Yu Sun

English 122-AC2
Synthesis Essay

Draft2
Comment [SBakerl]:
Having

College Education: Well Worth Taking

Introduction

"It (a college) is a place of teaching universal knowledge. This implies that its object is, on the one hand, intellectual, not moral; and, on the other hand, it is the diffusion and
extension of knowledge rather than the advancement." Just as the way John Newman had put it, taking college education has long been seen as a place for a person to develop and perfect himself by the secular world. Howeveq with the mounting employment pressure of college graduates and the constantly rising tuition and fees ofcolleges, the value ofcollege education has been challenged. And people have argued for long on whether o1 not college education i,s worth it. The skeptical point out many flaws of college education, such as its high costs, the consumerism trend and-stuff, and finally draw a seemingly plausible conclusion that college education is no longer worth taking. I am conficient that considering all the cost and benefits, college education is definitely a good lifelong investment for most people. For aspects like work-life earnings, horizon and overall happiness in life or "anthripolog5l", taking college education will help us gain more and better. This passage is for prospective studeni. ,nt o wondering whether to take college "." education. Through the facts and arguments presented below, I would like to help people regain confidence in college education, especially for those who are hesitating on entering a college.

Comment [SBaker2]: Who is John Comment [SBaker3]:

Newman?

We say "college" with no

article, but "a college education" with an article

because it is one

thing.

Change this throughout

your ess8y,

Comment [SBaker4]:
contrast very well.

You have set up

this

Comment [SBaker5]:
i

a long time Change this

Comment [SBaker5]: getting.

,

r throughout ysur essay.

Comment [SBakerTlz Comment [SBakerS]:

what?

"gain more and better"

Comment [SBaker9]:

essay

Comment [SBakerl0]: Comment [SBakerll]:

do not use bold type. This is not the kind of

Part 1: College education

is

worth its monetary cost

essaythat should have headings. You need to

make these part of the paragraph and turn it into

The major critic towards college education lies in that its costs, including tuitions and fees and foregone eaming, that it seems the increased income after higher education could not make up. For this issue, Paul Taylor has done thoroughly research in his report Is College Worth k?, about the impact of taking college education on one's work-life income. From the figures of his report, we could see that the monetary gains from the pursuit of higher education will actually outweigh the monetary costs, which is contrary to some persons'
stereotype.

the topic sentence.

Comment [SBakerl2]: wc Comment [SBakerl3]:

?

i Comment [SBakerl4]: Awkward.

r sentence structure to clarify.

Analyze the

Comment [SBakerls]: wF Comment [SBaker16]:

report in APA format.
Look up how to cite a

Taylor shows in his report, on average, the typical or average high school graduate with no further education earns about $770,000 over a 40-year work life, while a typical worker

with a bachelor's degree and no advanced degree earns about $1.4 million, and that makes a more than $600,000 gap. After costs of attending college and the foregone earnings are subtracted, the net-payoff from getting a college degree from an in-state, four-year public
university is about $550,000. Apart from higher overall work-life income, those with more education generally are more likely to be employed compared to those with less education. Taken into account the factor in the greater likelihood of being employed among those with a bachelor's degree or higher, those money benefits would be even larger.
Comment [SBakertTlz
You have presented

some good evidence, but now you need to analyze it and tell your reader what to do with the evidence. Why are these numbers persuasive?

You

witl also need another source of evidence for

Part 2: values of college education other than income: A priceless treasure

After the discussion in the previous part, we have noticed that financially, taking college education is an investment with a good reward, but its benefits are not limited to merely moneary aspect. From college education, there are many other treasures that we may cherish for lifetime. From Bruce Lilly's interview report Is a College Degree Worth the Cost, we could hear that knowledge from college education could greatly enrich your life experience, and provide connections between people, societies and culture, and abilities to understand others in good times and bad, in peace and in war. Furthermore, Julie Mack shows in Education lmproves Everything, those who have talien college education tend to enjoy a better sense of well-being, closer engagement in civic activities and other substantial benefits for individuals (including improvements in one's and his/her children's health. marriage possibility, the stability of
marital unions, etc) Maybe it is indirect, intangible and unquantifiable benefits that lead to the cognitive gap on college education between college graduates and the general public. According to Taylor's report, while a majority of Americans (57%) say the higher education system in the United
States fails to provide good value

this main idea.

Comment [SBaker18]:

As

this information

is

paraphrased, you need an in-text citation for the page numbers of where you got th einformation.

Comment [SBakerlg]: Comment [SBaker20]:

vF Now you need some

kind of conclusion about your main idea.

Comment [SBakerZll: Comment ISBake r22l=

informations. Who is Lilly?

Exce]lent transition. Add credi

b

ity

Comment [SBaker23]:

Because

this

is

paraphrased, you need a citation. Make sure ysu do ttris throughout your essay.

Comment [SBa

ke

r24l:

Add credi

bi

lity

informations. Who is Mack?

graduates see college as

for its cost, an overwhelming majority (86%) of college a good investment for them personally. Anyryohuf,til-J--am

eeneeme+viewpoints from parties concemed may better reflect the essence of things than spectators', for tha* the latter cannot have exactly the same subjective feeling as the former.

College graduates may probably have enjoyed those intangible benefits from college
education, which the general public may hardly be able to understand fully.

