Drinking in The Light (2009)

Drinking in the light
The deserted reflections of an intoxicated mystic
By Monica Leslie
ENG 228 Contemplative Writing ST 09 Final Project Dr. Libby Jones
Off kilter
How Finding Ourselves Off-Balance Creates the Need for Soul Searching Many times people wait until they are forced to take the time to re-evaluate the course of their lives before they become able to really utilize the benefits of soul searching and deep contemplative thought. It isnt until they are willing to accept that they are discontent with the state of things, or the compulsion to re-examine the direction that their lives have taken that they really begin to use this tool to gather what they need to get back on track. Often, negligence in this crucial area of their development often hinders their ability to identify what isnt working. Intriguingly enough, for some it takes many years to realize that making the time to develop this relationship with the process is essential. The act of daily contemplation allows us to find more ways to be conscientious and to consciously recreate inner guidance in our own lives. Taking time to reflect also creates the will to sustain, the motivation to keep on trying, and the attention needed to appreciate and to discern what works really well by determining what has the most significant positive impact in our lives. Contemplation serves as not only a tool to gain perspective but also serves many other functions and purposes as well. In this collection of contemplative musings, we will begin to explore some of these other functions to illustrate how the process of soul searching can bring us to a greater sense of peace and fulfillment within and aid us as we learn how master the art of being mindful. The act of practicing contemplative silence, meditation and study enables us to bring forth the attributes we need to sustain and develop our greatest sense of self. There are some days when we feel nothing but exhausted by the lives we lead. After spending the entire day or series of days running around trying to stay caught up, we may often find ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally drained. It is during those times, that it seems that we are often the most tested and pushed beyond our limits. Those of us who have yet to develop coping mechanisms often buckle under the pressure of this kind of strain. There may be times when it appears as if others seem to have the clarity and peace of mind to navigate through these trials in order to gain the most out of the experience. Unfortunately for most of us, we seemed to find ourselves caught in the middle, transfixed. Though we strive to emulate the behaviors and principles taught by those who are much more capable and prepared to endure the challenges presented before them, often times we never seem to find that missing niche that enables us to transcend our trials and tribulations in order to fully gain the experiences that life has to reward. What separates the difference between those who are able to tap into the vast wealth of resources around them and those who cannot seem to ever get a grip? Why in a world that is so full of life and abundance are people still suffering and battling to squeeze out the last inkling of warmth and sustenance in order to give a sense of purpose and meaning to their lives? Is it really possible to grasp and access this unearthed plethora of opportunities in? Or, is it all an illusion mirage meant to dissapate in the wind? The consensus for those who choose to believe seems to be that there are some who must have discovered the secret, the mystics and learned fathers and mothers of a deserted past. Like the desert fathers they have learned to be attuned and appreciative of the world around them. How else could we have come to value or be appreciative of the possibilities that exist around us? But, in a world so saturated with life and all of the necessary tools to enable us to live it fully, why is it that so many people long to feel the quench of some life sustaining energy that renews their will to live? Why is it that so many people feel as if they havent been able to obtain it yet, and what will it take before we all
stop waiting for the opportunity for this change to come before we take the necessary steps to engage and recreate our own lives? Sometimes we must get lost in order to find ourselves roger jones In the moonlight as I looked out onto the landscape I would walk swiftly jumping halfway out of my skin every time I heard the rustling wind in the leaves of the creosote bushes. The hairs on my arm stood as high as the saguaro as I peeked around the corners in the moonlight. I scurried across the veranda as if I were flitting on eggshells. I was terrified to even make a sound. As I snuck silently into the dark cafeteria, I could feel my heart thumping as I reached into the fluorescent dimmed cooler, blinding me as I quickly searched for food. I half expected for something to leap out and grab me, from behind the yogurt. I realized as soon as I thought it how ridiculous I must have looked. Still the heightened fear of anxiety overcame me as I stealthily ran back to my room and fumbled with the keys just knowing that any moment Id be mauled. I was afraid of the coyotes. I had never even seen them. But I could hear them within a few yards from the pool. I heard that thered been sightings, or people had heard them digging underneath our windowsills outside. Id much rather be the lucky one to run across a javelina instead, but it had gone so long since anyone had sighted one, I was beginning to lose faith that theyd ever come around anymore. I was scared, and inside I felt petrified that Id let myself become so consumed by fear and paranoia. I was tired. I was nervous. I was lost. -phiG Mike Meyers once said that, To be enlightened is to lighten up. We often think of being enlightened as the illusive pathway that mystical seekers often follow to discover the illuminating practice of finding themselves. We assume that their sense of connection to the space around them is elusive and a gift only available to the clairvoyant and those closest to God. But the challenge arises when we, ourselves often try to find ways to connect and find solace in our own space, particularly when our lives are cluttered, chaotic and were surrounded by others who are incapable of being serene. We may find it easier to find peace of mind and the inner sense of awe that leaves us beaming from within when we are off on retreats and have time and space to ourselves. Other times it may take a special person, or a time of major upheaval to catapult that change. But how do we liberate our minds and focus our attention when we find ourselves in spaces that reverberate the fear and angst we try to hide deep within ourselves? What is it that drives us to question and seek for answers when and only when weve seemed to lose ourselves? Is the process of soul searching and contemplation the key to putting us upon the path that leads toward self awareness and inner peace? There are some who claim that this world is so full of light and warmth to be experienced, that all we have to do is reach out and touch it? What is it that these people see that the rest of us do not? Are they simply delusional or is there really some secret to finally learning to achieve a state of healthy wellbeing and inner peace? In a world where so many feel so much need and longing to feel that sense of renewal, how does one begin to replenish and rejuvenate the spirit and sustain the will of a parched soul? Where do we begin to look for clues and how does the act of soul seeking bring us close to defining the questions we must learn to seek if we are ever to discover an answer? It is through the process of deep reflection and contemplation that most of us can really take the time that we need to re-examine and re-evaluate our lives. By wandering through the vast expanses of our histories and memories within our mind, we are able to delve deep into our disconnected psyches to uncover the real
things that exist within one s self and develop those attributes into a mechanism for discarding some of these things and making more room for inner peace and light. I imagine there are times when I think of people as the saguaro cacti that live in the Sonoran Desert. They have often been personified as images like the desert fathers or have become remembered by some of their human like characteristics in their shapes and forms. While some see the cacti and something graceful and stately, like the dancing saguaros who beckon and bow gracefully like a matador in the desert wind. I sometimes see the cacti as if they were like wounded individuals. The barrel cactus stands still, silent, pensive, brooding and alone. He seems to exist solely because he has found the means to protect himself. By arming himself with his dangerous quills aching red quills and challenging others to stay away, he ensures his subsistence in his very harsh and taxing environment. But only at a glance it seems that we perceive the phenomenon that this very fragile thing seems to alienate everything, at the same time, would not exist had it not adapted extreme measures to protect itself. -phiG Likewise, human beings often, in the face of adversity adapt similar attributes at the threat of being challenged. Rather than embrace the challenge and making the effort to get to reach out in some sort of symbiosis, we accept defeat that the scarcity of some much needed resource is lacking and adjustments are made to arm themselves to conserve and access the resources they would need in order to sustain themselves. We become pensive and wield our thorns threatening to ward off anyone who gets to close, who could destroy us or cause us damage. All the while we are baffled by those who have somehow managed to still get too close, who tap their way into our minds leaving us damaged and affected, like the rotting flesh of the saguaros rind after the Gila woodpecker has eaten a piece of its soul. Okay perhaps it isnt that bad. But it can feel like it when we allow ourselves to play victim to the harsh deserted realities when we arent prepared, when were so scared that we wont have enough that we hoard and fail to realize that if we dont branch out and feel our roots intertwine with the world around us and learn to connect, we will die. Not in the sense that we will physically die, but in the sense that we must stand in this world alone, and fighting to live without ever really feeling, ever really knowing how to breathe, to dance, to soak in the warm sunny rays and expand. We sometimes come across people or circumstances that really challenge us and push us past the brink of what we are willing to deal with. Is it because we are incapable? Or is it because these entities sometimes bring up attributes of ourselves that we arent willing to deal with? When we make the choice not to work through these areas or recognize our need to develop, we fail to accept the very signs that direct us to the areas that we could be working upon to build and sustain our greatest selves. It is through the act of contemplation that we build the bridge and create the gateway to those areas that allow us to reveal our own depths that lie within. Realizing that we have ventured off kilter is the most surefire sign that deep reflection and reevaluation is needed in our lives. When we begin the process we must first learn to identify what we use as a defense mechanism, why we have them and who we use them toward before we can allow ourselves to safely disarm. Contemplative silence and taking the time for reflective solace allow us to safely create that space. One could easily assert that without contemplation it would be almost impossible to bring forth the most valuable substance of our character that we often keep inaccessible from ourselves; our ability to trust, to be inquisitive, and to pay a healthy amount of attention to our deeper selves.
Perhaps, what we see as a defense mechanism to protect something fragile is really more of a means to protect that which is strong and whole; that which is precious within. It is just made inaccessible by all of the spiny hurtful parts of ourselves that we use to protect the parts that are too exposed, the parts we fear will become damaged if we put them in within others reach. By protecting itself a cactus is able to force itself to tap into and receive extremely rich sources of nutrients and manage the water that it needs to flourish and to sustain itself. It wouldnt be a bad trick. Some of these cacti have managed to live very big and full lives for over a hundred years. But when people try it, we often find that we have forced ourselves to hide the best part of ourselves, not only from other people, but also from ourselves. It sometimes takes time for us to ward others off paradoxically in order to force ourselves to tap into our own sources of inner sustenance that allow us, ourselves to flourish and to thrive. Sometimes we may see the desert as a barren waste land where only the strongest or most adaptable can survive. Perhaps, it is the environment itself that allows those who are willing to extend themselves within the environment in order to cultivate the tools and skills needed to develop strength and abundance within. This can serve as a metaphor for life, for some, more accurately than any of the over-saturated areas found in any crevice of the world. For others, it is the strength and fortitude of the desert flora and fauna and the traits that they have adapted that allow them to withstand the harshness of the desert wastes and still manage to develop and thrive. In the very cosmic sense it could be very easy to look at the universe as a desert who is full of life and abundance that can be tapped into by only by very few. But those who condition themselves to make the adaptations that are needed to really make the most of the space and to sustain the vitality within flourish with abundance, and many bio diverse sources of strength from within. But how do we prepare ourselves, how do we condition ourselves to draw in the offerings of the warmth that radiates around us and cultivate the nourishing vitality within us from the abundance or scarcity of resources that the universe provides? How do we pace ourselves and conserve those resources so that they can sustain us during the times when the resources dont seem quite so abundant? The answer is that we must let go in order to find and create the space within in order to fill those open spaces up. We must embrace the void and identify the resources and patterns that sustain us and hold onto them. We also must learn to let go of the things that drain our energies or that we dont need. We must learn to simplify so that we can draw deeper and take in the things we need. But first we must take the time to create and carve out that sense of space within. This is where the act of contemplation comes into play. Contemplation serves as that mechanism that we use to sift and sort through our thoughts, and subconscious influences in order to make sense of them. We must recognize and understand why we would need to value our surroundings and ourselves so that we can learn to differentiate between what should be kept or thrown away. Without contemplation we would not be able to know ourselves, understand what and how we feel or be able to really take the time we need to process and appreciate the convictions and the other sentiments we hold so dear. In this sense, we refer to enlightenment as the act of lightening the loads of unnecessary rubbish that hold us back. The process of digging into the messy pile of baggage, through the stinky memories and sifting out the parts of ourselves that we may have lost can be overwhelming when we do not understand the methodology for taking this time to be alone. Contemplation does not mean isolating and alienating everyone else, or getting lost in ones head worrying and identifying problems to death. Contemplative reflection instead is a process of strategically and categorically delving deep inside and processing and reevaluating this stored information. The process allows us to take the mess and use it
to cultivate healthier and more spiritually attuned perspectives so that we can feed upon it like the cacti in the desert have learned to do. The process also allows us to locate inner resources and store this information so that we can take it with us as we blossom, mature, make our own contributions and continue to grow. Contemplative reflection is a necessary mechanism for the development and progression of a healthier society and the growth and maturity of each persons individual nourishment and well being. Contemplation serves as that mechanism that we use to sift and sort through our thoughts, and subconscious influences in order to create inner clarity and a sense of peace.
