Paul McKenna - Mind & Body Techniques - The Art of Flirting The Art of Flirting Flirting is a way of signalling

attraction without commitment, a no strings attached way of having fun with other eo le without any emotional fallout! At school we are taught maths and "nglish #ut not im ortant communication s$ills that are vital to success in later life! %ndeed it seems to me that many eo le are largely unaware of many of the su#tle signals they are sending and receiving! &ne of the most im ortant of these is the s$ill of flirting! Flirting is not 'ust a#out sending se(ual signals, everyone flirts, sales eo le do it, flirting is another name for ros ecting! )tatistically the #iggest ho#ia in the western world and the one that % get as$ed to fi( a lot is the fear of u#lic s ea$ing! *owever, the fear of having a conversation with a stranger, and worse than that, #eing re'ected #y that erson is one that most eo le can identify with, #ecause we all fear re'ection! "ven more eculiar is the notion that a lot of eo le nowadays can feel so aw$ward tal$ing to someone #ut somehow are quite comforta#le 'um ing into #ed with them! Flirting is su osed to #e fun! %t+s a#out #eing layful and should #e accom anied #y a good dose of humour! Peo le have forgotten how much fun the flirting art is, and many eo le have not even ta$en the time or trou#le to master this s$ill, and ma$e no mista$e, flirting is a learned s$ill! ,ittle girls often learn it from their mothers or elder sisters, cousins or friends! *owever if you weren+t luc$y enough to #e surrounded #y flirts #elow is a sim le easy to follow lan to the to ten techniques of flirting that anyone can follow! &f course #efore you start ractise your flirting, you have to find someone to flirt with and that is a whole s$ill in itself! %n sim le if you want to flirt with someone, all you need to do is send a signal of interest! %f you then receive a signal of interest #ac$ withdraw and invite that erson to #ecome closer! *ow to meet eo le to flirt with -ou can meet eo le anywhere there are eo le! The $ey is to get from #eing a stranger, to #eing an acquaintance and finally a friend! %f you are trying to meet some#ody in a coffee sho , the su ermar$et, or a #ar the #asic rule is the same! ,et the other erson $now that you are interested in getting to $now them! Most eo le when they see some#ody they are attracted to, tend to ignore them and loo$ anywhere #ut at them! This is not going to get you very far! The other erson will inter ret you ignoring them as disinterest! The reason eo le do this is their innate fear of re'ection! This is one of those fears that is grossly e(aggerated in eo le+s imagination and can usually #e dis elled #y a lying a #it of reality and common sense! Peo le are not as frightening as we thin$! Most eo le will not mind #eing a roached, they will find it flattering, and even if they are not interested in ta$ing the a roach further will generally #e olite and good humoured a#out it! %f you are somewhere and see some#ody you li$e the loo$ of, ma$e eye contact, if they loo$ #ac$, try smiling, and

