Biography Eulogy of a dead man I knew a man once who lived a life of rebellion and crime Drugs and

Alcohol someone who had a low self-worth a man who people may have saw as a no hoper. Whilst growing this child, lived a life of physical and verbal abuse so much so that the emotional pain and anger against a society that seemed cruel caused this child to grow up into an unemotionally formed man that was bent on a life of absolute chaos and destruction of self, and others he was involved with. From the day he personally met Jesus Christ this rebellious man took on a new nature! The nature of Christ! The old life died and he was born again a new This is a eulogy of this now deceased man and his story of death to the old life and into the new. This man is me. Preface First thing I want to say here is that I in no way see myself as some tough nut, hard or anything else that sounds in any way like that, I was far from it. As a matter of fact being brutally honest about whom I was, may show you that this life I led was something that may cause you to see me with contempt. I am certainly not attempting to glorify my past, or paint myself as something that I was not. This is merely to show that no matter how far the depths of depravity we go into, God still loves us and has a plan for our lives. Neither am I trying to portray me as being something that I was not. If youre expecting to see another one of those, how tough am I because I lived a life of crime type of books then this is not the book for you. For too long I watch the media glorify crime as a badge of honour, when really I see it as a badge of brokenness and hopelessness. Even though in the crowd I knew and spent time with, several of my old friends were known crime figures in Melbournes underworld. Some of them for murder some of them are still in Jail for murder and drug related offences. For obvious reasons I will not be using their real names here. In this story of my life. I hope to portray several things. One is a bible scripture from Galatians 6:7-9 (Message Bible)

Dont be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of othersignoring God!harvests a crop of weeds. All hell have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting Gods Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.i

This Scripture is so relevant for my story. What was sown into me as a child by my parents came back one hundred fold in their life and in my life. The first five years of a childs life is the most important, what a child learns then shapes who they are in the future. Understand this though, my parents were only coming out of their own hurts and hang ups that were handed down by their own parents and so the cycle repeated itself in my life. The other thing I hope to portray in this book is the fact of Gods love, his grace and tenderness. He never stops speaking loving and drawing people right throughout their lives. We just need to be open to hear him. God has an awesome plan for each and every one of us, a plan of adventure and excitement we just need to get to know him personally. Jesus died for each and every one of us and he holds out his loving hands every day for you and me. The problem I have is with organised religion, religion slaps people in the face it sets a high legalistic benchmark that even the followers of religion cannot accomplish. Religion gets in the way of who God is. Jesus is Love, his Father is Love, this world is bankrupt of the love of God and so they look elsewhere for love, the bottle of alcohol, drugs, clairvoyants, anything to fulfil the void to fulfil the emptiness of a love bankrupt life. If all I found in church when I first went was stale religion I would have been dead a long time ago, there would have been nothing there that I needed that I didnt already have. If it was just a cup of tea brigade swapping cake recipes I wouldnt be alive today. For me the loving presence of Jesus is far better than any drug I have ever had, when I experienced the tangible presence of Jesus for the first time I was instantly transformed from someone who was trying to fill the pain and the void with drugs and alcohol to a man who was totally addicted to this God/man Jesus who loved me unconditionally just as I was. I didnt have to measure up and then God would love me. Thats the perspective of religion, instead Jesus wrapped his arms around me and his loving presence was 1000 times better than any drug or alcoholic drink I ever had, and there was no hang over only a healed heart.

Will you respond and then be prepared to have the most exciting loving journey you could ever expect. God is good. Hes more real to me than anyone I know. What I am about to share with you is so that you might see that no matter where you have been, what you have done, if you turn to Jesus he will accept you.

chapter 1 This is my story I was born in the Queen Victoria hospital in Melbourne on the 18th of August 1963 and lived in Parkville until I was almost three years old. I have a sister two years and five months older than me. I have vague memories of living in our Terrace house in Parkville, such as seeing my father fall through the roof of our tin shed in the back of this terrace house where we lived. I remember seeing him with blood on him because of the cuts he received, as he fell through the tin roof. Apart from that, the rest of my time in Parkville is just slim memories of living in this building. In 1966 my parents bought a brand new timber home in Melbournes western suburb of Deer Park. In the 60s Deer Park was a new housing estate in the cheaper part of Melbourne so many working class families and new Australians settled there. My parents were heavily involved in spiritualism; this was a belief in white witchcraft. This religion held a belief that they could contact deceased people and converse with them; they would open themselves up to allow these spirits to talk through them. As a baby I was taken into this environment frequently. So frequent, that I became accustomed to the spiritual realm as I grew older and knew of the existence of another world. As a child I would pray prayers that people from this religion taught me to pray such as asking for a spiritual nurse to be with me and guide me through life.

My earliest memories of my childhood in Deer Park were my parents fighting every day. This fighting would start off verbally and end up physical. This was not occasional, this was every day, the more the violence increased it would eventually spill out into physical abuse then this violence would reach my sister and I. It was a twisted way of my parents hurting each other, they both had their favourites. I was my mothers favourite and my sister was my fathers. So this became an everyday occasion, they would fight then we would get belted. I was literally terrified every evening knowing of this repeat process. My sister and I would be watching TV between four to five pm each evening after school. Then I would hear the arguments getting louder and louder. Then the tables and chairs moving in the kitchen as they were getting violent towards each other. This house was only a 12 square house so it was only a short distance from the kitchen to us in the lounge, and not long after their fighting we would be getting our hair pulled and we would be kicked and whacked so as my parents could hurt each other by belting the others favourite child. I remember every night being tense sitting in the lounge room jumping about in my chair at every argument they were having with each other just waiting for the violence against us to happen. Interestingly enough this sort of violent behaviour seemed to be what I thought was normal because it was happening in many homes in our street of Dumfries street Deer Park. There were drunken fights and husbands attacking their wives and others would be yelling and screaming at each other this was seemingly the normal lifestyle from many of the homes that were around us. Some days my father would get in to this kind of mood where he would take his frustrations out on me for the whole day. He would use mental abuse and tell me that, If I had a brain I would be dangerous the other one he would continually tell me was, I have two brains one is lost and the other one is looking for it. I would freeze with fear waiting for him to belt me. Chapter 2 Abuse was stamped on my forehead

Being abused by my father on a continual basis and coming to expect this made my primary school years seem as though I had a name on my forehead saying, abuse me. In grade prep I remember being in the sand pit at school and a group of other grade prep boys came up behind me and held me down and forced sand down into my throat forcing me to swallow it.

That was the introduction to Deer Park Primary and the start of my abuse at this school. From then on in I was bullied chased and belted continually by older students than I at this school getting chased home frequently. In grade two I remember a school teacher by the name of Miss Smith; to this day I still, have not come across a teacher who had such a cruel streak to children as this teacher did. This teacher did not like me and for any reason she could find, she would be very cruel to me and torment me. This teacher on several occasions in grade two made me hold my hands out directly in front of me and she would place weights in my hand and make me hold them up, when my hands came back in because of the pain of holding them up I would get the ruler across my arms so I would put them up again. Even though I would be in pain she did not relent. On one occasion this same teacher made me wear a big piece of cardboard taped to my back saying, I am a dunce at recess in the schoolyard for all of the other children to see. These early years of primary school were pretty vicious some of the fights I became involved in through no fault of my own were fights with rocks which I had thrown at other pupils because this was being done to me, it was the only way I learnt to survive these school years, which was to fight back. I think in primary school I fought nearly everyone there was to fight in this school. Again this was not my choosing this was because I was being bullied continually. This was going on at school as well as at home. On our holidays we often went to Anglesea to camp we went there most Christmases and Easters. I remember on one occasion my father poured hot porridge on me whilst we were away on holidays in Anglesea all because he had a fight with my mother, so I was attacked. There were times when he terrified and humiliated me in our street by chasing me up the street and dragging me back by the hair, in front of my friends from our street. In saying all this about my father he was not always like this, there were times when he would be kind and encourage me, but these were only fleeting moments compared to the terror that was put in me as a child. I was wetting the bed and did not stop wetting the bed until I was ten years old; I believe this was because of fear. I remember a school camp I was chosen to go on by my school called summers school camp this camp was for troubled school students from all over the western suburbs of Melbourne. I was in grade five and still bed wetting how embarrassing to be discovered by others that this was taking place. This week long camp was horrible; I had fight after fight with children from other schools. There was one boy in particular who was fighting with me every day we were going for it punching

into each other. The last day he started again and I was hurt pretty bad but this time I lost my temper and I lost control I really wanted to hurt him bad so I didnt stop through any pain I was receiving and I had him in a headlock my fingers were in his eyes he was screaming in pain I really wanted to gouge his eyes out, the other boys had to get me off him when they finally succeeded I was crying but not in pain or fear I wanted to destroy this person it was the worst bout of rage I had as a child. chapter 3 Filled with fear I did not know how to stop bed wetting, I believe this was because of fear, fear of getting belted fear of the icy cold spiritual realm in our house. Our house was filled with terror. But now not just because of the violence at home. There was an intense spiritual fear all through this house. Another school teacher I will call Mr U also had no idea how to treat Children, he would give me the one metre ruler over my backside, all because I couldn't answer my times tables when asked a times table and I got it wrong, this happened weekly every Monday, I could not answer these times tables questions because my father told me through his abuse of me that I was stupid and if I had a brain I would be dangerous. I believe because of this believing I was stupid and an idiot and the fear of failing I couldn't concentrate on anything mathematical. My Father tried to teach me Mathematics at home he would hold an equation up in one hand and his other hand was up ready to wack me if I got the equation wrong. I could not learn anything as I was more concerned about getting wacked by his other hand, therefore I could not concentrate through the fear. Because of these wrong teaching ideas I was constantly trying to learn through fear. This teacher also found out I was a bed wetter so he took it upon himself to call me pee wee right through my primary school in front of all of the other students. I was continually humiliated. The other problem I faced, was because of this spiritualist religion my parents were involved in there was always an icy fear in our house; you could literally feel icy cold demonic activity in our house. At night I would sense it in my room and right through the house. This was not

just a little boy scared. I kid you not there was a dark energy of fear hatred and destruction in our house. My parents would call spirits up into our house and act as what's called a medium to channel spirits into their bodies to supposedly talk to deceased people through them and I sincerely believe these spirits never left our house. Some of the things I saw spiritually like things moving by themselves in our house. I had clairvoyants and mediums that I visited with my parents, telling me about people I work with, their names and details about my workplace and even my house and bedroom I lived in, telling me about dead friends of mine who hang around with me. These mediums were telling my deceased friends names and even described their deaths, things they couldn't possibly know, it wasn't a hit and miss as they spoke what they said was precise. So to me the spiritual realm was very real, but I only knew fear from this realm. In the years to come, when I was drunk I would attempt to call spirits up and you could literally feel an icy fear come into the room when this was done. chapter 3 Some good times My childhood was not all abuse by my parents, by the time I was eight years old and in grade three my parents bought me a mini bike it was one of those lawn mower engine jobs a bike that did about 50 kilometres an hour at top speed. Many of the older kids also had mini bikes and they rode on a vacant piece of land adjacent to the Methodist church in Dumfries Street. I started riding with these kids who were about three years older than me. This opened up new doors in my life where many things changed. I made many friends in this crowd because I was one of them I was in this bike group and loved it. Eventually, Instead of the block of land in our street I went with these older kids and their parents to race our mini bikes at Laverton race track. I loved it, the new friends I had made and the thrill of racing. I never won anything but it was still fun. Then we started riding our mini bikes everywhere on the roads and kilometres up dirt tracks. Many of these friends became my friends in the drug scene years later. At this age of eight years old I joined cubs with my best friend Steven who lived across the road from me. This allowed me to be out at night and walk home which was about a twenty minute walk. We would get up to all sorts of mischief on the way home from cubs. One of our favourite games on the way home was rock peoples roofs and then run. Basically in my street there were three friends who I knocked around with, Steven who I joined cubs with, he was my best mate. (Steven died at 16 years of age, he was hit by a bus on his push bike on the way to school and I was one of the pall bearers at the funeral. This was the first

time that death became a reality to me and shook me to the core). Then there was Glenn and Emanuel we did everything together played childhood games as kids do.

Steven and I went from Cubs to Scouts to Venturers. I also joined Steven at Sunday school most Sundays, not because I believed in God, but because Steven was forced to go by his parents, so I went along for something to do, eventually I was kicked out for fighting with another child by the name of Mark, mark's parents were church goers and their child was the golden boy who couldn't do any wrong, except he was continually abusing me verbally so one day I hit him and I was told to leave and not to come back.

Chapter 4 The Crucial years

By the time I was 14 I was hurting and full of emotional pain and rejection from others. In Venturers at the age of 14, Steven and I were still mates, one day whilst we were at Venturers we decided to steal money, because it was the royal Melbourne show season and we wanted to go to the show but we had no money, so we stole the sub money this was money paid each week by the other youths so as the group could have funds to keep on running the Venturers. So we went to the show on the venturers sub money and stole what ever there was to be stolen. Things like two dollar jewellery from the junk jewellery stands and other little trinkets. Theft soon became something that I was frequently involved in. If we went to the picture theatre with our high school then we would steal chocolates and lollies because of the huge crowd of students it was hard to be noticed. Then in my 14th year we both got caught stealing digital watches from a chemist in Deer Park. It was my first police visit it was one of the many I had with police over the next 15 years. I was given a warning and let off. I still remember the lecture, we were lectured about walking down that narrow path and sometimes we can fall off that narrow path. I sometimes wonder if this policeman was a Christian.

The venturers which I was still a part of started putting on a disco on Saturday nights at the Deer Park scout hall my father called it the blood bath because of all the youths that were getting bashed there by a gang of youths called the Dumfries street shop boys. I remember one incident where this harmless guy by the name of Kelvin was bashed in the toilet, he was only fifteen and he was punched to the ground and kicked repeatedly he was taken to hospital with a badly broken nose and his nose had to be reconstructed with pins inserted all through it.

Another fight there was with one of them who was a friend of mine from Dumfries street and another teenager from the Ballarat road boys in Deer park, this started out as a punch on but the teenager from Ballarat road fell to the ground and my friend stomped on his head, he probably would have killed him if the police didn't come and break it up, they were both taken away in a divisional van to the Sunshine Police station. The Deer Park youths were a violent ruthless crowd. Many teenagers from Deer Park would come to this disco, I included, even though I lived in Dumfries Street I steered clear of these shops knowing the trouble for youths my age. If you weren't part of this gang you wouldnt go there. My first interaction with the Dumfries street shop boys was when one of them deliberately picked a fight with me one night at this venturer disco, because I mouthed off back he told the others and then one of them told me to come outside of the venue as he would protect me from the others. I knew what was going to happen because of the reputation of what had happened to others, it was not a one out fight it was an all-in if you were not part of this group. They were all watching me looking for the opportunity to attack. So I waited for the moment there was an opportunity to run from what was about to take place. They did not see me leave the scout hall which was situated on the outskirts of a place called Sasella park, I had a choice, I could run up Dumfries street which was a long way home or I could take the riskier but quicker way through the park so I bolted through Sasella Park, this was the un-safest way to go but it was the quickest way to the safety of my home. I was half way through this park when suddenly I saw at least twenty youth sprinting after me through the park. I think this was the fastest I have ever ran, I bolted through this park and hid in the front of someones

house under bushes, they looked for me for about 10 minutes but they did not find me. The next day I saw one of them go past my house and I fronted this guy and shoved him over a fence there was no way I was going to do anything else to this youth, if I did I would have been history when the others heard about it. Strangely this youth ended up becoming my best friend I will came him don. Nothing came of what happened that day and not long after I made some friends from this group and went onto to become mates with many of them still to this day. I eventually got asked to leave Venturers, as I started to experiment with alcohol. I had this desire to find out what it would be like to get drunk. I tried everywhere to get alcohol; I tried to pass for eighteen in a bottle shop in Ballarat road Deer Park at 14 years of age. I tried to steal my neighbours alcohol sitting on their back patio; I tried many ways I just couldnt find a way to get some no matter how hard I tried. Eventually one evening I stole my parents port wine they had a flagon of port, they were not big drinkers of alcohol, but I had a 750 ml empty bottle and I stole enough out of their flagon to fill my bottle every night until I had filled this 750 mill bottle of mine full, I was now ready to get drunk. I drank this in Sasella Park before I attended venturers, it was the first time I had ever been drunk. I was swaying and not making a lot of sense that night and I was surprised that no one said anything or even asked me if I had been drinking that evening. Not long after that I went on a camp with the venturers to Phillip Island and I talked my friend Steven into coming to the bottle shop at Phillip Island with me to buy some alcohol. I was only 14 so I put on a heavy jacket and tried to look older and I passed for an 18 year old. I still remember the drink it was burgundy cooking wine it was disgusting. We sneaked it back to our tent right under the noses of the Venturer leaders including Stevens father who was a Venturer leader. We drank cup for cup not having any experience in drinking. Steven could only drink three cups whilst I drank the rest of the entire flagon. I remember him crying because I took his drank and drank the rest for myself. The last thing I remember after that was going onto the Venturers minibus where others from our group were eating their dinner. After that I dont remember anything, I blacked out. Apparently I was sick everywhere right through the bus whilst others were eating their dinner. They had to carry me to the showers with sick all over me and shower me. The next morning I woke up and I could not remember anything, finally I traced my steps back in my head. I remembered we were supposed to be going to see the penguins the prior evening. But I could not remember any such event. Then it dawned on me

