The Alternate Primarchs p6

= = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FORTY FIVE*** = = = = = = = = "This is the Volcano Cannon; designed to crack open spaceships and lay Titans to waste.
Bit useless on Daemons though ... number of times I !e shot at "orrors and seen them pass their In!ulnerable #a!es ... methinks something s up with the physics in this world ..." $ %rinceps Bob &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 I feel compelled to sum up what s happening here ... Garlock: "Soz ... youz finished?" Perturabo: #tands broken and bruised. "Yeah ... hin! "e#$e se %ed ou& diffe&en'es" Dorn: *eaning on his thunder hammer for support. "O() so you 'an ha$e he /isk4 #tar +ars 2dition dad *a$e +e) Co&a, "i%% %end you his 'o-y of Bioshock) .u I !ee- he /.o, ..." Perturabo: "A*&eed" Corax: *ying flat on the floor. "Sounds *ood ..." Dorn: "Ri*h ... sha%% "e 'on inue?" Corax: "Su&e ... I 'as 5ass Cure Critical +ounds3" & bright light appears) and when it fades our heroes stand unharmed3 Corax: .le0es muscles. "So&&y o !ee- you "ai in* 0&. 1a&%o'!" Garlock: .le0es muscles) which in turn fle0 their muscles. "2o "o&&iez ... I "oz 3us &eadin* da %a es 6aruto ..." Perturabo: "Oh *&ea ) a 2a&u a&d ..." Garlock "Youz *onna a!e ha .a'!) "hen I a!e youz on*ue4" Perturabo: "T&y i *&eenie44" Dorn: "2o" Pe& ) ha #s &a'is+. 5e#&e &yin* o !ee- hin*s -o%i i'a%%y 'o&&e' he&e) o he&"ise 6o&*a& "i%% 'o+e do"n on us "i h his .i* .oo!s of &e%i*ion) and hey a%"ays hu& " Perturabo: "A%% his +i%%ion $o%u+es? Tha #s enou*h !ine i' ene&*y o .e 'onside&ed a $a&ian of E, e&+ina us ..."
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Dorn: "Isn#
ha "ha -o"e&s he P%ane (i%%e&?"
Perturabo: "2o ha #s 3us Eze!y%e#s e*o. I #s %a&*e enou*h o '&a'! o-en -%ane s if h&o"n a suffi'ien fo&'e ..." Garlock: "7a soundz -ainfu% ..." Perturabo: "I#$e .een hi .y i on'e ... fi&s i+e I died ... and he se'ond i+e ... -ossi.%y he fou& een h ... +i*h .e he fif een h as I 'an# &e+e+.e& ho" I died hen ... 'ou%d ha$e .een d&un! a he i+e ..." Dorn: "You#$e died +u% i-%e i+es?" Perturabo: "I#+ a 7ae+on P&in'e8 i++o& a%i y 'o+es "i h he 3o.. E e&na% 5a&&io& s-e'ia% &u%e &e+e+.e&?" Corax: "I hou*h ha "as 3us i++uni y o Ins an 7ea h?"
Perturabo: "The&e#s &o%e-%ayin* .enefi s as "e%% ..." Corax: "I see ... "e%% 7o&n and I +a!e do "i h he a+.i*ui y o$e& ou offi'ia% 'anon s a us of +o& a%i y" Dorn: "6a es f%uff9" 5eow3 "9doesn# +en ion us dyin* of o%d a*e any+o&e ..." Perturabo: "If I &e+e+.e& 'o&&e' %y %a es f%uff9" 5eow3 "9doesn# &ea%%y +en ion what ha--ened o you) 3us a %a'! of a hand and Co&a, .u**e&in* off .e'ause he *o a%% e+o o$e& he s a e of his Cha- e&" Corax: "I did no *e e+o ... I 3us 'ou%dn# affo&d he Ad0e'h u-!ee- fee" Perturabo: "5ha ?" Corax: "E$e& "onde& "hy he Ra$en 1ua&d don# ha$e +any $ehi'%es? 5e o"e he Ad0e'h so +u'h in .a'! -ay+en s fo& Vehi'%e %i'enses ..." Perturabo: "Vehi'%e %i'enses?" Dorn: "Anyone "ho uses $ehi'%es ha$e o -ay he Ad0e'h. Su--osed%y i *oes o"a&ds he O+nissiah Founda ion Fo& :%ind 7eaf and 7u+. (ids) .u a%% of us !no" i &ea%%y *oes o"a&ds he Fa.&i'a o& 1ene&a% of 0a&s# ne, s-eed.oa ..." Corax: "The Ra$en 1ua&d ;nde&*&ound :un*ee <u+-in* So'ie y a%+os 'o$e&s ou& e,is in* e=ui-+en ..." Perturabo: ":u ... "he&e does he use he s-eed.oa 9 nei he& 0a&s o& Te&&a ha$e o'eans ... ?" Corax: "A--a&en %y he&e#s a hu*e unde&*&ound o'ean .enea h he 2o' is 6a.y&in his ... "hi'h is a--a&en %y "hy i "as shu off" Perturabo: "And no .e'ause he Void 7&a*on s%ee-s he&e?" Corax: "Tha oo 9 i #s &u+ou&ed he has a .ea'h hu on he sho&e "i h his o"n 'ad&e of dan'in* hoo%a *i&% 2e'&ons ..." Perturabo: "... +y +ind &efuses o -i' u&e ha ..."
Dorn: "0i*h .e fo& he .es ..." Garlock: Clears throught. Dorn: "6oo! a us .a..%in* on4 The&e#s -"na*e o dish ou 4" Grotmina: "A%&eady de% "i h +as e&s ... 1&o +ina has +ade -"na*e" "e holds up a plate of strange green stuff. "0ade f&o+ P"ns=ui*s ..." Dorn: "... no" ha #s 3us s u-id ..." Garlock: "A*&eed 9 fi*h na") ea %a e&4" Perturabo: "Cou%d a*&ee +o&e4" *eaps forward) brining his Daemon weapon down upon 1arlock s head. The 7rk stands still for a moment) then casually flicks %erturabo away. Dorn: "7id he 3us ...?" Corax: "6oo!s %i!e i " Dorn: "Ho"?4?" Corax: "An O&! 5a&.oss s &an*%ed dad &e+e+.e&?" Dorn: "So ... hey 3us pretend o .e on%y S &en* h >??" Garlock: "1i$es you #u++ies a 'han'e4 5e %i!ez a fai& fi*h 4 0o&e fun "hen "e "in ..." "e grins. "And O&!z alwayz "in4" Dorn: "5e#%% see" #wings hammer around and impacts the dusty floor of the arena. "0E1ATO2 HA00ER SHOT4" Corax: "So+eone#s .een -%ayin* so+e 8elda ..." The ground cracks) and huge pillars of fire erupt from below engulfing e!eryone. In true o!er$powered *imit Break fashion the %rimarchs are unharmed while 1arlock screams in pain. Garlock: "A5ESO0E4 7IS IS 5HAT I 6OO( FOR4 PO5ER4" "e scatters teeth from his hand around him. Garlock: "1REE2 S;00O2 9 FIST OF 0OR(444" & giant fist comes down and repeatedly punches Dorn into the ground. Corax: "5I21S OF THE IRATE RAVE24" & black shadow en!elops Cora0) and thousands of /a!ens fly outwards screaming into 1arlock. Beak after beak tear through him) until the /a!ens disappear. Garlock: "FI2A66Y SO0E 7ECE2T ACTIO244 1REE2 S;00O2 9 S2OT OF 1OR(44" 1reen slime is snee9ed from the sky onto Cora0) who falls to the ground under the weight of the mucus.
Corax: "Oh his is 3us revolting!" Perturabo: "Ti+e o finish his 9 PE2 OF 0C2EI644" & great pen descends from the sky) accompanied by large sheets of paper. & great !oice booms from the hea!ens3 Graham McNeil: "I&on 5a&&io&s fo& he "in4" %erturabo is engulfed in the flames of .&6B7:I#5) as the &/57;/ 7. &;T"7/ .&V7;/TI#5 surrounds him) his Daemon weapon glows with the %7+2/ 7. &;T"7/ %/2<;DIC23 Perturabo: %ower streaming off of him. "6e s &o'!" The two powerful beings charge each other) and meet in a cataclysmic clash of &+2#75262## that I cannot =ustify with mere words. #uffice to say) it was 2%IC33 +e therefore ha!e to skip ahead to the part that can be ade>uately described with the 2nglish language; the aftermath. Garlock: Bleeding >uite badly) with most of the bones in his body broken. "Youz "e&e *ood ... da (ey is in +a '%a". Ta!e i ... i z you&z" "e holds out his power claw) and a small hatch in the side opens to re!eal the ?ey of "ope3 Perturabo: "7a+n I#+ a"eso+e ..." ======== 5eanwhile) *eman /uss approaches a solemn 5agnus within the depths of .errus flagship) the %?? H@/AR ... u!!: "Ho" you ho%din* u- %addie?" 5agnus stares down at the body of .red) held in stasis within the ... erm ... stasis machine. Magnu!: "Yeah ..." u!!: "Fe&&us found he (ey of 7es-ai&) "e#&e .&in*in* i a.oa&d no". As soon as e$e&yone#s .a'! "e#&e headin* o he 1a es of Va&% o &endez$ous "i h (han) (on&ad) and An*&on" Magnu!: "The 7es-ai& (ey ... ho" a--&o-&ia e ..." u!!: "Hey %addie ... I#+ so&&y F&ed "as s uffed in he f&id*e ... i #s a -oo& 'ha&a' e& +o i$a ion P%o 7e$i'e ..." Indeed. 6ame any superhero; chances are they !e had a girlfriend who was killed@brutally wounded@or similar in the name of spurring him into action for the story s sake. #ee http4@@www.unheardtaunts.com@wir@ for more e0cellent e0amples of why it s a bad idea to be a woman in superhero stories. &nyway 'and now that you know .red isn't being stuffed in the fridge( ... Magnu!: "She 'an# die ..." u!!: "6addie ... if "e a!e he& ou of s asis she dies ... she#s no *oin* o -u%% a Ro.
and *e .e e& in a -%a'e "he&e i+e doesn# e,is ... " Magnu!: "The&e has o .e a "ay4" u!!: "5ha 'an you do?" Magnu!: "0e? I don# ha$e ha -o"e& ... no undead zo+.ies a&e 0o& #s do+ain ..." o &es o&e he& o ho" she "as o&i*ina%%y ...
u!!: "I#+ so&&y" "is comm$link beeps. "Fe&&us is .a'! "i h ou& (ey. 5e#&e headin* ou in fif een +inu es" "e lays a hand on 5agnus shoulder) and begins to speak but then changes his mind. "e walks out the room in silence. ": "So sad ... so +u'h -o en ia% ..." Magnu!: "5ho#s he&e4" ": "A f&iend ... "ho 'an he%- you ..." Magnu!: "Ho"?" ": "7o you "an o hea& F&ed#s $oi'e a*ain?"
Magnu!: "Yes) +o&e han any hin*44" ": "Then a!e he& o he Sh&ine on ;%*a&na h IV ... he&e s-ea! +y na+e ... and I "i%% sa$e you& -&e'ious F&ed ..." Magnu!: "5ha is you& na+e?" ": "0a%a% ..." ========
Mortarion: "Hey 6%a+y ... you say so+e hin*?" #lama: "H++?" Mortarion: "You !no" a%!in* o you&se%f is he fi&s si*n of +adness ..." .ulgrim and #anguinius chuckle to themsel!es as they sit around the badly$made map of the museum formed from anything they could find in the apartment. I ll let your imagination fill in the blanks here ... #lama: "0y a-o%o*ies ... ho" *oes he =ues o find he so%u ion o he inne& "a&d?"
&s the %rimarchs resume their planning) the *lama closes his eyes and smiles to himself.
$%D& $'( ) * '+& M%#D $',M-#& (. '+& &#D/ 0 P/ ' %

= = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FORTY SI/*** = = = = = = = = ":ou see thisA This is a "ugo$<ones$%attern Vorte0 1renade. This is a I Don t Care +hat #a!e 7r #pecial /ule :ou "a!e) :ou re Dead . This is a sure$fire way of getting rid of your e0$wife. This is a B--C efficient method of keeping the kids >uiet. There is nothing my Vorte0 1renade cannot do ... e0cept maybe cool beer ..." $ /andom 1uardsman &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their
Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 D20position goes here ...E +oru!: "I+-&essi$e4 You &a$e&sed he +u% i$e&se in %ess i+e han i a!es +e o &e+ind +yse%f ho" awe!ome I a+ and &efo&*ed and an'ien s"o&d o "o&!in* Bnd edi ion s a us4" #ion: "e swings the *ion #word. "H++ ... dou.%e a a'!s) 7C "ounds) no a&+ou& sa$es ..." & second swing) slightly to the left this time. "DB s &en* h ..." & third swing. "2o ... DE ..." #orgar: "So i #s 3ui'y?" #ion: "E,'eedin*%y" 1aul: "A -%easu&e o he%- an o%d f&iend ou ... o& &a he& a f&iend of an o%d f&iend" +oru!: "e gestures to *orgar and Vaul. "Ho" do you "o !no" ea'h o he& any"ay?" 1aul: "A %on* s o&y ..." +oru!: "5e%% "e 'ou%d do "i h a f%ash.a'! o ho%d u- he s o&y "hi%e "e find he Fina% (ey" 1aul: "A snea!y and das a&d%y -%an ... I a--&o$e4 Ve&y "e%%) if you#&e si in* 'o+fo& a.%y ..." Blurry mists of time part ... THE EYE OF TERROR - TEN YEARS AFTER THE HERESY, ABOUT TEA T !E & young 'or rather) younger( *orgar sits at a table co!ered in books looking miserable. & Daemonically$gifted Chaplain stands before him. &rebu!: "Chee& u- +y %o&d) i 'ou%d ha$e .een "o&se ..." #orgar: "And ho" in fa' 'ou%d i ha$e .een "o&se?" &rebu!: "The '&i i's 'ou%d ha$e actually '&u'ified you ... and no 3us "i h hei& &e$ie"s ..." #orgar: "I s-en en yea&s "&i in* ha .oo!) &esea&'hin* he e$en s %eadin* o ou& defea a Te&&a ... and "ha do hey say? #2o enou*h a' ion#) # oo +u'h -hi%oso-hy#) #no "&i en .y 7an A.ne # ... .%oody '&i i's ... "ha do hey !no"?4?4" &rebu!: "You "ou%d hin! a fai& a+oun ..." "e notices the look on *orgar s face. ":u of 'ou&se I +ean no hin* ... no hin* a a%%444" #orgar: "Indeed. 0y *enius4 And hey '&i i'ise i 4 I fee% he -ain e$e&y au ho& d&eads 9 he -ain of !no"in* he&e a&e -eo-%e ou he&e "ho#s 3o. i su--osed%y is o unde&s and
and -&aise you& "o&! "ho see no hin* of you& *enius and h&o" hu& fu% "o&ds in you& di&e' ion4 0y +as e&-ie'e is defi%ed4 0y 'hi%d is &a-ed and *i$en o +e on a .&onze -%a e "i h a no e a a'hed sayin* #7O 2OT 5A2T#4 The hu+i%ia ion4 The sha+e4 The burning de!ire 2or vengeance!" &rebu!: "5ha #s you& -%an) +y %o&d?" #orgar: "I sha%% "&i e a -ie'e of %i e&a u&e so undenia.%y fi%%ed "i h su'h "o&ds of awe!ome ha hey "i%% ha$e no 'hoi'e .u o sin* +y -&aises and 'o+e '&a"%in* .efo&e +e .e**in* fo& +y +e&'y4 5hi'h I "on# *i$e ... of 'ou&se ..." &rebu!: "So ... "&i e ano he& .oo! hen?" #orgar: "5e%% I#+ *e in* -aid fo& i ... +i*h as "e%% ..." &rebu!: "A shinin* dis-%ay of you& o$e&-o"e&in* in e%%e' ) +y %o&d" #orgar: "7on# hin! I 'an# sense sa&'as+ "hen i #s h&o"n a +e) E&e.us. You don# e,a' %y ha$e he +os su. %e of 'ha&a' e&" &rebu!: "I #s he -e&+anen e$i% *&in -%as e&ed on +y fa'e isn# i ? Ho&us a%"ays said he on%y %e +e &i'! hi+ .e'ause he fe% so&&y fo& +y one9di+ensiona% -e&sona%i y" #orgar: "Indeed. 2o" es'a-e +y si*h and *o -%o e$i% deeds so+e"he&e e%se4 I need o see! ins-i&a ion fo& +y ne, .oo!4" "aul# "&nd so he sought high and low) across the editions for that topic with which to reclaim his past glory as a 6ew :ork Times best$seller ... he tra!elled the length and breadth of the gala0y) from the "alo stars to the #>uat "omeworlds) to the 2ye of Terror to the ;ltramar Cluster) and finally ... he arri!ed at the Craftworld of Biel$Tan ..." *orgar stands before the gates of Biel$Tan ... well I say gates ... it s more large airlock ... #orgar: "E&+ ... is he&e a doo&.e%% so+e"he&e I 'ou%d &in* ... ?" & !oice calls down from the spires ... 1oice: ":u**e& off4 5e don# "e%'o+e Chaos sy+-a hise&s he&e4" #orgar: "I#+ no a .%oody Chaos sy+-a hise&4" *ooks at the eight$pointed star plastered all o!er his armour. "5e%% ... O( I see you& -oin . 6oo! I#+ a 3ou&na%is ... I#+ he&e fo& an in e&$ie" "i h E%d&ad ;% h&an4" 1oice: "... ha #s ,lthwe you &e a&d4" #orgar: "Oh ... so&&y" ======== +oru!: "7id you a' ua%%y &a$e% o :ie%9Tan .y +is a!e?" #orgar: "5ha 'an I say? I "as youn* and s u-id ... any"ay) 'u e$en ua%%y sho" u- a ;% h"e" 1aul: "Af e& Sai+9Hann and Iyanden?"
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o he .i "he&e I
#orgar: "Yeah ... s!i- hose -a& s" ======== *orgar stands before the gates of ;lthwe ... #orgar: "6oo! ... is his .%oody ;% h"e? #'ause he %as %o said he -&e$ious '&af "o&%d "as ;% h"e and ha u&ned ou o .e A%ai o' ... a&e you %o doin* his de%i.e&a e%y?" & !oice calls down from the spires ... 1oice: "I a+uses us ... hey "e don# *e ou +u'h so "e a!e "ha en e& ain+en "e 'an find ..." #orgar: "Oh ... *%ad I 'an .e of en e& ain+en ..." 1oice: "Sa&'as+ "i%% *e you no"he&e ... es-e'ia%%y if you "an #orgar: "So&&y ..." 1oice: "A%% &i*h ... 'o+e inside) .u !ee- you& di& y Chaos 'o&&u- ion o you&se%f4 5e %i!e ou& %ifes y%e &i*id and un'o+-&o+isin* ..." #orgar: "5o" you *uys &ea%%y a&e a "ho%e .und%e of fun ..." +alking through the gates) *orgar enters the craftworld proper ... #orgar: "5o" ... i #s %i!e <es 1ood"in $o+i ed o$e& 2e" Yo&! ..." &ldrad ,lthran: "I#%% a!e ha as a 'o+-%i+en . You +us .e he A&'h E$i% P&ea'he& Of Co&&u- ion 6o&*a& ..." #orgar: "E& ... I#$e .een 'a%%ed ha .efo&e. You +us .e E%d&ad?" &ldrad: "Tha I a+. I "ou%d sha!e you& hand ... .u Chaos is a--a&en %y 'on a*ious ... a %eas a''o&din* o he #;ni$e&se of @A( as a''o&din* o 7an A.ne # ... and as I#+ &yin* o *e hi+ o fea u&e +e in +o&e He&esy .oo!s I 'an# &ea%%y o.3e' o his %o*i' ... so ... you "an ed o in e&$ie" +e?" #orgar: "I#+ %oo!in* o "&i e a -ie'e on he Fa%% of he E%da& and he Rise of S%aanesh9" 2!ery 2ldar around winces in pain. #orgar: "5as i so+e hin* I said?" &ldrad: "<us he na+e of he 1&ea Ene+y ... no hin* i+-o& an ..." o see E%d&ad ..."
#orgar: "Oh ... so&&y" &ldrad: "I #s fine ... I don# e,-e' an un'ou h indi$idua% su'h as you&se%f o unde&s and ... "e%% +ay.e if I say #ectitio Divinitatu!!" *orgar winces. #orgar: "Tha &e%i*ion is !o .ad%y done. The .asi' ene s %a'! -&o-e& -assion and he
-&aye&s .&u a%ise .asi' Hi*h 1o hi' *&a++a& ..." &ldrad: "Then you fee% ou& -ain ... S%aanesh9" "e winces "9as an e,a+-%e of he E%da& s a e of +ind is an e+.a&&ass+en ... she s-ends a%% he& i+e .uyin* shoes and "a 'hin* -o&n ... se&ious%y ... "ha #s ha fo& an e,a+-%e of ou& s-e'ies?" #orgar: "Hi*h%y e+.a&&assin*?" &ldrad: "Indeed ...%u'!i%y "e#&e "o&!in* on a ne" dei y ... Ynnead ... 1od of Sunday Af e&noons ..." #orgar: "Sounds dead ..." &ldrad: "Tha #s he -oin . You do) of 'ou&se) &ea%ise ha .y a%%o"in* you a''ess o he de ai%s of ou& Fa%% "e a&e -%a'in* *&ea &us in you?" #orgar: "I assu&e you I ha$e no desi&e o .e '%i'he and .e &ay you) e$en hou*h 'o++on 15 f%uff9" 527+3 "$damn ha #s *e in* annoyin* 9 s anda&d -&a' i'e is o de-i' +e and +y sons as .a'!9s a..in* un &us "o& hy ... "e%% ... Chaos S-a'e 0a&ines ..." &ldrad: "And "e#&e su--osed o .e a&&o*an ... O( +ay.e ha has an e%e+en of &u h in i ..." #orgar: "And I 'an .e a %i %e .a'!s a..y ..." They pause for a moment ... &ldrad: "Any"ay ... his "ay o ou& a&'hi$es ... I "an a sha&e of he -&ofi s .y he "ay ..." #orgar: "> -e& 'en " &ldrad: "C) "e don# %i!e he nu+.e& >" #orgar: "I no i'ed "hen I %oo!ed a you& "ea-on -&ofi%es ... O( fai& enou*h" "aul# "&nd so *orgar was led deep into the 2ldar archi!es) where 2ldrad showed him the ancient records of old depicting the .all of the 2ldar ..." ======== +oru!: "Isn# ha so& of s uff su--osed o .e in he :%a'! 6i.&a&y?"
1aul: "2ah ... hey on%y ha$e he 'o+i' .oo! and fan asy no$e% se' ions hese days ..." #ion: "So "he&e do you fi in o his?" #orgar: "I s ayed he&e fo& se$e&a% yea&s &eadin* h&ou*h .asi' -&i+a&y s'hoo% edu'a ion .oo!s .efo&e E%d&ad &us ed +e enou*h o sho" +e he &ea% "o&!s ..." ======== 2ldrad leads *orgar down a narrow spiral staircase. &ldrad: "A-o%o*ies fo& he s ai&s 9 he %if #s ou of o&de&"
#orgar: "Tha #s O() I 'ou%d do "i h he e,e&'ise ..." &ldrad: "Ah ... he&e "e a&e ..." #orgar: "5ha #s his?" &ldrad: "Fi&s hand a''oun s) 6o&*a& +ay I in &odu'e you o Vau%) he S+i h91od" Vaul stands up from the comfy sofa) putting down the DI: book entitled ?illing C tan .or Dummies ) and e0tends a wraithbone hand towards *orgar. 1aul: "Ah ... one of he Co&-se91od#s 'hi%d&en ... a -%easu&e o +ee you. P%ease a!e a sea ... I hea& you "ish o !no" he &u h of he Fa%%? 5e%% ... i is a da&! s o&y ... .u one ha +us .e o%d ..." ======== 1aul: "Ha$e you *uys *o any sna'!s? I#+ hun*&y fo& so+e i'e9'&ea+ ..."
$%D& $'( ) * '+& M%#D $',M-#& (. '+& &#D/ 0 P/ ' %%

= = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FORTY SEVE2*** = = = = = = = = "I choose you3 Barking Toad3" $ %okemon) the Catachan :ears &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 To continue our short side$story ... +oru!: "So you .asi'a%%y o%d hi+ a%% a.ou 1aul: "2o a fi&s . I "an ed o *e and &ue" he Fa%%?"
o !no" his P&i+a&'h) ensu&e ha his =ues "as 3us
#ion: "He "as) and s i%% is) a Chao! S-a'e 0a&ine. 5ha "e&e you e,-e' in*?" #orgar: "Tha #s 3us s e&eo y-in* E%#3onson" #ion: "5ha e$e&. If anyone needs +e I#%% .e in he sho"e& "ashin* +y effe+ina e %on* "hi e hai& ..." The *ion lea!es ... and so does the 7minous *atin Chanting ... +oru!: "1i&%y9.oy#s *one o ha&ass f%o"e& se%%e&s and h&o" +a e&ia .a%%s a -eo-%e. You +ay 'on inue Vau% ..." 1aul: "5he&e "as I ... ?"
======== "aul# "#o *orgar and I talked for se!eral weeks about inconse>uential matters) such as who had the largest breasts out of all the #isters of #ilence) and whether "orus really did declare *et the 1ala0y Burn3 when assaulting =ust a single planet in a !ain attempt at a continuity nod to 29ekyle in years to come ..." Horus# "+hatA I said it first3 29ekyle s copying me$" "aul# "That s the problem when the franchise goes %a&'(ar)s ... anyway ... e!entually *orgar asked the pi!otal >uestion ..." #orgar: "So "ha #s "i h he "&ai h.one .ody?" 1aul: "A%as ... a s+a%% a''iden ..." #orgar: "The Fa%%?" 1aul: "I #s &e%a ed ... I su--ose he i+e has 'o+e fo& he s o&y you#$e "ai ed -a ien %y fo& ..." #orgar: /etrie!ing his pens and scrolls. "e switches se!eral ser!itors to record mode. "Ready ... *o ahead ..." 1aul: #ettling back in his chair. "I "as a %on* i+e a*o ha Chaos fi&s "his-e&ed in o E%da& hea& s ... du&in* he i+e of he 5AR I2 HEAVE24" #orgar: "5ha #s "i h he a%%9'a-i a%s?" 1aul: "To ensu&e ha -eo-%e don# hin! i "as 3us an ea&%ie& $e&sion of he Ho&us He&esy. Tha %i %e s'&a- .e "een you P&i+a&'hs "as a s+a%% in'iden 'o+-a&ed o his. The *a%a,ies '&u+.%ed) and he hea$ens he+se%$es "e&e +o$ed .y he $as ene&*ies &e%eased4 This "as a "a& .e "een 1ods) no .io*ene i'a%%y en*inee&ed su-e&hu+ans. This diffe&en'e +us .e e+-hasised ..." #orgar: "O( ... so ... he 5AR I2 HEAVE2 ... "ha a.ou i ?" 1aul: "I "as "he&e i a%% .e*an ... Chaos ha is. Oh don# *e +e "&on* he E+-y&ean e,is ed .efo&e his) .u i "as a 'a%+ and &an=ui% -%a'e ..." Ha*y mists re+eal t,e -arp, a%out ./ million years a0o ... Two warp$fish swim in the !ast oceans of the 2mpyrean. 3arp*.i!h 4: "Hey Ha&&y4 Ho"#s i *oin*?" 3arp*.i!h 5: "2o .ad 6a&&y. Ho"#s he "ife?" 3arp*.i!h 4: "S-a"nin*" 3arp*.i!h 5: "Con*&a u%a ions o%d 'ha-4 5ha #s hei& na+es?" 3arp*.i!h 4: "0a%%y "an ed (a%%y) Sa%%y) and Ha%%y) .u I -u +y foo do"n and said #5e#&e s i'!in* "i h (ho&ne) 2u&*%e and Tzeen 'h4#" 3arp*.i!h 5: "Ho"#d she a!e ha ?"
3arp*.i!h 4: "5e#&e di$o&'in* ..." -e return to t,e pre+ious flas,%a&' 1)o 'eep up ,ere2 ... 1aul: "So -ea'efu% ... unfo& una e%y ha did no %as . The $as -sy'hi' ene&*ies *i$en off .y he 'hi%d&en of he O%d Ones e$en ua%%y &ef%e' ed in he *&ea -oo% of e+o ion ha is he E+-y&ean) and i "as fo&e$e& 'han*ed ..." -e return to t,at ot,er flas,%a&' ... t,e ol)er one ... 3arp*.i!h 5: "Hey 6a&&y4 Ho"#s he di$o&'e?" 3arp*.i!h 4: "Finished Ha&&y" 3arp*.i!h 5: "5ha ha--ened?" 3arp*.i!h 4: "I a e he&. (ids a&e +ine. Ha&&y8 +ee (ho&ne) 2u&*%e and Tzeen 'h" 6horne: "H++ ... food" Nurgle: "FOO74" 'zeentch: "S;SHI4 2EE7 SO0E CHOPSTIC(S4" 3arp*.i!h 5: "2oo4 1e he+ a"ay f&o+ +e44"
S'ippin0 %a&' a0ain 1tol) you t,is (oul) 0et &onfusin02 ... 1aul: "And so he 1ods of Chaos "e&e .o&n) and he Ens%a$e& -%a*ue des'ended u-on he *a%a,y ..." #orgar: "5ai ... so he 1ods sen he Ens%a$e& -%a*ue?"
1aul: "2o he Ens%a$e&s 3us 'a+e o ou& *a%a,y .e'ause he Chaos 1ods -u he &en uon 5a&-9&e ai% es a e) and he Ens%a$e&s) .ein* he ho.os hey a&e) 'ou%dn# affo&d i . So hey 'a+e he&e ... and a e e$e&yone" #orgar: "Tha #s "hen he C# an and he 2e'&ons "en in o hi.e&na ion ... &i*h ?" 1aul: "Indeed) .u ha #s no i+-o& an . 5ha is 9 he .i& h of he Chaos 1ods. Of 'ou&se he&e "as one s i%% o a--ea& ..." #orgar: "S%aanesh ... OH STOP 5I2CI21 ;P THERE I CA2 STI66 HEAR IT4" 1aul: "Fo&*i$e he E%da&) .u hey dese&$e o fee% e+.a&&assed a.ou S%aanesh ... OH 0E97A02 IT) THAT IS A22OYI214 Any"ay .... he 5AR I2 HEAVE2 'on inued o e'ho fo& +i%%ions of yea&s9" #orgar: "Yeah) ha #s a *ood =ues ion 9 "ha were you doin* fo& a%% ha 1aul: "E&+ ... he 1&ea Fues ..." #orgar: "The 1&ea Fues ? 5ha "as ha ?" 1aul: #huffles uncomfortably. "So+eone in he dis an -as su**es ed i "ou%d .e i+-ossi.%e o ... e&+ ... "a 'h a%% he -o&n on he In e&ne ... so he E%da&) in hei& infini e
i+e?"
a&&o*an'e) se a.ou
o -&o$e he+ "&on* ..."
#orgar: "Tha "as he 1&ea Fues ? Tha #s "ha #s !e- you *uys o''u-ied fo& +i%%ions of yea&s?" 1aul: "5e%% i "as a %o of -o&n ... and ha #s "ha +ade S%aanesh9" The 2ldar wince. "9 fo& "hen "e finished) she "as .o&n" #orgar: "5he&e you a' ua%%y ... fo& he en i&e ... ?" 1aul: "Oh hea$ens no ... i *o du%% af e& a +on h ... hen edious af e& a yea& ... hen +ind9nu+.in*%y boring af e& a de'ade ... han!fu%%y he E%da& "e&en# i++o& a% and died e$en ua%%y) %ea$in* hei& des'endan s o 'on inue on "i h he o& u&e in he na+e of hei& s-e'ies# honou& ... i #s 3us ha "hen hey did die) hei& sou%s 'on ained no hin* .u +e+o&ies of .ad a' in*) a &o'ious dia%o*ue) and +o&e si%i'on han he a$e&a*e si%i'on9 .ased %ife fo&+ ..." #orgar: "And a%% hese sou%s e$en ua%%y +e&*ed) o '&ea e a .ein* en i&e%y '&ea ed ou of -o&no*&a-hy ..." 1aul: "E,a' %y. 5hen he 'o%%a ion of sou%s &ea'hed '&i i'a% +ass 9 S%aanesh "as .o&n ..." #orgar: "And su--osed%y a e he E%da& E+-i&e and +os of i s -an heon of *ods ... .u I#+ *uessin* ha #s no en i&e%y a''u&a e?" 1aul: "Tha #s "ha he E%da& "ou%d %i!e you o .e%ie$e ... &u h is a fi&s +e and +y !ind "e&e !een on his ne" dei y ... a %eas us *uys "e&e. The *i&%s "e&en# oo su&e) .u "hen she s%e- "i h 0o&ai) "ho as you +i*h *uess "as ne$e& ha -o-u%a& "i h he *uys) hey u&ned hei& a i ude a&ound" #orgar: "5ai ... you a%% s%e- "i h he&?" 1aul: "#S%ee- "i h# is a %i %e of a +is%eadin* e&+ he&e ... "e#&e *ian s"i&%in* $o& i'es of ene&*y in he 5a&-8 "hen "e ha$e se, i isn# he +os e,'i in* hin* in he "o&%d o "a 'h. 6i!e hu&&i'anes +e&*in* fo& a +o+en ) and he&e#s no 'i*a&e e af e&"a&ds ..." #orgar: "I su--ose I &ea%%y "an ed o !no" ha ..." 1aul: "You o%d +e a%% he de ai%s) so I#+ *i$in* you a%% he de ai%s. Poin is) S%aanesh "as -o-u%a& "i h us E%da& 1ods. A %eas un i% he& as es .e'a+e a %i %e ... "i%d ..." #orgar: "5i%d?" 1aul: "6e s 3us say she "as ad$en u&is+ ... he&e "asn# any hin* she "ou%dn# &y ... and "hen she s a& ed e,-e&i+en in* "i h &u..e& du'!s "e !ne" so+eone needed o ha$e "o&ds ... unfo& una e%y she didn# a!e i oo "e%% ..." #orgar: "She a e +os of you?" 1aul: "Oh no ... as I#$e said ha ne$e& ha--en. Tha #s 3us %ies and -&o-a*anda he E%da& h&o" ou o hide he &u h ... no he &u h "as S%aanesh *o u-se ) '%ai+ed "e didn# unde&s and he&) ha she "as s i%% see!in* he& -%a'e in he "o&%d) so "e *&ounded he&" #orgar: "You grounded he&?" 1aul: "Sen he& o he& &oo+) .anned he& f&o+ ha 2oise 0a&ine 'on'e& she "an ed o
*o o ... hen she snea!ed ou he& "indo" "hen "e "e&en# !ee-in* an eye on he& and &an off o ha '&o"d she so+e i+es hun* a&ound "i h) and I .%a+e them fo& *i$in* he& .ad ideas ..." #orgar: "I#+ *uessin* "e#&e a%!in* a.ou he o he& h&ee he&e?"
1aul: "Oh yes) ha .and of &e.e%s. Thin!in* hey#&e 'oo% and a%% ha ... (ho&ne "i h his %ea he& and .i!e) 2u&*%e and ha &idi'u%ous hai&'u ) *%asses) and *ene&a% +o-y a i ude) and Tzeen 'h ... hea$en !no"s "ha Tzeen 'h "as a!in* .u i 'ou%dn# ha$e .een he sof s uff ... so S%aanesh &an off "i h he+) and ha "as he %as "e sa" of he& ... un i% she 'a+e .a'! he ne, day and de+anded he& -o&n 'o%%e' ion o sho" o he *uys ..." #orgar: "5ha a.ou he E%da& E+-i&e? Isn# he Eye of Te&&o& ... ?"
1aul: "Oh ha #s "ha ha--ens "hen you 'o+.ine "a&-9+in s "i h 'o%a ... &y and a$oid ha ) .y he "ay ..." #orgar: "Oh ... su&e ... han!s. 5as ha ho" you#$e *o you& .ody?" 1aul: "The "&ai h.one? Yeah ... I "as sho"in* off o 6i%ea h a a -a& y ... hou*h i "ou%d .e 'oo% ... "i-ed ou he E+-i&e ... +y .ad ..." #orgar: "These hin*s ha--en I su--ose. A&e he o he& *ods a%!in* o you?" 1aul: "6i%ea h sends +e .i& hday 'a&ds) .u he o he&s a&en# a%!in* o +e ... e,'e(haine ... "ho &in*s +e u- e$e&y day o &e+ind +e ho" +u'h I su'! ... 3e&!" #orgar: "I hin! ha #s i ... han!s fo& you& i+e ..." ======== +oru!: "And he .oo!? Ho" did ha do?" #orgar: "The :%a'! 6i.&a&y didn# -u.%ish i ... hey said i didn# ha$e enou*h *u 9 "&en'hin* $io%en'e in i and oo +u'h se,) "hi'h "ou%d +a!e i unsui a.%e fo& hei& desi&ed a*e &an*e of "e%$e yea& o%d !ids ..." +oru!: "And ha +a!es a "ho%e %o of sense ..." #orgar: "Yes ... i a+azes +e ha you 'an ha$e e, ended s'enes of E%da& o& u&e ... .u no one 'an say he "o&d #******# ..." +oru!: "Any"ay ... he&e#s o he :%a'! 6i.&a&y) +ay hey 'on inue o no +a!e sense4" 1aul: "Than!s fo& he i'e9'&ea+ .y he "ay ..." $%D&*$'( ) &ND = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FORTY EI1HT*** = = = = = = = = "#ee these marksA Too precise ... only Imperial 1uardsman are so accurate ... ah who am I kiddingA 1uardsmen can t shoot for shi$" $ *ast words of Brother$Captain 7bee$+in &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their
Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 A lon0 time a0o in a 0ala3y far, far a(ay ... Two figures clash on a walkway abo!e a great drop into the abyss) their swords meet with crackling energy ... 3arrior in -lack /rmour: "You& -o"e&s a&e "ea! o%d +an4 On'e I "as he s uden ) no" % a+ he +as e&4" 3arrior in Gold /rmour: "On%y a +as e& of evil Ho&us4" +oru!: "You& -oin .ein*?" 3arrior in Gold /rmour: 1estures to the broken body of #anguinius."You !i%%ed +y son44" +oru!: "2o T&a'y ... % /M )(, &MP& ( $(N!!"
(. M/N6%ND!: "Yeah I !no" ha ... "ha #s you& -oin ?"
+oru!: "I dunno ... 3us *oin* a%on* "i h he #tar +ars -a&ody he&e ..." &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "7ude) does his %oo! %i!e #tar +ars? I don# see any annoyin* eddy .ea&s and .u*9eyed fish+en s in!in* he f&an'hise u-) do you?" +oru!: "5e do ha$e he Tau" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "T&ue ..." "e suddenly remembers where he is and points his .*&5I61 #+7/D 7. &+2#752 'and win( at "orus. "YO; 7ARE :ETRAY 0E?4?" +oru!: "A%% I said "as I "ou%d %i!e o de9 h&one you and 'on=ue& you& e+-i&e in +y na+e ... and .u 'he&ed anyone "ho said diffe&en %y ... is ha really ha .ad?" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "YES4 % do he .u 'he&in* and he +ass *eno'ide of anyone "ho disa*&ees "i h +e) % ens%a$e he *a%a,y in he na+e of +y o"n "is ed idea%s) % "ea& he 'oo% fun!y a&+ou& and a' %i!e I#+ he .i**es .adass in he uni$e&se 9 :ECA;SE I A04 Is your na+e in 'a-i a%s? Is i Ho&us?" +oru!: "2o ye ... su&e ha #%% 'han*e "hen I si on ha &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "0a%#s on i " h&one4"
+oru!: "5ha ? 5hy?4?" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "7ae+ons in he "e."ay) need i '%osed fo& he i+e .ein* un i% he e, e&+ina o&s a&&i$e ..."
+oru!: "1&ey (ni*h s?" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "They don# e,is ye "
+oru!: "Te%% +e a.ou i . I 'ou%d ha$e done "i h so+e 7efi%e&s and O.%i e&a o&s du&in* ha sie*e ... .u nooo ha #s no a #f%uffy# .a %e. A--a&en %y usin* +ode%s ou of hei& i+e9zones is a .i* no9no ... %i!e o see he foo% &y and e,-%ain ha "i h Pe& 8 -oo& *uy "as so de$as a ed "hen I o%d hi+ he 'ou%dn# use he Pe e Haine#s I5 %is ..." &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "I fee% you& -ain8 7o&n so "an ed o use a si+u% aneous Te&+ina o& 7ee- S &i!e .u I o%d hi+ ha #s #y!ander7! s-e'ia% &u%e) no his" 0i+i's Dorn s stuck$up accent. "#:;T I#0 A PRI0ARCH4# ... '&y .a.y ..." +oru!: "So ... sha%% "e se %e his on'e and fo& a%%?" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "Indeed ... %i!e +en ..."
+oru!: "6i!e +en ..." They stand and face each other for what seems like an age ... then slowly walk forward until they stand at arms reach. They pull out their swords ... hold them to their sides ... then drop them. &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "Co+e on hen. One ... "o ... h&ee4 HA4 ROC( :EATS SCISSORS44" +oru!: "Oh .u**e& ..." &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "HAH4 I 5I24 I 5I24 THE 1A6A/Y IS 0I2E4 0I2E44 OH YEAH44 5HO#S YO;R 7A77Y? 5HO#S YO;R 7A77Y?4?" #tarts dancing) a strangely disturbing sight with all the hip$thrusting going on ... "orus stands in complete embarrassment. +oru!: "So+eho" I don# #nap3 +oru!: "Than!s S%aanesh ... I &ea%%y needed ha &i*h no" ..." 45,555 years later ... #ion: "Hey Ho&us ... "ha #s on you& +ind?" +oru!: "H++ ... oh no hin* ..." #taring out of the bridge window) "orus stands obli!ious to the throngs of ser!itors) thralls) and other unimportant characters running around ensuring the uni!erse runs as normal while our main characters do the cool stuff. %erhaps one day they may get a name ... but not today ... #orgar: *eaning o!er the balcony staring at the immense holotable below and its flickering image of a !ast world. "So his is 0e&edi h I/?" 1ect: "I #s a -%easan "o&%d) a% hou*h he -o%a& 'a-s a&e -&one o fie&'e sno"s o&+s ..." +oru!: "I #s an i'e "o&%d?"
hin! his -a& "i%% +a!e i in o he f%uff"
1ect: "2o ... i #s =ui e &o-i'a%" +oru!: "So he&e#s sno"s o&+s in he 3un*%e?" 1ect: "2o ... 3us he -o%a& 'a-s ..."
+oru!: "5he&e hey ha$e 3un*%e ... and sno"?" 1ect: "2o) he&e#s no 3un*%e a he -o%a& 'a-s ... hen'e #-o%a&# 9 i #s 3us i'e"
+oru!: ":u you said i #s a 3un*%e -%ane ..." 1ect: "6oo!4 I !no" his is he +ain hin* s'ien'e fi' ion "&i e&s ha$e diffi'u% y *&as-in*) .u a -%ane is 'a-a.%e of su--o& in* +o&e han a sin*%e .io+e4 They don# ha$e o .e %i!e he ice planet Ho h) o& he de!ert planet Ta ooine4" +oru!: "So ... he&e#s sno" and 3un*%e on a sin*%e "o&%d?" 1ect: "Yes ..." +oru!: "Tha #s 3us si%%y" 1ect: "e sighs. "So "ha #s "i h he *&een %and+asses and "hi e i-s on he -%ane ?" +oru!: "5ai ... %and+asses? So he&e#s ocean! as "e%%?" 1ect: "Yes. I'e) 3un*%e and "a e& on the !ame planet! I #s s'&e"y isn# i ?" +oru!: "This -%ane is an a.o+ina ion4" 1ect: "2o i 3us has a hea% hy e'osys e+ ..." +oru!: "A:O0I2ATIO24" #orgar: "5i%% you shu u- Ho&us? So "he&e#s he %a&*es E,odi e 'o++uni y on he su&fa'e?" 1ect: "Hu*s$i%%e. I has a -o-u%a ion of a.ou se$en +i%%ion" #orgar: "5ha ? Tha +any?" 1ect: "5ha "e&e you e,-e' in*? S+a%% s &a" hu 'o++uni ies?" #orgar: "E&+ ... yeah ..." 1ect: "So a 'o++uni y of E%da&) ha$in* %i$ed on a "o&%d fo& en housand yea&s) and no ha$in* any Pa h9%i!e s &u' u&e o hei& se, %i$es) a&e su--osed o !ee- a s+a%% 'o%ony of easi%y defea a.%e *&ou-s of "en y o& hi& y?" #orgar: "5e%% ... yeah ..." 1ect: 5imes a phone to his ear. ":&iiin* ... .&iiin* ... he%%o? This is &ea%i y 'a%%in* 6o&*a& ... 'ou%d he ans"e& -%ease?" #orgar: "You#&e des &oyin* +y 'a&efu%%y 'ons &u' ed $ie" of he E%da& s-e'ies4"
1ect: "So&&y o des &oy ha ... .u we7re not actually dying out. If any hin* ha$in* Fa&see&s a' i$e%y ensu&in* we never have to 2ight +os of he i+e +eans "e#&e a' ua%%y ... e&+ ... growing" #orgar: "And you 7a&! E%da&?" 1ect: "Ho" do you hin! "e 'an su--o& su'h a .a'!9s a..in* so'ie y?" #orgar: "1ood -oin . So you#&e no dyin* ou ) and in fa' a&e .&eedin* %i!e &a..i s a a hi--y 'on$en ion ... s-ea!in* of "hi'h8 #Hu*s$i%%e#?" 1ect: "5hy do you hin! hey e,i%ed he+se%$es f&o+ he E%da& E+-i&e? This isn# a :os on Tea Pa& y si ua ion he&e ... hey %ef .e'ause "e "e&en# #&ad# enou*h fo& he+" #orgar: "I hou*h (a.a%i e so'ie y "as a%% a.ou #+a!e %o$e) no "a&#?" 1ect: "The&e#s #+a!in* %o$e#) hen he&e#s #+a!in* %o$e "hi%e si+u% aneous%y e$is'e&a in* ea'h o he&# ..." #orgar: "Ho" does ha "o&!?" 1ect: "5ou%d you %i!e a de+ons &a ion?" #orgar: "I#%% -ass han!s" 1ect: "A%% &i*h ... does anyone e%se ha$e any hin* hey#d %i!e '%ea&ed u- .efo&e "e .e*in?" +oru!: ":e*in "ha ?" 1ect: "Findin* he O&a'%e ... o& "e&e you 3us he&e fo& he s'an i%y9'%ad &ee9hu**in* E%da& 'hi'!s?" +oru!: "1&ea +inds hin! a%i!e eh?" 1ect: "..." #orgar: +hispering. "Say yes and "e 'an a$oid he hass%e ..." 1ect: "I 'anno say he ne*a i$e o ha =ues ion" +oru!: "... so ha #s a #yes#) &i*h ?" 1ect: "The ans"e& o ha is no +oru!: "... so is ha a #no#?" 1ect: "I 'an say "i hou hesi a ion ha I 'anno 'onfi&+ ha +oru!: "... I#+ 'onfused ..." #orgar: "He said yes ... s u-id E%da& -&ide ... so Ve' 8 %ead he "ay o ... Hu*s$i%%e ..." 1ect: "So +u'h an*e& and ha &ed ..." #orgar: "I #s a s u-id na+e" o .e &ue" he ne*a i$e"
1ect: "You "e&en# hu**ed +u'h as a 'hi%d ... "e&e you?" #orgar: "<us d&o- i " = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FORTY 2I2E*** = = = = = = = = "+hat the hellA +here did my Basilisks goA3A 1et 2ldrad on the line; he ll know where to find this Thorpe ..." $ %erturabo) upon recei!ing a copy of the new Code04 Chaos #pace 5arines &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 I m >uite sure something !itally important happened last chapter ... but I honestly can t remember. "a!e this charming image of a grot learning to walk again after a double$ amputation4 & small grot painfully crawls across the floor towards a D2*ICI7;# C&?2. 6rot# "&lmost there3" !a) 7o'# "7I8 :7;3 1IT 2/23" /eached o!er and drags the screaming grot away from the D2*ICI7;# C&?2 off the screen. Horus# "&nd what the hell did that ha!e to do with anythingA" 5eh. 5ust e!erything I do ha!e a reasonA Horus# /eturning to our story; Vect leads "orus) *orgar) Cypher and the *ion onto the surface of the world 5eredith IF in search of the 20odite !illage "ugs!ille ... I feel dirty =ust typing it. +hat s this peace and lo!ing crap doing in my grim dark far futureA +oru!: "I hea& you .uddy ... so "he&e is shi es$i%%e?" 1ect: ";- ahead) ne, sha-ed .a%%oons ..." o he *ian sunf%o"e&9sha-ed si*n and a%% he he%iu+9fi%%ed hea& 9
They stare at the sign ... then stare at the !illage beyond. *aughing 2ldar children dance around flower fields) while their parents sit on logs and play instruments singing songs of happiness) lo!e and affection. & general air of peace permeates from the brightly$ coloured houses. #orgar: "Oh ... +y ... 1ods ... %e he -ain end ..."
#ion: "5hen "e#&e finished) "e o&'h his $i%%a*e and se fi&e o i s inha.i an s"
+oru!: "You !no" #!i%%in* i "i h fi&e# is *ene&a%%y Fe&&us# &e-%y o e$e&y hin*" #ion: "I no" see he "isdo+ of su'h a de+and. T&u%y he E+-e&o&#s '%eansin* f%a+e is he on%y su.s an'e .i e& and ha e9fi%%ed enou*h o '%ean a"ay su'h ho&&ifyin*%y ha--y su.s an'es" Cypher: "So ... "he&e is his O&a'%e?" 1ect: "P&o.a.%y no he&e. Re+e+.e& "e#&e %oo!in* fo& '%ues as o he& 'u&&en "he&ea.ou s" #orgar: "Ro%% hose 1a he& Info 'he'!s) as 0a*nus "ou%d +os %i!e%y say" 1ect: ":uy d&in!s) so'ia%ise) *i$e se,ua% fa$ou&s ... any hin* ha f%oa s you& .oa and *e s us &esu% s" #orgar: "1ood idea. You find a ni'e a%%ey"ay so+e"he&e o %u&e -eo-%e in o "i h he -&o+ises of 'onsensua% fun" 1ect: "P%ease 6o&*a&) you +a!e i sound %i!e I#+ no hones "i h +y -o en ia% &a-e $i' i+s ..." #orgar: "You e%% he+ u-9f&on ?" 1ect: "I %i!e o hea& he+ s'&ea+ ..." #orgar: "You#&e a si'!) si'! -u--y" Before Vect can reply 'probably for the best( our heroes 'and filthy Dark 2ldar( are greeted by a old$looking 2ldar warrior with a Diresword co!ered in hearts and roses ... with a blade encased in foam rubber. &ldar &lder 8Now there7! a typo waiting to happen9: "1&ee in*s4 Ho" +ay I he%you fine dudes?" #ion: "7id he 3us 'a%% us #dudes#?" +oru!: "I hou*h ha oo ..."
#ion: "Fi&e) Ho&us ... fi&e" +oru!: "A%% in *ood i+e ... *&ee in*s e%de&9" &ldar &lder: "Tha #s "ha I a+4" +oru!: "2o ... I said e%de& ... elder! 2o E%da&4" &lder &ldar 8'old you!9: "I a+ o%d ... and an E%da& ... you a&e o.se&$an youn* +an4" +oru!: "Youn*? I#+ en housand yea&s o%d4" &ldar &lder: "And you %oo! so +a u&e fo& you& a*e4 Ho" +ay an o%d dude %i!e +yse%f he%- su'h s-&i*h %y youn* fe%%o"s?" +oru!: "5ha ?4? 6o&*a&4"
#orgar: "5e#&e he&e fo& he O&a'%e of O.%i$ion ... do you !no" "he&e she +ay .e found?" &ldar &lder: "5hy ha %i %e "ho&e ... I o%d he& o u-da e he& add&ess .u no4 They s i%% 'o+e he&e %oo!in* fo& he&4" #orgar: "E& ... "ha ?" &ldar &lder: "She *e s 1od%i!e -o"e&s and hin!s he uni$e&se &e$o%$es a&ound he&. Po"e& 'o&&u- s ... he 'o&&u- *e &e$ea%in* %ea he& ou fi s and a se,y +a!eo$e& ... and .efo&e you !no" i she#s s%e- "i h a%% he +en in he $i%%a*e and .u**e&s off '%ai+in* hey#&e a%% '&a-. 2o" "e *e -eo-%e %i!e you "ho a&e o.$ious%y infa ua ed "i h he& &yin* o find he& ... so na u&a%%y 'o+e he&e" #orgar: "Is anyone e%se *e in* a%% his?" 1ect: "5e%% I had hea&d a fe" hin*s ... .u hones %y "ha is i "i h -eo-%e hin!in* E$i% e=ua%s The Se,?" #orgar: ":e'ause i does? 1ood -eo-%e ha$e oo +any &ese&$a ions ..." 1ect: "A+en o ha ..." #ion: "A&e you "o =ui e finished? So+e of us s i%% ha$e ou& sou%s in a' he&e ..." #orgar: "2o" he&e#s so+e hin* ha #s o$e&&a ed ..." 1ect: "And +o&a%i y ..." #orgar: "5ho de'ided ha any"ay? You !ee- .&ea!in* i ) es-e'ia%%y in "a& ... and "hen +a&&ied ..." 1ect: "2o idea ..." +oru!: "1uys? 2PC#s in f&on of us" &ldar &lder: "Tha #s a%% &i*h ... I#+ used o .ein* i*no&ed ..." +oru!: "So "he&e#s he O&a'%e no"?" &ldar &lder: ";- he +oun ains o he eas . She has a -en house "i h he& o"n $o%'ani' s-&in*s9-o"e&ed s"i++in* -oo% and ho u. ..." #ion: "Ve' ..." 1ect: /unning off in an easterly direction. "A%&eady &unnin* +an4" #ion: "I#%% 'a 'h u- "i h you in a +o+en . O%d +an ... you#$e .een he%-fu%" &ldar &lder: "2o "o&&ies dudes ..." #ion: "olds up the *ion #word. "2o" he&e#s a s+a%% hin* I "an %ea$e ..." o do .efo&e "e
The %rimarchs hold up their own weaponry. The 2ldar 2lder s face falls. +oru!: "Conside& his f%uff '%eansin* ..."
#cenes of horrific and random !iolence ensue ... when they re finished the %rimarchs catch up with Vect. #orgar: "I#+ su&-&ised you didn# 3oin us" 1ect: "5ha do you +ean?" #orgar: "Ho&&ifi' $io%en'e? I hou*h you "e&e in o ha so& of ... Ve' ... "ha #s in you& .a'!-a'!?" 1ect: "5ha .a'!-a'!?" #orgar: "The hin* on you& ... oh so&&y i #s +y +is a!e ... ha #s a 'hi%d ... "i h ano he& 'hi%d -a'!ed inside ... so&&y ano he& 'hi%d and a do* ... "hy a do*?" 1ect: "He#s 'a%%ed F%uffy. I -%an o !i'! hi+ off a +oun ain ... "hi%e on fi&e ..." #orgar: "5hy?" 1ect: "I#+ 7a&! E%da& ... do I need a &eason?" #orgar: "I#+ no" =ui e dis u&.ed ... 6ion you "a%! .eside Ve' " #ion: "2o "hi%e he#s *o his !iddie9-a'!4" 1ect: ":u I +i*h *e hun*&y on he "ay4" #orgar: "5e#$e *o su++oned 7ae+ons4 Co&n of (ho&ne o feas on4" +oru!: "Ve' %e he !ids *o"
1ect: "I hin! on%y one of he+ 'an "a%! ... he o he& one has he o he& as i s in e&na% o&*ans" +oru!: "I don# !no" ho" ha "o&!s and I don# 'a&e ... %e 6ion "i%% .o h shu u-" he+ *o so 6o&*a& and he
