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A Female part Mans 3

Guide Mind
The

Difference

Between Men
and

Women

TheDifferenceBetweenMen&Women
Vin:Allright,thissectionisaboutthedifferencebetween womenandmen.Andtoreallyanswerthisquestion,Im goingtointroduceBrianBurke,whoisnotonlyagood friend,andtrainer,butreallythesecretweaponbehindall

thisresearch.PandorasBoxisawayofunderstandingthe femalemindandtherereallyisntanotherprojectlikeit. Obviouslythereisadifferencebetweenhowmenthinkand howwomenthink,andtobeginwith,weregoingtotalk aboutthesedifferencesandexplorethem,andalsoexplore howitaffectsourapproachindealingwithwomen. Tostartout,whatImgoingtodoisintroducesome commonmisconceptions,justtogeteveryoneonthesame pagehere.AllrightBrian,soifyouwentuptoaguyonthe streetandyouaskedhimwhatsthedifferencebetween howwomenthinkandhowmenthink,mostguyswould justsaywomenaremoreemotionalmenarelogical.Is thatthebasicdifference?Andwhatdoyousaytoaguy likethat? Brian:Yes,sometimesthatisexactlywhatguysthink,womenare moreemotionalandlessrational.Injusthavingregular conversationswithmyfriendswhenImlikeofftheclock, notnecessarilyworking,andwejusttalkaboutwomen andstuff,theresaverycommonperceptionofwomenas

justbeingallovertheplace,youdcallitwillynilly,much ofthestufftheydodoesntmakeanysenseandthats absolutelywrong.Womenareextremelylogical.Duringthe thinkingprocesswomenfollowpatternsandtheyrejustas rationalasmenare.But,theyredifferentonabiological

level.Theyredifferentonaphysicallevel.Theyplaya differentroleinthematingprocess,andinthepeerbonding relationshipandthisdifferentrolehasforcedthemto evolveatdifferentsurvivalstrategy.Andthisisgoingallthe waybacktobeforewewerehomosapiens,anditsprimarily, thesourceofit,isthatweresexuallydimorphicmeaning thewomen,theirbodies,areverydifferentthanmen. Vin:Right. Brian:Obviouslywomenhavekidsandtheyaretheonesthat bearachildandallthatstuff.Theyrealsophysicallynotas strongasmentheyresmaller.Theresjustawholelistof physicaldifferencesthathaveforcedthemtohavedifferent psychologicalstrategiesforsurviving,formating,forfinding thebestmate.Anditsextremelylogicalitsjustaslogical asaman.Soitsimportanttonotgetstuckthinkingthat womenjustdontmakesense.Thatskindofacopoutand itsnotusefulanditsnotrealistic.

Vin:Right.Iagree,ofcourse.Itislogical.Menandwomen bothhavelogicitseverythingwedo.ButIthinkitsoften unclear,orhidden,whatthelogicisitsoftenfarbelowour consciousawareness.Butthereissomekindoflogicalways runningtohelpussurviveandperpetuatetherace.

Brian:Right,andifyouthinkaboutit,wewouldntbeatthetopof thefoodchain,wewouldntevenbealive,ourracewouldnt havesurvivedaslongasitdid,wewouldntevenstillbe hereifthethingswediddidntmakeanysense. Vin:Right. Brian:Nature,evolutionandwhateveryouwanttocallithasbeen shapingusforalong,longtime.Anditissubconscious,its instinctual,butwhenyoutakeacloserlooklikewedidfor thisproject,youstarttoseesomereallyinterestingthings comingtothesurface. Vin:Right.So,wedohavesomekindofdifferentsurvival strategy.Imeanobviouslystayalive,reproduce,eat,and notfreezetodeath,butonamorecomplexlevel,Iguess moresophisticatedlevel,wehaveadifferentsurvival strategy.Whatdoesitmeanexactlyandwhatisthemost strikingdifferencebetweenthemenssurvivalstrategy

