Erikson Self-Study Erik Erikson was born in 1902 in Frankfurt, Germany. He lived until 1994.

His parents were Danish. During the years he was in school, he did not quite agree with the styles of teaching. After high school, he traveled Europe for a year (Sharkey, 1997). Erikson enrolled in an art school and later taught in a psychoanalytically enlightened school for children. He came to the United States in 1933. Collectively, Erikson was a part of the Vienna Psychoanalytic Institute, Institute of Human Relations, in connection with Yales Department of Psychiatry(Erikson Institute, 2013), Berkeley, and the Menniger Foundations(Sharkey, 1997). Erikson focused his interests mainly in studying behaviorisms, in adults and children. He believed children develop with societal expectations, prohibitions, and prejudices; personality was shaped through a whole lifespan; also education based on self-knowledge and a complex way of viewing the world were the way to go (Erikson Institute, 2013). Erik Erikson introduced the eight psychosocial stages in 1956. The stages are Trust VS. Mistrust, Autonomy VS. Shame, Initiative VS. Guilt, Industry VS. Inferiority, Identity VS. Role Confusion, Intimacy VS. Isolation, Generativity VS. Stagnation, and Integrity VS. Despair. Eriksons theory of psychosocial development is based upon the idea saying there are eight times, or stages, in a persons life in which they further move through development. Each different stage presents a different challenge. Deciphering how a person leaves a certain stage is based on the experiences and relationships they come to know and understand. TRUST VS MISTRUST: The first stage being Trust VS. Mistrust is all about the first year of life and the interactions involved in it. Whether someone was there to answer cries, care for the child; be

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depended on by the child. With solid affection and dependency comes trust. With inconsistency and lack of affection is mistrust (McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013, pg. 418). Personally, through the first stage, I have gathered information vital to understanding how I left this stage. I was born at Marion General Hospital on March 21, 1993. I was three weeks early. I had not been planned. Finding out she was pregnant, my mother was ready to have another child, while my father was not as adamant about the idea. I was a surprise to the family. My mother had a normal pregnancy without risky situations (except a couple falls on her bottom) in the winter. None of which harmed me. There were a few times I moved into a position pinching the nerves to her legs. She experienced a large amount of heartburn and craved salads the whole time. My mother worked in a factory until about a week before I was born. My parents had not found out if I was a boy or a girl. They had the house ready for my arrival. Two days before I was born, my mothers aunt passed away. This caused stress in the whole family. The day of the viewing, my mothers water broke when she was getting ready for bed, around midnight. My father drove my brother to the babysitters house outside of Jonesboro. He went back home to pick my mother up to go to the hospital. My grandparents met them at the hospital. The hospital would only allow one person in the delivery room with my mother, so my father and my grandmother traded turns. I was born at 5:40a.m., at 8lbs 6oz, with my father in the room. Right after delivery the doctors placed me onto my mothers stomach. She did not experience this when my brother was born because of difficulties. My mother had a tubal litigation the same morning I was born. We stayed in the hospital three days. The first thing my parents did after leaving the hospital was go to the bank and run errands. Then we went home.

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According to my parents, I was a very good baby. I slept constantly. I woke up when I needed changed or when I was hungry and that was about it. Even then, my bassinet was next to my mothers side of their bed. I had my routine doctor appointments and did not cry but for maybe one shot. To get me to stay awake, my mother and grandmother would get me to play with toys, talk to me, and read me books. As my mother said, That way I would actually learn something that year. My primary caregivers were my parents, my grandparents, and my babysitter. My mother did not breast feed. She had a small amount of postpartum depression but quickly moved out of it when my grandmother started taking us to the store and got us out of the house. My mother went back to work third shifts, six weeks after I was born and my father always worked through the day. At one point in the first year, we moved from our trailer to a bigger house a few miles away. When my mother was back to work, there were stresses of financial restraints and the babysitter living out of town. My family dealt with one of my dads cousins trying to sell my brother to another family because he did not think my father could handle taking care of a family. The cousin also did not like knowing my brother was not my fathers son. This, of course, was a failed proposition upon the cousins part. My brother loved having a little sister. He is four years older than I am. He always protected me. He told everyone he hoped he got a little sister because then she could always be in cute dresses. He wanted a cute little sister. That is what he got. He was so happy and I was almost always dressed in a dress. Not necessarily because of my brothers request but because the clothes were cute. According to my findings, I feel I left this stage with Trust. I always had someone there I could depend on. My parents brought me home to a ready home. I was accepted by my sibling. I had one primary caregiver outside of the home. My family, at this point, was together and strong.