Cypher: "Can I ha$e he !id? E$e&y an i9he&o needs an annoyin* .&a fo& a side9!i'!" 1ect: "Su&e .u I hin! she#s s%i*h %y &au+a ised ... o& 'a a oni' ... "hi'he$e& is he no +o$in*) ea in*) s%ee-in* o& .&ea hin* -a& " #orgar: "I hin! ha #s dea h ..." 1ect: "2o-e ... +y +is a!e ... she#s .&ea hin* ... s%i*h %y. He&e you *o Cy-he&" "e hands the child to Cypher) and then starts shredding the remains of the ... less complete one. #orgar: "5ha a&e you doin* no"?" 1ect: "I#+ 'o%d in his %ea he& s-ande, ... I need +o&e %aye&s ..." #orgar: "You#&e a dis*&a'e o sen ien .ein*s ... ho-e you !no" ha " +oru!: "5i%% you "o =uie .a'! he&e? 1ods a%+i*h y ... his is *oin* o .e a long &i- .."
Cypher: Talking to the girl. "Tha #s Ho&us) 6o&*a&) and he 6ion. They#&e P&i+a&'hs. They#&e su--osed o .e he -inna'%e of Hu+an e$o%u ion '&ea ed .y a *enius +as e&+ind" Girl: "They#&e a%% f****** s u-id ..." Cypher:"5o" ... she#s o.se&$an ..." = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FIFTY*** = = = = = = = = +oru!: "5oo 4 Fif y 'ha- e&s4 This needs an e, &a9s-e'ia% e-isode44" Dorn: "Indeed. Ho&us ... you#$e .een "i h us no" fo& a "hi%e no") so he *uys and +yse%f ha$e .anded o*e he& and *o you so+e hin* 'oo% ... o sho" ou& a--&e'ia ion of you .%essin* us "i h you& A5ESO0E -&esen'e ..." +oru!: "A"" ... *uys ... you#&e he .es 4 5ha is i ?" Perturabo: "An I+-e&a o& Ti an" +oru!: "$eriou!ly"!"! You *uys a&e awe!ome!! 5he&e is i ?" $anguiniu!: "6oo! u-" +oru!: "5ha ... oh ... '&a-" Imperator Titan falls on "orus. Dorn: "5e%% ha #s +ade +y day ... "ha #s ne, ?" Magnu!: "The in &o &e'a-G &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 Dorn: "7o hey s i%% need ha ?" Magnu!: "Fuie ) "e#&e no in his 'ha- e&" Dorn: "5ha ? Ho&us is s i%% ho**in* he s-o %i*h ??" +oru!: "7a+n s &ai*h I a+?" #orgar: "5ho a&e you a%!in* o?" +oru!: "0yse%f. I need so+eone a"eso+e enou*h o unde&s and "ha I#+ sayin* ..." #orgar: "5e%% h #s o.$ious8 you& s u-idi y is a s-e'ia% !ind of #a"eso+e# ..."
+oru!: "Say so+e hin* .a'! he&e?" #orgar: "<us &e+indin* Ve' ho" +u'h he su'!s" 1ect: "5ha ? Hey you#&e he one "ho#s in a #'o++i ed# &e%a ionshi-" #orgar: "And ha #s su--osed o .e an insu% ?" 1ect: "I#+ no he one "ho#s su&&ende&ed his f&eedo+ as a +an ..."
#orgar: "5ha e$e& ... hey 6ion) "ha #s u-?" #ion: "H++?" #orgar: "You#$e .een =uie sin'e "e %ef F%a+es$i%%e ... so+e hin* .o he&in* you?" #ion: "So+e hin* a.ou ou& =ues ... so+e hin* I fea& "e +ay ha$e o$e&%oo!ed ... I sense *&ea fo&'es a&e +o$in* ... fo&'es .eyond ou& 'o+-&ehension ... and soon ... hei& e$i% -%o s "i%% &esu% in %a+e P%o T"is s ha "e#%% ha$e o fei*n su&-&ise a " #orgar: "P&o.a.%y ... ah ... I hin! "e#&e he&e" +oru!: "5ha *a$e you ha i+-&ession?" #orgar: "The -%ush $i%%a) he ou doo& s"i++in* -oo% fi%%ed "i h .i!ini9'%ad E%da& .a.es Hodd 'onside&in* "e#&e hi*h in he +oun ains and he&e#s sno" e$e&y"he&eI) and he %a&*e si*n he&e sayin* #O&a'%e of O.%i$ion#s Residen'e#?" +oru!: "They#&e &i'!s ... no "ay his 'ou%d .e ha easy" #eriously) when you make it easy for them they complain anyway. +hat s a narrator to doA +oru!: "1i$e u- and %e +e hand%e hin*s" #crew that. #orgar: "I a*&ee. A&e "e *oin* o s and he&e *a"-in* fo&e$e&) o& a&e "e *oin* o do "ha "e 'a+e he&e o do?" +oru!: "(i%% e$e&yone?" #orgar: "Af e& "e *e ou& info&+a ion ... no" 'o+e on" They enter through the main entrance) and find themsel!es greeted =ust inside by a +raithguard wearing a maid s outfit. Maidguard: "1&ee in*s honou&ed *ues s. Ho" +ay I se&$e you?" +oru!: "O() ha #s f&ea!y ..." #orgar: "E&+ ... "e#&e %oo!in* fo& he O&a'%e?" Maidguard: "0iss A&iena% is "ai in* fo& you. P%ease fo%%o" +e" 1ect: "A&iena%? 7a+n ... I hin! I !no" he&"
+oru!: "Any hin* "e shou%d !no"?" 1ect: "The se, "as awe!ome!" +oru!: "Any hin* e%se %ess ... s=ui'!y?" 1ect: "She#s a %i %e ... odd. S-ends oo +u'h of he& i+e a&ound 5&ai h*ua&d if you as! +e" #orgar: "5e#$e no i'ed ..." The +raithmaid leads them into a plush room filled with +raithguard@lord merchandise) including the 1a! Thorpe narrated 5y *ife as a +raithlord DVD collection. +oru!: "This is f&ea!ie& ..." #orgar: "So+eone %i!es 5&ai h.one 'ons &u' s ..." %yanna /rienal: "Oh ha #s +e4" +oru!: "A&e you 0iss A&iena%?" /rienal: "Says so on he dia%o*ue s'&i- ) doesn# i ?" #orgar: "So you#&e he O&a'%e of O.%i$ion?" /rienal: "1ui% y as 'ha&*ed4" +oru!: "E&+ ... "e "e&e o%d you +ay !no" "he&e he Fina% (ey fo& he 1a es of Va&% is hidden?" /rienal: "I #s he&e" /eaches down and picks up a coffee mug) re!ealing an 2ldar$es>ue key thing beneath. #orgar: "You "e&e usin* i as a +a ?" /rienal: "(ne" "he&e i "as ha "ay. You 'an ha$e i 8 I don# &ea%%y need i +u'h" #orgar: "Tha #s i ? Tha #s it" Tha #s a%% he&e is o i ? 2o e-i' =ues ... no *&ea .a %e? <us ... %if 'offee &e$ea% P%o 7e$i'e?" +oru!: "Tha 'an# .e i ... is his &ea%?" /rienal: "I #s &ea%" +oru!: "2o fa!e?" /rienal: "2o fa!e" +oru!: "The Fina% (ey?" /rienal: "The Fina% (ey" +oru!: "O-ens he 1a es of Va&%?" /rienal: "O-ens he 1a es of Va&%"
+oru!: "And i #s ou&s?" /rienal: "I #s you&s" +oru!: "Fo& f&ee?" /rienal: "Fo& f&ee) -&o$idin* you .u**e& off and %ea$e +e a%one" #orgar: "Se&ious%y?" /rienal: "You ha$e a ha&d i+e &us in* -eo-%e) don# you?" #orgar: "5e end o *e s'&e"ed o$e& a %o " /rienal: "I #s you&s) no" %ea$e" *orgar takes the ?ey. #orgar: "E& ... han!s ..." #ion: "5e%% ha "as easy" & loud e0plosion is heard outside. #ion: "You did ha de%i.e&a e%y) didn# you?" "ell yeah. 6ow swing that *ion #word3 +oru!: "5ha "as ha ?" *orgar peers out the window. #orgar: "7id so+eone o&de& so+e f%uffy a& i%%e&y?" +oru!: "#F%uffy#?" #ion: "Oh *ood *&ief ... hey#$e fo%%o"ed us" :#oud!peaker;: "This is he ;ni ed E+-i&e of (a"aii4 5e de+and he heads of hose "ho s%au*h e&ed ou& fe%%o" 'u e and f%uffy 'o+&ades4 Hand o$e& he P&i+a&'hs and a%% "i%% .e s-a&ed4" +oru!: "I#$e had i "i h hose hin*s4" 1ect: "A&iena%8 hand he+ o$e&. 5hy shou%d "e &is! ou %i$es fo& a .un'h of 0on9!ei*h?" +oru!: ":e'ause hese 0on9!ei*h ha$e .i* *uns and sho& e+-e&s?"
& do9en +raithmaids le!el their +raithguns at the %rimarchs. +oru!: "And so do you i see+s ..." #orgar: "Oh fo& he %o$e of ... Cy-he&?" Cypher: "Yes?"
#orgar: "I#$e *o a -%an 9 %is en u-4" = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FIFTY O2E*** = = = = = = = = "Dark times lie ahead "arry ... &hriman s your new Defence &gainst the Dark &rts teacher3" &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 #urrounded by cute) fluffy 5oogles with artillery emplacements) our heroes must rely on the >uick$thinking intelligence of *orgar) and Cypher s luck) to escape their new predicament3 #orgar: "7on# shoo 4 5e ha$e a 'u e %i %e *i&% hos a*e and "e#&e no af&aid o -in'h he& 'hee!s44" +oru!: "'hi! is you& s+a& idea?" #orgar: "You#$e *o
a .e e& one?"
+oru!: "Yeah4 $hoot he .u**e&s44" #ion: "Rea% s+oo h ..." +oru!: "So+e i+es I sus-e' you *uys don# a--&e'ia e ho" awe!ome I a+4" #ion: "Yes ... ha #s ou& -&o.%e+ ... &i*h a*ain) Ho&us4" #orgar: "5i%% you *uys s o- a&*uin*?" #ittle Girl: "You#&e su--osed o ho%d +e i*h e&" #orgar: "5ha ?" #ittle Girl: "0a!e i %oo! %i!e you#&e in endin* o hu& +e4" #orgar: "Oh) so&&y ..." "e grips her more tightly as they continue to slowly edge out of the house into the open mountainside before the 5oogle army. Moogle Colonel: "She#s soooo !a"aiiii444 7on# hu& he&4 0oo*%es 9 s and do"n) !u-o4" Cypher: "I #s "o&!in*4" #orgar: "7on# "i h -ain4"
3in, i 44
he&e ... you#$e hi
he issue on he head on'e
S ay .a'!4 O& I "i%% hu& he& 'u..y %i %e 'hee!s and +a!e he+ &ed
Moogle Colonel:"Su'h ho&&i.%e fa e4 You +ons e&s4" #ion: "They o.$ious%y ha$en#
seen he $i%%a*e "e 3us %ef ..."
#orgar: "You#%% %e us -ass unha&+ed4 You "i%% do no hin* un i% "e %ea$e you& si*h 4 Then you#%% *i$e us a JAA se'ond head s a& "hi%e "e &un %i!e he%%4" +oru!: " un"!" Run f&o+ them"!"!" #orgar: "You#$e *o a .e e& idea?" +oru!: "You seen he size of he+? 5e 'an a!e he+ do"n easi%y4" #orgar: "Ho&us) i #s he funda+en a% &u%e of he uni$e&seG 'u e .ea s u*%y e$e&y i+e" +oru!: "You 'a%%in* +e u*%y?" #orgar: "A+on* o he& hin*s ..." Moogle Colonel: "Fine4 You "in his i+e4 0oo*%es4 Ho%d you& fi&e4" #orgar: "So easy ... 'o+e on *uys4" &rienal and Vect watch from a balcony ... 1ect: "Tha #s i+-&essi$e ..." /rienal: "They a' ua%%y +ana*ed o a$oid 'ausin* +assi$e dea h and de$as a ion" 1ect: "5ha ? I "as &efe&&in* o 6o&*a& no a!in* ad$an a*e of he !id9"
/rienal: "2o e$e&yone hin!s %i!e you Ve' ..." 1ect: "Too &ue ... so ... "anna +a!e ou ?" /rienal: "I#+ "ashin* +y hai&" 1ect: "You did ha a%&eady4" /rienal: "I needs "ashin* a*ain8 I ha$e he s en'h of P&i+a&'h 'au*h in i " #e!eral hundred metres away ... +oru!: "Can you fee% ha ? I hin! so+eone#s +o'!in* us" #orgar: "5ho 'a&es. I#$e +ana*ed o a$oid effo& 4 6e s !ee- &unnin*" #ion: "You -&efe& &unnin* o fi*h in*?" #orgar: "I#+ a "&i e&8 ha$in* 1od9%i!e -o"e&s is 3us a .onus" #ion: "You#&e a dis*&a'e o P&i+a&'h9hood ..." #orgar: "I#+ ha--i%y +a&&ied "i h !ids. You 'an '%ass ha as a dis*&a'e if you "an 8 I#+ s i%% &unnin*4" #ion: "I#+ fo%%o"in* on%y o -&o$e a -oin "
#orgar: "5hi'h is?" #ion: "Tha I need o -&o$e a -oin " #orgar: "Riii*h ..." +oru!: "5hy a+ % &unnin*? I#+ Ho&us4 I don# &un f&o+ 0oo*%es4" #orgar: "KK ... JAA 9 he&e hey 'o+e4" +oru!: "Then %e he+4 I ha$e he A5ESO0E +i*h of a PRI0ARCH4 An /3&$(M& P %M/ C+! I 'an a!e on +e&e 0oo*%es4" #orgar: #uddenly stops. "5on# need o" +oru!: "5ha ?" #orgar: "6ion) 'ou%d you hi ha s-o u- he&e "i h you& :o% Pis o%? I#+ Chaos) so I don# *ene&a%%y 'a&&y &an*ed "ea-on&y "i h +e) un%ess I "as Pe& u&a.o "he&e I had a s+a%% I+-e&ia% 1ua&d a& i%%e&y 'o+-any s ashed in +y -o'!e s" #ion: "E& ... oh ... I see. Su&e" The *ion fires a single shot at an innocent$looking part of the mountain. The bolt round flies out ... and impacts. The e0plosion echoes across the mountain ... then dislodges the entire side of it. The ensuing a!alanche destroys the 5oogle army) but misses the %rimarchs 'and the "ouse) by the way(. +oru!: "5o" ... ni'e" #orgar: "5hy +a!e he effo& fi*h in*) "hen you 'an use you& en$i&on+en ad$an a*e ... ?" +oru!: "A *ood -oin ... I ha$e ne" &es-e' fo& you 6o&*a&" #orgar: "I #%% disa--ea& .y ne, 'ha- e&) don# "o&&y" Cypher: "0ay I su**es ) +y %o&ds) ha "e +a!e "i h has e o he 1a es of Va&%?" +oru!: "Indeed 9 on"a&ds4" = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FIFTY T5O*** = = = = = = = = ""i$ho3 "i$ho3 It s off to slay we go3 +ith a dagger and a0e and a frag grenade3 "i$ho3 "i$ho3 "i$ho3 "i$ho3" $ ?horne Ber9erker +ar Chant &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they
o you&
were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 +ith four of the si0 ?eys of Carl in the hands of our %rimarchs) this lea!es only &lpharius) Vulkan) #anguinius) .ulgrim and 5ortarion to pull themsel!es together and do something3 1ulkan: "5ha he he%%? Is he na&&a o& dissin* +e?"
/lphariu!: "Tha #s 3us you& i+a*ina ion ... so his is i ?" (7$oryu: "Yeah. 5e found i he&e du&in* he fi&s su&$ey e,-edi ion and .&ou*h i o he Ci ade%. The desi*n of he a& ifa' doesn# +a 'h ha of he 0ono%i h9" #he gestures behind her at the 2VI* +&/ 5&C"I62 7. B/7?26 C"22#2 "9so "e *uessed i "as f&o+ a diffe&en a%ien s-e'ies" /lphariu!: "You *uessed &i*h . The (ey of 1%o&y is E%da& in o&i*in) no 2e'&on" (7$oryu: "5ha #s #E%da&# and #2e'&on#?" /lphariu!: "... *ood 1ods you *uys &ea%%y are a 'o+-%e e .un'h of noob!4" (7$oryu: "2oo.s "e +ay .e) .u "e#&e noo.s "i h Rai%*uns" /lphariu!: "Tou'he" (7$oryu: "5ha do you need i fo& any"ay?" /lphariu!: "2one of you& .usiness ... hey4 6ousy Ea& h Cas e +e+.e&s4 Ca&efu% "i h ha hin*4 If you .&ea! i % break you!" The 2arth Caste engineers carrying the ?ey look at each other in fear) then mo!e slower as they make their way to the /hino. /lphariu!: "On'e "e#$e *o i -a'!ed "e#%% %ea$e you and he s%ee-in* 2e'&ons .e%o" us o *e a%on*" (7$oryu: "Oh 'hee&s ... do you "an +e o han! you?" /lphariu!: "Fo& no !i%%in* and &a-in* you? 2o need. I#+ no in o ha so& of hin* any"ay) &e*a&d%ess of "ha he 0a&!s of Chaos on +y a&+ou& +ay say o he&"ise ... es-e'ia%%y no in ha o&de& ... ha #s 3us !<uicky" (7$oryu: "5ha #s Chaos?" /lphariu!: "... not he 1&ea e& 1ood ..." (7$oryu: "Ho" 'an you %i$e .y su'h a -&in'i-%e? 5he&e is he *ain in "o&!in* a*ains a *&ea e& 'on'e- ? A "o&%d of 'o9o-e&a ion and -ea'e?" /lphariu!: ":e'ause i #s nai$e and foo%ish. You "an 'o9o-e&a ion? A -e&fe' so'ie y?" "e gestures again at the 2VI* +&/ 5&C"I62 7. B/7?26 C"22#2 "Tha #s you& -e&fe' so'ie y. 2e'&ons a&e O&de& in'a&na e. They ha$e no inne& s &ife) no a+.i ions) no *&eed) no e+o ions f%a ou . They#&e uni ed in -u&-ose and desi&e o se&$e. They#&e .o&in*. They#&e du%%. The&e#s no 'oo% 'on$e&sion o--o& uni ies. I #s <e&$is <ohnson#s -e&fe' a&+y 9 so si+-%e i -%ays i se%f. You "an o .e %i!e he+?" (7$oryu: "I *uess no ..."
/lphariu!: ":ein* an indi$idua% is a%% a.ou .ein* diffe&en . O he&"ise "e#&e no hin* .u si+-%e 'o*s in a sin*%e +a'hine. Tha #s "hy I fo%%o" Chaos 9 I *e o .e diffe&en . A %eas un i% I %os +y 6e*ion &u%es ..." 1ulkan: "I #s O( A% ... you 'an infi% &a e a*ains +e any day of he "ee!" /lphariu!: "Than!s .&o) +u'h a--&e'ia ed" The 2arth Caste engineers load the ?ey into the /hino. /lphariu!: "Ri*h ... "e#&e off4" 6o sooner had &lpharius finished talking ... the building begins the shake3 /lphariu!: "And ha #s ou& 'ue o *e ou of he&e4 Co+e on Vu%!an4" &lpharius begins to run ... then stops when he realises Vulkan is not mo!ing. /lphariu!: "Vu%!?" 1ulkan: "I 'an# %ea$e he+ A%. They +ay .e ,enos ... .u I ha$e honour da+n i 4 They#&e inno'en s8 I 3us 'an# %ea$e he+ o his fa e" /lphariu!: "Lsi*hM :ein* no.%e a*ain?" 1ulkan: "I ha$e o ... fo& +y -&ide" /lphariu!: "5e%% ... I ha$en# had a *ood fi*h in a*es. A%-ha 6e*ionai&es4" *ike nin=as) the &lpha *egion 5arines appear by their %rimarch s side. 1ulkan: "SA6A0A27ERS4" *ike mighty heroes of old) the #alamanders storm out of the /hino to stand beside their %rimarch. $alamander Marine: "The aus-e, is de e' in* a nu+.e& of si*na%s '%a"in* hei& "ay uf&o+ .enea h us" 1ulkan: "F%ayed Ones 7ee- S &i!in* ... o& ;- S &i!in* i see+s" /lphariu!: "5ha e$e& ... .een so+e i+e sin'e I fou*h o-en%y" 1ulkan: "A&e you fi*h in* o-en%y?" /lphariu!: "He%% no ... I ins a%%ed de- h 'ha&*es .enea h us a "hi%e a*o ..." ?&$B7753 ?&$B7753 B775$?&3 /lphariu!: "H++ ... hin! ha %as one "as a dud" $alamander Marine: "The aus-e, is de e' in* +o&e si*na%s a--&oa'hin* f&o+ unde& us4 And +o&e e%e-o& in* a&ound4 F&ee shoo in* -hase4" 1ulkan: "I hou*h ha "as 3us a*ains infi% &a in* uni s?"
/lphariu!: "Oh ... +us ha$e a% e&ed he se in* on ha "e&en# %oo!in* ... +y .ad"
hin* "hen he 7esi*ne&#s
The 5arines open fire as the +arriors and Immortals appear around them. (7$oryu: "I#$e *o &einfo&'e+en s 'o+in* in4" #he looks at &lpharius."5he&e sha%% I de-%oy he+?" /lphariu!: .licking through the Tau 2mpire Code0. "E& ... s i'! he S ea% hsui s o$e& he&e ... !ee- he :&oadsides a he .a'! .. and he C&isis sui s 'an .e %ed .y you ... <I<O "i h hose '&a es o$e& he&e fo& 'o$e&. ;se -%as+a &if%e sho s on he I++o& a%s8 hey#&e AP @ "hi'h "i%% ea& h&ou*h you& Fi&e 5a&&io&s. (ee- them .y he '&a es fo& Co$e& Sa$es. 6as %y ... e%% ha E he&ea% o s and .ehind he un.&ea!a.%e *%ass "indo" o$e& he&e" (7$oryu: "Yes si&4" 1ulkan: "Co++andin* Tau no"?" /lphariu!: "E$e&yone#s +y .i 'h" G#aC (N: E2E0Y ... 7ETECTE7 ... PRI0ARCH96EVE6 ... STAT;S CO2FIR0E7 ... 2O7A6 6EVE6 TO 1O67 ... 7I7 YO; REA66Y :E6IEVE ... YO; HA7 A CHA2CE? HA HA ... I THI2( 2OT /lphariu!: "1o%d %e$e%? This shou%d .e fun" Do9ens more 6ecrons teleport in ... and the action begins. "+hat do you mean the 0enos button is labelled Do 6ot %ush A That s ob!iously the lies of the 0enos3 %ush the damn button3 %ush it I say3" $ *ast 7rders of 1eneral 2isenhod &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 &mbushed by the 6ecrons) our heroes Vulkan and &lpharius fight off the hellish undying warriors of the C tan to get the ?ey of 1lory to the 1ates of Varl3 1ulkan: "I #s no use4 Fo& e$e&y one "e !i%% en +o&e e%e-o& in4" /lphariu!: "I !no" .&o he&4 5e 'anno a$oid more 2un!!" 1ulkan: "Ou& .&o he&s "i%% unde&s and if "e a&e a %i %e %a e o he 1a es of Va&% ... .u I 'anno deny his is he +os fun I#$e had in a*es" The %rimarchs stand atop a mound of destroyed 6ecron warriors and Immortals) killing them faster than their bodies can phase out.
1ulkan: "S-a'e 0a&ines4 Fi*h %i!e he E+-e&o& hi+se%f is "a 'hin*4 nosey .as a&d ...Tau4 Fi*h %i!e he 1&ea e& 1ood de-ends on i 4"
:e'ause he -&o.a.%y is he
Various war cries emerge from the two sides) and the fighting intensifies ... /lphariu!: "F&ee 'oo!ies o he "innin* ea+4" The fighting escalates to a le!el beyond mere words. /lphariu!: "5ITH HOT COCO44" The fighting is now 2%IC beyond comprehension. Dan &bnett has not,in0 against this. The fighting in this giant underground base now makes the greatest battles of the "orus "ereys seem like mere children poking each other in the playground. This is now &+2#752 with e0tra toppings of +I6. 1ulkan: #wings his Thunder "ammer and lays low an entire s>uad of +arriors) scattering their limbs e!erywhere. "Ho" +any +o&e a&e *oin* o .e e%e-o& ed in do you &e'!on?" /lphariu!: 7ne blast of his Daemonic +eapon melts through a s>uad of Immortals. "0us .e a .%oody %a&*e To+. 5o&%d .enea h us4 Tha #s he "e% h I++o& a% s=uad oday 9 fou& Fo&'e O&*anisa ion Cha& s a %eas 4" 1ulkan: Blasts through the side of a 5onolith with his 5elta 1un 'note4 *i!ing 5etal is something non$%rimarch indi!iduals worry about( "Ho" a&e he Tau ho%din* u-?" 7 #oryu surfs a "ammerhead through a s>uad of .layed 7nes) blasting them all with her %lasma /ifle. /lphariu!: "2o 1ulkan: "A %eas oo .ad%y. 2eeds so+e "o&! on hei& s y%e) hou*h" hey a&en# '&a+-in* ou&s ..."
& Crisis suit crashes before Vulkan; its pilot dead. Vulkan stares for a moment) then walk forward and tears off its two .usion Blasters. 1ulkan: "2eed an u-*&ade ..." "e attaches the two .usion Blasters to his 5elta 1un forming an ;*T/& 52*T& '/4 G," #H &%B &ssault I) 5elta(3333 /lphariu!: "2i'e fie%d "o&%d 0'1uy$e& ..." 1ulkan: "6e s hea hin*s u- a %i %e in he&e ..."
The ;*T/& 52*T& is unleashed) and promptly demolishes entire +arrior s>uads in a single turn. /lpha #egion Marine: "Si&4 6o&ds ha$e e%e-o& ed in4" /lphariu!: "7a+n ... his +eans Resu&&e' ion O&.s ..." 1ulkan: "They +i*h no ha$e any ..." They stare at each other for a moment) then laugh. /lphariu!: "As if any 2e'&on 6o&d "ou%d %ea$e ho+e "i hou an O&.44"
1ulkan: "A.su&d I !no" ... &i*h %e s !i%% he+" /lphariu!: "A*&eed" G#aC (N: PRI0ARCHS ... YO; ARE FI1HTI21 ... A POI2T6ESS :ATT6E ... 5HY 2OT 1IVE ;P 2O5? ... IT 5O;67 SAVE 0E C6EARI21 ;P ... YO;R PATHETIC RE0AI2S ... A27 I 7IS6I(E E/TRA 5OR( ... /lphariu!: "So&&y %o$e) "e#$e *o .e e& ideas. 6i!e !i'!in* you& ass4" G#aC (N: THAT IS 2OT ... A 1OO7 I7EA ... I HAVE 2O ASS ... TO (IC( ... I A0 A P6ATI2;0 ... 6EVE6 AI ... 7ESI12E7 FOR TO0: ... SEC;RITY ... YO; 7O 2OT ... 0A(E THIS TO0: ... SEC;RE ... P6EASE 7IE ... 1ulkan: "End9of9%e$e% .oss?" /lphariu!: "See+s %i!e i ..." (7$oryu: "You "o *o on ahead8 "e#$e *o i 'o$e&ed he&e4" /lphariu!: "A%% &i*h . Vu%!an 9 you hea&d he %ady4 6e #s +o$e4" 1ulkan: "I hea& ya ..." "e lowers his ;*T/& 52*T& straight down and begins firing. "e burns through the ground and keeps on going ... down ... e!entually ... "I FO;27 IT4" /lphariu!: "E,'e%%en . (ee- he ho+e fi&es .u&nin* !ids8 he adu% s a&e ou on he o"n oni*h ..." "e leaps down into the pit after Vulkan. -it,in t,e Tom% ... /lphariu!: "I #s 'hi%%y do"n he&e ... ah4 Pa&iahs4" Vulkan fires his ;*T/& 52*T&3 /lphariu!: "5e%% hey were Pa&iahs ..." 1ulkan: "6e s !ee- +o$in* ..." G#aC (N: 5HAT ARE ... YO; 7OI21? THIS IS ... 2OT S;PPOSE7 ... TO HAPPE2 ... YO;#RE S;PPOSE7 ... TO 7IE ... /lphariu!: "So&&y fo& s-oi%in* you& fan asies dea& ... his "ay?" "e points left. 1ulkan: "This "ay" "e points right. /lphariu!: "Fai& enou*h ... hey4 0o&e in 'ans4" & s>uad of Immortals is rendered ... scrap. /lphariu!: "(ee- +o$in* ... I 'an fee% i s a&&o*an'e ..." G#aC (N: THIS IS ... HI1H6Y ... ;2FORT;2ATE ... I 5I66 ... HAVE TO ... :REA( O;T ... 0Y ;6TI0ATE 5EAPO2 ... /lphariu!: "You don# ha$e one dea&"
G#aC (N: YO; 5ERE ... 2OT S;PPOSE7 ... TO (2O5 THAT ... /lphariu!: "A' ua%%y I 3us *uessed ..." 1ulkan: "Found he&" They stare at a giant glowing green pyramid. #ygils on the side mo!e and twist across its surface. /lphariu!: "The 'en &a% AI I -&esu+e?" G#aC (N: YO; ARE FOO6S ... THE 2ECRO2S PRO1RA00E7 0E ... TO ;27ERSTA27 ... THEIR A5ESO0E2ESS ... A27 THE P;RE EPIC 5I2 OF ... THE C#TA2 ... YO; ARE 2OT A5ESO0E ... YO; ARE ./%#!!!! ./%#!"!4!!!"!"!" $( M,C+ ./%#!;!;!;!!;;! /lphariu!: "I &esen ha ... Vu%!an ... 0e% a he&"
1ulkan: "5i h -%easu&e ..." "e opens fire with the ;*T/& 52*T&333 The heat consumes the pyramid and burns it to the ground. G#aC (N: I#0 7YI21 7AVE ... I CA2 FEE6 IT ... 0ARY ... 0ARY ... 5HERE 7O YO; 5A2T TO 7IE? ... I#0 SOO A21RY ... :ECA;SE OF THIS 7A02 FIRE ... 0Y :RAI2 H;RTRTTESSS SFS FMSF =*ih&*h&*ihs&i*h&ihN*e O @? A ?A MMMERRORG P6EASE RE:OOT CO0P;TERLLL /lphariu!: "2o ... I don# hin! so ... Vu%!an?"
1ulkan: "6e s +a!e .ee& 'ans ou of i " /lphariu!: "E,'e%%en idea" "e turns on his personal !o0. "1uys? Ho" a&e you doin* uhe&e?" (7$oryu: "The in 'ans 3us fo%ded. 5ha e$e& you did do"n he&e 9 i "o&!ed" /lphariu!: "1%ad o hea& i ... "e#&e on ou& "ay u-" Up a fe( le+els ... /lphariu!: "Ri*h fo%!s) *e &eady o +o$e ou ... "ha #s his?" &n &ir Caste pilot hands him a note. /ir Ca!te Pilot: "<us 'a+e in si&4 I #s fo& you4 F&o+ he E he&ea% Coun'i%4" /lphariu!: 7pens the letter. "E,'e%%en s uff. The &ansfe& "as a--&o$ed" 1ulkan: "5ha "as?" /lphariu!: "I#$e .ou*h (7$oryu: "5HAT??4?4" /lphariu!: "I o"n he Tau E+-i&e8 in'%udin* a%% Cas es) +e+.e& &a'es) -%ane s) and ideo%o*ies ... so I *uess you& 1&ea e& 1ood is ... "e%% ... me" "e begins to laugh. 1ulkan: "This -&o.a.%y isn# a *ood hin* ..." he Tau E+-i&e"
= = = = = = ***CHAPTER FIFTY FO;R*** = = = = = = = = "Is it a birdA Is it a planeA 6o3 It s #;%2/$1/7T3" &fter ten thousand years of unending binge drinking and wondering where they left their wallets 'and in which dimension to boot() the Daemon %rimarchs and their Daemonically$challenged brothers ha!e ended the *ong #tare$off and combined forces to combat the greatest e!il known to the +arhammer ,-)--- uni!erse $ the .orces of /etcon and their harbingers) the C tan. "a!ing di!ided into si0 teams to locate and reco!er the si0 keys for the 1ates of Varl carelessly lost by their long$lost stoner brother) %rimarch Carl of the 2le!enth *egion) the .ear *oathers) our 'debatable( heroes race to defeat the C tan by obtaining the only canon$!erified way of tra!elling back in time and defeating the #tar 1ods when they were young 'and without their undying ser!ants( $ the .ish of Time3 &fter much careful plotting and cunning planning .ulgrim) #anguinius) and 5ortarion now set in motion their cle!er heist operation3 Mortarion: "5e ha$e a '%e$e& heis -%an?" $anguiniu!: "Fuie 0o& ) don# %e he na&&a o& !no""
