SPEECHLESS - PILOT; EPISODE ONE

'THE TEST'

SCREENPLAY WRITTEN BY TYLER DAVIS

SPEECHLESS, is a new comedy about four close friends in high

school and the moronic events and obstacles they endure.
CHRIS,(lead) the smart one of the group, tends to be a bit
socially inept at times and easily influenced by his closest
friend. He's content and thinks he has everything he needs
but feels as though he's still missing something. JESSE,
Chris's best friend, is more of a laid back goof with a good
heart, your basic guy friend. DANIELLE, Jesse's girlfriend,
is a bit shy, but a loyal person who never approves of
Jesse's ideas. KELLI, Chris's best friend since childhood,
is a more facetious, outgoing, spontaneous type, always
willing to try something once. The title 'Speechless' is a
reverse play-on-words because in actuality, Chris habitually
talks to himself constantly in conversation whenever he's
alone.

FADE IN:

INT. CHRIS'S ROOM - DAY

CHRIS, alone in his room, holds up a dark blue wrinkled

button down shirt to his chest in the mirror.

CHRIS
Hmmm.

Chris places the shirt down and holds up a white button down
shirt.

CHRIS
Nope.

Chris shakes his head, then places the white shirt down on
his bed and digs in his dresser for another one, and picks
up a less wrinkled, lighter blue button down and holds it to
his chest.

CHRIS
Yeah i guess this one looks better,
plus it's not as wrinkled.. Ugh, i
just hope today goes better than
yesterday that's all, that was
really embarrassing.

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

The class bell rings to dismiss students, as they pack the

halls, Chris leaves his class room and notices a gold Figaro
chain necklace attached to a gold heart charm at the
doorway. He recognizes whose necklace it is and picks it up
and dashes out into the hallway.

CHRIS
SOPHIE!.. SOPHIE!

Chris runs down the hall plowing through oncoming students.

CHRIS
SOPHIE, SLOW DOWN!

SOPHIE, Chris's peer in Biology, turns around.

CHRIS
(beat)
You left your necklace in class, i
found it on the floor as i was
leaving.

SOPHIE
Thanks Chris, i appreciate that.

Chris smiles gratuitously, Sophie smiles.

Pause. Sophie, looking sick, bobs her head in slow back and
forth motion. Chris looks concerned.

CHRIS
You alright? You look a little
sick, i think you should see the
nur-

Sophie throws up all over Chris's chest.

CHRIS
Ahhhh! Ewwww!

Chris spreads his arms and shakes the throw-up off his
fingertips as passing students walk by snickering.

END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

Chris shivers in disgust.

CHRIS
Ughhh, yeah let's hope that doesn't
happen again.

Chris buttons up the shirt and messes around with his hair
for a few seconds.

CHRIS
Alright i should probably get going
if i wanna catch the bus.
Chris gathers his things together and puts them in his
backpack, checks his pockets then heads down the stairs into
the kitchen.

CHRIS
See ya mom!

Chris grabs a green apple and heads out the door and into
his cul-de-sac, only to see the bus turning around about to
leave.

CHRIS
Ah no!

Chris begins to run after the bus yelling, he catches up to

it and slaps the rear of it with his palm. The driver hears
the noise as he brakes immediately, giving Chris enough time
to get on the bus. The doors open and Chris approaches.

CHRIS
(beat)
Sorry Ron i overslept this morning.

RON, Chris's bus driver looks vexed.

RON
It's alright Chris, i actually
thought i ran a baby over or
something when i heard that noise.

CHRIS
A baby? Why on earth would you
think that?

RON
Ha i dunno man you know them babies
be crawling all over the place,
can't keep track of em.

Chris looks at Ron confused.

CHRIS
Hmmm, um ok...

Chris shakes his head and turns around and heads toward the
back of the bus.

Chris finds a seat in the back and sits down. He starts

going through his backpack and gets his notebook out and
begins to draw, until a kid from the seat in front of his
pops his head up.

STONER KID
Hey man, do you need any shrooms?

CHRIS
Umm, no..no thanks, yeah i'm cool-
with the umm.. the shrooming.
 STONER KID
Ha oh alright man cool.. Hey
whatcha got there?

Stoner Kid points to Chris's drawing.

CHRIS
Oh this? Ah it's nothing, just a
little drawing i'm working on.

STONER KID
Oh, far out man you like to draw
and stuff?

CHRIS
Well, yeah, just as a little hobby
you know, i'm no Picasso or
anything.

STONER KID
Ha cool man.. yeah i drew once..

Pause. Chris looks at the kid waiting for a response, he

arches an eyebrow and looks from left to right.

