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17 [Park Chanyeol] I only realise what I love after I destruct with pride.

I dont know how I managed to walk out of the broadcasting station. On my way back, my whole mind was blank. I could only think about how much I wanted to see that person as fast as I could. But if I were to see him, what should I say to him? What should I do? I didnt have the slightest idea. People rushing past on these streets - the world never stops. The previous minute and the current is nowhere different, but after knowing of those things, the world seems to have completely changed. I was suddenly afraid that the persons gaze as he watches me was now different from then. --But it was empty when I returned to the dorm. Shouldnt he be staying at home and getting some proper rest? I stared into space for a moment before taking out my handphone make a call. The pixels formed the word Byun Baekhyun, it shone for a moment and I could hear his ring tone coming from the bedroom. He didnt bring his phone along when he went out. I immediately made a call to Luhan Hyung, Hello, Luhan Hyung, do you know Before I could finish my words, he interrupted me. Chanyeol! Have you finally ended your schedule? Quickly go see Baekhyun in the hospital! What, whats wrong with him? I heard he fainted this morning. We cant leave either since we are still attending the schedule, Luhan Hyungs tone was urgent, Chanyeol, tell me, is Baekhyun very sick? I also had a friend who got a gastric flu, but he didnt have to go for surgery! His words made me feel chilly inside, after asking about the hospital I hung up the phone and fled downstairs. When I suddenly pushed open the doors of the ward, Byun Baekhyun got a shock. He was leaning against the bed frame, face pale, making him look extremely weak. His eyes watched me with expectation yet with fear.

There were two three or so other beds beside him, they all had their family members there with them. It was around the time of sundown, the rest of the patients in the ward were assisted with their dinner. Only Byun Baekhyun sat there alone. I walked towards him and he fearfully shifted slightly away. Whats wrong with you. Im fine. This is called Im fine? He did not speak, instead looked at me with fear. I thought about the past few days, I think I did too much to torture him. Im sorry. As of now, I dont know which expression to use when I face you. Still, with my expressionless and empty face, it must look terribly frightening such that it is disliked by you. I tried to soften my tone. Do you feel better? He nodded. Why did you faint again. He was silent for a moment and shook his head. I dont know. I sighed softly, realising that itd be difficult to carry on with this conversation. The atmosphere turned awkward. You, you wait for me. I said without thinking much, and ran out of the room. I should do something. I took out my handphone to search as I ran out of the hospital. What Baekhyun likes. I slowed down my pace and entered the first website of the search result and scrolled down to read the replies. Of course Baekhyun Oppa would like Chanyeol Oppa the most!

What the hell. There was an unexplainable annoyance, I pressed the back button and re-entered something else into the search bar. Byun Baekhyuns favourite food. I felt absolutely stupid. Under some profile, I got the results. Favourite food: Korean cuisine, Chinese cuisine, Strawberries Current favourite: Michel & Augustin Chocolate biscuits How smart these fans are, how did you all know? Why dont I know anything about him, even though Im beside him all day? I tucked my phone away. While running, a convenience store came into my view; I went in to look for the item. After buying those biscuits, just before I entered the hospital, I decided to extravagantly get him a bouquet of flowers from the florist nearby. So when I appeared again before him, there were even more shock in his eyes. I walked towards him and awkwardly placed the flowers at the bedside desk, then sat down at the side of the bed. Uh, you have a friend staying in this hospital? He asked as he referred to the flowers. Isnt it you. His eyes widened. For me? Those flowers? Yea. I replied simply. I saw his mixed expressions. Chanyeol, whatwhats going on with you? I was disappointed by his reaction. Is it that he wanted to reach his hands over and touch my forehead, while asking Chanyeol are you having a fever? With a bit of frustration, I took out the box of biscuits from the bag and removed its plastic wrapping before handing it to him. Eat this, I thought youd like it. I said without looking at him, trying to appear nonchalant. He froze for a long while before reaching over to receive it. Thank you.