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AUTONOMY VS SHAME AND DOUBT: The second stage, autonomy vs. shame and doubt, is described as whether a child has self-confidence or if he or she feels like they cannot do well enough. Autonomy comes from having the courage to attempt to feed, wash, or dress oneself. It is also recognized by wanting to do well and knowing the result will be fine, even if a mistake is made. Shame and doubt are recognized as feeling insecure and as if the child cannot do what is asked of them. When a parent or guardian gives the child a task greater than the childs abilities, a sense of shame is brought about. With shame and doubt comes the feeling of not being able to handle problems alone (McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013, pg. 418). By the time I was one year old I was already walking. My mother and father had to teach me to crawl because I was already trying to walk around the house. I was curious about everything and always wanted to be left alone. I still interacted with others but I wanted left alone. My verbal skills developed quickly because I was always talked to, not baby talked to. I was a happy child and very strong-willed. I had to learn some patience because when I wanted something, I wanted it right then. I was encouraged to feed and dress myself as early as two years. I would try to carry things on my own even if they were too heavy. Of course, I would end up mad and cry for help. My parents divorced around the age of two. I lived with my mother and brother. On the weekends, I would visit my father. My mother, brother and I moved out of the country and into town, just up the road from my grandparents house. I played outside whenever I could and had as many toys as a kid can have inside. The environment had changed but the people in it had not. This is until my father remarried a few months before I turned three.

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When I was three everything changed. I went to my fathers house for weekend visits still. There were times I would come home and cry later. One time I was asked why I was crying by my grandma. I told her I had been whooped by my stepmother. She had me show her how I had been whooped with one of my baby dolls. I beat my doll to a pulp. One weekend my mother did not allow my brother to go with me to my fathers. When I came home from my fathers house on Sunday, I was washed and in clean clothes. This was a first. Later on, I was crying and asked my grandma if my mommy and bubby were going to die. At three years old I had been molested and told if I did not keep this secret my mother and brother were going to die. This is when I learned secrets are only kept if they are for birthdays or surprises. I told everyone my father was the one who did it. I was put through interviews and recording sessions. My father took a lie detectors test and it showed he had not done this to me. Everyone believed me, the police, Welfare, my mother, and my grandparents. I was an angry child after this experience. I would slam doors and throw fits. I would try to show or tell everyone what happened to me. Certain objects had to be completely taken out of the house and everyone had to tip-toe around the subject. Life had to go on, even when I was struggling with such a traumatic experience. With the evidence I have of my toddler years, I feel as if I had a set back from truly leaving this stage with autonomy. Slamming a door and yelling, Why, does not quite say anything but shame and doubt. But even with the experience I had, I was still a very independent child. I still wanted to play by myself and do my own things. I would still interact with those around me and try to accomplish tasks on my own. I feel, in a sense, I had lost some of the trust I had from the first stage in my development, but I do not feel I left this stage with shame or doubt. I feel I left this stage with Autonomy. INITIATIVE VS GUILT:

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The third stage of development is labeled Initiative versus Guilt. This stage is during the preschool years and is based mainly on purpose. Initiative will become the outcome if a child has the opportunities to explore different experiences and activities, if the child begins to use his or her imagination and starts to learn to share with others. Children begin to draw images with meanings and hope the people around them will enjoy what they have created. A child begins to create the sense of guilt when pictures are hidden and placed where no one can see. Guilt shows up when he or she cannot let go of some dependency from his or her parents/ guardians. A child with guilt would be fearful and afraid to emerge from what he or she knows (Child Development Institute, 2012). During my preschool years, I still struggled to get over what had happened when I was three. I saw a therapist until I was four and a half. No one exactly knows what was talked about in my counseling. I loved to draw and color, but every picture I drew had to be put away and taken to my therapist because all my pictures were not nice. At all. I still had an imagination and a lively spirit. I had to learn strangers were not the people to talk to about my experience. I felt safe talking to people, even if I did not know them. I told the other children at school what had happened. At home, I played with my brother and the neighbor kids. I had about five imaginary friends. There were times my mother would look outside worried I had let someone in the backyard because she heard a bunch of kids playing in the yard and it was only me. I used the imaginary friends to show all my different emotions. One constantly got me in trouble, another was very sneaky, and another would always play nice.