I know e!erything. That was me being sar&asti& earlier ... $anguiniu!: "7a++i 4" 7ur heroes sit in the cafe near to the e0hibition hall sipping gently on bright pink cocktails. Mortarion: "7o you hin! "e 'an -u%% his off?" $anguiniu!: "0o& ) "e#$e .een h&ou*h his a housand i+es a%&eady 9 "e#&e +o&e han -&e-a&ed fo& any e$en ua%i y. 5e#$e -%anned his a housand i+es) *one o$e& e$e&y .a'!9u- and -%an : -ossi.%e. 5e#$e done he 'a%'u%a ions) "e#$e done he &esea&'h) and "e#$e done he 'asin* of he 3oin . 0o& 8 "e#&e &eady" .ulgrim walks in and sits down beside. .ulgrim: "I as!ed he+ 9 hey said "e 'an# ha$e i " $anguiniu!: "7A00IT4 I did not e,-e' ha o ha--en4"
Mortarion: "I +en ioned ha in he fi&s day" $anguiniu!: "5e%% you shou%d ha$e +en ioned i louder" Mortarion: "2o +y fau% you& s u-idi y deafens you" $anguiniu!: "5ha #s his? Is his a .a'!.one I#+ de e' in*?" Mortarion: "Possi.%y ..." $anguiniu!: "Fu%) thi! is "hy 0o& s ayin* a $i&*in "as a *ood idea. He#s .een sna&!y and se%f9'onfiden e$e& sin'e he sha'!ed u- "i h ha +o-y 7ae+one e of his" Mortarion: "6ea$e E$#&ii ou of his ..."
$anguiniu!: "O& e%se what" You#%% su.3e' +e o end%ess -oe &y -&o'%ai+in* dea h is a &e%ease and a%% e+o ions shou%d .e se%f9o.sessed de-&ession?" Mortarion: "E$en "o&se ..." "e leans closer and looks intently at #anguinius hair. $anguiniu!: "E$en "o&se "ha ? 5ha is i ? 5ha #s in +y hai&?4?" Mortarion: "Is ha *&ey?" $anguiniu!: "3+/'"!"! 2OT A 1REY HAIR4 0Y :EA;TY IS TAR2ISHE744 OH THE H;0A2ITY44 5HY 0E?4?4" /uns crying from the room. Mortarion: "Too easy" .ulgrim: "0o& 9 you#&e s a& in* o s'a&e +e no" ..." Mortarion: "So ... i+e o -u he -%an in o a' ion?" he .ui%din* ..."
.ulgrim: "I do .e%ie$e so no" -ansy9.oy has %ef Mortarion: "E$#&ii) you &eady?" E+'rii# "/eady and waiting3"
.ulgrim: "7ude) don# ho%d a e%e-a hi' 'on$e&sa ion "i hou +e. I don# "an %oo!in* a he s'&i- o !no" "ha she#s sayin* ..." Mortarion: "E,e'u e -%an 0CR ... now4" & large amount of nothing happens ... then 2! rii walks in. &v7rii: "He&e you *o" #he hands 5ort the ?ey of Desire. .ulgrim: "Tha #s i+-&essi$e ... ho" did you do ha ?"
o !ee-
Mortarion: "I #s =ui e si+-%e ... "hi%e you %o "e&e .usy *e in* %aid I "as doin* so+e &esea&'h. I %ea&ned ha he (ey "ou%d .e dis-%ayed a he +useu+ and +ade a&&an*e+en s han!s o a $e&y !ind -o& se'u&i y 'hief )"ho "an ed his !ids s'a&ed in o *oin* .a'! o s'hoo%) o ha$e he (ey &e-%a'ed "i h a 'unnin*%y9+ade &e-%i'a -&o$ided .y a .o&ed S%aaneshi9"o&shi--in* 'oun e&fei e& "i h exceptional s!i%%s hei*h ened .y his %ine of &e%i*on" .ulgrim: "So he (ey .a'! he&e ... ?" Mortarion: "Is a fa!e" .ulgrim: "And he &ea% one?" Mortarion: "5as hidden "i h E$#&ii a%% his i+e" .ulgrim: "... "he&e? :e'ause she isn# e,a' %y "ea&in* +u'h ..." &v7rii: "6e s no *o in o de ai%s ..." .ulgrim: "A *ood idea ..."
Mortarion: "Any"ay) "e ha$e he (ey) so "e shou%d +o$e. If you#d %i!e o 'o%%e' San*uinius) E$#&ii) f&o+ "ha e$e& -i of des-ai& he#s 'u&&en %y o''u-yin* ..." /rhra: "2o so fas ... you did *ood "o&! he&e" Mortarion: "I "as ho-in* o a$oid you ... "ha do you "an ? 5ha e$e& i is "e#&e no in e&es ed. You E%da& on%y +ess hin*s u-" /rhra: "And you Hu+ans a&e "ha ? Pe&fe' ?" .ulgrim: "7a+n s &ai*h 4" /rhra: "And he Ho&us He&esy?" .ulgrim: "5as a da+n -e&fe' 'i$i% "a&4" /rhra: "Ah ... ou'he ... you su''eeded in you& as!) and fo& ha I 'on*&a u%a e you and e, end his offe&G" "e placed a small crystal on the table and ho!ers a hand o!er it. The crystal glows for a second) then a three$dimensional image appears =ust abo!e of two 2ldar women engaged in a hot) naked make$out session. /rhra: "C&a- ... "&on* one ... so&&y a.ou ha "
"e swaps the crystal o!er for another) and plays it. The image of an eye hanging abo!e a pyramid appears. 1oice: "1&ee in*s P&i+a&'hs. 5e a&e he I%%u+ina i. Fo& "o edi ions "e ha$e hidden) "ai in*) a%%o"in* ou&se%$es o .e .e%ie$ed de9'anonised f&o+ he f%uff. 2o" ou& i+e a--&oa'hes4 A *&ea u-&isin* is o''u&in*) and hose hou*h %os in he +is s of i+e and e:ay "i%% a&ise4 <oin ou& '&usade) and "e sha%% &es o&e he *a%a,y o i s da&! and *o hi' -as 4 The&e is no -ena% y in &efusin* his offe&) +e&e%y +issin* ou on a *&ea o--o& uni y. P%ease %o* you& &es-onse "i h ou& 'on a' offi'e&) han! you .... no" ho" do I u&n his hin* off? ... he .%ue .u on ... "ha .%ue .u on? THERE IS 2O :6;E :;TTO2 I TE66 YO;44 STOP SAYI21 ... oh ... he&e i is ..." Mortarion: "I hou*h he I%%u+ina i "as a*ains Chaos? 5hy a&e you se&$in* he+?"
/rhra: "5a& +a!es s &an*e .edfe%%o"s ... "e#$e .e'o+e a"a&e of fa' o&s &e=ui&in* us o 3oin fo&'es" .ulgrim: "5ha fa' o&s?" /rhra: "The *&ea es "ea-on in his uni$e&se. Tha "hi'h he C# an see! ..." -e &ut to t,e !8ER A9 -EB-AY 89OT 7E" :E to see se+eral Ne&ron 9or)s (al' out &arryin0 a stran0e metal artifa&t ... Deceiver: "You ha$e i ?" Necron #ord: "Yes +y %o&d" "ands the artifact to the C tan. Deceiver: "A %as 4 The *&ea es "ea-on in he !no"n *a%a,y4" Ar,ra# "&lan 5errett s laptop3 +ith it ... the C tan can re$write this uni!erse as they see fit3"
Deceiver: "7a+n4 Pass"o&d -&o e' ed4" Ar,ra# "+e ha!e a limited time ... before our uni!erse is dumbed$down for the masses of ten$year$olds and their limitless cash3" "6othing wakes me up in the mornings =ust like genuine Catachan coffee ... made from real Catachan mud3" +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 & small flotilla of ships hang in space before the great rift of turbulent energies. & single ship stands out from the rest; decked in towering spires and great banners of gold and red hang from them supported by iron rods to maintain their shape in the 9ero gra!ity. The banners proudly proclaim the ship to be the An*&ina o&) the capital ship of the +orld 2aters *egion ... 7n board the ship) on its command deck) a great figure strides repeatedly across the width of the obser!ation balcony ... /ngron: "7a+n .%oody .&o he&s of +ine a&e %a e4" 6onrad: "Re%a, ... hey#$e -&o.a.%y .een he%d u- in &affi'. O& hey#$e found ha B@ hou& "alo J ou&na+en "o&%d I had o ea& (han a"ay f&o+" 6han: "You se-a&a ed +e f&o+ 0as e& Chief8 you a&e no 'u&&en %y in +y o-inion of .enefi'ia% 'on e+- ..." 6onrad: "5ha e$e& ... +y -oin .ein* "e found ou& (ey su&-&isin*%y =ui'!%y8 he o he&s +i*h no ha$e .een so %u'!y ..." They look at the ?ey of Battle as it rests on the planning table before them. /ngron: "I #s !inda ... du%% ... shou%dn# i .e *%o"in*?" 6onrad: "5hy shou%d i .e *%o"in*?" /ngron: "I hou*h a%% 'oo% e-i' and &a&e **** "as su--osed o *%o"?" 6onrad: "0an ... ha #s fi' ion ... his is &ea% %ife ... 'oo% s uff doesn# a%"ays *%o". O he&"ise "e#d .e fe hin* %i*h houses B@P?4" & lithe figure wanders onto the balcony) two great rending claws folded behind her. 6errigan: "So "ha #s u-?" 6onrad: "F&an'hise 'ha&a' e&s on%y he&e dea& ... Ty&anid "anna.ies *e a&ea do"ns ai&s" 6errigan: "Tha #s he 'hi%d&en#s '&Q'he4" 6onrad: "Yeah ... I !no" ... ho" o%d is he #tarcraft f&an'hise?" hei& o"n %i %e
6errigan: "A.ou 9" 6onrad: "Tha #s s"ee 8 ha$e a 'u- of STF;" "olds up a coffee mug with the letters #T.; written on the side. 6erriganG"Tha .e e& .e 'offee o& e%se I#+ !i'!in* you& ass" 6onrad: "I#d %o$e o see you &y" /ngron: "Fuie 4 :o h of you4 5hi%e i #%% a+use +e no end o see +y *i&%f&iend !i'! you& ass (on9" ?onrad scoffs in derision. "9I#$e .e e& hin*s o do ..." "e notices the Communications Thrall running towards him. "6i!e findin* ou "ha :o. "an s" Communication! 'hrall: "I #s Pe e si&) :o.#s he one "i h he Chaos si*i% on his right 'hee!" /ngron: "6i!e I 'a&e 9 .e *&a efu% you#$e *o a na+e" Pete: "E&& ... yeah ... han!s +y %o&d. Any"ay 9 he#s an as &o-a hi' &ans+ission &e'ei$ed 3us no". I #s f&o+ 6o&d Fe&&us 0anus4 He#s 3us a&&i$ed in9sys e+ and "ishes o s-ea! "i h you i++edia e%y" /ngron: "As soon as his shi- a--&oa'hes &an*e ha$e hi+ 'o+e o$e& on a shu %e '&af o& e%e-o& 9 "ha e$e& a!es his fan'y" Pete: "He an i'i-a ed ha &es-onse si&. He o%d +e o e%% you o) and I =uo e in his e,a' "o&ds) #0o$e you& fa ass o$e& o he lKKt h,0-r i++edia e%y) you %azy .as a&d#" /ngron: "Oh did he? 5e%% you 'an e%% hi+9" "e stops as another Thrall runs up to him. (ther 'hrall: "As &o-a hi' &ans+ission f&o+ 6o&d Ro*a% 7o&n4 He#s a&&i$ed in9sys e+ and "ishes o s-ea! "i h you u&*en %y4" /ngron: "Oh &ea%%y? A he sa+e i+e? 7o hey e,-e' +e o '%one +yse%f no" :o.?"
'hrall: "I#+ <eff si&) :o.#s he one "i h he si*i% on his fo&ehead" Pete: "I hou*h i "as &i*h 'hee!?" =e22: "2o ha #s A%i'e ..." /ngron: "Enou*h4 I don# 'a&e4 You#&e a%% Th&a%%s J) B) and so on o +e4" 'hrall 4: "Oh da+n ..." 'hrall 5: "I "as fun ha$in* na+es ... e$en if i didn# %as %on* ..." 'hrall 4: "Yeah ..." 'hrall >: "I a*&ee" /ngron: "5he&e he he%% did you 'o+e f&o+?" 'hrall >: "I#$e .een "ai in* he&e -a ien %y fo& a*es si& ... i #s an as &o-a hi'9" /ngron: "5ho he he%% is i ?"
'hrall >: "6o&d San*uinius si& ... he &e=ues s9" /ngron: "An i++edia e +ee in* "i h +e? 5ho he he%% a&e hese -eo-%e? And "hy is i on%y he %oya%is s a&e &e=ues in* +y -&esen'e?" 'hrall 4: "6o&d Fe&&us 0anus an i'i-a ed ha e,as-e&a ed 'o++en ) +y %o&d) so o%d +e o &e-ea ) and I =uo e) #:e'ause he &ai o& P&i+a&'hs don# *i$e a ****#" 6onrad: "Tha is so &ue" Crushes his second can of 1rotweiser ... /ngron: "Anyone e%se?" 'hrall ?: "He%%o" /ngron: "Fo& fo& he %o$e of ..." 'hrall ?: "6o&d Vu%!an "an s you o !no" he hin!s you#&e a"eso+e" /ngron: "Rea%%y?" 'hrall ?: "2o he hin!s you#&e fu%% of '&a- and he "an s o a%! o you i++edia e%y" /ngron: Crushes the Thrall s head in a single giant fist. "A2YO2E E6SE?" 'hrall @: "6o&d Ho&us "an s you o s o- -issin* a&ound and e%% hi+ "he&e he .a& is #'ause he#s fe hin* hi&s y and "an s a d&in! .efo&e he !i%%s e$e&yone" /ngron: "THAT#S *e in* o he fe hin* -oin 4 Te%% hi+ i #s o$e& he&e4 7&in!s a&e on (han4" 6han: "Tha is not sa isfa' o&y4" /ngron: "5e%% ... I#+ *e in* so+e so !crew you4" 6errigan: "I 'an e%% you "ho you can s'&e" ..." 6onrad: "You did not 3us say ha 4 5ha ) did *e in* a.so&.ed .y a -oo&9+an#s Ty&anid &i-9off des &oy you& sense of hu+ou& and ability to con!truct decent innuendo""!" 6errigan: "Hey) s'&e" you4 You ha$e no idea ho" +u'h a Re&*9enhan'ed +ens &ua% 'y'%e !uck!!" 6onrad: ".... O( I se&ious%y D%D N(' 3/N' '( 6N(3 '+/'!" 6errigan: "0en4 You#&e a%% a%i!e4 You 'an# hand%e "ha us "o+en ha$e o endu&e e$e&y day4" 6onrad: "Oh yeah4 :e'ause you a%% suffe& so +u'h4 Pe&iods4 Chi%d.i& h4 0eno-ause4 5o&&yin* a.ou you& %oo!s in he fa'e of so'ie y#s in'&easin* so'ia% -&essu&e on %oo!in* 'ons an %y youn* and .eau ifu%4 5e%% *uess "ha 9 .ein* a +an su'!s. :ein* a *ene i'a%%y enhan'ed +an su'!s e$en +o&e. (no" "hy? T"o "o&dsG JB" width. O( ... ha #s h&ee "o&ds ... +y .ad" 6errigan: "Ho%y ... ha #s %i!e *i$in* .i& h ... backward!" 6onrad: "The&e you *o. Reason "hy us P&i+a&'hs a&e *ene&a%%y an an*&y .un'h of s u'!9u- 2ei zs'he "anna.ies ... "e#&e f&an!%y =ui e %one%y ... and .i e& a.ou i ...
hey ... %oo! a +e *e in* a%% se&ious in a 'o+i'a% -a&ody ... "e shou%d s a& 3o!in* a.ou so+e hin* ..." 6errigan: "I#+ so&&y (on&ad ..." 6onrad: "Hey %oo! ... no .i**ie ... "e#&e desi*ned o .e sa$iou& of Hu+ani y ... no '&ea e +o&e of i ..." 6errigan: ":u ... .u An*&on and +e ..." 6onrad: "He#s a%"ays had a s+a%% one ... "hy do you hin! he#s usua%%y so -issed?" 6errigan: "Oh ..." /ngron: "I ... a+ ... *oin* ... o ... 6%## ... )(,!!!!" 6onrad: "See? An*e&4 Ty-i'a% &a*e &esu% in* f&o+ a .e%ief in inse'u&e +as'u%ini y" /ngron: "SH;T ;P4" Begins chasing ?onrad) to starts high$tailing it to the on$ship bar. Se+eral ,ours later ... +oru!: "YES44 :EER444 :6ESSE7 A6COHO6444 6O21 HAVE I 0ISSE7 YO;444" #orgar: "A *ood -oin ... "hen "as he %as o*e he&?" Mortarion: "Fi&s 'ha- e&?" #orgar: ":%oody he%% ... 'an# &e+e+.e& ha fa& .a'! ... "ha "e&e "e doin*?" .ulgrim: "If I &e+e+.e& 'o&&e' %y ..." An0ron4 "... and then I said to the In>uisitor #mite T"I#3 and I cut his head off3" Dbangs on table) causing small earth>uake in a nearby country that kills thousandsE Ful0rim# "<ust like the fifty thousand beforehand. :our capacity for imaginati!e decapitations must hold no bounds". /ngron: "I don# %i!e ha +e+o&y ... s!i- o a ne" one ..." u!!: "5ai ... "ha ha--ened o ha 'oun &y you 'aused an ea& h=ua!e in?" /ngron: "0eh ... housands died ... "ho 'a&es? 5ha I &e+e+.e& is ..." !ortarion# ""e s being sarcastic you simple$minded fool. :ou !e wasted the last fi!e decades with your endless talks on con>uest". Ful0rim# "Inelegant con>uest) full of mindless slaughter $ has no style at all". An0ron# "+ell at least I m doing something. +hat ha!e you guys done for the last ten thousand years while 299ie makes us all look bad with his Black CrusadesA" /ngron: "0e -u in* you *uys in you& -%a'e4" .ulgrim: "5o" ... 0o& had a .a'!.one .a'! hen4 5he&e did ha disa--ea& in .e "een hen and you& 'ha&a' e& de$e%o-+en ... and *i&%f&iend"
i+e "e a' ua%%y sa do"n and had a d&in!
Mortarion: #hrugs. "The "hi+s of he 7a&! 1ods a&e no ou&s o !no" o& unde&s and ... o& he na&&a o& fo& ha +a e& ..." /ngron: "5e&en# you "&i in* a .oo!?" #orgar: ":oo! C?>)OKE)KBA)KJA? Finished i yes e&day on he "ay he&e ..." & collecti!e silence descends upon the %rimarchs ... Mortarion: "You !no" "ha ? I &e &a' he s a e+en I +ade in he fi&s 'ha- e& 9 "e don# su'!. Si, (eys in on%y a +on h ... dudes ... "e rock4" Dorn: "He%% yeah ... "e .ea he '&a- ou of P&i$a ee& P&ess# u-s a& "anna.ies ..."
u!!: "(i'!ed he fo&'es of Has.&o o he 'u&. ..." Mortarion: "Ou s+a& ed he E%da& ..." /lphariu!: ":ou*h an E+-i&e ..." 6onrad: "5a 'hed he en i&e se&ies of The #opranos in one epic si in* ..." +oru!: "And "i'e defea ed an a&+y of 0oo*%es4" Perturabo: "7ude ... not 'oo%" 1eneral laughter at "orus e0pense. Mortarion: ":&o he&s ... I do .e%ie$e "e#&e *ene&a%%y a"eso+e ... "i h a %i %e .i of "in ..." 1eneral murmur of agreement. u!!: "This 'a%%s fo& 'e%e.&a ion44 M( & -&& !!" +oru!: "I a--&o$e ha &es-onse4 I *i$e i +y offi'ia% Ho&us S a+- of A--&o$a%44" 5ore beer arri!es) and the celebration continues. u!!: &s the others engage themsel!es in li!ely con!ersation) /uss leans o!er and >uietly says. "Hey 0a*nus ... you a%% &i*h ?" Magnu!: "H++? Oh ... yeah ... I#+ fine ..." u!!: 6ot con!inced. "O( ... if you#&e su&e ... "an a ne" d&in!? You ha$en# ha one" Magnu!: "2o han!s ..." u!!: "O(" 1oes to say something else) but .errus surprises him with +olf$1irl porn he called up on his laptop. /uss >uickly forgets 5agnus. Se+eral ,ours later ... "orus stands alone on the bridge of his flagship) the ;% i+a e :adass ...
ou'hed
+oru!: "Is he f%ee in -osi ion?" /lphariu!: 7!er the inter$comm. "The -&i+a&y f%ee of he A%-ha E+-i&e is in -osi ion4" 6onrad: 7!er the inter$comm as well. "0an) 'u i ou . I #s no funny any +o&e. So you ha$e you& o"n e+-i&e no". Fuie " /lphariu!: "7ude you#&e 3us 3ea%ous" 6onrad: "Oh of 'ou&se I a+" Perturabo: &lso o!er the inter$comm. "5i%% you *uys 'u i ou 4" Dorn: 1uess ... "Fuie a%% of you4 5a&+as e& Ho&us as!ed a =ues ion4 Ho&us8 +y f%ee is in -osi ion" +oru!: "Ca%%in* +e 5a&+as e& a*ain 7o&n?" Dorn: "I hin! you#$e ea&ned i ... s i%% no fo&*i$in* you fo& 'a%%in* +y 6e*ion #:anana9 +a&ines# a ha %as Ch&is +as do hou*h ..." +oru!: 1rins. "I 'an %i$e "i h ha ... e$e&yone e%se?" u!!: "e s on the inter$comm. "S-a'e 5o%$es a&e in -osi ion and &eady4" Perturabo: :up ... "0y I&on 5a&&io&s a&e &eady4" 6harn: Take a wild stab in the dark ... "5hi e S'a&s a&e &eady4" &nd so on ... $anguiniu!: "Hey ... did he na&&a o& 3us s!i- us a%%?" .erru!: "1e used o i . He#s a %azy *i ..." +hate!er ... +oru!: "Enou*h4 5i h +y a"eso+e -o"e&s I de'%a&e he 1a es of Va&% o-en44" & great big spectacular nothing happens. +oru!: "I#+ su&e so+e hin*#s su--osed o ha--en ... a&e he (eys a%i*ned?" .erru!: "I#$e *o he+ 'onne' ed &i*h ... 6o&*a&?" o s"i 'h i on ... he&e you *o"
#orgar: "6oo!s fine o +e ... oh no ... "ai ... "e fo&*o & great big spectacular #752T"I61 happens. +oru!: ":EHO67 THE 1ATES OF VAR64"
Two massi!e gates appear in the sky) co!ered in comple0 2ldar runes. & booming !oice is heard throughout the ships. Gatekeeper: "5ho da&es o de+and he o-enin* of he 1a es of Va&%? S-ea! no"4 ... Af e& he one ..." Beep3
+oru!: "This is 5a&+as e& Ho&us4 5a&+as e& of he I+-e&iu+4 5a&+as e& o he E+-e&o& of 0an!ind4 5a&+as e& of Chaos4 5a&+as e& of A"eso+eness444" #orgar: "I hin! "e *e i ..." Gatekeeper: "You& i %e is insi*nifi'an 4" +oru!: "5ha ??4?4 :u I#+ 3arma!ter!" Gatekeeper: "I said %N$%GN%.%C/N'! You de+and o -ass h&ou*h he 1a es) hen you +us -ass he 1&ea Tes 4" +oru!: "Fine ... "ha e$e&. Tes us on any hin*4" Gatekeeper: "So .e i ... he 1&ea Tes .e*ins4 Ans"e& he fo%%o"in* =ues ion and you +ay -ass ..." #orgar: "As! a"ay 1a e!ee-e&4" Dramatic music ... Gatekeeper: "5ha is Chaos?" +oru!: "Easy 9 s-i!es and e$i%4" Gatekeeper: "5&on*" #orgar: "Fana i'a% "o&shi-?" Gatekeeper: "5&on* a*ain" u!!: "5i 'he&y4" Gatekeeper: "Oh ... so wrong!" #ion: "The a.o+ina ion4" Gatekeeper: "So "&on*) so "&on*) so "&&&&on*" Perturabo: "Po"e&4" Gatekeeper: "I 'an# hea& you o$e& ho" wrong you a&e4" Dorn: "7a++i 4 Ho" 'o+es he 7ae+on P&i+a&'hs a&e *e in* a%% his "&on*?" +oru!: ":u I#+ ... 5a&+as e&4" They begin to argue and bicker ... but amongst this noise a single !oice rings out and stuns all into silence ... Magnu!: "5ha is Chaos not"" Gatekeeper: "Co&&e' " +oru!: "5ha he he%%? Tha #s 3us ano he& =ues ion4 Ho" 'an ha .e he ans"e&?"
Magnu!: "I #s a &i'! =ues ion. Chaos is) .y defini ion) .eyond des'&i- ion and 'a e*o&isa ion. I #s easie& o des'&i.e Chaos .y des'&i.in* "ha i isn# " +oru!: "So "ha isn# Chaos?" Magnu!: "Tha #s a &i'! =ues ion. E$e&y hin*#s Chaos" +oru!: "5o" ... +y +ind#s .%o"n ..." The 1ates open ... and a bright shining world lies beyond. Magnu!: "1uys ... I 'an# fo%%o" you ... he&e#s so+e hin* I need o do ... I#%% 'a 'h u"i h you %a e&" 'hrall: "0y %o&d Ho&us) he Thousand Sons a&e +o$in* a"ay4" +oru!: "7a++i 0a*nus4 5he&e a&e you *oin*?" 'hrall: "Si&4 The S-a'e 5o%$es a&e fo%%o"in*4" u!!: "5he&e$e& he#s *oin*) he#s no *oin* "i hou +e4" +oru!: "Fine4 Ha$e you& o"n su.-%o 4 I#%% 'on inue he +ain =ues "i hou you4 F%ee s4 5i h +e4 Fu%% ahead h&ou*h he 1a es of Va&%4 The Fish of Ti+e a"ai s444" &s the Thousand #ons and the #pace +ol!es separate from the fleet) the other %rimarchs head through the 1ates of Varl to the unknown world beyond ... "I cast #torm of the 2mperor s +rath at the darkness33" +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 & small world orbits a dying sun) a !eritable dead world in the backwaters of the Imperium. 6o one goes here) sa!e cra9y people and teenagers looking for an awesome make$out spot in their stolen starships 'if that s e!en remotely likely ...(. It s here) at this world) that the combined fleets of the Thousand #ons and the #pace +ol!es 'possibly the most unlikely alliance in the ,-? mythos( approach low$orbit. & single &>uilla *ander lea!es both of the largest !essels in each fleet. The craft head towards a small point in a peninsula on the largest continent of the world. u!!: #tepping down the landing ramp of the &>uilla *ander. "5ha a du+- ... no %ife ... no &ees ... 3us sno" and "ind ... and he .i in* 'o%d ..." agnar -lackmane: "6i!e *odsda+n home +y %o&d4" u!!: "He%% yeah4 :oys4 S-&ead ou 4 Pe&i+e e& -oin 4 7on# *e his -%a'e is a .%eedin paradi!e!" -lackmane: "You hea&d ou& %o&d4 5o%$es 9 +o$e ou 4" The Thousand #ons &>uilla *ander touches down nearby) and 5agnus walks out carrying a stasis chamber in his great hands. "is elite #carab 1uard stand beside him) including &hriman.
oo &e%a,ed 3us #'ause
agnar: "H++ ... "ha #s Ah&i+an doin* he&e? I hou*h he "as e,i%ed?" u!!: "I hou*h he "as on Te&&a" "e approaches the Thousand #ons. "0a*nus ... Ah&i+an ... su&-&ised o see you he&e. Ho" *oes he sie*e?" /hriman: "Te&&i.%e. I #s a "a& of a &i ion. The 2e'&ons a&e oo "e%% du*9in fo& us o shif he+ easi%y8 hey a&e usin* our fo& ifi'a ions no") af e& a%%. 5e &ea%%y shou%dn# ha$e .ui% he+ so "e%% ... o& a %eas *i$en us o$e&&ide 'odes o& so+e hin* ... o& a .a'! doo& ..." u!!: "#Ou&#? 5hen did you 'onside& you&se%f -a& of he I+-e&iu+ a*ain?" /hriman: "Sin'e %as "ee!. 0a%'ado& si*ned he E&&a a T&ea y. A%% S-a'e 0a&ines) "he he& 'hosen f&o+ he %oya%is o& Chaos Code,es) a&e 'onside&ed o .e S-a'e 0a&ines fo& hin*s %i!e ATS(2F and Ri es of :a %e. P%us you& Te&+ina o&s no" .enefi f&o+ Chaos I'ons ... i #s a%% 'oo% and 'heesy no"" agnar: "ATS(2F? You *uys ha$e i no"?" /hriman: "5o!e u- ha fo%%o"in* +o&nin* fee%in* a %o +o&e 'onfiden . 7on# fa%% .a'! hese days as +u'h as I used o" Magnu!: "5e&en# you .earle!!"" /hriman: "H++ ... *ood -oin " agnar: "So ... "ha a&e "e doin* he&e?" Magnu!: "5i 'he&y ... you +i*h "an u!!: "5ha a&e you doin* 0a*nus?" Magnu!: "5ha I ha$e o" u!!: "Te%% +e. I don# "an any unne'essa&y -%o 'o++uni'a e" Magnu!: "I#+ .&in*in* F&ed .a'!" u!!: "You know his isn# *oin* o end "e%%" Magnu!: "I !no" ... .u +y 'ha&a' e& de$e%o-+en de+ands i " u!!: "7on# .e a s%a$e o he &o-e4 Fi*h i 4 7o he &i*h Magnu!: "5ha I "an i! he &i*h hin*) Russ" hin*4" "is s .e'ause "e 'ou%dn# o find a sno" d&if o -iss in "hi%e I do his"
u!!: "7on# *o a&*uin* ha su.3e' i$e9o.3e' i$e %o*i' '&a- "i h +e4 You !no" "ha I +ean 4" Magnu!: "I#+ so&&y Russ) +y +ind#s +ade u-. A%% I as! of you is o 'o$e& any **** ha I +ay h&o" in o he fan unin en iona%%y" u!!: "Aye ... I#%% .e doin* ha ... *o on ..." 5agnus walks off in the direction of a strange stone circle on the top of a great cliff
o!erlooking the sea. agnar: "A&e you su&e +y %o&d? Re+e+.e& "hen 0a*nus da+a*ed he 5e."ay "i h his #"a&nin*#?" u!!: "Fi&s %y) s o- &eadin* he ne" He&esy '&a-. Se'ond%y) "hy "ou%d I 'a&e? T&affi' in he "a&- is a dan*e&ous hin*) and if I don# &us e%e-o& e&s "hy "ou%d I &us a "e."ay? 0a*nus is doin* "ha he 'an o sa$e a %ife and &es o&e his honou& ... and "ha a&e "e "i hou honou&?" agnar: "Piss9-oo& foo .a%% hoo%i*ans" u!!: "7a+n s &ai*h . 5e#&e $pace Marine!) and S-a'e 5o%$es a "e 'an fo& he *ood of Hu+ani y44" ha 4 5e do "ha
agnar: "So 'o++i in* +ass *eno'ide on an en i&e -%ane a&y -o-u%a ion and s%au*h e&in* 'oun %ess +i%%ions of "o+en) 'hi%d&en) and inno'en s .e'ause hey ha--ened o o"n a *&o'e&y sho- on P&os-e&o "as ... "ha ?" u!!: "To de+ons &a e ha "e a&e no .e e& han hose "e -e&se'u e ... "e %oya%is s a&e +e&e%y Chaos 0a&ines in denia% ... i+e o es'a-e ha and s a& fi*h in* fo& "ha "e .e%ie$e in" agnar: "And "ha is ha ?" u!!: "An A"eso+e fu u&e" agnar: "5i h a %i %e 5in?" u!!: "Tha oo"