I felt really sick and the tent stunk and I was in it by myself. Suddenly I had such a huge feeling of shame not wanting to face anyone outside my tent. When I finally came out I was told that the leaders were going to have a meeting about me when they got back to Melbourne. They did I was asked to leave. Not long after this I was drinking often. I was buying alcohol with the money I stole from my parents and hiding the alcohol in my room at home and drinking it often. By this time in high school I was always in trouble with the teachers and always challenging them. I remember one teacher in High School who I literally gave hell to, his name was Mr Korinski he was my German teacher we would get this teacher so mad that he would chase some kids around the class room, sadly this teacher had a nervous breakdown he fronted me in tears one day and asked me why I did this to him. I wish I could change things but I cannot this poor teacher was destroyed by the hell we as a class gave him. I got drunk in one class. I caused as much trouble as I could in classes I was on report cards numerous times where I had to have the teacher sign my card and they would report to the principal whether or not I was behaving in their class. If I continued causing trouble I would get expelled. I had made many friends in high school and I quickly learnt that if someone made fun of me and threatened me then I would come out punching this became my form of protection I did not think I was tough as a matter of fact I was not, I did this because this was the only way I knew to stop the hurt and pain of being verbally abused. In year 8 one other student decided he was going to call me names all through an arts and crafts class we were doing, after an hour I was mad as soon as the teacher left the class room I smacked him in the mouth it was a good punch it certainly stopped the harassment by him and I told him if he told the teacher he would get it after school, he did not tell. That was the only way I knew to protect myself. In high school my friends and I would break in regularly and vandalise the class rooms on the weekends. Then we started breaking into the locker rooms and stealing from the students lockers, cassette tapes rulers and whatever we could find. By now at home I was stealing from my mothers purse every day and going to the shops before school to buy food or soft drink. We would play cards for money before school and other games for money. The very ones I had many fights with in Primary School became my closest mates.

Chapter 5 My parents began to reap back my anger.

I was becoming a little terror at home if I did not get my way then rage would come out and I would start smashing up the house, as I say these things I am in no way proud of any of it. I am just being totally honest. Being kicked out of Venturers I started to hang around at the Dumfries street shops, sometimes there would be about fifty of us up there just hanging around. We would do all sorts of things for fun, throw fencing wire over the power lines and watch the street black out, the police would turn up at the shops looking for us, but we would hide in front gardens of peoples houses in the vicinity of the shops. Dumfries street shops was a fun place to hang out if you were one of the boys and yet a fearful place for others to come to if you were young and you were not known, the people that amassed there could be merciless if there was a fight, it was not just a fight, sometimes when someone went down on the ground through a fight and they were not a friend then you could almost be certain that they would end up in hospital, I could never do this, I hated fighting. The shop keepers hated us being there but they were too afraid to say anything and the police tried in vain to move us on but never really succeeded. Many of my closest mates from this crowd years later became drug traffickers, one of my mates ended up buying the local corner convenience store in Dumfries Street and started doing business from the shop until he was raided by the police.

Still at the age of 14, on one night these new friends and I were out and about in the streets and we decided to set alight someones fence with some kerosene, for no real reason, we poured all of the kerosene on this fence and watched it slowly catch on fire. We ran away and forgot about it, little did we know the police were called and they caught us further up the Street. They asked what we were doing and nobody said anything. Very quickly one of the policemen put fear in us, he said, "if one of you little @#$%&^ dont start talking soon I will give all of you a Fitzroy uppercut". Thankfully we never found out what one was, being fourteen and scared we all started talking. I was taken home by the police to my parents house at twelve pm that night and my father was told to come to the police station the next afternoon as well as all of my mates parents. The next day my father went nuts, but he did not try to hit me anymore as I was getting older. This was my second warning

from the police. I still remember my dad saying to me, pretty soon I will know every cop station in Melbourne because of you. He did not realise how correct that statement was. My parents then tried to step in and stop me from hanging around the shops but sadly any level of respect I could have had for my parents was gone with the abuse I copped as a child, so I ignored them. I hung around there anyway, this was the crowd I enjoyed hanging with this was the crowd that accepted me for who I was. This was where I felt comfortable, or so I thought, the party lifestyle was for me. I had no idea or any concept where this lifestyle would eventually take me. Now I was in form three (Year 9) I was fifteen years old and I was literally out of control I was stealing money from my parents every day. My father and I would have stand up fights in the back yard, more verbal than physical because I was still scared of him, we would threaten each other but nothing ever came of it. I was testing him nevertheless, sometimes the police would come, I had even locked my parents out of their house and the police would have to come and let them in again and warn me about respecting my parents and their home. By now everywhere I went I was drinking. My father took us to his relatives place for Christmas in Sydney and I got very drunk and he was embarrassed and ashamed our family left the party early because I was to drunk in front of all of his relatives.

Whilst in Sydney with my parents on this occasion, I plotted to go to a brothel at 15 years of age, I was a virgin and yet I was full of lust, I told my parents I wanted to go to the movies they gave me some money, and I went to Kings Cross and walked the streets until a woman asked me if I was looking. I went with this lady for twenty dollars to a hotel motel where she did her business with men. By now 15 years old the lust for sex was controlling me, I had gone to two more brothels to buy women at the age of 15. This sexual appetite was uncontrollable in me. I did not care at all about the fact that I was using women for sexual gratification. Over the next 14 years of my life call girls became part of my life, even when I had a girlfriend.

Chapter 6

The beginnings of alcoholism

Another family outing we went to was my cousins 21st birthday in Traralgon and again I got very drunk and was sick everywhere and I blacked out drinking Galliano. My cousins and I started drinking at a local hotel in the afternoon before my cousins 21st birthday Party that evening. I was still only 15 years old. In my 15th year I dropped out of school and started working as a kitchen hand, my first job, I was invited to an eighteenth birthday party and drank a bottle of rum and again blacked out and was sick everywhere. My work mates took me home to my parents place by taxi. I was now a regular drinker every Friday and Saturday night at the deer park hotel at a disco called the phone box disco. You may ask what possessed a 15 year old kid from a working class family to do such things. I believe those seeds that were sown as a child that I was told by my father, that I was an idiot and if I had a brain I would be dangerous therefore I lived life from that premise. Because of my belief of being stupid and an idiot, I did not pass one assignment in Primary school so I certainly did not try to learn anything in high school. I truly believed I was stupid. But I would never admit it, if anyone told me I was stupid then I wanted to fight them. I was in rage against my parents and society in general; I was going to live my life how I wanted to. My childhood friends from my street had long departed ways with me. Glenn and his mother had moved as Glenns father died so they moved from our street. Emmanuel was not into crime trouble and strife and Steven moved to Queensland when he was fifteen he died the year later. I was on holidays with Steven and his family up in Queensland and the next day I came home to Melbourne and back to work and he went to school on his pushbike the next morning and was run over by a bus and killed. I was devastated, I did not get over that, it haunted me for many years; I continually dreamed that he had come back to life.

Chapter 6 The start of using drugs

Still at 15 years of age, In the place I was working I met this guy called Sean we became work mates and friends he smoked Marijuana and asked me if I wanted to try some at first I said no, but not long after, curiosity got the better of me and I asked him to bring some Marijuana in. So one day at work Sean bought in some hash oil and we smoked it at work at lunchtime mixed into a cigarette paper with tobacco called a joint. This didnt do much to me, but now I was curious I wanted to try this again. So Sean invited me out on the next Saturday night to the Ashley hotel in Braybrook and then onto a friends place in Sunshine. We went out and drank heaps at the Ashley hotel and then we went to his mates place. This was the first time I smoked a bong, we were smoking hash. I was able to smoke this and not cough, but this time I was stoned and from then on I knew that I was not only going to drink but I was now going to use marijuana as well. Sean committed suicide some years later; he hung himself from a tree in a park.

Chapter 7 Drug use became an Addiction By fifteen years old I had a nickname, people called me Punk or Punky. One of my mates from the Dumfries street boys started this because I wore a silver cross in my ear so he started calling me a punk rocker; this name stuck, mates who knew me from that era still call me that name to this day. Though I am not sure they know how it started. By now my mates from the shop were the only friends I spent my time with. At 17 years old I was offered a job at Loy Yang power station this was my big break money wise so I departed from my friends from Dumfries Street. In Melbourne I was on $83 dollars a week in Melbourne, but this job was paying $500 dollars a week. I was up there for six months living with my cousins who also loved to drink and smoke marijuana. So every day after work we would smoke marijuana until we were wasted. We would go out to night clubs and drink heavily from Thursday until Sunday. Whilst I was there I bought a road trail motorbike and got my learners permit. I would smoke marijuana and then go riding on the bush tracks between a place called Toongabbie and Walhalla where there was 100s of

kilometres of tracks they were endless. Eventually I missed my mates in Deer Park so I came back to Melbourne, my parents were not happy to see me back. After I settled in again I went around to a mates place who did not smoke drugs or drink. I will call him Des; he was a rough nut who loved to fight ever since I knew him. He was the kind of guy whom many people were scared of. But he was my mate and I talked him and some others there into trying some Marijuana and within days it became a regular thing. At first his mother hated the idea that we were all smoking drugs, but she did not want us getting busted for drugs so she let us smoke there in her home. We were smoking drugs and going down the deer park hotel drinking on the weekends. Then it seemed almost overnight everyone that I knew from the Dumfries street shop crowd was smoking marijuana, some smarter ones suddenly dropped off and stopped hanging around with us. Often I would bring five or six mates back to my place and we would lock my bedroom door and smoke marijuana. My parents knew what was happening but I told them to get lost and continued smoking. Sometimes when my mates were kicked out of home they would come to stay at my place, unbeknown to my parents. They would jump the fence when my parents were asleep and crash in my bedroom, several of my mates did this. When I was working whilst still living at home with my parents I started to control the family home. I would get home from work and demand my dinner, my mother would make it for me, and then I would go in my room and put black Sabbath, deep purple or Led Zeppelin on my stereo full blast so no one else could do anything or hear anything else. Living in my parents house became all about me and what I wanted to do.

Chapter 8 Cars, bikes and carelessness At seventeen years old I wanted a car but I did not have a license nor did I know how to drive. I persuaded my parents to take out a loan for me and I bought an SS Monaro HQ lookalike with a 308 V8 engine mags and sunroof. It was a nice machine; I figured I did not need a licence. I had a learners permit so for me that was enough. I drove this everywhere I had no idea how to drive but after a couple of weeks I kind of picked up how to change the

gears. The problem was I did not stop drinking, so I drank, smoked drugs and drove everywhere. One night my Friend Des took his panel van and I took my Monaro with two friends Don and Mark to St Albans hotel in Melbourne. We drank and got very drunk and we decided to go up Taylors road in St Albans to smoke some Marijuana in those days Taylors road was just a dirt track. I had just dropped Don at home as he was to drunk. It was me and another mate by the name of Mark still in my car and the others were in the panel van. I was flying up this dirt track doing fishtails and clowning around and there was a car parked on the side of the road with a girl and a guy in it, in the middle of nowhere. I hit this car and side swiped it and then rolled my car and we ended upside down on a rock fence. If Don who I dropped off at home had been in the back seat of the car, he would now be dead now, as the back part of the roof had caved in on impact on this rock fence. We left before the police got there. I was without a car and I was now in thousands of dollars debt. This did not change a thing with how I lived; I did not pay my parents back the money so they had to pay the loan. I just partied as if nothing happened. I still had my motorbike. But now I had turned 18 and I wanted a bigger better motorbike. I ended up buying a Yamaha 500 road bike from someone I worked with, all I had was my learners permit. I once booked in for getting my p plates but I changed my mind and went to smoke some marijuana instead, sadly I felt this was more important. One of my trips on this new bike was to Traralgon to catch up with my cousins I was on the way and I had an accident on the princess highway in Berwick, the bike slipped from under me on a wet road whilst breaking quickly in the traffic, I hit the ground hard all I can remember was trying to get up off the road and then passing out. I woke up in the back of the Ambulance, swearing at the ambulance driver, telling him to let me out of the vehicle. He told me to lie back down and that I have concussion and a broken collarbone, I didnt believe him so I swore again, he asked me what day it was and I quickly realised I could not remember what day it was or where I was so I was taken to hospital under observation for a couple of hours and then my parents came and picked me up and took me home. I was given some money out of that accident through the motor accident board for time off work. So I was able to save some money to buy a bigger better bike.

Chapter 9 Hanging with a bikie gang

This bike was a brand new Z750 Kawasaki, how I survived with this bike I believe was only the hand of God watching over me. I would get so drunk at the Deer Park hotel or at parties and then ride this powerful machine sometimes in black out stage all of my mates were convinced I was going to kill myself. Sometimes in summer we would go to Williamstown beach for a midnight swim after the hotel closed I would ride this bike everywhere drunk and no license. I would do stunts going up the street on one wheel after drinking sessions, taking corners sideways with mates on the back of the bike. One of my best mates Don was on the back of the bike one day and we did not take the corner and I dropped the bike, we slid down the street with Don under the bike, his forearm had a lot of his skin hanging off. As I said earlier many reading this may be filled with contempt for me and you would be making an accurate judgment about who I was. But if you searched deeply enough behind why I did any of the foolish things that I did, you may not realise that I was someone who had little self-esteem nor did I feel like I had any self-worth. I felt a failure and I was an idiot. As a matter of fact whenever anyone called me an idiot at any of the places I worked at I immediately wanted to take the person outside and punch his lights out. Thats the only thing that made me angry when someone told me I was an idiot or stupid, I would fly off the handle into a rage. The belief I had about myself and the emotional wound from what I was continually told as a child caused me to live the life befitting of what I was told and believed about myself. Having this new 750 Kawasaki motorbike attracted a bikie gang that was recruiting members, and they asked me if I wanted to join their gang. I accepted but they wanted me to get a Harley Davidson but not having money for such a machine they accepted me as a prospect. I started to go to meetings and on runs with this club and met many other patch members from other clubs, such as the hells angels the dominators and a myriad of other clubs. We went on many runs; a run was a trip to a particular destination all in formation as part of the gang. We went to Park Street in Brunswick where other bikies met for parties and Mount Macedon where all the clubs met for parties. This was where I was first introduced to speed from a patch member of our club by the name of Bingo. I was given this speed and my mind was racing. I loved this lifestyle; we went on many runs into the Dandenongs, Daylesford anywhere we could go to drink. Everybody was into something shady, one of the guys married a Thai girl and bought her to Australia so she could work for him at a St Kilda brothel and another was a speed dealer. One day for me trouble came my way, we were at a run on a farm at the back of Melbourne airport we were using illegal pokie machines and

