NICKLEFEST

So, tell me, Chad, what was going on with the show in Portugal? The interviewer asks. Chad Kroegers smile fades a little, and the rest of Nickelback exchange nervous glances. Well uh haha, yeah, the pickle incident FLASHBACK Nickelback is rocking out on stage to a huge crowd in Portugal. The crowd is not really receptive, and a few people have been throwing debris onto the stage. Chad Kroeger can only take so much before stopping the song. Do we have any Nickelback fans in Portugal?! He demands of the crowd. Theres a half-hearted cheer through-out the stadium. Are you sure?!, Up to you, you guys wanna hear some rock n roll or you wanna go home? He turns around to leave the stage. END FLASHBACK Right well, the show itself was kind of more of a metal festival, not our kind of music, but whatever, cant please everyone Chad replies with a hint of passive aggression. Alright, fair enough, any reactions on the pickle incident? The interviewer asks with a small smile breaking across his lips. FLASHBACK Chad Kroeger turns away from the crowd, pissed off. A pickle flies out from the mosh pit and hits him in the back of the head with a satisfying thump. See ya! He shouts into the mic before storming off the stage. The drummer sticks out his middle finger to the crowd before following Chad off the stage. END FLASHBACK Chad Kroeger is starting to shake as a barely controlled buried rage seeps to the surface. The interviewer looks at him smugly, pleased to get a reaction. Anything to say, anything at all? He asks again. The band members look around the room uncomfortably, tightening up. Chad takes a deep breath and calms himself down. He motions for the mic. Let me tell you what the reaction is He looks around the room at the cameras, Motherfucking Nickelfest! Thats what happening! You heard straight from me, from the horses mouth! Motherfucking NickelFest! Theres going to be Music! And Partying! AND Cross vehicle MOTORCROSS!

The interviwer is surprised, and tries to get in a word edgewise, but Chad continues his rant. MOTHERFUCKING STUNT JUMPS, PETTING ZOOS, EXOTIC ANIMALS, MUD WRESTLING, AND ITS ALL GOING TO BE A BIG FUCKING RODEO! WERE GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING LION! MOTHERFUCKING NICKELFEST! He smashes the mic on the ground, stands up, and gives out two middle fingers to the cameras, before leaving the interview. ***************** Mike Jr Is watching TMZ in his dads basement. Its another lazy Sunday night, and the teen is sitting on a dirty old couch in his underpants, a plate of chips on his lap and several empty beer cans scattered around the room. A bit of drool rolls out his slightly open mouth as the stares at the TV with a glazed over look. An advertisement catches his eyes. NICKELFEST NICKELFEST NICKELFEST! GET YOUR TICKETS FOR NICKELFEST! His brain snaps with attention. FEST EVER NICKELFEST! GET YOUR TICKET, BOOTHS OPEN IN THREE DAYS. RODEO, ROCK N ROLL, CAMPING, STUNT DRIVING! MOTORCROSS! PETTING ZOO! ROCK N ROLL! The TV screams at him. He leans forward, unable to believe his eyes. ONE NIGHT OF ROCKING OUT! THE WOODSTOCK OF YOUR GENERATION, THE BRAINCHILD OF NICKELBACK FRONTMAN, CHAD KROEGER! Chad Kroeger walks infront of the camera, IM CHAD KROEGER, AND THIS IS GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK! He sticks out the devils horns. WE GOT RECENTLY SOBERED STUNT MAN JOHNY MAGNUM EXTREME! HES GOING TO JUMP THE GIANT DEATH BLENDER! ROCK ON! Recently sober Johny Magnum EXTREME waves at the camera and smiles a toothless disfigured grin. The announcer takes over, ROCKING SETLIST! THEORY OF A DEADMAN, HINDER, CREED, NICKELBACK, ALL NIGHT LONG! GET ON DOWN, ROCK OUT! ONLY ONE NIGHT, IN CHAD KROEGERS HOMETOWN, HANNA, ALBERTA, CANADA! MOM! DAD! I NEED MONEY! Mike JR shouts. ************** Chad, Im a hundred percent sure this is illegal Nickelbacks manager, Kevin Toddson explains with a tired expression. Nah , man, its going to kick ass! Chad Kroeger replies. Theyre standing backstage at Nickelfest, two days away from the show. Construction crews are busy setting up fencing and merch booths, and beyond that, there is nothing except the great Alberta Prairies.

