Teen Depression - Girls

How to get closer to your teenaged daughter and prevent depression. By Ellen McGrath, published on June 01, 2002 - last reviewed on February 23, 2009

it's clear that many kids are breaking down in college. But most of the issues affecting them are at play well before they get to college age.

If you wish to understand what is happening with young adults, it's wise to focus on teenagers. We have all heard about the male loner who suddenly blows people up, like the pipe bomber or the Columbine kids. We are learning about the girls who are as aggressive as the boys but who are indirect in their aggression, the so-called mean girls syndrome. They are the most visible symbols of some disturbing trends.

By any measure, our young people are in trouble. Rates of depression and anxiety are soaringand getting worse. Possibly one out of three teens will end up with significant clinical depression needing treatment. Their suicide rates have tripled. We need to take action. If you are the parent or sibling of a teenager, or come in contact with them on a regular basis, there is information you need to have and strategies to adopt. I want to focus this article on teenage girls. Make no assumptions that you know what is really going on. Recognize that you are ignorant even though you'd love to believe you're not. Teenagers represent the most classic case of what you see is not what you get. One major reason parents are out of touch is that to be in touch takes a great deal of time and parents are just too harried. Recognize that to be in touch requires new communications skills, and they have to be learned if you expect to connect with and understand these kids. All the skills that worked up to this point no longer work. Turn to the real experts for answers, the people who are immersed in the peer culture teens set up for themselves, adults who work with teens day in and day out and know how to help them. Take workshops and classes where you get hands-on training in skill-building.

One of the best sources of information is The Inside Story on Teen Girls, by Alice Rubenstein, Ed.D., and Karen Zager, Ph.D. The book was published by the American Psychological Association. Appreciate how different their world is from ours, and expose yourself to the culture your kids are immersed in. Look on it as an anthropological exploration. Ask kids what's hip and what they are paying attention to. Watch a half hour of MTV for a couple of weeks. Ask your kids to show you some of their favorite computer games and video games. Look at the magazines teen girls read. Go online to good teen websites. Take all the expertise you've gathered and distill it down to some core action strategies that will work with your particular kids. Let your kids know that you're really interested in learning about them and their lives without judging or controllingand that it can be at their time and in their way.

Make yourself available at the most inconvenient times. Your kids will purposely choose the worst time of your day or week to open up to you. They want to talk when you're exhausted, in bed, and they've just come home at curfew time. You have to mobilize your values and realize that your exhaustion is not worth missing an opportunity to connect. In the long run connection produces more value than a night's sleep. Whatever else, avoid commentspositive or negativeabout body appearance. Any remarks are triggers to cultural craziness on the topic. Instead talk about health and strength. Engage in activities together, which then tend to open up opportunities for communication and connection, rather than sitting down eyeball to eyeball. One of the very best approaches is a shared fitness activity. Walk, run or do yoga together; or go to the gym and lift weights together. Take in a museum exhibit on video art. Go to a movie like Bridget Jones' Diary. But don't go shopping together. There are many reasons why depression is rampant in young people. They face unprecedented pressures to succeed. The college race is harder and more uncertain than ever. As the pressure has increased, so has anxiety, because adults aren't there to teach kids how to handle it. It's exploding in eating disorders, anxiety disorders and aggression.

This is the first generation of divorce, the product of absentee parents and lots of conflict. Today's teens face more pressure for sexual activity earlier, a situation that can be very depressing for those who aren't ready or don't know what to do. There is an epidemic of low self-esteem, because parents haven't had the time it takes to build it. That has left adolescent girls prey to body image issues. It's critical to go after depression in the young. We now know that there is a kindling effect: the younger you are when you get your first depression, the more at risk you are for serious adult depressions with more frequency. The faster anyone can pick up on depression and its signs in young people, the quicker they can be helped.