andawomanssurvivalstrategyfromanemotionalpoint ofview? Brian:Well,whenwetalkaboutsurvival,weretalkingaboutnot justsurvivaloftheindividual,butsurvivaloftheoffspring, thegeneticsurvivalmakingsurethatthechildrenshehas

survive.Itsagenegameweretalkingaboutgenesbeing passeddown.Andinasenseyoucanevenseehumans likevesselsforgenes,anditsreallyallaboutthegenes gettingpasseddown.Formales,becauseweretalking aboutourentirehistory,Imeanprehuman.Formen, physicalstrengthhasalwaysbeenreallyimportantasfaras surviving.Forwomen,theyhaveadifferentrole,andthey cantrelyonphysicalstrength,onbrutestrength,theway thatmaleshistoricallyhave.Whatafemaledoestosurvive, sinceshecantrelyonbrutestrength,isyoucanalmost thinkofitasstrengthinnumberswhereherstrength comesfromtheassociationshehaswithothers,menand women.So,also,ifyouthinkaboutheroffspring,her childifshehasachild,sheneedsthatchildtosurviveand childrencantspeak,soshehastohavethisintuitivesense ofwhatthechildneeds.Andyoullseethiswithmoms whentheirbabyscrying,theykindofknowwhatswrong. Andwhatthismeansisthatwomenhavedevelopedavery highdegreeofempathy,whichmeanstheyunderstand howothersfeelbyfeelingthatwaythemselves.Andthisis fundamentaltobeingabletocreatestrongbonds,strong connectionsitsalmostlikemindreading.Ifyoucanfeel

howsomeoneelsefeels,youresteppingintotheirshoes. Andthisisextremelyimportantforcreatingstrongbonds, forcreatingrapport,afeelingofrapportwithanother person.Itsalsoveryimportantwhenyouhaveacrying babythatcantspeakandyouneedtoknowwhatswrong,

sothatyoucanattendtothatchildsneeds.Itsalso,ifyou thinkaboutit,itsalsoveryimportantasfarasfindingthe bestmalemate,theguywhosgoingtogiveyouthethings, asawoman,thethingsthatyoullneednotjustgoodgenes, butisthisguygoingtostickaroundafterhehassexwith youandputsababyinyou. Vin:Right. Brian:Andso,shesgoingtobekeyedintowhatsgoingoninside thatguy. Vin:Right. Brian:So,thishighdegreeofempathy,youcouldjustsayitsher wayofsurviving.Itsherwayofcoping. Vin:Right.Itsherlogicalmechanism.

Brian:Yes. Vin:Thosearethereasonswhyitisalogicalmechanism,isthatthis empathy,herabilitytosensewhatotherpeoplearefeelingand feelwhatotherpeoplearefeelingnotjustknowwhattheyre feeling,butactuallyfeelitherself,thatswhatallowsherto

makedecisionsthathelpherownsurvival.Aswell,likeyou saidinregardstothebaby,withtryingtodetermineifthisguys goingtostickaround.Andso,thatsobviouslysomethingwe noticeisifwereoutwithguys,alotoftimeswhenaguygoes totalktoagirl,thereasonwhyitdoesntworksometimesis becauseherdegreeofempathyshecansensewhatsgoingon insidehismindandifheshavingstrangethoughts,orifhes feelingalotoffear,notnecessarilyalittlebitofnervousness, butlikefearorhassomekindofhiddenresentment,orsome hiddenagenda,shecansensethatnomatterwhathessaying. Andso,thatsadifficultythatguyshaveisthattheydonthave theempathy.Sonotonlyarewomenusingtheirempathyto sensethisguysstateinsayingthisguysnogood,butalso,the guysarelackingempathybecausetheyrehavingdifficulty bringingtheirenergyleveluptoaplacethatmatchesthe womanthattheyregoingtotalkto. Brian:Right,andIcanmakethisreallyclearforguys,keep listening.ThisissomethingItellmystudentsrightoffthe batwhentheyallsitdownandprepareforthebootcamp. Ithinkmostguysareabletolookdownaboutacityblocks distanceandseeawomanwalkingtowardsthem.Andeven

ifsheswearingacoatorasweater,theycantellhowlarge herbreastsare,whatkindoffigureshehas,whethershes prettyornotfromalongwaysawayyoucantell. Vin:Yes. Brian:Thatswhereourattentioniscalibratedto,isherbody.