Look, Animal Rights Groups are already tweeting about the awful petting zoo standards, if word gets out about this, we will be shut down for sure Kevin tries to argue. Hey, I want a concert where everyone gets laid. That might even include you Chad counter argues. Yeah man, keep the party going! Hinders lead singer, Austin Winkler joins in, I didnt regroup with the fellas just to not get laid, Right guys!? He waves at the rest of Hinder, who are standing around sharing a joint. The kids just want to have fun Scott Stapp joins the argument, (lead singer of Creed), Now hurry up, I want all the bands together for a preshow prayer They walk away to smoke another joint, leaving Chad and Kevin alone. Look, Chad, this concert already has a ton of awesome things going on, but its really unethical to have liquid pheromones being distributed through sprinklers into crowd. Kevin , Kevin Kevin. Listen up, alright? Its just a tiny amount to get the Ladies excited, alright? It wont affect any of the guys, and its being spread out. Nothing bad has come from a bit of horniness on the side. Chad replies in a condescending tone. This stuff isnt even legal. The distributor said a full direct load of Pheromones would attract all females, and not just people. This isnt right, Chad. Alright, once again, were gonna sprinkle some in the crowd, not dump it on someone. No ones going to be fucking any animals here, itll just be some already slutty girls getting a bit more action. And stop calling it Pheromones, its called Pussy Sauce, alright? ... Pussy sauce. Im not calling it that Kevin says. Whatever, gotta go smoke a joint now! Chad laughs, slaps the top of an industrial barrel marked Pussy Sauce and walks away, leaving a disgruntled Kevin Toddson. **************** Thats not a lion, what the fuck kind of exotic petting zoo do you think this is?! John Stamos demands, pointing at a fenced up section of the petting zoo marked Exotic animals from far East. Well the budget didnt quite cover enough to get a Lion, this was the only other option Anxiety ridden Animal specialist Sarah Susans replies. Fuck, Chads going to be pissed, he was pretty adamant about getting a lion, not a God damn Hyena. Its at least from Africa, right? Its from the East, right? John Stamos demands angrily. Well not really, this one was found in the ruins of Seattle. She was wandering near the Tacoma Dome Arena...- She?! What the fuck, I can see a ding dong right there, are you even an animal specialist? We should just fucking fire you right now! John Stamos complains, throwing up his hands in the air.

It is a female, the female have an enlarged- Wow, dont need to know! Just make your shemale dog thing is worth our fucking time, dont let it eat the other animals He motions to a fenced in part of the petting zoo, where numerous farm animals stand around uncomfortably in a tiny pen. This whole operation has so many cut corners, I dont think this is legal Sarah begins, but John Stamos quickly steps in, Dont start telling me not to cut corners, or youre losing your fucking paycheck. He threatens, before grabbing a beer from a cooler, Get out of here, I got fucking work to do.

Fans arrive as early as dawn to get parking for the festival, located deep in the great prairies of Alberta. The carbon footprint of thousands of hard rock fans descending on one place is enough to permanently render several square kilometers of prairielands uninhabitable. The gates open, and thousands of hard rock fans pour into the festival , ready for a night of ROCK N ROLL. Mike JR is proud to be among the legions of fans. He doesnt know where to go first, either checking out the rodeo (Holy Fuck that Bull just impaled that dude!) or the cross vehicle motor cross races (Looks like Patt Wentz dirt bike couldnt a head on with Fred Fuchs Monster truck! He aint waking up tomorrow! The crowd screams with joy). He finds himself heading towards the mud wrestling arena, passing the petting zoo with disinterest, (What the fuck is up with that dog?). Hes distracted by an interview with legendary and now sober stunt driver Johny Magnum EXTREME. So tell us, Johny, hows life now without the booze? The interviewer asks. Oh, its awesome , man , everythings clear. Yknow, that accident changed my life. Losing control of my stunt truck and smashing through that school bus was the wake-up call I needed to knock off the booze. With the help from Scott Stapp of Creed, Ive given myself to a higher power, and Im here today to show that anything is possible! He smiles at the small crowd. His white leather gloves hide his uncontrollable shaking knuckles. Oh, and just thank God that School bus was in the junkyard! Would have gone to prison for sure if it was full of kids! The crowd bursts out into laughter. He smiles at them, their cheering faces validating his feelings that crushing a homeless man sleeping in a school bus wasnt really a big deal. Anyways, come see me later jump THE BLENDER OF DEATH! He waves at the fans and walks away. Bro, have a beer! Some frat boy wearing a tapout T-shirt and a backwards baseball cap hands Mike JR a beer. Thanks BRO! Mike JR shouts happily. Im finally where I belong. Fireworks blast off the stage as Theory of a Deadman opens up the festival. Congratulations, Chad, NickelFest has sold out, and its completely packed. You should be very proud of yourself. Praises Kevin Toddson as he hands Chad Kroeger a glass of Champagne.