Off kilter
Off kilter
Being Mindful [subtitle]essay #3 This morning I was sitting here at breakfast to watch the sunrise on the veranda. They say the old mystic tribesmen used to gather upon the cliffs as the sun rose into a collective solar gaze to get their morning energy boost, but I hear thats pretty dangerous. Instead I get up early every morning and get myself prepared to beat the sun. It is an indescribable feeling and yet as I sit here bathed in the warm sunlight, as its rays pierce through the morning cold, I feel as if it would be ridiculous for me not to try, if I can find them, that the words come. The veranda, made of wrought iron and painted black is very subtle so as not to deter from the landscape. When you peer out you look past the tiny cluster of solitary trees into the rocky brush filled with cacti. Out on the horizon lie the reddish mountains across the wakening sky and little red rooftops reflect the glowing light in the distance. I did not bring my camera, but I am grateful for it allows me to pay more attention to the flock of birds of all shapes and sizes that have gathered around the feeder dangling in front of me in search of seed. There are floating and resting in a daze that can only come when one finds oneself lingering in the sunrise. I feel it now, that light and airy feeling when I cannot even see the creases of my hands. I feel the taste of breakfast lingering in my mouth as the concoction that Ive created mixing grains and berries sweeten my tongue and tantalize my mouth. I am in that space. Is it the Tao as some people call it, that nothingness that exists. I look around to see if others are around. There is a yoga retreatant sitting quietly on a bench in an airy manner drinking in the sun. Another rises and I catch the gentle breeze that whips around my chilly shoulders and Im drawn to the image of her long embroidered scarf dangling in the wind. Someone lifts a spoon and you can tell for a moment, in that moment that it may very well be the best bowl of cereal shes ever tasted, simply because shes eating it as shes greeted by the sun. its hard not to feel welcome in this new and airy light, and I wonder why I dont eat more meals outside like this more often. A wave sweeps over me and it feels like gratitude. It feels warm and it feels energizing. This must be the Zen they speak of. When nothing else surrounds you but the realization in contemplation when your thoughts converge into nothingness and all you can do is feel. The peace is overwhelming and it brings up gratitude. I am beaming through my sighs as I stare at the rustling hairs upon my sweater in the wind. I hear a train far in the distance and the whir of passing cars. Birds call and I notice that I am one. Though my clacking is incessant, I try not notice, not forget it. I am called to let my heart sing with the birds. Only in this silence, this honoring, this stillness, this heightened gravity of mind, I feel as one. I exist here only in symbiosis, not as an observer or invader, but simply as one who can live and thrive in this space in existence with other things. They are separate from my sense of appreciation and yet we are apart of one another. I watch the birdhouse sway clockwise and I know the wind greets me from the east. I watch the rhythms of the movements of the birds. Every waking sound, every movement, every crevice of light, gives me more and more information than I need. Still it feels good to have it there, to actually notice. It feels good to get a sense of this new light. I am ready to express it as new words come. How do we separate ourselves and create that a level of detachment from our experiences in order to keep a balance in our hearts and in our minds? How do we use these principles to be able to create a space within where we can use our experiences to grow? Can we become more mindful of how we obtain these things and how to make the most of the time with them? How do we know when to
use these skills to reaffirm ourselves and when it is time to shed the ego and make the space to encounter something new and useful? The answer is that we must be more mindful of where we place our attention and how we use that attention toward our intention toward developing our own sense of connection and inner growth. To be contemplative is to be mindful, attentive, open, receptive, conscious, aware, enlightened, full of light, and light as in free from burdens, to reach into the depth, embrace the void and the mysterious unknown. -phiG Many people often go on retreats or vacations in order to lose themselves. They think that by taking time out to escape their realities that they will be able to forget about their problems for a moment, and lighten up so that they can experience joy in their lives. Many times, this escapism serves for the time being, but only seems to bring about a fleeting moment of self delusion that dissipates like a desert mirage. Even in our excitement of it, it doesnt seem to last. The moments of joy and happiness are but a flash in the pan and we find ourselves agonizing over our ability to be able to sustain them. Sometimes we may find that we even question whether we are truly worthy of having them. A lot of times, this type of brooding and avoidance create a vicious cycle which can make a person become completely lost in their own head. This brings about the question, how do we find constructive ways to contemplate without becoming too self absorbed? How do we let ourselves in and connect with our deeper selves without getting disconnected from reality and if we find ourselves stuck, how do we find a way out? It is not uncommon for many contemplatives to find themselves lost in thought to the point where they often miss what goes on around them. It is a common fascination with mankind to want to get wrapped up in something outside of ourselves. Our minds control what our senses feed us and ideas like Love, success, the zest for life, spirituality and pleasant memories are all fixations that can catapult anyone into an alternative sense of reality that causes us to become completely absorbed. Unfortunately without some measure of proportion toward our relationships or understanding of how our perspectives are shaped, we may miss how our views exist in relation to other viewpoints. We may find that were deluding ourselves from the realities that exist when we find ourselves unable to attain them and fail to grasp how to do the things that allow us to hold onto and sustain the lives we wish to lead. Often we may find ourselves devastated and brooding when our chance of aspiration slips through our fingers and we are forced to surrender and to let go. This creates a sense of fear or desperation and blocks the energy that we need to embrace our new experiences. Instead we find ourselves resistant toward loss or toward change and we block our ability to grow and emerge. Focusing attention How do we train our thoughts to lead us into the direction that wed like when our surroundings seem to lead our minds a different way? How do we quiet our minds in the midst of turmoil that leave us feeling nervous and scattered or stimulate thought when we feel as if all of our energy seems to be blocked? (Mitchell) Is there a way to redirect that nervous feeling we get when we feel ourselves being stretched too thin and drawn into too many different directions? How do we get out of our own heads, overcome fears, redefine values, and develop healthy relationships with the things we value or the ones we love? Is there a better way to build a greater sense of connection with ourselves and our surroundings? How do we learn to become interdependent with the space and environment around us?
There are two direct processes that can be used to allow us to gather and/ or divert our attention depending upon what our needs are. The first act, of deep reflection and contemplation happens when we simply open ourselves up and create the mental space to open up and allow things to seep in. Instead of constantly feeling as if we must constantly be doing things we simply sense these experiences. We absorb them and take them in, free from control and manipulation and draw everything that we can from them into our beings. The second act is a more active form of contemplation that allows us to record, process and interpret what weve gathered into the framework of some sort of focal point within our reflections. This is generally the process in which we establish our curiosity and ask questions in order to better identify what it is that we need to be working upon. In this sense, the questions often become answers in themselves. During the act of contemplation we increase our sense of receptivity. We tap into our surroundings like a giant root and spread ourselves out. We absorb everything we can and savor the sights, the sounds, anything that appeals to our senses without making any form of judgments about them. We simply exist among our surroundings in an information gathering phase. It is in this process that the span of space seems thinner and if you are having a relatively pleasant experience we may feel as if we are drawn in. As if we are being welcomed and embraced by the space akin to what some might describe as feeling a sense of oneness with all things or being the presence of God. Many times we cannot identify what this feeling is when that wave of warmth washes over us and it feels as if everything weve done in life has led us to that point, and it feels as if weve reached our calling, or if weve found a sense of home, but it is there. And it cannot be adequately described or dishonored by giving this sensation a name without having some sense of experience of it to be able identify. The closest thing I can describe is it is that sense of satisfaction you get when you finally finish something of importance and realize finally that youre done. It is a sense of completion magnified, that we often feel when we have a truly spiritual experience, but seems to be few and far between. This process of absorbing and taking everything in and sifting through those recordings to understand their significance is the act of contemplation. Contemplation is an act of opening up and clearing space that must take place before the feeling of completion, growth or emergence happens. It is the act of cleaning out our minds and filling it as if it were an empty vessel and extending ourselves until we breakthrough and emerge to the other side. It is through this second act, of engagement and active reflection that allow us to push ourselves and allow for the breakthrough to happen. We often hear of scientists and philosophers remembering their moments of Eureka or an innovator describing coming across an aha moment when their entire mental paradigm shifts, redefining their entire perspective of life as they know it. It is an awakening in a sense, to a greater sense of connectedness, and a deeper sense of self that allows us to tap into our center and become more grounded. This process allows us to put everything into a much more functional perspective. It is the pattern of mental and psychological emergence. Without it growth could never happen and learning would be impossible. Whether it happens in an art gallery or a prison, this act of deep reflection and processing often shape and defines our interpretations in any many of ways that allow us to function. It is the type of processing that we perform during many moments of our lives and can lead us to a state of mental clarity or constant brooding, contingent upon how we integrate the first act, of open contemplation. Many times in the act of active processing we tend to overlook the benefits of receptivity. We become so fixated upon finding the answer as quickly and effortlessly as possible that we often overlook the value in the process of revelation itself. It is with the attention that we place upon integrating the two
that we are able to gain a sense of appreciation for how knowledge can unfold itself most effectively when we take a step back and allow it to unfold.
How do we become more mindful? We may wonder how we keep our minds from wandering or becoming lost in thought. How do we sift through the mental clutter of a busy or troubled mind? Is there a way to get rid of that feeling of desperation and urgency that make us panic and fear that we wont be able to get everything done? How do we collect our thoughts and arrange them so that we can develop them into something that has clarity, reason and depth when we are trying to cultivate expressions of the mind? It can be difficult at times to feel as if weve collected ourselves enough to concentrate upon one singular area of focus, particularly when we need to be concentrating upon one area of particular significance. In todays age of multi-tasking and increased mobility, it becomes harder than ever to find the focus we need to truly invest ourselves into an experience fully and find the space to appreciate being able to do so. There are very few people who lead the lifestyles that allow them to slow down and fully engage in a simplistic lifestyle or possess the clarity of mind to engage in the contemplative life as a master craftsman would. It is no wonder that we often find ourselves over-stimulated by the world around us or completely closed off or unable to make decisions about where our attention should be directed. Through the process of asking provocative questions we can bring a great many images to the mind and stimulate our senses and minds to creatively and critically generate solutions to challenges and conundrums that arise in everyday life. Learning how to contemplate is quite literally the process of learning how to think and experience. Perhaps the questions we sometimes ask help us to be able to identify with some or all of these processes that weve learned to condition ourselves to always have something upon our minds. But asking the wrong questions or too many of these questions can lead us to a point of mental exhaustion from trying to process more information than we may need to handle at any given point in time. Learn to pause in these moments and identify what questions it would be most appropriate to ask to get to the heart of the matter at hand. So how do we decide what to focus upon when we need to gather ourselves to fully integrate ourselves into an experience, or buckle down and get a task done? For many of us this task can feel like an overwhelming trek into the wilderness. We may want to delve into it and instantly absorb and experience everything that can be taken from it. But we may find that we are so mentally unprepared for the terrain and the demands of this brand new environment that we lose ourselves in the vast expanses of the mind. This leaves us unable to find our way back toward accomplishing our goals and directives. It seems that the question arises not only how do we decide what we need to focus upon at any given point in time? But also, how do we determine when we need to focus? One of the biggest mental strangulations of the weary mind seems to be that we never seem to focus upon whats in it. We ignore the signals that it gives us that allow us to be more intuitive and attuned to what our minds and body needs. Most times, if we save the space to notice when something makes us feel warm, or fills us with apprehension and how that translates into physical strain within our bodies, we can learn to direct our energies toward identifying the things that may be constricting and dispersing all of our energy. A better way to describe this is to think of a prompt. An excellent one that I heard recently is to reflect upon the phrase, it would be dangerous to talk [or think] about, and fill in the rest
of the sentence. Better yet, expand upon the idea for a while and see where it leads you. That feeling that expands in your chest, or that tightening that you may feel in the back of your mind as you resist delving down deeper into the subject, or that horrified feeling you may get that makes you heave a deep and heavy sigh are great illustrations of what you may sense when you come across an area that you mind may have developed a resistance toward. It is indeed a sensitive topic. Now try something different and think of something, perhaps an early memory of something that brought you joy, or someone that you really loved. Feel the corners of your mouth rise and how your mind feels lighter as if youve cleared some mental space. If you think of them long enough it may feel as if the corners of your brain stretch out and your mind trails off into a distant place, like time travel. You allow yourself for a moment to feel disconnected, to feel a little freer. This is an excellent exercise to use in a moment of frustration or angst to break the vicious pattern of over thinking. Sometimes we may find ourselves locked in a funky mood and it may be beneficial to come up with something that is provocative and neutral to clear our minds. Some have found the usage of comedy and brain teasers helpful. I like to deflect to Socratic questioning based upon humor using personification of the objects around me. I might ask myself during the holidays when I feel anxiety rising to focus upon a reindeer. Then I will ask myself, if a reindeer was to come over to my house for dinner, what should I prepare and what do I think he would wear? Appealing toward the quizzical and oddly creative side of me allows me to appeal toward a more whimsical side of my nature so that I dont feel as if I have to be so serious all of the time. It allows me to lighten up. The secret lies, however, not in the methodology, but in the act of redirecting our attention to a place that will allow us to step away from the constraints of the ego and contradict any limiting patterns of behavior we possess. Many times, creating an inner dialogue, journaling, or creating a form of guided meditation can also provide other ways to engage in the act of contemplative respite and allow us to move more freely throughout the mind. As we begin to learn to notice and identify patterns of behavior and common thought sequences within the mind, we begin to find a framework for deconstructing the things we may find that stay with us that lead us toward our center.
