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The Drink Tank 161

Cover by Brianna and Frank! will exchange their worthless bills care anymore. The Democrats and
at Wal-Mart for the fruit of Asian Republicans can fold together into one
And now, let us all begin with Taral productivity. Who will serve the fries, party, the Republicrats, and issue the
Wayne and a note about the times and greet you at the big-box store? interactive “elections” every year on
in which we live! Guest workers. It solved the problem CD-Rom for the general entertainment.
of labour shortage in Germany; it can Nothing of importance will change,
solve the problem of labour avoidance only the deception that ordinary

Not the American in America.


Universal welfare in the U.S.
Americans need to work for a living,
and the resentment caused by it.
Century? will end politics as we know it as well.
Who will be discontented, what issues
As long as the Almighty Dollar
is backed, not by gold or exports
will there be, as long as everyone gets or international confidence in the
Nonsense. We just need a little their check at the first of the month? American economy, but by the fear
clear thinking and planning, and the The rich will still be the rich, inspired by American arms, anyone
American dream need never end! of course. They may choose to tip with citizenship born or a green
Seriously. Why don’t the their waiter with this month’s welfare card can be guaranteed a middle-
American’s just stop pretending? If check, or just light their crack pipe class standard of living for doing
they finance their nation with foreign with it. (What does it matter? It’s absolutely nothing. There is no point
debt, and export only their jobs, why only American money, and therefore to pretending otherwise, and forcing
pretend that Americans work for a imaginary.) The rich will own the single black mothers in Cleveland or
living? Why expect them to hold remaining assets in the nation, and young men in Austin to take pointless
down increasingly meaningless and have a monopoly of all the power, service jobs; often two of them, both
low paying jobs, when the real work just as they do now. But under the part-time, paying minimum wage and
is being done in Malaysia, Taiwan, universal welfare scheme, no one will offering no benefits.
or India? As long as the U.S. has That’s why God made foreigners
pretty much advertised its intention -- to fulfill the New American Dream.
to finance the American economy in ___________________________________
future by running the presses 24 hours
a day printing $100 bills*, why not just -- Taral Wayne
print a few more? Put everyone in the * In March, the Federal Reserve Board
country on welfare! announced it was no longer publishing the M3
Like the citizens of Kuwait or Report that reveals the amount of American
Dubai, Americans can just live off paper money in circulation abroad, thus
the largesse provided by Allah. While releasing the government from any restraint on
Indonesians and Chinese labour printing speciously valued dollars.
in sweatshops making soccer balls
and Blue-Ray players, Americans Anti-Flag by The Poopsmith
From Frank Wu scandals (remember these?): administration allegedly poked into
I DON’T HATE HILLARY... Travelgate - in which long-standing 300 - 900 FBI files without permission.
And if she winds up being the employees of the White House Travel Pardongate - in which Mr. Clinton
Democratic nominee for President, Office were fired at the beginning of the pardoned Edgar and Vonna Jo Gregory
I will vote for her no matter who Clinton administration, allegedly so (cronies with Hillary’s brother, who
(probably McCain now) will be on the that Clinton cronies could have their got a windfall after the pardons); Mark
other side. jobs. Rich (tax evader involved in suspect
But... this is a critical Troopergate - in which two Arkansas Iraqi oil deals); among others.
time for our nation. We’re state troopers allegedly arranged
economically, morally, emotionally meetings between Mr. Clinton and his To say nothing of the parade
and philosophically exhausted by girlfriends of bimbos, the Gennifer Flowers and
a pointless war, with an economic Whitewater - in which the Clintons Paula Jones and Monica Lewinskys.
downturn imminent, or possibly even were allegedly involved in illegal loans There were probably more, but
upon us. China is all revved up to and shady failed real estate dealings. I was too full of despair to track them
seize the world. Every Presidential Filegate - in which the Clinton down.
election is crucial, but this moreso All this stuff will come back, as
than others. There is so much healing will the cigar jokes. The Republicans
to be done, for our country, for the will remind of this, and they’ll find
nations of the world, for the world more. The old scandals and new
itself. scandals will be the yip dogs barking
My fear for another Clinton and biting at the feet of a new Clinton
administration is, essentially, a return administration.
to the days of endless scandal. Yes, we We don’t need the distraction.
had a budge surplus and relative peace Yes, Hillary will be ready to President
and prosperity, and, yes, perhaps on Day 1. And the scandals will begin
many of the scandals were minor or on Day 2.
artificially generated by a “vast right- I have a theory - Crazy Idea No.