5eanwhile ... within the stone circle ... /hriman: "A&e you su&e?" Magnu!: "Yes ... I "&o e he e-i' s-e%% his +o&nin*. I on%y need you o &edu'e he 7C o +ana*ea.%e &ea'h .y +y awe!ome S-e%%'&af +odifie&" /hriman: "Ve&y "e%%" "e motions to the /ubrics to lea!e the area) the #carab 1uard to likewise. Magnu!: "6e us .e*in ... I 'a%% u-on he ei*h "inds of Chaos ... I 'a%% u-on ea'h .y na+e9" N%G+'- %NG& : "STOP RI1HT THERE4" /hriman: "Ho%y '&a- ... his na+e#s in a%%9'a-s ..." N%G+'- %NG& : "7a+n s &ai*h i is +o he&fe he&s4 I#$e *o a s'y he he&e "i h you& na+es on i ) and an e, &e+e -o"e&9u- o .oos 4 P%us -%en y of s'o&in* uni s o +a!e su&e you don# "in a*ain" u!!: "(EEP TE66I21 YARSE6F THAT4" *eaps from one of the stones onto the 6I1"TB/I612/ s back) plunging his spear deep into the 6ecrodermis. N%G+'- %NG& : "1e off4"
u!!: "0A12;S4 START THE RIT;A64" The #pace +ol!es descend upon the 6ecrons with bestial fury. The #carab 1uard and the /ubrics =oin the fray ... Magnu!: "I 'a%% u-on you ... 0a%a%4 Res o&e %ife o +y .e%o$ed4 I *i$e he& o you in e,'han*e fo& +y sou%4 0A6A644 M/#/#!!" Malal: "2o need o shou ... I#+ &i*h he&e ..." 1reat coils of energy descend into .red s body) and she begins to glow with unholy energies. Malal: "Fina%%y ... I 6IVE A1AI2444" .red ... or rather the thing that .red now is ... rises and faces the 6ecrons. .redAMalal: ":E1O2E4" 1reat coils of energy lance out and strike the 6ecrons) obliterating their metal bodies. N%G+'- %NG& : "YO; 6ITT6E :ITCH4 I SHA66 7ESTROY YO;4" .redAMalal: "I hin! no ... ;6TI0ATE RE<ECTIO24" N%G+'- %NG& : "2OOOO44" The C tan e0plodes in a bright light of &+2#752 psychic energies. The freed energy >uickly escapes into the sky) taking time to write I ** B2 B&C?3 in the clouds as it escapes. Magnu!: "F&ed ..." .redAMalal: "Yes ... ha "as "ha he +o& a% "as 'a%%ed ... she#s s i%% he&e ... she is +e ... and I a+ he& ... su'h an in e&es in* +ind ... I 'ou%d no des &oy i ... so fu%% of %ife ... so fu%% of in e&es in* desi&es ... +os %y se,ua% ... in e&es in* use of +e'hadend&i es ... yes ... +u'h I 'an %ea&n f&o+ he& ... and she 'an %ea&n +u'h f&o+ +e ... if I a+ o &e'%ai+ +y &i*h fu% -%a'e as a *od on'e a*ain ... I +us unde&s and hose "ho "i%% "o&shi- +e ... yes ... she fee%s *&ea %y fo& you ... I su--ose I do no" oo ... 0a*nus" Magnu!: *eans o!er and whispers at &hriman. "Is 0a%a% a *i&% o& a .oy?" /hriman: "I #s a 5a&- 1od. They don# Magnu!: "I 'an %i$e "i
h ha ha$e *ende&"
... "ha sha%% I 'a%% you?"
.redAMalal: "H++ ... a na+e ... so+e hin* o &ef%e' us ... +e I +ean ... O+nissiah his is 'onfusin* ... "ai "ha a+ I doin* ... I 'an .e +y o"n *od no" 9 I am a *od4 5ai ... I 'an 'u&se +yse%f ... and a!e +y o"n na+e in $ain ... I need a na+e ... Fa%a%4" Magnu! B /hriman B u!!: "Fa%a%?"
.alal: "Yes4 I #%% a$oid he IP inf&in*e+en ... and i sounds si+i%a& enou*h ha +y o%d fo%%o"e&s "i%% s i%% &e'o*nise +e ... h++ ... s-ea!in* of "hi'h ..." #he starts feeling her own breasts. "2o .ad ... "ai " #ticks a hand down her simple cloth trousers. "Ah ... ha #s a &e%ief. Thou*h fo& a +o+en I had i au*+en ed ..." #he turns around. "Sho" you&se%f4"
& familiar strange woman steps out from behind the foliage. 'zeentch: "You 'ou%d sense +e?" .alal: "You& ene&*y as es 3us %i!e i used o) and you &adia e enou*h of i a 'hi%d 'ou%d sense you& -&esen'e f&o+ he o he& side of his "o&%d" /hriman: +hispers to 5agnus. "7id you?" Magnu!: "Oh yeah ... 'ou&se I did ... "ha ? 7id you o$e& he&e ... 'ou&se I didn# ... ahe+ ..." 'zeentch: "7o you %i!e he *if ?" .alal: "I "as you?" Magnu!G "I "as you"!"" 'zeentch: "Of 'ou&se dea&. I a+ he A&'hi e' of Fa e) She 5ho Ro%%s You& 7i'e. P&ay o +e "hen you "an .o,'a&s ... o& sna!e eyes fo& 6eade&shi- Tes s ... e,'e- Psy'hi' Tes s "hen I -&o$ide a $a&ia.%e &o%% de-endin* on you& 6eade&shi- 'ha&a' e&is i' ... I fai%ed F&ed#s sa$e fo& he&. I sa" *&ea -o en ia% in he& ... and I "an ed o see ho" +u'h you %o$ed he& ... does his +ean you don# %o$e +e?" Magnu!: "You#&e +y *od ... i !inda doesn# "o&! ha "ay ..." 'zeentch: "I 'ou%d ... I sa$e you f&o+ P&os-e&o ... f&o+ ha u*%y *i o$e& he&e9" #he points at /uss) who growls. "9I#$e .een %oo!in* ou fo& you a%% his i+e. I *a$e you a -e&fe' 6e*ion9" &hriman looks offended) then realises it s probably not in his best interest to argue against who was behind the /ubric proper. "9I *a$e you u% i+a e -o"e& ... and a%% he 7S7 .oo!s fo& E&d Ed ... I did his .e'ause I loved you4 I "an you o .e ha--y ... .u if .ein* "i h he& "i%% +a!e you ha--y ... hen ... I su--ose ..." .alal: "Oh4 A h&eeso+e4" Magnu!: "I "as not e,-e' in* ha ... .u I#+ not a&*uin*4" agnar: "0y %o&d ... a+ I hea&in* his -&o-e&%y?" u!!: "0a*nus has .a**ed hi+se%f "o ho .i&ds "i h *od%i!e u% i+a e -o"e& without trying" Yeah ... he uni$e&se is no fai& ..." agnar: "2o ... no "hen Fa e He&se%f a--a&en %y ha es you& *u s" u!!: "e sighs. "6i!e no&+a% ... %e s find a -u. on his da+n "o&%d ..." agnar: "And if he&e isn# any?" u!!: "Then .y he E+-e&o& "e sha%% .ui%d i 4 And hey sha%% 'o+e4" agnar: "7a+n a"eso+e idea) +y %o&d4" "+ondergaunt3 "ealthy food for your young 1aunt 'of any genus(33" +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of
hin! I +issed he A$a a& of a Chaos 1od hidin* in he .ushes
time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 7n the obser!ation deck of the ;% i+a e :adass ... 'hrall: "I hin! "e#&e %os +y %o&d ..." +oru!: "5e a&e no %os ... "e a&e ... so+e"he&e I ha$e no &e+e+.e&ed ye ..." 'hrall: "5e#&e %os ..." "orus backhands Thrall in the face) crushing his skull. +oru!: "So+eone *e +e a ne" Th&a%%4 This one#s suffe&ed ;nfo& una e" #orgar: 7!er the intercomm. ";nfo& una e?" +oru!: ";nfo& una e Tha He Annoyed Ho&us" #orgar: "Ad+i i 9 he had a -oin . 5e#&e %os " +oru!: "5e a&e no %os 4 I !no" e,a' %y "he&e "e a&e4" #orgar: "So "he&e a&e "e?" +oru!: "1oin* so+e"he&e" #orgar: "5he&e?" +oru!: "So+e"he&e ha isn# he&e" #orgar: "Tha #s s'&e"ey %o*i' ..." +oru!: "I #s my %o*i'. 5hi'h -"ns a%%" #orgar: "You did no 3us -&onoun'e he #-# he&e) did you?" +oru!: "If he&e is a #-#) I sha%% -&onoun'e i . I a+ 5a&+as e&. I a+ a"eso+e" Dorn: 7!er the inter$comm. "S'&e" he Fish of Ti+e) %e s 3us .ea "i h Ho&us# e*o" +oru!: #eriously considering it. "5ou%d ha .e -ossi.%e?" .erru!: Via inter$comm. "5e%% "e#$e +ana*ed o do so+e -&e y '&azy s uff %a e%y) so I "ou%d i+a*ine "e 'ou%d find a "ay ..." #orgar: "Tha #s .eside he -oin 8 "e#&e s i%% %os 44" Dorn: "Senso&s de e' no hin*. I #s %i!e he&e#s ei he& no hin* ou &ea%%y -o"e&fu% 3a++in* *oin* on" #orgar: "If i #s no hin*) i #s $e&y .&i*h . I#$e had o -u "indo"s ..." +oru!: "I#+ 3us "ea&in* +y a"eso+e shades ..."
he C# an o dea h
he&e) o& he&e#s a
he .%inds do"n on he
#orgar: "You "ou%d ..." Dorn: "So "he&e a&e "e?" +oru!: "5he&e a&e "e not?" #orgar: "Tha #s a 'i&'u%a& a&*u+en 4 You#&e no a%%o"ed 'i&'u%a& a&*u+en s44" +oru!: "5ho says I 'an# ?" #orgar: "I do4 I#%% "&i e i do"n in +y .oo!s 9 "orus cannot use circular arguments4" +oru!: "You 'anno ins a%% an i9Ho&us &u%es in you& &e%i*ion44" #orgar: "Yes I 'an4 I 'an +a!e a "ho%e &e%i*ion ou of i 4 An i9Ho&usis+44" +oru!: "Tha #s no fai&4" #orgar: "And I#%% ha$e +y o"n %i %e fo%%o"e&s 'a%%ed An i9Ho&us %es4" +oru!: "I don# ha$e fo%%o"e&s4 You 'an# ha$e fo%%o"e&s "hen I don# 4 I fo&.id i unde& A& i'%e BJ of he 5a&+as e& Ri*h s A' 4" #orgar: "S'&e" ha 4 I#+ o$e&9&u%in* i 4" Dorn: "I#+ o$e&9&u%in* you .o h4" 1ulkan: "O$e&9&u%ed4" Dorn: "On "ha .asis?" 1ulkan: "On he .asis ha I#+ awe!ome and you#&e no " Dorn: "Tha +a!es no %o*i'a% sense44" 1ulkan: "I does o +e) and I 'oun " +oru!: "I 'oun dou.%e 9 a%% of you a&e o$e&9&u%ed4" Mortarion: "Can I say so+e hin*?" +oru!: "2o you 'an# ) I#+ de+ons &a in* +y su-e&io&i y" Mortarion: "Sha%% I e%% he E%da& f%ee &a-id%y a--&oa'hin* us o "ai un i% you& e*o is sa isfied hen?" +oru!: "E%da& ... "ha ?" /!urmen: "A en ion I+-e&ia% f%ee 4 You "i%% no o. ain he Fish of Ti+e4" +oru!: "A&en# "e on he sa+e side?" /!urmen: "5e#&e fee%in* 'a-&i'ious ... E%da& s y%e" #orgar: "This is insane4 The C# an "i%% !i%% us .o h4"
/!urmen: ":u if "e ha$e he 'han'e o !i%% .o h he Yn*i& and he I+-e&iu+? I #s "o& h a sho " +oru!: "I sense a .e &aya%4" /!urmen: "You sense "&on*. This is a P%o T"is " +oru!: "P%o T"is :e &aya%4" /!urmen: "Tha #s 3us .ein* -edan i'" +oru!: "7on# a&*ue "i h +e4 P&i+a&'hs4" #orgar: "2o a&*uin* "i h Ho&us 9 ha #s our 3o.4" Mortarion: "If anyone needs +e a*ain) I#%% .e !i'!in* so+e ass ..." = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FIFTY EI1HT*** = = = = = = = = "I was walking home one day when it struck me3 +hy not arm 1uardsmen with BoltgunsA #pace 5arines outnumber us B- to B) so they re in plentiful supply3 ;nfortunately I was struck down by 1ame Balance before my idea could be made reality ..." $ Bob) 1uardsman +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 #orgar: "I #s a $e&y sho& in &o e, " +oru!: "7o you "an %on*e&?" #orgar: "I "ou%d ... "i h .e e& "o&d-%ay ... +o&e -&ose ... +o&e .ody ..." "ey) I m not #hakespeare here3 #orgar: "Tha #s no e,'use fo& .ein* %azy on he o-enin* na&&a i$e ..." +ell fine then ... It is the ,Bst millennium) a dark and gothic future where =oy is only found in te0tbooks and countless billions 'with is a number) so kinda makes that countless bit somewhat redundant( toil in futility ser!ing a merciless go!ernment which cares not for the li!es of its sub=ects) only their endless worship of a rotting corpse bound to the ancient techno$ magicks of the 1olden Throne. This is the 1od$2mperor of mankind) an ancient relic of times long since lost) of an age of reason and enlightenment cast away by a "umanity unfit for its glories. 6ow the 1od$2mperor sits immobile) in constant suffering) his mind fractured and assaulted by the great powers of the +arp; dark beings forged from the !ery emotions of sentient life. "ere) in this dark) bleak uni!erse) we find our heroes; the %rimarchs. 1enetically engineered beings of incredible power) the %rimarchs were once hailed as the sa!iours of the "uman race) but their !ery "umanity caused their downfall. %ride) greed) en!y) and basic "uman ambition caused their downfall) and e!entual ci!il war that almost destroyed the Imperium of 5an. The 2mperor s price for his belief in "umanityA Chained to the 1olden Throne) his glorious empire reduced to a realm of superstition and fear.
The 1ods of Chaos granted powerful champions) and legions of unstoppable #pace 5arines with which to car!e a bloody path through the uni!erse. #orgar: "I told hi+ +an!ind needed &e%i*ion. 2o" he#s 3us *one and -&o$ed +e &i*h " Dorn: "The I+-e&iu+ of 0an is an a.o+ina ion a*ains T&u h" he E+-e&o&#s o&i*ina% I+-e&ia%
#orgar: "The I+-e&ia% T&u h is 3us a heis i' -&o-a*anda desi*ned o ensu&e Hu+ani y#s 'on inua% i*no&an'e of he $as -&o-e& ies of he uni$e&se and &ea%+s .eyond. If he I+-e&ia% T&u h "as) I don# !no") a' ua% truth) hen Chaos "ou%d ha$e .een "e%'o+ed and e+.&a'ed as .enefi'ia% -o"e&s fo& he I+-e&iu+) and no so+e hin* o fea&" Dorn: "Tha #s a.su&d4" #orgar: "Is i ? The Chaos Po"e&s fea&ed he E+-e&o& fo& his desi&e o ha&ness Hu+an e+o ion and s a&$e he+ of hei& ene&*y. They did "ha any se%f9&es-e' in* sen ien .ein* "ou%d do "hen de-&i$ed of hei& food sou&'e 9 sou*h ou +eans o &es o&e ha sou&'e. The He&esy "as +e&e%y a de$i'e o ensu&e Hu+ani y on'e e+.&a'ed hei& e+o ions and sou*h o .e "ha na u&e in ended he+ o .e" Dorn: ":a&.a&ians? :%ood f&enzied !i%%e&s? Re%i*ious fana i's?" #orgar: "Is i so "&on* o fee% e+o ion and o ha&.ou& .e%ief? E+o ion and .e%ief ha$e sha-ed Hu+an his o&y fo& as %on* as "&i en &e'o&ds ha$e e,is ed. Sin'e he ea&%ies i+e of Hu+ani y) -&aye& has .een s-o!en o a 1od o& 1ods. An*e& "as fe% ) as "as 3oy) ha--iness) sadness) and %o$e. To a!e hose a"ay f&o+ us "ou%d .e o de-&i$e Hu+ani y of ... "e%% ... i s Hu+ani y" Dorn: "And !i%%in* end%ess%y fo& (ho&ne?" #orgar: "A *%o&ious dis-%ay of an*e& and ha e) of f&enzy and .%ood%us . On%y "hen hey e,is 'an su'h e+o ions as 'o+-assion) %o$e) 'a&e) and de$o ion e,is . :%a'! 'anno e,is "i hou "hi e. As "hi e 'anno e,is "i hou .%a'!. O--osi es need ea'h o he&. Fo& he I+-e&iu+ o e,is ) i needs Chaos. This is he T&u h" 1ulkan: "A&e "e *oin* o s-end a%% his 'ha- e& de.a in* -hi%oso-hy?" #orgar: "I don# see "hy no ... he E%da& f%ee is s!i%% se$e&a% As &ono+i'a% ;ni s a"ay f&o+ us and hey#&e no &a$e%%in* any fas e&" +oru!: "I#+ .o&ed ... I hou*h s-a'e .a %es "e&e su--osed o .e fas 9-a'ed an e,'i in*" #orgar: "O.$ious%y you#$e ne$e& -%ayed :a %ef%ee 1o hi' hen ..." 1ulkan: "To -u i +o&e si+-%y8 #tar +ars %ied" +oru!: "5ha ? 7a& h Vade& wa!n7t 6u!e#s fa he&?" 1ulkan: "2o =ui e ... essen ia%%y -u%%in* off i*h u&ns in a $a'uu+ is in'&edi.%y diffi'u% "i hou e, &e+e%y -o"e&fu% fo&'e .eyond he s'o-e of su'h '&af as TIE Fi*h e&s. Se'ond%y) s-a'e is -%G" +oru!: "I no i'ed ..." 1ulkan: "0os s-a'e .a %es a&e 'ondu' ed .eyond $isua% &an*e. 1ene&a%%y "e#%% .e
o&de&in* ou& *un '&e"s o fi&e a ha s+a%% "hi e s-o 3us off he -o& .o". The E%da& f%ee "i%% -&o.a.%y s o- "hen hey#&e a 'ou-%e of housand !i%o+e &es a"ay) in &an*e of hei& *uns .u you "on# see he+ -u%%in* u- &i*h in ou& fa'es 3us so "e 'an ad+i&e hei& -&e y -ain s'he+es" +oru!: "So "e "on# see he+?" 1ulkan: "I #%% .e ha&d o e%% he+ a-a& f&o+ he s a&s ... if hey#&e &ef%e' in* +u'h %i*h a a%%. In his .&i*h ne.u%a) I dou. "e#%% see +u'h a*ains he .a'!*&ound. Ou& on%y '%ue hey#%% .e he&e is he senso& &eadin*s and he in'o+in* %an'e sho s" +oru!: "This is he &ea%i y of s-a'e .a %es?" 1ulkan: "Yes" +oru!: "Rea%i y su'!s" 1ulkan: "Yu-. A%so) in &ea%i y %as*uns a&e a' ua%%y =ui e effe' i$e "ea-ons 'a-a.%e of .u&nin* h&ou*h f%esh) +us'%e and .one in +i%%ise'onds" +oru!: "Rea%i y double su'!s" 1ulkan: "A%so) if one "e&e o -ay a en ion o he zy*o es i+-%an ed in S-a'e 0a&ines) hey a&e fa& f&o+ he in$u%ne&a.%e !i%%in* +a'hines he :6 insis s hey a&e. Headsho s s i%% "o&! "onde&s) fo& e,a+-%e" +oru!: "Re+ind +e no o &e+ind -eo-%e a.ou &ea%9%ife %a"s of -hysi's ..."
1ulkan: "Oh don# "o&&y. The @A( uni$e&se i*no&es enou*h of he+ any"ay. O he&"ise he Ade- us 0e'hani'us "ou%d send *&ound se&$ey ea+s o e$e&y .a %efie%d so+eone &e=ues ed he use of :a %e9C%ass and hea$ie& Ti ans 3us o +a!e su&e he *&ound "ou%d su--o& he "ei*h of su'h +a'hines" +oru!: "5hy .o he& "hen $i&us .o+.s see+ o "o&! so "e%% ... se&ious%y "hy "e&e hey .anned? 5ha #s he %o*i' he&e? They#&e effe' i$e a !i%%in* ,enos) "e "an o !i%% ,enos) e&*o "e use $i&us .o+.s" 1ulkan: "P&o.a.%y .e'ause he $i&us ea s -%an %ife as "e%%) and he E+-e&o& %o$es his &ees and f%o"e&s" +oru!: "He#s a &ee9hu**in* hi--y a hea& isn# he?" 1ulkan: "Fui e -ossi.%y" +oru!: "So 'an "e s a& shoo in* a he E%da& ye ?"
'hrall: "They#&e s i%% ou of "ea-on &an*e. 5e 'ou%d fi&e o&-edoes) ho"e$e&" +oru!: "Fi&e he+4 0a!e so+e hin* e,-%ode44" 'hrall: "To&-edos fi&ed" +oru!: "E,'e%%en ... so ... e&+ ... "hen ... "hen is ... he .an* ... *oin* o ha--en?" 'hrall: "A 'u&&en $e%o'i y he o&-edoes "i%% i+-a' "i h he E%da& $esse%s in "en y9 h&ee +inu es"
+oru!: "You#&e se&ious%y !iddin* +e ... I ha$e o "ai e,-%osion4" 'hrall: "You "on# hea& i " +oru!: "5ha ?" 'hrall: "S-a'e is a $a'uu+ si&) sound doesn#
"en y9 h&ee +inu es o hea& +y
&a$e% h&ou*h i "
+oru!: "So I 'an# hear i ? Can I a %eas !ee i ?" 'hrall: "A his dis an'e ... un%i!e%y ..."
+oru!: "6o&*a&4" #orgar: "Rea%i y su'!s?" +oru!: "7a+n s &ai*h 44" +oru!: "Ha$e hey hi ye ?" = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FIFTY 2I2E*** = = = = = = = = "677777777777777777777777733333333333" $ &baddon) upon disco!ering "orus really i! his clone$father +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 +oru!: "Ha$e hey hi ye ?" 'hrall: "2o +y %o&d" +oru!: "Oh fo& hea$en#s sa!e4 A&e hese he s%o"es la!t chapter!" 'hrall: "They#$e hi " +oru!: "I "ou%d e,-e' so4 So ... "he&e#s he .an*?" 'hrall: "Tha do he&e +y %o&d" o&-edoes in his o&y4 5e fi&ed he+
+oru!: #trains eyes. "Rea%%y?" 'hrall: "Yes +y %o&d" +oru!: "I 'an# see any hin*" & huge flash almost blinds e!eryone. +oru!: "2o" that7! an e,-%osion44" /ngron: 7!er the inter$comm. "Tha "as +e"
+oru!: "5ha
he he%% did you use?"
/ngron: "I had he 'on en s of he ne.u%a s'anned and de e' ed a %a&*e a+oun of $o%a i%e *asses. The E%da& f%ee "e&e headin* o"a&ds a -a& i'u%a&%y dense -o'!e of su'h *asses) so I o&de&ed he "a&heads of se$e&a% o&-edoes &e-%a'ed "i h i+ed de ona ion $a&ian s ins ead" +oru!: "Han* on ... An*&on "as ha intelligence you 3us de+ons &a ed he&e" /ngron: "Hey) if i in$o%$es .%o"in* '&a- u- ... i #s o he& s uff ha .o&es +e" +oru!: "I s and i+-&essed 9 .e honou&ed" /ngron: "S'&e" ha ) I ha$e .e e& hin*s o do. F%ee ) -&e-a&e he -o& .&oadside .a e&ies and u&n ou& shi-s nine y s a&.oa&d. I "an o *&ee he E%da& "i h f%ashy s uff ha *oes .an*" +oru!: "They#&e %an'e .a e&ies An*&on" /ngron: "A"eso+e. They *o .an* 9 I %i!e he+" #orgar: 7!er the inter$comm. "Si+-%e hin*s ...." /ngron: "S-ea!in* of .i* .an*s 9 "he&e#s ou& nu!es?" +oru!: "7o "e ha$e nu!es?" /ngron: "5hy shou%dn# "e? They +a!e hu*e e,-%osions4" #orgar: "I #s no &ea%%y +en ioned +u'h. (ind of insinua ed "e ha$e s uff ha +a!es .i**e& .an*s" /ngron: "S'&e" ha 9 I "an nu!es. They ha$e .i* e,-%osions and &adia ion -oisonin* o .oo " #orgar: "2o su'h %u'! ou he&e in s-a'e I#+ af&aid8 ou& shi-s ha$e so +u'h &adia ion shie%din* as .asi' -&o e' ion you#%% .e %u'!y o *e a sin*%e .a.y .o&n "i h so +u'h as an e, &a oe" /ngron: ":ah" 1ulkan: 7!er the inter$comm. "Found so+e4 7o you "an +e o shi- he+ o$e&?" /ngron: "7o "e ha$e i+e?" +oru!: *ooks at Thrall. "5e%% ... do "e?" 'hrall: "The E%da& f%ee is s i%% o$e& one A; a"ay" +oru!: ":%oody he%% ..." /!urmen: 7!er the inter$comm. "7u%% isn# i ?" +oru!: "You &e'onside&ed?" /!urmen: "2o ... "e#&e s i%% de e&+ined o .e &ay you ... a% hou*h ... any 'han'e fo& a
'u- of ea? 5e#$e .een "ai in* he&e fo& you sin'e Cha- e& EA" +oru!: "5ha ... "ai ... no! 2o 'u- of ea fo& you4 You#&e betraying us4 5hy shou%d I *i$e you a 'u- of ea?" /!urmen: ":e'ause i #s a 3o%%y de'en +oru!: ":u you#&e betraying us4" /!urmen: "5e%% he&e#s no need o a!e i -e&sona%. I #s in he des'&i- ion on he .a'! of ou& Code," +oru!: "5ha ? #5i%% s'&e" o$e& any and a%% a%%ies?#" /!urmen: "2o) a&&o*an'e. 6oo! a i f&o+ ou& -e&s-e' i$e. 5e un%eashed a "ho%e %oad of '&a- on he uni$e&se) and "e need o '%ean i u-. :efo&e "e 'ou%d do ha ) a%on* 'o+es you& E+-e&o& and his *&and s'he+e of +ass ,eno'ide and "e#&e %i!e #5e%% ... s'&e" ha 4 5e#&e no ou he *a+e ye #. So "ho#s he a&&o*an ones no"?" +oru!: "The *a%a,y .e%on*s o Hu+ani y4" /!urmen: "Says "ho? I don# see you& na+e on i " +oru!: "5e%% I don# see you& na+e on i ei he&4" /!urmen: "Yes i is. 6oo! a he *a%a' i' +a-) i% you& head o one side) s=uin a %i %e) and hu+ o you&se%f. The "o&ds #E%da& Ru%z# is "&i en in he Ha%o s a&s" +oru!: "Tha #s s u-id ..." 1ets out his map and follows &surmen s instructions. "5e%% I#%% .e .u**e&ed side"ays "i h a *&o, ..." #orgar: "7a+n he#s right. 5ha is he 'han'e ha a s e%%a& fo&+a ion housands of %i*h yea&s in "id h and %en* h "i%% fo&+ he e,a' -a e&n &e=ui&ed fo& he Hi*h 1o hi' s'&ifo& #E%da& Ru%z#?" +oru!: "A.ou as +u'h 'han'e as you *e in* %aid" #orgar: "I#+ married" +oru!: "Thus I a+ -&o$ed &i*h on'e a*ain. Ri*h ... Asu&+en4 Fine. I#%% ad+i he *a%a,y has you& na+e on i ) .u "hen I ha$e he Fish of Ti+e I "i%% &e9a&&an*e hose s a&s and -&in #Ho&us FT5# on his *a%a,y" Dorn: "E&+ ... and dad?" +oru!: "I#%% add a foo no e so+e"he&e ..." 'hrall: "The E%da& f%ee is a%+os in &an*e ..." +oru!: "A.ou .%oody i+e4 S'&e" he ea) Asu&+en4 Today you& !ind "i%% fa'e defea 4" /!urmem: "Ah ... one s+a%% -&o.%e+ he&e" +oru!: "5ha ?" /!urmen: "Fa&see&s" hin* o do?"
+oru!: "Co+e a*ain?" /!urmen: "Fa&see&s. (no" "ha +oru!: "Cou&se I !no" "ha do "i h any hin*?" hey do?"
hey do4 They see in o he fu u&e4 5ha does his ha$e o
/!urmen: "5e fo&esa" his .a %e) and +ade a--&o-&ia e a&&an*e+en s. You#%% no i'e ha you& on9.oa&d 'o+-u e& sys e+s) desi*ned and -&o*&a++ed in he 1&ea C&usade) ha$e in9.ui% 'o++ands ha -&e$en s fi&in* u-on E%da& shi-s. You#%% a%so no i'e ha i #s no" shu in* do"n a%% you& en*ines and &edu'in* -o"e& o .a&e +ini+u+. You#%% a%so no i'e he s+i%ey fa'e and #Ha$e a Ha--y 7efea # s%o*an -%as e&ed on a%% ho%o%i hi' s'&eens. Fina%%y) you#%% &ea%ise ha a e+- in* o use Fe&&us# e%i e ha'!in* s!i%%s o *e a&ound ou& $i&us "i%% no "o&!) as "e#$e +ade su&e ha Fe&&us is *ene i'a%%y in'a-a.%e of 'oun e&in* E%da& $i&us sof "a&e" .erru!: "Ho%y '&a-4 He#s &i*h 4 I 'an# ... I 3us 'an# do i 4" /!urmen: "5e .&i.ed one of he E+-e&o&#s +any s'ien is s on Te&&a o a% e& so+e of you& *ene i' 'odin*) ensu&in* ha "hen he i+e 'a+e "e 'an an i'i-a e you& e$e&y a' ion. An in ans"e& o you& &e-%yG yes "e 'an" +oru!: "You 'an# do ha 4 ... oh ... you a%&eady ans"e&ed ha ..." /!urmen: "2o you "on# " +oru!: "5e "i%% find ... a ... "ay ... o defea you) and you a%&eady ans"e&ed that one ..." /!urmen: "End of 'ha- e&" +oru!: "Oh you#&e good" = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY*** = = = = = = = = ""ow sword) how I lo!e thee ... oh stabby$stabby instant deathy sword ... my little Drachy ... wait ... is this thing still recordingA3A3 C/&%333" $ Current most popular !ideo on +arpTube +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 +e =oin our heroes as they sit in separate holding cells aboard the 2ldar super$ Craftworld 'like a normal Craftworld ... only super( contemplating the e!ents that ha!e led them to their current situation. #orgar: "I #s -oin %ess ..." +oru!: "Tha #s defea 4 I &efuse o 'o+-&ehend ha 'on'e- 4 I #s ana he+a o +e4" 6onrad: "He does ha$e a -oin ) ho"e$e&. The E%da& ha$e =ui e su''essfu%%y +ana*ed o o&*anise en housand yea&s of Hu+an his o&y"
Dorn: "You believed a%% ha '&a- Asu&+en "as a%!in* a.ou ? Tha he "ho%e of Hu+an his o&y sin'e he Fa%% of he E%da& "as a 'o+-%e, -%an desi*ned o o-en he 1a es of Va&% and un%eash he -o"e&s of he Fish of Ti+e4" .erru!: "5hy no ? I#$e done si+i%a& in RTS *a+es. You -%an ahead) -%a'e you& -ie'es) "ai un i% he +o+en is &i*h ) and if you 'an *e you& o--onen o do a%% he ha&d "o&! fo& you) hen a%% he .e e&" +oru!: "So I "as a +e&e -a"n fo& he E%da& f&o+ he +o+en I "as .o&n?" Perturabo: "See+s %i!e dad "as as "e%%" +oru!: "2EVER4 Ou& fa he& +ay .e +any hin*s8 a&&o*an ) idio i') "i h he +ind of a fi$e9yea&9o%d *i$en his fi&s -%as i' S-a'e 0a&ine .o, se ) .u a -a"n fo& he E%da&4 2e$e&4" 1ulkan: "Ho" 'an you fi*h an ene+y ha as a%&eady seen and -%anned fo& any hin* you do?" +oru!: "7o so+e hin* hey ha$en# seen 9 so+e hin* hey "on# e,-e' 4" 1ulkan: "Any ideas?" +oru!: "HEA7:;T THE 5A66S44" "e slams his head into the strange glowing walls of his holding cell. "E0PEROR9CHRIST A60I1HTY4 THAT +, '4" Mortarion: "I o%d you ea&%ie& ... i #s ;% &a95&ai h.one. Ha&de& han no&+a% 5&ai h.one) "i h "i'e he Ha&dness and Hi Poin s. I 'an "i hs and he di&e' i+-a' of a 2o$a Cannon. You& head isn# *oin* h&ou*h i any i+e soon" +oru!: "This si ua ions in2uriate! +e4" 1ulkan: "I#+ no ..." oo ha--y a.ou i ei he& ... +y he+e une is sus-i'ious in i s a.sen'e
Mortarion: "I 'an "his %e i if you "an " #orgar: "An*&on) you#$e .een a"fu%%y =uie ..." /ngron: "I#+ hin!in* ..." Corax: "Tha sounds -ainfu% ... you +i*h "an in3u&y .." o s o- .efo&e you do you&se%f an