The Contemplative Life of the Saguaro In the desert when it rains the cacti lose their folds. The water seeps, in places deep An old saguaro holds It taps into, and dives in deep It siphons from the dust Storing in places what it keeps Absorbing what it must It arms itself with jagged quills And burrs, to guard the weight They cling upon the passing things So it can propagate In summer it will drop its fruit Conserving what it can Surviving here for centuries The fathers of this land Inside the waxy, fleshy pulp It hoards the life it gives
It slowly feeds upon itself So it can last and live Contemplation in a sense is an essential mechanism that can be used to mentally sustain ourselves. Neurologically we are accustomed to alter the way that we process things simply by the act of conditioning ourselves. Neurons fire when we trigger responses and we can change the way that we think and respond to things simply by contradicting those responses and choosing to expose ourselves to new patterns in thought or behaviors. The act of contemplation accelerates this process by taking away the regimentation of disciplining ourselves by giving us the added neurological response of interpretation and rationalization that give us a sense of reason to indoctrinate these new patterns of behavior. This means that if we want to feel better and be more mindful of how we cultivate our attitudes or spend our time that we can actively engage in that process to correct that simply by creating the space in our mind and generating the thoughts within it that create those responses. If we want to feel calm we can go outside for a stroll and generate that sensation until we reach a point where weve become accustomed to having those pleasant memories and can call upon them at will. If we want to feel a sense of mental toughness or agility we can push ourselves mentally or engage in a physical activity to mentally condition ourselves to behave in such a manner. This also applies to the process of conditioning ourselves to be mindful and more conscientious of where we direct our attention. This is because it is in our nature, our biological make up to choose how and where we are able to stimulate our senses. Contemplation allows us to identify these areas as well as take ownership of how we recondition ourselves to engage in this process. Diverting attention Knowing where to focus seems to be the hardest thing. We often do not know we need to pause. Once we delve into this process, of opening up and being receptive, we create the parameters we need to quiet our minds, to simplify our thoughts. When a specific task needs to be completed like completing a project or degree we must gather focus by making our attention much more aligned. By contemplating and establishing our objectives, and the framework to achieve our goals, we can determine whether or not our patterns of behavior fall in line. I often set these kinds of targets, to determine ethics or build a compass. By setting standard for convictions I have a guide. When I cross into a grey area, I make the choice to assess what would best fit the type of person I long to be, and it usually makes the answer pretty clear. But everything is not so cut and dry and I find that there are times when it seems as if there are no right answers or too many to choose from. Ive found it best in these situations to assess either or. If I take small measures or actions, that can go unnoticed, or undetected, it gives me space to view the probable consequences before I move forward. After we find our sense of orientation, if we open up, we will find our bodies and minds give us signs. Most of the time when we have disconnected, or we find were wrestling within; it is because we havent been paying attention to whats inside. Knowing how to direct our focus, and being mindful of what we pay attention to will prove to be a very valuable skill to have. Paying attention The life of contemplation implies two levels of awareness: first for the question, and second, awareness of the answer. Merton 4
The way that we educate ourselves about our surroundings and create awareness within ourselves increases our ability to notice whats around. We never think about what it really means to pay attention, to actively listen to your inner self. There will be things within you that are going to resonate, and its good if you can stay with them when you have the time. Sometimes it is a song, a passage read, another person, or some other thing of beauty. We simply bask in it and never wonder why. Other times it is a moment that brings out the depths within, deep seeded hurts, fears and frustration and we consciously choose instead of working through them to ignore. We seldom pay attention to the people places were exposed to, how we view them, how they dominate our time. We never notice the effect these influences have upon our psyche. We rarely pay attention to what we let consume our minds, or why. How we focus our attention tells us a lot about how we value our time, how we value our experiences, whether or not we are truly mindful. When we focus upon negative things without taking the time to deconstruct them, there is a good chance it is because we fear making the investment and we devalue our sense of self. This sounds like a harsh statement, but by neglecting the process of inner exploration, of strategically focusing our attention, we create the sort of mindset that leads us to believe that we are incapable of managing, of accepting, and of celebrating the things that have defined our convictions and shaped our sense of identity. Why do we never seem to pay attention to how we measure our own sense of worth? When we strip away the opportunity to get to know what makes us tick and what helps us grow, we often lose sight of the expectations and the beliefs or fears we have that limit us, and it diminishes our growth as human beings. By believing that we do not have the flexible capacity to deconstruct, to learn, redeem, is to diminish your sense of self and trust in the abundance of the resources of the universe. We like to think of the contemplative process as an investment in ones self. It teaches us the tools we need to dream. It teaches us to gather strength, to surrender, to create, and is the elemental life force that exists within conscious beings. Where do I want my intention to lead? Do my current actions correspond? These are often the first question we need to ask? What do we wish to gain from the experience? Is there anything else that you could risk, that you could gain? What is best left ignored or seen between? These are the ways to redirect your focus, guide attention. There are many facets of the self that exist. We often view the part of us that isnt working as some part of us thats wrong. Instead try seeing the big picture of all things. There are times when I, myself get angry. I may start brooding, or get sad. Then I remind myself to ask myself, if there is legitimacy in what Im feeling. Is it justified? What can this tell me about my convictions, or am I simply being absurd? Why, what does this stem from? I notice that being able to pull myself out of those feelings and really look at things gives me a greater sense of completion of being whole. I would have to be a stunted person not to feel this thing. And the once Ive come to that realization that Im simply being mindful I find I can appreciate myself and let go. Presence of Mind The number one mechanism that we can use to return to an active sense of engagement with the experiences and our surroundings is to direct our attention toward what presently exists before us. Many times we are often caught up in the painful memories that what ifs, and some days that we forget to engage and partake in the experiences that are happening right in front of us. We forget to familiarize ourselves with the present and to participate in it fully. We may be so caught up in missing the ones who cant be near or brooding over the ones who hurt and pissed us off, or worrying about the future that we miss out on the opportunities to make the most of the experiences we have before us
and we play into the vicious cycle of failing to appreciate the abundance of the universal gifts. We miss out on the opportunity to draw in valuable experiences and we disorient ourselves from what we could be doing by wasting time wishing that we could have or would have done differently. It becomes a vicious cycle. Being mindful is about learning to take the time to notice what exists around you as well as what exists within. By creating a sense of presence and cultivating a sense of appreciation for what exists around we create meaning and significance to the processes and the things we pay attention to in our lives. In order to fully engage our minds must be in the present. It is only by focusing our attention on the impact that we can make at any given moment in our lives, whether it is an active engagement or quiet moment of contemplation and taking everything in, that we turn the experiences that happen in the present into gifts.
Finding Solace Making the Mental Transformation
One of the most memorable experiences here in the hot airy desert was not from the voyages in the broken sand, or the archaic hollows of the cacti, or the fuzzy glowing quills of the cholla in the sunset along our path, but of my companions here whose wisdom enters the crevices of my mind. Lodged there in the periphery I think of the people whom I barely saw all day. How they stimulated my enthusiasm by playing musical melodies upon the bent spikes protruding from the barrel shaped cactus or how another seemed to pop out and startle me from the most unlikely places. They behaved like my thoughts in an intoxicating swirl of mysterious simplicity, yet drew my thoughts in a million directions like the scattering ashes in the desert sun as they tackled their feats of exploration and creativity. I watched in awe as one ascended the weathered coral colored rocks in the canyon and perched there high upon the jagged rocky edge just to get a better look, to be able to see. Even though the thought of being so far removed from the group seemed to terrify her, she was willing to make the climb it would take to be able to see. I, however was simply content to stay behind and support her ascent. Another companion seemed to notice every single nuance in the earth, the hoof prints in the sand, the numbers spelled out in pebbles next to the makeshift sundial made by another member of our group. There is no way I could have had this kind of relationship with this place had it not been for my willingness to notice those people, my surroundings and the open mind that Id brought with me. It was their knowledge of the surroundings, and their willingness to explore and share their unencumbered selves that allowed me to find a richer experience here than I would have had I come here by myself. According to Robert Hamma in his book, The New Seeds of Contemplation: When we come to a place we tend to interact with it in relationship to ourselves. Whether it is a natural park setting, like a park, or a place that is a product of human culture, like a city square, we place ourselves at the center. We observe the place and draw conclusions about it in relationship to our experience. Even if it is a place of some religious or cultural significance, we are still inclined to see it in terms of its meaning for us. This is all well and good on the level of our daily ordinary life. But what happens when we begin to see a place, not in reference to ourselves, but ecologically? (hamma 123) Consequently, had I kept the mindset Id had when I first began, I would have been too frightened to explore any of the trails. I would have not wanted to leave my room for lack of makeup and my ashy skin. I would have slept all day and spent most of the day on the veranda struggling to find the words to communicate the process of experience for the lack of the experience of this process. Most of my metaphors would have been simple personifications of the species of cacti that Id found within clos e proximity, and I would have lacked the experience to take the space and time to embark upon the trail. But a place like this with its shallow winds and tormenting heat full of bugs and lizards and swarming birds and honey bees can seem like a frightening place to some. It is a place where if you wander off you can get lost for hours, slowly withering away like the glowing prickly pear as the suns rays eat away at you like the famished javelina that graze there. By failing to explore them and to connect my own experience to their own symbolic growth and development I would have failed to appreciate to incredible resourcefulness and resilience and capacity for growth that this place and my internal environment both shared. I would have never been able to find solace in such an unfamiliar place.