drinking plenty of alcohol and taking drugs and I was getting ready to head home as the party was finishing up and the president of our club asked me to take his girlfriend home and drop her off. The President was getting it on with another girl at this run. I took her home on my bike she asked me to come in to the presidents flat so I did, next thing I knew she asked me to bed, being an 18 year old without a care in the world I did. Then about 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door we quickly got dressed and then some other members walked in. Within minutes I said to the gang, I am going home. I was able to go home without any questions from the others as to why we were in the presidents home with the lights off and we took a few minutes to answer the door. The next day I had sobered up and left Melbourne to live in Traralgon for a few weeks. I never went back to this club and didnt hear anything. I thought I was going to be in a lot of trouble for what happened. Not long later they had a fight with another gang called Satans soldiers and apparently it was pretty bad, baseball bats came out and some were hospitalised eventually some of the members of this club became a part of the black Uhlans and some other members joined the Bros. Not long after I decided to go on a working holiday to Queensland on my motorbike I was still only 18 and I only had a Victorian Learners permit. I rode my motorbike to Gladstone Queensland it was a three day journey. When I arrived in Gladstone I met some people who were like minded, meaning they loved to drink and take drugs. These guys invited me to stay with them in an old typical Gladstone Queensland house one of those houses raised on stilts and yet bricked over at the bottom. This happened to be a good hiding spot for my bike if I was in trouble with the police, which I was, very soon from the Gladstone police. One day in the main street of Gladstone the police had pulled me over for crossing double lines in the main street and they asked me for my license. I told them I did not have my license on me and they gave me 48 hours to produce it at the police station I never did. Then a couple of weeks later I was in the main street on my bike and the same police were in their car on the other side of the road and they spotted me, they told me to pull over and wait for them. I knew I was only about 900 metres from home, just around the corner, so I took off flat out around the corner drove my bike under the double story house and escaped. The guys I lived with here in this house in Gladstone all they did was drink from the moment they got up. They drank so much that some of them had cirrhosis of the liver. I remember one day there when one of these guys decided that he was going to cook everyone a roast chicken and veggies, this was going to be one of our normal days when we would all have a decent dinner. We were all at the table and when the chicken was dished up we all noticed it had

weavels in the chicken that was now cooked, some of the guys still ate the roast chicken. I did not; I could not bring myself to do this. A couple of weeks later I ended up having a drunken fight with a guy called Eddie from the house and I quickly found out about loyalty, these guys all come from Gladstone born and bred I was the outsider and found out that I was no longer welcome there. I stayed there for about a month all up and then I moved into a caravan park. Eventually a guy came up from Melbourne who I didn't really know; he was a friend of a friend. He was on the run from police so he used an alias and found work with the council under this false name. He was a compulsive thief. I would go to the pub and drink; he would go to the pub and go thieving from all of the rooms at the hotel. No one liked him in the crowd I hung with in Gladstone. He used to wear a knife strapped to his belt, this guy was trouble. One night he stole a car from the hotel and drove it back to the caravan park where he was staying with me and wiped it out at the front of the caravan park as he was drunk and he took all of the stolen goods from the car into our caravan. Next morning I Knew the police were out the front of the caravan park investigating the stolen car. I wanted to get away from this caravan park for the day until the police left. I decided to go out on my bike for the day this guy who stole the car wanted to come with me so I let him. I rode my bike straight past the police and out of the caravan park I was hoping they did not recognise me as the man who they were looking for who did not show his license and took off from them in the main street of Gladstone. They stared at us as we went through the main gate but they did not pull us over. We stayed away for the whole day until things had settled down. Eventually I left Gladstone and went back to Melbourne after my motorbike was wiped off when I loaned it to this same friend, he went out one night and got drunk and rode himself off and my motorbike he needed to go to hospital but he would not go because he was on the run from police, even though he was in pretty bad shape. I knew I was never going to get any money from him for my bike as he was wanted in Victoria for armed robbery and he had no money.

Chapter 9 My sister finds faith, I go deeper into darkness.

Back in Melbourne my sister was still at University studying to become a school teacher and she met some Christians and she became one, I could not believe it. When I eventually moved back to my parents place, I would wait for her at the front door of my parents house for her to come home from church and get on my hands and knees and bow to her just to mock her new found faith. She would bring Christians over on Saturday Morning and when I woke up I would stay in my room with the music really loud so I would not have to hear them let alone meet them. But my sister and these Christians were praying for me. Thank God there were people who were praying for me. Years later I also found out that she had a policeman friend from Sunshine police station who was also a Christian and he and his family were praying for me as well. I met this Christian and his family years later when I was invited to a bible study at his house, he told me he and his family were praying for me for years, it was so good for him to see the result of his prayers right in front of him in his house. By now I was 19 and all my Deer Park mates were Using Amphetamines as well as drinking and smoking marijuana. We all had a pact if we see anyone from our crowd shooting up drugs we would give them a hiding they would not forget. This idea did not last long as some of us started to inject. So now it was Amphetamines every Friday night at the phone box disco in Deer Park then back to someones place to party all night smoking drugs and drinking and playing cards. One night at the phone box disco I remember there was one of the many fights that happened at closing time, but this was a night when there was a fight with the bouncers. There was a girl standing around minding her own business but watching the fight and this bouncer came over with his baseball bat and split this girls head open it was very serious. There was blood everywhere she was wobbling all over the place then she went down, this bouncer went to jail for that. Even though it was party lifestyle back in Melbourne once again and I was only recently back from Queensland I had little money and no car. I gained employment in Sunshine as a welder, and the funny thing was I had never welded anything in my life apart from a few lessons in sunshine when I was about 14 at Sunshine tech night school. I told lies and got the job but they could see that I could not weld and yet I kept the job and they taught me. I bought another car on finance and still no license so I decided to get a license I sat for my license and passed with a score of 98 out of 100. The car I bought was a Holden Statesman this car became well known around Deer Park, It was predominantly for me a means of getting to

parties and work that was all. At work in Sunshine during my lunch time I would either go and smoke a whole gram of Marijuana through a bong or drink a whole bottle of cheap wine called brandivino in my car in the car park and go back to work welding very drunk or very stoned. I still to this day dont know how I got away with this.

Chapter 11 Alcohol drugs and violence Cheap wine brandivino became my thing it was $3:70 a bottle very affordable and it would get me very drunk. Some of my mates and I started to hang around the Ballarat road shops because of the girls that hung around there. I started going out with this pretty girl I will call Mary she was 16 and I was 19, I did not deserve a girlfriend as I was more concerned about my drugs and alcohol than her. I remember taking her out for the day where I and my mates were riding trail bikes and I left her in the car for the whole day while I went riding up in Gisborne. Whenever I would pick Mary up to go out somewhere I was already drunk and stoned she put up with me for a couple of months and then ditched me. I dont blame her. The next time we went riding up in those same hills we discovered magic mushrooms so we ate them raw straight out of the ground. I had to drive my car back to Melbourne totally wasted on magic mushrooms. The next time I took magic mushrooms I had a bad trip I literally had to lock myself in my room and wait for it to wear off, the mushrooms made me feel as if I was going to kill someone, I could swear the people who were around me were demons it was a horrifying experience. My mate Des also had a bad trip on some mushrooms. He was hallucinating and he started punching some of his mates in the face. He thought he was going to die because of the drug in his system. He felt he was fighting for his life. Des ran out of the house my mates were in and was sprinting up a main road in Sunshine and the police spotted him being very erratic, they pulled up and tried to grab him. Remember I said Des loved to fight but now he was scared as he thought he was fighting for his life. He belted one of the Police and they got back in the car and called for assistance, several police cars came and dragged him to the ground and handcuffed him. At the station one policeman asked him, Do you know who we

are? Des responded, Yes youre the devil and he kicked one of them in the testicles. Then they clobbered him. When it was time for his court appearance months later the local paper read, Man goes mad on magic mushroom brew. Des told me he literally felt that the devil was trying to kill him and take him to hell. He felt he was fighting for his life. Strangely these drug crazed spiritual experiences were something that seemed to frequent a few of us, and yet none of us believed in God or the devil. Des and I had used acid together, but magic mushrooms was something again altogether! I never used magic mushrooms again and neither did Des.

By now I was a fully-fledged alcoholic I drank every day and smoked drugs every day and used Amphetamines every weekend. I did not know anyone who was not a drug user or an alcoholic. My friend Don and I would often drive our cars down to a place we called the west tracks and drink alcohol and talk about women we were interested in and anything in general. One day Don and I were sitting in my car at the west tracks it was a hot summers day with a north wind. We were drinking and we were pretty drunk. I decided stupidly to see what would happen if I lit the dry grass thinking I would put it out; as soon as I lit the dry grass this paddock was up in flames. We heard the fire brigade coming and as we were leaving the fire brigade was turning up, they didnt pay any attention to the car making a quick exit. Like I said a couple of times now, reading this you may hold me with contempt. I am just speaking of who and what I was. I was not someone who thought about much at all. I only thought about the moment and even then it was not very clear. The problem with Speed was that it was starting to take a hold on my life often Friday nights I decided to stay home to avoid taking amphetamines, my friend Don would sneak past my parents room and come to my window and tell me he had just taken some very good speed and I didn't know what I was missing, it didn't take a lot of convincing so I would weaken and take some with him. One night I was with another mate called Daniel and we were at this girls place that we were invited to. There were two girls there and us and then another two guys turned up and they were trying to pick up these girls in front of our noses my mate said to me lets bash them and so we did pretty badly too and then we quickly left. I do not claim to be a hero I was a coward actually I was not a fighter unless I knew I was going to win so please dont misinterpret any of what I say here. Another time a group of us went to Williamstown we all

took Amphetamines and we were at a pub and this guy was so drunk that he kept on hassling me; my mates were egging me on saying belt him! But we were in the bar and I did not want to start trouble in the bar after about half an hour we left and this guy followed me outside. I could not believe it my mates still egging me on to give him a beating. So I hit him, he hit the ground hard when he finally got up, he bolted. I was never one who laid the boots in while someone was down yet many in this crowd would, they would make sure that someone was in a mess even hospitalised, I did not have this in me. My other mate Don and I had some of what I guess you could say funny times but we were also sad cases. One particular occasion we were in Dons Volkswagen blind drunk down the Deer Park Creek and we were almost at black out stage I remember losing my Seiko Wrist watch somewhere in the creek so there we were in the creek in our underwear looking for my watch. If anyone had of seen of us, who knows what they may have thought. Another time I was driving my Statesman and I had Don in the front passenger seat and Andy was sitting directly behind him and Daniel was on the other side. Don was sick it was still in his mouth and he showed me whilst I was driving, then Don hung his head out the car and vomited, poor Andy had the back window open and I saw the whole thing the vomit went all over Andys face, it was the funniest thing it had us all in fits of laughter except for Andy. Another time I was with Don and two other mates of mine Andy and Derek we were in my car. Don was driving because I was drinking a bottle of scotch, we were in Sunshine and this car cut us off. We had a shotgun in the car so I pulled the shotgun out the window and pointed it at the driver and told him I was going to shoot him but not in those nice words if you know what I mean. He and his girlfriend took off; we laughed and forgot all about it. About two hours later after visiting a mates place we drove back through sunshine and pulled up at Kentucky Fried Chicken on Ballarat road. Within moments police cars came from everywhere we thought this was going to be interesting because there must be a holdup. Then the police surrounded our car, with one policeman coming up to the drivers side window with his gun pointed at my mates head and he said to my mate dont move or youre going to get a slug in your head. Don said, Im not moving here are my hands and he put them straight up in the air. We were told to get out of the car with our hands up and they asked us where the shotgun was, they took the gun and then took us back to the police station and I was charged with assault with a weapon and no gun license. I ended up with a good behaviour bond.

In those days in Deer Park guns were something that were easily accessible. I had a 15 shot auto 22 and a 5 shot pump action shotgun and other guns over the years. Of course I never had a gun license. When I was taken to this police station in Sunshine for pointing this gun at the guy who cut us off, the police were trying to blame me for a shooting I did not do. I knew who did it but it was not me. The shooting happened because this European family came up to Dumfries street Shops one evening when there was about 10 of us and they had baseball bats, screw drivers, knives and other weapons and they challenged us to fight no one had any weapons except for some garden stakes that we quickly reefed out of some newly planted trees. Clearly we were going to be slaughtered. The reason they turned up was because one of my mates slept with one of the daughter's of one of the men who were now challenging us to a fight. So a few days later one of my friends took his shotgun pulled up out the front of their house at night and shot up the house, this family and their friends left Deer Park never to be heard of again. Anybody that hung around with us would end up bankrupt of any ability to get ahead in life I would watch new friends hang around with us they would have good jobs a car license and pretty soon we would watch their lives go downhill. New friends would lose their car license lose their jobs and end up in trouble with the police it may have looked like fun from the outside but it wasnt it was a very costly lifestyle in every way. Sometimes we would go to St Kilda to a place called the village it was a place where there was about 20 brothels in a courtyard we would not go there to pay for the ladies although sometimes we did, but mostly we would go there for a laugh. One night I was there with a friend of mine I will call red and another guy I didn't know very well. Whilst we were there I ran into two of my old bikie mates, so I stopped and chatted, one of them was picking up his Asian wife from the brothel. My mates kept on walking around the corner, a couple of minutes later my mates came running flat out around the corner saying to me, Run Punky I quickly said good bye to my two bikie mates then bolted with them into Albert park and hid with them. When I looked across the road there were about twenty men looking for my two mates. They had just started a fight around the corner and belted two men not knowing there was a whole gang of them further up in this courtyard of the brothel. They looked for us for about an hour in Albert park, my mates car was back there at these brothels and because they did not know me I went back picked up the car right under their noses and drove the car to pick my other two mates up and we quickly left.

My 21st Birthday was not a good night my parents went away I guess they did not want me to celebrate my birthday at home I dont blame them. This evening of my birthday, I was out in my statesman driving with one of my mates. A man who was a lot older than me who I knew but only vaguely yelled out and told me to get out of his street but not in those words, so I went back past again and a brick came flying through my windscreen. I was out the car after him and his next door neighbour who was a policeman came out and told me to leave. Again I was very drunk and made some threats and I drove off furious. I went home very angry and not thinking very rationally I got my shotgun loaded it and walked about two kilometres and then crossed the main highway of Ballarat road with a loaded shotgun walked down this mans street and blasted his house and walked home again and hid the shotgun in the roof. Half an hour later the police were there looking for the shotgun, they did not find it and they warned me not to go back as soon as they left I went back there. There was no one in sight, so I left.

Another incident I was out with my mates one day drinking at Altona beach and on the way home I discovered that one of my mates stole some of my money from the dashboard of my car which I needed. So I started fighting with him and then I was king hit from the side by another guy from our crowd, I did not even see it coming. I was nearly blacked out then this guy who did this started to hit my head with a rock I was blacking out I thought I was going to die and my mate Don who was a lot smaller and younger than him stood up to him and he stopped hitting me. My face looked like the elephant man. Another stupid thing I was involved in was a time when my mates and I were drinking and we were walking along the main road and my friend spotted a guy who he was after on a local bus and he got on the bus and started punching this guy on the bus. So the bus driver jumped in and started hitting him. So I got on the bus and belted the bus driver with an empty bottle of Scotch whisky, there was blood everywhere he had head injuries and Don robbed him, we bolted. None of this story is to try to look good, as you can see I am writing this from a perspective of total and utter stupidity. This is to show that God can change the heart of man, no matter what we have done.

Not long after this fiasco I bought another car this was an XW 302 Ford Falcon it was a very fast car, which nearly cost me and others our lives? I only had this car a few months I would drink a bottle of brandivino and go driving in this hotted up car. There were times driving in this car I would have black outs from too much alcohol and drive home from where ever I was partying and wake up in the morning and not remember how I made it home. Then I would panic and look for my car and it would be safely parked on my front lawn. One night I was in the city with Don drinking Scotch whisky and I blacked out I drove home. He said he was terrified because I was so drunk I drove home flat out through red lights and by the time we got to Deer Park Ballarat road, he said he wanted to get out of the car because he thought he was going to die. I told Don I was going to a petrol station that we knew well called Teds caf in Rockbank it was another 10 kilometres up the road. He got out of the car In Deer Park, Ballarat road and walked the rest of the way home. I dont remember any of this but he informed me the next day what I had done. Dont know how I survived this or how I was even served at this petrol station. One night I was invited to a 21st in Glengala road Sunshine and I drank a bottle of Scotch whisky which was typical for me on the weekends scotch on the weekends and whatever else I could get to drink during the week, mostly during the week it was brandivino. When this party finished on this Saturday night, I and three mates were going home in my XW 302 Ford Falcon this car was a very fast car. The three of us were in the front of my car with bucket seats because one of my other mates was in the back seat passed out from too much alcohol. I was so drunk that I was flat out down Glengala road Sunshine and I did not stop at the end of the road in those days they had a factory called ICI at the end of this road. I went straight through the fence and rolled a couple of times in the paddock. One of my friends was thrown from the car we could not find him. When we did he was still asleep in the paddock passed out from too much alcohol and amazingly unharmed. We left the accident scene before the police arrived and I handed myself in the next day, because they were looking for me. I was charged with leaving the scene of an accident and not reporting this to police. I lost my license for 3 months not that I cared as I drove with or without a license anyway. My whole life was selfish and careless; I thought nothing about the lives of others or myself. I now thank God with all of my heart that he protected me and others in these times of foolishness.