CHRIS
..and, oh umm hmm that's cool.

STONER KID
Yeah man, my girlfriend let me draw
her naked one time.

Chris raises his eyebrows in interest.

CHRIS
Really?

STONER KID
Ha yeah it was tough though cuz i
had a hard-on the whole time so it
was distracting.

CHRIS
Oh..yeah, i would imagine that
would be pretty hard.

STONER KID
Cha bro, that was the first and
last time i ever drew. Ugh i'm so
messed up right now. Are you sure
you're not shroomin?

CHRIS
Yes, i'm positive, i don't need any
shrooms, weed, crack, smack, flake,
bake, cake, speed-meth. Nothing.
I'm cool.
 STONER KID
Ha alright man, right on.

The stoner kid turns back around and returns to his seat.
Chris shakes his heads and sighs.

EXT. CHRIS'S HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

The bus pulls up and all the kids get off. Chris gets out,
looks at the school and sighs.

CHRIS
Ugh i'm really not in the mood to
take this test, i just don't wanna
fail ya know?

JESSE, Chris's best friend, comes up from behind him and

puts his arm around his neck.

JESSE
What's up jackass?

CHRIS
Hey man, not much just dreading
this chemistry test we have today.

Chris and Jesse begin walking and talking as they enter the
school.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

JESSE
Dude, listen, it'll be cake
alright, Mrs. Parsons is an easy
grader, and it's all multiple
choice.. plus check this out, you
know that kid Louie?

Chris looks at Jesse confused.

JESSE
(cont'd)
That greasy kid who always wears
those tight v-necks and smells like
mayonnaise , the one with the
Aerosmith tattoo.

CHRIS
Ohh him.. yeah what about him?

JESSE
Well check it out bro.

Jesse stops Chris in his tracks and reaches into his

backpack and pulls out a sheet of paper.

JESSE
These, my friend, are the all
answers to the test. I bought it
 off of Louie yesterday morning for
5 bucks!

Chris looks in awe.

Jesse hands Chris a copy.

JESSE
(cont'd)
And i also made an extra copy for
you.

CHRIS
Wow that's awesome dude, did you
already study?

JESSE
Yeah, i memorized this thing front
to back, go ahead quiz me.

Chris looks at his copy that he's just received.

CHRIS
Kay, what's the sign for gold?

JESSE
Au.

CHRIS
Glucose?

JESSE
C6H1206.

CHRIS
Hmm, how do paramecium's move?

JESSE
By hair-like projections called
cilias.

CHRIS
And a pseudopod?

JESSE
False foot. Dude i told you, i've
got this in the bag.

CHRIS
Yeah i must say i'm impressed.

JESSE
Yeah man, you'll be fine just
memorize what you can, i mean
you've got like three periods until
class anyway so i'm sure you'll
have enough time.

Jesse begins to put his copy back in his backpack and zip it
up.

JESSE
(cont'd)
Plus i've got class before you so i
can tell you how it went.

CHRIS
True, true yeah i'm sure i'll be
alright, thanks for this.

JESSE
Hey, don't mention it.

Jeese tightens his legs together.

JESSE
(cont'd)
But listen i've gotta take a piss
real bad.. like it's almost like
there's a pair of vice grips
clamped on my junk, soo i'll catch
up with you at lunch.

CHRIS
Alright cool sounds good yeah i'll
see you then.

Jesse and Chris slap five and part ways. Chris heads down
the hallway, looking at the answer sheet, then glances up
and crosses paths with Sophie and immediately freaks out and
blatantly avoids her. He enters the library and takes a
seat, as he strenuously studies the test sheet. KELLI,
Chris's best friend, sneaks up and puts her palms across his
eyes, breaking concentration.

KELLI
Guessss who..?

CHRIS
Umm, Steph, no wait..

Chris sniffs and attempts to pick up a scent.

CHRIS
Hmmm.. well, you smell like
stripper, soo i'm gonna go with..
Kelli!

KELLI
Assshole!

Chris turns to Kelli.

CHRIS
Ha i'm only kidding Kel, relax.

KELLI
I know i know..
Kelli looks down at the answer sheet.

KELLI
(cont'd)
Whatcha working on there?

CHRIS
Oh this? This is actually all the
answers i need for today's chem.
test.

KELLI
(awe)
Where did you get that?

CHRIS
Jesse bought it off that greasy
Guido Louie yesterday for 5 bucks!

KELLI
Who?

CHRIS
You know, Lazy Louie, that super
senior who always wears those
tie-die Ed Hardy shirts.

KELLI
Ohh him, yeah, he's repulsive.

