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Annotated Bibliography

Marriage counseling: A Christian approach to counseling couples.


This article is about the approach as a Christian marriage counselor and how they deal with Christian couples. Most people do not care if their counselor is a Christian or not but there are those who are very religious and look for that while seeking a marriage counselor. If the counselors beliefs is too different than theres some people will terminate counseling all together. Some practices that Christian counselors would perform are, forgiveness after one confesses sin, quoting scriptures, and having the couples pray for one another. Christian marriages have lower divorce rate than non-religious marriages. Most Christian families refuse to get divorces based off their religion. God doesnt believe in divorce and most Christians believed that their lives should mirror Gods. This article used some bible references when talking about marriages, such as god being the husband and the church being the wife. The question that is asked is since Christians dont believe in divorce, what circumstances is allowed where divorce is necessary. The marriage therapist will only recommend separation is if one spouse is bringing harm to another, and or if one spouse shows no effort and its pretty clear that they want out of the marriage. The counselor has steps that she takes in order to help the couples. Her first step is to break old patterns; the 2 nd is to build new workable patterns and last is consolidating beneficial changes. Worthington, E. L. (1990, October). Marriage counseling: A christian approach to counseling couples. Counseling & Values. p. 3.

Effects of Sex, Sexual Orientation, Infidelity Expectations, and Love on Distress related to Emotional and Sexual Infidelity
Infidelity and suspicion are the leading cause of divorces in marriages, and according to therapist its the hardest thing to deal with when it comes to marriages. 23% of people have engaged in infidelity while being married; men are more likely to commit infidelity than women according to Oliva Leeker. Infidelity is defined as any state of being unfaithful including kissing, to a spouse or other sexual partner. Jealousy plays a role when it comes to infidelity, and though jealousy shows that you love someone, it can lead to violence, and insecurities. Many homicides that happen in the United States are caused by jealousy. Some relationships believe that infidelity has different definitions. Some people think of this as just sexual relations with someone else, some think it can be more than just sex but as well as mentally having relations with someone, such as flirting with someone else. Problems occur in marriages because they have different beliefs when It comes to infidelity. Some

couples dont even speak on it because they assume that the person they are with thinks the same way as they do. Leeker, O. & Carlozzi, A. (2014). Effects of sex, sexual orientation, infidelity expectations, and love on distress related to emotional and sexual infidelity. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 40, 6891. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2012.00331.x

Forgiveness of Sexual Cheating in Romantic Relationships: Effects of Discovery Method, Frequency of Offense, and Presence of Apology
When most people are cheated on they go through a stage or sadness and hurt, and want to seek revenge, but once people seek forgiveness they will not just make life easier for that other person but for themselves. Its a feeling of relief and now being abl e to release the negative feelings toward or about the person that hurt you. Most people find it easier to forgive someone they are committed to and truly in love with that person, but once you say that you forgive someone you cant constantly bring it up, then truly you never forgave that person. Relationships that have forgiven are a lot stronger than those that have not forgiven. When some couples are cheated on and they have not forgiven them, it is said that they themselves do things to hurt the person that hurt them. The common form of deception is infidelity, either because its happen to them or they have the assumption that its happening to them. Its been proven that men become more jealous when women have participated in sexual infidelity whereas women get more jealous when men have participated in an emotional infidelity. Women are more forgiven when a man has sexually cheated on them, because women somewhat expect it. Gunderson, P. R., & Ferrari, J. R. (2008). Forgiveness of Sexual Cheating in Romantic Relationships: Effects of Discovery Method, Frequency of Offense, and Presence of Apology. North American Journal Of Psychology, 10(1), 1-14.

Adultery
This article is set up like a story about a man whose parents were once married and then divorced, because his father was drunk and rude to his mother. She put up with it for 30 years then divorced him, and got married a couple of months later. Later her son found out that she was cheating on her husband with his father. He didnt understand why his mother would do something like that. He later talked to his wife about it and she wasnt bothered by it at all. She responded by saying so you havent ever thought about committing adultery, he said no and his wife didnt believe him. He thought to himself is this how people think; he thought he knew his

wife but apparently not. As a child he was affected by his parents divorce and to find them having an affair he just couldnt understand it. His brother even said hes never getting married because of his parents. Davis, C. (2000). Adultery. Southern Review, 36(4), 818.