My drinking was despicable and shameful, One Saturday morning I was so drunk that I slammed my car into a tree of the front of someones nature strip and one of my friends had the sense to get out of my car. Later that same morning I was up Ballarat Road Shops and I was so drunk that I was urinating in a bin in front of all the Saturday morning shoppers, am I putting these type of things in here just to sound crude? No of course not, I am merely being brutally honest about how I once was. I thank God that I didnt kill any of my mates with stupidity or myself for that matter.

Chapter 12 The beginning of Drug Trafficking

I was now 21 and I changed jobs and started to work at another welding company this meeting with a new friend Tom changed everything. I was only there a week and I quickly found out who the Marijuana smokers were we would all meet at lunch time and smoke marijuana and then go back to work. Tom became my best mate we would take sickies from work and go and smoke drugs in the paddocks all day. I bought another motorbike again this was a GPZ 1100 Kawasaki it was a very fast bike. I would get so stoned on this bike and ride from Deer Park to Melton doing 220 kilometres an hour to drop my mate Tom off. Eventually I got caught speeding and riding without a license, for some reason I had enough sense never to ride this bike drunk. I had another friend called Andy who started hanging around with me when I was 21 he had a good life until he started hanging with me. He was working for his dad and was on the right track as far as a good life was concerned, then he started coming out with me and smoking Marijuana. Andys dad bought him a brand new four wheel drive Toyota Hilux we would go and hide up the dirt tracks at the back of Deer Park new housing estates away from the police to smoke drugs. One night we were up at what we called the west tracks again. This particular night there was about five cars there we were all smoking drugs and the police turned up we threw the bongs into the paddock and the police saw us do this, so they searched for them and found them then they searched the cars and a couple of grams of Marijuana were found, everybody denied any knowledge of the drugs. One of the police men

threatened us and told us if someone doesnt start speaking we were going to see blood in a minute, everyone started laughing. The next minute this police officer gets his long torch and starts ramming it into Andys stomach we all laughed again, the policeman said, Do you think its funny? Another of my mates said, were all a bunch of clowns and then we were all in hysterics everybody was laughing and laughing. These police officers charged us by summons for possession of drugs even though no one owned up to it. When the day of the court case came I smoked drugs through a water pipe all the way to court. I was driving so my mate held the steering wheel of the car for me while I was driving to court, I must have thought I was showing them, how foolish I was. We left the rest of the drugs in the car at Broadmeadows court and went into the court and pleaded not guilty to drug use and possession. Still we were charged and given a bond. This smoking whilst driving was a regular thing we went into the city and everywhere else I had total contempt for the law.

One day Andy asked me if I wanted to go driving with him out to western Victoria for something to do we went to a place called St Arnaud and we were driving on a country road. We were driving along just chatting and Andy drove out of a give way sign without looking still doing a 100 kilometre speed limit. When he went past this give way sign onto the open road, suddenly there was a dip in the road, we were both stoned on drugs and out of nowhere there was a car that emerged out of this dip. I knew we were gone, there was a head on collision coming, and I thought we were dead this time for sure. We hit this car head on full force and then another car was behind this car and this car hit us side on. My bull terrier was in the back of Andys four wheel drive he was thrown into the second cars windscreen and he survived with a sore leg and a limp. We walked out of this wreck with nothing more than seat belt bruising from the impact. The first car that hit us had the worst of problems the car was pushed back on the elderly occupants and the elderly man had his head split open and he was in shock. The third car was also a write off. The Hilux had one of its front wheels snapped off and it was also a write off. Andy was given a fine for wreck less driving and failing to give way.

I bought another car a ford falcon 6 cylinder I gained employment with a building company when the Werribee Plaza was being built. As usual I was stoned most days of working there. One Saturday night I was out in this car at the Deer Park Shopping Centre drinking and

causing trouble in the centre. A mate I will call Leon and I was walking through the shopping centre playing a game with the undercover police. I kept watching them and whenever they spotted me watching them I hid around a corner. Eventually they were sick of this and the chase was on. We ran my mate got away and they caught me and took me into a room and threatened to charge me with being drunk in a public place. They let me go, but the night got worse. I was out the back of the shopping centre in my car smoking bongs with a mate of mine and this other guy came up to the car, hoping we would give him a marijuana pipe I refused because we had only enough for ourselves he stayed around for the whole session hoping to get some. When I was smoking drugs I was very selfish. Any way as we left he smashed a beer bottle on the wall over my car. After about ten minutes of thinking about this as I was driving, I was getting angry so I came back looking for him, but he was gone. Leon knew where he lived so we went looking for him he was at his place with his mates out the front of his place. Because there was too many of them we decided to go the petrol station we filled some petrol in a coke bottle and unbeknown to me, Leon stuck a rolled up cigarette packet in the top of the coke bottle filled with petrol to act as a wick. I was planning to torch his car when no one was there. We drove past a couple of times and suddenly we saw the police, this guy rang the police I took off in my car turned the car lights off and drove many blocks in the dark, they caught me and they wanted to give me a breathe test, I refused, it was an automatic 2 year license suspension. This guy I was after made up a whole heap of lies about me. He said I hit him in my car and I was charged with about 80 charges the main charges were being assault with a weapon being my car which was a lie and the other two were trying to endanger someones life with a petrol bomb and refusing a breath test. Everyone thought I was going away to do some time in Jail for this one, me included. But I got an expensive solicitor and I got a suspended sentence. Leon received a suspended sentence as well. Often I would get so drunk I blacked out. One night I was at a mates 21st birthday party and I blacked out so I am not sure how I got to my parents place but I did a strange thing going there because I didnt live there anymore. I woke up there in the morning on my old bedroom floor with no furniture in this room. I faced my parents in the morning they said I was yelling at them at about three in the morning wanting to know where my furniture was, and what they had done with it, because it had disappeared out of my room. I left to go home to Ridley Street where I now lived almost immediately.

My new mate Tom who I spoke of previously the one I met as a work mate. I talked him into renting a house with me so we could sell drugs and make some money. He had a girlfriend who did not use drugs and I suspect she must have resented me, because of Toms drug use. I am certain that she did not want to live with me so Tom and I could sell drugs. Their relationship did not last long. So we rented a house in Ridley Street Albion and pretty much straight away the traffic to this house was flat out as I knew many people from Sunshine, St Albans and Deer Park. I was now working for skilled engineering but I found I was losing money from drug profits if I worked so I quit the job and stayed home. We were making thousands a week I would get call girls regularly and just party all the time. From the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep about two in the morning. I smoked drugs and drank Scotch whisky most evenings. The money was so good I decided to start selling Amphetamines there was good money in that as well. There were so many stolen goods coming into our house now we had stolen video machines expensive cameras anything of value., Leon who was living there for a few months was one night sitting down eating his tea and we had one of the better stolen video players in the lounge room that we kept for ourselves. This machine had a video in it so Leon decided to watch it while he was eating his dinner. When he turned the video on he nearly died it was a video of his dads birthday party. Whoever we got this stolen video from, it turned out they had robbed Leons dads house. We had so many people coming through we did not know who did it, talk about being repaid for your criminal ways. I was now going pig hunting in New South Wales to a place called Booligal I had two pig hunting dogs of my own, two bull terrier bull mastiff dogs. We went hunting regularly. On one of these trips we had a sawn off shotgun and one of my mates dared me to shoot it like a pistol with one hand I thought I would have a strong enough hand grip to do this so I held it firmly and pulled the trigger, the shotgun was ripped out of my hand and tore right through the webbing of my hand between my thumb and index finger I needed stitches but we were in the middle of nowhere so I bandaged it. It took months to get better but eventually it got better. When this happened to me everyone laughed we all had a sick sense of humour one of us would get hurt and we would all laugh this was the way, we were all sick and twisted when it came to stuff like that. When I went away I would arrange for someone to look after the drug trafficking business and I would save more money while I was away hunting than I would be whilst living the party life in Ridley Street.

Ridley Street was where I came into contact with people using heroin. Heroin users were also marijuana users and I decided I wanted to try some heroin. My mate Don who was at my place very often decided to try some heroin with me. We bought some this first time we only snorted it up our nose and Don was vomiting in my back yard and asking me to call for an ambulance I was laughing, he was okay and he straightened up later, he never touched it again. I was not happy and I wanted to try it again, so my next door neighbour Jean who was a good friend of mine who had been a heroin user for many years, she scored some heroin for me. She injected me as I did not have a clue what to do, Pretty soon I was wasted in a new way I felt heavy and slow and I could not keep my eyes open I kept nodding off. This girl Jean became a good friend of mine. I would sell her marijuana and she was slowly dying, her veins were not circulating properly anymore and she had regular hospital visits and operations on her veins to try keep the circulation flowing. Because of Jeans addiction it had definitely taken its toll. She told me she wanted to be my girlfriend but I did not see her that way and I knew she said this because she thought she would have a constant supply. Years later when I came to faith in God I wanted to find her to try and help her but I found out that she committed suicide, I was very sad.

Chapter 13 Money Cometh Because we were making so much money in Ridley Street, we bought a four wheel drive for our pig hunting trips and one trip we went on none of us had a drivers license nor a gun license and the car was full of drugs. We all took it in turns driving. On this particular trip we were on the way to broken hill to see what sort of wildlife was around, we were about 10 Kilometres out of broken hill and we were pulled up by a policeman. We had wild goats we caught in the back of our trailer plenty of drugs and guns in the Toyota Land cruiser, the policeman did not check the vehicle nor did he check for our licences he simply said to us that there has been some trouble up in town and that we should just turn and go, he said he was trying to help us not get in trouble, perhaps he was or perhaps he just saw trouble in us

and moved us on, needless to say we didnt question this we just did as he said as we would have been in heaps of trouble otherwise. Back In Melbourne in Ridley Street I knew we were going to get raided soon because of all the traffic we had coming to our house at least over a 100 people a day were buying drugs off us, we got away with this for about 9 months. Thousands of dollars profit was coming in every week. Until one day we had just bought some more Hash and we were cutting it up and weighing it making it into grams on our electronic scales. There was a knock at the door as usual for the amount of traffic coming to our house. I had a peep hole in the door and I looked through there was a guy standing there who I did not know with a beard earring and jeans so I opened up the door and there was police everywhere. They came running in with guns pointed and said, Get on the floor and dont move I obliged and did so, and they went down to the lounge room and caught Tom red handed weighing up the drugs on the scales. We were busted but we had a plan who ever got caught took the rap. Tom was caught he took the rap I said I did not know what he was doing and stuck to my story he was charged for trafficking I was not but. I was charged with smoking a drug of dependence which was nothing. These police were from Altona drug squad, they all came in and so it looked quiet outside and people started to come to the front door of our house and they were getting them as they came to the door, they had a room full of people who came to buy drugs. We had amphetamines which they did not find, but someone rang on the phone and he wanted to buy drugs so the policeman said, what do you want the black or the white? which was what we said on the phone meaning the hash or the speed this police officer made a deal on the phone for a quarter ounce of Amphetamines on our phone with a customer, which told me the police were listening to our phone calls. When they raided this house they had to search every room, they busted Tom for only an ounce of hash and scales, now if anyone seen how we lived they would be shocked. One bedroom had a bull terrier bitch with her pups living in there and it stank. Our kitchen had about 60 garbage bags in there with mice everywhere. We had about five goats in the back yard three other bull terriers and two turkeys the back yard was a regular zoo. The goats were from when we went hunting in NSW, the council continually came around and asked me to remove the zoo from my back yard which I never did. When you fell asleep at night mice would be crawling across the bed we were true drug addicts that cared about nothing but getting wasted. One of my mates got hepatitis b from living amidst the filth. A few weeks later the police came again and told us we had 24 hours to leave or else they were going to throw us out. I really had no conscience in those days I wanted my bond

money back from our landlords they were doctors and had a lot of money they refused to give us our bond back so I siphoned my water bed into the floor. Tom did the same with his and we had two big fish tanks in the lounge room one tank had Oscars in the tank which I would feed live gold fish too. When we siphoned these tanks we drained them into the walls and we left with the water taps going and left the turkeys inside the house. I really had no morals nor any conscience then we went around to the Landlords place and threatened these doctors in their surgery and threw some of their furniture around. So we were gone within the 24 hours, we moved in a caravan park in Ballarat road Ardeer. The traffic at this caravan park was ridiculous people were looking for us to buy drugs so we stayed there a couple of days and moved into the motel next door.

Chapter 14 And the police raids continue Whilst I found a house to rent in St Albans within a week I rented a house in Jamieson Street St Albans. Then within another week, we were flat out and it was business as usual. One of the things that happened regularly everywhere I lived was drunken fights, even my bull terrier was in on the fight whoever was down on the floor my dog was in it as well, and my dog loved a fight. I was never run through by other criminals there was too many of us that were all connected and we looked after each other. All the dealers stuck together, one guy owed each dealer in this group money he owed me only $500 dollars but some of the others he owed thousands. We broke into his house one evening and waited for him to come home. When he came in we grabbed him. This night we trashed his house and collectively gave him a hiding he would not forget, this guy was brave he went for a tomahawk under his bed as he was getting this beating. He had to go hospital with a few broken ribs. That night I took his guns home to my house foolishly. The next morning Tom my partner in drug trafficking, who I was living with and his girlfriend Sarah who is now dead because of alcohol abuse took the guns out for some target practice at cobbledicks ford in Laverton. Not five minutes after he left the police were standing over my bed telling me to get dressed and to accompany them to the police station. They tried all day to get me to admit I was involved in this bashing. They had me in the detectives office across the road from the sunshine police station this office was up above the shops I did not even know it existed before this event, after about eight hours they let me go. Everyone wanted to know if I said anything but thats something none

of us ever did was lag on each other or lag on myself for that matter. This house in St Albans where I was renting where the police took me from was in Jamieson Street, this was another one of the places where many people came for drugs. I met a new crowd of people who were heroin dealers. I watched and learnt how they sold their heroin they would have half grams in places no one would suspect in screwed up cigarette packets on the side of a road in old discarded coke cans places that no one would expect. I learnt quick new tools of the trade by these guys. It turns out that the house I was renting was owned by a heroin dealer. The owner of this house was in jail he and his mate became friends of mine. They were caught with 600000 dollars worth of heroin street value and did jail time for a few years. Some of the ones I met at this new residence were only kids of between 15 and 20 years of age, they would brag to me about whom they just stabbed and this culture of violence was nothing to them. They were bragging about a guy they killed deliberately and they were facing court for. These guys would go out to night clubs on the weekend and look for trouble and stab someone for fun. They did armed robberies and bragged about them. Whilst living here I met this guy who was only 19 years old he was a speed and heroin dealer, this kid was scatter brained already he had done to many drugs and he would come over to my house so confused because of what the drugs were doing to him. I would buy an ounce of speed from him or a quarter of ounce of heroin to sell and maybe dabble a little in it myself. Eventually this guy ended up shifting away from St Albans with his girlfriend and two children one was about 2 and the other was a baby, to start a new life away from the drugs. Not too much longer he did a murder suicide he killed his girlfriend and his two kids he shot them and then burned the house down where he was living and turned the gun on himself. The drugs got to him and he took his own life and the ones he loved as well. I went on one of my many holidays to Cairns whilst living the drug life this time my mate Don and I drove up there in his Ute. Don was going out with a girl that he seemed serious about but on the spur of the moment he ditched her and we went for a holiday, I had others looking after the business whilst I went away. I went to Cairns with a half-ounce of heroin and Marijuana these drugs were shoved down the front of my pants If I was ever going to be robbed this was where to find drugs and money most of the time I had drugs and a couple of thousand dollars hidden in the crown Jewels; I never used any nor tried to sell any whilst I was in Cairns I suppose I took it with me just in case. But I certainly did do some heavy drinking. I drank with the local Aboriginals at a pub and another two guys I met who were from Melbourne Broadmeadows. These guys really knew how to drink, we drank all day in