CHRIS
Ha i know, but apparently he's got
the answers for this test, so i'm
pretty happy right now because i
would've failed this for sure if it
weren't for these answers.

Chris shaking the answer sheet at her.

Kelli takes a seat.

KELLI
What do you need answers for Chris,
you're brilliant.

CHRIS
Psshh i'd say i'm your average
student, nothing too special going
on in here.

Chris points to his head.

Kelli rolls her eyes.

KELLI
So did you start looking into
colleges yet or are you still
waiting it out.
 CHRIS
For now i'm just gonna wait it out,
i'm not in the biggest rush, it's
only junior year, i've got time ya
know?

Kelli looks Chris in the eye.

KELLI
(soft)
Yeahh.

CHRIS
What about you what's your story?

KELLI
I'm not entirely sure yet, i'm
still trying to figure out where i
want to go and what i wanna study
and how i'm going to finance it and
all that stuff.

Kelli grips her pen.

KELLI
(cont'd)
Ugh, it's all just so stressful you
know? With school and work and
everything piled up it makes it
tough to be decisive. I need to
know that i'm going to be doing
something with my life, that's all.

Pause. Chris scrunches his lips together and nods in

agreement.

CHRIS
I hear ya.

Chris scratches his head then lowers his hand.

CHRIS
There's an old chinese proverb that
says, a sly rabbit will always have
three openings to its den.

Kelli looks at Chris in a confused manner.

CHRIS
All i'm saying Kel, is make sure
you have a backup plan, ya know,
some alternatives at least.

KELLI
Oh Chris, you and your wise words
of wisdom haha, i'm sure i'll be
fine.
Chris nods in agreement.

CHRIS
(subtle)
Okay.

Kelli glances back at the answer sheet again.

KELLI
So what's your plan, you're just
going to study this until your eyes
fall out or-

CHRIS
Actually, it's a lot of material to
cover so i think i may just bring
it in with me, incognito of course,
possibly little notes here and
there you know?

KELLI
Seems a tad risky don't ya think?

CHRIS
Mmm i disagree there, i'm in the
back corner, it's actually easier
than you think.

KELLI
Oh alright, well that's good,
hopefully everything goes okay.

CHRIS
You worry too much sometimes Kel.

KELLI
Well what are best friends for?

Chris gazes at Kelli in an affectionate manner for a quick

second, losing concentration.

CHRIS
..Oh yeah, i know, we help each
other out, don't worry i've got
your back too.

Kelli poses a slight smile.

KELLI
Okay well i've got to get going, i
told my teacher i was only going to
the bathroom and now she's gonna
wonder what i was doing.
Suggestions?

Chris looks around.

CHRIS
Taking a dump?
 KELLI
That's disgusting Chris.

CHRIS
Time of the month?

KELLI
Embarrassing..you're no good at
this, listen i'll talk to you
later.

CHRIS
Alright bye.

Kelli stands up and leaves the library, goes up the

stairwell, into the hallway, leading into her classroom.

KELLI
(beat)
Sorry Mrs. Campbell, I-

MRS. CAMPBELL
Where have you been miss?

KELLI
Well, when i was in the hallway on
my way to the bathroom i..

Kelli indicates nervousness and panics,

KELLI
(cont'd)
..I saw someone in the parking lot
letting the air out of my tires so
i ran to the stairwell and rushed
down the stairs and into the lot to
yell at them, and the little
bastards had already disappeared!

Pause. Class is silent looking around, as is Kelli as her

eyes stray, waiting for a response.

MRS. CAMPBELL
Kelli, that's got to be the biggest
load of Bol..shevik i've ever had
the misfortune to hear, you simply
saying that you had to take a dump
or..it was your time of the month
would have sufficed, and probably
spared you the immense
embarrassment, than to present some
fictitious scenario that doesn't
even provide validity.

Mrs. Campbell, vexed, turns to her left.

MRS. CAMPBELL
(cont'd)
 Now take your seat miss, and don't
utter another word.

Kelli, in awe, and embarrassment, nods in agreement and

takes her seat.

KELLI
(subtle)
Ugh, i hate you Chris.

Chris, still in the library, gathers his papers and books

together into his backpack and raises from his seat and
walks towards the exit and into the hallway in the direction
of his locker. When he reaches it he puts down his backpack,
puts a book and folder in his locker along with the answer
sheet, which goes un-noticed, he then shuts the door. The
bell rings as students scatter amongst the hallway. Chris
and Jesse cross paths.

Jesse, with a big smile on his face, holds two thumbs up as

he walks towards Chris. Chris approaches in curiosity.

CHRIS
How'd it go?

Jesse pats Chris's arm.

JESSE
Like i said man, easy as cake, i
aced that thing for sure.