Hell yeah , man, this is great! Bands are rocking out, stuff is kicking ass, everyones happy! Thatll show the Portugese fucks whose boss! Chad downs the champagne and smashes the glass on the ground. Wait, What was that last part? Kevin asks, confused. Wah? Oh, were just going to rock this place out! Chad replies. No, about Portugal Yeah, fuck Portugal, they aint got nothing, isnt that right, brothers!? Chad shouts, waving at the rest of the band. Yeah! Fuck em! They shout back. Have you been drinking? Kevin asks. Chad walks away over to the backstage fridge, Just a bit of preshow drinking, getting the mood going He says over his shoulder, looking through the contents of the backstage fridge, The fuck is this?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?! He throws a pickle across the room, Fuck whoever did this! Dicks! He storms out angrily. Kevin sighs. On the stage, The sun is starting to set as Hinder starts playing. Austin Winkler stands on the stage, his black shoulder length hair blowing slightly in the wind while he holds the mic with his lean tattooed arm. Honey why are you calling me, so late? He begins to sing, as the crowd screams and cheers. DUDE , I LOVE THIS SONG! Mike Jr screams, ITS JUST LIKE ME AND MY GIRL! Austin Winkler continues to sing: Well my cousin, the next room Sometimes I wish she was you I guess we never really moved on Powerchords blare out as the song picks up. Its really good to hear your voice, saying my name It sounds so sweet Coming from the lips of an angel Hearing those words it makes me weep!

This is so fucking badass! Mike JR crushes a beer can against his head, before elbowing his way into the mosh pit.

On the other side of the festival, Johny Magnum EXTREME is preparing to do his jump over the blender of death, a giant spinning blade capable of grinding up anything into a thin red paste. Chad Kroeger approaches him , Brother! Friend! Ive been wanting to see you! He shouts. Chad fucking Kroeger! How goes?! This is fucking awesome! Johny Magnum EXTREME replies. Hey, man stuffs good, just wanted to tell you, youre like a fucking hero to me, without you, I dont know who I would be today. Chad replies. Hey man, no problem , just got to take life one step at a time, eh? Johny replies. You ready for this man?! Its going to kick ass! Chad cheers. Yeah I got this I got this good Johny replies unconvincingly, eyeing the Blender of deaths waist high safety fence. Yep, now, come on man, youre doing the jump just as I hit the stage. Its going to be fucking epic. So take a shot with me, for good times sake. Chad pulls out two shot glasses, Jager shots, best shit around. Johny eyes the shot cups warily, Come on man, you know I dont drink anymore, been sober seven months! Hey man, its just one drink. You wont even feel it by the time you have to jump. For good times sake! Chad slaps him on the back. Johny looks at the shot glass for a second, up at the spinning blades of death, and then back at the shot glass. He caves, Alright, for motherfucking good times sake! They down both the shots, and Chad slaps him on the back and walks away, Ill see you from the stage! Johny watches him walk away, then looks at the empty shot glass. He feels a familiar and terrible hunger building up inside him. He looks around desperately and sees an unattended beer keg on a knocked over patio table. It begins he whispers. Well you see, the Hyena is actually born with a lot of hormones to survive in Africa, leading to much larger dominant females- GAYYYY! Some guy in a tap out shirt interrupts Sarah Susans speech. What? No, that has nothing to do with sexuality She tries to regain control of her small crowd of drunk partiers. GAYYYY! The guy in the tap out shirt yells again. His friend high fives him, Tell us something interesting! Sarah struggles to regain her composure, Well um oh, its bite is one of the strongest and can crush bone um its really toxic, you would get infected really bad um is it hot up here? Sarahs social anxiety is hitting hard like a ton of bricks.