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My great-grandmother was my babysitter in the afternoons when I was in preschool. We would spend time together at the park or go out to eat. She would play games with me and lay down for naps with me too. She was a constant in my life when it seems like I had no others. I feel I left this stage with Guilt. I wanted to tell everyone what had happened in my life and was constantly getting taught to do different. I feel the imaginary friends I had created were there because I had no way of releasing my true emotions except through them. I can see how when I was trying to cope and coexist with everything and everyone, they were all moving on and turning to a new chapter. My pictures were always hidden. A childs pictures should be displayed and none of mine could be. This stage was not completely filled with reprimands but the reprimands seem to be heavier than the celebrations. INDUSTRY VS INFERIORITY: The fourth stage Erikson presents is Industry versus Inferiority. Industry is brought into light as a child becoming more responsible for assignments, being able to work with others, follow rules, and be able to bring responsibilities, people, and rules together. This could be brought about through school, teams, and even home. Inferiority can be expressed when a child cannot achieve the goals of his or her parents. A child being punished for working hard and trying to do right but falls short of expectations will feel a sense of inferiority(McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013, pg. 418). Moving into Elementary School I was told I could not be in the Kindergarten my grandmother worked in because of relation. I spent my Kindergarten year in the classroom across from my grandmothers. I still had times I was being helped by her though. I had to stay close to my brother before and after school until we found my mother because my stepsisters also went to

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my school. I had troubles working with other children. I played coachs pitch baseball for a few years. My participation was short lived when I was told I had to move to softball. I was scared to play softball and was not going to do it. So no one made me. When I was in first grade my mother, brother, and I moved to Swayzee. My mother said she did not want my brother in the middle and high schools. I had to adjust to a new school, new kids and teachers, and the idea of a new house. My brother and I had to face my mother taking different medicines, sometimes not being able to wake her up. My mother had to work with my teachers to set goals in some of the parent teacher conferences. It is hard to tell if any of those goals were ever met because she hardly ever went back for a follow up. I was an average student even though I struggled to maintain my grades and always searched for an easy way of getting work done. I still dealt with emotional issues from when I was younger. I was constantly bullied by a few children in my class. The school counselor was my best friend. I could go to her office anytime I wanted. I worked with a remediation counselor for two years, staying after school two nights a week. We talked about school and life. She helped with homework and played games with me. My grandmother watched my brother and me for a good while when my mother was working and sleeping. She practically raised us for two years. All the while my mother was letting guys come and live with us when she was not working. Finally she made one guy official and my grandmother was not there all the time anymore. He lived with us the longest, even moved with us to Huntington when I was in fourth grade. Six months after we moved to Huntington, he was out of the picture.

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Moving into fifth grade, I looked at school differently. I tried my best to focus school on school and home on home. I did not let my grades slip; I tried to be there, even if it meant calling my uncle to take me to school because my mother was not there in the mornings to wake me up. I watched my mom struggle to commit to helping me achieve. I got shingles when I was ten years old, missed forty days of school, missed out and failed the istep for a second year in a row. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I could never win. I feel I left this stage with Inferiority. I was told I could not be in the same class as the same person who had taught me my whole life. I moved to a new place and still had the same issues I had in my old school the whole time I lived there. I never knew if my mom was going to bring someone new home or if she was going to help me with my homework. I was used to having my two counselors at school and then we moved again. Even though it was my decision to not have a counselor in Huntington, I felt alone. My mother was so into her own life; helping me seemed to be on the back burner. My futile attempts to do well in school were ruined by an illness I had no control over. Constantly failing was becoming what seemed to be the only thing I knew anymore. IDENTITY VS ROLE CONFUSION: Identity versus Role Confusion is the fifth stage in development. This stage is based in the adolescent years of ones life. A child knowing what direction they are heading in explains identity. A child that has identity knows who they are and who they will be later in life. Role Confusion comes to play when a child has mixed feelings about how they fit into the world. When a child starts experimenting different actions and attitudes, they are showing role confusion (McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013, pg. 419).