CHRIS
Really?

JESSE
Oh definitely.

CHRIS
Did you memorize everything, was
all the material on it, how long
did it take?

JESSE
Listen, just relax, all the answers
you need to know is all on that
piece of paper dude. It's multiple
choice remember.

CHRIS
So you memorized everything? Cuz i
was just gonna-

JESSE
Hell no i didn't memorize
everything, i'm the laziest person
you know, you think i had the time
to do such a thing? No i just
brought the answers in with me and
copied them from there.
Chris sighs in relief.

CHRIS
Oh okay good, because i didn't have
enough time either and i wasn't
sure if you'd gotten away with it.

JESSE
Yeah man you should be fine.

The bell rings. Chris and Jesse look at eachother.

CHRIS
Alright, well here goes nothing.

Chris walks towards the class. Jesse shouts out to him.

JESSE
Remember, Easy A man! Easy A!

INT. MRS. PARSON'S CLASSROOM - DAY

Students are entering the classroom, as Chris takes his

seat, MRS. PARSONS, Chris's chemistry teacher, mid 40's, is
writing the week's brief homework schedule.

CHRIS
I can't believe she's giving us
homework after a test..ridiculous.

The kid next to Chris, Kiosho, turns in his direction.

KIOSHO
Did you say something?

CHRIS
(annoyed)
No Kiosho, now turn around and
finish playing your Sudoku.

KIOSHO
What, you think just because i'm
Japanese i play Sudoku?

CHRIS
(sighs)
No, i think you do because you put
it in your top ten list of things
you can't live without, plus your
wearing a shirt advertising it, and
last but not least, i can literally
see you playing it.. now do i need
to bring up the time you soiled
yourself in gym?

Kiosho looks embarrassed. Giggles are heard.

KIOSHO
 That was like 5 years ago!

CHRIS
Well things happen my friend and we
don't forget about them.

Chris does a 'turn around' motion with his index finger and
Kiosho complies.

MRS. PARSONS
Good afternoon class! Hope everyone
studied for today's test because
it's quite a chunk of your overall
grade. I've also done the liberty
of posting next weeks homework on
the board.

Mrs. Parsons turns and points to the blackboard.

MRS. PARSONS
(cont'd)
So there should be no excuses as to
you missing assignments or
directions, in fact, before we get
started, i'd like you all to copy
down what's on the board just so
we're all on the same page.

The students open their notebooks and begin to write down

the assignments. Mrs. Parsons picks up her glasses off of
her desk and puts them on. Chris finishes copying the
assignment first, and looks around, then digs into his
pocket to secure his answer sheet. He's baffled when he
cannot find it and begins panicking, thinking it may have
fallen on the floor, he checks there, in his backpack and
then pockets again. He gets up and walks to the front of the
class.

CHRIS
Ummm, Miss Parsons?

Mrs. Parsons raises her head and lowers her glasses.

CHRIS
Could i run to the bathroom real
quick before we start, i don't want
to have to go during the test and
disturb my conc-

Mrs. Parsons with a stern look.

MRS. PARSONS
Yes Chris, just go.

CHRIS
Thanks.

Chris dashes down the hallway towards his locker panicking.

 CHRIS
Ugh, great, just my luck, ah i
really hope it's in my locker.

Meanwhile back in the classroom, the students have all

finished copying the assignment.

MRS. PARSONS
Alright class, now before we begin
i'd like to inform you that we're
trying a new system out today due
to faulty leaks that have occured
in the past. What i mean by that is
that some of you may know other
classmates in my earlier classes,
and from past instances, you guys
like to share the answers to the
tests with eachother. I won't stand
for that, because i pride this
school on its zero tolerance
policy, so i've issued all
different questions and answers for
this test so i hope you all truly
studied.

Mrs. Parsons walks around and begins to hand out the tests,
and scan-tron sheets, placing one on Chris's vacant seat.

Meanwhile, Chris opens his locker and begins digging through

it. Finally stumbling upon the answer sheet.

CHRIS
Yes! Oh man that's such a relief.
Easy A here i come!

Chris dashes back down the hallway and back into Mrs.
Parson's class.

MRS. PARSONS
Welcome back Chris.

Chris takes his seat and begins the test, as he cautiously

slides the answer sheet out of his pocket and rests it on
his lap, glancing at it periodically.

Time passes, with ten minutes left of class, Chris finishes,

puts down his pencil and rests his head on his desk.

The bell rings and all the students exit the classroom, and
Chris proceeds to his next class. Psychology.

INT. MR. GARNIER'S CLASSROOM - DAY

MR. GARNIER, Chris's Psychology teacher stands at the

doorway greeting incoming students.