if that seems welcome, sim ly introduce yourself! *i my name is .! wor$s well on most eo le! &r a sim le hello with a smile! )miles tend to elicit smiles! Then sim ly offer a little information a#out yourself rather than firing questions at the other erson! The more you tell the erson a#out you the less of a stranger you are to them, and #y showing a little interest in their life and situation you are inadvertently flattering them which will ma$e them feel good rather than threatened! &ne word of advice, it+s #est not to as$ them what they do! &therwise you will sim ly get the wor$ side of them, instead as$ them what they li$e to do after wor$, or what they do to have fun! Ma$e sure you listen to them, remem#er what they say and try and re eat it #ac$! This will ma$e them feel interesting and more rela(ed! /et in the mood -our mood or state is all im ortant when you set out to flirt! "very#ody should ractise generating good feelings regularly 'ust #ecause you can! -ou need to ma$e sure that you feel confident as that will ins ire confidence in the other erson! 0hen you feel good a#out yourself you will ma$e the other erson feel good too and you will seem attractive as a result! %t is easy to ut yourself into a confident state #efore you go out using this sim le technique! *owever, you don+t have to #e slic$, authenticity is a far more desira#le quality! %n fact may 'ust #e that the most attractive thing you can offer that erson is your willingness to #e a little em#arrassed! 1om liments 1om liments are great! The wonderful thing a#out them is that everyone loves receiving them, they ma$e you feel good and you can never #e annoyed with the erson offering you one! -ou can com liment everyone you meet, 'ust for ractise! From the guy serving you in a restaurant, to your #oss, it will go a long way to ma$ing eo le more attracted to you without realising why! %f you are unconsciously associated in some#ody+s mind to their feeling good a#out themselves they will a#solutely love #eing around you and will li$e you more as a result! Pay some#ody a com liment! %t ma$es them feel good and it will ma$e you feel good! The more rela(ed you #ecome a#out it the #etter! Then when you meet some#ody you li$e it will #e more natural and easy to tal$, to #e attentive and to flatter them! This will ay off ama2ingly! -ou will get a lot more com liments #ac$ as well which is always a lovely #oost! They will ma$e you feel more confident and confidence is the most attractive quality to attract a mate! ) ace %nvasion &ne of the most #asic and easiest ways to create closeness is to #rea$ into the other erson+s s ace! This has to #e done very carefully without getting in the other erson+s face instead of s ace3 The rule is very sim le, once you have connected with someone it+s very owerful to #ac$ away slightly sending them the invitation to enter your intimate s ace! Kee watching for how the other erson reacts to small forays into their s ace, with your hands or leaning in with your #ody! Test their s ace #oundaries using small moves to cali#rate their reactions! %f you are aying attention it+s easy to detect if they are welcoming to your advances or unwelcoming, in which case BA1K &FF!

4ever 5se 1hat 5 ,ines 6on+t use lines #ecause quite sim ly they never wor$! %f you use a clever, funny line on someone it really doesn+t have a lot of otential to go any further than that! The reci ient will rarely have anything to say #ac$, there is no come #ac$ to a line other than a groan or a grimace! %t also has overtones of thin$ing that they say that to everyone and that their motives are urely se(ual! )hyness, rather than coc$iness, tends to wor$ much #etter at creating closeness and forming a #ond! %t+s far #etter to convey a genuine sentiment of what is ha ening at the time than some clever one liner! Mirroring 0e are always fundamentally attracted to eo le that we erceive as similar to us! 0e unconsciously see$ out eo le who share similar #ac$grounds, loo$s, tastes and ersonalities! 7esearch has shown that the largest art of the meaning of our communication is conveyed through #ody language! 0hen you use the mirroring technique, that is a sim le co ying of some their movements, s ea$ing at the same ace and volume as another you will automatically #e creating a #ond of similarity #etween you and the other erson at the unconscious level! They will feel more at ease with you, causing the to thin$ +this erson is li$e me, % can trust them+! Try not to #e o#vious a#out this, echoing rather than e(actly co ying their osture and gestures, if they #ecome consciously aware you are mirroring them it may cause offence! 0his er There is quite sim ly nothing se(ier and more li$ely to create intimacy than whis ering! Plus it really doesn+t matter what you whis er! %t has so many advantages - you have to lean in very close to do it and it has such se(y overtones #ut without #eing threatening! &f course it wor$s #est in a crowded lace as there is a ready made e(cuse for doing it! %t can create instant closeness if you whis er something cons iratorial to someone you don+t $now! Try wal$ing u to someone that you li$e the loo$ of at a arty and whis er to them that you need saving from another guest! The other erson gets to #e your instant hero, you are #onded together against a common foe! %t+s funny #ut also has the added #enefit of ma$ing you loo$ desira#le! )hare )haring anything can quic$ly im ly intimacy! )haring a laugh, a 'o$e, a conversation can all #e made to feel ersonal and #e the erfect o ortunity for flirting! *owever, if you can get to a lace where you are sharing food or drin$ you are home and dry! %t is very flirtatious to offer some#ody food or to taste your coc$tail! This o#viously wor$s #est at a arty or dinner! %t is not articulary a ro riate to offer a stranger sitting near you in star#uc$s a taste of your latte3 5se your common sense with this one! %t is a very good gauge of how rece tive the other erson is to you #y how far they are re ared to go! "ye 1ontact