OW! What the fuck! Some girl screams from the petting zoo, The donkey fucking bit me! Fuck, I said dont get close to him, hes getting pissed off! John Stamos starts shouting at her, Hes a fucking ass! The girl screams back. No shit Sherlock! John Stamos replies. Dude, look, Creeds taken the stage! The crowd at the petting zoo quickly disperses, heading towards the main stage. This shits a disaster John Stamos grumbles, walking away, I need more fucking booze. Creed begins slow on stage. Darkness has fallen as the concert moves into full swing. Release the Pussy Sauce Chad Kroeger orders to the stage hand from behind the curtain. He peeks out at the crowd screaming in excitement for Creed, This party is just getting started. Scott Stapp stands at the front of the stage, taking in the adoring fans reaching out for him. He feels almost divine. Like a God among man. Before we start, I just want to say how blessed we are for this day and festival! The crowd screams. Im sure you all know this one With Arms Wide Open The crowd screams some more as a faint mist sprays out a series of sprinklers through out the crowd. Well I just heard the news today It seems my life is going to change The women in the crowd scream with barely held ecstasy. Scott Stapp smiles down at them while singing. I close my eyes, begin to pray Then tears of joy stream down my face OH MY GOD! HES ACTUALLY PRAYING! A young woman screams, pointing at Scott Stapp, who is now kneeling down with his hands clasped together. She starts to breathe heavy as she rubs her hand down her body. With Arms wide open Under the sunlight Welcome to this place Ill show you a good time With arms wide open With arms wide open

Scott Stapps voice echoes across the crowd. The young woman reaches down her American Apparel booty shorts and begins furiously touching herself, and shes not the only one. Scott Stapp smiles as he looks through the crowd, searching out the individual finger bangers in the crowd. Perfect He whispers to himself. Backstage, Chad Kroeger is doing the same, eyeing out the crowd. Hey, Mr Kroger? We have the second barrel of uh pussy sauce, right here A stagehand mentions, pushing a second barrel of pussy sauce. huh? Oh, yeah, just stick it over there Chad Kroeger mumbles, his hand down the front of his pants as he eyes out the women most affected by the pheromones in the crowd. Creed continues to rock out, getting the crowd nice and pumped for the grand finale, the ultimate Nickelback experience. As they finish their set, another round of cross vehicle motor cross starts up, as various dirtbikes, monster trucks, ATVs and NASCARs knock offs drive around the crowd on an unfenced dirt track. Johny magnum EXTREME sits in his truck, drinking straight from a bottle of moonshine, eyeing the ramp he will soon fly across. The finale begins. Nickelback takes the stage. The crowd is exploding with excitement. Chad Kroeger approaches the microphone with a photo in hand. He looks out at the audience. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?! He demands. They scream and applaud. Mike JR has found himself crowd surfing towards the stage in a drunken state stupor. WELL?! Chad Kroeger demands. LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH! EVERYTIME I SEE IT MAKES ME LAUGH! The audience replies, and the band breaks into the song. Mike Jr surges forward on the crowd until he finds themselves on the stage, literally head banging and rocking out with Nickelback! Chad Kroeger smiles at him, and theyre rocking out together like a dream come true. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!, LETS GO! Chad Kroeger points at the crowd and Mike JR stage dives off onto the pit. He rides the crowd like a speed boat, all the way across the festival, picking up speed and momentum. Johny Magnum EXTREME looks out at the crowd, screams IM JOHNY EXPLOSION! FUCK SOBRIETY! He Kicks down the gas pedal and hurls towards the stunt ramp, chucking out the empty moonshine bottle on his way. Chad Kroeger is rocking out on the stage, eyes shut and head banging, his only thought Fuck Portugal