MR. GARNIER
Well Chris, you're actually early
for a change, is your watch ten
 minutes fast today?

CHRIS
Hey, it's like Shakespeare says,
it's better to be 3 hours early
than a minute late right?

Mr. Garnier, with a puzzled look, turns around.

MR. GARNIER
I'm sorry, did you just..quote
Phillip Seymour Hoffman from Boogie
Nights?

CHRIS
No.. who the hell's that?

Mr. Garnier shakes his head.

MR. GARNIER
That's what i thought.

Chris takes his seat, DANIELLE, Chris's friend, and Jesse's

girlfriend, greets him.

DANIELLE
Hiya.

CHRIS
Hey whats up?

DANIELLE
Not a whole lot, same old stuff you
know.

CHRIS
Yeah i hear ya, same.

Pause.

DANIELLE
Did you read for today?

CHRIS
Yeah, it wasn't that bad, i was
actually interested in some of the
topics they covered.

Danielle shakes her head.

DANIELLE
Ha you're such a nerd.

MR. GARNIER
Alright class lets begin!

Chris turns back around towards the front of the class.

Mr. Garnier approaches his desk and picks up his text book.
 MR. GARNIER
Now, last night we covered topics
pertaining to a little concept we
know as Nature vs. Nurture. Now i
know we've gone over this before,
so let's discuss the sociological
point of view.

Mr. Garnier takes a second to take a sip of water and chew a

piece of gum. He chews the gum with his mouth open
obnoxiously.

MR. GARNIER
(cont'd)
Why are things such as religion,
school, and family so important
when we're younger, what are their
impacts on us as a society?

Mr. Garnier's gum chewing becomes more obnoxious.

CHRIS
(subtle)
Hmmm, well, that's annoying.

MR. GARNIER
Why are these things so valuable to
us? ..Anyone?

Chris raises his hand.

MR. GARNIER
Yes Chris.

CHRIS
Because they're agents of
socialization. We need them,
they're what molded us into what we
are today.

MR. GARNIER
Correct, here have a Jolly Rancher.

Mr. Garnier tosses Chris a piece of candy and turns to his

desk.

CHRIS
Mmmm i'd rather not.. Grape! Grape
sucks!

Mr. Garnier turns back around quickly.

MR. GARNIER
Grape's the best, you bite your
tongue!

CHRIS
Whoa.
Chris unwraps it and throws it in his mouth.

MR. GARNIER
Alright, now who can tell me what a
degradation ceremony might be?

ANDY, Chris's classmate, slowly raises his hand.

ANDY
Pretty much stripping someone of
their identity.

MR. GARNIER
Correct, any examples?

ANDY
Yeah, a boot camp, rehab, jail-

AMY, another classmate, interrupts.

AMY
Is the Bourne Identity a good
example?

MR. GARNIER
Well, to be honest, i haven't
really seen any of those movies..
there's like six of them or
something?

ANDY
Three.

MR. GARNIER
It's Matt Dillon right?

Andy arches an eyebrow.

ANDY
Damon.. Matt Damon.

MR. GARNIER
Ohh, yeah see, i don't see too many
movies i like to-

ANDY
I'm sorry Mr. Garnier, but this is
America, how on earth have you not
seen the Bourne Identity,
everyone's seen it!

ELEANOR, sketchy, emo dressed classmate chimes in.

ELEANOR
Ummm, actually i haven't seen it.

Andy turns around to Eleanor, as he does a quick glance from

top to bottom.
 ANDY
Yeah..but you're like..weird..

Eleanor poses a look of disgust.

ANDY
You probably haven't seen a mirror
in some time either huh?

The class giggles at Andy's comment.

Mr. Garnier snaps his fingers at Andy.

MR. GARNIER
Hey..hotshot, none of that.

ANDY
Alright.

PHILLIPE and CARLOS, fellow foreign exchange students from

Argentina begin conversing in Spanish.

PHILLPE
¿Qué haces después de la escuela
hoy?

CARLOS
No sé pero probablemente sólo la
pesca con mi gato, y tu?

MR. GARNIER
And you two!..stop speaking in your
secret language alright? This isn't
Lord of the Rings.

Danielle looks puzzled and raises a brow.

Chris slowly raises his hand.

CHRIS
Actually sir..i believe they're
talking in Spanish.

Phillipe and Carlos nod.

PHILLIPE & CARLOS

Si, si.

MR. GARNIER
Nonsense, if we can't understand
them then it won't be allowed.

DANIELLE
Actually sir, i'm quite fluent.

MR. GARNIER
Well then miss Hawthorne, you can
go and join them in their little
 Spanish bubble over there.