I looked up to watch him, he seemed overjoyed, but unable to express it. What a fool you are. He took a piece of the biscuit and took small bites. The way he bit carefully, made him look like a dexterous yet tame small animal. I suddenly felt a sense of ease. But before he could finish two of those, there was an alarming female voice from behind me. Yah ! Why are you eating that! It was a nurse. She was watching Byun Baekhyun with a frown as she placed the bowl of porridge-like substance down onto the table. I suddenly felt like eating it He explained. Must you always eat anything that you wish to? I already reminded you not to eat such things! If something happens because of this, whos going to be responsible?! Byun Baekhyun nodded his head obediently. The nurse then adjusted the speed of his IV drip before leaving the room. I felt deflated all of a sudden. I had almost forgotten that his stomach was ill. I saw him reach for another biscuit and immediately stopped him. Dont eat that. I said with my expression probably dark. I took the biscuit and threw it into the bin. He could not stop me in time. But I wanted to He mumbled, face like a disappointed child. Just eat the porridge. I was slightly disappointed with myself. I was the one who messed up and bought the wrong thing, yet I was releasing my anger on someone else. Without speaking, he took the bowl of porridge from the table. His hand was still connected to the IV tube while holding the bowl. It was difficult for me to watch that. Give it to me, I took the bowl over. He paused, not knowing what I wanted to do.

I scooped up a spoonful of the semi-liquid and placed it to his lips. He looked at me uncertainly. Eat. Oh He leaned forward, and slowly ate the porridge. I brought towards him the second spoonful. And the third. His eyes suddenly turned teary. Whats wrong. Why are you crying. I stopped and looked at him with a frown. No He shook his head. His words were unclear as there were food in his mouth, but he had a twisted expression as if in pain. I was stunned for a moment, but soon realised something. I took a spoonful of the porridge as well, and soon felt my tongue numb from the heat. He ate three spoonful of such, it wouldnt be normal if he didnt cry. The fuckWhy didnt you say so when it was hot! Are you mute? I shouted. His eyes were watched me with panic and a hint of innocence in his eyes. II thought you did it on purpose. His voice was soft, but I could hear it clearly. Did you think I was finding a new way to torture you? Purposely trying to make you suffer. I wanted to explain, but I thought of my actions from just now, I didnt think I was in the position of making any form of excuses. Ive never been surrounded by such a sense of frustration. Watching his teary eyes, I felt sour inside. I held up the bowl again to feed him, this time, I made sure to blow it before feeding it to him. He was still rather hesitant to lean forward to eat it, looking at me as if he I was an alien. Many times he looked as if he was about to speak, but swallowed his words back. It was awkward the silent scene of someone eating and the other feeding. I cleared my throat and tried to start a meaningless conversation. Why didnt you stay in a single ward this time? Tae Shin Hyung didnt have time to get one.

I thought he was supposed to. It was a stranger who brought me to the hospital. But I like it here, no one really recognises me. I looked around the other patients and their family in the ward, they all looked slightly older. A stranger sent you here? Where did you faint? On the road in front of the apartment. Why were you out? I wanted to buy something. I saw his expression turn uncomfortable once again, only then I realised that my tone sounded as if I was interrogating him. I suddenly didnt know how to speak to him. My damned pride was trying hard to suppress my guilt and panic. We stayed silent until he refused the porridge with a slight frown. I dont want it anymore. I put the bowl down without objection and pretended to be nonchalant as I started to toy with the flowers on the table. He was also silent with his head down. It was as if time had stopped. The voices of the people around us disappeared, the only scene in the world was the two of us facing each other in silence. It was silent such that I could almost hear every drips and drops of his IV drip, and the rhythmic sound of my own heart. Yah. Huh? What exactly is your sickness? He watched me, without any change in his expression. Gastric flu. This jerk, seriously. Why are you lying. Im asking you.

I didnt. He turned his head away, no longer looking at me. No matter what, I took a pause, I hope you canrecover. He turned back to look at me in disbelief. Youd better stay healthily alive you bastard. Just let itjust let it Even though I still wasnt sure what I can do, or how I can change. But youd better stay alive. Just let it be another chance for me. --Original Writer: Translations by: chanbaek-xoxo.tumblr.com Do not repost.

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