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2 Vol.

XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007

In Issue 5:
Life Under Saddam Berkman Asserts His Dominance Sherman P. Globberman Returns
Features, Page 8 Features, Page 12 Comics, Page 17

Half a Million Dollars, Obsolete in Four Years

anyone who makes it through the ap- York State’s supercomputer, which is Group, used the Seawulf to create a
By Alex Berkman plication process. Applications must be housed at Brookhaven National Labo- model of a molecule of the pandemic
approved by a committee of its major ratory. is IBM Blue Gene supercom- avian influenza, or bird flu. Seawulf al-
users and faculty, Glimm said. Students puter, commonly referred to as New lowed the team to create the model
Made up of 470 processors per- who want to use it must also have a fac- York Blue, is the largest used in an open quickly and to test drug-binding com-
forming at three teraflops, with pro- ulty advisor. research environment and fih largest pounds to prevent the spread of the po-
cessing speeds measured in trillions of Since the Seawulf opening in Sep- in the world, dwarfing the capabilities tentially pandemic flu, Rizzo said. New
calculations per second, and costing tember 2006, six research projects have of Seawulf. New York Blue performs at York Blue will allow the team’s research
$500,000, Stony Brook University’s new been completed while more than 30 are more than 100 teraflops, or 100 trillion to move along even faster and more
supercomputer, the Seawulf, is helping productively.
with math, biology, medicine and drug “It’s moving along at a much faster
research on campus, said James Glimm, rate of speed [than it would normally],“
chair of the Applied Mathematics and Rizzo said.
Statistics Department. Alternative energy sources, super-
Both faculty and students on cam- nova stars and the climate are being re-
pus use the Seawulf for research, said searched with New York Blue as it is
Glimm and Yan Yu, an applied mathe- open to all researchers and universities
matics and statistics doctoral student in New York State, Glimm said.
who oversees the supercomputer. “ey’re improving the nature of
Compared to the cost of running cloud models,” Glimm said.
other supercomputers, the Seawulf is e problem facing both of these
being maintained “on a shoestring,” supercomputers is impending obsoles-
Glimm said. It costs about $25,000 per cence.
year to run, and this nimber is made up In four years, the hardware of both
mostly of the salaries of the two under- the Seawulf and New York Blue will be
graduate students and one graduate obsolete compared to new supercom-
student who maintain it part-time. puters around the world. e current
Since the university’s power plant gen- hardware will be useful for a maximum
erates the needed energy for the Sea- of six years, Glimm said, adding that he
wulf, there are no electricity bills. currently in production. Most project calculations per second, is worth $26 hopes the university will provide the
e name Seawulf comes from a applications are accepted and approved, million and costs $2.5 million per year necessary funding, around half a mil-
combination of the Stony Brook mas- Glimm said. To date, almost 60 appli- to maintain, Glimm said. lion dollars, to purchase another com-
cot, the Seawolf, and of the type of su- cations have been approved for re- e Rizzo Group, a Stony Brook puter aer the impending
percomputer it is, a Linux Cluster search, according to documents team that studies computational biol- obsolescence.
Supercomputer, that is commonly provided by Pamela Wolfskill, assistant ogy and drug design, is using the Sea- Since the computer is in its first year
known as Beowulf, according to the to the chair of applied mathematics and wulf and will soon be working on New of operation, Glimm said, “I am not
university website. statistics. York Blue. thinking actively about this at present.”
e supercomputer can be used by Stony Brook is working with New Robert C. Rizzo, head of the Rizzo

Pulitzer Prize-Winning Press Alumnus

Scott Higham Speaks to Hundreds in Javitz
confidential sources in Washington, made famous by Al-Qaeda to e-mail a source that information on environ-
By Alex Berkman D.C. without a shield law. Shield laws certain sources. mental and diagnostic reports, being
are state laws that protect a reporter He said that Al-Qaeda used this provided to the public, about the cam-
Scott Higham, investigative jour- from having to reveal her or his sources, technique to communicate, as it is more pus power plant were false. Higham
nalist at The Washington Post and a for- with only the exception of extreme con- difficult to trace. He and his source set said that, as Chris Fairhall (then editor
mer editor of The Stony Brook Press, ditions. When journalists are able to up a single email address and share the of the Press) put it, it “was a ‘holy shit’
spoke to more than 200 students and provide better coverage of events, be- password. They then write to one an- story—the kind of story that, when you
faculty members on November 14, at cause sources are more willing to speak other on the account by saving the mes- open the paper, you say ‘Holy shit!’”
Stony Brook University. He spoke to them anonymously, the public is bet- sages as drafts, without sending any While still attending Stony Brook,
about working for the Post and the ter served by the resulting available messages over the Internet, as they may he reported on a story that impacted the
Press, his time at Stony Brook, winning news. be traceable. He also said that many of campus in a more global way. When
a Pulitzer Prize and working in Wash- He said that, without the law, some his sources are now using “throw-away campus authorities were first consider-
ington, D.C., and he shared tips for of his colleagues at the Post are scared cell phones,” which are difficult to trace, ing arming the campus police with
working with confidential sources. (principled journalists, unprotected by and can be purchased at convenience handguns, the idea provoked intense
Higham was on a team that won the a shield law, who choose to keep secret stores. debate. The administration went
Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for their series of the identity of their anonymous sources, Higham got his start in journalism through the motions of weighing the
articles about the neglect and, in too for the sake of the profession and, ulti- at The Stony Brook Press. He said that contesting sides of the issue. However,
many cases, death of children in Wash- mately, readers, face potential jail time), after almost being thrown out of school with the help of an insider source,
ington’s child welfare system. He and but he also mentioned that there are for spending more time at the Press than Higham was able to show that the po-
his colleagues were again finalists for ways to get around the problems. in his classes, he “found [his] love for lice force had, in fact, already purchased
that honor in 2003 for their coverage of, “I don’t use my work phone to call journalism here.” the guns, and lied to the public about it.
and investigation into, Abu Ghraib certain people. I don’t use my cell His first investigative story to im- That story ran in The New York Times,
prison in Iraq. phone to call certain people,” Higham pact the community occurred during earned Higham $125, and lead to con-
Higham spoke about working with said, adding that he uses a technique his tenure at the Press. He learned from sequences on campus for the dishonest.
The Stony Brook Press News 3
—Me, because it’s late and I’m tired
“Blah, there’s nothing to put here.”

Whoever Smelt it Dealt (with) It

According to Gary Kaczmar- that everything was under control and with the new notification process,
By Najib Aminy czyk, the Director of Emergency Health that students were safe. which was “not only impressive, it was
and Services and Interim Director of Lisa Ospitale, the Director of Mar- also effective. If an incident occurred
Safety and Management, at approxi- keting and Communication for Cam- where our safety as students were in
I was half awake (or half asleep) in mately 8:30 AM, a construction worker pus Dining Services said that in jeopardy, we’d be well informed and able
my Friday morning class when I was accidentally ruptured a gas line causing anticipation of an emergency such like to act accordingly.” Junior Chris Cruz of
startled by an unknown number giving the leak. “Thanks to the campus fire this, “Campus Dining practices emer- Roosevelt Quad had lost his phone.
me a call, followed by a barrage of texts. marshals, the gas was shut off and con- gency food drills in preparation.” The However, a few friends informed him
The majority of those on the Stony tained.” Kacmarczyk went on to say that gas had affected Campus Dining’s about the leak, as he began his day of
Brook campus were given calls or text “because no gas was detectable in the morning service, The morning was, as classes. Though he was not worried
messages informing them about the gas surrounding area, an evacuation was Ospitale put it, “an ideal time” for a sce- about the whole scenario, he was a bit
leak at the construction site in front of unnecessary.” Kacmarczyk explained nario like this. The gas had been re- frightened by the possibility of an ex-
Roosevelt quad. that, as a precaution, the Fire depart- stored approximately at 11:30 AM. In plosion or fire breaking out.
ments from sur- the case that the gas was not restored, As the fire trucks left, the gas was
rounding areas Ospitale replied that Campus Dining restored, and Circle Road was re-
were brought in would be prepared, noting that the opened, much went on as on any ordi-
to help test the worst case in her tenure was the North nary Friday. The SBU Alert system
surrounding East Blackout during the summer. managed to pass its first test, alerting a
areas for gas. However, the bigger story is on the wide array of students, faculty, and per-
The gas to both safety notifications. The gas leak at Roo- sonnel. Kacmarczyk applauds the SBU
Campus Dining sevelt was the first major test for the campus fire marshals, maintenance
and the West new SBU Alert System, which sent out crews, and police and fire crews who as-
Apartments had text messages, phone calls, and voice sisted in the operation. He also urged all
been shut down messages to all students who have reg- students who have yet to register their
until the leaked istered for them on SOLAR. Transfer phone or preferred e-mail to the system,
gas had been iso- Junior Elijah Clark, a resident of Gree- on SOLAR should do so as soon as pos-
late, and a por- ley College, said that he was comforted sible. If the gas leak went undetected, it
tion of Circle by the quick response, as he had re- is possible that it may have resulted in
Road was ceived a phone call and numerous text an explosion or giant fire. However, be-
blocked off for messages in class. Nonplussed by the cause safety notifications were sent out
Najib Aminy
Red Hot!
safety purposes. crisis, Clark said, “these things happen.” and the right precautions were taken,
Kacmarczyk said Junior David DePouli was impressed life returned to normalcy.

Another Mugging and spending the day aer regretting Representatives by the passing of leading to outside open shooters.
Rocks Stony Brook everything you did the night before. ENDA. is vote by Congress is an Jackson replied with a straight face,
Beer pong, flip cup, orgies: 75 years important step at ensuring that mil- “We call this a ‘Brokeback Mountain’
Aer a string of aggressive crimes of legally being able to get shit-faced lions of gay and lesbian Americans game, because there's so much pene-
plagued Stony Brook University last needs to be celebrated the right way. will never again have to go to work in tration and kick outs. It was one of
month, another commuter student So keep your eyes on this rag for fear of losing their jobs because of those games.” Oddly, many of the re-
was mugged in a parking lot while more information about the upcom- who they are.” Currently, in 31 states porters laughed as Jackson kept a
walking to his car. e victim was ing debauchery-ridden, alcohol-poi- you can be fired for being gay, or for stoic face. e following day, the
not injured. However, his personal soning, half-nude festivities in the someone even thinking you are gay, NBA reprimanded Jackson; soon
property was stolen. Both suspects next issue—pants optional. and in 39 states you can be fired for enough, Jackson was on damage con-
are male, in their mid twenties, and being transgendered. EDNA protects trol. His apology said that his “at-
around 200 pounds. House Passes EDNA the employment rights for gays, but tempt to be humorous, which was
e University Police, in conjunc- not for transgendered individuals. using alliteration last night, was [ap-
tion with Suffolk County Police, have On Wednesday, November 7, the “Our fight for equality will not be preciated by some journalists].” Allit-
stepped up patrols on campus. ey US House of Representatives passed won overnight, it will be won one eration? Jackson then went on to say
also strongly suggest that anyone the Employment Nondiscrimination step at a time” said Solomonese, “and that he was no Jay Leno or David
who sees anything suspicious imme- Act (EDNA); which is the first bill we will not give up until we reach the Letterman.
diately inform the police. that makes it illegal for employers to finish line. is is a critical piece of Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against
discriminate based on sexual orienta- legislation and a major step toward Defamation president Neil G. Giu-
C oming Soon: 75 Years of Ugly tion or perceived sexual orientation. the finish line for all Americans.”. e liano issued a statement, saying,
People’s Dreams Coming True e bill originally included a clause Employment Nondiscrimination Act ”Phil Jackson’s been coaching long
that sought to prevent transgendered is the latest version of a bill that two enough that he should be able to talk
e December calendar is marked individuals from being discriminated former Democratic representatives about the Lakers’ performance with-
by many special occasions, including against, but the clause was removed from New York, Edward Koch and out resorting to cheap gay jokes.”
the bombing of Pearl Harbor, and aer the bill was initially proposed Bella Abzug, first introduced in 1974. Jackson went on to say, “If I have of-
holidays such as Christmas and because of a lack of support. is is fended any cowboys, any Texans, any
Hanukkah. However, this December the first time in history that Congress Phil Jackson Does Not horses, anybody else that would be
is equally, if not more, important has passed a bill allowing for employ- L ike Penetration offended by these comments, I want
than all of these notable days com- ment protection based on a person’s to apologize.”
bined. sexual orientation. Aer a 107-92 loss to the San An-
December 5 marks the 75th an- According to a website statement tonio Spurs, Los Angeles Lakers
niversary of the repealing of prohibi-
tion. With that glorious day came 75
by Joe Solomonese, President of the
Human Rights Campaign, “Today,
coach Phil Jackson claimed the game
they played was a “Brokeback Moun-
years of drunken one night stands, we witnessed the making of civil tain” game. Jackson was asked if he Compiled By Ilyssa Fuchs, James
sleeping with your head in the toilet rights history in the U.S. House of felt that too much penetration was Laudano, Scott Edele and Najib Aminy
4 News Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Battleship: The Classic Naval Combat Game

Trusted Hardware Lab:

This Article Will Self Destruct In Sixty Seconds
very sensitive, so it can’t be sent tampering. e test is rated on a scale new hard drives that encrypt data right
By Catherine Lund through the mail, and it can’t be X- of one to four. Level four is the highest on the disk. is is done to ensure that
rayed or it’ll self-destruct and it’ll be attainable commercial level of security. the hardware will automatically encrypt
useless.” Currently, IBM is building a few everything on the disk if someone steals
Although it is no bigger than an of- He described the hardware as hav- level-four devices for normal PCs. e a laptop and tries to take the hard drive
fice right now, the university’s new ing a box around it, like a black box, lab will test hardware like this to deter- out of it and access it through another
Trusted Hardware Lab will soon be the with heat, motion, and pressure sensors mine how well it blocks tampering computer.
testing facility for some of the most ad- inside that can detect someone has within a PC. Encryption protection is important
vanced secure information technolo- tampered with the box. If it is removed, “We’re also evaluating devices from for instances in which federal employ-
gies in the world. or if an unauthorized user tampers with other companies in Europe so that we ees keep personal information and
Trusted hardware technology is a it, the hardware will self-destruct. ese can maximize the amount of cool stuff records on their laptops. is was the
secure way of backing up computer hardware boxes are already inside we can buy for the lab,” Sion said. case in June 2006 when the laptop of an
data such that one cannot alter or ATMs and banks. e military uses IBM has already given the Trusted employee of the Department of Veteran
tamper with it. is September, the them also. Hardware Lab two trusted hardware Affairs was stolen. e laptop’s hard
computer science department received Not only does the hardware defend platform computers with which to drive contained information on more
funding from the National Science against outside threats, such as a hacker work, and they are also donating so- than 26.2 million veterans and military
Foundation for the project and began trying to access the secure information, ware development kits and additional personnel.
the acquisition of hardware and so- but it also works against insider threats computers that would normally cost “We’re getting some of these self-
ware for this new lab. It is currently in a as well. around $10,000 each. encrypting hard drives to play with,”
room no bigger than a small office on "One of the main purposes of “It makes sense for IBM to be sup- Sion said. e researchers are trying to
the first floor of the Computer Science trusted hardware is to protect informa- porting this project”, said graduate stu- see if they can leverage the ability to do
building. tion from insider attacks, like an Enron dent Peter Williams. “We’re testing the encrypting on the disk in some projects
Professor Radu Sion of the com- executive who has a $50 million incen- product and helping develop their so- they have.
puter science department is head of the tive to get rid of some compromising e- ware and using it in research, so IBM is e Trusted Hardware Lab will be
Network Security and Applied Cryp- mails before the feds come and can't very open about giving us as much as moved to a bigger room in the com-
tography Lab and is leading the con- delete them because they're stored for they can.” puter science department’s new build-
struction and acquisition of funds and six years on tamper-proof hardware,” Sion said he was not sure how much ing, over by Roth quad, which is
technology for the lab. e National Sion explained. “If the Enron executive IBM will be donating altogether. IBM scheduled to open next year.
Science Foundation is funding the lab tries to remove the hardware itself to could not be reached for comment. “Hopefully, by next year, we’ll have
with a $200,000 grant and with dona- try and remove the e-mails, it'll self-de- Banks use these trusted hardware enough space to be able to work on sev-
tions of hardware and soware from struct, and when the feds come, he's ar- platforms to store records, and big eral projects at once in the lab,” Sion
IBM Research and IBM Cryptogroup. rested anyway." companies also use them to ensure the said. “And we’ll be able to add more
"In the lab, we're going to have se- To rate the effectiveness of trusted executive integrity of business owners. and more hardware that we’re able to
cure hardware, which is another way of hardware, the National Institute of ey are used in hospitals to store im- work with.”
saying ‘tamper-proof hardware’, which Standards in Technology developed a portant information that may mean life
means that everything inside stays in- certification test for security, which or death for a patient.
side," Sion explained. “is hardware is measures the hardware for resistance to e lab is receiving prototypes of