Danielle looks confused. Mr.Garnier gives her a nod.

MR. GARNIER
(cont'd)
Go on.

DANIELLE
Serious?

MR. GARNIER
Yep.

Danielle gathers her things, gets up and walks over to the

nearest vacant desk next to Phillipe and Carlos. They both
look dumbfounded.

INT. MS. HOFFMAN'S CLASSROOM - DAY

C/U on Jesse, whom has his head rested on the desk with his
arms wrapped.

MRS. HOFFMAN, Jesse's English teacher, paces back and forth

while she instructs. A student from behind flicks a piece of
paper at Jesse's head, it wakes him, and he rises his head
in distraught.

MS. HOFFMAN
Jesse, nice of you to join us.

Jesse blinks both eyes.

MS. HOFFMAN
(cont'd)
Can you tell us anything about 'The
Alchemist?'

Jesse yawns and runs his fingers through his hair.

JESSE
The alchemist.. umm, yeah, he umm,
he did like magic and stuff right?
And played tricks on people or
something?

The class giggles. Jesse smiles.

MS. HOFFMAN
No Jesse, it doesn't involve magic
tricks. Had you paid more attention
you'd know the actual plot of the
story.

JESSE
I'm sorry Miss Hoffman, but i just
can't seem to bring myself to
actually reading some boring book.
Even the spark notes put me to
 sleep.

MS. HOFFMAN
Well at least you're honest, but
that isn't going help you when we
have the final project due in a few
weeks, so i suggest you find a way
to get more interested.

Jesse nods.

MS. HOFFMAN
(cont'd)
Now, class, as i mentioned earlier,
if you need the extra credit i've
posted it on the board and i'm
going to give you guys an outline
of what i'm looking for. Completely
optional.

Ms. Hoffman gathers a stack of paper and begins to pass them

out to the students.

The kid next to Jesse leans over with his phone.

KID
Yo, check out this girl that i
hooked up with over the weekend.

Jesse glances into the phone and then looks up at the kid.

JESSE
That girl's beat.

KID
I didn't say she was hot.

Jesse shrugs his shoulders.

JESSE
What's wrong with you.

The class bell rings.

MS. HOFFMAN
Alright guys, have a good rest of
the day see you tomorrow.

The class all stands up and vacates the room.

Jesse walks down the hallway to meet up with Chris, and

Danielle.

JESSE
What's up guys?

Jesse kisses Danielle.

CHRIS
 Not too much man.

Jesse puts his arm around Danielle as they walk.

DANIELLE
So did you figure out where you
wanted to eat tonight?

JESSE
Babe i told you, i want you to
pick it out, i picked last week.

CHRIS
What do you guys go out every week?

JESSE
Yeah we just have this tradition to
go out to dinner once a week. I
read it in a Maxim, it's supposed
to help maintain a consistent,
balanced relationship.

CHRIS
Really? It's working?

Jesse and Danielle look at each other.

JESSE
Yeah I'd so right?

Danielle nods.

DANIELLE
Yeah, totally.

LOUIE, elder classmate who's Jesse and Chris's go-to guy,

walks towards them.

LOUIE
Hey whats up J Rag, what's up
Camden?

JESSE & CHRIS

What's up man.

LOUIE
Yo so how'd that test work out for
you bro?

JESSE
It went pretty good i think, i
didnt get caught haha. I let Chris
use it too.

Louie looks to Chris.

LOUIE
Yeah? You do alright too?
 CHRIS
Yeah i think so, i didn't have any
problems.

Louie nods his head.

LOUIE
Cool, cool, that's what i like to
hear Bro-nonskies

JESSE
Yeah man thanks for-

LOUIE
Hey Camden i'm really digging your
hair man it looks really good dude.

Chris raises his eyebrows.

CHRIS
Hmmm, um thanks for that
heterosexual comment Lou..listen we
gotta get going, lunch is getting
cold.

LOUIE
Alright no biggie big my fellas, i
gots-ta peace out anyway, ill check
ya'll on the flippity flop.

Louie gives them a peace sign and walks the opposite way of
them.

CHRIS
Dude, that guy is weird, alright.

DANIELLE
Yeah why's he call you Camden?

CHRIS
Because.. that's my last name.

DANIELLE
Oh really? I always wondered what
your last name was.

JESSE
Listen, i know he's weird, alright,
it's not like i hang out with him,
i just use him as my hook-up for
certain things that's all.

Kelli walks down the stairs and joins everyone.

KELLI
Hey guys!

CHRIS
There you are, what took so long.
 KELLI
Eh my teacher wouldn't shutup about
Darfur and got the whole class
involved. I was ready to shoot
myself mid-period.

