Assignment 2, Part-1

Based on The Elephant and the Executive Course: Reinventing through Entrepreneurial and Intrapreneurial Leadership

January 20, 2014 Authored by: Anupam Nanda (PGSEM-1212009) Group Members: Anand Ankur (1212006) & Anshuman Singh (1212007)

Assignment 2, Part-1
Based on The Elephant and the Executive I. Self-Reflection and discover my Drama/Behavioral Patterns

Assignment 2, Part-1 | 1/20/2014

The Drama of my life revolves around my own inherent characteristics as well as some pleasant unpleasant experiences faced in life. The need to control, being in power and getting things in the right direction stem from experiences of being bullied in school, being sincerely honest in every approach and going beyond the normal to deliver the best. Being overly sincere to people and things around does cause pain when you realize they had selfish-motives and nothing of concern to you. I see my internal judge working over under such scenarios which builds negative opinions about people and then I tend to change my opinion about them. I have unrealistic expectations from people after I do something for them and when it doesn t happen, leads to my elephant characteristics take over. Leading from this stems my anger when things dont go as I would like them to, I end up reacting to quickly. This also leads me to stress my point of view on other and hence talking more and listening less (tending to be impatient). My internal attorney works for me in such cases trying to justify my own perception or trying to protect my self-judgment of my own action or thoughts. This also stems from my fear of being over-powered by the other and left as being pointless. What this ultimately leads to is, I first feel the other person is overpowering me with his own view, I then judge him as negative and then finally the story is build up completely (confabulated) by the internal magician and finally justified by the attorney. Wanting things to be my way also leads to controlling more and delegating less which also hinders me sometimes to deliver on-time (perfectionism issue). Time and again I realize my inner executive telling me theres no harm or risk in delegating and letting loose, but my internal magician builds some false fabrications based on past experiences and also taking into account that some of these behaviors I attribute to be inherent in me, which I feel proud of. It works one after the other, as a chain creating a vicious circle which further increases my belief of what I think, do and the way I behave is the only correct way. Over time I have engaged myself in my passion, my game, badminton which acts as a stress buster mechanism for me (I discovered it off late), helping me to jettison the baggage. I also engage in physical workouts (gym) when I cant indulge in my passion since I read somewhere physical activity releases endorphins which helps in a feel good factor reducing the stress levels in the mind and body. Though I had been told many times of doing meditation, my internal judge always questioned it which kept me away from even trying it out. People are endlessly in a rat race and even Im am to some extent but my inner executive (conscious me) controls the three horses (internal attorney, magician and judge) somewhat as I've seen successful relationships break, happy lives and souls finally facing the grim reality of life but when its way too late. Running after materialistic things is what everyone does and even I do but my conscious sense

reminds of things which make me feel content and happy to appreciate what I have. Not to say I dont crave for things everyone wants but yes there's a limit to everything and that limit is what few people realize early and some late. Im happy that I realize it to some extent if not completely yet.

II. Rationale for choosing the behavior(s) that needs to be changed

As I study my behavior and see the vicious cycle working for me day in and day out, I would like to change the following behaviors in myself which I feel are the root causes of the patterns (one after the other) that evolve as a result. 1) Expectation from people around you is good and not delegating: From childhood I expected people to be good with me especially in case where they are close to me or my family. Being the sports captain and head boy in school I had my share of limelight and I always kept myself down to earth and being nice to friends and people. But on occasions people used to just ignore me like they dont know me (like a nobody) even as I tried to approach them. I had a close friend of mine in those days with whom I used to commute to and fro from school. One day on return we were standing and he made some obscene comment on one of the teachers commuting in the same bus. The teacher overheard the comment and the whole issue became big amidst which my friend put the entire blame on me for this. It came to me as very shocking as I never had any bad intentions for him or the teacher to whom I used to go for tuitions. As the new spread around it became further embarrassing for me. Another instance was: Being studious and sincere during my school and college days I used to have many friends asking me for help on various topics during and before exam. They even used to borrow my notes for study. But whenever I turned back to them for help they always had some or the other excuse to escape and never tried to help me out. Their selfish motives led me to believe them less on every other instance in the future and this got ingrained in me. My inner executive tell me sometimes to take stock of the situation as to whats correct but my 3 horses (attorney, judge and magician) always bring up the old past experiences which actually warn me and make me overtly careful. From here stems my urge for power and to control, being unable to delegate in the fear of work which is not done upto expectation. It also brings irritation and anger when things dont work in the right way or people dont behave the way I want them to. My inner executive tells me to take stock of the situation (when people drive like nonsense in traffic, or people react badly or treat you like nobody). Theres something which is leading them to behave that way so try to asses that. Take the risk of delegating, trust them but dont keep high expectations as people arent with selfish motives always. Expect less and dont be too critical of others. Things wont go your way always and people wont too. So stop expecting and see the bigger picture.

Assignment 2, Part-1 | 1/20/2014

2) Not listen to people and trying to prove your own point considering it superior: This behavior of mine also stems from the instances quoted in the previous point. From all my past experiences I believe people have selfish motives and they always work to make the best for themselves even if they are helping others and look down upon the other person or try to show him in grim light. So now when I interact with few people in group I tend to put my point more aggressively or over-state it to try and prove its validity. This leads me to focus on my own point more rather than understanding the rationale behind the others points, which ultimately gets lost in fear of losing my own point which was vocalized. My conscious thinking (inner executive) later when reassess the situation makes me understand that my point was wrong, but by that time the damage already has happened and on few occasions I cant even get back and say I were incorrect. I regret that time that I should have listened but I cant do much about it. My focus would be to resolve these issues as they are a major hindrance for me towards my future goals and objectives. I want my inner executive to take control over the elephant as soon as possible so that I digress less from my path and keep focus on what required for a peaceful mind, body and soul. The only way you can manage others is when you can manage yourself.