The Super Dean-io Brothers

more motivational speaking than cook- Their cooking (though I’m sure the
By Jon Pu ing. In a matter of a couple hours, we all food came out to be delicious) didn’t
had Bobby and Jamie Deen’s life stories look very spectacular, or special in
memorized. The two of them told of any way. Not to be overly criti-
I have two major complaints about how they started their now-prosperous cal, but I worked in a kitchen
the university inviting the Deen broth- business, a restaurant named the Lady over the summer, and I’ve seen
ers down to campus. First, why the hell and Sons, in downtown Savannah. Now, more impressive cooking there.
do you invite the Deen brothers if they the Deen brothers have their own show It’s all right though, Deen
you will not give us the Food Network on the Food Network, called Road brothers—the ladies still
in our dorms? And second, why weren’t Tasted. think you’re both dreamy.
the Deen brothers busting up bricks When the Deen brothers decided The event was interesting,
with their heads and jumping on little they finally had enough of the motiva- though not terribly exciting.
mushroom men? Heck, they didn’t even tional speaking, they began their cook- If I wanted to hear “You
do much cooking. ing demonstration. How very can do anything you set
For all of you ignorant and silly disappointed we were, however, when your mind to!” over and
people who live under rocks, the Deen we discovered that they were cooking over, I would’ve listened
brothers are the sons of Paula Deen. You off of the exact same recipe handouts to Chris Farley’s hardtop-
know, that famous cook on the Food we were given. Come on, guys, I can housed, littorally-located
Network? Yeah, it is all right, I had no read and follow directions, too, and so motivational speaker, Matt
idea until the event, either. can my six year old cousin. The only Foley. Seriously, Deen-io
The Deen brothers came down to difference is that she won’t injure her- brothers, just eat flow-
the SAC auditorium on Wednesday and self while cutting limes. (I jest, but Jamie ers and spit fireballs
put on a cooking demonstration from Deen really did cut himself and, as hor- next time—so much
12:30 to 2:00. To be honest, they did rible as that is, I found it hilarious.) more awesome.
The Stony Brook Press Meeting Deadlines 5
The Asian American E-Zine
e Greys made contact with a world governmental body for the first time in 1933 in Germany. However, they were turned away by the German how it works, but the Greys no longer believe themselves to be spirit, to be in essence. ey're trapped mentally, emotionally, physically in a physical
government because it had already committed itself to involvement with the Giza intelligence. A renegade group of human extra terrestrials that existence, therefore, that's all they see. ey literally disown and fractionalize themselves away from their spiritual essence. It's no longer a part of
were headquartered under the Giza plateau in Egypt. ey were predominantly Pleadians. ey were on their own, doing their own thing. Ashtar, them. Human beings have also been known to do that themselves, as well. You know we can fractionalize ourselves into many different personali-
Commigal, and even Jehovah were a part of the group, for some time. ey came down here and played God with us. People worshipped them be- ties. e Greys are pure ego!ey are very sophisticated in mathematics and energy sciences. It has been said, that our military at the time of the
cause they had technology which they used it as their power, big time. During the 1930's, the Germans were building rockets and starting a space Holloman Air Force meeting, that there was an exchange of personnel. Our military gave the Greys sixteen military personnel and that were sup-
program due to their contacts with the extraterrestrials of the Giza intelligence. e technology developed however, was used to create weapons be- posed to be taken to the Greys' point of origin and that they le us one or two guys or something of theirs along those same lines. Well. according to
cause the German governmental body involved were concerned that there was going to be an alien invasion. e Giza intelligence had told them the Andromedans, it was really a hundred and nine human beings that were taken at that particular exchange. ey have not returned. As a matter
that the Greys were here to invade, but this actually did not occur. Plans for weapons such as sound devices, lasers, neutron bombs, particle beam of fact, they did not go to the Greys's point of origin, which was Zeta Reticuli 2, rather they went to the motherships and Phobos where they were
weapons, etc. were designed. Although many of these weapons were not created until much later in history, a lot of other technology was shared experimented on.e Greys gave virus technology to the NSA, which then was handed on to lower levels within our military complex. In Africa, we
with the Germans, by the Giza Intelligence, like how to do: anti-gravity, free energy, etc.e United States was the first to open its doors to the alien find the testing ground for the AIDS virus. ere's a reason for this. is virus technology was given by the Greys to the biological unit in Ultra
race known as the Greys. I have been told of only one contact in 1934, where the Greys made their presence known to the U.S. government, in the within the NSA. One of NSA's underground facilities is underneath Fort Mead in Maryland. At that location there are nineteen acres of under-
state of Washington. I don't know the particular details but somehow the government knew that the Greys were there. It wasn't until 1947, that ac- ground caverns, with some of the most highly technological and sophisticated super computers in the world, that were built and designed inside the
tual contact occurred with the aliens and United States officials. e first face to face contact was due to the shooting down of an alien cra, namely facility. ey have never seen the light of day. is area, and the one in Mt. Hood, Oregon are engaged in massive surveillance of the world's tele-
the Roswell incident. is pressed the Greys into a contact earlier than they had actually an aticipated doing themselves. Aer the crash in Roswell, phones, telegraph, telex, fax, radio, television, microwave communication, NORAD and also space radio waves. e complex in Mt. Hood is where
the United States, the Soviet Union, and the British, at the very highest levels, became blood brothers. By the way, none of these governments knew our military is cloning human beings and aliens. I don't know what alien races.Jumping back in history a bit. In the late 1950's, the Greys also ap-
what Germany was really up to. e Germans were very, very secretive about their contact with the Giza Intelligence. e Roswell incident created proached the Russians regarding the signing of treaties and mutual exchange. e Russians, however, already at the time, were included in the pro-
more of an urgency to develop a true space program to defend the earth. e United States and the Soviet governments thought that this alien pres- ceedings of the NSA, chose not to sign this independent treaty because they knew full well that the Greys would try to pit the United States against
ence could be a threat, because these aliens were so technologically more advanced. But the Greys in their own fashion, really back doored these the Soviet Union. It is in fact the Soviet Union that informed JFK of the Greys presence, during the Cuban missile crisis. e Andromedans have
governments through deceit. e true space program, this underground program that we are just now beginning to hear about, was originally fi- stated that the Russians were trying to blackmail the U.S. into sharing the alien technology, thus the Bay of Pigs. at's when they put the missiles
nanced by members of the Club of Rome. Now, you'll need to do some homework, to find out who those members are. And don't be surprised at there pointed at the United States. e Russians became increasingly aware that the NSA and the CIA were developing incredible technology and
who you see. We will talk more about that later, when we discuss the moon. Prior to this, in the 1850's to the 1950's, a hundred years, there had been were not sharing it, as was their agreement, shortly aer the Holliman agreement. Apparently, JFK asked the CIA three times if the Russian allega-
some utilization of cattle and humans in experiments by the Greys. e NSA, which was created in the 1950's learned that the Greys were responsi- tions were true. e CIA lied twice to the president, even though nuclear weapons were only eighteen minutes away from striking the U.S. ey just
ble.In 1952, the U.S. government prepared itself for the realization of ongoing alien contact when our military radar system started to down their flat out lied to him and said, "No. ey're nuts." is prompted JFK to want to scatter the CIA to the winds. is is one of the more important rea-
cra. e Greys knew that in order to perform their experiments on such a large scale, to save their race, they would need the cooperation of a high sons the "black" government found JFK as a threat and had him make a physical transition prematurely. It was JFK's desire that some of this tech-
political body. In other words, they had to come to terms. A select politically structured body, created secretly within the United States Govern- nology would reach the common people and be used for the betterment of mankind and that it be made known to the American people that the
ment, was designed to be the liaison between the Greys, the technological gods, and the earth humans. e military was very enthusiastic for com- alien presence was upon us. is is one of the reasons why he successfully launched a civilian space program so that all Americans and people of the
munication with the aliens, in hopes of exchanging technology for raw materials. is liaison group, this political structure, is and was the NSA, the world could share in the discovery.In 1953 satellites and radars showed large objects coming towards the earth. ey were Grey motherships. ese
super secret National Security Agency. For contact and study of the aliens was it's original purpose.In May of 1954, at the Holliman Air Force Base, time traveling space cras were the same cras seen near Venus in 1787, 1788, 1789. In 1645, it was reported that a large moon was seen near
the United States Government made a formal agreement with the Grey alien race. Some of the terms of this agreement were the exchange of tech- Venus. For other times, as well in the same year, it was seen coming and going. e last time it was reported was in 1767. e same type of occur-
nology, of anti-gravity, metals, alloys, and environmental technologies to assist the earth with free energy and medical application regarding the rence happened around Mars, on November 25, 1894. A large ship was seen illuminating part of Mars. e same occurrence for Mercury in 1799.
human body. All the Greys asked for in return, was to be allowed to study the human development, both in the emotional consciousness makeup, e same large planetary body crossed the sun on August 26, 1859 and this same body today, that's still there, is called Volcan. It's a mothership. It
and to reside here on earth. is single act of signing a contract with an extraterrestrial race was the most significant act in human history because it isn't a planet. During the total eclipse of July 29, 1878, astronomers saw two large glowing planetary bodies, about the size of Venus, between Mer-
launched us in a direction we were never intended to go in the first place and it thrust us into a role that we were not prepared for either. Being cury and Venus. According to the Andromedans, these were Pleadian and Andromedan motherships that had gone back in time.
hosts to an alien race.Essentially, what this contract has also done, has handcuffed the Andromedan council and those benevolent extraterrestrial ey were observing the Greys orbiting around the sun. ey wanted me to share all these dates with you. I don't necessarily
races from being able to take a more active role in the earth's evolution. It has placed the burdens squarely on the shoulders of humanity to en- know why, but here are some more. In 1783 and 1787, huge bright lights were reported
lighten itself of the facts, and to consciously create ascension on an individual basis. Because this particular treaty was agreed upon between the on the moon. ey were mistakenly reported as volcanoes, at first. But then they
aliens and the "ULTRA" units in the NSA, which actually is a government unto itself, they in affect turned away help from outside benevolent moved and lit up the dark side of the moon which cause a noticeable glow around
races that we could have obtained before.Now pay close attention, because this is the first time I've ever mentioned this. e particular the top portion of the moon. In February of 1894, a comet was apparently pho-
document and original exchange material may be found today in the NSA facility, called Blue Moon, under Kirkland Air Force Base in tographed striking a huge dark object in our solar system. It happened to have
New Mexico. It's exact entrance is in the Monzoni Mountains. is location houses the private department of energy technological labs. wings and, according to the Andromedans, this was a Draconian mothership. e
Currently, the building of free energy devices for use in space and on the moon and Mars is ongoing, in this particular area. Much of the same phenomena occurred in April 4, 1892 and it was about one third the size of
alien technology has been reconstructed and sent via a connecting tunnel to Los Alamos and an area located underneath the moon, six to seven hundred miles in diameter. As it crossed astronomers
the cliff sides of Los Alamos canyon, where huge vaults are built into the earth. is facility is twenty-nine thousand thought that it was a bird, but its wings didn't flutter. Again, this was a Draconian
square feet in size. ere are also laboratories equipped to study light, thought and pure energy there. is facil- mothership. is was observed again on January 27, 1912. A ship two hundred
ity is also used as a jail for aliens captured by the black (secret) government.Corporations that are currently and fiy miles long, fiy miles wide, resembling a crow, was sitting on the moon.
assisting the aliens and the black government are Standard Oil, Lockheed, Northrup, McDonald Dou- According to the Andromedans, this again was a cra from reptilian Alpha Dra-
glas, AT&T, IT&T, e A.A. Matthews Construction Company, e Robins Company, e Utah conis.Many operations have been created by the Greys over the past five hun-
Mining Company, and numerous more. e NSA is exempt from all laws in the United States dred years for the purposes of manipulation and control of our religious belief
unless the NSA itself is specifically mentioned in any creation of law. is is due to its interac- systems. I don't want to offend anybody, but I'm going to tell you just the way
tion with aliens and it's sometimes necessary infringements of civil rights and constitutional it's been presented to me. All you have to do is listen. If it doesn't feel right for
rights of the American people. In other words, to make it exempt from breaking any laws you, then dismiss it. If it does feel right, and you get the chills, then maybe you
and hurting anybody here, they made it completely separate. And it is completely sep- should start paying attention to it.To have us morally and spiritually compro-
arate, even though your tax dollars pay for the running of it. ere was also a great mise our free will to a savior-like image, the Greys by allowing us to compromise
deal of private money used by the NSA to build the alien technology and to keep ourselves under these false pretenses, they are absolved from the creating any
humanity under control. e status quo secure. Even the CIA doesn't know much Karma for themselves. Instead, they let us create the Karma to ourselves. It really is
about the Ultra or Blue Moon units of the NSA. ese are the two highest units such a set-up. e power of belief systems can be used as fuel for the game of seducing peo-
the NSA has that deals directly with alien technology and information.Now re- ple into believing that certain things are true. By the power created by the conscious thoughts, we can literally
alize that the Greys are genetic engineers, though not the only ones. Most of make these things occur and come true, whether they benefit us or not. ese are real spiritual dynamics at work here
the aliens from off planet are genetic engineers because they value life forms and they're being used against us. Our physical matter (physical body) is the embodiment of ideas or belief systems.
as opposed to gold and silver. Genetic's, life forms and things of that nature Our Universe consists of ideas and thought systems, condensed and turned towards itself, inwards. We turn it towards
is their wealth. A lot of the genetic engineering and experimentation is ourselves to create and originate spirit and energy. Now if I need to say it again I will. is is our definition again, word
going on here, on earth and on Mars moon Phobos, by the Greys. ey for word. Our physical matter is the embodiment of ideas (belief systems). Our universe consists of ideas and thought,
are using this opportunity to try to satisfy their own agenda, which is to condensed and turned towards itself, inwards. To create and originate spirit and energy. In other words, we really are
create DNA and genetic stock that is clean enough to foster new physi- gods. We really can do anything we want to do.We, of earth, have evolved only in technical and material sciences. Our spir-
cal life forms that are capable of regeneration and birth for their race. As itual evolution, for the most part has been suppressed from us by a group of extraterrestrials, and now the black government
of right now, the Greys are most interested in female genetic stock because and its plan for a New World Order. Because upon learning these spiritual truths, the NSA and the black world government,
all family lineages follow the female rather than the male. Why? Because you always know realized that everything that they have been trying to do can be swept away. According to the Andromedans, and their exact
who your mother is, you may not always know who your father is.Many new races have words were, "Could be swept away in a day, should humanity become enlightened." If a billion people come to the realization
been created this way throughout our galaxy. It's not something that's new going on here. and a decision that we no longer want this reality, it can literally change with the setting and the rising of the sun. But, they
is has been going on for a very long time. Few races today have actually remained as pure ge- stress, we need to be clear of what we want, which is part of the decision, and our responsibility factors. at is ours. In other
netic stock, with the exception of two races that the Andromedans say are really genetically clean. words, if we're going to create it, we take responsibility for it.e Shroud of Turin. According to the Andromedans, this is one