Sexual guilt or shame refers to a feeling of grave responsibility and deep remorse associated with participation in or even thoughts and fantasies about sexual activity. Individuals who feel guilt related to sex or particular sexual activities generally believe that sex (or a specific sex act) is immoral, sinful or unclean. The understanding of guilt associated with sexual activities began with the work of the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud. While many people, including many psychologists and psychiatrists, reject a Freudian approach, his ideas are of interest as a starting point for understanding sexual guilt. Freud maintained that libido, or the sexual instinct, is one of the core drives in human behavior and personality formation. Sexual Shame: Message From Birth

From birth, a child receives messages from its parents about what are and are not acceptable ways of expressing sexual desire, as well as messages about approved or disapproved attitudes toward sexual issues. These social hindrances on the free and open expression of basic desires contribute to the formation of three distinct aspects of the human personality, according to Freud. First, there is the id, a combination of the most primitive drives and the psychic energy needed to initiate actions designed to satisfy these desires, including the desire for sex. Next, there is the ego, which refers to an executive function in the human mind that takes in information from the body's sense organs about the external world and directs the day-to-day fulfillment of sexual and other desires in socially acceptable and achievable ways. Finally, there is the superego, consisting of the learned and internalized social standards of behavior received from parents and others, including an understanding of banned or punishable behaviors. The superego is our conscience; it consists of internally held values about what is right and commendable, on the one hand, and what is wrong and condemnable on the other. Transgression of superego standards leads to guilt feelings as well as to a sense of remorse, anger directed at oneself, and a loss of self-esteem. These transgressions need not be actual behaviors, such as participation in banned sexual activities. They may occur in dreams or fantasies as well. 10 Common Ways We Try To Hide Our Guilt and Shame Posted on 21 January, 2013 by Andy Barlow No Comments Ever since mankinds fall into sin, weve been trying to hide our guilt and shame. In fact, as soon as Adam and Eve sank their teeth into that forbidden fruit we read, Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths (Gen 3:7). With guilt comes shame. And with shame comes the instinctive effort to hide. For Adam and Eve it took the form of fig leaves to cover their nakedness. But this symbolic act is replayed a thousand times every day as people take up their own fig leaves in an effort to hide their guilt and shame. The glory of the gospel is that it sets us free from trying to hide. For through the death and resurrection of Christ, our guilt is removed, our shame is washed away, and our identity is Beloved. To the degree that we are resting in the work of Christ, we will live openly and honestly, trusting that Christ has covered all our guilt and shame. On the other hand, to the degree that the gospel is not the defining reality of our lives, we will take up our own fig leaves in a futile effort to cover our guilt and shame. Here is a list of 10 common ways we try to hide our guilt and shame: 1. Projecting Instead of dealing with my own sins and failures through the gospel, I project them onto others. E.g. I struggle with pride in my knowledge. When another person disagrees with my idea, I assume its because they struggle in the same way I do. 2. Hiding Hiding our sins from other, God, and ourselves, instead of open confession and faith in Christ. E.g. Always speaking in vague generalities about my sin, or not speaking at all.

3. Minimizing Acting and speaking as if my sin isnt a big deal, instead of recognizing that Jesus endured the wrath of God for that sin. E.g. Its just a white lie. Or Its not like I murdered anybody. 4. Fantasizing Instead of trusting Jesus to take my sin and shame, I fantasize in order to escape the pain. E.g. Working long hours to escape my failures as a husband. Or constantly imagining myself as the hero/superstar in any given situation. 5. Blaming/Excuse-making/Rationalizing Instead of owning my sin and receiving Christs forgiveness, I blame other people or circumstance and play the victim. E.g. The reason Im failing as a husband is because my wife wont submit! 6. Religion/Morality Instead of receiving Christs free pardon of my sins, I buckle down and try harder. E.g. When I sin, I try to read my bible more and pray more to sooth my conscience. 7. Denying Instead of trusting Jesus death to cover all my sins, I deny those that are particularly disturbing. 8. Comparing Instead of receiving the righteousness of Christ, I compare myself to others whom I perceive to be worse than myself in order to make me feel righteous. 9. Humor Instead of owning the seriousness of my sin, I cover it with jokes and humor to make myself feel better. 10. Faking Instead of believing what God says about me in Christ, I strive to make others think Im something special. E.g. I agonize over past conversations because Im afraid I said something wrong and people will think less of me.