wing conspiracy,” but we can’t risk the 911, if you will - and I cannot back this
distraction in the next administration, up, but I blame the Monica Lewinsky
and many of the scandals were ones affair for 9/11. Yes, the terrorists
the Clintons brought upon themselves. were responsible for the deed, but for
Some politicians are coated with months (possibly years) before hand,
so-called Teflon, accusations of there were signs that something really
wrongdoing simply rolling off their big was up - terrorists had, as it were,
shoulders. The Clintons aren’t like already attacked the World Trade
that. They are magnets of malice. Center with a truck bomb in 1993
Here’s just a few Clinton and American targets throughout the
Hilary by Gore Mantra
world. But no one in Washington I’ve done at other cons. It’s What’s The
was doing anything about terrorism Point of Fannish Awards?. I’ve got a lot
(or anything else, for that matter), to say about it (there are people who
for over a year because they were all love them and who have their fanac
fixated on Monica Lewinsky. And validated by awards [unlike me] and
Gore lost in 2000 partially because he More things have come up and it provides a jumping on point for new
distanced himself from Clinton and the down over the last couple of weeks comers) but really, I’m way outclassed
Lewinsky scandal, and because people and here’s what’s going on so far. The on this one. There’s Pete Young, whose
were just sick of the Clintons and all biggest news of late is the release of zine Zoo Nation hasn’t been out in a
the muck associated with them. And a PreLim Orbital Schedule. I’m on a while and is one of the best out there.
because the Dems lost the White bunch of stuff all across the weekend, There’s Alison Scott, a PLOKTAn who
House, continuity in anti-terrorism and I rather like the things they’ve got happens to have a couple of shiny
operations was lost. With the change me on. rocket-y things, and Greg Pickersgill,
in administrations, experienced people On Friday at 3pm (I’m assuming the guy who my Dad always called The
were thrown out and replaced by the that GMT) I’ll be in the George/ Voice of Reason in Fandom. I really
inexperienced. And those people were Elizabeth Room on a panel called With wanna see how this one goes. It’s at
still new at the jobs when the 9/11 Friends Like These. I’m not sure what 5pm in Tetworth.
attacks hit. Now, I can’t say for sure it’s all about, but I do know that Niall There’s a panel that I’m not on
that, had there been continuity, we Harrison, my favourite UK writer and called At Least I Can Get a Fanzine
would have caught the terrorists before the World’s Next Dave Langford, is on Article Out of It featuring Flick, James
they committed the 9/11 attacks, but the panel. Also there are John Jarrold Bacon, Graham Charnock, Yvonne
I’m sure it didn’t help. and Caroline Mullan. I’m interested in Rowse and Ian Sorenseon that I’d love
This is a strong nation, and finding out what this one’s all about! to see, but I doubt I’ll be able to. That’s
somehow we’ve survived the debacle Saturday at 3:30pm, in the a great line-up there. It’s from 10 to 11
of the Bush administration, and Elizabeth Room is the most dangerous on Saturday and the fact is, I’ve got an
somehow we would survive a Clinton panel I’m sure to be on. It’s me and early morning on Sunday and I dunno
administration riddled by new James Bacon in the Chris and James if I can make it.
scandals. But, personally, I’d rather Present: A TAFF Report in an Hour. Another fun one is Who Are
not have to live through it, and I’d James is the Mad Scientist of UK You Calling Obsolete?. That’s about
rather roll the dice with Obama and Fandom, as I hear it, and I sorta fill the ‘young crowd’ who’ve gone in on
his idealism. I am afraid for the future that kinda roll out here on the West Fanzines in the last few years. There’s
of this nation, and I’d trade Clinton’s Side. The two of us are basically gonna Peter Sullivan, me, Flick, Abi Brown
decades of scandal for Obama’s lack of do a Big Ass Fanzine in an Hour. Who and that scamp John Coxon. OK, look
experience any day. knows what it will turn into! If you’re at those names. Other than Peter,
Editor’s Note: I haven’t made gonna be there, stop by and help us I think I’ve got them all beat out by
a Hilary joke since they found Vince out! at least 7 or 8 years. I’m 33, not a
Foster dead on that park bench... Here’s a tough one and one that young guy! Plus, that Coxon fellow is
way better than me and he can’t even O’Shea. advantage: I can do mine at work!
legally drink in the US! Shame! That’s So, if you’re gonna be at Terrific cover by Brad Foster. I
at 5pm in the Winchester Room on Eastercon, lemme know and I’ll save remember Brad’s work was all over the
Sunday. I’m really excited to be getting you a seat as you are hereby bound to place in fanzines decades ago. Who
a chance to be on a panel with these stay for at least one of these panels! would’ve imagined someday we’d be
folks. treated to Brad’s fanzine work in color!
Here’s one that I might steal for It would’ve sounded like that crazy
a US con that Frank Wu, Jay Lake and Buck Rogers stuff.
I are at someday. Two Minute Warning I found a catalog for Brad’s comic
has been described to me as ‘You stuff from the 1980s and it was
get topic, you talk for two minutes.’. great. He’s everywhere in zines over
Yeah, I think I can do that. It’s me, the last, oh let’s say, 25 years.
Cathering Pickersgill, Tony Keen (who eMailed Words of Comment And hey, you found a Donnie
I think is a fantastic writer) and Mike sent to garcia@computerhistory.org Jupiter drawing for my article. Cool.