at is the Reptilians from Alpha Draconis, and the other is what we call, or know as the Elohim, example of the extra terrestrial manipulation or assault of our belief systems. is holographic image on the shroud was cre-
which are a very ancient race of humans that survived Lyra. All other races are a varied degree of hy- ated by the Greys to strengthen a belief system in a savior or messiah. is belief system assists their plan for control because
brid or mixture of races of different genetic stock.Another point is that, the Greys themselves would humanity would love to give their power away to someone that appeared to be a true and legitimate messiah, because we've
like to be free from the Orion empire. ey will have no chance of survival themselves if they do not been taught to do that. e Greys know that few people truly want to accept responsibility for their own evolution. Most
create or match their body type or genetics with ours. You see, time is quickly running out for them would rather be told what to do, than to realize the situation and take the appropriate action necessary to free
and we as a race is also evolving at a tremendous rate. On a spiritual conscious level, we are evolving themselves.To further realize the Grey manipulation on a belief system level, there is also a plan in development to play out
dramatically, making our genetics harder to use while they are dying out like there's no tomorrow. a staged second coming. is will occur shortly aer the destruction of the world economy, maybe six years, tops. is being
And they are very aware of this fact. So, even though what they're doing is wrong, they really are will be a clone human being, a biological, who will holographically be imprinted with everything from spiritual truths re-
caught in a very tough position themselves. Because what they're doing to us has been done to them. garding information about all religions, metaphysics, and he will come out speaking about all of these great wonders. He will
I'm just trying to draw parallels. I'm not justifying it in any way. By the way, when any of the aliens strongly profess the Hindu philosophy. Why, I don't know, but this is what they're saying. e intent is evil; this being will not
give birth to a child, they take that child outside of the earth's atmosphere so the child is born fully have a soul. He is not spirit. He is robotoid, a clone, a robot, a synthetic. e Greys have this kind of ability to stage this kind of
aware of its reincarnational history, so it realizes who it is, and it doesn't carry the veil. Why is this? action using their technology. He will be the image of the man on the shroud of Turin.THE ANTI-CHRIST will not be the evil
Apparently, there is some kind of agreement; if you're born within the earth's atmosphere, you've got soul portrayed in the Bible. e Anti-Christ will truly be someone who tried to express the truth on the true matters and seize the
to be veiled. It's just part of what comes with being born here.e Greys masters assigned agenda, is to United States government as the cause of all this evil. is is what they've said. Now, I have to add this, in defense of that belief sys-
create a slave race which is currently in full swing, for the purposes of control, physical services, labor and, tem. e Vatican, in 1960, admitted that there were fourteen plagiarisms in the New Testament. ey refused to say what they were,
sexual energy. Now I will explain this. e acts of feeding, war, anger, psychic energy, genetic experiments, but they said that there were fourteen. at means you can't believe by it as gospel, so to speak, because they changed it. It wasn't
hybrids as a food source, genetic and biological materials. e Greys and their Masters feed off this, our en- God who wrote it. e church changed it and they admitted it. So, you do with that what you want. But everyone is believing it has
ergy. As examples: If two people are fighting, they create a lot of emotional negative energy. And this is why to happen, and by us believing it has to happen, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to create it! We're going to make it happen, and
you will find, that whenever there are wars going on, there's a lot of UFO activity. Negative energy! ey they're sitting up there laughing at us, saying look at those idiots. Look what they're doing to themselves.e Greys were re-
just feed off it. It's liken to when your making love to your man or to your wife, and you reach that mo- sponsible for the FATIMA EPISODE IN PORTUGAL, where the Virgin Mary supposedly spoke to the children. is
ment where you are both at the same place at the same time, in a loving benevolent way. at's how it was a holographic image of a woman who professed to be the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. e sun sup-
feels for them regarding negative energy release. e energy of fear, that rush of adrenaline, young posedly fell from the sky and miraculously healed people. Using Grey technology, these somewhat miracles did
teens on a battlefield running around scared, this is what they crave, all of the negative emotional occur., But they used light and sound, which they beamed from their ship to the various people affecting these
aspects.ey have also been doing extensive research on the human brain and its capabilities as cures in their physical bodies. Now, this is technology that has been here on the earth, at least the last hundred years
well as study of the soul. Many people who have been implanted by the Greys, those who are or more. But it is against the law now, in most places in the United States because it works. And that's color and sound, And the reason for sound
aware of it and those who still aren't, must become aware of the fact, that they have actually work, is because the entire universe is a holographic projection turned inside of itself. It's all a holograph. Virtually all the people present were im-
been on a kind of machine and are being shown and trained to do something. According to the planted during the missing time phase of this episode. A large mothership positioned itself in front of the sun to create this occurrence. e reasons
Andromedans, the Greys are training us to fight their war against the Draconians (One of there masters) when they get here, because they are going this is not a true is because the biblical Jesus is a composite character. And as such, is an allegorical myth. e Virgin Mary is also a composite char-
to use us as their soldiers. Just like when our military sends in the infantry and marines, those implanted will be the first ones on the beach. While acter and these composites were made for the purposes of uniting the religions of the ancient Roman Empire so that their resources were not being
the Greys sitting back on board their ships drinking champagne or having a gin and tonic, and wondering how the battle is going. And they have used to constantly stop religious wars between different factions.In the 1950's the so-called meetings of the Jason society were triggered by informa-
chosen our world to be the battle ground.At the same time they are still going about preparing the earth for its new owners. Apparently, the Greys tion given to the Ultra unit in the NSA by the Greys about the world's situation regarding pollution and population. It was at this particular time
are going to make this attempt, but the inevitable truth is that the Reptilians from Alpha Draconis are on their way here now. And this has very seri- that the Greys offered little assistance or sharing of technology regarding environmental issues. is has persisted even today. e Pleadians have in
ous implications for us. Now, honestly, I'm not here to promote fear. I don't believe in it. But I'm telling you what I've been told to tell you. We have fact, offered more solutions than any other group to date, but they were turned away by the NSA. is prompted the first of three alternatives that
boxed ourselves into a corner and the only way we can change the outcome is that we have to consciously become aware of what our world is really have been discussed in UFO circles already. ese alternatives are in fact, and were in fact, a reality. at's alternative one, two, three and four. e
about, what's really going on here. And we have to create a space of love. Folks, that's the bottom line.By creating a space of love, the Greys, the Dra- New World Order is in a major predicament. e Greys are twenty-five hundred years ahead of us technologically. e black government is afraid
conians, the Orions won't be able to handle the vibration. ey have got to leave, or we're going to have to ask for some serious intervention here. In to tell us the truth concerning this reality because they fear a revolution, overthrow, and desire self-preservation form the people who will want
which case, there's going to be war in the heavens as the Bible has predicted. It will be all about saving us! You know, this talk about ASHTAR com- their scalps.Two large motherships are on the planet right now, hiding in the oceans. One is in the Pacific Ocean, below the equator and the other
ing down here to save you. Ladies and gentlemen, it isn't going to happen. It's just another belief system. Or how about Commander Hatton, who is one is in the Atlantic. I don't know where. I don't know whose they are, but they're here. My sense is that they're benevolent because the govern-
saying we will take you to Mars. No thanks! I don't want to go to Mars, it just isn't going to happen that way. Nobody is going to save you, because ment has actually talked about implementing alternative four which was creating a controlled pole shi. e Andromedans have said no way would
according to the Andromedans, if you're sitting here waiting for a savior, you're not doing the work yourself. And who would come down here to they allow this to happen. So my sense is that there are benevolent ships that are anchoring the planet on its axis. at's my opinion. e military
take you off the hook? For what purpose? You will only recreate the situation again someday. If you haven't permanently evolved to that level of be- know that this is why they're testing sound in the oceans, especially in the Pacific.Aliens have been attacking us more openly in space. It started with
coming your own savior, your own messiah, then you haven't learned your life's lessons. And this is what the Andromedans strongest message is. the Russian Phobos probe when it was destroyed. e Mars observer was captured by Reptilians on Mars. It isn't going to come on-line. It's gone.
You have got to do the work yourself. You are only responsible for yourself. Nobody is going to take you off the hook. Matter of fact, if they do end Also, closer to home, in December 1993, a Landsat satellite disappeared in orbit, just vanished. In August of 1993, the European space agency lost
up intervening on our behalf, they are not going to stick around aerward and baby-sit us.at means we have got to get it straight. at we as a two communications satellites, again, they literally just vanished from orbit. e Canadian TELSTAR was destroyed in our atmosphere on January
race, have got to come together and decide what it is that we want and how we want to live. How are we going to raise our children? What morali- 15, 1994. It was seen crashing to earth. is was shot down by the Greys. Again, I don't know why. A NASA Satcom 3 communications satellite van-
ties, what laws, etc. Not to be told by somebody else out there, what is best for us. Folks! It's never worked before, and it isn't going to work now. ished in May of 1979. It was just taken. Two Soviet Millennia satellites were also taken. ey just vanished from our orbit, from our atmosphere.
Most human beings would rather die than live being a slave. at's just our nature, our soul, to be free. We're at that point again. What will we Here's our scenario. e benevolent races have told the world governments that they would help us but world governments have to dismantle their
choose?You see, the Greys are currently monitoring the brain waves of those they have implanted. ey have done this for the better part of a hun- nuclear weapons. e earth governments did not want to do this because they don't know who to trust. ey created this situation and they do not
dred years on earth. So generations of family members have had implants. e cloning of human beings, of life forms and the art of subversion was know who to trust now. However, the world government is so desperate to get rid of the Greys, that they apparently have put a call out for help,
taught by the Greys to the NSA. On the two highest levels of human interaction with the Greys within the NSA, there exists cloned human beings using satellites. e Andromedans say there is a group that has offered to help our earth governments with the problem of the Greys, even by giving
and humans so heavily implanted, that according to the Andromedans, they do not consider them human beings anymore. ey have joined the us weapons to fight the Greys. Re-enter, the Reptilians from Alpha Draconis, the only real enemies the Greys have, and that humankind has. e
group mind of the Greys. ey have lost free will. ey are clone robots! eir soul is trapped and they are no longer considered compassionate Reptilians from Alpha Draconis have answered the call. But the Greys actually work for the Draconians. It's all part of the set-up. When we invite
human beings.e Greys clone their own race into a cast of slaves, just like ants. ey all basically think the same things at the same time. eir them in here there will be no battle. And once they're here we'll never get rid of the Draconians.e Pleadians are assisting the Andromedan Coun-
minds are like radios. If there are no radio waves, they don't do anything. ey have computers which transmit the radio-like waves, telling them cil in attempting to quarantine our solar system from invading forces, namely the Orion group and Alpha Draconis. e quarantine line, the de-
what their jobs are, their functions that they must carry out. If the computers, their group mind, were shut down, the Greys would no longer know fense line, is between Uranus and Pluto and consists of a mixture of benevolent races, both physical and non-physical. ere are Pleadians,
what to do for themselves. ey do not possess individual intelligence like us, although they would very much like to create us to be like them. e Andromedans, Arcturians, Syrians from Syrius A, Reticulin, Accordance and Umonians from Umo. is line of defense is really like a last resort.
Greys also consider what we call God, a mind, like we think of our own mind. ey have completely detached themselves from their spiritual Apparently, two huge Grey motherships have already been turned back that were on their way to Earth and Mars. And apparently there were casu-
essence, so long ago, that their physical existence and personality has become pure ego. e Draconians are pure ego, as well. Many other races ge- alties on both sides in the exchange of turning them away.Please realize that currently, there are fieen thousand Greys underneath the United
netically altered by the Draconians, are also experiencing the separation from their own essence too.Now, I don't understand the process or exactly Stares. e Greys (Dows) are in fact, a renegade group of Reticulans. ey are not from Reticuli and haven't been back there for hundreds and hun-
6 Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Editorial Board
Absentee Editor
Bryan Hasho
Managing Editor
Rebecca Kleinhaut
Associate Editor
Alex H. Nagler
It’s Seawolves Country! Wooooo!
Business Manager
Adina Silverbush ese are exciting times for students e signs are shit—obviously. Even near the entrance of other prestigious
here at Stony Brook. We have super if you’re into that sort of nauseating in- academic universities to which it’s evi-
Production Manager computers and ruptured gas pipes and a your-face branding, they’re doing a dent Stony Brook looks for inspiration.
Jesse Schoepfer
soon-to-be-Starbucks and, yeah, it’s just laughably terrible job and just annoying You can’t, and for good reason.
News Editors riveting—riveting I tell you. everybody. is isn’t a country; Stony ree Stony Brook professors
James Laudano What we really need is a slogan Brook is a town. And there are no sea- were (with Al Gore) awarded a share of
Matt Willemain
of some sort: one that really captures the wolves—anywhere. the Nobel Piece Prize the other day for
Features Editor unbridled fervor of the university. I sup- It is important to point out that, their participation in the Intergovern-
Jonathan Singer pose that’s what they were thinking, when it comes down it, this is an alto- mental Panel on Climate Change (it’s
Arts Editor anyways, when they came up with what gether silly topic. Whatever one’s im- unclear whether or not Red Hot per-
Madeline Scheckter we have now. Oh, yeah. It’s Seawolves pression of the success of the sonally offends them). e story was
Country. administration’s most recent activities, given its headline on the front page—
Photo Editors
John ‘Caboose’ O’Dell Perhaps there’s some big hunt- it’s clear that the actual campus devel- fine. But for the most part, it happened
Roman Sheydvasser ing movement going on that we aren’t opments, not their public image, are under the radar. is isn’t deservedly
aware of. ere’s been an influx of sea- what’s important. so. e university has these grand am-
Copy Editors
Alex Berkman wolf procreation, and to remedy the But let’s assume these advertising bitions of academic dominance, and
Nick Eaton problem we’re promoting this fact in decisions are at least, at some level, con- part of that, is raising the funding to do
Katie Knowlton hopes of grabbing the attention of local nected to the campus hierarchy, and not so. Athletics is a part of that, but the
Headitor rifle-wielding coonskin cappers. some out-of-touch marketing clown marketing push in that regard just reeks
Erma Kobolobolobo Either way, it’s dumb. And with a shit understanding of what draws of corporate, mind-numbing idiocy.
though it’s slightly less annoying than prospective students (or fans for that e football team lost their last game,
Chris Williams the Red Hot theme, it’s just as ridicu- matter). Does this give us insight into which we’ll see a lot of in the coming
lous. It’s understood that a public rela- the campus’ newfound priorities? Does years with their overly ambitious enlist-
Audiomaster tions push is going to accompany the the fact that they’re changing their ment into the Big South Conference.
Vincent Michael Festa
rest of the campus’ progression; it would image provide some potential justifica- It’s clear the new ads follow that
Ombudsman be interesting to find out whose deci- tion for the campus’ current ills? At the same campus theme we’re seeing more
Sam Goldman sion it was to push the image of our very least, it looks badly to the type of and more every day: misguided, coun-
football team banging their helmets to- students the university is looking to at- terintuitive, sightless ambition, and
Minister of Archives gether and screaming at Wolfie. tract. Try to find a similar billboard without consideration of consequence.
Alex Walsh
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The Stony Brook Press 7
E-mail your letters to sbpress@gmail.com letters
Dear SB Press Cindy Liu,