But what about those places that do not feel so safe or bring about that sense of connection? How do we create a sense of mental stability that can help us develop a better sense of security there? How do we, like the hungry seedlings in the desert who long to be nourished find the room to grow, to breathe and thrive in a space that is not conducive to your health and well being? How do you find ways to transform in a place that stifles our growth? In a space that isnt so safe. Many people are beginning to recognize the negative effect that their environment has on their psyches and their spirits and are doing something about that. One approach is to fashion enclaves that will nurture spirits. When much of our surrounding are beyond our control, we direct our energies toward what we can controlour homes, our gardens, or our yards. Another approach is to seek out places which may nurture our spirits and to visit them frequently. For some this may be a nature preserve, for others, an art museum, for others, a chapel (Hamma 23). Weve all been there, wandering in a bad neighborhood, among people who leave a bad influence or trapped in a dead end job. There are a number of places we may find ourselves in places or mindsets that leave us feeling stifled, threatened or feeling as if it isnt safe for us to have peace of mind. How do we overcome this feeling, this compulsion we may feel to get angry, play the victim and make ourselves feel small? How do we transcend these spaces and find a way to find tap into our deepest sense of self with the most efficacy? Being mindful of your environment Notice the space around you, is it comfortable? Does it feel safe? Does it scatter all your senses or make you stressed? Is it intellectually stimulating? Is it draining? Is it loud? Is it constraining? What about it makes you feel this way? As Robert Hamma mentions in his book Landscapes of the Soul, the relationship that we establish with a particular place is created by the associations that we make to it through our memories, the significance that we place upon it, and the role it functions in the way we store it in our minds. The memory we have of eating cotton candy beneath the Ferris wheel at our first fair will create a different sensation in the mind and the body than one of the first place we were ever in where we experience a deep loss or betrayal. How does having a sense of the time and place that you are in mentally or physically affect your sense of well being? Does it make you feel calm and relaxed, rejuvenated, energized? Or do you struggle to adapt with every fiber of your frustrated being? What is your relationship to your environment? How is your sense of familiarity that lies within? Do you know these surroundings as a scary or restrictive place; full of disappointment and laden with fear? Or are you familiar with what exists there? How does your attitude shape your relationship with this space? What do you envision that it would take for this place to feel a safe and secure? Have you ever been sitting in a meeting or in the back of the classroom, but you seem to be more interested in whats going on around? You may notice a piece of lettuce lodged in someones teeth, or the sun shining across the quad. Or the fact that a coworkers breath reeks of the smell of coffee will come to mind. When you focus upon these little things, instead of letting your mind be carried off by the chaotic distractions or rhythms around you, it may seem as if you have found another way to transport and transcend space. In some instances, you may even find yourself in another time. You may taste an apple cobbler and be reminded of how grandma used to make it. Or may find yourself lost in cadence of some cause or experience going on outside of the room. Other times you may find that you
are focused, your movements swift and calculated and your thoughts turn and move as if processing like a machine. There is nothing else around you, or in your way. Your eyes are locked upon the distance, driven by speed, guided by focus, and theres nothing that can penetrate your space. Many people cannot fathom how the intoxicatingly pleasant food service worker seems to find themselves after retreating to the hot and steamy dish room with no aspirations of taking upon further responsibilities. But for those who find the respite there, their mindless duties often gives them time to think and find themselves delighting in the simplicity of the little things. Going for mid day walks, hiding in bathrooms, going down to the golf course or off on retreats are but a fraction of the infinite ways that we can separate ourselves from the daily grind and take the time to do the mental reconstruction we need that allows us to build healthy space within. Think about it. How many books would ever have been written had it not been for the advent hermitage of the coffee shop? Finding a private place that is free from conflict where one can create intervals to think is essential in the contemplative process. Whether its a physical relocation that needs to take place or simply a sacred time carved out in the illusions of the mind. Finding space and rituals for contemplative reflection are crucial in not only our mental development but also affects the choices and consequences that manifest themselves in our lives. If the places that you are think of are the places that you want to be, you have mastered the art of cultivating a safe space in your mind. If you struggle with creating either or both of those spaces when the opportunity arises there is no need to worry for it can be learned. Next time that you are out, and you find yourself focused, or distracted, try to get a sense of how your mind attunes. How does it feel emotionally? How do these sensations manifest themselves in your body? Are you able to feel them, where the movements transform? How does this awareness help you or inhibit your ability to meet your sense of purpose ? Does this place have any special significance or encompass any meaning for you? You may feel disconnected from your tasks because of the energy of your environment. There are times when we need energy, to feel replenished or get a boost. There are other moments that call for more of a sense of urgency. Can we tell the difference for when that energy is actually needed versus when that scattered energy demands more worry than we actually need? How do we create the conditions in our mind to get us ready us for these feats? Is this really a time when we simply need to let go; to honor our bodies need for rest, or to relax or rejoice? Are we able to recognize those times when need be? Or are we not attuned to ourselves and our relationship to the world around us? How do we regulate our time and space when we feel distress in a more mindful manner? All man's miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone." -- Blaise Pascal A person who has not learned to attune themselves to their internal rhythms and energies may have a different experience of how they are affected by their surroundings than someone who feels more of a connection with their environment. A person who is more connected with who they are and what their space represents to them will feel differently than a person who feels more detached from their surroundings. Someone who worked in the world trade center as an intern; fetching coffee or being barked at by superiors for their first job may have different recollections of that place than someone who lost a loved one there but never knew it. The place holds a different significance. Someone who has loved and lost someone close to them will not be affected by the news of loss the same way as someone who has never known it. The loss of a friend or peer may hold a different effect contingent upon how well someone knew him, or how involved a person was in the life of the person they knew or
respected. It is by developing this sense of proportion, by gaining perspective, and being able to empathize that enables us to redirect our perspectives on our sense of place. Sitting here now, in the gazebo, basking in the desert sunlight; I see this place in a different way than the man who just came here to spray for bugs. As we educate ourselves the significance of places can be altered. And we can identify the hazards and the safety of a space. I know when we came to the retreat here in the Sonora desert, one of the first things that I read in the visitors guide was to leave the door closed. They warned that wandering critters may mistake the area for a den, and it made me nervous every time I opened the door that thered be something waiting for me, and Id get mauled. On the very hot days, however, when my skin gets a couple extra shades of brown and the sun drains the life from me with every breath. My room then becomes my own den, a haven of rest and sanctuary. The only thing that has changed about the space is the attitude and the significance that I have placed upon it. I stopped allowing myself to write there because it for me is a place of rest. When I enter into the cool space with the dimmed lights, my body knows. The neurons have been conditioned to trigger that response in my brain. When Im trekking through the sandy rocks along the desert, even though I stick to the trail, I can transform my experience of that place through the images and attachments to it in my mind. When we are off looking for lost classmates and the trail appears to be a vast expanse; the desert can become an unforgiving place of heat and slippery paths. Upon our return home, however, as the sun begins to fall, I find myself lingering there and taking pictures of the very same cholla I was afraid to brush up against. Instead of threatening I see it as something to be embraced; but from a distance, and in small doses. The same applies when acclimating ourselves to the painful experiences we may find ourselves avoiding. We may need to find a safe space or closed environment to gain perspective and gain a better sense of security and awareness of ourselves. In the movie Gandhi, in which the actor Ben Kingsleys character moved his family into the poorest slums of the Indian community, the writers illustrated how Gandhi found it necessary to aid his community by teaching them basic sanitation practices through the execution of very menial tasks. One of these included cleaning out the public latrines to minimize the filth carried by vermin who trampled through the waste. The movie recalls how his wife Indira threw fits of exasperation at the indignity of having to do the work of the untouchables and clean the filthy toilets. Gandhi talks about this experience in his autobiography: My Experiments with Truth about how he reminded his wife that the act of cleaning the toilets not only taught a sense of humility, in an effort to create awareness of the caste based system of oppression that existed in his country at the time, but also reminded them all of the value of being of service to ones community and taking pride in ones work, no matter how trivial and mundane the task seemed to be. Leave it to Mahatma Gandhi to change the perspective upon how we see and identify with the act of cleaning a toilet. Many times, the sense of attachment or ownership that we give to a place by actively engaging with it and fully integrating ourselves into the development or experience of it can create that sense of fondness for it that allows us to remember it as a safe and comforting place. When we are overwhelmed by it, or resistant toward embracing it we deny ourselves the opportunity to develop a working relationship with a place or within ourselves that allows us to feel our interconnectedness with the space and with the people we come to identify as a part of a particular community. Whether or not we agree, it cannot be disputed that the way that one cultivates a sense of awareness and educates and familiarizes themselves with their environment; with the way they sense it, the connection they share with its physical qualities as well as the people who help to educate and shape a growing awareness
with these places often shape the perspective we use to define the very nature of the attitudes that we hold. Before we can create awareness of the direction of our thoughts we must first create the sense of trust and awareness of ourselves that building the relationship with contemplation allows. Building Security & Developing Trust Finding and creating a safe place begins with first creating a place inside you to grow and delve and to deal with and process our thoughts and issues. Creating a mental haven for meditation and thought allows you to generate the practice of building and receiving trust. By giving ones self permission to engage in the process of delving deep, we eventually allows ourselves to face and deal with problems that we may have felt inclined to avoid. Familiarizing ourselves with the contemplative process also provides a greater sense of self awareness, as you get to see what inhibits our ability to function, stirs us and makes us tick. Building trust can also be achieved through the act of physically removing yourself from threatening environments, or by escaping from the monotony of the oppressive mundane task into a realm of space and thought that allows us to reveal the sense of value and worth within. Conditioning ourselves to face ourselves; or hopes and fears can help us to appreciate our willingness to embrace our own resilience and provides new meaning toward our sacred and everyday tasks. Sweeping floors, washing dishes or even taking a break in the middle of a busy work day for a walk or cup of tea does a tremendous job at stimulating the thought cells and allowing us to tap into our reserves in order to look at problems with a fresh look. When the issues themselves become distractions from the areas we want to be focusing upon, finding other distractions or taking a few guided moments of retreat can create a sense of sacredness in the mundane as well. This detachment can allow us to connect with the beauty in the little things, like the pebbles in the sidewalk or the glowing quills on a barrel cactus that chime and plink when the waxy thorns are plucked and played. Typically when we create memories we are much more immersed in the experiences of them than we are in the ability to notice and actively engage in them. Rarely do we ever take the time to really understand them, be present and self reflect. How often do we even take the time to contemplatively re-evaluate the significance of these events, the relationships they play in our lives, or develop an understanding of how the lessons from these experiences can be carried with us into the future? Many people do not understand that through this deconstructive process of weighing our experiences, people and places in our lives, with the history of the feelings associated with them, that we are able to change our perspectives of and ourselves and of our experience allowing room for growth. Finding a private place I found myself doing something pretty interesting today. I decided to forgo my exploration of the Arizona desert in order to sit by the placid poolside with wireless, a frosty Arnold palmer and my bistro tunes as I got some work done. Where the problem arose was that the only outlet adjacent to the pool existed on the sunny side leaving me with no room for shade. So I had to pause for a moment in order to take the necessary considerations before the pool filled up and I was left without a comfortable spot. Did I want to risk losing my battery and protect myself from getting sunburned or did I want to maximize the time and space to get work done?. I opted for the shady side but soon found that there were some limitations. The glare from the sun burned my eyes as it found its way to my computer screen. I was losing battery power and I still had an immense amount of work to get done. Plus, I kept getting distracted by the dazzling reflections of the pool and the images that they left upon the wall. I looked down to assess what my options and resources were. I had fluids, so dehydrating wouldnt be the issue.
