assess before they will act. They believe in chance and luck. They will spend a lot of time waiting. They may upset some people because they don't "get started". In the extreme, they operate with extra caution and study situations endlessly.

DOES THE PERSON TAKE THE INITIATIVE OR WAIT FOR OTHERS?

Proactive "I meet with my team every week." Mainly Reactive "Even thought I wonder if it is necessary to meet with my team every week, I do it in order to make sure they feel they are being listened to."

DIRECTION PATTERN: TOWARDS TO (TT)

People with a Towards pattern stay focused on their goal. They think in terms of goals to be achieved. They are motivated to have, get, achieve, attain, etc. They have trouble either recognizing what should be avoided, or in identifying problems. They tend to be good at managing priorities. They are energized by their goals. In the absence of a goal to move towards, these people may become demotivated.

DIRECTION PATTERN: AWAY FROM (AF)

When people are in an Away From mode, they easily recognize what should be avoided, gotten rid of and otherwise not happen. Their motivation is triggered when there is a problem to be solved or something to get away from. They may have some trouble maintaining focus on their goals. They can be easily distracted and are compelled to respond to negative situations. They may have difficulty managing priorities because whatever is wrong will attract their attention. They are energized by threats. Away From people are great trouble-shooters and can pinpoint possible obstacles during the planning stage.

DIRECTIONS TO TAKE
TT Let me work out a solution to this problem pre-emptively . Before that let me analyze the problem for better solutions AF Let me seek someone to solve this problem. I shall take over only if he/she unable to do so. AF2 Let me prepare the facts well so that I need not get involved in this problem.

DOES THE PERSON FIND MOTIVATION IN EXTERNAL SOURCES, OR FROM STANDARDS AND BELIEFS?

Internal people provide their own motivation. They decide about the quality before accepting other people's opinions and outside direction. When they get negative feedback on work they feel has been well done, they may question the opinion of the person giving the feedback. They may gather information from others, but they decide about it. Because they take instruction as information, they may be hard to supervise.

DOES THE PERSON FIND MOTIVATION IN EXTERNAL SOURCES, OR FROM STANDARDS AND BELIEFS?

External people need other people's opinions and outside direction. If they do not get that information they may not know how well they are doing. They take information as instructions. They are motivated when someone else decides. They have trouble starting or continuing an activity without some kind of feedback.

SOURCE FOR MOTIVATION

Internal "I know when I have done a good job." Mainly Internal "I usually know. I appreciate it when

my boss compliments me, but generally, I know when I have done well." Mainly External "I usually meet the quotas set by my boss and my clients seem happy. And also I can tell when I am working well. External "My clients are happy. My boss is happy."

HOW DOES A PERSON APPROACH DAILY WORK? IS THERE A CONTINUAL QUEST FOR OTHER WAYS TO DO IT, OR IS THERE A PREFERENCE TO FOLLOW ESTABLISHED PROCEDURES?

Options people are motivated by pportunities; possibilities to do something in a different way. There is always another better way to do things. They can create procedures but have great difficulty following them. If you give Options people a guaranteed way to make a million dollars, they will try to improve it. Break the rules.

HOW DOES A PERSON APPROACH DAILY WORK? IS THERE A CONTINUAL QUEST FOR OTHER WAYS TO DO IT, OR IS THERE A PREFERENCE TO FOLLOW ESTABLISHED PROCEDURES?

Procedures people like to follow a set process. They believe there is a "right" way to do things. Once they have a procedure they can follow it over and over again. Without one they may feel lost. When they commence a procedure, the most important thing for them is to complete the procedure. There might be choice points between start and completion of a procedure

HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO CHANGE AND WHAT FREQUENCY OF CHANGE IS NEEDED? DOES THE MOTIVATION TO CHANGE COME FROM COERCIVE "DIFFERENCE" OR

Sameness people want their world to stay the same. They do not like change and may refuse to adapt. They may accept a major change once every ten years, but they will provoke change only once every fifteen to twenty-five years. Sameness with Exception These people like life to stay mainly the same but will accept change once a year if the change is not drastic. They prefer their situations to evolve slowly over time. They tend to resist major changes except when they are perceived to be gradual. They need change once every five to seven years.

HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO CHANGE AND WHAT FREQUENCY OF CHANGE IS NEEDED? DOES THE MOTIVATION TO CHANGE COME FROM COERCIVE "DIFFERENCE" OR

Difference They love change; they want it to be constant and major. They will resist static or stable situations. They need drastic change every one to two years, and if they do not get it may leave. They like change to be revolutionary, dramatically different. Sameness with Exception and Difference People with this double pattern like change and revolution but are also comfortable when things are evolving. They are happy with both revolution and evolution. They need major change every three years.

WORKING TRAITS The next eight categories of the LAB Profile describes internal processing: how people, process information, what type of tasks and environment they need to be most productive, and how they go about becoming convinced

SCOPE : WHAT SIZE CHUNK OF INFORMATION DOES THE PERSON HANDLE WELL?

Specific people handle small pieces of information better. They may have difficulty perceiving the overview. They treat information in sequences, step by step, in all its detail. They may perceive the trees, branches and twigs, rather than the forest. They may have difficulty prioritizing as a result. They are excellent at logistics or anything where attention to detail is critical.

SCOPE : WHAT SIZE CHUNK OF INFORMATION DOES THE PERSON HANDLE WELL?

