Studentfilmception By William Webb

BLACK SCREEN DIRECTOR (V.O.) The only way to be fully actualized as a student filmmaker is to make not just crappy regular films, but films that are truly student films; or that are "studentfilmy" in their presentation. INT. FILM STUDIO - DAY Two men in yellow jumpsuits are cracking blue rock candy and weighing it on a scale. They speak as if theyre reading a script. JEFFY Yo Mister Black! Dis Meth is dope! MR. BLACK No it isnt Jeffy! Idiot! It needs more purity! DIRECTOR (O.S.) Cut! Now we see that theyre actors on a set, with a DP, a boom operator, a director and a production manager. All are obviously students. DIRECTOR That was perfect! I could really feel the emotion in that take. Lets do it again, just to be safe. Zombies walk in and begin attacking people. Everyone is screaming and fighting for their lives. The boom operator goes down immediately. DP Oh no, the walkers have broken in, and now theyre eating us to death! DIRECTOR 2 (O.S.) Cut! Now we see that the film crew and zombies were all actors on a bigger film set of a film set, with a real crew filming them.

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DIRECTOR 2 That was terrible! I didnt believe those screams at all! Everyone looks up as a loud beeping starts. INT. FILM STUDIO - DAY Director 2 wakes up to the beeping of his alarm clock. It is in a huge pile of alarm clocks. He and all his crew were sleeping on lawn chairs and hooked up to a briefcase with wires like in inception. They all wake up. DIRECTOR 2 We still need to go back up another two levels to really wake up. DIRECTOR (O.S.) Cut! Now we see the original director and crew shooting the second one, who are now actually the cast. DIRECTOR Where are the rest of my alarm clocks? We cant make a proper Studentfilmception without a tidal wave of alarm clocks! PRODUCTION MANAGER Look, we got all we could get a hold of. If you want a "tidal wave" youre gonna have to hire someone to do VFX. DIRECTOR Oh fine! I just hope it still comes off as a meta-narrative commentary on the artform of the student film... DP Oh brother! Its not like youre making the next "Adaptation". And you realize youre just ripping off "Living in Oblivion" right? DIRECTOR Shut up!

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DP Yo dawg, I heard you like student films, so we put a student film in yo student film so you can watch a student film while you watch a student film! The director chucks an alarm clock at the DPs head, hitting him. DIRECTOR 2 Hey, can we reshoot that scene? I dont feel like Im connecting with my character. DIRECTOR Youre not supposed to. Youre supposed to read your lines woodenly. We talked about this. DIRECTOR 2 I get what youre trying to do but what if its just a little too meta for this class... maybe tone it down, andDIRECTOR (frantic) Why cant anybody share my vision? The assignment is due in two days,and Im failing the class, and it has to be perfect, Its just not studentfilmy enough yet, and I have to edit it still and I just cant take it! A boom mic lowers into the frame above the directors head. DIRECTOR 3 (O.S.) Cut! DIRECTOR How was that? Blackness.