I could keep myself lubricated with sunscreen so that the only issue that I was going to have to cope with was how to block the blinding glare of the sun. I made the migration to the distant corner and planted myself as if awaiting execution. After a few minutes of baking and reorganizing things; the backpack on the table, the laptop in my lap in order to reduce the glare of the sun upon my computer screen. I found a polishing cloth in my backpack and placed it strategically on my head. It worked liked the blinders you attach to horses and I lodged it underneath my headphones so that I wouldnt have to worry about it staying on. I may have looked ridiculous, but what can I say, it worked. I know some of you may think that the act of writing or bringing an electronic device to the pool is sacrilege, but when you struggle to balance work and leisure time this seems to be the most effective way to make work seem less like a chore and try to have some fun. Its much easier to let the words flow in this manner, and it is the direction that allows me to feel at ease and get a lot of my most important work done. Thats why I take the bistro mix when I study, to remove the stifling feeling I get that makes me feel as if Im locked into doing work or having to study . I keep it because it allows the words and my ideas to flow so that I can get the most out of my experience while I get things done. Ah, if I never have an office I shall be the luckiest of men. -phiG After I wrote that, I paused to listen to the wonderful bossa nova drumbeats in a song titled Drop by Silva Perez. I find it amazing how music, or a provocative question or idea can transport you to a different sense of place and time, even if you dont ever really go anywhere. When you know what to anticipate, how to arm yourself and prepare, it becomes much easier to know how to create that special place within your mind. As people leave I can now take periodic breaks in the shade until my batteries drain. I feel as if I am, through my own awareness and volition transported to another place and time. By getting familiar with a place that you love, or the subtle nuances of a place that youre unfamiliar with, it becomes much easier to learn how to navigate where to be and at what times. The same process also becomes evident when we are creating self awareness. We must get to know ourselves and our own internal processes of thoughts and patterns if we are ever to get ourselves acclimated with who we are and what works best for us. According to Robert Hamma, author of the book, Landscapes of the Soul; The Spirituality of Place: When we come to a place we tend to interact with it in relationship to ourselves. Whether it is with an ecological sense we look at a place as an interdependent system, as a network of relationships. And we recognize that we are not just there as observers, but as part of that system. The distinctive feature of an ecological perspective is that it sees human presence not at the center of the systems, but as a part of the whole, in relationship to it, indeed in a web of interdependence with it. Hamma 123 Whether this place is a physical location or a visualized place within the mind, we are often attach a sense of sacred significance to the places that we find familiar or safe to explore and tend to avoid those places that strip away our sense of self or security. By becoming a part of a sacred place or a community, we foster healthy development that can only be achieved through the act of conscientious attention to ourselves and the people or entities that inhabit our surroundings. An alma mater, church, or local community will only feel as safe to explore as the things we allow develop within it. These places can only feel as meaningful as the work that we put toward making it that way, or the community that weve cultivated within it. The same goes for what we allow to take place within our thoughts. Our ideas and feelings are only as safe to hold onto or explore as those things that we allow to fill and control it, or that we work toward creating in it. We in essence become the product of our own thinking or willingness to mature
and expand because that is what these relationships allow us to do. It is the process of delving and familiarizing ourselves with how we think, as well as how we pay attention to what we think about that either hinders us or enables us to move forward. The Need for Sanctuary Many things can happen in our lives that stimulate the need for us to feel as if we need to escape the daily drudgery or crises that keep us from being who we feel that we need or want to be. From cases of extreme loss or trauma, through the simple grieving or betrayal we may feel as events manifest themselves in our everyday lives, we are often compelled to avoid the process of soul searching and inner seeking because we fear or doubt our own capacity to get through the process unscathed. Unfortunately, without ever taking the time to process, we not only rob ourselves of our ability to sift through some of the personal muck in our lives that can make it stink from time to time, but we also miss out on the opportunity to learn how to think critically and objectively look at how we represent ourselves through our actions and ideas we reflect. Minds that are constantly plagued with inner struggle, that make us battle to collect ourselves or find our way from being lost can very easily be transformed into a sanctuary. By carving out new places deep within it we tap into the part of ourselves that allows us to feel more connected and less inhibited. Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, developers of the enneagram, a type of psychology based personality test, originating from the practice of the Sufis, identified that our relationship with the past and the recordings that we may have received as children play an important role into how we develop our sense of worthiness and self acceptance as adults. Hearing affirmative messages such as: "You are good." "You are wanted." "You are loved for yourself." "You are seen for who you are." "Your needs are not a problem." "You are safe." "You will be taken care of." "You will not be betrayed." "Your presence matters."
played a very important role in how adults seem to develop how they validate themselves. The absence of these words may be at the heart of our most basic fears and trepidations. This need may also be the root of how we harbor doubts about ourselves and of those we fear to care about. Unconsciously we may still be seeking to hear these words from others. Fortunately, by creating those affirmations in our minds we allow ourselves permission to trust so that we can delve into our deeper selves with a sense of safety within. Exercise Look at these statements once again. How do these statements resonate? Are there any statements that you would wholeheartedly agree with? Are there any areas that bring up a feeling of apprehension for you, areas that you feel would be too scary or dangerous to talk about, to delve into? These are excellent directions for explorations
and a good process for you to be mindful toward. Take some time to contemplate or write out how these questions make you feel. If you could think of any time or place in the world that you wanted to sneak off to in order to think about these things, where would that place be? Many times by learning to notice and appreciate what it is that we or our surroundings contribute we create a sense of safety and familiarity within our thoughts which translate themselves in how we perceive the world and how we contribute and create that sense of community with those we share it with. Many times the give and take relationship that we experience with our surroundings become the deciding factor into which environments feel more like a sacred space or community and which areas less significant in our lives. The memories that we hold of places are dear to us often reflect the relationship of the amount of time and energy spent in becoming acquainted with a place and how much weve contributed toward it. Therefore in order to best transform a space into an area we can appreciate and make the most of, we must be very conscientious of the type of energy and presence that we bring to our environment and how we allow our thoughts and attitudes to shape those actions at any given point in time.
Finding respite in the present "Where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. Rather than always focusing on what's urgent, learn to focus on what is really important." -- Stephen Covey This quote reminds me that one of the most difficult aspects of being a contemplative person, who leads an active lifestyle and doesnt always have the luxury of living the secluded monastic lifestyle, is the tendency not to be able to find the time or a private space to reflect. One of the challenges of someone who does have the good fortune to be able to spend time in more sequestered deliberation is the tendency to get lost or trapped inside ones own head. In both cases, and in many other situations; moments of frustration, times of grieving, or mental exhaustion, when were consumed with overwhelming emotion we tend to find that we have escaped into alternate realms of possibilities of our expectations of ourselves that may exceed what really is necessary for our health. We lose our sense of connection with exists in front of us. We delude ourselves and we lose sight of what our bodies can withstand or what we are supposed to be working toward. How do we come back from those places? How do go back to the places where we need to be and manage our path of exploration so that it aligns more directly proportional to the kind of time frame that we are allowed to work with. The key is, as with anything, how we use and where we allow ourselves to direct our attention. By taking time to train ourselves to delve and process deeper, more significant thoughts, we teach ourselves how to guide and coach our minds to create the responses and mental visualizations we need to motivate ourselves to rejuvenate and inspire us to move forward. When finding ourselves lost in memories of the past or dreams of the future, the present can seem quite mysterious. If we are fortunately we can possess enough of a sense of wonder and curiosity that these places can also become a gift. When we learn how to ask the right questions and how to cultivate a better orientation of how our pasts and futures dictate our level of activity and current responsibilities, it becomes much easier to know which direction we should be moving toward. Instead of ruminating over past failures and regrets or fearing what will come or what we could miss out in the
future we should instead strive to focus upon making the best decision when opportunities arise. This way, we can allow ourselves to fully engage and participate in the growth and learning process. This applies toward our inner journeys as well as how we choose to act upon the opportunities that present themselves in front of us as they happen. Living and engaging in the present, being present is what allows us to live life fully and make the responsible decisions that we need to gain access to a full life, to other people and ourselves. By learning to pay more attention to the present and what exists within the space before us we become better equipped to create a sense of security in our consciousness, and use our presence to create a safe place to contribute, to live fully or to ruminate not only in solace, but also in our everyday experiences. When I write I find it easy to start with an early memory and see how it correlate with something going on right in front of me. I may need to take a mental image such the first time I felt loved in order to combat a current wave of insecurity and bounce back and forth upon that memory of some other central theme or memory and correlate it with an idea or question. Who makes me feel loved now? Who and what do I love? How can this experience allow me to love more freely in the future? What kind of love do I want in my life now? How can I go about creating it? The key is to give us different angles to approach a perspective so that we can reevaluate an experience to get a better sense of self awareness as well as to allow us to pay more attention and engage with our surroundings. Other times, we may find ourselves caught in a distress pattern and it may become necessary to break from that line of thinking in order to stop the neuro-chemical response from staying locked in its distress. Looking around at objects in your surroundings and focusing upon the characteristics, like the bark tracings of a nearby tree or how the light plays in the shadows of a woodland forest can also become an excellent distraction tool that allows us to channel that preoccupied sense of curiosity and generate a sense of concentrated interaction with ones environment. Even something like people watching or asking silly provocative questions such as, name 3 things a moose would bring if he were invited to a slumber party can stimulate creativity and redirect focus to an area that holds less distress, thus altering our neurological response. From time to time, I may catch myself thinking about future what if scenarios. What would it be like, if; or I may think about how I would like to see myself or a particular experience any span of time from now. This is how we can use the contemplative process to gain better insight into how we perceive the importance of what it is that we are doing right now. Although we may feel the need to probe deeply into the roots of past issues and concerns, if we do not have a sense of presence and be able to pay attention when we need to, to whats around us, we will lose ourselves and our ability to pull ourselves out of the sense of desperation and ambivalence of misdirected rumination, obsessive thought and the challenge of digging too deep.
"There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one." -- Ralph Marston When we find ourselves locked into creating too many if/ when scenarios, or disconnected from our mode of connection to the present with our thinking, there becomes a greater chance that we will constantly find ourselves locked into this mode of thinking and will almost always as a result of this fail to appreciate the things we have. By telling ourselves, If I ever get things together, or telling ourselves when I become successful, in lieu of focusing upon what we do have and how we can
improve our circumstances and environments now, we begin ignoring the things that can bring us closer to those experiences that we dream of or actively creating the places we need to foster a sense of encouragement and nurturing even now. This isnt to say that there isnt some value of forward or sequential thinking. In the contemplative process chronological evaluation often seems best directed when identifying what we want our hopes and dreams to be or helping us to learn what we want to be working toward. Innovation doesnt happen without people thinking ahead of their time. So be mindful of the impact of the questions you are leaning toward and of how you apply those lessons into your everyday experience. Often times the process of developing questions trains you to think about the kinds of solutions we should direct our queries toward and allows us to consider which questions are the most relevant and critically determine how to streamline where we choose our focus to be. How would we go about repairing and reconditioning our thoughts more constructively? What do we envision should be happening and where do we image such a change should take place? Is this a place that we know of, that we envision or that we find we have the capacity to create? What kind of significance will our experiences and contributions bring in the future towards building a better environment or community or preserving the sanctity of a particular place? How will these choices impact our long term goals or resolve issues that wed like to put to rest? What can we gather from this experience that we can utilize in our present endeavors? How will these questions, decisions and mode of thinking affect us in any given span of time? What type of actions could we be taking thats going to bring us toward the being the kind of person that aspire or need to be? Where and when does this need to happen? These are all kinds of the thought provoking questions we may ask ourselves to get a sense of what is important to us and how we define ours convictions. By getting ourselves accustomed to thinking spatially and relating our past experiences and future aspirations to our present experiences, we train our minds to better be able to delve inward and climb back out. By understanding the impact of our memories and using them as a guiding tool to determine how it impacts the choices that we make and the effect that these choices have on determining our future experiences, we can create the conditions for us to make more mindful decisions in our everyday lives. Instead of finding ourselves stuck in a position where we detach from the people and world around us, leaving us disconnected from reality, the contemplative process allows us to instead create a greater sense of connection with ourselves, our community and give meaning toward our environments and value the spaces with which we interact. This is how we build trust and foster a communal spirit and can create a safe space in order to further nurture and develop ourselves.
Finding Roots
Learning How to Dig Most Effectively Meditations "Growth takes place in a person by working at a deep inner level in a sustained atmosphere of silence." -- Dr. Ira Progoff Meditation is a part of the contemplative journey that allows us to ease our way into the process of gaining awareness of inner selves by sensing the stillness within and the effect it has on our bodies reverberating within the thoughts within our minds. The act of being mindful of our breathing, of how we move, of our sensations and our pains, allows us to form a relationship within that gives us direction when we are connected or disengaged from our true selves. Every fiber and fabric of our being is charged with tiny electrical centers that when were shaken can become chaotic and hinder our ability to relax. Our thoughts become incoherent. Were disjointed or confused. And without the clarity of mind we need to make sense of whats happening around us and in ourselves we find ourselves engaging in irrational behaviors that make little sense. It is at this stage that many of us are forced to stop and re-evaluate the sense of disconnect we feel with our lives. But this is lack of maintenance is precisely what causes us to lose our sense of self. We often try to fill this void with other people, addiction and things instead of developing the relationship and self awareness that we need to take ownership and reshape the significance those circumstances in our lives. Constantly we hear people beating themselves up for a poor decision or because they couldnt understand why something made them angry or why they feel sad. Sometimes in moments of quiet contemplation we realize that there was nothing wrong with how we expressed who we are, we are simply unclear with what it is that resonated that gave us some sort of signal about ourselves, our convictions, how we derived those convictions. A lot of time we think is wrong with our thinking is really more of a beacon to help us delve deep inside ourselves. The next time you were hard on yourself for feeling angry or off balance, ask yourself why? What was it that stuck with you? Can you relate it to some experience when the reaction or the feeling made you question your own sense of wholeness, perspective, or worth? Many times the very things that we beat ourselves up about occur because we are denying ourselves of something or some affirmation that is apart of our very human needs. Navigating sense of Exploration One of the great dangers of transformational work is that the ego attempts to sidestep deep psychological work by leaping into the transcendent too soon. This is because the ego always fancies itself much more advanced than it actually is. -- Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson I was sitting by the pool today wondering why on earth all those people were sitting here sunbathing and not a single person got in. I soon discovered the reason why when I attempted to do so myself. I hadnt planned on fully submerging myself because I hadnt come prepared for that, I simply wanted to sink my feet into the water and get them wet. What a fool I must have been. I dragged my toe across the still and crisp vessel of water and was shocked to find the water was quite cold. This was not me just making a big deal out of nothing, this water felt as cold in the 80 degree winter heat that it did back home. I escaped the 20 degree weather so that I wouldnt have to feel that icy feeling, but there it was as it trickled up my spine. I yanked my toe out quickly and my eyes grew wide as saucers.