Becausewhatwewanttodo,toputitbluntly,isspread ourseedinthemostfertile,healthywomenwecan,so thattheyllhavehealthyoffspring.So,thatswhereour attentionhasevolvedtobe.Now,ifyouhavethat,theres thismyththatlikeguysareperceptiveoraware,theyre justkindoftheseguysdotingaround,justdumbright?But, wereextremelyperceptive.Werejustpayingattentionto differentthingslikethehiptowaistratio. Vin:Right. Brian:Now,ifyoucantellhowlargeawomansbreastsarefrom acityblockawaywhilesheswearingasweater,because youretunedintoherbody,womenaretunedintoyour character,yourpersonality,yourenergy,youremotions, andwhatsgoingoninsideyou.Soifyoucantellthat, ifyourethatperceptive,youbetterbelievethatwhen youreupcloseandpersonallookingawomanintheeye, shecantellwhatsgoingoninsideyouforaveryhigh degreeofaccuracy.

Vin:Right. Brian:Becausethatswhereherattentioniskeyedinto. Vin:ThatsreallygreatstuffBrian.Now,onethingthatIve observed,andImsureyouveseenthistoo,isthatpeople gettheiridentityfromdifferentthings,right?Soforaman,

hemightgethisidentifyfromhiscareer,howmuchmoney hemakes,howhedresses,whatkindofcarhedrives,things likethat.Howimportantisawomansidentity,andwhere doesshegetitfrom? Brian:Well,whenyoutalkabouttheguysjobandhismoney andhiscarandhowhedrives,Idefinitelyagreethat thoseareallveryimportanttotheaverageguysidentify. Andeventome,Iliketohavenicethingsandoneofthe appealsofhavingthisjobisthatthereissomestatus attachedtoitandmyegogetsalittleboostoutofthat, andthatswhatitreallyisallaboutwhatIjustsaid, status.Sowhenyouretalkingaboutaguyscar,hisjob, andallthat,whatsunderlyingallthosethingsisstatus. Andmenarewiredtopursuestatus,toelevatetheir status.Menaremoreaggressive,moreproactive,and moreconcernedwiththeirrank.

Andforwomen,theresthechaseforstatusisaverysolo adventure.Itsyourstatus,andifeveryoneelseistryingto raisetheirstatus,theyreessentiallyincompetitionwith everyoneelse,oratleasttosomekindofdegree. Vin:Right.

Brian:Forwomen,statusisntasimportantasinterconnection. Andso,itsnotjustasmenwegrowuplearningtochase status.Therearenumerousstudiesshowingthatboys naturallydothistheynaturallycompeteandhavea hardertimesharingthanthegirls,althoughfromage2 and3andup.Soitsnotthatthisidentityis,itislearned, butitsalsowerebornwithit,andwomenhaveevolved thishighdegreeofempathy,becauseinterconnectionis wheretheygettheirpowerandhowtheysurvive.Soas aman,havingthisdrivetopursuestatusandtoimprove yourrankandtocompete,youhavetounderstandthat underlyingdrivethatpermeatesprettymuchyourwhole life.Awomanhasthesamelevelofdrive,onlyitsnotfor status,itsforinterconnection.Andstemmingfromher biologyandfromherpsychology,thisthenbecomeshow sheidentifiesherself.Soawoman,herlevelofselfesteem isbasedonthenumberandqualityofconnectionsshe haswithotherpeople.Andonethingthatsinteresting, alltheresearchIdid,aninterestingthingthathappens whenwomengetcaughtupinthemansgameofpursuing