Rav Reuven Feinstein, shlita: Kiruv and mixed couples
transcript of recording
A young man comes before us who is
attached to a woman or the reverse and he
is interested specifically in a relationship
with a non-Jew. We explain to him that the
halacha is clear that this is prohibited and
such a relationship places a Jew outside of
the Jewish people. This is definitely the
halacha.
However in America the situation has
deteriorated to the point where many of the
Jews have no connection at all with
Judaism and Jewish law has no relevance
for them. They are concerned simply with
which person they want to relate to – and it
is irrelevant whether they are Jewish. So
someone who is involved in kiruv meets a
couple or a couple comes to rav by
themselves and says their name is
Lieberman – an obviously Jewish name –
and they want to participate in classes of
Jewish study – both he and his wife. They
become involved in the Jewish community
and help build up the shul or beis medrash.
Later it is discovered that one of them is
not Jewish. So what should we do? If we
tell them at this point that the non-Jew is
not welcome anymore – than the Jewish
partner also will not come.
This issue was addressed to Rav
Eliashiv. [Questioner: In other words we
are dealing with a Jew who did not really
understand what being a Jew is and was
attracted to the pleasant atmosphere of the
Jewish community. It was later revealed
that his wife was not Jewish. If we tell him
that his wife is not welcome anymore –
then he also won’t be interested in being
more religious anymore].
Rav Eliashiv permitted in this case
(where they didn’t realize they were doing
anything wrong) that it is possible to be
mekarev the non-Jew and not push her
away. However she is not to be converted
until she has accepted Torah and mitzvos
completely lshem shamayim and that can
be no suspicion that she is converting for
the sake of marriage. This is the essence of
the matter. However in the case where a
person knew that he was a Jew but still
wanted to marry a non-Jew – he is
definitely a shaygetz and they need to be
pushed away – because conversion in such
a situation is absolutely not lshem
shamaym at all. She obviously wants to
remain as non-Jew. There is an agreement
amongst the Rabbonim prohibiting
conversion in such a case.
[Questioner: Is the opinion of Rav
Reuven that it should be publicly
announced that intermarried couples
should be encouraged to become
religious? In other words that
intermarried couples should come to
seminars or to kiruv programs and other
such things to encourage their increased
religiosity?] I don’t know what is done in
those programs. I know however that this
approach got started in America and then
became popular amongst the rabbis in
Europe and then in Israel. There is no
question that this approach is different.
[Questioner: Let me clarify the Rav’s
words There was a program in Vienna
where mixed couples were invited to
conferences publicized to attract mixed
couples and in Israel there were meetings
at the Lavie Hotel. Rav Reuven has clearly
stated that this approach is prohibited and
this was not included in Rav Eliashiv’s
heter. In other words if intermarried Jews
become interested on their own initiative
to Judaism and come to rabbis to find out
more then it is obviously a mitzva to
encourage them and eventually to convert
the non-Jewish spouse if the non-Jewish
spouse becomes genuinely interested But
to seek out intermarried couples to
persuade them to become interested in
Judaism is definitely prohibited.]
Yes. If we intentionally go after
intermarried couples with the intent of
eventually persuading them to convert then
that is prohibited. But if it develops
innocently and they eventually become
seriously interested then we tell them that
if she wants to convert than they need to
separate from each other until the wife is
converted….