The other poolside patrons looked at me and laughed. I dont know where my attention had been for these last few hours, but clearly I had not noticed other people trying out the pool. The glimpse of the single woman standing in it made me thing that perhaps vanity had kept them from taking the plunge or that perhaps once gravity became a prevalent force in their lives that theyd simply lost that sense of awe, of fun. I placed the flat part of my foot upon the surface of the water gently and carefully as if I were afraid to smudge a pane of glass and was only taunting the surface with the very idea. I felt a brief sensation upon the calloused part of my heel and assured myself that it wasnt bad and so I tilted my foot upward to try to approach it in that manner. As I slowly submerged my foot onto the surface top, careful not to force it and induce myself into a state of shock. Before I even realized it, I developed the sensation that my foot was not quite sitting atop the water but that my whole foot was floating. If only I could get this way with the exploration of my experiences and orienting myself in life. The ice made its way to my bones and trickled up my spine. I lifted my foot out. Now that its done its just the process of getting acclimated I assured myself, slowly lowering my foot again pressing it deeper into the water. It was a little too much and so I pulled it back, but not all the way. I was slowly getting accustomed to the process of going inward and coming back so as to feel comfortable enough with the idea of getting them submerged. I forced my foot in quickly, just to have a fullness of the sensation and the icy chills made my feet ache so badly that I felt my eyes cross. It was an overwhelming sensation and I was reminded of the dangers of going in with too much too soon. I looked upon the surface of the pool and was dazzled by the impact of immersing myself in that experience for just a moment as the waves captured the sunlight and ripples glided across the pool. This experience reminded me of how difficult it can be for some to delve into the contemplative process when were not familiar with strategies for exploring. Many times, the fear of exploration, of getting lost, of getting hurt, or not getting what you want out of it can cause resistance toward even taking time to do a bit of self discovery. Unfortunately it becomes a necessary part of the contemplative process like breathing or pooping, its something we may not want to think about but whether we accept it or not, we are going to do it if we are to live our lives. Other times we are faced with the trap of identifying a problem to death or staying in too deep for too long. Many people expect to dive into the process of contemplative self exploration with the expectation of diving deep down toward the center of our being, but the process can be so overwhelming that we find that time or our constitutions only allow us to do that level of delving for a moment. By finding a balance of understanding how and knowing how much to dig into our personal muck we can begin to reach and reveal a lot of information inside of ourselves that we may have overlooked. Finding our center It can be difficult to tap into the center of ourselves. A lot of time it is because we do not know where that is or what that even means. We are made up of energetic particles that generate energy at every minuscule little core. We often radiate from these centers and are driven only by the impulses that are transmitted from core to core. This may make us feel as if we are off balance, or scattered in many different directions. But occasionally we may encounter something that it so much a part of our sacred sense of rhythm, and reverberates our core that the feeling of it alone may draw us to a place in which nothing else can exist. Often times we experience this with music or some other expressive form that makes our entire collective core resonate and converge making us feel as if we are suddenly and harmoniously whole, or one with the experience. This can only be achieved through the active integration of our senses, feeling and processing the experience instead of just being around. Once we
learn to ground ourselves and channel this energy, through contemplative meditation we find there is nothing left except the fullness and completion of those recordings that are left when we are in this sacred and thin space. Finding this sense of wonder and well being that exists beyond our sense of identity is what helps us transcend our challenges and circumstances and make the most of what we are given to work with. "The true profession of man is to find his way to himself." -- Hermann Hesse Getting to know who we are and becoming aware of what we feel and experience allows us to be grounded in a way that gives us the presence to tap into the most receptive and responsive part of ourselves. How do we create the level of examination and awareness within ourselves to be able to make sense of concepts that seem bigger than ourselves? Is there a way to make sense of things in a way that allows us to deconstruct a concept or an idea so that its better to manage, easier to understand? When we try to breakdown our own knowledge and put it into relationship with ourselves and with the object of our focus, we may find that we have difficulty honing in on that place, or that center. Learning to find these centers or places, that reverberate the focal points that stir us, allows us to gravitate toward the center of ourselves and centralize how our senses interpret our understanding. Without a sense of centeredness and of grounding, during the moments when we need to focus or make sense of things, we often find ourselves lost and feeling restless that we cannot create a sense of union deep within ourselves. How do we tap into the parts of ourselves that gather information and strength? How do we cultivate the resources that we need to enrich the process and give us the greatest fruits of our goals and efforts? Is there a way to create a level of awareness of ourselves and the world around us that allows us to tap into the very center of ourselves? How do we dissipate the ego and uncover our sense of being? How do we use the contemplative process to reveal our deepest selves? Sometimes when were in the process of discovery whether its internal or in the context of our relationships and our environments, we find we may not know exactly where to dig deep down. Is there a way to prompt ourselves for more areas of focus, or must we simply feel our way through in order to determine that ourselves? The contemplative process gives us ways to generate new areas of expansion from the influences we ingest and expose ourselves toward. Contemplation can also be self directed and very often is. The process of revealing and creating ourselves through self awareness We are simply given substance and deposited into space. Ultimately it is up to us to give birth to ourselves. We often think that life begins when we are expelled from the womb, but really we are like the fruits that grow between the cactus stems. Our families and our environments are like the quills there to protect us, to separate us from each other and the world. We use our knowledge and our senses as our roots to reach out and connect with the sources we need to keep us fueled and replenished. We use the act of conservation, of maintenance and silent contemplation to sustain ourselves. Many people may ask, What about Jesus? What about God? What about your sense of spirituality within? If this is where your beliefs lie, you must notice that is exactly how those entities, even in the case of Buddha or any other spiritual influence interacted with society. They planted the seeds through their actions and by propagating their message, but their characteristics and influence was not born into
us until we took it as a part of ourselves and allowed these ideals to take root and emerge from within. But we were so consumed by our distractions of other things or misinterpreting the significance of how to use these practices and ideals that we failed to see whether it becomes the foundation of our beliefs or simply a allegoric idea. We fail to understand how to emulate how these individuals underwent this process for themselves; like a stray seed caught in the tides and winds or carried by a kangaroo rabbit a distance of a few feet or thousands of miles. These figureheads gained personal power by finding ways to tap into the earth and the abundance of resources around them, even in environments that seemed depleted, harsh and scarce and they expanded as they grew. They gave up a part of themselves to create the substance that would allow them to emerge and grow, not just survive. They filled themselves with substance and propagated themselves which they had inherently learned to do before their existence in this world. Long after we had forgotten their existence, the process that they go through still exists within us. It just so happens that this is the process of how anything creatively forms. There is a lot of work involved, a lot of cultivation and some digging in, of absorbing and of process. But when the time comes, we find it comes simply and steadily like an unmovable force. And as overwhelming and miraculous as it may seem, it is a natural inclination when we draw in the right resources for anything to emerge. By understanding our process we gain a better understanding of who and what we are; what we have the capacity to create, believe, and be. Questioning
It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." -- Decouvertes (8-28)
Knowing when to question, when to resist, when to notice, can be a valuable tool to possess. These art forms can lead toward uncovering the depth within ourselves. When we strategically direct our questions toward gaining knowledge of ourselves, we uncover the things that drive us, that guide us, that we let define us. By exploring the sensations that make us resonate, that get under our skin, we learn immense information about the values we hold within, our sense of conviction, our fears, and what we doubt. By asking the right kinds of provocative questions we are able to stimulate our thoughts, and train our mindset to delve deep into our psyches. The most effective part of the contemplative process seems to emerge when we find the questions that lead us to the heart of what were working toward. Although we may find that in the process we discover other revelations about ourselves as well. Learning how to tap in But how do we ask these questions? "The word question is derived from the Latin quarrier (to seek) which is also the root of quest. A creative life is a continued quest, and good questions can be very useful guides. Most useful are open-ended questions; they allow for fresh unanticipated answers to reveal themselves."-- Source Unknown (Higher awareness 8-30) Many times, in the contemplative process we may find ourselves bouncing from idea to idea blindly at first and then feeling their way around the surface until they get the courage to open up and reveal what lies within. The knife that carves away the old is wielded by your hand, no other. After you discard the parts of yourself you no longer want to own and are being guided and impelled by your own spontaneity you turn the knife to the flat of the blade and use it as a masons
tool, gathering up and cementing together the new parts of the new self you have freed yourself to construct according to your own design. (Koller 14). What exactly has brought us to this place, where we need to hide and seek? This is always a good place to start. The questions we ask ourselves can allow us to dig deeper into the roots of the patterns that we use to define our identities and patterns of behavior. They also allow us to understand how these conceptions shape the attitudes and perceptions we contribute that manifest phenomenon in our lives. Once we have become familiar with our relationship with the contemplative process we can train ourselves to direct our line of thinking into directions that prove to be much more helpful and affirmative toward our developmental growth. The act of contemplation and guided meditation allow us to both deconstruct and rebuild the substance within that we need in order to break through and grow. But in order to get to the root of a problem, we have to be willing to dig deep. Only you can determine what lines of questioning youre comfortable with and how deep youd like to delve. No one can determine the areas that you need to work upon, without your own consent. Many times we may find that when dealing with painful experiences in particular, or experiences of fear that our minds create mental blocks that keep us from tapping into our authentic selves. If we stay simply with the feeling for a while, back up and revisit at a later time, we may be able to ease ourselves into our psyches in order to bridge the mental disconnect. By uncovering the roots and understanding the nature or history of a problem, we may find the tools that we need to gather and absorb the information that we need to rebuild our lives and gain greater awareness of ourselves. But how do we begin. Ask yourselves these questions and try the following exercise to get a sense of contemplative methodology in meditative reflection and explore ways to direct questions to yourself. Exercises and prompts "The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival." -- Aristotle What are some of the earliest memories youve had when you felt like everything was fine? What is your earliest memory of acting defiant, being scared, getting lost? What memories from your childhood can you feel proud of? I went back and tried the water experiment with my hand. When you find the time and the space to find a spot with a bit of still water try this experiment with your hand. Warning, this may not go over well in running water or at the beach. Slowly ease your hand in pointed downward and submerge your hand and take note of how many ripples you find as you gently submerge in the water. What kind of experience that you can think of in which you simply eased yourself into knowingly and no one noticed. Next remove your hand gently and measure the impact. How can you relate an experience in which you got out of a situation undetected?
Move your hand this time broad faced and quickly into the water. Notice the difference of the impact it makes upon the waves. Can you identify a time when youve gone looking intensely for something non-specific and instead of getting you where you wanted to be it created upheaval and disturbances in many directions in your life? Maybe you can think about a decision that you wanted to make but you couldnt think of what you wanted the outcome to be and it caused you to feel scattered in many places. It doesnt have to be that, this is simply a guide. Wait for the water to settle and remove your had abruptly in the same manner and measure the impact that it had. Have you ever pulled yourself out of a situation rather abruptly like that only to find out later what a big impact it may have had? If you cant think of the first job you hated or the first thing you quit that people may have really depended upon you for. How does that affect how you make decisions like that now? Or does it? Next, just for the experience, simply scratch the surface, look at the impact that it has upon the waves. Does this remind you of anything, of how youve ever found yourself admidst a pattern of chaos but could never really figure out why it was happening to you? This is because youve only scratched the surface of the matter; you havent dug far enough down. What happens when you dig?