General: They prefer to work on the overview or at the conceptual level, though they can concentrate on details for a short period of time. They may present ideas in a random order. They concentrate on the forest and having to deal with the trees for long periods of time irritates them.

ATTENTION DIRECTION : DOES A PERSON RESPOND TO AND DISPLAY NON-VERBAL BEHAVIORS?

Self They don't show many emotions. They have a time gap between receiving a stimulus and responding to it. They respond based on what they believe to be appropriate, and are convinced by the content. They may have difficulty establishing rapport because they don't notice other people's body language and therefore they miss many cues. They "know" how well the communication is going based on their own feelings.

ATTENTION DIRECTION : DOES A PERSON RESPOND TO AND DISPLAY NON-VERBAL BEHAVIORS?

Other: They have automatic, reflex reactions to other people's behavior. They are animated and respond to others by facial movements, body movements and shifts in voice tone. They know how the communication is going based on the responses they observe from the other person. They are good at creating and maintaining rapport.

STRESS RESPONSE : HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO THE STRESS IN A GIVEN ENVIRONMENT?

Feelings: They have emotional responses to the normal levels of stress for that environment. They go into their emotions and stay there. High stress jobs are difficult for them to handle. They are best suited to artistic or creative work where emotion provides the juice. As sales people they find it difficult to handle rejection and may not prospect as often as they should.

STRESS RESPONSE : HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO THE STRESS IN A GIVEN ENVIRONMENT?

Choice They first have an emotional response to normal stressful working situations and then either return to an unemotional state or not as they desire in a given situation. Because they feel emotions, they can empathize with others or choose not to. They tend to perform well as managers.

STRESS RESPONSE : HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO THE STRESS IN A GIVEN ENVIRONMENT?

Thinking They do not have emotional responses to normal stressful situations. They have trouble empathizing. They will not panic in most emergencies, but rather stay calm and keep their wits about them.

STYLE : WHAT KIND OF ENVIRONMENT ALLOWS THE PERSON TO WORK BEST: ALONE, WITH OTHERS AROUND, OR SHARING RESPONSIBILITY?

Independent They want to work alone and have sole responsibility. Their productivity suffers if others are around or if they have 0 share responsibility. When others interrupt, they can lose their train of thought

STYLE : WHAT KIND OF ENVIRONMENT ALLOWS THE PERSON TO WORK BEST: ALONE, WITH OTHERS AROUND, OR SHARING RESPONSIBILITY?

Proximity They want a clear territory of responsibility but need to have others around or involved. Their productivity will fall however if others share in the responsibility and authority, or if they have to work alone.

STYLE : WHAT KIND OF ENVIRONMENT ALLOWS THE PERSON TO WORK BEST: ALONE, WITH OTHERS AROUND, OR SHARING RESPONSIBILITY?

Co-operative They want to work and share responsibility with others. They believe in the 2+2=5 synergy principle. They have trouble with deadlines and finishing tasks if they have to work on their own.

ORGANIZATION: DOES THE PERSON CONCENTRATE MORE ON THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, OR ON IDEAS, SYSTEMS AND TOOLS?

Person They are centered on the feelings and thoughts of either themselves or others. Feelings can take on such an importance that they become the task itself. They organize their work so that they can focus on people and their feelings. They are probably good at establishing rapport.

ORGANIZATION: DOES THE PERSON CONCENTRATE MORE ON THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, OR ON IDEAS, SYSTEMS AND TOOLS?

Thing They concentrate on products, ideas, tools, tasks and systems (things). They treat people and ideas as things, and believe that emotions have no place in the world of work. They want to "get things done", and have a task orientation.

ORGANIZATION: DOES THE PERSON CONCENTRATE MORE ON THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, OR ON IDEAS, SYSTEMS AND TOOLS?

Person speak about people, emotions, feelings will name people, use personal pronouns people are the object of their sentences Thing talk about processes, systems, tools, ideas, tasks, goals will not mention people often except as impersonal pronouns i.e. "they", "you" people become objects, parts of a process

RULE STRUCTURE : WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR BEHAVIOR THAT A PERSON APPLIES TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS?

No/My No rules or don't know rules for me/My rules for you They don't know or don't have guidelines for themselves, but once given rules, are quite willing to pass them on to others. My/Your My rules for me/Your rules for you They know the rules and policies to follow but may be reluctant to communicate them to others because they believe everyone is different. They may not state their expectations because they can perceive both sides of an issue, when in a management role. They can make good counselors, consultants and therapists.

RULE STRUCTURE : WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR BEHAVIOR THAT A PERSON APPLIES TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS? My/My My rules for me/My rules for you They have rules for themselves and the same ones for others. They are willing to communicate their rules to others. They believe that what is good for them selves will also suit other people. As managers they will clearly state their expectations. My/. My rules for me/I don't care They have rules for themselves and don't care about anyone else. They are not of malicious intent; others simply don't enter into the equation.

CONVINCER CHANNEL : WHAT TYPE OF INFORMATION DOES A PERSON NEED TO START THE PROCESS OF BEING CONVINCED?

See They need to visually "see" a product, service or idea. Hear They need an oral presentation. Do They have to do something in order to know. Read They need to read something.

MOTIVATION TRAITS How people trigger and maintain their interest level and conversely, what will demotivate them. Each pattern is described below in its extreme form.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!