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My middle school years were full of independence and allowances. I was rarely questioned about my grades until the reports were already out. I spent the last seconds trying to raise my grades to not get in trouble for what I felt no one really cared about until then. I spent my days at school sitting with a certain few people at lunch and recess. After school, I was outside playing with football and basketball with the guys. I spent a short time bowling in a league but quit quickly. I was in cross country long enough to run one full course and then quit. I was in choir one year. I quit choir too. Then I was in band. The only reason I probably stayed in there was because I promised not to quit. My first boyfriend was a secret, no one would have noticed anyways. He was a year older than I and convinced me into giving him some sexual favors. I was twelve. I watched my mother with different men all the time and knew no different. I had no problem with these actions, sadly. My mother remarried and my brother moved out the summer going into ninth grade. I went to youth group for a while. I never felt like I truly belonged by the rich kids that made up the whole youth group. I wanted to be a youth minister. I felt it was the right thing. I tried to talk to someone about feeling left out of the group so much. No one seemed to have a clue or a care, leading to me giving up a possible career. My thought was, Why would I want to join a ministry if that was how people treated each other? I was in a few relationships in middle school. Then in high school I was in marching band and met a guy. He was two years ahead of me. He and I dated for a week shy of a year. This relationship was the first relationship I had been in that I hardly ever kissed the guy. My mother got divorced during this relationship. My boyfriend had nothing good to say about my mother. I started seeing, neither did I. He respected I had been in some harsh relationships. I broke up with

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him because I could not handle this anymore. My junior year I was in another relationship in which the guy had been a friend for years. I got into this relationship and then found out this guy was dealing with some legal issues between another girl and himself. He was my first true love. He was also the first guy I ever knew to go to jail. He and I broke up at the end of the year before his sentencing because I was not old enough to be with him anymore. Relationships in middle school and high school were emotional for me. My mother got married again the summer before my senior year started. I found myself looking into senior year with no career path. I had taken the classes I had to the whole time. I also took classes for fun. I had taken Marching Band, Radio, Peer tutoring, Photo Journalism, and even went to the Vocational School for Building Trades. Yet I had no career path. I failed the SATs majorly and had to drop my diploma to the standard diploma so I could graduate. Life at home was very tough. My stepfather controlled my mothers every move and thought. He had my mother believing I was a horrible kid, even though I had a good reputation with my mother. I felt as if I was on lockdown the whole year. I went where they said I went. They were constantly late picking me up from school. I was not allowed to walk to or from school, have friends over, or go to my room to talk to anyone. My life was based on getting up for school, going to school, waiting and then coming home, helping everyone, struggling to do my homework, trying to not make anyone mad at home, calling my grandmother every night to make sure I was not going crazy, going to my room and attempting to sleep by 2am. I never knew if I was going to be in trouble or not. I never knew what I was going to be accused of or called each day. I was experiencing mental abuse in the highest form. A week after I turned 18, I moved to the neighbors house across the street.

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I feel I left this stage with Role Confusion. Between the unstable father figures, relationships and actions within them, not having any career path chosen, almost not graduating on time, and mental abuse at home, it is extremely hard to say I had my identity figured out. When I left adolescence I was scared to open a can of fruit or turn a light on at home because of what I had dealt with by my stepfather and mother, even though I had moved myself out of the situation. The only extracurricular activity I stayed in was Marching Band. I never quite fit in with only one group of people. I tried religion, sports, hobbies, and relationships. All of each confused me even more. INTIMACY VS ISOLATION: Eriksons sixth stage is titled Intimacy versus Isolation. Intimacy is led by examples of close relationships through marriage or friendships with others. Isolation is brought out through the inability to form close relationships with others. Sometimes other goals and needs can be a factor in isolation (McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013, pg. 419). After graduation, I reached out to one of my friends from high school, Justin. He had just broken up with his girlfriend of two years and I had no intention of becoming his new girlfriend. He and I talked some. It was nice to talk to him. I was with my father waiting to get into the girls restrooms, waiting on the fireworks to start in Gas City, and I get a text from him saying, I see you. Justin and I ended up watching the fireworks together with his family. Not even a full week later, we were holding hands. The relationship was going well for a few months. I started feeling as if it was pointless once we could not seem to find time to talk because of work schedules. One day at work, I had someone come up to me and start flirting. The next time he