Where do I begin? You were truly something different, something special. I’d never met such a self-hating Asian before.
You made me see the world in a completely different way. I was stunned, completely blown away by your witty remarks
on Asian stereotypes. It was amazing; I’d never met a girl like you before. We had two amazing issues together, I re-
member them clearly. And then you disappeared.
Cindy Liu, why don’t you call anymore? I miss you; you were my favorite self-hating Asian. Every time I go to math
class, I see those Asians hard at work crunching numbers and I can’t help but think of you. Whenever I pick up a pack
of Pocky, a part of me laments not ever seeing you around anymore. My nights are so lonely without any of your arti-
cles to read myself to sleep.
I’m just asking you to give it one more chance. Just come back and see how it is, maybe you’ll like it. Please, I’m almost
begging, come write for the Press again. It’s so empty here without your radiant Asian-hating. Every time I browse
through the SB Press and just hope to catch a few words by you but alas, every issue these days is devoid of your pres-
ence. It’s just not the same without you around. There’s a void in that paper. No articles can match up to your unique style,
that distinct feel you add to the paper.
Cindy Liu, I miss you. Please give it another chance. There’s just nothing else quite like you to brighten my day with a
slew of anti-Asian statements. What I wouldn’t give to read one more of your articles. Please, Cindy, just reconsider. You
belong here; you belong on the staff at the SB Press.
With all my heart,

Your Secret, Asian-hating Admirer

Word. Free Cindy Liu!

As a Stony Brook alumnus who has read the Press since its inception, I am curious as to just when Stony Brook
became part of the Bible Belt. In the November 7 issue, Rabbi Joseph Topek and Alex Nagler have a go-around about
some students at a fire drill who were (horrors!) drunk. I kept waiting for one of them to acknowledge that drunken-
ness on a college campus is not exactly unusual behavior and certainly not to be obsessed about, but both men seemed
to be operating under the impression that they should parrot the party line and act like scandalized old aunties.
Rabbi Topek is older and should know better, but he does have to worry about the trouble he’d get into if any-
one thought that young adults, who are old enough to die in Iraq, were actually drinking at Hillel events. Mr. Nagler
has less of an excuse. Alex, you are Associate Editor of the mighty ass-kicking Stony Brook Press, and that does not mean
chorusing hallelujah to the official hand-wringing about the sinful ways of the young’uns. Are Press parties all milk and
cookies these days? I’d suggest a foray into the archives to learn about the paper’s rich history as a defender of students’
god-given right to raise a little hell.
Edward F.S. Keller, you of the pompous name, history major, I am going to assume that you’re a first-year his-
tory major, because you don’t seem to have studied enough history to know that societies in which people are encour-
aged to inform on each other to the authorities for breaking ridiculous rules are inevitably tyrannical and need to be
resisted. To you, I heartily recommend a viewing of The Lives Of Others, an Academy Award-winning film about the
former East Germany, where about twenty percent of the population were recruited to report any “potentially disrup-
tive” behavior to the government.
Finally, dear, elfin Kotei Aoki himself. In his latest Epistle to the Philistines, Kotei asks why college students can’t “enjoy
party without alcohol, gambling, getting wasted and hooking up?” Kotei, since student life here so disappoints you,
have you ever considered perhaps a year abroad as an exchange student? Eastern Germany is no longer the paradise for
snitches it once was, but I really think you’d enjoy the wholesome, clean-living vibe of a Muslim theocracy like Iran or
Saudi Arabia. In those dictatorships of virtue, all these sinful practices are punished with flogging or worse. Maybe you
could even get a work-study package with the religious police who go around looking for transgressions to punish. And
when you come back, you can get a job as a Stony Brook RA or RHD. Mr. Keller could join you. I always wondered where
they found people who’d take a job whose description included busting up parties. Now I know.

Ray Albieri

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8 Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Inside the Features section:
Anonymous Ne’erdowellery Basketball Home Opener Seasonal Features
Page 9 Page 10 Page 11

Under Saddam’s Reign

By Ali Fadhill side Baghdad that belonged to one of siles and not planes and that they’re another even more devastating war for
our neighbors. They offered to host us going to hit soon, I thought. no logical or justifiable reason.
and two other families until the war was I thought, “What if Saddam had al- After a long trip where we had to
It was the Second of August 1990, over. I had to stay in Basra until the war ready used his chemical missiles like he change busses many times — since no
and I had spent the night at my grand- took place, because if I didn’t, I would had threatened? This means these mis- one was willing to go to Baghdad — we
father’s house. I had just finished the have gotten expelled if the war didn’t siles may be nuclear.” I was almost con- finally made it to Hilla, about 60 miles
one-month summer military training happen. Many students who were not vinced that the missiles were detected south of Baghdad. My friend’s family
that Saddam Hussein had mandated for from Basra pleaded to the school board by the radar on the borders and were on lived there, so we decided that I had bet-
all college students during their school to delay the mid-term exams (which their way to strike Basra. We waited ter spend the night in his house and
years. I was hoping to get some long were to start on the January 16th) until about 20 minutes, getting a bit less tense head to Baghdad in the morning.
good sleep for the first time in a month, things cleared, but the school board and trying to reassure each other. As I had some relatives in Hilla who
but my aunt’s voice woke us all earlier wouldn’t hear of it, and they said that it nothing happened we convinced our- told me that my family had left with our
than we wanted. amounted to “treason.” The official selves that it was just a false alarm, and neighbors to go to the farm outside
“Wake up! We have invaded stand was that the war was not going to we decided to try going back to sleep. Baghdad. I felt a little reassured. The
Kuwait!” happen — or at least, they wanted for us Just as I laid my head on the pillow, next morning, I left Hilla, and joined
What? When? Why? How come we to believe that. Many of my friends still the sound of several 57 mm anti-air my family and my friends in their
didn’t hear anything about this? We left while I and a few others decided to cannons firing into the sky broke the si- refuge after a couple of hours.
were all very confused, since the only stay and wait until the last moment. lence. It wasn’t a false alarm; we were We spent about a month there, but
thing we heard in the news was that The deadline (the 15th of January) sure now that the war had begun. after that we decided that we could go
there were some problems between us, came, and nothing happened. It gave us I hurried down with my roommate back to our home, although it was still
the emirates and Kuwait regarding oil some hope that maybe the war could to the shelter. It was a large basement risky. Life on the farm was quiet, and
export policy. have been that could hold even fun sometimes, but it was also
We gathered around the TV, hoping avoided. The more than one rough. We had no electricity; we were
for some clarifications or updates. To be next night, hundred people. far away from any store, and the only
honest, we were all a little excited and my room- When we got in- source of water we had was the river.
maybe even proud at that time. We did- mate and I side, I saw dozens Life in Baghdad was a little easier.
n’t like any of the Gulf States. We saw were prepar- of families. Many We had no electricity there as well, but
them as arrogant, rich and lazy. I guess ing for our of them brought the water would reach our neighbor-
it was just envy. We also felt like our exam the their own beds. hood for a few hours every week. It was
army had accomplished something ex- next day, but That’s why the city enough to store, and it would get us
traordinary by invading a whole coun- at the same was so quiet; it was through, but some people had to dig in
try in a few hours. The excitement time keeping sleeping under- their backyards for underground water.
didn’t last long, as they aired the news the radio on ground. The daytime was easy to get
about calling the reserve and the “Peo- to listen to The bombing through, but the nights were terrible.
ple’s Army” back to service. Some of the news. We went for hours, and That was when most raids occurred.
those reserve soldiers they called back were expect- then we heard the Going to sleep was very hard when your
to service had served for eleven years ing the alarm alarm announce house rocked with loud explosions sev-
and had just begun to resume their nor- any moment. the end of the raid. eral times every hour. The bombing was
mal lives. My uncle had to go back to At about 3 We decided to accurate most of the time, but that was
the people’s army, and he wasn’t thrilled AM, we de- leave Basra and go far from enough to make us feel safe.
about it the least. It seemed like we were cided that back to our fami- Many of the Ba’ath party and military
preparing for a long war even though maybe noth- lies. We seized the headquarters had relocated inside civil-
we had just declared “victory.” ing was going o p p o r t u n i t y, ian neighborhoods. There was a Re-
Things got much worse since then, to happen packed and headed publican Command Center about 200
as the whole world, led by the US, tonight and we should go to sleep. It was to the city’s main bus station. Missiles meters from our house, and whenever
started to show that not only were they hard to fall asleep, but the continuous hit closely and disturbed our plans, but there was a raid, all of the officers and
unhappy, but they were determined to tension for days had left us very tired, we finally managed to pack and get to soldiers would run out of the building
do whatever it took to change it. Most so I fell asleep. I didn’t know that Bagh- the station. There were hundreds of and hide close to nearby houses.
Iraqis didn’t expect the war to take dad was being bombed at that very mo- people there and only two buses. It Thankfully, Americans avoided hitting
place. We had more than a million sol- ment by B2 Bombers that snuck in seemed impossible to get a place on one such temporary command centers. Be-
diers in Kuwait, and we thought it was unnoticed. of them, but my friend, who was small sides relocating inside civilian neigh-
going to take a world war to liberate However, my nap didn’t last long. and fast, jumped and climbed through borhoods, Saddam’s remaining fighting
them. It wasn’t worth it for America. About half an hour later, we woke up at an open window. He got a seat and squads used vehicles to launch SCUD
Luckily, we had a military expert in the the sound of alarms. It’s one of the worst booked one for me. Most of the passen- Missiles from within such neighbor-
family who explained to us that it was- sounds I have heard, and one you can gers were young soldiers who had left hoods and then ran away. The sound of
n’t going to be that hard. My father was never get accustomed to. We hurried the battle scene when nobody was there those SCUD, when they were launched
a military general back then, and he was downstairs with several others who to stop them. The government’s iron fist from nearby, was even louder and
convinced that America would go to lived in the building. We were trying to had magically disappeared. Most of us scarier than bombs falling from the sky,
war and that it would be disastrous for get to the shelter, but as we got outside had no doubts about losing. However, because it’s hard to differentiate it from
us. I say we were lucky, because it made we couldn’t hear bombing or airplanes. we didn’t care that much. All we wanted the sound of a close falling missile,
us prepare for the worse. Our worst fear The streets were empty, and the city was was to get out safely. It was as if we were which was something we experienced
was that Saddam would use chemical very quiet. We stood there motionless not part of the war. That was the time during the war with Iran.
weapons and that the US would retali- and speechless for a couple of minutes, when many Iraqis and I lost whatever At last, Saddam decided to give up,
ate with nuclear weapons. That threat gazing at the dark sky. I don’t know confidence or faith we had in Saddam and some rejoiced the end of those hor-
seemed very possible. what the others were thinking, but I was and his regime and even our country as rible times, and firing celebratory gun-
Days went by and I had to go back hoping to hear the sound of planes! The a whole. We had just had a chance to shots into the air, but many were
to school in Basra, about 350 miles silence was very scary. We knew there catch our breath and heal the wounds of depressed. Moreover, they knew that
south of Baghdad. My family had made was something out there, but we could- a destructive war that went on for eight our problems had just begun.
preparations to evacuate to a farm out- n’t see or hear it. Maybe because it’s mis- years against Iran, and now we were in
The Stony Brook Press Features 9

Operation Black Shadow Fall

- Statesman
“Students who fail to follow directions deserve some form of repercussion.” Editorial Board

above the hill. We jumped onto the asbestos, numerous water leaks and an
By Pandora’s Hope boardwalk, ran down a few feet and exposed patio, from the inside of which
then jumped a ten-foot descent to the one could see the world, but which,
other side of the fence. We were now sit- from the outside looking in, seemed like
0100 hours. A dark and damp uated in the Fanny Bryce Theatre con- nothing at all.
night. The plan had been set. If things struction site in front of Roosevelt. As we continued to scavenge
had gone sour, it would have been every Aware of the possibility of getting through what was left of the building,
man for himself. After we deliberated caught, we cautiously ap- we found a ladder. There
on what to do for the night, our eyes proached the site. We was only one way:
brightened and our smiles widened— took few chances. up. To the roof
we had conceiving the perfect plan. It We were we went.
armed with Completely
flash- exp os ed We soon left for the descent to the sec-
lights; to the ond floor of the Fanny Bryce Theatre.
t h e out- As we furthered our investigation into
dark side, what lay in the shambles of these ruins,
we we progressed to the lower level. Soon
enough, we were in none other than the
boiler room, home of rusty pipes, old
tanks and limited lighting.
From the ground up, the ram-
shackle Fanny Bryce Theater was a tes-
tament to the past—a past unknown to
man. It was a building of lost memo-
was a simple ‘break in, explore and ries, a site left, reminiscent of a time
break out’ type operation. No wires, left—lost. It was evidence of a time in
safes or check points to cross. All we which there was more to life. We pro-
needed to do was to wait for the right
At last, the moment presented itself.
One by one, we departed. Crouched
down, we retreated from the light and
moved swiftly. What started as a casual
walk soon became a steady sprint up
Church Bell Hill, right in the heart of
the Roosevelt Quad. Near the peak of
the hill lay an elevated boardwalk,
which was approximately ten feet high,
off of the ground, but only four feet walls
were were
n o w e n - ceeded out by climbing our way
lit—with thralled. through the chain link fence. Relief and
excitement. It may not joy were upon our faces. We casually re-
A brief zone seem like turned to our undisclosed headquar-
check of the first much to the av- ters, where we recollected our
floor prefaced the erage person—but, adventure of the past hour. In the end,
clearing out of the sec- then again, the average what seemed like a dead Friday night
ond floor. There were bricks all over, person does little to explore the world transformed to an operation where the
shattered walls covered in spray paint in which they live. A 360-degree night was black, only to be covered in
and a tarp blowing with the wind. Fur- panoramic view brought us peace, as we shadows—shadows that were left in the
ther exploration revealed a warning of reflected on what we had accomplished. fall.

angel-headed hipsters, submit your poems, short stories, photographs and art to sbpress@gmail.com
before Wednesday 5 December
biannuall literary supplemental

find the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo which you burn for in the machinery of our
10 Features Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Food For Thought
If you know that you’re gonna throw up, eat Honey Bunches of Oats with Soy Milk before you do. It’s almost as good the second time.
Trust us, we know this from hard-earned personal experience.