the pub and took a cask of wine to a park and drank that as well. There were no dramas or trouble with these guys we just got very drunk. Later on that day Don remembers me getting home to the caravan where we were staying and he said I dropped a pie on our caravan floor there was gravy everywhere but I was eating it off the floor. A couple of days later we were getting ready to head home and Don lost his keys so we had to hot wire the car, Don didnt have a license at the time either, neither did I and I also had heroin on me. In Townsville we were pulled over by the police I had the heroin hidden in my underwear the car was hotwired and Don was disqualified from driving. How we talked our way out of being searched I am still not quite sure. They made sure the car was Dons as they supposedly did a search on their database but there was no mention of the license disqualification and they let us go. When I arrived back in Melbourne one of my primary school mates came to live with me he was a back slidden Born again Christian he was also a bouncer and he could look after himself. I will call him Johnno We would stir him heaps about God, he would get wild we knew just how far to push him he would get out of his seat to come and belt us and then we would try to calm him down. Once he sat down we would start again. This mate of mine, Johnno I introduced to selling speed and he started to sell it and I sold the marijuana, pretty soon Johnno became addicted, whereas me I would play games with heroin and Amphetamines I took these drugs off and on. Marijuana and alcohol were my main drugs of choice. Johnno got into trouble and owed another mate of mine for an ounce of Amphetamines. Because of this, one day there was a big drama in my street these guys came looking for their money. Johnno wasnt fazed by them, so he belted one of them in the street and then another one of them bought out a shotgun and it was pointed at Johnno. Another friend of mine was at my place that day, a guy no one messed with, this guy, I will call him Bill. Bill and I grew up in the same crowd being High school mates, we knew each other for quite a few years , Bill was a 4th Dan black belt who loved to smoke Marijuana apart from that all he did was train in his martial arts, and like me at the time he was drug trafficking. He wasnt someone who thought he could fight, he didn't live on a reputation because other people glorified him as I have observed done many times, he could really fight. He was the kind of guy who would get stoned on drugs and then enjoy a fight if someone started one. He came outside when the gun was pointed; this was broad daylight, to this day I still dont know what the neighbours thought, but Bill called this guys bluff he walked up and took the gun off him, strangely he didnt belt him he just told him to leave and dont come back. About a year

later Johnno ended up going to Jail for drug offences and burglary not long after that day with the shotgun Johnno and I decided to go for a holiday to cairns with the money we made from drugs. We went for a week and I asked a friend of mine by the name of Tony to look after business for the week. The day we left he was busted by the police that night, the police were looking for me, but I was not there so Tony was charged with drug trafficking. I felt sorry for Tony he was harmless all he did was smoke drugs he was not someone that had a criminal mind, yet he did this because he was my friend and I asked him to. For a while I had two places that I was renting, I had another friend in this house dealing for me and he made a percentage of what I was selling, but I knew the place had become too hot and I was going to be continually raided, so I closed this down and moved to a flat in sunshine, within the first week I was raided. They didnt find anything, but as soon as they turned up it was obvious they knew what my intentions were, and they wanted me finished. I think they were sick of me. So I moved into another house in Susan Street Albion with two more friends one of these friends was somewhat unstable he could not handle his drink and he always wanted to fight that was not the problem. The problem was he punched some of the customers. I had enough of living there and moved out of there and into another house in Albion in a street called Bazentin Street.

Chapter 15 It got worse This was a challenge I had a very gutsy lady living next door to me, who was not scared to tell me what I was, a drug dealer she told me she was going to ring the police I tried to calm her down and she put her garden hose on me I was furious I picked up the nearest thing and put it through her window and within 10 minutes the police were there I was not charged with anything but I had to pay for this big window I had smashed, it cost me a hundred dollars I paid it in 20 cent pieces. By now the harder drugs were becoming more of a way of life for me, I would get drunk and then I would want to shoot up speed I did this quite regularly heroin was still a play thing for me. In this house I was selling everything Heroin, speed and Marijuana there was heaps of stolen goods in this house that were traded for drugs. In this house I made friends with a guy that has been spoken of on TV as part of Melbournes underworld, and I suddenly found myself a new supplier this guy I will call Gus. Gus has shot people before, but he was someone who knew how to be courteous and polite but cross

him and who knows where you would end up, hes in jail for murder right now and is a known underworld identity. This guy gave me pounds of Marijuana on Credit and he also gave me and my mate Tom an ounce of pure heroin, we cut this heroin 4 to 1 with gluconate and blended it together. This became our down fall. I was still playing with heroin I would use it now and again and I was selling heaps. I would give girls heroin for sex. I met Guss brother Sammy and he also became a friend of mine we gave heroin to a girl for sex one at a time, he is also in Jail for murder. The traffic was very busy in this house it did not stop, I remember one day in this property I had a break in the drug trade for a few moments and reality hit me. For the first time in my life at 25 years old I realised I was going nowhere, suddenly by myself when no one else was around I started to weep profusely because of this realisation I now believe this was a God encounter it was as though I felt his sadness and the grief I had caused others and I realised what I had actually became, a hopeless drug addict and an alcoholic. But I did not change for another four years of misery yet. Eventually I was busted in this house in Bazentin Street Albion. Tom and his girlfriend Sarah were at my house on a Saturday night and we were sitting in my lounge with a loaded crossbow and a smaller loaded crossbow as we were getting some interesting characters showing up. Next minute we hear loud bangs the police had sledged hammered the door in and in they came with their guns drawn screaming get on the floor. We were going to pick up the crossbows because we thought we were getting run through from drug users, if we did pick up the crossbows and point them at whoever bolted into the lounge room we would have been shot. Because I use to shoot my dog with a toy plastic bullet gun, this made him hate guns. If you pointed one at him he would growl at you so he started to growl when the police pointed their guns so I asked if I could grab my dog as he hates guns, they let me grab him by the collar then they pushed me back on the floor. The police then said, okay whos taking the wrap this time, because they knew how we worked, it was my turn. Again from outside of the house the police were grabbing every car that pulled up. The police only found an ounce of Marijuana, there was heroin and Amphetamines there as well but they did not find it. I might be wrong but I think the reason they never used dogs to search for drugs was because I always had dogs living with me and Im guessing this must have thrown any scent off. So I was taken to the Altona lock up and charged with Trafficking a drug of dependence. I was in the cells for a couple of hours and then let out when a Justice of Peace came and I was given bail. Tom was taken there as well and had he a fine of 1500 dollars from previous drug convictions his girlfriend Sarah turned up and paid his fine in $20 dollar notes the police

knew this was drug money but they could not prove it. Once we got out of the Altona lockup I told Tom to clean up his house as they were going to raid him next. He did not listen he was now a full blown heroin addict and he had stolen goods all through his house. The next week we were in Footscray in Toms car dropping off some heroin in Footscray and a user spotted us and came up to the car, he asked us if we were holding?, this is a term for do you have any Heroin? whilst he asked us this, there was a police car right behind us. They pulled us over and as they got us out of the car, a pager we were using for our heroin clients fell out into the gutter with a half gram of heroin beside it. I knew the police saw it but they made out they didnt because they were getting ready to bust Tom at his home. I was telling Sarah to kick it under the car as soon as they were pretending to not look she kicked it under the car. I was only charged with trafficking a week before when they busted the door open. They took me off away from them separately and asked me what I was doing in Footscray? I told them I was shopping, they let me go and let the others go only because they must have been told when they radioed in to leave us alone because they were planning a major drug bust a couple of days later. Again I told Tom to clean up at home they are going to bust you, he did not listen the next day sure enough they raided him and he was busted with a large quantity of heroin and heaps of stolen goods. He eventually went to jail for this he copped about 6 months. Tom lived in another location but he was my partner, he started getting a habit he dropped down to 7 stone half his normal weight and he ended up using the entire heroin. We owed Gus $14 thousand dollars we had no drugs and no money, Gus threatened to do something to my mother I was not happy I went straight to his place and fronted him. I told him what had happened and I ended up paying back $2100 dollars while they were threatening to knock Tom he had to come up with about $12000 his parents bailed him out, they paid this debt for him. After this Tom and I had a falling out. Tom eventually went to jail again he did an armed robbery and then murdered a heroin dealer and dumped him in a reservoir just outside of Melbourne. I wanted to move back home to my parents place I told them I was going to go straight who was I kidding, after pleading with them to let me come home they reluctantly let me. I tried to go straight I had to pinch my mothers sleeping pills to try to wean myself of all the drugs that were in my system heroin and everything else. This lasted a couple of weeks and I was back at it again I moved out again with my friend Stewart, to a house I was able to rent in Deer Park in a street called Nova Avenue, here I started seeing a girl I will call Julie, but this

girl had her own problems she was not a drug user nor an alcoholic, but she was a compulsive liar she would be with me and with many others as well, so I thought its a two way street I used her as much as she used me. This relationship with this girl went on for the next few years in different places I lived. Julie would just turn up for a few weeks and then disappear again. In this house in Nova Avenue when I had a falling out with this girl she rang the police and told them I was selling drugs and they raided me. I had nothing at the time Just a smoking pipe. Now the police knew where I lived again. My friend Gus came around to this house one day and he had stab wounds in his upper stomach he just got out of hospital I asked him what happened he said he called his brother a dog so his brother stabbed him they were both using the pills rohypnol when this happened. I use to go around Gus's house and he had a big Garfield doll in his lounge room he would use it for target practice with his pistol inside the house, this guy had shot peoples fingers off not a guy to cross. Eventually the police came around the house in Nova Avenue and had me evicted on the spot I dont know how it was done but they had paper work they kicked me out on the street and a locksmith changed the locks right then and there I had nowhere to go. I was living in this house with a mate at the time called Showbag; He was a drinker and marijuana smoker. I was kicked out on the street I could not even get clothes furniture or anything else from this house not that any of it was worth much anyway. My parents would not let me stay with them. I was so upset and angry with them because I had nowhere to go; they had their own problems so I certainly cannot blame them. They had so many police visits because of me. Not long later I came in to my parents place one night very drunk when the door was unlocked and belted my dad to the ground and then started laying the boots in it was one of the worst things I had done, now I had really stooped low. Another night on the way home from a drinking session I threw a rock through my parents bedroom window and smashed it.

I had to go and ask my friend Des If I could stay with him and his mother the friend where I use to smoke at his place years ago because his mother did not want us to get busted by the police. They were good friends people that would not let you be on the street so they let me stay with them until I got another house which was in St Albans I was living with Michael in St Albans south I hated living here I did not know anyone and I was broke no work no money

no drugs to traffic. The owners were coming to look for their rent I had none eventually we did a runner and I moved in with my friend Des and his mother again.

Chapter 16 Vain attempt to change. I tried to stop drug trafficking and I found a job in Footscray welding again but I was still using speed, smoking marijuana and drinking heavily. Whilst I was working at this welding job an Indian man who I came to know asked me if I wanted to make four thousand dollars by marrying and Indian lady so she could stay in Australia, I said yes, because I thought life was a joke and I could do heaps of drugs with that money. Not long later we had a false ceremony with video film and a group of her Indian friends we did not even kiss at the wedding and it was obvious to the celebrant and all who witnessed this event that it was a sham, for the next year we had to prove we were really married. We had an interview in Sunshines immigration department and they put us both in separate rooms and asked us a series of questions about the house we were living in, she never lived there at all. There were questions like, do you have a remote control for your television in your bedroom, we each said the opposite for all the questions we were asked about the place we were supposedly living. We were told to come back for another interview but I never did. Years later I told the truth about this sham marriage. whilst I was living with Des and his mum in this St Albans house, he bought a second hand panel van and one night we hit the Bundaberg rum and then he drove down to the deer park hotel and we drank some more there then when we left we were driving home and Des started to be erratic with his driving he sped up to try to take a roundabout sideways we did not take the roundabout we rolled the van it was a write off we took off before the police came and they turned up at his place about an hour later and Des pretended the car must have been stolen the police did not believe him but they could not prove it, so they got him on an outstanding warrant instead and locked him up overnight. Another night I was drinking at a friends place in Deer Park and I walked home which was about a forty minute walk. The police spotted me walking, and they said, Mr Sweeney where are you going? because I was so drunk I got smart to them I asked them if I was being charged with something, they said no we just want to talk to you. So I said goodbye,

Im going home, I was only about 200 metres from home, so they grabbed me and threw me in the back of the divisional van and took me back to sunshine police station, they did a strip search which by now was common for me. As soon as they put me in the cells because I was drunk and full of rebellion, I started urinating over the walls. For hours I was kicking the cell doors, when they opened up the cells in the morning I clapped my hands at them and told them they were good boys. I was taken out away from the cameras and was given a hiding my whole face was up. I moved again to deer park east and lived in a place called Chatsworth Avenue, this was a place where I tried to not sell any drugs I was working still holding down this job but that didnt last long. My friend Sarah needed a place to stay because Tom had finally gone to Jail for the heroin trafficking charge from a couple of years earlier after several appeals. Sarah ended up moving out about a month later back to her parents place because I was wiping out on rohypnols and she had enough. In this house my mate Don and I were hitting the amphetamines again. Living in this house, I was trying not to drug traffic, I had no money and I quickly learnt about food vouchers through The Salvation Army, I respected this organisation, once they even paid a weeks rent for me through a cheque; however the Landlord was not happy about receiving a Salvation Army cheque. I remember whenever I went to The Salvation Army in Sunshine I observed all the activities they were doing, something in me was kind of hoping that they would invite me to their church, but no one ever did, I more than likely would have declined because I wasnt broken enough yet, but there was something happening. One particular day living at this house, Don was telling me that you can stab people and get away with it now. A couple of nights later he stabbed someone and was charged, this was a downward spiral for him he was using speed every day now and so was I, my house was full of needles and we were both at it full on. I remember one night we jabbed each other with our syringes and laughed and I said, if I have caught anything then so have you. I am quite surprised I didnt catch Hep C as I used a lot of shared needles with other intravenous drug users, some of whom are now dead. One night living at this house in Chatsworth Avenue Don came over and he had to sign on at the police station as part of his bail conditions he asked me to come for the drive in the car, I did but little did he know that I just swallowed five rohypnol by the time we got to sunshine

police station I had blacked out I remember nothing of that trip to sunshine police station. When we got back to my Chatsworth my part time girlfriend was here, but I don't remember much about it, only that she saw me crawling through the front door wiped out on 5 rophypnol tablets. When Don finally went to court he was given 18 months Jail but he was out in six months for that stabbing, but when he came out he was like a scared little rabbit, his whole time in there he had to be careful he wasnt stabbed himself. Another mate of mine I will call Marcos and his girlfriend I will call Leonie moved in to Chatsworth, to help pay the rent. One night we had an argument over money I ended up punching Marcos and then I thought it was over. So I went to my room, within a minute Marcos came to my bedroom door with a samurai sword the sword was going through the door in an out he had lost it and wanted to use this sword against me, naturally I did not open the door and eventually he calmed down. Marcos and his girlfriend Leonie worked out a system for shoplifting, she would steal clothes from all the major stores at various shopping centres around Melbourne and Markos and I would return them about half an hour later saying we changed our mind and did not want them and can we get our money back some days we would get a few hundred dollars doing this. Obviously being drug addicts and alcoholics the money went on drugs and alcohol. One time we were at a big department store and Leonie was chased out of the store by some security guards, we went and fronted them and they retreated to the store and we got away. Leonie was a compulsive thief she would go into bottle shops and walk out with top shelf Scotch whisky and any other bottle she could get her hands on, I dont know how she did it, but I didnt care at least I was getting drunk on the best. On one occasion I was invited to my friend Andys wedding and because Marcos and Leonie lived with me, they were invited too. Marcos took some rohypnols before we got to the wedding and started an all in brawl at Andys wedding, it was on for young and old it was about four or five wanting to fight Marcos, I was trying to break it up. Within ten minutes the police arrived, Marcos was told to leave the reception, by the police and then he says to the Police, Remember Walsh Street? I couldnt believe what he was saying he was so far gone from the drugs that he could have said anything, I was apologising for him, the police said to me, you drive off and take him away They didnt have to tell me that twice, the only problem was I didnt have a license, I was very drunk and the car we came in had no rego. So

I drove off, we were about an hours drive away from home. Half an hour into the journey the police pulled us over and charged me for no license and no rego, but for some reason they never breathalysed me and I was very drunk. My friends found about this doctor in Collingwood who would give you anything on prescription that you wanted. I went there one night very heavily stoned on heroin, I used Toms Medicare card because he was in Jail and went to this Doctor. I couldnt believe what I had seen, he only had other drug addicts coming to what was supposed to be his surgery. This Doctor had a cat sitting in amongst rubbish and old food wrappers everywhere the place looked like a drug addicts place. He asked me abruptly, what do you want? I said Rohypnols, immediately he wrote me a script no questions asked. It was evident that this doctor had lost his marbles; it wasnt very much longer that he went to jail for numerous drug and theft offences. The house I lived in with these two friends was coming to an end we had worn out our welcome, the owners were trying to evict me every week, and eventually I moved out of there and stayed with my mate Des and his mother again In Fairfax circuit Deer Park, until I could get another house to start dealing again. I gained another rental property in Ballarat road Deer Park and started selling drugs playing with heroin and amphetamines pills and anything else. Rohypnols had become something I was using quite frequently they were a drug that wiped you right out, they were also very dangerous because you never knew what you were capable of whilst on these. I was trafficking drugs and it was business as usual in this house.