When we learn to tap down into the heart of the matter, the source we are often very shocked and affected by what we find. We often think of how our actions and behaviors affect the outside world, but how often do we consider the effects of the thoughts and the mode of thinking that we cultivate and the impact that they have within our inner selves? Who we are, what we believe in, is all dictated by how we cultivate our thinking about ourselves, how direct our thinking within our consciousness. Contemplation, not just the thinking itself, but the assessment about how we are thinking is just as crucial to our progression and development as intellectual and spiritual beings as any other form of nourishment that we need to sustain our maturity and growth. They are simply an essential part of the process. When Life Was Full There Was No History In the age when life on earth was full, no one paid any special attention to worthy men, nor did they single out the man of ability. Rulers were simply the highest branches on the tree and the people were like deer in the woods. They were honest and righteous without realizing that they were doing their duty. They loved each other and did not know that this was love of neighbor. They were reliable and did not know that this was good faith. They lived freely together giving and taking, and did not know they were generous. For this reason their deeds have not been narrated. They made no history. -Chuang Tzu (as translated by Thomas Merton) Why did this culture of people die out, or did it? Are there people that you know who exemplify these qualities even today? Do you? Have you ever taken the time to notice? Why do those who make the most impact often go unrecognized? We may not see the people who clean our buildings or slave over
the stove, or pick and process our food, but their presence often makes the biggest impact in our lives. Most of us avoid asking these kinds of questions like how many children were beaten in the sweatshop that made my clothes because we prefer to avoid the direction that the answers may lead in the same way that we are reluctant to gain a deeper awareness of ourselves and the world around us because we fear that we may discover things about ourselves or the systems that weve become so dependent upon that we wont like. But it takes becoming mindful in most aspects of our lives before we can attune ourselves and eliminate the disconnect between understanding the link that exists between creating this understanding and manifesting it into tangible change in our lives. We can t see what lies before us if we keep ourselves blindfolded to the harsh realities of the truth. If we want to begin in a place that is less intimidating than something like, what is the actual cost of this value burger, it may be beneficial to find inspiring quotes or reading evocative passages as prompts to lead us into our contemplative journey. Reading and educating ourselves can alternatively be a great way to find ways to unlock the burning questions that fester, unanswered in our minds. It is also always to our benefit to integrate affirmative mechanisms into a functioning part of our psyche. This is because it expands our ability to believe in ourselves and it expands our capacity to believe and trust in others as well as we delve and cultivate self awareness in order to develop a relationship within ourselves. Affirmative meditations teach us to create possibility in our lives. This is a tool that can be used coupled with the darker questions we need to ask ourselves that we may be afraid to ask? How does cultivating an understanding of these fears allow us to create a greater sense of presence and security in our everyday life? What do we notice about our courage to take on these issues and develop this sense of authenticity that allows us to liberate ourselves from this fear and gain a more affirmative understanding of who we are and what weve overcome. It is particularly engaging and thought provoking when we come across an affirmation that we do not believe in because it creates the possibility for contemplative thought for understanding why. Why dont I feel I am worthy or deserving of love today? Am I really the screw up I think I am? Am I really doing everything wrong or are there some things that Im doing right? What can I do to strengthen these things? Why dont I believe the universe is full of abundance and will bring me everything I need? A lot of times, simply by asking these kinds of provocative questions, we uncover a bit of understanding about ourselves and how we let our attitudes and experiences that shape our convictions enable us to empathize and connect with others in the future. This way we allow ourselves time and space to develop some degree of awareness that allows us to be more credible representations of our capacity to understand overwhelming bits of information and recordings that come and create the basis for us to safely and affirmatively explore our thoughts and needs. By whittling away the ignorance and uncertainty that we dont need we are able to uncover our deepest substance that fuel and drive ourselves.
Contemplative activism It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. --Robert F. Kennedy In order to build a more reflective and conscientious community, more attention needs to be paid to how we delve into the process and with whom. There is no set standard for how we engage in contemplation, no rules about it etched in stone. We must simply find a way to communicate within our
silence to create more safe space and self awareness. If we took this time to understand the process, took this time to create sanctuary for those who looked for solace, free of expectation, free from preconceived notions. We might find that there exists a sense of unity of outward reconciliation reflected from our inner peace. If we found more ways to bring this tranquility to our lives and mapped our pathways of tranquility for others, we may find that weve built a strong passageway to creating space for inner strength through accord and stillness in the community. We must honor what we love by giving it the attention that it deserves. It was Kelsey, a contemplative student that I took a class with that reminded me of that. To create a sense of community, to end oppression and build support, it becomes necessary to develop a more contemplative, mindful nature. To be contemplative is to be inwardly conscientious. It is the highest expression of the intellectual and spiritual self, because it creates many moments of revelation out of stillness and reflection. I was told by someone long ago, if you want to end oppressive behavior, pay attention and stay engaged. Paying attention to what goes on inside you and around you as well as contemplating the significance of these experiences aids us in eradicating internalized oppression and allows us to notice and focus upon whats in front of us to get what we need. The act of contemplation fosters compassion and self-respect. It is a valuable instrument that anyone can find useful. More importantly, it is important for some sort of creative and expressive outlet to be available and accessible to allow these ideas to be expanded upon and released. Because the things we hide from ourselves are the things we are most longing to express.
Being, Centered & Whole

Reflecting Responsible Relationships essay
You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life? -Rumi I was sitting on the veranda, looking off into the sky. This is the first morning since Ive been here that Ive seen that many clouds. Clouds are a rare occurrence in the desert and the birds didnt seem to mind. I watched them alit upon the saguaros tops and take in the shade. The sun had nested bright and early in a patch of silver lined clouds. It made things chilly as they rustled in the breeze. I let my mind wander off and thought about how curious a thing it was, that the very thing we were afraid to do, touch the cactus, was such a natural process for them. The birds, having a sense of what they were, who they were could land upon the spiky burrs. They could grip them tightly and call to each other with ease. There were two of them on the ancient posting ground now. It made me think sort of comedically to myself. You never see them hopping on there and yelling painfully as if theyre pissed, did you see that thing? I cant believe it jammed itself into my. Because they know... They know themselves and the relationship to the things with which they come into contact. I wondered how many desert birds had actually seen themselves. Or did they only know their essence from the view of other birds. I looked off into the distance. How do they view the horizon, or is it something that is even a concept to them at all. Not because they dont have the cognizance, the awareness of it, but because they are always reaching it, accessing it. They see a far off point and can easily go to it, move beyond it. But for us to reach the distance is a lofty goal. Why do we not take the time to gather that kind of sense of orientation of ourselves; to know every movement of our bodies, to feel our wingspan when we reach? How do we not know the surroundings orientation to ourselves? Where do we nourish ourselves? Would we even know how? Do we know the safest times to rest and when to feed? How can we know what to ingest that is going to fuel our passion, our will to live, our will to grow, our will to thrive? How do we approach the horizon? Do we even see ourselves? Or is the only concept of our essence what we see through other peoples eyes? How do we feel and what is our relationship to whats inside us? What are we harnessing inside? Many people avoid the contemplative process to avoid asking these types of questions, but without them we will never get to truly know and understand ourselves. Without this relationship, without understanding how our interactions create and deconstruct our sense of self and of our connection to the environment, we lose the fullness of the meaning of why were here. Life is a tapestry and is interconnected with other things. We need to understand this if we are to feel as sense of completion or feel whole. The threads are always shifting changing; there are always places we can mend. But in essence, it is the relationship we have with strengthening and shaping ourselves that allow us to contribute and connect to the things outside ourselves. It is through this interconnection that we fully engage the process toward connecting and feeling whole. Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual
awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states. -- Eknath Easwaran Contemplation is a necessary part of our being that allows us to become aware of who and what we are, what our passions are and refuel that aspect of our souls. Our needs are constantly evolving. We often need to change perspectives, and in order to do that we need to take the space to grow. By exploring the process of deep thinking, we engage and strengthen ourselves. Not just out intellect, or mental toughness, but the genuine distinct part of us that longs to grow. The evolution of consciousness depends upon the contemplative process. As Thomas Merton wrote, Contemplation is the highest expression of mans intellectual and spiritual life. It is that life itself, full awake, fully active, fully aware that it is alive. It is spiritual wonder. It is spontaneous awe at the sacredness of life, of being. It is gratitude for life, for awareness and for being. It is a vivid realization of the fact that life and being in us proceed from an invisible, transcendent and infinitely abundant source Merton 1. But how will we ever get to gather that source, absorb it, and process it and build a working relationship with it so that we can use it, if we never take the time to stop and take things in? Creating safe space in your relationships Taking the time for reflection does not mean waiting for the things and people outside of yourself to give you a sense of completion or provide you with answers. The most rewarding and memorable experiences you will find are the ones that stem from wisdom cultivated by tapping into ones self. Learning how to tap into resources around you, which may at times include the knowledge provided to you can prove very beneficial in the process of working through any process. Learning how to gather, how to take in and absorb often strengthen the very parts that dwell deep inside of you that help you mature and to grow healthy, strong and whole. It is through the awareness of ourselves that we are able to empathize and develop our relationship with our surrounding with and through others. We cannot fathom the significance of meeting someone or something new and having the impact of their words resonate within us so deeply that we feel as if theyve uncovered some forgotten part of ourselves. Seldom do we take the time to get to know each other beyond that superficial level. "I do only want to advise you to keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer." -- Rainer Maria Rilke Opening up to others means to open up ourselves, but we cannot learn about how we cultivate our sense of relationships, how we connect by flitting from one experience to another without taking the time to get to really experience the sense of connection that we feel to it, how it resonates, how the impact of it is reflected in our attitudes and behaviors. How are we engaged in these relationships? What do these interactions teach us about ourselves? What was said or done that stays with us, good or bad? How did we interpret our reaction? Or did we respond? Should we have? Feel your roots and Connect One of the paradoxes of the mystical life is this: that a man cannot enter into the deepest center of himself and pass through that center into God, unless he is able to pass
entirely out of himself, and empty himself and give himself to other people in the purity of a selfless love. Merton 64. It can be the hardest thing sometimes to bring ourselves to really taking the time to reach down and get to know ones self. Many people avoid the trap because they fear that if they overanalyze or delve too deeply they may find themselves deconstructing a problem to the point of spiraling obsession. By setting healthy limits or constructive parameters for reflections, using questions, prompts, and other methods of contemplative reflection, we direct our thoughts like the roots of an ancient tree tapping into the source of clarity and nourishment and then taking that substance and using it to feed upon that knowledge so that we can grow and sustain. Many who have made a contemplative journey out into the woods or even the desert often find a sense of wonder and awe at being exposed to so many lasting and enduring forms of life. The nuance of the landscape and ecological oddities give the place and person a sense of character and connectedness. But very few can survive in these environments without keeping up with other tasks. More than likely we either find it difficult to go back to life as we once knew it or we are in a rush to return to it and approach it with a greater sense of appreciation. The contemplative experience, depending upon where the focus lies, can stimulate the same response. It is through our studies and our experiences that we begin to learn which triggers which and use those patterns of behavior to our advantage when we choose how to reflect. When we are look for answers inside ourselves, we are create a sense of place, a sense of safety, openness and space that allows us to know how to let other people in. When we instead, look to others to come up with the answers for us, to tell us what to think, we may find that we create the barrier that exists when we are simply told something and when we actually get to come into contact with it for ourselves. It is up to us, to use these encounters as no more than a set of parameters so that we can live through these processes so that we take what we can from these experiences what they bring out within ourselves. This not only applies to the still and silent contemplative process but with the relationships that we cultivate with others as well. It is the same methodology and approach when we are getting to know and understand any connection that we are willing to explore. Learning to Explore and Contemplate allows us not only to develop a better spatial relationship with our perspective worlds; it also allows us to build a growing sense of connection and rootedness within ourselves. By gaining a better understanding of who we are and how we think about things; as well as what we think, why we think the way we think and whether or not we want to think the way we think, we become grounded and expand our capacity to think about things objectively. Contemplative reflection and our internally aware consciousness create a center within, that once we learn to access and use effectively can reveal to us anything we care or seek to know. This can become effective in aiding us to not only build a better relationship within but also develop a sharper sense of intuition and increase a sense of inner trust and self worth. Communal Experience Mother Today I can smell the dark, damp earth. I can feel it beneath my boots As I sink into the soggy sod My poor senses convolute Expecting bitter cold