III. Setting the Roadmap

For the changes I plan to bring about, it would be no less than a mammoth task as I would be planning to change something ingrained in me for over more than 25years through various experiences. Things which I have always reacted to, to change them into a response would require me to understand my behaviors, change my perspective (the way I look at things) and learn from what has happened. All in all would require internal strength and inner self-control which would not be a short term process. I would keep a roadmap for 5 years ahead with tracking each in short terms of a year. Long term activities: 1) Addressing the first issue: Do, what you think gives you satisfaction rather do it for someone else. This way you indulge yourself in activities you have interest (do what you love) and tend to expect less from others. 2) Addressing the second issue: You may not be always right with your point of view and the way you see the world is different from how the other person sees it. So getting a universal perspective is important if you want to solve a problem or issue and also want the benefit out of it. Short term activities to help you achieve the long term:

Assignment 2, Part-1 | 1/20/2014

Assignment 2, Part-1 | 1/20/2014

1) Meditation (works for both issue 1 and 2): This is what I have realized over the past couple of weeks I have been practicing this under REIL course I have taken. This not only lets you free your mind of negativity but also gives you a positive frame of mind to handle situations, be less critical of others and be more positive in every approach of life. You can take things head-on as they come to you. 2) Maintaining a journal (works for both issue 1 and 2): The only way you can understand yourself and progress towards the right behavior is when you take stock of where you made a mistake. A daily journal not only helps you put down things in a day which went wrong but writing things down help you better assess the situation second time. Slowly this habit would help you and remind you of what needs to be done when a similar situation is encountered. 3) Engage in your passions (works for issue 1): Make sure you indulge in an activity which gives you happiness and see how you behave when you are doing that activity. Are you being critical of other when doing that activity? Are you cynical of the results? Are you trying to pace things around? Most probably the answer would be no as doing what you love (your passion) aligns your elephant and executive. 4) Resist the urge to Control (works for issue 2): Slow down yourself during a conversation and hold back your urge to speak immediately. Wait for your turn but dont lose context. Listen carefully and then re-assess what you were about to say hold good or not. Speaking in the end would automatically let you expand your awareness about the situation as you take into account other persons view before putting your own point forward and hence you would be less in the mode to control the conversation. 5) Take Notes (To-Do list, works for issue 1): Maintaining a list of activities you need to do in a day would help you pace you day well in advance and also let you delegate the tasks (small tasks) to others and review them the end of the day. As you delegate small tasks and review the results, you will be better able to decide if you can delegate bigger tasks to the person. Slowly you would be more confident of the other person. 6) Visualization of the task (works for issue 1): Be clear about the task at hand and the end result you are trying to achieve from it. Even if you have delegated the task visualize the results from it and then approach for executing the task. This would help you keep clear expectations on the outcomes and also help you track the task having been visualized it. This will also work along with the task-notes done earlier. 7) Verbalize the task (Autosuggestion, works for issue 1): For a task at hand on which you are working and have delegated, remind yourself that you can do it and handle the task to completion. Read the phrase God help me, I know I can do it in mind everytime so that you progress towards finish with inner strength. 8) Keep deadlines (for sub-tasks above, works for issue 1): Set deadlines for the task you have at hand and even for those delegated. The early you track tasks the better perspective you get of them and to the people whom you have delegated. This will also help you clearly define who is responsible of what tasks and what you should be doing yourself.

Monitoring these activities over a period of an year would help assess progress towards the issues. Maintaining a daily journal would also help me identify new issues as I pen down by daily thoughts and activities. I will work on these activities to help me address these issues and change if any activity doesnt give me short term results.

IV. Peer Feedback

Feedback from Anand Ankur: 1) He is over-killing on sincerity, sometime it is good to enjoy life and don't get tense with the triviality of life. 2) He either don't open mouth or when open then talk everything making it difficult for people to understand what he has to say. The message itself gets lost in this. There is nothing called mid-way. 3) He gives priority to professional life than personal life, this may not do good in long run. Feedback from Anshuman Singh: 4) Not standing up to get noticed 5) Not being able to summarize - going through long descriptions: Issue 1: I prefer to remain honest and sincere to my deepest intentions. I do things for my own satisfaction focus, which also benefit others sometimes. This might look like Im too sincere but I dont want to regret tomorrow that I could have done this since my target is my own satisfaction which gives me happiness. Issues 2 & 5: Stems from being overtly fixed on my point of view and trying to explain it from multiple angles. This is the second issue Im trying to address in myself. Issue 3: This might look like the case currently as I too many things at hand with office, college and other activities I indulge in. But I do enjoy with family and friends which is just low currently due to the multiple things I have in my kitty at the moment. Issue 4: I rarely crave for attention or getting noticed. I do things which give me satisfaction even if it is doing good the entire community. My sole purpose is my own satisfaction of doing good than getting noticed or taking limelight.

Assignment 2, Part-1 | 1/20/2014