Chapter 17 My life was the pits My mother came and asked me if she could stay with me as she had moved out from my father and was filing for divorce and I let my mother stay with me. She had to put up with my drug dealings, it was hard for her and she only stayed for a few weeks and then went and stayed with one of my cousins in Box Hill. My parents got a divorce and my mother bought a house in Frankston a couple of years later.

I decided to go for my license again as I had not had one in years even though I was still driving. I found a guy in Braybrook motor licensing and registration branch that you could pay for your license just slip the tester an extra fifty dollars and you automatically get your license no matter how lousy you are, so I paid him the fifty after making many mistakes but I got my license no matter what. In this house it was only a matter of time before I was raided again, it was the usual life style escort girls, drugs and alcohol and violence. I was warned by some other traffickers who knew me that the police had me under surveillance again, and I had all sorts of characters coming to my house Gus who was well known by the police, even a prison officer who I knew came to my place to buy drugs in his uniform, I said to him, are you nuts coming here in your screw uniform? Once again I was raided and busted for drug trafficking, I was taken to the police station and this time given another beating. The police had me stretch out my arms against the wall leaning into the wall when I tried to get off the wall I was punched in the stomach naturally you could not fight back if you did you would get a more serious belting and also be charged with assaulting police. The next thing one of the policemen pulled out his revolver and started putting bullets in his revolver, I laughed at him and said, Who, do you think you are? Rambo? He soon put the revolver away and nothing more happened. I am still not sure what happened as they already had the evidence they needed. Out of all the raids this was my second time being charged with drug trafficking, I thought with all of my priors I was certainly going to jail this time. Once I was taken home I continued to deal and the day of the court case. The Policeman who took me home was a nice guy, I had a picture of the Indian woman I was supposedly married to on the wall in this house, this policeman asked me where she was, I told him that she left me and he poured out his heart to me he sympathised with me, he said I know how you must feel It happened to me as well, I am going through a divorce right now, I did not have the heart to tell him I was lying. This time in Court I was prepared I thought I was going in, I had no solicitor because I didnt care anymore, I had lost hope I couldnt do this anymore, I was worn out, so I resigned myself to whatever may come, the judge said to me on the day of court, youre a slow learner Mr Sweeney and he fined me 2000 dollars I could not believe it. Even though I was worn out I went home bought some drugs and started dealing again, this had become to me a prison this was all I knew I convinced myself this was all I was good for. All these years later at 28 years of age I still believed I was stupid and an idiot. Eventually I decided to try to

escape, my friend Andy and his wife had escaped to Cairns, when I heard about this I rang him and asked him if I could come and live with them, I still had my bull terrier dog so he was going as well he went everywhere with me, he was my mate. So I bought a plane ticket and went to cairns to escape. I did not give notice in the house I was living at in Deer Park I had the phone connected in Dons name something I did often was use my friends name for a laugh and so was the electricity in another mates name. I think I left Don a string of bills that werent really his over the years and other mates as well, our friends were always doing these types of things to each other. For example if you wiped out because of too much drugs and alcohol you were shown no mercy. We tied people up shaved their eyebrows beards sideburns, there was no mercy, if someone passed out then we would put speed in their mouth and watch them sober up and wake within half an hour not realising why they were so alert. I had numerous eyebrows removed as well, what went around came around. These friends whose names I used for utilities didnt give me permission to use their names I just did this for a joke on my mates, who needed enemies when you had mates like me. I just walked out of this house left everything there. I planned to go straight again, who was I kidding.

Chapter 18 The Geographical

As soon as I got to cairns I was smoking drugs and drinking. I met up with another old friend up there and he asked me if I wanted to take some pounds down to Melbourne and sell them to make some money, naturally I said yes. I had left Melbourne three months earlier so I took three pounds of Marijuana down to Melbourne all sealed up in Tupperware on a bus to sell, whilst I was there I went to the house I was living in and there was an eviction letter in my letter box I had been out of there for three months already. I sold the marijuana to various dealers in Melbourne, bought an ounce of speed for someone in Queensland and took it back to Cairns on the plane. I made enough money to buy a road trail motorbike. I lived up there for another four to five months and was given some employment in Weipa Far Nth Queensland for four weeks working on roofs of the mining properties, there was strictly no marijuana allowed if you were caught you were sent home so I drank twice as heavy, this was a very hard job and some people could not hack it and they left the first day, my mate Andy Included left the first day. When I arrived back in Cairns

after the work was finished I was in despair I wanted to escape from every one I had enough of this lifestyle and yet I did not know how to break free of alcohol and drugs. I was given an opportunity to go and live in Mareeba away from everyone on a tobacco farm just me and my dog. I had my motorbike with no license and I would continually ride it down to Cairns and smoke and drink with the boys. This lasted for about 6 weeks and I moved back to Cairns again, Don was now in Cairns as well and some other friends, it was as though Deer Park had left and moved to Cairns. For some reason I started to look at the church notices in the cairns post (this was a local paper), I did not want my mates seeing me looking at churches I thought they would think I had gone nuts. I found a Salvation Army Church advertised in this paper and so I decided to go and have a look, I tried to find it one Sunday morning but my drug fuelled brain got confused and I could not find this church so I gave up and kept living the life of drugs and alcohol. Months went past and I decided to come back to Melbourne the only problem was I had nowhere to live when I got back to Melbourne. On the flight I was on there was a stopover in Brisbane and there something happened to me I thought I was going to pass out It felt like I was having a stroke, whatever that feels like, I lost all my senses I had no idea where I was, my friend Andy and his wife who was also coming back to Victoria with me, guided me to the next plane. I dont remember it. All I can remember is landing in Melbourne and the flight attendants trying to wake me, I was telling them where to go swearing at them. Finally they got me up and I left the plane and walked into the airport I thought I was still in cairns I was falling over everything at the airport I dropped my wallet which had my last 700 dollars in it. Somebody picked it up for me and gave it back to me. Another mate of mine Francis picked me up from the airport and he asked me what I was on he thought I was using some sort of new drug, my whole eye had twisted back to one side of my head I was like this for a few weeks I did not go to the hospital but eventually I recovered. Francis let me stay at his place for a few weeks but he had a girlfriend and a dog that fought my dog, so I had to find another place to live. I was foolishly looking for another place to sell drugs again. I looked at a house right across the road from my fathers house again to try to rub it in. Thank God I did not get the house. I went to another friends place to see if they had a place for me. They did not but they had an old tin shed in the back yard. By now I was at the end I was 29 and worn out. I was using every pill I could get my hand on and the occasional heroin. I was starting to lose my mind and my body functions I would get drunk and I would lose bladder control. I had a running joke for years that I would be dead by

the time I was thirty, I knew I was not far from death, over the years I did every drug I could think of, Coke, acid Mushies, Ephedrine and all the prescription drugs that I could get my hands on I even drank cough medicine for a high. I was not being rational with any of my friends anymore everything I was saying seemed incoherent I was on the verge of losing my mind. You could have pushed me like a rag doll and I would have fallen over. I remember one particular day in Sunshine I was smoking some Marijuana with my friends and I was losing my mind they were laughing at me, but I felt I was tripping. Not much longer and I would have been a psych patient.

Chapter 19 The turning point

Whilst living in this tin shed I was seeing a doctor who my mates would go to and try to get rohypnols. My mates told me he was a Christian and he will preach to you as he gives you the pills so just be ready for it. When I went in there for these pills he told me about Jesus and a church in Werribee. His preaching didnt mean much to me as I did not believe in God. But for this second time now in six months, I thought to myself perhaps I should go one Sunday morning and check out this church as I have never had anything to do with straight people. Now remember I was living in a tin shed it was nothing more than a garden shed with my good old faithful dog who was living with me in this shed as well, I had no way of getting to this church the first Sunday as I did not even have ten cents, the next week I rang up this church and asked if there was anyone who could pick me up and they arranged for someone from Sunshine to pick me up. So the next Sunday a family came and picked me up and took me to church, I must have stunk I was at the end of the road, I had lost all care about myself I could not use the shower inside this house as everyone was asleep this Sunday morning, so I went to this church shower less. I had no idea what to expect the man driving the car had tattoos I thought is this a joke hes supposed to be a church goer, church goers have had an easy life whats the meaning of tattoos how foolish was I. They were really nice to me and when we got to church it looked like a factory, I could not work out what sort of church this was. Then when I went into this building everyone was very friendly. I sat through the sermon even being in the messed up state I was I can still tell

you what the sermon was about and who spoke, not bad for someone whose mind was shot. It was a Pastor by the name of John Vaccarello who spoke on, Gods seasons are not our seasons. The sermon did not mean anything to me after all I did not know the God they were talking about. But at the end of the meeting another Pastor by the name of Peter Curtis came over to me and asked straight out, Do you want to know Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour? Not really understanding what he meant, I said, Yes. So he prayed with me and told me to repeat after him the words he was saying, Jesus come into my heart, forgive me of my sins, I ask you to take control of my life, words along those lines. I did not feel much different after praying this, except that the cravings for drugs and alcohol had been instantly taken away from me. Somehow I knew that I knew I was not going to drink alcohol or use anymore drugs, this was incredible. From that day on the 7th of February 1993 I have never had a desire to do drugs or alcohol ever again there was no withdrawal just instant freedom. That day the people who picked me up took me home to have some lunch at their place and they let me have a shower and a shave then back to church that evening I loved being there but I did not trust them yet as I did not tell anyone who and what I was because these people were straight people and they would not understand or accept me if they found out, at least thats what I thought. That night after the evening service I was dropped off back to Deer Park to my tin shed I went inside the house at the front of this tin shed and everybody was doing the typical thing drinking and smoking drugs, they offered me some and I declined they could not believe it, one of my mates said, What has this church done to you? Another one said you look different. There was no desire whatsoever to drink or use any drugs. I could not wait for another church meeting. I was invited to the next Thursday night called a healing night. I was picked up again and taken to this church in a factory and whilst I was watching a man getting prayed for he started laughing, it wasnt a mocking laugh it was a joyous rapture his countenance seemed to be shining, I just knew he was having a spiritual encounter of a good kind, I did not understand what was happening, but he was caught up in this beautiful presence of God, this presence that was touching him started to touch me as well and I started crying my eyes out I didnt care who was watching, it wasnt sorrow it was such an awesome feeling tears of joy it was really cleansing. I can only describe it as ecstatic; suddenly I knew that God was real and that he loved me this presence was far better than any drug I had ever used. I started to look at a bible I was given but this didnt make any sense. As I said my mind was shot I could hardly focus on much at all. I tried to write a letter to my mother but I could barely write anything anymore, and yet for the first time in my life I knew that God actually was real and that he loved me and he had

forgiven me, this beautiful presence of God I was addicted to and I wanted more. There was no hang over no feeling of coming down into pits of despair when the high is over. This feeling was totally different like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. This loving presence that had enveloped me is best described as pure clear unadulterated love and it gave me such clarity and peace. I started to pray to God and talk to him the more I did the more I would cry as he spoke to me, this loving presence just broke me more and more it was as though he was reaching into the deepest parts of darkness inside my heart and changing me from the inside out. I found myself asking God to forgive me more and more about the horrific lifestyle I had lead the more I did this over the next few weeks the more and more I felt waves of love just kept on hitting me. I would get to this church that looked like a factory any way I could during the week for the leaders to pray for me and with me. I asked them to pray for me about my parents that they would forgive me for all the things I had done to them I started to disclose who I was and what I had been. I realised that this church had many others with similar stories of people that had lived a life of crime like I did and had been totally born again and free from the life they had led. How strange but how wonderful all these years that I had mocked people who believed in God and now I was also one of them, not because I chose to believe I actually experienced the wonderful loving presence of a forgiving gracious God. The transformation was wonderful I was no longer swearing and I had the vilest mouth beforehand but I could not swear anymore there was none of this in me.

Then it happened again I was still living in this tin shed in Deer Park and the house at the front got raided. Thank God I was not there this day I was out. But the police searched my shed; this shed had nothing but some old clothes which I owned a mattress and a bible and a dog living in there. They left me alone and I was not charged with anything that was going on in the house. Every Thursday night and every Sunday I got to this factory church in Werribee however I could get there, I would hitchhike sometimes catch a bus and two trains to get there any way I could, I would get there. Sometimes I would get to Werribee train station and the building was about a twenty minute walk and I would run to get there on time. I so wanted this beautiful presence of a loving God in my life. Every time I was at this church the tears of joy would start to flow, I would cover my eyes so no one could see this grown man crying like a baby.

I knew I needed to get out of this shed and find a place in Werribee but I didnt have any money my mind was still shot and I could not think straight even though I knew God was healing my mind the more I spent time in his beautiful presence. I started to look for places for rent in Werribee I applied for a unit right next to Werribee train station. They asked me for some references I did not have any because of all the bridges I burnt over the years with rental properties, my name was mud I did not know what to do I was in a dilemma I asked the Minister Graham Harris from this factory church for a reference he agreed because he saw I was genuine. This reference allowed me to rent this flat. Money mysteriously appeared in my bank account to pay for this flat to this day I still do not know how the money turned up in my account. So I moved in suddenly a huge weight was lifted from me I was out and away from the drug scene. I was not allowed to have my best mate there, my bull terrier, I had him put down he was only eight years old this was the hardest thing I ever did, this tore me up inside, my mate was dead.

Chapter 20 A new place a new life

I could not put the electricity on, or the phone on in my name because my name was mud because of all the bogus names I had used and all the unpaid phone electricity and gas bills. I was living in darkness using candles for weeks, until God prompted me to come clean and be honest with these utility companies. I wrote to each one of them and told them the absolute truth about my life and how I did what I did. I told them I was now a Christian and I was willing to pay it all back however much that may have been, but how awesome is God because I was truthful the slate was wiped clean by these companies I did not have to pay anything. I was allowed to put all the utilities on again. God was cleaning up my life. The next problem I had to deal with was a $2000 fine for drug trafficking from a year earlier that I did not pay when I did a runner to Cairns, so I rang the Sunshine courts and told them where I lived and they sent a sheriff around a couple of days later, He said to me, The money or the body. I told him I dont have the money but I am willing to pay the fine, they arranged to let me pay it $30 dollars a week. I was so happy. I was telling this Sheriff about Jesus as I told everyone I came into contact with about Jesus. I still remember what the sheriff asked me, he said to me, where do you do your God bothering I thought that was a strange way of putting it.

I found a job welding and was able to lead a drug free life, whilst getting to know God my Father in a more intimate way. The next year of living in this flat I went on the most awesome spiritual journey I had ever experienced. I was on this high as God would be healing me of all the pain, the more I came to know this loving God and then look in the bible the more the bible made sense. I now realised that you cant really understand a book about a person if you dont know the person. An analogy I often use is this, If you had a love letter mistakenly posted to your address for someone else and you didnt know the person or if you were not in relationship with that person and they were talking about all the things that were intimate between these two people, this would not make any sense to you. This is how the bible is, this bible is a love letter to people that know him intimately, if you seek out God with all of your heart you will find a loving God that wants so much to share his love and his heart with you. I also discovered in my spiritual journey that there is a foe that is very much alive and looking to destroy lives whatever way he can, by the name of Satan. This demonic entity is very real, the one thing he wants you to think of him is as a comic book character a fictious character, if we can see him like that, then he can keep on doing his dirty work in the life of the unbeliever. One big mistake I made as a new Christian was my part time girlfriend came to visit me and whenever we caught up again we always became bed mates no matter who she was seeing. That night she visited, temptation got the better of me and I slept with this girl. The next day I felt dead again as though God had left me. I went to church and I felt as if God was crying over me I felt his grief over me I knew he was sad about what I had done and I broke into tears and asked him to forgive me and vowed to never do that again and I never did. This girl came around for the next few days and I told her I am not going to do this ever again, she didnt believe me and tried to get us back in that place, but I refused. After that I never saw her again, I was sorry that she had just seen a hypocrite in action talking about Jesus but in bed with her, needless to say she was not open to anything I said about God.