And crusty slippery ice I feel my mother draws me in As if to cling to me I smell her dirty breath Its warm and carried by the wind The creases of my mouth Reveal a hidden smile I get a far off trance, a gaze I accept, embrace Her dark and crusty face Lost in now ordinary daze She is mine, I know She will always be No matter how big, deep the rift I spy a tulip, the first wintry offering We celebrate this growing gift I wonder how I could Forget, how I could scorn The one who fills me, Gives me worth, Substance, fills my needs Has planted all my seeds I am awed by you Mother Earth Journal excerpt02.06.09 I included a poem that I wrote called mother in one of my musings and I just thought that I found it odd that I felt such a mater-familiar connection when my relationship with my own mother is completely the opposite. I know that I havent gone back and developed that relationship, and perhaps it will end up in a memoir or a vacation novel some day. but I feel appreciative to be able to still have that sense of connection with something maternal even though I was clearly some sort of post partum baby or something. -phiG Some say that family and community is just as important as taking time for solace. There are times when you can find one inside the other. As we deep inside ourselves and we identify the things that are dear to us, it becomes much easier to find the commonality in those who share those values. In this sense we build a sense of community, we create a sacred space for those who share like minds, for those who value the contemplative process and sacred time. During the trip, Id overheard some women talking about how Walter Reed Medical Facility would be setting up a facility for wounded and traumatized veterans and I wonder if it would be good to have a more mixed use space. Ive often thought about what it would be like to have a place that you could go to, to be alone and fall of the grid for a while in complete silence to really sit down and think about life. It would be nice to have some place for refuge or places to sneak off to in order to get lost for a while in
your thoughts. It would be nice to find more sanctuaries that allowed you to be silent and do these things. Some place of beauty, some place thats close and a place that would be free. It would be interesting to know if there are accessible contemplative communities out there. Perhaps some that were cooperative would really serve healing and growth. In order for us to learn, to grow we must have access, and the silence and sanctuary in service would be all one could need. Is there something like that already available? Would it be utilized if it were built? Would it benefit more than traumatized patients and hung-over college kids? Perhaps if we all had more moments of sanctuary and sacred places in our lives, we might see a more reflective conscientious society on our hands. We need our environments, our communities, and the external experiences of life to give us direction of where to delve inside ourselves. Without something to connect to we become disconnected and withdrawn for life. Without a source to tap into, to replenish ourselves from, we become hollow and disintegrate important pieces of ourselves, the parts we need to sustain, to thrive. Like the rotting fragment of a cactus we cannot survive without a source, unless were willing to dig deep and tap into our surrounding for sustenance and motivation. Safe Space "Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together - certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- Dinah Mulock We want our relationship to others to possess some degree of authenticity and to have a sense of purpose and connectedness to the whole. Unfortunately that is not always a luxury we can afford. We often seek out those who we feel we can open up to, and integrate our lives with. But when we force things that are not ready for us we create the conditions for violation. What seems like it could develop into a relationship can vanish like a flash in a pan. And we find the remnants slipping through our fingers like dust. If we follow the examples of things that are strong, enduring, lasting, we find that anything worth preserving really takes time. When we dont feel safety in our relationships, if often shows in how we treat others and how we respect ourselves. It may be up to us to pay attention to whether a relationship is reaffirming or leaves us feeling diminished. Ask yourself this question, am I getting what I need? Is there more that I can contribute? Should I give myself some space? Whats important about this relationship? How is it healthy for sustaining my being? We can either choose to sit dormant and waiting to feel replenished like seedlings in the desert waiting for some distant change, or we can sink our roots down, dig deep and delve into the gunk in order to find the resources hidden within that will fuel us and allow us to grow. There should always be space in any relationship for space for you to grow. You should always feel as if you have the encouragement and support to be yourself. You may not always get that, but in the right kind of environment you can create it. This may take cultivating the space around you to give you that sense of safety and rejuvenation that youd need. O ther times it means getting to know your relationship and your space. This may take developing an understanding of whats safe for you so that you can determine whether or not you are taking on more that you can handle or that youd need. Other times we must create that sense of safety for ourselves and in order to do so we must first learn to stop, breathe, identify and separate ourselves from any thoughts that may inhibit our ability to feel
safe or serene, feel them and understand them and their significance to our patterns of behavior before we can let them go. Seeing Patterns in ourselves can often seem like the most difficult or insignificant thing because we often are so focused upon so many other things that we never take the time to gain the perspective of what we must look like from the outside looking in. For those of us who take ourselves too seriously, this can sometimes be our only saving grace, because it teaches us to have the fortitude to sometimes laugh at ourselves. By being able to make a contradictory assessment and gain a sense of how we behave and how our own behavior contributes to our circumstance, we can begin to make the adjustments that we need to allow us to grow and sustain our ability to reach our aspirations.
Ash Caressing dust I feel it sifting slowly through my hands. Reminding me of who i am the essence of the land. Amazed it feels so softly fingers glide through it like air. A gift once offered now returned the memory still there. Longing for saturation thirsty, longing, parched fists clenched. To drink, absorb new life in to Feel, to BE thrive to feel Quenched. As I run my fingers Through the Soil across my Skin i MARVEL wondering what it took to shape form breathe life in -phiG Many people spend entire lifetimes struggling to get by or fighting to get ahead but never quite seem to make it. They can never seem to understand why they cannot break through the glass ceiling and be able to reach and achieve their dreams. Why is that? Is it because they are incapable, unworthy, or simply unintelligent to establish reachable goals? Or are they simply disconnected from reality that their dreams are impossible to reach that inhibits them from achieving their dreams? The reality is most of us have the tremendous capacity for growth and unlimited potential to learn. Unfortunately many people spend their time focused upon things that build up their projected self image or lost in their perceptions of circumstance; blaming people, waiting for some higher authority or giving in to
victimhood or entitlement that they squander their capacity to manifest greatness in their lives. This is because locking ones self into the identity of ones ego can often skew perception and blind us to all of the components of who we really are and all of the substance that it takes in order to make us whole. Stripping the ego becomes a challenge, because many assume that it takes some greatness or depth of character in order to achieve that kind of state of well being. They do not understand themselves or the nature of who they are and what they are made up of contribute to their own perceptions of being. A dying leaf upon a creosote bush may think of itself as many things. It may see itself as dying. It may see itself as a thing. It may see itself as grounded when the wind comes crashing down. It may see itself as fragile; when the thrushes pluck they frown. It may see itself as vibrant when it rustles through and through. It may see itself as placid in the bright silent afternoons. But all of these ways of thinking are based solely upon what he sees. He may identify with all these ways he feels, but he is so much more than just a leaf. He doesnt know it but he is a beacon; a palm that greets and hugs the sun. If it werent for him and others of his kind a whole world would be undone. Things could spiral then, rotten and decay. He could taint a pile of limbs. He could find himself wafted off, away as the golden skyline dims. Then this whole new world could drag him, swallow him. Hed lose his place sprung from the tree. But even though he finds that he is somewhere else, he would never cease to be. Floating in the breeze, and buried under brush, melting, folding into ash. Remnants left to feed, nurturer of seeds, or drained, then floating, stirring dance. By understanding our makeup; the attributes of who we are and how we think and our relationship to our world and ideas, we are much more able to understand how our patterns of behavior, both physical and psychological are only fragments of how we behave. These traits are simply tendencies and dont really define who we think we are. We are not our attitudes, our actions or our thoughts. We are instead a composite of a multitude of growing and evolving pieces that can be shaped, shifted and molded into whatever we choose to be. We are simply aware, or not. Tapping into the center and taking the time to get to develop a central understanding of what contributes to this awareness allows us to cultivate our whole sense of selves. By understanding how we pay attention as well as what we pay attention to we become something who notices and appreciates and rejects, but are not defined by any of these things unless we so choose. It is through the process of contemplative reflection that we are able to strip away all of the baggage of our assumed identities and reveal that still quiet peaceful place within, the source that rejuvenates and stirs us toward being and living with guided and conscientious intent. Understanding how to create this sense of self awareness allows us to really connect with others who have it as well. Often we tend to gravitate toward those with similar intentions and paths when we embark upon our paths when our intentions are to create the same environments. Like water trickling down the canyon walls, those who find themselves retreating down the same path or sharing the same process often find themselves in circles along some common ground. Eventually our journeys all lead to the same space, like a desert wash. It makes the path we travel down seem less lonely once we connect with a path that makes us feel more at home with ourselves and with those who have trodden down it before. Often, discovering others who are on the same path, through contemplative study, spirituality, meditation, or through contemplative artistic expression bridges a channel to a connection that is both special and sacred that makes us feel less alone.
Once weve begun to hone our abilities to be still and quietly reflect, we often find that we develop the ability to become more receptive in other areas of our lives as well and we may draw others in who are on the same path. Often we may find that those who share these values and methodology can create a bridge that allows you all to accelerate the growth process and builds a sense of a contemplative community as well. By being able to share insights and reflections, we may find that we are able to stimulate more prompts and opportunities to notice and delve. We learn not only about ourselves this way, but also learn how to more effectively tap into resources in the communities weve built. We learn to cultivate trust and we learn how to cultivate other skills that we need that we can take that will allow us to better function with the working world. Being Authentic "Let the beauty you love, be what you do." --Rumi There is a part of each and every one of us, at the very core, who feels inspired and stirred by things. This center allows us to connect with the memories and information that fuel our desires, ambitions and fears. It is the part of ourselves that we use to live through this center, this feeling of connectedness which we refer to as our authentic selves. The authentic self is the part of us that exists that is free from ego, free from fear, or desire or mental constraints that simply observes and intuitly feels what is needed to rejuvenate us and drive us to reflect the things we absorb that arouse us and inspire us to become the people we dream of being. Our authentic self is the part of us which fuels our passion, which gives us purpose and an excuse for being. For many of us, the systems and patterns of fear and baggage that we attach to project a particular persona or identity that feed our ego often stifle our natural inclination toward feeling joy and curiosity. We lose touch with our innate appreciation of life because we become so wrapped up in trying to figure out who we are and how to get to be doing what we want to be doing, we often forget how to dream. We become too wrapped up within a tiny fragment of our identity to get a fuller sense of who we are and what our capacity is to achieve and experience the things we truly enjoy. Through the process of contemplative reflection we become enabled to learn that with attention, patience and the willingness to gain awareness of our simplest, most genuine selves, we can reawaken our sense of wonder and gain a better, more effective understanding of more things. We can teach ourselves to notice and appreciate life. What stirs you? When was the last time that you were stricken with awe and silence at something that was so beautiful and fascinating that you felt like you had to express it or you would somehow spontaneously combust? What can you take from an experience to stimulate provocative thought, insights or appreciation? What kinds of things really affect you? Why? How do they resonate? When do you feel like your most authentic self or like some experience really makes you feel as if what you are doing or where you are was simply the perfect place, where you were supposed to be? When are you and what makes you your most authentic self, or would you ever even know? What have you done with it? What can you give with it? How will you find your way back? "Embrace fully your capacity to create, to think in unlimited ways, and to pursue everything that you have been wanting. Be flexible, open and willing to let the new come to you. "This can be the most joyous, prosperous, and creative time of your life." -- Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer
Works Cited (ST 09) Hamma, Robert. Landscapes of the Soul: A Spirituality of Place. Notre Dame, IN : Ave Maria Press, 1999. Herring, Laraine. Writing begins with the breath; embodying your authentic voice. Shambhala Publications , 2007. "Higher Awareness Daily Quotes." HigherAwareness.com 17 Feb 2009 <http://www.higherawareness.com>. Koller, Alice. The Stations of Solitude. New York: William Morrow. Kroll, Barry. 1992. Merton, Thomas. New Seeds of Contemplation. New York: New Directions Publishing Company, 1961. Tzu, Chuang. The Way of Chuang Tzu. Translated byThomas Merton. New York: New Directions Publishing Company, 1965.

Drinking in The Light (2009)

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Drinking in The Light (2009)

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Drinking in the light

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