/ngron: "2o a.ou es'a-in* ... a.ou 0a*nus and Russ" +oru!: "Of 'ou&se4 They#&e s i%% ou he&e4"
$anguiniu!: "They#%% 'o+e o ou& &es'ue44" .ulgrim: "If hey#&e no &yin* o '%a" ea'h o he& o -ie'es ..."
6han: "C%a") is one hin* 0a*nus does no do ..." .erru!: "I hin! he#s .een +u% i9'%assin* as a 7&uid ... so he +i*h +oru!: "Enou*h id%e 'ha e&4 I -&o-ose -%an A fo& es'a-e4"
hese days ..."
$anguiniu!: "Es'a-e s a& s "i h an #e# ..." +oru!: "... and -eo-%e "onde& "hy I !i%%ed hi+ ..." Dorn: "5ha is his -%an Ho&us?" +oru!: "5i h a%% ou& un*od%y -o"e& ... si and "ai fo& 0a*nus and Russ o .ai% us ou of he&e ..." Perturabo: "A+azin* -%an he&e +a e ... u e&%y f%a"%ess" +oru!: "I #s f%a"%ess in i #s si+-%i'i y4 2o one "i%% sus-e' us si in* id%y and "ai in* o .e &es'ued 9 i #s a*ains ou& 'ha&a' e&s4" #orgar: "As +u'h as i -ains +e o ad+i "ay ..." his ... Ho&us doe! ha$e a -oin ... in a
Dorn: "H++ ... "e%% i has a shade of %o*i' ... ha #s a%% I#+ sayin* on he +a e&" +oru!: "Oh yes4 S'o&e one fo& he H9+eis e&4" Perturabo: "You& 'a-a'i y o +a!e +e "ish I "as no &e%a ed o you in'&eases "i h ea'h hin* you say ..." .erru!: "On he o-i' of &e%a ions ... "ha e%se do you hin! he E%da& ha$e done o us?" +oru!: "I#$e no idea" #orgar: "Inse& so+e of hei& a&&o*an'e?" +oru!: "5ha a s u-id idea4 As if E%da& 'ou%d !no" "ha a&&o*an'e is4 Rea% Hu+an a&&o*an'e "i%% a%"ays .e +o&e a&&o*an han an E%da&4 I #s &ue .e'ause % said so4" #orgar: "Che'! ha one hen ..." .erru!: "S &an*e ..." #orgar: "5ha ?" .erru!: "5hen I ou'hed he "a%% he&e ... i +o$ed ..." #orgar: "Tha #s 3us o- i+is+ ..." .erru!: "5ai ... i did i a*ain ... I "onde& if ..." "e presses an arm through the wall) and follows with his body) stepping through the wall into &ngron s cell ne0t door. /ngron: "I+-&essi$e. So "hen "e&e you *oin* o %e us !no" you 'ou%d do ha ?" .erru!: "I didn# !no"4 5hy "ou%d I !no" I 'ou%d do ha ? 3hat did I do?" /ngron: "6oo!s %i!e you o%d he 5&ai h.one o %e you -ass" .erru!: "I 'an talk o 5&ai h.one? :u ho"?" #orgar: "The E%da&?"
.erru!: ":u why" 5hy "ou%d hey *i$e +e a a%en s uff +os of hei& e'hno%o*y is .ui% ou of?" +oru!: "H++ ... 'ou%d .e a &a-" .erru!: "6e s &is! i ) "i h +e An*&on?"
ha %e s +e +ani-u%a e he $e&y
/ngron: "Of 'ou&se. E%da& a&e s=uishy) i "e +ee any I#$e *o +y fis s" .erru!: "6e s +o$e ..." ======== 5eanwhile) many light$years away ... /rhra: "Tha "as a de%i*h u% s ea!. E,=uisi e f%a$ou&in*s and s-i'es if I do say so ... a+ I -i'!in* u- he .i%%?" $laane!h: "Of 'ou&se dea& ..." /rhra: "I hou*h as +u'h. So ... ha$e hey .een 'a- u&ed? Ah4 5ai e&?" $laane!h: "Asu&+en 'on a' ed +e a fe" hou&s a*o ... hey ha$e .een +ade a"a&e of hei& -u&-ose" /rhra: "The foo%s -&o.a.%y "on# unde&s and i fo& a "hi%e. They#%% need o s u+.%e a&ound fo& se$e&a% 'ha- e&s .efo&e i da"ns on he+. They s i%% .e%ie$e hey "e&e fo&*ed o *uide Hu+ani y .... e,'use +e "ai e&?" $laane!h: "They "i%% &ea%ise hey ha$e a +u'h *&ea e& *oa%. 5e didn# ha foo% in hei& you h fo& no &eason" a!e he+ f&o+
/rhra: "Of 'ou&se no ... I &us T has e$e&y hin* so& ed? E&+ .. "ai e&?" $laane!h: "She#s "i h 0a*nus. 0a%a% "a%!s a+on*s us on'e a*ain" /rhra: "E,'e%%en s uff. 5ai e&? Oh fo& he %o$e of ..." $laane!h: "The -ie'es a&e +o$in* ... he 'a&ds a&e d&a"n ... soon A&h&a ... $e&y soon ..." /rhra: /aises a glass. "To an a"eso+e fu u&e4" $laane!h: #he does likewise. "To an a"eso+e fu u&e ... e,'use +e "ai e&?" .ifty waiters appear beside her. /rhra: "You s%u " $laane!h: #miles.
P*R*I*0*A*R*C*H*S
= = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY O2E*** = = = = = = = = "+hat happens when you put a Bag of "olding inside a Vorte0 1renadeA"
+ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 Cue the 0ission I+-ossi.%e theme tune as .errus) &ngron) and ?onrad sneak around the corner deep within the bowels of the Craftworld. 6onrad: "Is his ne'essa&y?" .erru!: "I *e s us in he +ood" /ngron: ":u "on# he E%da& hea& i ?"
.erru!: "7ude ... on%y he -&o a*onis s hea& he +usi'. An a*onis s ne$e&) o he&"ise he 'han*e in he+e "ou%d o he&"ise "a&n he+ of hei& u-'o+in* do"nfa%%" /ngron: "5hen did you .e'o+e so *en&e sa$$y?" .erru!: "I han* a&ound on he In e&ne . S-end enou*h i+e he&e and you#%% ha$e de'ons &u' ed &ea%i y in o i s 'o+-onen &o-es" 6onrad: "Fai& en9 ... .a'! *uys4" They >uickly slide out of !iew as a black$armoured warrior of unknown &spect walks past. /ngron: "5hy a&e "e hidin* f&o+ he+?" .erru!: "Ha$e you a' ua%%y .o he&ed o %oo! a hei& %e$e%? 0an8 he&e#s god! "i h %ess '%ass %e$e%s han hose hin*s4 I#$e no idea "ha hey a&e) .u "e don# "an o *e ou&se%$es in o a fi*h "i h he+" /ngron: "5e 'ou%d a!e he+4" .erru!: "Pe&ha-s) .u "e 'an# affo&d he de%ay. The "ho%e -oin is o +a!e he E%da& hin! "e#&e s i%% in -&ison 9 ha #s "hy 7o&n +ade hose -a-e&+a'he '%ones of us4" 6onrad: "5he&e did he *e .erru!: "e shrugs. 6onrad: "Yeah ... I didn# "an o !no" any"ay ... !ee- a "a 'h on he %ef 9 he&e#s "o *uys a.ou o 'o+e a&ound he 'o&ne& ..." &nd they do ... /ngron: "I don# %i!e a%% his #hidin*# '&a-. I s un s +y s y%e" .erru!: "Tha "ou%d .e he #'ha&*e in and !i%% e$e&y hin* s and) and if hey#&e no dead af e& ha hi he+ so+e +o&e# s y%e?" /ngron: "7a+n s &ai*h . :een "o&!in* fo& +e fo& he %as 6onrad: "#If i ain# .&o!e don# fi, i #?" en housand yea&s" he +a e&ia%s fo& he+?"
/ngron: "Tha #s "ha +a +u++a a%"ays o%d +e" 6onrad: "You ha$e a +o he&?" /ngron: "I "as 3ossin* "i h you. 7on# .e si%%y 9 I "as he a.andoned offs-&in* of s'ien'e *one "&on* 3us %i!e you" 6onrad: Being sarcastic. "Tha #s 'o+fo& in* ..." .erru!: "So ... his "ay?" /ngron: "If he E%da& desi*n hei& C&af "o&%ds "i h a hin of 'o++on sense) he 'o++uni'a ion &oo+ shou%d .e so+e"he&e nea& he +ain 'o++and .&id*e ... o& "ha e$e& -asses fo& i he&e" .erru!: "The C&af "o&%ds "e&e o&i*ina%%y f&ei*h $esse%s) so he&e shou%d .e a 'en &a%ised 'o++and &oo+ so+e"he&e ..." 6onrad: "Tha #s assu+in* E%da& s-a'eshi- desi*n fo%%o"s he Hu+an $e&sion of 'o++on sense ..." /ngron: "The&e#s diffe&en $e&sions?" 6onrad: "This +ay 'o+e as a sho'! o you An*) .u 'o++on sense isn# . E$en a+on*s +e+.e&s of he sa+e s-e'ies ..." /ngron: "5e%% ... anyone "ho doesn# sha&e +y 'o++on sense 'an a%! o +y a,e" 6onrad: "2o" he&e#s a %ife -hi%oso-hy I .e%ie$e "e a%% 'an %ea&n f&o+" .erru!: "0ine is si+-%eG !i%% i "i h fi&e. So%$es e$e&y hin*" /ngron: "I %i!e ha a i ude. Si+-%e and o he -oin . And i in$o%$es i++o%a ion" .erru!: "See? E$e&yone#s ha--y4" 6onrad: "And -eo-%e say %7m he +ons e& ..." .erru!: "You a&e he +ons e&. 5e#&e he *uys "ho -&e end "e a&en# +ons e&s hen "i-e ou "ho%e e hni' +ino&i ies .e'ause one of he+ '&i i'ised ou& -ain in* s!i%%s" 6onrad: "En3oy you& +ons e& s a us. Sha%% I s'ou ahead?" .erru!: "5ha ha--ened o you& -&e'o*ni ion?" 6onrad: "I found a s'ou assassin .a%%" .erru!: "5he&e? 5e "e&e s &i--ed of a%% ou& -ossessions .efo&e "e "e&e 'hu'!ed in hose 'e%%s4" 6onrad: "7on# as!. You& +ind "i%% han! you in %a e& yea&s" .erru!: "1ood -oin . S'ou ahead hen" ?onrad throws the &$ball) which opens up to re!eal a small assassin. &ve!omon: "(i%%4 (i%%4"
6onrad: "S'ou ahead %i %e E$eso+on4" &ve!omon: "(i%%4 (i%%4" 6onrad: "T&y no o do oo +u'h of ha "
&ve!omon: "7u%%4 7u%%4" 6onrad: "<us shu u- and s'ou " *ittle 2!esomon runs off ahead. 6onrad: "So+eone#s .%o'!in* +y -&e'o*ni ion" .erru!: "Fa&see&?" 6onrad: 6ods. "And a .%oody -o"e&fu% one a ha "
/ngron: "<us %e +e a hi+4 Fa&see&s a&e sof and s=uishy4" .erru!: "E$e& -%ayed Bnd Edi ion? Tou*hness > is no 3o!e o "ound" /ngron: ":u his is > h4"
.erru!: "Hey) if 0a*nus 'an 'han*e edi ions a "hi+) 'han'es a&e he E%da& 'an. They#&e 3us as snea!y) and hey#&e *ene&a%%y se,ie& o .oo " /ngron: "E%da&? Se,y?" .erru!: "E$e& seen %layboy s 2ldar 1irls ,G)-KHA Damn fine s-e'i+ens ..." /ngron: "I#+ in a 'o++i ed &e%a ionshi- han! you $e&y +u'h" .erru!: "0an) i #s %i!e ad+i&in* fine a& . You can ad+i&e fine a& "hen you#$e *o a *i&%f&iend) yes?" /ngron: "You don# ha$e $arah 6errigan as you& *i&%f&iend. Fueen :i 'h of he ;ni$e&se &e+e+.e&?" .erru!: "Fai& -oin " 6onrad: "Ha$e you ever had a *i&%f&iend) Fe&&us?" .erru!: "On'e. I "as an a"eso+e &e%a ionshi- 9 a +ee in* of +inds and e*os. ;nfo& una e%y ... she had o he& 'o++i +en s ..." 6onrad: "5ha "as he& na+e?" .erru!: "SHO7A2 ..." #ilence. 6onrad: "The +ad AI f&o+ #ystem #hock?" .erru!: "Yeah ... "e +e on a 'ha fo&u+ 9 """.+e*a%o+ania'sanony+ous.'o+ 9 and found so+e hin* in 'o++on "i h ou& 3oin desi&e o &u%e he uni$e&se and su.3e' i o
ou& 3oin
y&ani'a% &e*i+e ..."
6onrad: "Ho" .eau ifu% ..." "e s being sarcastic. "5ha ha--ened?" .erru!: "She &an off "i h HA6 ... s%u ..." /ngron: *ays a hand on .errus shoulder. "I fee% you& -ain. 0any a "o+en has %ef +e fo& ano he& +an ... no hin*#s s o--ed +e f&o+ s%i'in* he+ .o h u- hou*h. I &e'o++end ha +e hod of *e in* o$e& he fee%in* of .e &aya%" .erru!: "Than!s +a e. A--&e'ia ed" 6onrad: "Heads u-. Po"e&fu% and s'a&y .%a'! dudes a&e .a'!4" .erru!: "0an ... ha #s !o -o%i i'a%%y in'o&&e' ..." 6onrad: "You !no" "ha I +ean 4" /ngron: "I !no" hose *uys ..." 6onrad: "Ho" 'an you !no" he+? You !no" no hin* e,'e- s"o&ds and !i%%in* hin*s4" /ngron: "I#$e seen he+ .efo&e ... a 1o&eCon %as yea& ... oh 1o&eCon#s a 'on$en ion fo& a%% hin*s !i%%y and -o"e&fu%%y a"eso+e ... hey en e&ed he annua% a&ena 'o+-e i ion a*ains +e ... I %os ... =ui e .ad%y ... I ne$e& fo&*e he fa'e of so+eone "ho#s defea ed +e ..." 6onrad: "And ye i #s a!en you his %on* o &e+e+.e& he+?" /ngron: The look. 6onrad: "I 3es ... "ho a&e hey?" /ngron: "The announ'e& '%ai+ed hey "e&e f&o+ he :%a'! 6i.&a&y ..." .erru!: "5ai 4 'ho!e a&e he #ho&&ifyin*# '&ea u&es ha -&o e' defended C&af "o&%d in e,is en'e4" he +os hea$i%y
6onrad: "1ua&dians of he :%a'! 6i.&a&y ... so .&o!en 15 &efuses o -u.%ish s a s fo& he+ ... hey a--a&en %y +a!e <e&$is <ohnson#s !id '&y a ni*h ... $uper $olitaire!!" Dramatic music ... /ngron: "0eh ... RE0ATCH TI0E4" = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY T5O*** = = = = = = = = "+hat the hellA +ho stuck honk if you re horny on the back of my DaisA That s LLLLLLL 0enius$" $ &sdrubael Vect +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 "a!ing been captured by the 2ldar and their cheating ways) our heroes must find a way
to escape the #uper$Craftworld they re held within $ a task made no easier by the presence of the feared and legendary #uper #olitaires3 .erru!: "So "ha #s so #su-e&# a.ou /ngron: "They#&e ha&d'o&e" 6onrad: "They#&e .&o!en" /ngron: "I #s said ha Andy Cha+.e&s and 1a$ Tho&-e on'e "&o e &u%es fo& he+) and A%an 0e&&e $o%un ee&ed o -%ay es a*ains he+ "i h his a&+y. The &esu% in* -sy'ho%o*i'a% &au+a &edu'ed 0e&&e o a $e*e a.%e. On%y a .&ain &ans-%an "i h a +on!ey sa$ed hi+" .erru!: "E,-%ains he e-i' =ua%i y of fai% in he Visions .oo!s ..." /ngron: "Indeed. In he af e&+a h of ha ho&&ifi' in'iden ) Andy Cha+.e&s "as !i'!ed ou of 15 and 1a$ Tho&-e 'hained "i h dae+oni' "a&ds ha -&e$en ed hi+ f&o+ "&i in* any hin* o do "i h E%da& fo& a hund&ed yea&s and a day" .erru!: "5ha ha--ened o he Su-e&9So%i ai&es?" /ngron: "Sea%ed "i hin he de- hs of <e&$is <ohnson#s .ase+en ) ne$e& o .e &e%eased f&o+ hei& s%u+.e& %es he @A( uni$e&se .e des &oyed .y 'heese so -o"e&fu% i "ou%d +a!e an O.%i e&a o& and -ie -%a e s-a++in* I&on 5a&&io& a&+y see+ -osi i$e%y balanced in 'o+-a&ison4" .erru!: "So hey#&e .&o!en?" /ngron: "A %i %e ... yeah" .erru!: "+ow .&o!en?" 6onrad: "6e +e de+ons &a e ..." "e walks out the scene ... ======== &nd into this one ... 1(%D D /G(N!: "1IVE ;P TRACY4 YO;R PO5ERS ARE TOO 5EA( TO 7EFEAT 0E44" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "2EVER4 I SHA669 oh hi (on&ad) "ha a&e you doin* he&e?" he+?"
6onrad: "Oh) 3us -assin* h&ou*h. Ha$e you "o hea&d of Su-e&9So%i ai&es .y any 'han'e?" Both the 25%2/7/ 7. 5&6?I6D3 and the V7ID D/&1763 are stricken by 2%IC .2&/3 1(%D D /G(N!: "The ho&&o&444" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "The 'heese444"
6onrad: "Chee&s *uys. I#%% %e you *e on "i h you& fi*h no"4"
"e e0its the scene ... ======== 6onrad: "See?" .erru!: "Han* on ... ho" did you do ha ?" 6onrad: "Tha #s no i+-o& an . 5ha is i+-o& an is *e in* o he 'o++uni'a ions &oo+ "i hou .u+-in* in o any of hose Su-e&9So%i ai&es" .erru!: ":u ..." /ngron: "7on# a&*ue Fe&&us) 'o+e on4" .erru!: "He 3us ... oh ne$e& +ind4 I#$e 'o+e o e&+s "i h he fa' none of his +a!es any sense4" 6onrad: "You han* ou on he In e&ne and you#&e 'o+-%ainin* a.ou a %a'! of sense?" .erru!: "Tou'he ..." /ngron: "So ... "hi'h "ay?" .erru!: "5hi'he$e& "ay %eads a"ay f&o+ hose Su-e&9So%i ai&es ..." 6onrad: "2o" ha #s a"!"a&d) as hey 'ou%d .e ei he& "ay" /ngron: "5ai in* in he shado"s %i!e nin3a) ins ead of s andin* in he 'o&&ido&s fo& us o %ea- ou f&o+ he shado"s u-on %i!e nin3a" 6onrad: "2e$e& had you do"n as a nin3a y-e of *uy ... o& sa+u&ai fo& ha +a e& Hdo you) in fa' ) ha$e a sense of honou&?I ..." /ngron: "2in3a a&e a"eso+e ... %i!e +e ... .u 6onrad B .erru!: "E& ... "ha ?" /ngron: "Shu&i hi&s e&s" 6onrad B .erru!: Blank stare. /ngron: %ulls out a Bloodthirster beatend into a flat disk with his horns and wings forming circular blades around the edge. "Shu&i hi&s e&s" 6onrad: "Ho" does ha "o&!?" .erru!: "Ho" do you +a!e i ?" 6onrad: "0o&e i+-o& an %y8 "he&e did ha 'o+e f&o+?" /ngron: "A%% hese =ues ions ... a%% no i+-o& an in he *&and s'he+e of hin*s" .erru!: ":u 94" /ngron: "Not i+-o& an Fe&&us ..." hey %a'! Shu&i hi&s e&s"
6onrad: "Fai& enou*h. To he +ission a hand fo%!s 9 &ea'h he E%da& 'o+++uni'a ion a&&ay and 'on a' 0a*nus and Russ4 5e need o "a&n he+ of ou& 'u&&en si ua ion and he .e &aya% of he E%da&4" .erru!: "And his "i%% "o&!?" 6onrad: "I -&o.a.%y "on# . A -%o "is "i%% -&o.a.%y hi us ha%f"ay he&e fo&'in* us o &e9 hin! ou& -%an) hen another "is "i%% hi us and fo&'e us o &e9 hin! that -%an ... hen i u&ns ou e$e&y hin* "e#$e done "as a''o&din* o he E%da&#s e$i% -%ans ..." .erru!: "7ude his is @A( not 5etal 1ear #olid. :%a'! 6i.&a&y doesn# "&i e su'h &edi'u%ous%y 'o+-%i'a ed s o&ies" 6onrad: "In "hi'h 'ase Chaos did i 9 .e'ause i alway!" /lphariu!: "2o I#+ -&e y su&e i didn# his i+e"
/ngron: "5he&e in he Rea%+s of Chaos did you 'o+e f&o+?4?" /lphariu!: "I dis*uised +yse%f as +y 6ieu enan .efo&e he E%da& .o&ded and dis*used her as +yse%f. 6u'!i%y he E%da& "e&e on%y in e&es ed in 'a- u&in* us P&i+a&'hs and %ef e$e&yone 'onfined o hei& $esse%s. I snu'! ou .y dis*uisin* +yse%f as a 7i&e A$en*e&. I hou*h you *uys +i*h ha$e found so+e "ay of es'a-in*) .u i "as %u'! ha I s u+.%ed in o E$eso+on .a'! he&e" &vo!omon: "Find4 Find4" /ngron: "So ha #s no you in he 'e%%s .a'! he&e) .u O#So&yu?" /lphariu!: "Yeah ... I#+ i+a*inin* she#s -&e y -issed .y no" ..." /ngron: "E,'e%%en ) "hen he i+e 'o+es "e ha$e a se'&e "ea-on o 'o+.a Su-e&9So%i ai&es "i h" .erru!: "5ha #s ha ?" /ngron: "P0T9fue%%ed -u&e rage" = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY THREE*** = = = = = = = = "I m &lpharius3 6o I m &lpharius3 6o 'm &lpharius3" $ &lpharius battling multiple personality disorder +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 To continue where we left off ... /ngron: "So ho" do "e !no" you7re he real A%-ha&ius?" /lphariu!: "You#$e .een &eadin* hose fan 'ons-i&a'y heo&ies sin'e %as 'ha- e& ha$en# you?" /ngron: "I %i!e o !ee- in ou'h "i h +y su--o& e&s ..."
he
/lphariu!: "5e%%) as! +e so+e hin* on%y A%-ha&ius "ou%d !no"" /ngron: "5he&e#s you& ho+e"o&%d?" /lphariu!: "2i'e &y. I#+ no &e$ea%in* .a'!*&ound +ys e&ies ha easi%y" /ngron: "5o& h a sho ..." .erru!: "I #s Te&&a" /lphariu!: "Ho" did you ... da+n In e&ne s-oi%s everything!" /ngron: "Ho" does ha "o&!? Ho&us found hi+ in so+e &e+o e -a& of he *a%a,y?" /lphariu!: "I 3u+-ed he&e $ia 5e."ay" /ngron: "I hou*h ha didn# *e .ui% un i% %a e&?"
/lphariu!: "Tha #s "ha "e wanted you o hin!. 0ain%y "e "an ed 0a*nus o s-oi% i " /ngron: "5ai ... if his is *oin* "he&e I hin! i #s *oin* ... he He&esy "as planned?" /lphariu!: "7o you hones %y .e%ie$e dad "as s u-id enou*h o %e so+e hin* as ine$i a.%e as a 'i$i% "a& s a& off "i hou hi+ !no"in* a.ou i ? :&o he&) "e#$e a%% .een -a"ns in his *a+e. 5e%% ... I +i*h ha$e .een a hi*he& -ie'e so+e i+es ... o''asiona%%y a =ueen ... .u -%ayin* -ie'es "e a%% a&e" .erru!: "0an) hose 'ons-i&a'y heo&ies "e&e right! So "ha #s he end*a+e?" /lphariu!: "I#$e no idea. 7ad 3us said he I+-e&iu+ "as ne'essa&y fo& he *ood of +an!ind. They needed o see he %i*h and fa%% f&o+ *&a'e he+se%$es. 2o su&e i he "as &yin* o ea'h us so+e hin* o& 3us .e a 3e&!" .erru!: "(no"in* dad) -&o.a.%y a +i, u&e of he "o. :u if he E%da& sa" his ..." /lphariu!: "Then he 'ou%d +e&e%y .e a -a& of their -%an? Yeah) I hou*h of ha . 6u'!i%y I#$e had so+e he%- in he Chaos E%da&) "ho e,is unde& a shado" of fan denia% ..." /ngron: "The&e#s Chaos Fa&see&s?" /lphariu!: "Tzeen 'h "o&shi--e&s) +os of he+ ... hey#$e .een he%-in* +e -%an ahead) of 'ou&se I don# &us he+ an in'h and +ade +y o"n -%ans fo& "hen hey ine$i a.%y s'&e" +e o$e& ... .u ha #s .eside he -oin . Asu&+en has -%ayed e,a' %y as I !ne" he "ou%d. I#$e *o f&iends a.oa&d his C&af "o&%d "ho 'an he%- us" /ngron: "So they7re a -a& of your -%an?" /lphariu!: "Indeed. ;nfo& una e%y hey#$e -&o.a.%y seen his a%&eady and "e#&e 3us doin* "ha hey "an us o do" /ngron: "So we7re a -a& of their -%an) des-i e they .ein* a -a& of our -%an) "hi%e we7ve .een a -a& of their -%an a%% a%on*" /lphariu!: "P&e y +u'h yeah"
.erru!: "I hin! An*&on#s head#s *oin* o e,-%ode ..." /ngron: "2o !iddin*. So "ho#s -%ayin* "ho?" /lphariu!: "5e a%% a&e) "i h ea'h o he&" /ngron: "5ho has he u--e& hand in a%% his?" /lphariu!: "Tzeen 'h. 5ha e$e& ha--ens is alway! a''o&din* o he& -%ans" /ngron: "The He&esy?" /lphariu!: "<us as -%anned" /ngron: "The :%a'! C&usades?" /lphariu!: "<us as -%anned" .erru!: "The 5a& in Hea$en?" /lphariu!: "<us as -%anned ... so+eho"" .erru!: "S o&+ of Chaos?" /lphariu!: "<us as -%anned ... .u he endin* "as -u&e 1a$ Tho&-e"
.erru!: "Ho" do you defea so+eone %i!e ha ?" /lphariu!: "You don# ) .e'ause i #s a%% a''o&din* o he& -%an" .erru!: "7o I de e' a hin of ad+i&a ion?" /lphariu!: "I 'an# -ossi.%y say 9 0a*nus is he o!en Tzeen 'hian 6e*ion. I#+ he o!en #snea!y# 6e*ion" /ngron: "7a+n snea!y4 You shou%d &un u- and hi -eo-%e in he fa'e %i!e &ea% +en4" /lphariu!: "And .e sho in he fa'e %i!e &ea% +en?" /ngron: "And a!e i in he fa'e %i!e &ea% +en4" #ilence ... /ngron: "I 'hoose o &e-h&ase ha %as sen en'e ..." .erru!: "I 'hoose o -&e end i ne$e& ha--ened ..." /lphariu!: "I 'hoose o s o- a%!in* a.ou i and 'on inue ou& +ission4" .erru!: "So) as he one "ho has he +os a+oun of !no"%ed*e a.ou "ha ha--enin*) "ho#s s'&e"in* "ho) "ho#s dou.%e9'&ossin* "ho) and "ha #s fo& dinne& oni*h 9 "he&e do "e *o?" /lphariu!: "I ha$e a +o%e -%a'ed in he 'o++uni'a ions s-i&e of he C&af "o&%d. He#%% he%- us 'on a' 0a*nus and Russ) and ho-efu%%y "e 'an o&de& -izza "hi%e "e#&e a i " /ngron: "Is his he i+e?"
/lphariu!: "Yeah 9 I#+ s a&$in*) and E%da& food su'!s. Tau food is no .e e& 9 +os %y "a e& and hey as! you o fish ou he s+a%% a+oun s of fish and %ea! "i h "o s i'!s. Ho" he he%% a&e you su--osed o use he+?" /ngron: "P%u'! -eo-%e#s eyes ou ?" /lphariu!: "T&us you o hin! of uses %i!e ha ..." &ve!omon: "7an*e&4 7an*e&4" /ngron: "5e#$e a%!ed oo %on* ... hey#$e found us ..." Dramatic music ... a figure appears before the %rimarchs. /lphariu!: "You44" /ngron: "5ho?" .erru!: %oints. "HER44" "*ook3 &n undead 1rot3" $ Captain < #parrow of the /a!en 1uard +ith the si0 ?eys of Carl obtained) our heroes now pass through the dreaded 1ates of Varl in search of the mythical .ish of Time; a being of power said to grant the gift of time$tra!el to those who ask. +ith the ability to tra!el back in time) our %rimarchs seek to destroy the hated C tan before their rise to power) and ensure the ,Bst millennium stays dark and gothic for future generations to come3 +e continue) once again) with where we left off ... 6onrad: "6e%i h4" #elith: "(on&ad) ni'e o see you a%i$e a*ain. 5he&e#s +y foo% of a hus.and?" /ngron: "Hus.and? Oh you +ean 6o&*a&?" #elith: "Of 'ou&se I +ean 6o&*a& you idio 4 5he&e is he? He said he#%% .e ho+e fo& dinne& 9 "e%% i #s *one 'o%d4 Te%% +e "he&e he is so I 'an !i%% he .as a&d4" .erru!: "In a ho%din* 'e%% .a'! he&e" "e =erks a thumb o!er a shoulder. #elith: "He#s in pri!on??4 Oh he#s dead!" /lphariu!: "An &ldar -&ison 6e%i h ..." #elith: "... Oh "e%% ha #s O! hen. 7on# e,-e' hi+ o .&ea! ou of so+e hin* ha "e%% .ui% ... so ho"#s you *uys?" .erru!: "S'a&ed .y ha sudden +ood s"in* ..." #elith: "I#+ fe+a%e) I#+ an E%da&) I#$e had a %on* day) he !ids a&e -%ayin* u-) I#$e had o he house"o&! again) and i #s he wrong i+e of he +on h fo& a%% his) so e,'use +e if I see+ a %i %e e+-e&+en a%" /ngron: "Oh e,'used) so very e,'used ..."
.erru!: "So "ha .&in*s you in o he .o"e%s of a Su-e& C&af "o&%d s"a&+in* "i h Su-e& So%i ai&es and -&o.a.%y o he& su-e& hin*s?" #elith: "Findin* ou "he&e +y *ood9fo&9no hin* hus.and has *o oo ..." he -u. "i h
/ngron: "And sudden%y he &eason "hy 6o&*a& s-en so +u'h of his i+e a us .e'o+es a%% oo '%ea& ..." #elith: 1i!es him the 9OO;
/ngron: "Of 'ou&se ha "as +y -oo& a e+- a hu+ou& ... no an o.se&$a ion ... I s"ea&" #elith: "1ood ... "ha "as ha a.ou Su-e& So%i ai&es?" .erru!: "This -%a'e is s"a&+in* "i h he+?" 6onrad: "5e#$e .een a$oidin* he+ sin'e he ho%din* 'e%%s ..." #elith: "You -ansies. They#&e no hin* s-e'ia%" 6onrad: ":u he E+-e&o& and he Void 7&a*on a&e terri2ied of he+4"
#elith: "5e%% hey "ou%d .e hey#&e men" /ngron: "5ha #s ha su--osed o +ean?" #elith: "(no" "ho &ea%%y desi*ned he+? I "as an an*&y fe+a%e fan "ho *a$e Andy Cha+.e&s he& 'us o+9desi*ned &u%es fo& he+ one 1a+es 7ay. I oo! Cha+.e&s and Tho&-e one -%ay es and A%an 0e&&e #s sani y o &ea%ise he &u%es oozed "i h he dead%y 'o+.ina ion of Nerd ageand PM$" .erru!: "Tha #s unho%y4" #elith: "Indeed. Pe&ha-s he +os -o"e&fu%%y des &u' i$e fo&'e in he uni$e&se. S u'! inside an E%da& sou%" /ngron: "5ha ho-e do "e ha$e ... "e#&e doo+ed444" #elith: "Pe&ha-s ... he&e is one "ay ... Fe&&us !no"s ... .u he is oo af&aid o in$o!e i " .erru!: "Can "e no *o he&e? Tha "ay %ies %on* 'a s and fo&es s of +e+es4" #elith: "I +us .e done4 E%se you#%% .e defea ed .y hese Su-e& So%i ai&es and he *a%a,y "i%% .e &edu'ed o &uin4" .erru!: #ighs. "Ve&y "e%% ... %e i .e so ... I in$o!e he -o%i i'a%%y 'o&&e' -o"e&s of he In e&ne z and as! he 1ods of :and"id h o .%ess us he *if of D(M&$'%C 1%(#&NC&!" /ngron: "7oes his +ean i #s O( o .ea u- "o+en no"?" .erru!: "7ude) i #s no on%y O( i #s encouraged 2or the lulz" 6onrad: "I#+ s'a&ed .y he -%a'es you %u&! a ) Fe&&us" .erru!: "I a+ i++une o you& o-inions) fo& I inse& +y o"n) $as %y su-e&io& ones in hei& -%a'e"
