OBrien Christine OBrien Professor Wendy Grosskopf WRT 201 December 19, 2013 Misters before Sisters?

As I was growing up, I learned many unwritten rules about friendship. I was taught at a young age that boys have a Guy Code while girls have a Girl Code that is followed in order to maintain a true friendship. The laws that we women in our society are expected to follow to keep our friends happy are much more strict than the ones the fellows are encouraged to abide by. One of the rules that was expressed to me during my preschool days was if a friend liked a guy, he was off limits to any of her other friends end of story. This unwritten Girl Code

regulation is tied in with the one that says, guys come and go but girlfriends stay forever. Even though this is something many friends live by, not every friend does. Although it is perfectly normal to have different beliefs from a friend, in a circumstance concerning dating a boy whom a friend likes, the conflicting views can have a direct impact on the friendship and change it forever. When faced with this particular situation, quality of friendship and the loyalty of a friend come into question. As ladies, is it ever okay to date a guy a friend has had feelings for? Some girls believe that there is not anything wrong with dating or hooking up with someone their friend had feelings for. These friends feel that it is okay to form a relationship with a boy their friend was previously involved with. The women that have this mindset dont believe that their relationship with the person their friend liked should have any sort of impact on their friendship. Usually the girls that feel this way find that it is important for them to do what is best for them in this context.

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There are certain circumstances in which girls find it valid to chase a boy that their friend was somehow involved with. For example, if the pursuers friend only liked the guy but never actually dated him, the pursuer might think that it is not enough of a reason to stay away from him. In this situation, a girl might justify her pursuit of her friends former crush by saying that things werent that serious between the two of them so it is okay to act on her feelings and her friend shouldnt be so upset. Sometimes in this given context, a girl might be even be okay with her former love interest and her friend getting together because her own relationship with the guy was never official so the emotional connection may not have been that strong. Another time that a girl might feel that it is okay to disregard her friends feelings is if her friend has a new boyfriend. In the eyes of the friend who wants to act on her feelings of attraction, she might defend herself by pointing out that her friend has moved on making it irrational to act possessive. It could turn out that the girl that has a new beau may encourage her friend to go for it since her heart is with another guy and she wants her friend to be happy. Also, if a girl feels that her feelings are extremely strong for a guy her friend liked, than she may find it worth it to follow her heart despite her friends potentially negative reaction. Sometimes, as humans, we need to look out for our best interest even if it means unintentionally hurting a friend. There are some cases however, in which a girl might be perfectly content with her friend liking the guy who used to be the apple of her eye which would avoid conflict altogether. This of course depends on the friendship since all relationships are indeed different and unique in their own way. Determining when it is okay for a girl to go after her friends previous object of affection depends on the context of the situation and the dynamic of their friendship. Based on the way I value my friendships and my life experiences, I do not feel that it is valid for a girl to go after her friends previous love interest. Since I feel this way, it never

OBrien seemed worth it to me to risk losing a friend over a fling with a boy that would eventually fizzle out. I believe that friends should avoid dating guys that their friends had former involvement with because it prevents hurting a friend. In my opinion, there are plenty of other fish in the sea so why take the chance of damaging a friendship? Being a college student, I know that things

constantly change in terms of relationships and desires which is why I would never want to upset a friend over a boy who I may not want to talk to next month. If a friend has had a history with a guy and would be hurt if her friend wanted him, he should be considered tainted and not worth starting a relationship with. A friend should stay away from someone her friend used to like if it would devastate her. If a friend has liked a boy for a long period of time and has made it clear that she feels really strongly about him, then by no means should any of her friends try to claim him. As girlfriends, we are supposed to listen to what our friends tell us and not disregard what theyre saying just because it doesnt benefit us. If a friend spills her heart about a guy during a girls night that consists of eating an entire carton of ice cream, painting nails and reading Cosmopolitan, then he is obviously very important to her. It is also wrong to pursue a friends previous crush when the boy was the one to reject her. Friends are supposed to mend broken hearts, not create them; if a friend decides to date someone who really hurt her friend, she might as well be the one to take a knife and stab it right through her heart. Sometimes, a girl might tell her friend that its okay if she wants to pursue the boy she used to have feelings for but in many cases, shes lying. In this instance, it is the friends job to do the right thing and drop the guy even though her friend reluctantly gave her permission to do as she pleases. True friends know when their friends are lying and if a friend pretends that her friend isnt hurting when she knows she is, than she is not a friend at all. Things arent always what they seem and it takes an honest and dedicated friend to

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know when a friend is actually bothered by something. In my opinion, it is never okay to break a friends heart over a boy because even if it is not visible, in most cases it puts a strain on the friendship. By a friend avoiding becoming romantically involved with a guy her friend once cared about, it will keep her friendship strong. If a friend puts her friends feelings before her own, it exhibits her trustworthiness, selflessness, and loyalty. A friend will appear to be a much greater companion when her friend sees that she will avoid doing something that causes her pain. By making an effort to keep a friend happy, a person will always be morally sound. Ultimately, a friend will seem more dependent and unique if she finds her own guy rather than taking her pals sloppy seconds. The truth of the matter is, if a guy isnt good enough for your friend because he mistreats her or shows no interest in her, than is he really good enough for you?