My father and I had become good friends again, he was so happy for what had happened to me, he asked me if I wanted to live with him, I could not believe it, I was so honoured, but when I prayed about this I felt the Lord telling me not too. The reason being was I did not

want it to seem to my mother that I had taken sides. The first time I told my dad I loved him, he didnt know what to do with that statement and he would not say it to me, then whenever I met up with him I would hug him and he did not know what to do he responded with an ironing board hug. But one day my words and actions towards him paid off, he said to me on the phone, I love you then he hung up, I was so happy he actually said it. I was always hoping he would say sorry for the way he bought me up, but he never did, he moved on from that as though it never happened. If he did I believe it would have bought a deeper healing between both of us. The good thing was I had my Dad back. In my spiritual journeys on one particular occasion in this flat I was lying on my bed and I felt and icy presence come in my room just like the days when my parents had opened up their lives and our house to spiritualism, this icy presence suddenly grabbed my mouth and held me down on the bed, I could not speak out because this thing had my mouth and I could not move. I started praying in my mind asking Jesus to help me, not knowing a great deal about prayer, but as I prayed this thing lifted and left my room. I told one of the Ministers the next day. I thought he would think I was nuts, but I soon found out this sort of thing had happened to others as well. For months on end going to this church, I went through some spiritual attacks on my mind, sometimes when I went to this church, I would get strong impressions in my mind of something telling me to leave this church and get out, suggestions would come very strongly to my mind with comments suggesting, what are you doing here? This is a church! Why do you want to come here? Get out! The stronger I grew in my faith and the more I came to know God intimately this stopped. One evening In particular at this church I had been over to see my mother in Box Hill prior to the service. I caught the train back to Werribee and I was feeling quite sick, my mother was into witchcraft and I was wearing a shirt that had a metal pentagram on the front of this shirt. I came early to the church as I always did hoping I could talk to the minister. When I did talk to him I told him I was sick and that I might go home. He saw the Pentagram on me and he asked me if I knew what it was, I was totally oblivious that this shirt had this insignia on it, and I said yes but I did not realise I was wearing a Pentagram until he pointed it out. We removed this from my shirt and I realised that my mother and her witchcraft influence at the time and the pentagram had made me feel sick. The minister told me to stay for the service as he and some other leaders would pray for me this evening. When the other leaders arrived

they all prayed for me commanding any spirits to leave me. I was trying to leave this church the spiritual influence of darkness was still trying to destroy my life and wanted me to leave and go home back to my flat. When I got home that evening I was lying down on my bed and I felt this dark presence lift off me and totally leave and then Gods peace swept over me. I knew then and there that I had been delivered from a demonic witchcraft presence. Over the next few years I saw a side of life that I never even knew existed. I have prayed with other ministers for people who have suddenly behaved like a snake and started writhing along the floor, others who looked just like the spirit out of exorcist and yet one thing I know about each of these spirits they all have to bow to the name of Jesus Christ. I have seen deliverance after deliverance, people filled with demonic entities and when Jesus comes into their lives these entities have to leave the people. Sometimes I have heard some of the most eerie screams as these demonic entities leave their host and you can actually hear the scream go out through the building into arid places, just as the bible says in Mark 9:26 (Nkjv) Then the spirit cried out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him.1 As I grew in a deeper relationship with God, I had such a huge sense of sorrow for my mates from the drug world. I started going back to Deer Park on the train and then the bus and visiting all of my mates telling them about Jesus. They thought I had really lost the plot. My mate Don said about me to other friends, If he comes down Deer Park lock the doors dont let him in hes gone nuts, Don was so upset because his mate was not drinking with him anymore that he went and got a tattoo on his arm that said Born Wild with the picture of the devil. But Des listened to what I was telling him and later on that day he sought God for himself and rang me later and told me that the Presence of God is all through the house, he and his family became Christians and started coming to church. Another one of my mates said, Keep away from Punky if he can brainwash Des he can brainwash anyone. Little did he understand it was not me doing this it was God who made himself alive to him, I just told him what happened to me. Des and his girlfriend Mary got married in the church they had two kids all of them and his mother were coming to church for about a year. Then my old mates tried to entice us both back to the drug scene they were all growing their own marijuana now and making big money, buying into businesses and buying houses and land and were all

Mark 9:26 Nkjv

flashing around their money. Don was swayed back into this lifestyle and he walked away from God for 10 years. He bought a five acre property in in the country and another 20 acre property up there as well with a house on it. Eventually he was caught and was charged for commercial trafficking and did time in Port Phillip Prison, whilst in there he came back to God and had some amazing things happen in there, his motto is now that he went to prison to get free meaning whilst he was there he came to know the mercy and love of God in such a deeper way. Back to the flat I was living in, I started this welding job in Tottenham I would have my welding bay to work in and spend time talking to God all day. One day as I was welding there was a spiritual fight in my mind that I had never ever experienced it literally felt like the hordes of hell were trying to destroy me, I began to sing worship songs to Jesus this went on for hours and finally I felt this dark evil presence leave me and a wonderful peace and spiritual ecstatic experiential high over take me. This did not just last a couple of hours, this lasted for three days, when I went to church on Sunday and everyone said I was glowing and I felt as though I was glowing, once again it was a million times better than any drug I have ever had. God was doing a real cleaning out in me. The doctor in Sunshine Dr Neville Poynton who told me about this church had now become a friend of mine and he would take me with him to see some of his patients in Sunshine so we could pray with them and bring them to church. I loved just reaching out to them with the love of Jesus and seeing a glimmer of hope in their eyes. I had some of my friends come to this church with me and watched them find the love of God for themselves. There is nothing more exciting when they find the love of God the same way I did, it brings me to tears of joy every time because I know what they are experiencing. A big lesson I learned in my first year as a Christian, was watching others in their battles who were struggling, and I made one simple prideful comment, I said, I dont understand how Christians fall as this life is easy. Those very words came back to bite me the very next day. I was at this welding job in Tottenham and I went through temptation like I had not had since I came to faith. That day the urge was so strong to just give up and go back to drinking and drugs. By lunchtime that day the fight in my mind to go to the Deer Park hotel after work and get drunk and then do drugs was so intense that I was going to go. Other guys at the lunch table at my workplace were looking at pornography books and I decided to look too. I went to pick up one of the books, but I could not look at it. I found the conviction of the Holy Spirit

so intense that I just could not do it. That night I went home to my flat in Werribee and I rang the Minister of the factory church and asked him to pray for me as I wanted to go back to my old life, he prayed for me and through that prayer I felt the strength love and power of the Holy Spirit sustain me through this moment of temptation. I know that day I could have went either way, down to the hotel or ring the Minister. Thank God I made the right choice through such an intense moment. But I learnt a huge lesson about pride then and there. That comment I made about not understanding how Christians fall, became my test. I knew then and there that it was only by the grace of God that I was free from the life of drugs and alcohol. I never said such foolish things again. On another occasion I went to my old stomping ground of Dumfries street shops, it was there I found out just how real the spiritual realm is, I was walking past these shops praying quietly to myself and I felt this force come against me very powerfully I began to let some old profanities go, words that I had not used in a long time as I was praying, I knew this was a demonic encounter some spiritual entity of darkness that knew me that was around these shops actually came against my mind. I prayed some more rebuking this demonic presence and it left. Another time I was on a train coming into Werribee Station, not far from my new flat, and suddenly I was hit with such a demonic force against my mind that I had to just hold onto my head, I did not know much in those days about Spiritual Warfare and standing against the demonic realm and as soon as the train stopped I ran to my flat and went to bed and slept. After this time I learnt all about my authority because of what Jesus did on the cross for me and I prayed against this demonic realm. The bible says in Colossians 2:15 (Message Version) He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets. Now I knew the enemies bluff and that I was on the winning side and that Satan is terrified of Jesus. One particular married woman by the name of Gail who came to faith and started attending church with a friend of hers. Became my closest friend, her whole family started to come to the church and I became good friends with this family. There was a group of us who hung out at Gails place talking about God. This family became a part of my Christian life; there were

many good things that happened here over the years. Here at her house was a place that many people became Disciples of Christ as we fellowshipped together. After a year of being clean and living my life for God, I decided I wanted to get married. For the first time in my life I knew this was possible. So I started praying for a wife, after a while I started complaining to God because he did not bring me a wife, he did not do what I wanted, I still had a lot of me, my way in the equation, I was ready for a wife or so I thought so God should have been ready as well. My Ministers knew I wanted to get married and one Pastor whom I spent many hours with who had helped me and spent much of his time discipling me and praying with me, asked me one day if I knew a girl called Katherine, I said no, He said to me I am not always right, but I believe this girl might be your wife. I was so excited I didnt even seek God to ask him if this was the right one. I was lonely and wanted to get married. I was invited by my pastor friend to go street witnessing in the city and that night this girl Katherine was there also, she was a university student so different from me and who I was. She was doing her masters and then her PHD. I went with her and a team of Christian Friends Street witnessing that night and loved it. So many people in the streets were so open to the love of God we prayed with many that night. Then later on she asked me if I wanted to put a team together and go down to St Kilda, I said yes mainly because I loved sharing the Love of Jesus with people and secondly because she was going to be my wife even though she didnt know my thoughts about this matter yet. We started street witnessing In St Kilda the next Saturday night and over the next few months we saw many come to know the personal love of Jesus and watched them being transformed by the love of God. We were ministering to drug users, prostitutes, and street people, who ever came across our path. I made inroads into the drug culture and the prostitutes down there and several came to faith, one of them went to teen challenge in Kyabram and I would go and visit him whilst he was in there. Teen Challenge is a Christian Drug and alcohol refuge which has an 80% success rate. One of my old drug clients who use to buy heroin off me was at teen challenge he was also a changed man, this was so exciting. Eventually I was looking at this girl Katherine and becoming more and more friendly I went to her church and found it very different than mine. Her church itself was very judgmental about other churches and I realised these group of believers had isolated themselves from everyone else. I started to spend more and more time with Katherine even though we did not agree on anything. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes, we argued the whole time we were going out together. We were still ministering to others; we started to take youth

detention centre boys away on camps and to Christian events. We started visiting the prisons with a prison ministry and I loved being a part of this. I made a friend of one guy who was in prison by the name of Arthur who was a heroin addict he robbed Dunklings jewellery store and was serving his sentence because of that. I prayed with him and he gave his heart to Jesus, I kept in regular contact with him and when he got out of prison he started coming away on weekends bush walking and hiking We went to the zoo with him and out to eat with him and did many things with him. Katherine and I were married in 1996 my friend Arthur came to the wedding. I remember a few weeks before my wedding he was with me in my car one afternoon in the city and this girl came up to the car and asked if she could get in the car and party with us, I said no we are Christians and drove off. The poor girls mouth just dropped she thought we would not refuse she was very attractive, however I loved my God more than displeasing God.

Chapter 21 Some times of sorrow and loss

One night Arthur rang me and asked me to come and see him. I did we went out for dinner and he told me he was using heroin again and he hated himself and he wanted to kill himself. Arthur told me he rented a motel a couple of nights earlier and was going to commit suicide but he could not do it. I prayed with him and told him where ever he is whenever he feels like that, tell me and I will be straight there, about a week later he did kill himself. He was busted by the police in Footscray for heroin and in a stolen car he was given bail and went to the train tracks and stood in front of a train. This was a very sad time for me as he became a good mate, he was at my wedding and now he was dead. This man had a relationship with Jesus and he committed suicide is he in heaven? I would like to believe he is. My partner in crime Tom was in Jail again as I mentioned earlier he murdered his heroin dealer and dumped his body in Melton reservoir. So I was going into visit Tom sharing my faith with him, I gave him my suit to wear for his trial. When Tom finally got out of Jail he left Melbourne as he was not very popular with drug dealers for what he had done. He disappeared I never heard from him again for many years. His girlfriend Sarah who I had known longer than Tom recently died in 2012 she partied herself into an early grave I went to her funeral.

Sarah came to church with me a few times, she came to faith but she did not want to give up the drug, alcohol and party scene. It was hard for me seeing Sarah die, I had known her since she was fifteen, she would come to my house when we were teenagers and I tried to get her to smoke Marijuana on many occasions but she declined, then a few years later we became good mates and Sarah, Tom and I smoked Drugs all day every day. I always wonder what would have happened to her if some good influences got to her first. When I married Katherine this marriage was a mess we were both worlds apart. I left my church for her and went to her church for a season and found I could not do this as the small group of people who attended were all negative about other Christians, they attacked everything I believed about God they isolated themselves they had the truth others were wrong. So I went back to my church where I came from. We were living on Katherines parents farm I felt controlled by living on her parents farm and we were isolated from everyone except her friends who were also very negative; I knew this was not good for me as I was still in the process of Gods supernatural healing for my life. One good thing eventuated in this time, I applied for a new job at a paper mill in Melbourne, this was an excellent paying job but it was shift work, it only put more strain on our marriage. This marriage only lasted for a few years, but I think we were together for not even half of that time that we were married as we both argued about where we should live, in reality she wanted me far away from my church. Katherine had a good heart we just should have never married. She never wanted anything to do with my church or with anything I believed. I think we broke each others hearts. I actually spent more time with Gail and her family and they prayed for us but it was obvious this marriage was heading for disaster. Eventually I made some permanent choices; I purchased a loan and bought a brand new house in Werribee hoping that she would come. She told me that if I left her parents farm where we lived then the marriage was over. Not long after that she filed for divorce. I felt a failure all over again I fought this divorce because now I was a Christian I thought marriage was for life. All of my friends were telling me to just let it go, and eventually after the pain of divorce subsided I got over it and focused on Gods plans for my life.

Chapter 22 The ministry a costly lesson

I knew I was called to full time ministry as a Christian I just did not know how that would eventuate. My friend Des who I mentioned earlier about his coming to faith and then walked away to drug trafficking again had become very successful in his trade of growing hydroponic marijuana. Des thought he had the world at his feet he had property a house des had a boat and a four wheel drive. His words were, working is for Idiots. He apparently had it all he almost completely forgot about God. Then one day he was in for a rude surprise the police raided him on his twenty acre property where he was growing his hydroponics in his garage. He was busted with fifty Kilos of Marijuana and charged with commercial trafficking, he was immediately remanded in custody, suddenly everything changed. His wife Mary was also charged but with lesser drug trafficking charges and was given bail. His mother also lived in this township near where he was busted and she was devastated because Des was in Jail on serious charges. This time of prison for Des became his time of getting to know God a whole lot deeper, prison is tough for anyone and he had a few fights in there because that was part of his nature that God still wanted to deal with. Mary eventually rang me and came to see me in my new house and told me what had happened to Des. As soon as I was approved on his visitors list at Port Phillip Prison, I began visiting him weekly. He had certainly come back to God and every time I talked with him at visiting time he would tell me the new things God was doing in Jail. He was literally beaming with the love of God it was evident that he had experienced Christ in a way just like I did. Des told me, He went to Jail to get set free. Eventually after six months incarceration and one unsuccessful attempt at bail, he was finally granted bail. I waited for them to let him out of prison and I took him home to live at my place. It was the least I could do, all of those years on the drugs that I stayed at Dess place when I had nowhere to go Des and his mother would let me stay at their place. So Des and his wife and two children stayed at my place until he got a job and they found a house to rent and moved into their own house. Now Dess mother his wife and children were all coming to church. By this time I had been a Christian for ten years now. I knew I was called to full time ministry but still not sure where and to do what. I learnt a huge lesson in the next few years of my Christian faith about trust when there seems to be no hope. I decided to talk to the senior Pastor of the church I had been a part of since I came to faith about planting a church under the denomination I was a part of. I had the idea of planting a church in the suburb of Deer Park where I came from originally. The Minister came with me for a drive down to Deer Park