This is a huge art of flirting! )o much can #e communicated to another erson through your eyes and how many times you meet their ga2e, and where your eyes go to after you ma$e eye contact! )uggestion "very#ody is suggesti#le to some degree! The American hy notist 7oss 8efferies who teaches the contraversial art of +) eed )eduction+ ma$es the o#servation that far too many eo le attem t to im ress another #y trying to show how clever they are or how much they have! *e uses a very sim le model9 /et the other erson+s attention then drive them in to a state of arousal! This articular a roach does ta$e some s$ill and ractice! *is atter goes something li$e: ;,et me as$ you question! *ave you ever #een totally fascinated with someone< ,i$e may#e as you were there, loo$ing at him, and you started to ,%)T"4 1A7"F5,,-, it was li$e his voice 'ust seemed to wra itself around you, and the rest of your environment 'ust disa eared, and your entire world, everything you saw, #ecame what was right in front of you< And anything he descri#ed, you found that you could 'ust P%1T57" %T 1,"A7,-< )o you $now, if he were tal$ a#out a romantic wal$, on a moonlit #each, with your erfect artner, you could )"" -&57)",F there with him, 'ust en'oying what that would #e li$e<; *owever, if we ma$e the com arison of flirting to selling it #ecomes a lot clearer! 0hatever anyone is selling, #e it houses, cars or insurance, they are ultimately selling good feelings! 0hen you are selling yourself to someone else 'ut as$ yourself +0hat does this erson need to hear to feel good a#out me+ =ery often it+s 'ust that you are natural and s ontaneous! &#viously some more than others #ut it is fair to say that millions would not #e s ent on advertising roducts each year if eo le weren+t o en to suggestion! % have made a career out of it! -ou can use eo le+s suggesti#ility to suggest you are attractive and desira#le! And they will often #elieve you, if you ut the case su#tly enough and often enough! A few e(am les of suggestions: Building A Bridge An old technique that s ies are taught when wishing to esta#lish ra ort is to imagine #uilding a #ridge of light #etween yourself and the other erson! 5sually it+s #est to start it in you heart and e(tend it to their heart! % $now this sounds a little strange, #ut many eo le re ort that it wor$s! 1lothes -our clothes convey a non-ver#al message! 7emem#er se(ual clothes may create arousal, #ut that does not equal attraction! This is one of those areas where you might want to as$ a friend for feed #ac$! 5sually it+s #est to choose a friend of the same se( you wish to attract! Body ,anguage There+s so much that can #e said a#out #ody language, however, in general it+s usually #est to #e at >?degrees to the other erson so that you are resenting yourself, #ut you

are also holding something #ac$! Try to align your eyes and mouth to the other ersons! A sim le handsha$e can say a lot, for e(am le research has shown that the o timum handsha$e lasts for ? seconds, a dry alm is essential and eye contact and slight smile all hel to create a ositive im ression! %n terms of #ody language for a woman! &nce you have initiated conversation the classic signs that most men will res ond to and recognise as gestures of attraction are hair tossing and laughing! The flirtatious laugh is different to a normal laugh in that it is slightly e(aggerated with the head thrown further #ac$ to e( ose the nec$! *owever, when you are 'ust tal$ing, it is 'ust as effective to tilt your head #ac$ slightly and draw attention to your nec$ #y running two fingers down it from #elow the chin towards the cleavage! This is incredi#ly rovocative and much less o#vious! Finally don+t give u if you don+t get immediate results! As Thomas 0atson the founder of %BM said + %f you want to increase you success rate you have to #e re ared to increase your failure rate