REACH Model of Forgiveness

Everett Worthington -- http://www.forgiving.org/ ** http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/

Unforgiveness: 2 Types of Forgiveness Decisional Forgiveness Emotional Forgiveness -

REACH MODEL Recall the hurt Empathize with the one who hurt you Altruistic gift of forgiveness, offer Commitment to forgive, make Hold on to the forgiveness

Recall the hurt

The way to overcome the fear or the anger is to recall the event and still try to relax. Move from survival mode (fight or flight) to a relaxed state (even to a state of appreciation if possible).

Empathize with the one who hurt you

Explain the hurtful act, not from your perspective, but from that of the other. Why did wrongdoer do what he or she did? Still better, explain the hurtful event as the wrongdoer's lawyer might do. The purpose of this imaginative exercise is not to arrive at the most accurate explanation of the wrongdoer's actions but to find a plausible explanation with which you can live with and let go. For example, you may say to yourself, "People who attack others are themselves usually in a state of fear, anger or hurt."

Altruistic gift of forgiveness, offer

Recall a time when you felt guilty for hurting or offending someone and how that person forgave you. Your victim gave you a gift and you perhaps felt grateful. [Heb 4:12-16] Remember, in your heart, how God is a forgiving God and gives you that gift regularly. Cultivate appreciation for Gods gift. Then, it becomes possible to share.

Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better mental and physical health. -Ev Worthington

Commitment to forgive, make

This commitment may include announcing your intention to a group you belong to, write a "certificate of forgiveness" with a specific date on the certificate; write a letter of forgiveness to the wrongdoer and reading it out loud, or tell a trusted friend about your act of forgiveness.

Hold on to the forgiveness

Memories of the hurtful event will surface even after you have forgiven the wrongdoer. Remembering the pain and feeling angry again does not equal unforgiveness. Hopefully, the memories will not be as emotional and disturbing as they were before you exercised your prerogative of forgiveness. Forgiveness should be genuine. Learn to interrupt all thoughts related to revenge and self-pity. [Heb 10:23-25]

Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better mental and physical health. -Ev Worthington

Committing to try to forgive

I declare to myself that on ______________, 2014, I intend to try to use the REACH model and my work at home and with a small group of friends (verbally share with them) to try to forgive ____________________________ for _______________________________________________. I also want to be open to Gods work in my life to become a more forgiving person.
______________________ Your name (signature) _______________________ Witness (signature)

1. Realize that the pain of REMEMBERING REAL HURT is not unforgiveness. 2. Dont DWELL on negative emotions. (Practice interrupting this with appreciation). 3. Remind yourself that you have FORGIVEN THE PERSON 4. Seek REASSURANCE from your teacher, pastor or a friend. 5. Use the DOCUMENT that you created. 6. Look at the Model to REACH FORGIVENESS and think through the steps again.

My Next Steps

I need to continue (start) to pray for the person who offended me as I partner with God in breaking the cycle of rumination. I need to continue (start) praying and listening so that God can help me see the situation and the other person through His eyes. I need to pray that God would help me to a person who is a forgiver.
Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better mental and physical health. -Ev Worthington

Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better mental and physical health. -Ev Worthington