Wilford Brimley, the American Patriot

on the “tes.” Brimley has sparked inno- You may be asking yourself: how can sionally, playing his guitar. Or, he could
By Najib Aminy vation in the field of “diabetes” pronun- I apply for my free testing supplies. You become a 100-meter Olympic cham-
ciation by pronouncing it may also be thinking, wow, I had no idea pion; hell, he could become America’s
“di·uh·bee·tuus,” with emphasis on the such a great man like Wilford Brimley next top model if he so chose. is man,
What is a hero? Is it one who sacri- whole word because he can do such a even had diabetes. However, the truth is who can truly conquer the world,
fices his or her life for the sake of an- thing. If you question such, do not be that Brimley has devoted a good portion chooses to fight the greatest threat fac-
other? Or is it one who stands up for that surprised when you get hit with an of his life to promoting awareness of ing humanity: diabetes. For this, Mr.
in which he or she believes, even if it arrow and all you see is a man on horse- Liberty’s testing supplies -- not for his Wilford Brimley is the cookie cutter of
means standing alone? Is it one who back fading away on the horizon. Fol- own sake, but for the sake of others. what a hero is meant to be. Wilford
wears outlandish costumes to hide his or lowers of this new revolution includes a Brimley could instead perform profes- Brimley—my hero.
her identity, who saves the world at the Facebook group of 800-plus members,
same time? To many – hell, if not all -- as well as an endorsement from former
the true hero of today is a man named president Bill Clinton, who came out
Wilford Brimley. While many are fight- supporting this honorable cause in a
ing the war on terror, nutrition, or im- 2007 commencement address delivered
migration rights, Mr. Brimley stands at Knox College.
alone in fighting the war against dia- Brimley is promoting awareness of
betes. Armed with his Liberty Medical his Liberty Medical testing supplies,
testing supplies and his nutritional bal- stating, “ere are people who don’t
ance including Quaker Oats Oatmeal, know that the cost of their diabetes test-
diabetes stands no chance. ing supplies may be covered by
For years, Brimley has been seen on Medicare.” Brimley is concerned about
horseback, apparently addressing the bettering the lives of many, as he and his
American population of diabetics, all mass army of one million strong have
the while awaiting the day when he must joined Liberty for their diabetic testing
ride into battle. Brimley has also sparked supplies. is enables them to, as Brim-
a revolution regarding the pronuncia- ley puts it, “go on with your life and do
tion of the word diabetes. In the Mer- some of the things you want to do.”
riam Webster dictionary, the word Brimley urges all to call Liberty, as “they
“diabetes” is “di·a·be·tes,” with emphasis can help you live a better life.”

Red Hot Space Jam Fun

However, twelve minutes into the elbowed in the face by one of the Leop- failed to rebound. The Seawolves kept
By Najib Aminy quarter, very little had occurred, as the ards. As he walked over to the bench, within close range until the final
score was only 12-10, with the Leopards the momentum that Stony Brook had minute. It was clear that this final
leading. What many expected a game of been building began to diminish, and it minute would mark the heat of the mo-
On Monday, November 12, hard- high-flying acrobats with balls in their resulted in turnovers that left the game ment, where all hopes would fall from
wood marked the battlegrounds upon hands was nothing more than a slow closer than it needed to be. Halftime grace, where all smiles would be wiped
which the Stony Brook men’s basketball game of a tug-of-war, in which neither came soon enough, and the score was off everyone’s face, where Stony Brook’s
team would face off against the Leop- side was budging. No dunks, no alley- 30-21, Seawolves. players found themselves behind by two
ards of Lafayette in their home opener. oops, and no AND1 crossovers: merely The second half marked much under the bright lights that held no
About 300 were in attendance, all to be a pure game of fundamental basketball. more enthusiasm out of the crowd as charm for the Seawolf crew. It was the
entertained, all enthused, and in expec- Stony Brook made an effort to increase the game became electrified with ex- heat of the moment. What had been a
tation of nothing less than a win. The momentum, building a small lead until citement as time was drawing down and two point deficit soon became seven,
tipoff went under way, and the game junior guard Nick Carter, who has no the game was coming to a close. With the score 72-65, Leopards, with 30 sec-
began. affiliation with the Backstreet Boys, was five minutes remaining in the second onds remaining. In what seemed like a
half, the Seawolves were ahead, 50-48. lost cause, Stony Brook fouled for the
The next 300 seconds of play intensi- sake of preserving time in the hope of
fied, each basket becoming more pre- regaining the lead. Time was preserved,
cious, each play that much more the lead left lost. The final score: 76-68,
important, the orange ball that much Leopards.
more valuable. Alas, the final sixty sec- Though defeated, seniors Ricky
onds of play began, 57-56, with the Sea- Lucas and Mitchell Beauford played like
wolves fortifying their chances of champions. Lucas led the team with
victory. The hasty Leopards, who fought eighteen points, and Beauford scored
until the clock read zero, continually thirteen, with one of them marking his
threatened Stony Brook’s potential win. 1,000th career point. The Seawolves has
The buzzer sounded, 59-59 — overtime. lost their season opener to 25th ranked
The beginning of overtime marked Villanova (86-64) and just recently lost
the pinnacle of excitement, nearly all of to Maryland Eastern in the final sec-
the few hundred on their feet, awaiting onds (53-52). A 0-3 start for the Sea-
the outcome of the surprisingly exciting wolves leaves them that much more
game. Jump ball. Junior guard Marques eager to win, as well as that much more
Cox failed to keep his feet inbounds as vulnerable to losses.
Najib Aminy
he leapt to catch a ball, thus causing a
Chris Martin takes a shot from the line, applying red hot pressure turnover, one in which Stony Brook
The Stony Brook Press Features 11
E-mail The Press at
It’s 75 degrees in Honolulu right now

The True Story of Thanksgiving


they chased the humans on their laser the nearest great-great-great-great-great-great-

By Ross Barkan chariots and watched them fight in Radio Shack to great grandfather’s cousin’s drinking
gladiatorial combat against the moon buy a time ma- buddy, the Pilgrim addeus Winter-
lizards. One human, a man by the chine. ere smith Lumpkins. Lumpkins was star-
Every third ursday of November, name of Pocahontas Jones, believed they encoun- tled at the sight of the towering
families gather together to celebrate the that there was more to life than cow- tered their Abraham Lincoln clone and immedi-
greatest slice of Americana, the Big ering in fear of the hellish iPhones. Liv- first obstacle, ately assassinated him. Overcome with
Turkey Day, otherwise known as ing in the ruins of a latrine factory, an inquisitive blind rage, Pocahontas Jones drop-
anksgiving. Gravy is passed, stuffing Pocahontas Jones felt that he had iPhone. kicked addeus Wintersmith Lump-
is snorted, and football is watched (ac- nothing to lose by challenging iPhone: Why kins and pushed him off a cliff. e
tually, only the ex-druggie second- the iPhones. are you purchas- Indians emerged from the brush, danc-
cousin snorts stuffing, but you On the third ursday ing that time ma- ing and singing cheerfully. ey in-
understand the point). anksgiving is of November he gathered chine, filthy formed Pocahontas Jones that
ingrained in American culture. It is a around his closest friends: human? addeus Wintersmith Lumpkins was
part of who we are. Little tikes learn a floating orb, an Abra- Pocahontas Jones: My an evil man who threw Bibles at their
about how their ancestors gathered ham Lincoln clone, and a friends and I want to take a children for fun. For his efforts, the In-
corn and shared a meal with their Indi- mutant toaster. e mutant trip to the year 2400 and dians graciously invited Pocahontas
ans brothers. Friendly Pilgrims with toaster suggested to Pocahontas buy some crack. Jones and the floating orb to the first
buckled shoes and smiling Indians Jones that they could change his- iPhone: Aight. anksgiving dinner.
worked together to make the colonies tory through time travel, arriving Once seated in the And so they ate, and ate merrily. e
great, or so the tale goes… at the moment of the lab acci- time machine, the three Pilgrims were also thankful for the
What you just read above is a lie. dent that resulted in the birth future heroes set a death of addeus Wintersmith Lump-
ere is a true story behind anksgiv- of the first rape-loving iPhone course for 2028. Poca- kins because he too pelted their chil-
ing, one that was too fantastic, too trau- in 2028. Once at the lab they hontas Jones led the dren with Bibles for fun. Indeed, the
matic, and too awesome to be known by could keep the iPhone from falling group into the lab and first anksgiving dinner was filled
the public, one that was safely guarded into the “rape goo,” thus saving hu- quickly destroyed the with love and brotherhood. Pocahon-
by the governmental hierarchy. To this manity. Abraham Lincoln con- iPhone teetering on the tas Jones smoked the Indians’ peace
day, if you were to wander into a gov- curred, but the floating orb edge of the rape goo. While pipe and shared it with the Pilgrims.
ernment facility and reference the “true” believed that distorting the tem- drunkenly celebrating their Aer the feast, Pocahontas buried his
story of anksgiving, agents would poral flow could lead to victory, Abraham Lincoln good friend Abraham Lincoln and
swoop down upon you and commit un- a rip in space-time. tripped on the time machine’s vowed that no Abraham Lincoln would
speakable acts to your soon-dead body. Pocahontas Jones re- lever and sent the three hurtling ever again be killed. at, friends, is the
Do not fear, however, I am here to edu- minded the floating backwards in time to the year true story of anksgiving. When you
cate you, the sprawling and ignorant orb that his current 1621. Pocahontas Jones are eating your scrumptious turkey and
masses, about the truth behind anks- occupation was a found himself in the delectable corn, remember how Poca-
giving. e government cannot hurt me pleasure device or “sex New England wilder- hontas Jones saved the future from a
because I am the government. And the toy” for the ruthless ness, face to face with race of rape-loving iPhones. at is
government is me. But who are you? iPhones, and he might as his great-great-great- what anksgiving is truly about.
All senseless mind games aside, here well try to fix history be- great-great-great-great-
is the true story of anksgiving. It all cause his life was beyond
began in the year 2998 A.D. By this pathetic. e
time, humanity was ruled by a race of floating orb
sentient, sadistic, and rape-loving concurred as
iPhones. It was truly a dark time for the well.
human race. e iPhones could not feel e three
love, and therefore, felt no remorse as comrades raced to

Winter Poems
The Approaching Winter Leave me without a moment’s notice Loveless
By riley stein Getting just what he wanted By riley stein
As I cry and hurt once more
The cold winter is fast approaching Or I may end up all alone A person without their lover is like a soundless wind
I can no longer ignore the chill in the air Freezing in temperatures close to the teens At times a wailing wind
Making me feel all the more lonely Haunted by memories of the past With no one to listen
Another cold winter that may bring an amorous en- A love I cannot forget nor let go of Colder than a winter’s day in the Arctic
counter Which is better? Lost in confusion
My heart is scared I do not know So close to death and yet still so very alive
Unable to go through any more pain All I know is that… With nowhere to find shelter in the endless rain
I may end up in the arms of yet another beautiful Winter is coming… Looking for hope
man Striving for the better
who does not love me Yet all this lonely lover finds
A man who will use me Is an emptiness without a remedy
Take my feelings for granted
12 Sexy Sex Features Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Food For Thought
We are sad to report that there’s no Kotei’s Korner this issue. But in response to recent criticism leveled at his work, we wanted to offer the
following observation: the Japanese word for the number 55 is “gojuugo”. And that’s the speed limit, so, you know…

Ask a Lesbian By Ilyssa Fuchs

In my last column, I discussed how sperm?” at is a silly question. With cedure seems to be promising. on behalf of the non-biological parent.
lesbians can protect themselves from the advances in medical technology of Finally, a lesbian couple can choose e adoption serves as extra protection
acquiring a sexually transmitted dis- the 21st century, I am sure you have to adopt. is procedure can take two if the parties travel to a state that does-
ease. is raised many questions on the heard of in vitro fertilization. In vitro different routes, and the legality differs n't recognize same-sex relationships
opposite end of the spectrum about fertilization is a procedure where one of depending on which state you live in. and also should ensure that the federal
what lesbians can do if they want to the women has her eggs fertilized by a In some cases, one of the women in the government recognizes the parent-
have children, which leads me directly doctor using the sperm from an anony- couple must adopt the child first, and child relationship for purposes of Social
into this week’s question… mous donor, from a close male friend, then the second woman can adopt the Security and other federal benefits.
or even someone who is hired for the child aerwards. is is known as sec- Without the adoption, these benefits
Dear Ilyssa, purpose of being a sperm donor. Of ond-parent adoption. In other states, would rely on the parent-child rela-
I heard a few of my friends talking course, if a lesbian couple decided they same-sex couples can jointly adopt chil- tionship created by the marriage, and
about the options lesbian couples have didn’t want to use in-vitro fertilization, dren. Lesbian couples in these states the federal government does not recog-
if they want to have kids. In my mind, they could always do it the natural way: can adopt children through agency or nize the marriage. For lesbian and gay
it seems that this isn’t as difficult as it is invite over a good-looking guy, get him independent adoptions, and even couples in other states, both parents are
for gay men because, aer all, lesbians drunk, poke a hole in the condom and through international adoptions, not automatically considered legal par-
are still women and can still get preg- have a big old threesome. e only though they will have to stay in the ents. e second parent is not a legal
nant, but I know there are other op- problem is he has to fuck the girl who closet to complete an international parent, and has few, if any, legal rights
tions. Can you please explain to me the wants to carry the baby. If he acciden- adoption. ese are the same ways a with regard to the child, unless he or
options available to lesbian couples tally impregnates the girl who doesn’t heterosexual couple would go about she has completed a second parent or
who want children? want to carry the baby, there could be a adopting a child; however, same-sex stepparent adoption.
Sincerely, slight problem. Once the child is born, couples must be careful when picking I hope this answers your question
Susan the second parent must adopt the child an agency or a private adoption com- about the ways in which a lesbian cou-
so that she is also a legal guardian; how- pany. Research is important in this de- ple can go about having children. Un-
Dear Susan, ever, second-parent adoption is not partment to make sure that the agency fortunately, for same-sex couples
You raise some very interesting permitted in all states. or private adoption company that is having or adopting children where both
points when it comes to lesbian women e second option a lesbian couple picked is “gay friendly.” parents are considered a child’s legal
and conception. I will do my best to ex- has, which is a fairly new procedure For many same-sex couples, how- guardian can still be a long process.
plain to you the routes that lesbian cou- (but still involves either in vitro fertil- ever, joint or second-parent adoptions Hopefully, in the future, more states
ples can take if they wish to have ization or a wild crazy threesome party) are not available. Some lesbian and gay will enact laws that will make it easier
children. Lesbians can bring children is when one of the women in the les- couples are fortunate enough to live in for same-sex couples to adopt children.
into their lives in a number of different bian couple has a few of her eggs re- a state where same-sex partners can If you have any specific questions re-
ways. With many lesbian couples, one moved from her and transplanted into jointly adopt a child -- or where one garding second-parent or joint adop-
partner gives birth to a child and the her partner. e eggs are then fertilized partner can adopt the biological child tion, I would tell you to look up the
other partner (the second parent) be- via either through in vitro fertilization of the other through a second parent, laws of the state you live in. Hope this
comes a legal parent through second or via sex, and the baby can now tech- stepparent, or domestic partner adop- helps.
parent or stepparent adoption, if that's nically be considered to be biologically tion. In Massachusetts, because same-
permitted in the state where they live. similar to both of the women. e rea- sex marriage is legal, same-sex parents –Ilyssa
In states that allow it, lesbians or gay soning behind this approach is that it is are considered legal parents of the child
men sometimes adopt children jointly, one woman’s egg, fertilized by a sperm from the time of the child's birth, like
so that both partner are legal parents will grow in the fetus of the second heterosexual married couples. e Please Note: e views and opinions
from the beginning. woman. is is a very interesting op- same is true (in theory) in California expressed in this column are solely the
First off, as you already mentioned, tion that many lesbian couples are ex- and Vermont, because both states grant views and opinion of one member of
because lesbians are still women they ploring, but it raises new legal questions legal parent status to partners of birth the LGBT community and are not nec-
can get pregnant as any other woman involving whose name will appear on parents when a child is born during a essarily the views and opinions of the
can. is would be the first option that the baby’s of birth certificate, and so on domestic partnership or civil union. Stony Brook LGBTA group and/or the
a lesbian couple could consider if they and so forth. Due to the fact that the However, attorneys in Massachusetts, LGBT community.