INT. HIGHSCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY

Cafeteria is filled with students, seated and standing.

JESSE
Hey don't fill up too much alright,
i don't want you throwing up all
over the seats again okay?

DANIELLE
Ugh, that was once and it was your
idea to eat cream-filled fish
tacos. No one in their right mind
eats those.

JESSE
Hey! My grandma happens to make a
pretty sweet recipe alright. I grew
up on that stuff.

DANIELLE
Ew, whatever i'm not even hungry
i'm gonna just go find a seat.

Danielle walks towards a table, Jesse shrugs his shoulders

and walks towards one of the food serving tables. Chris and
Kelli are doing the same.

CHRIS
God it's like this stuff gets worse
by the day. C'mon, marinara stuffed
eggo shells? What kind of gross
combination is that? It's like they
draw foods out of a hat and combine
them into one and call it the
'weekly special'.

KELLI
Haha, yes that does sound pretty
grotesque.

Kelli scans around the room.

KELLI
(cont'd)
So then what'll it be Mr. food
critic?

Chris ponders.

CHRIS
I dunno, i dont even really care,
 i'll just keep it simple and stick
with pizza.

KELLI
Hmmm, yeah i suppose i'll second
that.

Kelli and Chris grab food, pay, and walk towards where
Danielle is sitting and take their seats. Jesse joins them a
second later. Danielle is already eating and Kelli begins to
eat.

JESSE
So check it out you guys, my dads
thinking of buying me that 4
wheeler we were looking at over the
weekend.

Chris looks interested as he takes a bite out of his food

and chews quickly.

CHRIS
The one we found on Craigslist?

JESSE
Yup.

DANIELLE
Ugh, you know how i feel about
those things.

Jesse places his hand on Danielle's lap for reassurance.

JESSE
Babe, it's fine, it's just as safe
as a car, hence why it has four
wheels.

DANIELLE
I know, i know i just-

KELLI
They're actually alot of fun Dani,
my dad used to take me on his
around the fields back when i was a
kid.

Chris takes a bite of his food. Jesse takes a sip of his

drink.

DANIELLE
Yeaahh i guess i'll have to see for
myself.

C/U on cafeteria clock.

CHRIS
Is it just me or is lunch getting
shorter?
 KELLI
Just you.

Kelli takes another bite out of her food.

DR. WILCOX, dean of the school, followed by Mrs. Parsons,

enter the cafeteria. They begin looking around until they
spot Chris's table and walk in that direction. They stand
behind Chris with stern faces of anger. Across from them,
Jesse and Danielle's eyes quickly light up.

DR. WILCOX
Good afternoon Mr. Camden, Mr.
Strousberg, ladies.

Chris immediately turns around.

JESSE
Hey what's up dean? Mrs. Parsons?

Pause.

DR. WILCOX
Boys, i'm an honest guy and a
straight shooter, so i'm gonna cut
right to the chase okay? According
to Tiffany here-

Dr. Wilcox turns to Mrs. Parsons.

DR. WILCOX
(cont'd)
It seems to me that the dynamic duo
of you two

Dr. Wilcox points to Chris and Jesse.

DR. WILCOX
(cont'd)
Have ironically the same answers on
these two given tests, which
doesn't fully surprise me, but it's
more of the fact that you're best
friends and the tests were
completely different.

CHRIS
What?! Let me see that.

Chris snatches the paper out of Dr. Wilcox's hand and scans
it intensely while fretting.

DR. WILCOX
So what we have here is a cheat.

CHRIS
Ah, this is impossible.
 JESSE
Dude, how'd you get a different
test and not know it, are you
retarded?

MRS. PARSONS
I'm sorry Chris you must've missed
me announce it when you stepped out
of class, i guess all i can say to
that is better luck next time.

Jesse slams his fist on the table. Danielle turns to him.

DANIELLE
Shhh!

KELLI
So what happens to them now?

DR. WILCOX
Well, they're going to come with me
to my office and we're going to
discuss the consequences from
there.

Dr. Wilcox points in an upward notion to stand up.

DR. WILCOX
Come on boys!

Jesse and Chris comply as they rise from their seats.

Danielle and Kelli look worried.

JESSE
I'll be fine.

Jesse kisses Danielle on the lips.

Jesse and Chris follow Dr. Wilcox and Mrs. Parsons as they
guide them through the halls and into Dr. Wilcox's office.

Dr. Wilcox points to the two vacant seats.

DR. WILCOX
Sit.

Mrs. Parsons stands as Dr. Wilcox takes his seat at his

desk.