An Empirical Approach to Designing Marriage Preparation programs; The American Journal of Family Therapy
This article is about which ways couples found more affective when it comes to marriage preparation programs. They actually asked several thousand couples which were better, ranging from couples who were married from 1 to 8 years. This article has actual statistics of what marriage couples thought helped out with marriage preparation. 66% of couples said that marriage preparation was a good experience. 87% of couples who recently married thought marriage preparation were helpful whereas 50% of couples who were married for 8 years thought it was helpful. Marriage Preparation was seen as more helpful for those who were just in the couple years of marriage whereas the ones who were married for longer periods of time. People within 1 to 2 years were significantly different than those who have been married for 8 years. Spending time with partner, and Learning about my intended spouse were two of the most important things that the couples chose. Having a relationship with god and learning about marriages were next. Topics rated as most helpful can be described as the Five Cs: communication, commitment, conflict resolution, children, and church. Lee M. Williams , Lisa A. Riley & David T. Van Dyke (1999) An empirical approach to designing marriage preparation programs, The American Journal of Family Therapy, 27:3, 271283, DOI: 10.1080/019261899261970

Behavioral Marriage Therapy: I. A Psychodynamic-Systems Analysis and Critique


When couples argue and one couple shows more control or becomes loud and more dominant than the other that cause problems with in the relationship. One way this can be avoided is by going to a marriage therapy. Some key points that they talked about that can help with these problems and things that would be gone over in the therapy is Pinpointing contingencies; which is working on how you word things, saying things in a more respectful way. Another key point is communication skills, conflict resolution, utility matrices and negotiating and contracting. Negotiating and contracting is a way that you can write about things that you want to change with a certain behavior. Utility matrices are a menu that you and your spouse makes that are positives and negatives consequences that may happen with

the behavior chances during this process. The main idea of this article is just to find ways to change individual behaviors together to better the marriages. GURMAN, A. S. and KNUDSON, R. M. (1978), Behavioral Marriage Therapy: I. A Psychodynamic-Systems Analysis and Critique. Family Process, 17: 121138. doi: 10.1111/j.1545-5300.1978.00121.x

Does Marriage Counseling Work


This Radio station is about the idea if marriage therapy is affective. What are some of those problems and why people dont believe that it works? A therapist says that one reason why couples dont have a good experience with this is because they are with therapists that arent truly trained on this topic. There are people who have never been trained to w ork with couples but with individuals. He believes that there have been unnecessary divorces due to therapist. Another therapist who is a female says as a therapist depending on the agenda of those couples will depend on the clients. Some couples come in trying to change one another, and some couples where one person is one foot in and one foot out and as a therapist you have to figure out what type of couple youre working with, with those cases it will be hard to keep those marriages together. It has to be a situation where both couples want to work on their relationship, and some people may just need a divorce but the only way you can know is if they want to better their relationship. Some therapist initial consumption is to save the marriage, but if all three people (the couple and the therapist) realize that there isnt going to be an agreement it may be best to just get a divorce.

'The Four Horsemen': Why Marriages Fail


This is also a radio station and they are talking about Marriage education, but why do marriages fail? Happiness decreases over time the longer people tried to stay together and works things out it got worst. One of the big topics of why marriages fail is disciplining children, husbands and wives have disagreements when it comes to that, and most of the time that topic may get heated. Most people believe that love is the biggest part in a happy marriage and as long as you love each other everything will be alight well researches said thats not true its how couples handle conflict. If they have a disagreement and they yell and fuss, now you have a little situation that was not that serious has now been blown out of proportion because of the way the conflict was being handled. Researches also say that contempt is the main cause of divorce. Some people in marriages feel like they are being belittled and disrespected by their spouse.

Sex Role Stereotyping and Marriage Counseling


This article is about SRS and how it plays a role in marriage counseling, with both the counselors and spouse. When it comes to the counselors researches say that some counselors will show double standards between the man and the woman. SRS is known as sex role stereotyping, which is labeling a person characteristics and behaviors just because they are a male or a female. We have noticed on a day to day basis that the masculine stereotype and the feminine stereotype are not equally valued. There are certain things that the man can do that the female cannot do and that can cause problems in therapy. For example when a man cheats on his wife/ girlfriend men are more likely to get off the hook about it because they are men, its what they do and who they are, whereas if a woman cheats she gets chewed out about it, and called names. Statistics say that when it comes to women and men there are double standards in the marriage, and to make sure that counselors notice this and make sure that when they are counseling these couples that they are showing equality. Gingras-Baker, S. (1976), Sex Role Stereotyping and Marriage Counseling. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 2: 355366. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.1976.tb00431.

Marital infidelity
This article has statists with how many people have committed adultery and infidelity. 72 percent of married men have committed adultery and 54 percent of married women have committed adultery. They did a sample of 1,212 people and asked them if they have ever had sex with anyone besides their spouse since they have been married, 25% of women and 36% of men said yes who still their spouses. For those who are divorced the rates rose to 41% for women and 69% for men. For those who are not religious the percentage raises 25% more than those who have religious beliefs. Men commit adultery more than females but researches arent sure why that is. They think it maybe because men have more opportunities than females. Ages 40 to 49 have the highest rates of infidelity. Some reasons that people may commit adultery are low levels of sexual activity, unhappy, addictive behavior and religion and moral reasons. Most men who commit adultery dont think that adultery is wrong.

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