Part 3: Challenges to current college education Although the benefrts of college education are obvious, there are some undesirable tendencies for current colleges. First of all, though those people who can afford college education could feel free to enjoy its benefits, the high cost does prevent many people from accessing to it. What's worse, tuitions of colleges have been rapidly rising over the last

will probably continue into the future. In Taylor's report, already 75%o of Americans consider college is too expensive for most families to afford, and a considerable amount ofgraduates are leaving college with a substantial debt burden. Ifthe cost keeps on going up, it can be predicted that less and less people will be willing to attend college. Also, there is dispute on who should pay for the cost. Nearly two-thirds of college presidents (63%)
decades, and this trend

Comment [SBaker26]:

Citation for this

sentence and wherever else you cite actual numbers.

say students and their families should take on the largest share of the cost, while only 48% the public agrees on that.

of
Comment [SBaker1Tl= Here
is an

opportunity

Another harmful trend among colleges is the consumerism trend. Michael Potts writes in

to add analysis about why there is disagreement

between college presidents and the public.

The Consumerist Subversion of Education that among some college faculties and administrations, seeing students as their customers has become sort of consensus. This phenomenon seriously weakens students' learning initiative and force teachers to cater to students. To this, Potts points out that business is a significant consideration ofcolleges does not equal to a college is only a business, so it is wrong !o think of students as customers. Potts believes that the fundamental end of the university is imparting knowledge, and that includes , particular intellectual virtues. Therefore, the thought that a college is only a business violates its internal goods, and then will destroy it from within.
Conclusion

Comment [SBaker28]: who

credibility i nformation.

is

he? Add

Comment [SBaker29]:
You must

This is a paraphrase.

cite!

: Comment [SBaker30]: slv agr

you must explain it because your reader has not

reaa Potts'article and does not know about Pott's

Whether college education

is

worthwhile

or not involves various

aspects of

considerations, and based on different personal values, people may have diverse answers. No matter for monetary rewards or for other life goals, we could say taking college education could usually assist people in achieving such objects. Of course, it is undeniable that many people who have never attended colleges also achieve their life goals, but considering all the factors above, college education is definitely a worthwhile choice to most people. Reference

: discussion of "internal goods."

Comment [SBaker33]: nl.

Anci you need

to

format the references in APA style. See the Hacker

handbook for how to do that.

Paul Taylor, Kim ParkeE Richard Fry(2011), PEWhighered Repoit Is College Worth It? PEW Research Center, Social & Demographic Trends, May 16, 201 I : 5-l l, 77 -108

Bruce Lilly (2011), Is a College Degree Worth the Cost? Cover story for The College
Magazine, Arts and Sciences at Indiana University, Fall

20ll

Michael Potts: The Consumerist Subversion of Education Richard Cohen (2013), Richness of Learning, Washington Post, May 27,2013 Julie Mack (2012), Education Improves Everything

ENGH

I22l Synthesis

Evaluation System
2 (B1) = Developing/Beginning to show criteria 3 (81*) = Shows criteria with some consistency
L

(A2+)

= Emerging/not present

4 (BZ) = Capable/usually consistent (passing)

5 6 7

(82*) 1) (CZ)
(C

= Experienced/effective = Experience d/ effective /consistent = Exceptional/thought-provoking

DRAFT

FINAL
5

a. Introduces the topic clearly and provides relevant and sufficient background information b. Has a clear thesis statement that makes a claim aryfrovides a map for the body c. Each body paragraph includes a clear topic sentence that supports thesis d. Each body paragraph synthesizes ideas from two or more sources e. Relevant and sufficient evidence explicitly supports each point You need to focus on onalysis after you __lfqgnt your ev idence. f. Uses at least three different types of
evidence (statistical, anecdotal, expert opinion, theo ry lphilosophy) to advance arguryent throughout the paper g. Ideas flow logicaliy and smoothly; uses appropriate and varied transitions h. Conclusion restates thesis in a different way and introduces a new direction

4 4 4 4

1 L

3 3 3

5 5 5

6 6 6

7 7 7

2 2 2

3 3 3

4 4 4

5
5

6 6 6

2
2

1 1

7
7

1,

"4

1,

2 2 2

3 3 3

6 6 6

7 7 7

1
1 1

2 2 2

3 3 3

4
4

6 6 6

7 7 7

L L

5
5

i. Word choice is appropriat e, academic,

and varied

j. Reporting verbs make it clear where

ideas come from and accurately reflect

*p

original author's tone, purpose, and meaning k. Clauses are correctly formed with correc t / appropriate word form (including verb tense and form) and word order, l. Sentences are correctly formed with no fragments or run-ons. Varies sentence structure m. Spelling, punctuation (including commas for introductory phrases and non-essential elements), and capitalization are correct n. Complete, accurate, and correctly formaffed in-text citations and reference list Comments (Prof. Baker):

1,

T.

1,

T.

Nice draft. You have a lot of good information and you are using the sources well to provide

evidence. Here are some things you'll need to work on in your revision.

The most important thing is that you MUST cite. You are paraphrasing and quoting and otler than mentioning the article, there is no citation. Add credibility information for your sources Increase your analysis so that you connect the evidence to the main point you are

making in your paragraph.

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