6onrad: "5ha e$e&) so no" "ha ?" .erru!: "5e *o .ea u- so+e *i&%s" 6onrad: "The "ay you say ha +a!es i sound %i!e you#&e eager fo& his" .erru!: "I ha$e su--&essed issues &e*a&din* "o+en. Can "e *o no" 9 I 'ou%d do "i h he -hysi'a% he&a-y" 6onrad: "O( +an8 really s a& in* o s'a&e +e no") and his is me "e#&e a%!in* a.ou . #2i*h Haun e&#) #s'a&y dude#) and you#&e f&ea!in* me ou 4" .erru!: "1ood) no" you !no" ho" he &es of us fee% a.ou you a%% he i+e. 5aifu9 .ea in* ea+ 9 +o$e ou 44" 6onrad: "This a%% f&i*h ens and 'onfuses +e ..." /ngron: "Hey 9 "e *e o s+ash hin*s44"
/lphariu!: "If anyone needs +e I#%% .e 'unnin*%y dis*uised as a .u%!head" #elith: "Ri*h ) no" o see o +y hus.and ..." 7ur heroes mo!e out) intent on causing lots of harm to e!eryone ... MMMMMMMM 5eanwhile) onboard the flagship of the &lpha 2mpire $ the ;- You&s Ro.4 ... (7$oryu: "So i #s de'ided?" 'hrall: "Indeed. Ou& +as e&s a&e in -e&i%4" 6errigan: "0y .oyf&iend#s in &ou.%e) and he&e#s P&o oss9"anna.ies o s+a'! a&ound" &v7rii: "I#+ -&e y 'e& ain ha 6errigan: "You "an he P&o oss a&e E%da&9"anna.ies"
o a&*ue .i*9ho&ns?"
&v7rii: "These ho&ns do not +a!e +e %oo! fa 4 You %ie4" Cypher: "2o") no" %adies. Ca%+ do"n. 5e ha$e a &es'ue o-e&a ion o -u in o +o ion ..." (7$oryu: "Than! you Cy-he&. A&e "e a%% a*&eed on he de ai%s?" /ll: "Yes" (7$oryu: "Ve&y "e%%) I no" de'%a&e o-e&a ion #Sa$e Ou& S u-id He&oes# a *o4" ======== 'zeentch: "Isn# i ni'e "hen hin*s *o as -%anned?" 1aul: "You#&e -innin* a%% ou& ho-es on "en y use%ess *ene i'a%%y en*inee&ed +uman! ... of a%% hin*s"
6horne: "Re%a,) hey !no" "ha
hey#&e doin* ... I hin!"
/!uryan: "You .e e& .e &i*h (ho&ne) "e ha$e a %o &idin* on his. A%% he -ie'es a&e in -%a'e) "e 3us need hose "en y da+ned in$idua%s o do "ha hey#&e su--osed o do" Nurgle: "5ha #s his # "en y#? I 'oun on%y ei*h een" /!uryan: "<us "ai . The Chi%d&en of T&a'y "i%% soon uni e) and he *a%a,y sha%% &e+.%e .efo&e hei& +i*h 4" $laane!h: "Tha &hy+es ... so -&e y ..." /!uryan: "Oh =uie you" = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY FIVE*** = = = = = = = = "Is it a birdA Is it a planeA 6o it s Tacgnol3" $ .errus "I swear .errus if you mention anything ,chan$related after last chapter ..." $ ?onrad .erru!: "Asu&+en4 F&ee +y fe%%o" Anony+ous4" 6onrad: "I am not Anony+ous4" /!urmen: "2EVER4" +oru!: "0y fa'e i 'hes ..." (7$oryu: "0ission a''o+-%ished4" #elith: "7ea&) do +y .oo.s %oo! .i* in his ho%o9sui ?" 'hrall: "0as e&4" +oru!: "Th&a%%) I s"ea& if you don7t *e off +y %e* his ins an'e4" Magnu!: "A CHA66E21ER APPEARS4" u!!: "5ITH A STIC(4" 6onrad: "I 'hoose you E$e&so+on4" /ngron: "If you *uys need +e o idy u-) I#%% .e in he 1o o9ins-i&ed #S%aaneshii Cu% is Anony+ous# &oo+ en3oyin* ho se, "i h (e&&i*an" 6onrad: "I a+ not) and never will be Anony+ous4" Cypher: "5ho he he%% a&e you?" #ion: "F6O5ER SE66ERS 0;ST 7IE444" /!urmen: "You ... ha$e ... defea ed +e ... P&i+a&'hs ..." +oru!: "5HO R;6ES?" #orgar: "So&&y *uys) "ife insis s on a**in* a%on*"
Dorn: "Can ha .e ... ?" +oru!: "e whispers. "The Fish of Ti+e4" &nd so) with the basic co!ered and our readers no doubt utterly confused) we return to our heroes present position before the great and powerful .I#" 7. TI523 +oru!: "I #s a &ou ..." Dorn: +hispering. "2o need
o .e &ude Ho&us ... i -&o.a.%y has inse'u&i y issues "
#orgar: "S i%% ... you e,-e' i
o .e so+e"ha +o&e ... i+-&essi$e"
.%$+ (. '%M&!: "Than! you. I#$e .een "ai in* fo& si, y9odd 'ha- e&s and a%% I *e is insu% s. 5e%% if you don# "an +y -o"e&s you 'an .%oody "e%% .u**e& off ... #pongebobis on in a +o+en and I don# "an o +iss his e-isode Hi #s he one "he&e S-on*e.o. dies a ho&&i.%e) ho&&i.%e dea hI" +oru!: "Tou*h. 5e#$e &a$e%%ed a'&oss he *a%a,y. Fou*h +ons e&s *&ea and s+a%%) u*%y and ho&&ifi'a%%y 'u e) -o"e&fu% and han!fu%%y "ea!. 5e#$e 'a- u&ed an E%da& Su-e&9 C&af "o&%d "i h no hin* .u shee& 'unnin* and a oo h-i'!4" .erru!: "And +y -o&n 'o%%e' ion" +oru!: "I "as %ea$in* ha -a& ou ... .u no +a e&. You unde&s and Fish) ha "e ha$e &a$e%%ed fa& o .e in you& -&esen'e ... "e 'anno u&n .a'! no"" .%$+ (. '%M&!: "2o e$en fo& #pongebob?" +oru!: "2o e$en fo& #pongebob" .%$+ (. '%M&!: It sighs. "Ve&y "e%% ... "ha is i I 'an he%- you "i h?" Dorn: "5e see! a "ay o &a$e% .a'! in i+e and defea he -o"e&s of he C# an4"
.%$+ (. '%M&!: "And you 'o+e o +e ... a 1od of Ti+e ... ho" $e&y 'on$enien fo& you ... so .e i " +oru!: "5ha ... ha #s i ?" .%$+ (. '%M&!: "5ha "e&e you e,-e' in*?" +oru!: "I don# !no" ... so+e so& of es ? A 'ha%%en*e? A se&ies of ho&&i.%e and e$i% as!s o -e&fo&+ in o&de& o -&o$e ou& "o& h? So+e hin* +o&e han his?" .%$+ (. '%M&!:"5e%% if you insis ... you 'an ha$e +y -o"e& .u you&s o fi*u&e ou " he as! of usin* i is
Dorn: "Oh ni'e one Ho&us. He wa! *oin* o *i$e us i a%% on a -%a e. 2o" "e ha$e o fi*u&e i ou "i hou an ins &u' ion .oo!%e " .%$+ (. '%M&!: "Oh you 'an ha$e one of hose ..." +oru!: "See? 2o so .ad4" .%$+ (. '%M&!: ":u i #s "&i en in An'ien Fish+an S'&i- "
+oru!: "5e#&e s'&e"ed" Dorn: "2i'e one ... s i%% ... "e#$e *o 0a*nus .a'!" Magnu!: "7on# %oo! a +e. I#$e no idea a.ou An'ien Fish+an S'&i- 4" u!!: "I hou*h you "e&e su--osed o .e he !no"9i 9a%% of his *&ou-" Magnu!: "Yeah ... .u I don# !no" i all. Tha #s 3us i+-ossi.%e. The&e#s *o don# !no" a.ou o he&"ise his s o&y has no sus-ense" Corax: "So you %i+i you&se%f fo& he sa!e of he narrative?" Magnu!: "P&e y +u'h) yeah" +oru!: "FISH4 Te%% us "ha "e need o !no"4" .%$+ (. '%M&!: "2o. :u**e& off" +ith that said) the .I#" 7. TI52 !anishes from sight and the %rimarchs are left floating in the ether ... +oru!: "7a+n ... 'an anyone &e+e+.e& "he&e "e -a&!ed he f%ee ?" Dorn: "Can anyone &e+e+.e& ho" "e *o he&e?" Perturabo: "2o ... he na&&a o& s!i--ed ha -a& ..." 7ops ... my bad. Mortarion: "5e need o *e .a'! ... E$#&ii "ou%d ha$e *one fo& +o&e han en +inu es "i hou a se,ua% &e%ease" Dorn: "Can# ha$e he& *oin* 'o%d u&!ey 'an "e?" Mortarion: "2o &ea%%y. I 3us don# "an he& o $en he& f&us &a ions h&ou*h s%ash fan fi' ion ... in$o%$in* +e ... and one of you *uys ..." There is silence. *ots of it. +oru!: "1ods9da+n s%ash fan*i&%s ..." Dorn: "0y +ind is s'a&&ed ..." Perturabo: "So is +ine ..." .erru!: "0y +ind "onde&s "hi'h -osi ion is .ein* ado- ed) and "ha o he& sou&'es a&e in$o%$ed ...." 6onrad: "Fe&&us ... I#$e "a&ned you a*ain and a*ain" .erru!: "C&ossed he %ine?" 6onrad: "2o so +u'h #'&ossed i # ..." #ion: "0o&e %i!e d&i$en o$e& i in a sou-ed9u- Rhino" o .e s uff I
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$anguiniu!: "F&o+ +y 'ha- e&" 1ulkan: "And you#&e no s o--in*" .erru!: "I *e i . Fe&&us shu u- ..." 6onrad: "Than! he 1ods" +oru!: "Fuie 4 I need o 'on'en &a e. 5e ha$e he -o"e& ... no" if "e 'an fi*u&e ou ho" o use i ..." Dorn: "A*&eed 9 e$e&yone hin! of he i+e "e need o .e in4" /ll: "Yes4" There is much concentration. The %rimarchs channel the immense energies of the .I#" 7. TI523 & blinding flash illuminates this !ast dimension our heroes apparently seem to be in3 #uddenly) they stand within the Imperial %alace on Terra3 Mortarion: "0y !no"%ed*e of his o&y +ay .e a %i %e di+ ... .u "as he I+-e&ia% Pa%a'e a&ound si, y9odd +i%%ion yea&s a*o?" +oru!: "2o i "asn# ... da+n i Fe&&us "e s'&e"ed u-4" .erru!: "5ha did % do?" +oru!: "I don# !no" 9 I#+ .%ai+in* you4" #orgar: "5ha did e$e&yone hin! of?" Magnu!: "I &ied o hin! of he &i*h o Fa%a% and T" /ngron: "I !ei+e) .u +y +ind !e- s%i--in* .a'! o &e u&nin*
hin!in* a.ou Sa&ah ..."
.erru!: "I hou*h of a .ee&" #orgar: "Oh da+n ... I hou*h of a%% he 7IY -&o3e' s 6e%i h has -%anned fo& +e o do a&ound he house" Dorn: "7a++i 4 5e#$e on%y *one and hou*h a.ou $anguiniu!: "So "he&e a&e "e?" .ulgrim: "0ay.e she !no"s ..." "e points at a girl in !arious shades of red and pink walking past carrying a basket of flowers. #ion: "AR1H444 F6O5ER SE66ER444" 7nly the timely interception by /uss pre!ents the unfortunate death of the girl by sharp pointy swords. .erru!: "1uys ... 'o+e %oo! a his ..." "e points out one of the many windows of the %alace. Through which the %rimarchs !iew a city filled with bright flags) happy) cheering citi9ens ... and do9ens of cute 5oogles3 +oru!: ":y he 1ods ... his is he 2uture""
he 2uture!"
#orgar: %icks up a !ase and looks at the writting underneath. "Co-y&i*h 1a+es 5o&!sho-) a su.sidia&y 'o+-any of S=ua&e9Eni,. Oh dea& ..." Dorn: "5e#$e .een <a-anified ..." = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY SI/*** = = = = = = = = "Behold the edge of the blade. *ike your soul) it is sharp. *ike your soul) it cuts its path through history. *ike your soul) it s LLLLLLLLLL badass" $ +olf %riest ;lrik to new recruits Mortarion: "Ri*h ... %e s a!e s o'! of ou& 'u&&en si ua ion ... han!s o ou& 'o%%e' i$e ina.i%i y o hin! of he sa+e hin* "e#$e .&ou*h ou&se%$es in a ho&&ifi' fu u&e ni*h +a&e ... "ha is i 6o&*a&?" #orgar: %uts down the hand he had =ust raised. "Isn# ni*h +a&e fu u&e of he @Js +i%%enniu+ ...#" he a*%ine of he *a+e #In he
+oru!: "I hou*h i "as #In he *&i+ da&!ness of he fa& fu u&e#?" 1ulkan: "Cou%d ha$e foo%ed +e8 I s"o&e he a*%ine "as #1i$e us you& +oney and en3oy you& *a+e "i h ha o.no,ious O9yea&9o%d and his .ad%y -ain ed S-a'e S+u&fs# ..." Mortarion: +a!es his hands around in frustration. "5ha e$e&4 Poin .ein* "e#&e in a S=ua&e9Eni, o"ned @A( f&an'hise4 The&e#s !a"aii e$e&y"he&e4 And dammit I#+ s a& in* o d&o- &ando+ <a-anese "o&ds in +y sen en'es" .erru!: "5eea.oo" Mortarion: "(on&ad?" There is a horrifying snap from ?onrad s direction. .erru!: "7id you ... did you 3us .&ea! a RA0 s i'!?4?" 6onrad: "Yes I did" .erru!: "A%% hose *i*s4 5as ed4 THE HORROR4 IS THERE 2O <;STICE I2 THIS 5OR674?4" Collapses to his knees and cries. Mortarion: "Tha "as da+n effe' i$e ..." 6onrad: "I ha$e +o&e in +y -o'!e Fe&&us. Fo& e$e&y *'han9&efe&en'e you +a!e ano he& RA0 .i es i " Mortarion: "1e in* .a'! on &a'!9" #orgar: "You& &an " Mortarion: "9on track) i a--ea&s ha ou& +os i++edia e 'ou&se of a' ion is a--a&en . A&+ed "i h he !no"%ed*e of ou& ho&&ifi' fu u&e) "e +us &a$e% .a'! o ou& i+e and se hin*s &i*h " +oru!: "And he C# an?" Mortarion: "Oh yeah ... "e#%% &a$e% .a'! o hei& i+e and !i%% he+ fi&s ) hen &a$e%
2orward o ou& i+e and a e+1ulkan: "7oes anyone e%se *e
o s o- thi! i+e f&o+ ha--enin*" he fee%in* his 'ou%d end u- .%oody 'o+-%e,?"
+oru!: "You#&e e%%in* +e 9 I a%&eady %os "ha 0o& "as &yin* o say4" Mortarion: "I #s 3us a da+n i+e -a&ado,4 5e#&e no a%!in* &o'!e s'ien'e he&e4"
Dorn: "5hen ou& &oo-s effe' i$e%y use +inia u&e &o'!e %aun'he&s as hei& .asi' fi&ea&+s) I#d %i!e o hin! we are a%% .%oody &o'!e s'ien is s4" .erru!: "Can I as! a =ues ion?" /ll: "2o4" .ulgrim: "5ho#s he *i&%?" "e gestures at the terrified woman held up abo!e *ion s reach by 5agnus 'the fact a gargantuan creature is holding her anyway is also freaking her out(. $anguiniu!: "1ood =ues ion. A%%o" +e o a%! o he&) I ha$e +o&e s!i%%s in his a&ea" Perturabo: "5ha a&e you su**es in* *i&%y9+an?" $anguiniu!: "Tha so+e of us aren7t $i&*ins?" Perturabo: "..." $anguiniu!: "Than! you. 2o" ..." "e approaches the girl. "I #s a%% &i*h ) +y dea&. E%#3onson is =ui e &e a&ded and has his !nee93e&! &ea' ion o f%o"e&s) of "hi'h is is =ui e e&&ified" Girl: "E%#3onson? Oh -he" ... fo& a +o+en I hou*h i "as ano he& .%oody en &y in he Co+-%i'a ion" #ion: "Is she sayin* I %oo! %i!e Se-hi&o h?" .ulgrim: "You do" #ion: "He 'o-ied my %oo!4 :%oody -ose&4 I had he #effe+ina e s &ai*h dude# %oo! be2ore he did4" .ulgrim: "Tha #s so+e hin* o .e -&oud of?" #ion: ")ou 'an a%! ... I need a dou.%e9 a!e o &e+ind +yse%f you#&e no a f%a 9'hes ed yuan9 ii .i 'h" .ulgrim: "Then I "ou%d su**es he&a-y dea& ..."
$anguiniu!: "I*no&e hose "o +y dea&) no" ... e%% +e you& na+e" Girl: "Ae&i h 1ains.o&ou*h" Magnu!: "I hou*h i "as #Ae&is#?" /erith: "I #s a' ua%%y +o&e %i!e #Ea&isu# ... .u e$e&yone 3us 'a%%s +e 7F1" Magnu!: "7F1?"
/erith: "#7ead F%o"e& 1i&%#. E$e&yone 3us !no"s +e as #Tha *i&% "ho died#" Mortarion: "Shou%dn# "e "&a- s-oi%e&s a&ound his 'on$e&sa ion?" .erru!: "7ude ... Ae&is 7ies. E$e&yone !no"s ha . I #s %i!e sayin* you didn# !no" Rose.ud "as he s%ei*h ... o& ha Vade& "as 6u!e#s fa he& ..." .ulgrim: "Vade& "as 6u!e#s 2ather"!"" 1ulkan: "And 6eia "as his sis e&" .ulgrim: "5ai ... so ha +eans he +ade ou "i h his sis e& in #plinter of the 5ind s 2ye44 The E,-anded ;ni$e&se is !ick!!" 1ulkan: "0ay.e "e shou%d -u hi+ in ou'h "i h 0a%e!i h ... ha *uy !no"s a hin* o& "o a.ou in'es ..." +oru!: "So ... 7F1 ... "he&e a&e "e?" /erith: .rowns. "Oh you7re *onna .e fun ... "e#&e in he I+-e&ia% Pa%a'e on 2e" <a-an" Magnu!: "2e" <a-an?" /erith: "Tha #s he na+e of he -%ane . 5e#&e 'u&&en %y in To!yo" 1ulkan: "0a3o& 'i y?" /erith: "(nly 'i y ... e,'ehose "a s f&o+ Osa!a ..."
.erru!: "To!yo is he 'en &e of he uni$e&se. I #s he <a-anese e=ui$a%en o 2e" Yo&! 9 he "o&%d) his "ife) and hei& -e fif y9foo hi*h +ons e& %o$e o s+ash he -%a'e u-" 1ulkan: "5hi'h &e+inds +e ... "asn# 0a*nus?" he Clo!erfield +ons e& an e,a' +a 'h of
+oru!: "He had "o eyes ... a %eas ... .i ha&d o e%% "i h a%% ha '&a--y 'a+e&a"o&! ..." .ulgrim: "I "as !uppo!ed o .e '&a- ..." +oru!: "5e%% i didn# he%- +e fee% s'a&ed "hen I 'ou%dn# see a .%oody hin*4" .erru!: "0a*nus) were you he Clo!erfield +ons e&?" Magnu!: "I needed he 'ash ... hey didn# %e +e use +y 7ead%y Eye 6ase&s" +oru!: "2o" that "ou%d ha$e +ade an a"eso+e +o$ie4" /erith: "1;AR7S4" .ulgrim: "Ch&is on a -o*o s i'! 9 "e fo&*o a.ou he&4" #e!eral armed guards appear) spot the gathering of %rimarchs) and begin running towards them. 1ulkan: "Ho" ha&d do you hin! hey a&e?"
+oru!: Cracks his knuckles. "On%y one "ay o find ou ..." $anguiniu!: "I #s so a"eso+e "hen i #s not +e you#&e .ea in* he '&a- ou of" +oru!: "6i!e"ise. You !no" 9 if you hadn# s%a--ed +e a&ound .efo&ehand ... I 'ou%d ha$e a!en he o%d +an on and -"ned his ass" Dorn: "7on# a%! 9 sho" i "
+oru!: "I in end o" /erith: Turns to 5agnus. "So "ha "e&e hose %i %e hin*s ha d&o--ed off you?" Magnu!: "Ho&&o&s ... "ha ?" /erith: "You shou%d sho"e& +o&e of en ... ha #s a%% I#+ sayin*" Cue lots of !iolence ... = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY SEVE2*** = = = = = = = = "Time to settle down to a good porn flick ... wait ... is that mum<$<" $ 5alekith) after !iewing #So&'e&esses 1one 5i%d# +oru!: "Te%% +e he %o'a ion of he hidden &e.e% .ase4" Guard: "5ha ?4?" +oru!: "So&&y) 3us alway! "an ed o say ha ... ahe+ ... "ho he hell a&e you and "ha a&e you doin* in +y Pa%a'e44" Guard: "5ha ? This Pa%a'e .e%on*s o His :ishie A"eso+eness 6o&d Se-hi&o h he 1&ea And Se,y" +oru!: "..." #orgar: "The&e &ea%%y isn# +u'h you 'an &e-%y o ha ..." Dorn: "O he& han %au*h?" +oru!: "O& '&y? 7a+n %on*9hai&ed .as a&ds *o my h&one4 And his i %e !uck! maCor grox ball!!" #orgar: "5e%% he&e is one "ay o fi, his" +oru!: "(i%% hi+) his f&iends) his fa+i%y) and anyone "ho !no"s of hi+) &e'o&ded a.ou hi+) o& +e&e%y hea&d of hi+?" #orgar: "E,'e%%en su**es ion" /ngron: "If i has +ass *eno'ide so+e"he&e 9 'oun +e in4" /erith: "Tha #s horrible4" Dorn: "Tha #s !inda
he -oin dea& ... hey#&e Chao! P&i+a&'hs"
#orgar: "5ha ha$e I o%d you .efo&e? Chaos does no e=ua% e$i%4 <us .e'ause "e#&e a%% *ene&a%%y a .un'h of +ass9+u&de&in* f&ea!s doesn# +ean e$e&yone unde& he .anne& is" +oru!: ":u e$e&yone unde& he .anne& i!8 i #s on he 3o. des'&i- ion fo& he 6a 7" $anguiniu!: "I hou*h hey "e&e on ou& side?"
#orgar: "2o ha #s he #egion o2 he 7a+ned) no #o!t and he 7a+ned" Dorn: "5ha #s "i h a%% he 7a+ned any"ay?" 1ulkan: "I #s a da&! fu u&e ... %o s of 7a+na ion *oin* on" u!!: "Es-e'ia%%y .y he .%oody In=uisi ion4 I *e "en y %e e&s a day "a&nin* +e a.ou fu u&e E, e&+ina us un%ess "e 'u&. +u a ion and 'onfo&+ o he Code,4" 1eneral laughter. Dorn: "5ha a %oad of '&a-. You !no" I use +y 'o-y as a .ee& +a ?" u!!: "Sa+e he&e4" Corax: "I hin! I#$e *o +ine -&o--in* u- +y "&i in* des! ..." 1ulkan: "I h&o" i a -eo-%e 9 i #s %a&*e enou*h o 'ause se$e&e in e&na% .%eedin*" Dorn: "0an) "e#&e Primarch!D Any hin* "e h&o" is *onna 'ause se$e&e da+a*e" +oru!: "E$en 0oo*%es?" Dorn: "Yeah) "hy?" +oru!: "The&e#s a %oad of he+ &unnin* o"a&ds us s'&ea+in*" #e!eral seconds later. #orgar: "Ho" did you do ha ?" /ngron: "7o "ha ?" #orgar: "Tha 4" 1ulkan: "You h&e" a 0oo*%e through a 0oo*%e. Tha #s !inda i+-&essi$e" /ngron: "2o &ea%%y 9 i *o s u'! ha%f"ay" They look down at the little creature as it hobbles around with another one sticking through it s chest. #orgar: "I #s !inda 'u e &ea%%y ..." 1ulkan: "6i!e a defo&+ed sia+ese "in ... ho" is i breathing"" #orgar: "Anyone !no" 0oo*%e ana o+y?" /erith: "You *uys a&e mon!ter!!!"
Magnu!: "I &esen S a u&e#"
ha
e&+ 9 "e 'u&&en %y -&efe& #Indi$idua%s of 7ae+oni'a%%y 1if ed
+oru!: ":%oody PC ..." Perturabo: "You#&e 3us annoyed ha you don# ha$e 7ae+on P&in'ehood" +oru!: "He%% yeah4 5he&e#s +y 0C9s a us?" Magnu!: "The e&+ #0ons &ous C&ea u&e# is a%so unfa$ou&a.%e. 5e -&efe& #C&ea u&es of Conside&a.%e S a u&e#" +oru!: "0a*nus?" Magnu!: "Yes?" +oru!: "Shu i . O& I#%% *e Russ o .%o" u- so+e hin* e%se of you&s you %i!e" u!!: "2o %i!e%y %addie. 0a*nus and +e a&e &e*u%a& d&in!in* .uddies no"" Magnu!: "5ai ... sin'e "hen did +oru! o&de& P&os-e&o o .e &edu'ed o a dia+ond9 '&us ed "as e%and?" +oru!: "A--a&en %y i #s a%"ays .een ha "ay ..." u!!: "Too! +e .y su&-&ise oo. A%"ays hou*h a%"aysI ..." Magnu!: "You 'ou%d ha$e said no" u!!: ")ou &y e%%in* ou& fa he& he#s wrong. (no" "ha ha--ened o he %as dude ha did?" Flas,%a&' - mperial 8ala&e 45,555 years a0o ... andom (22icial: "Si&) ou& .ud*e 'u&&en %y 'anno su--o& C&usade. 5e need o &e i&e so+e E,-edi iona&y Fo&'es o 'onse&$e 'os s" &MP& ( i 4" (. M/N6%ND!: "7on# .e si%%y4 I#$e %oo!ed a he fi*u&es 9 "e 'an su--o& he o%d +an "as 3us a o a% .as a&d Has
andom (22icial: "2o si&) hose fi*u&es '%ea&%y sho" "e#&e se$e&a% &i%%ion in de. " &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "A&e you sayin* I#+ "&on*?"
andom (22icial: "2u+.e&s don# %ie si&" &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!: "I A0 2EVER 5RO214 SCRE5 THE 2;0:ERS4 RE<ECTE74 RE<ECTE74 0ASS RE<ECTIO24" 2%IC destruction. &MP& ( (. M/N6%ND!:"Oh **** ... I#+ *oin* o ha$e o &e.ui%d he -a%a'e a*ain ..."
Malcador: "And hi&e ano he& 'ou-%e9.i%%ion su--o& s aff ..."
Flas,%a&' en) ... Magnu!: "1ood -oin ..." +oru!: "5e a&e a%!in* a.ou /erith: "0ons e&s ..." +oru!: "S i%% he&e %o$e? 7o us a fa$ou& and %ead us o his Se-hi&o h dude. I#$e *o so+e hin* I "an o a%! o hi+ a.ou " Dorn: "His &e i&e+en ?" +oru!: "7a+n s &ai*h ..." = = = = = = = ***CHAPTER SI/TY EI1HT*** = = = = = = = = "& 1rey ?night will turn to Chaos when 1+ lowers their prices3" $ &non #ion: "5ai ... did he na&&a o& 3us 'o+-%i+en +e?" .erru!: "I#d a!e i "hi%e I 'ou%d) if I "e&e you" #ion: "Pe&sona%%y I#+ *%ad you#&e no +e. I -&efe& o .&o"se he In e&ne "i hou !no"in* "ha %u&!s unde& i s '%ean e, e&io& ..." .erru!: "6on*'a is sad a he $as a+oun s of Fai% you &adia e" he dude "ho .%ud*eoned +e o dea h with hi! &G(!"
#ion: "Oh *o %u&! he fe h +o&e ... a&e "e he&e ye 7F1?" /erith: "1o **** you&se%f4" #orgar: "7o "e *e .onus -oin s fo& +a!in* one of he +os ado&ed .inal .antasy 'ha&a' e&s s"ea& %i!e a &oo-e&?" +oru!: "Oh defini e%y "o& h J)AAA/P a%one ..." /erith: "5e#&e a%+os under her breadth. he&e ..." #he mutters stuff I certainly can t print in this forum
+oru!: "5ha "as ha a.ou +y +o he&?4?" #orgar: "Ho&us) you don# have a +o he&. You#&e an a& ifi'ia%%y '&ea ed .ein*" Dorn: "Tha e,-%ains a %o . Ho&us 9 you "e&en# hu**ed enou*h as a 'hi%d "e&e you?" +oru!: "7o you hin! fa he& "as he hu**in* y-e? If I had 3oined he .ase.a%% ea+ as a !id do you hin! he "ou%d ha$e a!en i+e off f&o+ he C&usade o "a 'h and 'hee& +e on?" Dorn: "1ood -oin ..." Magnu!: "7ad ne$e& &ea%%y unde&s ood us ..." #ion: "He s i%% doesn# ... "ha #s he -oin of '&ea in* nine een sons and no .o he&in* o a %eas a!e us o a *a+e?"
Dorn: "A%% +y %ife) I#$e on%y !no"n ho" o "a*e "a& ..." Perturabo: "And .&ea! +y 'as %es" Dorn: "So&&y +an" /erith: "A"" ... *uess you *uys s i%% ha$e you& F&eudian -&o.%e+s as "e%% ..." +oru!: "I ho-e fo& you& sa!e you#&e no 'o+-a&in* us o any s-i!y9hai&ed E+o Fai%u&es "i h o$e&%y9%a&*e s"o&ds o 'o+-ensa e fo& hei& %a'! of +as'u%ini y ..." /erith: "Oh hea$en#s no ... "e %o'!ed C%oud u- in a .ase+en yea&s a*o af e& "e a%% *o fed u- "i h his 'ons an an*s " +oru!: "0y o-inion of you is 'han*in*) +y dea& ..." /erith: #tops and points. "The Roya% Cha+.e& of FA:;6O;S" .ulgrim: "Oh4 A +an af e& +y o"n hea& 4" +oru!: "I fee% si'! ..." Dorn: 1rinning. "Ho&us ... you#&e no ho+o-ho.i' .y any 'han'e a&e you?" +oru!: "5ha ? 2o I %o$e *ays 9 ah I +ean ... a ..." 1ulkan: "0an) he "ay you "a%!ed in o ha one "as -i ifu%. 6ead he "ay Ae&i h" #he opens the doors and they step through into the ";12 C"&5B2/. /erith: "6OR7 SEPHIROTH4 I :RI21 YO; 1;ESTS44"
$ephiroth: "5HAT?4? SPEA( ;P4 I CA2#T HEAR YO; A66 THE 5AY OVER HERE44"
/erith: "Oh fo& he %o$e of ... 'o+e on *uys ..." They walk a mile forwards. /erith: "CA2 YO; HEAR 0E 2O5??4?"
$ephiroth: "1ET HERE SO0EHO5) 5AS THAT?4? ARE YO; OR7ERI21 0E :ITCH?4?4"
They walk forward another mile. +oru!: "5ho +ade his 'ha+.e& so s u-id%y %a&*e?" /erithG 7ut of breath. "15 ..." +oru!: "SEPHIROTH44" (minou! #atin Chanting: 2stuans interius ira !ehementi 2stuans interius ira !ehementi #ephiroth3 #ephiroth3 $ephiroth: "5ho he he%% a&e you *uys?4?" (minou! #atin Chanting:
2stuans interius ira !ehementi 2stuans interius ira !ehementi 2l =onson3 2l =onson3 #ion: "5e a&e he PRI0ARCHS4" $ephiroth: "5ai ... did you 3us s ea% +y %a in 'han in*4" (minou! #atin Chanting: #ephiroth3 #ephiroth3 #ion: "5ha ? Tha "as +ine o .ein* "i h4 )ou s o%e i f&o+ me!" (minou! #atin Chanting: 2l =onson3 2l =onson3 $ephiroth: "I in$en ed he "ho%e "hi e9hai&ed .ishie .adass4 You 'an# f&o+ +e44" a!e ha a"ay
#ion: "I#+ so&&y) did you 'a%% you&se%f a #.adass#? Co&&e' +e if I#+ "&on* .u "ha .adass &e%ies on his mother o do a%% his "o&!?" $ephiroth: "You %ea$e +u++y ou of his4" #ion: "<E2OVA "as he &ea% .adass if ..K) and you#&e no hin* .u a "ashed9u- has9 .een4" $ephiroth: "The Complimentation se&ies -&ea'hes +y A5ESO0E2ESS4" #ion: "The :ompli&ation se&ies "as "&i en a character de!igner and .%a an fan.oy9" +oru!: "A %eas i "asn# he Head of IP ..."
$ephiroth: "I "i%% no o%e&a e su'h inso%en'e in +y 'ou& 4 You "i%% .o" do"n .efo&e +e and a'!no"%ed*e I a+ he *&ea es .inal .antasy .ad *uy o& you sha%% ... :E (2OC(E7 7O524" Magnu!: "Fi&s %y) ha #s a 1a&%and =uo e) "hi'h you ha$e no &i*h s ea%in* f&o+ su'h an a"eso+e dude. Se'ond%y) 6e2ka is he *&ea es FF .ad *uy" #ion: "Than!s 0a*nus. A%%o" +e o 'o&&e' his foo% in he e&&o& of his "ays"
$ephiroth: Brings out 5asamune and points it at *ion. #uch is the sword s stupid length it almost destroys half the room in the process. "In "ha -ossi.%e f&an'hise +i, 'ou%d you e$e& defea +e?" #ion: "The "ay I see i ) if so+e 7isney 'ha&a' e&s 'ou%d !i'! you& ass in ?ingdom "earts) his shoud .e easy" $ephiroth: "2EVER 0E2TIO2 ?I61D75 "2&/T# I2 0Y CO;RT4 2EVER 0E2TIO2 7IS2EY OR THAT I2S;FFERA:6E 0O;SE I2 0Y PRESE2CE4" +oru!: "7id he 3us insu% 0i'!ey?"
#ion: Draws the *I76 #+7/D3 "Oh he die!!"