Mike Jr reaches the back of the crowd, still surfing, and goes flying off the crowd, his velocity fast enough to pass clean over the race track. Time seems to slow down as an ATV drives right under him. He winks at the driver as he soars overheard, straight into the petting zoo, towards the irate donkey. The donkey senses him, and kicks out its hind legs. The hoof makes contact with Mike Jrs jaw, and the entire lower half of his face is broken off and sent flying another direction. He smashes straight into the wall of the Hyena enclosure, knocking down half the fence panels with an explosive force as his body is accordioned into a bloody broken mess. HOLY SHIT! John Stamos screams, as the Hyena runs out, bites down on his ribs, and swings his body like a ragdoll. FUCK THIS! Sarah Susans runs away as the Hyena continues to swing around John Stamoss body like a ragdoll until his entrails spill out across the petting zoo. Johny Magnum EXTREME clears the blender of death. His front wheels hit the dirt and he accelerates right onto the motor cross race track. An ATV and two dirt bikers hit the brakes but are instantly crushed and run over by his stunt drunk, grinded up in the under carriage. An oncoming NASCAR knock off hits the brakes and pulls a sharp turn. The momentum and inertia flips over the car on its side. It rolls through the crowd at an incredibly fast speed, clearing across the stadium in three seconds and cutting through the audience like a hot knife through butter, leaving behind a path of dismembered organs, blood and shit. HOLY FUCK! Some guy in a tap out shirt screams, as the concert goers flee in all directions. At least a quarter of them run towards the Blender of death, and they easily knock over the pitiful waist high security fence, crushing many people at the same time. WAIT STOP! The guy in the tap out shirt screams again, but its too late, and the crowd blindly stampedes straight into the blender of death, where they are quickly sliced in half. The speed of the blades sent body parts and blood splatter across the festival at the speed of an airforce jet, and everything is drenched in human matter. Half a skull is shot across the field like a bullet, going right through a mans crotch and leaving no sign of a reproductive tool. He instantly goes into shock, bleeding out. A womans ribcage is grinded up in the blades, sending them out like projectiles, impaling her BFF several times. On stage, Chad Kroeger is still headbanging with his eyes closed, seemingly unaware of the rampage below. HOLY SHIT! Scott Stapp screams, looking at the carnage from the backstage doorway, Theyre all fucking dying! We have to get out of here! He looks around at the other bands, who are all in states of panic. Dude! The stunt truck just crushed like five people! Austin Winkler laughed. Holy fuck! You have a boner! Scott Stapp pointed at the obviously visible and sudden erection in Austin Winklers tight pants. The rest of Hinder backed away uncomfortable. What? No! Its just a crease! He pleads.

Then why are you stroking it! Oh God youre turned on by this! Scott Stapp spat back with a look of disgust on his face. Before Austin Winkler can reply, A NASCAR knock off race car smashes right through the wall of the backstage room and crushes Theory of a Dead Man. HOLY SHIT! Everyone screamed. The driver, still alive, tries to open the driver side door but its jammed. RUN! ITS GONNA BLOW! He screamed at them, waving his arms. FUCK! Creed and Hinder run out of the backstage room as the engine explodes, and everyone except Scott Stapp and Austin Winkler are covered in flames. Those closest to the sports car were incinerated into ash, but the guitarist of Creed and the drummer of Hinder both suffered full body immolation. They screamed and fled into the crowd before falling over and burning to death. MY BAND! Scott Stapp cried out. Austin Winkler is still massaging the crotch of his pants. STOP FUCKING TOUCHING YOURSELF! Scott Stapp screams, falling to his knees, tears streaming down his face. The explosion has destabilized the entire stage. At the front, the lighting rigs lose their balance. A stage light disconnects and falls right onto Nickelbacks drummer, crushing his skull. He slumps forward, ending his career with a punk rock crash. A stray wire hits the bassist, electrocuting him with enough volts to make his eyes pop out his skull. He falls to the ground convulsing while simultaneously pissing and shitting his pants. Fuck this! The guitarist yells, throwing aside his guitar. He makes a run off the stage, but one of the lighting rigs fell down and knocked over his amplifier stack, crushing him and breaking his spine. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! FUCK PORTUGAL! NICKELFEST! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Chad Kroeger screams into the now dysfunctional mic, still ignoring the carnage. Hey, turn my mic up? He whispered quickly before going back to head banging. Its no use, as the sound techs are both dead. Down in the crowd, several fires had started from head on motor cross collisions. Several Bulls escape the rodeo, and charge through the crowd with bloodlust, impaling man and woman alike in fits of revenge and rage. Not even those who reached the parking lot could escape, as the frenzy to escape only lead to many collisions and drunken fist fights. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Chad Kroeger continues to shout, still rocking out. Dude, we have to get out of here! says Austin Winkler, putting his shoulder on Scott Stapps shoulder. Dont touch me you sicko! Scott Stapp spat back, Go jack off and die! Already did Austin Wrinkler replies, motioning towards a cum stain on the stage. Thats disgusting, get the fuck away from me, theres nothing left for me, my bands dead Scott Stapp replies