DR. WILCOX
Now boys, Tiffany and myself have
discussed what we think would be
appropriate but i want to hear what
you guys may have to say about all
this.

JESSE
Alright, can i just say that we
 found these answers in the bathroom
and they ironically matched
today's-

MRS. PARSONS
Jesse, please, let's not play dumb,
it's going to make this a lot
longer and harder.

CHRIS
I think what he meant to say, was
that what we did was wrong and
shouldn't have done it in the first
place, and that yes i must be
retarded to not catch such an
obvious mistake, and that in the
near future i'll pay more attention
to when i cheat so this doesn't
happen again.

Chris smiles.

Dr. Wilcox rolls his eyes.

DR. WILCOX
This isn't a game guys, this type
of stuff is frowned upon
everywhere. You can't get through
life cheating. I happen to like the
two of you so i'm not going to do
what i'd normally do, which is
phone the parents and suspend the
kid.

Chris and Jesse look at eachother in relief.

DR. WILCOX
(cont'd)
No, but, i do want you guys to
learn a lesson in all of this, the
value of work. What it means to
work at something to achieve it.
Simply suspending you i don't think
would suffice. So, in turn, instead
of even having to deal with your
crazy, neurotic parents i'm going
to spare you and myself that
annoying phone call and just assign
you two community service for the
school. Twenty hours.

Chris and Jesse look shocked.

JESSE
What?! That's crazy i'd almost
rather deal with that phone call
and be suspended than to work for
free at this grimy school!
 CHRIS
This won't be on our record right?
Like as far as applying for
colleges?

DR. WILCOX
Nope. Once you've paid your dues
this all goes away and it's like it
never happened.

Chris ponders then turns to Jesse.

CHRIS
Maybe this won't be that bad dude.
I mean at least it won't show up on
our records. I kind of need a clean
slate for schools next year.

Jesse ponders then turns to Dr. Wilcox.

JESSE
Well, we don't really have a choice
do we?

DR. WILCOX
None at all. No matter what you
want you have no say.

Pause.

JESSE
Alright fine, i guess we're cool
with it. How's it work?

DR. WILCOX
Well, instead of having your usual
free periods in the day, those will
be occupied by service hours.
You'll be reporting to one of the
maintenance workers daily to see
what they have set up for you. And
believe me, there is plenty to do
around here! You'll both have time
sheets and a deadline, which we'll
discuss later on in the week along
with your start date. And if you
really want to get through this,
you're welcome to come after school
hours too.

Jesse and Chris look at eachother. Jesse looks back at Dr.

Wilcox.

JESSE
Damn.

Dr. Wilcox raises his eyebrows then clasps his fingers and
shakes them.
 DR. WILCOX
Alright so we have a deal!

Jesse and Chris both rise, along with Dr. Wilcox.

CHRIS
Yes, we do sir, thanks for only
being semi-harsh on us.

Chris shakes Dr. Wilcox's hand.

JESSE
Yeahh, umm thanks for that.

Jesse slaps Dr. Wilcox five.

Chris turns to Mrs. Parsons.

CHRIS
And, umm, Mrs. Parsons, thanks for
your input on all this, and sorry i
couldn't succeed at cheating.

MRS. PARSONS
Maybe next time Chris.

Mrs. Parsons rolls her eyes.

JESSE
Yeah, i'm sorry about that too.

MRS. PARSONS
Alright boys move on out.

Mrs. Parsons rushes them out and shuts the door.

DR. WILCOX
Just remember to keep an eye on
them.

MRS. PARSONS
Oh don't worry, i've got every eye
in the faculty on them.

Mrs. Parson devilishly grins.

JESSE
Well, this has been a crappy day.

Chris nods.

JESSE
(cont'd)
I'm looking forward to hearing more
about this 4 wheeler..

Chris walks looking at the ground.

CHRIS
 Yeah definitely.

JESSE
Well listen, i think we've spent
enough time together for the day
hah, i'm gonna go skip last period
and meet up with Danielle so, i'll
give you a call later on alright?

CHRIS
Alright, yeah no problem.

Chris and Jesse slap five and go different ways down the
hallway. Chris begins talking to himself again.

CHRIS
God, i'm so dumb how did i manage
to not notice something like that.

Chris runs his fingers through his hair.

CHRIS
(cont'd)
Ah, doing free work is really gonna
suck. Gotta love scrubbing toilets
and serving mystery meatloaf right?
Ugghhh.

Chris opens the door to outside and walks down the stairs
onto the sidewalk.

CHRIS
Oh well, whatever, at least it
doesn't show up on my record.

Chris becomes more distant down the street, as leaves rustle

across the sidewalk.

CHRIS
Easy A my ass!

FADE OUT: