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Top 10 Nonverbal Communication Tips

Master the Art of Nonverbal Communication With These Tips
By Kendra Cherry

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Psychology Skills Psychology Professional Psychology Psychology Good Presentation Skills Non Verbal Communication Good communication skills can help you in both your personal and professional life. While verbal and written communication skills are important, research has shown that nonverbal behaviors make up a large percentage of our daily interpersonal communication. How can you improve your nonverbal communication skills? The following top ten tips for nonverbal communication can help you learn to read the nonverbal signals of other people and enhance your own ability to communicate effectively. 1. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Signals

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People can communicate information in numerous ways; so pay attention to things like eye contact, gestures, posture, body movements, and tone of voice. All of these signals can convey important information that isn't put into words. By paying closer attention to other people's unspoken behaviors, you will improve your own ability to communicate nonverbally. 2. Look for Incongruent Behaviors If someone's words do not match their nonverbal behaviors, you should pay careful attention. For example, someone might tell you they are happy while frowning and staring at the ground. Research has shown that when words fail to match up with nonverbal signals, people tend to ignore what has been said and focus instead on unspoken expressions of moods, thoughts, and emotions. 3. Concentrate on Your Tone of Voice When Speaking Your tone of voice can convey a wealth of information, ranging from enthusiasm to disinterest to anger. Start noticing how your tone of voice affects how others respond to you and try using tone of voice to emphasize ideas that you want to communicate. For example, if you want to show genuine interest in something, express your enthusiasm by using an animated tone of voice. 4. Use Good Eye Contact When people fail to look others in the eye, it can seem as if they are evading or trying to hide something. On the other hand, too much eye contact can seem confrontational or intimidating. While eye contact is an important part of communication, it's important to remember that good eye contact does not mean staring fixedly into someone's eyes. How can you tell how much eye contact is correct? Some communication experts recommend intervals of eye contact lasting four to five seconds. 5. Ask Questions About Nonverbal Signals If you are confused about another person's nonverbal signals, don't be afraid to ask questions. A good idea is to repeat back your interpretation of what has been said and ask for clarification. An example of this might be, "So what you are saying is that..." 6. Use Signals to Make Communication More Effective and Meaningful Remember that verbal and nonverbal communication work together to convey a message. You can improve your spoken communication by using body language that reinforces and supports what you are saying. This can be especially useful when making presentations or when speaking to a large group of people. 7. Look at Signals as a Group A single gesture can mean any number of things, or maybe even nothing at all. The key to accurately reading nonverbal behavior is to look for groups of signals that reinforce a common point. If you place too much emphasis on just one signal out of many, you might come to an inaccurate conclusion about what a person is trying to communicate. 8. Consider Context

When you are communicating with others, always consider the situation and the context in which the communication occurs. Some situations require more formal behaviors that might be interpreted very differently in any other setting. Consider whether or not nonverbal behaviors are appropriate for the context. If you are trying to improve your own nonverbal communication, concentrate on ways to make your signals match the level of formality necessitated by the situation. 9. Be Aware That Signals Can be Misread According to some, a firm handshake indicates a strong personality while a weak handshake is taken as a lack of fortitude. This example illustrates an important point about the possibility of misreading nonverbal signals. A limp handshake might actually indicate something else entirely, such as arthritis. Always remember to look for groups of behavior. A person's overall demeanor is far more telling than a single gesture viewed in isolation. 10. Practice, Practice, Practice Some people just seem to have a knack for using nonverbal communication effectively and correctly interpreting signals from others. These people are often described as being able to "read people." In reality, you can build this skill by paying careful attention to nonverbal behavior and practicing different types of nonverbal communication with others. By noticing nonverbal behavior and practicing your own skills, you can dramatically improve your communication abilities. http://psychology.about.com/od/nonverbalcommunication/tp/nonverbaltips.htm http://www2.afs.or.jp/volex2005/nvcom.pdf

ABOUT NONVERBAL COMMUNICATIONS

Part 1: GENERAL CONSIDERATIONS* Adam Blatner, M.D.

(Revised June 29, 2009) http://www.blatner.com/adam/level2/nverb1.htm

(* In Part 2 I'll talk about how people can learn to become more sensitive to this dimension of human experience.) Psychotherapists, group leaders in management training, patients themselves, and people in personal growth programs all can benefit from learning about the nature and impact of nonverbal communications. This paper will review the major categories of this dimension of interpersonal behavior. The major categories of nonverbal communications include the following (and will be discussed in greater detail further):
personal space posture gesture pacing eye contact paralanguage touch adornment physiologic responses position expression locomotion context

The Significance of Nonverbal Communications

Stated briefly, how something is expressed may carry more significance and weight than what is said, the words themselves. Accompanied by a smile or a frown, said with a loud, scolding voice or a gentle, easy one, the contents of our communications are framed by our holistic perceptions of their context. Those sending the messages may learn to understand themselves better as well as learning to exert some greater consciousness about their manner of speech. Those receiving the messages may learn to better

understand their own intuitive responsessometimes in contrast to what it seems "reasonable" to think. Part of our culture involves an unspoken rule that people should ignore these nonverbal elements as if the injunction were, "hear what I say, and don't notice the way I say it." These elements are often ignored in school or overridden by parents, so the task of incorporating conscious sensitivity to nonverbal communications is made more difficult. Of course the early therapists attended to such cues, but little was written about ways to really bring such elements into sharper awareness until the work of pioneers such as Reich, Moreno, and Perls. Even today many clinical training programs give short shrift to the task of really acquainting their students with the nuances of this vital dimension. (I speculate that this is because it is a very revealing study, and teachers need to feel remarkably secure in their own persona, that way they come across to others.)
Internal Cues

Nonverbal communication occurs not only between people, but also internally. People grimace, stand in certain postures, and in other ways behave so as to reinforce to themselves certain positions, attitudes, and implicit beliefs. Unconsciously, they suggest to themselves the role they choose to play, submissive or dominant, trusting or wary, controlled or spontaneous. Thus, a therapist can use nonverbal behavior to diagnose intrapsychic as well as interpersonal dynamics, and individuals can be helped to become aware of their own bodily reactions as clues to their developing greater insight.
Learning by Doing

People and especially, people who work with or help other people managers, teachers, etc.--would do well to read about nonverbal communications. (It will also help to read Part 2, about how to use experiential exercises to actually get the feel of a wide range of behaviors. This adds a deeper level of understanding to mere intellectual knowledge.)
Categories of Nonverbal Communications

Personal Space: This category refers to the distance which people feel comfortable approaching others or having others approach them. People from certain countries, such as parts of Latin America or the Middle East often feel comfortable standing closer to each other, while persons of

Northern European descent tend to prefer a relatively greater distance. Different distances are also intuitively assigned for situations involving intimate relations, ordinary personal relationships (e.g., friends), social relations (e.g., co-workers or salespeople), or in public places (e.g., in parks, restaurants, or on the street. (Keltner, 1970). Eye Contact: This rich dimension speaks volumes. The Spanish woman in the Nineteenth Century combined eye language with the aid of a fan to say what was not permissible to express explicitly. Eye contact modifies the meaning of other nonverbal behaviors. For example, people on elevators or crowds can adjust their sense of personal space if they agree to limit eye contact. What happens if this convention isn't followed? (Scheflen, 1972.) This issue of eye contact is another important aspect of nonverbal communication. Modern American business culture values a fair degree of eye contact in interpersonal relations, and looking away is sensed as avoidance or even deviousness. However, some cultures raise children to minimize eye contact, especially with authority figures, lest one be perceived as arrogant or "uppity." When cultures interact, this inhibition of gaze may be misinterpreted as "passive aggressive" or worse. Position: The position one takes vis-a-vis the other(s), along with the previous two categories of distance between people and angle of eye contact all are subsumed under a more general category of "proxemics" in the writings on nonverbal communications (Scheflen, 1963). Posture: A person's bodily stance communicates a rich variety of messages. Consider the following postures and the emotional effect they seem to suggest:
slouching twisted (wary) crouching pelvis tilt kneeling stiff cringing angled torso shoulders forward angle of head slumped towering legs spread general tightness jaw thrust

Paralanguage: "Non-lexical" vocal communications may be considered a type of nonverbal communication, in its broadest sense, as it can suggest many emotional nuances. This category includes a number of sub-

categories: Inflection (rising, falling, flat...) Pacing (rapid, slow, measured, changing...) Intensity (loud, soft, breathy,... ) Tone (nasal, operatic, growling, wheedling, whining...) Pitch (high, medium, low, changes...) Pauses (meaningful, disorganized, shy, hesitant...) We should not underestimate the power of tone of voice. Another semilinguistic element is dialect, and this can also be subtle and within the culture, suggesting class, age, sophistication, etc. How a person uses the language---too snooty, too low-class?---or regional dialect, all call up unconscious associations and possible prejudices. There's also the problem of understand-ability, which applies not only to people from other cultures or nations, but also inter-generationally. Some television programs have their characters speaking so rapidly and often softly that folks of an older generation can hardly hear or keep up---even with the volume turned up. Facial Expression: The face is more highly developed as an organ of expression in humans than any other animal. Some of these become quite habitual, almost fixed into the chronic muscular structure of the face. For instance, in some parts of the South, the regional pattern of holding the jaw tight creates a slight bulge in the temples due to an overgrowth or "hypertrophy" of those jaw muscles that arise in that area. This creates a characteristic appearance. The squint of people who live a lot in the sun is another example. More transient expressions often reveal feelings that a person is not intending to communicate or even aware of. Here are just a few to warm you up:
pensive warning startled amused pouting confused sad anxious sleepy barely tolerant sexually attracted intoxicated

Gesture: There are many kinds of gestures:

clenching fist biting fingernails rubbing chin shaking a finger tugging at hair smoothing hair pointing squirming folding arms

raising eyebrows scratching head hands behind head sticking out tongue

pursing lips looking away rubbing nose tugging earlobe

narrowing eyes hands on hips rocking waving

These, too, have many different meanings in different cultures, and what may be friendly in one country or region can be an insult in another (Morris et al, 1979, Maginnis, 1958). Touch: How one person touches another communicates a great deal of information: Is a grip gentle or firm, and does one hold the other person on the back of the upper arm, on the shoulder, or in the middle of the back. Is the gesture a push or a tug? Is the touch closer to a pat, a rub, or a grabbing? People have different areas of personal intimacy, and this refers not only to the sexual dimension, but also the dimension of self control. Many adolescents are particularly sensitive to any touching that could be interpreted as patronizing or undue familiarity. Even the angle of one's holding another's hand might suggest a hurrying or coercive implicit attitude, or on the other hand, a respectful, gentle, permission-giving approach (Smith, Clance & Imes, 1998, Jones, 1994). Locomotion: The style of physical movement in space also communicates a great deal, as well as affecting the feelings of the person doing the moving (Morris, 1977):
slither stroll jog jump swing crawl shuffle spring hop acrobatics totter hurry tiptoe skip swim walk run march climb slink

Pacing: This is the way an action is done.

jerky graceful shaky pressured fatigued deliberate nervous tense furtive gradual easy clumsy

A related variable is the time it takes to react to a stimulus, called "latency of response." Some people seem to react to questions, interact in conversations, or are slower or faster "on the uptake" than others. Adornment: Our communications are also affected by a variety of other variables, such as clothes, makeup, and accessories. These offer signals relating to context (e.g. formal vs. informal), status, and individuality. The ways people carry cigarettes, pipes, canes, or relate to their belts, suspenders, or glasses also suggests different semiotic meanings. (Semiotics is the science of the emotional or psychological impact of signs, appearancesnot wordsthat's "semantics"-- but of how things look.) Context: While this category is not actually a mode of nonverbal communication, the setting up of a room or how one places oneself in that room is a powerfully suggestive action. Where one sits in the group is often useful in diagnosing that person's attitude toward the situation. Group leaders or psychodrama directors need to be especially alert to the way the group room is organized. Consider the following variables and imagine how they might affect the interaction: - amount and source of light - color of the lighting - obvious props, a podium, blackboard - the size of the room - colors of the walls, floor, furniture - seating arrangements - number of people present - environmental sounds, smells, and temperature - the numbers and ratios of high-status and low status people - the positioning of the various people in the space, who sits next to whom, who sits apart, who sits close, etc. Physiological Responses: This, too, is an exceptional category, because it cannot be practiced voluntarily. Still, it's useful for therapists and group members to become more aware of these subtle signs of emotion. It often helps to comment on these observations, as it implicitly gives permission to the person experiencing the emotion to more fully open to that feeling; or, sometimes, to more actively suppress it. Either way, the existence of that signal is made explicit in the group process. Some of the clues to physiological processes include:
shaking sweating flaring of nostrils blanching trembling chin cold clammy skin

blushing blinking

moisture in eyes swallowing

flushing breathing heavily

While a few of these behaviors can be mimicked, for the most part these reactions happen involuntarily. The only exercise is to watch for these reactions in oneself or others, at least mentally note their occurrence, and consider what the meaning of that emotional reaction might be.
Modifying Communication Patterns

It's important to realize that these are just habits, culturally and personally learned behaviors that can be un-learned and new ones learned in their stead. Role playing or psychodrama can be an adjunct to this kind of reeducation, in a process of personal development for people who are essentially pretty healthy, as well as part of psychotherapy. Assertion training for the timid and anger management for the more explosive are two sets of re-training programs that could make great use of attention given to nonverbal styles of self-expression, internal cueing, and communications. This role training may be a source of insight as well as merely behavioral reconditioning. The enactments of nonverbal behaviors may be associated with scenes in which these behaviors occur and where there were first learned. Such enactments can help people connect their behaviors with underlying attitudes, such as expectations of others, fantasies that criticism will be catastrophically destructive, or a forlorn hope of magical rescue. And then re-playing these scenes with various alternative elements may help re-align those underlying attitudes.
Summary

People react to the unspoken, as much (if not more) to how something is said as to what are the explicit meaning of the words. Misunderstandings can often be clarified if the people involved have the ability to notice and comment on the nonverbal communications in an interaction. People will benefit from learning the range of nonverbal behaviors in order to clarify the often subtle dynamics of the situations they find themselves in. For example, in a marriage, sometimes the other person gets irritated by some mysterious event: Exploring what was the problem may lead to an awareness that the way something was said communicated an unintended

meaning! By making the nonverbal communication more clear, misunderstandings can be resolved. The field of nonverbal communications has grown rapidly over the last few decades, and it has applications in business, media, international relations, education, and indeed any field which significantly involves interpersonal and group dynamics. Certainly there is a need for more psychological mindedness in all these realms. In Part 2 of this Topic, on another webpage, I discuss how techniques of experiential education can help to learn about this dimension and how to become more sensitive to these dynamics.

http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/misunderstandings
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Misunderstandings
By Heidi Burgess June 2013
Original Publication September 2003, updated June 2013

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Social conflicts often involve some misunderstanding. Parties in conflict communicate by what they say (or do not say) and how they behave toward each other. Even normal interaction may involve faulty communication, but conflict seems to worsen the problem. When two people are in conflict, they often make negative assumptions about "the other." Consequently, a statement that might have seemed innocuous when two parties were friends might seem hostile or threatening when the same parties are in conflict.
Sources of Misunderstanding

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All communication has two parts: a sender and a receiver. The sender has a message he or she intends to transmit, and s/he puts it in words, which, to her/him, best reflect what s/he is thinking. But many things can intervene to prevent the intended message from being received accurately. If the communication is verbal, tone of voice can influence interpretation. The boss's words, "Hey, I noticed you were taking an especially long break this morning," could be interpreted as an attack if she or he said that in a disapproving tone, while the comment might be seen as a minor reminder about office rules if it was said in a friendly

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Frank Blechmanstates that surprises offer the intervenor a chance to re-assess the assumptions he/she has made about a conflict.

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way. If the employee has a health problem that sometimes requires long breaks, the comment might have even been a friendly inquiry about what was happening and whether the employee needed any help. Here, tone of voice as well as situational and relationship factors would influence the interpretation of the message. Nonverbal cues also are important. Is the sender's posture open and friendly, or closed and cold? Is her facial expression friendly or accusatory? All of these factors influence how the same words will be received. In addition to how the message is sent, many additional factors determine how the receiver interprets the message. All new information we learn is compared with the knowledge we already have. If it confirms what we already know, we will likely receive the new information accurately, though we may pay little attention to it. If it calls into question our previous assumptions or interpretation of the situation, we may distort it in our minds so that it is made to fit our world view, or we may dismiss the information as deceptive, misguided, or simply wrong. If the message is ambiguous, the receiver is especially likely to clarify it for him or herself in a way which corresponds with his or her expectations. For example, if two people are involved in an escalated conflict, and they each assume that the other is going to be aggressive and hostile, then any ambiguous message will be interpreted as aggressive and hostile, even if it was not intended to be that way at all. Our expectations work as blinders or filters that distort what we see so that it fits our preconceived images of the world. (Conflict theorists call these filters "frames." See the essay on Frames, Framing, and Reframing for more information.) An analogy can be made to an experiment that tested people's interpretation of visual cues. When people were given eyeglasses that turned the world upside-down, they had to suffer through with upside-down images for a week or two. After that, their brains learned to reverse the images, so they were seeing things right-side up again. The same thing happens when we hear something we "know" is wrong. Our brains "fix" it so that it appears as we expect it to. Cultural differences increase the likelihood of misunderstanding as well. If people speak different languages, the danger of bad translation is obvious. But even if people speak the same language, they may communicate in different ways. Common differences are between high-context and low-context communication. Low-context communication stands on its own; it does not require context or interpretation to give it meaning. High-context communication is more ambiguous. It requires background knowledge and understanding (context), in addition to the words themselves, for communication. While everyone uses both kinds of communication, Western cultures tend to use low-context communication more often, while Eastern and Latin American and African cultures tend to use high-context communication. If such differences are not understood and adjusted for,