Guitar Hero: The Answer to Overpopulation

wanted a child. Now, I know you’re procedure is new and costly, this is not as well as in California and Vermont,
wondering, “How would she get preg- the option that most lesbian couples continue to recommend that same-sex
nant? Her girlfriend doesn’t have any choose; however, in the future, the pro- partners complete stepparent adoptions

Today, anyone who can push a The other good thing about Gui- a Gibson SG today, start to tear it up,
By Alex “The” Berkman “Of Alcatraz” plastic button and flick a toggle tar Hero being so fucking viral is that and still not get laid, but chances are
switch back and forth thinks they are it will keep all the dweebs, nerds, unlikely. If you have the attitude and
guitar gods. Well, let me inform you dorks, losers, jerk-offs and fans of skill, you’ll get some ass.
I am a musician, and I became a as nicely as I can: you’re not, you will World of Warcraft out of the gene On the other hand, being able to
musician for a couple of reasons. never be, and you suck. pool. get five stars and 95 percent on
One, music is great. It is worthwhile The few good things I have found In 25 years, I won’t have to worry Danzig’s “Mother” does not make
to play, write, or listen. Two, being a about Guitar Hero spreading faster that my granddaughter is going to go you fuckable. Get off the couch,
musician gets you intense amounts of than Chlamydia at porn convention, out with a guy who rides a motorcy- brush the Cheetos off your face, stop
ass. is that being able to play a real guitar cle. I will have to worry that she is drinking Mountain Dew and go learn
Speaking from the perspective of is even more likely to get me laid going to date a guy with pasty-white a real skill, you freaking geeks!
someone who grew up in the now. I am 22, I know how to play a skin, acne, greasy hair and coke-bot-
nineties, I can say whole-heartedly real guitar, and I will not be living in tle glasses from being so damn good I got five stars on “Stop” on expert
that playing guitar can get you laid. my parents basement until I’m 37 at “Rock You Like a Hurricane,” by a couple weeks ago. Who wants to
But now, with the rising popularity of years old trying to beat Dragonforce’s the Scorpions. get it on?
Guitar Hero, that is not as true as it “Through the Fire and Flames,” on Now, don’t get me wrong, there - Matt Willenain
used to be. expert. are plenty of guys who could go buy
The Stony Brook Press Features
It’s even later than it was on Page 5,
and Andrew doesn’t snore, so he
“Hey, it’s me again. Still with me? It’s kind of lonely in here. Andrew’s been sleeping for a while.” can’t keep me awake

hop stores, independent stores, jazz sec- Projekt Revolution, Summer 2004. It Going through the pile of poetry
tion, R&B section, crate-digging, sam- was the very last time I will be stuffed and GFX design, I also came across a
“This is it. I’m leaving for good...” ple-searching, 7”‘s, colored vinyl, in a hot Greyhound for hours on end. few printouts of some articles from The
After 25 years in this house, I had picture discs, and even some of my I accidentally stumbled upon some Compass, at a time where unpopular
no choice but to move out. My folks de- mom’s Disney records from the 1950’s pictures of me when I was in my Com- opinion was unwanted and cursing was
cided to move to South Carolina; I was generation, are coming with me. The mack years, and me with my other ex a big no-no. The articles I wrote were
against the move. In the end, I won out, soundtrack to my life, consists of cas- from Commack. A reminder to not significantly shorter and were some-
and I am staying here in Brentwood. sette tapes, homemade dubs containing make the same mistake twice… what unstructured and unclear. Back
The process of moving gave me the recordings of radio shows, samples, Photos of my friends in my Brent- then, I wasn’t that critical of anything.
last opportunity to sift through 25 years spoken word performances, and sounds wood years when they crashed my No writing three or four pages about the
of collections, memorabilia and media. that have watermarked memories house for free food, TV, and pornogra- public, humanity, the way things work,
The past two weeks gave me the oppor- through the years since middle-school phy, and some portraits of my exes from trials and tribulations, and etcetera.
tunity to go through most of my entire are coming with me in the hopes of the Plainview days as well. Mostly, I wrote music reviews and
life. being archived onto disc. CD’s, some An eight-page children’s Easter col- straight campus articles for the three
Boxes of obsolete video games and VHS of very rare shows, DVD’s, and oring book. Don’t ask. years I was staff.
board games were the first things I underground magazines will be carried Handwritten letters and a picture of I also came across something I
packed up. The majority of the former, on. a blondie in Ohio during my poetry- couldn’t bare to look…another picture
bought by my old man for me, are the I have my collection of t-shirts that writing days in Selden/Suffolk Com- of my Judas cousin and me, taken a cou-
first to go. Thankfully, due to emulation I’m taking with me. Over the years, they munity College. ple of years later. Me on the left, expres-
and the computer age, the games, codes have been a part of me. These shirts And last but not least, pictures of sionless, while my cousin, on the right,
and programs themselves have been sal- may become a basis for an art project my family from Staten Island, when we crossed her legs with a huge grin on her
vaged and backed up. The archive of that I will be creating during my very were younger and out having fun. One face. That photo can’t even begin to ex-
endless music, style, graffiti, art and final semester at Stony Brook. Each thing that totally shocked me when I press its full potential.
other magazines and my issues of The shirt tells a story, and it would be great found it…a picture of me and my Judas Finally, it was not until I came
Press and Compass that I wrote for dur- to tell it all. cousin on Christmas Day 1995, at a across some printouts of emails from
ing the Stony Brook and Selden days are Boxes of art, stickers, and promo- time before the unthinkable happened. former friends and allies that made me
the next to go. tional flyers I have collected over the But it didn’t stop there. There was forget about what I just found. These
There are two boxes of family pho- years are going with me, and like the one box of Xeroxes I had taken upstairs emails reminded me that I’m still stress-
tos that I will bid farewell. Most of them cassettes and t-shirts, they may be part with me that I hadn’t checked out in a ing about certain things in life. They
date back to the 50’s and 70’s, and even of a project I want to work on. while. These were my stack of poems, also reminded me of the former situa-
to the 1920’s. A collection of photos of a Various memorabilia, ranging from mostly written during my years in tions, events, instances, and the people
very young me when I was living in rummy tiles, poker chips, matchbooks, Selden and shortly thereafter. I met in my life.
Brooklyn are, fortunately, salvaged AA batteries made in Japan, dominoes, These poems were somewhat a re- One email I came across really
them and backed them up on a disc. patches, stickers, and other stationary flection of me during that time: anti-au- pulled me back. Once upon a time, be-
The rest will all go south. from a gumball machine in my room thority, friends who went through fore Myspace where surveys are posted,
Various crates of VHS tapes have are staying. downward spirals, people I met I could- there were chain letters with questions
been closed up, and they are ready to be The car seat in my room (no seat n’t stand, the redhead phase, works I waiting to be filled out. It was from a
shipped out as well. Almost twenty belt) that I used for a chair to watch TV wrote for my then-girlfriends, and other lady friend of mine from New Jersey I
years of wrestling bouts, comedies, odd is going out to the garbage. experimental ideas. A mix of meeting kept in touch around the turn of the
moments, music videos, and other I also happened to uncover a lot of and keeping in touch with people who millennium. “Sweetness,” I called her.
soon-to-be vintage footage are on their dust, black clouds, lung cancer-causing wrote poetry as a hobby, writing clubs, She was one of the most unique people
way. I am in the process of acquiring the agents, and poisonous sponges from writing classes, and my time at the I’ve known, due to her charm and per-
only four tapes of me (again, in Brook- under my bed. Goes great with the faux Compass had led me to start writing po- sonality. She would dye her hair red to
lyn), and my sisters’ modeling audition lead paint peeling from the walls in my etry regularly. make me happy (!), and she just thought
and Sweet Sixteen (1980?) for copying room. That’s not going with me. As I went through them, I realized I was “awesomely cool.” It really made
and archiving purposes. Tape degrada- And none of this could ever that I didn’t do such a great job writing me feel very flattered and taken aback.
tion, deterioration, and oxidation made amount to what I found… poetry. Looking back, most of them One more week, and 25 years worth
me fearful of losing that footage. Over the years, I have collected don’t make any sense at all. I could pos- of pages from a book will be closed for-
Various early 90’s movie posters, countless birthday cards, photos with sibly count only ten that I can take with ever. At this time, I will be moving into
which were given to me by my friend people from the past, memos, notes, me, and say,” Yes, this is it. Finished.” my new residency that, ironically, will
Bill — who unfortunately lost his life — and other reminders of the past. These I also found some of my very first be just around the corner from my old
are rolled up and are on their way, as things are totally irreplaceable. samples of graphic design. My first GFX house. It is my brother’s girlfriend’s for-
well as four years of comic and card col- Six envelopes full of pictures of design class that I took almost ten years mer room, and I am very fortunate to
lections. when I went to Lima, Peru with my ex, ago had me work on Quark Xpress and have that one and only out that saved
However, not all of “me” is going to Jenny. I also uncovered pictures of when allowed me to try something that inter- me from saying goodbye for good.
South Carolina because I do have room me and Jenny were together, even ones ested me. Thanks to the influence of Already, I am thinking about how a
to take some stuff. I found two boxes of from hanging out at Splish Splash with music and magazine artwork, which I new family will be living in our old
high-school memorabilia, which I Chocolate Victoria. am forever in debt to the Designers Re- house, and how it would be very funny
swear will never be reopened. Ten years Pictures I took when me and Jenny public and Raygun Magazine (RIP). that from now on, I could be sitting on
of vinyl records have been packed away. went upstate to Rochester to see Linkin These first samples are only black and the porch at the old house, being just a
Records bought at hardcore shows, hip- Park, Korn, Snoop Dogg, Ghostface Kil- white, and most of my first works in- guest stopping if I ever were invited
lah, The Used, and Less Than Jake at volved making cassette art. back…
14 Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007

arts&entertainment Inside the Arts Section:

This first aricle
On the top of the page
That second article
A ways down on the bottom

Our Way: Aboriginal Art in Wang

are modern and ancient at the same the works, especially those imbued with stretched circles imposed upon feature-
By Ben Van Overmere time, and do not seem to fit somehow a very particular kind of primitivism. less, deserted areas. The accompanying
with contemporary Western art, al- Fiona Omeenyo draws the Quinkans, or information for her paintings tells the
though the influence of the latter is al- humans who are abstracted to their very diligent visitor that these squares repre-
The paintings have been there a ways clear. Expressionism, for example, basis: head (with piercing eyes) and sent two social-organizing “moieties.”
long time. You might have passed them was clearly present in the works of Silas belly. Apparently, the Quinkans are a They are supposed to be like yin and
while going for a bubble tea in Jasmine and Samantha Hobson. The latter major feature of traditional Aboriginal yang, and they are fundamentally op-
or a Japanese avant-garde dance per- paints wild, euphoric, and exploding art. If they are, they find unique appli- posed. Most of the info is more useful
formance. Those of you who took a mo- spaces, often linked to the destructive cations here: Omeenyo uses them over than this. The fact remains that her
ment and stood still might even have creation of nature itself. But her “Bush- and over again to illustrate essential paintings are very intriguing and prom-
admired some of the pieces. Rightfully fire” is no mere bushfire: it is over- themes, such as time, death, and re- ise depth where Samantha Hobson
so: the recent exposition of Aboriginal whelming anger and dazzling blindness, newal (“Growing,” “Marks in the Sand,” sometimes seemed superficial. In her
art from the Lockhart River area in far- creating a work that stresses its subjec- and “Mother and Child”). These figures refusal of more evident meaning, she is
away Australia was a great cultural re- tivity as much as the object it tries to are truly something new, which bal- perhaps the most interesting of the
alization in our university. In the short represent. The work of Silas Hobson is ances out her blatant and bad Jackson artists exhibited.
time I have been here, I have not seen in a wholly different key: in his most Pollock imitations. Another painter An overview such as the above was
any cultural event that compared to it: impressive paintings (such as “Sorry who harks back to tradition is Adrian impossible in the exhibition itself. Al-
a real art exhibition, without entrance Moment” or “Their Way”), excessively King. He certainly does this less effec- though the official flyer talks about an
fees but with guided tours, located in a tall and sprightly black figures dance tively than Omeenyo, but sometimes his organization around three areas, such
very public area. their emotions. Here it is possible to simultaneous portrayal of modern and an order seems moot when one tours
Geography and ethnicity were the speak of a community portrayed (which ancient is refreshing. Truly, he tries to the premises. Although chaos is a fun
primary features around which the ex- is probably the reason why the exposi- reach a “New Site” (as indicated by the state in which to be, a little bit more
hibition was organized. Within that tion was named after one of his paint- title of one of his works). It is only too structure would have been handy. There
frame, we were told that the unifying ings): one were grief is an experience bad that these sites are all too often is one central area where the dazed vis-
theme is one of “community.” This that is shared. But higher than these areas upon which others have already itor can find some reprieve and even
seems very doubtful indeed, and if such passing emotions rises the fundamental trod — too much of a “been there, done help someone along by buying an ex-
a link is there, the exposition does not life force, which, in Silas Hobson’s paint- that” feeling. pensive but beautiful art book on the
stress it. That would be an arduous task, ings, is represented by spirals emerging An artist of whom it is hard to exposition, something that can fittingly
as there is so much variety in the styles from the thin waists. make any sense whatsoever is Rosella
OUR WAY Continued on next page
of the artists. These styles and genres Communal ritual does resurface in Namok. A lot of her paintings show two