to pray over the area and look for a possible suitable building. I began to look for a building where I could start this church plant. I found a council building and was given permission to use this building Sundays and week day evenings if necessary. There were some very unwise choices that I was about to make. The first one was to leave this shift work job, because I was working many Sundays and all different shifts there was no way I could Pastor a church and work in this job. This job I had was approximately a sixty thousand a year job, it was a good paying job for the year of 2002. I decided to leave this job for the sake of planting this church, but that also meant that I would have to sell my house as I could not afford to plant this church and pay a huge mortgage. The senior Pastor tried to give me some counsel and told me not to sell my house but I did not listen to this wise counsel. I went ahead and put my house on the market and sold it fairly quickly and gave notice from my job. I moved into a rented property in Deer Park and started the first church service in Deer Park. I had the support and backing of the denomination and they released some of their leaders to come and help me get on my feet. In this church some good things were happening. God was giving me favour as far as seeing people grow in faith and experience the wonderful presence of a loving God. Some weeks when a guest speaker was coming there would be at least one hundred people turn up, but basically there was about fifteen of us meeting weekly and praying together. The problems I faced where financial I made some very unwise choices. I came out with about twenty thousand from the mortgage of the house. I decided to do a lawn and garden care business, with no experience in business except from my past of drug trafficking. The very areas I needed a mentor about business since my conversion I did not receive or even comprehend that I needed to know such skills. I sank my money into this business. I bought a ride on lawn mower a slasher the best lawn mower and whipper snipper and an edge cutter and many other accessories. I figured I would be able to run the business and run the church together. I quickly sank when it came to running a business I under quoted myself on many occasions and ended up breaking even in some of the projects that I did. I had two credit cards and I began to use them as I had no other means of surviving. The church was beginning to be healthy but I was sinking financially. I finally decided to find some work, one of my old friends from the old life bought a business doing temporary fencing. I was working for him and just scraping by. By now I had huge credit card debts which I was struggling to pay. My car was not insured because I could no longer afford to pay for the insurance. I was preaching and running this church whilst my life was literally being stripped financially. I remember not being able to pay my rent and asking my Dad for some money to pay the rent. Now I felt terrible after all that went down between us and the

good solid friendship that we now had and yet my Dad was only too happy to help. My Dad was proud of me and the achievements that had become a part of my life. Then things got worse, I was offered a days work with one of my mates he just wanted to spend some time with me as a friend and he was willing to give me a days work to help. That evening prior to the days work I was offered by my friend. I was praying with all of my heart for God to help me with my finances. I couldn't sleep that night I was tormented because of the debt I now owed. The next day I was driving my car to work for my mate and I took my eyes of the traffic, the traffic stopped and I kept on going and hit a car and pushed this car into another car, there was quite a bit of damage. I could not believe what was happening I was already on the verge of bankruptcy; I had creditors ringing me daily for the money I owed on my credit cards which was now about twenty thousand dollars and now I had just hit a car and pushed into another car with no insurance, things were becoming surreal. I never stopped believing that God was good and he had a plan for me even in the midst of this. At home where I was living I now had an insurance company after me as well as creditors threatening to take me to court and things were breaking down my washing machine packed it in then my fridge, I felt I was literally being stripped of everything I had. In the midst of all of this I met a Christian girl on the internet from New Zealand she was a school teacher and I was lonely and wanted to find a wife, we were romancing over the internet, what a big mistake. Anyway this girl came to Australia for a visit, she stayed at a friends place whilst she was here, and I took her to Gails place for Tea to get Gails approval because Gail was my mate. All Shirley and I did was argue. I could see it wasnt going to work but I remained stubborn and ignorant. I went to visit who I will call Shirley in New Zealand we discussed marriage I even bought her an engagement ring. When I came back to Melbourne I still wasnt convinced this was the girl, by now Shirley had bought a wedding dress and had set a date for us. She was coming to Australia, but because she had a son who was not allowed to leave New Zealand because of his Father, I said I would come to New Zealand, this meant shutting down the church. I fasted for three days asking God is this is the girl that hes chosen. I got a clear no from God and told Shirley I cant go through with this, she burst into tears. But a few weeks later I ignored what God had said and went anyway to New Zealand. I closed the church and left. Within three weeks I came home, again Shirley

was devastated; she already had her wedding dress. I felt awful but I know If I had of married Shirley we would have been divorced not much longer both with unnecessary pain. The other members all found another church to attend. When I arrived back in Melbourne I was a broken man I still believed that God was good and his presence was still with me. But I had nothing left, not even a mobile phone and once again nowhere to live I went and lived with my mother in Frankston the other side of Melbourne. When you go through hard times its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never stopped professing nor did I ever stop believing that there was going to be light at the end of the tunnel. A scripture I stood on in those years was 2 Corinthians 2:14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. I knew I was one of Gods and he had not forgotten me. Some of my old friends who knew me, mocked God because it appeared that the God that I believed in deserted me. Again I knew this was not the case. God had bigger and better things and plans for me. My Dad about this time in his life discovered he had cancer; he was now seventy nine years of age. He had to have a major operation which he was told he may not survive. When I visited him in hospital he asked me a question, although he was in a serious position of his life, the question he asked me was one of the best things that had ever happened between us. He said, Son can we pray that prayer about asking Jesus in my heart you have always wanted me to pray? I was so happy and emotional I began to weep. I prayed with my dad I led him in prayer. After the operation the doctors told me the operation was unsuccessful he was riddled with cancer, he only had at best months to live. My dad was now a born again Christian, he got out of hospital and went home to his flat but he was now a shell of what he was. I bought him a bible and we spoke about God and I prayed with him. In his last few weeks of life he was in palliative care and he would often say to me, pray with me or pray for me, nobody will ever shake my faith in Christ. When he died it was sad but such a joy to know that I will see him again when this body gives up my spirit I will be with him in eternity with Christ. My father left me a substantial inheritance, and I was able to pay of all the debts I was on the verge of bankruptcy. God is never too early nor never to late. The biggest lesson I learnt from this exercise is in a scripture that says in psalm 127:1 Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labour in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

God never told me to plant this church this was my idea. He did not build this house I did. I was humbled by his goodness when he showed me that my own plans were not his plans. God allowed me to see my own heart this church plant was something I wanted it was not about God it was about me. I had dreams to have this big church and the success of a big ministry. When God had shown me this, it bought me to my knees in tears of repentance. Because of such a loving merciful God he restored my life and gave me more than I could have asked or hoped for. The best is yet to come. I had always wanted to travel to Israel since I became a Christian, to see where Christs ministry was while he was on the earth. I had intended to take this trip a few years earlier but at the time commitments did not allow this. This time in 2006 I went, I spent a few days in Beijing China, climbed part of the great wall of China, then onto Israel for a couple of weeks exploring as much as I could. The last part of this journey I spent a week time In Italy and Switzerland. It was a trip of a lifetime for me and I loved it. Then not long after I was home. The best part of my life so far was just up ahead. God was about to bring restoration in my life in every way. I felt like Job in the Old Testament who lost everything only to be restored with more than I had previously, more of God in my life and more of his blessings in every way.

Chapter 23 Gods Chosen Marriage

My friend Gail was going through her own problems and she was headed for divorce, when she told me this I told her off. I did not want this for her as I was a friend of hers and her family. I tried to persuade her against this, but I did not know how bad things were in her marriage. Gail and her husband had both came to a place where there were impossible circumstances of moving forward in their relationship. Gail was gracious not to let her marital problems be known to everyone. She didnt talk to me for months because I would try and tell her she was making a mistake and she felt I was judging her, perhaps I was. I even fasted and prayed for her that things would work out in her marriage. But it was over she moved out of their house and started renting, her youngest daughter moved with her. I deliberately stayed away in the hope that Gail and her husband would sort things out. After about six months I realised that Gail and her husband were not getting back together, so I resumed my friendship with Gail. This was hard because I started to realise that I began to have deeper feelings for Gail. I was scared I had lost Gails friendship once before for about

twelve months because of a falling out we had over friends. I did not want Gail to know how I felt about her because I did not want to lose my best mates friendship. One night we went out for dinner with a group of us as friends, we were friends that had known each other for years. I did not let any of the others know how I felt about my mate, I Kept this as a secret. I did not even want to tell God as if he did not already know. The night we all went out and we were on the way home in my car and Gail tried to bait me but I did not let her know how I felt, she gave me her hand and asked me if her hand was cold, I briefly touched it and then let it go so as she would not notice anything. Then I was trying to drop the others off first so I could spend some time talking to Gail alone because I could not keep up this charade any longer. The plan failed I tried to drop every one off home in my car, but I forgot the others had their cars parked at Gails place, plan foiled. I dropped Gail and everyone else off at the same time. The next day was my birthday and no one remembered, so I was not going to tell them as I did not really want to be made a fuss of. That evening on the way home it was late about 12:00 am so officially now it was my birthday. I was telling God in prayer how much I really liked Gail I was trying to say this to him without actually using the word love in case God did not approve, this was so funny and I can chuckle about it now, anyway I said to God, God if there is anything between Gail and I please let me know. About a half an hour later Gail sent me a text message and thanked me for the night out, I thought this was unusual as we went out often but I enjoyed the text message. Then about half an hour later comes another text message, Gail said to me, I feel weird God is putting you in my face and we have so much in common. This for me was the best day of my life; I could not believe this was happening, if ever I truly loved anyone it was Gail. Then I responded with a text message back to her and said I feel the same way about you. Then the thought came, what if I misread the text message?, now she knows how I feel about her. I was in momentary fear of being found out, I literally felt like a teenager would on their first romance. We sent text messages for the next two hours and then we finally decided to ring each other. Within minutes of talking we both knew we were going to get married, there was nothing we did not know about each other, she knew my past and my deepest secrets. Gail watched me go through my divorce and I watched her go through hers. The next day I rode my motorbike to Gails place I had a 1200 Yamaha motorcycle I bought with some of the inheritance money, and when I was about five hundred metres away from Gails place fear struck me once again. How do I kiss my best mate? Gail and I have been mates for years, we ministered together we went to conferences together with a group of us. But we were always mates and nothing more; there was never any thought of anything else Gail was a married

lady. We soon got over the fear of kissing I think we shared our first kiss later that afternoon. This was my birthday and what a Birthday present from my Father God, He gave me an awesome birthday present. I dont believe there was any mistake Gail and I becoming an item on my birthday. The running joke I have with Gail now is she is my birthday present. We thought other people we knew would be happy for us, this was not the case, and our old church came out spitting venom at us and gossiping and slandering us. We were told by the Minister of our church that we were not to sit together and he even rebuked us for holding hands in the shopping centre. Some of the elders of this church were trying to make us change our minds, we even had two pastors attempt to make us change our minds about what God had already shown us a week before our marriage. They had the audacity to ring us and try to talk us out of our marriage. We had a big marriage and made sure we put out invitations to come and watch our marriage to all of our church family. Still to this day people have cast judgment against us because they did not like our God ordained marriage. Dont misunderstand me here, the senior minister of this movement is a good man, like all of us hes a man! But hes a man who loves God with all of his heart. He is a man who has the heart of revival in him. He and another senior minister from this movement mentored me over the years, I am sure I caused them a lot of heart ache, but thats part of discipleship.

We had our honeymoon in Penang Malaysia. Gail had been to Malaysia several times before on mission trips with the church. I had been once before on a mission trip to Kuala Lumpur Malaysia and to Indonesia. Now married, I remember one particular morning before I went to work; Gail and I would spend the first hour in prayer before work and she said to me, I believe the Lord is going to give us a house of our own. I thought that would be interesting, because now neither of us was in debt, but we only had at the most a couple of thousand dollars in the bank. Within six months that came to pass. My mother was going into a nursing home and she left me an inheritance which was enough to buy our own house. The house we bought was a bargain we bought a three bedroom house with an ensuite and a walk in robe a double garage at a very good price. This house was not even advertised yet we put in an offer and it was accepted. Everything about this house was because of prayer, God blessed us. Looking back on the huge lessons I learnt in those few years, was never stop believing that God will bring us through no matter what we go through. God is bigger than our problems. He taught me about the foolishness of getting in debt. We have never owned a credit card again. Everything we do if we do not have the money then we do not do it. Since living like that, I have watched

and observed Gods hand directing my paths in all we do. I have been to Israel, and Europe and China. We have travelled many places in Asia. God has opened up many opportunities that I thought would never be a possibility The Church Gail and I had been apart of for so long had lost its way, it became more about wealth and Christian businessmen, instead of the lost, the hurting and broken. Eventually there was a church split. Gail and I were not sure where we belonged anymore, and we felt God leading us to The Salvation Army, it would be the last place we would have chosen. Nevertheless we went there on one Sunday morning and we knew we were called there, but after the service we ran and didn't go back for six months later. We decided to have another look and rode there on my motorbike one Sunday morning. Little did we know it was a special day, the territorial commander Jim Knaggs was there for a dedication of this building? They were all out the front of this new building in their full uniforms and we rode straight through them, there was no where else to go but straight through the middle, they did not seem happy with us doing this but we had no choice. When we got inside this building, I felt the Spirit of God's presence so strongly. I began to weep profusely and I heard the Spirit of God speak to my Spirit saying, Son your home" Gail was in tears also I thought she didn't want to be here, but she heard the same call of God. We fell in love with the mission of The Salvation Army. We started up two ministries one called Celebrate Recovery which was suggested by my now friend and mentor Captain Kevin Lumb, this ministry saw some good things happening in people's lives, people coming to faith in Christ and we would observe God healing, people from their hurts and hang ups. As well we started another ministry we called the healing rooms, where we had the opportunity to see God heal people through our prayers and the prayers of other volunteers that joined us, this ministry was an outreach into the Wyndham community. We observed God doing some good things in peoples lives through this ministry.

One gentleman in particular who came to church but did not know a lot about Christianity had some serious problems, back problems, heart problems, and he came to the healing rooms, for prayer, I remember when he sat there in a chair and asked for prayer he was stony faced and didn't say a word, even after we prayed for him. He left soon after and we didn't know what to expect. Next week this man came to church as usual and he got up in front of everyone and said, "This stuff is real, Jesus is real, he was totally healed he was bewildered and couldn't deny what Jesus had done. Within a year we were heading to The Salvation Army Training College to be trained as Officers, now were in whyalla Salvation Army Corps as the officers. Its quite funny and ironic being in this Salvation Army Corps in Whyalla, I have heard many officers say that this was their hardest appointment. We love the mission field we have been sent to. The church has been in desperate need of leaders, when we arrived this church was in what Gail and I called palliative care, where there was no mission and no heart for outreach into the community, they had a mentality of we want an old brass band were not interested the call the mission and purpose of The Salvation Army. I would hear some say we want reverence in our music and awe and holiness, but if this what has been called reverence and awe and holiness doesnt lead to some kind of closer relationship with Jesus and it doesnt have a mission purpose for the lost the broken and the hurting around them then one has to question what they really mean! Some of the diehards fought us tooth and nail but Gail and I have been around this kind of situation way before we arrived at this posting, we just continued to show love to all we come into contact with, but move with a complete community outreach focus. Love covers a multitude of sins, love conquers all. This town of Whyalla is a perfect mission field; the hardest part had been getting the church goers on board to get involved in mission. But after twelve months there has been a significant change, in this church, we have a Wednesday community meal a church service on Wednesday night. A Thrift shop that has many people coming to buy dollar clothing every day. We run a Celebrate recovery ministry. We are in the process of getting the Church to come and serve during the week by giving the community service clients a coffee and a biscuit while they are waiting for their interview with the intention of building relationships, the fields are ripe for harvest the labourers are few.

We have started another outreach by putting on a barbecue once a week at the front of the Church and praying for people that need prayer, there are so many programs happening that the church is a buzz with excitement. If I saw over twenty years ago where I would be today, I would never have believed it in a million years. I had nothing going for me, its only been the power of God that has bought me this far. Gails and mine heart and passion for others is to see people called to life, to help others see who God called them to be, to help them to see their gifts and their talents. So many people go through life just doing life, not enjoying their jobs or their unemployment because they are convinced this is who they are this is who they are created to be. They live the Doris day song, Ke Sera Sera whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see, whatever will be will be ke sera sera, unfortunately that is such a no hope type of song. And so many people actually live like this they are love bankrupt and hope bankrupt, I love seeing a light of hope for their future become a reality in someones eyes as God starts to move in and touch someones life. You know the early life I led right up until the age of 29 before I came to know the living God personally, I would live over again if it meant I had to in order to be where I am today. If it meant this was necessary for me, then I dont regret any of my past. Dont misunderstand me; I would love to have known the things I have learnt today without the hardship and sorrowful existence I led. But what has happened in my life is worth far more than anything I could ever describe. The presence of God is the most awesome majestic experience that one could ever encounter, when you do experience God in such a way everything else pails in significance, you just cannot compare anything to Gods presence. Knowing God this way is open to everyone, you just need to want him enough to experience this loving encounter, between you and God. Jeremiah 29:13 says this, And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Thats it, its that simple. Seek him today with all of your heart and I can promise you, you wont be disappointed.

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