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

- William Shakespeare

misunderstanding is almost inevitable.[1] Culture also affects communication by influencing the recipients' assumptions. As described above, our minds try to twist incoming information to make it fit in our worldview. Since different cultures have very different worldviews, cross-cultural communication is especially likely to change meaning between sender and receiver, as the sender may have a very different worldview from the receiver. Given our tendency to hear what we expect to hear, it is very easy for people in conflict to misunderstand each other. Communication is already likely to be strained, and people will often want to hide the truth to some extent. Thus the potential for misperception and misunderstanding is high, which can make conflict management or resolution more difficult.
How to Avoid Misunderstanding

In conflict situations, avoiding misunderstanding takes a lot of effort. Roger Fisher and William Ury list four skills that can improve communication in conflict situations.

The first is active listening. The goal of active listening, they say, is to understand your opponent as well as you understand yourself. Pay close attention to what the other side is saying. Ask the opponent to clarify or repeat anything that is unclear or seems unreasonable (maybe it isn't, but you are interpreting it wrong). Attempt to repeat their case, as they have presented it, back to them. This shows that you are listening (which suggests that you care what they have to say) and that you understand what they have said. It does not indicate that you agree with what they said, nor do you have to. You just need to indicate that you do understand them. [2] Fisher and Ury's second rule is to speak directly to your opponent. This is not considered appropriate in some cultures, but when permitted, it helps to increase understanding. Avoid being distracted by others, or by other things going on in the same room. Focus on what you have to say, and on saying it in a way that your opponent can understand. Their third rule is to speak about yourself, not about your opponent. Describe your own feelings and perceptions, rather than focusing on your opponent's motives, misdeeds, or failings. By saying, "I felt let down," rather than "You broke your promise," you will convey the same information, in a way that does not provoke a defensive or hostile reaction from your opponent. This is often referred to as using "I-statements" or "I-messages," rather than "you-messages." You-messages suggest blame, and encourage the recipient to deny wrongdoing or to blame in return. I-messages simply state a problem, without blaming someone for it. This makes it easier for the other side to help solve the problem, without having to admit

S.Y. Bowland describes how subtle racial or gender bias can lead to misunderstandings.

they were wrong. Fisher and Ury's fourth rule is "speak for a purpose." Too much communication can be counterproductive, they warn. Before you make a significant statement, pause and consider what you want to communicate, why you want to communicate that, and how you can do it in the clearest possible way.

Other rules might be added to these four. One is to avoid inflammatory language much as possible. Inflammatory language just increases hostility and defensiveness; it seldom convinces people that the speaker is right. (Actually, it usually does just the opposite.) Although inflammatory remarks can arouse people's interest in a conflict and generate support for one's own side, that support often comes at the cost of general conflict escalation. Making one's point effectively without inflammatory statements is a better option. Likewise, all opponents should be treated with respect. It doesn't help a conflict situation to treat people disrespectfully; it just makes them angry and less likely to listen to you, understand you, or do what you want. No matter what you think of another person, if they are treated with respect and dignity -- even if you think they do not deserve it -- communication will be much more successful, and the conflict will be more easily managed or resolved. Engaging in deep conversations (through problem-solving workshops or dialogues) can also reduce misunderstanding by improving relationships, by providing more context to communication, and by breaking down stereotypes that contribute to negative characterizations or worldviews. The more effort one makes to understand the person sending the message, the more likely the message will be understood correctly.

[2] Edward T. Hall, Beyond Culture. (New York: Anchor/Doubleday, 1971) [2] We have more detail on active listening on this website in an article called empathic listening--because the author argued that empathy and listening were too closely linked to write two different articles--so he combined them into one.

Use the following to cite this article: Burgess, Heidi. "Misunderstandings." Beyond Intractability. Eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Information Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder. Posted: September 2003 <http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/misunderstandings>.
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Beyond Intractability Copyright 2003-2012 The Beyond Intractability Project, The Conflict Information Consortium, University of Colorado; All rights reserved. Content may not be reproduced without prior written permission. Inquire about affordable reprint/republication rights. Beyond Intractability is a Registered Trademark of the University of Colorado Contact Beyond Intractability Privacy Policy The Beyond Intractability Knowledge Base Project Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess, Co-Directors and Editors c/o Conflict Information Consortium (Formerly Conflict Research Consortium), University of Colorado 580 UCB, University of Colorado, Boulder, CO 80309, USA -- Phone: (303) 492-1635 -- Contact