I Saw Enough
sist of a victim who either performs in-
By Douglas Cion human acts upon themselves, which
will eventually lead to their death (but
at least they are a better person for it) or
ere is more to the title of this re- they do not perform the acts and are
view than a clever insert of the film title. tortured to death anyway. Is it safe to
is is the actual statement I made say that this has already been seen?
upon viewing the first 10 minutes of ese tests, which we can refer to as
Bousman’s Saw IV. In fact, this state- “death scenes”, didn’t do much for me.
ment may be applied to my whole opin- ere have been scarier, gorier and
ion of this franchise. Seriously, how more brutally painful death scenes in
long can one man keep finding ways to the previous films (the ice shower in
have other people kill themselves? SAW III still makes me want to throw
(Considering there are two more films up when I think about it) so there is no
on the way) e funny thing is that need to worry. If you have seen the first
yours truly, as well as many others, will three films, you have already seen the
be sitting in their local multiplex the worst of Jig Saw. In this film, you get to
weekend before Halloween next year to see the human side of Jig Saw. Diving
see SAW V. I guess that I am personally opening was more or less cut in half. more bone crunching, blood splattering into John Kramer’s past allows the view-
interested in the idea that the future However, that was more than enough sound effects than all the 90’s slasher ers to connect with the homicidal ma-
films will show me something I have profit, because the film, which only cost movies combined was genius. Yes, it niac that everyone has within
not yet seen in this new generation of about ten million dollars to make, got it was over-the-top, but necessary, be- themselves. By showing how a killer be-
the SHOCK—GORE—PORN genre all back almost six times over. cause if this had not happened, the little comes a killer is completely ruining the
that horror has become. I cannot blame Now we shall review the actual film. tapes are not found that perpetuate the idea of the monster movie. Leaving the
film producers when they follow the (at is the point… right?) I humbly initiation of the plot, which means there mystery by not allowing anyone to con-
golden rule of film making: “Make the declare my love for the first ten minutes is no movie. nect with the antagonist keeps the plot
movie if it makes money.” Well, I pur- of SAW IV for being the best opening Upon this inciting incident of find- scary. e only thing I need to know
posely waited two weeks to write this ever! Okay, that is an over-dramatiza- ing the tapes, the plot begins. is plot about Jig Saw is that he is a psychotic,
review because I wanted to see if Saw IV tion, but how ironic is it that the goriest consists of one character who was pres- merciless killer who is going to show me
was going to follow the trend of most and most disturbing scene of all four ent in the last films, and he is put new ways to kill people.
horror films. Not surprisingly it did; the films comes with real, ordinary action through “tests” that challenge him to ex-
percentage of weekend gross from its of an autopsy. Opening the film with amine his flaws. All of these tests con- SAW Continued on next page
The Stony Brook Press 15
Inside Jowy’s Staff Box:
Lots of photos Lots of photos of Lots of photos
Ground Control to Major...Declaration Fair
of Cheerleaders Women’s Basketball Players of the Dance Team

I’ve always in a different sense of the phrase. Every- strokes of the pen, it’s done. I’m a polit- want to take a year of a foreign lan-
shied away from one else I’m friends with has a declared ical science major, and I don’t feel any guage.
actually declaring major. Many of them are in labs doing different. I’m still working on my papers e “Major” Event was aptly named.
a major. Despite research projects or doing something for Professor Norpoth’s 317 class, still For some of us, it served as a major
the fact everyone that has to do with their area of con- reading cases for Professor Mak’s 320. I stepping-stone in our college careers.
knows I’m a politi- centration. I’m down in the Press’ office still have to wake up at 7 AM on Friday For others, it was a chance to find out
cal science stu- taking minutes, signing forms, and oc- to make sure I get the one lone political something about a major we might like
Alex H. dent, I’ve always casionally mailing things. None of these science class I want next term. e rest to pursue. For me, it was a self-recogni-
Nagler felt that actually have to do with my major. Yes, I’ve ful- are philosophy and English, with one tion. I’m at Stony Brook, a science
going out there filled more major-based requirements required honors class. school, pursuing a possible double
and stating it to the world was some- than the rest of them, but does that re- Speaking of those areas, where are major in two non-hard science fields.
thing that was more than a wee bit ally mean anything? e professor I’m philosophy and English, and how am I And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
frightening. How would I react? Would on best terms with is in the English de- doing? Philosophy is one table over. I I walked out of the Ballroom, having
there be some change in how I carried partment; that’s my minor, and an un- walk over there, and I’m greeted by a deposited my future in the tray for com-
myself as a declared student, rather than declared one at that. lovely older gentleman, Professor Dil- pleted forms. I was the first one of the
loafing around as an undeclared/gen- With the form in my hand and a worth, I presume. I don’t really know day. Fitting. As I worked my way to the
eral studies person, as I had done for my sense of foreboding in my stomach, I anyone in this department. I talk of mi- Union, I didn’t feel any different. I still
freshman year? at all changed on look for the political science table. ey nors and political thought, and we go don’t. But, aer becoming politically
Wednesday, November 14th, when the seem to have arranged all the social sci- over my track. I’m ahead of the game. aware at the age of twelve, for the first
Academic and Pre-Professional Advis- ences in an alley of academic death and Just one more class aer spring term time in my life, I was a political science
ing Center held the “Major” Event in despair, with easy access for those who and my minor is done. major.
SAC Ballroom B. don’t want to be seen as anything but a “Why not a major?” he implies.
e event itself started at noon. science major by their friends. I walk “You’re already one class away from the Alex H. Nagler was awoken at 7 AM by
Aer stalling for time for half an hour, I over to table, pick up the yellow re- minor.” the dulcet tones of “Devil Went Down to
walked past the people shuffling into quirements pamphlet, and start quietly He’s right. I am. I think about it. I Georgia.” You know, the Steve Ouimette
the auditorium for the Deen Brothers’ checking off the things I’ve taken to see may do it, but not today. Today is about version that serves as the final boss for
Cooking Demonstration and Q&A, how I’m doing. Not that bad. Aer next declaring my first major, my main Guitar Hero III.
past the vacancy of Ballroom A, and year I just need three more credits in the major. Declaring a second major will
into the crowd of a dozen or so people political theory track, and it would be come at a later date, aer I’ve struggled
waiting to be let into Ballroom B. I saw
the telltale signs of a Registrar-spon-
the same thing if I wanted to do Amer-
ican government.
my way through PHI 300 and 306.
Now, to go check on my minor. A fa-
Ar t ? I
sored event; kitschy objects like shovels
and squeezable balls bearing the names,
“Can I help you?” she asks.
I never got her name. She’s a secre-
miliar face: Professor Videbaek, who I
was lucky enough to encounter my first eat art!
addresses, and phone numbers of vari- tary in the department, I know that term here and with whom I still corre- Submit your art,
ous departments, a raffle with a prize much. I take a deep breath in and state spond. She’s the only reason I have Fri- photography, short
somewhat related to the theme of the my intentions. I have my form filled out. day classes next term. It’s worth it for stories and poems to
event, and the dreaded major declara- All I need is her signature. She has the the blood, sex, rape, murder, and gore
sbress@gmail.com by
tion forms. ese forms would be my signatory power to make my expected that Revenge Tragedies will bring. My
December fih, for
penance for not quite slacking off the graduation date go from 2011 to 2010, minor, it’s doing fine. No real fear there;
past year. which is the date that all my friends al- I doubt I’ll ever cross into the major ter- inclusion in our
When I say “slacking off,” I mean it ready have on their forms. With a few ritory. Don’t want to write a thesis, don’t literar y supplement

Aboriginal Art, Continued I Saw Enough, Continued

OUR WAY from previous page the Western world and Western sophis- SAW from previous page process of remaking older or foreign
rest on the table of a salon, never to be tication. Colonialism was never a dis- Finally, we arrive at the climax horror movies, which is commonly
opened again except briefly by a bored tant nightmare for this kind of and it is just as you would suspect: a done today. e Saw franchise also
guest at a cocktail party. Also present in journalist, and an uneasy feeling ensues twisty ending that answers the revolutionized the twist ending that
this central area was a TV that showed in another kind of journalist. I did not “How’s” and “Why’s” all the teenagers can live up to M. Night Shyamalan’s
interviews with the artists and a general stay for the documentary. in the theater were screaming at the wacky antics, but the truth is that it is
overview of Aboriginal culture. The People who know me are familiar screen. Of course, here is the re- getting old and boring. It does not
dedicated Stony Brook Press reporter with my constant tendency to criticize. source to produce the plot for the work when the audience is going into
naturally decided to sit that video out, This tendency does not prevent me, next movie. You know what would the movie already asking what the
supposing it to be stocked with dazzling however, from highly recommending be a good twist next time? Not hav- twist at the end is going to be. Let’s
insights and profound monologues. He the Wang Center to organize more ex- ing the same, outdated twist ending face facts, people; if you are going to
did not get what he wanted. An inane – positions. Our Way is, in many ways, a the last three films had. see a horror movie, you are not inter-
probably British, certainly female – huge success: people who never see any In conclusion, was Saw IV a good ested in the Academy’s acknowledge-
journalist kept posing the same cliché art, who think it is elitist, were talking movie? I nobly respect the franchise ment. You are going to watch people
questions to the artists, who wearily about it. And they all agreed it was won- for reinventing the horror genre to fit get killed. Unless the director of the
looked about as they related when they derful. Although I wouldn’t go that far, today’s social standards. You cannot film is Rob Zombie or M. Night Shya-
started painting, how they started paint- it was a very good exhibition. I’d rec- scare today’s moviegoers, but you can malan, or you dive back into classics
ing, whether they like being famous. ommend it, except that it has already gross them out. is new wave of like e Shinning or Silence of the
Fascinating — the primary thing about moved on to another location. Where, I horror introduced by the first two Lambs, the film may possibly fill your
these paintings is, after all, that the do not know. But the space it left allows films modernized the genre and entertainment standards, but it will
artists are “backward” people in the for new artistic triumphs. Keep your shocked audiences with inventive and not be a good film.
classical sense, that must be amazed by eyes peeled. original styles that contrast the feeble
16 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press. Meetings Wednesdays 1pm

If I Didn’t Have Anything Nice to Say About

Union Building Room 060

Mornings at SB, I Wouldn’t Say...Oops

First: On South P this seem like a problem to anyone else? bus is full and you can’t fit anyone else? some days there is an enormous
Much to my If it doesn’t then you either live on cam- Let’s leave already. It pisses me off more amount of students and no buses? I
dismay, I always pus, or you just get here at one of those than anything to sit on a full bus for thought we had that whole timing thing
find myself ranting random times when there is a lot of three more minutes just so you can stick down. Guess not.
on and on about available parking. For most, not being to your precious God damn schedule.
subsequent prob- able to find a spot in a giant lot is just It’s a full bus, for God’s sake, you could- ird: Coffee in the SAC
lems on campus ridiculous. is is my third semester at n’t fit Tinkerbell on this bus if you tried; Ok, so you finally made it to cam-
Ilyssa and such that are Stony Brook and I have never seen it take us to class already. On the same pus and you really want to get a cup of
Fuchs never resolved. like this. So now that you’re already note, the bus drivers try to be nice and java before you head to class because
Well shocker people: South P is full. running 10 minutes late to class, once wait for late comers so they can pack the you’re already ten minutes late, so you
What? It all started last week when I you actually find a spot you must con- bus and create an unsafe situation. But figure why the hell not, it’s not going to
pulled onto campus. It was still bright tend with the Express bus… one day I was late and the driver told make you that much later. Yeah right!
and early as far as I was concerned (I me, “Sorry I don’t have room for you.” If you don’t want to be twenty minutes
was still pulling the crusties out of my Second: e Express Bus Come on you commie bastard, I’m 4 late I would highly suggest not getting
eyes). It was only 9:30 in the morning, Ah, the (not-so-)wonderful Express foot 10 and I weigh 95 pounds soaking your coffee at the SAC. You probably
but to my surprise the South P lot was bus that takes you from South P to cam- wet. I could probably fit into a stroller have a commuter meal plan and don’t
almost entirely full. I told this story to pus. So, if you were already aggravated made for a two year old if I really tried want to spend your cash, but trust me, if
some of my friends and they didn’t be- that it took you so long to find a spot, and you’re telling me you don’t have you want to have an aneurysm before
lieve me. ey just gave me that awk- prepare to get even more irate once you room for me? What kind of bullshit is noon then get your coffee at the SAC. If
ward look like, “how could such a big step on the Express bus. e problems that? Second, sometimes you get there not, pay the measly $1.25 and get your
parking lot be full?” Well, it was. I don’t with the Express bus vary from day to and there is no bus at all and there are coffee at the Seawolves market place or
mean completely, because lets be realis- day so I will attempt to tackle them one about 150 students all waiting, trying to at Harriman Café. If you show up to the
tic, I didn’t go around row by row at a time. First, talk about fucking com- figure out how they can scheme their SAC at around 9:45 the only thing
counting exactly how many parking munism; you get on the bus, find a seat way onto the first bus because they al- you’re getting are empty coffee pots and
spots there were and how many were and the bus fills rather quickly with ready know that, no matter how packed empty milk dispensers. Maybe I have
available (that’s a project for a weekend people trying not to be late to their 9:50 it is, there is no way everyone is getting bad timing or maybe it’s just bad luck,
aernoon when you’re tripping on acid class and the bus fills and fills until there on. Yet on some days there are three but this is the time when the SAC mag-
with 5 of your friends, “uh guys is this isn’t any more room. ere are people buses lined up in a row, and the first one ically runs out of coffee everyday, and if
one taken? I see a multicolor VW van standing and these hippy communist is full and hasn’t le yet (see above), and you want a cup you have to wait how-
and oh my god is that Scooby-Doo? bus drivers wait until the bus is at max- people are still trying to elbow their way ever the fuck long it takes for them to
Scooobyyyyyyyy”). But even then you imum capacity and then continue to onto the full bus. We have a lot of re- brew a new pot, and I’m not talking
wouldn’t be able to get a real count. wait. If you didn’t know, the bus is sup- spect for each other, don’t we? I thought about a regular sized pot of coffee either,
From first glance the lot appeared to be posed to run on a certain schedule. e that the busses were on a schedule, in I’m talking about this giant coffee pot
full. Yes, this giant fucking abyss of a drivers are aware of the schedules, but fact I mentioned that early didn’t I? If that take like 15 minutes alone just to
parking lot we call South P, or I person- in the instance that your bus is com- you are on such perfect schedule then fill. Now, common sense would tell you
ally call South Guam, was more than pletely full, what the fuck are you waiting why is it that some days there are three that if the people who worked in the
75% full by 9:30 in the morning. Does for? A fucking invitation telling you the empty busses and no students and on SAC knew that they ran out of coffee at
approximately the same time everyday,
they would just start brewing more
fucking coffee at 9:25 before they ran
out. en they wouldn’t have 15 angry
students standing around waiting for
more coffee to brew because it would be
done already, and all they would need
to do would be to change the pots. Un-
fortunately, it’s come to my attention
that we don’t have the brightest crayons
in the box working at the SAC. But
that’s not everyone that works there;
props to Rich the grill guy for making
the best damn grilled cheese with bacon
and tomato ever, and keeping the grill
line moving during lunch time; if only
everyone working there were as smart
as Rich. Once you actually get your cof-
fee you have to contend with the old
ladies who are extremely nice but some-
times a little hard of hearing (like yes-
terday when I asked her if she was still
open and she said yes and I stood there
for two solid minutes before she said,
“oh hun I’m closed.” Sheesh). en you
can finally make your way to your 9:50.
Oh, by the way, if you haven’t yet looked
at your watch, it’s already twenty aer
Roman Sheydvasser
The Stony Brook Press Comics 17

Profiles from the Windenberg Assassin Files

by David K. Ginn
18 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 5 | Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I’ve never seen a sunrise. Not the way you see it. You should probably judge all critics of
“free” trade based on this article.