Abbott. Should be fun at 7pm in the by my gentle readers He’s got a lot of stuff out there.
Winchester Room. I was shocked that there was so
Sunday at 10pm is the Fan Let us start with a brief note from much, but I’m hoping I can get
Fund Auction. Apparently, and I can Taral Wayne! permission to use more!
neither confirm nor deny this, there Yes, reading Capt’n Carrot does I enjoyed John Purcell’s guitar
are OTHER fan funds than just TAFF. make you a furry! Who would know heroics. Hey, anyone who can play
Bridget Bradshaw, Flick, Alison Scott, better than I. One of us! One of us! a chord is a guitar hero to me. I’ve
Ang Rosin and I are auctioning stuff. One of us! always loved listening to music but
I’ll be bringing some stuff and I’ve gotta Not very good furry, mind you, have no aptitude for it. I can’t even
get a couple of folks from this side here but tainted none the less. sing. Don’t even really understand
to pledge strangee things that can go I’m also guessing that being on the concept of a “note.” Or at least my
for silly prices. I’ll start all my items staff for Further Confusion doesn’t croaking, flat off-key (whatever a “key”
at 1000 pounds, that way if I sell only help my case, either. is) voice doesn’t. I was too young for
one thing, it’s paid for almost my entire Elvis. I was more into Sheb Wooley’s
trip! Thanks, Taral! Purple People Eater.
My last panel is What I Did on I was too young for living Elvis. I
My Holidays, which is a bunch of Fan And now...Eric Mayer!!! had Dead Elvis to worship.
FUnd types talking about their trips. Mark Plummer’s article reminded
Chris,
I’m tempted to simply say what I’m me of how many of us came to our love
Congratulations on another year.
looking at at the moment as my entire for things like sf through...well...stuff
You manage to publish more zines ina
contribution, but that wouldn’t be that was basically junk. I read books
half year than I’ve produced in over
nearly meta enough. That’s on Noon on by Andre Norton and Lester del Rey
three decades.
Monday with Bridget, Ang, and Chris early on but before those I read Tom
Well, I do have an unfair
Swift Jr. Sure, the Victor Appleton Recently, I’ve rediscovered the Swift Jr books and from there it was
Jr books were crude in many ways, Justice Society. a quick descent into science fiction.
but they nevertheless managed to I wouldn’t think liking Captain Who knows what I could’ve done with
communicate some of the same sort Carrot would make you part of my life. And look at me now. Fifty-
of wonder as the sf juveniles I went on furry fandom. More like part of root eight years old and reading a damned
to read. The basic, compelling ideas vegetable fandom. You might not have fanzine.
were still there thought perhaps not heard of that. It’s an underground Best,
expressed very well. movement. (boom! boom!) Eric
I just wrote an LoC to Earl Kemp Damn! Another movement I’ll have Here’s to a wasted childhood...and
about the kind of reviews that Sid to become a part of! adulthood, at least in my case!
Coleman used to write for F&SF Nice bit of pseudo-philosophical
and realising that he completely balderdash by Frank Wu. Next year he
missed my kind of reader which might have to renouce the FAAn award
really get and love the Tom Swift for writer.
books. Yes, let us give him awards
Captain Carrot I never saw. inscribed with Chinese curses on
Sounds pretty funny. Flaming Carrot, them! May he live in interesting
I know about. The comics I loved as times!!!
a kid were Batman and Superman, Great piece by Derek McCaw.
but especially Batman. Then I went I had to love it because it was my
though a phase when I read a lot of grandmother who set me on the road
the Marvel stuff I the early days of to ruin too. Yeah, sweet old lady, so
Spider Man and Fantastic Four and, you’d think, but she got me hooked on
especially Iron Man. But that phase, words. You know where that leads.
and my later foray into small press and My grandma and I used to watch
indie comics basically ended because wrestling together, but it was really And on that note, another
it was too expensive to keep up with my Dad’s fault. She was just along issue of The Drink Tank rides off
all the continuing series I soon wanted for the ride. into the Sunset! I wanna thank
to keep up with. Well, I see those Instead of studying or making Taral, Frank, Brianna, Steve Green
covers so I’m thinking they look pretty a living you’re satisfying the habit - (for the TAFF logos and that shirt
authentic, not part of a fictional comic - reading, writing. Oh sure, it was soft up there), Gore Mantra and The
universe? stuff she introduced me to, reading Poopsmith for their materials,
I loved the Flash, Plastic Man, to me there in her living room, me meaning you had less of me to deal
The Justice League and The Hulk sitting beside her rocking chair. Don’t with.
when I was younger, then I got into let anyone tell you there’s no danger Next issue is a sorta special
Batman, Doom Patrol, the Metal in Heidi or the Wind in the Willows. one, and I’ll be talking about my
Men and Starman when I was older. Soon as I could read I was into Tom idea for a Canadian section of San
Jose!

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