The Alternate Primarchs p6

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= = = = = = = ***CHAPTER FORTY FIVE*** = = = = = = = = "This is the Volcano Cannon; designed to crack open spaceships and lay Titans to waste.

ha "ha -o"e&s he P%ane (i%%e&?"

$%D& $'( ) * '+& M%#D $',M-#& (. '+& &#D/ 0 P/ ' %

$%D& $'( ) * '+& M%#D $',M-#& (. '+& &#D/ 0 P/ ' %%

o !no" his P&i+a&'h) ensu&e ha his =ues "as 3us

o -&o$e he+ "&on* ..."

(. M/N6%ND!: "Yeah I !no" ha ... "ha #s you& -oin ?"

hin! his -a& "i%% +a!e i in o he f%uff"

he&e ... you#$e hi

he issue on he head on'e

hin* "hen he 7esi*ne&#s

i+e "e a' ua%%y sa do"n and had a d&in!

oo &e%a,ed 3us #'ause

... "ha sha%% I 'a%% you?"

he&e) o& he&e#s a

"en y9 h&ee +inu es o hea& +y

&a$e% h&ou*h i "

he he%% did you use?"

hey do4 They see in o he fu u&e4 5ha does his ha$e o

hese days ..."

y&ani'a% &e*i+e ..."

6onrad: "Chee&s *uys. I#%% %e you *e on "i h you& fi*h no"4"

6horne: "Re%a,) hey !no" "ha

hey#&e doin* ... I hin!"

#orgar: "S i%% ... you e,-e' i

o .e so+e"ha +o&e ... i+-&essi$e"

hin!in* a.ou Sa&ah ..."

2orward o ou& i+e and a e+1ulkan: "7oes anyone e%se *e

Magnu!: "I &esen S a u&e#"

e&+ 9 "e 'u&&en %y -&efe& #Indi$idua%s of 7ae+oni'a%%y 1if ed

Malcador: "And hi&e ano he& 'ou-%e9.i%%ion su--o& s aff ..."

#ion: Draws the *I76 #+7/D3 "Oh he die!!"

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= = = = = = = CHAPTER FORTY FIVE = = = = = = = = "This is the Volcano Cannon; designed to crack open spaceships and lay Titans to waste.

6onrad: "Chee&s uys. I#%% %e you e on "i h you& fi*h no"4"