What Liberals Don’t Know About Illegal Immigration

e Globalists ceded by Mexico under terms of the (“Long Live the race”), are
are using a “divide Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in 1848. owned by New York and
and conquer” strat- e primary method for this “recon- London-based companies
egy to balkanize the quest” is demographic. By means of legal that are cold-bloodedly
United States. e and illegal immigration from Mexico and pushing for the breakup of
North American Central America, and by means of high the United States.
Free Trade Agree- birthrates among non-White Hispanics, e government is
Matthew ment (NAFTA) the non-Hispanic population will be re- pushing a double standard
Rammelkamp and the Central duced to a minority that can then be in its treatment of citizens
American Free voted out of power and influence. While vs. its treatment of illegals.
Trade Agreement (CAFTA) undoubtedly nominally nonviolent this will force Citizens are arrested if they
lowered the standard of living in Latin African-Americans, Asian-Americans, don't have insurance or
America, especially Mexico. e archi- Native-Americans and European-Amer- drivers licenses; illegals are
tects of the New World Order have been icans out of what will be called Aztlan. not. Illegal aliens do not need a valid
planning a world government for cen- Reconquista is not integrationist or tend- form of identification to set up a bank ac-
turies, and through secret organizations ing towards assimilation; it is separatist count, or get a car loan, while citizens do.
such as the Bildberberg group, the Trilat- and explicitly racial. M.E.Ch.A.'s motto e government subsidizes the illegals
eral Commission, and the Council on translates as, “Everything for the race. via welfare at tax-payers’ expense. is is
Foreign Relations (all set up by the Rock- Nothing outside the race.” not done to help the illegals, but to subsi-
efellers), they developed, funded, and e Federal government, in the name dize the large corporations that employ
pushed NAFTA and CAFTA throughout of “keeping us all safe from each other,” them in an ongoing war against the mid- ington, during a march where tens of
the 1990s. e agreements were sold to would love to use something like this as dle class. thousands of demonstrators took to the
corporations and the public as a way to an excuse to set up an incredibly power- Driving down the standard of living streets demanding amnesty for 30 million
better the economies of the three coun- ful police state. I don’t want Hispanics for the middle class is being done not illegal aliens. Despite the fact that many
tries by increasing trade; it did the oppo- looking at whites with fear, nor do I want only through subsidizing illegals with of them were undocumented, they were
site. Its key goal was to cause a flood of whites looking at Hispanics with fear. tax-payer money, or through the illegals afforded their first amendment right to
unrestricted illegal immigrants into the We’re all human beings. What one needs taking millions of U.S. jobs for lower pay. speech and expression. Of course in Mex-
United States. at is why President Bush to understand is that empires have always e Federal Reserve destroys the value of ico, most demonstrations are broken up
and the leaders of Mexico are happily used “divide and conquer” to manipulate. the dollar, continually breaking the by the police force, with machine guns
leaving the borders wide open and find- e reconquista movement has big record every month for being at an all fired into crowds, killing people.
ing any excuse to arrest and indict border corporate funding. In almost every case, time low compared to the Euro or other Taking over downtown Seattle while
control officers or police anywhere in the rich white men are behind the neo-Aztec currencies. e Federal Reserve, an off- waving Mexican flags and screaming "La
U.S. movement. One businessman in Califor- shore private corporation, now does not Raza" was not enough. e crowd de-
While the corporate-controlled media nia bought almost 700 signs telling the have to publish audits of how much manded that police physically stop an
teaches Americans that pro-United States public that Los Angeles is now Mexico. money it prints into circulation. e pur- American citizen from engaging in his
nationalism is xenophobic and racist, the is is an attempt to create false pride by chasing power of our dollar is being de- silent protest. Stuck in traffic for hours,
very same media is busy teaching Mexi- which people can be easily steered. stroyed, and we are all told that inflation the citizen held up his middle finger to
cans that ultra-extreme race-based na- Mexico has the greatest concentration is only 3 percent when, calculated with the crowd. e police did not arrest a
tionalism is good and a part of their of wealth per capita in the world. But energy and food, it is oen well above 15 protester who assaulted the driver
culture. e federal government, tax-free Mexico's tiny elite rules against one of the percent and growing. through his sunroof. e citizen com-
foundations, and the Fortune 500 have poorest and most oppressed populations Destroying the U.S. economy in this plied with the police officer’s order to
pumped more than $800 billion into a in the world. Mexico is exporting its im- way is a plan to introduce and set up the suppress his first amendment rights and
long-term strategic plan to export Latin poverished and angry citizens to the “Amero,” a proposed shared currency in stop flipping the bird. But under orders
American revolution into the United United States as a way to avoid internal North America, and eventually, all of the of a plain-clothed police officer, the po-
States. e United States must be divided revolution. e corrupt elite of Mexico Americas. Aer leaving office in 2006, lice ripped the driver from his car, and al-
before it can be absorbed into the North tells their enslaved populations that all of Vicente Fox toured the U.S. calling for though he was not resisting, they
American Union. their problems are caused by the United amnesty and American integration be- smashed his face into the ground while
e New World Order's social engi- States. cause he is a now a paid propaganda pup- arresting him. e commanding officer
neering has done a masterful job exploit- e architects of the New World pet of the New World Order. President clapped and cheered, along with a pre-
ing social divisions between the U.S. and Order are using cheap slave goods and Bush is pushing for amnesty in Congress dominantly foreign mob of protesters, as
Mexico. For 24 hours a day, seven days a oceans of ird World migrants to over- and refuses to protect our borders be- the citizen was arrested.
week, Spanish-speaking media drills into run the United States. e same oligarchs cause he is a paid puppet of the New A huge pool of blood lay on ground
their audience’s heads that the southwest, who have wrecked the ird world are World Order. e President has already as they continually slammed his face into
from California to Texas, once belonged now framing the United States for their been meeting with the heads of Canada it with full force. e police did not stop
to Mexico, and that the U.S. stole it in crimes, and they are using the rightfully and Mexico, announcing a “Security and the protesters as they bashed out his car
1848. Every child in Mexico is taught enraged mob as a weapon on conquest. Prosperity Partnership” which is nothing window and kicked his car in plain view.
from birth, and officially in school, that e guest-worker amnesty plan being short of merging the three countries’ reg- “Now you’re bleeding punk, what's it like
the United States is the arch-enemy of bushed by President Bush is nothing ulatory agencies, armies, and more. For now bitch,” exclaimed the Hispanic crim-
Mexico, and that it is their job to travel to more than a North American Union access to these documents that have been inal who assaulted the citizen through his
the United States, to take part in a re-con- standardized ID card that erases the in- released under the Freedom Of Informa- sunroof.
quorering, or La Reconquista, of the dependence of all three nations. Spanish- tion Act, go to www.judicialwatch.org. at day, the Seattle police filled
United States. speaking TV, radio, and print are on fire For those of you who have been patty-wagons with American citizens
Reconquista today refers to an explicit with talk of revolution. Many stations duped into believing that unrestricted il- who tried to peacefully picket the event.
agenda of M.E.Ch.A. (Movimiento Estu- bare the name “La Invasora” (“e In- legal immigration is a human rights issue e New World Order allows free speech
diantil Chicano de Aztlan) to retake the vader”). (I was one of them), remember the for illegals because they suit the agenda
lands from the U.S. which once belonged Americans who don't speak Spanish phrase, “e road to hell is paved with of the New World Order, whose chief
to Mexico. is includes Texas, Califor- are unaware of what is going on so that good intentions.” goal is to set up a North American Union
nia, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah the corporate-controlled revolution can Case Example of Double Standard: as a stepping stone for a world govern-
and parts of Colorado, Wyoming, build in semi-secrecy. Most of the media Immigrant Rally in Seattle, Washington. ment.
Kansas, and Oklahoma, all of which were outlets spewing the slogan “Viva La Raza” Draw your attention to Seattle, Wash-
The Stony Brook Press Opinion 19
—Alex Berkman
Did we put in the ‘Free Cindy Liu’ ad? I’ll offer her sex to come back.

WhatYour Mom Doesn’t Know About Illegal Immigration

e Globalists neering has done a masterful job exploit- oligarchs who have wrecked the ird lubricant.”
are using a “divide ing her. For 24 hours a day, seven days a world are now framing the United States Case Example of Double Penetration:
and conquer” week, Spanish-speaking media drills into for their crimes, and they are using the Immigrant Gangbang in Seattle, Wash-
strategy to rape your mom. Every child in Mexico is rightfully enraged mob as a weapon on ington.
your mom. First, taught the ways of American love conquest its most valuable whore: your Draw your attention to Seattle, Wash-
they divide her through her. mom. ington, during a gangbang where tens of
legs. en they e Federal government, in the name Americans who don't speak Spanish thousands of participants took a turn
Karl Von conquer. e of “keeping us all safe from your mom’s are unaware of the Mexican STDs your fucking your mom. Despite the fact that
Lemonfucker, ESQ. North American diseases,” would love to use something mom carries. Most of the media outlets many of them were undocumented, they
Free Trade Agree- like this as an excuse to set up an incred- spewing the slogan “Viva La Whoreo” were were all allowed to fuck her with or
ment (NAFTA) and the Central Ameri- ibly powerful police state. I don’t want (“Long Live the Whore”), are owned by without double penetration.
can Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA) whites looking at your mom in fear, nor New York and London-based companies Taking over downtown Seattle while
undoubtedly lowered the standard of do I want your mom looking at Hispan- that are cold-bloodedly pushing for her waving Mexican flags and screaming "La
prostitutes in Latin America, especially ics with fear. We’re all human beings. certain relapse. Whoreo" was not enough. e crowd de-
Mexico. e architects of the New World What one needs to understand is that e government is pushing a double manded that police physically stop an
Order have been planning to defile your empires have always used “divide and penetration in its treatment of your mom. American citizen from engaging in his
mother for centuries, long before you wer conquer” to manipulate. Citizens are arrested if they don't have a one-on-one with your mom. Stuck in her
born, and through secret organizations e reconquistayourmom movement buddy to team up on her with. Immi- for hours, the citizen held up his middle
such as the Bildberberg group, the Trilat- has big corporate funding, now that your grants are not. Illegal aliens do not need a finger to the crowd. e citizen complied
eral Commission, and the Council on mom has called it “quits” on prostitution. valid form of identification to fuck your with the police officer’s order to suppress
Foreign Relations (all set up by the Rock- In almost every case, rich white men are mom, or get a blowjob, while citizens do. his right to bang your mom and also stop
efellers), they developed, funded, and behind your mom. One businessman in Driving down the standard of living flipping the bird. But under orders of a
pushed your mom into prostitution California bought almost 700 hours for the middle class is being done not plain-clothed police officer, the police
throughout the 1990s. e agreements worth of her passionate love-making. only through encouraging illegals to fuck ripped the driver from your mom, and al-
were sold to corporations and the public is is an attempt to lure her back into your mom with tax-payer money, or though he was not resisting, they
as a way to better their chances of getting whoredom by having these rich clients through the illegals taking millions of smashed his face into the ground while
laid; it did the opposite. Its key goal was to pay for her exquisite services.. U.S. blowjobs for lower pay. e purchas- arresting him. e commanding officer
cause a flood of unrestricted illegal im- Mexico has the greatest concentration ing power of our dollar is being destroyed clapped and cheered, along with a pre-
migrants into your mother. at is why of wealth per capita in the world. Mexico by your mom’s promiscuity, and we are dominantly foreign mob of gangbangers,
President Bush and the leaders of Mexico is exporting its impoverished and angry all told that fellatio is only 3 percent of it as the citizen was arrested.
are happily leaving your mom’s legs wide citizens to the United States to “line them when, calculated with tongue-teases and at day, the Seattle police filled your
open and finding any excuse to arrest and up” for your mother’s eventual moral hand-job-hybrids, it is well above 15 per- mom with their Seattle P.D. semen. e
indict pimps who try to claim her. downslide. e corrupt elite of Mexico cent and growing. New World Order allows illegals to fuck
While the corporate-controlled media tells their enslaved populations that all of For those of you who have been your mom because it suist the agenda of
teaches Americans that anti-prositution their problems can be cured by the heal- duped into believing that unrestricted the New World Order, whose chief goal
is xenophobic and racist, the very same ing powers of her vagina. immigration into your mom’s cooch is a is to set up a population consisting en-
media is busy teaching your mom how to e architects of the New World human rights issue (I was one of them), tirely of millions of your mom’s illegal im-
shag Mexican style. Order are using cheap slaves to stimulate remember the phrase, “e road to or- migrant babies.

Nuestra Estrategia del Conquisto del Mundo!

e New World Order's social engi- the population’s interest in sex. e same gasm is paved with your mother’s vaginal

en realidad no le gustan estas piezas d A.Z.T.L.A.N., nuestra patria historica, suportar el construccion de un Trump
By Baron von Fistfuck mierda! Ptooie! Y es demasiado diver- que fue robado por President Franklin Tower & Casino, para nuestro Dios y
Migrant Worker in San Diego tido para verle a los norteamericanos Pierce! maestro, Señor Donald Trump!
engordarse hasta 100 kilos, 200 Al conquistar el Southwest, no Viva la Raza! Viva la Whoreo!
Los articulos arribas hablan de los kilos...andando como patos en la calle! vamos a usar la tierra nueva para viver
“problemas” de inmigración ilegal, pero Como se engordan...se llegan mas de- or contruir restaurantes de tacos o bur-
no sospechan la verdad! biles...se pierdan fuerza para resistir y ritos o enchilladas...no! Vamos a
Me pienso que la inmigración “ile- pelear....y todavóa ustedes piensan que VENDER la tierra a Saudi Arabia...o
gal” es stupendoso! “Por que?” me es la falta de high-fructose corn syrup Iran...para $450 billiones de dolares!
pides? Bueno, los razones revuelvan y una falta de ejercócio! Y, al mósmo Los arabos quiza desarrolaran mas fa-
sobre “A.Z.T.L.A.N.”, nuesto projecto tiempo, ustedes usan toda su energias cilidades del petróleo en el Southwest y
top-secreto de reconquistar California en construir “border fences” y “Min- el “Gulf of Mexico”.
y Arizona y Téjas y el “Gulf of Mexico”, utemen tactics.” Nadie suspecta la ver- Ultimamente, podramos uar este
en el nobre de Quetzálcoatl, Gran dad. dinero para contruir un gran Ark,
Patron de los aztecos desde la empieza Ultimamente, seran demasiados de- como el de Noah como se dice el
del tiempo! biles y pobres, y no se podran reis- Biblo...porque en el año 2012, segun los
Cada dia, ustedes nos miran...en tirnos! leyenda de la maya, Global Warming va
parking lots esperando para trabajo, Donde va el dinero que nosotros a cubrir el mundo en agua! Todos los
limpiando baños suciados por los ahorrean por nuestra trabajo ilegal de paises y imperialistas seran muertos!
muchachos de los carajos ricos, “day labor”? No va a la economia Como se gustan sus SUVs ahora, id-
cuidando para los ninos de traba- norteamericana, y no lo enviamos a las iotas?
jadores white coller Ango- auelas enfermas y familias hambres en Ultimamente, cuando ustedes son
Saxones...cortando sus cespedes, México, no! En vez de esto, todo los muertos de Global Warming, nosotros
cocinando y serviendo sus quesadillas fundos suportan la construcción del vamos a desarrolear un Yellow Subma-
y tacos y burritos...hahaha! Mexicanos Death Star II, nuetra arma de guerra, y rine a robar todo el oro bullion
nuestra esperanza para reconquistar quedado enFort Knox, y los fundos va a