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came in he gave me his number. I must have been feeling lonely because I ended up cheating on Justin. I felt horrible and unworthy. He and I broke up. I struggled to find time to see this new guy, attend school, work, and be home (my grandparents house) by curfew. I started realizing, after five months, I was wasting my time. I was missing Justin. Justin gave me another chance, and I ruined it again. Three months later, we got back together. We got back together on November 25, 2012. I met my father for the first time in sixteen years, when I turned 18. My relationship with him is very strong. I have had to deal with knowing everything I ever knew was wrong. He was not the one who molested me when I was three. I was at his house but it was not him. The stories from the people on my fathers side of my broken family place him as not there. I have my ideas, but I am more worried about living life. My father and I have gone to all the car shows and tractor pulls we can. Each summer I hop on the tractor with him and escape into the field. The day after my graduation from Ball State University, Justin proposed to me in our favorite place to go together. We had been living together for a couple years already. We live in Van Buren to be centrally located between both of our families and workplaces. It was time to start our lives together. I feel I left this stage with Intimacy. Even though I struggled in the beginning with relationships, I feel holding a strong relationship and allowing a new family relationship in which had never looked as if it would exist to grow as it has is proof of intimacy. Making a commitment and following through with that commitment to one person is a huge step in ones life. GENERATIVITY VS STAGNATION:

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The seventh stage of development is generativity versus stagnation. This stage is based upon whether someone makes a contribution to society and future generations in some way. This contribution could be raising a family, trying to better the community, or teaching the younger generation to be a better place. Stagnation comes from someone not being willing to help the younger generations grow. These people only seem to care about their own lives and no one elses (Child Development Institute, 2012). I was offered a job in the Kindergarten at Horace Mann Elementary School in Huntington almost a year after I graduated from College. Justin and I married over fall break in the same year. I had my father and my brother walk me down the aisle and give me away. Justins father married us in the Wesleyan Church. By the time I was twenty-nine, we had two little girls, Alayna and Allison. Every day after school they rode the bus home, except when they were in sports and drama, and started on their homework. Justin and I support our two children in their struggles and strengths. Justin started back to school too. I saw him working on homework at the table along with our two girls. Alayna and Allison both graduated with honors and went on to college. Allison was Valedictorian of her high school and one of six valedictorians in her college. Justin and I took a second honeymoon in Europe for our 25th anniversary. We stood together when my stepmother passed away. He supported me as well when my mother passed away a couple years later. When my dad was too old to take care of the farm by himself anymore, He handed over all the responsibilities to me. I leased the fields to a friend when he was having a rough time finding a job. My dad passed away a few years later. Justin and I moved to the family farm. Our daughters stayed in the house they grew up living in. I retired from Horace Mann When I was 57 years old.

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I feel I have left this stage with Generativity. I lived this time of my life focused on teaching the children in my classroom. I helped my husband with his schooling just as he and I helped our children at home. My father and I kept a strong relationship and not once did he see his fields not full of food. Instead of letting our house sit with no one in it, we allowed our daughters to stay there for some independence. INTEGRITY VS DESPAIR: The final stage of the development process is Integrity versus Despair. Integrity comes from a person being able look back upon their life and feels proud, happy, and accomplished. Integrity needs to be able to show a feeling of contentment with life. Despair can occur when someone has unresolved issues from the earlier years of their life. Despair can be brought about when a person has disappointments and unachieved goals (McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013, pg. 419). Retirement was definitely not boredom. Justin and I decided to travel. We followed the routes from when we were kids. Allison and Alayna tagged along for some of our adventure. I remembered the times, when I was a kid, going across states to get to my uncles house. I remembered my trips to Florida and how each time I went my grandmother wanted to know everything I was doing the whole time. I remembered going on college visits with my daughters. I remembered the moves my mother put me through. I lived my life to be better than what my mother ever was. I looked at my family and saw how well I had achieved my greatest goal. I looked at my brothers family and felt blessed for being in such wonderful peoples lives. I looked back on all the people in my life who worked to make me better; family, friends, counselors, teachers, parents and their students. My life was what I wanted for myself. I passed away being totally happy, satisfied, content with my life.

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I ended my life with Integrity. I turned my life around from the craziness it was when I was a young child. I dealt with so much pain and struggling. I experienced good, bad, ugly, and conniving. There is no doubt about it when I say I left this stage with Integrity.

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References Child Development Institute (2012). Stages of Social-Emotional Development- Erik Erikson. Retrieved from childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/erickson.shtml Erikson Institute (2013). Erik H. Erikson: Erikson Institutes Namesake. Retrieved from www.erikson.edu/about/history/erik-erikson/ McDevitt, T.M., & Ormrod J.E. (2013). Child Development and Education- 5th ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education Inc. Sharkey, W. (1997). Erik Erikson. Retrieved from www.muskingum.edu/~psych/psycweb/history/erikson.htm