Bullshit! Were lead singers! Were the band! Austin Winkler argues back, Hinder would be nothing without me! Scott Stapp looked up at him, Youre right! We have to work together if were going to get out of this alive! He climbs to his feet just as Johny Magnum EXTREMEs stunt truck ramps straight up onto the stage, landing right on top of Scott Stapp. WOAH DOGGIE! FEELS LIKE IM CAUGHT IN SOME MUD! Johny Magnum EXTREME shouts out the window as he hits the gas full force. His tire spins on spot directly on Scott Stapps face, and blood and brain matter splatters against Austin Winkler. HOLY FUCK! YOU KILLED CREED! Austin Winkler screams, as the stunt truck buckles forward, and speeds off. Scott Stapps body is flung back off into the darkness. The stunt trucks hits the barrel of Pussy Sauce, sending it flying onto the stage. The stunt truck swerves out of control before smashing against a low hanging piece of the lighting rig. It smashes through the windshield, immediately impaling Johny Magnum EXTREME through the heart, and tears out half the stage rig as the truck speeds off into the darkness of the great Alberta Prairies. WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! Austin Winkler screams, ARGH! His leg is torn of at the knee. The Hyena drags the leg away and begins devouring it. Hinders lead singer falls over screaming in pain as the septic bite quickly toxifies his blood. On stage, the barrel of pheromones smashes open, its contents spilling out nearly entirely on Chad Kroeger. The fuck is this?! Im all wet! He shouts, finally out of his hard rock trance, Someones got hell to pay! He marches backstage (Whatever was left of it) and demands Who the fuck spilt the Pussy Sauce on me? The fuck?! He demands. The only reply is Austins Winklers scream, as he watches his body become host to millions of bacteria. His penis and balls rot right off his body, and his skin tone jaundices before his eyes. The Hyena is about to go for the kill, but something else draws her attention. The call of nature. The call of the Pheromone. She looks towards Chad Kroeger. Oh God, wait no! He screams, turning around to run. He sprints five feet before slipping on a pickle and falling to the ground ass up. He attempts to get up as the Hyena mounts him. MY FUCKING HANDS! Austin Winkler screams as his fingers rot off to the bone. MY FJHDHKI His lower jaw rots off his face, leaving his tongue slurping around. His last sight before his eyes melt off his head is the Hyena making Chad Kroeger her bitch. The last thing he hears before his brain rots away is Chad Kroeger screaming OH GOD ITS INSIDE ME!.

The next morning, Kevin Toddson wanders through the wreckage. There is a heavy smoke across the prairie and wreckage of the concert. Stray dogs and coyotes sneak through the remains of the mosh pit, looking for snacks. Vultures fly over heard, drawn to the over powering stench of death. Chad?! Scott?! Austin?! Anyone?! Kevin calls out, inspecting the remains of a violent head on collision between a sports car, stunt truck and a merch tent. His only replies are the groans and cries for help of the poor souls with only hours to live. Survivors caught between head on collisions who only breathe because theyre cause of death is also keeping their internal organs held together. Hey help me man A man in a tap out hat reaches out towards Kevin. He doesnt see his entire stomach is torn open. Come on please he pleads, as a murder of crows descends on him. His screams are short lived. Kevin looks away, almost losing hope. He knows that some people made it out on foot, but how far could they go before dying off exposure in the never ending Canadian prairies? Then, there is hope. A man comes limping out of the smoke, a man with dirty blond hair and a face used to smug satisfaction. CHAD! YOURE ALIVE! Kevin shouts with excitement. He rushes over to him. As he gets closer, he notices Chad is walking barrel legged, in great discomfort. CHAD! Whats wrong? He asks, Are you hurt? Chad pushes past him, Fuck you man, fuck this! Fuck Portugal! Fuck Pickles! Fuck everything! Im going home! He hobbles off, his back to Kevin, who then notices that nearly the entire backside of Chads jeans are crusted over in red and brown fluids.

THE END.