Sushi, The Hidden Danger

by Patrick Bain

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engaging intro--though I'd change the imitation crab example to something about raw fish, since that's your "beef" (sorry, couldn't resist).

be

wait--I didn't think cooking removed these things? does sidhu provide evidence that it does? Otherwise, why are we advised to avoid eating lots of tuna (just for example) cooked or raw?

one way

support?

can you get giardiasis from sushi? need a link here

I've got it: why not say "A quick look at the internet shows that in the U.S. there are plenty of schools . . ."? No need to cite that.

need to explain what the 10 years gives the masters--what can they do that 10 days' trained folks can't? choose better evidence: love doesn't equal safety.

repetitive

Sushi, The Hidden Danger

GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

82
PAGE 1

Instructor

/100

Text Comment.

engaging intro--though I'd change the imitation crab example to something about raw fish, since that's your "beef" (sorry, couldn't resist). QM

WC
Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.

PAGE 2

Text Comment. Text Comment.

be

wait--I didn't think cooking removed these things? does sidhu provide evidence that it does? Otherwise, why are we advised to avoid eating lots of tuna (just for example) cooked or raw? QM

Frag.
Fragment: A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."

QM

Frag.
Fragment:

A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."
PAGE 3

Text Comment. Text Comment. Text Comment. Text Comment.

one way support? can you get giardiasis from sushi? need a link here

I've got it: why not say "A quick look at the internet shows that in the U.S. there are plenty of schools . . ."? No need to cite that.
PAGE 4

Text Comment.

need to explain what the 10 years gives the masters--what can they do that 10 days' trained folks can't?

Text Comment.
PAGE 5

choose better evidence: love doesn't equal safety.

Text Comment.
PAGE 6 PAGE 7

repetitive

RUBRIC: 301 ARG ESSAY RUBRIC

RHETORIC Write for a specific audience and purpose.

Proficient

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language BASIC needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose isn't clear or achieved. DEVELOPING

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly. Usually shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and achieved. Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose is clear and achieved with style. Proficient

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

SOURCES

Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present information from a variety of sources appropriate to their disciplines.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and BASIC works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently

uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

DEVELOPING

A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited list. Often includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is necessary. Sometimes uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources. Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited list. Usually introduces each source fully (as necessary)reader knows who did the research or communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and persuasive. Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited list. Introduces each source fully (as necessary)reader knows who did the research or communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive. Developing

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

BALANC ARG

Compare, contrast, and synthesize carefully and objectively the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to consider the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and BASIC cultural values. DEVELOPING

Attempts to compare, contrast, and synthesize the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values, but may lack objectivity or thoroughness in the comparison.

PROFICIENT

Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes carefully, objectively, and insightfully the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Proficient

ADVANCED

ORGANIZATION Organize ones thoughts to address a rhetorical situation.

ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the BASIC prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized. DEVELOPING

Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified. Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt and tie ideas together adequately. Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly. Developing

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

PERSUASION Communicate ones thoughts clearly and persuasively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence. BASIC DEVELOPING

Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning or include logical errors. May include some irrelevant or unpersuasive evidence. Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with credible, relevant, thorough, logical reasoning and analyzed evidence. Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, logical, and insightful reasoning and analyzed evidence. Proficient

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

LANGUAGE

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of language that express and influence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. BASIC DEVELOPING

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from meaning. Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning. Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.

PROFICIENT ADVANCED

DESIGN

Proficient

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of design that express and influence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic BASIC conventions. DEVELOPING PROFICIENT ADVANCED

Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional. Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre. Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.